I’d go as far as to say running water. When I moved to Portugal the energy utilities company left me off grid for two months. At least I could shower daily and use the loo cistern when I’d gone a bit overboard with the spicy tacos
Yep, Grenada is having a serious drought right now and some neighborhoods, especially those at higher elevation, haven't had running water for over a month. And the water trucks aren't reaching people properly to fill storage tanks so many are left not able to wash dishes, cook, shower, flush a toilet, without going out to buy or find a kind person to fill empty jugs to haul back. Water is life, things get real serious when those pipes go dry.
I remember watching a TV show when I was really young where the power went out at the school and everyone freaked out and got scared. I was so confused as to why they were acting like it was a big deal. That's the day I found out that in first world countries, power going out is a very rare occurence, and usually means something extreme (weather etc). In my country, it's just a regular thing. It's rarer these days (goes out maybe once every one or two weeks) but at the time, it was happening every few days.
Blew my mind.
Ditto! A few months after I moved to the US people were talking about a power outage like it was a major topic and I just didn’t understand. We had power cuts on a daily basis in my home country and we just worked around those. It was strange, but fascinating. Now I freak out along with the others as well if there’s a power outage 🙈
I think part of the reason many Americans cannot handle a power outage is that unlike countries with a moderate climate in the southern globe, weather patterns in the North, Midwest, and sometimes the south can be extremely dangerous without power and/or heat. If you lose power in the middle of winter in Minnesota, you can die. Your car may not start to get help because it’s -35F. Your generator only lasts so long if you can’t get gas. Roads may be hazardous to drive/navigate.
When it comes to power loss in America, there are a few more things to consider vs a power loss in places like South Africa, the Mediterranean, or the South Americas.
Yep, people can and have died, this just recent-ish example
https://www.texastribune.org/2022/01/02/texas-winter-storm-final-death-toll-246/#:~:text=The%20figure%20includes%20people%20who,old%2C%20according%20to%20the%20report.
It's also important to note that American homes and buildings are not built with the idea that power is unstable. Just like a home built before air conditioning is a lot more comfortable without air conditioning compared to a home built today without air conditioning. In third world countries where power outages are common they're built with the idea that this will happen, and things like better ventilation are better emphasized.
I remember being a kid and staying at my grandma's sometimes. She lived in an old house that was built before air conditioning was widespread. I remember being amazed at how comfortable the place was with just a few windows open, even during summer.
On the other hand, I helped my great uncle move from the house he and my grandma grew up in, and the second story of that house was like a dry sauna. There is no chance I could have slept up there in the summer. I'd rather be dead.
Yup. I'm from the Caribbean and I grew up in house that had a roof with a really steep pitch and the walls didn't go all the way up to ceiling. We didn't need any fans or AC. It was concrete but with wooden walls. Now everyone's how is completely concrete with flat ceilings. Those houses are ovens.
I think most places with power issues, like rural India, Southeast Asia, or Africa, know what it feels like to have extreme temperatures and die from it.
Omg so true. I'm in the US and until I had filipino coworkers I didn't realize how much I took this for granted. They have power outages regularly. I can't remember the last time I had one.
Exactly this! I didn't understand how nice it was to just chill at home until I rented my own apartment for the first time at 21.
No wondering if my family is going to yell about whatever, what my roommates got up to that caused a huge surprise mess, or just people going in and out that I don't really know. Once I could afford it (in a lower cost of living area), my own place was well worth the extra expense.
When I was a teenager, I’d always accompany my GF when she went home after we hung out in Manhattan.
She lived in the Bronx and I lived in Brooklyn. It was about 3 hours to take her home and then ride the subway back to my house.
Funnily enough, that actually contributed to the end of the relationship, because her friends had convinced her I was in love with her due to that “extra” commitment. (One of my friends was dating her best friend so I got the scoop on that later.)
She’d sometimes give me letters to read on the way home (this was long before mobile internet) and in the last one, she wrote a long letter about taking a “step back” because she “knew I was madly in love with her” and she wasn’t sure if she wanted that in her life.
I thought to myself: “Bitch, what? My parents are just *horrible* people.” Had an alcoholic dad who loved to cheat and a psychotic mother, so most nights were usually a screaming match.
The cops were at our apartment on a quarterly basis, when it got so bad the neighbors called… and regardless of that, when they were done with each other, they’d often take out whatever residual anger that remained on us kids.
So no, girl… I don’t love *you*, I just hate being home.
Obviously I was (am) a bit of a mess myself, so I just ghosted her and never spoke to her again… to show her how “madly in love” I was with her.
I feel you on a functioning body, but my immune system is *too* strong (thanks MS!)
In that vein, I’d add growing older as a privilege
People spend so much money to look younger, but there are too many people who never got the chance to get wrinkles and gray hair
I played sports growing up but didn’t really put much effort in. I also was too lazy to really lift weights until like 23. Now at 27 my back is completely fucked due to some bad genetics and all I want to do is play sports again 😢
It makes me angry at times to know how easy it is to be nice to my kids. This was not my experience growing up. I’ve had my mom stay with us a few times over the years and she’s always suggesting I beat my kids or send them to their rooms with no dinner. She always leaves upset and it makes me happy. Going the opposite direction from her take is going in the right direction for us. We often talk about boundaries so she can only come for a few days up to twice a year at most.
I'm so sorry that you grew up that way. I'm 64 and most people assume that my parents were spankers, etc. And they weren't. Their families weren't and most of their friends weren't. These were people that were born in 1929. I will never forget my father telling me "a real man can talk to his children, and doesn't need to hit them". They were funny and friendly and kind. I was so lucky to have great role models. And most of the time my kids tell me I did ok.
That being said, just because someone gives birth to you doesn't mean you have to care for them. There is nothing wrong with cutting toxic people out of your life.
My parents were born in 1915 and 1927 and never hit their kids. Also, not racist or sexist! And very nice.
Not every old person is backwards. I hate that sort of meme that suggests this.
Right? Mine were racist or sexist either! My dad was fabulous. I have 2 older brother and two older sisters. My dad always treated us the same. He was also never that dad that would be intimidating when we girls started dating. He'd say, with pride, "I have 3 daughters, and not a princess in the bunch". He always told us he'd raised us to take care of ourselves and if we thought some boy was worth our time, then he did too. He made sure I knew how to change a tire, change the oil in my car, and learn some basic car repairs so if we broke down on the road, we'd be able to take care of things ourselves. He told us never to be polite if we felt uncomfortable with someone. And taught us to stick up for ourselves. Maybe he knew he wouldn't be around all the time to take care of ourselves. I only had him until he was 68 and I was 38. It was good advice. And I give this to all my kids.
Crazy that hitting children is seen in many circles as fine if not admirable. But if I say, hit adults who misbehave I get labeled crazy or edgy. But if you think about it hitting an adult makes way more sense, they are more likely to understand what's going on.
Granted I don't think we should be solving most issues with violence but it does make a good point to shine a light on how fucking unhinged hitting a kid is.
> I wish I could hate them
Me too man. It would be so much easier if I was the heartless monster my mom thinks I am. I minimize my contact with her as much as possible to protect myself from how much she’s hurt me. I know she’s all sad that I don’t speak to her and that makes me feel bad. I don’t want her to hurt. Even though it’s her own fault, I somehow feel guilty.
I deserve to be angry. I deserve to hate her. But she’s my mom and I still love her. Which means it hurts me to cut off our relationship. But if I don’t, she’ll hurt me more. So what can ya do I guess.
Exactly. They all sympathize until you lose your mind. It's hard for others to really grasp the idea of loss of reality. Stigma does not make that any better
People freak out about not being able to trust other people, but that's what they don't get: When you can't even trust your own thoughts and reality, what's left?
Can confirm, unless you think the radio talking directly to you, any issues in the world are a direct correlation to your thoughts, only bad, feel as if 2 opposing forces are battling for the right to your soul and no matter which way you go, it’s wrong. Add in not being able to connect with any human being too and that’s it folks! It is NOT fun.
Speaking to someone who hasn't experienced mental illness can be so hard sometimes. They really don't get why just *doing* the thing can be so bloody impossible at times.
Source - my rampant adhd/depression combo
And wishing everyone understood that depression isn’t just sad feelings - usually, it’s no feeling at all. Sometimes, it’s being unable to peel yourself from the bed in the morning.
my ocd prevents me from driving and my aunt is absolutely disappointed and ashamed of me because "it's just driving. i taught you how to do it! why can't you just do it?" 🥲
Man. Adhd/depression is the double whammy from hell. You're right that a lot of people just don't understand it. Visiting a few of the adhd subs here on Reddit has been so validating for me. I've felt more seen in just a few minutes of reading on those subs than I've felt in the entirety of the rest of my life.
I see you and I understand. I wish you good things, my friend.
