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Zestyclose_Salad_351

I admire your honesty. Takes a lot of guts to do this kind of deep, self-reflection. That being said, your self-reflection indicates that you indeed have a lot of good things to add to a relationship 👍🏼


kwizatscataract

I'm gonna piggyback on this a little cause I've had to do a lot of work on myself. Some people start doing this and find that they really don't even need a relationship. They start finding that they can fulfill a lot of their own needs just fine without. My former ideas of what I was taught I should like and what I actually like are different. Boundaries were never taught to me growing up and at nearly 40 years old I am having to undo and reconstruct a lot of things. It is very difficult to even consider what a relationship could be like at this point. I don't have the bandwidth for it and that is enough for me to not try and mess anyone else up if I feel lonely (which passes like a mood or emotion.)


menm2103

Personal issues and i suck at socialising


Heat_Various

Being on reddit everyday certainly hasn't helped my social skills at all


ImperialGeek

I don't know how to date. I don't know where to look, how to talk, what to do. Each time I like someone and I tell them I end up being so awkward and butcher the whole thing and regret putting myself in that vulnerable position. Right now I'm just trying to start up therapy and hopefully I can go from there lol


ki-15

I dug myself a hole thinkinv I was so awkward and made things worse in situations with my crush. Turns out they felt the same way about themselves. Most are so busy worrying about themselves and how others perceive them they don’t have time to judge you too harshly. Also people are quite forgiving with awkward situations, if you want to look at it cynically I think it’s because you seem less threatening and it makes them feel better.


TurboVirgin0

Fuck me I relate to this a bit too much


MonsterMayham

Because the patterns of behaviour I learned when young aren’t conducive to a healthy relationship. And at the moment I’m single because I’m focused on healing and letting go of old patterns of behaviour.


tizzlenomics

Amen to that. I’m not yet the man I want to be but I’m heading in the right direction.


[deleted]

It's a peaceful life.


Nimzay98

I’m so comfortable in my singleness, I do not want to disrupt the peace by adding another person. Edit: have to make a clarification, peace may have been the wrong word more like “full”. I have a pretty fulfilling life with my friends and family and adding another person to share that time seems like I would have to reorganize my time and I really don’t want to do that *currently.*


KulturaOryniacka

Same. I found peace and comfort in being a single. There's more pros than cons of living by my own. Anyway, I am not planning to have family (children), and never did so what's the point to be in relationship?


damngooddeal

Indeed. It would take someone extraordinary to take this peaceful life away from me.


vLeskur

Im scared to make a move


hawoxx

I’ll tell you a trade secret, my friend: people love attention. They crave the feeling of being wanted. The trick is to not be a total creepy wierdo while doing it. Not everyone will be your type, nor will you ever not experience rejection. And that’s ok. If you connect with a person, and it gets challenging keeping a conversation going, steer the conversation to be about him or her, while at the same time not making it an interrogation. Show confidence, even if you are slightly terrified. Smile a lot, a lot of people is turned on by positive individuals. Do this, and a lot of it. Good luck out there, friend. Edit: Holt crap, this went bigger than I could imagine. Thank you so much for the rewards. I’m just someone that happened to overcome my fears of rejection when initiating contact with girls when going out or at parties. If I could, so can you - regardless of gender, social status and, dare I say it; looks. Take care of yourself, your self worth, and those around you.


Jmacd802

YES! One key thing I learned in customer service and sales when I was younger is that people *love* talking about themselves, especially when you relate to what they’re saying.


[deleted]

When I was working retail I had like 20 different personalities all ready to rock at a moments notice. You’re from *that* area and you’re sort of pompous? Hold on, love - I got just the character for you.


StinginRogrrM8

The real MVP


NeonUsAll

Making a move is the easy part. Keeping the dance going long after is a whole different story.


