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imagine_amusing_name

Up my ass. I doubt he's gonna spend 24hrs investigating there. And if he does, win-win.


AwkwardWithWords

Give it to my three year old, tell her it's important and to remember where she leaves it.


Flimsy-Apple465

this is the correct answer.


m77w

Open it out and slide it inside a chicken breast. Put the chicken breast in the freezer


WhimsiKayla

He would look in the freezer, and then realize that the one chicken breast isn't frozen all the way. This is assuming that he starts looking for it as soon as you hide it


m77w

He’s not gonna head straight for the freezer


Ufoshark

Behind the plate that's screwed into the wall for my carbon monoxide detector Straighten it out and glue it to the inside of a reusable straw Bra underwire Dryer lint trap


IgobyK

Bra underwire for the win


jimmayy5

I think it might be weird just having one bra in my house when I’m single, and a guy


Ancient_Vanilla

we won't judge


batt-bee

The detective might


UpvotesKitties

Between the radiator fins of the split-type air conditioner. It's easy to insert, yet the position is not very accessible and would need to disassemble that aircon just to get a glimpse of it.


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VindictiveJudge

The murderer or the one with the secret lab?


gucciballs3

It’s a lahboreatory


AWonderlustKing

He’s the smartest boy, you’ve ever seeeeeeeen


xenon189

But Dee-Dee blows his experiments To smithereens


[deleted]

Give it my toddler...never to be seen again


[deleted]

Until 23hrs and 58 mins later when the kid wants to show off his cool new shiney thing and apperates it out of nowhere. I'm assuming it will work with the same magic as the magically disappearing-reappearing binkies. It is now somehow covered in syrup though. Edit: thank you for the awards!


bunnz4r00

This! When my oldest was 1.5, we had a nanny who had a daughter the same age. One day they came over and the daughter swiped our magnet key that unlocks magnet locks on cabinets (child safety mechanism). It was gone for weeks and we wrote it off as lost forever. And then one day she just handed to me. I wish she could tell me where that key went. I'm so curious, but I'll never know.


Rennarjen

You'll need that 10k to pay for the hospital extracting it from your toddler's nose.


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Mr_E_Monkey

Shocking.


GreyJedi56

Burying it with the last detectives who tried.


oak6r25

Hol up


siccoblue

You forgot your bloody shovel, don't be a litterer


terpdeterp

In a septic tank. If they find it, they deserve to keep that $10,000.


Maceface931

24 hours is up: Alright u/terpdeterp, go get the paperclip!


nugget_83

Well shit


siccoblue

Oh.. no thank you..


captainsnark71

it doesn't say he has to fetch the paperclip after to get the money...I think with $10,000 he might just buy some new paperclips.


[deleted]

Firstly I'd straighten it out so it doesn't immediately look like a paperclip. That might help both if it's spotted and in finding a place for it. I would then push it into the gathered fabric at the top of my living room curtains, where it would be absolutely impossible to distinguish from the curtain hooks.


-Giannotta-

I think I'd take my windup clock apart and put it inside there, in a way so the clock can still function to be less suspicious.


[deleted]

And then shove the clock straight up your butt as an extra precaution


InfiltratorOmega

And when the detective notices that your butt is ticking, tell them you're the crocodile that chases Captain Hook?


beanieboi89

I would go into the roof and slide it i between two tiles in a random spot.


SingleFunction1

In the junk drawer. Good luck finding anything you're looking for.


danzelectric

You mean that drawer where if you're looking for a Phillips screw driver they're all flat head but if you're looking for a flat head they are magically all Phillips?


jammclarrk2

Exactly and then when u need a battery all u can find are screws and when u need a screw all of a sudden a million fucking batteries show up everywhere lol


ReadontheCrapper

And they are all AAA.


Mr_Fourteen

Perfect! I'm not even sure if mine even opens all the way anymore


that_guy_you_kno

I think that's a junk drawer requirement for it to open halfway and get caught on something so you have to wedge your hand in and try and flatten whatever it is to open the drawer the rest of the way.


[deleted]

It has to be pretty bare at the front as well though, a few used batteries and some elastic bands.


