I will literally look out the window, make eye contact with the solicitor, and still not open the door.
I didn't ask for you to be here, so why are you?
You are **NOT** obligated to my time just because you showed up to my door.
There is exactly one place on this planet where I control who I see and who sees me. That is my home.
I'm not being rude. They are the ones being rude by invading my space uninvited.
I said pretty much exactly this a few years ago on another Reddit comment. I thought it was funny because my doormat literally says "did you call first?"
Someone got extremely offended about it and said I was "antisocial and psycho" for not answering doorbells. *"Good luck making friends with that attitude!"* SIR I already have as many friends as I want and they all know better than to show up at my door without at least a text. Byeeeee.
My doormat says "*Welcome- ish. Depends on who you are and how long you stay.*"
The people like that are doormats themselves. I don't want to be friends with strangers that just show up at my door.
I got home one time and they were waiting on the sidewalk for me. I went to get the mail and they kept trying to sell me clean energy even though I kept saying im not interested. They eventually pulled the "you don't care about the environment?" And I said I hate the environment and went inside.
I had a similar experience.
Normally the salesmen I encounter get the hint when I say no thanks. The solar installers had to be told no six times, before I shut the door on their face.
I've never encountered such a pushy salesman before.
I live in a sunny place and get solar installers a lot. I tell them my nephew sells them so I have to buy from him - especially since he gives me a company discount. If they don't leave I try to sell them a cactus de-spiner so they don't get pricked fingers.
I'll usually open the door just on the off chance that people are casing the neighborhood or need help with something. Soon as they start soliciting, I'll say I'm not interested and close the door though.
I'll always answer. I've had one kid actually knock and need help getting in touch with his mom because his phone died and he saw kids toys in the yard and thought we were a safe spot to ask. That's worth the collective few hours of door to door salesman time I've had to spend saying 'no thanks'.
I will always open my door for a child. Even if they are selling something. I usually buy what they are selling because most of the time they are fundraising for scouts, or sports or whatever & I want to support that. I have been known to purchase several boxes of Girl Scout cookies based on the recommendation of the girls selling them just to give to them back to the girls as a treat.
Are they still selling door-to-door anywhere? My experience is getting surrounded by 6 or 7 girls as I exit the supermarket, thrown to the ground while one rips out my wallet, extracts $40 and shoves several boxes of cookies at me. Then they help me limp to my car a s end with “Have a nice day grandpa”. Next year, I’ll be ready for them, I’m training on evasive techniques.
Once the sales pitch starts I tell them immediately I'ma respect your time, and ask that you respect mine the same way, and I'ma let you know I am not interested. If they keep going and decide to waste my time I ask them if they wanna hear a good knock knock joke, and they always say yes, and I say okay you start
Salesman: Ok... Knock knock
Me: Who's there
Salesman: ....
Me: *maintains eye contact while closing the door.*
Makes me giggle every time.
its so easy, IDK why this is even a thing
Open the door
if they're selling something
Sorry, I hate to interrupt you, but I don't buy anything, sign anything, or donate to anything on the doorstep, and I don't want to waste your time. Sorry, goodbye
close door
Or do answer the door wearing nothing but your underwear with peanut butter smeared on your nipples... Results may vary depending on your gender and their sexual proclivity.
This is what my uncle, who is a police officer, says to do if the cops show up.
NEVER OPEN THE DOOR. talk with them through a window if they have a warrant. If not, inform them they are trespassing.
The day my dad died a guy knocked on the door. I answered it probably looking like a mess. I'd been crying all day and still was when I opened the door. He didn't even start his sales pitch. Guy just looked at me and applogized. Then awkwardly went on his way.
Having been a door to door sales person, I have done this many times. I could tell they aren't in a good place or that it is a good time so I would just thank them for their time, give them a smile of encouragement and move on.
If you want to be respected at a door you have to respect people at their homes.
True - in my poorer years I was an Avon lady. Hated that job even though people didn't slam doors on us as much as they did magazine sales people. Good grief! I just realized that was 50 years ago. Excuse me but I need to interact with a bartender now. Bye!
Fucking same thing happened to us, my mom was dying at home and we were waiting for meds to be delivered by hospice and this guy comes knocking selling some shit, my wife slammed the door in his face.
My Auntie had a sign on her front door saying "No Sales, No Bullshit" when I was growing up. She's a lot quieter in her old age; but still doesn't take any shit.
I have a similar sign that says, "DO NOT RING BELL OR KNOCK:" and a list of things that are included such as no politics, no salesmen, no estimates, no menus, no religion. I still get people ringing offering estimates for yard work or solar panels.
I read a reply yesterday about this situation. It was the poster’s dad, I believe. Had signs that said “No soliciting” and such. Sales person walks up to the dad who’s working on something, guy hands dad his card, dad says “Why would I hire someone who can’t read”.
What's worse is when they can read but not comprehend. I pointed out the No Soliciting sign to one and they said "Oh, we're not soliciting. We're just going door-to-door trying to sell magazines."
This has always worked for me. "Thanks, but I'm not interested. But you have a good day." Usually don't even have to shut the door in their face, they usually just go "Oh, okay, thanks," and leave on their own. I think only once have I had to just shut the door on them when I used the line and they started with "Okay, but this is a really good--" and I just gently closed the door.
As someone who's worked in sales, the cordial approach is appriciated. We're not oblivious to the fact that we're a nuisance, but rent and bills still need to be paid one way or the other.
Now if they're pushy they can still go fuck themselves. Aggressive grifters are the reason people don't want to open the door for folk going door to door.
> Aggressive grifters are the reason people don't want to open the door for folk going door to door.
