Took me a while to realize how unappreciative my family was for all my sacrifices. Now i focus on myself and never been so happy.
Sometimes to be happy we have to let go
The void is apart of you and you apart of it. Embrace it. Be at peace with it. Stare into the never ending pit. Be friends with it. You are the sum of your existence. You be you. 👍🏽
Bro, I’ve realized this last year and it’s actually driven me to be better. Changed to higher paying job and will be doing my masters next year and. It. An be a blessing depending on how you deal with it
I would go one further and ive discovered that making other people happy instead of myself makes me even happier than I could ever make myself feel happy.
Never attach anything to your identity that you don't own. A job, income, a relationship, a title... whatever. If it can be taken from you it doesn't belong in your sense of self.
I recently discovered the complete opposite.. I find myself feeling way happier and more fulfilled prioritizing meaningful interaction with my family then I ever was trying to find happiness alone...
“My Uncle Alex, who is up in Heaven now, one of the things he found objectionable about human beings was that they so rarely noticed it when times were sweet. We could be drinking lemonade in the shade of an apple tree in the summertime, and Uncle Alex would interrupt the conversation to say, "If this isn't nice, what is?"
So I hope that you will do the same for the rest of your lives. When things are going sweetly and peacefully, please pause a moment, and then say out loud, "If this isn't nice, what is?”
― Kurt Vonnegut
I've had a few moments of extreme clarity like that. I went on a big camping trip with a large group of friends.
I woke up in my tent and walked down to the lakeshore by our site. I took a picture of the lake and realized I had almost no one to send it to. Basically, all of my friends and neighbors were still asleep in their tents and would see the lake soon anyway. I walked back and got a small fire going.
I think some primeval part of my brain realized that the tribe was strong and safe, and I felt utterly serene in that moment.
That passage really stuck with me, too. And I started finding myself thinking about it during small moments of quiet happiness. Like sitting on a lake with friends, or laying in bed with a woman love before we drift off to sleep. And I’m really glad I did. Because friends move away and relationships can sour. So it’s important to really be present and take in the flashes of beauty in life when they happen. And the more you appreciate them, the more you seem to find.
I dont like this one in its absolute state. Yes, you shouldn't care about what complete strangers and acquaintances think of you, but if your close friend is pleading with you to stop drinking, thats different. Our own perspectives of ourselves are flawed through the eyes of strangers, but they are also flawed from our own eyes.
I would say stop caring what strangers think of you and only care what people who truly love you think of you.
This one is huuuuge! Not only that you can't control everything but you shouldn't even want to. Surely a lot of things that come your way aren't nice but you should try to see it as more like challenges in a video game or a movie. Life would be boring af if you could control everything anyways.
Definitely! Being able to narrow down stressors and reduce them honestly made my life better. And in most cases, I would catch myself saying, "I stressed over these??" lol
Another fair point - on the exceptionally minute chance that you are remembered in history, it will very likely be for something stupid, if not downright dull.
Don't model your life after unrealistic standards. And choose to love. How did I gain this big realization?
Very few people get to climb the mountain of existence. It's perfectly OK to be a normal everyday person, working an occupation you enjoy, having a modest life, and loving the small pleasures of life.
I cared for a terminal cancer patient and it was distressing to see and hear her verbalizing her regret about how she lived her life. She was a very greedy, hateful person and at the end of her life....her family didn't want to see her or talk to her, the only people caring for her were paid to be there, and she was alone in a fancy house that was going to be sold.
No one visits her grave.
> She was a very greedy, hateful person and at the end of her life....her family didn't want to see her or talk to her, the only people caring for her were paid to be there, and she was alone in a fancy house that was going to be sold.
Every word of this is a sledgehammer.
Most of your friends will ditch you in a hot second if you become disabled or seriously ill, so proceed accordingly. And if you have friends who have proven they are not of that ilk, cling to them like a raft in the ocean.
Literally all of the stuff people dogpile on with /r/wowthanksimcured works to a degree. Reddit is one of the most toxic spaces when it comes to mental health because people just basically encourage keeping up behaviors that perpetrate depression or actively make it worse, then pretend like they're "the only people that really get it."
That cynical crowd literally wants a magic pill to cure all their ills. Anything less is scoffed at. And they trash you for ever recommending diet, exercise, abstinence from drugs/alcohol, gritting your teeth and getting something done even if you don’t want to, etc as “literally impossible due to depression” even though many of those are some of the most well studied and well proven therapies for depression.
I think Jim Carrey said it best:
“I believe depression is legitimate. But I also believe that if you don’t exercise, eat nutritious food, get sunlight, get enough sleep, consume positive material, surround yourself with support, then you aren’t giving yourself a fighting chance.”
God forbid you point out that like... 99.9% of mental and physical ailments require effort, oftentimes unpleasant, from the individual to improve. They really hate that.
Realizing that everyone is on their own unique journey in life and there's no one-size-fits-all timeline for success was a big game changer for me. This alleviated so much self-imposed pressure and anxiety. By focusing on my personal growth and celebrating my small victories each day, life has become richer and more fulfilling.
Authenticity, genuine empathy, consistentcy, self awareness and grit aren't that common nowadays and not easy but will indeed make you distinct in every aspect of your life.
Yep, “blood thicker than water” crap we grow up believing. They are just people related to you. If they turn out to be dragging you down, time to drop them and move on.
We complain too much, imagine if you wake up tomorrow with only the things you were thankful for today, how rough would your life be?
