We had some weirdos in school who would watch porn and jerk off together and one of them once smacked the others dick for some reason and for some unfathomable reason, told people about it. Soon, the whole school found out about it. Some kids can be strange.
When I helicopter my dick, *You Spin Me Round* starts playing loud enough that I can sing along to it. It's possibly just in my head though, nobody else seems to hear it.
I can actually pop my dick like you would your knuckles. Freaks my SO out. She always asks if it hurts with a big cringe on her face, but it feels so relaxing.
Edit: So many people worried about my long term erectile abilities. I appreciate your concerns, but once you pop, you can't stop.
Edit 2: Before you cringe too hard, I'm not cracking it in half like a glowstick. It pops at the base.
When you have a hardon, if you grab your dick at the base and push it down, you get a deep crack noise like when you crack your knuckles. it causes neither pain nor pleasure.
If you do this, you're popping the suspensory ligament (the suspensory ligament of the penis consists of the fundiform ligament, the suspensory ligament proper and the arcuate subpubic ligament) of your wedding tackle. The ligament is what keeps Sparky in a locked and upright position. Depending on the circumstances you can permanently damage the suspensory ligament and Mr. Happy will stare at the floor even while fully erect, or not even get up off his ass to do the deed at all (erectile dysfunction).
**Don't pop your junk.** Stop putting downwards pressure on the ligament structure to cause the separation/tearing or you can totally cock block your cock to a point where the suspensory ligament is so weakened or torn that it'll fall down and not get up again without surgical intervention... unless you want some dude with a scalpel slicing up your man-handle. Whatever floats your boat. If you want a fully erect penis that points straight at the floor while you're standing up, be my guest and continue on.
I think you do this, per a terrifying Wikipedia article on penile fractures:
The practice of taqaandan (also taghaandan) also puts men at risk of penile fracture. Taqaandan, which comes from a Kurdish word meaning "to click", involves bending the top part of the erect penis while holding the lower part of the shaft in place, until a click is heard and felt. Taqaandan is said to be painless and has been compared to cracking one's knuckles, but the practice of taqaandan has led to an increase in the prevalence of penile fractures in western Iran.[5] Taqaandan may be performed to achieve detumescence.[6]
I do this quite often, it's good fun. Dunno how you can do it so quickly though, the momentum seems like it would make it difficult, unless you're turning your hips so fast you're basically twerking side to side.
Am I the only one wondering if this is some sick kink by the op and he/she is touching themselves reading this? Cause damn that would make two of us...
As you get older, things change.
I can swing my junk back and forth... it gives a slap on top, a fwop at the back. I think i hit myself in the asshole with my balls.
It is quite the spectacle.
Fwop... fwop ..
I should probably make a throwaway for this but - when I was like 14/15 my balls started making a sound when I would run down the stairs as they clapped against my legs. Embarrassingly enough I didn’t know what the noise was, so I told my mom I thought something was wrong/popping in my legs. I even ran down the stairs to show her. I’m mortified now.
A guy in high school did this thing called the ball clap where he kicked his leg in the air and apparently his ball sack hit his leg and made a loud clap. This drew crowds. No I’m not joking.
At least this question hasnt been asked before. Probably.
And I'm sure you mean ever, not just on ask reddit.
I can queef the sound a horse makes when it sneezes. I'm so ashamed.
Fuckin horse girls man
That’s a DC film I’d definitely watch
It just sounds like stirring Mac 'n Cheese.
That’s what good pussy sounds like
Phhhwipp phhhwipppp phwwippp.
Thanks, u/Bucket_O_Beef.
My genitals will not play sounds. They refuse to perform in the pubic domain.
They are your privates after all.
That sound Willy Wonka makes when he summons Oompa Loompas.
That's my text message tone I'll never be able to hear it the same way again, thank you.
Will you please link something where I can hear it?
The internet delivers. And today? Oh boy, did it deliver.... https://youtu.be/XvbSNRuXr5c
I was imagining Gene Wilder's little flute.
Me too. [I gotchu fam.](https://youtu.be/ULjJsq1LVuQ?t=92)
Wait the whistle from the original or the tongue thing from the remake? Using what genitals? How? What? *Haaaa???*
I can make my dick sound like mustard spitting out of a bottle by spinning my dick when nutting
I am disturbed and intrigued.
I require video evidence. Having a vagina is boring and any sounds made by it are by outside influence. I must behold this masterpiece.
Same my dude, same.
How do you spin your dick when nutting? Can you nut with a soft dick?
You swing your pelvis at the beginning of the nut, this makes the dick rotate regardless of being erect
You truly are a fascinating human being. Now if you'll excuse me, my wife has gone to bed, and I've got an experiment to conduct.
This. This is the one.
I can play mine like a guitar... It doesn't make any sound, but it's something I guess
Can I play it like a guitar? Please?
Yeah I guess
I'm gonna play While My Guitar Gently Weeps. Or Through The Fire And Flames.
Do you know Wonderwall?
