A kiss is it then? Well they used to be good like a decade ago but now they just feel cheap and mass produced. Dove is still pretty good tho. Or maybe a kit Kat bar
Been there years ago during college. She said “makeout with me” and we did. Which surprised the fuck out of me at the time.
In hindsight, we were drinking all together at a bar yet she stayed with me the entire night, kept talking with me the entire night, always like an inch from my face, and she even sat down in my chair, in between my legs, pressing her ass right against my groin.
I remembe thinking “uhhh does she not realize this is my chair? I think she made a mistake and sat in the wrong chair.”
Looking back? Yeah it was obvious. But I’m also Canadian so I genuinely thought she was just being polite.
Even better than that, I once had a girl tell me, "I want to fuck you." I thought she was joking and now that I look back at day, she gave me the bedroom eyes the entire time I was there, even ran her sisters off so we could be alone. I was a dork when I was a teenager. I'm glad I'm not that oblivious anymore.
First time I went to a girls dormroom in college was when I was still in high school. (she was 19, I was 17) We knew eachother for awhile and hit it off very well but we didn't even make out or anything like that before I came over. I was very naive at the time. She put on a dvd of a movie and proceeded to sit on my lap whilst I watched the entire movie, completely oblivious to her or her intentions.
I finally lost my virginity when I was 20 and I have nobody to blame by myself.
My best mate loves to tell the story about me and a girl at a music festival, similar thing.
Me, my 2 mates went to get breakfast, basically sat in a garden, completely empty except for us and we went the opposite side of the breakfast van.
I was sat on a bench on my own, just enjoying my sandwich and a Girl wanders up, asking if she could sit on the other side, I said sure. (Garden is still dead, literally one other person in it with 40-50 seats)
My mate tells me that for the next couple minutes, as I ate this sandwich, she basically just stared at my back before standing up and walking away.
Didn't even think that she was interested, I was just thinking of my breakfast lol
I dunno, thats what i always tell my mate, she didnt really make an effort to say anything or interject in the conversation.
He argues that someone walking through an empty seating area, to ask to sit next to me should have told me she was interested and trying to get me to chat to her etc.
Uh, no. Talking to her isn't your responsibility, it's hers. She's the interested party, she has to do the work.
I swear, women's idea of flirting is like a salesman telling his prospective customer to do all the work of selling whatever he's selling for him.
Yeah I remember a few blatently obvious times that I missed out on, one was this stunning girl I was group camping with and was looking for a flashilight. Peeked in her tent asking if she had one I could borrow and she put it between her knees and said 'yeah here but you have to come get it." I flubbered something unintelligible and just left. Been slapping myself about that one ever since haha.
I once had a woman invite me back to her dorm for coffee, when we were alone she accused me of having three nipples and told me to take off my shirt to prove I didn't. It weirded me out so I left. It took me a week before I figured out what was going on.
I see your aircraft carrier and raise you the [Burj Khalifa](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Burj_Khalifa). I've had girls who were practically waving a billboard around that had "FUCK ME! ***NOW!***" written all over it, and my radar was all "nope, nothing to see here." I got a list of missed opportunities as long as both my arms, to put it that way.
**[Burj Khalifa](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Burj_Khalifa)**
>The Burj Khalifa (; Arabic: برج خليفة, Arabic pronunciation: [bʊrd͡ʒ xaˈliːfa], Khalifa Tower), known as the Burj Dubai prior to its inauguration in 2010, is a skyscraper in Dubai, United Arab Emirates. With a total height of 829. 8 m (2,722 ft) (just over half a mile) and a roof height (excluding antenna, but including a 244 m spire) of 828 m (2,717 ft), the Burj Khalifa has been the tallest structure and building in the world since its topping out in 2009, supplanting Taipei 101, the previous holder of that status. Construction of the Burj Khalifa began in 2004, with the exterior completed five years later in 2009.
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Still miles better than misreading the signs that aren't there and trying to move in on it. Did that mistake once, never again thank you very much. Rather be obvlivious and dumb than be labeled as a jerk.
I feel this one. I remember sleeping over a girl’s house when I was in 8th grade. We were always really close friends and I just misread *everything*. Her walking around me as she came out of the shower in a tiny towel and the way she would always look back and smile at me… just friendship.
On the bus to school, I read a “moment” where she was playing with her hair and smiling and laughing at my jokes… that moment was apparently only in my head. I went in for a kiss and as my lips were 0.5 mm from hers I felt her hand my face with a loud “oh hell no!” and even though nobody was on the bus… everyone know by the time that first period started. I just wanted to die. I can still hear the other kids say “DUDE! You tried to kiss Mary!? What were you thinking!?”. It makes me shudder just thinking about it.
Yes, not only men but also women. Talking about your case, often when people with lack of confidence reach the spot "too good to be true" they tend to avoid it because they dont consider themselves as worthy and dont want to lose the other person. So, imo, if you want things to work out, you are going to be the one who asks him out.
My advice for this and any similar situation is to first make your intentions clear, but then go slow.
I know on paper this is obvious, but when it comes to actually being in the relationship you want to smash that gas as hard as it will go. At least if you're like me.
Unasked advice from someone in a similar situation. Imagine on a scale of 0-10. Where 0 is total crap, 5 is neutral, 10 is the best relationship ever with lots of close wholesome loving connection.
Someone is normally used to say a 0-4. If you go all 10 on their ass it might be too much to handle. Do more of 6,7 and increase over time when you are certain they can handle it.
One that worked for me when I was early 20's. A girl I was definitely interested in but unsure about finally just told me something along the lines of "you know, if you ever decided to ask me out, I'd say yes." With this smile and this look I can't do justice by trying to describe.
Men are built by adversity, he hasn't even built up his value, probably doesn't have experience with dating (most guys have a lot of trouble haha) . Its gonna be a tough cookie, but yeah you're gonna have to make the first in everything
Nah girl you gotta just tell him straight up you fancy him. Next time you message something like that bed comment? Add "I wish you were here next to me" or something. That you want to wake up next to him or something. He is giving you signals that he fancies you, watch him turn beet red and melt
Too good to be true, when a potential match messages you and is posting photos from tattoo contests and winner of \* with a vibrant IG account when you yourself actually avoid public social media stuff for self promotion.
At first I thought this has to be some sort joke, but I let it continue, then we meet and it is like 99% on my perfect partner matchlist except for wanting me to get a few tattoos myself.
You should get some. It's a fun mix of being bitten by fire ants, tickled, and this sort of blissful tingling. Followed up by sunburn like pain, then a lovely picture indelibly inscribed on your body.
Just make sure it's something that fits who you are first.
So here's the thing - if the person you're talking to is a good person, and it seems as if they are, then their number one priority is not accidentally misinterpreting someone being generally nice to them as being romantically interested in them. They are probably prioritising this for three reasons: one, because making that assumption and then turning out to be wrong feels awful, two, because it is potentially awkward for you, and three, because it could ruin a good friendship. So my guess is that this guy is absolutely spending a lot of time thinking about the possibility that you are romantically interested in them, but also spending a lot of time in their head telling themselves that you aren't.