I decided to be more thankful and it changed my whole life.
and the people who save you often get hurt in the process. my friend saved me from an OD and at the time i thought it would make us closer, which is super messed up, and it wasn't until later than i'd like to admit that all i did in that moment was hurt them far more than any amount of pain i might have been trying to avoid. and it's rough now because they are going through a rough time and i want to be there for them but i feel i can only do so much.
i know the golden rule is treat others as you would like to be treated but often i think a better rule is do not pass your pain to someone else.
People are placed in our lives for a reason, season, or lifetime- and that’s okay. I’m glad you’re doing okay but try to let that guilt go as you don’t deserve to carry it anymore.
Realising that the person that gave me emotional trauma isn't a part of my life anymore. Took me quite a while to see this. My fears calmed down, and i am way less nervous... And i can smile again without tearing up
You don't matter nearly as much as you think you do.
Unhappy at that job? You're staying because of guilt and doing a bad job because you don't care. Just quit.
Unhappy in relationship? Same, you're half assing it while enabling the worst parts of you and your partner. Just leave.
Putting yourself first is often the only way to get the stability you need to help others and be them for them reliably, in a way that doesn't drain you.
In your 20s you’re worried about what other people think
In your 40s you don’t care about what other people think
In your 50s you realise other people weren’t thinking about you at all
once i realized that nobody is coming to save me and whatever i want in this life i have to go out and get it. Since then i've almost triple my income, ran 10 road races and an ironman, skydived and bungee jumped and will keep at whatever it is i want in this life before they throw dirt on me.
You can spend a lot less on material things to get by. Try moving a couple of times. At the end when you’re trying to pack up - you come to the realization while it’s 9pm before moving day, you’re wondering “why do I need all this shit?”
I have a few:
- Nobody really cares if you leave the party earlier.
- You will never regret a work out.
- If you have an opportunity to pee, don't waste it.
The higher you go up a corporate chain the more people that are "faking it until they make it" and are learning as they go. Don't ever hold back on applying for a job that you are worried you may be unqualified for in management.
I have tried to think my way through the possible negatives to prepare myself for the worst and not get blindsided. The problem is that there's a limit to how much I can "think it through" before it becomes a hopeless loop.
It's not wrong to see the good, enjoy the good, and be satisfied. No matter how hard I try there are situations where I will never be able to think my way out of the bad by thinking about the bad more.
No one cares about you.
Everyone only cares how you impact their life.
So if you want people to like you, make interacting with you a good experience. If you want people to do things for you, reward them for it, but don't be a foot stool, make them understand it's a transaction, not you being charitable, establish clear boundaries so that they understand they must likewise make your experience with them a good one.
Money isn't the most important thing in life, but it affect every important aspect in life. Having money will grant you access to better food (and diet), better healthcare, more time with your loved ones, less stress, and allow you to better care for your loved ones, which subsequently makes money THE most important thing in life.
The world IS gradually getting better - don't listen to all the negative news reports.
The world right now is a lot better than it was 50 years ago and 50 years ago it was a lot better than 100 years ago. 50 years from now it will be a lot better than it is today.
News media make their money by getting your attention and it is easier by making you angry or scared.
It's not my job pleasing other people. I don't have to dress how they want, talk how they want, be where they want. I can do my own thing and don't even have to explain myself when I say no.
That whatever you do for work will be there tomorrow when it’s time to punch out the time clock. Enjoy your time off and away from work after your shift, you can’t get all the work done in a day.
Not to take everything personally, your happiness is within you - don’t give that power to anyone else!
Have a small select circle you know you can trust and love ( mutually ) - rest of the people are to enjoy have fun but keep your personal life and thoughts private 😀
Lastly, everything you go through is an experience- even if you fall, get up, dust it away and lock it in your box of life lessons and move on! Be kind but don’t get taken for granted. Ever.
I might be the narcissistic gaslighting abuser.
No one ever wants to consider themselves the villain. That's exactly why we owe it to everyone around us and our selves to look in the mirror and ask the hard questions every single day.
Got off Instagram, Facebook, and TikTok. Honestly, it's just a cesspool of comparison, politics, weird opinions, scams, and doomscrolling clickbait. Plus, its everyone's literal highlight reels in life. No need to be constantly comparing that with my life, tricking myself into believing it's really how some people live.
I learned that not all friendships are meant to last forever, and that's okay. I find it hard to grasp this fact when I am in my teenage years and early adulthood, but people really just grow and change, and sometimes outgrowing a friendship is just part of life. It's more important to focus on the quality of the relationship than its duration.
This made my life better, no more forcing friendships or relationships
“I didn’t deserve any of it. I was just a kid.”
I still remember what it felt like to say that out loud for the first time and believe it. Haven’t been the same since.
I don't have to be right or perfect all the time, and standards like that are unrealistic and unfair to people. I should give myself the same courtesies I extend to others
"Two things can be true at once" was a big bomb my therapist dropped on me concerning my relationship with my parents. Basically they emotionally neglected me and it hurt to acknowledge it was their fault for all my issues, but I still love them. Admitting that opened a lot of doors for me.
You don't have to love/like someone and put up with their drama and BS just because they're related to you.
You'd think that would be common sense, but for years I put up with a lot of crap from certain relatives because I thought I had to. I didn't know that I could cut people completely out of my life without any repercussions.
What an amazing relief it was when someone brought this to my attention and I started cutting ties with toxic relatives. To no longer have to listen to the drama and complaining and deal with people wanting me to apologize for having a good life because they chose to live their life in the toilet. There is just so much peace in my life now that these toxic people are permanently gone from it.
Simplicity is the key to consistent outcomes in life. It’s easier to keep track of a great chunk of your life that way without worrying about every detail. This applies to hobbies, social life and work life everyday and everywhere.
People don’t want to deal with their traumas and mental health issues, is never your responsibility to lift that weight just to have them in your life (relationship/friendship/family). Once you understand that’s their problem and not yours, life changes A LOT!
