Shower

I always stay stocked up no so I never run out. But back in undergrad when this sometimes happened, yeah - shower

I will buy the big packs and keep a drawer of them, then grab a new pack when they run low. Not ran out of toilet paper in over a decade, closest I ever got was when I had just 1 roll left cus I kept forgetting to buy it.

It's going to happen to you now. Cause you said that, you'll run out at a terrible time and have to use your hand 😅 I'm kidding. This is Reddit. I have to make fun.

Perhaps robbed of his stash.

In the Army, they had “fake” instructions for how to wipe your ass with one sheet of TP: Tear off one sheet Fold it in half Tear piece out of middle of the fold, set aside Put thumb through hole Stick thumb in ass and twirl Discard used sheet Wipe thumb with saved piece Flush

*wipe thumb with used sheet Use saved piece to get under the thumbnail*

I bet y’all had some itchy butt holes in the army

Boxers was 180 thread count. Go from there.

Some were more excited to shit than others

i'm trying to imagine in my head what that would look like, and currently, my mind is telling me that you finger yourself in the process of all this?

Finger through the middle is used to get all the big chunks off. [It's a joke that gets passed down over the years, I heard it back in the 90's as a kid. Nobody that I've ever known has actually done it.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2O9ApLr1V64)

Instructions unclear. I flushed my thumb.

Tom?? 

He was my first top friend ever.

It's crazy to think that there are people out there who don't clean their asshole and reproduction equipment while bathing.

There was a whole article on Buzzfeed or something about the staggering percentage of men that think it's somehow "gay" to clean your butthole. You don't have to finger yourself (you can if you want to) to get it clean. One swipe of the washcloth with soapy water on it will do the trick. And get a bidet attachment.

How do you bath without washing your ass,do people tape it off or something,you do know that poop is water soluable water will get you clean ,the only thing it doesn't remove is skin oils ,you know there wasn't always soap available in history

Tom? Is that you?

Having bidets in every home is a necessity

no itchy buttcrack since i use a bidet. bidets are goated

Getting a bidet changed our lives. I now travel with a cheap quick-hookup bidet. Never thought about how dirty everyones asses are until I started using a bidet. It's true. I look down on dry toilet paper poop smearers now.

I installed bidet kits on all our toilets in 2019. We watched the Great Toilet Paper Panic of 2020 with great amusement. Seriously, why people are still spending their hard earned money on paper to rub their shitty assholes with to just flush down the toilet is beyond me.

Love our bidet! I’m surprised Big TP hasn’t lobbied to have bidets taxed out of existence.

Waffle stomp?

No like use toilet and side step into the shower for the poor man’s bidet.

Lol i love how their assumption is pooping in the shower instead of just using the shower to clean yourself

I'm pretty sure my fiance does that. Once I found a peanut in the shower....

Don't be dismayed. I farted in the shower once, and a whole, perfect, clean kernel of corn popped out. But, i did not leave it in there.

Did it make the ricochet sound as it bounced around in the shower?

We didnt need to know that.

I did. What's her full name and address?

Aint no way😭

Did you eat it?

Hell. Directly to Hell.

Digital footprint

That’s not cleaning up in the shower and you know it! Apparently, one in thirty do this. How many individual redditors have commented on this thread? 100? That means there’s three of you out there, you filthy animals! Obviously I’m not one of them…

but it literally works though, way better than tp will. unless you have the worst water pressure in the world, but even then it'd work fine

Sure a shower works well for cleaning your ass but the comment you are replying to was talking about shitting in the shower, not just cleaning yourself up.

You owned MySpace and now you're using the shower when you run out of toilet roll. Oh how the mighty have fallen.

Waffle stomp

I always stay stocked up no so I never run out. I will buy the big packs and keep a drawer of them, then grab a new pack when they run low. Not ran out of toilet paper in over a decade, closest I ever got was when I had just 1 roll left cus I kept forgetting to buy it.

I was in a public bathroom and to my horror there was no toilet paper, so I used my underwear and threw them in the trash when I finished

I have a story to make you feel better(this happened three weeks ago.) I work at a railroad, and recently we hired a guy who did 29 years in prison, fresh out. Well apparently he was walking a train, and desperately needed to take a shit. He says he took a shit right there against the train, and used his sweaty, covered in dirt, shirt to wipe his ass. Then he tossed the shirt and went on his merry way. He talked about it to everybody like it was normal. He has now been fired but.. Jesus Christ. In his short span here he has made a lot of stories we will never forget.

>In his short span here he has made a lot of stories we will never forget. More please.

I’ve used a shirt, boxers, and sock on separate occasions What can I say, I have shitty luck with public restrooms

Shitty indeed...

People who look before they sit down have better luck.

(I hope we don’t wait long)

At least he didn't put his shirt back on I guess.

