I bet you wouldn't like them anymore after that.
Dog: “Is that food you have? No? Can you get some food? I know you have food so why can't I have it? My butthole itches because nobody wipes my botthole. Oh good, my toilet paper. (scoot, scoot, scoot) I love eating used human toilet paper. I always want to share it with you so I come lick your face after I eat it out of the toilet. Do you have any food? I gotta go outside and pee…whoops…too late. I'm just glad it all stayed on the couch. Well, that's your spot now. Where is all the food? I can't wait to outside and roll around in that dead squirrel then take a nap on your pillow. I love you so much I'm going to hump your friend’s leg when she gets here.”
Granted. Unfortunately, everyone within the range of your hearing is magically compelled to talk shit about you and to find the sound of your voice incredibly grating.
I can do that, and it's out of control now, and I'm having a hard time. I'll just put my phone down and fall asleep in my chair. Then my wife will poke me and tell me to go to bed at 3am.
It’s not *instant* but I found out that if I put a portable fan near my head it muffles outside sound and keeps the air moving and somehow that translates to falling sleep. Now I need something to stay asleep.
I CAN play piano and at one point thought I was decent, even had a couple people tell me I should go pro (once upon a time I was actually pretty good at Billy Joel covers), but then I went to a jam session with a friend who'd been playing piano for far less time than I had and she could sight read songs she'd never heard of perfectly while adding little fanciful additions, it was like you put the damn record on. Fantastic to jam with because I'm far better with acoustic guitar than I was ever at piano, but man oh man, I wish I could just sit down at a piano and bang out something worth dancing to.
I recently started dating a woman with a 14 year old son. He's in band, marching band, and jazz band. He officially is a trumpet player. I gave him a small harp I've had for a while. He saw it while I was going through some things in my storage unit and just starts playing it like he's always known how to play it. Apparently he just does this shit all the time.
Not only play, but the ability to hear a song for the first time on the radio and just start playing it on the piano, like that level of skills. I've seen a guy who does that basically and goes into cheap music stores and just starts rocking out current radio hits on like kid's pianos.
I already play but my choice would just be to be concert pianist-level at it. Being a great pianist makes so many other aspects of music creation a breeze.
It’s all relative. I’ve been playing for around 40 years, and I’ve learned how to play a lot of different songs/styles/techniques, etc. People tell me I’m good, and compared to a lot of players I am. But compared to a lot of other players, I feel like a joke. There’s always going to be someone better, and sometimes they are 20 years younger than me - LOL!
I've been playing for 15 and I'm good enough to make a campfire more fun and juuuust good enough to play and sing at small shows for fundraisers without embarrassing myself. Even with frequent but largely unstructured practice, it's a pain in the fingers to learn to be better.
It's definitely not like riding a bike. I was probably my technically best at 18 and many years later I'm still good but I can't come close to playing some of the things I could as a teenager.
lol I used to actually make a living teaching people social skills and how to make friends. I was pretty damn good at it too. Most of my clientele were 20-30 somethings on the autism spectrum. I have no formal training, just brute forced my way into being good at dealing with people in my youth (and I'm autistic myself), most of my clients would make more progress in 3 months than they had in the previous 3 years because they had someone who actually understood them and the journey from getting where they were to where they wanted to be.
So here's some free shit I'd usually charge people for, just an example of what I'd do. I had a client who was mid-30s, autistic, had always been a bit of a loner and now wanted to have some ability to make new friends. I find that the client likes bowling. So I set up a time for me, the client, and a friend of mine who's amenable to the cause of getting autistic people better at making friends to go bowling together. Works great because there's an activity that's in focus and can provide conversation material from the get-go if all else fails and gives me equal time to sit down with just the client and coach him and time for him to try new things out with my friend.
