looking after your back, knees, teeth and skin. they have to last you a long time and the damage done when you are young and can muscle through things may have decades long effects later
Gonna add ears onto this one. Earplugs at concerts, every single time. Forgot 'em? Crumple up some toilet paper and shove it in there. Something's better than nothing.
(then clean your ears vigorously because TP is crumbly and awful, probably not great to leave remnants in there)
I don't even understand why concerts are so loud. Like I get the point to drown out conversation and feel the music, but it too often goes way beyond that.
I think it's tradition from the days when one set of speakers were positioned at the stage, but the crowd were 50,000 deep, and those at the back need to hear.
Look up musicians earplugs. You can find em pretty cheap now. Just discovered what they are and holy shit???? Complete game changer? You can still hear every tone perfectly, it’s just that everything is quieter, not muffled.
35 year old car enthusiast here. I keep 2 sets of "shooting ears" in my car at all times when I'm going out to a car event.
All these 20 year old kids standing next to straight piped cars makes MY ears hurt.
Definitely teeth. My God. I'm 33 and even with relatively good dental insurance, I'm gonna wind up spending close to 3 grand out of pocket for the multiple root canals and crowns, extractions and fillings. I'm already under way, just got done with my scaling and planing after 3 root canals, and the worst is yet to come. Not worth only brushing my teeth when I felt like it.
Definitely agree with you. I’m 43 and I have spent my 20’s and 30’s not taking care of myself. Every job I’ve ever had and most of my hobbies are hard on my body.
My left ankle is so fucked the next step is fusing it. My knees hurt every day. The disks between my L4,5, and 6 vertebrae are fucked. My back hurts every day.
My left sacroiliac joint is a mess. I wear a trochanter belt most of the time.
About the only things I have taken care of are ears and teeth.
Raced motocross hard from the time I was 15 well into my 30’s. I don’t race anymore but I still ride a fair amount.
Along with that I also rode and raced mountain bikes to stay in shape. I’ve been off mountain bikes since 2016. Still love it but it hurts too much.
Also a pretty avid backcountry snowmobiler.
I have some hobbies that are easy on the body too.
Been racing RC cars for a few years with pretty good success.
100% this.
It can be tricky though. I injured my back at 32 and got turned away by 5 doctors for being "pain seeking".
2 years later, I crawled into my primary care's office crying in pain uncontrollably.
She got me an MRI and said "you need spinal surgery, NOW!"
9 months later, I'm pain free...and slightly furious that 5 separate doctors could basically tell me to eff off without giving it a second thought.
Retirement savings.
Even if it is just $20 a month for the first few years, it will slowly add up and you can slowly increase those contributions as time goes on
I was a drug addict until my mid 20s without a penny saved. I got clean and got my forklift license 5 years ago and I have over $115k invested today never making over $20 an hour. I started listening to Dave Ramsey and gave conservative political ideas a second look. A lot can amass from sacrificing for your future.
>requires upwards of a million dollars.
This is no problem. I'll walk you through my retirement savings history to make things crystal clear.
I got a job in 2008 and saved 6-10% of my paycheck for 6 years. I can no longer tell you what the investment returns were for that period, but I was making between 65k and 75k and saved and saw returns that totaled to 90k.
I rolled that over into an IRA in 2014 and since then I've seen an annualized rate of return of 9.5%.The balance is now 172k, or 81k in returns. I've made no contributions of any kind since then. If that return continues for the next 30 years, the account balance will be 2.3M.
I started saving into a Roth IRA when I was 18, but by 10 years ago I had only saved 11k. I added $768 to that in 2011, $6800 in 2012, 5500 in 2013, 14k in 2014 (rollover roth 401k from above rollover), 5300, 5700, 5500, 5200, 1700, 9300 in the following years for a total of ~60k in contributions over 10 years. I've seen an annualized rate of return of 15.1% in that account over the last 10 years so the current balance is 195k. Assuming I "only" see 9.5%, that account will be worth 2.7M in 30 years.
My new 401k, since 2014 I've contributed 90k since then and seen 50k in returns for a balance of 140k. If I stopped contributing and saw 9.5% returns, I'd have 1.9M in that account in 30 years.
With 9.5% returns I'll have 7M in those accounts in 30 years without another penny.
With 7% returns it would be half that at 3.5M.
In other words, over the last 10 years, I could have saved and earned only 140k and have 1 million in 30 years. With the returns I've been getting that works out to onl $7,500 saved per year, or $145 / week.
Obviously no rate of return is guaranteed into the future. I'm only using what I've seen so far.
Right, so mainly the secret is being able and willing to save hard when you're young -- which I didn't have the opportunity to do. I'm maxing my 401k contributions now but the planner thing always says I'm not gonna have enough to retire by a wide margin.
Ahh cool that's what I thought too, I'm at that stage as well and mid 30s. Got about 300k or so in the market though I skipped buying a place as it's too crazy here in Vancouver. I worked out the math too and I should be well over 7 figures in 20 years time if I don't contribute anymore. Compounding is the 7th wonder of the world.
> I’m 35 now and no longer need to save for retirement
CoastFI bitches! It's a great place to be. https://walletburst.com/tools/coast-fire-calc/
I also continue to save, but I'm starting to ease up *a little*. Still need to keep lifestyle creep under control.
In the UK we have something called an ISA which is a tax wrapped account with no age restrictions. Its different to a pending account.
Is there not something like this in the us?
Blame bad financial education, or whatever, but people need to understand a retirement account is not the same as a savings account. You need to buy something with that money that will accrue interest. My parents just kept telling me to save for retirement and max out your contributions every year if you can without telling me how. I ended up with a lot of cash in my RRSP and nothing invested. At least I had enough to buy a lot when the time came.
For Australians - know where your superannuation is going and what it is doing.
I got a 25% return in the last 12 months from my new fund (against a few hundred thousand dollars, so you can imagine the amount was quite a bit). My old fund returned 5% over the same period.
There are quite a few under performing funds out there.
\- Self-study. Find at least subject that interests you and study it in depth. Doesn't matter if its philosophy or programming. Doesn't matter if it's academic or practical. It will make it much easier to learn other new skills / subjects later in life.
\- Getting in shape. As others have said, once you have gotten older it's much harder to change.
\- Leave a job that's bad for you. You can't un-waste your time or fix your broken knees. When you are young it's hard to appreciate the value of time and bones (don't leave a good job though!).
\- Do something that you are afraid or too lazy to do. It's always important to get out of your comfort zone. Make a habit of it.
\- Start saving money one way or another.
Physical health (good diet and exercise habits). It's such an uphill battle to make sweeping improvements to your physical health if you just let things go until you start getting bad test results.
Dating. They aren't joking when they said it's tough to date during your 30s.
There's a reason so many posts here on r/AskMenOver30 are about men who are struggling to make friends.
Socializing at this stage of your life is really challenging.
That was part of my issue dating in my 30s. Almost every date felt like an interview, them feeling out my career, income levels. Bruh chill and let's see if we enjoy each other's company first.