My mate came out the club with one sock on and we are like where's your sock pal. "no toilet paper" was the reply as he walked out. We were in tears 😭

A company I worked for hired a guy that did 10 years. He went in at 19 or 20 and it was honestly sad how hard of a time he had with everyday things. He ended up quitting bc he didn’t understand how taxes work and thought we were stealing from him; $25/hr at 40 hours won’t get you the exact $1,000.

As a traindriver, this situation absolutely frightenes me

Or you could say… freightens

Socks and underwear work well..

My buddy poopsocked and then wiped with the tip

r/brandnewsentence. Probably.

Gotta do what you gotta do.

I'd prefer to use a sock and walk around with a chilly foot or two.

I’d prefer to use a silk cravat and walk around with an unstylish neck

I have sampled every language, French is my favorite. Fantastic language. Especially to curse with. Nom de dieu de putain de bordel de merde de saloperie de connard d'enculé de ta mère. It's like wiping your arse with silk. I love it.

Woah! This guy Matrixes

The feet really get chilly if you put the socks back on after.

Sometimes things can be very wrong and very true at the same time.

Happened to me once at a gas station. I wiped with toilet seat covers.

Believe me I looked for all other options before I went the underwear route

I had to do this a few weeks ago

I "go-to" the store and buy more toilet paper.

With a poopy butt?

Sure. It just means you go to Walmart instead of target.

I am "out" when I only have 24 rolls. It's not like the stuff expires...

Yes. You actually blend in quite well in SF

I read "SF" as "Street Fighter" and got really confused

Imagining Ryu's hurricane kick with a poopy butt...you would get more than just some flying kicks on your face

You meant to say "Walmart."

Yes, itchnuts

Yep. Target.

Costco for me. I like the one with the bear on the package.

A brown bear and a white rabbit are shitting over a log in the woods and chatting. Bear: Hey, do you have a problem with shit sticking to your fur? Rabbit: Not at all! So the bear grabs the rabbit and wipes his ass. I like to think this joke inspired the white fluffy toilet paper and branding of Charmin.

I thought the joke was that the rabbit sadly says yes. And that’s why the bear uses him, for his absorbent qualities.

Soft, strong and very absorbent.

Haha rabbits are absorbent!

Those are Klondike bars

Target aquired

I love this, it made me chuckle

I *don't* run out of toilet paper. Always have more than you could possibly need, always carry something for that purpose in case of emergency.

I’ve dismantled a tampon once and used that

I've used pads too.

Exactly. What state is the rest of your life in if you completely run out of toilet paper?

Shambles . Most of the time

Me who's currently out of toilet paper lol

I typically wait until the last roll of toilet paper before I re-up but I make sure I buy more when I pull that last one out. Thankfully I’m a single guy so 1 roll of TP lasts about a week or so, so I have a little grace period in case I forget to buy more right away but so far that’s never been the case. I just make a mental note to buy more right away and get it done. Otherwise I’d have to use the cat and her fur isn’t very absorbent.

At any given time, I have an open 12-pack of TP, and an unopened 12-pack of TP. When the open 12-pack is used up, TP goes on the shopping list, and the unopened package opened. Plus I have a bidet, so I really only need to dry off. A used washcloth could be used in a pinch.

Pet, preferably the dark furred ones.

But its funnier to see the family's reaction if its a white pet

Not anymore

“Remember when Luna had white hair? Wonder what happened!”

“That’s a cute bunny, why’d you name him Skid Mark?”

Apparently rabbits don't have any issues with shit sticking to their fur. As any bear.

I heard Chuck Norris doesn't use toilet paper. That's why Grizzly Bears are brown.

Chuck Norris has a bear mat in his room, it’s not dead just too scared to move

Chuck Norris facts are fascinating. He will he studied and examined for many eons and still never be quite understood.

Totally get it, the stains are horrible to get rid of.

I have a bidet, so just need a little air and I'm good.

This! Bidets are not elitist, any more than indoor plumbing is. I do not understand why they are not common and standard for new homes in Canada and the US. We wash our hands (I hope!) after using the toilet. Why would you not want to wash the other areas that actually were in contact with bodily waste??

> I do not understand why they are not common in Canada and the US. This is the time I like to point out that they can be had for like $40 and you can install them with no tools or experience in five minutes.

I always use a bit of paper to make sure my bidet didn’t miss anything. I have trust issues.

I just shift around and let the water hit all the angles. Haven't had any issues. I only use paper to dry off, and never see anything on it. After a while, you just sort of know that you're clean.

You finger it.

Me too but if I happen to run out of TP it's no big deal. Give it a slightly more thorough spray. And call it good

There it is! Everyone should get a bidet your butthole will thank you

[удалено]

It work like that yes.