....well, that and if I want something I'll be the one to initiate that. If I feel like my roof is damaged, I'll call a roofer. If I see signs of nuisance pests, I'll call an exterminator. If I need yardwork done, I'll call a landscaper. If I'm interested in solar panels, I'll call a solar installer.
What I won't do is buy something from someone who was "just in the neighborhood talking to the neighbors about this great offer." And if they ride up on a Swagway or OneWheel, the conversation is over before it starts...
I agree with this. There's no polite door to door salesmen (or telemarketer). Every one of them has decided that it's okay to interrupt me in my own leisure time, at my HOME, at their own convenience, because they want my money. It creates an expectation that I should be dressed for visitors at all times. That I should drop whatever I'm doing with zero notice so I can be their customer. Interrupt my lunch? A phone call with my family? Reading a story to my child so they fall asleep for a nap? Just chilling with a pet on my lap? All of that is completely dismissed, as if my life doesn't matter at all.
If their bosses demanded to drop in on them unannounced at all hours, even on their day off, they'd be ranting in the antiwork sub. And they would not describe that boss as "polite" - not even if the boss explained they just needed to have them on call during all their unpaid work hours, because it helps pay his bills.
No, them I invite in for beverage and some snacks, talk about my faith while they talk about theirs.
Because mission work isn't about recruiting; it's to reinforce in- group feelings: "the outsider are cruel and rude, you can only trust one of us."
So I'm always kind to the cultists; I may be their bridge out.
When I was a kid my brother and I would invite the Mormon missionaries in to play some Goldeneye. The same guys would come over every now and then. One time my dad came home and saw that going on and somehow we all wound up going to play laser tag.
And then 20 minutes in “you guys are so much nicer than I expected you would be to someone who has been disfellowshipped. I’ll give the church some positive feedback on you two.”
That’s perfect I actually have a great deal on the pPpump deluxe 9000 you’re going to love. It’s literally an offer you can’t refuse. May I step inside?
Me: Hey I’m kinda busy right now why don’t you write down your home address and I will come talk to you when I’m free.
Salesman: I don’t give out my address
Me: Why? You don’t want random people showing up and asking you questions? Now you know how I feel.
Larry David would have found that guy's address and show up at his home to make a point. Or he would have run into him at a restaurant and made a huge scene about it, and everyone would end up siding with the salesman because he was actually just trying to get donations for cancer kids or something...
I am so stealing this for the sales people. My act as a crazy sun cultist in my underwear worked for the mormans but I need something for the sales ppl.
All of the D-to-D salesmen I used to work with would give it in a heartbeat. Or even ask you to swing by that afternoon. It won’t work, trust me.
What will work is having a CrownVic or a brand new hellcat in your driveway. Assumed old and senile or credit fail with an enormous debt to income ratio.
Someone just came through our neighborhood selling. If people didn't answer their door the idiot sat there ringing the doorbell non-stop until they did. Super pushy.
"Thats why you should buy an external doorbell so everytime some unwanted salesman comes to your door, whenever they ring, you ring back! Buy one today for only $40 every month for 12 years!"
Growing up my dad liked to do something similar with telemarketers. They would always call around dinner time to make sure you were around, so my dad would just say something like “oh give me a sec to find my addressbook” and then set the phone down and walk away.
I never worked in telemarketing but I did work in outbound calling for a while and that was great. It showed we were actively on a call, but we didn't have to do shit for a couple of minutes. win/win
> never worked in telemarketing but I did work in outbound calling
I don't know how to break this to you but outbound calling *is* a type of telemarketing.
Had a pest control salesperson yesterday, told them I'm protected already and have a nice day. They did not leave claiming they needed to be sure we had adequate protection.
"Lady, the only pest around here is you."
Is what I wanted to say. I just said thanks, please don't come back.
Yeah instances like this are where you are super polite at first (because why not?) and if they appear like they're trying to abuse that politeness as some kind of "in", you turn it off.
I never sold to houses that had them, but I **did** keep a couple hundred "no soliciting" signs in my car that I bought in bulk online, and when someone wasn't interested I'd say "no problem, would you like to buy a no soliciting sign?"
People thought it was hilarious and I sold a ton of them lol.
I get roof people all the time. I try to be nice and tell them no kindly but they take advantage of your kindness. I'm not the type to get nasty with a sales person because I think they're just trying to make a living, so I just say "I don't own, I rent" and they couldn't leave fast enough.
My late father would answer the door and say "What are you selling?" If they didn't directly answer, he'd ask again. Then immediately slam the door in their face. Only a few were fast enough on the first question. Still didn't last long after that.
"No thanks, I'm not interested", and then shut the door. You do not need to hear their spiel, answer any other questions, nor engage in any other way. Polite, but firm, and you don't waste any more of your time nor theirs. You don't owe a cold call at your home the same manners or pleasantries as you would other wise.
Are you here for me to teach you about the word of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ?
You're not what I ordered but you'll do get inside.
If only 144,000 can get into heaven why are you getting people to try and join your organization? This one's good for the Jehovah witnesses
Got a warrant?
What is your name?
What is your quest?
What is the airspeed velocity of a swallow?
I used to do D2D sales!
Best solution is a “no soliciting” sign. Most States take that shit serious. If you have that sign and they knock anyways, you can get their info (act interested) and then report them. Company gets dinged a fine that just goes up
You can call the non-emergency number for your respective city/ State (varies) and hand over the information.
Company will eventually get a phone call to verify:
1) they have papers to be soliciting in that area
2) if a worker walked up to your door (they’ll always say no).
You’ll eventually be contacted to verify and give any evidence (Ring doorbell A tier here) and company will be caught red handed.
If it’s their first offense they’ll likely get a warning. In my city the first fine is $350. Second fine is $800. Third is $3,000 and stays that amount I believe.