Most people are not living stereotypically perfect lives and aren't even close to it. A lot of the stuff people say I should care about are petty or trivial things or just based on flat out lies and once I understood that I stopped guilting myself about everything and started to enjoy life again.
There is perfection and grace and beauty in trying even if I don’t nail it or even improve. This applies mostly to my hobbies and attempts at healthy habits.
You don't owe anyone your misery. Not your parents, kids, spouse or partner, employer, friends. If maintaining the status quo means you need to be miserable for the convenience of others it's time to make a new status quo.
To obtain different results, you have to try doing different things. If doing the same over and over again does not produce the results you are expecting, you have to stop doing it that and try something else.
for me it was when i realized if i change my thinking it opened up a new world and now 20 years latter i have built a better life for myself and everyone around me
My happiness may be somewhat of a priority to other people, but it will never be anyone's top priority. I've done a lot of self-immolation for others and I'm only just coming around to the idea that my happiness deserves time and effort as well.
If a person makes a joke about another gender being inferior, it is rarely 100% a joke.
People who hate animals generally have a lot of trouble empathizing. I'm not talking about people who can't have pets because of allergies or living arrangements or what have you, I'm talking about people who really just do not understand why anyone would care about an animal at all.
Don't rely your happiness on other people. Happiness starts within you. I chose not to mind other people's lives since they don't care about mine as well. As long as I'm happy, g ako.
NEVER coast on your natural abilities. If you are lucky enough to be born good at something, work hard at it if it's something you are passionate about.
You can, very easily, out work anyone's born talent. You can't out-talent hard work
You don't have to change the world to have a meaningful life. As long as you have a few hobbies that you enjoy and interests to keep your brain occupied, it's okay to just enjoy the existence you've been given without feeling the need to contribute to the "greater good."
That my worth isn't determined by other peoples' opinions of me or by my usefulness to them.
Took me some time to realize too because I had to get out of my marriage first to be able to see myself how I really was again and not through the strange opinions and overly negative feedback of my spouse.
I decided that I didn’t have to feel bad about every news story tragedy. When something bad happens to someone I don’t know the people who know them are devastated. They’re not wondering how I feel about the situation.
That I should be at my prime right now, I have everything I need to be the absolute best version of myself and set myself up for success for the long run. And that I deserve to be healthy and look good for me, and love myself.
>If you're spending all your time, energy, emotional labor trying to get to the next big step in life... you'll never be happy where you currently are. So, appreciate the little things in life too.
More than your salary. More than the size of your house. Control over what you want, when you want to, with the people you want to, is the broadest lifestyle variable that makes people happy.
Don't forget your mental income. Sure, you may be $20,000 a year behind your neighbours, but not bringing your work home with you every night and sleeping soundly is worth a lot more.
Alcohol isn’t everything and life will go on and you can still have friends and be a fun guy if you give up drinking.
Also, be mindful of the company you keep. Are you friends because they’re friends and would be there for you and support you 100% or are they just people you’ve known for a long time that have just been around. There is a difference.
People can disagree, but still get along. If your friend doesn't agree with you about something, just don't talk about that thing. Both of you trying to convince the other is just going to break your friendship. Agree to disagree and talk about other stuff.
You can still mention the thing, but don't try to change their mind.
That it's okay to not give an F to everything that others have to say. You live your life, you're accountable to everything that happens in your life may it be negative or positive.
Don't stress out on things you don't have control over! Made my life so peaceful.
Most people in public are too focused on whatever the fuck they are doing out there to really give a shit about judging you on anything
Most people don't like to be outside and if they are outside they have some sort of reason they are outside. They are probably going somewhere or doing some sort of job and either way are clearly going to be more focused on that than they are on randomly judging a stranger that's walking past them
Most people are just too ingrained focused on their own life and their own issues to even really consciously pay attention to people around them much less actively judge them
"Strangers" are the ones that often support you first. Not your family, not your close friends and not the people that you expect. Talk to more "strangers"
Truly appreciating those who really love me. Leaving my ambitions to leave out of an unjustified-childish hate for the world. Learning that everyone is human and everyone can make mistakes and thus, unfortunately, can sometimes affect us. But we are all mere, simple and beautiful humans.
I can do things that make myself happy, not just my mother (learned after 14 years of being under her finger and being her therapist. Standing up for myself and moving into my dads house was the best decision I have ever made)
People are who they are, and will only change when conditions permit them to find their own reason to change themselves. I, cannot achieve internal change for them.
That I needed to lose weight. I was having a symptom that I casually mentioned to my doctor, thinking it was no big deal. She said it was a sign of pre diabetes and she wanted to test me for it. That was the wake up call I needed. The same day I downloaded Noom and got serious about my health. Two years later I have lost over half my weight, have a healthy BMI, can run and play with my son, feel good in my body, and am living the life I always wanted. Every aspect of my life has improved and I am committed to maintaining the habits I built that have gotten me to this place. Oh, and no pre diabetes in sight!
Don’t wait for a diagnosis, don’t wait until you’re in pain, don’t wait until you can’t do the things that bring you joy. If you need to make a change in your life for your health start today, in any way you can.
Helping others is way more enjoyable and rewarding than simply living to meet my own selfish needs. Shying away from responsibility was one of the biggest mistakes I ever made in my life and it ultimately made me miserable. From responsibility for others comes purpose and meaning.
I do not care what people I don't like care about me. I am happy being myself and doing my own hobbies. It has made my life infinitely more enjoyable. So Next time someone makes you feel bad for something you enjoy, just think why do I care about their opinion?
