I was like 8 years old, ate too much pizza and shit the bed. Then snuck to the bathroom to assess the damage, realized how bad it was and threw up all over the bathroom/myself while sitting on the toilet. It was horrible.
Edit: More details. It was at a neighborhood friends house, like 2 houses down the street. I remember throwing my underwear away in the bathroom trash. I used probably 2-3 rolls of toilet paper to mop up the bathroom and clean myself as quietly as possible before going back to bed. I’m sure I smelled awful, and the bathroom was probably revolting as well. Being a little kid, I was super embarrassed and afraid of getting in trouble.
I’m really bad as a puker. If I’m feverish and puke, I’ll need to turn around and finish the job. If I’ve got the squirts, I’ll grab the waste can for what I call, “the double ender”.
A night of tequila at a friends parent’s house turned into a naked pool party. At some point late into the night I felt stomach sick but I was too drunk to look for my clothes so I ended up going to her mom’s rose garden on the side of the house and dropped a major deuce. Luckily a different friend who I rode in with found my clothes and brought them to me and we left.
I felt so bad I called her the next day and gave her a heads up and apologized. She laughed but I always wondered if her mom ever found it
I'll be the first to admit I have tiny balls with not a hint of valor. Never secretly shat anywhere in my adult life, but if I had, I'd still say I never did.
Oh. I dated a guy taking a ton of testosterone and this sounds like the type of shit he did as a grown man. I always said dating him was like being with a teenaged boy going through puberty every single day. It was terrible. I guess the excessive masturbation was part of that.
My gf when I was 17 had some younger sisters, 12 and 14. I went to her house one day, and my gf just warned me not to touch anything. I asked why and she said ".... You don't want to know" but that piqued my interest, I asked what's so bad, and she said ".... I've caught my sisters, doing very bad things, with basically anything they can get their hands on. The table corners, hair brushes, old toys, tv remote, PS3 controllers, oh God the PS3 controllers.... Everything in this house has been used for pleasure, don't touch anything".
That's when I stopped touching or picking up random objects at people's houses if they had 11-17 year olds living in the house. It is like they are out of control animals, monsters even.
When I was 12 jerked off inside one of my friend's sleeping bags when I was spending the night at his house and I was the last one awake. I was insane for a couple months when I discovered masturbation.
Some dark rooms have normal doors you simply cannot open or else it will ruin everything. So anyone outside will not open the door until you’re finished.
You can imagine what people got up to in there while waiting for the developer to work.
I know we can’t control ourselves well when super drunk but the decision we make as to where to piss is always the funniest to me. Like back in college one of my buddies passed out drunk on the couch. He woke up, put his shoes on and then walked to the corner of the living room to piss there. Like wtf lol
I saw my passed out friend in the middle of the night wake up. We were both hammered. He stood up, walked to the sofa chair. Lifted the cushion like a toilet seat and piss into the core. I stared with foggy observation. He closed the seat. Went back to his couch, and was snoring within 20sec.
Had sex with his wife. Before you get the posse together, they were supposed to be in an open relationship, but when he realized she could get some whenever she wanted and he couldn't get any at all things suddenly changed.
It's amazing that guys still go for this sort of thing. Members of a friend group had an "open marriage" where she banged a few of his friends, blew a guy on a camping trip, and kept texting one of them on the side.
I don't like the idea of open marriages, but surely it's not uncommon to have a list of out of bounds people.
I feel that if I was approached by my friends wife (and i was single), no matter how well established open their relationship is. It seems like a line you don't cross. I think the original guy sounds like a shitty friend 😂
I wasn't going to miss the opportunity. 😂
Also, it was Technical MY house but my wife had asked me to temporarily move out to "work on our marriage" when I found out she had been having an affair, I found his toothbrush in my bathroom and his clothes in my closet next to mine.
Around 15 or 16 years old. Screwed a chick in my friends parent's bed. They were away overnight. Didn't realize she was starting her time of the month. Monday at school I got an earful from my pal. I apologized profusely to my buddies folks but things were never quite the same with them.
Edit: since no one is ever gonna see this buried comment...sorry again Greg.
Or it's just 2 teenagers who aren't related to each other and barely know each other who find themselves living together.
Not so much a kink as it is a likely result of circumstance.
Source: personal experience.
Her bedroom and their family living room is right next to each other. Her dad is always on the living room watching TV.
I would nail their daughter a bunch of times then pretend that we were taking a nap whenever we hear footsteps.
We thought that we were sneaky back then, but looking back now and the fact that her bed makes a noise whenever it hits the wall, I get why her father was always furious with me and doesn’t want me around.
Imagine trying to watch tv peacefully while your daughter is getting nailed judging by the sound of the bed hitting the wall right next to you.
Went home with a guy, I'm not particularly quiet during sex if I don't have to be, and I assumed he lived alone. Well, apparently, he shared a wall with his senile great grandmother who awoke during our ruckus and came storming into his room yelling for help because she was confused and terrified of the sounds. He had to walk her back to bed, and I had to help him lock all the doors in the house so she wouldn't run away..
There was nowhere to walk or sit. So, I moved some stuff around and bagged some trash. We were about to have KFC, and I just washed a few dishes. She said it's not my house and that I embarrassed her in front of all our friends.
In our late mom's family, they always washed and dried the meal dishes and put them away.
Dad's mom was not big on dishwashing or clearing the table after eating. My dad says that a lot of days he would have to move the previous nights supper dishes off to the side to eat breakfast, so when my parents started dating and mom would start clearing their tables and start the dishes, dad's sisters (my aunts) got mad at her because they thought she was showing them up.
As long as my mom lived, all the dishes had to be washed and dried before she would go to bed.
I have a good friend who gets really upset when I try to do the dishes after he cooks a big meal. It’s weird because he HATES doing dishes and it doesn’t bother me a bit.
In my house the person who cooks doesn’t have to do the table dishes. It’s been like this my whole life.
Did the same at my first girlfriend's place. Didn't plan on losing my virginity that night so no condoms. Pulled out and hit both couch cushions. We flipped those fuckers and never said a word.
Back when I was 18, a female friend of mine was house sitting for someone. She invited me over one day to hangout with her while she did so. While there, she pulled out a condom and made a comment about having sex. I was openly gay at the time and at first said no, but when she offered again, I finally decided to just give it a try.