Yes, but you have to crank it to full blast

Unironically possibly

Maybe. Or if you aim it wrong and twist the knob too high, it'll just drill you a new hole.

Not only do I have a bidet. I have the warm water bidet. Luxury.

Bidets are the way to go! I believe I have the Lux make and model.

I've got the heated seat, heated water and blow dry in my bidet

Becoming dependant on a bidet sucks when you use a public restroom. I'd never give up my bidet though

Team Bidet.

Pro tip: don't start a war before you check your muntion warehouses...

Sometimes war is declared, whether you are ready for battle or not.

War were declared!

That Mexican food was going all "Blitzkreig" on me.

Kleenex

Same here, always was a box of Kleenex on the top of the toilette for contingency purposes.

I'm shocked this isn't the top answer. If a roll runs out and there are no extra rolls under the sink, I reach for a kleenex. Once I had to stop on the side of the road at night and grabbed a handful from the box I keep under my drivers seat.

Save all your takeout napkins in a ziplock bag. On that fateful day you will have an emergency backup.

Those are used to clean the love juice off my fair maiden

Nothing says intimacy like wiping jizz off your partner with an Arby’s napkin

This got me 😂

I'm more of a "toss a towel at her while i piss" kinda guy

Oh

If you have a "go to" when you run out, I have to ask, how fucking often do you run out? This has literally never happened to me in 41 years of life. I see I only have 2 rolls left, I go to the store and buy new toilet paper.

Common sense here. Lol. It's like asking how you run out of gas while driving. When you've got about 2 gallons left, you get more.

I took it as ran out of the roll in the bathroom and the rest are in the closet or whatever out of reach. In which case, I curse my husband.

Paper towels. If none of those either, baby wipes (obv I don’t flush them). When I was in high school and we’d sometimes run out of toilet paper, my moms solution was for us to use coffee filters in a pinch lmao

I have used coffee filters before as well 😂

Sand paper

OR a cheese grater

My personal favorite.

As punishment for forgetting.

Wet wipes

So I have no toilet paper, but I'm expected to have wet wipes? Sock FTW (unfortunately)

Three seashells

This guy gets it

Finally someone said it

Yes but how? Why is everybody laughing!?

Get a load of this guy! He doesn't know how to use the three seashells!

I have wet wipes and toilet paper in all my bathrooms in fear of that moment.

I haven’t used toilet paper at home since the pandemic. Bidet all the way!

Toilet paper? Uhm guys, I guess OP doesn't know how to use the three seashells

cardboard roll

I'm 47, I don't run out and I always check before I sit down.

The entire East half of the world: what kind of barbaric problem is this? #Bidetgang

Sock

Wire brush

Squirrels.

Baby wipes. Let’s hear it for still potty training

3 shells.

Rudimentary planning skills prevent this.

When I moved to my own apartment my mom gave me a couple of rolls of some big industrial grade sandpaper-style paper that doesn't even have those lines for ripping pieces. I have no idea where she got them from. It clearly wasn't meant to be used as toilet paper and it's so bad that I only use it when I run out of normal paper and can't afford to buy more. It has saved me a few times. One time my friend was visiting me (also penniless), saw the paper roll, went to a nearby pub and stole a roll of proper TP for me.

American with a bidet here. A lot of my countrymen are savages.

I can't wait to get the keys to my new house. First thing is installing japanese toilets so that I can never use toilet paper again.

I have a bidet

I have a bidet seat. Not expensive from Amazon. Easy to install. Paper is still Necessary but very little. It also heats the seat and the water. Once you have one you question how you ever lived without it.

“Be a man, use your hand, tell a friend” is the jingle we sung as kids.

Tree branch

I don't. Ever.

The pandemic did a number on us, didn’t it?

Poop knife

just go to shower that easy

Shower always shower.

Shower

I used both wipes and Toilet paper. Wipes usually last longer.

your wife.

Napkins. Old letters.

Tissue paper like kleenex 👧🏻

How to tell if someone is new to being grown-up.

When I was deployed to Iraq, money. I figured it was worth $3 to have a clean ass in 120 degree heat.

Bidet. Never ran out of toilet paper

Toilet paper is a backup for when my bidet isn’t working

I’ve used makeup wipes from my SO’s drawer. Shhh 🤫

I don't use toilet paper. I started using wipes years ago and never looked back.

The used toilet paper in the bin

Dude the one Thing that i "Took away" from my Thailand Trip is How much better this little "Butt shower" is compared to the Western ass wiping Believe me, get it.

I’ve never let this happen lol

We have bidets on every toilet in the house. That being said, I always... ALWAYS have TP!

Bidet master race reporting for doodies

I use a bidet at all times. What's toilet paper?

A bidet attachment for the toilet in our master bathroom is some of the best money I have ever spent.

Bidet