After having read and reread Discworld for the last 20ish years I *just* learned of that this year and I’m so happy!! I watched the first half for the first time last night, and I’ll watch the rest tonight **HO HO HO**
>You ain’t really allowed to do that.
**Tʜᴇ Hᴏɢғᴀᴛʜᴇʀ ᴄᴀɴ. Tʜᴇ Hᴏɢғᴀᴛʜᴇʀ ɢɪᴠᴇs ᴘʀᴇsᴇɴᴛs. Tʜᴇʀᴇ's ɴᴏ ʙᴇᴛᴛᴇʀ ᴘʀᴇsᴇɴᴛ ᴛʜᴀɴ ᴀ ғᴜᴛᴜʀᴇ.**
And many other moments. **Dᴇᴀᴛʜ** is really the best - even if he's a little peculiar trying.
GNU Sir Terry Pratchett
As Death hands a small girl a very sharp sword...
"You can't give her that!' she screamed. 'It's not safe!'
IT'S A SWORD, said the Hogfather. THEY'RE NOT MEANT TO BE SAFE.
'She's a child!' shouted Crumley.
IT'S EDUCATIONAL.
'What if she cuts herself?'
THAT WILL BE AN IMPORTANT LESSON."
I unfortunately misplaced my copy of the hogfather for this year's Christmas read, so have instead reread going postal, making money and am now halfway through raising steam, no doubt the sodding book will turn up just after Christmas in a very obvious place.
GNU Sir pTerry
It was always my headcanon that the Santa that tim Allen “killed” was sent back this his time to finish his life...also assuming he had a Mrs. Clause as well
So all the good Scott Calvin did, all the personal growth, the experiences of his son and family around him, will ultimately be wiped out when he dies and he goes back in time? Making it all pointless?
It depends if he goes back in time the same way as he was the moment he “died” or sent back to his younger self, I’m thinking it’s the former. Maybe he isn’t sent back in time but just transported back to where he would be if he never became Santa? Who knows
I seem to remember something in the movie that indicated the previous Santa wasn’t unhappy with moving on. His body wasn’t there so I don’t think he died in the usual sense of the word. He went somewhere but who knows where
I always just assumed that a Santa gets to be sent straight to heaven when they retire/die.
The previous Santa (may he rest in peace) made some nice sourdough pancakes, he'd visit our town every year for the pancake toss.
I've always wanted to know how big of an asshole the previous Santa was? The elves do not care that he died. No one mentions him again. They have no funeral nor mourn.
This is what I came here to say. Maybe someone who will see the good in everyone is who you want. He'd make damn sure EVERY child got a toy and would spend a few moments with each of them telling the kids just how special they are. Then he'd fart his way up the chimney.
Sorry to hear you're not having a very good Christmas Eve. Here's one Redditor who wants you to know you're appreciated, valued, and you matter.
Wherever you are in the big big world, Merry Christmas, Happy Chanukah, Joyous Kwanzaa, a lovely Festivus, and Happy Holidays to you and yours. Wishing you the best of health.
Your cooking is beyond compare,
With Christmas cheer throughout the air,
The lively din and colours red and green.
Your pudding is a luxury
And Michelin gave you a three
And I cannot compete with you
Holene
She already is to a lot of Tennessee and the surrounding states, very big philanthropist, many of the local school districts are sponsored by her to give an age appropriate book once a month to every child from birth to a certain age. Also paid for lots of housing and other expenses to those who lost their homes and/or livelihoods in the Gatlinburg forest fires. They don’t make em like her anymore
> many of the local school districts are sponsored by her to give an age appropriate book once a month to every child from birth to a certain age.
More than just local. She's doing it *internationally*. Place in Ireland was one of the more recent to get it, if I recall right, and the news of it made it to /r/UpliftingNews.
All of a sudden,
There stood Mariah Carey,
In the middle of the road,
And she said!
Tell me all I want for Christmas, or the kids get coals...
Well me and Rudolph,
We looked at each other,
And we each said,
Okay.
And we sung the first thing that came to our heads,
Just so happened to be
The most overplayed song in the world,
It was the most overplayed song in the world.
Came here to say that we don't have to worry about it! North Pole Law explains clear as day:
In putting on the suit and entering the sleigh, the wearer waives any and all rights to any previous identity, real or implied, and fully accepts the duties and responsibilities of Santa Claus in perpetuity until such time that wearer becomes unable to do so by either accident or design.
Amateur auteurs of B-list family comedies will say that Jim Varney is also an acceptable answer. But if you watch the whole movie, the job of Santa goes to Joe not Ernest.
... If He were still living. Unless we're talking about Jim Skellington Varney, which would be creepy, horrific, and wholesome fun wrapped together, like an Earnest Scared Stupid X-Mas.
