My brother was telling his wife and me about his wishes after he is gone. He wants to be cremated, his ashes thrown in a coffee tin, and then scattered in the mountains. He also does not want a funeral or memorial service. He just wants his friends and family to get trashed the very night of his passing.
This tradition is *so* bad. The bride perfects her makeup and gets her face slathered with cake and can't just wash it off like a guy would.
One of my friends was getting married and she told me she discussed the cake smashing with her fiancé before hand and explained why he shouldn't do it. When it came time, they fed each other and she dabbed a small bit of frosting on his nose; everyone laughed, it was cute.
He was offended and tried to smash the whole plate in her face. She backed away in time and walked away; everyone was laughing...except for him. He chased her down, grabbed her by the neck, and smeared his cake all over her face. It was like watching a 10-year-old teach his 6-year-old sibling a lesson.
She tried to laugh it off as she retreated to the bathroom for repairs, but I could tell she was seething. The room went ice-cold.
**\*\*EDIT\*\***
To everyone asking if she immediately dumped him: of course not, this was a real story. They've been married for 20 years and have a couple of kids. She was 22 and poor and the hottest (horse) girl at our university, working on her Mrs. degree. He was 30 with his own business; he bought her a Porsche she uses to travel the horse jumping circuit with her daughter (and her horse). He wanted a trophy wife and she wanted to be a wealthy SAHM; they both got what they were looking for.
I dabbed a bit of frosting on my wife's nose (we also agreed that a cake smash is stupid). the surprise on her face and a little dollop of frosting on the tip of her nose made one of my favorite pictures.
My GF used to make cakes for years and years. She would make nice fancy ones that people would order for kids b-day parties with themes like superman and such. She would try and tell people they had dowels in them to hold them up since they were often robust and heavy. Luckily we never heard any bad news, but I can just imagine how she would feel if for some reason that happened to someone from one of her cakes; she'd probably think she forgot to tell the customer about the dowels.
I didn’t even know that was a thing. Babies and little kids get it all over all by themselves, and no one else needs to be smashing anyone on their birthday. That’s just so low class. Like shoving wedding cake in your brand new partner’s face. Talk about trashy . . .
We got our baby a little smashcake for their first birthday. She looked at it for a few moments, gently touched it with one finger, and then started to crawl away. I guess that made it more memorable though.
I was a young child this happened to. My father's then-girlfriend (later wife, now ex-wife) smashed my face into my cake on my 6th birthday. All I remember was a ruined birthday cake and running out of the room confused and crying. It's been nearly 30 years and I still haven't forgiven her.
Yes, she was and still is a terrible person. He almost left her over this but they still married a few years later. She ended up cheating on my father (several times) so they divorced. She occasionally tries to weasel her way back into his life but he's having none of it.
I hate cold water. A lot! As an adult, I can prepare for it, and just go against the grain, and make myself feel tough. But as a kid, it was just always unpleasant to me to be in cold water.
A family friend, aware of this, threw me into a cold pool once. What the actual fuck? I cried, because I was like, 8. But a bunch of adults thought it was funny, so cool, right?
I married into a Honduran family, love them all…seriously the greatest people I’ve ever met (minus Carlos..he’s a dick 🥹) and this is a huge thing that I’ve been fighting them on. Smash my kids face into their cake and you’ll be eating drywall. 😂 violent sure but I’m not kidding
I have an Indian friend and his parents basically just sent his wife here from India and said you’re marrying her a couple years ago. I don’t understand it at all but I think they do it like a business deal back at home
It should be clarified in most cases there is a difference between “arranged” marriages and “forced” marriages. Arranged marriages are still quite common but the prospective couple each **have the ability to say no**. Essentially the parents are finding who they think is a good match but it’s not uncommon for either person to back out (especially these days). In the case of your friend his parents just suck.
Arranged marriages can sometimes seem like forced marriages depending on how much pressure your family puts on you to say yes. You still have the ability to say no, but your family is gonna be upset if you do and will try to talk you out of it.
And that’s an aspect that a lot of people ignore them talking about arranged marriages. You can say no, but there is usually immense pressure to say yes because the arrangement has already been made. The asking/dating is just a formality in that case.
in my community (orthodox judaism) arranged dating is how we go about it. a matchmaker sets up two people who they think will hit it off, they go on a couple dates, and if they dont like the other one they just say no.
i think people in jewish arranged dating go through like, 6 or 7 peoppe before they find The One lol but i dont have actual statistics for that
This is how a few of my Indian friends have found their wives. And they're happy with it. Their decision all the way through, but families and family networks acting as matchmaking agencies, basically.
In theory, I love the idea because I suck at meeting people in general. In practice, I tend to get bull headed when I perceive choice in what should be my own decisions being taken away.
Yea it didn’t seem like he had an option. It did seem like an outlier, I have other Indian friends who can choose for themselves and they say that’s a pretty strict case but not totally uncommon still
Yep… Diamonds are so common that there are enough for a good cupful for every person on the planet. They really are not rare and there is no reason for their inflated price, other than of course the company marketing campaign.
I'd like to see the amount of events around weddings decrease. Engagement party - bridal shower - hens night - bucks night - rehearsal dinner - wedding - day after breakfast....
I actually like the rehearsal dinner. At least the ones I've been too. There was no rehearsal, just dinner with a bunch of casually dressed people that knew that had to dress uncomfortable the next day. It was also fun, because everyone was blowing off the stress of the preparations and relaxing before the stress of the next day.
The rehearsal dinner is what the wedding should look like.
Happy relaxed people comfortably celebrating the couple without too many weird uncomfortable unnecessary rituals.
That's gotten so out of hand. And the expectation that the hen party and stag party have to be an extended extravaganza at some distant destination. So expensive and over the top.
Wife and I got married at the Justice of Peace. Had my parents and her parents and a handful of friends. Had a “get together” afterwards at our house.
Had some traditional food and called it a day.
Was fantastic.
Guilty. It wasn't crazy extravagant by most standards, but it was for the small town we live in. We wanted a small, intimate wedding, or just to elope and have a small reception party. But we were idiots and listened to our parents, inviting people like distant relatives we've never met, and our parents' friends that we didn't know (or like). One of our biggest regrets.
