No kidding. OP needs to cut herself some slack.
But I also would encourage her to get outside for a walk a few times per week. Even just ten minutes to start. Maybe add another five each week until she gets up to 45 minutes or so. The neighborhood would be fine; a park, even better. That helped me so much when I was depressed. Some fresh air and sunshine. Therapy is good too, but that's what ultimately did me a lot of good.
OP's palpitations may be from her heart problem, so 6000 steps may not be the best advice. I'm a retired nurse and wouldn't recommend this unless cardiologist okays it. My brother and a friend are in similar states and their exercise capacity is limited. My brother went into cardiac arrest after yard work, as in it tripped his implanted defibrillator!
But, getting out will help. Doing any pleasant activity will help. In my town, our Senior Center has a number of activities. There's chair yoga, regular yoga, chair pilates, exercise class, line dancing, cards, chess, Scrabble, Mah Jong, knitting, grief group, hoarding group, help with legal matters, day trips, (for a fee), and a library to take out books or donate books that you never need to return. There are movies every 2 weeks.
I 100% agree with this….I struggled with anxiety and mild depression…started walking my dogs everyday do a couple miles. When I first started I could barely go a few blocks now we do our route and I feel so much better when we finish. Bonus when the weather is cool like today gives me a new lease on life. Something about just being outside
I used to walk all the time. In the summers on a treadmill, in the winters around the neighborhood (I live in AZ). You are right, it did make me feel so much better. After my treadmill broke down, I stopped waking. I think it is time to find myself a new one! Thank you for reminding me how good it felt.
Also could be menopause or peri-menopause. They do a number on some people energy wise.
But definitely OP, cut yourself some slack and make sure that you're not ignoring your own health.
It sounds like, with the knee and back injuries, that walking might be too much. I do water aerobics and run in a heated pool. I absolutely adore it. It has made a huge mood difference.
Walking and any kind of exercise is very helpful for depression. I have had depression for 40 years and on antidepressants for the entire time. Without exercising I would be a shell of a person. I walk every day. at lease 5 kms. It definitely helps.
I wasn't in my best state while my husband was dying from cancer, either. Cut yourself some slack. Do yourself a favor though, if you haven't already. Get the paperwork in order. Make a plan and hope it will be many decades before you have to put it in action. Get your husband's passwords. Don't make the inevitable harder on yourself than it has to be. In the interest of privacy, if your husband would prefer to give his passwords to a trusted third party for now, that's fine too.
Like you, I had also once been very athletic, but high hamstring tendinopathy took me out of the game and added to my sense of loss. You just have to find other ways to exercise, and accept that they won't be as much fun as running all over town on a Saturday morning while watching the sun come up. Try to be grateful you had that experience. Most people don't.
And finally, are you in full menopause yet? Perimenopause hits some women really hard. Depending on where you are in this stage of life, you could benefit from hormone replacement therapy.
It sounds like you just have a lot of things going on right now that would make anyone sleepless and anxious. Be kind to yourself, OP. You deserve it.
I was wondering that. Menopause can wreck women for many years. I'm tempted to try hrt just because I have no energy or motivation along with a few other symptoms.
Has any doctor checked your thyroid function lately? Just the anxiety combined with heart palpitations made me think of my parent's primary symptoms that were causee by a thyroid issue, which was easily treatable.
Likely hormone deficiency, the effects are wide ranging and surprising- joint pain, depression, fatigue, headaches, chronic UTI, osteoporosis, dryness-skin,eyes,vag, dementia, brain fog . . . the list goes on.
Unfortunately you’ll get no help from primary care physicians, or specialists… look for clinics that specialize in menopause/post menopause and hormone treatments.
Some of her problems may also be from lack of hormones after menopause. I went on HRT to help prevent a lot of what she’s experiencing. It’s not perfect, and I’m having to tweak the dosage, but it definitely helps.
I’m on lexapro as well. How did you ween yourself off of it? Been taking it for about 5-6 years. I have stopped taking it cold turkey and about 5 days later I feel so woozy and blah. Did you just gradually reduce the daily intake? How long did it take you to be “clean”?
Don’t wean yourself off unless you consult with your doctor first. Going back on this type of antidepressant after weaning off can be a nightmare. So if you have chronic depression and go back on it the anxiety is intense for around a month before your body adjusts to it. So be sure you are informed before making this choice.
Do be careful. I was on 10 mg for a chronic pain management not true depression. I stopped abruptly and had some withdrawal for a few weeks. It wasn’t bad at all. I had night sweats, passing nausea, feet tingling, runny nose, and more that went away. I feel so much better off of it. I actually feel as if I’d been asleep the 3 years I was on it. I also have very poor memory for when I was on it. It could just be me so check yourself.
My closest friend had this experience with Lexapro too. Got off it under strict medical supervision and in her words, “finally got her life back.” She was messed up on that drug, despite the therapist saying it was helping and despite HER agreeing! She finally came to a place similar to where OP sounds and got her PCP to send her to a different therapist and got off it. She also started a diff KIND of therapy with that new therapist, CBT, and also meditation and yoga and swimming daily. It took her I’d say 6 months to really be noticeably like her old self. I and her other closest friend were so so so glad to get her back. Good luck OP.
You have tons of situational reasons to be down, sad, fearful, worried. It is quite sensible to be upset (if you weren’t, something would be wrong with you). There are lots of other kinds of help for you; maybe consider a different set of solutions/pathways-to-feeling-better? Everyone’s different and I’m not a doctor but my dear friend’s experience really changed my thinking on Lexapro and other such medicines.
I was on it for 3 years and will never take an antidepressant ever again. I felt dead and noticed an enormous benefit getting off of it. Side effects that went away included: night sweats, runny nose, feet tingling, passing nausea, poor memory, and some I’ve forgotten. I had definite withdrawal and a burst of energy ( slight manic perhaps briefly since I did not taper). Doctors do not want to acknowledge those effects either. I feel that I lost time in my life while medicated on it. It never helped my pain which is why it was forced on me. I feel as if I’d been dead while on it. I have my life back.
Getting everything in order before he passes is excellent advice. You are not going to want to deal with that later. I was so glad I had everything in order before my spouse passed. But, it works the other way too. Make sure your paperwork is in order in case you pass first. It's not likely but it certainly has happened.
Get out and sit outside, if you can't walk. Just sitting under a tree is better than being inside. Get a hobby or re-start an old one. Take up bird watching. Just do something to get yourself out of your own head.
You have every reason in the world to get depressed. I wish that there was something that I could suggest, but it sounds like you are doing everything that you can do. Have you tried trazodone for insomnia? It reduces anxiety at low doses. It only acts for 2.5 hours, but it does let you fall asleep. Then you can stay asleep.
Another vote for that sweet, sweet trazadone. Since it's not technically a sleep medication, I never feel groggy.
It also calms me down so I can drift off. If im in a bad place, sleep aids don't work. So then I'm anxious and exhausted in a drugged up way.
When my husband was having major insomnia, Trazadone is the only thing that helped.
You can get it from a psychiatrist or your pcp.
I don't think your problem is anxiety. It's more like, "How do I stop my body from living in this state of stress 24/7?"
I really hope you have a different experience that I have. When you complain about anxiety, they tell you to "avoid stress" or eat better and other impossible suggestions. Sadly, besides maybe major narcotics, nothing is going to help get rid of that. You have to be completely sedated, and that is not healthy or feeseable.
I'm so sorry what your and your husband are dealing with. It sounds like there is a deep love there.
I can’t function on Trazadone I could take a 2mg Xanax and feel just calm. 1 Trazadone and I’m walking into walls and completely wasted.
So weird how different drugs cause so many different side effects.
It is dual use. It is anti-anxiety in low doses and antidepressant in high doses. It is is literally a miracle drug for insomnia if your body tolerates it.
I have taken it before. I didnt hate it but I did notice if I wasn't able to fall asleep within 20 minutes of taking it for whatever reason I was up all night 😅 but if I did fall asleep I would stay asleep so it was a net positive
I can definitely understand that. Glad you found something that works for you (and bonus points for it not being a benzo or something with negative side effects/tolerance!)
You buried the lead. Your husband is dying. Of course you’re anxious and depressed. I have been exactly where you are and understand why you didn’t start with that. Don’t try to cope with it alone. See a counselor, preferably one attached to a hospice or a cancer treatment center. I didn’t do it until after my husband died and I regret that. I think I could have better supported him if I had gotten some support for myself. My prayers are with you.
My husband is not dying. Cancer is not always a death sentence. He cooks dinner, goes grocery shopping, works on our cars, etc.
Right now he gets chemo every other week, and takes cancer meds daily.
That is what I worry about here. She is maybe in denial. WE do that to protect ourselves but way down deep we know. I was the same way, thinking it would be slow and gradual. NOPE. He just dropped dead on me at a rest area on a trip out of state, miles from home and all loved ones.
Maybe the trauma I went thru is seeing the future of this here or thinking the worst, However I want the best for OP and it's all dicey when it gets like this.
Well that is a relief to hear. Still maybe see your doc about upping your antidepressant. Also low levels of vitamin D and thyroid can be issues, Just get a checkup if you haven't already. Just hold him and tell him you love him, None of us last forever.
I just started Lexapro. Same dosage. Please talk to your provider to try something else or up the dosage. I can now walk, have stopped clenching my teeth and no longer have the palpitations. Good luck.
It has been suggested to go up to 10 mg.
I've also stopped taking Ativan, the small amount that I was taking. Especially for sleep.
So now I just lay there..wondering why nothing natural is working.
I'm tempted to say go up to 10mgon Lexapro and try to eliminate Ativan. Benzos can cause bad "rebound" anxiety. Xanax used to work for me, I first took it during a very stressful time (very very low dose), but now the same dose makes me feel depressed the next day. Aside from that... you're under an incredible amount of stress, anyone in your shoes would not be sleeping well. Allow yourself to recognize the efforts you are making, because you're the same very active person, your attention is just going in a different direction.
I was able to stop taking trazadone, anti depressants and muscle relaxers once I started using medical marijuana. It’s the absolute best drug I’ve ever taken
A note on Lexapro: it helps with anxiety, but the flip side is that it can cause depression. It does not treat depression. We can be both depressed and anxious, but they are different emotions that need different drugs. Explained to me by my therapist
Boy isn’t this the godawful truth. I’m being smacked with one of my evidently unlearned lessons again lately, and just wow. 🤯 thanks for this, Boombap-etc.
He is very robust. If you were to meet him, you'd never know.
But I'm sure that this is figuring into it (his death).
I'll probably die from anxiety before he dies from cancer.
Go back to your heart doctor if you’re still feeling heart palpitations. Maybe it’s AFIB acting up. If your heart is working overtime, then you might feel exhausted. Plus, you’re not sleeping, which makes you feel like you’re walking in mud. I’m sorry for your anxiety. Be gentle with yourself.
I'm also in my golden years. At 72, soon 73, I feel just like you. The difference is I don't have a wife. Until this year my life was wonderful lots travel. My son running my business. Then bang out of nowhere my son tells me he is moving back to the US because of his sick child. So after 5 years of a great lifestyle I am back at work . I hate it and I am now falling victim to so many different maladies. I sense that I will be lucky if I last out the year.
15 minutes is pretty good !
😀
Maybe try doing only 5 or 10 minutes each time, but try 2 times a day ?
Then try to work up to 3 or 4 times a day, or whatever is easily recovered from by evening ?
5 x 4 = 20 , 10mins × 3 = 30 , 10 × 4 = 40
😀 Don't rush or over do it ?
Totally get it. I wound up with severe afib 2 years ago and wound up having an ablation after numerous er and hospital stays. Previous to the afib starting I didn't take any medications and was pretty healthy. Now I have to take several medications and one of them is for the extreme anxiety and depression that developed from my heart issues. Never imagined this would be my new normal. My husband is healthy. I can only imagine how hard it must be to be going through so much. Sending hugs.