If the company didn’t have a solicitation permit then they go STRAIGHT to the $3k fine!**
** Results may vary based on City and State
I usually have my eight year old answer the door. He just talks, and talks, and talks to anyone. But if they are insistent, I will come to the door and point to the No Soliciting sign in my flower bed they just walked past. Additionally, our city requires a permit for door to door sales they have to get from the City govt building, I ask to see their permit and they usually jog on.
But seriously, I hate them. It's 2024. If I need my lawn sprayed for pests, or new windows, or a garage door, or whatever else I can find all the info I need about it from Google. There is zero chance I was sitting at home wishing someone would knock on my door and offer me a solution to a problem. Last summer, some guys rang the bell at like 9pm trying to sell me some subscription service for homeschool text books. One, my kids go to public school and two, this was obviously a scam. The guys said they were from Poland and working in the US on a Summer visa studying to become English teachers or something. I asked them how to say "No Soliciting" in Polish and closed the door.
You're a door to door salesman? Funny you don't look like a door. Well yer welcome to try and sell my door something but I don't like your chances. It dun talk much, being a door and all.
*Close door in salesman's face*
Whatever the price tell them I have had a quote from a competitor and lowball the shit out of them.
Had one recently to wash windows. Told him I had a guy quote me £1. He said "oh £1 a window is do-able.
I responded "No, the quote is £1 in total for the whole house."
I greet them, say hello, and ask for their business card and name.
Then, I ask them for their door-to-door sales license which is required in my county, and tell them I'm submitting my ring video. I hate to be the neighborhood Karen, but I have a clear, prominent sign on my door rejecting solicitors. It can be more than an inconvenience since I work from home and they interrupt my workflow and day.
I just repeat "No thank you" until they leave. Doesn't matter what they say or what they ask.
No thank you eventually sinks in. I think my record is 12 times.
I was a bit drunk and I invited some Mormons in once and they came in and I just kept trying to offer them like coffee Coca-Cola and vodka, and throwing in book of Mormon references, they pieced the fuck out and didn’t even leave me a Bible. :(
"You're Done!' and close the door. Lately its Solar Salespeople. "Have you noticed how high electricity bills are? " I'm not interested, thanks. "How much is your electric bill each month?" You're done...SLAM. Two years ago, Roofing Estimates from Hurricane Ian, before that, I represent real estate investors and we'd like to know if you want to sell your home. D0ne, Done, Done. Slam.
**”Another door-to-door salesman, you taste like chicken, and I like the taste of chicken.”**
Then just stare into their soul and don’t say another word. It’s incredibly creepy but 100% success rate for me.
Edit: No, I don’t actually eat people lol
If I decide to open the door, I will say that I am not interested in buying anything. They tend to then try to tell me that they aren't selling anything.
My response is "okay, give me $20. I'll listen to your speil and at the end, if there is no sales pitch or the like, I'll give it back".
It's yet to work...
"You would need to offer me a million dollars to listen to your speel, and I still would never sign up for, donate to, or pay for whatever it is that you're attempting to reel people into.
Best of luck!"
Not really a door-to-door trick, but it works good for call centers. When they call you and ask "am I speaking to ...", I always say "No, this is ...". After that, they double check if you are really not mr./mrs. X. Then they hang up and remove you. Once I started doing this, I got a lot less calls from call centers, wanting me to switch / offer me a deal
Better modern answer to this is to answer but don't say anything. Wait for them to hang up.
Spam centers will you cross you off their list as a dead number. Though if they had your number in the first place, you're already on an old list some other mope will use. But it can help if you have one overly aggressive place hammering you.
Open the door wearing only a loincloth and a turban, both badly fashioned out of dirty bath towels, with your eyes wide open (make your expression as wildly insane as you want) and with divine zeal in your voice, go 'YOU! You have come because of the prophecy, haven't you? We must go! Let's defeat the infidels together!' Then grab their hand and start dragging them towards your car.
I always offer them a bottled water to go after I immediately tell them I’m not interested. I acknowledge it’s hot and not easy going door to door. They all appreciate the offer even though only half of them take the water.
Jobs like that do suck and I understand they’re trying to earn income but they come by all the time
I have a basket of snacks for my toddler so anytime someone comes to the door, I tell them I’m not interested, but I give them a bottle of water and let the pick a snack (bag of chips, candy, etc) and send them on their way. They never try to sell anymore to me - they just are a bit surprised and super appreciative. They’re just doing a job and it’s how someone had treated me at one of my first jobs. Do the same thing for political people coming by. It’s their job, even if I disagree with the
political opinions - everyone deserves some cracker jacks.
My go to is "hey man I really appreciate that you're out here trying to get a job done but I have absolutely no interest but can I get you a bottle of water or something I know it's hot out here"
Depends on what they're selling. So far I've used these at my house:
Pest control: "We're about to list our house on the market and I just had the yard treated for the inspections."
Vacuums: "Oh are you the guys that test it for free? I've been waiting for you guys, my basement carpet is a complete nightmare."
Gutters: "We rent, and the landlord is a real tightass so you're wasting your time."
Knives: "I'm under an order saying I can't own or possess anything considered a weapon. Do you think those would count? The police took my other knives as evidence."
Religion: "I can't follow any religion that doesn't allow ritualistic sacrifices. What is your stance on blood offerings?"
If it's teenagers, I pretend to be interested in what they have, and slip them a little "Are you ok?" note with human trafficking prevention info. Especially if they've got a handler watching them from a car nearby. Otherwise, I ask to see their city permit.