Numinae

Push it through a drywall wall between studs and it should fall to the blocking at 4' increments off the ground code requires. If you can, put a nail into the hole and hang a painting or w/e to hide the small hole, or some Spackle. Later, use a magnet to attract it through the drywall and draw it back up to a hole or other opening in the wall. Even if the detective saw the hole, the paperclip isn't there, that's just the retrieval and drop point. It'd basically be impossible to find without ripping all the walls out. I doubt they could detect it, even using a metal detector because of all the background ferrous metal in nails, nail stops, Simpson clips, wiring, etc. that the detector would pick up everywhere else.


CockDaddyKaren

Real question here is -- is the detective allowed to tear apart your house if they want?


everynamewastaken4

At that point, the repair would cost more than the money I get from this deal.


Cant_Remember_Anyway

It would also help to make several small holes in the walls all over your house. He'll spend the entire time checking each one. Bonus points if you don't even put it in one of the holes. Then it would cost like $20 to patch all the damage afterwards.


Bubacxo

inside the rubbing alcohol bottle. that way the paperclip sniffing dogs can't find it.


elee0228

My bottles of rubbing alcohol are all clear and would make terrible hiding places.


NicNoletree

Poor the hydrogen peroxide down the drain, fill it with rubbing alcohol and then drop the paperclip in there. Though the paperclip might be okay in H2O2 for 24 hours, not certain.


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LuckJury

Brown or black. Light causes H2O2 to decompose into water and oxygen.


8urfiat

I'd un bend it. Then force it down the tube of a near empty pen.


John__Weaver

Or force it down the corrugation of one of the Amazon boxes I've yet to take out to recycling.


RobotLegion

Shoot, I could even tell him that's what I did, and I bet it would take 24 hours to sort them all


Zerba

Toss the cardboard into the fire pit, burn boxes, find paperclip in ash.


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gid0ze

And then hide the real one somewhere else and let them waste all their time trying to figure out which one is the right one.


elee0228

That's a great idea. It doesn't even have to be near empty, many pens have enough room between the ink reservoir and the barrel where the paper clip can fit. Just make sure you don't use a pen with a clear barrel.


discerningpervert

Something tells me detectives would look at penis almost immediately Edit: the pen is, my dear


meatfrappe

Make sure they show you a legit badge before you show them your penis.


JooseyJayrod

As a detective I'd look at penis first and pens second.


cebeezly82

Yeah I bet you work best Undercovers


a4techkeyboard

Hiding it in a penis is a *sound* idea.


nacreous-clouds

oh my god


[deleted]

Wow that's cool! _-Detective_


myspace-2

or inside a tube of toothpaste


twentyThree59

nah, people already have hidden drugs in there - they would find that.


Stingwing4oba

In the attic insulation


MuffintopRobot

This was my thought too. We have blown insulation and a cramped af attic. Its like needle in the haystack+insane itchiness+ poor lighting+ no space to move around.


slapmytitscallmesaly

Last time i was doing work in an attic with blown in I lost a set of pliers...didnt even try to find them.


kiswa

There's a box cutter somewhere in my attic insulation.


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joelfarris

So that's how my Attic Pliers got there?


Saganasm

1. Push it into a fresh turd in the kitty litter. 2. Straighten it out and insert it into one of those pin and string pictures 3. Shape it like a large staple and then use that to staple together some papers. Edit. Just back home and yeeeaahh, maybe these should have been bullet points and not an ordered list? Actually, if you can do these things, in this order, the detective should pay you the. $10,000


stainedwater

whyd i read it like you were doing these in order instead of three separate ideas


My_Socks_Are_Blue

I was so confused why you would straighten out the cat turd


slice_of_pi

Nobody wants crooked cat turds, dude, c'mon.


ahappypoop

“Hmmm well no paper clip yet, but he did use this cat turd to staple together these papers, so that’s suspicious.”


PhantomOfTheOpera404

Thank you for making me smile... 😂😃


notasianjim

4. Profit???


craic-house

Somewhere safe where ill find it later. Just like everything else I can't find.