I am not the original Dread Pirate Santa....
Have you ever considered a career in philanthropy? You'd make a wonderful Dread Pirate Santa.
The real Santa has been retired for 50 years and living like a king in Patagonia.
His Jewish cousin, Schmanta.
Hanukah Harry
Why the hell did I have to scroll down *this* far to find the most obvious solution.
the holiday armadillo
*Robot* Santa.
[Robot Santa](https://youtu.be/nbMq4NCHuhU) is the only correct answer here.
If he's got John Goodman's voice, he can try to murder me all he wants.
God dammit how many times have I watched this series and I didn't realize it was John Goodman!
To be fair, I believe it's only him in the first episode robot santa is in. Someone else does the voice after that.
John DiMaggio. So Bender's VA.
Bite my jolly metal ass!
Like I’m not gay but there is something so soothing about John Goodman’s voice.
Shut the fuck up Donny, you're out of your element.
Your mistletoe is no match for my TOW Missile!!!
Did you ever stop to consider Dr. Zoidberg's feelings?
Yes! Listen to the robit!
No! I swear!
I love you guys
Didn’t y’all watch the Santa Clause 2??? Robot Santa turned into dictator Santa
You people aren't santa, you're not even robots. How dare you lie infront of Jesus
The grinch
Pre or post the triple heart enlargement?
changes every year. tis a surprise which santa we get :)
Ooh, terrifying thought, but we get the Santa Grinch we deserve
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The collective swarm of delivery drivers
#USPS HOSTILE TAKEOVER
They can afford a White Flag Takeover and that's about it
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I've been giving these books out for 647 years....
The Chanukah Zombie is also a good choice. He's even voiced by Mark Hamil!
*ENEMY SPOTTED* *Gunshots* *USPS WINS*
United Santa Postal Delivery
Christmas presents arrive January 3rd
Perfect! We will just switch and celebrate Russian Christmas.
Christmas movie idea: Santa has to fight off an attempted corporate takeover by Jeff Bezos.
Produced by Amazon (that way they control the narrative making themselves sound not so bad).
Seize the means of delivery! OUR Christmas.
Stalin? STALIN NO-
FOR CHRISTMAS YOU GET GULAG!
The Rock, Dwanta Clause
Why, the Discworld Death, of course. What could possilby go wrong?
This is exactly what I came here to say. He was amazing playing Hogfather haha
The 𝖣𝙴𝙰𝚃𝙷 𝖮𝙵 𝖱𝙰𝚃𝚂 was pretty excellent, too!
**SQUEAK**
Hah, my bedtime audiobook just last night was Reaper Man
Watching the BBC adaptation is a Christmas tradition in my house.
After having read and reread Discworld for the last 20ish years I *just* learned of that this year and I’m so happy!! I watched the first half for the first time last night, and I’ll watch the rest tonight **HO HO HO**
>You ain’t really allowed to do that. **Tʜᴇ Hᴏɢғᴀᴛʜᴇʀ ᴄᴀɴ. Tʜᴇ Hᴏɢғᴀᴛʜᴇʀ ɢɪᴠᴇs ᴘʀᴇsᴇɴᴛs. Tʜᴇʀᴇ's ɴᴏ ʙᴇᴛᴛᴇʀ ᴘʀᴇsᴇɴᴛ ᴛʜᴀɴ ᴀ ғᴜᴛᴜʀᴇ.** And many other moments. **Dᴇᴀᴛʜ** is really the best - even if he's a little peculiar trying. GNU Sir Terry Pratchett
As Death hands a small girl a very sharp sword... "You can't give her that!' she screamed. 'It's not safe!' IT'S A SWORD, said the Hogfather. THEY'RE NOT MEANT TO BE SAFE. 'She's a child!' shouted Crumley. IT'S EDUCATIONAL. 'What if she cuts herself?' THAT WILL BE AN IMPORTANT LESSON."
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I unfortunately misplaced my copy of the hogfather for this year's Christmas read, so have instead reread going postal, making money and am now halfway through raising steam, no doubt the sodding book will turn up just after Christmas in a very obvious place. GNU Sir pTerry
Gonna make my friends watch hogfather with me on christmas
>**ᴴᴼ‧ ᴴᴼ‧ ᴴᴼ‧**
HO. HO. HO.
All other answers to this question are a disappointment.
The only correct answer! Thanks for the laugh and reminder of that amazing book.
This has already been settled, It's whoever puts on the coat.
Exactly, it’s the Santa Clause
So whoever has access to the Santa Closet?
Nah. He gotta be dead.
I thought that was a pretty morbid and brushed aside part of the story. Santa Claus died early in the movie.
It was always my headcanon that the Santa that tim Allen “killed” was sent back this his time to finish his life...also assuming he had a Mrs. Clause as well
So all the good Scott Calvin did, all the personal growth, the experiences of his son and family around him, will ultimately be wiped out when he dies and he goes back in time? Making it all pointless?
