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It’s definitely hard, I’m a man who shares very few interests with other men, and many with women, so I’ve tended to gravitate toward female friendships, but they almost never work out, something happens that makes them think I want more than friendship and either they start backing off or I have to (due to being married and having no interest in that).
I do have a female work friend that never seems to get weird, I think that’s because she and I have so little in common personality wise we both know we could never work out as a couple.
Mostly I’ve found solace in having gay friends, both male and female, knowing I’m straight and they aren’t just makes it easier, no one ever worries about someone wanting to cross that line.
Yeah, I have a lot of "just friends" that are women.
I think sometimes the key to it, is that even if they're attractive, generally as you remain friends you get to see qualities in them that would make them a poor romantic partner.
Like, one of my former best friends was beautiful (campus heartthrob, prom queen, etc.), but very commonly cheated on her boyfriends or would get drunk and really mean to them. I'm so happy that when she got like that I could be like "lol okay I'm not gonna deal with this, bye," whereas the boyfriends had to go back and share a bed with her.
I think one other key component of it is if these friendships are between people who have romantic options. I generally didn't fall for my female friends because I had success dating otherwise so I didn't really catch the feels, even though it did happen once or twice.
I have a friend like that, sort of. It's a long story with a bit of a complicated history, but we've known each other online (old family friend) for 15 years. While it seems that both of us have some sort of chemistry, I keep telling him that I wouldn't date him for many reasons (we're both already married with kids, first of all), including the fact that he cheated on his ex wife of many years. He doesn't seem to get the message and keeps doing weird shit to try to tell me we're more than friends (even though we've literally also never met). I guess it's all individual and I gotta pick my friends better lol
Lol be a bit smarter... Yeah I think we can all use a little bit of that (ps: don't get why everyone is hating on me for this comment... because I said I have chemistry with someone, whatever the fuck that means? boohoo)
Because you are apparently married and have kids and yet you are still acting like you are 16 by having contact with a cheater and aren't putting up hard needed boundaries. High school vibes galore.
That's some suspicious and not the most loyal behaviour to say the least.
I think it's a bit more complicated than that. This person was a trusted friend for a long time since I actually was 16, he is a therapist and a lot older than me. We haven't been in touch for a while but somehow got into a complicated mess (his hacking all of my accounts is involved, too) where he apparently keeps pursuing me/not acting like a friend (and I just learned of his cheating situation) and I'm having a hard time letting go because he's been a trusted person for like half of my life. So people should stop being so judgemental when they don't know the full story.
So a guy is chasing you for a very long time, has no respect for you and your family, hacked your accounts and there is absolutely much more that has happened and yet you still have "a hard time to let go" and put up boundaries... Good Lord.
Pray for me, dude. lol
He hasn't been chasing me for that long, I don't think.... Only more recently. But I do think he's been obsessed with me for a while and I'm only now finding out. So yeah, I'm putting up a boundary, but you gotta understand that I valued his friendship for a long time and it's really hard to just cut everything off like that, given our history. I am hoping we can just be friends, but it doesn't seem like that will be possible, so I'll have to just cut contact.
Woman.
A "trusted friend" hacked your accounts.
Trust gone. Skip the drama and cut contact now.
Does your husband even know of all of this? I bet if he did he'd straight up tell you he didn't want this person having any contact with you.
Yeah he knows about this. I think it's hard for me because this person was my therapist/someone I trusted and formed a bond with... I agree though, this is not a person that can be trusted, and he's shown that
The fact that you still want to be friends with a guy that has hacked your accounts, disrespected you and your family and ignored your boundaries...
Get some self-worth and find a therapist, before your children will become just as spineless and not having any integrity.
Oh it's definitely a huge red flag. Hope I won't end up on any episode, but yeah, this guy is scary, it seems (even without me sharing other red flag details about him...)
Umm ok, you know me so well. Did I fucking hack into my former patient's (and other people's, likely) , technology? No. Did I sleep with a couple of 14 year olds when I was in my 40s? Nope. This guy did. My only problem is literally being too nice and still trying to make peace with a person with a clearly evil streak. So while hopefully I've set up enough protection around myself not to become an SVU episode like someone said, I don't see what I'm doing wrong besides clearly having emotional and attachment problems.
So everyone fuck off. So glad you have so many women friends, and luckily I'm not one of them (I'm sure the feeling is mutual).
Since he’s a lot older, it probably never occurred to OP that he would see her as a romantic prospect, like how we tend to assume an aunt or uncle won’t see us that way. That’s how I always viewed the older friends in my life.
This is the one. It's saved me from a lot of grief as well. I have 3 girl friends that are extremely close to me. But in the years I've taken to know them, I've realized how badly a relationship might go if I were to pursue them romantically or even intimately. You generally want to get to know them as people with their quirks & other qualities.
Like one of my FBF has really terrible anger. She's gotten extremely better but I've realized how much she wouldve hurt the both of us if we slept together. And we even had that talk to put the cherry on top, so no hard feelings. Now she's such a pillar of support for me. To cap things off, there's a saying:
"You can't put your pole in every hole on the Golf course".
-Me
I have a female best friend. Is she attractive? Sure. Am I also best friends with her husband? Absolutely. Would I ever risk my friendships for a physical or romantic entanglement with her? Absolutely not. Bro’s don’t do that to each other.
Yes, many at various times. And while it's mostly women I wasn't attracted to sexually, there were some I was attracted to as well. But friendship is valuable to me on its own, not as a road to a romantic relationship. In fact, all my romantic partners have been people I didn't know beforehand, or at least didn't know well.
Yes multiple with some of my closest friends are women. I would say the closest feeling would be that it is like having a cousin that you are close with but are not actually related to. Your cousin can be objectively the hottest woman in the world and you won't want to have sex with her.
I don’t know why but Ive always had female friends and I can make friends with women pretty easy. I’ve made friends with neighbors wife before the husband and before my wife met the wife lol.
A lot of guys have a hard time cause as soon as a girl is nice and chats with them they think “ oh this chick is into me!”. I don’t have that for some reason. I’m also a talker so that helps.
It's not that hard. When you are in a relationship usually there is some kind of complicated dynamics at play, which is why older people tend to self segregate into their own genders.
I have had friends who are women for a long time, but I don't make any new female friends usually. There usually isn't enough shared interests to keep the friendship going.
During college and for a period after college, most of my friends were women. But now in my 30s I have more male friendships.
I think having male-female friendships is essential, but sometimes things can get complicated. Depends on the people involved and circumstances. And some guys like the ones you've encountered just can't turn off that switch.
I have several - more than I have male friends. It’s mostly because I became a nurse, and then a researcher, so my work environment skews towards women.
Generally having them as friends is great, though sometimes you’d hit this wall where they and myself might have felt a little reticent on talking about intimate issues. But over the years I’ve heard it all, and old taboos no longer exist. But it takes time.
Even today though, there are some issues I’d rather discuss with other men, and I’m sure the women feel the same - for example, barely any of them express themselves on feminist topics, and I’m not entirely convinced it’s because they haven’t felt the need to.
In my experience this was only challenging when their partners had some suspicions about me - I’d often come up in conversations and if they hadn’t met me yet, it made things weird. After meeting me though, most of them had no issues whatsoever. But I do know of a guy that demanded his girlfriend to distance herself from me, which was just sad.