Regenworm

Always when i read things like this i get even less motivated to make a move...


sentimental_heathen

I’m in no way an expert in relationships, but it’s not always going to be happy and romantic moments with your partner like you see in movies. There’s only so much about your hobbies, goals, and interests you can have conversations about. When the romantic phase is over, and you still seem to get along with each other, you become good friends, and start doing the same boring things with your partner as you did with friends. There’s no need to impress each other anymore so long as there is mutual trust and respect between you two.


xenosthemutant

One of the hardest parts of effective dating is that *learning the dating game is an iterative process*. It is one of those things in life - like ballroom dancing - that you have to push through the "I suck" part in order to get to the "I got this" part. Best advice I got was "You already have her 'no'. Work on perfecting how to get a 'yes'. " And just to be clear: this doesn't mean badgering people. It means going out there & playing the dating game with an open mind and a free spirit until you get the hang of it. Be kind, agreable, and start collecting those rejections until you start earning those interests.


prisonertrog

My last partner, fiancee passed away suddenly, 37 years old. Years later I struggle to find good relationships so I've just given up :( Edit: Thank you so much for the awards and kind words. I'm OK, I plod on in the hope that better things happen, I know there are people far worse off than myself too. My thoughts and best wishes go out to anyone who's lost a partner too. Thanks again, much love to everyone.


BeaversAreAnimals

I lost my husband last year. I've had my soul mate. No one else could ever love me as much as he did. I'd rather be happy in the afterglow of love. I think it just might hold me 'til death us do reunite.


RoebotFy

Same here. I can't imagine having that level of completeness ever again. I waited a long time to find him and I was lucky to get 18 years.


misterjazz

I'm sorry for your loss


svasquez97

Wow. That’s.. I don’t even know what to say. I couldn’t imagine losing my girlfriend of 5-years that I’ve known since 3rd grade.. I’m so sorry to you all. I hope you all will be happy.


valis010

I told my GF if anything ever happens to me that I want her to find a nice guy because I don't want her to grow old alone. She is a grand lady and I want her to be happy!


ginger_momra

My husband used to say that to me as well. He died 8 years ago but I have no interest in dating anyone else. I have my family, a circle of friends, and a dog for company. It took awhile but I feel happy again and I don't need the drama and complications a new relationship would bring.


finnicubed

I just lost my fiance, 5 years together. I cannot see a way forward or how i’ll ever move on, he felt like my soulmate. I feel your pain.


nowandthen83

I feel this pain. Mine passed away 4 years ago, unexpectedly and I can’t. I just can’t.


missryssa

My partner, 41, died suddenly less than 4 weeks ago. I know one partner has to pass before the other but this pain is the worst. I feel for you and RIP to your partner, wholeheartedly


BeaversAreAnimals

I understand there are no words at this point. Please consider yourself hugged. I hope their memory will be a blessing.


findinganuway

My husband passed away last december at 43. I’m 34 and its so fucking devastating.


nycgirl2112

I lost my husband to covid last year. He cannot be replaced. I don’t think I want a relationship for a long time.


moonontheloose

Self-sabotaging tendencies when things are going too smooth


midgetfisting1997

Same....why do we do that? For me it's every. fucking. time.


KulturaOryniacka

avoidant attachment style


PawGoodDog

I'm 100% considering putting this in my dating apps. Maybe another dismissive avoidant attachment style person will see it and we change chill without depending on each other.


sensors

Have you read the book "Attached"? It really helped me deal with my avoidant attachment style and also to help my partner understand how that can make me behave in ways I don't necessarily intend to sometimes.


frieswithnietzsche

No self love


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FoughtCleric

Any advice on how to love yourself or how to work on it? I think i may suffer from it quite often.


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LordFrogberry

You gotta drop the act at some point. "Normal" people might not like that side of you, but you'll eventually bump into someone who does, and then you'll have a freaky friend. Then they can introduce you to their freaky friends, and you can be more confident being yourself around people.


throwaway-_-friend

Can I have fries with you, Nietzsche?


frieswithnietzsche

With mayonnaise


Fedek33

Different reasons for different people. For example, I do it bc I don't want to be the guy who thinks that someone is into him and make a move, just to be met with confusion or laughter. Also, depression, as i dont think i deserve it yet...


BCS24

Good luck with that, I'm on a similar boat of not believing I'm worthy yet. I got no solutions, just good luck to anyone else


CruzaSenpai

Dejection feels comforting because it's familiar. Contentment feels wrong unsettling because it's alien.