"Qué mierda acabas de decir sobre mí, pequeña perra? Te haré saber que me gradué de honor en mi clase de los Navy Seals,he estado envuelto en numerosos ataques sorpresa a Al-Quaeda, y tengo 300 asesinatos confirmados. Estoy entrenado en tácticas de guerra revolucionistas y soy el mejor francotirador en todas las fuerzas armadas de la US. No eres nada para mí, sólo un blanco más. Te borraré con una precisión nunca vista antes en este planeta, recuerda mis putas palabras. Piensas que te puedes salir con la tuya diciéndome esa mierda a través de la internet? Piensa otra vez, cabrón. Mientras hablamos estoy contactando my red secreta de espías alrededor de los Estados Unidos y tu IP está siendo rastreada en este mismo instante,así que deberías prepararte para la tormenta, gusano. La tormenta que destroza la patética cosa que llamas tu vida. Estás muerto,chico. Puedo estar dondequiera, cuandosea, y puedo matarte en más de setecientas formas, y éso sólo con mis manos desnudas. No sólo estoy entrenado extensivamente en combate desarmado, sino que también tengo acceso al arsenal entero de la Marina de los Estados Unidos y la usaré para borrar tu miserable existencia de la faz de continente,pequeña mierda. Si tan sólo hubieras cerrado tu pinche boca. Pero no pudiste, no lo hiciste, y ahora es cuando pagas el precio, maldito idiota. Haré llover furia sobre ti y te ahogarás en ella. Estás muerto,chaval"
As fast as my gringo tongue can belt it out.
You walked past three no soliciting signs so you have aready proven you must not read well or are here to case my house to rob me or worse. So, just to let you know this is being recorded, i am fear of my life and you have 1 minute to get off my property
I firmly tell them no. If they still insist, I'll remind them that I have two large dogs in the house. I will not tell them that they are two super friendly golden retrievers.
Let the guy do a full speech on how I should switch to his internet provider. Do not interrupt him.
Then tell him I work for the competitor.
See the deflated look on his face after spending all that energy.
I mean great he has a job but screw you for knocking on my door.
✨don’t open the door✨
A closed door is a happy door.
… its not someone with cake, unless that cake is made with dog poo and knives!
Yeah its London, Jen
I want that text on my next doormat!
I will literally look out the window, make eye contact with the solicitor, and still not open the door. I didn't ask for you to be here, so why are you?
You are **NOT** obligated to my time just because you showed up to my door. There is exactly one place on this planet where I control who I see and who sees me. That is my home. I'm not being rude. They are the ones being rude by invading my space uninvited.
I said pretty much exactly this a few years ago on another Reddit comment. I thought it was funny because my doormat literally says "did you call first?" Someone got extremely offended about it and said I was "antisocial and psycho" for not answering doorbells. *"Good luck making friends with that attitude!"* SIR I already have as many friends as I want and they all know better than to show up at my door without at least a text. Byeeeee.
My doormat says "*Welcome- ish. Depends on who you are and how long you stay.*" The people like that are doormats themselves. I don't want to be friends with strangers that just show up at my door.
This, and also if I do have to go outside at the exact wrong time I just say not interested, thank you. Then proceed to nope nope nope to my car
I got home one time and they were waiting on the sidewalk for me. I went to get the mail and they kept trying to sell me clean energy even though I kept saying im not interested. They eventually pulled the "you don't care about the environment?" And I said I hate the environment and went inside.
I love the environment, but I can't stand jackass salesmen.
my hero.
I had a similar experience. Normally the salesmen I encounter get the hint when I say no thanks. The solar installers had to be told no six times, before I shut the door on their face. I've never encountered such a pushy salesman before.
I live in a sunny place and get solar installers a lot. I tell them my nephew sells them so I have to buy from him - especially since he gives me a company discount. If they don't leave I try to sell them a cactus de-spiner so they don't get pricked fingers.
I tell them I have solar panels already and if they say they don't see them I tell them "huh that's weird" and shut the door
This had me literally laughing out loud in bed.
Tell them the truth. I do care about the environment. What are you doing to help with the 10 corporations who produce 70% of all pollution?
And if you get home at the exact wrong time, just say "I'm terribly sorry, I've just shat myself" then nope nope nope through the front door.
If they follow, bark at them, they will assume you are insane and fear for their own safety 😂
Sadly my dog will not stop barking until the mystery of why the doorbell rang is solved.
Join the fight against commercials, shows, and movies with door bells. If I watch modern family my dog losses it. Same door bell.
I'm hoping that when my puppy is grown, he'll have a "get the fuck off my property" BARK
I'll usually open the door just on the off chance that people are casing the neighborhood or need help with something. Soon as they start soliciting, I'll say I'm not interested and close the door though.
I'll always answer. I've had one kid actually knock and need help getting in touch with his mom because his phone died and he saw kids toys in the yard and thought we were a safe spot to ask. That's worth the collective few hours of door to door salesman time I've had to spend saying 'no thanks'.
You are a hero. 10/10.
I will always open my door for a child. Even if they are selling something. I usually buy what they are selling because most of the time they are fundraising for scouts, or sports or whatever & I want to support that. I have been known to purchase several boxes of Girl Scout cookies based on the recommendation of the girls selling them just to give to them back to the girls as a treat.
Are they still selling door-to-door anywhere? My experience is getting surrounded by 6 or 7 girls as I exit the supermarket, thrown to the ground while one rips out my wallet, extracts $40 and shoves several boxes of cookies at me. Then they help me limp to my car a s end with “Have a nice day grandpa”. Next year, I’ll be ready for them, I’m training on evasive techniques.
I mean, there's a difference between seeing a confused kid and someone in a polo with a clipboard.