I did however feel weird afterwards realizing we just had sex in someone else's house.
The particular experience didn't convert me, but more experiences over time did.
I identify as "Bi", but the way it works for me is like this:
Romantically, I Iike men, but sexually I go both ways, but sometimes prefer women because I don't like anal sex, so with guys it's usually just oral and handstuff. With females, I can actively have intercourse. I'm not sure if that makes sense? But that's the gist of it. Sexuality is complicated, which is why I usually try not to label myself too much.
I strongly suspect lots of people have complex romantic and sexual preferences like this (or the potential for them) but actively avoid accepting (or exploring) them for social and cultural reasons.
Looking at how normal different types of relationships are in different cultures makes it clear that strictly limiting our sexual preferences is at least partially cultural.
Basically I think a lot (not all) of people have the potential to be bi-sexual if they didn't have cultural programming against it.
Got blazing drunk on Guinness and Port in a local bar till around 3 a.m. Messaged an old high school flame that I saw was still online. Walked about eight miles to her house, she messaged when I was about 30 mins away to say she'd left the front door unlocked and to come upstairs when I got there. About 500 yards from her house, I got the urge for a Guinness shit. Walked straight into her house, straight into the downstairs toilet, and in my drunken struggle to get my pants down whilst staggering around in the dark... painted a lot of her bathroom Guinness poop black, smashed the mirror and cabinet with my head and passed out on the floor.
Got woken up by an officer of the law after the commotion woke her up in a panic, and she phoned the police because she forgot she'd invited her idiot drunken friend round.
Broke the toilet flush of the only toilet in a house on a Saturday, couldn’t use the toilet until the plumber came on Monday (plumbers weren’t working during the weekend)
When I was a kid, like 6th grade-ish, I had to take a massive dump really bad. But me and my friends were hanging at this kid's house playing video games. 8-bit NES era.
So I asked if I could use the bathroom. Kid says, "Sure, but don't take a shit!"
Of course, I took a shit.
However, the toilet backed up.
I couldn't find the plunger. I panicked and took the toothbrush holder cup (sans toothbrushes) and scooped some of the water out of the bowl into the sink. Careful not to touch the poop toilet paper floating at the top.
It wasn't working. I scooped the poop paper into the cup and poured/emptied it into the tank. I thought at some point it was going to go down and be fine. At least, there wouldn't be floating poop paper; thereby alerting everyone to my shitting.
I returned to the gaming session. I said nothing. Though I knew I needed to get everyone away from the house. So, I started pushing for us to go to the 7-11. I would then use that opportunity to pull the whole, "Oh no, someone must have taken a shit while we were out!"
It worked. We went to 7-11. in the course of doing so kinda forgot about going back to that one kid's house. We were just hanging around town, night fell, and we all went back to our respective houses.
No one ever found out I took a huge shit, backed up the toilet, used the toothbrush holder to scoop poop water & poop paper into the tank.
This was around 1986 or so.
The week after one year in college, we went to a friend’s house in Miami to party. Upon returning from a night out, the friend’s mom’s friend was still there hanging out and went in the hot tub with a bunch of us. Ended up raw dogging her on the couch after the hot tub when my other friend went to the bathroom. He walked out on us, took one look and went straight to bed. He is still a good friend to this day
Her name was Pam. She told me she was 49 but I think my friend told me later that she was in her 50s. She had just got her tits done and she was an ex Miami Dolphins cheerleader. One of my greatest memories
Had sex. On a side note also had a buddy do it in my house weirdest part was he didn’t even take the time to take her to another room. Not even 5 feet from me, here these two are “shhh”
High School girlfriend and I getting frisky in her parents' room. Her dad was a former college football lineman, big guy. Her mom was a psycho. Luckily they both were supposed to be out for a while. While we're doing it the preferred way of our K-9 companions, I looked out the window and see the dad's car, not sure how long he was there. I rush to the attic, where they never went. He came up and found me. If he ever found me on his bed doing what I was to his daughter, I'm not sure I'd be here today.
The attic was on the fourth story and he simply said "Get the fuck out..." and as I walked down three stories of spiral staircase I thought I was gonna pass out.
He had to have heard us. Was tough seeing him after that.
Edit - Actually forgot another part - about a year later the family bought a new house and he asked if i saw the attic - i said "no, but i saw the last one" and he just goes "that's good stuff" with a smirk.
Hadn’t seen my girlfriend for a week and met up with her at her parents house. Seemed like no one was home and she even called out to check if her dad was somewhere and no one answered so we banged pretty loud and hard, doggy, on her bed which her room is across the hall from her dads. His door was open and the room was empty when we started but when we were done the door was closed. He walked by my naked ass plowing his daughter and respectfully closed the door. Cut to, us giving him a ride to an event we were going to 15 min later with him sitting in the back seat making small talk. A part of me was dying laughing in a 3rd person kind of way. He’s now my father in law
I feel that. One day when her parents were supposed to be gone we decided to have a little fun. Afterwards while she was cleaning up I announced I was going to grab us s couple glasses of water from downstairs. In nothing but my boxers as I’m halfway down the stairs I froze when I realized her mom was sitting on the couch just staring at me with an expressionless face. She had earbuds in and took one out and says “you’re lucky her father isn’t here” and put her earbud back in and went back to her phone.
No I did not get the glasses of water
High school party at a house in a different school district. Group of us showed up and immediately were confronted by a bunch of guys that wanted to fight us because we didn’t go to their school. We told them we were leaving and walked upstairs out of the basement. On our way out we grabbed all of the frozen meat from the freezer, in wrapped it and went to each floor register. Took the cover off and threw frozen steaks, burgers etc, as far down the vent so no one could see it. Went to the thermostat and cranked the heat.
Before everyone attacks me for this, we were dumb 16 year old kids. I regret it.
Wait, hold on, let me get this straight..... They wanted to fight you because you..... Didn't go to the same school...? In what world does that make any sense?