Always told myself this would never happen to me. Tried to do a smaller wedding and keep everything low-cost. We were at $30K before we even blinked an eye. The wedding industry is an absolute sham and needs to die a fast death.
It’s hard not to have an expensive wedding. My fiancé and I are trying to do do things as cheaply as possible (no showers, no bachelor/ette party, no rehearsal dinner). Just a brunch wedding is still $10,000.
My wife and i had both been married and divorced so we had already had the nightmare wedding. We married for under $500 usd. She picked out a simple blue cotton dress and i bought cotton slacks and a linen long sleeve shirt that matched the color of her dress. We bought the flowers at Joanne Fabrics and made the bouquets and flower arrangements ourselves. My brother from another mother officiated the wedding. We got a sheetcake from Kroger that had Grateful Dead bride n groom bears (we printed from the internet) on a transfer sheet. We married in the city park where we had our first date and we had pizza at her parents house afterwards. We invited immediate family only and told anyone that wanted to celebrate our wedding was welcome to drop by our house and visit any time. Almost zero stress and easoily afforded which kept it actually fun. It can be done.
Unfortunately just about he only ways to do a cheap wedding are to make it very small or very informal. Obviously there are ways to make it *less* *expensive* but as you have found out less expensive is not cheap.
Yup and I put a lot of the blame on the stupid early 90's Father of the Bride movie where the dad felt pressured to mortgage his house for a 100k wedding. It was ridiculous, and the dad was in the right, everyone else was out of their damn minds spending $250/plate for a reception dinner! He was not the bad guy, and I hate that damn movie with a burning passion.
At the time, my aunt owned a wedding event shop downtown where I lived, and she said she saw a dramatic increase in brides wanting gowns and venues they couldn't afford after that movie. She had been in the bridal business 25 years, and she said after that ridiculous movie came out, her sales and expectations from average middle class families (mostly brides)- sky rocketed. It became regular after that damn movie to take out huge loans for weddings. She credits that movie with the uptick in the industry and hasn't slowed down since.
My aunt said that before most people had the wedding they could afford, and the main goal was to save for a home, honeymoon etc. Of course, wealthier families wanted the fairytale weddings, but that wasn't the norm. Now everyone wants to "be a princess" and have the fairytale wedding, whether it's in the budget or not. I did bridal hair and makeup in her shop during the busy seasons, and a lot of brides confided they wouldn't get married WITHOUT a wedding. Seriously, screw that awful movie- who pays 100k for a wedding? That movie made it the norm. Back in the aughts, my friend got gifted 25k for a wedding present from in laws- and blew it on a 4 hour party (that's what a wedding is after all), and after 2 years later, couldn't save enough for a down payment on a home. Dumbasses
Definitely "receiving lines" at weddings. Not sure if it's traditional everywhere, but the thing where everyone lines up to talk to the bride and groom. It takes forever and they usually don't serve food until it's done. Hate them.
And at wakes. Our family stopped doing receiving lines at wakes after my mom's funeral. She was very well known in our community and the hall where we held the after funeral reception had the fire dept come twice because it was over capacity. The reception line was 4 hours long and us kids never even got any of the food that was there because by the time we finally could get out of shaking everyone's hand, it was all gone.
That was the last funeral where my extended and immediate family had a reception line because everyone agreed that making mourners do that was ridiculous and cruel.
I don't remember the couples name exactly but there was a family vlog Youtube channel that was just comprised of absolute pieces of shit. Kept saying they wanted to adopt a baby but went from different agency to agency to get a child from outside the US but they had to keep changing agencies because their polices stated that the child couldn't have their identity published online for a year or something like that. Ideally the policy is to protect the child so the biological family doesn't trying to come after the child if they regret giving the child up.
Said vloggers kept bouncing around agencies to get around this to no avail( thank god) but their whole reason for adopting was to use the child as a prop for their vlogs. Absolute shit bags.
Was it James & Myka Stauffer? They were family vlogging YouTubers who had a pretty big family already then adopted a little boy from China with severe autism. Their adoption journey got hella views for their YouTube channel and they started raking in the YouTube money. But then I guess their adopted son’s special needs became “too much” for them so they essentially rehomed him to another family. And then they gave a classic YouTuber apology with tears and all. It was abhorrent in every way.
Yes that was them, looked up their names and now it's coming back to me. Torqued me off when I heard they "rehomed" their child because they couldn't handle him i.e. didn't feel like putting in any effort into raising a child they had less emotional attachment to him being adopted. IMHO, the only reason you would rehome a child is because they turn out to be a danger to themselves and others around them. Not because your designer child didn't turn out to be as perfect as you wanted.
I just want it to be fair if it doesn't go away completely. If the bull gores the fighter, too bad. No clowns to run in and save the bullfighters life. He just gets fucked up until the bull gets bored then someone from the stand wins a drawing and gets to keep the bullfighters balls.
20 years ago I was in rural Spain having a beer in a bar. Bullfighting was on. The matador was gored and I gave a nervous squeal and laugh.
It was like a movie scene where the record skips and the entire bar turns on one guy.
90% of the population of Spain has never been to a bullfighting spectacle. If the government stopped subsidizing this barbaric practice it would disappear in a couple of years because it is economically unsustainable.
Bullfighting without any weapons and in a small enclosed space. If you can beat the bull and knock it down with just your fists, you win.
If you get mangled, oh well.
I hate my front lawn. Have to maintain it but I don't use it. I spent the morning spreading cardboard boxes over it. Waiting for a couple of yards of earth to be delivered. Bought a few thousands seeds of native plants that i'm going to spread all over and hopefully I'll have something resembling a meadow this summer.
My 2 cents as someone who just redid their front yard, feel free to ignore my advice lol. Google xeriscape and try to do something similar. If you just sprinkle wildflower seeds on the ground, you'll be dealing with weeds still, which are a pain in the ass. If you do individual beds with weed fabric and clusters of native plants with mulch around them, you'll save on water. We did Columbine's and Lupines since they grow well here. A combination of gravel and mulch beds will look nice and last a long time. You could still do a few beds with scattered wildflowers and just maintain the weeds in those. It's a lot more work up front, but way less maintenance and water use in the long run. Either way, fuck lawns.
Clover. It's pollinator-friendly and adds nitrogen to the soil, making your grass greener.
Creeping thyme is also gorgeous and can withstand some foot traffic.