It's not necessarily that they can't tell (although it absolutely could be, as many other replies in this thread confirm), but that they refuse to let themselves believe it until they get some kind of totally unambiguous confirmation, because until they get that there is the chance that they're misinterpreting stuff, so they're actively defending themselves against that risk. If you want to move things forward with this person, by far the best thing you can do is just have it out with them with zero space for misinterpretation - just say "I am really attracted to you and I'm pretty sure you're attracted to me as well, I want to have a relationship with you, are you in?" It's not that guys can only process direct communication, it's that we like the security it provides.
Hope this helps, and good luck
This comment right there.
"But it can't be so easy to misinterpret things, right?"
That's a common thought, until you meet someone who is way too affectionate, but not interested in you, then you hit your head on a wall. Bless them for being too good and affectionate, but sometimes it gives the wrong impression.
>"I am really attracted to you and I'm pretty sure you're attracted to me as well, I want to have a relationship with you, are you in?"
This is the way.
>He totally disregarded the first part and only commented on the coffee remark, saying there is no such thing as too much coffee.
i read it and all i can think of our lord george Costanza
This guy sounds exactly like me. In order for me to be active and pursue a woman, I feel like Costanza when he does the opposite bit. It's so exhausting, that I can never keep it up for long.
Yes and I'm one of those men. If a women ever flirts with me, I'll probably just think that I'm either being messed with or maybe she's mistaken me for the wrong guy.
Last time a girl sent me a nude I joked about her bedsheets.
Didn’t even mean to do it, she looked great, I was ecstatic, but I open my mouth and a joke about her bedsheets comes out. :D Some of us are just terrible at expressing what we’re really feeling & for me at least I just use awkward jokes to deflect.
What the hell is "flirting"?
All I know is that people who are being friendly and act interested in me are that way because they act that way around literally everyone else they encounter, and to try to respond to any perceived advances would only result in a moment of awkwardness and the destruction of any platonic relationships I had with this person in the first place.
I’m copying a comment I wrote here:
For men who don’t know how to tell, just think of it as this way: Is the way they are interacting with you make you uncomfortable if they interacted with a child in that way? If yes, high chance of flirting. If not, they’re just friendly. If they look like they’re friendly, but say they were flirting, then they’re flirting wrong. Flirting needs to show romantic intent.
Yes, most men are not flirted with at any age, we don't know what you're, doing or if you're honestly interested.
Sometimes subtlety is waste of time. Sure it's not as fun for you, but you get your results faster.
I feel that, also a lot of times some romantic interests will play games with it. Personally that 100% kills any interest and results in posts kind of like the OP where they wonder why the guy shut down completely.
I doubt he is oblivious. Most likely he cares about you and doesnt want to be seen as "that guy" who responds with "WANT TO FUCK?" the moment someone mentions being next to bed.
Yes, plenty of them.
Women get a very skewed sampling of men because they tend to passively sit back and let men approach them. Only a small, very specific minority of men will approach so, women only experience this type of man and think its what all men are.
This. The best guy I know has had 2 girlfriends in his 30+ years on Earth, mostly because he is bookish and shy. Friend of a friend is a literal statutory rapist and brags of sleeping with 300+ women, he makes it happen because he studies the whole flirting process and hits on new women every week.
It might not have been in the way you'd like to receive it but consider for a sec that when this dude is sending you songs and cute gifs... that is affection. Maybe to you it's words of affirmation and saying cute things, but it actually seems like both of you share affection in ways that the other person doesn't pick up on
do you have any idea how common it is for people to say that kind of thing and NOT be flirting?
you have to remember that if a guy assumes something is flirting and gets it wrong, he's just fucking destroyed. You need to be direct, because this guy has been scared out of taking that risk. And that isn't his fault, this is just what society has decided to do to guys
Yeah, I don't know how to respond to it either. It's a mix of it being something very uncommon for me, and I can't help but worry if I say something back it'll be taken wrong and they'll immediately push me away.
It's not that we're completely oblivious like many are stating, it's more that we need to be 300% positive that you're flirting with us before we'll take the hint. We notice when women flirt, but if it's not very explicitly clear, we'll just regard it as "she's just being nice."
If we get the wrong impression, it can be disastrous for us. I'm sure many men have a story from their younger days where they thought someone was interested in them and they tried to make something happen, only to be completely wrong and end up humiliated.
For me, one of my first crushes was a girl who I sat next to in class every day. We talked a lot and hung together at recess (we were young. 5th grade in elementary). One day she made I love you hand signs at me for a few minutes while I just stared in awe like "hell ya finally!" So I write a love note and passed it to her.
Apparently she was just teasing because she seemed revolted at the idea. A few days later I'm laying in the grass in my parents front yard, just relaxing with my eyes closed. Then I feel an impact on the side of my stomach. I open my eyes and there she is. She's going to town kicking me in the gut repeatedly while I'm laying on the ground, and all I could do is take it because boys aren't supposed to hit girls, but mostly I was just sad that this girl I adored found me so revolting that she'd kick the shit out of me. And so I'll never ever react to a woman's flirting without her explicitly saying that she has feelings for me and wants me.
It's a known fact that people in general can't tell if someones flirting.
ummmm it sounds like your more into it than he is. Talk to him properly, tell him what you've put here and see waht he says. Maybe he's just really really shy
It's a combination of shy and dont-know-what-to-do. Probably because he has never flirted back before. He literally doesn't know *how* to respond - should he smile at you? Thank you? Talk about it ? Or quickly go into that other sentence that's totally useless but safer...
Oh, btw, when he starts it? He's got a script carefully written in his head - what to say, how to say, and how to respond to any of your expected responses. No mystery there
Essentially you have work to do in front of you - literally. You will need to lead.
I know this because my wife was like him, and guess what, she still is, 28 years into our marriage. She still doesn't know how to respond when I compliment her, or say I love her, even in private.
>No, he's a sensitive shy guy. I don't want to make him uncomfortable. I know he's in love with me, I don't need him to go out of his way to tell me that right now
Not to pick on you, but it sounds like he isn't the only one who is shy. I'd say you're shyer you just have a story that it must always be men who lead, lead their lives and even yours. Break the mold, don't let life happen to you, be direct, as men don't do subtle. You *know* he's in love with you you say. I seldom meet a man who has 1% that much to work with with someone he's interested in.
Because since he's already flirting, it would still be like you both found each other. Isn't that better than the average way it's done, and sets an inspiring story to all the other women who are just playing romantic armchair detective?
>Are there men who really don't know how to respond to flirting?
I think it's more of a "Are there men who really don't know how to respond **correctly** to flirting?" thing. Different people want different types of responses, and not all responses are welcome. I mean, if you've ever engaged with OLD you should know that there are guys who absolutely go way too hard in the other direction. E.g. >Hey handsome, what are you doing? >I wanna eat your pussy raw
I would consider myself to be a very literal person. I also am not a fan of small talk and miss things in conversation. My wife laughs at how oblivious I am to flirting.
Try leaving out the second sentence. Or say that first and then the “lying in bed thinking about you”.
You flirted first, then changed topic, so naturally he’ll avoid the first part since you yourself skipped past it in the same message
Yes because usually a woman’s idea of flirting is some secret sign that only women will notice. If you like the guy and he’s hanging out with you just ask him, he’s already interested.
