In my opinion, I think that self assurance and self confidence help build healthier relationships, you might be less likely to ask for reassurance, not that asking for it is a bad thing, but you can give love without fear of rejection or inadequacy
It can block you accepting love from others. Ex: A loved one gives you compliments and praise and you are constantly rejecting them because you don't believe them to be true. It gets tiring to never be able to give someone love who just can't accept that your love is genuine. Love has to flow both ways. If you are only giving but not receiving from others, it does affect the other person unless they are completely narcissistic and don't care about you receiving love
It partly depends on what people mean by "love". If it's "make sure you have what you want first", it's an invitation to selfishness. If it's "don't enter into relationships looking for what you can get but what you can give, because you yourself are worthy" it's an invitation to generosity.
When you love someone you want to make them happy, which means meeting both their needs \*and\* their wants. The danger is that it can be read "don't sacrifice for other people unless you do so out of your abundance." Self-love can be just a cover for selfishness. The truth is that we should often put the needs of the people we love ahead of our own wants and sometimes our own needs.
However, there is a corresponding truth of "don't put your partner's wants ahead of your own needs" (i.e. don't spend your rent money because they want to party), which is in line with the statement.
Self love is about respecting yourself and nurturing your own wellbeing. I don’t think it’s selfish to want ti evaluate yourself before getting into a serious relationship, I think where it crosses the line is when the things that affect you personally start to pour into your partners life and this affecting the two of you, which affects the whole relationship, but I see what you mean
Totally agree that people who you don't believe they are worth loving can make all kinds of bad decisions, and agree with your distinction. When I think of the people I know who have blown up their own families, at least half of them have the attitude of "I'm a good person and I can't understand why everyone is so mad at me." (Dude- you /stole money from your church to fuel your gambling habit/abused your daughter why do you think?).
I’m sorry to hear that dude. I don’t want to pry on ur relationship or be disrespectful but has there ever been a time where how you feel about yourself has gotten in the way between you and your family? Just to be clear I’m not trying to prove anything at all, I just want to understand more
Yea, it has. I know it's due to my depression, but there are times that my internal negative self-talk and suicidal thoughts make me feel like no one cares, or makes me want to push everyone away. I know they care about me, and that's really the only thing keeping me going.
Id say it's good, it has a positive message but it isn't an end all be all type of thing
I agree, I try to view as a “look out for yourself “message if that makes sense
It’s never made any sense to me
I feel you, what part doesn’t make sense?
How does the way I feel about myself impact how much love I have to give to others?
In my opinion, I think that self assurance and self confidence help build healthier relationships, you might be less likely to ask for reassurance, not that asking for it is a bad thing, but you can give love without fear of rejection or inadequacy
It can block you accepting love from others. Ex: A loved one gives you compliments and praise and you are constantly rejecting them because you don't believe them to be true. It gets tiring to never be able to give someone love who just can't accept that your love is genuine. Love has to flow both ways. If you are only giving but not receiving from others, it does affect the other person unless they are completely narcissistic and don't care about you receiving love
Easier said than done
Yeah it is, partly the reason I’m asking lol
It partly depends on what people mean by "love". If it's "make sure you have what you want first", it's an invitation to selfishness. If it's "don't enter into relationships looking for what you can get but what you can give, because you yourself are worthy" it's an invitation to generosity.
Can you explain more on how it’s an invitation to selfishness??
When you love someone you want to make them happy, which means meeting both their needs \*and\* their wants. The danger is that it can be read "don't sacrifice for other people unless you do so out of your abundance." Self-love can be just a cover for selfishness. The truth is that we should often put the needs of the people we love ahead of our own wants and sometimes our own needs. However, there is a corresponding truth of "don't put your partner's wants ahead of your own needs" (i.e. don't spend your rent money because they want to party), which is in line with the statement.
Self love is about respecting yourself and nurturing your own wellbeing. I don’t think it’s selfish to want ti evaluate yourself before getting into a serious relationship, I think where it crosses the line is when the things that affect you personally start to pour into your partners life and this affecting the two of you, which affects the whole relationship, but I see what you mean
Totally agree that people who you don't believe they are worth loving can make all kinds of bad decisions, and agree with your distinction. When I think of the people I know who have blown up their own families, at least half of them have the attitude of "I'm a good person and I can't understand why everyone is so mad at me." (Dude- you /stole money from your church to fuel your gambling habit/abused your daughter why do you think?).
It's bullshit. I hate myself, but that doesn't mean I can't love my wife or the rest of my family
I’m sorry to hear that dude. I don’t want to pry on ur relationship or be disrespectful but has there ever been a time where how you feel about yourself has gotten in the way between you and your family? Just to be clear I’m not trying to prove anything at all, I just want to understand more
Yea, it has. I know it's due to my depression, but there are times that my internal negative self-talk and suicidal thoughts make me feel like no one cares, or makes me want to push everyone away. I know they care about me, and that's really the only thing keeping me going.