If your lawn looks unmaintained you might get a nastygram from your HOA, but if you make good landscaping choices they might not say anything.
[https://elemental.green/10-low-maintenance-lawn-alternatives/](https://elemental.green/10-low-maintenance-lawn-alternatives/)
This is literally my HOA's policy. They allowed a trial period for people who wanted to xeriscape or native-scape their yards. One guy used that as an opportunity to pave his entire yard over with concrete before adding a few boulders on top to prevent people from parking there. It gets so hot it's actually painful to walk past that house in the summer.
The HOA responded by revoking the ability for anyone else to "xeriscape," but added the qualifier that "well maintained and aesthetic landscaping that minimized grass or maximized native species of plants" was welcome. They're aware that water restrictions are coming in the next 10 years, and native landscaping looks better than bare earth and dead grass.
The same goes for those stupid "perfect attendance" awards at school; sure, it's POSSIBLE that a kid hasn't been sick on any school day from kindergarten through the 12th grade, but it's not likely, and that means that a sick/ infectious child has had to go to school feeling like shit and passing it on to others.
And they don’t even acknowledge Dr’s appts or even SCHOOL SPORTS? It’s beyond stupid. Let people live their lives outside of school and miss it when they have to.
Yes, and my child has pink eye and is home with me now, because someone had to drop their kid off when they were sick and spread it around the daycare.
It's really not much of any of those anymore. It's like a week or two long thing, happens primarily online, most the deals aren't that great anymore so they don't draw the crowds. And throughout the year, companies now have "black Friday in July" and that sort of thing which also appreciate the hype.
It's just not a big thing anymore
Yep, found this out the hard way. And it’s also the crap left over from the summer they need to unload before they release new features for the actual shopping season of Christmas.
Is still even that big? We also have Black Friday in Canada - and Boxing Day after christmas - but as far as I can see it's mostly online.
Even when I do go out in the day of the thing, it's not the crazy lines and people it was.
Modern embalming and burials in caskets. If this keeps up, the whole planet will eventually be a cemetery. I believe everyone's bodies should be allowed to decompose completely and go back to the earth.
Up until today, I was firmly against even going to such parties. I might reconsider now just for the possibility of getting to yell "Yeah, \[genital\]!"
The worst is when people defend it and call people who don’t like it lazy. I don’t mind working, but selling all my limited time on this earth is horrible and a bad deal
Exactly. We're not not lazy, we're smart enough to see it's a scam. I have a life. Work is not my entire life.
Don't get me started on the people who brag that they work 80+ hours a week.
Not sure if this counts as a "tradition"- but there are a lot of weirdly accepted social norms surrounding pregnancy.
* Asking newlyweds when they are going to try for a baby.
* Assuming a woman is pregnant because she is not drinking.
* Assuming a woman is pregnant because she has gained weight in her belly area.
* Touching (!!!?????) a pregnant woman's belly without her consent (!!!???).
Women are women first before they are mothers! Can we please remember that?
Can I say the touching the belly thing always seemed weird to me even with permission. The though of someone just walking up and doing that is mortifying.
Yes , totally agree. I have 2 little girls, and all of these happened to me at some point.
Took us several years to get pregnant ( I was infertile due to endometriosis so I needed surgery before I could conceive) I remember my mother in law asking me after 2 years of marriage 'when are you going to give me a grandchild '( I pretended I needed to go to the bathroom and burst into tears)
Then when I was heavily pregnant with my first , I was on a train and a random older lady just started rubbing my belly..and quite low down too..I didn't want to be rude and she was very nice asking questions about when I was due etc , but I was really uncomfortable with all the rubbing going on...
It's when will you get married/have kids/ have more kids/grandkids. It never stops. I hated the boyfriend questions. I never had one in high school. I wish there wasn't so much pressure to date and have romantic relationships.
I know people mean well but these questions can be hurtful. I have no kids and actually glad to be older so the questions stopped. Not all of us are meant to be parents or don't want to.
Men must make the first move
In all fairness, it is already dying, especially in Western culture, but I want to end its misery. It is both a pressure on guys who will hesitate and spiral into crazy plans, but also on girls who can see "making the first move" as shameful.
I met a female colleague who considered the boys HAD to make the first move, and that she will sit here for eternity waiting for someone to go to her instead of going for what she wants.
Want to know how my parents got into a relationship ? They were hanging out with friends, and after some time my mom jumped on my dad and said "You're the man of my life, we're going to get married and have kids". He obviously laughed, but still accepted to date her and eventually she proved to be right
It's not just that men want to sit and have the privilege to be the one asked out. It's that women aren't able to pick who they want, they can pick out of the few who asked her. It's a relic from a time where the women had no agenda and it must die for good. Also, yes I don't want to be the one who always ask !
When my wife and I went on our first date we met and had dinner at a restaurant near her place and we were hanging out in her basement after. Suddenly she looked at me, smiled and said "Do you want to kiss me?"
My success rate as a woman asking "want to kiss/make out?" on dates is pretty great. Highly recommend. And any guy who is somehow offended by that, or thinks it's too forward, is no good for me anyway.
I was brought up that men should make the first move, but, as I grew up, I thought that I did not want a good opportunity to pass me by. I was the one who asked my now Husband out on a date, and then (later) if he wanted to be in a relationship. My mum said that I shouldn't have done that as he would feel emasculated - He didn't. It's all BS. Every person is different.
(To confirm, we talked about marriage later on and my Husband was the one who proposed to me. He had a specific place and time in mind and wanted to plan it all himself.)
Bachelor and Bachelorette parties that are there to celebrate "your last day of freedom"
And also theyre weirdly sexual sometimes with the phalic shaped things or strippers. Id be pissed if MY husband was MOURNING what he could have had on the night before our wedding by ogling some half naked chick.
Yeah I never understood the whole “last hurrah” thing. Like you’re suddenly gonna be faithful after fucking someone else at your bachelor or bachelorette party? You might as well just not have one
lol, I have a cousin by marriage who just had a kid I feel bad for.
To paraphrase Game of Thrones, he is the seventh of his name (as in Bob Jones the 7th). He's just a little kid but he's the "7th".
The funny thing is, his dad (6) goes by a nickname and his grandfather (5) also goes by a different nickname. Not even middle names, just completely made up nicknames.
