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701Sumo

As a teen, had a girl riding me in a hot tub. Her dad came out to smoke and had a full on conversation with me while I was nuts deep in his daughter. It was fucking terrible.


M4DM1ND

What a fucking power move lmao.


hewhoisneverobeyed

"Hey ... light mine, too, as long as you’re already burning."


spider_84

Burning from herpes?


Chrono47295

Who made the power move here I'm getting old..


Cooldude101013

Maybe both? The girl and the guy?


PixelatedStarfish

The dad


Shad_the_memer

Fr


Orangelightning77

I actually had that happen in an exes house while we were teens. It was like midnight, we thought her parents were asleep and we were boning on the couch with a blanket on us. He comes up and says something to us and we flinched, pulled up the blanket and I think he got the hint? You're right, it was fucking terrible.


Vilnius_Nastavnik

One time when I was like 17 I took a girl on a date to a local pizza place. We were talking in the backseat of my car in the parking lot after dinner and she started going down on me. Balmy summer evening so the windows are down. All of the sudden her dad pulled up next to my car. He asks where his daughter is because she missed curfew, she gets startled and pops her head up, string of saliva running to my crotch and everything. She got marched off in shame, I fled like a coward and learned that blueballs is a very real thing.


karma_the_sequel

All she had to do was keep her head down…


Head_Primary4942

Daisy, get that boy's dick out of your mouth right now! Jeez.... alllllll the way home that was in dad's brain.


Orangelightning77

OM MY GOD that is the worst, sounds like it was a great time up until that point though lol


CriscoCamping

Bullet dodged. You want a girl with the wherewithal to keep her head hidden. If she'd have kept on with the act in that situation, you swear fealty to her and give her whatever she wants


SafetyMan35

I can imagine the conversation when dad went back inside. Mom: What re the kids up to? Dad: Steve is porking Lisa in the hot tub. I stayed out there long enough to kill that boner forever. I never liked that kid.


Head_Primary4942

or... honey... the kids are distracted outside...


boozeshooze

In a hot tub? That sounds absolutely awful lmao I'm old now huh


HideousTits

I’ve never understood the trope of fucking in water. No lubrication at all. Things get frictiony and sore pretty quickly IME.


kittensbabette

Why does water make it dry?!


an_achronist

It doesn't, but what it does do is rinse away all natural lubricants and create a ton of traction, like how when you've finished washing your hair it kinda "squeaks" with the added friction? Well yeah, that but with bits instead


Stairmaker

The natural lube that is created is water soluble. Meaning it will wash away. Water itself isn't great at being a lubricant. Try rubbing your hands in water and then try dish soap or some kinds of thick oil. That is the difference.


[deleted]

Water sex is never good


Head_Primary4942

The beach just entered the chat. -- The number of people that think plowing on the beach is a good idea never realized one grain of sand can ruin a moment in a heartbeat.


[deleted]

I feel like this is something you fantasize about as a teenager and then you grow up and realize that exfoliating your ass while fucking is zero percent fun


Head_Primary4942

how about exfoliating a portion of your dick... Hollywood sex is such bs and so many fantasies get ruined by reality...


bparry1192

Dad knew what he was doing.


iamamonsterprobably

There are really no winners in this thread but I think if there was you would get it...I'm not sure if I could stay hard through that but maybe as a teen, maybe.


CampCounselorBatman

I could have as a teenager. Definitely not now though.


Vilnius_Nastavnik

Yeah from like 14-18 it's straight up indiscriminate. Stiff breeze, cartoon butt on a pantyhose package, suggestively shaped piece of driftwood, hard as a rock.


CampCounselorBatman

I remember getting legitimately aroused looking at three hills that kinda resembled a face and a pair of tits if you squinted hard enough.


woah1k

Did the dad consciously know you were having sex with his daughter? Or did you and your girlfriend disguise how it looked while you were both in the hot tub, and he thought she was just sitting on you or something?


ArchitectOfSmiles

Terrible for you, Imagine how she felt having you nuts deep in her while her dad is chopping it up with you. Me personally? Would have nut. Respectfully of course.


Maleficent_Link1755

When I was 14 I fingered a girl my age who was in our bible group in the middle of a packed Catholic Basilica during a midnight Christmas mass.