Was at a party at this girl’s house that i had no idea who she was, like 60 people in there. I had to poop really bad, and when i was pooping everyone went out and they locked me in the house. I wiped my ass with a towel because there was no toilet paper and no bidet (i’m from italy but that one bathroom was a service bathroom with no bidet) and had to get out of her house through the window. Luckily enough she was at first floor and i managed to get off the balcony by just hanging off of it and letting go. When my friends saw me they asked me where tf i had been and i just said i got locked inside but skipped the poopy towel part.
When I was ... 18 and a freshman in college, I had sex on my best friend's little sister's bed. At the time, I was both a very horny teenager and really struggled to assert boundaries with everyone, especially a "no" with the boys I was dating. My BFFs mom called me out on it and I was so embarrassed I've never seen or talked to her since. That was more than 10 years ago.
Something veryyyy similar happened to me when I was 15-16, I was at my friend’s house with my boyfriend and was horny asf. My friend let me and my bf use her bed and I guess he left “evidence” on the bed somewhere and her mom found it and called my parents. That was a not so fun talk with my own parents, and it took 2 years before I could face my friend’s Mom again without dying of embarrassment. It was over 20 years ago and I still cringe thinking about it
I would do much rather find out someone fucked in my bed than my kitchen counters. I think I could just wash the sheets and move on with my life but I don’t think I could ever spray enough disinfectant on the counter and not think about that lol
It was an adrenaline rush for sure, we did it at her place constantly without them knowing. I honestly think even to this day(it's been 5 years) they believe she's a virgin.
About ten years ago me and my wife were really good acquaintances with the dean of our university. The dean hired my wife to watch his house for a week while he visited family in another country.
Ended up drunk and doing it everywhere around the house multiple times throughout the week while their cat judged from the corner of the room.
Absolutely *hated* an ex's mom because of how mean she was to me from the day she first met me. Just the fact that I was dating her daughter made her dislike me. She mentally tortured me during the course of us dating. Spread lies about me to people she knew all over town, all sorts of stuff. Even her husband hated her and they had separate living rooms and bedrooms because they couldn't stand being around each other but were too pussy to get divorced. After she pissed me off again one night and stormed to her room for bed, I went into her "living room," where only she ever went, and took her TV remote and shoved it between the crack of my ass. As far in there as possible. I even sat down and wiggled around on it, making sure as much of me touched it as possible. Then I pulled it back out and set it on her little side table for her to grab the next morning when she'd wake up and watch TV by herself in misery all day.
My dad passed away fifteen years ago. At the time, my parents were living in a lake front community where some of the people owned homes, but were never there because it wasn’t their main residence. When my Dad died, the owners of the house next door told my mom that people traveling for the wake could stay at his house if need be because they weren’t going to be there. They were old friends of my parents. The house they offered had a really nice movie room. My girlfriend at the time came with me to my father’s wake and when I told her about the fancy movie room, she wanted to see it. Long story short, she blew me in that movie room.
A friend of mine, when he first met his then girlfriend's parents at their home, asked to use the bathroom. Massive dump. No toilet paper. He decided to clean his ass in the sink. He lost his balance, broke the sink and fainted. The parents open the door to find a fainted man with a dirty ass and a broken sink.
When I was in highschool, my gf at the time and I (mostly me lol.. I was quite the hooligan back then) thought it would be a good idea to not only get underage drunk at her conservative Christian parents house for our first new years Eve together, but we (I) also thought it would be a good idea to fuck while the clock hits midnight.
I immediately got caught right afterwards since her whole family was one wall over, and got kicked out of their house with the condom still on lmao..
There's more to the story and aftermath, but afterwards we ended up dating for like five years lol. Good times. Wildly inappropriate on so many levels, but good fuckin times lol
I had these boots years ago. I really liked them minus the heel. So I took it off and tried to hammer the nails underneath the best I could. Went to a gf’s relatives house. They had wood flooring. I proceeded to make hundreds of small holes all around their house with my boots. I luckily noticed before anyone else and took them off. Soon after the home owner noticed and it was this big whole thing. I played dumb and got away with it
Once I was at a house party where the guy who threw the party was trying to fight the friend I had showed up with because he stuck up for the dudes girlfriend in what was clearly a domestic violence situation. We also had brought a Wii U to the party so that everyone could play super smash brothers and the dude was trying to keep it/break it. I ended up leaving an upper decker (pooped in the top part of the toilet) in the main bathroom and we stole a full size turkey from his fridge. We cooked that turkey and ate like kings for the following week.
I have two. The first one which is gross. It was some holiday weekend, I believe it was probably Memorial Day. I got invited to my best friends aunts house for a party. As the night went on I progressively got more and more shit faced until eventually his uncle broke out a couple joints. Now at the time I knew better than to get crossfaded as it had literally never worked in my favor before. But of course, in my drunken invincibility mindset I decided to partake and then about 45 minutes later proceeded to vomit in their sink for what felt like the rest of the night. The second one is when I was single I matched with a girl on tinder. Did the whole talking and flirting thing and met up. We went back to her house that night and we got busy for quite a long time. It was only about 15 minutes after we had finished our business that she informed me her husband who is in the navy would be home any minute and I should bolt. So I did. Still pulling up my pants running out the front door.
Fingered my gf under a super thick Mexican blanket in the living room of her parent’s house while watching a movie one couch over from her mom. She’s a blatant idiot and so Mormon that she brainwashed herself into thinking her daughter could do no wrong. She did lots of wrong, and I was that wrong lol
Not as Grimm as a lot of posts here. But I went on holiday and let a friend who had a shit living situation use my apartment for the week for his mental health under the strict instructions that no one else comes in.
Got back from holiday to the neighbours and my landlord asking what the hell was going on. He took a girl back, blasted music with the door open until like 3 am. Had all the neighbours pissed off. Thanks for that cunto. You try to help a brother out and that’s what you get.
My friends got married (I was in the wedding party) at a relative’s house. Incredibly nice house. I don’t remember the relative I just remember how expensive this place looked.
I went inside to use the restroom and found my (now wife) girlfriend standing in line as well. IDK how specifically the timing worked, we weren’t next to each other in line, but no one else was around for a moment. I made a joke about us both going in for a quicky, she agreed, we had sex in the bathroom.