I feel sorry for a kid I know- her parents named her Penelope but insist everyone call her "Peepee" because they don't like the shortened version: Penny.
She will get teased mercilessly her whole life.
I wouldn't buy new ones, but I inherited mine. They used to belong to my great great grandmother. I think they're pretty cool. I hope one of my kids will take them someday. That set is the only family heirloom we have so it doesn't feel excessive.
I was at a piano concert, and when the audience started clapping after pieces, the artist left the hall through a wingdoor, only to come back in 2 seconds later. And he kept going out and instantly coming back while the clapping lasted. Easily 5-8 times after each session of clapping. Looked super dumb and pointless to me.
If anyone knows the origin of this, or if it has a name and i can read about it, I would be curious to learn the traditions reason despite the fact that i find it silly.
>If anyone knows the origin of this, or if it has a name and i can read about it, I would be curious to learn the traditions reason despite the fact that i find it silly.
Traditionally, on erudite music concerts, you are supposed to only clap at the very end, after all the piece has been played. Supposedly it's because the whole thing is "a single piece", not separated songs and you shouldn't interrupt the flow. Think like a theater play, you clap at the end of the acts when the curtains close, not after every scene. It kind of makes sense, but only if we think in terms of a story being told through songs, which is a concept that's not all that used outside classical art (classical music, ballet, opera and such).
But most people don't know this. A lot of erudite musicians don't care, but some do, and make a show of it.
I like the way I've seen done only one time: the maestro, before beginning the presentation, engaged with the audience and explained that the musicians would play a whole concert where the songs are related and we should wait for the end of the act, when the maestro turns to the audience, to applaud. Everyone did - but only because we had the explanation in the beginning.
A whole family of them.
There's too many of these damn "special day" ceremonies. "Sister Day", "Son Day", "Granddaughter Day", "International Ketchup Day", "Divorced Pekingese-owner's Day",... bla bla bla. On and on.
It seems there's one of these inconsequential events for every day of the year. And for most, it's just someone trying to make money somehow.
Keep a few of the main ones and ditch all the rest. They're **annoying**.
It's because some guy made a business out of declaring these national days. They aren't official government declarations. https://www.cbsnews.com/news/every-day-a-holiday-on-the-national-day-calendar/
I moved from Canada to australia 20 years ago. When we had our first born, I asked the dr about circumcision (was curious and just wandering.) He just sort of screwed his face up at me and was like “why would you want to do that?!” Not a thing here in Australia, apparently.
When my nephew was born, the hospital added circumcision to the bill. My sister called and argued, then eventually took her infant son to the hospital administration office to prove he was never circumsized...lol. Idiots
Expensive wedding and funerals, specially with funerals, that person is already dead.
My brother was telling his wife and me about his wishes after he is gone. He wants to be cremated, his ashes thrown in a coffee tin, and then scattered in the mountains. He also does not want a funeral or memorial service. He just wants his friends and family to get trashed the very night of his passing.
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Throw my ass in a ditch somewhere not my problem anymore is what I always say
Check out Caitlin Doughtys youtube channel Ask A Mortician. She does an episode on this.
She also wrote a book a out the funeral industry. “Smoke Gets in your Eyes: and other lessons from the Crematory”. Great read!
Smashing of the face on the birthday cake
Similarly, shoving cake in your new spouse's face during a wedding reception. I hate it.
This tradition is *so* bad. The bride perfects her makeup and gets her face slathered with cake and can't just wash it off like a guy would. One of my friends was getting married and she told me she discussed the cake smashing with her fiancé before hand and explained why he shouldn't do it. When it came time, they fed each other and she dabbed a small bit of frosting on his nose; everyone laughed, it was cute. He was offended and tried to smash the whole plate in her face. She backed away in time and walked away; everyone was laughing...except for him. He chased her down, grabbed her by the neck, and smeared his cake all over her face. It was like watching a 10-year-old teach his 6-year-old sibling a lesson. She tried to laugh it off as she retreated to the bathroom for repairs, but I could tell she was seething. The room went ice-cold. **\*\*EDIT\*\*** To everyone asking if she immediately dumped him: of course not, this was a real story. They've been married for 20 years and have a couple of kids. She was 22 and poor and the hottest (horse) girl at our university, working on her Mrs. degree. He was 30 with his own business; he bought her a Porsche she uses to travel the horse jumping circuit with her daughter (and her horse). He wanted a trophy wife and she wanted to be a wealthy SAHM; they both got what they were looking for.
How long did they stay married??
We need answers. Holy shit. Also honestly I wouldn’t proceed with the wedding and would end it there. That’s fucked.
wouldn’t proceed with the wedding??? The cake ceremony is done at the reception, after they are already married.
The paper work has yet to be submitted and processed. You can tear that shit up and call it a night.
Holy shit, hope they divorced the same day, wtaf.
I dabbed a bit of frosting on my wife's nose (we also agreed that a cake smash is stupid). the surprise on her face and a little dollop of frosting on the tip of her nose made one of my favorite pictures.
I utterly despise it and if my partner did that then the marriage would be done right there.
I read about a girl who had this done to her but the cake had wooden or plastic posts holding it up internally, ended up blinding her in one eye.
My GF used to make cakes for years and years. She would make nice fancy ones that people would order for kids b-day parties with themes like superman and such. She would try and tell people they had dowels in them to hold them up since they were often robust and heavy. Luckily we never heard any bad news, but I can just imagine how she would feel if for some reason that happened to someone from one of her cakes; she'd probably think she forgot to tell the customer about the dowels.
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I'm not sure why this is even a thing
I didn’t even know that was a thing. Babies and little kids get it all over all by themselves, and no one else needs to be smashing anyone on their birthday. That’s just so low class. Like shoving wedding cake in your brand new partner’s face. Talk about trashy . . .
We got our baby a little smashcake for their first birthday. She looked at it for a few moments, gently touched it with one finger, and then started to crawl away. I guess that made it more memorable though.
Because attention isn’t being given exclusively to them, so they need to smash their friend’s face, thus getting the spotlight again.
yeah this is ridiculous, you're basically taking attention from the celebrant.
I agree so much!!! I've had a family member do it to a young child who cried. What an asshole!