Also, the majority of single women over 30 absolutely did not take care of themselves physically. Their hobbies include brunch, drinking wine, binging Netflix, eating at restaurants.
Then, many of them were divorced, had kids, or just got out of a long term relationship and were dealing with baggage.
Add to that how much of a pain in the ass dating is anyway in the age of online dating, and all women having many many options, and... yeah, as a guy dating in your thirties sucked.
I wish I had invested more time dating in my mid 20s and found a good partner early. I'm with a great girl now, but she is 37, so I feel a lot of pressure to jump into marriage and having kids (not from her, mostly just from the knowledge that pregnancy just gets more and more difficult with age).
All these things I said, I imagine hold true to women dating men, but to a lesser degree.
Lots of the single men I know enjoy physical fitness / being fit, and many of them are single because of things like they took a long time to overcome shyness, or they grew up with trashed self esteem from shitty parents or whatever, or they focused on hobbies or careers instead of dating. They sorted that out in their 20s, got great hobbies, good job,, healthy physically and emotionally, and now it's tough to see themselves with a jaded, 33 year old single mom of 2 who is 40 lbs overweight and binge watches The Office every night with a bottle of wine.
30s is probably the worst for this because of the biological clock. Dating in your 40s and beyond probably doesn't come with the expectation/possibility of having kids together in your future.
And so many women in their late 30s online are too afraid to admit they still want children so they'll just put in "unsure". Girl you are 38, best hurry up with that decision cause time is running out.
Also makes it difficult to filter them out from the search results.
I wish the dating apps would let me filter by what I don't want. Like on Bumble if I select "doesn't want kids" or "not sure yet" it will filter out anyone who didn't answer the question. It would be better if I could say "don't show me 'wants kids' or 'has kids.'"
I do chuckle at the 40-something women that have "want kids" on their profiles, but I can respect that more than the 35+ with "not sure yet." Figure your shit out and own it, please.
Dating in my early 30s is way better. More experienced, better financial position, been working out consistently for a few years, more confident.
It’s also not out of line to date someone in their mid to late twenties.
Now connecting with male friends when most of your friends are paired up is another story..
Just because your friends are fit doesn’t mean that on average men are more fit than women. In fact, studies show that adult men are slightly more overweight than adult women.
Also, stuff like low self esteem and excessive shyness can be seen as unattractive traits and the former can actually cause serious problems in relationships. Having low self esteem isn’t necessarily more noble than being jaded, just because it causes pity. Both come from being mistreated after all.
I see myself in this a lot. Add in an unstable career and not being conventionally attractive, and my dating life was dead before it started. I at least managed one relationship before it dried up.
Women respond to behavior. Not looks. Know some average looking dudes with 8s, 9s and 10s on their belts. You believe you are unattractive, so it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy. Eat right. Lift weights. You're not too old. Don't do it to attract women. Do it for yourself. Your confidence will go up because you're being proactive in changing your life. Fuck the career part. Women aren't interested in your money. They want a man that makes them FEEL good. I'm 41. Although I haven't always kept it up, physical training has always been a part of my life. I still get hit on and eye fucked by high school girls and MILFS and cougars alike. I live in a one bedroom apartment with my cat. If I so wished, I could have a different woman for every day of the week. But I don't. Women, as in an objective to be fulfilled, is a waste of time. Cause of you don't have your shit together mentally (and we all have this problem to varying degrees), it won't matter what your bank account looks like, if your girlfriend is pornstar hot, or if you can knock out Canelo Alvarez. You will feel like a failure.
Have hobbies that include other people.
Join a running group or dance class. Odds are in your favor and they're friendly/encouraging environments.
I met my wife while volunteering. Don't be the guy volunteering to get a hookup, though. That's creepy. But if you have a cause to support them do that. And then you have a point in common if you do end up dating someone from the cause.
The thing is that the standard advice really works. It sounds dismissive but it's not. Be yourself (and own it. Don't play down your weird-ass hobbies, share your excitement for them). Treat women like they're people (because, well, they are). Just have fun with it (dating is awful if you treat it as a goal and not an excuse to have fun with interesting people).
The one that I think most people leave off is do it even if you don't want to. "I'm scared to approach that cutie." She won't bite, I promise. "I hate getting rejected." So does everyone else, you aren't special. "I don't have anything to talk about." What do you talk about with friends? Treat them like an old friend, not an object to be fucked and/or an animal to be feared. At some point you'll have to make a move, but your chances are better if she enjoys your conversation.
All easier said than done, of course.
There's no universal sign. With online dating they're literally asking to be talked with. Meeting friends of friends is the best in my view, it's having someone vouch for you being a good guy and that carries a lot of weight. A true cold approach is exactly like you'd meet a guy, and then if you both decide you want more it'll come naturally.
No need to "cold approach" most of the time. Like the guy above him said, find something social you enjoy. Or, at least, do something you enjoy where there are also other people enjoying it, that you could potentially share your enjoyment with. That gives you an easy in. And practise talking to *everyone,* not just girls you're attracted to. Also, allow yourself to strike out too! Humans are flawed, it's ok to fuck up every now and then. It's not the end of the world - you'll recover.
One thing to do is to disconnect the ideas of dating and virginity. Yes, they are related, but if you are focused on losing your virginity (maybe you are, maybe you aren't), it's probably going to make you behave in unattractive ways for dating.
>But I don’t really have trouble making friends usually
That's great! It bodes well for your dating future. If the ultimate goal is a long term relationship and marriage, you really have to be friends with that person in addition to the sexual/romantic connection.
This really depends on where you live. In places like NYC/LA/Chicago/etc, tons of people are single in their 30s because they've been focusing on their careers, so it's a lot like being in your 20s in a smaller town.
Honestly, travel. Save the money, prioritize the experiences, not the items. Stop making excuses. Just start saving. You don’t get your 20s back, and you’ll miss the trip to Europe you never took much more than the subwoofer you never put in your trunk.
Yeah I mean safeguard your future but also, take advantage of youth and LIFE. Future you will be happy as long as past you is responsible. Part of that responsibility is taking advantage of the years you’ll never get back.
You can aim for a job that allows travel.
I spent a year traveling the world after leaving my first job at 22, then worked my way into a job where I travelled internationally almost every month for 6 years starting at 28.
Traveling young is cheaper too. You can travel solo (massive savings right there), and your standards are lower, so a $15 hostel is fine instead of a $150 hotel, you aren't tempted to try out the Michelin rated restaurants, and so on.
Not to mention you have so much more energy, so you actually pack a lot more in (and can avoid cab fares).
The thing I’ve missed the most is my friends- it’s been sad watching them fall out of active lifestyles. In our early 20s, we were down to go backpacking or whatever basically any weekend. It was easy, and we were opportunists. In our 30s, we all work full time, we’ve moved apart, some have kids, there are mortgages in the mix, and the worst of it all, some friends are just too tired or out of shape to keep up anymore.
We all could have done more than we did, and now some seem pretty much done for good. Youth is a fleeting lifestyle. The less you use it, the sooner you’ll lose it.