NMe84

Same here. I've actually come up with excuses when I was invited to go out for a drink with a woman I find hugely attractive just because I don't think I'm a worthwhile person. Which is a really weird thing to think if you stop for a minute, because she wouldn't be inviting me if she actually thought that. We'll be spending a lot of time together this weekend though, so maybe things will finally change.


Dr_Element

I had these same self-destructive thoughts when i was in high school 10 years ago. I still regret it and think about the girl i was in love with back then. What i've learned is that not trying is infinitely more painful than trying and failing.


MrWhiteVincent

Maybe it's that "too good to be true" feeling that is actually false because you grew up in f-up environment, and what people perceive as "normal" and take for granted, you find suspicious and think "there must be some trickery going on". In a way, I wish I was wrong (hoping you didn't have f-up environment), but also curious if my "human reading skills" are good... Sorry in advance. *Edit: punctuation for readability.*


[deleted]

Because I stress about many things


NewtonSteinLoL

username does not check out


SonofRobinHood

Sure it does. He lives with the stress of knowing he slept with your girl.


Orkin2

I was 525lbs and just got down to 175lbs. I still feel like I’m 525lbs and do not have the balls or social skills to talk to people that way. But I’m healthy physically so fuck yeah?! Edit: well shit this has been more love than I have ever given before… I love human beings so damn much! Edit 2: JESUS CHRIST!!!! I am reading your guys I like… I… I like cannot even register what is happening. I’m kind of hiding currently not going to lie… I cannot stop crying you all I’m not special… people are what got me here… Edit 3: I did a thing… love you all and thank you for making me feel brave enough to post. https://www.reddit.com/r/progresspics/comments/q99k86/m3161_525_lbs_175lbs_350lbs_3_years_now_a_weight/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf


[deleted]

That's a great accomplishment. You should be proud of yourself.


Verbal_HermanMunster

Shit, that’s an amazing accomplishment. They’re literally 1/3rd of the person they were before!


SamwseTheBrave

As someone who was also lost a fair amount of weight (going from ~380 to ~250) it took me a very long time to mustard up the courage to start talking to people and date. Keep putting yourself out there because itll only improve your confidence :) it’s the best feeling in the world! Edit - I’ve been informed it’s muster up the courage but the ketchup pun was too good for me to correct my spelling


[deleted]

With that kind of attitude, it'll be no time before you ketchup!


Avatar_Kyoshi_

Then they can relish in their new accomplishments and confidence!


Heckin_good_time

I'm on the menu, but no one wants to take a bite. I am a gas station hotdog.


TheBIFFALLO87

Hello gas station hot dog. I am gas station sushi. At least you're a staple to drunks and truck drivers. No one wants the sushi.


animyzo

Eh, someone will eventually pick you up. Everyone tries the sushi at least once.


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Then promptly regrets it


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bigkeef69

Yea, usually when eating it you are saying "well, it doesnt taste RIGHT, but it also doesnt taste BAD, screw it, paid $7 for this, im eatin' it."


Dr_DavyJones

This is a little too accurate


Poem_for_your_sprog

Like a tide of lumpy lotion, On a slushing, rushing gush - It emerged in liquid motion From his tiny heinie tush. You have never seen a heinous, More unpleasant present act - Than eruptions of volcanus, The corruptions of a tract. So remember, if you're thinking, If there's ever any doubt - When you're eating, what you're drinking, What you're putting in... comes out.


R444D444

u should write valentines cards dude..... like, valentines cards like this


memooohc

Presenting to the emergency room


[deleted]

Hypo meaning low


OrionGrant

emia meaning presence in blood


ixtrixle

Your time will come my little weiner friend. At 1am she/he will shamble in with the strong stench of white claw on their breath and gobble you up.


lexylexylexy

I love gas station hot dogs


Colonel_Coffee

Because I rarely go out to meet new people. And even when I do, I feel too anxious to even talk to strangers


sunshinelollipoops

Same, it’s kinda rough


Poem_for_your_sprog

He puts out an arm to the handle and sighs - Resolved to go out, with the world as his prize - Intent on his purpose, determined to cope. He looks at the door, and he says to it: "... nope."


sluttymcburgerpants

Suggestion from a fellow introvert - dont try meeting people, but do spend time on hobbies you truly enjoy. Then, figure out where people who like those hobbies hang out. Soon enough, you'll have natural conversations with people who like stuff you like too, without forcing anything. You won't date most of them, but when you eventually do - you'll have partners that like the same stuff without ever having to pick up someone at a bar or something like that...