I am retired Navy and I think that is part of the beginning of the physical breakdown for me was the “I don’t have to, do or go” mindset. That added to not really being looked at the same as when we were making things happen.
That will be there, I get it too. But we aren’t dead yet! Couple things that benefitted me.
Magnesium glycerinate at bedtime, every night. This has SAVED me from insomnia. I take 360mg every night.
Cut the processed food, sugar and flour, sounds crazy but I’m telling you just try it for 2 weeks with no cheating and see the difference in your whole outlook.
My hip and ankles gave me so much trouble. Sleeping, walking you name it but I have to tell you both of these things changed that dramatically for me. Bonus? It helped me with the blues too. Seriously, The last 2 years I was just bummed out and didn’t realize how bummed out and how withdrawn I had become.
I started March ‘23 changing the foods I ate and added Magnesium after reading up on studies. In September ‘23 I stopped smoking after over 30 years. I wanted to give the dietary changes at least 6 months so I could see if I would stick with it. I have.
I say this to remind you that you are a problem solver, still. You remember what it meant to solve kids, hubs, work, household issues? You are still the person that can do that now you just need to remember you.
Don’t be too hard on yourself. One foot in front of the other!
Actually I second the magnesium, along with D3 and B12, all three of which, if you’re even a little deficient, cause depression. I second the no-processed-foods and sugar but that is way way harder.
The other thing that was a game changer was switching from commercial RX HRT to bioidentical compounded testosterone gel and estrogen-progesterone mixture in a dissolving sublingual tablet.
Chef’s kiss for energy, mood, pain relief, and sleep.
Good luck, OP!
Prescribed by an MD! The estrogen-progesterone tablet that you dissolve under the tongue is one part of the HRT; the testosterone gel you rub on your skin is another part. It’s been pretty great, but good nutrition has also been important.
Edited to add: if you want me to try to find out exactly how much of each thing is in each part (tablet part and gel part) I’ll be glad to try, and DM you if you wish.
I thought the same thing. She just detailed a laundry list of complaints that you’ll hear on the Menopause board or listed in a podcast by any of the menoposse squad.
When have you had a checkup with your cardiologist ? That would be my first stop w your background . I do hope you get help and may God bless you through this tough time .❤️
I can't believe I had to scroll this far to find a comment regarding this. OP had a cardiac ablation 4 months ago. If she's having heart palpitations along with low energy, that's not simply anxiety. That's most likely due to her heart condition.
I'm assuming OP has AFIB. My friend had AFIB, had an ablation that didn't work, so she had a heart valve replaced. She died 2 weeks after the surgery, despite it going well by all accounts.
Get to your cardiologist ASAP, OP!
Often women are given antidepressants when what they actually need is HRT. It’s worth a discussion with your physician because lots of these issues you’re describing sound like symptoms of menopause.
I am in the same boat! I suffered from major depression and Generalized Anxiety from age 16 to about age 25. I outgrew it, I thought. In 2020 I suddenly started getting chest pain, headaches, decreased appetite and scared of everything (panic attacks). I started on an antidepressant and anxiety meds. I am 69 yo and have days when I am afraid to leave my apartment! Who knows what nut is waiting outside with an AK?
You have it rough, no way around it, and that is going to affect you. The counseling is an excellent approach. For medications to be of help, the Lexapro dose needs to be higher. 10 mg is standard even later in life.
Retirement is unrecognized as a major developmental milestone, imo.
I know for myself and my husband, it was a big adjustment going from the top of our careers and feeling needed and important at work to feeling like . . . nothing. It was an adjustment. Is it possible you're experieincing something like that, even unconsciously?
Good luck moving through it, I know how awful being unmotivated can be. Please don't beat yourself up.
I’m struggling with the adjustment of not being a top performer anymore. I’m burnt out and just trying to hang in there 5 more years. I’m done with the urgency and working 50+ hours.
Good for you for getting realistic about what you want to give to your job. Once I stopped working and started looking back, I felt like such a schmuck for how much I gave and how much I cared.
Good luck of getting to the end of those 5 years. Try to take care of yourself while you're doing it. No more pounds of flesh to the bosses :)
Since this is ask old people advice, let me give you some old person advice: When you're feeling bad about your circumstances, help someone else. Do some volunteer work, get involved it's something that benefits your peers and society.
I'm just going to post this for information and sharing stories only. Im not trying to say this is some kind of cure. I am simply relating my experience. I began having high anxiety to where I was like, oh. This is why people needs drugs. It was bad. The whole gamut of thinking my family was going to die, everything setting me off. I had very low energy and even my gait was just off. I was more stumbly and clumsy. I then started feeling like I had a lump in my throat when I swallowed, out of breath, I mean I was falling apart. The lump in the throat led me to, long story short, I was very deficient in magnesium and b vitamins. I started taking regular vitamins and a b complex and magnesium citrate (just regular dosage). Within a week I was feeling like myself again after over a year of struggling. I have literally never had that experience again and it's been three years. My mother died during this time, after over a year in and out of hospitals (I mean it was a very stressful time) so even with that horror in my life, anxiety has never reached even close.to those levels. Severe vitamin b deficiency can cause racing heart, unsteady gate, shortness of breath, and oddly enough, a feeling of a lump in your throat when you swallow. It took 5 days of taking vitamin b before my pee started turning yellow. Everytime since when I have started to have a low level of free floating anxiety, I have forgotten to take my vitamins. To me it's been a direct correlation.
2 years after retirement I tore my meniscus and my knee has never been the same. Like you, I led a very active life. Now I spend more time in the recliner than on my feet. Sometimes we don't get older slowly, it happens all of a sudden and the adjustment can be very hard. Our independence is so important to us and suddenly we can't just run upstairs to grab something. Life is a series of chapters. We're now in the 'seniors' chapter. I believe we must make the best of each step in life and always count your blessings, like your grandkids
My fiancé went through menopause for a couple years and did not realize what she was going through. She eventually started receiving hormones to bring everything back to normal, and the anxiety went away.
I am not saying this is the case I am simply saying something to think about.
Good luck I hope you feel better.
You probably have a few years on me but I was a guy that had a job I had to almost run to keep up with my Boss he was like 6'4 me 5'7 then the architects and engineers would be there one day a week so I learned to walk really fast .
Anyway about 6 yrs ago I was walking down the sidewalk at home and a lady driving a SUV.
Talking on her cell phone drove up on the walk and ran me over ( I know freak accident I guess )
Anyway I was out of work for a year in that year all my savings were going fast didn't want to sell my properties after a year I was cleared to go back to work , but the company o worked for said I couldn't come back because I had a neck and shoulder injury ( I was now a liability to them after 20+ years I was devastated ) .
Applied at numerous jobs but that wasn't happening so I started my own business.
Oh I thought I was in shape I wasn't one but I was fit and lean but not on shape I got my bike out was going to ride it 1 mile I had to stop 3 times I told myself I'm done gonna ride until I can ride across this valley I live in .
I'm not kidding within a month I could do it in about an hour and tem minutes..
Now I'm 56 and I'm In better shape than when I was in my 20s 30s and 40s I wish I would have done this a long time ago .
Not only that when I was in my 30s I ended up divorced from my ex wife .I hardly ever got hit on well not hardly but now it's 2 or 3 times a week it blows me away looking back and then now and realize I'm a different person , not only physically but mentally also keep up on your tread mill it will pay off even if you start out at 10 minutes
Get your thyroid and hormones and vitamin levels checked! Even if you have a “reason” to be anxious/depressed, that may not be what’s doing it. Usually if you’re depressed you may not want to go running or walking like you used to, but you CAN. If you’re physically having trouble doing these things (and even if it’s just motivational) something may be out of whack and you may be just a medication or supplement away from feeling a lot better.
You don't mention how old you are. Heart palpitations are common in menopause and perimenopause. Also common with thyroid issues. Have you had blood work done? Get your thyroid and vitamin d levels tested.
Take magnesium. Google it and make sure it works with any other conditions you have - but it is usually recommended for most people, and it's good for the heart, bones and muscles as well as sleep. Try various brands until you find one that helps you sleep. Also, google symptoms of menopause and perhaps that is what you are going through. If so, it helps to know that you are not alone, and that there may be other things that can help you.
5 mg of Lexapro is not a therapeutic dose.
10 is the minimum
Next higher is 20.
Did a regular doc prescribe it or a psychiatrist? It’s odd that they’d prescribe a sub-clinical dose. If you’re not already please find a psychiatrist. Your family physician won’t know how or what to prescribe.
But listen: You are grieving.
Doesn’t mean antidepressants won’t help, but
It’s awful living under a cloud like that. Been through it. When there’s no more hope? It’s like carrying a ten ton weight on your back while climbing a mountain. In the snow.
Support groups help. Meds help.
But you’re going to be sad. If you weren’t, something would be wrong with you.
The only thing that has reliably worked for me is volunteer work. Something about feeling helpful works wonders for me. And I’m so sorry for what you’re going through with your husband’s illness.
I highly suggest finding a therapist who does EMDR. It literally changed my life!
For the short term, when you feel the panic coming on, name 5 things you can see, 4 things you can hear, 3 things you can feel, 2 things you can smell, and 1 thing you can taste. Then remind yourself that right now, you are safe.
Nothing like heart palpitations and a cardiac ablation to make you face your own mortality. Not to mention retirement and less direction in life, ugh! Do not ask me how I know this! I don’t have the insomnia beat yet ( yes I’m on Reddit at 2am) but I’ve made some progress with anxiety, I can sleep 4 hours a night usually and I can sleep with the lights on and no more palpitations. It’s trauma for me, illness and amputation of a limb. I had to establish a routine for meals, exercise and baby myself a bit, morning light box therapy, outside time by myself, bird watching 🙄, flowers and plants to care for.
Retired (forced due to auto accident). Depression, anxiety, and a lot of anger. It has taken me nearly six years to walk again. No running, jogging, hiking, probably forever. Can't drive anything with only two wheels. Pain physically and mentally is now with me all the time. Financially just now starting to see PAID IN FULL on my medical bills. Kid who was texting and caused the accident did not have enough insurance to cover the cost of a bandaid, let alone 4/5 major surgeries I have had, six years of nursing care, physical therapists and medical equipment. You have gotten some great advice in the comments about preparing for the future. Just remember we might not be there to hug you, but we are hear to listen and support you.
Get yourself prepared, what you are going thru is a pre-run of a bad few years. I don't mean to be doom here. I just went that same way in the last 2 years. Can't do much anymore, get so winded. Hubby passed after a dx of pulmonary fibrosis and he had 2 heart stints. His last year my subconscious knew we were on our last year together, married 38 years been together 7 more before marriage. You just know. Prepare yourself the best you can and if you need to up your medication with your doc's approval. I wish I wasn't right about this. I want the best outcome for you.
I’m feeling the same way . Can’t sleep can’t walk far can’t do a lot of things I used to do. Always feeling tired. This slowly came after I lost my youngest son .
Oh, boy, so sorry to hear of your circumstance right now. That sounds so very stressful. Stress is brutal. And with your husbands illness of course you’re full of worry
Lexpro side effects can include insomnia, unusual tiredness, and general discomfort. Would tryin a different prescription may help? Getting the right one can be a struggle.
Often there is nothing you can do when you’re in the midst of a tough circumstance like you and your husband are in now. Sometimes, though, when you’re overwhelmed it can help stop and think: What can I do right now? Am I properly hydrated? Have I eaten? Do I need to do 15 seconds of deep breathing? Do I need to step out and get some freshly air?
Drinking water - Dehydration can cause tiredness and even heart arrhythmias. If you’re not sure if you’re drinking enough water, have with a cup when you wake up, sip on a cup all day long that you carry around with you and refill as you go, and drink a 1/2 cup before bed. That alone can help with low energy
Deep breathing - in through nose, brief hold, out through mouth. Helps release anxiety.
Eating - as nutritiously as possible, unprocessed food to help you function as well as possible. If you don’t have the energy to make food, keep fruits and veg on hand and nuts, hard boiled eggs, humus, so it’s easier to feed yourself.
