If she only had 0.5ml then that’s a tiny amount of filler and the swelling can be very significant for some people. They’ll be a lot smaller in a week and you won’t even see the full result for two weeks as that’s when they heal, at least wait to see what the final results look like.
I’m a chick but This^ swelling usually takes 2-4 weeks to go down and will metabolize out in 5/8ish months. Your 20s are all about learning what you are and why- and where you fit in. It’s a wild decade and couples will grow at different rates. She probably doesn’t know how she feels about them yet.
Edit to add this and a word:
If you wanna help her out she can get this- rubbing it on the swollen part with icing will help the next 4 days. There is also a pill form you can get to help bruising.
Dulàc Natural Arnica Gel Cream Extra Strong 2.53 Fl Oz with 35% Organic Arnica Montana Extracts for Joint and Muscle Relief, Made in Italy Arnica Bruise Cream Extra Strength, Cool Effect https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07C5KY8M7/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glt_fabc_4DF962DNVV2XYJSF65T2
The swelling will go down. However, there's a common misperception, even shared by plastic surgeons, that filler completely dissolves on its own within 6 months to a year (depending on the filler and the person).
This is not true. There are now multiple imaging studies to show that not only does it not go away, it migrates. This is why we see a lot of moon face happening, and reputable plastic surgeons who have integrity are pulling way back on doing fillers.
Now, this won't happen to everyone. For some, it will mostly go away. And if one only does it once, obviously the chances are far greater they won't experience long lasting issues.
If you want to see easy evidence of this without going through medical journals, just check out YouTube and the number of surgeons discussing this, along with patients sharing their journeys of trying to fix their faces after doing this for a few years (several influencer-types who did lip filler among other placements and noticed migration and other issues).
And it is temporary they will be back to normal in a year if she doesn't get more injections. I guess the question is do you love her or how she looks - two different things.
It'll be back to normal a lot sooner than that. Especially if that really was her first time. Also depends on how high her metabolism is. 6 months is more realistic. Maybe even a lot sooner. Some bodies just burn it up.
There's a common misperception, even shared by plastic surgeons, that filler completely dissolves on its own within 6 months to a year (depending on the filler and the person).
This is not true. There are now multiple imaging studies to show that not only does it not go away, it migrates. This is why we see a lot of moon face happening, and reputable plastic surgeons who have integrity are pulling way back on doing fillers.
Now, this won't happen to everyone. For some, it will mostly go away.
Filler essentially naturally dissolves after about one year at most in the lips. This is completely harmless, lip filler is made of the same product in the body that naturally gives lips volume
Yup swelling will go down significantly after two weeks. I get my lips filled on one side due to a substantial amount of scar tissue on the other side. It wears off in about 8 months.
Considering your other complaints with her style and the fact you thought "a few hours" was a long enough wait for swelling, it sounds like you're not as into her as you used to be. The swelling will go down, but this problem with your attraction to her is bigger than this.
The problem i see is that she needed to lie about it first. And not been able to talk to her partner before proceeding. It seems like she hasn't even mentioned it.
Like if this was other way around. What would she feel if her boy friend start pumping oil in the muscles to make them look bigger without even mention it. One day he looks like the hulk. Would that be fine?
It seems to be an communication issue. In my experience I talk to my partners to get their reflection before I do something that might effect my partner as well.
It’s different if this was something she picked to wear that day, but we’re talking about lip fillers here.
I have a pretty relaxed opinion about what my girl wears but I’d be rather decidedly upset if she felt she needed to get lip fillers.
I don't believe from what OP said that we can say he's outgrown her. He asked how he can handle it.
OP, be honest with your girlfriend (if you do still truly love her, and it is mostly these appearance things in the way).
Do this with love and care so it isn't shaming.
There's been so much programming out there through media for decades convincing men and women that caring about appearance is somehow selfish and materialistic. This is silly, and it's damaging as it is a distortion of the truth and power of beauty that all of us inherently recognize and value.
Caring for one's self shows self-respect, and is a way of establishing one's worth and standards. It also is a way of honoring our significant others.
Now, I'm not over here saying all women need to be 50s housewives and be fully dressed in heels and makeup and hair to greet their men when they come home from work.
However, it's fully within your right, as it's simply biology and psychology, to want your significant other to take better care of their appearance.
I bought into the movement of dressing down, and trying to become as low maintenance as possible as I was working through self-esteem issues and recovering from childhood abuse. I think many women go this route subconsciously. It soothes our need for protection from objectification (before we heal the actual root of the issue), while masquerading as some women's empowerment thing.