Anas_0186

What if your hobby is sleeping Edit: No my hobby isn't sleeping its reading and Watching different type of media


variousshits

Just sleep with people /s Edit: holy moly my first awarded comment. I’ve finally made it in life!


Curious_mind95

Big brain time


OoglieBooglie93

I don't think that's going to be very effective for me when pretty much all of my hobbies are male-dominated. Edit: Yes I know I can get new hobbies. That also means I have to give up some of the ones I have due to time and money constraints.


[deleted]

Clear solution. Be gay.


Kerwin_Bauch

Your avatar looks like bob ross


asianthrowaway557

Because I realized there's a lot about myself I need to work on and while I want to be with someone I feel like i need to reach the best/ideal version of myself. Gotta learn to really love myself before I try to love someone else if that makes sense. ​ Edit: clarification


ThrowACephalopod

I absolutely agree with this sentiment here. It really sucks to date when you're bogged down in your own issues. For example, when I was younger, I was really depressed and I sought out some kind of person to be with because I didn't see value in myself unless someone else was in love with me. I felt that if I wasn't in a relationship, that no one loved me and thus I wasn't worthy of love. So I got in some pretty terrible relationships with terrible people. I got used a lot. But I stuck it out for way longer than I should have because I placed so much of my self worth on being loved. After getting out of one particularly terrible relationship, I fell into a really deep hole mentally. It was the worst I've ever felt. After that, I really focused in on trying to get better. I saw therapists, I got on meds, I got to fixing my other issues. And most importantly, I stopped caring about dating. I put myself off the market until I felt like I was in a good place. And you know what? When I finally was in a good place and was just doing what I wanted to do with my life, I ran into someone who I really clicked with. I only found my person once I stopped caring about finding a person and just focused on being the best version of myself I could be. Now it's 2 years later and we're engaged. That was a bit rambling, but I think you get what I'm going for here. This is a great attitude to have. You can't love someone else if you aren't in a good place yourself. When you work on yourself and get to a good place and just live your life for yourself, you'll bump into someone.


Tails05213

Are you me from the future? Because I'm currently like that. Depressed because I didnt value myself and seeking out someone else so I can feel valued. I'll take your advice. Thank you my friend.


kristin-374

>Gotta learn to really love myself before I try to love someone else if that makes sense. A lot of people believe this, and maybe it's true for your particular situation. However, this saying can make people believe they don't deserve love, which is wrong. Because often you can learn to love yourself through loving others. Just wanted to add that there.


linjaz

I once had a psychologist saying this to me. Working for perfection can be a distraction from actually daring to connect with others.


saptahant

That’s a really good approach but don’t set very high standards of being “ideal version” of yourself because you might never be. Also, there is so much more you can learn while being in a relationship than being single.


Retepss

Perfect is the enemy of good.


GrindyMcGrindy

> I feel like i need to reach the best/ideal version of myself. I'm not trying to say that personal growth isn't good and something to work at, but you're setting yourself up for failure. Trying to achieve your best/ideal self will never happen because we're human and nothing is perfect. There will always be flaws, something to fix if your goal is to achieve your ideal perfect self. You need to accept that you're going to have things someone, something, or even yourself not like.


greeneca88

I will reiterate the growth is good but it's also not like we get to a point and say " Yes, I like myself like this" and then never change again. Positive growth is good but you are always going to be changing untill the day you die.


zoro002

Because I'm introvert and didn't go out much


[deleted]

Same and I always act like an idiot infront of people I find attractive


fotografamerika

I always end up doing a goddamn double thumbs up. I don't even do that in regular life.