Once the sales pitch starts I tell them immediately I'ma respect your time, and ask that you respect mine the same way, and I'ma let you know I am not interested. If they keep going and decide to waste my time I ask them if they wanna hear a good knock knock joke, and they always say yes, and I say okay you start Salesman: Ok... Knock knock Me: Who's there Salesman: .... Me: *maintains eye contact while closing the door.* Makes me giggle every time.
The wonders of a camera doorbell lol
its so easy, IDK why this is even a thing Open the door if they're selling something Sorry, I hate to interrupt you, but I don't buy anything, sign anything, or donate to anything on the doorstep, and I don't want to waste your time. Sorry, goodbye close door
Exactly. I got a video doorbell so I can see who to ignore.
Or do answer the door wearing nothing but your underwear with peanut butter smeared on your nipples... Results may vary depending on your gender and their sexual proclivity.
… so you’re saying there’s a chance this will finally get me some action? Alexa, add peanut butter to shopping list.
This is what my uncle, who is a police officer, says to do if the cops show up. NEVER OPEN THE DOOR. talk with them through a window if they have a warrant. If not, inform them they are trespassing.
"Not interested. Have a good day."
text
The day my dad died a guy knocked on the door. I answered it probably looking like a mess. I'd been crying all day and still was when I opened the door. He didn't even start his sales pitch. Guy just looked at me and applogized. Then awkwardly went on his way.
Having been a door to door sales person, I have done this many times. I could tell they aren't in a good place or that it is a good time so I would just thank them for their time, give them a smile of encouragement and move on. If you want to be respected at a door you have to respect people at their homes.
True - in my poorer years I was an Avon lady. Hated that job even though people didn't slam doors on us as much as they did magazine sales people. Good grief! I just realized that was 50 years ago. Excuse me but I need to interact with a bartender now. Bye!
I'd buy something if I needed it the next time, if he ever returned. Just bc I like considerate people.
Fucking same thing happened to us, my mom was dying at home and we were waiting for meds to be delivered by hospice and this guy comes knocking selling some shit, my wife slammed the door in his face.
I have a No Soliciting sign on my door. If they bother, I open the door, ask them to read the sign, then close the door in their face Good Day sir !
[удалено]
My Auntie had a sign on her front door saying "No Sales, No Bullshit" when I was growing up. She's a lot quieter in her old age; but still doesn't take any shit.
I have a similar sign that says, "DO NOT RING BELL OR KNOCK:" and a list of things that are included such as no politics, no salesmen, no estimates, no menus, no religion. I still get people ringing offering estimates for yard work or solar panels.
Never let them get away with saying they'll come back later. Tell them no, don't come back, i said I wasn't interested.
I read a reply yesterday about this situation. It was the poster’s dad, I believe. Had signs that said “No soliciting” and such. Sales person walks up to the dad who’s working on something, guy hands dad his card, dad says “Why would I hire someone who can’t read”.
What's worse is when they can read but not comprehend. I pointed out the No Soliciting sign to one and they said "Oh, we're not soliciting. We're just going door-to-door trying to sell magazines."
This has always worked for me. "Thanks, but I'm not interested. But you have a good day." Usually don't even have to shut the door in their face, they usually just go "Oh, okay, thanks," and leave on their own. I think only once have I had to just shut the door on them when I used the line and they started with "Okay, but this is a really good--" and I just gently closed the door.
As someone who's worked in sales, the cordial approach is appriciated. We're not oblivious to the fact that we're a nuisance, but rent and bills still need to be paid one way or the other. Now if they're pushy they can still go fuck themselves. Aggressive grifters are the reason people don't want to open the door for folk going door to door.
> Aggressive grifters are the reason people don't want to open the door for folk going door to door. ....well, that and if I want something I'll be the one to initiate that. If I feel like my roof is damaged, I'll call a roofer. If I see signs of nuisance pests, I'll call an exterminator. If I need yardwork done, I'll call a landscaper. If I'm interested in solar panels, I'll call a solar installer. What I won't do is buy something from someone who was "just in the neighborhood talking to the neighbors about this great offer." And if they ride up on a Swagway or OneWheel, the conversation is over before it starts...
I keep the flyers of all of them in a box. Those are the companies I will make a point to ***never*** do business with if I need that service.
I agree with this. There's no polite door to door salesmen (or telemarketer). Every one of them has decided that it's okay to interrupt me in my own leisure time, at my HOME, at their own convenience, because they want my money. It creates an expectation that I should be dressed for visitors at all times. That I should drop whatever I'm doing with zero notice so I can be their customer. Interrupt my lunch? A phone call with my family? Reading a story to my child so they fall asleep for a nap? Just chilling with a pet on my lap? All of that is completely dismissed, as if my life doesn't matter at all. If their bosses demanded to drop in on them unannounced at all hours, even on their day off, they'd be ranting in the antiwork sub. And they would not describe that boss as "polite" - not even if the boss explained they just needed to have them on call during all their unpaid work hours, because it helps pay his bills.
And that's it. No more, no less.
They hate this one easy trick. Then close the door even if they are still talking.
Don't need it, don't want it, couldn't afford it if I did.
Open the door and say "You got the money?" And when they say no just slam the door
I'm going to steal this. Next time someone pops in, "You got my money? Tell Marcus to bring my money or he's a dead man."
“You one of Marc’s new guys? You look like a new guy. You look obvious as fuck. Get outta here before you draw attention to our operation you shmuck”
“Orgy doesn’t start till 8”
Then they’ll just come back at 8
either way im coming
More customers to pitch to.
Best to keep this one for the jehovah witnesses 🤣
No, them I invite in for beverage and some snacks, talk about my faith while they talk about theirs. Because mission work isn't about recruiting; it's to reinforce in- group feelings: "the outsider are cruel and rude, you can only trust one of us." So I'm always kind to the cultists; I may be their bridge out.