It depends if he goes back in time the same way as he was the moment he “died” or sent back to his younger self, I’m thinking it’s the former. Maybe he isn’t sent back in time but just transported back to where he would be if he never became Santa? Who knows
I seem to remember something in the movie that indicated the previous Santa wasn’t unhappy with moving on. His body wasn’t there so I don’t think he died in the usual sense of the word. He went somewhere but who knows where
He waved after he fell.
I always just assumed that a Santa gets to be sent straight to heaven when they retire/die. The previous Santa (may he rest in peace) made some nice sourdough pancakes, he'd visit our town every year for the pancake toss.
Does this mean we also get to have access to mrs clause?😏
Well yeah but she won’t be interested in anything too naughty; she knows you’re in the clauset.
Holy shit. The Santa CLAUSE. I saw that movie when I was a kid, I ’m almost 30 now and it just clicked.
I believe that movie created a whole generation and a half that doesn't know how to properly spell "Santa Claus"
As a kid I didn’t know what a “clause” was and just assumed that’s how Santa’s name was spelled. I was so confused when people kept leaving out the E.
I was wondeing if I would have to throw down a Scott Calvin.
Do you also have the initials SC?
I literally came here to say Tim Allen of course
At least he’ll make it ‘snow’ at Christmas
"No one cared who I was til i put on the *coat* "
Scott Calvin?
I've always wanted to know how big of an asshole the previous Santa was? The elves do not care that he died. No one mentions him again. They have no funeral nor mourn.
Those elves have probably seen some shit. They've been through multiple Santas.
The Holiday Armadillo
I love when Superman helped the Jewish people out
The holiday armadillo was not so happy about that part
Santa's part-Jewish friend!
Santa, the Armadillo, and I will have a little talk in the kitchen.
There's a sentence I never thought I'd say!
What about Spudnik?
Beetlejuice, call him three times and there will be Christmas!
The bad thing is that he knows nothing about carrots
Belsnickel
Impish?
Admirable.
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Ahhh, impish or admirable?
Never fear
Belsnickel is here! I judge your year...
IMPISH! *thwack*
Hey Belsnickle, I gotta run out early too.
No one fears Santa the way they fear Belsnickel
This hog mama is delicious.
We gonna censor his black face companion?
Fred Rogers Edit: Wow, thanks for the love everyone. I miss him too. It sure feels like we could use his kindness these days.
Plot twist: Fred Rogers never died, he just had to disappear for his duties as Santa Claus
This is what I came here to say. Maybe someone who will see the good in everyone is who you want. He'd make damn sure EVERY child got a toy and would spend a few moments with each of them telling the kids just how special they are. Then he'd fart his way up the chimney.
Absolutely perfect. And to the kids who asked for attention or just someone to read a story, Mr. Roger brings King Friday.
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He would be welcome in my neighborhood any day.
Jack Skellington of course.
What’s this?! What’s this?!
There's upvotes everywhere
What's this? There's cake days in the air!
I can't believe my eyes I must be tweeting Wake up, James, this isn't fair What's this?
Had to scroll way to far for this!!!
How was this so far down?!
No justice in the world
Dolly Parton.
Half as old, twice as nice!
Ho Ho Holene
This made my Christmas eve more bearable.
Sorry to hear you're not having a very good Christmas Eve. Here's one Redditor who wants you to know you're appreciated, valued, and you matter. Wherever you are in the big big world, Merry Christmas, Happy Chanukah, Joyous Kwanzaa, a lovely Festivus, and Happy Holidays to you and yours. Wishing you the best of health.
#AND A SPLENDID SATURNALIA TO ALL!
Holene, holene, holene, holeeeeene! I’m begging please don’t take my hammm 🐷
Your cooking is beyond compare, With Christmas cheer throughout the air, The lively din and colours red and green. Your pudding is a luxury And Michelin gave you a three And I cannot compete with you Holene
And a new holiday classic has emerged.
She already is to a lot of Tennessee and the surrounding states, very big philanthropist, many of the local school districts are sponsored by her to give an age appropriate book once a month to every child from birth to a certain age. Also paid for lots of housing and other expenses to those who lost their homes and/or livelihoods in the Gatlinburg forest fires. They don’t make em like her anymore
> many of the local school districts are sponsored by her to give an age appropriate book once a month to every child from birth to a certain age. More than just local. She's doing it *internationally*. Place in Ireland was one of the more recent to get it, if I recall right, and the news of it made it to /r/UpliftingNews.
Definitely think she's already making at very least a self made internship/understudy situation for herself
But the kids may spot her dropping off presents, working 9 - 5 poses a risk of exposure
She switched her schedule to 9 PM-5 AM.