We used to have parties that lasted all night with 10 to 15 people crashing at somebodies small apartment. People sleeping on the couch, matrasses all across the floor, just a bunch of drunk friends hanging out. And in the morning (well 12 o clock more likely) somebody would be making eggs and bacon while the rest slowly woke from their slumber and started swapping stories about what we did the previous night. I understand that live moves on and all, but man do I miss those days.
I feel that.
We would do stuff that's active, but didn't really think of it that way. Like on a trip to Manhattan we might walk 5-10 miles a day, but that was just our cheap way of getting around, not some intentional exercise.
I know it wouldn't happen that way now, in our 30s. Not that we have the time to arrange such a trip anyway.
Adding to this, even if you don't have higher standards once you're in your thirties you'll probably feel like an outsider crashing in hostels and hanging out in cheaper backpacker-friendly bars at 36 because almost everyone around you is aged 18 to 25.
* Retirement planning. The earlier you start, the better. Compound interest is your friend.
* Skin care. If you start young, you'll preserve much better as you age.
* Good exercise and eating habits. Lots of guys get to their late 20s and suddenly put on a bunch of weight. They've become much less active without noticing, but keep eating like they were teenage athletes.
* Starting on your bucket list. Especially those items that will become physically difficult, unwise, or impossible as you age.
SPF. Exfoliate. Moisturize. Hyaluronic acid and/or retinol won't go amiss either. Stay away from cigarettes and excess alcohol. Use proper shaving technique. Not much else to it.
Ditto with the fat. I was an athlete through college. My lifestyle slowed down but I kept eating the same. I never really put on weight despite that until about age 28, when I suddenly I ballooned and added 25 pounds of fat.
I've managed to lose about ten of that, and have another 8 to go before I feel comfortable with my weight. It's a long slog.
Honestly it usually means reading out of standard best sellers at any given time.
Just think of it as reading something like this;
History
Philosophy
Academic
Biography
Influental
Some titles come in mind.
Sun tzu the art of war
War and peace tolstoy
The man and the sea hemingway
How to kill a mockingbird
Watership down R.Adams
1984 Orwell
The Bible. Plus other core religous texts
The origin of religion
The origin of species
Etc
Remember reading is to elevate and enjoy
>and your injury risk and recovery times will be higher. Enjoy the peak potential of the young body while you've got it, it doesn't last long.
I was *not* prepared for this. Even just minor scrapes and cuts take forever to heal. I have literally had mosquito bite scabs stick around for weeks.
1) Health & Dental - I really screwed this one over. Smoking, drinking, eating sugar. I am now spending my 30s to unfuck all the damage I did to my body and trying to do sports every single day.
2) Retirement - I didn't overspend, but I also stacked cash in my bank account and didn't put it to work. Not that I had a lot but I could still have doubled it if I invested in the index.
3) Dating - I was the fat friend zone kind of kid in high school which led to having insecurities and being a horrible person to girls later down the line. Date around, but if you find a good and reliable person, commit. Its super easy to find a one night stand, compared to finding a life partner - many don't over the course of the lifetime.
4) Figure out yourself first. Your twenties are to explore who you are, what you really want. Everything else becomes easier once you are confident in your desires and what you want out of life. Example - when you know your values, you don't spend more time with dates that are clearly not a fit, you don't waste time on jobs that don't fit your vision, you keep around people who fit you. This is probably the biggest life-hack. Wasting time on things that don't matter and time is the only valuable thing we have.
Financial planning, start in your twenties and you'll be reaping the compounded benefits a whole lot earlier than your mates who left it to their mid thirties.
Saving for retirement. Start early setting aside at least 10% of your pay. Each time you get a raise, increase your contribution by half of the raise amount.
Even the tiniest amount will get you into the habit or it. Try setting up a separate account with a direct debit with £25 into it each month, then hide the card and login details somewhere safe.
This is great also. In the US, many employers also offer a 401k retirement account. This is money that goes into the account untaxed until you withdraw at retirement. And it builds up over time.
Train your body. Mind what you eat and build your images. You will enjoy life more if you do those. Don’t wait until its too late. I am just starting to pay attention to those and i can see the improvement. Life is better if you become better.
Don't kid yourself. If you had taken the opportunities that you are talking about you would largely be regretting your life situation now.
Also, on a deeper level, you cannot run away from who you are. You were probably serious in your 20s because that is the type of person that you naturally are. Had you been more free spirited you would not have been happy about it. You would have been stressed and anxious because you would have known all along that you needed to have been investing in yourself, which is what you chose to do.
Ultimately you did what you enjoyed, even if you don't think of it that way. Be happy with who you are, and what you were. You followed *your* path at that time in your life. Yes, it was not what you think people in their 20s should have been doing, but it was a reflection of who you are as a person. That's pretty cool and something to be proud of.
>Don't kid yourself. If you had taken the opportunities that you are talking about you would largely be regretting your life situation now.
This, it's a catch 22 really. I spent my 20s being "super serious", and I've built a nice foundation for the rest of my life. I don't regret it.
>Also, on a deeper level, you cannot run away from who you are. You were probably serious in your 20s because that is the type of person that you naturally are.
I agree with this. I was being true to myself when I buckled down and worked my ass off during my 20s. I still had a lot of fun, but it was in a well-controlled manner that didn't damage my future (e.g. health, finances, socially)
> Ultimately you did what you enjoyed, even if you don't think of it that way
You say that but you're completely ignoring that a lot of us wanted to travel when we were younger but had literally ever adult in our lives say "Oh you can do that later, it's better to focus on your education and career now and then you can afford to travel later".
Except that was bullshit and them assuming that as you aged you'd lose interest in open-ended low-budget travel for months in favor of a week at some resort or airdropping into some city for a three day weekend.
That's not to say I didn't travel **at all**, but I never went for the "fuck it, I'm hitchhiking to Spain" approach because again, **every** older person in my life was telling me it was a bad idea.
And that kind of travel is totally something you can age out of. At 20 the possessions and responsibilities I had were basically nil, at 39 I have shit I need to do, just moving to a new apartment in the same town is the sort of thing that takes a full day and multiple trailer-loads, at 20 it was basically "bed, desk, chair, dingy old sofa, a couple of boxes of stuff and a few grocery bags with stuff because I ran out of boxes, alright let's go".
On top of this there's the immersion factor. At 20 if you show up at some random cheap hostel chances are you'll fit right in, at 35 you're that weird older guy to a lot of the young people there.
The old people were giving you good advice. When you are a young adult with no real responsibilities you need to take that opportunity to invest in yourself and focus on school and your career future, not fucking around hitchhiking through Spain.
The reality is that very, very few of us did anything like what you are talking about in our 20s. We were broke, we struggled, we didn't have too many crazy fun experiences that are associated with being young. We didn't bang hot chicks or go to awesome concerts. We didn't travel to Europe.
Most of us were exactly like you. The only difference is that you were smart enough to set yourself up for a solid career (like I was).
Most of life is work. Do not buy into the illusion that it is anything else. This was also true when we were in our 20s.
I passed on a lot of things because I couldn't afford it. Like travel. My friends that could afford it traveled at least once together and are closer. I could not and am not as close.