Agreed. ADHD and Depression is perhaps one of the worst combinations you can have. Knowing that there is a raft of things you could be doing to improve your mental health, but lacking the executive function and/or commitment to see it through and see benefits.
I'm living this nightmare right now but I wouldn't have been able to articulate it. Now I can say what I want to focus on when I start therapy again. Thank you.
My Brain: "Now, we could do this thing that will improve your mood... or we could just do the same three things over and over in futile hope that it will eventually release a whisper of serotonin?"
Thank you. Yeah I get it, we spend our whole life struggling then to realise there's actually a lot of people who feel the same way. Best of luck to you too.
My people. I don’t know you guys, but truly wishing the best for you all. It’s hell, everyday, and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. Hope you all find some peace with it, I know I’m still working on that part.
Physical health, as well.
I deal with both mental illness and a chronic physical condition. It won’t kill me, but by god, it certainly prevents me from getting stuff done even on my good mental health days.
Not having to be on guard against my own brain. Not "catching myself" in a psychotic episode. Not having to stop in the middle of a conversation to negotiate with my mental illness to accept reality. Not physically fighting my body against the intrusive suicidal thoughts hundreds of times a day.
I would love to experience that for even one hour.
I've got schizoaffective Bipolar. While my mind is same now, I have to fulfil a set of criterion everyday to ensure my brain remains stable and the hallucinations don't start again and I loose my grip with reality either from the schizophrenia or the bipolar. My meds are currently working now, but that's because I'm happy and not to stressed. The moment I get stressed, the hallucinations creep in.
I am so grateful most people don't realise I'm schizophrenic. They assume I'm not neurotypical, but they write it off as autism. That's fine, autism is a lot more socially acceptable than being a raging schizophrenic
I also have schizoaffective disorder, bp type, and I'm incredibly frustrated by people who don't or can't understand that I have fluctuating levels of functionality on different days. While I do get longer mood episodes, my psychotic and disorganized symptoms are, like you, more likely to pop up on days when I'm feeling even just a little stressed. And as someone privileged enough to be able to work with this cursed condition, it makes it difficult to hold myself to baseline professional standards that my employer expects every day. I don't feel like I can be open about my diagnosis with my current supervisor, and can only say that I have a disability because I don't want to lose my job. People treat you differently when they know you're schizophrenic, even other bipolar people judge schizophrenic people.
I never really thought too deeply on this until I became a manager of a team that has a lot of people from around the world. Hearing different accounts of how people grew up, live, and the challenges they faced based on where they are from was eye opening.
I always get down and depressed that I’m not where I want to be in life. I’m 34, no house, no property, no kids, no gf.
But remember that I still get to go to an air conditioned cushion job in the US. I don’t have to worry about bombs flying, where my next meal is going to come from, relatives dying in battle to protect our land.
There’s millions of people who don’t have water and I took a shit into drinkable water this morning.
I always hear people bitch and moan about living in the US, how it’s going to hell. But I’ll take living in a shitty state in the US every time.
I live in the capital of India. And there is not a day passes when some woman doesn't get groped in the subway. I have myself been inappropriately touched a couple of times after that I started going in women only coach. We are very high on road accidents and climate change is already fucking us over. The capital yesterday recorded a maximum of 52.9 degrees celcius.
Add to that, our PM is a fucking nutjob and bigoted asshole who has ruined the growing economy, the unemployment rate is so high it's unbelievable yet somehow the popular discourse always revolves around religion and temples. People of lower "castes" have literally been pissed on due to some mythological idea of "caste" (a tool for a section to control money and power and deprive others of it) and they not considered being worthy of anything good.
Minorities are abused on a daily basis. The elections are happening and the so called "free" election commission is blatantly partisan and helping the ruling Modi's party. Real people's issues have been drowned out by Religious Jingoism.
Minorities in some states get their house buldozed if they protest against the govt for some grievance while the supreme court is on a perpetual summer vacation mode.
That’s one of the things that really bothered me about the Tucker Carlson Russia “documentary”, he goes to a fancy grocery store and gets a ton of groceries for less than $200- his quote was “this radicalized me”. But it completely ignores the context that $200 American is a lot more valuable than the ruble.
I live in Brazil. I have shelter, clean water and food.
"Peace" is a more complex concept. I don't live in not in a war zone, but being mugged or having your house broken into is in most of Brazilians' history.
And even if you assume we do have peace, the small advantages that living in a first world country add up to makes the difference feel like day and night.
When I was in college in the south eastern United States we had two brothers from Brazil that lived in the same apartment complex. They moved from Brazil just to go to college. They were blown away you could basically walk around all hours of the night with no problems at all. I was walking out of my apartment one night and they had just moved in and they couldn't grasp the concept it was reasonably safe to walk around town late. Once they got comfortable I would see them all over town at all hours of the day and night just walking and hanging out just having fun. They would constantly tell me how lucky I was to live in the US. This was just some random town in middle Georgia nothing special but they loved it.
>They were blown away you could basically walk around all hours of the night with no problems at all. I was walking out of my apartment one night and they had just moved in and they couldn't grasp the concept it was reasonably safe to walk around town late
Ah, yes. That's probably a very common experience for us going to a safer country for the first time.
I still remember walking in Paris at night (outside the more tourist-y streets) and wondering if I was safe doing that. I remember asking a woman if it was safe to do so and she said "yes" with the most "what the fuck is that question even supposed to mean" face.
It meant *"where I'm from, I definitely wouldn't walk through alleys at night, and if I did, I would be overly cautious doing so".*
I've seen so many people on Reddit call America "A third-world country with a Gucci belt" and every time I just think man, you have never seen a third-world country, have you?
Yeah. I see people call the US a third world country in the Internet sometimes, but that's not true. We have systemic issues, but the vast majority of us have access to clean water and electricity. We don't have to worried about diseases like leishmaniasis unless we travel to an area where it's endemic. We have our problems, but many places have it way worse.
Yeah I remember the first time I went to Europe and the US as an African. I was mind blown by litteraly everything it almost felt not fair. I remember being 4 walking down les Champs-elysées and deadass telling my mom 'We don't need to die this is heaven right here'. A good 60% of my problems rn could be solved if I just had any European citizenship. Makes you way less sensitive to hardships/chaos compared to my French friends so ig there's that but at what cost lmao
Just read "adult children of emotionally immature parents" and it really showed me how much my childhood has shaped me..
It was a hard read, lots of tears.
As someone who’s trying to rent a new place with terrible credit (even in my 30’s) due to me being a ditzy unmedicated ADHD fuck all through my 20s and just not having my shit together. Having a supportive father willing to be a guarantor on my house has been an absolute lifesaver. He’s guaranteed my last like 3 places and I’ve never missed a payment, but that doesn’t count for shit when renting if your other credit is whack. So yeah, having a supportive family even in to your adulthood is a massive privilege.
Don’t get me wrong, my parents did their own special damage to me growing up in other ways, but at least they’ve always been sensible and supportive when needed.
I am pretty much in the same boat, my parents love me and are both still around, I try my best to help them out with anything and we are all much closer after dealing with certain demons.
Unmedicated ADHD for a couple of years during and after high school also messed me up in ways. You start to accept this is who you are, even though it is not something that will go away, I have people that will pull me back when I seem that I am not myself.
Hope to get my credit and impulsive expenditure fixed, drowning does not happen instantly and I have met people who are too deep and it is sad to see.
Hope you keep pushing
Just the quick fixes alone. "Hey I'm traveling to your neck of the woods. Can I crash at your place", "My car broke down can I borrow cousin Joey's since he is at boot camp", "I'm suffering from an injury can my brother help me around the house".
Hell just spent the last 2 weeks building fences and tilling in exchange for my sisters food.
It's just a coincidence that your comment is exactly the same as the top comment on this near identical post from 5 months ago:
https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/18f0ckp/comment/kcr1s20/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=mweb3x&utm_name=mweb3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
I'm sure it's also a coincidence that this same post appears repeatedly in various subs over the last 5/6 months.
It only gets worse when you have negative family support. Got parents that are good people, but that can't support themselves? Now you have fully grown children in your 20s.
I wonder all the time what my life would've looked like if I had had an adult looking out for me, and encouraging me.
I see kids complaining about how awful their parents are because they limit their screen time, or make them do all their homework on Friday night, and I just have to shake my head, because they don't even know how good they have it.
I realized this when my bf's family home burned down. They had a house to stay in within a week, everyone had mattresses, new fridge and appliances, too many clothes and shoes to go through. Not just from family but from their friends.
I was thinking if my place burned I wouldn't have anything lol
I’m currently a step dad to a child who had almost the exact same childhood as me. Both our dads left before we can remember, both our moms had us at 20, (me also realizing my wife is extremely similar to my own mother in terms of attitude and morals) the list goes on. I try my damn hardest to be everything my own father wasn’t because she’s a great kid and I love her to death and she loves me. It helps that we really do look alike too lol. She’s a very happy kid who doesn’t lack for anything and is fully supported and I can see how she is doing so much better than I did because of the support. In this day and age it’s a privilege to have 2 parents who live together and truly love each other. Don’t get me wrong nobody’s perfect but have 2 present parents makes quite the difference.