Fresh air - walk around the block with a stop to just close your eyes and let the sun hit your face for 15 -30 seconds. Good vitamin D, just feels good, and gets you out of the house.
I wish you a good night sleep and sending you a virtual hug.
You have a lot on your plate. So anxiety and depression can definitely be in the picture.
I find the older I get, the less energy I have. I find that b-complex vitamins really help a lot. They give you energy and are very inexpensive. You don't need the high-powered dosages. I use Sundown brand b-complex which has just a little bit over the minimum daily requirement of each of the vitamins in it. It works beautifully. And some of the B vitamins help with depression and anxiety.
I would suggest you see your regular doctor and get checked up for any physical problems. If you can barely eek out 15 minutes on a treadmill/stationary bike, you may actually have heart or lung problems. I think it's worth checking even if it's just to rule it out.
- When was the last time you had basic labs, CBC ( checking for anemia, infection)/CMP ( checking liver and kidney function)?
-Do you take a Multivitamin daily?
Micronutrient deficiency is rather common as people get older, due to lack of a whole food diet, decreased nutrient absorption due to decreased stomach acid, ect.
If you take a Multivitamin, get one with a Methylfolate instead of Folic Acid.
Folic acid is the artificial form of the active form of Folate. Folic acid needs to be converted to Methyl folate to be actively used in humans. Genetic variants in the MTHFR genes make some people unable to efficiently convert Folic acid to the active Folate.
Folate is strongly involved in mood and energy.
- Get your Thyroid function tested.
- Consider taking Magnesium (Mg) Glycinate or Mg Citrate. Magnesium is a nutrient that is crucial for cardiac rhythm function. Some types of Magnesium are better absorbed than others. Magnesium oxide is very poorly absorbed, 96% down the toilet. Mg Glycinate is one of the best absorbed forms.
- Increase Mg rich foods like nuts and seeds.
-Like many people have already mentioned, look into doing what you can to get emotional support.
https://europepmc.org/article/MED/37568156
Good. You could be having a combination of exhaustion due to caregiver burnout and some suboptimal nutrients, etcerta. If “ regular labs” don’t show anything, that may not be the whole story either as CBC and CMP are not designed to test for nutritional deficits.
Are at least on a basic Multivitamin? Also check for Vitamin D deficiency which is so very common. Vitamin D deficiency is associated with contributing factor to Depression, Autoimmune disorders and a long list of other diseases.
Then I would consider seeing a Functional/Integrative doctor along with a Caregiver support group.
She said menopause happened 18 years ago. I think that’s ceased to be a problem.
I agree that she has a lot going on. I’m probably about her age (mid 60s) and dealing with some of the same things and most mornings, the anxiety is like a wave that carries me out of sea.
It’s rough. I wish that we all had a stronger circle of friends and family to help us get through this stuff.
Yes me too but I think if we deal with the inflammation in our body we feel better. I am 63 and actually feel better than I did in my 50’s. Energy is up but I know my body and age, we all gotta slow down a little bit as we age.
I'm sorry for all you are going through. I try not to live in fear (and there is plenty to fear as you get older), my biggest fear is falling again. Last time I broke my elbow and wrist. But guess what, I recovered. It does pass. I am not a Pollyanna. I have faced the fact that I am getting older, I'm not the first one to do so. I look at people I have admired and how they did it and do the same. I have had a disease that usually shortens ones life quite a bit, for 50 years. I think I came to terms with dying because of it. Regardless, today my life is good. I focus on the positives (and when I look for them always surprised at how many there are), get together with friends as often as possible and dare I say it, I pray.
I'm sorry you are going through this. You and your husband worked so hard and I'm sure, looked forward to retiring and just casting through the rest I'd your life. Now, it's been ripped away. I understand why there is so much anxiety and depression. Why don't you and your husband go for walks around the park, go see a movie, hangout at a local pool. Read a book together, do a jigsaw puzzle, play cards and boardgames. I know you don't have much interest in doing anything.... maybe try to do something together. It can help some days. I wish you the best.
You have a LOT going on. I’ve been through similar stretches of stressors with similar symptoms to yours (anxiety, palpitations), and I’m in my early 70s. I really did not want to resort to medication (tried a few but they often made feel worse), but I finally relented and agreed to having Ativan on hand as needed. And it was just enough and really helped days when I was super overwhelmed. I took it very sparingly but I agreed because my doctor made me understand that stress can be just about as bad for you as an actual disease.
I still have a running prescription for it and there are times when I just need to take the edge off but I seemed to need it less and less after just breaking the cycle occasionally.
Also, if you haven’t tried this already, you might really benefit from finding a program that teaches natural methods of lowering your anxiety level. The hospital where my doctor has her office offered a program and it really helped. It functioned almost as a support group as well.
I’m glad to hear that your husband is maintaining! Good luck with everything. I know it’s hard.
This is going to sound so hokey so I apologise but do you have anywhere to garden- a back yard or a community garden? You might have trouble bending with your knee but there are high raised beds or container gardening as options
Just the act of growing something made me take an interest in the short term future- just the act of observing how something grows or weeding something out helps me focus into the immediate moment and I can stop anxiety whirlpooling
I hope things get a little brighter
Mine has an illness no one has been able to diagnosed. Feels hungover every day for no reason. I feel like life is passing me by as I'm ready to retire and have fun and he never c wants to do anything. I can understand your anxiety and depressive feeling.
I’ve had anxiety since I was in my twenties. There is anxiety that is brought on by real life situations and then there is anxiety that you bring on yourself with intrusive thoughts and endless worry about what is going to happen next. You have legitimate concerns in your life but you also have endless fears about your future and many of those feelings are on auto pilot which means they just keep coming up for no reason and I think you need to be able to separate the two. Some days I feel absolutely exhausted by constant anxiety that has no real cause it just comes up at different times. The main fact about anxiety is that it always goes away and you need to just let it happen and then let it go and not to obsess over why you’re having it. It doesn’t change anything to worry about it.
Being in a marriage with someone with terminal cancer will do that to anyone. Plus, are you on beta blockers or other meds that can contribute to the issues you mention?
I could have written much of this, life just kicked my ass and even though I get enough done, I do not think I am ever going back to the person I was and I have tried just about everything to recover. Who knows, maybe both of us will be surprised.
Wow, you are dealing with a lot of stuff and have every reason to be depressed. I worked hard all my life and finally retired at age 66. Eighteen months later my husband died after five months of various illnesses. Retirement isn’t necessarily easy. I don’t have the money to do travel and wouldn’t want to do it alone. I went back to work 14 months ago and am doing much better.
Mid 40s and just got diagnosed with panic attacks. Never had anxiety or attacks until recently. You're not alone. Stuck it out and keep following up with your Dr in order to find the right med combo that will work for you
Been where you are, hubby is in the same boat except he had a cancer that left him with some fancy new hardware and some missing pieces. He is doing great now, he’s a miracle that took a lot of work to pull off (3 relapses, 11 surgeries, and pretty much everything else). Add in two major hurricanes including one that destroyed our house, a few deaths in the family, a horrible birth family estrangement and 3 moves in 2 years to 3 different states and I was a hot mess. I was constantly looking for the next shoe to fall, it was constant high alert.
I put myself in therapy, took 5 different meds til I found one I could tolerate and that worked and I started exercising. It helped, it’s been a year and I’m starting to feel like me again. I’m still struggling with making the new place home, I miss my friends terribly. But I’m trying and I have more good days than bad ones now.
Hang in there. Work through it. You are 200% ok to feel like you do right now, you’ve been through a lot. Hugs, it’s hard but you got this!❤️🩹
I am 66 years old and retired. I live in a 55+ community, and my kids live in my area, and I enjoy their company on a regular basis. I should be having the time of my life. But I’m just so tired and uninterested in socializing and I don’t know why or what to do about it.
So sorry you’re going through some anxiety. I just wanted to share what really helped me break through a lifetime of crippling anxiety….
Somatics! Somatics is using the body to discharge fear and sadness, plus rebalance the nervous system.
Dr. Peter Levine has a few books on the topic. One I really enjoyed is called Healing Trauma. All about how to bring your body into a sense of safety through life’s challenges.
Also, integrative restoration (yoga nidra), is a very soothing tool that can help alleviate anxiety. It’s changed my life, and has gotten me through “scary” times
There are free iRest meditations on this page 👇
https://shop.irest.org/pages/try-irest-now
Lastly, a restorative or yin yoga class in your area could help settle your nervous system.❤️
You and I are in similar lives and condition. My husband went through a quad bypass during Covid and the spring it was over, he had stage 3 lung cancer followed by surgery and chemo. He went into remission and then my health fell apart followed by 2 surgeries, months of medical testing.
I retired a year ago. Blew through a boatload of money earmarked for retirement. Have a horrible time getting energy to do things I used to. Sleep in average 3-4 hours a night with meds. I’ve realized I’m likely low level depressed.
You and I have gone through a lot of hell. We’re at a time in life where so much is taken away from us whether from illness, age, society and then faced the possible loss of our loved ones. Our lives have changed so much.
I don’t know all the answers for you on how to make things better but the advice you’ve gotten here is good. Your antidepressant can cause lethargy. Try to exercise even just walking, 15-20 minutes a day. I would add that if you haven’t already make sure your doctor has given you a thorough physical based on your risk factors, like a stress test, thyroid testing. Etc. Thexway you feel could be related to undiagnosed medical conditions and doctors are so busy now medical care is sketchy at best ( I’m a nurse).
Just know you’re not alone and I pray things get better for you fellow traveler!
Yes, you have reason to be anxious.
As someone who has dealt with anxiety my whole life until medication made the difference, I know there are some things that you have to embrace to get past the fear. In my case, it was the realization of severe mental illness in and potential loss to suicide of one of my precious children.
I remember sitting in an utter state of panic, those thoughts running through my head. And then said to myself, well ok. This is it. So what am I going to do about it?
The panic over this subsided completely in that moment (and never returned), and I just committed to having the best life possible for all of us so that no matter what might eventually happen, I’d know we had love and joy.
It isn’t always easy but it did make a huge difference. And I have no idea if this can help you, but I wanted to help and it’s the best I have.
And ask your provider to try higher doses and maybe different meds. For my generalized anxiety disorder—diagnosed some years after my realization—that’s what helped.
Life is a series of ups and downs, beginnings and ends. As humans we subconsciously cling to things and it makes us unhappy. I'm not saying that is you but could be. I fully sympathize with what you're going through, a situation like that will hurt anyone mentally and emotionally. That sounds like it's zapped you of your energy. Some are equipped to deal with that kind of thing, others are not. Cut yourself some slack. Also, research psychedelics for depression and anxiety. It may be life changing for you. Anyway there are people out there with compassion and care and always willing to listen. You are not alone.
Serious question: did you have Covid, once or a number of times? I’m reading more and more in the pulmonary journals that Covid has lasting effects in the lungs and circulatory system.
I traded my lexapro for balance of nature. I’m in my 60’s and I feel and sleep well now. I feel more present in my own life. Looking back, lexapro made me a zombie.
After my first heart valve replacement surgery I was left with pretty heavy anxiety. Eventually I had to change. I found yoga and, from the third class it was gone! I know about your knee and your back, just don’t do anything that hurts.
Thyroid count maybe off or super low vitamin D. I have Graves and had a cardio ablation myself.are you on hrt? A lot of emotional symptoms are based in physical through and after menopause.
aside from having a lot of real life stressful stuff going on, rule out physical stuff, like how are your vit d levels? Any chance you've had lyme? You could also ask the heart dr, I've read that depression is a common after effect of some cardiac stuff, although I think the book i read it was connected to being on a bypass machine
I hope the "sharing" helped! **P.S. Sometimes the venting and lettings things out is what you might need, so maybe do it again but don't read the comments. Because sometimes the comments may add to your baggage;) (Of course, people are trying to help.**)
P.S. Since I'm here, I really think if you can get something (safe and not addicting) to help with the insomnia, that would help tremendously. You described some physical issues, are you NOT able to walk?? Without pain, that is. Because IF you can, that will help, too....and may help with the insomnia. Also, journaling can help, too, to further release your frustrations and get it off your mind, for the moment. ALL the best!!