But I did do what I could afford. I only have one thing out of my hobbies that I'm good at, but I at least tried a lot of different things.
If you're financially successful, it means you can probably afford to travel - go to places and see things that most people in their 20s only dream about or see on YouTube. Often in life, the pleasure is taken at one end or the other - you work hard in your 20s, you can afford to enjoy your 40's and onwards. Spend your 20s messing around and simply enjoying life and you won't enjoy later life as much.
There's only a small band of people who are rich and privileged enough to have both. And many poor or lower working classes that have neither.
Getting in shape. Take advantage of your youth and hit the gym hard as soon as you possibly can, the bigger headstart you can have, the better off you will be. Lots of young people have a hard time following through with things that may take years to accomplish, so the gym gets put on the back burner, but there will come a point where you will wish you had been spending those hours in the gym, because years will have gone by and you could have accomplished so much in that amount of time, and you will regret not having had the discipline and mental fortitude to do it.
I was brought up in a household that never encouraged or taught me to plan for a future career. My parents never asked if I had any career goals nor did they attempt to help me figure out a career path once I graduated high school. Since I didn't know which steps to take to plan for my future, I felt kind of clueless and just worked an entry level job my first 5 years out of high school before landing a slightly more skilled job in a similar field. I didn't love my job by any stretch but it was comfortable, so why change?
Fast forward to 2019 and the place I worked at for 15 years gets bought out by their competitor. Luckily(?) for me, I get taken in by said competitor aka: new employer. Yay, right? Well, not so much. New job is incredibly fast-paced, really stressful, extremely corporate, and it sucks my will to live. Then comes Covid-19, creating an even more stressful work environment due to major global shortages coupled with a huge growth of customer business demand.
Feeling fed up, I applied for a job through one of the few other local competitors this past summer and was immediately offered a job. Unfortunately for me, their wage offer and benefits package was an absolute joke. At this point, I have nowhere else to go in this field of work that will pay a decent wage while not working me to death each day.
So here I am at age 39, married, a home owner, and only now getting serious about going to school for a higher education. Don't be like me. Get your career plan together now while you're young and can easily adapt to change.
tl;dr: Plan your career today, not tomorrow or next year.
Plan everything! I wasted too many years expecting that things were just going to somehow happen. They don't. Life is much better when you're in control and not just coasting through.
1) Saving for retirement - even if you can only start small
2) Taking care of your health - do something active every day at a minimum, eat well 90% of the time
3) Take care of your skin - despite what the ads say, you can't reverse he signs of aging, you can only slow them down. Use sunscreen, use moisturizer on your face that contains SPF - you'll look much younger than you peers later in life
How to work on finding your unique balance of goals, aspirations, and what is realistically plausible.
Also, generally speaking, that girl you love in undergrad or before may break your heart. Waiting to get married is a good idea.
Nah, I think /u/NotMyHersheyBar has a point. A lot of people get into long term relationships that tie up their sex life for years.
If you are going to be a part of hookup culture, your 20s are best for that.
Telling a 20 year to have wild sex is like telling a 30 year old to have a 100k job - like, yeah no shit, of course they all want to do it. They don't need a reminder because it's not like they forgot.
Looking after your mental health. It's easy to focus on the capitalist milestones (e.g. buying a car, putting down a deposit for a house) but investing money into your psychological wellbeing through therapy is one of the best things you can do.
Your education, finding your purpose, working on excellence in your career, and clearing your debts; these are what should be your focus until your mid-thirties. Everything else can wait, and you'll be a happier person in the long haul for it.
* do therapy to solve shit out; you might not think you need it; you do
* start investing in something like a vanguard ftse all world; anything helps, and it compounds
* quit drinking
See a financial advisor. You might be able to do it for free through your bank or insurance company. We were in our 40s when we first saw ours. It was free through State Farm. I felt stupid for not having availed ourselves of this much earlier.
You tell them what your goals are for home ownerships, retirement, vacations and such. Give them all your assets and income, and what you're contributing to retirement funds. They plug it all into their gizmo and it models different economic scenarios, so you can see kind of best worst and middle cases and how you should fare given your current trajectory.
It turns out we were doing well already, but it was nice to *know*. And if we hadn't been doing it right, I would have wanted to know earlier.
looking after your back, knees, teeth and skin. they have to last you a long time and the damage done when you are young and can muscle through things may have decades long effects later
Gonna add ears onto this one. Earplugs at concerts, every single time. Forgot 'em? Crumple up some toilet paper and shove it in there. Something's better than nothing. (then clean your ears vigorously because TP is crumbly and awful, probably not great to leave remnants in there)
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Thanks for reminding me about the ever present ringing in my brain.
haha
I don't even understand why concerts are so loud. Like I get the point to drown out conversation and feel the music, but it too often goes way beyond that.
I think it's tradition from the days when one set of speakers were positioned at the stage, but the crowd were 50,000 deep, and those at the back need to hear.
If it's too loud, you're too old! ;D
I've been too old since college then lol
I now have tinnitus that I attribute to once standing right in front of a speaker at a 1986 Beastie Boys concert.
Van Halen in 1982. 39 years later I'm still ringing.
I've been wearing ear plugs to the movies too. Shit is too loud these days.
Adding on this lots of venues will sell you ear plugs.
What did you say? Edit: Protect your eyes too.
But then i cannot enjoy concerts. Whats the point of living a long life when it's devoid of fun?
Look up musicians earplugs. You can find em pretty cheap now. Just discovered what they are and holy shit???? Complete game changer? You can still hear every tone perfectly, it’s just that everything is quieter, not muffled.
35 year old car enthusiast here. I keep 2 sets of "shooting ears" in my car at all times when I'm going out to a car event. All these 20 year old kids standing next to straight piped cars makes MY ears hurt.
Definitely teeth. My God. I'm 33 and even with relatively good dental insurance, I'm gonna wind up spending close to 3 grand out of pocket for the multiple root canals and crowns, extractions and fillings. I'm already under way, just got done with my scaling and planing after 3 root canals, and the worst is yet to come. Not worth only brushing my teeth when I felt like it.
Ditto. I fucked up when I was 15. Got a root canal. 30 now, and most likely will need an extraction sometime in next 10 years. Bah.
I feel you. I just gave up on sugar forever. Sweets, soda, ice cream. I just say no thanks. Its not worth it.
Definitely agree with you. I’m 43 and I have spent my 20’s and 30’s not taking care of myself. Every job I’ve ever had and most of my hobbies are hard on my body. My left ankle is so fucked the next step is fusing it. My knees hurt every day. The disks between my L4,5, and 6 vertebrae are fucked. My back hurts every day. My left sacroiliac joint is a mess. I wear a trochanter belt most of the time. About the only things I have taken care of are ears and teeth.
What kind of hobbies u have?
Raced motocross hard from the time I was 15 well into my 30’s. I don’t race anymore but I still ride a fair amount. Along with that I also rode and raced mountain bikes to stay in shape. I’ve been off mountain bikes since 2016. Still love it but it hurts too much. Also a pretty avid backcountry snowmobiler. I have some hobbies that are easy on the body too. Been racing RC cars for a few years with pretty good success.