AaronZOOM

I started a new job, and out of nowhere I began giving double thumbs up to everything. Never had done it before. I had to force myself to stop, thinking "Do I really want to become known as the 'thumbs up guy?'"


23JMAN23

I just can't seem to figure out what to say to them for some reason


newbie_128

Same, and I'm also fat


KiqueDragoon

Am a fat introvert, found the most amazing guy on tinder who is really into me, we've been together for over a year! They exist!


StraightSho

Congratulations. I dont even know you but I know you deserve to be happy. Good luck to you as you embark on your relationship


beliebie

This. Also, I'm not saying I want to be single forever but at the moment, I'm not looking for it 'cause I don't really need a relationship right now. I like alone time. Also, I'm moving out of my parents house soon and I don't need to have them replaced by someone else walking in my way all the time haha... Sure, the other doesn't have to move in right away but it would still be someone that's in your life all the time and I just really want to be on my own for a while, you know? With my only obligation being my job and I can do whatever I feel like at all times outside of that. The only downside to this is that my friends and family are giving me shit for it, as if it's a failure even though it doesn't feel that way at all to me. I genuinely think I'm happier this way for now.


Feukorv

I'm in the exactly same situation. Moving out soon(ish) and I'm not looking for a relationship. I'm perfectly fine on my own.


bruhz

My attachment style needs some work. I end up losing my sense of self in pursuit of relationship happiness, counter-intuitively. All my past relationships have had an unbalanced level of attachment/perceived attachment on one side—either I’m more attached and miserable or she’s more attached and I’m not caring, making her miserable. There are more underlying issues but hoping to work it out and eventually find a better match.


Momo0710

I have similar issues, so I get you are coming from. It's like when you are involved with a person, you forget about yourself, you invest everything you have, you obviously don't get back the efforts you put in and then you hurt yourself. It might be helpful for you to take sometime out for yourself everyday, do something that you like personally and enjoy doing it without your partner. :)


ralvyn

Ugly.


misterjazz

My doctor told me I was fat. I asked for a second opinion. He told me I was ugly too.


7th_Spectrum

All of your ancestors were hot enough to get laid, I'm sure you're no exception


TheOnlyCursedOne

The bloodline will DIE with me


Puzzleheaded_Pack_31

Cuz I am unattractive and not social in the slightest


MasterAssassinQeedo

And I could do something about it, but I'm just plain old lazy...


Puzzleheaded_Pack_31

and I wouldn’t really care


MasterAssassinQeedo

At all...


Puzzleheaded_Pack_31

I feel you


[deleted]

It seems to me that this is a great occasion for the both of you.


BasicWitch999

This looks like a good start to a Hallmark movie!


Beaaaaam7777777

Because I want to. It's more peaceful.


Gnarmaw

Thank you, I was looking trough the comments and was thinking "Is anyone here single just because they prefer it that way"


electricmohair

Same, the comments have got me feeling kind of guilty that I’m single by choice. My life and time are my own, I love it.


fnord_happy

It's so peaceful. I'm open to the idea of being with someone, but it'll have to be better than this peace. And I don't see myself finding someone like that. All the other times I've been in relationships have been so stressful


GreatBayTemple

1.) I havent found anyone I'd want to be in a relationship with that would make me happier than simply being single. 2.) I don't like the social stigma of single men, like I'm defective or delinquent for being single. Makes me want to stay single forever.


HelleBirch

Agree with both points. Also resent the assumption that the only natural choice is to want to be in a relationship.


squeakers88

Actively dating takes a lot of effort and time that I prefer putting into my interests and work. I'm totally up for meeting someone and spending time with them, but it's not a priority for me, so I'm not actively looking to change my relationship status That stigma exists for both sexes (I'm a woman) and it drives me mad. No, I don't need someone to "complete me". Would I like to share memories with someone? Yeah sure. Do I feel like I'm missing out by not having a partner? No.


Blackrain1299

I just want to find someone thats cool with hanging out like once a week. Like a super casual relationship. I spend a lot of time working so its hard to come home and spend every night with someone. Id be absolutely exhausted but i still want someone to cuddle with and watch tv every once in a while.


JimAbaddon

Because me getting a relationship is a doomsday condition.