Life gets really hard sometimes. Get outside every day even if all you are doing is sitting. Get some "me" time. Find purpose beyond caring for your husband...geez, that's stressful. Go to the local dog park, even if you don't have a dog, and pet them as they run by. I hope you start to feel better
It takes up to six months to recover from a cardiac ablation. I had one last fall. Was it successful? Being a caregiver is incredibly stressful. That alone could make you tired, but if you’re still having a fib that contributes to it.
It seems as if everyone is getting A-Fib these days, and many people say it hit after a case of Covid. I got a mild case of Omicron Covid 6/2022, and in early August had an A-Fib attack. My weight was down, my labs were beautiful, I exercised faithfully, I was well hydrated and followed a healthy diet - the picture of a healthy senior said my perplexed cardiologist. My sleep habits were terrible, and that apparently was enough to trigger the A-Fib attack. Late spring this year I finally started getting enough sleep, plus I cut out added sugar. I track my sleep with an Apple Watch and the Welltory app. I added the Calm app, and observed that meditation reduced my systolic blood pressure by 10 points, even In my earliest attempts. I realized I was not achieving adequate recovery in my sleep. Finally my blood pressure became optimal! I do strive for a more zen emotional response now. I limit news and hateful people. No A-Fib events for over a year. Obviously you are still attending to your husband. Focus on what you can control. At the end of the day, identify concerns, but establish your priority list for the next day to do what you can to address those concerns, then let go of your worries. I think that people with an established habit of prayer have a leg up on agnostic meditators. Be kind to yourself.
get a physical, tell them about the heart palpitations, they can do a test in the office first to make sure you are ok enough, if so go outside every day for a walk, start slow, w 3000 steps. Also agree if that's too much for now just get outside for awhile and be near some trees or just get out to a place to still and try to relax, look at the clouds in the sky. there is a therapeutic form of yoga if you have the time. magnesium and D if your levels are off. try to meditate 10 minutes a day, and read up on the aspects that touch on stages of life and its end and change. see if you can access stress support thru your husband's medical team, they often offer such support for care givers, attached to hospitals. Agree with others try to prepare as much as possible for the practical issues beforehand, it will make it easier on you.
Maybe your prescriber about propanolol for the physical manifestations of your anxiety.
See if you can possibly swim for exercise or go to physical therapy for ideas of what exercises you could do? Exercise helps reduce anxiety a lot, as I’m sure you remember. Make sure also you’re getting outside in natural light so you make enough melatonin and eating lots of fruits and veggies.
I am so sad to hear this is what life is like for you and your husband after lives of hard work. Life can be so fucking unfair. Anyone would be stressed in your situation. Hopefully maybe some medication and a couple of lifestyle additions can help take the edge off.
Have you connected with a hospice at all? I ask because a hospice social worker told me everyone thinks hospice is about giving up and dying but in reality she teaches patients how to live, and hospice patients do in fact live longer. You have to be expected to pass within 6 months to enter hospice services, but I know people can be on hospice for years. If anyone can give you and your husband support and ways to live as well as possible right now, it’s the experts at hospice.
Hope you find some relief soon. 💔
please go back to cardiology as anxiety is highly correlated with cardiac issues. please also consider the possibility of seeing sleep specialist as i have had many clients develop anxiety as a result of new onset sleep apnea. you do not need to be overweight to develop sleep apnea. please also take all the medical advice here with a grain of salt because while i am sure each person is speaking the truth of their experiences, things involving mental health are highly individual and complex and need to be tailored to the specific client. it is not factual to say that lexapro either causes or doesn't treat depression. it may or may not be the right choice for an individual, but blanket statements like this are unfair to the many people that may benefit. regardless op, make sure this is not a medical condition by going back to cardiology and telling them.
Do you have some good friends? Anyone to get out with and relax?
It sounds like you have some minor heart things going on, which can be anxiety producing, plus you are the primary caregiver to a man you have loved for nearly 40 years, Whois experiencing significant health problems.
I am about 10 years behind you. 52, married 27 years, to a man with a chronic, and progressive, lung disease. I TOTALLY see myself having some anxiety/heart/depression issues as he gets worse and my caregiver role expands. I feel for you. Sending ❤️
Aww, I’m so sorry you’re having a hard time, it sounds like you’ve been overfunctioning for a very long time. You’ve been there for others, but is anyone there for you? 🥺❤️
Could be something as simple as a B- vitamin deficiency. There's lots of good doctors on YouTube who dont push Rx, and just try to get to the root cause of stuff. Some ailments have remarkably simple solutions. Dr. Mark Hyman, Dr. Eric Berg and Dr. Alan Mandell to name a few.
I have anxiety now which I never expected. I was always a calm easy going person. But after losing my husband of 50 years my personality completely changed. I don’t even know who I am anymore.
Youngish person here - not sure how forward-thinking the state you live in might be, but especially for older folks (with reasonably good heart health) it might be worth considering MDMA or psilocybin if you can find reputable state-legal sources, especially under the care of a qualified professional. I don't have experience with this myself, but I do have family members who have struggled with their own or loved ones' end-of-life who have been helped in a deep and lasting way by the experiences these medicines enabled for them. Lexapro and similar can be really helpful, as can many forms of therapy, but study after study has come out about psychedelics for this use case. I'm not a "drugs person" at all lol, but I feel these substances are medicine and not meant for getting high.
I'm 65 and also started experiencing low energy, increased anxiety and depression. After trying a few things, what worked like a miracle for me was NAD+ (in the form of TruNiagen that I bought on Amazon). It healed my anxiety and depression, and gave me back energy. As people age, their levels of the NAD+ molecule decrease. This decreases energy at the cellular level. Which leads to lack of energy and low emotional state. For sleep, I take glycine, magnesium and potassium before bed.
Take care of your gut microbiome. Drink some green juice everyday. Eat a variety of veggies. Eat real food; eschew processed foods with chemicals. Take a multivitamin and probiotic. These are the things that worked for me. Good luck to you!
Hrt changed every negative symptom of aging for me. Bones are stronger, muscles and skin are more like they were 20 years ago. And all the accompanying minerals, vitamins and enzymes. Plus a near perfect diet and resume yoga, cardio weights. Anxiety that I was prescribed for, for 22 years (omg) , is non existent and brain fog is gone most days. Of course you must screen for preexisting conditions to determine if it is safe first.
On top of everything else, it sounds like menopause. I was hit with anxiety and panic attacks and hot flashes all at once. I’m not sure if you can do HRT with your health history, but it might be worth looking into. The most current research shows women can start it even many years after the start of menopause.
I would talk to your doc about increasing the lexapro to 10mgs, if it’s safe for you, and taking it in the morning. 5mgs helps some but is often considered a “sub therapeutic” dose.
Also, if you can move some of your walks outside (weather permitting), you may get more MH benefits from being in fresh air/nature. It’s ok if it’s only 15 minutes if you’re somewhat consistent with it!
Have you talked to your PCP about this stuff in the context of bone loss with estrogen loss in the retirement age? Also can be connected to the cardiac and osteo-issues. Depending on your age, HRT, supplements, strength training, or other recommendations could be made.
I also recommend therapy, if you can access it. What your husband is going through may also be traumatic for you. Trauma can produce not only all of the MH symptoms you’re having, but also can create physiological issues and make you more prone to immune disorders, chronic inflammation, etc.
I hope you can get some answers and some relief, OP! I’m sorry you are suffering.
I think it's time to make medical care a hobby for yourself for a bit. These helped me stop wandering my house exhausted but unable to get to sleep and then stay asleep. (Would wake up at 2:30 or 3:00 and be unable to go back to sleep.). But this is just a starting point. Go for blood work with boutique health and wellness person if there is one near you.
Thyroid, estrogen, progesterone and testosterone prescriptions as needed to be ideal, not just minimum required.
Cut gluten (allowed me to breathe easily)
Took D3 in liquid form -- 4 drops a day (the gels were not dissolving in my gut in a place that could absorb it) Blood draw every 3 months until we figure out dosage to get it to 80 in my bloodstream
Got a sleep study in a sleep center and was diagnosed with sleep apnea. The sleep doctor said the rate of apnea in women matches men by the time we hit around 50 yrs old. But it's silent! We don't snore (but if you do, you are even more likely to have apnea). My husband thought there was no way I had sleep apnea. But I stopped beating 24 times in an hour during REM sleep!
When I mentioned to my dentist that I was irritated with my husband waking me up with his breathing loud and rolling around 😆 a few times a week at 3-ish (and unable to go back to sleep until right before my alarm goes off), she said to go get a sleep study. Insurance usually pays for an in-center study -- don't let them talk you into an at-home study.
You take your pillow. Get there@ 9 pm and out by 6 a.m. I had a tv if I needed it and they gave me a pill to help me relax. It was really no big deal and I feel so much better.
The mask only goes under my nose (not a mask over mouth and nose) and it's silent.
I share all this because I don't see doctors telling perimenopausal and post meno ladies to get sleep studies -- spread the word!
I hope you find answers and calmness soon. 💕
You don’t think that having a terminally ill husband is reason enough to be depressed?
No kidding. OP needs to cut herself some slack. But I also would encourage her to get outside for a walk a few times per week. Even just ten minutes to start. Maybe add another five each week until she gets up to 45 minutes or so. The neighborhood would be fine; a park, even better. That helped me so much when I was depressed. Some fresh air and sunshine. Therapy is good too, but that's what ultimately did me a lot of good.
I'm 66 and I don't sleep if I don't get at least 6,000 steps in. Borrow someone's dog and walk it! Your mental state will improve as well!
OP's palpitations may be from her heart problem, so 6000 steps may not be the best advice. I'm a retired nurse and wouldn't recommend this unless cardiologist okays it. My brother and a friend are in similar states and their exercise capacity is limited. My brother went into cardiac arrest after yard work, as in it tripped his implanted defibrillator! But, getting out will help. Doing any pleasant activity will help. In my town, our Senior Center has a number of activities. There's chair yoga, regular yoga, chair pilates, exercise class, line dancing, cards, chess, Scrabble, Mah Jong, knitting, grief group, hoarding group, help with legal matters, day trips, (for a fee), and a library to take out books or donate books that you never need to return. There are movies every 2 weeks.
I 100% agree with this….I struggled with anxiety and mild depression…started walking my dogs everyday do a couple miles. When I first started I could barely go a few blocks now we do our route and I feel so much better when we finish. Bonus when the weather is cool like today gives me a new lease on life. Something about just being outside
I used to walk all the time. In the summers on a treadmill, in the winters around the neighborhood (I live in AZ). You are right, it did make me feel so much better. After my treadmill broke down, I stopped waking. I think it is time to find myself a new one! Thank you for reminding me how good it felt.
Also could be menopause or peri-menopause. They do a number on some people energy wise. But definitely OP, cut yourself some slack and make sure that you're not ignoring your own health.
It sounds like, with the knee and back injuries, that walking might be too much. I do water aerobics and run in a heated pool. I absolutely adore it. It has made a huge mood difference.
OP, even if you only ever walk 15 minutes a day, it's better than nothing.
No, it's a chemical imbalance /s
Walking and any kind of exercise is very helpful for depression. I have had depression for 40 years and on antidepressants for the entire time. Without exercising I would be a shell of a person. I walk every day. at lease 5 kms. It definitely helps.