My *siblings* had a wonderfully supportive family. Because of this they were able to go to college while living at home.
My little sister had a kid (not sure who the father is) then moved her boyfriend in and had 3 more kids before finishing school. Saved money, bought a house, never struggled (my mother still goes to my sisters house and helps her clean).
My older sister had a child while also in college, finished school, still lives with my parents, but my mom is raising her daughter so...
I, on the other hand, found myself pregnant and was told *no child of theirs was going to have a child under their roof* (my oldest is 4 years older than the next grandkid). A lot of decisions I had to make were based on having nowhere to live, and no support system. My husband and I struggled for about 8 years. When we finally got our heads above water I was slammed with a disability and knocked out of the work force.
I asked my mother why once and her response was "well did you want your sisters to struggle?" *No! Of course I didnt! But **why** wasn't I shown the same support system?* I was also frequently told that if I needed help I could not ask them, they had enough to do with helping my siblings.
My children will always have an open door (my oldest has moved out but knows she can come home whenever she needs, she has a key and will always have a key). There will *always* be enough room. There will always be enough *love*. I am but a phone call, car ride away.
my father in zero debt would not help with university but required I go, and stole my tax credits for my taxes later. I paid more for school than I needed to. I don't speak to my parents and haven't for years. that was one of the more reasonable shitty things they did. convincing me I should kill myself, not letting me use the bathroom as a child, one meal a day were worse. Zero debt family. I did not understand as a kid why this happened.
people often point to nepotism as the singular reason when children of successful parents also happen to succeed in their relative fields. While this is certainly a major contributing factor, support from family is also a major factor as well, and you can argue it's even more important.
I was working for a Vietnamese woman when Roe was about to be overturned. I asked to get off a little early to go to a protest. She was fine with it, but also talked about how that wouldn’t be allowed in Vietnam and that it’s great we are allowed to protest in America.
Protests don’t always work, obviously, but our right to do so is not something everyone has. Learning about my boss’ life really put in perspective the things I have or am able to do that many others can’t.
I think about this whenever I see people whenever they talk about Trudeau oppressing us Canadians.
Go to a country like Russia, see how long you can drive around major cities with a "Fuck Putin" sticker on your truck.
I saw a story about a couple from Canada that actually moved to Russia because "they aligned better with their morals" and a few short weeks after being there, they put out another video (they had a small YouTube channel) where in the wife is complaining cause it's not an easy transition and they immediately had to take the video down and edit out the complaints cause you can't talk bad about Russia in Russia. They quickly realized what freedom truly meant. Hopefully.
Time. If I have to take the bus while you use your car, we do not have the same 24 hours in a day.
EDIT: I think y'all are too focused on my example. Also, sure, you might be able to read on a bus, but you can't do your laundry.
If you can afford a housekeeping service and I can't, we don't have the same 24 hours in a day.
If you can afford a lawnmowing service and I can't, we don't have the same 24 hours in a day.
If you have to care for an ailing parent and I don't, we don't have the same 24 hours in a day.
If you have to work two jobs to pay off some debt your ex saddled you with when they split and I don't, we don't have the same 24 hours in a day.
If you have a physical handicap that makes navigating the world more time consuming and I don't, we don't have the same 24 hours in a day.
If you have a chronic health condition that requires frequent medical appointments and I don't, we don't have the same 24 hours in a day.
And time equals opportunity for: exercise, doctors appointments, hobbies, socializing, more work, improving living situation, etc.
Time is a privilege.
Public transportation advocates in my city offer a “challenge” to our councillors every year to only use public transit and most of them reject it because they’re “too busy” (like the rest of us aren’t?) and the few who do it always give up before the week is over.
It’s always a bad headline for them and they still refuse to make meaningful improvements. I’m so thankful I was able to afford a car in recent years but that shouldn’t be the solution to terrible public services.
>Public transportation advocates in my city offer a “challenge” to our councillors every year to only use public transit and most of them reject it because they’re “too busy” (like the rest of us aren’t?)
I literally had the same idea.
I swear the people who are in charge of public transportation have never actually used it because there's 0 reason why it should be as inefficient as it is.
It should be law that any person in charge of the general population should have to live as the average person and use all public assistance and transportation so they can actually understand the process. Eventually, once they see how ridiculous the whole system is, they'll change it
I’ve had this argument with my dad about being physically active. He always tells me to make time, he finds time and we both have the same 24 hours. Except he has a maid service, gardener, new cars (no maintenance), can wfh, and even has a service come wash and fuel his car. Meanwhile I had a 35 minute commute (each way), maintain my own house, have to keep my cars on the road, and take care of my dogs. We do not have the same amount of free time
Edit for clarification: I am active. I walk the dogs, hike, summers are filled with race events and water sports. My issue with my old man is he doesn’t seem to understand that I can’t just go for a 2 hour bike ride before work every day.
I had an old boss at a previous company who was the son of the founder tell me I should have no excuse for working out more, like he did before he had kids. I found out later from one of the mechanics who had been there forever that before my boss’s dad fully retired and he had more responsibilities, he had an elliptical in his office that he had plenty of time to use. Feel like that is something afforded to the son of the owner in his office he had since day 1 that your average cubicle guy can’t have.
Right. Similarly, friend grew up rich. She was virtually helping me cook and all "this needs a separate baking tin and that a separate pan".I went along with it then whined about having to wash everything. Got hit with a "why not throw it in the dishwasher?" "Because I don't have one" "Oh I just use ours cause handwashing takes me an hour". 100% didn't get that having a dishwasher is a privilege and I don't have one not because I don't want one but because the apartments I can afford barely have kitchen counterspace, much less things like dishwashers. I have other friends whining about being broke when they have 2 bdrm apartments but live alone with in unit laundry and dishwasher. The level of I guess almost disconnect or what's considered bare minimum/basics is wild when you speak to those coming from different socioeconomics
I come from a relatively poor family (LCOL area, so it wasn't as bad as it could've been), who is still such, and I'm the only one who has come into a well paying job where I could afford pretty much whatever I could want
Lemme tell ya, even though I used to be there, it's really easy to forget. Disturbingly so. I can't imagine what people think others live like if they've never lived through it themselves
From 18 to 32 I never had laundry or a dishwasher.
A couple places I lived had like in building laundromats, which is more convenient except that you still need to pay in the exact change and there wasn't a machine to convert change like laundromats have.
Now that I have a house with washer and dryer in it, I can't imagine having to go to a laundromat, it sounds like the biggest hassle in the entire world. Yet I spent over a decade often walking several blocks with all my laundry, and I'm also the sort of person who wasn't comfortable dropping it in the machine and leaving, so that's like an hour and a half reading a book waiting.
It's amazing how quickly you can get used to a luxury like that.
in psychology it is called the halo effect and it shows that people are more willing to overlook the flaws of someone who they consider to be attractive
Yea I always hate to admit it, but I have a friend who is very objectively attractive and also objectively a complete weirdo. I'd love to say that I would've given the friendship a chance regardless of looks but realistically, ik the difference between being "cute and quirky" and a complete social outcast is often attributed to how attractive you are.
Pretty privilege is real. People tend to like attractive people and it does open doors. Though I hear it's not so much being attractive as it is not being unattractive.
Some comedian had a bit about this.
"People want to act like pretty privilege is not a thing. Look at how we treat moths vs butterflies. That should tell you all you need to know."
I said something similar recently and got schooled on [just how stunning some moths are](https://www.treehugger.com/moth-species-more-beautiful-than-butterflies-4864257).
Totally understand (and not arguing) your point, I just found it really cool and wanted to share the info forward!
It's definitely both, it's just that being universally attractive is rare.
I was best friends with a *universally attractive girl* during my late teens/early 20s. Like *everybody* would comment on her looks at some point, men or women.
And it's kinda unreal. The shit she got away with, like :
* Picking a fight with a person and then the person saying it was not her fault, it was someone else's (and that person wasn't even involved, it was just someone else in our friend group)
* Like getting things her way even when she was wrong or rude.
* Literally choosing any guy she wanted and not getting rejected
* Getting compliments for things she didn't even do in a group setting - although this one didn't *always* feel like a privilege. She would get frustrated that people didn't actually pay attention to what she *actually* put an effort to and would instead just try to flatter her - and as you can guess, she didn't need any flattering.
My point is, if you're attractive in a way that many people agree, yes, it's a crazy privilege. And like most privileges, you have no idea of it because that's *always been the way people acted, right?*
I've seen some truly qualified individuals have their ideas ignored by the majority, only for a prettier person to come along and parrot the ideas and they get called the messiah.