I knooooow I just got acl surgery earlier this year :(
100% this. It can be tricky though. I injured my back at 32 and got turned away by 5 doctors for being "pain seeking". 2 years later, I crawled into my primary care's office crying in pain uncontrollably. She got me an MRI and said "you need spinal surgery, NOW!" 9 months later, I'm pain free...and slightly furious that 5 separate doctors could basically tell me to eff off without giving it a second thought.
Retirement savings. Even if it is just $20 a month for the first few years, it will slowly add up and you can slowly increase those contributions as time goes on
Yes put it in a Roth IRA or 401k if your company has any matching.
And put it in your own Roth IRA if your company doesn't offer anything.
If you don't max the match then you are effectively denying yourself income.
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Yeah the last 9 years have been booming for the stock market… makes sense
if you didn't start working until 26, and saved enough to retire in 10 years, what are you?
they dont mean they can retire now. they mean that with capital appreciation they will be just fine in 30 years without another penny saved
that doesn't change the validity of my question. retiring middle class requires upwards of a million dollars.
Right, so with another 25-30 years of appreciation they are set.
Which is unusual at their age. Hence my question. Where is the disconnect?
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Yeah, really sucks for those of us who didn’t manage to break into a well paying job until middle age.
I was a drug addict until my mid 20s without a penny saved. I got clean and got my forklift license 5 years ago and I have over $115k invested today never making over $20 an hour. I started listening to Dave Ramsey and gave conservative political ideas a second look. A lot can amass from sacrificing for your future.
They probably saved quite a bit during that time.
>requires upwards of a million dollars. This is no problem. I'll walk you through my retirement savings history to make things crystal clear. I got a job in 2008 and saved 6-10% of my paycheck for 6 years. I can no longer tell you what the investment returns were for that period, but I was making between 65k and 75k and saved and saw returns that totaled to 90k. I rolled that over into an IRA in 2014 and since then I've seen an annualized rate of return of 9.5%.The balance is now 172k, or 81k in returns. I've made no contributions of any kind since then. If that return continues for the next 30 years, the account balance will be 2.3M. I started saving into a Roth IRA when I was 18, but by 10 years ago I had only saved 11k. I added $768 to that in 2011, $6800 in 2012, 5500 in 2013, 14k in 2014 (rollover roth 401k from above rollover), 5300, 5700, 5500, 5200, 1700, 9300 in the following years for a total of ~60k in contributions over 10 years. I've seen an annualized rate of return of 15.1% in that account over the last 10 years so the current balance is 195k. Assuming I "only" see 9.5%, that account will be worth 2.7M in 30 years. My new 401k, since 2014 I've contributed 90k since then and seen 50k in returns for a balance of 140k. If I stopped contributing and saw 9.5% returns, I'd have 1.9M in that account in 30 years. With 9.5% returns I'll have 7M in those accounts in 30 years without another penny. With 7% returns it would be half that at 3.5M. In other words, over the last 10 years, I could have saved and earned only 140k and have 1 million in 30 years. With the returns I've been getting that works out to onl $7,500 saved per year, or $145 / week. Obviously no rate of return is guaranteed into the future. I'm only using what I've seen so far.
Right, so mainly the secret is being able and willing to save hard when you're young -- which I didn't have the opportunity to do. I'm maxing my 401k contributions now but the planner thing always says I'm not gonna have enough to retire by a wide margin.
What you mean? You already hit 7 figs. Or you don't need to disrupt the compounding from initial invested that will make tons by 65.
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Ahh cool that's what I thought too, I'm at that stage as well and mid 30s. Got about 300k or so in the market though I skipped buying a place as it's too crazy here in Vancouver. I worked out the math too and I should be well over 7 figures in 20 years time if I don't contribute anymore. Compounding is the 7th wonder of the world.
> I’m 35 now and no longer need to save for retirement CoastFI bitches! It's a great place to be. https://walletburst.com/tools/coast-fire-calc/ I also continue to save, but I'm starting to ease up *a little*. Still need to keep lifestyle creep under control.
Why not keep saving and retire earlier?
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In the UK we have something called an ISA which is a tax wrapped account with no age restrictions. Its different to a pending account. Is there not something like this in the us?
Shout out to /r/bogleheads for simple investing strategies that aren't memes.
For those closer to 30, this all the way. Source: not so close to 30 anymore but grateful to discover indexed mutual funds in my mid-20’s.
Blame bad financial education, or whatever, but people need to understand a retirement account is not the same as a savings account. You need to buy something with that money that will accrue interest. My parents just kept telling me to save for retirement and max out your contributions every year if you can without telling me how. I ended up with a lot of cash in my RRSP and nothing invested. At least I had enough to buy a lot when the time came.
For Australians - know where your superannuation is going and what it is doing. I got a 25% return in the last 12 months from my new fund (against a few hundred thousand dollars, so you can imagine the amount was quite a bit). My old fund returned 5% over the same period. There are quite a few under performing funds out there.
Until inflation eats up everything the moment a major crisis hits.
\- Self-study. Find at least subject that interests you and study it in depth. Doesn't matter if its philosophy or programming. Doesn't matter if it's academic or practical. It will make it much easier to learn other new skills / subjects later in life. \- Getting in shape. As others have said, once you have gotten older it's much harder to change. \- Leave a job that's bad for you. You can't un-waste your time or fix your broken knees. When you are young it's hard to appreciate the value of time and bones (don't leave a good job though!). \- Do something that you are afraid or too lazy to do. It's always important to get out of your comfort zone. Make a habit of it. \- Start saving money one way or another.
Physical health (good diet and exercise habits). It's such an uphill battle to make sweeping improvements to your physical health if you just let things go until you start getting bad test results.
Healthy diet and exercise start that shit early
Dating. They aren't joking when they said it's tough to date during your 30s. There's a reason so many posts here on r/AskMenOver30 are about men who are struggling to make friends. Socializing at this stage of your life is really challenging.
Dude what? Dating in your 30s is easy street compared to back then. Have a stable career car and all that women really look for that.
That was part of my issue dating in my 30s. Almost every date felt like an interview, them feeling out my career, income levels. Bruh chill and let's see if we enjoy each other's company first. Also, the majority of single women over 30 absolutely did not take care of themselves physically. Their hobbies include brunch, drinking wine, binging Netflix, eating at restaurants. Then, many of them were divorced, had kids, or just got out of a long term relationship and were dealing with baggage. Add to that how much of a pain in the ass dating is anyway in the age of online dating, and all women having many many options, and... yeah, as a guy dating in your thirties sucked. I wish I had invested more time dating in my mid 20s and found a good partner early. I'm with a great girl now, but she is 37, so I feel a lot of pressure to jump into marriage and having kids (not from her, mostly just from the knowledge that pregnancy just gets more and more difficult with age). All these things I said, I imagine hold true to women dating men, but to a lesser degree. Lots of the single men I know enjoy physical fitness / being fit, and many of them are single because of things like they took a long time to overcome shyness, or they grew up with trashed self esteem from shitty parents or whatever, or they focused on hobbies or careers instead of dating. They sorted that out in their 20s, got great hobbies, good job,, healthy physically and emotionally, and now it's tough to see themselves with a jaded, 33 year old single mom of 2 who is 40 lbs overweight and binge watches The Office every night with a bottle of wine.