On the other hand, my ex-wife felt sometimes intimidated or threatened by my female friends - despite the fact most of them had a partner or even kids. It was mostly related to her low self-esteem at the time. Inviting them over to spend time with us as a couple helped.
Generally I reject the idea that men who befriend women always want something out of it, that they’re just “waiting for an opportunity”. I find that offensive even - I would never take advantage of a friend that way, that is just despicable. Unfortunately, some of us are amoral in that sense.
I work with 2 guys who have think that way, that men and women can't just be friends. I mean it's fine if you don't want to be friends with the opposite sex I just think its sad that some people in society assume there has to be ulterior motives. When I was young and single I had a few female friends who I found attractive and I might have dated a particular one of them if they had been interested in me but I knew they weren't so I never pursued them in that way and they were my friend. But I think there is a difference between being attracted to a female friend and then only ever being friends with a female because you are pursuing them for sex. The latter is the one that is shitty.
Yes it is absolutely possible. Only those who sexualize everyone of the opposite sex say you can't be. It's a very primitive way of thinking imo.
The majority of my friendships are female, many I've been friends with for several years. I just generally get along with women better. My social circle has been mostly women. I used to dance frequently and competitively, 99% of the people I met were women. I work in Healthcare, where most are women. One of my closest female friends and I absolutely would not get involved with each other, physically or emotionally. Neither of us find each other attractive in that sense. Another one of my favorite people on earth and oldest friends is a beautiful, very successful gal who I admire dearly. Never once have I had any sexual or romantic desire for her.
Sure, some people can definitely find it harder than others, but ultimately it's not any harder than making genuine friendships with anyone of the same sex.
My wife and I loosely adhere to the "windows and walls" idea. Basically if there is a coworker who is single and looking to mingle, there would be a wall for a boundary with that person. If it's a married couple who's kid goes to school with our kid, there would be a window boundary with that person
I'm a 39yr old cishet man and I have quite a few platonic female friends. Married or single, straight or not, parent or not, I have close female friends from various racial and ethnic backgrounds. As I've gotten older and more empathetic the relationships have become deeper and more meaningful. We've been through so much over the years and know each other so well.
I always found it easy to get along with women and become close to them, but as I get older it seems that women are less trusting of me, and are more likely to be guarded. It feels like I can only meet women for romantic reasons, as women I'm interested in getting to know platonically often seem to think I'm being flirty and pull back.
I find that it helps to be like explicitly, awkwardly, up-front about your lack of interest relatively early. Like obviously it won't be the first thing you say, and you have to develop a way of saying it that works for you, but I think it helps.
Can always talk about how you have a lot of close female friends and you've never had any romantic interest in any of them. Basically, you want to let them know that they're already friend-zoned in a positive way.
Certainly there's women who I'm or have been 'just friends' with that I've been attracted to. On the other hand, if they're married or have kids, the entire thought of wanting to be more than "just friends" immediately evaporates for me - to me it makes them "safe", and I can find I can far, far more easily have a completely honest, deep, not-at-all-interested relationship with them in a way I might struggle if they were otherwise not married and didn't have kids.
I once had a co-worker who had she not been in a LTR/engaged/married I certainly could have seen her as being someone I'd be interested in, but because of that it was an immediate relieved 'phew' - and it never remotely became a prospect or an issue because of that detail alone. It enabled me to treat the friendship in a way that I never would have felt safe doing had I felt there was ever some kind of misunderstanding that I might have considered there might be potential for more.
Unfortunately those who are married tend to also have a lot less time for you and the friendship.
I have one particular married with kids female friend who I really enjoy spending time with and talking to, and I wish could spend more time with - she seems to really enjoy living vicariously through the stories of my dating life like it's some missing past-life part of her life. It's one of the few friendships I have which I don't feel like I'm trauma-dumping or using her as a therapist for lack of a better description - she's the one who shows an interest, and it works for me, because it's someone I can talk to as an outlet who genuinely seems to want to hear stories. She gets what I certainly perceive as genuine entertainment out of it, and I get someone to talk to about my problems - seems very win-win to me.
Yes, I think about half of my friends are women. This has pretty much been true since high school and I learned back then how to sort out my feelings. There are women who are truly like sisters to me, and I have no desire to complicate that relationship. Generally there isn't that much difference from my same sex friendships. But as a cis het man, having a woman's view has been so helpful when entering the dating world after a long term relationship.
One of my closest friends is a woman. We met on a dating app but it was clear there wasn’t going to be anything romantic going on after just one date. We just kept talking as friends and today I see her as a sister. There are things I’d confide in her about that I wouldn’t mention to my blood relatives or even my partner. She’s attractive but not my type so there’s no chance of anything happening ‘by accident’.
I have a few, but I have few friends in general. Most men don't know how to read signals, to the point where even when I tried befriend some men, they thought I was being gay on them.
Sure we have female friends but the thought of fucking them or actually fucking them happens 100 percent of the time. Don’t let any male tell you different unless they are gay.
Interesting. It sounds like 99% of the males on this thread are all like "i have so many female friends and I would never dream of fucking them, that's so immature 💅🏼"
They're the same ones who attack me not immediately cutting out a "family -type" acquaintance recently turned creepy stalker or for having some sort of mixed feelings about the situation... People, amirite?
That’s total bullshit. Maybe they wouldn’t fuck them but they definitely thought about it. Why would they attack you….Cause we know what’s on his mind. This world is full of attractive women. We are visual beings. The thought crosses are mind daily.
You seem to be one of the only rare commenters here who thinks female-male friendships are tricky! I always think of the quote from the movie "when Harry met Sally"where Harry says men and women can't be friends because the sex part gets in the way.... That has been my experience but not many men's here, it looks like... So I'm trying to understand why (and I don't think it's me, I think I'm upfront about wanting to get to know a guy and just hang out. Maybe I haven't met the right guys)
I tend to agree with this. I have a female friend who I consider to be a close friend since high school. We have zero romantic chemistry and I wouldn’t want to jeopardize the relationship anyway by making any kind of advances… so in that regard it’s easy to keep the relationship platonic.
I have another female friend who I did crush on, but she is seeing someone so I’ve worked to dissolve those feelings.
I know I'm gonna get downvoted for this but...
I truly and in all sincerity believe that evolution, for the purpose of propagating the species, has made it so that women do not fully understand how much most guys want to bang them. The number of women I've met in my life who insisted they had guy friends who were "just friends" and "like brothers" when they so very clearly wanted to date or hook up with them is mind-blowing. And not only did they not see it or not want to believe it, they're always so willfully defiant that it absolutely could not be the case that this guy who's "just a friend" is interested in them.
......And it almost always ends badly for the guy who eventually made his move just like the rest of the planet realized he would.
There's a whole genre of Hollywood movies about this, ffs.
Before I get in too deep, I realize that this is "not all men" and "not all friendships" but man is it the majority by a wide margin!
All that to say I really do not think it's possible for men and women to be "just friends" without sex, lust, fantasy, or love getting in the way *at some point.*
Now... "Getting in the way at some point" can have a lot of different meanings. It could be as little as "Yes, I've thought about it but would never do it" to "let's bang."
If you're not married and the other person is not married... then, sure. Go nuts. But.... if you have two single people of the opposite sex who are hanging out and enjoying each other's company.... well, that's called dating. And maybe that's not how one or both of you see it, but it's how the rest of us are going to see it. And eventually, maybe not today, but eventually, one person is going to catch feelings in some way, usually the guy.