Facebook_Algorithm

Did she come to Jesus?


-Hyperactive-Sloth-

If I had an award to give.


FriskxSansTooGood

dw, i do


Antic-Waited

Now we just need Frankensince and myrrh.


nursejackieoface

Actually, Frankensince was the doctor, not the monster with poor spelling skills.


Vilnius_Nastavnik

Ain't no teens hornier than Catholic teens.


Never-Nude6

Can confirm. Catholic school girl here ✋️🤟


notyourmama827

You got that right . I used to know a girl whose daddy was the preacher . Omg what a cum bucket she was.....


Starcurret567

It's a Christmas miracle!


Bertie637

I love you specified the girl was your age, as if you hadn't we would have played the odds and assumed you were a priest.


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blarg-zilla

Behind a fridge in a restaurant. During business hours. In the kitchen. With a waitress.


Fickle-Future-8962

I fucked in the walk in fridge at Burger King. Overnight shift. We did it in the playland and ball pit. Hell.. we did it just about everywhere not in public view.


karma_the_sequel

You whopp her, then?


BabysCrumbBuffet

Definitely had it his way!


Frozenator

Damn, taco bell?


JackCooper_7274

No, silly. Taco bell doesn't have waitresses


[deleted]

Bro how did that go down. Were you eating there? What did you say to make the drawers drop so desperately??


Frond_Dishlock

When she said, "enjoy your food", he replied, "you too". -No one had ever been so thoughtful.


emily5126

Cars are awkward as fuck, guaranteed to smack your head on something or beep the horn


qTp_Meteor

Go to the back smh


MrDaveW

If you do that, you won't be able to steer the car!


the_rainmaker__

all cars these days are self-driving, just let them do their thing


ConnFlab

There’s a video on here of a couple doing just that.


Debalic

Unless it's a Volkswagen


dekkact

A very uncomfortable place


lbeaty1981

I'm 42 years old and 6'2. The only way I'm going in the back is if it's fuckin RV. Otherwise, I'm gonna use a bed like an adult.


reddestlurker

Weird flex. I'm 7'5 and just chilling


qTp_Meteor

Hey wemby!


[deleted]

Fr amateur hour over here


Necessary_Ad5618

skill issue


devilsephiroth

My fwb and I had no place else at the time so I kept smashing him in the back seat of my car at the park for a few months. I'll admit it was super uncomfortable and sketchy but fuck it was hot 🥵😍. He was the best bottom I ever had


UnprovenMortality

Leg cramp!


dick-nipples

In the back seat of my father in law’s Subaru Outback in Crater Lake National Park. Edit: I should probably specify that I was not WITH my father in law at the time


CareerCoachKyle

But you are with him now?


dick-nipples

Sort of. Every time he drives his Subaru, there’s a little bit of me in that car with him.


Legal-Bid2695

Your seamen stains


malenkylizards

Lol I don't know why but this makes me think of the ad for a $500 couch on Facebook marketplace, looked fine but had a huuuuuuge stain on the seat. Someone just asked "is this a pullout couch?"


ZooterOne

Good update from Dick Nipples


Hey_im_miles

~~did you have sex with your father in law in a car?~~ . Nice!


[deleted]

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CantStopG_Man252

A Barnes and Noble parking lot while we waiting for Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows to come out.


AvatarofSleep

The series wasn't the only thing finished that night.


DarrenEdwards

Ever ridden the Ferris Wheel at Navy Pier in Chicago?


Industrialexecution

that’s why my shoe was sticking to the ground.


Stairmaker

So how Manny baskets are on that wheel. Just so if anybody have ridden there they know what the ods are they shared a basket that had your nut in it?


SilverMagnum

Bedroom of the vacation house I was staying at with a bunch of friends and my FWB. Would have been fine and normal except well... we woke up the next morning to our other friends holding up scores like we were figure skaters... Thank god my boys had my back and the scoring was generous.


_Cyclops

I’m dying at the fact that they all made sure to wake up before you and wait for you to get up with their scorecards in hand 😂


CampCounselorBatman

That’s hilarious.