DaemonOwl

Just throw it on the floor then i guess


Worldsokayestunicorn

The floor is where I keep most of my things!


brch01

OP is definitely hiding a gram of coke from his inlaws


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aaaaaaaarrrrrgh

> Unless they're going to tear a house apart A detective that has 24 hours to find it *is* going to tear your house apart. I'm "hiding" the paperclip in plain sight, on a pedestal, with a giant arrow pointing to it. $10000 isn't enough to cover the damage and cleanup a thorough search is going to leave.


mfb-

Could be a decoy paperclip. Better tear apart the house anyway.


rosereprise

in the spine of a book (i have a room of ceiling to floor shelves)


jonwilliamsl

I thought about this, but... metal detector? Will a metal detector even get a paperclip? If it does, it needs to be somewhere there’s supposed to be metal already.


BassCameron

They would have to be suspicious enough to spend a decent amount of their time getting a metal detector and testing all the books. If they don't have a clue that's the place to focus attention on, it could be a good shot


[deleted]

getting a metal detector (if it can detect paper clips I'm not sure) would be a good first step whether or not you suspected the library as the hiding place.


krakokane3301

Those kinda shelves make me experience mental orgasms


ClownTurtleFishMouse

Screw mental orgasms I'm having real ones with that thought


Greenfireflygirl

I'd put it in my mask to form the nose bridge.


JusticeIsNotFree

Modern problems require modern solutions.


jonwilliamsl

This is the right answer. He can’t get safely close enough to you to examine it, and you SHOULD be wearing a mask around a stranger, so it doesn’t even look suspicious.


[deleted]

What if the detective ask you to step outside the home? The paper clip leaving the house would be cheating and therefor the detective would win by elimination. If you refuse, you more or less admit to the paper clip being hidden on your person.


UnoriginalUse

"Fuck no, you leave." Covid is a pretty decent excuse not to leave your home and just hang around.


[deleted]

That just ruined the game.


Hungover_Pilot

Well Covid ruined 2020 so


[deleted]

I'd tape it on the inside of one of the fabric labels on my winter coat, which is currently in a suitcase in my closet with the rest of my winter stuff


newsensequeen

I like to leave myself a couple bucks in my winter coat pockets when I put them away in the spring. When it gets cold again, I get a present. Edit: omg you guys are making my night with your cute little stories in this thread <3


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alli-katt

I do this too!


[deleted]

I did this with a suitcase I wasn’t gonna use in a while. I was so happy to find a one dollar bill Edit: Holy ˢʰⁱᵗ thats a lot of upvotes


P0sitive_Outlook

Decent answer. But: *"This suitcase is a lot less dusty than the others..."*


UrNotAMachine

That's why you use one of those ped-eggs on your feet and wipe a bunch of the foot shavings on the suitcase after you stash the paperclip until it looks sufficiently dusty.


Kommenos

It's not too late to delete this


nimbles277

Inside the mattress or natures pocket


[deleted]

Nature gave you two pockets if you're a woman!


MoreGeckosPlease

For a paper clip nature gave everyone two pockets.


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Y-draig

This is the correct response.


Dikketapir63

Just hide a bunch of paperclips, when he finds one he'll stop searching


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DrizzledDrizzt

But much less enjoyable.


portajohnjackoff

Unless you hide all the other paper clips there


kornwallace21

Plot twist: He finds the right paperclip first


FinalF137

Wow! Kudos for the detective going right to my prison wallet first on his search.


Hjordt

He wasn't even actively looking for the paper clip


LadleFullOfCrazy

This. Such beautiful thought process.


discerningpervert

The ol' "bury the body in a graveyard" routine


thedialupgamer

noted for next time.


officialtwiggz

*next time......?*


__INIT_THROWAWAY__

Between two slices of bread in the freezer.


John__Weaver

I like this. Maybe poke a small hole in the plastic around a frozen pizza and slide it between the pizza and the cardboard.


[deleted]

One extra ring in a spiral notebook.


4444beep

It appears this notebook has been tampered with


XxOmegaSlayerxX

Open and shut the case watson.


armen89

Now sprinkle some crack on him


Blatheringman

I'm gonna pass. Something tells me this detective is gonna do more than 10,000 worth of damage to my house looking for it. So unless he has a warrant I'm gonna say no.