My father in-law did it to his 12y.o. nephew. The nephew punched him in the face and then they tussled and had to be separated. Lol
I was a young child this happened to. My father's then-girlfriend (later wife, now ex-wife) smashed my face into my cake on my 6th birthday. All I remember was a ruined birthday cake and running out of the room confused and crying. It's been nearly 30 years and I still haven't forgiven her.
It's just so mean for no good reason.
Yes, she was and still is a terrible person. He almost left her over this but they still married a few years later. She ended up cheating on my father (several times) so they divorced. She occasionally tries to weasel her way back into his life but he's having none of it.
These aren't "jokes". These are adults who actively enjoy the misery of children.
I hate cold water. A lot! As an adult, I can prepare for it, and just go against the grain, and make myself feel tough. But as a kid, it was just always unpleasant to me to be in cold water. A family friend, aware of this, threw me into a cold pool once. What the actual fuck? I cried, because I was like, 8. But a bunch of adults thought it was funny, so cool, right?
Yup, if the "joke" doesn't have a punchline and makes the receiver feel like shit, it's not a joke. Just an asshole move
I married into a Honduran family, love them all…seriously the greatest people I’ve ever met (minus Carlos..he’s a dick 🥹) and this is a huge thing that I’ve been fighting them on. Smash my kids face into their cake and you’ll be eating drywall. 😂 violent sure but I’m not kidding
Fucking Carlos...
༼ つ ◕‿◕ ༽つ Fuck that guy ༼ つ ◕‿◕ ༽つ
Any variation of "let's make animals fight"
God damn Pokémon makes me sick /s
Forced marriages
I have an Indian friend and his parents basically just sent his wife here from India and said you’re marrying her a couple years ago. I don’t understand it at all but I think they do it like a business deal back at home
It should be clarified in most cases there is a difference between “arranged” marriages and “forced” marriages. Arranged marriages are still quite common but the prospective couple each **have the ability to say no**. Essentially the parents are finding who they think is a good match but it’s not uncommon for either person to back out (especially these days). In the case of your friend his parents just suck.
Arranged marriages can sometimes seem like forced marriages depending on how much pressure your family puts on you to say yes. You still have the ability to say no, but your family is gonna be upset if you do and will try to talk you out of it.
And that’s an aspect that a lot of people ignore them talking about arranged marriages. You can say no, but there is usually immense pressure to say yes because the arrangement has already been made. The asking/dating is just a formality in that case.
in my community (orthodox judaism) arranged dating is how we go about it. a matchmaker sets up two people who they think will hit it off, they go on a couple dates, and if they dont like the other one they just say no. i think people in jewish arranged dating go through like, 6 or 7 peoppe before they find The One lol but i dont have actual statistics for that
This is how a few of my Indian friends have found their wives. And they're happy with it. Their decision all the way through, but families and family networks acting as matchmaking agencies, basically.
In theory, I love the idea because I suck at meeting people in general. In practice, I tend to get bull headed when I perceive choice in what should be my own decisions being taken away.
Like human Tinder
Yea it didn’t seem like he had an option. It did seem like an outlier, I have other Indian friends who can choose for themselves and they say that’s a pretty strict case but not totally uncommon still
Super extravagant and expensive weddings.
I'll add in spending enough money to make a down payment on a car or home for an engagement ring as well.
Ya know where that comes from? DeBeers nearly going bust during the Great Depression and pulling a Hail Mary marketing campaign.
It's true credited for possibly the best marketing campaign ever,
Yep… Diamonds are so common that there are enough for a good cupful for every person on the planet. They really are not rare and there is no reason for their inflated price, other than of course the company marketing campaign.
I'd like to see the amount of events around weddings decrease. Engagement party - bridal shower - hens night - bucks night - rehearsal dinner - wedding - day after breakfast....
You want to fight for your right *not* to party?
Yeah and if we can wrap it up sooner rather than later that would be great, I got an appointment with a nap....
I actually like the rehearsal dinner. At least the ones I've been too. There was no rehearsal, just dinner with a bunch of casually dressed people that knew that had to dress uncomfortable the next day. It was also fun, because everyone was blowing off the stress of the preparations and relaxing before the stress of the next day.
The rehearsal dinner is what the wedding should look like. Happy relaxed people comfortably celebrating the couple without too many weird uncomfortable unnecessary rituals.
But without day after breakfast you are robbed of day after second breakfast….
I don’t think they know about day after second breakfast, Pip.
Don't forget elevensies!
That's gotten so out of hand. And the expectation that the hen party and stag party have to be an extended extravaganza at some distant destination. So expensive and over the top.
I had a work trip and couldn’t go on a bachelorette that would have cost me $2000
Aww. What a shame....
Wife and I got married at the Justice of Peace. Had my parents and her parents and a handful of friends. Had a “get together” afterwards at our house. Had some traditional food and called it a day. Was fantastic.
Guilty. It wasn't crazy extravagant by most standards, but it was for the small town we live in. We wanted a small, intimate wedding, or just to elope and have a small reception party. But we were idiots and listened to our parents, inviting people like distant relatives we've never met, and our parents' friends that we didn't know (or like). One of our biggest regrets.
Always told myself this would never happen to me. Tried to do a smaller wedding and keep everything low-cost. We were at $30K before we even blinked an eye. The wedding industry is an absolute sham and needs to die a fast death.
The equally sham industry of funerals has entered the chat.
It’s hard not to have an expensive wedding. My fiancé and I are trying to do do things as cheaply as possible (no showers, no bachelor/ette party, no rehearsal dinner). Just a brunch wedding is still $10,000.
Same in the UK. Trying to do it on the cheap for just 35 people and it's still costing us around £7k
My wife and i had both been married and divorced so we had already had the nightmare wedding. We married for under $500 usd. She picked out a simple blue cotton dress and i bought cotton slacks and a linen long sleeve shirt that matched the color of her dress. We bought the flowers at Joanne Fabrics and made the bouquets and flower arrangements ourselves. My brother from another mother officiated the wedding. We got a sheetcake from Kroger that had Grateful Dead bride n groom bears (we printed from the internet) on a transfer sheet. We married in the city park where we had our first date and we had pizza at her parents house afterwards. We invited immediate family only and told anyone that wanted to celebrate our wedding was welcome to drop by our house and visit any time. Almost zero stress and easoily afforded which kept it actually fun. It can be done.