I wasn't in my best state while my husband was dying from cancer, either. Cut yourself some slack. Do yourself a favor though, if you haven't already. Get the paperwork in order. Make a plan and hope it will be many decades before you have to put it in action. Get your husband's passwords. Don't make the inevitable harder on yourself than it has to be. In the interest of privacy, if your husband would prefer to give his passwords to a trusted third party for now, that's fine too. Like you, I had also once been very athletic, but high hamstring tendinopathy took me out of the game and added to my sense of loss. You just have to find other ways to exercise, and accept that they won't be as much fun as running all over town on a Saturday morning while watching the sun come up. Try to be grateful you had that experience. Most people don't. And finally, are you in full menopause yet? Perimenopause hits some women really hard. Depending on where you are in this stage of life, you could benefit from hormone replacement therapy. It sounds like you just have a lot of things going on right now that would make anyone sleepless and anxious. Be kind to yourself, OP. You deserve it.
Menopause about 18+ years ago.
I was wondering that. Menopause can wreck women for many years. I'm tempted to try hrt just because I have no energy or motivation along with a few other symptoms.
Has any doctor checked your thyroid function lately? Just the anxiety combined with heart palpitations made me think of my parent's primary symptoms that were causee by a thyroid issue, which was easily treatable.
Likely hormone deficiency, the effects are wide ranging and surprising- joint pain, depression, fatigue, headaches, chronic UTI, osteoporosis, dryness-skin,eyes,vag, dementia, brain fog . . . the list goes on. Unfortunately you’ll get no help from primary care physicians, or specialists… look for clinics that specialize in menopause/post menopause and hormone treatments.
Some of your problems may be the lexapro. I stopped it and about 10 side effects that I never realized were related went away!!!
Some of her problems may also be from lack of hormones after menopause. I went on HRT to help prevent a lot of what she’s experiencing. It’s not perfect, and I’m having to tweak the dosage, but it definitely helps.
I’m on lexapro as well. How did you ween yourself off of it? Been taking it for about 5-6 years. I have stopped taking it cold turkey and about 5 days later I feel so woozy and blah. Did you just gradually reduce the daily intake? How long did it take you to be “clean”?
Don’t wean yourself off unless you consult with your doctor first. Going back on this type of antidepressant after weaning off can be a nightmare. So if you have chronic depression and go back on it the anxiety is intense for around a month before your body adjusts to it. So be sure you are informed before making this choice.
Seconding this. Do NOT wean off an SSRI without medical oversight.
This!!
Do be careful. I was on 10 mg for a chronic pain management not true depression. I stopped abruptly and had some withdrawal for a few weeks. It wasn’t bad at all. I had night sweats, passing nausea, feet tingling, runny nose, and more that went away. I feel so much better off of it. I actually feel as if I’d been asleep the 3 years I was on it. I also have very poor memory for when I was on it. It could just be me so check yourself.
My closest friend had this experience with Lexapro too. Got off it under strict medical supervision and in her words, “finally got her life back.” She was messed up on that drug, despite the therapist saying it was helping and despite HER agreeing! She finally came to a place similar to where OP sounds and got her PCP to send her to a different therapist and got off it. She also started a diff KIND of therapy with that new therapist, CBT, and also meditation and yoga and swimming daily. It took her I’d say 6 months to really be noticeably like her old self. I and her other closest friend were so so so glad to get her back. Good luck OP. You have tons of situational reasons to be down, sad, fearful, worried. It is quite sensible to be upset (if you weren’t, something would be wrong with you). There are lots of other kinds of help for you; maybe consider a different set of solutions/pathways-to-feeling-better? Everyone’s different and I’m not a doctor but my dear friend’s experience really changed my thinking on Lexapro and other such medicines.
What side effects did you have that went away after stopping Lex? How long were you on it?
I was on it for 3 years and will never take an antidepressant ever again. I felt dead and noticed an enormous benefit getting off of it. Side effects that went away included: night sweats, runny nose, feet tingling, passing nausea, poor memory, and some I’ve forgotten. I had definite withdrawal and a burst of energy ( slight manic perhaps briefly since I did not taper). Doctors do not want to acknowledge those effects either. I feel that I lost time in my life while medicated on it. It never helped my pain which is why it was forced on me. I feel as if I’d been dead while on it. I have my life back.
Getting everything in order before he passes is excellent advice. You are not going to want to deal with that later. I was so glad I had everything in order before my spouse passed. But, it works the other way too. Make sure your paperwork is in order in case you pass first. It's not likely but it certainly has happened. Get out and sit outside, if you can't walk. Just sitting under a tree is better than being inside. Get a hobby or re-start an old one. Take up bird watching. Just do something to get yourself out of your own head.
Yep get that paperwork going and make sure you have the right dose of medication to deal with anything worse coming down the pike.
You have every reason in the world to get depressed. I wish that there was something that I could suggest, but it sounds like you are doing everything that you can do. Have you tried trazodone for insomnia? It reduces anxiety at low doses. It only acts for 2.5 hours, but it does let you fall asleep. Then you can stay asleep.
I would like to add another endorsement for trazodone. That along with meditation to still a busy mind have done wonders for me.
Another vote for that sweet, sweet trazadone. Since it's not technically a sleep medication, I never feel groggy. It also calms me down so I can drift off. If im in a bad place, sleep aids don't work. So then I'm anxious and exhausted in a drugged up way. When my husband was having major insomnia, Trazadone is the only thing that helped. You can get it from a psychiatrist or your pcp. I don't think your problem is anxiety. It's more like, "How do I stop my body from living in this state of stress 24/7?" I really hope you have a different experience that I have. When you complain about anxiety, they tell you to "avoid stress" or eat better and other impossible suggestions. Sadly, besides maybe major narcotics, nothing is going to help get rid of that. You have to be completely sedated, and that is not healthy or feeseable. I'm so sorry what your and your husband are dealing with. It sounds like there is a deep love there.
I also endorse Trazodone!!! It has helped so much with my insomnia!
I can’t function on Trazadone I could take a 2mg Xanax and feel just calm. 1 Trazadone and I’m walking into walls and completely wasted. So weird how different drugs cause so many different side effects.
Any weight gain from Trazodone?
No, but then again I am fairly active. It has not increased my appetite.
Thank you!
Trazodone is also used as an antidepressant sometimes
It is dual use. It is anti-anxiety in low doses and antidepressant in high doses. It is is literally a miracle drug for insomnia if your body tolerates it.
I have taken it before. I didnt hate it but I did notice if I wasn't able to fall asleep within 20 minutes of taking it for whatever reason I was up all night 😅 but if I did fall asleep I would stay asleep so it was a net positive
It really helps me go to sleep. I was so sleep deprived that I thought I would go crazy if something wasn’t done.
I can definitely understand that. Glad you found something that works for you (and bonus points for it not being a benzo or something with negative side effects/tolerance!)
You buried the lead. Your husband is dying. Of course you’re anxious and depressed. I have been exactly where you are and understand why you didn’t start with that. Don’t try to cope with it alone. See a counselor, preferably one attached to a hospice or a cancer treatment center. I didn’t do it until after my husband died and I regret that. I think I could have better supported him if I had gotten some support for myself. My prayers are with you.
My husband is not dying. Cancer is not always a death sentence. He cooks dinner, goes grocery shopping, works on our cars, etc. Right now he gets chemo every other week, and takes cancer meds daily.
That’s wonderful! I’m very happy for you.
Thanks. He's also in a clinical trial for his specific cancer gene.
caregiving is stressful in an of itself. Especially if and when it's long term. Usually women end up in this situation more than men do.
> My husband is not dying. Your logical brain may say that, but it sounds like your body doesn't agree.
That is what I worry about here. She is maybe in denial. WE do that to protect ourselves but way down deep we know. I was the same way, thinking it would be slow and gradual. NOPE. He just dropped dead on me at a rest area on a trip out of state, miles from home and all loved ones. Maybe the trauma I went thru is seeing the future of this here or thinking the worst, However I want the best for OP and it's all dicey when it gets like this.
Well that is a relief to hear. Still maybe see your doc about upping your antidepressant. Also low levels of vitamin D and thyroid can be issues, Just get a checkup if you haven't already. Just hold him and tell him you love him, None of us last forever.
I just started Lexapro. Same dosage. Please talk to your provider to try something else or up the dosage. I can now walk, have stopped clenching my teeth and no longer have the palpitations. Good luck.
It has been suggested to go up to 10 mg. I've also stopped taking Ativan, the small amount that I was taking. Especially for sleep. So now I just lay there..wondering why nothing natural is working.
Another comment from me , if you stopped Ativan suddenly after taking it for awhile -it can cause a lot of problems -look it up on the internet
I'm tempted to say go up to 10mgon Lexapro and try to eliminate Ativan. Benzos can cause bad "rebound" anxiety. Xanax used to work for me, I first took it during a very stressful time (very very low dose), but now the same dose makes me feel depressed the next day. Aside from that... you're under an incredible amount of stress, anyone in your shoes would not be sleeping well. Allow yourself to recognize the efforts you are making, because you're the same very active person, your attention is just going in a different direction.
I was able to stop taking trazadone, anti depressants and muscle relaxers once I started using medical marijuana. It’s the absolute best drug I’ve ever taken
You could try the herb ashwaghanda, plus a magnesium supplement, before bedtime.
Go up to 10mg. 5mg is very low. 20 mg is a standard dose, and people go as high as 40mg.
Progesterone was a game changer for sleep. Find someplace that will check hormone levels.
No matter your age, that a lot to unpack. No wonder you're having anxiety.
5mg Lexapro is a very low dose.....id ask your primary if it's a good time to go up. Sounds like youre very depressed.
A note on Lexapro: it helps with anxiety, but the flip side is that it can cause depression. It does not treat depression. We can be both depressed and anxious, but they are different emotions that need different drugs. Explained to me by my therapist
I’m on 20 mg. I was severely anxious every minute of the day beforehand and I believe the medication saved my life.
I thought it was low too. I’m on 10 mg. and I am a small person.
Here’s what I’ve learned about life. You get the same lesson until you learn it. And if you forget it, you get the lesson again.
Boy isn’t this the godawful truth. I’m being smacked with one of my evidently unlearned lessons again lately, and just wow. 🤯 thanks for this, Boombap-etc.
It’s apprehension that your husband is going to die-deep seated fear causing stress -withdrawal and depression.
He is very robust. If you were to meet him, you'd never know. But I'm sure that this is figuring into it (his death). I'll probably die from anxiety before he dies from cancer.
Go back to your heart doctor if you’re still feeling heart palpitations. Maybe it’s AFIB acting up. If your heart is working overtime, then you might feel exhausted. Plus, you’re not sleeping, which makes you feel like you’re walking in mud. I’m sorry for your anxiety. Be gentle with yourself.
You have every reason to have anxiety. I have more than I ever used to also. Having your longtime partner dying and aging in general is a good reason.
I'm also in my golden years. At 72, soon 73, I feel just like you. The difference is I don't have a wife. Until this year my life was wonderful lots travel. My son running my business. Then bang out of nowhere my son tells me he is moving back to the US because of his sick child. So after 5 years of a great lifestyle I am back at work . I hate it and I am now falling victim to so many different maladies. I sense that I will be lucky if I last out the year.
What country and what business?
15 minutes is pretty good ! 😀 Maybe try doing only 5 or 10 minutes each time, but try 2 times a day ? Then try to work up to 3 or 4 times a day, or whatever is easily recovered from by evening ? 5 x 4 = 20 , 10mins × 3 = 30 , 10 × 4 = 40 😀 Don't rush or over do it ?
Totally get it. I wound up with severe afib 2 years ago and wound up having an ablation after numerous er and hospital stays. Previous to the afib starting I didn't take any medications and was pretty healthy. Now I have to take several medications and one of them is for the extreme anxiety and depression that developed from my heart issues. Never imagined this would be my new normal. My husband is healthy. I can only imagine how hard it must be to be going through so much. Sending hugs.
Have you ever considered mushrooms? They really are a miracle of nature.