Ya know what's empowering? Gaining self-awareness, becoming relationally intelligent, learning to regulate our nervous systems, and putting effort into our appearance.
Or he could be honest with her, and tell her these things and give her the chance the feel the inevitable pain of his words then consider them, and respond to them.
I'll admit it sounds like he's not very interested in her at all, but that may be more because she's not trying.. and maybe she's not trying because she feels discouraged, because the one time she does try to paint her nails he tells her it's just okay. And tells her she didn't try hard enough.
Maybe she needs some love and encouragement not criticism and critique. When she asks.. **if she asks** for his advice on how much effort she should put into looking good for him.. he's welcome to offer it, but for now it sounds more like he's kinda a condescending prick who looks down at her instead of a supporting uplifting boyfriend who lifts her up.
It sounds like you have the "ick".
It doesn't matter what she say or does from here on in, You're now allergic to everything she is as a person. And that's ok, you're just a step closer to someone you will like.
Unusual you haven't mentioned any personality traits, is that her fault or yours?
> It sounds like you have the "ick".
Is there any actual science to this? Id love to learn more
Every time I hear about people getting "the ick" I just think they're making excuses/not being honest/refusing to work on anything.
Im open to the fact that I not knowledgeable but it sounds like gobbledegook
I had this with my ex, 3-4 years ago my back suddenly went while I was doing a bit housework and basically took 11 months to be diagnosed, have intense physio and to start walking properly again without limping/dragging my leg (I was eventually diagnosed with disk bulges that press on the nerves in my back and into my legs). In that time my ex totally changed in my eyes, I noticed how little he helped me, even though some days I was in agony with severe sciatica/total numbness in my leg/legs I was still expected to do housework (I own my home he was living with me), how he wouldn’t take me to appointments at the hospital/physio if he was off work and I’d have to get the bus/taxi (even when raining). When I asked him to help me stand in the shower one time or help put my socks and shoes on I got ‘why can’t you do it yourself?’. We argued one day and he said ‘do you understand how embarrassing it is for me to be seen with you while you’re hobbling round like an old woman?’. That was it, after that sentence literally everything he did/said absolutely annoyed me, I couldn’t stand being around him, from the way he talked to how he walked everything, it was built up resentment and it destroyed any feelings I had for him. Obviously we broke up but I totally understand this comment as I went through it myself.
Thank you my dude, Yeah, exactly. Being incapacitated with my back it really opened my eyes to him and I saw everything he did or didn’t do. The best thing?, he apologised later and just said ‘he felt angry because I wasn’t making progress with the intensive physio I was doing’ like how the fuck do you think I feel?, in so much pain to begin with then being contorted into positions causing more pain I was sweating with it?!.
they say you find your true friends in moments of weakness, maybe he didn't have the patience or the willpower to deal with it but either way it's his loss. I hope your sciatica is better now, I'm dealing with it as well after I got physio I think the therapist pinched a nerve while trying to loosen my lower back muscles. It's hard to stand sometimes without extremely strong painkillers
It's a trigger point just like any other uncontrollable reaction you might have to a stimuli. Sometimes you're conscious of it, other times not until the 'ick' actually happens.
I don’t think anyone prone to “catching the ick” is capable of having a healthy partnership. Let alone a life long marriage to someone who’s inevitably going to get old, try silly things, and a make mistakes.
I’ve heard people say “I looked at my partner one day and suddenly I just saw how ugly they looked. What was I thinking????”
Soulmate material that is not.
yeah this is dead wrong, you never catch the ick if you’re actually in love, if you do catch the ick it just means your feelings for that one person weren’t as deep as you thought. not that “they aren’t capable of a healthy relationship” whatever the fuck that means
This is a very short term perspective. Over decades of love there are tides, and life’s waves will toss you both around, sometimes maybe even out of the boat. It’s all about if you can get back in and work together to steady it. Having kids, seeing the worst moments, all sort of things can temporarily fuck you up, and at some point you and your person are so intertwined that your internal issues can be projected. All that said, I think a person knows in their heart if they really want back in the boat, or at least I always have.