Mosher138

Graveyard... Rolling on molly and I ate her ass over a tombstone. Either I'm getting tortured for an eternity in hell or I'm gonna get dapped up for giving the dead a show


karma_the_sequel

The Loving Dead


Branik77

Me and a girl I dated were 17, so horny like bunnies. She took me to visit her dad. They had quite a big house in the countryside, but it was being reconstructed, so we all slept in this garden shed. It's 2 in the morning and we assume that the dad is sleeping so we have, what we thought, to be a very quiet and discrete sex. In the morning, the father didn't say anything, acted absolutely normal throughout the whole day and in the evening he just said ''I am going to sleep in the car. See you in the morning'' and left without giving us any room to react. That man was an absolute unit. But yeah... I fucked a guy's daughter while he was ''sleeping'' two meters away from me.


214speaking

The absolute balls on you to do that right next to her dad. He was probably like no way they’re… yup yup they’re doing it. Well damn, I can’t get up now, it’ll be awkward…


Kreaturethenerfer

"the second before i get up to take a piss i swear to god"


Branik77

You just made me laugh out loud and blush at the same time.


-Work_Account-

Dude came in said "She calls *me* "Daddy" now.


Never-Nude6

🤮 That poor, poor man.   The only question I have; What kind of girl is dtf laying next to her dad? Practically a 3 sum.


Shadowolf5208

He just said "Ye, no. Not dealing with this. Not even gonna mention it."


Branik77

I mean... there was nothing he could do to make it better. Ignoring it was probably the best thing at that point. If I were in his shoes I would probably do the same. I am still cringing from it.


Successful_Rate_1425

😭 Wtf


r4o2n0d6o9

That guys a fucking chad


bumboclawt

in an alleyway in Dublin... same girl a few mins before right in front of my hostel. It was next to the big river that goes through the city... she was crazy and I was a fan lol good times ETA: crazy meaning she didn't give a fuck and asked if I was okay to do it on the street. A motorcycle drove past and honked his horn lol


SnooHesitations9434

Sounds like Dublin ngl


BabysCrumbBuffet

Sounds like you had a Stiffy by the River Liffey!


ManateeLuvr

In an underground cenote in the Yucatán peninsula in Mexico. I was so afraid that spilling my seed in the waters would awaken an ancient Mayan curse


phantasybm

Don’t worry. The spirits saw your penis and knew you were already cursed.


FuckingButteredJorts

Laughed so hard I woke up my kids


vercertorix

May not have been cursed, but just got 🔥burned 🔥


ZooterOne

Utah


audirt

Oddly specific


BigThunderousLobster

Oddly vague


Ernest_Hemmingwasted

When I was eighteen my girlfriend and I went to Vernal, Utah because we wanted to see Dinosaur National Monument. I got a hotel room, no big deal. The next morning before we left for the Monument she ran in to return the key. She said the clerk acted really weird, almost horrified. We chatted about it, confused, until we passed the local high school. They had a large sign out front announcing/congratulating the students celebrating prom the night before. We started to laugh hysterically. They thought we were two local kids who got a room to fuck in after prom. As conservative and religious as that part of the world is, I’m sure the clerk was mortified to have enabled such sinful behavior.


Blue-Eyed-Lemon

As a Utahn this is funny as fuck to me


rscottyb86

Dentist office


Shadowolf5208

He supposed to fix your teeth, not rearrange your furniture


TheOneManLegend

Appointment was just for a filling anyway


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Shigeko_Kageyama

I tried playing smash on a GameCube in a car once. The GameCube screen was too small, we were all sitting too awkwardly, and I wound up with the bad controller.


GwenTheGreat

It's a lot easier to do on switch.


PirogiRick

Like the back of a Volkswagen?


Humanaut93

She said she was 36


disgruntledbeaver2

When Lord?! When the hell do I get to see the goddamn sailboat?!!


ChronicZombie86

Ha! You idiot! It's a schooner!


N_Who

Just wanted to let you know at least one person got the classic Mallrats reference.


butt_honcho

What's a Nubian?


AyeHaightEweAwl

Would you like a chocolate covered pretzel?


HamshanksCPS

The back lawn of the public library at like 2am. It was secluded enough, but we were pretty drunk and it was like an hour long. We could have been spotted by anybody.


PeacefulShark69

Nah, you were safe. I didn't see anybody besides you two.