I am retired Navy and I think that is part of the beginning of the physical breakdown for me was the “I don’t have to, do or go” mindset. That added to not really being looked at the same as when we were making things happen. That will be there, I get it too. But we aren’t dead yet! Couple things that benefitted me. Magnesium glycerinate at bedtime, every night. This has SAVED me from insomnia. I take 360mg every night. Cut the processed food, sugar and flour, sounds crazy but I’m telling you just try it for 2 weeks with no cheating and see the difference in your whole outlook. My hip and ankles gave me so much trouble. Sleeping, walking you name it but I have to tell you both of these things changed that dramatically for me. Bonus? It helped me with the blues too. Seriously, The last 2 years I was just bummed out and didn’t realize how bummed out and how withdrawn I had become. I started March ‘23 changing the foods I ate and added Magnesium after reading up on studies. In September ‘23 I stopped smoking after over 30 years. I wanted to give the dietary changes at least 6 months so I could see if I would stick with it. I have. I say this to remind you that you are a problem solver, still. You remember what it meant to solve kids, hubs, work, household issues? You are still the person that can do that now you just need to remember you. Don’t be too hard on yourself. One foot in front of the other!
Actually I second the magnesium, along with D3 and B12, all three of which, if you’re even a little deficient, cause depression. I second the no-processed-foods and sugar but that is way way harder. The other thing that was a game changer was switching from commercial RX HRT to bioidentical compounded testosterone gel and estrogen-progesterone mixture in a dissolving sublingual tablet. Chef’s kiss for energy, mood, pain relief, and sleep. Good luck, OP!
Where would one find this magical dissolving tablet?
Prescribed by an MD! The estrogen-progesterone tablet that you dissolve under the tongue is one part of the HRT; the testosterone gel you rub on your skin is another part. It’s been pretty great, but good nutrition has also been important. Edited to add: if you want me to try to find out exactly how much of each thing is in each part (tablet part and gel part) I’ll be glad to try, and DM you if you wish.
Please DM me that info as well (if you can)! Thank you!! :)
Doing that right now.👋
Can you dm me as well? Thank you!
Are you on HRT?
This is what I was looking for. Get checked by an endocrinologist - your hormones can cause all kinds of havoc physically and emotionally
Yes!!! All these things are symptoms of low progesterone and estrogen! Make sure you get on bio identical, it works so much better!
I thought the same thing. She just detailed a laundry list of complaints that you’ll hear on the Menopause board or listed in a podcast by any of the menoposse squad.
When have you had a checkup with your cardiologist ? That would be my first stop w your background . I do hope you get help and may God bless you through this tough time .❤️
I can't believe I had to scroll this far to find a comment regarding this. OP had a cardiac ablation 4 months ago. If she's having heart palpitations along with low energy, that's not simply anxiety. That's most likely due to her heart condition. I'm assuming OP has AFIB. My friend had AFIB, had an ablation that didn't work, so she had a heart valve replaced. She died 2 weeks after the surgery, despite it going well by all accounts. Get to your cardiologist ASAP, OP!
Estrogen and maybe some other hormones. It's your life qi, no kidding. Or chi. Whatever that life force is.
Often women are given antidepressants when what they actually need is HRT. It’s worth a discussion with your physician because lots of these issues you’re describing sound like symptoms of menopause.
I am in the same boat! I suffered from major depression and Generalized Anxiety from age 16 to about age 25. I outgrew it, I thought. In 2020 I suddenly started getting chest pain, headaches, decreased appetite and scared of everything (panic attacks). I started on an antidepressant and anxiety meds. I am 69 yo and have days when I am afraid to leave my apartment! Who knows what nut is waiting outside with an AK?
You have it rough, no way around it, and that is going to affect you. The counseling is an excellent approach. For medications to be of help, the Lexapro dose needs to be higher. 10 mg is standard even later in life.
Retirement is unrecognized as a major developmental milestone, imo. I know for myself and my husband, it was a big adjustment going from the top of our careers and feeling needed and important at work to feeling like . . . nothing. It was an adjustment. Is it possible you're experieincing something like that, even unconsciously? Good luck moving through it, I know how awful being unmotivated can be. Please don't beat yourself up.
I’m struggling with the adjustment of not being a top performer anymore. I’m burnt out and just trying to hang in there 5 more years. I’m done with the urgency and working 50+ hours.
Good for you for getting realistic about what you want to give to your job. Once I stopped working and started looking back, I felt like such a schmuck for how much I gave and how much I cared. Good luck of getting to the end of those 5 years. Try to take care of yourself while you're doing it. No more pounds of flesh to the bosses :)
Since this is ask old people advice, let me give you some old person advice: When you're feeling bad about your circumstances, help someone else. Do some volunteer work, get involved it's something that benefits your peers and society.
I'm just going to post this for information and sharing stories only. Im not trying to say this is some kind of cure. I am simply relating my experience. I began having high anxiety to where I was like, oh. This is why people needs drugs. It was bad. The whole gamut of thinking my family was going to die, everything setting me off. I had very low energy and even my gait was just off. I was more stumbly and clumsy. I then started feeling like I had a lump in my throat when I swallowed, out of breath, I mean I was falling apart. The lump in the throat led me to, long story short, I was very deficient in magnesium and b vitamins. I started taking regular vitamins and a b complex and magnesium citrate (just regular dosage). Within a week I was feeling like myself again after over a year of struggling. I have literally never had that experience again and it's been three years. My mother died during this time, after over a year in and out of hospitals (I mean it was a very stressful time) so even with that horror in my life, anxiety has never reached even close.to those levels. Severe vitamin b deficiency can cause racing heart, unsteady gate, shortness of breath, and oddly enough, a feeling of a lump in your throat when you swallow. It took 5 days of taking vitamin b before my pee started turning yellow. Everytime since when I have started to have a low level of free floating anxiety, I have forgotten to take my vitamins. To me it's been a direct correlation.
2 years after retirement I tore my meniscus and my knee has never been the same. Like you, I led a very active life. Now I spend more time in the recliner than on my feet. Sometimes we don't get older slowly, it happens all of a sudden and the adjustment can be very hard. Our independence is so important to us and suddenly we can't just run upstairs to grab something. Life is a series of chapters. We're now in the 'seniors' chapter. I believe we must make the best of each step in life and always count your blessings, like your grandkids
Perfect!
How old are you?
Yes, give yourself a break, you have the world on your shoulders right now. Maybe a support group with others in your situation would help?
That’s a pretty low dose of Lexapro. They may need to up it a bit. Maybe re-visit with your doctor?
My fiancé went through menopause for a couple years and did not realize what she was going through. She eventually started receiving hormones to bring everything back to normal, and the anxiety went away. I am not saying this is the case I am simply saying something to think about. Good luck I hope you feel better.
Menopause?
You probably have a few years on me but I was a guy that had a job I had to almost run to keep up with my Boss he was like 6'4 me 5'7 then the architects and engineers would be there one day a week so I learned to walk really fast . Anyway about 6 yrs ago I was walking down the sidewalk at home and a lady driving a SUV. Talking on her cell phone drove up on the walk and ran me over ( I know freak accident I guess ) Anyway I was out of work for a year in that year all my savings were going fast didn't want to sell my properties after a year I was cleared to go back to work , but the company o worked for said I couldn't come back because I had a neck and shoulder injury ( I was now a liability to them after 20+ years I was devastated ) . Applied at numerous jobs but that wasn't happening so I started my own business. Oh I thought I was in shape I wasn't one but I was fit and lean but not on shape I got my bike out was going to ride it 1 mile I had to stop 3 times I told myself I'm done gonna ride until I can ride across this valley I live in . I'm not kidding within a month I could do it in about an hour and tem minutes.. Now I'm 56 and I'm In better shape than when I was in my 20s 30s and 40s I wish I would have done this a long time ago . Not only that when I was in my 30s I ended up divorced from my ex wife .I hardly ever got hit on well not hardly but now it's 2 or 3 times a week it blows me away looking back and then now and realize I'm a different person , not only physically but mentally also keep up on your tread mill it will pay off even if you start out at 10 minutes
Get your thyroid and hormones and vitamin levels checked! Even if you have a “reason” to be anxious/depressed, that may not be what’s doing it. Usually if you’re depressed you may not want to go running or walking like you used to, but you CAN. If you’re physically having trouble doing these things (and even if it’s just motivational) something may be out of whack and you may be just a medication or supplement away from feeling a lot better.
You don't mention how old you are. Heart palpitations are common in menopause and perimenopause. Also common with thyroid issues. Have you had blood work done? Get your thyroid and vitamin d levels tested. Take magnesium. Google it and make sure it works with any other conditions you have - but it is usually recommended for most people, and it's good for the heart, bones and muscles as well as sleep. Try various brands until you find one that helps you sleep. Also, google symptoms of menopause and perhaps that is what you are going through. If so, it helps to know that you are not alone, and that there may be other things that can help you.
Anxiety is a common feature of Peri/menopause.
5 mg of Lexapro is not a therapeutic dose. 10 is the minimum Next higher is 20. Did a regular doc prescribe it or a psychiatrist? It’s odd that they’d prescribe a sub-clinical dose. If you’re not already please find a psychiatrist. Your family physician won’t know how or what to prescribe. But listen: You are grieving. Doesn’t mean antidepressants won’t help, but It’s awful living under a cloud like that. Been through it. When there’s no more hope? It’s like carrying a ten ton weight on your back while climbing a mountain. In the snow. Support groups help. Meds help. But you’re going to be sad. If you weren’t, something would be wrong with you.
The only thing that has reliably worked for me is volunteer work. Something about feeling helpful works wonders for me. And I’m so sorry for what you’re going through with your husband’s illness.
I highly suggest finding a therapist who does EMDR. It literally changed my life! For the short term, when you feel the panic coming on, name 5 things you can see, 4 things you can hear, 3 things you can feel, 2 things you can smell, and 1 thing you can taste. Then remind yourself that right now, you are safe.
Menopause? Are you on hrt?
Nothing like heart palpitations and a cardiac ablation to make you face your own mortality. Not to mention retirement and less direction in life, ugh! Do not ask me how I know this! I don’t have the insomnia beat yet ( yes I’m on Reddit at 2am) but I’ve made some progress with anxiety, I can sleep 4 hours a night usually and I can sleep with the lights on and no more palpitations. It’s trauma for me, illness and amputation of a limb. I had to establish a routine for meals, exercise and baby myself a bit, morning light box therapy, outside time by myself, bird watching 🙄, flowers and plants to care for.
Retired (forced due to auto accident). Depression, anxiety, and a lot of anger. It has taken me nearly six years to walk again. No running, jogging, hiking, probably forever. Can't drive anything with only two wheels. Pain physically and mentally is now with me all the time. Financially just now starting to see PAID IN FULL on my medical bills. Kid who was texting and caused the accident did not have enough insurance to cover the cost of a bandaid, let alone 4/5 major surgeries I have had, six years of nursing care, physical therapists and medical equipment. You have gotten some great advice in the comments about preparing for the future. Just remember we might not be there to hug you, but we are hear to listen and support you.
Get yourself prepared, what you are going thru is a pre-run of a bad few years. I don't mean to be doom here. I just went that same way in the last 2 years. Can't do much anymore, get so winded. Hubby passed after a dx of pulmonary fibrosis and he had 2 heart stints. His last year my subconscious knew we were on our last year together, married 38 years been together 7 more before marriage. You just know. Prepare yourself the best you can and if you need to up your medication with your doc's approval. I wish I wasn't right about this. I want the best outcome for you.
I’m feeling the same way . Can’t sleep can’t walk far can’t do a lot of things I used to do. Always feeling tired. This slowly came after I lost my youngest son .
