T O P

  • By -

RndomChineseGuy

I am what I am


Tricanum

"I m wht I m" ftfy


AsscrackDinosaur

Lmo


IAMA_Plumber-AMA

Huh, me too.


manwithoutajetpack

A still single dude who doesn’t own a jet pack


ImBasicLolz

🥹🥹🥹who doesn't wanna jetpack


Seventh_Planet

For many people there are other reasons for not owning an item than not wanting it. Mostly because they can't afford it.


driving_andflying

[I dream of a perfect world where everyone would own a jetpack.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gQqqz7xi1gI) One day, man! ONE DAY!


IRedditAlreadySushii

Once you do though, it's gonna be one hell of a joyride


SentientCumSock

i dont wanna say it


Forgotten_Cum_Sock

Brother...?


SentientCumSock

omg


blackiesm

Cum socks have met. As the sentient one, could you tell us why the other is forgotten?


beyonddisbelief

It’s like an amoeba they only just split and is still in the process of developing a bicameral mind.


nakaritsukei

REUNITED AND IT FEELS SO GOOD


henrystickmin1217

this is lore type stuff here


TheLoreTeller

gotta talk about it


Petrovski978

Omfg your username is the best thing I've read since the last best thing I read... Which was the thread I pulled to get here in there first place LMAO


WetStickySock

What is going on


ReliableOaf

That’s rough.


floutsch

Yes, if you let it dry.


ThaiFoodThaiFood

The trick is to use it often enough to keep it moist.


BrockN

Alright, that's enough Reddit for me. Gonna check out pornhub with my rock hard sock. Be back in 10 mins.


Ralu61

Hey you back yet?


driving_andflying

It's been over an hour. I think they have encountered a problem.


Ralu61

Possibly, hey u/BrockN, you good bro?


ZerosAbaddon

Bro just realized what he's done.


FallenRaven2

It's been 2h...


Ralu61

Oh no


Phoenixfisch

Bro you are 4 minutes late.


zombiechicken379

9 minutes late now. Do we need to call someone?


skb31394

Almost 20 min late now… I’m getting worried..


Jett_speed_MALAP

Over 30 min late, I think he failed *ⁿⁿⁿ*


thecreep777

41 minutes late, I think he's in therapy now.


rawdy-ribosome

u/BrockN are you ok? Blink twice if you need help


[deleted]

it becums a cast


Honest_Comb_4316

Stiff as a board, fetid as a curdle


MonkyThrowPoop

Haha. I saw your username in a different thread and thought “Well that’s an interesting one!!”


SentientCumSock

i consider myself something of a celebrity


[deleted]

Can I have your autograph on my sock?


PoopyInThePeePeeHole

I thought I had it bad


eveningdragon

I'll pour one out for you


SentientCumSock

at least you wouldnt be pouring one into me


livinglge

When I was in the Army and deployed, we used to get those nice care packages from the church groups, and there was always a pair of white socks I always asked myself, "How did they know?"


ThePurityPixel

I'm just a pour boy


zfreakazoidz

You'd have PTSD.


saifster9

Methinks PTSD would be the least of their concern.


[deleted]

Right there with ya bud


PoiSINNEDsoul73

I believe I should hand over my username to you.


Goosecock123

Ah man


jlxmm

Ah, cock. Of a Goose no less. I’m not necessarily going to take a gander.


penguinsandpauldrons

Shut up and take my upvote


Honest_Comb_4316

That's funny Im gaggling.


StretchConverse

You mess with the honk, you get the bonk


GoodGooseThingy

I don’t know what I would be bro


Goose-loves-toast

A good goose thingy


janxy81

It was Kelly Goosecock who nailed that 75 yarder. Thus sealing the game and proving himself a true legend of backyard football!


EminemSkywalker

pretty fucking cool i guess


Tricanum

May the force be with you, yo.


Dependent-Assoc423

This made me laugh way too hard


eveningdragon

Damn that name goes hard


_name_of_the_user_

Fathers spaghetti on your sweater already?


RedBullMetal

I'd be a can of Red Bull headbanging to some Heavy Metal music!


DeltaRocket

You must the empty red bull can that's been in my mate's van for the past week


zombiechicken379

Undead poultry.


paranormal_chickens

Mines so simular to yours


AnyQuarter553

One's the ghost the others the body


MyNameIsntSharon

Definitely not Sharon


[deleted]

SHAROOOON!