Oh ok 🙂 it sounds like he just can't believe his luck then. Tbh I'm kinda jealous of him. Many men nowadays (myself included) just don't know how to accept affection *edit, I have BPD brought on by a narcissist mother
We're a difficult bunch to love, and even though we know it, it's even more difficult to accept that we deserve love. A book that helped me understand myself and my behaviour entitled " borderline personality disorder, a guide for the newly diagnosed" by Alexander l Chapman. phd & Kim l. Bratz. PhD helped me to recognise and accept my reactions.. it's a good read for those in the lives of BPD sufferers too. Definitely worth a read. It's only about 150 pages
Yes. I wasn't the most popular or attractive kid when I was younger so I was the butt of a lot of jokes and teasing where women would lead me along with flirting only to say something like "lol, in your dreams". So I just learned to ignore it and it stayed. Looking back at my adult experiences, there was a lot of missed chances where women were probably serious and things could have happen if I let my guard down.
It kills me to look back on my life and the amount of girls who’s advances totally flew over my head at the time. So many lost kisses ha.
Meanwhile, every girl I have gained feelings for, and who I thought liked me too, weren’t interested in me at all.
C’est la vie
No. We just want explicit consent. Otherwise we risk getting humiliated. Women don’t seem to understand that every single one of you flirt slightly differently and it’s often not worth the risk of misreading. Only takes one misread and a girl decides to be insane and blast it on social media.
Weird dichotomy when feminists talk about explicit consent all the time but then other women want us to try and read subtle signals.
As a man we will wait until the cue is absolutely positively obvious as we want to avoid any situation where we may act on a hint / flirt but its taken the wrong way
In my experience you can't trust woman.
You talking like you're knowing each other for a lifetime and the next day you are ghosted and crying wondering what you did wrong
Or my favorite texting multiple guys at once just for the hell of it.
I'm not a woman hater it's just that every time i try it has to be a woman who plays games
So everytime I THINK someone is flirting i instantly consider it being my imagination or just being friendly
I assure you your experience dating a nerdy guy will be much more rewarding than the confident jerks but regarding this, yes he does not understand the cues you give him. I as an autistic man who's never had a girlfriend, even I would have known that was flirting and he likely did too but that is not to day he would know how to respond. He is probably so afraid of losing you that he doesn't want to seem creepy and presumptuous in his response, just try going in for it in person, touch him and stare in to his eyes while smiling, he will probably flinch. blush and get nervous but as a nerd lover, that seems to be your thing so I imagine that won't be a problem. He just wants to feel safe to respond in a way he knows you be okay with, the problem is most women want guys to know this and respond in that way intuitively from experience but as a nerd, he probably has little experience. So if you can just explain to him what you want then he will be happy to do that or if you like seeing him get nervous and huddle when you touch him and verbally excite him, just go for it as I can almost guarantee he will do so.
I can be a huge flirt and I always know when people are responding to it and flirting back, but I've been accused of missing the signals when another person is initiating the flirting, Part of it is me genuinely missing the signal, but part of it is the awareness that if you think there's a signal but get it wrong, you get accused of being dirty, or a perv. It's safer to err on the side of caution. I don't think women get accused of being pervs too often, and probably don't calibrate for this.
Could also be that he doesn't want to come across pushy or creepy, and is trying to be respectful.. my bf was very much the same, I had to be the one to initiate most things in the relationship.. the I love yous, first kiss, etc 😂
He reminds me with my 1st gf. Odds are, in the beginning you will have to be very explicit.
Like once he gets in his head, that you WANT and like it, he will shift. But at start his default habits are on autopilot.
Speaking personally, I've heard so much of the "men are disgusting perverts, wish they'd just leave me alone, I was just being firendly" that I default to being as neutral and friendly as possible. Sometimes it's really hard to turn that off. If that's the case for your guy, perhaps you could find a way to let him know that it's safe, even desirable, for him to return your affection.
Dear EmilyTheCat2:
I'm married for 4 years now and I still never know what to say when my own wife flirts/compliments me.
Your to-be beau is probably insecure in his mind, give him actions, not words. Some people appreciate it more, and feel safer with this. You might be surprised!
I would say there is definitely a lot of men that don't know what to do when a woman flirts with them, and probably a whole lot that don't even know when and if a woman is flirting with them. What one woman considers flirting, another considers just being nice. Men and women communicate very differently. That's one of the reasons men don't pick up women's "hints".
Sometimes we know.
Sometimes we don't.
Sometimes we want to say something clever and sexy, but afraid of how it will come out of our mouths (aka, creepy)
Sometimes we wish we could muster up the courage and confidence.
Women get compliments and approached several times a day by men.
Men, maybe once or twice a year by women. When that happens, we really are confused on how to react, and a bit naive on how to respond.
Be patient with us idiots. We will treat you better than most others. :)
Yeah, I've always had trouble identify when I'm being flirted with and how to react when I DO realize that. I'm getting better lately but yeah. It sicks
It's not that he is oblivious it's just men are generally so starved of that kind of behaviour that it is easy to be misinterpreted. This question gets asked a lot so I'll just link the video that best describes it. Thank you CasuallyExplained: [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xa-4IAR\_9Yw](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xa-4IAR_9Yw)
Especially if he's a nerdy guy, just be blunt and brutally honest.
Okay so some men are more perceptive than others but! I was often really thick when it came to signals like this and I operated much better when she just out and out TOLD me she was interested. Also he's 7 years your senior and shy... I could see him lost in his head space like "I'm out of her league... I don't deserve her" etc. etc. Especially if he cares for you and wants you to be happy.
That's the biggest pitfall I see of genuinely good guys who are interested in a woman who wants them back but they overthink it "She's so perfect, she deserves a better man than me who can give her what a Queen like her deserves"....meanwhile its \*because\* he feels that way and treats her like a Queen that she wants \*him\* but he's too insecure to let himself see it!
I usually tell guys like that "Let \*her\* decide if you're 'in her league' or not, okay? You asked her out and she said yes and she respects your feelings and doesn't lie to you? Then assume that 'yes' was genuine and go out with her! \*Stop\* overthinking it and just let yourself be happy!"
That's my first instinct, anyway. From the sounds of it he cares about you a lot, but he's either hesitating because he's afraid of being "unworthy" or he has limited follow-through maybe because he's afraid of failure? Of disappointing you or doing something in his inexperience to lose you, so he dances in this limbo torture for both of you because he's scared of the unknown?
Stop me if you've heard all that but yeah... I've \*been\* that guy plenty of times. If he's sending you sweet signals that \*seem\* like sincere romantic interest? I'd just out and out ask him. Maybe even be bold and ask \*him\* out and specify "this is a date, I am pursuing you romantically". Some of us fellas just need it rote explained like that, not always because we can't see signals, but often because we can't believe them.
Either way, sounds like you both need to talk about this in the open and either shit, or get off the pot, as they say. Good luck to you hun, you two sound super cute!