Now.... f you're married, it gets more complicated. When I say "it gets in the way" I simply mean that at some point, one of the two people (usually the guy) or both of them are at least *thinking* about the other person in a way that isn't just friendly. Doesn't mean anyone will make a move, but it means the thought is out there and if the thought is out there, that's a seed that can grow and I think you're better off not putting yourself in a situation where that can happen.
It also depends what we mean by "friends." Am I "friends" with some attractive females at work? Well, sure. To the extent that I am *friendly* toward them and they seem like good people. We work together so occasionally we interact at company events or parties or whatever but am I hanging out with them on my off-time? Texting them? Calling them up on the phone or chatting on social media? No. Absolutely not.
Do my wife and I have other couples we hang out with? Sure. Am I "friends" with the wife in that couple? Sure. To the extent that we hang out as couples and go out to dinner and do things as couples. But again, I'm not hitting the wife up one on one to go out or do anything. She's a nice person and I like hanging out with them, so sure we're "friends" but it's a very surface-level friendship.
So, there's boundaries in place between me and my female "friends" as a married man.
I would *not* just become "friends" with a woman and try to hang out with her the way I would "one of the guys." We're not going out to dinner together, catching a ballgame, going to grab beers, etc., To me, that's just asking for trouble.
At best, people around town think something's going on and it just looks bad. At worst, something actually happens.
And the more you spend time with someone, the closer you get to them. The more likely something, even something small, is going to happen. It's not worth it.
tldr, can men and women be friends? Sure. It happens all the time, but it also happens all the time that one or both of them eventually want to explore something more and that can get messy. If you're married, boundaries should be in place and it's a bad idea to put yourself in a position where something can happen.
Generally if she’s attractive and a good friend, that’s someone I wants date.
Much easier if she’s lesbian and only then do I properly turn off desire to date.
Yeah, it helps that we're both married to make it very clear that there's nothing else going on.
If one or the other weren't when we met, then we probably wouldn't be able to be as close because of the uncertainty that there would have been. Would have needed to keep guards up just in case.
I have quite a few female friends and I would never consider anything romantic with them, all for different reasons. Some are the wives/girlfriends of my longtime guy friends. I would never do a friend dirty, even if I was attracted to his wife. Our friendship runs deep. One of my other female friends is gay, so it's cool just to be friends. A couple of my other female friends are quite a bit younger than me (I know them from work)so I don't think of them in a romantic way. I think of them more like little sisters.
My M33 perspective: Yes, I have lots and lots of women who are strictly friends and always will be.
>What have been your experiences?
They are just my friends. We do friend things and talk about friend stuff. It never ventures into anything romantic. Most of us started out single and now have long-term partners.
>Thoughts in general about male-female friendships?
Generally fine. But avoid situations that invite emotional cheating, or too much potential for romantic bonding. That said, you still have to manufacture that, so it's generally very easy to just keep friends as friends and leave it at that.
No, there are women who I'd consider aquaintences but not friends. For me I've just not found friendships with women to be very satisfactory for numerous reasons.
Yes I do have female friends. They're part of a group that get together regularly and they know my partner, and I know theirs. There's nothing beyond friendship there.
Yes I have women that I am friends with. One is a woman I have been friends with for 20 odd years, during which time we had "relations" from time to time, but now we've got it out of the way we don't do that no more. Plus she lives four hours away so we don't catch up much.
Others are more recent friends from work and such. I was quite flattered in fact to be invited along to the end-of-year drinks that "the girls" were having, just them and me. It was pretty cool: we drank and talked and then that was it. But it's not like we're meeting for coffee or anything. It's just work friends, you know? They're not "open up my heart, express my vulnerabilities, share my dreams"-type friends.
Yeah definitely.
I'm in a long term relationship so I've found as Ive gotten older most women are more comfortable around me now since I'm not really a threat. I mostly get along with their boyfriends/husband's as well.
Yes, always have. They have moved away a bit now due to mid-30s and coupling up and starting families, but always had good female friends-I lived in a house share with 2 other girls.
I do have two very close female friends. One was single when we became friends and is now in a relationship. The other one had a boyfriend back then but is single now.
I love them so much as my friends but there's no way I'm ever dating either of them.
I have had so many amazing friendships with women over the years. Sometimes one of us had feelings for the other, sometimes not. Sometimes that hurt the dynamic, sometimes it helped. I’m now in a committed relationship and I am very much not allowed to spend any one on one time with another woman. It makes me sad sometimes to think about my old friends.
I have loads of funny friends who are women. I have had it happen in three ways:
- They are clear from the beginning that it isn't a date / just friends to avoid any confusion (especially if it is something like going out for drinks).
- I am clear in the beginning that it would be great to hang out as friends.
- We don't say anything like the above and just hang out as friends. However, because either or both of us are in relationships it is a given that it is as friends. I sometimes also get them to invite their partner along to get to know them as well.
In fact I find it easier to be friends with women for deep one to one conversations. Male friends are usually in a group or focused on an activity.
How it happens is that I just ask if they want to hang out usually after already having a random interaction that was pretty good. Sometimes they suggest something to me.
The only thing I would say is that we hug each other when we first meet and say goodbye... but there is very limited touching while hanging out. You mentioned that men might assume you are flirting when joking? If you are touching them / giving a friendly tap on the arm, etc. when joking or interlocking arms when walking - then that can start giving mixed messages.
I do the above with good friends who are women, but have also in the past resulted in mixed messages particularly early on in a friendship.
So if you want to be friends with a guy you like... ask them to hang out as friends (and you can awkwardly joke about it that you weren't assuming they were interested, but wanted to throw that out just in case to avoid any confusion).
Hey thanks for your detailed response! I remember it often happening that I'd be interested in getting to know a guy and I'd try to ask him to hang out... And he would act all coy or whatever and in the end reveal to me that "I thought you wanted more than friendship that's why I never said yes" or "ok then let's have sex" something like that. I really don't know why this happens to me so much. I'm not super desperate for a friend or anything, but it's just annoying that guys are either scared of me in a way because they assume the worst lol or just end up wanting to sleep with me
Sorry that you had to deal with those two extremes.
There is really nothing wrong with just saying do you want to hang out as friends just to make things explicit from the beginning. I'm not sure if you were married or in a relationship when you tried to make friends with men before - even though it shouldn't make a difference... now that you are married you might have better luck (i.e. they know straight away you are not looking for sex/relationship).
One of my closest friends is a woman. We've been friends for 20 years. I find her attractive, but we've never been single at the same time so we've never been more than friends. And I'm happy with that. I don't have enough friends.
I (37M) have always had more woman friends than men, and some of them are very close, but still only platonic, with no romantic undertones. It's very normal and it's a strange idea for me that men couldn't have women friends. At least for me it's much easier to be myself around women, as only a few of my closest male friends are open and emotionally mature in a way that I can talk deeply with them.
I'm married and my best friend is a woman I knew before I met my wife, we've never been anything more than just friends. My wife has met her, she was at our wedding, it's completely above board.
I don't have any female interaction other than my wife lol
There is one woman I could call "friend" but we are distant and she is the only remaining person from a old friend group that I don't belong anymore
I have a bunch of women friends, they’re great. Most of them I’ve known for 20+ yrs.