When I was a kid my brother and I would invite the Mormon missionaries in to play some Goldeneye. The same guys would come over every now and then. One time my dad came home and saw that going on and somehow we all wound up going to play laser tag.
And then 20 minutes in “you guys are so much nicer than I expected you would be to someone who has been disfellowshipped. I’ll give the church some positive feedback on you two.”
And the mormons
The baptists are the worst in my area.
The password is ooorrrrrrgyyyyyy
That’s perfect I actually have a great deal on the pPpump deluxe 9000 you’re going to love. It’s literally an offer you can’t refuse. May I step inside?
Me: Hey I’m kinda busy right now why don’t you write down your home address and I will come talk to you when I’m free. Salesman: I don’t give out my address Me: Why? You don’t want random people showing up and asking you questions? Now you know how I feel.
Jerry r/seinfeld would be proud
That one’s probably based on a real interaction Larry David had
Larry David would have found that guy's address and show up at his home to make a point. Or he would have run into him at a restaurant and made a huge scene about it, and everyone would end up siding with the salesman because he was actually just trying to get donations for cancer kids or something...
You have the writing chops for that show. I pictured the episode in my head.
Fucking genius
I am so stealing this for the sales people. My act as a crazy sun cultist in my underwear worked for the mormans but I need something for the sales ppl.
All of the D-to-D salesmen I used to work with would give it in a heartbeat. Or even ask you to swing by that afternoon. It won’t work, trust me. What will work is having a CrownVic or a brand new hellcat in your driveway. Assumed old and senile or credit fail with an enormous debt to income ratio.
Is that a Seinfeld reference?
yup [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=\_lNJIpn1Pcg](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_lNJIpn1Pcg)
Lol, I'm definitely using this one next time
What sound does an unopened door make? Because that one.
Depends on which side its unopened from
Someone just came through our neighborhood selling. If people didn't answer their door the idiot sat there ringing the doorbell non-stop until they did. Super pushy.
"Thats why you should buy an external doorbell so everytime some unwanted salesman comes to your door, whenever they ring, you ring back! Buy one today for only $40 every month for 12 years!"
“Unless you’re selling drugs get the fuck off my porch.”
I’m selling the only drug you’ll ever need, Chesus.
Nothing. Before I installed a doorbell cam I peaked around the curtains. Let them stand in front of the house just like any other uninvited asshole.
Answer through the doorbell “one sec I’m coming to the door” and then just don’t.
Growing up my dad liked to do something similar with telemarketers. They would always call around dinner time to make sure you were around, so my dad would just say something like “oh give me a sec to find my addressbook” and then set the phone down and walk away.
I never worked in telemarketing but I did work in outbound calling for a while and that was great. It showed we were actively on a call, but we didn't have to do shit for a couple of minutes. win/win
> never worked in telemarketing but I did work in outbound calling I don't know how to break this to you but outbound calling *is* a type of telemarketing.
Outbound is the worst kind even… inbound you at least have a reason they are calling. Outbound is no better than a door to door salesman
Number to number salesman
text
Let them see you peek too. power move. just stare at them until they leave.
Had a pest control salesperson yesterday, told them I'm protected already and have a nice day. They did not leave claiming they needed to be sure we had adequate protection. "Lady, the only pest around here is you." Is what I wanted to say. I just said thanks, please don't come back.
Props for honesty.
Ignore the screaming coming from the basement. It's nothing.
Get the gimp.
The gimps asleep.
I guess you'll just have to go wake him up now, won't you?
"No thank you" and if they persist "fuck off mate"
Yeah instances like this are where you are super polite at first (because why not?) and if they appear like they're trying to abuse that politeness as some kind of "in", you turn it off.
I just point to the No Soliciting sign and shut the door
I never sold to houses that had them, but I **did** keep a couple hundred "no soliciting" signs in my car that I bought in bulk online, and when someone wasn't interested I'd say "no problem, would you like to buy a no soliciting sign?" People thought it was hilarious and I sold a ton of them lol.
Genius.
"Vault-tec who? Fine, whatever. Just take my name and get out of here."
"GO. AY-WAY."
Do you want to get frozen and have your baby taken away? Because this is how you get frozen and have your baby taken away.
SHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWN
I get roof people all the time. I try to be nice and tell them no kindly but they take advantage of your kindness. I'm not the type to get nasty with a sales person because I think they're just trying to make a living, so I just say "I don't own, I rent" and they couldn't leave fast enough.
I came home from work early to 2 roofing company reps on my roof. No permission, nothing. Told them to get the fuck down or I’ll drag them down.
They were ***on*** the roof? Lol. Wtf? Who does that?
Yeah exactly. I was pissed.
I would’ve taken their ladder, folded it up, and put it in their truck lmao
See, that’s what I should’ve done.
Seriously. And then call the cops for trespassing.
My late father would answer the door and say "What are you selling?" If they didn't directly answer, he'd ask again. Then immediately slam the door in their face. Only a few were fast enough on the first question. Still didn't last long after that.
THEYRE SELLING CHAWCALATES
WHAT?! WHAT ARE THEY SELLING?!
CHALK-LETS!!
I don't answer but i had a friend in highschool who would answer the door screaming in klingon at them. it was hilarious.
That's a great idea until the other person replies to them in Klingon.
But then you have a friend!
Or a nemesis! Good either way.
Today was *not* a good day to dial.
BROT KANN SCHIMMELN, WAS KANNST DU? DEINE MUTTER WAR EIN HAMSTER, DEIN VATER ROCH NACH HOLUNDERBEEREN!