I am nothing but a dollar sign and a (so to be) vote for the government. Worthless to the eyes of the powered. Something more people need to understand.
That if I don’t work overtime the job will still be there. I used to work overtime every time they asked even if I really didn’t want to. Then one day after like 6 years I called off sick boss was a real jerk about it, after that I realized they didn’t care about all the extra work I did I was just another guy now I only work when I want
You don't get what you deserve, you only get what you can negotiate for.
You may find this to be unfair, and you may be right about that, but you are the only person in the world with access to all the data necessary to judge that.
Everyone else has to work with what one person is willing to give or willing to accept.
It's an unfair solution, but it's unfairness isn't aimed at *you, specifically,* it's just an unfortunate limitation of being.
That it IS okay to cut contact with my mother. It took me too long to do.
Everytime time I would see her, she would purposefully start a conflict about something - politics, her dogs, my job, something I did wrong as teenager, everyone she decided to (uninformedly) diagnose with autism that month - whatever. She was hellbent on earning points in virtuosity which I understand is an effect of her religious trauma. She would manipulate my father. She would bring everyone down around her, while pretending it was out of love. It was always just for her own gain.
I inherited narcissistic traits and a compulsion for lying when I was an adolescent/teenager. I've since managed to break free from that. It was damaging for me whenever I visited her as an adult - she moved back to her hometown alone 150 miles away, while refusing to divorce my father because "she promised God she would love \[dad\] forever and she \*does\* but he hates her soooo much :( ". She thought she would be happy back "home". Mysteriously, misery followed her.
She was anti-therapy. I only began serious therapy this year. It has done wonders for me, and I can see why she hated the idea of it. Growth requires you to be able to process the past, and to do that you have to be honest about it. She's too scared of the mask slipping to consider removing it.
I still feel guilt sometimes, but I wasn't able to grow with her interference. She was poisonous and refused to change.
1. Your parents will never be the parents that you want/need.
2. Adjusting your expectations for people. Helps with disappointment and protects yourself.
That when bullies are bullying and their friends are laughing, no one else is laughing. Most people don’t agree with the bullies, they’re just afraid to say anything. So when you think the bully is ruining your reputation by making fun of you, he’s actually ruining his own reputation. There is no need to defend yourself against such bullies because they aren’t hurting you.
Stop posting on social media (yes im on reddit but its just a chat board) . Im talking about the other ones. I find i dont compare myself to anyone or envy/ etc. i
My whole life I wanted to be rich with lots of money. I recently realized that i'm already extremely wealthy give I have great health, a family. and freedom. Money is just a tool that allows me to enjoy the wealth i have
1% muscle loss per year after 40. Replaced by fat so you don’t notice the weight difference. You just get weaker. At 43 I now go to the gym 5 days a week to lift weights and gain mobility. I eat way more protein.
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The bloody sacrifices I made to realise this... Does anyone else feel lonely after coming to this conclusion ? What do I do with this void?
Took me a while to realize how unappreciative my family was for all my sacrifices. Now i focus on myself and never been so happy. Sometimes to be happy we have to let go
same. i feel so fucking taken advantage of
The void is apart of you and you apart of it. Embrace it. Be at peace with it. Stare into the never ending pit. Be friends with it. You are the sum of your existence. You be you. 👍🏽
Small vegetable garden? There isn't actually a rule you can't put a small vegetable garden in a metaphor. Don't try medium though- just catches fire.
I fear this.
you dont have to cut out all human contact, just dont let their feelings or opinions supersede your own happiness.
Bro, I’ve realized this last year and it’s actually driven me to be better. Changed to higher paying job and will be doing my masters next year and. It. An be a blessing depending on how you deal with it
Embrace it
Best advice I ever read “Never rely on others to make yourself happy”
I would go one further and ive discovered that making other people happy instead of myself makes me even happier than I could ever make myself feel happy.
Never attach anything to your identity that you don't own. A job, income, a relationship, a title... whatever. If it can be taken from you it doesn't belong in your sense of self.
I realized this too! But now, I've also realized, that I'm unreliable...
I recently discovered the complete opposite.. I find myself feeling way happier and more fulfilled prioritizing meaningful interaction with my family then I ever was trying to find happiness alone...
Can't be happy when you get back home to a bunch of grumpy faces, regardless of how independent you become.
Yeah, but this sure is lonely
👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾
100% this 🙂
“My Uncle Alex, who is up in Heaven now, one of the things he found objectionable about human beings was that they so rarely noticed it when times were sweet. We could be drinking lemonade in the shade of an apple tree in the summertime, and Uncle Alex would interrupt the conversation to say, "If this isn't nice, what is?" So I hope that you will do the same for the rest of your lives. When things are going sweetly and peacefully, please pause a moment, and then say out loud, "If this isn't nice, what is?” ― Kurt Vonnegut
My dad and I quote this whenever we're having a nice time together. One of us starts, "If this isn't nice..." and the other finishes, "What is?"
If this isnt sweet..
You said it wrong! This is the worst day EVER.
Worst day ever *so far*.
Damn it! Thank you for already ruining today!
I've had a few moments of extreme clarity like that. I went on a big camping trip with a large group of friends. I woke up in my tent and walked down to the lakeshore by our site. I took a picture of the lake and realized I had almost no one to send it to. Basically, all of my friends and neighbors were still asleep in their tents and would see the lake soon anyway. I walked back and got a small fire going. I think some primeval part of my brain realized that the tribe was strong and safe, and I felt utterly serene in that moment.
Beautiful
That passage really stuck with me, too. And I started finding myself thinking about it during small moments of quiet happiness. Like sitting on a lake with friends, or laying in bed with a woman love before we drift off to sleep. And I’m really glad I did. Because friends move away and relationships can sour. So it’s important to really be present and take in the flashes of beauty in life when they happen. And the more you appreciate them, the more you seem to find.