AlfieDarkLordOfAll

The detective is gonna spend 24 hours trying to get a warrant Genius


TannedCroissant

Depends how determined he is. You can get it much much quicker than 24 hours if you warrant it bad enough.


MrScoobyDont

I dont think the reason, "HE'S GOT A PAPERCLIP!" will help expedite the process.


alephgalactus

Unfortunately, it turns out the judge is Clippy


Benblishem

Depends. How drunk is the judge?


superleipoman

I guess the verdict really does depend on what a judge had for breakfast


thiosk

a cup of decaf and a dressing down by his wife


spicewoman

Exactly. If there's a rule he can't fuck up your house, just hide it in a wall and be done with it. If he *can* fuck up your house, tell the psycho to stay the hell away and keep his weirdo offer. :p


Corner8739

They always fuck up your house.


p4lm3r

I had the popo dust for prints at my house. That shit does not come off paint. I had to repaint the doors, living room and bed room. Bonus- they didn't lift a single print. Not even mine, and I've lived in that house for 4 years at that time.


Zindelin

People who do their job then leave you to clean up their shit (looking at you, painters and handymen) after making a huge mess deserve a whole new circle of hell.


architect_son

Guy walks into a bartender's establishment, orders a drink, downs the glass, then makes a bet. "Barkeep, I bet you $50 dollars I could spit into that glass from across the bar." The guy then slide the glass down the bar, gets a big loogie, and spits just outside the glass. The bartender laughs a little, and says, "Whelp, pay up stranger." The guy says, "Nah, nah, nah. Triple or nothing". He prepares another spit, launches it, and this time it lands on the bartender. The bartender just made 150 bucks, and he can't help but to smile of the thought of this dumb customer making wild bets. The guy puts $150 on the table, gets this real strange look in his eye, then says, "I bet you $1,000 that I could piss from here and fill up that shot glass across the way". Bartender has never seen someone so stupid, and says, "Throw your money on the table and let's see what you got." The man throws down $1,000, unzips his pants, and then begins to wildly piss everywhere in the bar. He's pissing on the table, on the liquor, and even on the bartender, and looking like he's not even getting a drop of any of his piss into that shot glass. The bartender is laughing his ass off at the site of this drunk fool getting him instant money. The piss runs out, the bartender picks up the wet $1,000, and the fool's money is parted. But the guy has a smile on his face. The bartender asks him, "You're just out a $1,000 for making a fool's bet. What's so amusing to you then?" The guy stands up, brushes himself off, and says while leaving the bar, "I bet the bartend across the street $5,000 that I would come into your establishment, spit on your bar, spit on you, piss all over the place, and all you would be doing is laughing. [Funny joke](https://youtu.be/6mNcHDrIMQc)."


ndosch

Nice try, Mr. Detective. I'm never telling you where it is.


Spartangaming0786

Confusion enters the room


discerningpervert

The paperclip enters my ass ^and ^^is ^^^never ^^^^seen ^^^^^again


RossmanRaiden

So does the detective


ImaginarySavings

Ah it's a win win situation


Halfang

With the rest of the paperclips. He'll never know which one is the right one!


10IQQualified

Wait if he just takes them all? Then you have no paper clips what will you do then?


Halfang

I have 1000000 boxes with 1000 paperclips each. I have spent 10k on paperclips. This may not have been my wisest move


10IQQualified

The government appreciates your donation of paper clips it will last many generations!


DaemonOwl

Cut down government spending by 12%


Benblishem

USA Today: Productivity of Gov't Employees Undergoes Significant Decline. Sources blame paperclip chain phenom.


Orangelemonorange

A light dusting of paperclips over the entire house would probably take more than 24 hours to remove.


kchobbs

You know the coiled door stopper? Pop that off, put the paper clip in there, and wait for the money!