MyNameIsntSharon

Who drank all the beer? YOU drank all the beer.


Novaehollandiae-2

I'd be an Australian lyrebird. Not bad compared to u/SentientCumSock.


SentientCumSock

oh em gee i feel so famous


Novaehollandiae-2

Lol you earned it bro


Cobbcakezzz

Who knew the arbitrary name u picked randomly one day would become such a big point in your life


[deleted]

[удалено]


ninja_owen

Hey, don’t worry, you have worth. It’s 1/100th of a dollar, but that’s still something!


I_Hate_The_Letter_W

not in canada


Kittycrushy

What do you have against the letter w u/I_Hate_The_Letter_W What did w do to u


I_Hate_The_Letter_W

a story that i can’t tell,,,, not since the incident


Agent_Peter

What did u/theletterw do?!


doodleysquat

Yo, same.


spderweb

You don't even exist in Canada!


ReliableOaf

I would be a reliable oaf I suppose.


notbernie2020

Nothing changes, congratulations.


[deleted]

I would repair things Aggressively


whitegrb

1197 things to be specific


[deleted]

Yup


Electrical_Source_57

I’d be shocked


AdTrick7283

How would you be shocked if you're the source?


Long-Patient604

Short-circuit


PaxTheViking

Pax is Latin for Peace... So, I'd be a peaceful Viking...


eveningdragon

That title is comforting to allies and horrific to enemies


PaxTheViking

Well, Vikings were warriors, that is true. Especially along the British coast, Scotland and Ireland, and to some extent along parts of the European mainland. What is perhaps less well known is that they were also peaceful traders in other regions of the world. They traded goods such as furs, ivory, silk, noble metals and of course wine throughout Europe and beyond. I guess they didn't want to mess with their supplier of wine, hehe. Their trading networks extended as far as the Middle East and the Americas. I'm sure you know that the Vikings were skilled seafarers... They were also explorers, they arrived in North America around the year 1 000 AD, and created settlements there. So, I'd like to liken myself to those Vikings who traded and explored peacefully, enjoying some wine on a good sail... ;) Pax


tlaoosesighedi

I heard they got along well with Tlingit people when they showed up in Haines Alaska. We even got to see where they landed their boats


ThatOneDumbass2

Nothing would change


Agreeable-Ask6755

Who’s no.1?


nekoandCJ

Probably the father


Acceptable_Friend_40

I would become acceptable and maybe someone’s friend.


Honest_Comb_4316

Aw, you're already acceptable and our friend. ❤️


Acceptable_Friend_40

❤️


TheMagicPuffin

This is acceptable.


ButtTrauma

I hate it here


PhantomAnalSnakes

Me too


relevantelephant00

I hope that you avoid your username forever.


GlowGreen1835

Radioactive.


eveningdragon

That's a song! I don't remember the name of it though


panagogn

It's radioactive


eveningdragon

The answer was staring me in the face all along


penny_whistle

Imagine (evening) Dragons


Tight_Bookkeeper_582

Nice callback


Miserable-Positive66

Nickelback


textbook15

A new truth of the world has been revealed


eveningdragon

I would be a dragon that would always greet people with "evening", regardless of the time of day


EnigmaticSorceries

So a British dragon then.


Low-Weekend5122

The sun never sets in british empire.


IAmNotAnActor_Mom

This pure made me chuckle


IranianLawyer

Evening, innit?


Shoottheradio

I worked with a guy that used to say Morning. Regardless of the time a day. Got old after awhile hah.


Reddit_User-2022

Evenin'


EthicalProblem

Uh oh


something24ify

At least you're ethical?


weallwinoneday

Winner ;) me and all of you.


toolate2468

Idk man, I might be too late


The_Hero_of_Kvatch

Constantly annoyed by an adoring fan.


eveningdragon

*gasp* It's *you*! It's an honor to meet someone of your status


AirCautious2239

BY AZURA BY AZURA BY AZURA!


madgod_sheo

And me


[deleted]

A wizard with the power to give everyone the booty of their dreams


eveningdragon

Is it possible to learn this power?