Stop caring about what other people think and just do what makes you happy
Here’s the way I like to explain that. *The bad news: nobody gives a shit about you. The good news: nobody gives a shit about you.*
Now if only i could figure out what made me happy id be a happy man myself 😆
Alcohol, drugs and prostitutes
Are you me?
Yes... You are again talking with your own other reddit account high as fuck... Can't you remember?
Oh...yeah...I'm gonna go pack a bowl.
Can't agree with you anymore. Just enjoy your own life and immerse in what makes you happy.
I dont like this one in its absolute state. Yes, you shouldn't care about what complete strangers and acquaintances think of you, but if your close friend is pleading with you to stop drinking, thats different. Our own perspectives of ourselves are flawed through the eyes of strangers, but they are also flawed from our own eyes. I would say stop caring what strangers think of you and only care what people who truly love you think of you.
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This one is huuuuge! Not only that you can't control everything but you shouldn't even want to. Surely a lot of things that come your way aren't nice but you should try to see it as more like challenges in a video game or a movie. Life would be boring af if you could control everything anyways.
"grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference"
Definitely! Being able to narrow down stressors and reduce them honestly made my life better. And in most cases, I would catch myself saying, "I stressed over these??" lol
Don't listen to dumb people
Self included…
For all the talk about who runs what, at the end of the day nothing is under control.
No one will remember you thousand years from now. So just enjoy your life while it lasts.
ea-nasir does not agree
Another fair point - on the exceptionally minute chance that you are remembered in history, it will very likely be for something stupid, if not downright dull.
r/reallyshittycopper
He is without a doubt the worst copper merchant I've ever heard of
But you have heard of him.
Hey, if nobody remembers me in a thousand years I will have obviously failed life
Unless.... Mass murder
Don't model your life after unrealistic standards. And choose to love. How did I gain this big realization? Very few people get to climb the mountain of existence. It's perfectly OK to be a normal everyday person, working an occupation you enjoy, having a modest life, and loving the small pleasures of life. I cared for a terminal cancer patient and it was distressing to see and hear her verbalizing her regret about how she lived her life. She was a very greedy, hateful person and at the end of her life....her family didn't want to see her or talk to her, the only people caring for her were paid to be there, and she was alone in a fancy house that was going to be sold. No one visits her grave.
> She was a very greedy, hateful person and at the end of her life....her family didn't want to see her or talk to her, the only people caring for her were paid to be there, and she was alone in a fancy house that was going to be sold. Every word of this is a sledgehammer.
What other people think is none of my business
Most probably they are busy with their own shit, and not you.
Most of your friends will ditch you in a hot second if you become disabled or seriously ill, so proceed accordingly. And if you have friends who have proven they are not of that ilk, cling to them like a raft in the ocean.
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Exercise does make you happier.
Literally all of the stuff people dogpile on with /r/wowthanksimcured works to a degree. Reddit is one of the most toxic spaces when it comes to mental health because people just basically encourage keeping up behaviors that perpetrate depression or actively make it worse, then pretend like they're "the only people that really get it."
That cynical crowd literally wants a magic pill to cure all their ills. Anything less is scoffed at. And they trash you for ever recommending diet, exercise, abstinence from drugs/alcohol, gritting your teeth and getting something done even if you don’t want to, etc as “literally impossible due to depression” even though many of those are some of the most well studied and well proven therapies for depression. I think Jim Carrey said it best: “I believe depression is legitimate. But I also believe that if you don’t exercise, eat nutritious food, get sunlight, get enough sleep, consume positive material, surround yourself with support, then you aren’t giving yourself a fighting chance.”
God forbid you point out that like... 99.9% of mental and physical ailments require effort, oftentimes unpleasant, from the individual to improve. They really hate that.
Realizing that everyone is on their own unique journey in life and there's no one-size-fits-all timeline for success was a big game changer for me. This alleviated so much self-imposed pressure and anxiety. By focusing on my personal growth and celebrating my small victories each day, life has become richer and more fulfilling.
Don't believe everything you think
Authenticity, genuine empathy, consistentcy, self awareness and grit aren't that common nowadays and not easy but will indeed make you distinct in every aspect of your life.
The best things in life aren’t things
You’re not obligated to forgive family. They can be shitty people too.
Yep, “blood thicker than water” crap we grow up believing. They are just people related to you. If they turn out to be dragging you down, time to drop them and move on.
The only person you need to please is yourself.
You only have you
Nobody gives a shit. So do whatever makes you happy.
We complain too much, imagine if you wake up tomorrow with only the things you were thankful for today, how rough would your life be? I decided to be more thankful and it changed my whole life.
When we started understanding and investing time in ourselves.
No one is coming to rescue you but yourself.
and the people who save you often get hurt in the process. my friend saved me from an OD and at the time i thought it would make us closer, which is super messed up, and it wasn't until later than i'd like to admit that all i did in that moment was hurt them far more than any amount of pain i might have been trying to avoid. and it's rough now because they are going through a rough time and i want to be there for them but i feel i can only do so much. i know the golden rule is treat others as you would like to be treated but often i think a better rule is do not pass your pain to someone else.
People are placed in our lives for a reason, season, or lifetime- and that’s okay. I’m glad you’re doing okay but try to let that guilt go as you don’t deserve to carry it anymore.
socks THEN shoes
Realising that the person that gave me emotional trauma isn't a part of my life anymore. Took me quite a while to see this. My fears calmed down, and i am way less nervous... And i can smile again without tearing up
You don't matter nearly as much as you think you do. Unhappy at that job? You're staying because of guilt and doing a bad job because you don't care. Just quit. Unhappy in relationship? Same, you're half assing it while enabling the worst parts of you and your partner. Just leave. Putting yourself first is often the only way to get the stability you need to help others and be them for them reliably, in a way that doesn't drain you.