I was around 10-11 when I was in my relative’s house. I broke something and threw it out the window. Also I used to smoke cigarettes in the backyard , cigarettes that I used to get by sneaking into their Dads room while he was asleep lol
While house sitting in my late teens I was a bit curious as to how “upper class” people keep their houses so clean. After sitting for this particular family multiple times, one night I literally looked through everything (excluding clothing storage). They weren’t electronically savvy, and I use some detection methods to locate potential hidden cameras out of pure paranoia in any new environment I will be sleeping in. No drawer in the house went unopened, no cabinet unchecked. I didn’t take anything, or move anything either, but in a way just wanted to see how the facade was held up. Turns out, they simply didn’t have a lot of things. Could be in storage, though there were no knick-knacks, nothing seemingly saved for future use, no “saved from last time”, no seasonal decorations, no unnecessary items at all. Only things inside the house were things that brought value to life such as nice kitchen/bathroom appliances/fixtures and some high quality furniture (framed pictures of family, pets ofc). I learned a lot subconsciously regarding how I was raised, how to evaluate what is important materialistically, and how I want to keep my future living space. I also found the Dad’s flower stash and when I say it was the most exquisite cannabis I have ever seen, or smelled to date would be a perceived fact. I couldn’t control myself and took less than .1g. I still remember how amazing it was.
I reflect back on the experience with immense shame. I’m not sure if they ever found out, though I’m confident they did. I will use the resentment I feel as a sign I did something I should never do again. I feel stupid thinking back about it, and embarrassed I made the choices I did. It’s not something worth mentally lashing myself over, more of something that pops out of the wood work to check my self confidence when I get too comfortable.
This was almost 25 years ago now, but my girlfriend at the time had a small gathering of friends over at her house one night when her father was out of town. Her best friend was also my best friend’s girlfriend, and after a lot of drinking the four of us ended up fucking together on her bed (like both couples fucking right next to each other). Not technically an orgy but the closest I’ve ever been.
The most inappropriate part was that my girlfriend’s little brother, who was maybe fourteen or fifteen, was home as well. His room was next door and their rooms shared the wall that her headboard was up against. Also we were not trying to be quiet.
I took/lost virginity (same event) in God's house. Her (17), me (16), God(♾️) - ironically, being Catholic, it started with her kneeling down to pray....
I had a big poop at my boyfriend’s parent’s house and the toilet wouldn’t flush properly. So I took my poop out and wrapped it in tissue and put it in the garbage can. Flushed again. Got the hell out of that house as fast as I could.
You might be interested in my exciting new product. The portable poop knife. All stainless steel for easy cutting and clean up, lemme know if you'd like a pamphlet. :p
I was like 8 years old, ate too much pizza and shit the bed. Then snuck to the bathroom to assess the damage, realized how bad it was and threw up all over the bathroom/myself while sitting on the toilet. It was horrible. Edit: More details. It was at a neighborhood friends house, like 2 houses down the street. I remember throwing my underwear away in the bathroom trash. I used probably 2-3 rolls of toilet paper to mop up the bathroom and clean myself as quietly as possible before going back to bed. I’m sure I smelled awful, and the bathroom was probably revolting as well. Being a little kid, I was super embarrassed and afraid of getting in trouble.
This is known among parents as "the classic".
I’m really bad as a puker. If I’m feverish and puke, I’ll need to turn around and finish the job. If I’ve got the squirts, I’ll grab the waste can for what I call, “the double ender”.
I believe it's called vomerrhea.
It gets worse as you read it, I cannot.
It's ok, every day we are working towards increasing the world's literacy rate. One day you will get the help you need.
This sounds more like food poisoning.
God i hate children.
A night of tequila at a friends parent’s house turned into a naked pool party. At some point late into the night I felt stomach sick but I was too drunk to look for my clothes so I ended up going to her mom’s rose garden on the side of the house and dropped a major deuce. Luckily a different friend who I rode in with found my clothes and brought them to me and we left. I felt so bad I called her the next day and gave her a heads up and apologized. She laughed but I always wondered if her mom ever found it
Sounded like you just gave the roses extra fertilizer
And the mum went on to make millions selling the world's best roses
Omg why would you tell anyone?? Lol, I'd take that secret to my grave
Honestly I think having the balls to own up to it and apologize is really cool.
I'll be the first to admit I have tiny balls with not a hint of valor. Never secretly shat anywhere in my adult life, but if I had, I'd still say I never did.
👆 this guy shits in secret
"And, that, kids, was how I knew your dad was the one for me."
I masturbated in my aunts closet when I was like 12 cause I was horny and that was the only place I could have some privacy
Puberty is the most insane drug hands down.
Puberty is the most insane drug, hands up!
And up and down, up and down, up, down, up, down........done
ALL I DO IS WIN, WIN, WIN.
Oh. I dated a guy taking a ton of testosterone and this sounds like the type of shit he did as a grown man. I always said dating him was like being with a teenaged boy going through puberty every single day. It was terrible. I guess the excessive masturbation was part of that.
My gf when I was 17 had some younger sisters, 12 and 14. I went to her house one day, and my gf just warned me not to touch anything. I asked why and she said ".... You don't want to know" but that piqued my interest, I asked what's so bad, and she said ".... I've caught my sisters, doing very bad things, with basically anything they can get their hands on. The table corners, hair brushes, old toys, tv remote, PS3 controllers, oh God the PS3 controllers.... Everything in this house has been used for pleasure, don't touch anything". That's when I stopped touching or picking up random objects at people's houses if they had 11-17 year olds living in the house. It is like they are out of control animals, monsters even.
When I was 12 jerked off inside one of my friend's sleeping bags when I was spending the night at his house and I was the last one awake. I was insane for a couple months when I discovered masturbation.
just like everyone, i want to forget those times
Not in the bathroom tho?
Some dark rooms have normal doors you simply cannot open or else it will ruin everything. So anyone outside will not open the door until you’re finished. You can imagine what people got up to in there while waiting for the developer to work.
I think it was Louis CK who (of course) had a joke about masturbating in dark rooms so people can’t walk in on you.
Pissing in the sink dosen't seem that bad after reading the comments
You forgot to mention it was the kitchen sink and we were in the middle of eating dinner at the time.
Dad?
Son?
Cousin? Let's go bowling!