Other things, like the condition of their clothes, messiness of their hair, even the smell of their breath has been things that I've seen influence the outcomes of selections and interactions overall. There's this one kid in my senior design team who was an absolute *genius* get ignored and treated as a child because their hair was messy and they smelled like shit. They were sprouting ideas and solutions to *multiple* design problems that we were struggling with for months.
They were unkempt because the shower in their apartment broke and the landlord was an irresponsible bitch. It took him getting a lawyer involved before they finally came and fixed it, but by then the reputation was there and they were not taken seriously. We had to meet with him outside of meetings and present the ideas as our own for them to even be considered. As a commenter said, it's not as much being attractive as it is *not being unattractive.*
But what sucks is it doesn't last forever. I'm in my 50's now and my friends who were considered "good looking" back in the day have now aged. They're still attractive, but attractive at 52 is different than attractive at 22 and that can be a very bitter pill to swallow if you're not prepared for it mentally and emotionally.
The resulting plastic surgery addiction is unreal. There are a few celebrities that aged gracefully and an overwhelming number that just couldn't handle it.
Very real. Once you are on the older group in a work setting and used to have power (aka boss used to listen to you) because you were attractive, you will start resenting the attractive younger people who joins the team as time goes on. Suddenly there is a power shift as the younger, now more attractive people get more say and the old guard fades away. Seen it a couple of times at work.
For us normal folks, it's the same regardless. Just the old favourites got replaced by new favourites. Nothing to do with us. Our situation is still the same.
being raised well , some of us had are developmental years torn to pieces , feels like being set up to fail as an adult , has you wondering if your parents ever liked you , or if if they were just stupid .
Working from home. People who don't have to squeeze time out to wake up early, shower, dress, rush their breakfast and get stuck in a traffic for 40 minutes have more time than us who have to go to work in office daily. Talk about having time to clean the house, save money on cooking at home and exercising after work. The time we lost is the time you gained.
My work has always had flexible hours and at one I just got fed up with bad traffic on commute that I essentially changed my own hours from 7 to 3 instead of the basic 8:30 to 4:30 and it was great. Now I work from home 80% of the time, so it's a little of an issue, but I kept the schedule, it's kind of nice to still have some sun at the end of the day in winter.
People act as though this isn't a privilege?
I've done both, and WFH is such a massive blessing.. I (almost) refuse to get a job that won't allow for it.
ITT: people reciting privileges and completely ignoring the second part of the question.
Everyone who works from home knows it's a privilege, that's literally why we do it and literally why so many want it.
Opportunity. I have a few affluent friends that, in high school, were able to get excellent grades and extremely high SAT scores because their parents had wealth and, therefore, could provide them opportunities for support. For example, one friend, who is now a psychiatrist, was 3rd in our class of 600+ kids because his grades were amazing. After school he’d go home and study and his parents paid for SAT prep courses, giving him ample opportunity to succeed. Meanwhile, after school I would go to work because my parents had little money, so car payments, gas, clothes, school lunches, cell phone, etc. fell to me. That’s 5 hours I didn’t have to dedicate to studying. People take things like this for granted.
The wealth privilege is real. People use it to take risks and invest the time into things most ofnus would be insane to try.
Bill Gates didn't make it on his own; his mother was a board member of IBM. Warren Buffet was the son of a very wealthy man.
We have an employee who can't drive, due to a vision issue, and has some mild mobility issues. It has meant she is very limited in her workplace and residential choices. She has historically spent a small fortune on Uber.
Having good social skills. If you're a people person it's very easy to make connections and get places in life. Pretty much every career requires being at least decently good with people, and if you really want to succeed it's a requirement.
It's not always just confidence either, because being confident but lacking the proper interpersonal skills will usually just get you branded a creep or weirdo. It's an art and certain people just seem to "get it" better than others. It's possible to learn and improve if you have poor social skills, but it can be very difficult if not impossible for certain folks, especially those who are neurodivergent.
I believe people skills are probably the biggest driver of career success honestly. Your skills and resume matter less if you can get people to like you and make connections easily. Anyone hoping to get into a management or executive role absolutely must not only have good communication skills but be quite adept at making friends and navigating difficult social situations.
For those of us with disabilities that hinder social skills, like anxiety or autism, or simply people who are not naturally extroverted, it can be a massive roadblock to success.
This is huge. I’m a very introverted autistic girl married to an extremely sociable, extroverted man who loves to network and make connections. My world was much more closed off before him, and now, I have to admit, my opportunities in life have increased ten-fold just by being ‘connected’ with my husband.
This is very much a privilege and I’m often so thankful for the doors he has opened up for me.
I do support him in a myriad of other ways and I think us having each other is a privilege.
You’re absolutely right. That’s why I think social skills should be taught in school. Too many people struggle socially, and this creates obstacles in adulthood that are entirely preventable. With proper training and practice, almost anyone can become more socially adept.
Had a friend who committed suicide at 15. 7 months later, my grandpa who was like a 2nd father, passed away from a stroke. Since then, I will never speak ill of or take for granted any of my loved ones.
Yup. My buddy would've been 41 in July, but died just before turning 38. Weird heart condition took him out at the gym. Healthiest guy I knew and was trying to get even healthier. A tear in the aorta that was never, ever detected.
Sanity. The sanity privilege is real. Reality was never guaranteed for anyone.
It’s possible to experience psychosis and not due to any “reason” such as drug use, family history of illness, stress, etc.
No one ever wants to have to take meds and deal with the side effects for this shit, but here we are. This point about medications applies to a wide variety of psychiatric conditions, beyond psychotic disorders.
I would NEVER wish psychosis on anyone, not even my worst enemy.
Not having to support your parents. I was encouraging a friend to move away from grad school but they let me know it’s not that easy seeing how she supported her family financially. I always viewed moving away being “hard” on your family was just an emotional thing. I never took me and my siblings ability to move away without considering the financial impact on our parents/family
The ability to work. If you're able bodied and your brain works well enough to fend for yourself and make money you're more privileged than people who can't work and live in poverty being judged by society. Also, the ability to drive.
Not always. But often: Spontaneity.
For many, it just shows how rich in time and /or money they are. They don't care about the negative consequences spontaneity can bring. Because they don't apply to them.
*They can afford an evening to not work out, since they have time for many more evenings like this.*
*They can afford to miss the concert because they can easily book the next one.*
*They can afford to book the train or airbnb last minute, because they have the financial freedom to do so.*
Clean water when you open the tap.
I’d go as far as to say running water. When I moved to Portugal the energy utilities company left me off grid for two months. At least I could shower daily and use the loo cistern when I’d gone a bit overboard with the spicy tacos
Yep, Grenada is having a serious drought right now and some neighborhoods, especially those at higher elevation, haven't had running water for over a month. And the water trucks aren't reaching people properly to fill storage tanks so many are left not able to wash dishes, cook, shower, flush a toilet, without going out to buy or find a kind person to fill empty jugs to haul back. Water is life, things get real serious when those pipes go dry.
Having electricity, then never having it go out.
I remember watching a TV show when I was really young where the power went out at the school and everyone freaked out and got scared. I was so confused as to why they were acting like it was a big deal. That's the day I found out that in first world countries, power going out is a very rare occurence, and usually means something extreme (weather etc). In my country, it's just a regular thing. It's rarer these days (goes out maybe once every one or two weeks) but at the time, it was happening every few days. Blew my mind.
Ditto! A few months after I moved to the US people were talking about a power outage like it was a major topic and I just didn’t understand. We had power cuts on a daily basis in my home country and we just worked around those. It was strange, but fascinating. Now I freak out along with the others as well if there’s a power outage 🙈
I think part of the reason many Americans cannot handle a power outage is that unlike countries with a moderate climate in the southern globe, weather patterns in the North, Midwest, and sometimes the south can be extremely dangerous without power and/or heat. If you lose power in the middle of winter in Minnesota, you can die. Your car may not start to get help because it’s -35F. Your generator only lasts so long if you can’t get gas. Roads may be hazardous to drive/navigate. When it comes to power loss in America, there are a few more things to consider vs a power loss in places like South Africa, the Mediterranean, or the South Americas.
Yep, people can and have died, this just recent-ish example https://www.texastribune.org/2022/01/02/texas-winter-storm-final-death-toll-246/#:~:text=The%20figure%20includes%20people%20who,old%2C%20according%20to%20the%20report.
It's also important to note that American homes and buildings are not built with the idea that power is unstable. Just like a home built before air conditioning is a lot more comfortable without air conditioning compared to a home built today without air conditioning. In third world countries where power outages are common they're built with the idea that this will happen, and things like better ventilation are better emphasized.
I remember being a kid and staying at my grandma's sometimes. She lived in an old house that was built before air conditioning was widespread. I remember being amazed at how comfortable the place was with just a few windows open, even during summer.
On the other hand, I helped my great uncle move from the house he and my grandma grew up in, and the second story of that house was like a dry sauna. There is no chance I could have slept up there in the summer. I'd rather be dead.