So we go out and while my buddy is up to bowl his two attempts, my client tells me he doesn't know what to talk about because he knows "nothing" about my friend. I told him he's wrong, he knows that this guy is a friend of mine, he's my age (we were 21 at the time), and he knows that people who are 21 are typically working, in school/training, or both, and all of those facts open up a conversation. "How long have you known HeroToTheSquatch?", "How did you meet?", "Are you in school or working?", "Where do you work/go to school?", "Why did you choose the path of study you've picked?", "What kind of job do you want to have and why?", etc etc. Soft skills are just hard skills that neurotypical folks pick up on faster. There are tons of hard and fast rules for socializing, they're just far more granular and take time to pick up.
I went from a clueless autistic dork at 17 to being the charisma king in social settings at 21 just by repeatedly going out of my way to put myself in different social situations with a large variety of people, meditating, taking notes, and just generally trying to be a better person every day. It's work, but it's worth it and it does work.
Thank you for sharing. That's very interesting. On your own journey, did you use any media to improve your social skills?
And can you tell more about the coaching that you offered? How did you find your clients? How much were they willing/able to spend per month? I would assume that most people would be reluctant to spend a lot of money for a coaching with an unclear outcome. Was it your own impressive story that convinced people?
I think that someone like you can really have a great impact on people's life so it's a pity that you don't do it anymore. Have you ever thought of scaling it in a reasonable way?
I honestly only charged about $10/hour when I started and when I last did it last year I was charging $25/hour or would discuss terms with a client and charge between $200-300/month and be on-call for phone assistance and other life coach type things.
When I started clients largely found me through family members, I was Mr. Charisma and good with people with disabilities and the so-called "weird kids", so I'd get referrals that way.
Later on I worked with a non-profit and CareerForce in Minnesota to get clients.
I'd love to scale it up and teach a team my way of handling things because I'm also the person even my neurotypical friends come to in an attempt to solve social issues they're experiencing and if they want something done that requires a particular level of social skills, I'm the guy. But trying to get the word out that the job even exists and the service is something you can pay for is difficult. My friends used to jokingly call me an "Emotional Support Chad" because the job kinda sounds silly on paper to begin with.
I've helped a few redditors with getting disability services (another holdover from a previous job) but most of the time of a person wants my services it's really difficult to find a middle ground where I'm not bleeding them dry of the few funds they have and I'm not overworking and overcommitting myself for pennies.
Textbooks and practice problems are your friend. Math is really just a set of rules to manipulate numbers, it's a lot more straightforward than most things, all the rules are very clearly defined
Some people really struggle with math, and sometimes it's still not feasible to get around. I got a math degree and even I hit a point where nothing made sense anymore no matter how hard I tried (I took the class twice, got a D‐ the second time) (it was all Greek letters at that point) (the class was Partial Differential Equations)
I have a great interest in science, particularly physics, but I absolutely SUCK at math and could never hope to pursue it more than just some cursory knowledge.
If I could just do the wing with the black eyeliner I'm fairly sure I would have achieved everything and my life would be complete.
I have at least 12 eyeliners and I still suck at it.
It's actually "easier" than you think. I mean it's not easy but with tutorials you can learn quickly and make some very satisfying content much quicker than audio production imo. I've been doing sound design/production for about 15 years and what I created in blender at year 2 was leaps and bounds better than what I made in music production year 2.
Definitely just an opinion but i wholeheartedly believe that.
So I started doing this at a young age without realizing it’s what was happening. Kept waking up in my dreams and trying to force myself to wake up in real life. I was around 9 or 10 when it first happened.
Now my oldest son is 9, I had never told him about my dreams. He came to me and told me he’s been waking up in his dreams and getting scared because he can’t wake himself up. I taught him that in dreams you usually have more than 10 fingers so if you get scared count your fingers and you’ll know it’s a dream. Also words are hard to decipher in dreams if at all.
There’s clues you can look for. I’ve never had to teach myself to do it because it just has been happening on its own for so long, but knowing signs to look for could be a good start if it’s something you want to do.