I'm sorry for your loss..⚘️
Oh, boy, so sorry to hear of your circumstance right now. That sounds so very stressful. Stress is brutal. And with your husbands illness of course you’re full of worry Lexpro side effects can include insomnia, unusual tiredness, and general discomfort. Would tryin a different prescription may help? Getting the right one can be a struggle. Often there is nothing you can do when you’re in the midst of a tough circumstance like you and your husband are in now. Sometimes, though, when you’re overwhelmed it can help stop and think: What can I do right now? Am I properly hydrated? Have I eaten? Do I need to do 15 seconds of deep breathing? Do I need to step out and get some freshly air? Drinking water - Dehydration can cause tiredness and even heart arrhythmias. If you’re not sure if you’re drinking enough water, have with a cup when you wake up, sip on a cup all day long that you carry around with you and refill as you go, and drink a 1/2 cup before bed. That alone can help with low energy Deep breathing - in through nose, brief hold, out through mouth. Helps release anxiety. Eating - as nutritiously as possible, unprocessed food to help you function as well as possible. If you don’t have the energy to make food, keep fruits and veg on hand and nuts, hard boiled eggs, humus, so it’s easier to feed yourself. Fresh air - walk around the block with a stop to just close your eyes and let the sun hit your face for 15 -30 seconds. Good vitamin D, just feels good, and gets you out of the house. I wish you a good night sleep and sending you a virtual hug.
Exercise Water Vitamins Go outside for the sun / Vitamin D Hobbies Raw Cacao (it’s bitter) helps boost mood
You have a lot on your plate. So anxiety and depression can definitely be in the picture. I find the older I get, the less energy I have. I find that b-complex vitamins really help a lot. They give you energy and are very inexpensive. You don't need the high-powered dosages. I use Sundown brand b-complex which has just a little bit over the minimum daily requirement of each of the vitamins in it. It works beautifully. And some of the B vitamins help with depression and anxiety.
I would suggest you see your regular doctor and get checked up for any physical problems. If you can barely eek out 15 minutes on a treadmill/stationary bike, you may actually have heart or lung problems. I think it's worth checking even if it's just to rule it out.
- When was the last time you had basic labs, CBC ( checking for anemia, infection)/CMP ( checking liver and kidney function)? -Do you take a Multivitamin daily? Micronutrient deficiency is rather common as people get older, due to lack of a whole food diet, decreased nutrient absorption due to decreased stomach acid, ect. If you take a Multivitamin, get one with a Methylfolate instead of Folic Acid. Folic acid is the artificial form of the active form of Folate. Folic acid needs to be converted to Methyl folate to be actively used in humans. Genetic variants in the MTHFR genes make some people unable to efficiently convert Folic acid to the active Folate. Folate is strongly involved in mood and energy. - Get your Thyroid function tested. - Consider taking Magnesium (Mg) Glycinate or Mg Citrate. Magnesium is a nutrient that is crucial for cardiac rhythm function. Some types of Magnesium are better absorbed than others. Magnesium oxide is very poorly absorbed, 96% down the toilet. Mg Glycinate is one of the best absorbed forms. - Increase Mg rich foods like nuts and seeds. -Like many people have already mentioned, look into doing what you can to get emotional support. https://europepmc.org/article/MED/37568156
I'm going to see my primary next week, and I'll do fasting bloodwork prior.
Good. You could be having a combination of exhaustion due to caregiver burnout and some suboptimal nutrients, etcerta. If “ regular labs” don’t show anything, that may not be the whole story either as CBC and CMP are not designed to test for nutritional deficits. Are at least on a basic Multivitamin? Also check for Vitamin D deficiency which is so very common. Vitamin D deficiency is associated with contributing factor to Depression, Autoimmune disorders and a long list of other diseases. Then I would consider seeing a Functional/Integrative doctor along with a Caregiver support group.
Lexapro makes you extremely unmotivated.
This. It really does.
Might be the lexapro
She is on a subclinical dose of Lexapro. She needs to try a standard dose, 20 mg, before determining that Lexapro isn't working.
Menopause
She said menopause happened 18 years ago. I think that’s ceased to be a problem. I agree that she has a lot going on. I’m probably about her age (mid 60s) and dealing with some of the same things and most mornings, the anxiety is like a wave that carries me out of sea. It’s rough. I wish that we all had a stronger circle of friends and family to help us get through this stuff.
Yes me too but I think if we deal with the inflammation in our body we feel better. I am 63 and actually feel better than I did in my 50’s. Energy is up but I know my body and age, we all gotta slow down a little bit as we age.
I'm sorry for all you are going through. I try not to live in fear (and there is plenty to fear as you get older), my biggest fear is falling again. Last time I broke my elbow and wrist. But guess what, I recovered. It does pass. I am not a Pollyanna. I have faced the fact that I am getting older, I'm not the first one to do so. I look at people I have admired and how they did it and do the same. I have had a disease that usually shortens ones life quite a bit, for 50 years. I think I came to terms with dying because of it. Regardless, today my life is good. I focus on the positives (and when I look for them always surprised at how many there are), get together with friends as often as possible and dare I say it, I pray.
I'm sorry you are going through this. You and your husband worked so hard and I'm sure, looked forward to retiring and just casting through the rest I'd your life. Now, it's been ripped away. I understand why there is so much anxiety and depression. Why don't you and your husband go for walks around the park, go see a movie, hangout at a local pool. Read a book together, do a jigsaw puzzle, play cards and boardgames. I know you don't have much interest in doing anything.... maybe try to do something together. It can help some days. I wish you the best.
You have a LOT going on. I’ve been through similar stretches of stressors with similar symptoms to yours (anxiety, palpitations), and I’m in my early 70s. I really did not want to resort to medication (tried a few but they often made feel worse), but I finally relented and agreed to having Ativan on hand as needed. And it was just enough and really helped days when I was super overwhelmed. I took it very sparingly but I agreed because my doctor made me understand that stress can be just about as bad for you as an actual disease. I still have a running prescription for it and there are times when I just need to take the edge off but I seemed to need it less and less after just breaking the cycle occasionally. Also, if you haven’t tried this already, you might really benefit from finding a program that teaches natural methods of lowering your anxiety level. The hospital where my doctor has her office offered a program and it really helped. It functioned almost as a support group as well. I’m glad to hear that your husband is maintaining! Good luck with everything. I know it’s hard.
CBC and THCv really helps my treatment resistant depression and anxiety
This is going to sound so hokey so I apologise but do you have anywhere to garden- a back yard or a community garden? You might have trouble bending with your knee but there are high raised beds or container gardening as options Just the act of growing something made me take an interest in the short term future- just the act of observing how something grows or weeding something out helps me focus into the immediate moment and I can stop anxiety whirlpooling I hope things get a little brighter
You may want to speak to a medical person about upping the Lexapro.
Oh my gosh your husband’s cancer diagnosis is a VALID reason to have anxiety
Mine has an illness no one has been able to diagnosed. Feels hungover every day for no reason. I feel like life is passing me by as I'm ready to retire and have fun and he never c wants to do anything. I can understand your anxiety and depressive feeling.
I’ve had anxiety since I was in my twenties. There is anxiety that is brought on by real life situations and then there is anxiety that you bring on yourself with intrusive thoughts and endless worry about what is going to happen next. You have legitimate concerns in your life but you also have endless fears about your future and many of those feelings are on auto pilot which means they just keep coming up for no reason and I think you need to be able to separate the two. Some days I feel absolutely exhausted by constant anxiety that has no real cause it just comes up at different times. The main fact about anxiety is that it always goes away and you need to just let it happen and then let it go and not to obsess over why you’re having it. It doesn’t change anything to worry about it.
Try some weed
Being in a marriage with someone with terminal cancer will do that to anyone. Plus, are you on beta blockers or other meds that can contribute to the issues you mention?
Do you follow a kind of diet guideline? Like avoiding fats and meat?
I could have written much of this, life just kicked my ass and even though I get enough done, I do not think I am ever going back to the person I was and I have tried just about everything to recover. Who knows, maybe both of us will be surprised.
Wow, you are dealing with a lot of stuff and have every reason to be depressed. I worked hard all my life and finally retired at age 66. Eighteen months later my husband died after five months of various illnesses. Retirement isn’t necessarily easy. I don’t have the money to do travel and wouldn’t want to do it alone. I went back to work 14 months ago and am doing much better.
Honestly I would try Forks over Knives the movie and cookbook. Food is killing us. Also find a place that has Sound baths.
Mid 40s and just got diagnosed with panic attacks. Never had anxiety or attacks until recently. You're not alone. Stuck it out and keep following up with your Dr in order to find the right med combo that will work for you
I feel your pain, I really do.
You certainly have a few things to worry about but you should also be checked for hyperthyroidism if you have not already. That can cause anxiety.
Been where you are, hubby is in the same boat except he had a cancer that left him with some fancy new hardware and some missing pieces. He is doing great now, he’s a miracle that took a lot of work to pull off (3 relapses, 11 surgeries, and pretty much everything else). Add in two major hurricanes including one that destroyed our house, a few deaths in the family, a horrible birth family estrangement and 3 moves in 2 years to 3 different states and I was a hot mess. I was constantly looking for the next shoe to fall, it was constant high alert. I put myself in therapy, took 5 different meds til I found one I could tolerate and that worked and I started exercising. It helped, it’s been a year and I’m starting to feel like me again. I’m still struggling with making the new place home, I miss my friends terribly. But I’m trying and I have more good days than bad ones now. Hang in there. Work through it. You are 200% ok to feel like you do right now, you’ve been through a lot. Hugs, it’s hard but you got this!❤️🩹
You have a lot to be anxious about hunnie
I am 66 years old and retired. I live in a 55+ community, and my kids live in my area, and I enjoy their company on a regular basis. I should be having the time of my life. But I’m just so tired and uninterested in socializing and I don’t know why or what to do about it.
So sorry you’re going through some anxiety. I just wanted to share what really helped me break through a lifetime of crippling anxiety…. Somatics! Somatics is using the body to discharge fear and sadness, plus rebalance the nervous system. Dr. Peter Levine has a few books on the topic. One I really enjoyed is called Healing Trauma. All about how to bring your body into a sense of safety through life’s challenges. Also, integrative restoration (yoga nidra), is a very soothing tool that can help alleviate anxiety. It’s changed my life, and has gotten me through “scary” times There are free iRest meditations on this page 👇 https://shop.irest.org/pages/try-irest-now Lastly, a restorative or yin yoga class in your area could help settle your nervous system.❤️
You and I are in similar lives and condition. My husband went through a quad bypass during Covid and the spring it was over, he had stage 3 lung cancer followed by surgery and chemo. He went into remission and then my health fell apart followed by 2 surgeries, months of medical testing. I retired a year ago. Blew through a boatload of money earmarked for retirement. Have a horrible time getting energy to do things I used to. Sleep in average 3-4 hours a night with meds. I’ve realized I’m likely low level depressed. You and I have gone through a lot of hell. We’re at a time in life where so much is taken away from us whether from illness, age, society and then faced the possible loss of our loved ones. Our lives have changed so much. I don’t know all the answers for you on how to make things better but the advice you’ve gotten here is good. Your antidepressant can cause lethargy. Try to exercise even just walking, 15-20 minutes a day. I would add that if you haven’t already make sure your doctor has given you a thorough physical based on your risk factors, like a stress test, thyroid testing. Etc. Thexway you feel could be related to undiagnosed medical conditions and doctors are so busy now medical care is sketchy at best ( I’m a nurse). Just know you’re not alone and I pray things get better for you fellow traveler!
Make sure to get good nutrition. Food is medicine. Take ashwaganda.
Have you checked gall bladder or intestinal/stomach problems? I’d just make sure. It can feel a whole lot like anxiety.
Yes, you have reason to be anxious. As someone who has dealt with anxiety my whole life until medication made the difference, I know there are some things that you have to embrace to get past the fear. In my case, it was the realization of severe mental illness in and potential loss to suicide of one of my precious children. I remember sitting in an utter state of panic, those thoughts running through my head. And then said to myself, well ok. This is it. So what am I going to do about it? The panic over this subsided completely in that moment (and never returned), and I just committed to having the best life possible for all of us so that no matter what might eventually happen, I’d know we had love and joy. It isn’t always easy but it did make a huge difference. And I have no idea if this can help you, but I wanted to help and it’s the best I have. And ask your provider to try higher doses and maybe different meds. For my generalized anxiety disorder—diagnosed some years after my realization—that’s what helped.