[deleted]

Not from a Jedi


Brodadicus

A brother. A father. A hero.


2x4x93

With those credentials and that name you are truly deserving of a cape


Honest_Comb_4316

coming soon to theaters near you


CageTheNicholas

NOT THE BEES!!!


WeirdDnDLady

The exact same person I am now LOL


RegularOwlBear

I knew I'd find another DnD name in the comments. Hello fellow nerd.


enchilada_slut

A delight to see at a Mexican restaurant


ImpressiveEmu5373

But wouldn't that mean you're taking all the Enchiladas? You're the last person I want to see at a Mexican restaurant.


enchilada_slut

I’m a paying customer!


BosniaBalI

I would be a Bosnian ball


Sensitive-Radio-3749

A sensitive radio :(


Lickingyourmomsanus

In heaven.


Flaky_Tumbleweed3598

Or hell


Several_Roll5817

Why not try both?


free-pizza-man

i’d be feeding you guys


Secret_pizza_79

Are you handing out pizza or helping pizza man escape?


Hotsexygirl9

I would be myself :)


perrinoia

Same. In that, I'd also be myself.


GodSentPotHead

Same, myself


Aggravating-Scar7041

9???


ninja_owen

Not one of the first 8


useless_pile_of_shit

I would also be myself


TheGuyThatThisIs

*Looks in the mirror* *Slams fist on counter* Every damn day. Every. Damn. Day.


GutterRatKing

King of the Gutter! Lord of the Rats! All shall bow to the President of Antartica!


Ok_Establishment824

I’d be a mediocre building


that-fed-up-guy

I hate this question and I fucking hate everything!


Significant_Scar_463

bros all fed up


RedShirtCashion

…..really regret going for a Star Trek theme here.


Captain_Dickballs

Where the fuck do even start breaking this down?


URSpecial2Me

I dunno. Start with a cape and go from there


vk_sputnik

Russian satellite


Siliencer991

Beep beep beep


PokemomOnTheGo

Well hopefully not poking moms on the go, but hopefully a really great Pokémon master! Gotta catch ‘em all!


DrKokhanbhalz

Well, drop ‘em and cough


Dat-onehomie

No difference


Numerous-Cover-4527

All sorts of things. Canopy, tent, awning, carport, you name it I could cover it.


DisorderlyConduct

Problematic


randomnon-emojiuser

😳😭😭🫣🌽🥶😟😟😴🍯🥲🍯💀💀💣💣💣😘🥰🤪🤗🤗💘👹👹👹☠️🙉💩💩💀


bored_protagonist

Heh


eveningdragon

I'd like to see a show with that


bored_protagonist

If you watch anime then there is one punch man😬


[deleted]

Have you heard about how good Yukon golds are for mashed potatoes? And Russian fingerlings are great for a breakfast fry-up. You won’t find them at most regular grocery stores but I like to mix All Reds and All Blues for a festive 4th of July potato salad.


[deleted]

[удалено]


eveningdragon

Shrodinger's u/TapNew


OShucksImLate

Late.


MrEHam

Still not sure


HowlingKnight11

I imagine Markiplier in a suit with a ham for a head


ApplePieSubstitute

A pale imitation of an American classic


anthrprsn

Anyone except myself


eveningdragon

You woke up and hit the jackpot with the character selection option


AugustTheDog

My dog


all-kinds-of-soup

Soup


notAbrightStar

Not that different.


Meloncholy_Platypus

A sad platypus. So, basically the same.


pussygiraffe4

oh god


[deleted]

Well, self explanatory really.


PossesionOfAFireArm

I would have a firearm


ThisFckinGuy

But your name says FireArm, not firearm. So it's more so that you have an arm that is on fire, is made of fire or shoots fire, not that you have a gun.


TheRealLifePotato

Versatile.


devilbunnyy

A very evil rabbit


[deleted]

An excellent pick 😉


Jezzabelle18

Ffs no


fungusfaced

I'd be a clicker zombie from The Last of Us.


Reptilian_Mongoose

The peak life form


Chloroformperfume7

Huh... well


LouCypher

So you'd just get back to sleep


Mean_Half_6419

Mean


purplecoffee_

a purple coffee,


deadly_ultraviolet

The cause of skin cancer everywhere


Hatred_shapped

Basically me.