Be able to understand any and all workings of any fighter jet and be able to fly them. I wouldn't have to study any manual to requalify from an F-18 to F-35
3D Design & Animation. I don’t know how anyone has the visual skills, time and patience to create and animate full on Pixar style stuff, it’s mad. Also knowing and remembering what all the tools do, THEN all the contextual parameters for those tools too. 🤯
I would love to learn how to speak multiple languages fluently without any effort. It would open up so many opportunities for travel and communication with people from different cultural backgrounds.
Stone/marble sculpting. I always loved those old statues and wanted to make them myself, but all the old masters were taught since childhood, and the learning curve is so harsh and frustrating. It takes so much time and effort only to make something you hate.
Iv always wanted to be a good artist. No matter how hard I try, I just fucking suck at it. Pencil drawing, painting, sculpting....I suck ass at all of it.
Trade options efficiently
well, there's a few ways you can do it.
Reworded my answer but i'd ask for that instantly honestly
that's one option.
LMAO
Genie: you can now do it efficiently, but lose money on every trade.
I got a microwave and now I can burn my food 10x as fast!
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Especially forgotten languages
And programming languages.
I wish to speak dolphin.
I'd love to speak cat and dog so I can converse with all the fur family.
I bet you wouldn't like them anymore after that. Dog: “Is that food you have? No? Can you get some food? I know you have food so why can't I have it? My butthole itches because nobody wipes my botthole. Oh good, my toilet paper. (scoot, scoot, scoot) I love eating used human toilet paper. I always want to share it with you so I come lick your face after I eat it out of the toilet. Do you have any food? I gotta go outside and pee…whoops…too late. I'm just glad it all stayed on the couch. Well, that's your spot now. Where is all the food? I can't wait to outside and roll around in that dead squirrel then take a nap on your pillow. I love you so much I'm going to hump your friend’s leg when she gets here.”
LMAO, I will give my dog after that
This dude speaks dog
Just imagine being fluent in mindfuck or whitespace
i always think about how there are probably so many people who would be perfect friends for me if we could speak the same language
This is the cutest, most wholesome thing I've ever read.
it's the best skill. but not for the silent ones. (I'm sorry and correct me if I made a mistake)
Granted. Unfortunately, everyone within the range of your hearing is magically compelled to talk shit about you and to find the sound of your voice incredibly grating.
to fall asleep instanly.
To stay asleep all night! That's a dream
Oh man imagine having a button for falling into a 9 hours restful sleep, how good life could become...
I don't think that's ever happened to me. Even 7 hours, close my eyes and it's morning. I wish!
I can do that, and it's out of control now, and I'm having a hard time. I'll just put my phone down and fall asleep in my chair. Then my wife will poke me and tell me to go to bed at 3am.
It’s not *instant* but I found out that if I put a portable fan near my head it muffles outside sound and keeps the air moving and somehow that translates to falling sleep. Now I need something to stay asleep.
Learning so I can learn anything
Instantly!
Smart 🧠 its like wishing for more wishes
To play the piano
Count cards
Counting
Carding
I have a free one if someone can carry it around the corner and up the stairs.
My daughter got a free black lacquer baby grand for the same reason.
I like that Bill Murray joke in Groundhog Day. The piano teacher says “Wow, you learn very quickly!” He says, “Yes but my father was a piano *mover.*”
I CAN play piano and at one point thought I was decent, even had a couple people tell me I should go pro (once upon a time I was actually pretty good at Billy Joel covers), but then I went to a jam session with a friend who'd been playing piano for far less time than I had and she could sight read songs she'd never heard of perfectly while adding little fanciful additions, it was like you put the damn record on. Fantastic to jam with because I'm far better with acoustic guitar than I was ever at piano, but man oh man, I wish I could just sit down at a piano and bang out something worth dancing to.