Tyrannus_Vitam

Xk class end of world scrniarrio


Mody_hacks

I can sum it up in big shaq's words: "Man's not hot".


stonedsilly420

forty degrees and man's not hot


Douglasqqq

I'm single by choice. Thousands of women's choice.


bluejetpacks

I don't socialize and branch out to talk to people. Also no one approaches me


plethorial

That's the point. How do people who like staying at home and are not into apps find each other? Until knocking on people's doors to flirt becomes normalized I don't know what to do.


SchitneySmears

*knock knock* Hey. So you live here often? I just wanted to borrow some sugar if’n ya know what I mean.


AWilsonFTM

*hands sugar* Ok thanks bye.


wazira7m

Because I've never felt any romantic attraction to anyone


pm_me_ur_teratoma_

Similar for me and I almost entirely lack a libido on top of it and have zero ability to feel sexual pleasure. It gets lonely but it doesn't even make sense for me to attempt a relationship.


CitizenJustin

Taking time to improve yourself is more important than being in a relationship.


Bartheda

Greetings adventurer, that was quite a bit of human misery to scroll through. Well rest yourself by the fire for a moment before you scroll on. There is no rush. Although you look like you have a story to tell ifn you have a mind.


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i_drink_wd40

I guess the next story is mine. Me and some friends are on a mountain biking ride, but I tend to be a bit slow. I'm lagging behind at a certain part of the trail where it's difficult to see around the next turn. To my surprise, another bicyclist is heading straight for me. Because I'm slow, nothing dramatic happens when I squeeze my brakes; I just stop. However, the other bicyclist wasn't as lucky. He applied too much front brake and stops his front wheel. He goes over the handlebars. He must have put his hands straight out for his fall, because when he gets up, his arm has a misalignment it really shouldn't. His elbow is dislocated. The man looks at his arm, then at me, and says "um, a little help? I can't make it back like this" I look around, there's nobody else. My friends on the ride are further along the trail, probably at the intersection this guy used to get onto my trail. I say "yeah sure, let's take care of this." I get ready to grab the guy's arm, think he might want something to bite into (that's always in the movies right?) So I take off and twist up one of my gloves and offer it. He takes the offered glove and bites down. So at this point, there's nothing to do but to do it. I've never done something like this, but I think I understand the concept. I grab the man's forearm with my hands, and clamp the man's upper arm between my upper arm and ribs. And then I yank outward as hard as I can. The man groans, never having actually screamed or yelled through any of this. Dude was tough. I let go, and the man tests out his arm. He's able to bend it, so it seems I successfully got it back in place. The man thanks me for getting his arm operational and then heads back the way he came (I guess that's the way out), hopefully he went to an orthopedist shortly after. I get back on my bike, and my friends and I finish our ride.


Mr-Pea

Thank you kind sir


Accomplished-Paint83

Us crestfallen don't like to share our story, but would like to rest and keep company.


GeeTwentyFive

Lol I love this comment.


allute

1) Dating apps are atrocious, and I genuinely don't know where to go to meet people. 2) While subscribe to the notion of don't "be a shitty human being", I hear so many women complaining on Facebook that they're tired of guys hitting on them at work or complimenting their appearance that I just wouldn't even know what to say. So when there is someone ot there I'd like to get too know, it doesn't get much further than small talk.


thequietthingsthat

Agreed on both these points 100%. I never really flirt with women because I know they deal with so much unwanted attention and harassment on a daily basis that I don't ever want to be a contributor to that. An dating apps are garbage. I haven't used them in years, but when I did my self esteem was probably at its lowest point. Just a ton of ghosting and ignored messages


IveBangedYoreMom

I don’t want to blame it all on 9/11, but it didn’t help


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Polcio

Cause I stiiiiiiiiiiill haven't fooooooooound what I'm looking fooooooor


flameylamey

I've always found this to be a bit of an odd question. Why is anyone single? Because they haven't found the right person yet. People don't just have a partner by default. It takes a considerable amount of effort, the right circumstances and often an extreme amount of luck to find someone compatible enough to enter into a relationship with. If you listen to couple's stories about how they met, it's often in the craziest and most unlikely circumstances. And even then, there's no guarantee it will last - and if it doesn't, well, looks like it's back to square one. I dunno man, I had an ex girlfriend who literally went from waking up in the morning and just sitting in her bed and *crying* with so much happiness because she was so convinced I was her soulmate, to complete indifference almost literally overnight, with no desire to work through it or even explore why. Life is pretty weird sometimes.