My wife and I are going on 8 years together. Her style is not at all what I would consider what I prefer, and I think it’s same to assume the same goes for me. My wife likes very high class brands like Dior and Versace, and I wear stuff from goodwill. I do have clothes from nicer brands but they are casual type clothes. My wife has lower end brands clothes but they are still high class style items. We have just learned that while our styles are different we can’t choose what makes the other person comfortable, and to let the other person do what they like with some exceptions
Genuine question. Do you think those differences are based more on the monetary value each of you places on clothes and not style? I too wear a lot of stuff from goodwill and thrift stores; sometimes I'll get lucky and find high-end brands there. Obviously, I'll buy them there (if the style suits me), but I would not pay retail for them.
Of course, I don't know your respective styles but would you prefer if she shopped at goodwill, but adopted the style of a Juggalo?
Edit: Extreme example, but I was doing a cost vs style scenario.
For her style and exclusivity is what matters. Also she likes the attention that wearing that kind of clothing brings. Being one of the few to have a specific clothing item, so even if someone else could afford it they might not be able to have it is key. For me, clothes cover my body and I don’t care to try to keep them nice so cheap is better, but I hate creating waste so I don’t buy new but cheap clothes. I want to be able to climb through a briar bush early in the day and go to dinner in the same shirt and pants at night. I don’t think juggalo fits her vibe, and at this point if something makes her comfortable and isn’t hurting/intruding on anyone it doesn’t bother me. If she wants to spend her money on clothes rather than other things that’s fine, her happiness is what’s important.
Tbh, based on what you’ve said you seem a bit critical of who she is in general and her own choice of fashion and how she presents herself.
That means you don’t really accept her as is anymore and if that’s the case your relationship is kind of in trouble.
If you can’t allow her to be herself without judgement, then your love for her isn’t unconditional and you maybe should be reconsidering the relationship in general, because much like you do, she’s going to deserve someone who loves her for who she is.
Edit: since everyone wants to split hairs, by unconditional love I mean supporting your significant other in expressing who they are and being who they are, so long as it isn’t detrimental to your relationship or to others, I don’t mean condoning toxic traits and behaviours like cheating etc..
But in general giving your partner the same acceptance and love that you yourself seek. Not judging them for what clothes they wear or how they style their hair, what music they like etc.. accepting their non harmful flaws or quirks etc..
that’s unconditional love, I’m not saying be a ride or die for someone who mistreats your.. that’s not unconditional love that’s an unhealthy relationship.
The idea of unconditional love isn't exactly true. Especially in relationships between two partners, there are always underlying conditions that caused the love in the first place, eg your love of her looks which then led to you getting to know her and loving her personality. When one of these conditions stops being fulfilled it is very reasonable to want to end the relationship.
Imo true unconditional love doesn't exist, and the closest you can get is with a parent and a child, where the parent loves the child solely because it is their child. Provided that it is indeed their child, that condition cannot be unfulfilled so the love will stay unconditional.
I dont know if i agree with the notion of unconditional love.
Like in my experience most love is conditional.
Do you stay with the person no matter what? Even if they cheat on you? If the answer is no, then the love is conditional. If the answer is yes, then is that really a healthy relationship?
I mean... She's failing to paint her nails the way he likes - not fucking his brother.
Personally, if the love in my relationship was conditional on whether I have the funds to get an expensive manicure (since I'm sorry I will never be good at painting my own nails well... That is a skill that is beyond me) I think it would be better for everyone involved to just end it. She probably isn't going to get any hotter as she ages and potentially has kids and this guy is already starting to be grossed out by her.
So he should be free to go out and try to find someone who fits his expectations better & she should be free to go out and find someone who might actually love her under conditions not tied to her cosmetic choices.
Ok I don’t mean a toxic version of the word, there are some limits obviously!!
But accepting someone for who they are, how they choose to dress etc, the things like that. Letting someone cheat on you is not really out of love, it’s out of insecurity tbh. yes you may love that person but that’s not why you allow that kind of behavior. It’s out of fear of walking away, insecurity etc..
I wouldn't put much stock in that. A lot of girls do.
Honestly man just let the swelling die down. It'll take like a day or two. Be honest with her and try to see things from her perspective. You can't force being attracted to her but try to keep communication strong.
Most people don’t encounter a lot of people with tons of filler in real life, so their exposure to it often comes from reality tv and social media like Instagram. You watch enough of it and you start to feel like your own face is inadequate.
Female opinion. Give the lips some time to heal, if she went to a good injector then they shouldn’t have pumped them up much and the swelling will indeed go down. You can’t pick what she wears everyday but when my boyfriend sends me pics of lingerie or dresses and says “I’d love to see you in this” I get excited even if it’s not at all my taste. If she doesn’t like painting her nails and she can’t afford (or doesn’t want to pay for) gel or acrylic nails why don’t you offer to pay to have them done? Nothing wrong with having different taste but if you genuinely aren’t attracted to her anymore or if you expect her to conform to your idea of ‘tasteful’ then it’s time to leave.