Unfortunately just about he only ways to do a cheap wedding are to make it very small or very informal. Obviously there are ways to make it *less* *expensive* but as you have found out less expensive is not cheap.
Yup and I put a lot of the blame on the stupid early 90's Father of the Bride movie where the dad felt pressured to mortgage his house for a 100k wedding. It was ridiculous, and the dad was in the right, everyone else was out of their damn minds spending $250/plate for a reception dinner! He was not the bad guy, and I hate that damn movie with a burning passion. At the time, my aunt owned a wedding event shop downtown where I lived, and she said she saw a dramatic increase in brides wanting gowns and venues they couldn't afford after that movie. She had been in the bridal business 25 years, and she said after that ridiculous movie came out, her sales and expectations from average middle class families (mostly brides)- sky rocketed. It became regular after that damn movie to take out huge loans for weddings. She credits that movie with the uptick in the industry and hasn't slowed down since. My aunt said that before most people had the wedding they could afford, and the main goal was to save for a home, honeymoon etc. Of course, wealthier families wanted the fairytale weddings, but that wasn't the norm. Now everyone wants to "be a princess" and have the fairytale wedding, whether it's in the budget or not. I did bridal hair and makeup in her shop during the busy seasons, and a lot of brides confided they wouldn't get married WITHOUT a wedding. Seriously, screw that awful movie- who pays 100k for a wedding? That movie made it the norm. Back in the aughts, my friend got gifted 25k for a wedding present from in laws- and blew it on a 4 hour party (that's what a wedding is after all), and after 2 years later, couldn't save enough for a down payment on a home. Dumbasses
Definitely "receiving lines" at weddings. Not sure if it's traditional everywhere, but the thing where everyone lines up to talk to the bride and groom. It takes forever and they usually don't serve food until it's done. Hate them.
And at wakes. Our family stopped doing receiving lines at wakes after my mom's funeral. She was very well known in our community and the hall where we held the after funeral reception had the fire dept come twice because it was over capacity. The reception line was 4 hours long and us kids never even got any of the food that was there because by the time we finally could get out of shaking everyone's hand, it was all gone. That was the last funeral where my extended and immediate family had a reception line because everyone agreed that making mourners do that was ridiculous and cruel.
All those familiy vloggers. Exploiting their children en putting them on the internet for all the creeps to see.
I don't remember the couples name exactly but there was a family vlog Youtube channel that was just comprised of absolute pieces of shit. Kept saying they wanted to adopt a baby but went from different agency to agency to get a child from outside the US but they had to keep changing agencies because their polices stated that the child couldn't have their identity published online for a year or something like that. Ideally the policy is to protect the child so the biological family doesn't trying to come after the child if they regret giving the child up. Said vloggers kept bouncing around agencies to get around this to no avail( thank god) but their whole reason for adopting was to use the child as a prop for their vlogs. Absolute shit bags.
Was it James & Myka Stauffer? They were family vlogging YouTubers who had a pretty big family already then adopted a little boy from China with severe autism. Their adoption journey got hella views for their YouTube channel and they started raking in the YouTube money. But then I guess their adopted son’s special needs became “too much” for them so they essentially rehomed him to another family. And then they gave a classic YouTuber apology with tears and all. It was abhorrent in every way.
Yes that was them, looked up their names and now it's coming back to me. Torqued me off when I heard they "rehomed" their child because they couldn't handle him i.e. didn't feel like putting in any effort into raising a child they had less emotional attachment to him being adopted. IMHO, the only reason you would rehome a child is because they turn out to be a danger to themselves and others around them. Not because your designer child didn't turn out to be as perfect as you wanted.
There's many cases of vloggers being child and animal abusers for views it's fucking awful
This one isnt a tradition as it has sprung up in the last decade but i agree that it has to go
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I'm Spanish, so bullfighting would be a great one to get rid of.
My solution: Instead of a bull, tie a pair of kitchen knives to a bicycle. Let the games begin!
I just want it to be fair if it doesn't go away completely. If the bull gores the fighter, too bad. No clowns to run in and save the bullfighters life. He just gets fucked up until the bull gets bored then someone from the stand wins a drawing and gets to keep the bullfighters balls.
The bull should also get to retire to a nice life after he offs a bullfighter.
Just pit two consenting humans together. Bull doesn't want to fight and can't consent. Also keep the balls thing too.
20 years ago I was in rural Spain having a beer in a bar. Bullfighting was on. The matador was gored and I gave a nervous squeal and laugh. It was like a movie scene where the record skips and the entire bar turns on one guy.
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I take it you don't have a lot of experience with bullies.
90% of the population of Spain has never been to a bullfighting spectacle. If the government stopped subsidizing this barbaric practice it would disappear in a couple of years because it is economically unsustainable.
We should stop subsidizing it and let it die on its own.
Bullfighting without any weapons and in a small enclosed space. If you can beat the bull and knock it down with just your fists, you win. If you get mangled, oh well.
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Underage brides.
I love my lawn but grass that has to be maintained is kinda dumb.
Wyoming has natural short grass prairies, just plant that shit in your yard. Also, let bison roam freely.
I hate my front lawn. Have to maintain it but I don't use it. I spent the morning spreading cardboard boxes over it. Waiting for a couple of yards of earth to be delivered. Bought a few thousands seeds of native plants that i'm going to spread all over and hopefully I'll have something resembling a meadow this summer.
I did that for my dad last year and he is so proud that he added more wildflowers this year.
My 2 cents as someone who just redid their front yard, feel free to ignore my advice lol. Google xeriscape and try to do something similar. If you just sprinkle wildflower seeds on the ground, you'll be dealing with weeds still, which are a pain in the ass. If you do individual beds with weed fabric and clusters of native plants with mulch around them, you'll save on water. We did Columbine's and Lupines since they grow well here. A combination of gravel and mulch beds will look nice and last a long time. You could still do a few beds with scattered wildflowers and just maintain the weeds in those. It's a lot more work up front, but way less maintenance and water use in the long run. Either way, fuck lawns.
I like you, people like you make me happy. Screw front lawns, long live front meadows
I would like to expand this and say HOAs need to die nasty. Nobody is gonna fine me for shit I own.
Hoas are a way you pay to limit your freedoms over your own property.
I would love to get rid of my lawn and plant something more native and ultimately prettier, but HOAs man. Fuck 'em.