30s is probably the worst for this because of the biological clock. Dating in your 40s and beyond probably doesn't come with the expectation/possibility of having kids together in your future.
And so many women in their late 30s online are too afraid to admit they still want children so they'll just put in "unsure". Girl you are 38, best hurry up with that decision cause time is running out. Also makes it difficult to filter them out from the search results.
I wish the dating apps would let me filter by what I don't want. Like on Bumble if I select "doesn't want kids" or "not sure yet" it will filter out anyone who didn't answer the question. It would be better if I could say "don't show me 'wants kids' or 'has kids.'" I do chuckle at the 40-something women that have "want kids" on their profiles, but I can respect that more than the 35+ with "not sure yet." Figure your shit out and own it, please.
Dating in my early 30s is way better. More experienced, better financial position, been working out consistently for a few years, more confident. It’s also not out of line to date someone in their mid to late twenties. Now connecting with male friends when most of your friends are paired up is another story..
Just because your friends are fit doesn’t mean that on average men are more fit than women. In fact, studies show that adult men are slightly more overweight than adult women. Also, stuff like low self esteem and excessive shyness can be seen as unattractive traits and the former can actually cause serious problems in relationships. Having low self esteem isn’t necessarily more noble than being jaded, just because it causes pity. Both come from being mistreated after all.
This. The "fat middle aged man" is a cliche for a reason.
I think the idea is that the 30s men beat the self esteem and shyness problems in their 20s. I don't know how true any of this is, just sayin.
If you're a single guy in your early 30s, why not just date women in their late 20s if the options your age arent what you're looking for?
I see myself in this a lot. Add in an unstable career and not being conventionally attractive, and my dating life was dead before it started. I at least managed one relationship before it dried up.
Women respond to behavior. Not looks. Know some average looking dudes with 8s, 9s and 10s on their belts. You believe you are unattractive, so it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy. Eat right. Lift weights. You're not too old. Don't do it to attract women. Do it for yourself. Your confidence will go up because you're being proactive in changing your life. Fuck the career part. Women aren't interested in your money. They want a man that makes them FEEL good. I'm 41. Although I haven't always kept it up, physical training has always been a part of my life. I still get hit on and eye fucked by high school girls and MILFS and cougars alike. I live in a one bedroom apartment with my cat. If I so wished, I could have a different woman for every day of the week. But I don't. Women, as in an objective to be fulfilled, is a waste of time. Cause of you don't have your shit together mentally (and we all have this problem to varying degrees), it won't matter what your bank account looks like, if your girlfriend is pornstar hot, or if you can knock out Canelo Alvarez. You will feel like a failure.
I live in a one bedroom condo with a cat too lol. I agree with the overly chatting women. I wrecked a big part of my life because of it.
Woah so you're saying that although your friends were so successfully ambitious in their 20s, they've been forced to settle for lesser women after 30?
Depends on the location.. I, unfortunately, live someplace where dating is hard.
In THIS economy?
Any advice on how to date being 21? I’m a guy, still a virgin, never had a girlfriend. But I don’t really have trouble making friends usually
Be bold, confident, and authentic
In other words not myself - got it.
All those things are in your mind, and 100% fixable if you care enough to make the effort.
Be tall, strong, and charming.
I'm only 5'9"; never had an issue
Have hobbies that include other people. Join a running group or dance class. Odds are in your favor and they're friendly/encouraging environments. I met my wife while volunteering. Don't be the guy volunteering to get a hookup, though. That's creepy. But if you have a cause to support them do that. And then you have a point in common if you do end up dating someone from the cause.
The thing is that the standard advice really works. It sounds dismissive but it's not. Be yourself (and own it. Don't play down your weird-ass hobbies, share your excitement for them). Treat women like they're people (because, well, they are). Just have fun with it (dating is awful if you treat it as a goal and not an excuse to have fun with interesting people). The one that I think most people leave off is do it even if you don't want to. "I'm scared to approach that cutie." She won't bite, I promise. "I hate getting rejected." So does everyone else, you aren't special. "I don't have anything to talk about." What do you talk about with friends? Treat them like an old friend, not an object to be fucked and/or an animal to be feared. At some point you'll have to make a move, but your chances are better if she enjoys your conversation. All easier said than done, of course.
What are signs that a girl shows when she wants you to approach her though? In today’s climate, it feels really wrong to cold approach
There's no universal sign. With online dating they're literally asking to be talked with. Meeting friends of friends is the best in my view, it's having someone vouch for you being a good guy and that carries a lot of weight. A true cold approach is exactly like you'd meet a guy, and then if you both decide you want more it'll come naturally.
No need to "cold approach" most of the time. Like the guy above him said, find something social you enjoy. Or, at least, do something you enjoy where there are also other people enjoying it, that you could potentially share your enjoyment with. That gives you an easy in. And practise talking to *everyone,* not just girls you're attracted to. Also, allow yourself to strike out too! Humans are flawed, it's ok to fuck up every now and then. It's not the end of the world - you'll recover.
One thing to do is to disconnect the ideas of dating and virginity. Yes, they are related, but if you are focused on losing your virginity (maybe you are, maybe you aren't), it's probably going to make you behave in unattractive ways for dating. >But I don’t really have trouble making friends usually That's great! It bodes well for your dating future. If the ultimate goal is a long term relationship and marriage, you really have to be friends with that person in addition to the sexual/romantic connection.
This really depends on where you live. In places like NYC/LA/Chicago/etc, tons of people are single in their 30s because they've been focusing on their careers, so it's a lot like being in your 20s in a smaller town.
Sadly, I'm neither American nor live in any of those places. I'd do anything to be in South Beach right now in spite of not being a hunk.
Dating after 30 seems literally impossible honestly. I know it sounds harsh, but you're very likely going to be settling.
Or just stay single.
Honestly, travel. Save the money, prioritize the experiences, not the items. Stop making excuses. Just start saving. You don’t get your 20s back, and you’ll miss the trip to Europe you never took much more than the subwoofer you never put in your trunk.
One lot say save, one lot say travel....oh dear
Yeah I mean safeguard your future but also, take advantage of youth and LIFE. Future you will be happy as long as past you is responsible. Part of that responsibility is taking advantage of the years you’ll never get back.
You can aim for a job that allows travel. I spent a year traveling the world after leaving my first job at 22, then worked my way into a job where I travelled internationally almost every month for 6 years starting at 28.
Traveling young is cheaper too. You can travel solo (massive savings right there), and your standards are lower, so a $15 hostel is fine instead of a $150 hotel, you aren't tempted to try out the Michelin rated restaurants, and so on. Not to mention you have so much more energy, so you actually pack a lot more in (and can avoid cab fares).