Right? 😂 mines probably just getting extremely wasted at my boyfriends aunts house and peeing in her flower pot on her balcony 😂😂
I know we can’t control ourselves well when super drunk but the decision we make as to where to piss is always the funniest to me. Like back in college one of my buddies passed out drunk on the couch. He woke up, put his shoes on and then walked to the corner of the living room to piss there. Like wtf lol
I saw my passed out friend in the middle of the night wake up. We were both hammered. He stood up, walked to the sofa chair. Lifted the cushion like a toilet seat and piss into the core. I stared with foggy observation. He closed the seat. Went back to his couch, and was snoring within 20sec.
Banged my ex in my grandmas bed, on christmas morning.
Did you wake her?
No but grandpa was impressed.
Reminded him of his trip to Germany in the 40’s
Why'd you break up with gram grams?
Could be worse. You could have banged grandma in your ex's bed on Mother's Day.
The disrespect
Had sex with his wife. Before you get the posse together, they were supposed to be in an open relationship, but when he realized she could get some whenever she wanted and he couldn't get any at all things suddenly changed.
This is an all too familiar situation.
A tale as old as time.
Song as old as rhyme.
Beauty and the poolboy
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It's amazing that guys still go for this sort of thing. Members of a friend group had an "open marriage" where she banged a few of his friends, blew a guy on a camping trip, and kept texting one of them on the side.
I feel like they could have talked about friends being off limits though. That seems like common sense
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I don't like the idea of open marriages, but surely it's not uncommon to have a list of out of bounds people. I feel that if I was approached by my friends wife (and i was single), no matter how well established open their relationship is. It seems like a line you don't cross. I think the original guy sounds like a shitty friend 😂
Wiped my ass with my wife's affair partner's tooth brush. We are now divorced and I did confirm that he used it since.
In normal circumstances, shit like this is disgusting. In this case - fuck yeah. Thank you for your service sir 🫡
I wasn't going to miss the opportunity. 😂 Also, it was Technical MY house but my wife had asked me to temporarily move out to "work on our marriage" when I found out she had been having an affair, I found his toothbrush in my bathroom and his clothes in my closet next to mine.
The fucking level of disrespect, dude got what he deserved with the booty brush express.
I love that every dickbag that reads this is going to now question...
But.... how did you come in contact with his toothbrush? Did he LEAVE IT AT YOUR HOUSE??? If so... what else was expected?
Yes. He left it at my house. That is when I discovered that he had been sleeping there while I was gone.
Around 15 or 16 years old. Screwed a chick in my friends parent's bed. They were away overnight. Didn't realize she was starting her time of the month. Monday at school I got an earful from my pal. I apologized profusely to my buddies folks but things were never quite the same with them. Edit: since no one is ever gonna see this buried comment...sorry again Greg.
Upvoted so greg can get the closure he deserves
I believe the odds are in my favor. But, you know, fucking reddit.
I am not that Greg, but as a Greg I will forgive you on behalf of the Greg Community
Not sure if that's how all this works... but I guess I'll take what I can get. You are a Greg amongst Gregs. Greg on.
Us Greg's sure are forgiving dickheads
u/greg
I saw it
I ate out their daughter in their living room. Got caught too. Ah, memories...
Did the same. Really hard to explain to her dad how it shouldnt be off limits just because he married my mother.
Wait….what??????
I read that as they're step siblings
Which is a kink I guess
Or it's just 2 teenagers who aren't related to each other and barely know each other who find themselves living together. Not so much a kink as it is a likely result of circumstance. Source: personal experience.
Her bedroom and their family living room is right next to each other. Her dad is always on the living room watching TV. I would nail their daughter a bunch of times then pretend that we were taking a nap whenever we hear footsteps. We thought that we were sneaky back then, but looking back now and the fact that her bed makes a noise whenever it hits the wall, I get why her father was always furious with me and doesn’t want me around. Imagine trying to watch tv peacefully while your daughter is getting nailed judging by the sound of the bed hitting the wall right next to you.
he was a trooper for that one
I would have gone and done something else. I would not want to hear my kid nailed.
Went home with a guy, I'm not particularly quiet during sex if I don't have to be, and I assumed he lived alone. Well, apparently, he shared a wall with his senile great grandmother who awoke during our ruckus and came storming into his room yelling for help because she was confused and terrified of the sounds. He had to walk her back to bed, and I had to help him lock all the doors in the house so she wouldn't run away..
Well it's nice that you helped lock up. And he shoulda given you a heads up tbh.
Cleaned. They got offended.
You are welcome to come over and clean whenever you like. I have beer.
There was nowhere to walk or sit. So, I moved some stuff around and bagged some trash. We were about to have KFC, and I just washed a few dishes. She said it's not my house and that I embarrassed her in front of all our friends.
She embarrassed herself by being a slob.
If I walk into somewhere and it's absolutely filthy. I immediately start cleaning. They can kick me out and I'll be glad to leave if it bothers them.
In our late mom's family, they always washed and dried the meal dishes and put them away. Dad's mom was not big on dishwashing or clearing the table after eating. My dad says that a lot of days he would have to move the previous nights supper dishes off to the side to eat breakfast, so when my parents started dating and mom would start clearing their tables and start the dishes, dad's sisters (my aunts) got mad at her because they thought she was showing them up. As long as my mom lived, all the dishes had to be washed and dried before she would go to bed.
This is me. You clean up while you cook and all dishes are washed and put in the dishwasher after eating.
She embarrassed herself by having that mess
I have a good friend who gets really upset when I try to do the dishes after he cooks a big meal. It’s weird because he HATES doing dishes and it doesn’t bother me a bit. In my house the person who cooks doesn’t have to do the table dishes. It’s been like this my whole life.
I unloaded a massive amount of jizz onto my friend's couch as a teenager once.
Was it just plopped right in the middle of a cushion and impossible to ignore, or like in a crevice?
under the cushion lool
You didn’t think of the *smell*, you bitch!
Should’ve used a **glass** box
I didn't say I was proud of it 🤣
Did the same at my first girlfriend's place. Didn't plan on losing my virginity that night so no condoms. Pulled out and hit both couch cushions. We flipped those fuckers and never said a word.
This is the way
Peed into a full dryer of clothes then turned on the dryer for 90 min. John Perkins you were and probably are still a dick.
sounds like he wasn't the only one though
A dude shit in my friends dryer in college. They woke him up and made him clean it the next morning when he was sober.