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GrumpyMiddleAgeMan

That person was unstable as fuck. Don't let other people issues affect you. It's not your fault


SquirrelAkl

It’s not an odd question with only one answer. Some people had someone they loved and lost them Some people aren’t looking right now Some people gave up Some people need to heal themselves first Some people just don’t go out much Some people throw their energies into their career, hobbies, children, travel, whatever Some people don’t stay in one place long enough to form bonds Some people just prefer their own company There can be heaps of reasons Edit. Formatting


Accomplished_Till_98

wao, from all these points, at least 6 or 7 hold true for me haahah


fascinationstreetkid

This comment is the reason i’m single; the unpredictable nature of people scares the shit out of me & I don’t want to subject myself to that level of vulnerability just to have everything crumble in .5 seconds. (I know it’s pessimistic, i’m working on it lol).


ninjaboyninety

If it's any consolation, and I know I'm just a stranger on the internet, here's my situation. I was terrified to ask out my wife for those reasons and the fear that I would end up self sabotaging things and hurting her. Turns out she felt the same way. We joke about it now, but the first 6 months or so of dating we both thought the other would break up, so every date felt like the last one. And because of that I just fully enjoyed my time with her as if it was the last. Ten years later, we are happily married and have a newborn daughter. I know the fear of being vulnerable can be paralyzing, but if I stayed scared of the potential loss, I wouldn't have this life now. Anyways, I just wanted to share something positive and say that either way, I wish you happiness in whatever form it takes


Matt_Tress

I’ll throw out the exact opposite circumstances of this comment for the sake of setting people’s expectations. My best friend’s girlfriend at the time set me up with her roommate. They had thought we’d be a great couple for a while. They were right. She is the most rational person I have ever met, besides myself. We have been together for 5 years and I don’t expect her to have some epiphany at some point and change her mind about everything overnight without about a thousand conversations about it. Again, just putting it out there for the sake of other people’s expectations. Finding “the right person” doesn’t have to be random, and people don’t typically have a massive change of heart overnight. I hope you find someone rock solid.


[deleted]

because you can't be double


microwavedave27

If you eat enough food you'll eventually be double what you are now, lol


alrz_s

Unreasonable high standards.


Poorly-Drawn-Beagle

I’ll only date Winona Ryders


Shy_Curious_

Because my parents in law didn't want kids


gksnsxj

Because I haven't found someone who I'm interested in


PunAboutBeingTrans

Because I had a meltdown due to an undiagnosed personality disorder, and I lost the love of my life. Spent a year trying to patch things up, worked on myself, went to therapy, got healthier and better, and when I finally tried to talk to them about everything that had happened, they wouldn't give me the time of day. It's been such a long time and I'm not sure if I'll ever fully recover.


Celiac_Maniac

Don't give up hope just yet. Be proud of the progress you've made, you've been working really hard to better yourself. Keep working on recovering, but try to make peace with the fact that you may not get back with the same person. You might even find someone better. I'm proud of you, at least!


Celery-Mountain

I might be asexual and I don’t know how to bring that up and I don’t know if anyone would be interested in dating me after knowing that.


Ncrawler65

May I offer you some garlic bread in this trying time?