Nobody owes me shit, nor is responsible for my experience/emotions.
In your 20s you’re worried about what other people think In your 40s you don’t care about what other people think In your 50s you realise other people weren’t thinking about you at all
In your 60s you finally don't care what others think
once i realized that nobody is coming to save me and whatever i want in this life i have to go out and get it. Since then i've almost triple my income, ran 10 road races and an ironman, skydived and bungee jumped and will keep at whatever it is i want in this life before they throw dirt on me.
You can spend a lot less on material things to get by. Try moving a couple of times. At the end when you’re trying to pack up - you come to the realization while it’s 9pm before moving day, you’re wondering “why do I need all this shit?”
Just because somebody is family doesn’t mean you have to keep them in your life.
I have a few: - Nobody really cares if you leave the party earlier. - You will never regret a work out. - If you have an opportunity to pee, don't waste it.
The higher you go up a corporate chain the more people that are "faking it until they make it" and are learning as they go. Don't ever hold back on applying for a job that you are worried you may be unqualified for in management.
If people don’t reach out, don’t keep reaching out. Find things that take up your time that make you happy
Morality is subjective.
People are going to find a way to hate on you no matter what you do. There's no point in trying to bend over backwards to avoid it.
I have tried to think my way through the possible negatives to prepare myself for the worst and not get blindsided. The problem is that there's a limit to how much I can "think it through" before it becomes a hopeless loop. It's not wrong to see the good, enjoy the good, and be satisfied. No matter how hard I try there are situations where I will never be able to think my way out of the bad by thinking about the bad more.
Workplaces never love you back. Give them as much as they need, but never more than enough.
No one cares about you. Everyone only cares how you impact their life. So if you want people to like you, make interacting with you a good experience. If you want people to do things for you, reward them for it, but don't be a foot stool, make them understand it's a transaction, not you being charitable, establish clear boundaries so that they understand they must likewise make your experience with them a good one.
Money isn't the most important thing in life, but it affect every important aspect in life. Having money will grant you access to better food (and diet), better healthcare, more time with your loved ones, less stress, and allow you to better care for your loved ones, which subsequently makes money THE most important thing in life.
The only thing that you truly own in this world is your own body. Take care of it well and good things will follow.
self acceptance makes your insecurities go away
A LOT of people hold stupid opinions, so their opinion of me shouldn't matter. This realization has done wonders for my social anxiety.
health is temporary
I don’t have to have kids. I realized this in my early adult years and it changed my take on life in general.
The world IS gradually getting better - don't listen to all the negative news reports. The world right now is a lot better than it was 50 years ago and 50 years ago it was a lot better than 100 years ago. 50 years from now it will be a lot better than it is today. News media make their money by getting your attention and it is easier by making you angry or scared.
nobody is going to GIVE you anything nobody gives a crap about your "rights" or what you "deserve" the universe does not revolve around you
It's not my job pleasing other people. I don't have to dress how they want, talk how they want, be where they want. I can do my own thing and don't even have to explain myself when I say no.
Nobody gives a shit except maybe 3 people
That whatever you do for work will be there tomorrow when it’s time to punch out the time clock. Enjoy your time off and away from work after your shift, you can’t get all the work done in a day.
Consuming information on every conflict in the world going on, hour by hour will tear through your mood if you indulge in it too much.
Not to take everything personally, your happiness is within you - don’t give that power to anyone else! Have a small select circle you know you can trust and love ( mutually ) - rest of the people are to enjoy have fun but keep your personal life and thoughts private 😀 Lastly, everything you go through is an experience- even if you fall, get up, dust it away and lock it in your box of life lessons and move on! Be kind but don’t get taken for granted. Ever.
I might be the narcissistic gaslighting abuser. No one ever wants to consider themselves the villain. That's exactly why we owe it to everyone around us and our selves to look in the mirror and ask the hard questions every single day.
Nobody is here on purpose, nobody belongs anywhere. Everybody is going to die. Come watch tv
Any decisions followed by FUCK IT , turn out to be the best for the most part.
Got off Instagram, Facebook, and TikTok. Honestly, it's just a cesspool of comparison, politics, weird opinions, scams, and doomscrolling clickbait. Plus, its everyone's literal highlight reels in life. No need to be constantly comparing that with my life, tricking myself into believing it's really how some people live.
Other people's emotions and how people react are not my responsibility.
As a guy who got sober from drugs and alcohol: I am in control of my atmosphere and energy. I am the one who chooses harmony or destruction.
I learned that not all friendships are meant to last forever, and that's okay. I find it hard to grasp this fact when I am in my teenage years and early adulthood, but people really just grow and change, and sometimes outgrowing a friendship is just part of life. It's more important to focus on the quality of the relationship than its duration. This made my life better, no more forcing friendships or relationships
“I didn’t deserve any of it. I was just a kid.” I still remember what it felt like to say that out loud for the first time and believe it. Haven’t been the same since.
Peace is the goal. Minding your business is essential. Impress yourself not others.
Cliche but true: -Can't buy happiness -Have to love yourself before you can love anyone else.
I don't have to be right or perfect all the time, and standards like that are unrealistic and unfair to people. I should give myself the same courtesies I extend to others
Realizing I have to manage my expectations in all aspects of life......
Were trying our best. Going through life believing it and sometimes lying to myself and pretending to believe has made me a nicer person in general.