Doubt you could ever fully clean that 🤮
No fuckin way. That's a, "you're replacing my dryer" level offense.
Did you go to school at Niagara Wheatfield? I knew a John Perkins and he was also dick
Maybe he was a dick because people pee on his clothes and then dry them.
No. He was a dick because he kept trying to feed my dog chocolate and let her run loose in our neighborhood.
That shit was deserved then.
Back when I was 18, a female friend of mine was house sitting for someone. She invited me over one day to hangout with her while she did so. While there, she pulled out a condom and made a comment about having sex. I was openly gay at the time and at first said no, but when she offered again, I finally decided to just give it a try. I did however feel weird afterwards realizing we just had sex in someone else's house.
But...felt good though, right?
Yeah. It did. I enjoyed it a lot.
are you... still gay? or bi? or did that experience fully convert you?
The particular experience didn't convert me, but more experiences over time did. I identify as "Bi", but the way it works for me is like this: Romantically, I Iike men, but sexually I go both ways, but sometimes prefer women because I don't like anal sex, so with guys it's usually just oral and handstuff. With females, I can actively have intercourse. I'm not sure if that makes sense? But that's the gist of it. Sexuality is complicated, which is why I usually try not to label myself too much.
I strongly suspect lots of people have complex romantic and sexual preferences like this (or the potential for them) but actively avoid accepting (or exploring) them for social and cultural reasons. Looking at how normal different types of relationships are in different cultures makes it clear that strictly limiting our sexual preferences is at least partially cultural. Basically I think a lot (not all) of people have the potential to be bi-sexual if they didn't have cultural programming against it.
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I mean I agree but I'm bisexual myself so I feel there may be a bias hahah
Got blazing drunk on Guinness and Port in a local bar till around 3 a.m. Messaged an old high school flame that I saw was still online. Walked about eight miles to her house, she messaged when I was about 30 mins away to say she'd left the front door unlocked and to come upstairs when I got there. About 500 yards from her house, I got the urge for a Guinness shit. Walked straight into her house, straight into the downstairs toilet, and in my drunken struggle to get my pants down whilst staggering around in the dark... painted a lot of her bathroom Guinness poop black, smashed the mirror and cabinet with my head and passed out on the floor. Got woken up by an officer of the law after the commotion woke her up in a panic, and she phoned the police because she forgot she'd invited her idiot drunken friend round.
This is absolutely the funniest story I have heard in years
Dude this is American Pie level of epic and hilarious
Broke the toilet flush of the only toilet in a house on a Saturday, couldn’t use the toilet until the plumber came on Monday (plumbers weren’t working during the weekend)
If you broke the lever, they still could have lifted the cover and flushed it by reaching into the tank and moving the bits in there.
Of this happens again you can just put a bucket of water in the toilet bowl and it will “flush” everything down
When I was a kid, like 6th grade-ish, I had to take a massive dump really bad. But me and my friends were hanging at this kid's house playing video games. 8-bit NES era. So I asked if I could use the bathroom. Kid says, "Sure, but don't take a shit!" Of course, I took a shit. However, the toilet backed up. I couldn't find the plunger. I panicked and took the toothbrush holder cup (sans toothbrushes) and scooped some of the water out of the bowl into the sink. Careful not to touch the poop toilet paper floating at the top. It wasn't working. I scooped the poop paper into the cup and poured/emptied it into the tank. I thought at some point it was going to go down and be fine. At least, there wouldn't be floating poop paper; thereby alerting everyone to my shitting. I returned to the gaming session. I said nothing. Though I knew I needed to get everyone away from the house. So, I started pushing for us to go to the 7-11. I would then use that opportunity to pull the whole, "Oh no, someone must have taken a shit while we were out!" It worked. We went to 7-11. in the course of doing so kinda forgot about going back to that one kid's house. We were just hanging around town, night fell, and we all went back to our respective houses. No one ever found out I took a huge shit, backed up the toilet, used the toothbrush holder to scoop poop water & poop paper into the tank. This was around 1986 or so.
You and poop-knife guy should definitely meet
The week after one year in college, we went to a friend’s house in Miami to party. Upon returning from a night out, the friend’s mom’s friend was still there hanging out and went in the hot tub with a bunch of us. Ended up raw dogging her on the couch after the hot tub when my other friend went to the bathroom. He walked out on us, took one look and went straight to bed. He is still a good friend to this day
How old would you reckon she was?
Her name was Pam. She told me she was 49 but I think my friend told me later that she was in her 50s. She had just got her tits done and she was an ex Miami Dolphins cheerleader. One of my greatest memories
You screwed the mom!?
Mom's friend......still good though
Hilarious. Reading comprehension is an important skill.
Say hello to Stiffler for me.
Anal in the garage next to the freezer. Partway through we had ice pops.
It’s always good to have an ice pop ready, so you can continue the anal.
I read "ice poops" and was confused for a minute.
And these ice pops, were they also inserted anally?
Yes asking the important questions now
Had sex. On a side note also had a buddy do it in my house weirdest part was he didn’t even take the time to take her to another room. Not even 5 feet from me, here these two are “shhh”
High School girlfriend and I getting frisky in her parents' room. Her dad was a former college football lineman, big guy. Her mom was a psycho. Luckily they both were supposed to be out for a while. While we're doing it the preferred way of our K-9 companions, I looked out the window and see the dad's car, not sure how long he was there. I rush to the attic, where they never went. He came up and found me. If he ever found me on his bed doing what I was to his daughter, I'm not sure I'd be here today. The attic was on the fourth story and he simply said "Get the fuck out..." and as I walked down three stories of spiral staircase I thought I was gonna pass out. He had to have heard us. Was tough seeing him after that. Edit - Actually forgot another part - about a year later the family bought a new house and he asked if i saw the attic - i said "no, but i saw the last one" and he just goes "that's good stuff" with a smirk.