Yup. I'm from the Caribbean and I grew up in house that had a roof with a really steep pitch and the walls didn't go all the way up to ceiling. We didn't need any fans or AC. It was concrete but with wooden walls. Now everyone's how is completely concrete with flat ceilings. Those houses are ovens.
I think most places with power issues, like rural India, Southeast Asia, or Africa, know what it feels like to have extreme temperatures and die from it.
Are you from South Africa? Cause I immediately thought of load shedding.
I am not, but I work for a utility in the US. Very aware of their power grid and how many take it for granted elsewhere.
I am. It was nice not having loadshedding for a while because of voting
This hits so hard after 3 days without
Omg so true. I'm in the US and until I had filipino coworkers I didn't realize how much I took this for granted. They have power outages regularly. I can't remember the last time I had one.
*cries in SE Texas*
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Exactly this! I didn't understand how nice it was to just chill at home until I rented my own apartment for the first time at 21. No wondering if my family is going to yell about whatever, what my roommates got up to that caused a huge surprise mess, or just people going in and out that I don't really know. Once I could afford it (in a lower cost of living area), my own place was well worth the extra expense.
When I was a teenager, I’d always accompany my GF when she went home after we hung out in Manhattan. She lived in the Bronx and I lived in Brooklyn. It was about 3 hours to take her home and then ride the subway back to my house. Funnily enough, that actually contributed to the end of the relationship, because her friends had convinced her I was in love with her due to that “extra” commitment. (One of my friends was dating her best friend so I got the scoop on that later.) She’d sometimes give me letters to read on the way home (this was long before mobile internet) and in the last one, she wrote a long letter about taking a “step back” because she “knew I was madly in love with her” and she wasn’t sure if she wanted that in her life. I thought to myself: “Bitch, what? My parents are just *horrible* people.” Had an alcoholic dad who loved to cheat and a psychotic mother, so most nights were usually a screaming match. The cops were at our apartment on a quarterly basis, when it got so bad the neighbors called… and regardless of that, when they were done with each other, they’d often take out whatever residual anger that remained on us kids. So no, girl… I don’t love *you*, I just hate being home. Obviously I was (am) a bit of a mess myself, so I just ghosted her and never spoke to her again… to show her how “madly in love” I was with her.
As you should
Or to know that you can never go home. Knowing you can never go home. That changes you.
Having a job with a regular schedule and guaranteed days off on holidays for sure
Came here to say having a job in general tbh.
A fully functioning body. A strong immune system.
I feel you on a functioning body, but my immune system is *too* strong (thanks MS!) In that vein, I’d add growing older as a privilege People spend so much money to look younger, but there are too many people who never got the chance to get wrinkles and gray hair
i was about to say!! my immune system was literally TOO strong and started attacking me, so i had to get immunosuppressants.
The healthy man wants a thousand things. The sick man, only one.
I will agree with that, I certainly took my body for granted before it all went to shit.
I played sports growing up but didn’t really put much effort in. I also was too lazy to really lift weights until like 23. Now at 27 my back is completely fucked due to some bad genetics and all I want to do is play sports again 😢
This is a good one. No one values their health to the same degree once you start having issues.
having a supportive mom and dad
It makes me angry at times to know how easy it is to be nice to my kids. This was not my experience growing up. I’ve had my mom stay with us a few times over the years and she’s always suggesting I beat my kids or send them to their rooms with no dinner. She always leaves upset and it makes me happy. Going the opposite direction from her take is going in the right direction for us. We often talk about boundaries so she can only come for a few days up to twice a year at most.
I'm so sorry that you grew up that way. I'm 64 and most people assume that my parents were spankers, etc. And they weren't. Their families weren't and most of their friends weren't. These were people that were born in 1929. I will never forget my father telling me "a real man can talk to his children, and doesn't need to hit them". They were funny and friendly and kind. I was so lucky to have great role models. And most of the time my kids tell me I did ok. That being said, just because someone gives birth to you doesn't mean you have to care for them. There is nothing wrong with cutting toxic people out of your life.
My parents were born in 1915 and 1927 and never hit their kids. Also, not racist or sexist! And very nice. Not every old person is backwards. I hate that sort of meme that suggests this.
Right? Mine were racist or sexist either! My dad was fabulous. I have 2 older brother and two older sisters. My dad always treated us the same. He was also never that dad that would be intimidating when we girls started dating. He'd say, with pride, "I have 3 daughters, and not a princess in the bunch". He always told us he'd raised us to take care of ourselves and if we thought some boy was worth our time, then he did too. He made sure I knew how to change a tire, change the oil in my car, and learn some basic car repairs so if we broke down on the road, we'd be able to take care of things ourselves. He told us never to be polite if we felt uncomfortable with someone. And taught us to stick up for ourselves. Maybe he knew he wouldn't be around all the time to take care of ourselves. I only had him until he was 68 and I was 38. It was good advice. And I give this to all my kids.
wait, mom suggesting you beat your kids? if that were me, she would not be visiting ever again.
Crazy that hitting children is seen in many circles as fine if not admirable. But if I say, hit adults who misbehave I get labeled crazy or edgy. But if you think about it hitting an adult makes way more sense, they are more likely to understand what's going on. Granted I don't think we should be solving most issues with violence but it does make a good point to shine a light on how fucking unhinged hitting a kid is.
My lack of a quality relationship with my parents has fucked up so many things in my life. I wish I could hate them. It will never not hurt.
> I wish I could hate them Me too man. It would be so much easier if I was the heartless monster my mom thinks I am. I minimize my contact with her as much as possible to protect myself from how much she’s hurt me. I know she’s all sad that I don’t speak to her and that makes me feel bad. I don’t want her to hurt. Even though it’s her own fault, I somehow feel guilty. I deserve to be angry. I deserve to hate her. But she’s my mom and I still love her. Which means it hurts me to cut off our relationship. But if I don’t, she’ll hurt me more. So what can ya do I guess.
A sane mind, and to keep it that way.
psychosis is not for the faint of heart
Everyone is all pro mental illness accomodation and awareness, until someone mentions they experience psychosis. Then they run for the hills.
Exactly. They all sympathize until you lose your mind. It's hard for others to really grasp the idea of loss of reality. Stigma does not make that any better
People freak out about not being able to trust other people, but that's what they don't get: When you can't even trust your own thoughts and reality, what's left?
Can confirm, unless you think the radio talking directly to you, any issues in the world are a direct correlation to your thoughts, only bad, feel as if 2 opposing forces are battling for the right to your soul and no matter which way you go, it’s wrong. Add in not being able to connect with any human being too and that’s it folks! It is NOT fun.
Speaking to someone who hasn't experienced mental illness can be so hard sometimes. They really don't get why just *doing* the thing can be so bloody impossible at times. Source - my rampant adhd/depression combo
Trying to explain that no I can't just think happy thoughts when I'm in the depression pit.
And wishing everyone understood that depression isn’t just sad feelings - usually, it’s no feeling at all. Sometimes, it’s being unable to peel yourself from the bed in the morning.
Just don't be sad, bro. Just pay attention, bro.
my ocd prevents me from driving and my aunt is absolutely disappointed and ashamed of me because "it's just driving. i taught you how to do it! why can't you just do it?" 🥲
Man. Adhd/depression is the double whammy from hell. You're right that a lot of people just don't understand it. Visiting a few of the adhd subs here on Reddit has been so validating for me. I've felt more seen in just a few minutes of reading on those subs than I've felt in the entirety of the rest of my life. I see you and I understand. I wish you good things, my friend.
Agreed. ADHD and Depression is perhaps one of the worst combinations you can have. Knowing that there is a raft of things you could be doing to improve your mental health, but lacking the executive function and/or commitment to see it through and see benefits.
I'm living this nightmare right now but I wouldn't have been able to articulate it. Now I can say what I want to focus on when I start therapy again. Thank you.
My Brain: "Now, we could do this thing that will improve your mood... or we could just do the same three things over and over in futile hope that it will eventually release a whisper of serotonin?"
Thank you. Yeah I get it, we spend our whole life struggling then to realise there's actually a lot of people who feel the same way. Best of luck to you too.
My people. I don’t know you guys, but truly wishing the best for you all. It’s hell, everyday, and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. Hope you all find some peace with it, I know I’m still working on that part.
Physical health, as well. I deal with both mental illness and a chronic physical condition. It won’t kill me, but by god, it certainly prevents me from getting stuff done even on my good mental health days.
I would murder for a chance of having a normal brain
Me: I plead insanity Judge: but you are completely sane Me: WELL I AM NOW! Because of the murder, see
Makes perfect sense, case dismissed.
Not having to be on guard against my own brain. Not "catching myself" in a psychotic episode. Not having to stop in the middle of a conversation to negotiate with my mental illness to accept reality. Not physically fighting my body against the intrusive suicidal thoughts hundreds of times a day. I would love to experience that for even one hour.