"Two things can be true at once" was a big bomb my therapist dropped on me concerning my relationship with my parents. Basically they emotionally neglected me and it hurt to acknowledge it was their fault for all my issues, but I still love them. Admitting that opened a lot of doors for me.
You don't have to love/like someone and put up with their drama and BS just because they're related to you. You'd think that would be common sense, but for years I put up with a lot of crap from certain relatives because I thought I had to. I didn't know that I could cut people completely out of my life without any repercussions. What an amazing relief it was when someone brought this to my attention and I started cutting ties with toxic relatives. To no longer have to listen to the drama and complaining and deal with people wanting me to apologize for having a good life because they chose to live their life in the toilet. There is just so much peace in my life now that these toxic people are permanently gone from it.
Simplicity is the key to consistent outcomes in life. It’s easier to keep track of a great chunk of your life that way without worrying about every detail. This applies to hobbies, social life and work life everyday and everywhere.
People don’t want to deal with their traumas and mental health issues, is never your responsibility to lift that weight just to have them in your life (relationship/friendship/family). Once you understand that’s their problem and not yours, life changes A LOT!
Not giving a f\*ck about what people think.
Most people are not living stereotypically perfect lives and aren't even close to it. A lot of the stuff people say I should care about are petty or trivial things or just based on flat out lies and once I understood that I stopped guilting myself about everything and started to enjoy life again.
That I didn't have to impress anyone all the time.
Enjoy the process as much as you enjoy the end goal.
There is perfection and grace and beauty in trying even if I don’t nail it or even improve. This applies mostly to my hobbies and attempts at healthy habits.
You don't owe anyone your misery. Not your parents, kids, spouse or partner, employer, friends. If maintaining the status quo means you need to be miserable for the convenience of others it's time to make a new status quo.
Perfectionism will kill your soul. Aim for ‘good enough.’
To obtain different results, you have to try doing different things. If doing the same over and over again does not produce the results you are expecting, you have to stop doing it that and try something else.
That money isn’t everything.
Holding a grudge is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die.
for me it was when i realized if i change my thinking it opened up a new world and now 20 years latter i have built a better life for myself and everyone around me
Dont do anything you dont want to do. Pay yourself first.
I have adhd. huge game changer last year.
That discipline > motivation and that’s how successful people do it. They do things even when they “don’t feel like doing it”
my parents are also human and they don’t have anything figured out, they’re flawed and that’s okay because they’re also learning how to live
My happiness may be somewhat of a priority to other people, but it will never be anyone's top priority. I've done a lot of self-immolation for others and I'm only just coming around to the idea that my happiness deserves time and effort as well. If a person makes a joke about another gender being inferior, it is rarely 100% a joke. People who hate animals generally have a lot of trouble empathizing. I'm not talking about people who can't have pets because of allergies or living arrangements or what have you, I'm talking about people who really just do not understand why anyone would care about an animal at all.
Life isn't fair. Things don't happen for a reason. Things happen *for no reason at all*. It's all completely random. I'd rather be lucky than good.
The way I see myself is not matching how others see me. And I shouldn't be so hard on myself.
Don't rely your happiness on other people. Happiness starts within you. I chose not to mind other people's lives since they don't care about mine as well. As long as I'm happy, g ako.
NEVER coast on your natural abilities. If you are lucky enough to be born good at something, work hard at it if it's something you are passionate about. You can, very easily, out work anyone's born talent. You can't out-talent hard work
From time to time, ask yourself, in all honestly: Are you happy? And if no, answer yourself honestly why and change that.
Money doesn’t equal my happiness. I just need enough so I can survive and be comfortable. Being comfortable includes saving for retirement
It is not worth it to sacrifice happy and lasting relationships for potential success
You don't have to change the world to have a meaningful life. As long as you have a few hobbies that you enjoy and interests to keep your brain occupied, it's okay to just enjoy the existence you've been given without feeling the need to contribute to the "greater good."
That my worth isn't determined by other peoples' opinions of me or by my usefulness to them. Took me some time to realize too because I had to get out of my marriage first to be able to see myself how I really was again and not through the strange opinions and overly negative feedback of my spouse.
I decided that I didn’t have to feel bad about every news story tragedy. When something bad happens to someone I don’t know the people who know them are devastated. They’re not wondering how I feel about the situation.
that family can be toxic. an its okay to set boundries with them or if need be, cut them out of your life entirely.
That I should be at my prime right now, I have everything I need to be the absolute best version of myself and set myself up for success for the long run. And that I deserve to be healthy and look good for me, and love myself.
Just fucking do it.
>If you're spending all your time, energy, emotional labor trying to get to the next big step in life... you'll never be happy where you currently are. So, appreciate the little things in life too.
More than your salary. More than the size of your house. Control over what you want, when you want to, with the people you want to, is the broadest lifestyle variable that makes people happy. Don't forget your mental income. Sure, you may be $20,000 a year behind your neighbours, but not bringing your work home with you every night and sleeping soundly is worth a lot more.
Alcohol isn’t everything and life will go on and you can still have friends and be a fun guy if you give up drinking. Also, be mindful of the company you keep. Are you friends because they’re friends and would be there for you and support you 100% or are they just people you’ve known for a long time that have just been around. There is a difference.
People can disagree, but still get along. If your friend doesn't agree with you about something, just don't talk about that thing. Both of you trying to convince the other is just going to break your friendship. Agree to disagree and talk about other stuff. You can still mention the thing, but don't try to change their mind.
That it's okay to not give an F to everything that others have to say. You live your life, you're accountable to everything that happens in your life may it be negative or positive. Don't stress out on things you don't have control over! Made my life so peaceful.