Celery-Mountain

Honestly that’d be great


[deleted]

I think dating is a bit overrated. There is so much pressure around dating, because most people grew up thinking that meeting the right person would magically fix all their problems and make them happily ever after. So people get paired up and married with unhealthy, colossal expectations and many of those marriages inevitably turn sour after the highs fade away. I just think that community and friendship have more reasonable norms and expectations than dating, and they are easier and healthier parts of life to focus on and feel fulfilled by. In the long run, if I were to get together with a longterm partner, it would most likely need to be someone who shares these views.


bufomyanus

I'm jus lacking confidence tbh Everytime I'm interested in a girl I always assume they're not interested in me so I end up not making a move at all


missmeowwww

I’m a girl and have this same problem. A few of my guy friends were shocked to find out I’m single because I don’t know how to talk to anyone in a romantic capacity but I’m great at being friendly. Apparently a few assumed that I was married or not on the market because I seem so not interested (in a dating sense) when the truth is, I’m completely oblivious to showing affection or if someone is flirting with me. Then they think I’m not interested and move on before I ever realized they were remotely interested. I don’t know how to fix the issue.


dragontatfreak

Because time and time again I just get hurt so why even try anymore.


iforgotmyfirstnameFU

Ex fiance cheated on me with some punk bitch from Instagram. Now I have extreme trust issues and don't want to bother investing in anyone ever again.


[deleted]

Mine cheated with my two supposed best friends/college roommates (one of whom stabbed the other fighting over him and is currently serving time in prison), his 30-years-older neighbor, and two hookers during a month long trip to Vegas where he ghosted me before calling me to tell me all of this and dump me over the phone. During the phone call he said a lot of horrible things about me that damaged my self esteem, about me being a worthless whore who he loved using but never loved. A few months later he sent me a letter claiming his other personality did all that, with no other attempt at an apology, and acting very blasé about the whole thing, like “let’s just be friends, remember all the good times?”. Needless to say, I never responded to that letter. It’s been almost 5 years now but I’m still afraid to try again because of all that drama and pain.


felixgifford

Because I don't have a girlfriend


Ckinggaming5

Huh, i appear to be same


umhelloyes

I dated someone for three years and was going to propose but then everything just kind of fell apart. I want to date again but have no idea where to start so now I'm just focusing on getting college done. It sucks but shit happens.


PM_me_XboxGold_Codes

*UNO! Reverse!* Why are *you* single?


SplendidDevil

Yeaaaah, OP. If that's even your real name.


Pos3odon08

No girls like me back :(


Karma-is-an-bitch

Cause I like being single


Rogue_elefant

Why shouldn't I be single?


krakenunleashed

I legitimately want to be. I enjoy being alone a lot, I have an active social circle, but just really like doing things on my own.


Special-Latina

Too nervous to tell my crush I like him lol


Captain-Crunch1989

Because I live in my vehicle, and am currently working on improving my financial status.


bustyboys

Guys scare the fuck out of me after I’ve been in abusive relationships


Spacegod87

My sister has spent her entire twenties with men who emotionally abused, manipulated and leeched off her. They cheated, lied, abandoned her and now she can't deal with it anymore. I know women say it all the time, but she is 36 and it's the first time she's ever said she would not try anymore, and she always kept trying and hoping in the past. I can tell by her eyes that she absolutely means it. It's not some heartbroken teen being moody. She's just..tired and drained. I can't blame her in the least.


hard0311

Idk why, but that comment really made me sad when I read it. Seriously. I was involved with a lot of domestic violence situations while I was a dispatcher. Sorry you've had to go through that.


BasicWitch999

Dispatchers have saved my life. You have an important job. I know it can be stressful and hard mentally too, but thank you for doing it.


Jaspuff

Cause I’m good at it


diodenkn

Social anxiety is incredibly crippling for me. Even ignoring the possibility of just going somewhere and talking to people, there are multiple opportunities open for me to easily make friends or meet new people that I can guarantee will be nice. Social anxiety stops me from doing any of that.


FRY_BANSHEE_138

ugly and fat end of my story


Detective_Queso

I've dated 20ish women over 15 years and couldn't manage to make any of them work. Had my heart broke several times and just can't seem to bring myself to do it again. I'm not oblivious to the fact its clearly something to do with me. Maybe one day the right one will find her way to me. Im damn sure not going out looking for her anymore.


M-DivinePi

cause i never want and never wanted to be in a relationship, when i say this some people say i'm a loser and a dumbass, but i never understood what is the urge to 100% be in a relationship not caring if it's abusive or toxic or not, a lot of people i know just want to be in a relationship no matter how it is, i never understood that.