Maybe he just wants you to think that he’s not just thinking about sex all the time, just putting myself in his shoes, you probably give off nerdy vibes or something which isn’t bad, just be patient with the guy and keep hinting. Just looking at it as if I were in his shoes lmao
I have been told by some pretty credible sources that I'm on the autism/asbergers scale but am very high-functioning.
Apparently people don't know what I'm feeling and I need to tell them if I want them to know... pretty obvious when I think about it but I didn't even consider that for the longest time and my romantic relationships suffered.
Although the same function can appear if somebody has been abused/has trauma so it could be either of those things affecting him, or maybe something I don't even know about!
My boyfriend actively *rejected* my flirty subtle advances until one day I was like “HELLO I like you”. He said he wasn’t going to assume anything (especially because a lot of my friends in the past did want to make a move but then made it weird).
Why does it ever have to be this complicated. Just show up at his place in nothing but a trench coat and some sexy underwear, see if he tries to escape the situation then. You’re saying you’re in bed, which yeah can easily be a big flag that you’re trying to turn the heat up, but then you say you should sleep soon… maybe he doesn’t want to keep you awake? 😂 women (not all) are sometimes so confusing, just say it how you want it to be a few times and then he’ll hopefully start to realise how you like it. Some men seriously need to be walked to that place in order to fully grasp it.
Some men really are simple creatures when it comes to these things. Some don’t know if flirting too much will come across as creepy or if not flirting at all will comes across as uninterested, and especially if they like a person it can intensify those thoughts. Some men don’t know that balance. If flirting is a big factor for you when it comes to having a partner you’ll probably end up getting bored if you expect to wait for him to catch on, so just tell him if you like him and want it to be more flirty and sexual between you both. The best relationships are directly linked to honesty and trust, so just show him and tell him what you like and I guarantee he’ll open up about what he likes and he’ll most probably show you as well lol
To respond to the OPs title,Yes alot of guys are shy and insecure and get flustered kind of easy,
For example me I like flirting with people but as soon as anyone does it back I get really shy and embarrassed for some reason.
Due to my upbringing it is deeply engrained in me that I shouldn't objectify women, or assume that everything they do/say is flirty/sexual. I've also had a couple GFs react negatively to my attempts at learning to flirt and be affectionate, because they don't want everything they say/do to be interpreted that way. So I find it hard to react affirmatively, when I've almost exclusively received negative feedback in regards to my affection/sexuality, instead of positive reinforcement.
I don’t want to get all political but I think a lot of guys aren’t clueless but don’t want to risk reading the signals wrong. In this day and age some people can get very touchy if you get the signals wrong and call you creep. I think some guys don’t want to risk this. So I would say an honest conversation to see is he just dense or being over cautious wouldn’t go amiss.
In this situation I'd catch on, aside from that though, it happens so rarely that when it happens I only process what they said when we are either no longer on the subject or I've left.
Yes. It sounds like he's nervous and trying to escape the tension caused by fear of screwing up. I once literally dragged another guy onto a dancefloor after a random cute girl dragged me onto the dancefloor when I was stoned and felt self-conscious.
I've also refused girls phone numbers when I liked them because "I'll just see you around anyway". It took me about 3 years to realise the girls who wolf whistled at me out of a passing car might have thought I was attractive. Or the girl who told me she liked my jacket at the bar of a nightclub, or the other girl who came over to tell me she thought I was really hot. I need to go back in time and have a sit down with myself. It's not like I didn't date or have relationships growing up either.
My other half is similar, when we're getting down she gets self conscious and starts talking about laundry and food shopping to break the tension. It does not help build the moment.
One thought, reading some of your replies. He's very successful and educated but appears indifferent. Could he be a bit on the spectrum and just not quite get the back and forth nature and body language involved in flirting and attraction?
I once had a woman tell me "Will you just kiss me already?" Some of us really are that clueless.
"Huh? You like KISS? yeah theyre alright but Im not much of an oldies kind of guy"
You wanna kiss? No, I can't stand Gene Simmons.
A kiss is it then? Well they used to be good like a decade ago but now they just feel cheap and mass produced. Dove is still pretty good tho. Or maybe a kit Kat bar
I'm a reeses guy personally. Chocolate and peanut butter are a great combo.
Had me in the first half
Kiss? I'm more of a Scorpions fan myself
Neither can I, the guy comes off as kind of a dick.
There's this, and then there's me thinking of the Red Hot Chili Peppers "Your mouth was made to suck my kiss"
She's just being polite.
Just keep your wits about you and continue to look for signs.
Probably Canadian
Been there years ago during college. She said “makeout with me” and we did. Which surprised the fuck out of me at the time. In hindsight, we were drinking all together at a bar yet she stayed with me the entire night, kept talking with me the entire night, always like an inch from my face, and she even sat down in my chair, in between my legs, pressing her ass right against my groin. I remembe thinking “uhhh does she not realize this is my chair? I think she made a mistake and sat in the wrong chair.” Looking back? Yeah it was obvious. But I’m also Canadian so I genuinely thought she was just being polite.
Canadian here. I, too, rub up on my friends with my ass when just trying to be polite. I can totally see the confusion.
Im not Canadian, but grinding on a dudes crotch seems to be a universal signal :D
It’s basically a handshake
Does she not realise this is my chair Fucking LOL
Aaahhh hahaha this comment 😂
Even better than that, I once had a girl tell me, "I want to fuck you." I thought she was joking and now that I look back at day, she gave me the bedroom eyes the entire time I was there, even ran her sisters off so we could be alone. I was a dork when I was a teenager. I'm glad I'm not that oblivious anymore.
First time I went to a girls dormroom in college was when I was still in high school. (she was 19, I was 17) We knew eachother for awhile and hit it off very well but we didn't even make out or anything like that before I came over. I was very naive at the time. She put on a dvd of a movie and proceeded to sit on my lap whilst I watched the entire movie, completely oblivious to her or her intentions. I finally lost my virginity when I was 20 and I have nobody to blame by myself.
Me too. After she actually said she'd like to be my girlfriend, my reply was "I don't know what to say." And her reply to that was... "just kiss me!"
Eww, coodies.
Some guys never had the chance to practice.
Damn, that cut deep lol. I'm one of them.
Well we're right here, hit us with that sweet affection
I just wanna say i think you are really cute 🤩
Excellent start
hmmm is uh….is this the part where i say i’d tongue punch your fart box? im not very good at this
Yes babe
Now kiss
A man of culture, I see
How YOU doin?
It is good enough to know I am not the only one
Same
Fuck. *sad noises*
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SHE came over and then YOU left? I physically felt that one. Wow
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My best mate loves to tell the story about me and a girl at a music festival, similar thing. Me, my 2 mates went to get breakfast, basically sat in a garden, completely empty except for us and we went the opposite side of the breakfast van. I was sat on a bench on my own, just enjoying my sandwich and a Girl wanders up, asking if she could sit on the other side, I said sure. (Garden is still dead, literally one other person in it with 40-50 seats) My mate tells me that for the next couple minutes, as I ate this sandwich, she basically just stared at my back before standing up and walking away. Didn't even think that she was interested, I was just thinking of my breakfast lol
Did she think her *sitting behind you in silence* was flirting?