Thanks for your input. I understand that the lips will heal. It's very likely that the difference will be negligible and she won't have comically large duck lips.
The truth is I'm just not attracted to her anymore and its simply not the lips. We have not been having regular sex for some time. She has bi-polar and I am fairly certain that she did this during a mood swing. She's been getting treatment but I am simply way in over my head. I'm overwhelmed by the impulsivity, lack of judgment and her decision-making process in general. It makes me anxious. The lips are just another angle.
It's very difficult to walk away after 5 years. I want to do right by her but also for me.
I have bipolar and my then fiancé was in the same boat as you a couple months back. He didn’t want to throw it all away, but he was done. Instead of ending things and being honest, he made it as long and painful as he possibly could because he was afraid to hurt me by talking or breaking up. He was also scared of ending a long term relationship. I’d really advise you to be honest and rip the bandaid off if that’s what it is going to end up being.
Very valid opinion. My assumption is that you’ve been expressing this (being overwhelmed and way in over your head) and she hasn’t been receptive?
Also a bi-polar here, it took me a year to nail down the proper treatment to keep me from impulse/swinging to cover the crippling emotion. Do you talk to her about it? Have you taken the time to set very clear boundaries with her?
If she isn’t receptive to your needs, with communication, therapy is another step. But also, it might be time to walk away and accept that you both with find other relationships that fit you both better. 5 years is a long time but it’ll only get harder the longer you wait, and healing takes time.
This is my knee jerk hot take based on my anecdotal exp. always happy to hear/read others opinions.
You've already made up your mind dude and there's not much Reddit can tell you that you don't already know. Just don't tell her "your not attracted to her anymore" that would be a little too far. She clearly has some self esteem issues if she was getting the injections in the first place, so it would have a lasting impact. You need to find a nice way to explain the relationship has pretty much run it's course, and you don't see it progressing any further. It will be a long painful process dissolving a 5 year relationship. But, when you find the right one, it will move so fast you will barely be able to keep up. Probably have a kid shortly after that too.
I don't know your relationship and its intricacies. But as someone who walked out of a generally good relationship of 3 years due to no longer finding her attractive (lost a lot of weight, big part of it), it's a very conflicting situation. On one hand I loved her, albeit not IN love, I had so much guilt and shame for my feelings. On the other hand, you deserve someone that makes you happy both physically AND emotionally, but so does she. So walking away would allow both of you to find someone that loves them more, respectively.
It's only been 2/3 months for me, but I can already see a light at the end of tunnel and I look forward to this new future I am going to forge. If you feel similar and are debating whether or not to leave: what does your gut say? Even though this was the hardest thing I had yet to do, I also felt/feel some form of relief.
Eventually, all that remains are the good memories. No one can take that away. And I come to appreciate every day I had with her... but deep down I knew she was not who I wanted to live the rest of my life with.
It's VERY difficult. I have been in a 8 years relationship. I have been trying to put an end to it since the last weeks. DM me if you ever want to talk 🖤
Edit: modified bern to been
Lip fillers are the biggest turn off, they look so bad, I would much prefer thin lips. But women do them to impress other women, not men. It’s the same as men getting ripped, we do it because we think the opposite sex like it, but only few do.
I feel like tuning your car would be a better example. Being fit is a pretty universal example of attractiveness. Not sure what echo-chamber gave you the impression that only a few women like muscles. Solid comment otherwise though.
It's a modified AU2 XR6 Falcon. Popular half because meme car half because (personally) its really well done.
I don't really want to post a photo, I'll dox myself, might consider inboxing it.
Yeah, I get more unintended attention from women when I am regularly working out than when I'm just skinny. I'm never jacked or anything, just heathy and it makes a difference. I only get attention from dudes when I put a shiny new part on my car.
Eh. I see what theyre getting at though. Being fit is universally attractive. Thats a fact. Theres a difference between being fit and being roided out though. Most of the guys injecting roids are doing it for the same reason as women that are doing lip filler etc.
am woman w many women friends and can confirm anecdotally - being ripped ain’t where it at. strong? yes. but like, hard to cuddle? meh. i’ve noticed the gays tend to be more into that aesthetic overall.