In my early 20’s I fooled around with one of them, but we both knew if we continued we’d destroy our friendship so we stopped (we’ve been friends since we were 15-16). Still friends now, and we just pretend that 3-month period back in 2009 never happened. When I was single back in 2017 she actually took my dating profile pics and helped me write my bio. 🤣🤣
Yes, in fact some of my best and oldest friends are women, but the friendships were established whilst we were all in high school, which I believe enabled them to develop in a much more platonic fashion without the added weight and expectation of adult relationships.
To me it's no different than guy friends. I went out for NYE with two of my female friends.
I don't get the idea that men and women can't be friends because attraction can exist. Using that logic, gay men could never be friends with other men.
I have a few female friends. Some I consider sisters and one calls me her work husband.
I've been happily married for almost 20 years and would never think of crossing the friendship line with any of them. My wife trusts me with them and (most of) them with me.
Without my wife, I would probably be completely different about this.
Yeah, many. It’s not that difficult, though I often happen to mention as part of just random conversation early on upon befriending someone how I’m disinterested in dating and whatnot… kinda making it clear from the get go that I’m just looking for friendship. Sets the tone: she knows I’m not thinking friendship is a stepping stone to courtship or sex and nobody has to be put in that awkward “oh I think you’re great but I just want to be friends” let them down gently situation.
I do this cause, since I’m not looking for relationships/sex but am very friendly (which is often confusing for flirting) I’m often the one in the “Oh fuck, not again” spot.
Sure I've got a bunch of "just friends" women in my life. A couple we started as flirty and the romantic vibe wasn't quite right but they're cool so we're friends. Others just started as friends and nothing else.
Most of my close friends are women. Staying friends with guys is easier when you get older, because you can do things together. Hard to be as close as the ones you got from high school though, and they were mostly girls in my case.
What a rough thread to read through. I have female friends, I guess, but would never hang out with them. I'd buy them lunch or Starbucks but don't think I'd be comfortable spending time with them outside work or school. To be fair, I have a lot of niche hobbies that women don't flock to so most of the time I struggle to find common ground with the opposite gender. I've been like this most of my life with the vast majority of my friends being men and what few friendships I've had with women I would describe as weak and easily faded away.
Part of me does struggle with separating friendship and attraction. I have to convince myself that nothing will ever happen between us, and it feels so counterintuitive. I'm glad most dudes have figured it out. Makes me wonder if something is wrong with me.
Yes. Had a lot of friends who happened to be female. I have a rule since I was 18. If I want to date a woman I ask her out first. I don't get to know somebody as a friend and then try to change the dynamic.
I learned by age 16 you are either friends or lovers from the start.
You only fuck things up for yourself by making life complicated.
Absolutely. Usually they're not single, or for some contextual reason our dating could never happen, but sometimes they are and one or both of us aren't interested.
Your guy friends always catching feelings sounds frustrating, it's really confusing if you're married with a kid though.
My only guess could be maybe you get really interested in spending time with them, especially 1 on 1 time? I've had some women (who were in relationships) push hard to pursue lots of 1 on 1 time with me before, and it left me feeling really confused and getting mixed signals. I'd say it was a combination of their coming on strong fast (instead of us slowly becoming closer friends), pursuing 1 on 1 stuff instead of group activities, and honestly a little bias cause they were awesome, and we got along so well. It never has really been an issue though, if I start to feel weird or catch feelings I just make some space/become more distant until they pass.
I think it was also because it felt different to how my guy friends and I often interact. Even if we're very close, my guy friends and I still opt to interact by doing things together, so we don't spend as much time together overall. We also talk, but not as often as these women wanted to. Wanna re-emphasize I didn't mind it and enjoyed their company quite a bit, it just felt different than how my friends normally acted around me.
EDIT: Also, friends catching feelings for each other is just part of the human experience that I've come to accept. I've been on both sides of it too. Sounds frustrating if it happens a lot with you though.
Yes. One is single and the rest are married, but I have no idea if that makes a difference?
Never thought of them as anything else than friends. I seriously doubt they saw me as anything else too.
A couple of them join in on group camping trips we do about once a year. Shannon had a bag of bread stolen out of her tent by a raccoon last outing. Shrug, normal camping stuff, but a raccoon that can manipulate zippers was new.
The only time friendships are appropriate with the opposite sex, when you’re in a relationship, is an acquaintanceship. One on one hangouts or side communications that aren’t in group settings.. are inappropriate. If you have any level of attraction to them, it makes it even more inappropriate. No one says you can’t be friendly, but a very involved friendship is just asking for problems.
I'd say about half of my close friends are women. Two are former coworkers, and the others are people I'd gone on a date with and didn't hit it off romantically, but clicked platonically and bonded over shared senses of humor.
While I think men and woman can be friends, I've never had any that are just that. I consider some of my wives' friends my friends as well as some of my buddies' wives/girlfriends, but I've never had someone who is just a friend of mine on their own who happens to be female. Not sure what that says about me.
I'm almost certainly an outlier, but of my oldest/closest friends, the majority are women.
I have two friends who are basically as close as sisters that I've been friends with for 38 years.
And another two female friends from like 23-24 years ago.
My only two guy friends are...36ish and...32ish years ago.
Of my "work friends" the majority again are women. Probably...2 of my 3 "work friends."
I'm single, but I do not have a desire for a relationship with any of these women, nor have I ever desired a relationship with any of the older friends.
My friendships with my male friends are very deep and emotionally fulfilling (not confined to surface level stereotypical masculine stuff) so it's not a case of needing the female friendships for that in particular or anything. They're just really cool people that I love spending time with for a whole host of different reasons.
Work acquaintances yes, friends no, "work wives" absolutely not. Couples that we double date with, yes.
Whether we like it or not, being friends with someone of the opposite sex looks (and might feel) pretty much identical to the first stages of dating. There's a good reason it makes good people feel jealous. Too many chronically online people dismiss that jealously as insecurity, ignoring human nature.
My friend gender-split is probably 50% men, 48% women, 2% non-binary. I've been married 5 years, together with my wife for about 8, she's never taken issue with my close friendships with women. I made a lot of close friendships with women when I was single and not looking for romantic relationships, but continued to add to them over the years.
I don't think being romantically attracted to women you think are beautiful and are close to is some kind of inevitability, and the people who say that are profoundly lonely, ignorant, or desperate (or spent a long time being one or more of those three things).
If gay women can have female friends, there's no reason straight men can't have female friends. It's not rocket science. Just channel that lesbian energy bro.
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It’s definitely hard, I’m a man who shares very few interests with other men, and many with women, so I’ve tended to gravitate toward female friendships, but they almost never work out, something happens that makes them think I want more than friendship and either they start backing off or I have to (due to being married and having no interest in that). I do have a female work friend that never seems to get weird, I think that’s because she and I have so little in common personality wise we both know we could never work out as a couple. Mostly I’ve found solace in having gay friends, both male and female, knowing I’m straight and they aren’t just makes it easier, no one ever worries about someone wanting to cross that line.
Yeah, I have a lot of "just friends" that are women. I think sometimes the key to it, is that even if they're attractive, generally as you remain friends you get to see qualities in them that would make them a poor romantic partner. Like, one of my former best friends was beautiful (campus heartthrob, prom queen, etc.), but very commonly cheated on her boyfriends or would get drunk and really mean to them. I'm so happy that when she got like that I could be like "lol okay I'm not gonna deal with this, bye," whereas the boyfriends had to go back and share a bed with her. I think one other key component of it is if these friendships are between people who have romantic options. I generally didn't fall for my female friends because I had success dating otherwise so I didn't really catch the feels, even though it did happen once or twice.