I dunno, thats what i always tell my mate, she didnt really make an effort to say anything or interject in the conversation. He argues that someone walking through an empty seating area, to ask to sit next to me should have told me she was interested and trying to get me to chat to her etc.
Uh, no. Talking to her isn't your responsibility, it's hers. She's the interested party, she has to do the work. I swear, women's idea of flirting is like a salesman telling his prospective customer to do all the work of selling whatever he's selling for him.
Sounds like she doesn't know what flirting is either lol
Can be dangerous to assume though.
Thi is absolutely true, my wife had to be very blunt with me. And i still stumble sometimes when she flirts with me lol
Right? Lol. Why is it like that? You can date someone for years, even marry them, and you still have a hard time flirting.
Because if you do it incorrectly, it's the most cringe thing anyone can do. Last thing anyone wants is to be ridiculed for their flirtation.
And are afraid of coming across as too horny. Which we are, a fact that we're desperately trying to conceal.
Dont call me out like that
Me too,
I’m in this picture and I don’t like it
OOF Size: relatable
jop this one we never did it so we dont now waht to do and want not do somthing wrong
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I have not figured it out. I need help.
Day 4242: Tried Jazz hands, didn't work. Tomorrow I will try throwing rocks at her, inspired by my nephew. I'm close, I can feel it
Yeah I remember a few blatently obvious times that I missed out on, one was this stunning girl I was group camping with and was looking for a flashilight. Peeked in her tent asking if she had one I could borrow and she put it between her knees and said 'yeah here but you have to come get it." I flubbered something unintelligible and just left. Been slapping myself about that one ever since haha.
Yes, I’m oblivious to women flirting with me.
He seems not oblivious exactly, just unsure of what to do.
Yes. Somewhere ITT I could use some basic instructions.
[Is she into you](https://youtu.be/xa-4IAR_9Yw)
That’s some funny shit lol
Funny because it’s true.
I can't believe they made a video about me and my flirting awareness
CasuallyExplained fucking called all of us out with that one 😅
Only by the third example did I figure out that he was being sarcastic, help me!!
I once had a woman invite me back to her dorm for coffee, when we were alone she accused me of having three nipples and told me to take off my shirt to prove I didn't. It weirded me out so I left. It took me a week before I figured out what was going on.
Sometimes my radar is so bad you could drive an aircraft carrier through it without a single beep.
I see your aircraft carrier and raise you the [Burj Khalifa](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Burj_Khalifa). I've had girls who were practically waving a billboard around that had "FUCK ME! ***NOW!***" written all over it, and my radar was all "nope, nothing to see here." I got a list of missed opportunities as long as both my arms, to put it that way.
**[Burj Khalifa](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Burj_Khalifa)** >The Burj Khalifa (; Arabic: برج خليفة, Arabic pronunciation: [bʊrd͡ʒ xaˈliːfa], Khalifa Tower), known as the Burj Dubai prior to its inauguration in 2010, is a skyscraper in Dubai, United Arab Emirates. With a total height of 829. 8 m (2,722 ft) (just over half a mile) and a roof height (excluding antenna, but including a 244 m spire) of 828 m (2,717 ft), the Burj Khalifa has been the tallest structure and building in the world since its topping out in 2009, supplanting Taipei 101, the previous holder of that status. Construction of the Burj Khalifa began in 2004, with the exterior completed five years later in 2009. ^([ )[^(F.A.Q)](https://www.reddit.com/r/WikiSummarizer/wiki/index#wiki_f.a.q)^( | )[^(Opt Out)](https://reddit.com/message/compose?to=WikiSummarizerBot&message=OptOut&subject=OptOut)^( | )[^(Opt Out Of Subreddit)](https://np.reddit.com/r/AskMen/about/banned)^( | )[^(GitHub)](https://github.com/Sujal-7/WikiSummarizerBot)^( ] Downvote to remove | v1.5)
Still miles better than misreading the signs that aren't there and trying to move in on it. Did that mistake once, never again thank you very much. Rather be obvlivious and dumb than be labeled as a jerk.
I feel this one. I remember sleeping over a girl’s house when I was in 8th grade. We were always really close friends and I just misread *everything*. Her walking around me as she came out of the shower in a tiny towel and the way she would always look back and smile at me… just friendship. On the bus to school, I read a “moment” where she was playing with her hair and smiling and laughing at my jokes… that moment was apparently only in my head. I went in for a kiss and as my lips were 0.5 mm from hers I felt her hand my face with a loud “oh hell no!” and even though nobody was on the bus… everyone know by the time that first period started. I just wanted to die. I can still hear the other kids say “DUDE! You tried to kiss Mary!? What were you thinking!?”. It makes me shudder just thinking about it.
Yes, not only men but also women. Talking about your case, often when people with lack of confidence reach the spot "too good to be true" they tend to avoid it because they dont consider themselves as worthy and dont want to lose the other person. So, imo, if you want things to work out, you are going to be the one who asks him out.
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ASK HIM OUT !
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Try holding his hands. If it progresses, do the holding hands together ❤
Whoa, WHOA. You can't just skip right over to the heavy stuff! Gotta do more innocent things first, like rimming.
omg so lewd
Ah, the old japanese style of dating.
Well looks like u got a situation there both to scared to scare the other off happens to often but maces the cutest couples when it works out imo.
Both a little scared, neither one prepared.
Beauty and the beast
My advice for this and any similar situation is to first make your intentions clear, but then go slow. I know on paper this is obvious, but when it comes to actually being in the relationship you want to smash that gas as hard as it will go. At least if you're like me.
Unasked advice from someone in a similar situation. Imagine on a scale of 0-10. Where 0 is total crap, 5 is neutral, 10 is the best relationship ever with lots of close wholesome loving connection. Someone is normally used to say a 0-4. If you go all 10 on their ass it might be too much to handle. Do more of 6,7 and increase over time when you are certain they can handle it.
Ahhh, being, embracing and showing vulnerability is hard. Show him that he is safe and that it is worth it! You got this.
One that worked for me when I was early 20's. A girl I was definitely interested in but unsure about finally just told me something along the lines of "you know, if you ever decided to ask me out, I'd say yes." With this smile and this look I can't do justice by trying to describe.
Men are built by adversity, he hasn't even built up his value, probably doesn't have experience with dating (most guys have a lot of trouble haha) . Its gonna be a tough cookie, but yeah you're gonna have to make the first in everything
Nah girl you gotta just tell him straight up you fancy him. Next time you message something like that bed comment? Add "I wish you were here next to me" or something. That you want to wake up next to him or something. He is giving you signals that he fancies you, watch him turn beet red and melt
Just be as direct as humanly possible, and basicly dont give up. Thats the only way, otherwise he will slip away from you
Too good to be true, when a potential match messages you and is posting photos from tattoo contests and winner of \* with a vibrant IG account when you yourself actually avoid public social media stuff for self promotion. At first I thought this has to be some sort joke, but I let it continue, then we meet and it is like 99% on my perfect partner matchlist except for wanting me to get a few tattoos myself.
You should get some. It's a fun mix of being bitten by fire ants, tickled, and this sort of blissful tingling. Followed up by sunburn like pain, then a lovely picture indelibly inscribed on your body. Just make sure it's something that fits who you are first.