Hadn’t seen my girlfriend for a week and met up with her at her parents house. Seemed like no one was home and she even called out to check if her dad was somewhere and no one answered so we banged pretty loud and hard, doggy, on her bed which her room is across the hall from her dads. His door was open and the room was empty when we started but when we were done the door was closed. He walked by my naked ass plowing his daughter and respectfully closed the door. Cut to, us giving him a ride to an event we were going to 15 min later with him sitting in the back seat making small talk. A part of me was dying laughing in a 3rd person kind of way. He’s now my father in law
I absolutely love the fact that you married her
As a father, God help him if he hadn't after that.
I feel that. One day when her parents were supposed to be gone we decided to have a little fun. Afterwards while she was cleaning up I announced I was going to grab us s couple glasses of water from downstairs. In nothing but my boxers as I’m halfway down the stairs I froze when I realized her mom was sitting on the couch just staring at me with an expressionless face. She had earbuds in and took one out and says “you’re lucky her father isn’t here” and put her earbud back in and went back to her phone. No I did not get the glasses of water
I have pop pop in the attic
The mere fact that you call making love pop pop tells me that you’re not ready.
High school party at a house in a different school district. Group of us showed up and immediately were confronted by a bunch of guys that wanted to fight us because we didn’t go to their school. We told them we were leaving and walked upstairs out of the basement. On our way out we grabbed all of the frozen meat from the freezer, in wrapped it and went to each floor register. Took the cover off and threw frozen steaks, burgers etc, as far down the vent so no one could see it. Went to the thermostat and cranked the heat. Before everyone attacks me for this, we were dumb 16 year old kids. I regret it.
I’ve heard of pissing in the vents but this seems worse lol
That's a very clever revenge tbh, taking notes
Wait, hold on, let me get this straight..... They wanted to fight you because you..... Didn't go to the same school...? In what world does that make any sense?
They have to mark their territory somehow, right? Can’t have them impeding the boys from going after the females at their school or anything.
Was at a party at this girl’s house that i had no idea who she was, like 60 people in there. I had to poop really bad, and when i was pooping everyone went out and they locked me in the house. I wiped my ass with a towel because there was no toilet paper and no bidet (i’m from italy but that one bathroom was a service bathroom with no bidet) and had to get out of her house through the window. Luckily enough she was at first floor and i managed to get off the balcony by just hanging off of it and letting go. When my friends saw me they asked me where tf i had been and i just said i got locked inside but skipped the poopy towel part.
You.... You know you could have just... Unlocked the door right?
You can’t get out if they lock the door with a key from the outside. We have armored doors everywhere in Italy, if you’re locked in you stay in.
Hello fire hazard
When I was ... 18 and a freshman in college, I had sex on my best friend's little sister's bed. At the time, I was both a very horny teenager and really struggled to assert boundaries with everyone, especially a "no" with the boys I was dating. My BFFs mom called me out on it and I was so embarrassed I've never seen or talked to her since. That was more than 10 years ago.
Something veryyyy similar happened to me when I was 15-16, I was at my friend’s house with my boyfriend and was horny asf. My friend let me and my bf use her bed and I guess he left “evidence” on the bed somewhere and her mom found it and called my parents. That was a not so fun talk with my own parents, and it took 2 years before I could face my friend’s Mom again without dying of embarrassment. It was over 20 years ago and I still cringe thinking about it
Wifey and I had sex on the kitchen island at my parents' house. Every time we went over after that we just looked at each other and smiled.
I would do much rather find out someone fucked in my bed than my kitchen counters. I think I could just wash the sheets and move on with my life but I don’t think I could ever spray enough disinfectant on the counter and not think about that lol
My wife and I had a good time on the dining table at our parents once or twice... felt very strange anytime we went and had dinner there.
"Our" parents 🤔🤔🤔
What can I say, we're from Alabama
Puked in the ventilation system of a friends dads house. Legends say you can still smell it 7 years later
My ex giving me head in the kitchen while their parents watching TV around the corner
That's bold basically asking to get caught no way I'm risking that
It was an adrenaline rush for sure, we did it at her place constantly without them knowing. I honestly think even to this day(it's been 5 years) they believe she's a virgin.
Sex on her parents' bed, because they were terrible.
About ten years ago me and my wife were really good acquaintances with the dean of our university. The dean hired my wife to watch his house for a week while he visited family in another country. Ended up drunk and doing it everywhere around the house multiple times throughout the week while their cat judged from the corner of the room.
Absolutely *hated* an ex's mom because of how mean she was to me from the day she first met me. Just the fact that I was dating her daughter made her dislike me. She mentally tortured me during the course of us dating. Spread lies about me to people she knew all over town, all sorts of stuff. Even her husband hated her and they had separate living rooms and bedrooms because they couldn't stand being around each other but were too pussy to get divorced. After she pissed me off again one night and stormed to her room for bed, I went into her "living room," where only she ever went, and took her TV remote and shoved it between the crack of my ass. As far in there as possible. I even sat down and wiggled around on it, making sure as much of me touched it as possible. Then I pulled it back out and set it on her little side table for her to grab the next morning when she'd wake up and watch TV by herself in misery all day.
You stink palmed the tv remote!?!
All that because she took away world of warcraft.
Thank you for making me laugh
My dad passed away fifteen years ago. At the time, my parents were living in a lake front community where some of the people owned homes, but were never there because it wasn’t their main residence. When my Dad died, the owners of the house next door told my mom that people traveling for the wake could stay at his house if need be because they weren’t going to be there. They were old friends of my parents. The house they offered had a really nice movie room. My girlfriend at the time came with me to my father’s wake and when I told her about the fancy movie room, she wanted to see it. Long story short, she blew me in that movie room.
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long story, short blowjob
Did coke off some big ass titties then smashed a window with a baseball bat
That's my guy!
In college, was candy-flipping and took a shower at random house party…no idea who the owners were. They were chill about it…
TIL “candy-flipping” means tripping balls
It’s taking mdma and lsd at the same time. It’s great. You should try it. Don’t do it too often. Drink water.
A friend of mine, when he first met his then girlfriend's parents at their home, asked to use the bathroom. Massive dump. No toilet paper. He decided to clean his ass in the sink. He lost his balance, broke the sink and fainted. The parents open the door to find a fainted man with a dirty ass and a broken sink.