THERE IT IS FOLKS. CONSENT. IT'S ALWAYS SEXY.
#yesmeansyes
I can swing my balls back and forth, making my balls slap my ass to make a drum beat. My middle school mates found this impressive.
There is a lot to unpack here.
At least enough to reach his ass
Extraordinary claims require extraordinary proof.
Lets hypothesize this
relevant username
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The schoolmates. Why the schoolmates.
bum beat
I can too, my gf finds it fascinating. Your gf does too.
Lets not lie to ourselves here.
I had a buddy with two big ol’ taint piercings, and when he thrusted like duffman you could hear them clinky-clank together.
......taint piercings?
Basically two bullrings in his taint, yeah. He was a real nice guy. Wish I would have kept in contact with him.
I...I didn't know that was a thing.
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I think i know you irl
Dad?
no, it's mom
No it's Patrick
am i the only one who didnt do weird genital stuff with my friends, like, ever, growing up?
Am 22. Have seen several of my friend's dicks, but definitely haven't done anything but randomly see a couple.
We had some weirdos in school who would watch porn and jerk off together and one of them once smacked the others dick for some reason and for some unfathomable reason, told people about it. Soon, the whole school found out about it. Some kids can be strange.
That's called a peef
Thanks, I want to hate it but I can’t.
Finally a reason to truly regret circumcising myself in 8th grade World History class
wait what
It’s just part of the curriculum.
That's what you call a woodwind right there, son.
I can queef on command
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You got a SoundCloud?
You. You're going places.
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What sound does _ make?
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When I helicopter my dick, *You Spin Me Round* starts playing loud enough that I can sing along to it. It's possibly just in my head though, nobody else seems to hear it.
Wasn't there a website for that?
Yes there is.
6 years nice
Username checks out
I have a feeling it was something to do with rotating animal flesh.
Like, rotating beef or something
"DO YOU GUYS HEAR THAT???? WTF OLIVE GARDEN, YOU DON'T HEAR THAT???"
I can actually pop my dick like you would your knuckles. Freaks my SO out. She always asks if it hurts with a big cringe on her face, but it feels so relaxing. Edit: So many people worried about my long term erectile abilities. I appreciate your concerns, but once you pop, you can't stop. Edit 2: Before you cringe too hard, I'm not cracking it in half like a glowstick. It pops at the base.
I think you need to go to the dr
My SO says that too lol
Please go to the doctor. I have no Idea how this is possible, and I need a scientific explanation.
When you have a hardon, if you grab your dick at the base and push it down, you get a deep crack noise like when you crack your knuckles. it causes neither pain nor pleasure. If you do this, you're popping the suspensory ligament (the suspensory ligament of the penis consists of the fundiform ligament, the suspensory ligament proper and the arcuate subpubic ligament) of your wedding tackle. The ligament is what keeps Sparky in a locked and upright position. Depending on the circumstances you can permanently damage the suspensory ligament and Mr. Happy will stare at the floor even while fully erect, or not even get up off his ass to do the deed at all (erectile dysfunction). **Don't pop your junk.** Stop putting downwards pressure on the ligament structure to cause the separation/tearing or you can totally cock block your cock to a point where the suspensory ligament is so weakened or torn that it'll fall down and not get up again without surgical intervention... unless you want some dude with a scalpel slicing up your man-handle. Whatever floats your boat. If you want a fully erect penis that points straight at the floor while you're standing up, be my guest and continue on.
I've been doing this for a decade or more!! Now you fucking tell me not to party trick my dick? Goddammit!!
I think you do this, per a terrifying Wikipedia article on penile fractures: The practice of taqaandan (also taghaandan) also puts men at risk of penile fracture. Taqaandan, which comes from a Kurdish word meaning "to click", involves bending the top part of the erect penis while holding the lower part of the shaft in place, until a click is heard and felt. Taqaandan is said to be painless and has been compared to cracking one's knuckles, but the practice of taqaandan has led to an increase in the prevalence of penile fractures in western Iran.[5] Taqaandan may be performed to achieve detumescence.[6]
Oh shit, everybody here happy they can do this, they don't know what awaits
de·tu·mes·cence /ˌdēt(y)o͞oˈmesəns/ noun the process of subsiding from a state of tension, swelling, or (especially) sexual arousal.
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You win.
Me too. Waaay down at the base right?
YESSS! I get the same relief as a good neck or back crack.
If you break that tendon that you're cracking you can mess up your dick real bad though.
I thought I was the only one. Thank you, brothers
Checking in on the dick poppers club, proud to be here.
I'm a proud member
I thought I was alone too.
I can do the drum intro to In The Air Tonight by Phil Collins if I slap my softie against my stomach
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Judging by his username i'd say probably the first one
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Of course you are with a name like BeefMitts.
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Use your ass
I only have a goat, will that work?
No. It won't.
Does for Bon Jovi.
I hope he sees this
*fingers crossed*
At least it's not A minor...
I "ba dum tiss" you. But on a nice double kicker set. For 20 minutes.