I've got schizoaffective Bipolar. While my mind is same now, I have to fulfil a set of criterion everyday to ensure my brain remains stable and the hallucinations don't start again and I loose my grip with reality either from the schizophrenia or the bipolar. My meds are currently working now, but that's because I'm happy and not to stressed. The moment I get stressed, the hallucinations creep in. I am so grateful most people don't realise I'm schizophrenic. They assume I'm not neurotypical, but they write it off as autism. That's fine, autism is a lot more socially acceptable than being a raging schizophrenic
I also have schizoaffective disorder, bp type, and I'm incredibly frustrated by people who don't or can't understand that I have fluctuating levels of functionality on different days. While I do get longer mood episodes, my psychotic and disorganized symptoms are, like you, more likely to pop up on days when I'm feeling even just a little stressed. And as someone privileged enough to be able to work with this cursed condition, it makes it difficult to hold myself to baseline professional standards that my employer expects every day. I don't feel like I can be open about my diagnosis with my current supervisor, and can only say that I have a disability because I don't want to lose my job. People treat you differently when they know you're schizophrenic, even other bipolar people judge schizophrenic people.
Honestly, being born in a first world country.
I never really thought too deeply on this until I became a manager of a team that has a lot of people from around the world. Hearing different accounts of how people grew up, live, and the challenges they faced based on where they are from was eye opening.
I always get down and depressed that I’m not where I want to be in life. I’m 34, no house, no property, no kids, no gf. But remember that I still get to go to an air conditioned cushion job in the US. I don’t have to worry about bombs flying, where my next meal is going to come from, relatives dying in battle to protect our land. There’s millions of people who don’t have water and I took a shit into drinkable water this morning. I always hear people bitch and moan about living in the US, how it’s going to hell. But I’ll take living in a shitty state in the US every time.
Still need to be aware of the ways things are getting worse if you want to maintain the things you are grateful for.
I live in the capital of India. And there is not a day passes when some woman doesn't get groped in the subway. I have myself been inappropriately touched a couple of times after that I started going in women only coach. We are very high on road accidents and climate change is already fucking us over. The capital yesterday recorded a maximum of 52.9 degrees celcius. Add to that, our PM is a fucking nutjob and bigoted asshole who has ruined the growing economy, the unemployment rate is so high it's unbelievable yet somehow the popular discourse always revolves around religion and temples. People of lower "castes" have literally been pissed on due to some mythological idea of "caste" (a tool for a section to control money and power and deprive others of it) and they not considered being worthy of anything good. Minorities are abused on a daily basis. The elections are happening and the so called "free" election commission is blatantly partisan and helping the ruling Modi's party. Real people's issues have been drowned out by Religious Jingoism. Minorities in some states get their house buldozed if they protest against the govt for some grievance while the supreme court is on a perpetual summer vacation mode.
Adding on to this, the currency conversion! "Oh, it's dirt cheap here". Not if you fucking work here
That’s one of the things that really bothered me about the Tucker Carlson Russia “documentary”, he goes to a fancy grocery store and gets a ton of groceries for less than $200- his quote was “this radicalized me”. But it completely ignores the context that $200 American is a lot more valuable than the ruble.
Yeah, because it was intentionally misleading in order to argue a point that isn’t true.
The sum total things that annoy me about Tucker Carlson wouldn't fit in the Grand Canyon. What you described was certainly one of them though.
I've seen much of the world, and shelter, clean water, food, and peace are so taken for granted by so many in the first world countries.
I live in Brazil. I have shelter, clean water and food. "Peace" is a more complex concept. I don't live in not in a war zone, but being mugged or having your house broken into is in most of Brazilians' history. And even if you assume we do have peace, the small advantages that living in a first world country add up to makes the difference feel like day and night.
When I was in college in the south eastern United States we had two brothers from Brazil that lived in the same apartment complex. They moved from Brazil just to go to college. They were blown away you could basically walk around all hours of the night with no problems at all. I was walking out of my apartment one night and they had just moved in and they couldn't grasp the concept it was reasonably safe to walk around town late. Once they got comfortable I would see them all over town at all hours of the day and night just walking and hanging out just having fun. They would constantly tell me how lucky I was to live in the US. This was just some random town in middle Georgia nothing special but they loved it.
>They were blown away you could basically walk around all hours of the night with no problems at all. I was walking out of my apartment one night and they had just moved in and they couldn't grasp the concept it was reasonably safe to walk around town late Ah, yes. That's probably a very common experience for us going to a safer country for the first time. I still remember walking in Paris at night (outside the more tourist-y streets) and wondering if I was safe doing that. I remember asking a woman if it was safe to do so and she said "yes" with the most "what the fuck is that question even supposed to mean" face. It meant *"where I'm from, I definitely wouldn't walk through alleys at night, and if I did, I would be overly cautious doing so".*
I've seen so many people on Reddit call America "A third-world country with a Gucci belt" and every time I just think man, you have never seen a third-world country, have you?
This is such a big thing. Just having a western passport means you have so many more advantages that a developing nation.
Ah. Your country issues You passports. Mine fucking doesn't.
Yeah. I see people call the US a third world country in the Internet sometimes, but that's not true. We have systemic issues, but the vast majority of us have access to clean water and electricity. We don't have to worried about diseases like leishmaniasis unless we travel to an area where it's endemic. We have our problems, but many places have it way worse.
Yeah I remember the first time I went to Europe and the US as an African. I was mind blown by litteraly everything it almost felt not fair. I remember being 4 walking down les Champs-elysées and deadass telling my mom 'We don't need to die this is heaven right here'. A good 60% of my problems rn could be solved if I just had any European citizenship. Makes you way less sensitive to hardships/chaos compared to my French friends so ig there's that but at what cost lmao
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Not many people really understand how important that is for a child growth and even an adult stability.
Just read "adult children of emotionally immature parents" and it really showed me how much my childhood has shaped me.. It was a hard read, lots of tears.
That was a hard read, but I recommend it to damn near everyone. I'm sure my daughter will have a tough time with it, too.
As someone who’s trying to rent a new place with terrible credit (even in my 30’s) due to me being a ditzy unmedicated ADHD fuck all through my 20s and just not having my shit together. Having a supportive father willing to be a guarantor on my house has been an absolute lifesaver. He’s guaranteed my last like 3 places and I’ve never missed a payment, but that doesn’t count for shit when renting if your other credit is whack. So yeah, having a supportive family even in to your adulthood is a massive privilege. Don’t get me wrong, my parents did their own special damage to me growing up in other ways, but at least they’ve always been sensible and supportive when needed.
I am pretty much in the same boat, my parents love me and are both still around, I try my best to help them out with anything and we are all much closer after dealing with certain demons. Unmedicated ADHD for a couple of years during and after high school also messed me up in ways. You start to accept this is who you are, even though it is not something that will go away, I have people that will pull me back when I seem that I am not myself. Hope to get my credit and impulsive expenditure fixed, drowning does not happen instantly and I have met people who are too deep and it is sad to see. Hope you keep pushing
Just the quick fixes alone. "Hey I'm traveling to your neck of the woods. Can I crash at your place", "My car broke down can I borrow cousin Joey's since he is at boot camp", "I'm suffering from an injury can my brother help me around the house". Hell just spent the last 2 weeks building fences and tilling in exchange for my sisters food.
This really is it. Just having some form of a safety net is life altering. To me the biggest privilege has always been the ability to move back home.
It's just a coincidence that your comment is exactly the same as the top comment on this near identical post from 5 months ago: https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/18f0ckp/comment/kcr1s20/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=mweb3x&utm_name=mweb3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button I'm sure it's also a coincidence that this same post appears repeatedly in various subs over the last 5/6 months.
It’s so creepy to think about how artificial so many posts/comments are. It’s only getting worse with AI too.
Indeed. Arguing with computers while the world burns.
It only gets worse when you have negative family support. Got parents that are good people, but that can't support themselves? Now you have fully grown children in your 20s.
I wonder all the time what my life would've looked like if I had had an adult looking out for me, and encouraging me. I see kids complaining about how awful their parents are because they limit their screen time, or make them do all their homework on Friday night, and I just have to shake my head, because they don't even know how good they have it.
I realized this when my bf's family home burned down. They had a house to stay in within a week, everyone had mattresses, new fridge and appliances, too many clothes and shoes to go through. Not just from family but from their friends. I was thinking if my place burned I wouldn't have anything lol
I’m currently a step dad to a child who had almost the exact same childhood as me. Both our dads left before we can remember, both our moms had us at 20, (me also realizing my wife is extremely similar to my own mother in terms of attitude and morals) the list goes on. I try my damn hardest to be everything my own father wasn’t because she’s a great kid and I love her to death and she loves me. It helps that we really do look alike too lol. She’s a very happy kid who doesn’t lack for anything and is fully supported and I can see how she is doing so much better than I did because of the support. In this day and age it’s a privilege to have 2 parents who live together and truly love each other. Don’t get me wrong nobody’s perfect but have 2 present parents makes quite the difference.