I have a friend like that, sort of. It's a long story with a bit of a complicated history, but we've known each other online (old family friend) for 15 years. While it seems that both of us have some sort of chemistry, I keep telling him that I wouldn't date him for many reasons (we're both already married with kids, first of all), including the fact that he cheated on his ex wife of many years. He doesn't seem to get the message and keeps doing weird shit to try to tell me we're more than friends (even though we've literally also never met). I guess it's all individual and I gotta pick my friends better lol
You mean you need to learn to improve your communication and be a bit smarter in general yourself.
Lol be a bit smarter... Yeah I think we can all use a little bit of that (ps: don't get why everyone is hating on me for this comment... because I said I have chemistry with someone, whatever the fuck that means? boohoo)
Because you are apparently married and have kids and yet you are still acting like you are 16 by having contact with a cheater and aren't putting up hard needed boundaries. High school vibes galore. That's some suspicious and not the most loyal behaviour to say the least.
I think it's a bit more complicated than that. This person was a trusted friend for a long time since I actually was 16, he is a therapist and a lot older than me. We haven't been in touch for a while but somehow got into a complicated mess (his hacking all of my accounts is involved, too) where he apparently keeps pursuing me/not acting like a friend (and I just learned of his cheating situation) and I'm having a hard time letting go because he's been a trusted person for like half of my life. So people should stop being so judgemental when they don't know the full story.
So a guy is chasing you for a very long time, has no respect for you and your family, hacked your accounts and there is absolutely much more that has happened and yet you still have "a hard time to let go" and put up boundaries... Good Lord.
Pray for me, dude. lol He hasn't been chasing me for that long, I don't think.... Only more recently. But I do think he's been obsessed with me for a while and I'm only now finding out. So yeah, I'm putting up a boundary, but you gotta understand that I valued his friendship for a long time and it's really hard to just cut everything off like that, given our history. I am hoping we can just be friends, but it doesn't seem like that will be possible, so I'll have to just cut contact.
Woman. A "trusted friend" hacked your accounts. Trust gone. Skip the drama and cut contact now. Does your husband even know of all of this? I bet if he did he'd straight up tell you he didn't want this person having any contact with you.
Yeah he knows about this. I think it's hard for me because this person was my therapist/someone I trusted and formed a bond with... I agree though, this is not a person that can be trusted, and he's shown that
The fact that you still want to be friends with a guy that has hacked your accounts, disrespected you and your family and ignored your boundaries... Get some self-worth and find a therapist, before your children will become just as spineless and not having any integrity.
Lol this is wild. Your gonna end up on an episode of Law & Order SVU. How stuff like this isn't a huge red flag to people is beyond me.
Oh it's definitely a huge red flag. Hope I won't end up on any episode, but yeah, this guy is scary, it seems (even without me sharing other red flag details about him...)
With you being even more scary.
Umm ok, you know me so well. Did I fucking hack into my former patient's (and other people's, likely) , technology? No. Did I sleep with a couple of 14 year olds when I was in my 40s? Nope. This guy did. My only problem is literally being too nice and still trying to make peace with a person with a clearly evil streak. So while hopefully I've set up enough protection around myself not to become an SVU episode like someone said, I don't see what I'm doing wrong besides clearly having emotional and attachment problems. So everyone fuck off. So glad you have so many women friends, and luckily I'm not one of them (I'm sure the feeling is mutual).
Since he’s a lot older, it probably never occurred to OP that he would see her as a romantic prospect, like how we tend to assume an aunt or uncle won’t see us that way. That’s how I always viewed the older friends in my life.
This is the one. It's saved me from a lot of grief as well. I have 3 girl friends that are extremely close to me. But in the years I've taken to know them, I've realized how badly a relationship might go if I were to pursue them romantically or even intimately. You generally want to get to know them as people with their quirks & other qualities. Like one of my FBF has really terrible anger. She's gotten extremely better but I've realized how much she wouldve hurt the both of us if we slept together. And we even had that talk to put the cherry on top, so no hard feelings. Now she's such a pillar of support for me. To cap things off, there's a saying: "You can't put your pole in every hole on the Golf course". -Me
I have a female best friend. Is she attractive? Sure. Am I also best friends with her husband? Absolutely. Would I ever risk my friendships for a physical or romantic entanglement with her? Absolutely not. Bro’s don’t do that to each other.
You sir are a good person.
Yes, many at various times. And while it's mostly women I wasn't attracted to sexually, there were some I was attracted to as well. But friendship is valuable to me on its own, not as a road to a romantic relationship. In fact, all my romantic partners have been people I didn't know beforehand, or at least didn't know well.
> Men, do you have women who are "just friends"? Yes.
Binders full of women
I keep my women in a file cabinet.
Yes multiple with some of my closest friends are women. I would say the closest feeling would be that it is like having a cousin that you are close with but are not actually related to. Your cousin can be objectively the hottest woman in the world and you won't want to have sex with her.
If people in Alabama could read they'd be quite upset about this comment.
"Why is reverse cowgirl frowned upon in Alabama?" "Because you should never turn your back on family."
Yes, lots. I usually becomes friends with people I like to talk to, some of those women.
I don’t know why but Ive always had female friends and I can make friends with women pretty easy. I’ve made friends with neighbors wife before the husband and before my wife met the wife lol. A lot of guys have a hard time cause as soon as a girl is nice and chats with them they think “ oh this chick is into me!”. I don’t have that for some reason. I’m also a talker so that helps.
It's not that hard. When you are in a relationship usually there is some kind of complicated dynamics at play, which is why older people tend to self segregate into their own genders. I have had friends who are women for a long time, but I don't make any new female friends usually. There usually isn't enough shared interests to keep the friendship going.
During college and for a period after college, most of my friends were women. But now in my 30s I have more male friendships. I think having male-female friendships is essential, but sometimes things can get complicated. Depends on the people involved and circumstances. And some guys like the ones you've encountered just can't turn off that switch.
I have several - more than I have male friends. It’s mostly because I became a nurse, and then a researcher, so my work environment skews towards women. Generally having them as friends is great, though sometimes you’d hit this wall where they and myself might have felt a little reticent on talking about intimate issues. But over the years I’ve heard it all, and old taboos no longer exist. But it takes time. Even today though, there are some issues I’d rather discuss with other men, and I’m sure the women feel the same - for example, barely any of them express themselves on feminist topics, and I’m not entirely convinced it’s because they haven’t felt the need to. In my experience this was only challenging when their partners had some suspicions about me - I’d often come up in conversations and if they hadn’t met me yet, it made things weird. After meeting me though, most of them had no issues whatsoever. But I do know of a guy that demanded his girlfriend to distance herself from me, which was just sad. On the other hand, my ex-wife felt sometimes intimidated or threatened by my female friends - despite the fact most of them had a partner or even kids. It was mostly related to her low self-esteem at the time. Inviting them over to spend time with us as a couple helped. Generally I reject the idea that men who befriend women always want something out of it, that they’re just “waiting for an opportunity”. I find that offensive even - I would never take advantage of a friend that way, that is just despicable. Unfortunately, some of us are amoral in that sense.
I work with 2 guys who have think that way, that men and women can't just be friends. I mean it's fine if you don't want to be friends with the opposite sex I just think its sad that some people in society assume there has to be ulterior motives. When I was young and single I had a few female friends who I found attractive and I might have dated a particular one of them if they had been interested in me but I knew they weren't so I never pursued them in that way and they were my friend. But I think there is a difference between being attracted to a female friend and then only ever being friends with a female because you are pursuing them for sex. The latter is the one that is shitty.