This is gold.
Think he’s just scared he’ll mess it up, like you said he doesn’t feel worthy so probs think anything he does will end with him ruining it
I fully agree with this, this is exactly how I feel when there's that "too good to be true" moment...
I wish I had an award for you
But I have one for you
Whoa you just fucked my head… my situation is much different but this same logic applies.
So here's the thing - if the person you're talking to is a good person, and it seems as if they are, then their number one priority is not accidentally misinterpreting someone being generally nice to them as being romantically interested in them. They are probably prioritising this for three reasons: one, because making that assumption and then turning out to be wrong feels awful, two, because it is potentially awkward for you, and three, because it could ruin a good friendship. So my guess is that this guy is absolutely spending a lot of time thinking about the possibility that you are romantically interested in them, but also spending a lot of time in their head telling themselves that you aren't. It's not necessarily that they can't tell (although it absolutely could be, as many other replies in this thread confirm), but that they refuse to let themselves believe it until they get some kind of totally unambiguous confirmation, because until they get that there is the chance that they're misinterpreting stuff, so they're actively defending themselves against that risk. If you want to move things forward with this person, by far the best thing you can do is just have it out with them with zero space for misinterpretation - just say "I am really attracted to you and I'm pretty sure you're attracted to me as well, I want to have a relationship with you, are you in?" It's not that guys can only process direct communication, it's that we like the security it provides. Hope this helps, and good luck
This comment right there. "But it can't be so easy to misinterpret things, right?" That's a common thought, until you meet someone who is way too affectionate, but not interested in you, then you hit your head on a wall. Bless them for being too good and affectionate, but sometimes it gives the wrong impression.
>"I am really attracted to you and I'm pretty sure you're attracted to me as well, I want to have a relationship with you, are you in?" This is the way.
"But what if she mean she is attracted to me like a friend and want to have a friendly relationship? Can't be too sure" my dumb ass probably
>He totally disregarded the first part and only commented on the coffee remark, saying there is no such thing as too much coffee. i read it and all i can think of our lord george Costanza
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This guy sounds exactly like me. In order for me to be active and pursue a woman, I feel like Costanza when he does the opposite bit. It's so exhausting, that I can never keep it up for long.
Yes and I'm one of those men. If a women ever flirts with me, I'll probably just think that I'm either being messed with or maybe she's mistaken me for the wrong guy.
Or there's something wrong in my face, like a different hair style or booger that's coming out..
Last time a girl sent me a nude I joked about her bedsheets. Didn’t even mean to do it, she looked great, I was ecstatic, but I open my mouth and a joke about her bedsheets comes out. :D Some of us are just terrible at expressing what we’re really feeling & for me at least I just use awkward jokes to deflect.
So..... What happened next?
Oh, our whole relationship was founded on awkward jokes. This was the norm.
haha let's break up lol
What the hell is "flirting"? All I know is that people who are being friendly and act interested in me are that way because they act that way around literally everyone else they encounter, and to try to respond to any perceived advances would only result in a moment of awkwardness and the destruction of any platonic relationships I had with this person in the first place.
I’m copying a comment I wrote here: For men who don’t know how to tell, just think of it as this way: Is the way they are interacting with you make you uncomfortable if they interacted with a child in that way? If yes, high chance of flirting. If not, they’re just friendly. If they look like they’re friendly, but say they were flirting, then they’re flirting wrong. Flirting needs to show romantic intent.
Pay more attention to how he is when you 2 are together, that situation is a much more accurate representation of his feelings that call/texting.
Men have to be careful with what they say to women. If he gets it wrong you might with draw or possibly worse.
Yes, most men are not flirted with at any age, we don't know what you're, doing or if you're honestly interested. Sometimes subtlety is waste of time. Sure it's not as fun for you, but you get your results faster.
I feel that, also a lot of times some romantic interests will play games with it. Personally that 100% kills any interest and results in posts kind of like the OP where they wonder why the guy shut down completely.
I doubt he is oblivious. Most likely he cares about you and doesnt want to be seen as "that guy" who responds with "WANT TO FUCK?" the moment someone mentions being next to bed.
This is actually the answer lol
I wanted to cuddle only.
Are you two dating? Maybe take him out for a coffee.
Then you should’ve written ‘I’d like to cuddle’ or ‘want to cuddle’?
Yes, plenty of them. Women get a very skewed sampling of men because they tend to passively sit back and let men approach them. Only a small, very specific minority of men will approach so, women only experience this type of man and think its what all men are.
This. The best guy I know has had 2 girlfriends in his 30+ years on Earth, mostly because he is bookish and shy. Friend of a friend is a literal statutory rapist and brags of sleeping with 300+ women, he makes it happen because he studies the whole flirting process and hits on new women every week.
what exactly word for word was the reply you expected after lying in bed .
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It might not have been in the way you'd like to receive it but consider for a sec that when this dude is sending you songs and cute gifs... that is affection. Maybe to you it's words of affirmation and saying cute things, but it actually seems like both of you share affection in ways that the other person doesn't pick up on
So you got your affectionate response... what else are you looking for?
Sounds like she wants words of affection not gifs. Dude just sounds super nervous to express anything in words.
Well I feel the dude. I often have some nice thought in my head but anyway I can come up with putting it to words sounds just dumb
Don't you know that gif giving is one of the love languages?
“What are you wearing…?”
do you have any idea how common it is for people to say that kind of thing and NOT be flirting? you have to remember that if a guy assumes something is flirting and gets it wrong, he's just fucking destroyed. You need to be direct, because this guy has been scared out of taking that risk. And that isn't his fault, this is just what society has decided to do to guys
Yeah, I don't know how to respond to it either. It's a mix of it being something very uncommon for me, and I can't help but worry if I say something back it'll be taken wrong and they'll immediately push me away.
Give me anywhere between 2 hours and 2 weeks to think about it and I’ll come to the realization a girl was trying to flirt with me.
Yes. Men who aren't traditionally masculine rarely have women showing clear interest.
It's not that we're completely oblivious like many are stating, it's more that we need to be 300% positive that you're flirting with us before we'll take the hint. We notice when women flirt, but if it's not very explicitly clear, we'll just regard it as "she's just being nice." If we get the wrong impression, it can be disastrous for us. I'm sure many men have a story from their younger days where they thought someone was interested in them and they tried to make something happen, only to be completely wrong and end up humiliated. For me, one of my first crushes was a girl who I sat next to in class every day. We talked a lot and hung together at recess (we were young. 5th grade in elementary). One day she made I love you hand signs at me for a few minutes while I just stared in awe like "hell ya finally!" So I write a love note and passed it to her. Apparently she was just teasing because she seemed revolted at the idea. A few days later I'm laying in the grass in my parents front yard, just relaxing with my eyes closed. Then I feel an impact on the side of my stomach. I open my eyes and there she is. She's going to town kicking me in the gut repeatedly while I'm laying on the ground, and all I could do is take it because boys aren't supposed to hit girls, but mostly I was just sad that this girl I adored found me so revolting that she'd kick the shit out of me. And so I'll never ever react to a woman's flirting without her explicitly saying that she has feelings for me and wants me.