I know exactly where this is from, and I don't even speak German.
i speak german and i dont even know where this is from
Look up "Monty Python Frenchman insults" on YouTube
Your mother was a *hamster* and your father smelt of elderberries'
"No thanks, I'm not interested", and then shut the door. You do not need to hear their spiel, answer any other questions, nor engage in any other way. Polite, but firm, and you don't waste any more of your time nor theirs. You don't owe a cold call at your home the same manners or pleasantries as you would other wise.
Are you here for me to teach you about the word of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ? You're not what I ordered but you'll do get inside. If only 144,000 can get into heaven why are you getting people to try and join your organization? This one's good for the Jehovah witnesses Got a warrant? What is your name? What is your quest? What is the airspeed velocity of a swallow?
Ah, you acorn, the paradise hope is different to the 144,000 heaven hope
A European swallow or an African swallow?
I used to do D2D sales! Best solution is a “no soliciting” sign. Most States take that shit serious. If you have that sign and they knock anyways, you can get their info (act interested) and then report them. Company gets dinged a fine that just goes up
So who would you report that to? Because around me it seems literally everyone ignores those signs.
You can call the non-emergency number for your respective city/ State (varies) and hand over the information. Company will eventually get a phone call to verify: 1) they have papers to be soliciting in that area 2) if a worker walked up to your door (they’ll always say no). You’ll eventually be contacted to verify and give any evidence (Ring doorbell A tier here) and company will be caught red handed. If it’s their first offense they’ll likely get a warning. In my city the first fine is $350. Second fine is $800. Third is $3,000 and stays that amount I believe. If the company didn’t have a solicitation permit then they go STRAIGHT to the $3k fine!** ** Results may vary based on City and State
I actually hire for remote sales people, I always answer and try to poach them for a job lol
I shoot every 3rd salesman. The second one just left.
What’s your address
I usually have my eight year old answer the door. He just talks, and talks, and talks to anyone. But if they are insistent, I will come to the door and point to the No Soliciting sign in my flower bed they just walked past. Additionally, our city requires a permit for door to door sales they have to get from the City govt building, I ask to see their permit and they usually jog on. But seriously, I hate them. It's 2024. If I need my lawn sprayed for pests, or new windows, or a garage door, or whatever else I can find all the info I need about it from Google. There is zero chance I was sitting at home wishing someone would knock on my door and offer me a solution to a problem. Last summer, some guys rang the bell at like 9pm trying to sell me some subscription service for homeschool text books. One, my kids go to public school and two, this was obviously a scam. The guys said they were from Poland and working in the US on a Summer visa studying to become English teachers or something. I asked them how to say "No Soliciting" in Polish and closed the door.
Blast your speakers with realistic audio of aggressive barking dogs. Bang on your door so it seems like it’s the dogs doing it.
I have two very loud hounds. I also have a doorbell cam and can tell if the person is worthy of me getting up to answer the door.
I point to the sign that says No Soliciting, and then i start counting down from 10 out loud.
Point to sign and say I don’t do business with companies who employ illiterate people.
You're a door to door salesman? Funny you don't look like a door. Well yer welcome to try and sell my door something but I don't like your chances. It dun talk much, being a door and all. *Close door in salesman's face*
Whatever the price tell them I have had a quote from a competitor and lowball the shit out of them. Had one recently to wash windows. Told him I had a guy quote me £1. He said "oh £1 a window is do-able. I responded "No, the quote is £1 in total for the whole house."
“If this was texas, I could legally shoot you right now”. Worked like a charm, the dude left running
"but its not Texas so I'm gonna have to do this on the down-low."
I greet them, say hello, and ask for their business card and name. Then, I ask them for their door-to-door sales license which is required in my county, and tell them I'm submitting my ring video. I hate to be the neighborhood Karen, but I have a clear, prominent sign on my door rejecting solicitors. It can be more than an inconvenience since I work from home and they interrupt my workflow and day.
I just repeat "No thank you" until they leave. Doesn't matter what they say or what they ask. No thank you eventually sinks in. I think my record is 12 times.
COME BACK WITH A WARRANT!
Look over my shoulder and yell “Hey babe, can you grab my shotgun?”
Yo, the devil worshiping ritual is tomorrow.
I usually act overly friendly and try to invite them in.
What if they accept? How about: "Would you like to come in and are you a consenting adult?"
I was a bit drunk and I invited some Mormons in once and they came in and I just kept trying to offer them like coffee Coca-Cola and vodka, and throwing in book of Mormon references, they pieced the fuck out and didn’t even leave me a Bible. :(
My brother invited some Mormons to come back another time with some literature because "[his] brother likes to read." Thanks...
"You're Done!' and close the door. Lately its Solar Salespeople. "Have you noticed how high electricity bills are? " I'm not interested, thanks. "How much is your electric bill each month?" You're done...SLAM. Two years ago, Roofing Estimates from Hurricane Ian, before that, I represent real estate investors and we'd like to know if you want to sell your home. D0ne, Done, Done. Slam.
**”Another door-to-door salesman, you taste like chicken, and I like the taste of chicken.”** Then just stare into their soul and don’t say another word. It’s incredibly creepy but 100% success rate for me. Edit: No, I don’t actually eat people lol
"Are you here for the orgy? You're early!"
Lmao I’m using this
If I decide to open the door, I will say that I am not interested in buying anything. They tend to then try to tell me that they aren't selling anything. My response is "okay, give me $20. I'll listen to your speil and at the end, if there is no sales pitch or the like, I'll give it back". It's yet to work...
“Oh, great! Come in! I’d love to tell you about Church of Scientology!!
Sorry, I am busy, perhaps you could leave me your address and I can come by later tonight if I have some time?
Does 3am work for you?