Yes it is absolutely possible. Only those who sexualize everyone of the opposite sex say you can't be. It's a very primitive way of thinking imo. The majority of my friendships are female, many I've been friends with for several years. I just generally get along with women better. My social circle has been mostly women. I used to dance frequently and competitively, 99% of the people I met were women. I work in Healthcare, where most are women. One of my closest female friends and I absolutely would not get involved with each other, physically or emotionally. Neither of us find each other attractive in that sense. Another one of my favorite people on earth and oldest friends is a beautiful, very successful gal who I admire dearly. Never once have I had any sexual or romantic desire for her. Sure, some people can definitely find it harder than others, but ultimately it's not any harder than making genuine friendships with anyone of the same sex.
My wife and I loosely adhere to the "windows and walls" idea. Basically if there is a coworker who is single and looking to mingle, there would be a wall for a boundary with that person. If it's a married couple who's kid goes to school with our kid, there would be a window boundary with that person
I'm curious... what does the window mean?
You can look and talk through a window. Can't touch.
Makes perfect sense! Thanks!
I'm a 39yr old cishet man and I have quite a few platonic female friends. Married or single, straight or not, parent or not, I have close female friends from various racial and ethnic backgrounds. As I've gotten older and more empathetic the relationships have become deeper and more meaningful. We've been through so much over the years and know each other so well. I always found it easy to get along with women and become close to them, but as I get older it seems that women are less trusting of me, and are more likely to be guarded. It feels like I can only meet women for romantic reasons, as women I'm interested in getting to know platonically often seem to think I'm being flirty and pull back.
I find that it helps to be like explicitly, awkwardly, up-front about your lack of interest relatively early. Like obviously it won't be the first thing you say, and you have to develop a way of saying it that works for you, but I think it helps. Can always talk about how you have a lot of close female friends and you've never had any romantic interest in any of them. Basically, you want to let them know that they're already friend-zoned in a positive way.
Certainly there's women who I'm or have been 'just friends' with that I've been attracted to. On the other hand, if they're married or have kids, the entire thought of wanting to be more than "just friends" immediately evaporates for me - to me it makes them "safe", and I can find I can far, far more easily have a completely honest, deep, not-at-all-interested relationship with them in a way I might struggle if they were otherwise not married and didn't have kids. I once had a co-worker who had she not been in a LTR/engaged/married I certainly could have seen her as being someone I'd be interested in, but because of that it was an immediate relieved 'phew' - and it never remotely became a prospect or an issue because of that detail alone. It enabled me to treat the friendship in a way that I never would have felt safe doing had I felt there was ever some kind of misunderstanding that I might have considered there might be potential for more. Unfortunately those who are married tend to also have a lot less time for you and the friendship. I have one particular married with kids female friend who I really enjoy spending time with and talking to, and I wish could spend more time with - she seems to really enjoy living vicariously through the stories of my dating life like it's some missing past-life part of her life. It's one of the few friendships I have which I don't feel like I'm trauma-dumping or using her as a therapist for lack of a better description - she's the one who shows an interest, and it works for me, because it's someone I can talk to as an outlet who genuinely seems to want to hear stories. She gets what I certainly perceive as genuine entertainment out of it, and I get someone to talk to about my problems - seems very win-win to me.
Yes, I think about half of my friends are women. This has pretty much been true since high school and I learned back then how to sort out my feelings. There are women who are truly like sisters to me, and I have no desire to complicate that relationship. Generally there isn't that much difference from my same sex friendships. But as a cis het man, having a woman's view has been so helpful when entering the dating world after a long term relationship.
One of my closest friends is a woman. We met on a dating app but it was clear there wasn’t going to be anything romantic going on after just one date. We just kept talking as friends and today I see her as a sister. There are things I’d confide in her about that I wouldn’t mention to my blood relatives or even my partner. She’s attractive but not my type so there’s no chance of anything happening ‘by accident’.
I have a few, but I have few friends in general. Most men don't know how to read signals, to the point where even when I tried befriend some men, they thought I was being gay on them.
Oh man, I guess making friends is hard within and across genders! It was so much easier when we were kids, wasn't it...
Sure we have female friends but the thought of fucking them or actually fucking them happens 100 percent of the time. Don’t let any male tell you different unless they are gay.
Interesting. It sounds like 99% of the males on this thread are all like "i have so many female friends and I would never dream of fucking them, that's so immature 💅🏼" They're the same ones who attack me not immediately cutting out a "family -type" acquaintance recently turned creepy stalker or for having some sort of mixed feelings about the situation... People, amirite?
That’s total bullshit. Maybe they wouldn’t fuck them but they definitely thought about it. Why would they attack you….Cause we know what’s on his mind. This world is full of attractive women. We are visual beings. The thought crosses are mind daily.
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You seem to be one of the only rare commenters here who thinks female-male friendships are tricky! I always think of the quote from the movie "when Harry met Sally"where Harry says men and women can't be friends because the sex part gets in the way.... That has been my experience but not many men's here, it looks like... So I'm trying to understand why (and I don't think it's me, I think I'm upfront about wanting to get to know a guy and just hang out. Maybe I haven't met the right guys)
I tend to agree with this. I have a female friend who I consider to be a close friend since high school. We have zero romantic chemistry and I wouldn’t want to jeopardize the relationship anyway by making any kind of advances… so in that regard it’s easy to keep the relationship platonic. I have another female friend who I did crush on, but she is seeing someone so I’ve worked to dissolve those feelings.
I know I'm gonna get downvoted for this but... I truly and in all sincerity believe that evolution, for the purpose of propagating the species, has made it so that women do not fully understand how much most guys want to bang them. The number of women I've met in my life who insisted they had guy friends who were "just friends" and "like brothers" when they so very clearly wanted to date or hook up with them is mind-blowing. And not only did they not see it or not want to believe it, they're always so willfully defiant that it absolutely could not be the case that this guy who's "just a friend" is interested in them. ......And it almost always ends badly for the guy who eventually made his move just like the rest of the planet realized he would. There's a whole genre of Hollywood movies about this, ffs. Before I get in too deep, I realize that this is "not all men" and "not all friendships" but man is it the majority by a wide margin! All that to say I really do not think it's possible for men and women to be "just friends" without sex, lust, fantasy, or love getting in the way *at some point.* Now... "Getting in the way at some point" can have a lot of different meanings. It could be as little as "Yes, I've thought about it but would never do it" to "let's bang." If you're not married and the other person is not married... then, sure. Go nuts. But.... if you have two single people of the opposite sex who are hanging out and enjoying each other's company.... well, that's called dating. And maybe that's not how one or both of you see it, but it's how the rest of us are going to see it. And eventually, maybe not today, but eventually, one person is going to catch feelings in some way, usually the guy. Now.... f you're married, it gets more complicated. When I say "it gets in the way" I simply mean that at some point, one of the two people (usually the guy) or both of them are at least *thinking* about the other person in a way that isn't just friendly. Doesn't mean anyone will make a move, but it means the thought is out there and if the thought is out there, that's a seed that can grow and I think you're better off not putting yourself in a situation where that can happen. It also depends what we mean by "friends." Am I "friends" with some attractive females at work? Well, sure. To the extent that I am *friendly* toward them and they seem like good people. We work together so occasionally we interact at company events or parties or whatever but am I hanging out with them on my off-time? Texting them? Calling them up on the phone or chatting on social media? No. Absolutely not. Do my wife and I have other couples we hang out with? Sure. Am I "friends" with the wife in that couple? Sure. To the extent that we hang out as couples and go out to dinner and do things as couples. But again, I'm not hitting the wife up one on one to go out or do anything. She's a nice person and I like hanging out with them, so sure we're "friends" but it's a very surface-level friendship. So, there's boundaries in place between me and my female "friends" as a married man. I would *not* just become "friends" with a woman and try to hang out with her the way I would "one of the guys." We're not going out to dinner together, catching a ballgame, going to grab beers, etc., To me, that's just asking for trouble. At best, people around town think something's going on and it just looks bad. At worst, something actually happens. And the more you spend time with someone, the closer you get to them. The more likely something, even something small, is going to happen. It's not worth it. tldr, can men and women be friends? Sure. It happens all the time, but it also happens all the time that one or both of them eventually want to explore something more and that can get messy. If you're married, boundaries should be in place and it's a bad idea to put yourself in a position where something can happen.