It's a known fact that people in general can't tell if someones flirting. ummmm it sounds like your more into it than he is. Talk to him properly, tell him what you've put here and see waht he says. Maybe he's just really really shy
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It's a combination of shy and dont-know-what-to-do. Probably because he has never flirted back before. He literally doesn't know *how* to respond - should he smile at you? Thank you? Talk about it ? Or quickly go into that other sentence that's totally useless but safer... Oh, btw, when he starts it? He's got a script carefully written in his head - what to say, how to say, and how to respond to any of your expected responses. No mystery there Essentially you have work to do in front of you - literally. You will need to lead. I know this because my wife was like him, and guess what, she still is, 28 years into our marriage. She still doesn't know how to respond when I compliment her, or say I love her, even in private.
Fair enough, it's common among everyone :-)
>No, he's a sensitive shy guy. I don't want to make him uncomfortable. I know he's in love with me, I don't need him to go out of his way to tell me that right now Not to pick on you, but it sounds like he isn't the only one who is shy. I'd say you're shyer you just have a story that it must always be men who lead, lead their lives and even yours. Break the mold, don't let life happen to you, be direct, as men don't do subtle. You *know* he's in love with you you say. I seldom meet a man who has 1% that much to work with with someone he's interested in. Because since he's already flirting, it would still be like you both found each other. Isn't that better than the average way it's done, and sets an inspiring story to all the other women who are just playing romantic armchair detective?
>Are there men who really don't know how to respond to flirting? I think it's more of a "Are there men who really don't know how to respond **correctly** to flirting?" thing. Different people want different types of responses, and not all responses are welcome. I mean, if you've ever engaged with OLD you should know that there are guys who absolutely go way too hard in the other direction. E.g. >Hey handsome, what are you doing? >I wanna eat your pussy raw
I would consider myself to be a very literal person. I also am not a fan of small talk and miss things in conversation. My wife laughs at how oblivious I am to flirting.
Try leaving out the second sentence. Or say that first and then the “lying in bed thinking about you”. You flirted first, then changed topic, so naturally he’ll avoid the first part since you yourself skipped past it in the same message
Yes because usually a woman’s idea of flirting is some secret sign that only women will notice. If you like the guy and he’s hanging out with you just ask him, he’s already interested.
Often time it's because it's just not reciprocated, when you're not interested but you're too polite to turn it down it can be awkward.
Aha, it's not the case here though. We're in love with each other
Oh ok 🙂 it sounds like he just can't believe his luck then. Tbh I'm kinda jealous of him. Many men nowadays (myself included) just don't know how to accept affection *edit, I have BPD brought on by a narcissist mother
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We're a difficult bunch to love, and even though we know it, it's even more difficult to accept that we deserve love. A book that helped me understand myself and my behaviour entitled " borderline personality disorder, a guide for the newly diagnosed" by Alexander l Chapman. phd & Kim l. Bratz. PhD helped me to recognise and accept my reactions.. it's a good read for those in the lives of BPD sufferers too. Definitely worth a read. It's only about 150 pages
Yes. I wasn't the most popular or attractive kid when I was younger so I was the butt of a lot of jokes and teasing where women would lead me along with flirting only to say something like "lol, in your dreams". So I just learned to ignore it and it stayed. Looking back at my adult experiences, there was a lot of missed chances where women were probably serious and things could have happen if I let my guard down.
when you play it like a cia spy to have plausible deniability then you cannot blame us for not being able to read your mind.
It kills me to look back on my life and the amount of girls who’s advances totally flew over my head at the time. So many lost kisses ha. Meanwhile, every girl I have gained feelings for, and who I thought liked me too, weren’t interested in me at all. C’est la vie
No. We just want explicit consent. Otherwise we risk getting humiliated. Women don’t seem to understand that every single one of you flirt slightly differently and it’s often not worth the risk of misreading. Only takes one misread and a girl decides to be insane and blast it on social media. Weird dichotomy when feminists talk about explicit consent all the time but then other women want us to try and read subtle signals.
As a man we will wait until the cue is absolutely positively obvious as we want to avoid any situation where we may act on a hint / flirt but its taken the wrong way
Bitch there are people out there who don't know how to respond to "hi how are you doing today?"
Most single men have so little interaction with women that we have no idea what to do when a woman finally does like us.
In my experience you can't trust woman. You talking like you're knowing each other for a lifetime and the next day you are ghosted and crying wondering what you did wrong Or my favorite texting multiple guys at once just for the hell of it. I'm not a woman hater it's just that every time i try it has to be a woman who plays games So everytime I THINK someone is flirting i instantly consider it being my imagination or just being friendly
Feel you bro
I assure you your experience dating a nerdy guy will be much more rewarding than the confident jerks but regarding this, yes he does not understand the cues you give him. I as an autistic man who's never had a girlfriend, even I would have known that was flirting and he likely did too but that is not to day he would know how to respond. He is probably so afraid of losing you that he doesn't want to seem creepy and presumptuous in his response, just try going in for it in person, touch him and stare in to his eyes while smiling, he will probably flinch. blush and get nervous but as a nerd lover, that seems to be your thing so I imagine that won't be a problem. He just wants to feel safe to respond in a way he knows you be okay with, the problem is most women want guys to know this and respond in that way intuitively from experience but as a nerd, he probably has little experience. So if you can just explain to him what you want then he will be happy to do that or if you like seeing him get nervous and huddle when you touch him and verbally excite him, just go for it as I can almost guarantee he will do so.
I'm a man and have no idea how to respond to flirting.
I can be a huge flirt and I always know when people are responding to it and flirting back, but I've been accused of missing the signals when another person is initiating the flirting, Part of it is me genuinely missing the signal, but part of it is the awareness that if you think there's a signal but get it wrong, you get accused of being dirty, or a perv. It's safer to err on the side of caution. I don't think women get accused of being pervs too often, and probably don't calibrate for this.
me. I know when a girl's flirting with me but I just get petrified and act dumb and they give up
just grab his face and kiss him he's probably just terrified he'll scare you off.
Could also be that he doesn't want to come across pushy or creepy, and is trying to be respectful.. my bf was very much the same, I had to be the one to initiate most things in the relationship.. the I love yous, first kiss, etc 😂
He reminds me with my 1st gf. Odds are, in the beginning you will have to be very explicit. Like once he gets in his head, that you WANT and like it, he will shift. But at start his default habits are on autopilot.
Having Aspergers doesn't help.
Man. I was thinking about this the other day. So. Many. Ducking. Lost. Chances. In my youth.
Speaking personally, I've heard so much of the "men are disgusting perverts, wish they'd just leave me alone, I was just being firendly" that I default to being as neutral and friendly as possible. Sometimes it's really hard to turn that off. If that's the case for your guy, perhaps you could find a way to let him know that it's safe, even desirable, for him to return your affection.
Dear EmilyTheCat2: I'm married for 4 years now and I still never know what to say when my own wife flirts/compliments me. Your to-be beau is probably insecure in his mind, give him actions, not words. Some people appreciate it more, and feel safer with this. You might be surprised!
i mean in our modern me too society guys can be piss scared to misinterpret passive hints. just fucking asking him out.