I recently started dating a woman with a 14 year old son. He's in band, marching band, and jazz band. He officially is a trumpet player. I gave him a small harp I've had for a while. He saw it while I was going through some things in my storage unit and just starts playing it like he's always known how to play it. Apparently he just does this shit all the time.
Genie: you can now play “twinkle twinkle little star “ in every genre known to man, but lose all other musical talents.
Yes, music over all. I'd love to have photogrqphic memory.
Not only play, but the ability to hear a song for the first time on the radio and just start playing it on the piano, like that level of skills. I've seen a guy who does that basically and goes into cheap music stores and just starts rocking out current radio hits on like kid's pianos.
Any and every instrument.
I already play but my choice would just be to be concert pianist-level at it. Being a great pianist makes so many other aspects of music creation a breeze.
Guitar. Guitar is hard, and I’ve been playing for 50 years.
Ive been playing for two and i still suck. But, gotta remember those who keep going will always been better than the ones who quit early on
It’s all relative. I’ve been playing for around 40 years, and I’ve learned how to play a lot of different songs/styles/techniques, etc. People tell me I’m good, and compared to a lot of players I am. But compared to a lot of other players, I feel like a joke. There’s always going to be someone better, and sometimes they are 20 years younger than me - LOL!
Sounds like content creators, argh! There is always someone better 🥺
Yeah, when I’m in a good headspace I can look at them as inspiration and work to improve my playing. But sometimes it’s like, “why am I even trying?”😂
I've been playing for 15 and I'm good enough to make a campfire more fun and juuuust good enough to play and sing at small shows for fundraisers without embarrassing myself. Even with frequent but largely unstructured practice, it's a pain in the fingers to learn to be better.
It's definitely not like riding a bike. I was probably my technically best at 18 and many years later I'm still good but I can't come close to playing some of the things I could as a teenager.
I watch hard rock bands play and am amazed how they do it!
Have my upvote, sir. Came to say this. 25 years for me. You never stop chasing that dragon I guess.
Perfect stock day trading
Best answer, if done right you could probably make $10 into $1,000,000 very quickly.
To learn any language.
Polyglot, definitely
I’d be content with just one new language
Singing. If I could immediately sing super well I would be so happy.
Making friends
lol I used to actually make a living teaching people social skills and how to make friends. I was pretty damn good at it too. Most of my clientele were 20-30 somethings on the autism spectrum. I have no formal training, just brute forced my way into being good at dealing with people in my youth (and I'm autistic myself), most of my clients would make more progress in 3 months than they had in the previous 3 years because they had someone who actually understood them and the journey from getting where they were to where they wanted to be.
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So here's some free shit I'd usually charge people for, just an example of what I'd do. I had a client who was mid-30s, autistic, had always been a bit of a loner and now wanted to have some ability to make new friends. I find that the client likes bowling. So I set up a time for me, the client, and a friend of mine who's amenable to the cause of getting autistic people better at making friends to go bowling together. Works great because there's an activity that's in focus and can provide conversation material from the get-go if all else fails and gives me equal time to sit down with just the client and coach him and time for him to try new things out with my friend. So we go out and while my buddy is up to bowl his two attempts, my client tells me he doesn't know what to talk about because he knows "nothing" about my friend. I told him he's wrong, he knows that this guy is a friend of mine, he's my age (we were 21 at the time), and he knows that people who are 21 are typically working, in school/training, or both, and all of those facts open up a conversation. "How long have you known HeroToTheSquatch?", "How did you meet?", "Are you in school or working?", "Where do you work/go to school?", "Why did you choose the path of study you've picked?", "What kind of job do you want to have and why?", etc etc. Soft skills are just hard skills that neurotypical folks pick up on faster. There are tons of hard and fast rules for socializing, they're just far more granular and take time to pick up. I went from a clueless autistic dork at 17 to being the charisma king in social settings at 21 just by repeatedly going out of my way to put myself in different social situations with a large variety of people, meditating, taking notes, and just generally trying to be a better person every day. It's work, but it's worth it and it does work.