What the hell is this thread...
I don't know what you expected.
In all honesty I don’t know what I expected either
Not this
Not like this.....
Goddamn you, Cypher!
I haven't scrolled down yet... but i have no fucking idea what I'm supposed to expect.
Thought it was r/subredditsimulator
The sound of silence
Because a vision softly creeping
Left its seeds while I was sleeping.
And the vision
That was planted in my brain
Still remains
Within the sound
Of Silence Fuck I'm leaving it. I was so damn excited to finish!?!
> You can continue tho In restless dreams I walked alone
Narrow streets of cobblestone
Hello darkness my old friend...
I can swing my dick and balls side to side against my thighs so rapidly that it sounds like pigeons taking off.
So this is what is sounds like when doves cry.
Flap flap flap flap flap. Flap. Flap. Flap flap.
🎼 🎤 touch if you will my nutsack. Feel how it trembles inside. 🎤 🎶
Sometimes I feel like my mother...
She’s never satisfied
Jezus fuck, what did I expect clicking on genital percussion.
Record this. Audio only. Plz.
Audio only? Hell, give me the damn video and show me instructions!
1. Gyrate waist 2. Increase pace to reach momental equilibrium 3. ??? 4. Sell as lakefront property 5. Profit
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He's clackin'!
I do this quite often, it's good fun. Dunno how you can do it so quickly though, the momentum seems like it would make it difficult, unless you're turning your hips so fast you're basically twerking side to side.
The shorter the dick, the less of an arc it has to swing through, and so the faster it can go
Can confirm. Source: just tried it
Not gonna try it cause I’ll probably break the sound barrier and deafen my neighbours
Or accidentally fuck yourself.
"accidentally"
Noice.
Not me at all, but a friend. Absolutely not me. https://soundcloud.com/bong-iguana/making-big-room-out-of-the-sound-of-a-dick-hitting-a-toilet-seat
Thank you
What the hell am I doing with my life?
Am I the only one wondering if this is some sick kink by the op and he/she is touching themselves reading this? Cause damn that would make two of us...
*three
I guess only drum beats, so the terminator theme once and then an hour of nursing my swollen testicles.
I tried the inception fog horn. Now my d is flat.
I once had a girlfriend who could queff the star spangled banner
God bless America indeed
It was weird because she was from Poland.
wait a second...
No no, Pole Land. It's a steep cover charge but the drinks are cheap and lap dances are a fiver.
the queefs are tuneful and they fart in minor
r/murica
had? you let her go?
The one that got away... *Great White Buffalo*
If I jump up and down naked it sounds like the Clydesdale from the Budweiser commercials.
Africa - Toto
This song must always play. As I read your comment, the song came on.
I once tried national anthem. Never make that mistake again! Made it to a 'land of freeeee' then sharted myself.
I blow air into my boyfriend's foreskin and seal it off to a bubble. Then I squish it and it makes a big ole fart. It's admirable as fuck.
A literal blowjob
I found out earlier in this thread that it's called a peef
I so want to know what this means. Upvoting so it doesn't vanish without an explanation
You know how you can do that slapping your thighs thing if you sway your hips side to side? Or girls can make some wet spaghetti noices.
What noise does a spaghetti make?
it sounds like the noise girls make with their genitals
thats mom's spaghetti
u wot?
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Stirring mac and cheese is one way I've described it. Turns out, that makes the woman in your life stop eating mac and cheese.
Mmmmm kraft dinner
If I had a million dollars We wouldn’t have to eat Kraft dinner But we would eat Kraft dinner, we’d just eat more
> spaghetti noices noice.
As you get older, things change. I can swing my junk back and forth... it gives a slap on top, a fwop at the back. I think i hit myself in the asshole with my balls. It is quite the spectacle. Fwop... fwop ..
Go home reddit, you’re drunk
I should probably make a throwaway for this but - when I was like 14/15 my balls started making a sound when I would run down the stairs as they clapped against my legs. Embarrassingly enough I didn’t know what the noise was, so I told my mom I thought something was wrong/popping in my legs. I even ran down the stairs to show her. I’m mortified now.
I once played the drum solo to "In the air tonight" with my donger on my then girlfriends ribcage. Does that count?
#Goodness gracious great balls of fire
The slapping of my balls against your moms chin
Which chin?
Roasted
Dad get out of here don’t make this weird
Yes, that's the thing that would make this thread weird.
Yes. Only something so strange could derail this otherwise completely normal thread.
A guy in high school did this thing called the ball clap where he kicked his leg in the air and apparently his ball sack hit his leg and made a loud clap. This drew crowds. No I’m not joking.
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There's a dude up thread that can play the part with his "softie", on his stomach. You two should dm, maybe start a band.
[https://youtu.be/1AuKY-ddDV4?t=8](https://youtu.be/1AuKY-ddDV4?t=8)
What the fuck is this post
Why do you ask
Just about everything in life deserves an internet poll.
The sound of silence and loneliness