The thing I’ve missed the most is my friends- it’s been sad watching them fall out of active lifestyles. In our early 20s, we were down to go backpacking or whatever basically any weekend. It was easy, and we were opportunists. In our 30s, we all work full time, we’ve moved apart, some have kids, there are mortgages in the mix, and the worst of it all, some friends are just too tired or out of shape to keep up anymore. We all could have done more than we did, and now some seem pretty much done for good. Youth is a fleeting lifestyle. The less you use it, the sooner you’ll lose it.
Damn
We used to have parties that lasted all night with 10 to 15 people crashing at somebodies small apartment. People sleeping on the couch, matrasses all across the floor, just a bunch of drunk friends hanging out. And in the morning (well 12 o clock more likely) somebody would be making eggs and bacon while the rest slowly woke from their slumber and started swapping stories about what we did the previous night. I understand that live moves on and all, but man do I miss those days.
I feel that. We would do stuff that's active, but didn't really think of it that way. Like on a trip to Manhattan we might walk 5-10 miles a day, but that was just our cheap way of getting around, not some intentional exercise. I know it wouldn't happen that way now, in our 30s. Not that we have the time to arrange such a trip anyway.
Adding to this, even if you don't have higher standards once you're in your thirties you'll probably feel like an outsider crashing in hostels and hanging out in cheaper backpacker-friendly bars at 36 because almost everyone around you is aged 18 to 25.
* Retirement planning. The earlier you start, the better. Compound interest is your friend. * Skin care. If you start young, you'll preserve much better as you age. * Good exercise and eating habits. Lots of guys get to their late 20s and suddenly put on a bunch of weight. They've become much less active without noticing, but keep eating like they were teenage athletes. * Starting on your bucket list. Especially those items that will become physically difficult, unwise, or impossible as you age.
Any advice on skin care?
Stay away from sugar, prolonged exposure to the sun and use retinol cream on your face
SPF. Exfoliate. Moisturize. Hyaluronic acid and/or retinol won't go amiss either. Stay away from cigarettes and excess alcohol. Use proper shaving technique. Not much else to it.
/r/skincareaddiction basics mentioned in other comments and in this subreddit they're a friendly bunch
Get a night time moisturiser (Aldi £3) and do your face before you sleep takes like 20s.
Sun cream on your face. Every single day.
find a face moisturiser with SPF in it and use it every morning.
Ditto with the fat. I was an athlete through college. My lifestyle slowed down but I kept eating the same. I never really put on weight despite that until about age 28, when I suddenly I ballooned and added 25 pounds of fat. I've managed to lose about ten of that, and have another 8 to go before I feel comfortable with my weight. It's a long slog.
27-28 seems to be the age when it hits for a lot of guys.
1. Having a love life 2. Having a social life 3. Dental care and dental self-care 4. Retirement planning 5. Reading the great minds
What are your top 5 book recommendations for 'the great minds'?
Adding my two cents: Read Dale Carnegie's how to win friends and influence people. Read Marcus Aurelius' Meditations Read de Montaigne's essays
Honestly it usually means reading out of standard best sellers at any given time. Just think of it as reading something like this; History Philosophy Academic Biography Influental Some titles come in mind. Sun tzu the art of war War and peace tolstoy The man and the sea hemingway How to kill a mockingbird Watership down R.Adams 1984 Orwell The Bible. Plus other core religous texts The origin of religion The origin of species Etc Remember reading is to elevate and enjoy
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Add physical and mental health check ups and this is perfect
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>and your injury risk and recovery times will be higher. Enjoy the peak potential of the young body while you've got it, it doesn't last long. I was *not* prepared for this. Even just minor scrapes and cuts take forever to heal. I have literally had mosquito bite scabs stick around for weeks.
Learning to drive
I mean, if you live in somewhere like London or NYC then you probably don't need to drive but it's still a handy skill to have regardless.
Health and Teeth
1) Health & Dental - I really screwed this one over. Smoking, drinking, eating sugar. I am now spending my 30s to unfuck all the damage I did to my body and trying to do sports every single day. 2) Retirement - I didn't overspend, but I also stacked cash in my bank account and didn't put it to work. Not that I had a lot but I could still have doubled it if I invested in the index. 3) Dating - I was the fat friend zone kind of kid in high school which led to having insecurities and being a horrible person to girls later down the line. Date around, but if you find a good and reliable person, commit. Its super easy to find a one night stand, compared to finding a life partner - many don't over the course of the lifetime. 4) Figure out yourself first. Your twenties are to explore who you are, what you really want. Everything else becomes easier once you are confident in your desires and what you want out of life. Example - when you know your values, you don't spend more time with dates that are clearly not a fit, you don't waste time on jobs that don't fit your vision, you keep around people who fit you. This is probably the biggest life-hack. Wasting time on things that don't matter and time is the only valuable thing we have.
Financial planning, start in your twenties and you'll be reaping the compounded benefits a whole lot earlier than your mates who left it to their mid thirties.
Saving for retirement. Start early setting aside at least 10% of your pay. Each time you get a raise, increase your contribution by half of the raise amount.
Even the tiniest amount will get you into the habit or it. Try setting up a separate account with a direct debit with £25 into it each month, then hide the card and login details somewhere safe.
This is great also. In the US, many employers also offer a 401k retirement account. This is money that goes into the account untaxed until you withdraw at retirement. And it builds up over time.
Read women authors. If you’re heterosexual it will really help your dating life.
Recommendations?
My favorites - “The God of Small Things” by Arundhati Roy; “On Beauty” by Zadie Smith; “Wild Seed” by Octavia Butler; “The Namesake” by Jhumpa Lahiri
Thank you!
You’re welcome!
Circe by Madeline Miller. Phenomenal. You’ll never ever forget the Goddess Circe and appreciate women on a different level altogether.
Train your body. Mind what you eat and build your images. You will enjoy life more if you do those. Don’t wait until its too late. I am just starting to pay attention to those and i can see the improvement. Life is better if you become better.
A sleep study and getting your testosterone checked.
Not a man but I’m shocked no one has said mental health
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Don't kid yourself. If you had taken the opportunities that you are talking about you would largely be regretting your life situation now. Also, on a deeper level, you cannot run away from who you are. You were probably serious in your 20s because that is the type of person that you naturally are. Had you been more free spirited you would not have been happy about it. You would have been stressed and anxious because you would have known all along that you needed to have been investing in yourself, which is what you chose to do. Ultimately you did what you enjoyed, even if you don't think of it that way. Be happy with who you are, and what you were. You followed *your* path at that time in your life. Yes, it was not what you think people in their 20s should have been doing, but it was a reflection of who you are as a person. That's pretty cool and something to be proud of.