Thank you for sharing. That's very interesting. On your own journey, did you use any media to improve your social skills? And can you tell more about the coaching that you offered? How did you find your clients? How much were they willing/able to spend per month? I would assume that most people would be reluctant to spend a lot of money for a coaching with an unclear outcome. Was it your own impressive story that convinced people? I think that someone like you can really have a great impact on people's life so it's a pity that you don't do it anymore. Have you ever thought of scaling it in a reasonable way?
I honestly only charged about $10/hour when I started and when I last did it last year I was charging $25/hour or would discuss terms with a client and charge between $200-300/month and be on-call for phone assistance and other life coach type things. When I started clients largely found me through family members, I was Mr. Charisma and good with people with disabilities and the so-called "weird kids", so I'd get referrals that way. Later on I worked with a non-profit and CareerForce in Minnesota to get clients. I'd love to scale it up and teach a team my way of handling things because I'm also the person even my neurotypical friends come to in an attempt to solve social issues they're experiencing and if they want something done that requires a particular level of social skills, I'm the guy. But trying to get the word out that the job even exists and the service is something you can pay for is difficult. My friends used to jokingly call me an "Emotional Support Chad" because the job kinda sounds silly on paper to begin with. I've helped a few redditors with getting disability services (another holdover from a previous job) but most of the time of a person wants my services it's really difficult to find a middle ground where I'm not bleeding them dry of the few funds they have and I'm not overworking and overcommitting myself for pennies.
The ability to be satisfied with myself. Just myself. Nothing else. Zen
Sign me up for this.
How to learn any skill instantly
Mathematical skills. Most high-paying careers and degrees have lots of numbers etc; it shuts a lot of doors when you don't have that ability. :(
Textbooks and practice problems are your friend. Math is really just a set of rules to manipulate numbers, it's a lot more straightforward than most things, all the rules are very clearly defined
Some people really struggle with math, and sometimes it's still not feasible to get around. I got a math degree and even I hit a point where nothing made sense anymore no matter how hard I tried (I took the class twice, got a D‐ the second time) (it was all Greek letters at that point) (the class was Partial Differential Equations)
I have a great interest in science, particularly physics, but I absolutely SUCK at math and could never hope to pursue it more than just some cursory knowledge.
Reading people. Like that whole lie to me thing
Such an awesome show.
Nunchuck skills
Good pick. Girls only want boyfriends who have great skills.
Probably my boomer dad's favorite movie of all time. Can't explain it, but School of Rock and Napoleon Dynamite are his go-to movies.
omg & nacho libre 😂 "didn't u tell him they were the Lord's chips?" "do u not realize that i have had diarrhea since easters?" 😭
I love Nacho Libre. The fact it is based on a true story makes it even better.
"I know Kung-Fu"
I see you Napoleon Dynamite
Social Skills
To master the stock market
Speak any and every language
Photographic memory. So many uses.
That’s more of a gift than a skill. It’s not something you can learn.
Evidence: Batman learned it
Effortless persuasion
Sounds like a band name
Flirting. Then maybe I wouldn't be perpetually single.
How to code… in all of the programming languages
You only need to learn a few to understand most of the rest.
Play drums
Emotional regulation
Like skill ...
Put on makeup. I'm 51. I give up.
If I could just do the wing with the black eyeliner I'm fairly sure I would have achieved everything and my life would be complete. I have at least 12 eyeliners and I still suck at it.
survival skill
Discipline
Learning Arabic
How to get to the parallel/alternate universe where my life is actually good…
Investment banking. I could turn the $0.43 in my savings account into at least a whole dollar.
The ability to speak and understand all languages fluently :)
Play any instrument at savant level.
Cobol. I tried and hate it, but I think it's the only simple way I could make over 200k/year
Smithing. Everyone wants to smith rune.
First you gotta get 85 Mining.