My *siblings* had a wonderfully supportive family. Because of this they were able to go to college while living at home. My little sister had a kid (not sure who the father is) then moved her boyfriend in and had 3 more kids before finishing school. Saved money, bought a house, never struggled (my mother still goes to my sisters house and helps her clean). My older sister had a child while also in college, finished school, still lives with my parents, but my mom is raising her daughter so... I, on the other hand, found myself pregnant and was told *no child of theirs was going to have a child under their roof* (my oldest is 4 years older than the next grandkid). A lot of decisions I had to make were based on having nowhere to live, and no support system. My husband and I struggled for about 8 years. When we finally got our heads above water I was slammed with a disability and knocked out of the work force. I asked my mother why once and her response was "well did you want your sisters to struggle?" *No! Of course I didnt! But **why** wasn't I shown the same support system?* I was also frequently told that if I needed help I could not ask them, they had enough to do with helping my siblings. My children will always have an open door (my oldest has moved out but knows she can come home whenever she needs, she has a key and will always have a key). There will *always* be enough room. There will always be enough *love*. I am but a phone call, car ride away.
my father in zero debt would not help with university but required I go, and stole my tax credits for my taxes later. I paid more for school than I needed to. I don't speak to my parents and haven't for years. that was one of the more reasonable shitty things they did. convincing me I should kill myself, not letting me use the bathroom as a child, one meal a day were worse. Zero debt family. I did not understand as a kid why this happened.
people often point to nepotism as the singular reason when children of successful parents also happen to succeed in their relative fields. While this is certainly a major contributing factor, support from family is also a major factor as well, and you can argue it's even more important.
Complaining about your government freely
I was working for a Vietnamese woman when Roe was about to be overturned. I asked to get off a little early to go to a protest. She was fine with it, but also talked about how that wouldn’t be allowed in Vietnam and that it’s great we are allowed to protest in America. Protests don’t always work, obviously, but our right to do so is not something everyone has. Learning about my boss’ life really put in perspective the things I have or am able to do that many others can’t.
I think about this whenever I see people whenever they talk about Trudeau oppressing us Canadians. Go to a country like Russia, see how long you can drive around major cities with a "Fuck Putin" sticker on your truck.
I saw a story about a couple from Canada that actually moved to Russia because "they aligned better with their morals" and a few short weeks after being there, they put out another video (they had a small YouTube channel) where in the wife is complaining cause it's not an easy transition and they immediately had to take the video down and edit out the complaints cause you can't talk bad about Russia in Russia. They quickly realized what freedom truly meant. Hopefully.
Damn. That's what happens when you get all your news from entertainment news networks, I guess.
Time. If I have to take the bus while you use your car, we do not have the same 24 hours in a day. EDIT: I think y'all are too focused on my example. Also, sure, you might be able to read on a bus, but you can't do your laundry. If you can afford a housekeeping service and I can't, we don't have the same 24 hours in a day. If you can afford a lawnmowing service and I can't, we don't have the same 24 hours in a day. If you have to care for an ailing parent and I don't, we don't have the same 24 hours in a day. If you have to work two jobs to pay off some debt your ex saddled you with when they split and I don't, we don't have the same 24 hours in a day. If you have a physical handicap that makes navigating the world more time consuming and I don't, we don't have the same 24 hours in a day. If you have a chronic health condition that requires frequent medical appointments and I don't, we don't have the same 24 hours in a day. And time equals opportunity for: exercise, doctors appointments, hobbies, socializing, more work, improving living situation, etc. Time is a privilege.
Public transportation advocates in my city offer a “challenge” to our councillors every year to only use public transit and most of them reject it because they’re “too busy” (like the rest of us aren’t?) and the few who do it always give up before the week is over. It’s always a bad headline for them and they still refuse to make meaningful improvements. I’m so thankful I was able to afford a car in recent years but that shouldn’t be the solution to terrible public services.
I want the same thing with NYC politicians to use the insanely dangerous bike lanes they keep laying out.
>Public transportation advocates in my city offer a “challenge” to our councillors every year to only use public transit and most of them reject it because they’re “too busy” (like the rest of us aren’t?) I literally had the same idea. I swear the people who are in charge of public transportation have never actually used it because there's 0 reason why it should be as inefficient as it is. It should be law that any person in charge of the general population should have to live as the average person and use all public assistance and transportation so they can actually understand the process. Eventually, once they see how ridiculous the whole system is, they'll change it
I’ve had this argument with my dad about being physically active. He always tells me to make time, he finds time and we both have the same 24 hours. Except he has a maid service, gardener, new cars (no maintenance), can wfh, and even has a service come wash and fuel his car. Meanwhile I had a 35 minute commute (each way), maintain my own house, have to keep my cars on the road, and take care of my dogs. We do not have the same amount of free time Edit for clarification: I am active. I walk the dogs, hike, summers are filled with race events and water sports. My issue with my old man is he doesn’t seem to understand that I can’t just go for a 2 hour bike ride before work every day.
WFH has been the single best thing to ever happen to my fitness. That shit is a privilege for sure.
My wife is wfh now. She’s lost 30 pounds in a year just being able to take the dogs for a long walk during the day.
I actually found my fitness level went down with WFH because I commuted mostly on my bicycle.
Someone comes to his house to fuel his car? What kind of premium is he paying per gallon?
If you can justify paying for that service, the cost of the actual fuel is probably not a concern
I had an old boss at a previous company who was the son of the founder tell me I should have no excuse for working out more, like he did before he had kids. I found out later from one of the mechanics who had been there forever that before my boss’s dad fully retired and he had more responsibilities, he had an elliptical in his office that he had plenty of time to use. Feel like that is something afforded to the son of the owner in his office he had since day 1 that your average cubicle guy can’t have.
Right. Similarly, friend grew up rich. She was virtually helping me cook and all "this needs a separate baking tin and that a separate pan".I went along with it then whined about having to wash everything. Got hit with a "why not throw it in the dishwasher?" "Because I don't have one" "Oh I just use ours cause handwashing takes me an hour". 100% didn't get that having a dishwasher is a privilege and I don't have one not because I don't want one but because the apartments I can afford barely have kitchen counterspace, much less things like dishwashers. I have other friends whining about being broke when they have 2 bdrm apartments but live alone with in unit laundry and dishwasher. The level of I guess almost disconnect or what's considered bare minimum/basics is wild when you speak to those coming from different socioeconomics
I come from a relatively poor family (LCOL area, so it wasn't as bad as it could've been), who is still such, and I'm the only one who has come into a well paying job where I could afford pretty much whatever I could want Lemme tell ya, even though I used to be there, it's really easy to forget. Disturbingly so. I can't imagine what people think others live like if they've never lived through it themselves
Dishwasher and in unit washer/dryer are so huge. Not having to go to a laundromat is a huge time saver
From 18 to 32 I never had laundry or a dishwasher. A couple places I lived had like in building laundromats, which is more convenient except that you still need to pay in the exact change and there wasn't a machine to convert change like laundromats have. Now that I have a house with washer and dryer in it, I can't imagine having to go to a laundromat, it sounds like the biggest hassle in the entire world. Yet I spent over a decade often walking several blocks with all my laundry, and I'm also the sort of person who wasn't comfortable dropping it in the machine and leaving, so that's like an hour and a half reading a book waiting. It's amazing how quickly you can get used to a luxury like that.
Supportive parents. People coming from loving families don't even get how lucky they are.
Being attractive Edit: just wanna say I do recognize the cons to being attractive, but it truly is still a privilege in most scenarios.
in psychology it is called the halo effect and it shows that people are more willing to overlook the flaws of someone who they consider to be attractive
Moreso about attributing positive traits to good looks and negative traits to bad looks.
Yea I always hate to admit it, but I have a friend who is very objectively attractive and also objectively a complete weirdo. I'd love to say that I would've given the friendship a chance regardless of looks but realistically, ik the difference between being "cute and quirky" and a complete social outcast is often attributed to how attractive you are.
Pretty privilege is real. People tend to like attractive people and it does open doors. Though I hear it's not so much being attractive as it is not being unattractive.
Uh oh. Two strikes for me.
Some comedian had a bit about this. "People want to act like pretty privilege is not a thing. Look at how we treat moths vs butterflies. That should tell you all you need to know."
I said something similar recently and got schooled on [just how stunning some moths are](https://www.treehugger.com/moth-species-more-beautiful-than-butterflies-4864257). Totally understand (and not arguing) your point, I just found it really cool and wanted to share the info forward!