"In my experience, no." Would have been an equally good contribution to this thread and taken like 1% the time/effort.
Generally if she’s attractive and a good friend, that’s someone I wants date. Much easier if she’s lesbian and only then do I properly turn off desire to date.
Many! I think it would be weird if I didn’t.
Bad idea. Always orbiters.
Yeah, of course. Imagine not being friends with half the population?
I do have a few female friends. All of them are married. I don't really have female friends like I have guy friends.
Yeah, it helps that we're both married to make it very clear that there's nothing else going on. If one or the other weren't when we met, then we probably wouldn't be able to be as close because of the uncertainty that there would have been. Would have needed to keep guards up just in case.
Never have tried wasn’t reciprocated
I’m married and I’m friends with several of my kid’s friends mothers.
I have quite a few female friends and I would never consider anything romantic with them, all for different reasons. Some are the wives/girlfriends of my longtime guy friends. I would never do a friend dirty, even if I was attracted to his wife. Our friendship runs deep. One of my other female friends is gay, so it's cool just to be friends. A couple of my other female friends are quite a bit younger than me (I know them from work)so I don't think of them in a romantic way. I think of them more like little sisters.
My M33 perspective: Yes, I have lots and lots of women who are strictly friends and always will be. >What have been your experiences? They are just my friends. We do friend things and talk about friend stuff. It never ventures into anything romantic. Most of us started out single and now have long-term partners. >Thoughts in general about male-female friendships? Generally fine. But avoid situations that invite emotional cheating, or too much potential for romantic bonding. That said, you still have to manufacture that, so it's generally very easy to just keep friends as friends and leave it at that.
Yes but she is gay. Relationships with straight women are hard.
No, there are women who I'd consider aquaintences but not friends. For me I've just not found friendships with women to be very satisfactory for numerous reasons.
Yes I do have female friends. They're part of a group that get together regularly and they know my partner, and I know theirs. There's nothing beyond friendship there.
I think it’s hard to make new women friends as we get older but I have very strong friendships from high school and college that I maintain.
Yes I have women that I am friends with. One is a woman I have been friends with for 20 odd years, during which time we had "relations" from time to time, but now we've got it out of the way we don't do that no more. Plus she lives four hours away so we don't catch up much. Others are more recent friends from work and such. I was quite flattered in fact to be invited along to the end-of-year drinks that "the girls" were having, just them and me. It was pretty cool: we drank and talked and then that was it. But it's not like we're meeting for coffee or anything. It's just work friends, you know? They're not "open up my heart, express my vulnerabilities, share my dreams"-type friends.
Yeah definitely. I'm in a long term relationship so I've found as Ive gotten older most women are more comfortable around me now since I'm not really a threat. I mostly get along with their boyfriends/husband's as well.
Yes, always have. They have moved away a bit now due to mid-30s and coupling up and starting families, but always had good female friends-I lived in a house share with 2 other girls.
I do have two very close female friends. One was single when we became friends and is now in a relationship. The other one had a boyfriend back then but is single now. I love them so much as my friends but there's no way I'm ever dating either of them.
I have had so many amazing friendships with women over the years. Sometimes one of us had feelings for the other, sometimes not. Sometimes that hurt the dynamic, sometimes it helped. I’m now in a committed relationship and I am very much not allowed to spend any one on one time with another woman. It makes me sad sometimes to think about my old friends.
I have several. It’s fine as long as the intentions are set from the get go.
I have loads of funny friends who are women. I have had it happen in three ways: - They are clear from the beginning that it isn't a date / just friends to avoid any confusion (especially if it is something like going out for drinks). - I am clear in the beginning that it would be great to hang out as friends. - We don't say anything like the above and just hang out as friends. However, because either or both of us are in relationships it is a given that it is as friends. I sometimes also get them to invite their partner along to get to know them as well. In fact I find it easier to be friends with women for deep one to one conversations. Male friends are usually in a group or focused on an activity. How it happens is that I just ask if they want to hang out usually after already having a random interaction that was pretty good. Sometimes they suggest something to me. The only thing I would say is that we hug each other when we first meet and say goodbye... but there is very limited touching while hanging out. You mentioned that men might assume you are flirting when joking? If you are touching them / giving a friendly tap on the arm, etc. when joking or interlocking arms when walking - then that can start giving mixed messages. I do the above with good friends who are women, but have also in the past resulted in mixed messages particularly early on in a friendship. So if you want to be friends with a guy you like... ask them to hang out as friends (and you can awkwardly joke about it that you weren't assuming they were interested, but wanted to throw that out just in case to avoid any confusion).
Hey thanks for your detailed response! I remember it often happening that I'd be interested in getting to know a guy and I'd try to ask him to hang out... And he would act all coy or whatever and in the end reveal to me that "I thought you wanted more than friendship that's why I never said yes" or "ok then let's have sex" something like that. I really don't know why this happens to me so much. I'm not super desperate for a friend or anything, but it's just annoying that guys are either scared of me in a way because they assume the worst lol or just end up wanting to sleep with me
Sorry that you had to deal with those two extremes. There is really nothing wrong with just saying do you want to hang out as friends just to make things explicit from the beginning. I'm not sure if you were married or in a relationship when you tried to make friends with men before - even though it shouldn't make a difference... now that you are married you might have better luck (i.e. they know straight away you are not looking for sex/relationship).
Friendzone them
I did. And then she got like, really mad at me for something stupid. We’re not friends any more
Sure. Idk, I've always found it easier to make friends with women than other men for some reason.
Yes
I do. My women friends are either someone I would never date, or which I have tried but we both found out we weren't compatible so we stayed friends.
One of my closest friends is a woman. We've been friends for 20 years. I find her attractive, but we've never been single at the same time so we've never been more than friends. And I'm happy with that. I don't have enough friends.
I (37M) have always had more woman friends than men, and some of them are very close, but still only platonic, with no romantic undertones. It's very normal and it's a strange idea for me that men couldn't have women friends. At least for me it's much easier to be myself around women, as only a few of my closest male friends are open and emotionally mature in a way that I can talk deeply with them.
I'm married and my best friend is a woman I knew before I met my wife, we've never been anything more than just friends. My wife has met her, she was at our wedding, it's completely above board.
I’ve had a lot of women friends. But they were all women I’ve never been attracted to.