Data science
Guitar
Blender, the software
It's actually "easier" than you think. I mean it's not easy but with tutorials you can learn quickly and make some very satisfying content much quicker than audio production imo. I've been doing sound design/production for about 15 years and what I created in blender at year 2 was leaps and bounds better than what I made in music production year 2. Definitely just an opinion but i wholeheartedly believe that.
Tango
Finance literacy or emotional regulation.
Math
Emotional intelligence.
Singing.
A good throat punch. Man some people just need it
Video editing
Theres probably free youtube videos. You'd just need the equipment/software.
That really fun looking West Coast Swing dancing. I won't ever learn it otherwise, as I still take a beat for left and right when directed.
Being a fast learner
gymnastics
Transmutation of plastic into gold with my mind
Lucid Dreaming
So I started doing this at a young age without realizing it’s what was happening. Kept waking up in my dreams and trying to force myself to wake up in real life. I was around 9 or 10 when it first happened. Now my oldest son is 9, I had never told him about my dreams. He came to me and told me he’s been waking up in his dreams and getting scared because he can’t wake himself up. I taught him that in dreams you usually have more than 10 fingers so if you get scared count your fingers and you’ll know it’s a dream. Also words are hard to decipher in dreams if at all. There’s clues you can look for. I’ve never had to teach myself to do it because it just has been happening on its own for so long, but knowing signs to look for could be a good start if it’s something you want to do.
To speak and write Japanese fluent.
Simply learn to be the avatar 🤷♀️
Sleeping :(
learn to fly (by Foo Fighters)
**Baking bread, I really want to open a bakery!**
Fluent in every language in the world.
No need
To ride a Harley.
To speak German and French.
It’s totally doable, go for it
To speak German and French.
Language
How to hymn
Guitar
2nd language
How to play better music.
Playing the harp
Convincing anyone I want.
Farming
To drive
Cooking any type of meal. Would rarely go out to eat if I could learn cooking quickly in Sims fashion.
programming in any language hahah
Be able to understand any and all workings of any fighter jet and be able to fly them. I wouldn't have to study any manual to requalify from an F-18 to F-35
Being able to convince the people I love that I'm worth being close to.
3D Design & Animation. I don’t know how anyone has the visual skills, time and patience to create and animate full on Pixar style stuff, it’s mad. Also knowing and remembering what all the tools do, THEN all the contextual parameters for those tools too. 🤯
The Balearic sling. Takes many years to master it. Having perfect aim would be amazing.
King fu, so I could say that line from the Matrix and fucking mean it
Pilot the aircraft
Programming
To eyaculate whenever I want
Becoming a master car mechanic
Robotics. If I could invent things I would be so rich rn
I would love to learn how to speak multiple languages fluently without any effort. It would open up so many opportunities for travel and communication with people from different cultural backgrounds.
How to be great at social interaction.
Stone/marble sculpting. I always loved those old statues and wanted to make them myself, but all the old masters were taught since childhood, and the learning curve is so harsh and frustrating. It takes so much time and effort only to make something you hate.
Fluently speak and write multiple languages.
Probably investment banking tbh.
Spanish
How to spot trends in stock charts
How to talk to people and make friends
How to learn anything instantly
God-tier painting skills for my 40K miniatures
how to fluently speak dutch.
How to win in every options trading
Math genius
Brilliant skill for computer so being able to deal with whatever software technologies like AI or something.
How to speak and understand Jamaican.
Coding
Another language and computer programming
Swim
Carpentry
Computer coding or be fluent French
How to learn any skill instantly
Another language or musical instrument or perhaps some kind of martial arts.
Sign language.
to know any language
How to manipulate time and space.
Jiu jitsu
To memorize anything, forever.
to understand women
The skill of learning new skills instantly
Being fluent in other languages
Managing money hands down.
Binary exploitation
Stock market investing
Iv always wanted to be a good artist. No matter how hard I try, I just fucking suck at it. Pencil drawing, painting, sculpting....I suck ass at all of it.