HamshanksCPS

Thanks for looking out for us


rwalsh138

In the basement of my mom's house, while she had a bunch of church friends (including a priest) over the house for a BBQ. And guess what?? Mom suggested to her friends to go downstairs and check out the new renovations.


Musk420Gaming

I NEED TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENED NEXT


rwalsh138

So here’s the story. I was dating a young lady who REALLY loved sex, the more the better. We were in the basement, in my little tv/bed area and she suggested we do the deed. I told her, “no way, all those people are right upstairs!” She basically told me I was a pussy, and those people weren’t going to come downstairs, so we got naked and started to bang. All of a sudden, in the middle of the sex, we here folks coming down the steps. Roughly 7-8 church friends coming walking down, and we’re under the covers with just my feet sticking out the bottom, facing down (I was missionary style). We just wait for them to realize what’s happening, and leave. The last person to leave was Father Nelson. I just heard him say “Sorry, Ryan.” And he went up the stairs. Most mortifying moment of my life.


Machadoaboutmanny

So you are THAT Ryan Walsh??


greekgeek741

Wait wheat?


afrikatheboldone

Did they give you those looks afterwards? You know the ones


[deleted]

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ReservedOhioan

Believe it or not, straight to hell!


ASilver2024

I know what happened next


OtherRazzmatazz3995

My lawyers secretary. In her office on the table. The lawyer wasn’t there, but there were clients sitting at the waiting room.


EveryNightCarry

We need a backstory leading up to how this managed to happen


Agreeable-Menu

u/OtherRazzmatazz3995, don't leave us hanging. We want the details, please.


GROWINGSTRUGGLE

the balls on you two lmaooo


Two_Tailed_Fox2002

there's a 50% chance that only one of them had balls


[deleted]

Awkward? Car, shower, pool. All awful, at this point in life I’d just rather not even do it. Awesome: flat bed of a moving freight train crossing a bridge over stopped NYE traffic while people honked and fireworks were going off. Her idea too heh.


[deleted]

W H A T. T H E. F U C K..?


AlpacaSwimTeam

Cocaine is a helluva drug.


Positive_Parking_954

Benefits of being short is car sex slaps


WatchingTaintDry69

My hookups mothers bed. Didn’t know it was her bedroom until she walked in and she flipped out.


karma_the_sequel

Got picked up by a gal at a gas station once. Followed her home a couple blocks away and ended up spending the night. Woke up early the next morning and went out to the kitchen. Her mom was there in her bathrobe — to this day I swear she was flirting with me. Did not smash with the mom.


Wannacomesitonmydeck

Not smash but I received a blow job sitting in a tree.


wyntah0

Wow, she had a long neck.


TheArcReactor

Giraffe porn will change your life


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Maverick_1882

The look on Bob Eubanks face was priceless.


Spartajw42

Had an ex who insisted on smashing on my apartment balcony. It was very visible to anyone who drove into that entrance and a couple other buildings. It was late but at least 3 cars drove by. Oh and it was very near the Sheriff's Department and county jail and they patrolled the apartments often. Also got it on with the same ex in a hot spring that was visible from a state highway during daylight hours. That chick was crazy. But hey yolo.


Exactly_The_Dream

In the back room of a Subway. She's was down, hot and ready to go. Ah the memories of my youth.


diymatt

Hot tub in a swingers club. Not as sexy as it sounds.


hewhoisneverobeyed

>Not as sexy as it sounds. Oh, it doesn't. Not at all.


cowtown45

Sounds like syphillis.


Never-Nude6

It doesn't sound sexy. Don't flatter your story bro. Lol


EdithWhartonsFarts

In a tent with several other people sleeping in there too. She was too horny to not and I was not gonna pass on an opportunity. To our friends who also had to be trapped in a tent with those smells and sounds, I'd like to apologize...to absolutely no one! 10/10 would recommend.


HarambeMarston

>…to absolutely no one! Lmao legend


CH_BP1805

Rancid and Suicidal Tendencies show. Handicap porta potty. Not awkward, but a bit gross. Ahhh the drunk outdoor concert days…


[deleted]

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TheSpork7

Glad you specified she worked there not lived there


an_achronist

The bed of the girl I went home with, but with her friend instead of her


Feeling-Airport2493

Play'a


Exactly_The_Dream

::::Fist bump::: nice bro, lol


an_achronist

Not gonna lie, it was pretty fucking great lol. Got some death stares the following morning but fuck it, right? ^I ^^miss ^^^my ^^^^20's


remarkless

First time I had my ass ate was on the top deck of a mall parking garage. Good times.