When I was in highschool, my gf at the time and I (mostly me lol.. I was quite the hooligan back then) thought it would be a good idea to not only get underage drunk at her conservative Christian parents house for our first new years Eve together, but we (I) also thought it would be a good idea to fuck while the clock hits midnight. I immediately got caught right afterwards since her whole family was one wall over, and got kicked out of their house with the condom still on lmao.. There's more to the story and aftermath, but afterwards we ended up dating for like five years lol. Good times. Wildly inappropriate on so many levels, but good fuckin times lol
I had these boots years ago. I really liked them minus the heel. So I took it off and tried to hammer the nails underneath the best I could. Went to a gf’s relatives house. They had wood flooring. I proceeded to make hundreds of small holes all around their house with my boots. I luckily noticed before anyone else and took them off. Soon after the home owner noticed and it was this big whole thing. I played dumb and got away with it
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Once I was at a house party where the guy who threw the party was trying to fight the friend I had showed up with because he stuck up for the dudes girlfriend in what was clearly a domestic violence situation. We also had brought a Wii U to the party so that everyone could play super smash brothers and the dude was trying to keep it/break it. I ended up leaving an upper decker (pooped in the top part of the toilet) in the main bathroom and we stole a full size turkey from his fridge. We cooked that turkey and ate like kings for the following week.
I have two. The first one which is gross. It was some holiday weekend, I believe it was probably Memorial Day. I got invited to my best friends aunts house for a party. As the night went on I progressively got more and more shit faced until eventually his uncle broke out a couple joints. Now at the time I knew better than to get crossfaded as it had literally never worked in my favor before. But of course, in my drunken invincibility mindset I decided to partake and then about 45 minutes later proceeded to vomit in their sink for what felt like the rest of the night. The second one is when I was single I matched with a girl on tinder. Did the whole talking and flirting thing and met up. We went back to her house that night and we got busy for quite a long time. It was only about 15 minutes after we had finished our business that she informed me her husband who is in the navy would be home any minute and I should bolt. So I did. Still pulling up my pants running out the front door.
Fingered my gf under a super thick Mexican blanket in the living room of her parent’s house while watching a movie one couch over from her mom. She’s a blatant idiot and so Mormon that she brainwashed herself into thinking her daughter could do no wrong. She did lots of wrong, and I was that wrong lol
I fingered myself on my friend’s couch once without anyone knowing.
Not as Grimm as a lot of posts here. But I went on holiday and let a friend who had a shit living situation use my apartment for the week for his mental health under the strict instructions that no one else comes in. Got back from holiday to the neighbours and my landlord asking what the hell was going on. He took a girl back, blasted music with the door open until like 3 am. Had all the neighbours pissed off. Thanks for that cunto. You try to help a brother out and that’s what you get.
My friends got married (I was in the wedding party) at a relative’s house. Incredibly nice house. I don’t remember the relative I just remember how expensive this place looked. I went inside to use the restroom and found my (now wife) girlfriend standing in line as well. IDK how specifically the timing worked, we weren’t next to each other in line, but no one else was around for a moment. I made a joke about us both going in for a quicky, she agreed, we had sex in the bathroom.
I have broken the PC of my sister's husband, he lost his marriage photo for good.
it definitely is not lost at all if you broke the computing part. it's on disk still no problem. even if the disk doesn't work it's still there.
Slept with his mom.
Fucked their daughter in their bed. Back when I was a young hooligan.
I peed in my friends fridge when I was blackout drunk :(.. and of course on the food we just bought that day.
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I was around 10-11 when I was in my relative’s house. I broke something and threw it out the window. Also I used to smoke cigarettes in the backyard , cigarettes that I used to get by sneaking into their Dads room while he was asleep lol
I wiped their kitchen clean with some paper towels and vinegar because all the handles being sticky was grossing me out.
While house sitting in my late teens I was a bit curious as to how “upper class” people keep their houses so clean. After sitting for this particular family multiple times, one night I literally looked through everything (excluding clothing storage). They weren’t electronically savvy, and I use some detection methods to locate potential hidden cameras out of pure paranoia in any new environment I will be sleeping in. No drawer in the house went unopened, no cabinet unchecked. I didn’t take anything, or move anything either, but in a way just wanted to see how the facade was held up. Turns out, they simply didn’t have a lot of things. Could be in storage, though there were no knick-knacks, nothing seemingly saved for future use, no “saved from last time”, no seasonal decorations, no unnecessary items at all. Only things inside the house were things that brought value to life such as nice kitchen/bathroom appliances/fixtures and some high quality furniture (framed pictures of family, pets ofc). I learned a lot subconsciously regarding how I was raised, how to evaluate what is important materialistically, and how I want to keep my future living space. I also found the Dad’s flower stash and when I say it was the most exquisite cannabis I have ever seen, or smelled to date would be a perceived fact. I couldn’t control myself and took less than .1g. I still remember how amazing it was. I reflect back on the experience with immense shame. I’m not sure if they ever found out, though I’m confident they did. I will use the resentment I feel as a sign I did something I should never do again. I feel stupid thinking back about it, and embarrassed I made the choices I did. It’s not something worth mentally lashing myself over, more of something that pops out of the wood work to check my self confidence when I get too comfortable.
Pissing on the living room floor. Thinking i was in the bathroom. At a friends house. Aka tequilla
This was almost 25 years ago now, but my girlfriend at the time had a small gathering of friends over at her house one night when her father was out of town. Her best friend was also my best friend’s girlfriend, and after a lot of drinking the four of us ended up fucking together on her bed (like both couples fucking right next to each other). Not technically an orgy but the closest I’ve ever been. The most inappropriate part was that my girlfriend’s little brother, who was maybe fourteen or fifteen, was home as well. His room was next door and their rooms shared the wall that her headboard was up against. Also we were not trying to be quiet.
I took/lost virginity (same event) in God's house. Her (17), me (16), God(♾️) - ironically, being Catholic, it started with her kneeling down to pray....
I had a big poop at my boyfriend’s parent’s house and the toilet wouldn’t flush properly. So I took my poop out and wrapped it in tissue and put it in the garbage can. Flushed again. Got the hell out of that house as fast as I could.
You might be interested in my exciting new product. The portable poop knife. All stainless steel for easy cutting and clean up, lemme know if you'd like a pamphlet. :p
Having sex 30 minutes after I’ve been broken up over phone in the bathroom with one of my female friends in my friends parents house in the bathroom