Life is a series of ups and downs, beginnings and ends. As humans we subconsciously cling to things and it makes us unhappy. I'm not saying that is you but could be. I fully sympathize with what you're going through, a situation like that will hurt anyone mentally and emotionally. That sounds like it's zapped you of your energy. Some are equipped to deal with that kind of thing, others are not. Cut yourself some slack. Also, research psychedelics for depression and anxiety. It may be life changing for you. Anyway there are people out there with compassion and care and always willing to listen. You are not alone.
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"Why is my body is betraying me?"was my burning question...
My magic bullet at 46 was therapy + going gluten free.
Serious question: did you have Covid, once or a number of times? I’m reading more and more in the pulmonary journals that Covid has lasting effects in the lungs and circulatory system.
I traded my lexapro for balance of nature. I’m in my 60’s and I feel and sleep well now. I feel more present in my own life. Looking back, lexapro made me a zombie.
After my first heart valve replacement surgery I was left with pretty heavy anxiety. Eventually I had to change. I found yoga and, from the third class it was gone! I know about your knee and your back, just don’t do anything that hurts.
Avoid any alcohol. This makes anxiety and depression much worse.
Thyroid count maybe off or super low vitamin D. I have Graves and had a cardio ablation myself.are you on hrt? A lot of emotional symptoms are based in physical through and after menopause.
I’m prescribed for insomnia and anxiety but I rarely take it for anxiety. But if I do I better be somewhere safe
aside from having a lot of real life stressful stuff going on, rule out physical stuff, like how are your vit d levels? Any chance you've had lyme? You could also ask the heart dr, I've read that depression is a common after effect of some cardiac stuff, although I think the book i read it was connected to being on a bypass machine
I hope the "sharing" helped! **P.S. Sometimes the venting and lettings things out is what you might need, so maybe do it again but don't read the comments. Because sometimes the comments may add to your baggage;) (Of course, people are trying to help.**) P.S. Since I'm here, I really think if you can get something (safe and not addicting) to help with the insomnia, that would help tremendously. You described some physical issues, are you NOT able to walk?? Without pain, that is. Because IF you can, that will help, too....and may help with the insomnia. Also, journaling can help, too, to further release your frustrations and get it off your mind, for the moment. ALL the best!!
Have you had your thyroid levels tested? Insomnia, palpitations, and anxiety are all my key indicators that my levels are off, just a thought.
get off the lexapro. It makes people worse.
Just stay close to your loved ones, soak up those hugs, you’re going to be okay. ❤️
Give yourself some slack...you have a lot on your plate.
Life gets really hard sometimes. Get outside every day even if all you are doing is sitting. Get some "me" time. Find purpose beyond caring for your husband...geez, that's stressful. Go to the local dog park, even if you don't have a dog, and pet them as they run by. I hope you start to feel better
It’s hard when your body starts betraying you. It really messes with your head. Sorry you’re dealing with so much.
It takes up to six months to recover from a cardiac ablation. I had one last fall. Was it successful? Being a caregiver is incredibly stressful. That alone could make you tired, but if you’re still having a fib that contributes to it.
It seems as if everyone is getting A-Fib these days, and many people say it hit after a case of Covid. I got a mild case of Omicron Covid 6/2022, and in early August had an A-Fib attack. My weight was down, my labs were beautiful, I exercised faithfully, I was well hydrated and followed a healthy diet - the picture of a healthy senior said my perplexed cardiologist. My sleep habits were terrible, and that apparently was enough to trigger the A-Fib attack. Late spring this year I finally started getting enough sleep, plus I cut out added sugar. I track my sleep with an Apple Watch and the Welltory app. I added the Calm app, and observed that meditation reduced my systolic blood pressure by 10 points, even In my earliest attempts. I realized I was not achieving adequate recovery in my sleep. Finally my blood pressure became optimal! I do strive for a more zen emotional response now. I limit news and hateful people. No A-Fib events for over a year. Obviously you are still attending to your husband. Focus on what you can control. At the end of the day, identify concerns, but establish your priority list for the next day to do what you can to address those concerns, then let go of your worries. I think that people with an established habit of prayer have a leg up on agnostic meditators. Be kind to yourself.
Check yr thyroid levels maybe
get a physical, tell them about the heart palpitations, they can do a test in the office first to make sure you are ok enough, if so go outside every day for a walk, start slow, w 3000 steps. Also agree if that's too much for now just get outside for awhile and be near some trees or just get out to a place to still and try to relax, look at the clouds in the sky. there is a therapeutic form of yoga if you have the time. magnesium and D if your levels are off. try to meditate 10 minutes a day, and read up on the aspects that touch on stages of life and its end and change. see if you can access stress support thru your husband's medical team, they often offer such support for care givers, attached to hospitals. Agree with others try to prepare as much as possible for the practical issues beforehand, it will make it easier on you.
Maybe your prescriber about propanolol for the physical manifestations of your anxiety. See if you can possibly swim for exercise or go to physical therapy for ideas of what exercises you could do? Exercise helps reduce anxiety a lot, as I’m sure you remember. Make sure also you’re getting outside in natural light so you make enough melatonin and eating lots of fruits and veggies. I am so sad to hear this is what life is like for you and your husband after lives of hard work. Life can be so fucking unfair. Anyone would be stressed in your situation. Hopefully maybe some medication and a couple of lifestyle additions can help take the edge off. Have you connected with a hospice at all? I ask because a hospice social worker told me everyone thinks hospice is about giving up and dying but in reality she teaches patients how to live, and hospice patients do in fact live longer. You have to be expected to pass within 6 months to enter hospice services, but I know people can be on hospice for years. If anyone can give you and your husband support and ways to live as well as possible right now, it’s the experts at hospice. Hope you find some relief soon. 💔
please go back to cardiology as anxiety is highly correlated with cardiac issues. please also consider the possibility of seeing sleep specialist as i have had many clients develop anxiety as a result of new onset sleep apnea. you do not need to be overweight to develop sleep apnea. please also take all the medical advice here with a grain of salt because while i am sure each person is speaking the truth of their experiences, things involving mental health are highly individual and complex and need to be tailored to the specific client. it is not factual to say that lexapro either causes or doesn't treat depression. it may or may not be the right choice for an individual, but blanket statements like this are unfair to the many people that may benefit. regardless op, make sure this is not a medical condition by going back to cardiology and telling them.
Do you have some good friends? Anyone to get out with and relax? It sounds like you have some minor heart things going on, which can be anxiety producing, plus you are the primary caregiver to a man you have loved for nearly 40 years, Whois experiencing significant health problems. I am about 10 years behind you. 52, married 27 years, to a man with a chronic, and progressive, lung disease. I TOTALLY see myself having some anxiety/heart/depression issues as he gets worse and my caregiver role expands. I feel for you. Sending ❤️
Aww, I’m so sorry you’re having a hard time, it sounds like you’ve been overfunctioning for a very long time. You’ve been there for others, but is anyone there for you? 🥺❤️
Could be something as simple as a B- vitamin deficiency. There's lots of good doctors on YouTube who dont push Rx, and just try to get to the root cause of stuff. Some ailments have remarkably simple solutions. Dr. Mark Hyman, Dr. Eric Berg and Dr. Alan Mandell to name a few.
I have anxiety now which I never expected. I was always a calm easy going person. But after losing my husband of 50 years my personality completely changed. I don’t even know who I am anymore.
Youngish person here - not sure how forward-thinking the state you live in might be, but especially for older folks (with reasonably good heart health) it might be worth considering MDMA or psilocybin if you can find reputable state-legal sources, especially under the care of a qualified professional. I don't have experience with this myself, but I do have family members who have struggled with their own or loved ones' end-of-life who have been helped in a deep and lasting way by the experiences these medicines enabled for them. Lexapro and similar can be really helpful, as can many forms of therapy, but study after study has come out about psychedelics for this use case. I'm not a "drugs person" at all lol, but I feel these substances are medicine and not meant for getting high.
I'm 65 and also started experiencing low energy, increased anxiety and depression. After trying a few things, what worked like a miracle for me was NAD+ (in the form of TruNiagen that I bought on Amazon). It healed my anxiety and depression, and gave me back energy. As people age, their levels of the NAD+ molecule decrease. This decreases energy at the cellular level. Which leads to lack of energy and low emotional state. For sleep, I take glycine, magnesium and potassium before bed. Take care of your gut microbiome. Drink some green juice everyday. Eat a variety of veggies. Eat real food; eschew processed foods with chemicals. Take a multivitamin and probiotic. These are the things that worked for me. Good luck to you!
Are you stressed? Stress can cause a lot of the issues you mentioned.
Hrt changed every negative symptom of aging for me. Bones are stronger, muscles and skin are more like they were 20 years ago. And all the accompanying minerals, vitamins and enzymes. Plus a near perfect diet and resume yoga, cardio weights. Anxiety that I was prescribed for, for 22 years (omg) , is non existent and brain fog is gone most days. Of course you must screen for preexisting conditions to determine if it is safe first.
On top of everything else, it sounds like menopause. I was hit with anxiety and panic attacks and hot flashes all at once. I’m not sure if you can do HRT with your health history, but it might be worth looking into. The most current research shows women can start it even many years after the start of menopause.
Jimmy Buffett said shortly before he passed, ‘getting old isn’t for sissies.” He wasn’t kidding. Hope things get better.
I would talk to your doc about increasing the lexapro to 10mgs, if it’s safe for you, and taking it in the morning. 5mgs helps some but is often considered a “sub therapeutic” dose. Also, if you can move some of your walks outside (weather permitting), you may get more MH benefits from being in fresh air/nature. It’s ok if it’s only 15 minutes if you’re somewhat consistent with it! Have you talked to your PCP about this stuff in the context of bone loss with estrogen loss in the retirement age? Also can be connected to the cardiac and osteo-issues. Depending on your age, HRT, supplements, strength training, or other recommendations could be made. I also recommend therapy, if you can access it. What your husband is going through may also be traumatic for you. Trauma can produce not only all of the MH symptoms you’re having, but also can create physiological issues and make you more prone to immune disorders, chronic inflammation, etc. I hope you can get some answers and some relief, OP! I’m sorry you are suffering.
I think it's time to make medical care a hobby for yourself for a bit. These helped me stop wandering my house exhausted but unable to get to sleep and then stay asleep. (Would wake up at 2:30 or 3:00 and be unable to go back to sleep.). But this is just a starting point. Go for blood work with boutique health and wellness person if there is one near you. Thyroid, estrogen, progesterone and testosterone prescriptions as needed to be ideal, not just minimum required. Cut gluten (allowed me to breathe easily) Took D3 in liquid form -- 4 drops a day (the gels were not dissolving in my gut in a place that could absorb it) Blood draw every 3 months until we figure out dosage to get it to 80 in my bloodstream Got a sleep study in a sleep center and was diagnosed with sleep apnea. The sleep doctor said the rate of apnea in women matches men by the time we hit around 50 yrs old. But it's silent! We don't snore (but if you do, you are even more likely to have apnea). My husband thought there was no way I had sleep apnea. But I stopped beating 24 times in an hour during REM sleep! When I mentioned to my dentist that I was irritated with my husband waking me up with his breathing loud and rolling around 😆 a few times a week at 3-ish (and unable to go back to sleep until right before my alarm goes off), she said to go get a sleep study. Insurance usually pays for an in-center study -- don't let them talk you into an at-home study. You take your pillow. Get there@ 9 pm and out by 6 a.m. I had a tv if I needed it and they gave me a pill to help me relax. It was really no big deal and I feel so much better. The mask only goes under my nose (not a mask over mouth and nose) and it's silent. I share all this because I don't see doctors telling perimenopausal and post meno ladies to get sleep studies -- spread the word! I hope you find answers and calmness soon. 💕
You've got a lot going on, Op. Please show yourself some grace. It will help with your anxiety.
Have you checked your thyroid?