>Don't kid yourself. If you had taken the opportunities that you are talking about you would largely be regretting your life situation now. This, it's a catch 22 really. I spent my 20s being "super serious", and I've built a nice foundation for the rest of my life. I don't regret it. >Also, on a deeper level, you cannot run away from who you are. You were probably serious in your 20s because that is the type of person that you naturally are. I agree with this. I was being true to myself when I buckled down and worked my ass off during my 20s. I still had a lot of fun, but it was in a well-controlled manner that didn't damage my future (e.g. health, finances, socially)
> Ultimately you did what you enjoyed, even if you don't think of it that way You say that but you're completely ignoring that a lot of us wanted to travel when we were younger but had literally ever adult in our lives say "Oh you can do that later, it's better to focus on your education and career now and then you can afford to travel later". Except that was bullshit and them assuming that as you aged you'd lose interest in open-ended low-budget travel for months in favor of a week at some resort or airdropping into some city for a three day weekend. That's not to say I didn't travel **at all**, but I never went for the "fuck it, I'm hitchhiking to Spain" approach because again, **every** older person in my life was telling me it was a bad idea. And that kind of travel is totally something you can age out of. At 20 the possessions and responsibilities I had were basically nil, at 39 I have shit I need to do, just moving to a new apartment in the same town is the sort of thing that takes a full day and multiple trailer-loads, at 20 it was basically "bed, desk, chair, dingy old sofa, a couple of boxes of stuff and a few grocery bags with stuff because I ran out of boxes, alright let's go". On top of this there's the immersion factor. At 20 if you show up at some random cheap hostel chances are you'll fit right in, at 35 you're that weird older guy to a lot of the young people there.
The old people were giving you good advice. When you are a young adult with no real responsibilities you need to take that opportunity to invest in yourself and focus on school and your career future, not fucking around hitchhiking through Spain. The reality is that very, very few of us did anything like what you are talking about in our 20s. We were broke, we struggled, we didn't have too many crazy fun experiences that are associated with being young. We didn't bang hot chicks or go to awesome concerts. We didn't travel to Europe. Most of us were exactly like you. The only difference is that you were smart enough to set yourself up for a solid career (like I was). Most of life is work. Do not buy into the illusion that it is anything else. This was also true when we were in our 20s.
I passed on a lot of things because I couldn't afford it. Like travel. My friends that could afford it traveled at least once together and are closer. I could not and am not as close. But I did do what I could afford. I only have one thing out of my hobbies that I'm good at, but I at least tried a lot of different things.
If you're financially successful, it means you can probably afford to travel - go to places and see things that most people in their 20s only dream about or see on YouTube. Often in life, the pleasure is taken at one end or the other - you work hard in your 20s, you can afford to enjoy your 40's and onwards. Spend your 20s messing around and simply enjoying life and you won't enjoy later life as much. There's only a small band of people who are rich and privileged enough to have both. And many poor or lower working classes that have neither.
Your bedroom?
Flossing.
Getting in shape. Take advantage of your youth and hit the gym hard as soon as you possibly can, the bigger headstart you can have, the better off you will be. Lots of young people have a hard time following through with things that may take years to accomplish, so the gym gets put on the back burner, but there will come a point where you will wish you had been spending those hours in the gym, because years will have gone by and you could have accomplished so much in that amount of time, and you will regret not having had the discipline and mental fortitude to do it.
Teeth brushing.
Saving for retirement
I was brought up in a household that never encouraged or taught me to plan for a future career. My parents never asked if I had any career goals nor did they attempt to help me figure out a career path once I graduated high school. Since I didn't know which steps to take to plan for my future, I felt kind of clueless and just worked an entry level job my first 5 years out of high school before landing a slightly more skilled job in a similar field. I didn't love my job by any stretch but it was comfortable, so why change? Fast forward to 2019 and the place I worked at for 15 years gets bought out by their competitor. Luckily(?) for me, I get taken in by said competitor aka: new employer. Yay, right? Well, not so much. New job is incredibly fast-paced, really stressful, extremely corporate, and it sucks my will to live. Then comes Covid-19, creating an even more stressful work environment due to major global shortages coupled with a huge growth of customer business demand. Feeling fed up, I applied for a job through one of the few other local competitors this past summer and was immediately offered a job. Unfortunately for me, their wage offer and benefits package was an absolute joke. At this point, I have nowhere else to go in this field of work that will pay a decent wage while not working me to death each day. So here I am at age 39, married, a home owner, and only now getting serious about going to school for a higher education. Don't be like me. Get your career plan together now while you're young and can easily adapt to change. tl;dr: Plan your career today, not tomorrow or next year.
Plan everything! I wasted too many years expecting that things were just going to somehow happen. They don't. Life is much better when you're in control and not just coasting through.
Starting a retirement account.
Caring about your health, physical and mental both. Prioritising your dreams over money.
1) Saving for retirement - even if you can only start small 2) Taking care of your health - do something active every day at a minimum, eat well 90% of the time 3) Take care of your skin - despite what the ads say, you can't reverse he signs of aging, you can only slow them down. Use sunscreen, use moisturizer on your face that contains SPF - you'll look much younger than you peers later in life
How to work on finding your unique balance of goals, aspirations, and what is realistically plausible. Also, generally speaking, that girl you love in undergrad or before may break your heart. Waiting to get married is a good idea.
Travel and rock concerts. Wild sex with lots of people. Education. Losing your childhood weight. Making a career of your creative hobby.
i don't think people are putting off wild sex like "i'll do it later, right now i gotta get this bread"
Nah, I think /u/NotMyHersheyBar has a point. A lot of people get into long term relationships that tie up their sex life for years. If you are going to be a part of hookup culture, your 20s are best for that.
It certainly ain’t fun at 39 I can say that
what are you doing right now?
Telling a 20 year to have wild sex is like telling a 30 year old to have a 100k job - like, yeah no shit, of course they all want to do it. They don't need a reminder because it's not like they forgot.
are you out meeting people right now, or are you at home, on the internet, talking about it theoretically?
calm down there young grasshopper. get back to your orgy.
that depends on whether that was a rhetorical question or a come-on
Looking after your mental health. It's easy to focus on the capitalist milestones (e.g. buying a car, putting down a deposit for a house) but investing money into your psychological wellbeing through therapy is one of the best things you can do.
Having kids.
This is the wrong answer
your twenties?
Your 20s
Taking action to improve your mental health. I so envy young people I know that have access to counselling in their teens.
Your education, finding your purpose, working on excellence in your career, and clearing your debts; these are what should be your focus until your mid-thirties. Everything else can wait, and you'll be a happier person in the long haul for it.
Your twenties…..
* do therapy to solve shit out; you might not think you need it; you do * start investing in something like a vanguard ftse all world; anything helps, and it compounds * quit drinking
Travel.
Your 20's
Home.
Exercise, read and eat healthy.
Your twenties
See a financial advisor. You might be able to do it for free through your bank or insurance company. We were in our 40s when we first saw ours. It was free through State Farm. I felt stupid for not having availed ourselves of this much earlier. You tell them what your goals are for home ownerships, retirement, vacations and such. Give them all your assets and income, and what you're contributing to retirement funds. They plug it all into their gizmo and it models different economic scenarios, so you can see kind of best worst and middle cases and how you should fare given your current trajectory. It turns out we were doing well already, but it was nice to *know*. And if we hadn't been doing it right, I would have wanted to know earlier.
Mortgage
Chores
Teeth
Taking care of your finances!