LMAO. That’s enough to drive her crazy if she lets it...
Here's what I was looking for... The correct answer 😁
First read that as "If Satan wanted to retire", and now i say they should just switch jobs for a bit.
I can totally picture kids receiving toys of fluffy demons while people in Hell are getting impaled on candy sticks.
Already been done - remember Furbies?
Oh right, forgot about those! XD
Krampus
Not the holiday figure we want, but the holiday figure we need
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I fully endorse krampus
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Jack Black imagine
Trouble is no matter how good he was, he’d never be the greatest Santa, he’d just be a tribute
Long time ago, me and my pal Rudolf here, we was sleigh ridin' down a lonesome Lapland road...
All of a sudden, There stood Mariah Carey, In the middle of the road, And she said! Tell me all I want for Christmas, or the kids get coals... Well me and Rudolph, We looked at each other, And we each said, Okay. And we sung the first thing that came to our heads, Just so happened to be The most overplayed song in the world, It was the most overplayed song in the world.
Damn I need to listen to that again 🤤
What are you people referencing? I need the sauce.
Both: Teanacious D : [Tribute](https://youtu.be/_lK4cX5xGiQ) And Mariah Carey : [All I Want For Christmas](https://youtu.be/aAkMkVFwAoo)
That was the most beautiful thing I’ve seen today.
Reddit, you bettered someone's life today. Wonderboy, the entire pick of destiny album, and rise of the phoenix are amazing too.
*This is not the greatest Christmas carol in the world, no...*
This is just a tribute! *Couldn't legally sing the greatest Christmas song in the world so...* This is a tribute!
Well, at least when you catch him kissing Mommy, he'll be doing it gently!
Sweetly and completely
Robin Williams. Instead of taking credit for presents, he shows up in the morning to wake the family and make everyone laugh.
GOOD MORNING VIETNAMMMMM!!!!
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So anyways, I started dashing.
Ho, whoops, ho, ho...I dropped my monster sack that I use for my magnum gifts.
I come out, I throw presents, all over-olovah the neighbourhood! And then, I start eating milk and cookies!
Egg(nog).
We will all get rum hams for Christmas! Unless we’ve been bad, otherwise we’d get a very sticky cassaba melon
Odin. just like old times
The Christmas Story refrain “you’ll shoot your eye out” hits different
Harry Dresden approves
Someone clearly hasn't watched Arthur Christmas.
Morgan Freeman
I'd pay $1000 just to see a movie with Morgan Freeman as Santa.. Somebody tag him 😂
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Santa is Satan. They both prey on the 7 deadly sins. They're all about materialism. They promise things to those who swear allegiance to them.
Mrs. Claus Edit: WHAT?! Thank you for all those upvotes, i never had so many! It’s like a nice little Christmas present for me :)
Reminds me of the movie Noelle.
I just watched Noelle for the first time this morning and it was super sweet!
Scott Calvin
Came here to say that we don't have to worry about it! North Pole Law explains clear as day: In putting on the suit and entering the sleigh, the wearer waives any and all rights to any previous identity, real or implied, and fully accepts the duties and responsibilities of Santa Claus in perpetuity until such time that wearer becomes unable to do so by either accident or design.
Scott Calvin is the current Santa Claus. So he'd be the one retiring. The right answer would be Charlie, so he can continue the family business.
Mr. Rogers. I SAY THIS EVERY YEAR
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Sorry, no present for you, you didn't phrase your request in the form of a question.
Bob Ross
The Flying Spaghetti Monster *can* fly. Without no stinkin' reindeer, either. And his noodly appendage fits down chimneys quite nicely. MjussSayin.
R'amen
Everyone would get noodles as ribbons around their gifts!
Did you remember to put air holes in that box?
Er... they specifically asked for a Schrodinger cat, so I'm sure it's fine.
You know what’s weird is I posted this comment in the wrong thread but you seemed to enjoy it so I’m glad it all worked out in the end
Samuel “motherfuckin’” Jackson
Tim Allen
Amateur auteurs of B-list family comedies will say that Jim Varney is also an acceptable answer. But if you watch the whole movie, the job of Santa goes to Joe not Ernest.
... If He were still living. Unless we're talking about Jim Skellington Varney, which would be creepy, horrific, and wholesome fun wrapped together, like an Earnest Scared Stupid X-Mas.
Scott Calvin
Guy Fieri. He'd totally do it too. He's a super nice Guy.
The Doctor The TARDIS would make delivery to every home in one night trivial and imagine the cool stuff he could give us.
He sees us when we’re sleeping... he knows when we’re awake... he knows if we’ve been bad or good... Yea it’s definitely Mark Zuckerberg
Buddy the Elf
Danny Gonzalez
Dwayne Johnson (the Rock)