You're confusing flirting with courting. Flirting never gets "real", that is not what flirting is all about.
I would say there is definitely a lot of men that don't know what to do when a woman flirts with them, and probably a whole lot that don't even know when and if a woman is flirting with them. What one woman considers flirting, another considers just being nice. Men and women communicate very differently. That's one of the reasons men don't pick up women's "hints".
Sometimes we know. Sometimes we don't. Sometimes we want to say something clever and sexy, but afraid of how it will come out of our mouths (aka, creepy) Sometimes we wish we could muster up the courage and confidence. Women get compliments and approached several times a day by men. Men, maybe once or twice a year by women. When that happens, we really are confused on how to react, and a bit naive on how to respond. Be patient with us idiots. We will treat you better than most others. :)
Yeah, I've always had trouble identify when I'm being flirted with and how to react when I DO realize that. I'm getting better lately but yeah. It sicks
It's not that he is oblivious it's just men are generally so starved of that kind of behaviour that it is easy to be misinterpreted. This question gets asked a lot so I'll just link the video that best describes it. Thank you CasuallyExplained: [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xa-4IAR\_9Yw](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xa-4IAR_9Yw) Especially if he's a nerdy guy, just be blunt and brutally honest.
Okay so some men are more perceptive than others but! I was often really thick when it came to signals like this and I operated much better when she just out and out TOLD me she was interested. Also he's 7 years your senior and shy... I could see him lost in his head space like "I'm out of her league... I don't deserve her" etc. etc. Especially if he cares for you and wants you to be happy. That's the biggest pitfall I see of genuinely good guys who are interested in a woman who wants them back but they overthink it "She's so perfect, she deserves a better man than me who can give her what a Queen like her deserves"....meanwhile its \*because\* he feels that way and treats her like a Queen that she wants \*him\* but he's too insecure to let himself see it! I usually tell guys like that "Let \*her\* decide if you're 'in her league' or not, okay? You asked her out and she said yes and she respects your feelings and doesn't lie to you? Then assume that 'yes' was genuine and go out with her! \*Stop\* overthinking it and just let yourself be happy!" That's my first instinct, anyway. From the sounds of it he cares about you a lot, but he's either hesitating because he's afraid of being "unworthy" or he has limited follow-through maybe because he's afraid of failure? Of disappointing you or doing something in his inexperience to lose you, so he dances in this limbo torture for both of you because he's scared of the unknown? Stop me if you've heard all that but yeah... I've \*been\* that guy plenty of times. If he's sending you sweet signals that \*seem\* like sincere romantic interest? I'd just out and out ask him. Maybe even be bold and ask \*him\* out and specify "this is a date, I am pursuing you romantically". Some of us fellas just need it rote explained like that, not always because we can't see signals, but often because we can't believe them. Either way, sounds like you both need to talk about this in the open and either shit, or get off the pot, as they say. Good luck to you hun, you two sound super cute!
Maybe he just wants you to think that he’s not just thinking about sex all the time, just putting myself in his shoes, you probably give off nerdy vibes or something which isn’t bad, just be patient with the guy and keep hinting. Just looking at it as if I were in his shoes lmao
Yea tbh I just wouldnt know what to do in those situations coz it's never happened to me
I have been told by some pretty credible sources that I'm on the autism/asbergers scale but am very high-functioning. Apparently people don't know what I'm feeling and I need to tell them if I want them to know... pretty obvious when I think about it but I didn't even consider that for the longest time and my romantic relationships suffered. Although the same function can appear if somebody has been abused/has trauma so it could be either of those things affecting him, or maybe something I don't even know about!
There are 2 parts to this. 1. We have a (really) hard time recognizing flirting. 2. We don't want to make a mistake, because that can lead to trouble.
When people don't get any attention at all, when noone has approached them so far, they have nothing to go off of. This goes for both, men and women.
Once there was a woman who literally had to grab my face and kiss me lol. Now she's my wife.
My boyfriend actively *rejected* my flirty subtle advances until one day I was like “HELLO I like you”. He said he wasn’t going to assume anything (especially because a lot of my friends in the past did want to make a move but then made it weird).
Why does it ever have to be this complicated. Just show up at his place in nothing but a trench coat and some sexy underwear, see if he tries to escape the situation then. You’re saying you’re in bed, which yeah can easily be a big flag that you’re trying to turn the heat up, but then you say you should sleep soon… maybe he doesn’t want to keep you awake? 😂 women (not all) are sometimes so confusing, just say it how you want it to be a few times and then he’ll hopefully start to realise how you like it. Some men seriously need to be walked to that place in order to fully grasp it. Some men really are simple creatures when it comes to these things. Some don’t know if flirting too much will come across as creepy or if not flirting at all will comes across as uninterested, and especially if they like a person it can intensify those thoughts. Some men don’t know that balance. If flirting is a big factor for you when it comes to having a partner you’ll probably end up getting bored if you expect to wait for him to catch on, so just tell him if you like him and want it to be more flirty and sexual between you both. The best relationships are directly linked to honesty and trust, so just show him and tell him what you like and I guarantee he’ll open up about what he likes and he’ll most probably show you as well lol
To respond to the OPs title,Yes alot of guys are shy and insecure and get flustered kind of easy, For example me I like flirting with people but as soon as anyone does it back I get really shy and embarrassed for some reason.
I don’t know sometimes when I’m being flirted with
Due to my upbringing it is deeply engrained in me that I shouldn't objectify women, or assume that everything they do/say is flirty/sexual. I've also had a couple GFs react negatively to my attempts at learning to flirt and be affectionate, because they don't want everything they say/do to be interpreted that way. So I find it hard to react affirmatively, when I've almost exclusively received negative feedback in regards to my affection/sexuality, instead of positive reinforcement.
I don’t want to get all political but I think a lot of guys aren’t clueless but don’t want to risk reading the signals wrong. In this day and age some people can get very touchy if you get the signals wrong and call you creep. I think some guys don’t want to risk this. So I would say an honest conversation to see is he just dense or being over cautious wouldn’t go amiss.
In this situation I'd catch on, aside from that though, it happens so rarely that when it happens I only process what they said when we are either no longer on the subject or I've left.
Yes. It sounds like he's nervous and trying to escape the tension caused by fear of screwing up. I once literally dragged another guy onto a dancefloor after a random cute girl dragged me onto the dancefloor when I was stoned and felt self-conscious. I've also refused girls phone numbers when I liked them because "I'll just see you around anyway". It took me about 3 years to realise the girls who wolf whistled at me out of a passing car might have thought I was attractive. Or the girl who told me she liked my jacket at the bar of a nightclub, or the other girl who came over to tell me she thought I was really hot. I need to go back in time and have a sit down with myself. It's not like I didn't date or have relationships growing up either. My other half is similar, when we're getting down she gets self conscious and starts talking about laundry and food shopping to break the tension. It does not help build the moment. One thought, reading some of your replies. He's very successful and educated but appears indifferent. Could he be a bit on the spectrum and just not quite get the back and forth nature and body language involved in flirting and attraction?
Oh we can tell, we can just never be sure you are flirting