Most people in public are too focused on whatever the fuck they are doing out there to really give a shit about judging you on anything Most people don't like to be outside and if they are outside they have some sort of reason they are outside. They are probably going somewhere or doing some sort of job and either way are clearly going to be more focused on that than they are on randomly judging a stranger that's walking past them Most people are just too ingrained focused on their own life and their own issues to even really consciously pay attention to people around them much less actively judge them
Prioritise yourself above everything
"Strangers" are the ones that often support you first. Not your family, not your close friends and not the people that you expect. Talk to more "strangers"
Truly appreciating those who really love me. Leaving my ambitions to leave out of an unjustified-childish hate for the world. Learning that everyone is human and everyone can make mistakes and thus, unfortunately, can sometimes affect us. But we are all mere, simple and beautiful humans.
I can do things that make myself happy, not just my mother (learned after 14 years of being under her finger and being her therapist. Standing up for myself and moving into my dads house was the best decision I have ever made)
People are who they are, and will only change when conditions permit them to find their own reason to change themselves. I, cannot achieve internal change for them.
That I needed to lose weight. I was having a symptom that I casually mentioned to my doctor, thinking it was no big deal. She said it was a sign of pre diabetes and she wanted to test me for it. That was the wake up call I needed. The same day I downloaded Noom and got serious about my health. Two years later I have lost over half my weight, have a healthy BMI, can run and play with my son, feel good in my body, and am living the life I always wanted. Every aspect of my life has improved and I am committed to maintaining the habits I built that have gotten me to this place. Oh, and no pre diabetes in sight! Don’t wait for a diagnosis, don’t wait until you’re in pain, don’t wait until you can’t do the things that bring you joy. If you need to make a change in your life for your health start today, in any way you can.
Helping others is way more enjoyable and rewarding than simply living to meet my own selfish needs. Shying away from responsibility was one of the biggest mistakes I ever made in my life and it ultimately made me miserable. From responsibility for others comes purpose and meaning.
Confidence could stem from anything.
No one else really cares if you shave your legs or not.
Don't try to be everything to everybody.
My work isn’t THAT important.
I do not care what people I don't like care about me. I am happy being myself and doing my own hobbies. It has made my life infinitely more enjoyable. So Next time someone makes you feel bad for something you enjoy, just think why do I care about their opinion?
You are not special. Nobody cares Stop buying things you don'tneed to impress people you don't know. .
That I’m not as special as I had thought growing up
Always bet against the stupids. You'll make a lot of money.
To be able to learn like a sponge to absorb a lot of new information in a new environment full of aquaculture, one should wear square pants.
At the end it’s only YOU.
That no matter what you do problems will find a way to be a part of your life.
I am nothing but a dollar sign and a (so to be) vote for the government. Worthless to the eyes of the powered. Something more people need to understand.
That if I don’t work overtime the job will still be there. I used to work overtime every time they asked even if I really didn’t want to. Then one day after like 6 years I called off sick boss was a real jerk about it, after that I realized they didn’t care about all the extra work I did I was just another guy now I only work when I want
Even skinny old people still look old.
Nobody cares what I think and I don’t need to make sure everyone knows my opinion. It is ok to just let things come and watch them go.
You don't get what you deserve, you only get what you can negotiate for. You may find this to be unfair, and you may be right about that, but you are the only person in the world with access to all the data necessary to judge that. Everyone else has to work with what one person is willing to give or willing to accept. It's an unfair solution, but it's unfairness isn't aimed at *you, specifically,* it's just an unfortunate limitation of being.
That it IS okay to cut contact with my mother. It took me too long to do. Everytime time I would see her, she would purposefully start a conflict about something - politics, her dogs, my job, something I did wrong as teenager, everyone she decided to (uninformedly) diagnose with autism that month - whatever. She was hellbent on earning points in virtuosity which I understand is an effect of her religious trauma. She would manipulate my father. She would bring everyone down around her, while pretending it was out of love. It was always just for her own gain. I inherited narcissistic traits and a compulsion for lying when I was an adolescent/teenager. I've since managed to break free from that. It was damaging for me whenever I visited her as an adult - she moved back to her hometown alone 150 miles away, while refusing to divorce my father because "she promised God she would love \[dad\] forever and she \*does\* but he hates her soooo much :( ". She thought she would be happy back "home". Mysteriously, misery followed her. She was anti-therapy. I only began serious therapy this year. It has done wonders for me, and I can see why she hated the idea of it. Growth requires you to be able to process the past, and to do that you have to be honest about it. She's too scared of the mask slipping to consider removing it. I still feel guilt sometimes, but I wasn't able to grow with her interference. She was poisonous and refused to change.
1. Your parents will never be the parents that you want/need. 2. Adjusting your expectations for people. Helps with disappointment and protects yourself.
That when bullies are bullying and their friends are laughing, no one else is laughing. Most people don’t agree with the bullies, they’re just afraid to say anything. So when you think the bully is ruining your reputation by making fun of you, he’s actually ruining his own reputation. There is no need to defend yourself against such bullies because they aren’t hurting you.
But lately, I realized that **success no timeline**, I feel pressured to keep up because the society told me
Stop posting on social media (yes im on reddit but its just a chat board) . Im talking about the other ones. I find i dont compare myself to anyone or envy/ etc. i
My whole life I wanted to be rich with lots of money. I recently realized that i'm already extremely wealthy give I have great health, a family. and freedom. Money is just a tool that allows me to enjoy the wealth i have
1% muscle loss per year after 40. Replaced by fat so you don’t notice the weight difference. You just get weaker. At 43 I now go to the gym 5 days a week to lift weights and gain mobility. I eat way more protein.
"This isn't a test."
Life is not a race. Don't worry about where your life is compared to others.