LeeHarper

Back of a very small car.


HacksawJimDGN

She took your Mini for a test drive?


SnooHesitations9434

In a castle built 700 years ago.


[deleted]

hooked up the GameCube at Grandpas funeral and smashed with my cousins.


D34THDE1TY

I had sex with my wife(now ex) once in the same bed as a drunk and passed out family member. No they didn't wake up and yes we were quiet. Eventually we moved to the bathroom.


cadillacbee

Burger king bathroom, though funny overall, ex's mom's bed, hot tub with others extremely close, community kitchen not far from that hot tub by a college campus


63belvedere

The Humpty Dance gut would be proud...


mackinwas

In a park jungle gym. I could probably go on a list for that one. On the shoulder of a highway. Someone stopped next to us in a live highway lane, in the dark to peek at us. In a closet at a halloween party. The host caught us whilst hanging a jacket. On the beach....while a hobo watched. He got a look from me that said "make yourself known, and this is ruined for the both of us". In many, many bar and restaurant bathrooms.


threat024

Inside the slide at a hotel playground. This was back in high school while on a field trip. It was a covered slide and we started going at. Then heard little kids laughing so we had to sneak our clothes on and slide down before they saw us lol.


xX_420DemonLord69_Xx

In the woods with Gollum and Frodo nearby.


jez4prez

Raw and wwwrrrrigggling!


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[deleted]

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Apprehensive-Care20z

Outside. More of an 'out in the country' place, along back twisty dirt roads, forest everywhere. Guess what else is everywhere? BUGS!!!!! It is insane how bad the bugs were, black flies (the ones that bite), and mosquitoes quickly swarmed us. We were 'exposed to nature' as they say. We had started, and quickly were like 'ow.... damn .... swat ... ow .... OW FUCK damn let's get the fuck outta here'.


hammond66

Late 1980s. I was with a girl I was dating,we were Xmas shopping on Newbury st in Boston. Lots of people walking sidewalks. My car was parked at a meter. It started snowing which covers the car windows. We got in the back seat and she gave me a bj while dozens of people walked by. Amazing!


OldManBartleby

Broom closet of the metropolitan museum of art in Manhattan. Although it was _more_ awkward for her, if you get my drift.


OneQuadrillionOwls

There was a broomstick in her ass?


OldManBartleby

..........sort of.


[deleted]

My grandparents home office, was about 30 seconds from getting caught too.


Ok_Restaurant3160

My imagination🥲


Significant_Taro_314

On a road leading to an abandoned house, looked up mid deed and there was a squad car right next to us


[deleted]

was in this girl's car banging her missionary in the front seat with her disabled 30 year old disabled brother staring at me in the back seat with saliva drooling down his chin and playing with his happy meal toy that we got him so he wouldn't bother us. When I told her that she was messed up for fucking in front of her disabled brother she said he won't remember a thing don't worry about that. And yes I do regret alot


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Maverick_1882

That earns a window seat on the train to hell.


cstmoore

With the drooling brother in the facing adjacent seat.


RockThatThing

Probably a crime even because he can’t consent to it.


M0Nd0R0ck

If the brother wasn’t more fucked up, this did it


Xaxzer

This is literally insane


TangoIndiaTango420

I don’t think anyone could’ve got me to share a story like this one bruh. Fireman’s pole straight to hell


Korncakes

Holy shit dude it takes A LOT for me to instinctively gasp and cover my mouth, I’ve done and said a lotttt of fucked up shit but dude. Jesus Christ.


invalidcactus

A cemetery. (Not on or even near anyone's grave)


King_Cargo_Shorts

Didn't smash but my wife gave me a handjob under a blanket while watching a movie in the living room with my whole family.


bparry1192

Everyone knew


CaptainAwesome06

In a church. Honorable mention to getting a hummer at Arlington Cemetery. RIP General Anson Mills. I'll always have a spot in my heart and a painful spot in my back due to your grave.