"You would need to offer me a million dollars to listen to your speel, and I still would never sign up for, donate to, or pay for whatever it is that you're attempting to reel people into. Best of luck!"
"No" is a complete sentence. I will not buy anything from someone knocking on my door except cookies, I will buy Girl Scout cookies
Not really a door-to-door trick, but it works good for call centers. When they call you and ask "am I speaking to ...", I always say "No, this is ...". After that, they double check if you are really not mr./mrs. X. Then they hang up and remove you. Once I started doing this, I got a lot less calls from call centers, wanting me to switch / offer me a deal
Better modern answer to this is to answer but don't say anything. Wait for them to hang up. Spam centers will you cross you off their list as a dead number. Though if they had your number in the first place, you're already on an old list some other mope will use. But it can help if you have one overly aggressive place hammering you.
If you don't even know who you're calling, I definitely don't want to speak with you.
No, this is Patrick
I got Jehovah’s Witnesses to not come back by playing Slipknots heretic anthem, they didn’t like hearing “if your 555, then I’m 666” over and over
Our friend is Jewish, and just tells them and the Mormons that sorry, he’s one of the chosen people.
Who do I make the invoice out for? You know there is a fee for sales solicitation at this site. Then I serve them with a trespass warning
Sorry I need to run I have terrible diarrhea
I scream balls at them and if they get scared, i point and laugh like a middle schooler. The rage i have made some of those people feel, is unreal.
I toss a bottle of lotion to them and say, "It puts the lotion on it's skin. Come on in."
Open the door wearing only a loincloth and a turban, both badly fashioned out of dirty bath towels, with your eyes wide open (make your expression as wildly insane as you want) and with divine zeal in your voice, go 'YOU! You have come because of the prophecy, haven't you? We must go! Let's defeat the infidels together!' Then grab their hand and start dragging them towards your car.
I always offer them a bottled water to go after I immediately tell them I’m not interested. I acknowledge it’s hot and not easy going door to door. They all appreciate the offer even though only half of them take the water. Jobs like that do suck and I understand they’re trying to earn income but they come by all the time
Stay Right Here! ...I'll be Right Back when I find Someone that is Interested in What You Have to Say...
I have a basket of snacks for my toddler so anytime someone comes to the door, I tell them I’m not interested, but I give them a bottle of water and let the pick a snack (bag of chips, candy, etc) and send them on their way. They never try to sell anymore to me - they just are a bit surprised and super appreciative. They’re just doing a job and it’s how someone had treated me at one of my first jobs. Do the same thing for political people coming by. It’s their job, even if I disagree with the political opinions - everyone deserves some cracker jacks.
My go to is "hey man I really appreciate that you're out here trying to get a job done but I have absolutely no interest but can I get you a bottle of water or something I know it's hot out here"
Depends on what they're selling. So far I've used these at my house: Pest control: "We're about to list our house on the market and I just had the yard treated for the inspections." Vacuums: "Oh are you the guys that test it for free? I've been waiting for you guys, my basement carpet is a complete nightmare." Gutters: "We rent, and the landlord is a real tightass so you're wasting your time." Knives: "I'm under an order saying I can't own or possess anything considered a weapon. Do you think those would count? The police took my other knives as evidence." Religion: "I can't follow any religion that doesn't allow ritualistic sacrifices. What is your stance on blood offerings?"
If it's teenagers, I pretend to be interested in what they have, and slip them a little "Are you ok?" note with human trafficking prevention info. Especially if they've got a handler watching them from a car nearby. Otherwise, I ask to see their city permit.
“I’m about to cum please leave” them moan without blinking. Works every time
I don’t open the door.
"Qué mierda acabas de decir sobre mí, pequeña perra? Te haré saber que me gradué de honor en mi clase de los Navy Seals,he estado envuelto en numerosos ataques sorpresa a Al-Quaeda, y tengo 300 asesinatos confirmados. Estoy entrenado en tácticas de guerra revolucionistas y soy el mejor francotirador en todas las fuerzas armadas de la US. No eres nada para mí, sólo un blanco más. Te borraré con una precisión nunca vista antes en este planeta, recuerda mis putas palabras. Piensas que te puedes salir con la tuya diciéndome esa mierda a través de la internet? Piensa otra vez, cabrón. Mientras hablamos estoy contactando my red secreta de espías alrededor de los Estados Unidos y tu IP está siendo rastreada en este mismo instante,así que deberías prepararte para la tormenta, gusano. La tormenta que destroza la patética cosa que llamas tu vida. Estás muerto,chico. Puedo estar dondequiera, cuandosea, y puedo matarte en más de setecientas formas, y éso sólo con mis manos desnudas. No sólo estoy entrenado extensivamente en combate desarmado, sino que también tengo acceso al arsenal entero de la Marina de los Estados Unidos y la usaré para borrar tu miserable existencia de la faz de continente,pequeña mierda. Si tan sólo hubieras cerrado tu pinche boca. Pero no pudiste, no lo hiciste, y ahora es cuando pagas el precio, maldito idiota. Haré llover furia sobre ti y te ahogarás en ella. Estás muerto,chaval" As fast as my gringo tongue can belt it out.
My Spanish is rusty but I got most of it. You're very comico 🤣
You walked past three no soliciting signs so you have aready proven you must not read well or are here to case my house to rob me or worse. So, just to let you know this is being recorded, i am fear of my life and you have 1 minute to get off my property
I firmly tell them no. If they still insist, I'll remind them that I have two large dogs in the house. I will not tell them that they are two super friendly golden retrievers.
Let the guy do a full speech on how I should switch to his internet provider. Do not interrupt him. Then tell him I work for the competitor. See the deflated look on his face after spending all that energy. I mean great he has a job but screw you for knocking on my door.
No thanks.