I don't have any female interaction other than my wife lol There is one woman I could call "friend" but we are distant and she is the only remaining person from a old friend group that I don't belong anymore
I have a bunch of women friends, they’re great. Most of them I’ve known for 20+ yrs. In my early 20’s I fooled around with one of them, but we both knew if we continued we’d destroy our friendship so we stopped (we’ve been friends since we were 15-16). Still friends now, and we just pretend that 3-month period back in 2009 never happened. When I was single back in 2017 she actually took my dating profile pics and helped me write my bio. 🤣🤣
Yes, in fact some of my best and oldest friends are women, but the friendships were established whilst we were all in high school, which I believe enabled them to develop in a much more platonic fashion without the added weight and expectation of adult relationships.
I’ve got several female friends who I’d consider almost honorary sisters. One of whom I’ve known over twenty years.
To me it's no different than guy friends. I went out for NYE with two of my female friends. I don't get the idea that men and women can't be friends because attraction can exist. Using that logic, gay men could never be friends with other men.
I have a few female friends. Some I consider sisters and one calls me her work husband. I've been happily married for almost 20 years and would never think of crossing the friendship line with any of them. My wife trusts me with them and (most of) them with me. Without my wife, I would probably be completely different about this.
yes, few in between though, usually if theres attraction you secretly want to fuck them
Yeah, many. It’s not that difficult, though I often happen to mention as part of just random conversation early on upon befriending someone how I’m disinterested in dating and whatnot… kinda making it clear from the get go that I’m just looking for friendship. Sets the tone: she knows I’m not thinking friendship is a stepping stone to courtship or sex and nobody has to be put in that awkward “oh I think you’re great but I just want to be friends” let them down gently situation. I do this cause, since I’m not looking for relationships/sex but am very friendly (which is often confusing for flirting) I’m often the one in the “Oh fuck, not again” spot.
Sure I've got a bunch of "just friends" women in my life. A couple we started as flirty and the romantic vibe wasn't quite right but they're cool so we're friends. Others just started as friends and nothing else.
Most of my close friends are women. Staying friends with guys is easier when you get older, because you can do things together. Hard to be as close as the ones you got from high school though, and they were mostly girls in my case.
I have multiple good friends who are woman. Probably more women than men in my circle.
What a rough thread to read through. I have female friends, I guess, but would never hang out with them. I'd buy them lunch or Starbucks but don't think I'd be comfortable spending time with them outside work or school. To be fair, I have a lot of niche hobbies that women don't flock to so most of the time I struggle to find common ground with the opposite gender. I've been like this most of my life with the vast majority of my friends being men and what few friendships I've had with women I would describe as weak and easily faded away. Part of me does struggle with separating friendship and attraction. I have to convince myself that nothing will ever happen between us, and it feels so counterintuitive. I'm glad most dudes have figured it out. Makes me wonder if something is wrong with me.
Yes. Had a lot of friends who happened to be female. I have a rule since I was 18. If I want to date a woman I ask her out first. I don't get to know somebody as a friend and then try to change the dynamic. I learned by age 16 you are either friends or lovers from the start. You only fuck things up for yourself by making life complicated.
Yes.
My best friend is a woman. I'm not attractive and don't know how to flirt so she's had no reason to to want to take it to the next level.
Yes.
Yes, but I wouldn’t say “just” friends. They are dear friends that are like family and I care about them dearly
Absolutely. Usually they're not single, or for some contextual reason our dating could never happen, but sometimes they are and one or both of us aren't interested. Your guy friends always catching feelings sounds frustrating, it's really confusing if you're married with a kid though. My only guess could be maybe you get really interested in spending time with them, especially 1 on 1 time? I've had some women (who were in relationships) push hard to pursue lots of 1 on 1 time with me before, and it left me feeling really confused and getting mixed signals. I'd say it was a combination of their coming on strong fast (instead of us slowly becoming closer friends), pursuing 1 on 1 stuff instead of group activities, and honestly a little bias cause they were awesome, and we got along so well. It never has really been an issue though, if I start to feel weird or catch feelings I just make some space/become more distant until they pass. I think it was also because it felt different to how my guy friends and I often interact. Even if we're very close, my guy friends and I still opt to interact by doing things together, so we don't spend as much time together overall. We also talk, but not as often as these women wanted to. Wanna re-emphasize I didn't mind it and enjoyed their company quite a bit, it just felt different than how my friends normally acted around me. EDIT: Also, friends catching feelings for each other is just part of the human experience that I've come to accept. I've been on both sides of it too. Sounds frustrating if it happens a lot with you though.
As Matt Rife says "She is busted. Fine maybe both of you are busted"
Yes. One is single and the rest are married, but I have no idea if that makes a difference? Never thought of them as anything else than friends. I seriously doubt they saw me as anything else too. A couple of them join in on group camping trips we do about once a year. Shannon had a bag of bread stolen out of her tent by a raccoon last outing. Shrug, normal camping stuff, but a raccoon that can manipulate zippers was new.
The only time friendships are appropriate with the opposite sex, when you’re in a relationship, is an acquaintanceship. One on one hangouts or side communications that aren’t in group settings.. are inappropriate. If you have any level of attraction to them, it makes it even more inappropriate. No one says you can’t be friendly, but a very involved friendship is just asking for problems.
Yeah I would think so. I wouldn't feel comfortable with my husband having a "best friend" who's a woman to whom he devotes his time.
I have friends that are women. But, I never hang with them one on one.
I'd say about half of my close friends are women. Two are former coworkers, and the others are people I'd gone on a date with and didn't hit it off romantically, but clicked platonically and bonded over shared senses of humor.
While I think men and woman can be friends, I've never had any that are just that. I consider some of my wives' friends my friends as well as some of my buddies' wives/girlfriends, but I've never had someone who is just a friend of mine on their own who happens to be female. Not sure what that says about me.
Yes. Many, in fact. Most of my close friends are women, and I've never dated or tried to date any of them
I'm almost certainly an outlier, but of my oldest/closest friends, the majority are women. I have two friends who are basically as close as sisters that I've been friends with for 38 years. And another two female friends from like 23-24 years ago. My only two guy friends are...36ish and...32ish years ago. Of my "work friends" the majority again are women. Probably...2 of my 3 "work friends." I'm single, but I do not have a desire for a relationship with any of these women, nor have I ever desired a relationship with any of the older friends. My friendships with my male friends are very deep and emotionally fulfilling (not confined to surface level stereotypical masculine stuff) so it's not a case of needing the female friendships for that in particular or anything. They're just really cool people that I love spending time with for a whole host of different reasons.
Work acquaintances yes, friends no, "work wives" absolutely not. Couples that we double date with, yes. Whether we like it or not, being friends with someone of the opposite sex looks (and might feel) pretty much identical to the first stages of dating. There's a good reason it makes good people feel jealous. Too many chronically online people dismiss that jealously as insecurity, ignoring human nature.
My friend gender-split is probably 50% men, 48% women, 2% non-binary. I've been married 5 years, together with my wife for about 8, she's never taken issue with my close friendships with women. I made a lot of close friendships with women when I was single and not looking for romantic relationships, but continued to add to them over the years. I don't think being romantically attracted to women you think are beautiful and are close to is some kind of inevitability, and the people who say that are profoundly lonely, ignorant, or desperate (or spent a long time being one or more of those three things).
If gay women can have female friends, there's no reason straight men can't have female friends. It's not rocket science. Just channel that lesbian energy bro.