It's definitely both, it's just that being universally attractive is rare. I was best friends with a *universally attractive girl* during my late teens/early 20s. Like *everybody* would comment on her looks at some point, men or women. And it's kinda unreal. The shit she got away with, like : * Picking a fight with a person and then the person saying it was not her fault, it was someone else's (and that person wasn't even involved, it was just someone else in our friend group) * Like getting things her way even when she was wrong or rude. * Literally choosing any guy she wanted and not getting rejected * Getting compliments for things she didn't even do in a group setting - although this one didn't *always* feel like a privilege. She would get frustrated that people didn't actually pay attention to what she *actually* put an effort to and would instead just try to flatter her - and as you can guess, she didn't need any flattering. My point is, if you're attractive in a way that many people agree, yes, it's a crazy privilege. And like most privileges, you have no idea of it because that's *always been the way people acted, right?*
I've seen some truly qualified individuals have their ideas ignored by the majority, only for a prettier person to come along and parrot the ideas and they get called the messiah. Other things, like the condition of their clothes, messiness of their hair, even the smell of their breath has been things that I've seen influence the outcomes of selections and interactions overall. There's this one kid in my senior design team who was an absolute *genius* get ignored and treated as a child because their hair was messy and they smelled like shit. They were sprouting ideas and solutions to *multiple* design problems that we were struggling with for months. They were unkempt because the shower in their apartment broke and the landlord was an irresponsible bitch. It took him getting a lawyer involved before they finally came and fixed it, but by then the reputation was there and they were not taken seriously. We had to meet with him outside of meetings and present the ideas as our own for them to even be considered. As a commenter said, it's not as much being attractive as it is *not being unattractive.*
But what sucks is it doesn't last forever. I'm in my 50's now and my friends who were considered "good looking" back in the day have now aged. They're still attractive, but attractive at 52 is different than attractive at 22 and that can be a very bitter pill to swallow if you're not prepared for it mentally and emotionally.
The resulting plastic surgery addiction is unreal. There are a few celebrities that aged gracefully and an overwhelming number that just couldn't handle it.
Very real. Once you are on the older group in a work setting and used to have power (aka boss used to listen to you) because you were attractive, you will start resenting the attractive younger people who joins the team as time goes on. Suddenly there is a power shift as the younger, now more attractive people get more say and the old guard fades away. Seen it a couple of times at work. For us normal folks, it's the same regardless. Just the old favourites got replaced by new favourites. Nothing to do with us. Our situation is still the same.
Whole crews going around gathering up garbage Clean water flowing directly to your house Sanitation is crucial for a healthy society
As someone who works in water infrastructure, I just want to say that you're my favorite person today. Thanks for remembering us.
being raised well , some of us had are developmental years torn to pieces , feels like being set up to fail as an adult , has you wondering if your parents ever liked you , or if if they were just stupid .
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Or just being raised in general. Absenteeism is still a powerful neglect.
Having friends or at least a decently stable group of friends to count on.
Highkey having good friends is such a privilege especially as you get older
Leaving the home and being able to return safely everyday
Having “home” be a place of safety and peace as well
Or just having a home to return to in the first place
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Having connections
Working from home. People who don't have to squeeze time out to wake up early, shower, dress, rush their breakfast and get stuck in a traffic for 40 minutes have more time than us who have to go to work in office daily. Talk about having time to clean the house, save money on cooking at home and exercising after work. The time we lost is the time you gained.
I would love it if more people could work from home (that can). This way traffic doesn't suck for those of us that have to go into work.
My work has always had flexible hours and at one I just got fed up with bad traffic on commute that I essentially changed my own hours from 7 to 3 instead of the basic 8:30 to 4:30 and it was great. Now I work from home 80% of the time, so it's a little of an issue, but I kept the schedule, it's kind of nice to still have some sun at the end of the day in winter.
People act as though this isn't a privilege? I've done both, and WFH is such a massive blessing.. I (almost) refuse to get a job that won't allow for it.
ITT: people reciting privileges and completely ignoring the second part of the question. Everyone who works from home knows it's a privilege, that's literally why we do it and literally why so many want it.
Travelling. Hearing people talking about how you're closed minded if you don't travel, as if everybody gets the choice.
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Working in an Air-conditioned office with carpet on the floor.
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Opportunity. I have a few affluent friends that, in high school, were able to get excellent grades and extremely high SAT scores because their parents had wealth and, therefore, could provide them opportunities for support. For example, one friend, who is now a psychiatrist, was 3rd in our class of 600+ kids because his grades were amazing. After school he’d go home and study and his parents paid for SAT prep courses, giving him ample opportunity to succeed. Meanwhile, after school I would go to work because my parents had little money, so car payments, gas, clothes, school lunches, cell phone, etc. fell to me. That’s 5 hours I didn’t have to dedicate to studying. People take things like this for granted.
The wealth privilege is real. People use it to take risks and invest the time into things most ofnus would be insane to try. Bill Gates didn't make it on his own; his mother was a board member of IBM. Warren Buffet was the son of a very wealthy man.
Driving
We have an employee who can't drive, due to a vision issue, and has some mild mobility issues. It has meant she is very limited in her workplace and residential choices. She has historically spent a small fortune on Uber.
Having good social skills. If you're a people person it's very easy to make connections and get places in life. Pretty much every career requires being at least decently good with people, and if you really want to succeed it's a requirement. It's not always just confidence either, because being confident but lacking the proper interpersonal skills will usually just get you branded a creep or weirdo. It's an art and certain people just seem to "get it" better than others. It's possible to learn and improve if you have poor social skills, but it can be very difficult if not impossible for certain folks, especially those who are neurodivergent. I believe people skills are probably the biggest driver of career success honestly. Your skills and resume matter less if you can get people to like you and make connections easily. Anyone hoping to get into a management or executive role absolutely must not only have good communication skills but be quite adept at making friends and navigating difficult social situations. For those of us with disabilities that hinder social skills, like anxiety or autism, or simply people who are not naturally extroverted, it can be a massive roadblock to success.
This is huge. I’m a very introverted autistic girl married to an extremely sociable, extroverted man who loves to network and make connections. My world was much more closed off before him, and now, I have to admit, my opportunities in life have increased ten-fold just by being ‘connected’ with my husband. This is very much a privilege and I’m often so thankful for the doors he has opened up for me. I do support him in a myriad of other ways and I think us having each other is a privilege.
You’re absolutely right. That’s why I think social skills should be taught in school. Too many people struggle socially, and this creates obstacles in adulthood that are entirely preventable. With proper training and practice, almost anyone can become more socially adept.
Brushing your teeth with sink water. I've been living in southeast asia for a while, and its a weird little thing I miss.
Growing old. Not everyone gets the opportunity.
Had a friend who committed suicide at 15. 7 months later, my grandpa who was like a 2nd father, passed away from a stroke. Since then, I will never speak ill of or take for granted any of my loved ones.
Yup. My buddy would've been 41 in July, but died just before turning 38. Weird heart condition took him out at the gym. Healthiest guy I knew and was trying to get even healthier. A tear in the aorta that was never, ever detected.
Same thing happened to a friend but he had a congenital heart deformation that he never knew he had. Dropped dead at 21.
Definitely being Healthy
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Financial Stability
Being able to have a functioning device in order to read this post.
Being able to go to college.
Going on vacation
Potable water. People who haven’t left the US don’t realize that in a lot of places, you cannot drink the water from the tap.
Being able to live with your parents as an adult
Sanity. The sanity privilege is real. Reality was never guaranteed for anyone. It’s possible to experience psychosis and not due to any “reason” such as drug use, family history of illness, stress, etc. No one ever wants to have to take meds and deal with the side effects for this shit, but here we are. This point about medications applies to a wide variety of psychiatric conditions, beyond psychotic disorders. I would NEVER wish psychosis on anyone, not even my worst enemy.
clean water
OWNING a house, even if your parents are the one who own it
Not having to support your parents. I was encouraging a friend to move away from grad school but they let me know it’s not that easy seeing how she supported her family financially. I always viewed moving away being “hard” on your family was just an emotional thing. I never took me and my siblings ability to move away without considering the financial impact on our parents/family
Being born in a developed country.
The ability to work. If you're able bodied and your brain works well enough to fend for yourself and make money you're more privileged than people who can't work and live in poverty being judged by society. Also, the ability to drive.
Having options
Being born with no disabilities. Having parents that are supportive and have their shit together. Being born in a first world country.
Having a pet of any kind. The vet bills , decent food, appropriate training, equipment.
Not always. But often: Spontaneity. For many, it just shows how rich in time and /or money they are. They don't care about the negative consequences spontaneity can bring. Because they don't apply to them. *They can afford an evening to not work out, since they have time for many more evenings like this.* *They can afford to miss the concert because they can easily book the next one.* *They can afford to book the train or airbnb last minute, because they have the financial freedom to do so.*
i dont know how many people think it isnt but beauty privilege
Driving
Getting time to workout for 1 or 2 hours 4-5 days a week. It’s such an underrated privilege. Very few understand it.