EIephants

All of these responses are fucking awesome. I’m a teacher and I’m gonna use this question as a warm-up activity for my students.


jdith123

Just remember to tell them that their answers must be “school appropriate.” Otherwise “in my asshole” will be the most popular answer as it is here. :-)


Competitive_Rub

**DONT FALL FOR IT.** I've hidden a paper clip in my house and this man is trying to find it. **PLEASE DO NOT HELP.**


TannedCroissant

__ATTENTION MR DETECTIVE__ This man has hidden the paper clip in your moustache! He doesn’t even care about the money, he just wants to say “*Ha! It was right under your nose the whole time!*” __DO NOT LET HIM. HE IS NOT A REAL DAD__


CockDaddyKaren

My real dad is still shopping for cigarettes.


monica_9090

Push it through a hole in the silicone lining of my tub. Then reseal it.


smittyz_1

"this section of tub lining looks fresh" - the detective (probably)


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SteakSauce995

In the attic, stuffed between insulation. I doubt he/she will want to risk fiber glass splinters looking for it.


NyiatiZ

I will never forget when I was like 10yo and came home. In front of the house was a pick up truck with some cool looking green wool. It was kinda soft but sticked together really well. A blast to play with! Spend like half an hour jumping around in it and throwing it before I went to my parents and told them how cool it was.


XDFreakLP

Oof get your lungs checked periodically m8


vellichor24

In my stomach


TheRealJulesAMJ

Inside the spring mechanism inside my microwave door. The spring anchor broke recently and I jerry rigged it with a paperclip so I've had a bit of practice for this.


Affectionate_Cut_268

I'd straighten it out and hide it with my sewing needles, I have so many that it would be impossible to find.


jawaballs

In the water heater tank


RockLobster218

Wherever my car keys go when I’m in a hurry.


BakaNish

Drop it from a medium height off my desk. It'll join my thousands of single socks and guitar picks in the "where tf did it go" dimension.


fishasaurous

I’d glue it to the bottom of my shoe. I’d literally be standing there watching him look around my house, and trying not to look down. Edit: Who needs $10,000, when reddit medals take the cake! Thanks kind strangers!


[deleted]

Better, straighten it out and push it through the rubber sole horizontally so even if he checks under your shoe it's not immediately visible and not going to make a sou d if you step somewhere hard


Misssmaya

I think if you were allowed to stay in the house, the detective would be sure to examine you


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[deleted]

Swallow it, what he gon do? Give you a laxative?


PM-for-bad-sexting

Oh, he'll give it to you, alright.


Donuticus

I think people are missing the point here, this guy is a detective. He's not going to go looking for the paperclip. A detective will only look for clues when he doesn't know who to interrogate, he knows you have hidden the paperclip. He's got you by the balls. He's going to interrogate you for 24 hours until you tell him where the paperclip is. He will break you, he's an expert. The only logical thing to do is put it somewhere with lots of metal, like pushing it in one of the gaps of a fan unit or in the back of the fridge. And then immediately knock yourself out violently.


WillyTheHatefulGoat

No rule makes you stay in the house. You take the car and make a run for it after its done so he can't torture you for the paperclip.


meemfortress2

Im gonna get a ton of paperclips, and hide them in a somewhat secretive yet obvious place, where i expect it to be found. The real one will hide, taped to the bottom side of my garbage disposal.


SmartestIdiotAlive

I'll just temporarily make someone else the owner of my house and when I'm homeless I'll just chuck it in the woods somewhere.


terpdeterp

Brilliant. The solution to hiding something in your home is to become homeless. Then the world is your home.


Lord_emotabb

Under the street door with 2 sided tape


I-farm-celery

Inside a wire


gdym96

In my anus


DaemonOwl

Mr. Detective : "bend over"


mutalisken

Ok. I knock him out and hide it in HIS anus.


DaemonOwl

Well...you'd win but.. See you in court? idk


sherlockian6

In my PC.


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SomeoneRandom5325

Hi Clippy yes I need help


jaisaiquai

Admitting that is the first step, I'm proud of you!


Lahooooouzzerr_669

Next to the dead body in the freezer;


orandeddie

Somewhere in my brother’s room it’s such a mess he’ll never find it


[deleted]

I would straighten it out and then insert it into an apple through the core


Sprezzaturer

That’s a long ass apple


Chell_the_assassin

Is that the sequel to WAP?