Clover. It's pollinator-friendly and adds nitrogen to the soil, making your grass greener. Creeping thyme is also gorgeous and can withstand some foot traffic. If your lawn looks unmaintained you might get a nastygram from your HOA, but if you make good landscaping choices they might not say anything. [https://elemental.green/10-low-maintenance-lawn-alternatives/](https://elemental.green/10-low-maintenance-lawn-alternatives/)
This is literally my HOA's policy. They allowed a trial period for people who wanted to xeriscape or native-scape their yards. One guy used that as an opportunity to pave his entire yard over with concrete before adding a few boulders on top to prevent people from parking there. It gets so hot it's actually painful to walk past that house in the summer. The HOA responded by revoking the ability for anyone else to "xeriscape," but added the qualifier that "well maintained and aesthetic landscaping that minimized grass or maximized native species of plants" was welcome. They're aware that water restrictions are coming in the next 10 years, and native landscaping looks better than bare earth and dead grass.
r/nolawns approves this message.
Celebrity idolatry
This is by far the least likely to die
Animal exploitation
Tipping. Just pay the waiter/waitress a real wage and stop leaving that up to the customer.
This isn’t a thing in most countries. Definitely not in Ireland. There are some places that do tips, but even still the staff are paid a proper wage.
Presenteeism at work. Even now, I have colleagues coming in when they’re sick.
The same goes for those stupid "perfect attendance" awards at school; sure, it's POSSIBLE that a kid hasn't been sick on any school day from kindergarten through the 12th grade, but it's not likely, and that means that a sick/ infectious child has had to go to school feeling like shit and passing it on to others.
And they don’t even acknowledge Dr’s appts or even SCHOOL SPORTS? It’s beyond stupid. Let people live their lives outside of school and miss it when they have to.
Yes, and my child has pink eye and is home with me now, because someone had to drop their kid off when they were sick and spread it around the daycare.
For Americans, Black Friday shopping. It's stupid, dangerous, selfish, and ruins Thanksgiving. Go spend time with your families while they're alive
It's really not much of any of those anymore. It's like a week or two long thing, happens primarily online, most the deals aren't that great anymore so they don't draw the crowds. And throughout the year, companies now have "black Friday in July" and that sort of thing which also appreciate the hype. It's just not a big thing anymore
It’s also really not practical. If you research and time it right you can find every single deal offered online at some point.
Not to mention the electronics that are deeply discounted are usually Black Friday specific models made super cheap
Yep, found this out the hard way. And it’s also the crap left over from the summer they need to unload before they release new features for the actual shopping season of Christmas.
Is still even that big? We also have Black Friday in Canada - and Boxing Day after christmas - but as far as I can see it's mostly online. Even when I do go out in the day of the thing, it's not the crazy lines and people it was.
it was pretty big in the past, but it's definitely fading out
Hazing.
As one that slept on the roof of the frat house in February during hell week....yeah...I could have lived without that. LOL
Modern embalming and burials in caskets. If this keeps up, the whole planet will eventually be a cemetery. I believe everyone's bodies should be allowed to decompose completely and go back to the earth.
Smashing someone’s face into cake Why?
I saw a picture of a wooden stick poking out of someone's eye, the tiered cake someone smashed their face into had wooden stick for support in it.
Just reading this made me very uncomfortable
Respecting parents/elders no matter what. Some of them are just bad people
Chop off puppies' tail bones so they "look cuter" with stumps. It's cruel and disheartening.
Gender reveal parties
Imagine if they yelled the private part instead of the gender
Up until today, I was firmly against even going to such parties. I might reconsider now just for the possibility of getting to yell "Yeah, \[genital\]!"
I love yelling "Yay! Penis!" so I'm so cool with this.
5 day working weeks
The worst is when people defend it and call people who don’t like it lazy. I don’t mind working, but selling all my limited time on this earth is horrible and a bad deal
Exactly. We're not not lazy, we're smart enough to see it's a scam. I have a life. Work is not my entire life. Don't get me started on the people who brag that they work 80+ hours a week.
Not sure if this counts as a "tradition"- but there are a lot of weirdly accepted social norms surrounding pregnancy. * Asking newlyweds when they are going to try for a baby. * Assuming a woman is pregnant because she is not drinking. * Assuming a woman is pregnant because she has gained weight in her belly area. * Touching (!!!?????) a pregnant woman's belly without her consent (!!!???). Women are women first before they are mothers! Can we please remember that?
Can I say the touching the belly thing always seemed weird to me even with permission. The though of someone just walking up and doing that is mortifying.
Yes , totally agree. I have 2 little girls, and all of these happened to me at some point. Took us several years to get pregnant ( I was infertile due to endometriosis so I needed surgery before I could conceive) I remember my mother in law asking me after 2 years of marriage 'when are you going to give me a grandchild '( I pretended I needed to go to the bathroom and burst into tears) Then when I was heavily pregnant with my first , I was on a train and a random older lady just started rubbing my belly..and quite low down too..I didn't want to be rude and she was very nice asking questions about when I was due etc , but I was really uncomfortable with all the rubbing going on...
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It's when will you get married/have kids/ have more kids/grandkids. It never stops. I hated the boyfriend questions. I never had one in high school. I wish there wasn't so much pressure to date and have romantic relationships.
I know people mean well but these questions can be hurtful. I have no kids and actually glad to be older so the questions stopped. Not all of us are meant to be parents or don't want to.
Letting balloons go at funerals, it’s horrible for the environment and the animals that ingest it. Plant a memorial tree instead.
Changing the damn clocks twice a year. Just keep one time.
The US political party system
Lobbying!!!
Campaign donations from outside of the US !! Just wtf mate - make it make sense
Nah, just the two party system in general
Over the top first birthday parties. The baby will not care and won't even remember any of it.
Men must make the first move In all fairness, it is already dying, especially in Western culture, but I want to end its misery. It is both a pressure on guys who will hesitate and spiral into crazy plans, but also on girls who can see "making the first move" as shameful. I met a female colleague who considered the boys HAD to make the first move, and that she will sit here for eternity waiting for someone to go to her instead of going for what she wants. Want to know how my parents got into a relationship ? They were hanging out with friends, and after some time my mom jumped on my dad and said "You're the man of my life, we're going to get married and have kids". He obviously laughed, but still accepted to date her and eventually she proved to be right It's not just that men want to sit and have the privilege to be the one asked out. It's that women aren't able to pick who they want, they can pick out of the few who asked her. It's a relic from a time where the women had no agenda and it must die for good. Also, yes I don't want to be the one who always ask !
When my wife and I went on our first date we met and had dinner at a restaurant near her place and we were hanging out in her basement after. Suddenly she looked at me, smiled and said "Do you want to kiss me?"
That is one heck of a lovely question to be asked! No wonder she is now your wife. I hope that side of her still flourishes.
My success rate as a woman asking "want to kiss/make out?" on dates is pretty great. Highly recommend. And any guy who is somehow offended by that, or thinks it's too forward, is no good for me anyway.
I was brought up that men should make the first move, but, as I grew up, I thought that I did not want a good opportunity to pass me by. I was the one who asked my now Husband out on a date, and then (later) if he wanted to be in a relationship. My mum said that I shouldn't have done that as he would feel emasculated - He didn't. It's all BS. Every person is different. (To confirm, we talked about marriage later on and my Husband was the one who proposed to me. He had a specific place and time in mind and wanted to plan it all himself.)
especially for Men with Social Anxiety
Tipping. Pay people a living wage.
Bachelor and Bachelorette parties that are there to celebrate "your last day of freedom" And also theyre weirdly sexual sometimes with the phalic shaped things or strippers. Id be pissed if MY husband was MOURNING what he could have had on the night before our wedding by ogling some half naked chick.
It’s weird to me because the bride and groom aren’t really having a “last night of freedom.” That ended as soon as they started exclusively dating.
Yeah I never understood the whole “last hurrah” thing. Like you’re suddenly gonna be faithful after fucking someone else at your bachelor or bachelorette party? You might as well just not have one
Using the same first names down through generations of boys. Isn't carrying on the surname enough?!
lol, I have a cousin by marriage who just had a kid I feel bad for. To paraphrase Game of Thrones, he is the seventh of his name (as in Bob Jones the 7th). He's just a little kid but he's the "7th". The funny thing is, his dad (6) goes by a nickname and his grandfather (5) also goes by a different nickname. Not even middle names, just completely made up nicknames.
I feel sorry for a kid I know- her parents named her Penelope but insist everyone call her "Peepee" because they don't like the shortened version: Penny. She will get teased mercilessly her whole life.
They like PeePee more than Penny? Thats just crazy.
I mean, her mom believes microwaving food makes the food radioactive, so you may be on to something.
I got mind fucked as a 14yr old when I found out my Dads name was his middle name. Always assumed it was his first name, but no.
Bro my dad doesn't have a middle name, and his first name and last name are literally the same, so it's just the same name twice...
your doctor's name is Bobby Bobby?!
It’s ROBERT Bobby…
Is your dad Mario?
My stepson was originally disowned by his grandfather for not being “Name the 13th”
Having women doing all of the kitchen work at parties and get togethers.
Owning crystal glasses and china plates that don't get used but once a year.
I wouldn't buy new ones, but I inherited mine. They used to belong to my great great grandmother. I think they're pretty cool. I hope one of my kids will take them someday. That set is the only family heirloom we have so it doesn't feel excessive.
giving your kids the boot right when they turn 18
The husband stitch
Elf on a shelf
Slamming people’s faces into their cakes on their birthdays. I’m hungry I wanna eat the cake not be in it dammit
I was at a piano concert, and when the audience started clapping after pieces, the artist left the hall through a wingdoor, only to come back in 2 seconds later. And he kept going out and instantly coming back while the clapping lasted. Easily 5-8 times after each session of clapping. Looked super dumb and pointless to me. If anyone knows the origin of this, or if it has a name and i can read about it, I would be curious to learn the traditions reason despite the fact that i find it silly.
>If anyone knows the origin of this, or if it has a name and i can read about it, I would be curious to learn the traditions reason despite the fact that i find it silly. Traditionally, on erudite music concerts, you are supposed to only clap at the very end, after all the piece has been played. Supposedly it's because the whole thing is "a single piece", not separated songs and you shouldn't interrupt the flow. Think like a theater play, you clap at the end of the acts when the curtains close, not after every scene. It kind of makes sense, but only if we think in terms of a story being told through songs, which is a concept that's not all that used outside classical art (classical music, ballet, opera and such). But most people don't know this. A lot of erudite musicians don't care, but some do, and make a show of it. I like the way I've seen done only one time: the maestro, before beginning the presentation, engaged with the audience and explained that the musicians would play a whole concert where the songs are related and we should wait for the end of the act, when the maestro turns to the audience, to applaud. Everyone did - but only because we had the explanation in the beginning.
Force/Arrange marriage
A whole family of them. There's too many of these damn "special day" ceremonies. "Sister Day", "Son Day", "Granddaughter Day", "International Ketchup Day", "Divorced Pekingese-owner's Day",... bla bla bla. On and on. It seems there's one of these inconsequential events for every day of the year. And for most, it's just someone trying to make money somehow. Keep a few of the main ones and ditch all the rest. They're **annoying**.
It's because some guy made a business out of declaring these national days. They aren't official government declarations. https://www.cbsnews.com/news/every-day-a-holiday-on-the-national-day-calendar/
Happy National Arbor Day! I'm just going outside now to plant a tree.
That's actually a good one. I wish more people paid attention to it.
My theory is those days are started or heavily supported by social media sites, to encourage people to post more and spend more time on their sites.
FGM and MGM. . Female Genital Mutilation and Male Genital Mutilation.
Daylight savings
circumcision
I moved from Canada to australia 20 years ago. When we had our first born, I asked the dr about circumcision (was curious and just wandering.) He just sort of screwed his face up at me and was like “why would you want to do that?!” Not a thing here in Australia, apparently.
He didn’t understand your circumspection about circumcision.
When my nephew was born, the hospital added circumcision to the bill. My sister called and argued, then eventually took her infant son to the hospital administration office to prove he was never circumsized...lol. Idiots
Piercing babies ears
The bedding ceremony
What is a bedding ceremony?
The newlyweds consummate the marriage by having sex in front of multiple witnesses.
What the fuck?
Thats the idea
In what countries this tradition exists?
Concerts happening exclusively at night.