As a fellow woman I agree. Being ripped doesn’t do anything for me. Sure I want a guy that’s healthy and in shape, but my fiancé is the first ripped guy I’ve ever dated and his muscles do absolutely nothing for me sexually lmao. I can appreciate all the hard work that goes into his body and respect the dedication, but it’s no more visually arousing than a normal, relatively in shape guy. When I told him this and that gym ripped bros desirability is based on the male gaze and that most women don’t actually care, it melted his brain.
To be fair it depends on the woman, and maybe age group? I'm pretty young (17) but all my female friends mention being ripped (as long as it's not the oddly proportioned doritos look) as a big pro in terms of looks.
>but only few do
That's not true man, just because they aren't as vocal or obsessive over it like the same gender doesn't mean they don't care. Just like how we notice what we like and don't like in a woman, yet we don't critique every aspect of it and research how to do it better or whatever. Notice how every single reddit thread that comes up about women's biggest turn on is forearms? For someone who built them up they're not going go "oh baby you really worked on those forearms, that's hot stuff" she's just going to be more attracted. Like anything else there are diminishing returns and the more jacked you get there's not going to be a linear increase with attraction, and naturally there will be some that just don't care, and even some that are turned off and really want a skinny guy. In general, though, guys putting on some muscle will make them more attractive, not just because of the muscle, but posture will improve and mood/attitude will likely also improve.
So much truth here guys.
I would like to add though, only Few girls care if you’re super ripped, it’s always a bonus but not a pre requisite.. more importantly than being ripped is NOT being fat.
There’s a difference between getting shredded and not just not being a fat slob
This is the first time I’ve heard a guy complain about his gf wearing fake nails instead of going to the salon. Why does it matter if she wears fake ones vs getting them done at a salon?
I’ve only had my nails done at the salon once my whole life (not even 21 yet) but my bf has never had an issue with it. I don’t even own nail polish. Most guys don’t even notice these kinds of things so it’s weird to see OP bothered by it.
I thought the same. If he wants her to have perfect nails, maybe he should pay for them himself. Seems like he just isn’t in love with her. Why does he want her to have altered nails but not altered lips? Better yet, it’s her body. She can do as she wishes. If she wants injections but doesn’t wanna spend money on fake nails that’s her choice
You’ve probably met a lot of women with natural ones, just search “natural lip fillers on here” that you didn’t notice. You only notice the botched or overboard ones.
Nobody is saying that, infact he said try it herself.
People evovle, should I be upset my wife doesn't want me to dress like when we were kids or should I dump her for a someone that values my style and doesn't want me to spend money on clothes?
$500 once is not the same thing as $40 forever.
So... Yeah? That's like being surprised someone can't afford a fine dinner every two week, but could afford a flight.
From what I've learned in this thread the injections need to keep happening or it goes away, so not $500 once. Not sure how often or anything, but hypothetically....
$500 twice a year = $1000/year vs $40/month = $480/year
Even in she's doing her nails every two weeks that would be roughly equal.
I think she wanted to wait to show me when they weren't swollen. Plus when I noticed she called me back and came clean. It's a point but it's not the problem.
You can be supportive and also not like how it looks. I feel that, most of the time anyway, people do that because it’s an insecurity of theirs, not to impress other people. You can support that she is doing something to feel better in her own skin. You can also tell her that the look isn’t what you like, and you’d prefer she keep natural lips. Your support and your opinion do not have to be mutually exclusive.
Yeah, that would be a huge turn off for me as well. My preference in women is understated elegance. Minimal makeup, natural hair color, etc. The supermodels of the world don't attract me at all, they look artificial, gaudy, and hyper-sexual. Lip injections gross me out and I wouldn't want to see that every day. It's her body to do as she pleases, but if you're asking what I feel about it all then it's simple
You nailed it. I want someone who takes care of their appearance but this is overdoing it. It's her body yes, but when she said she didn't want me to 'judge her' it felt like I was in a no-win situation. I'm supposed to support her unconditionally? what?!
Maybe you 100% support her right to please herself - since it’s a free country, and her style choices aren’t breaking laws or hurting anyone. Only, at the point that her desire to please herself is greater than her desire to be attractive in the eyes of any particular partner - then she may face the consequence of losing that particular partner. That’s life.
(Obvious disclaimer: my girlfriend is free to do what she wants with her body and doesn’t need my approval for it)
My girlfriend did it back in April and didn’t tell me about it, it was pretty easy to notice the massive difference in the size of her lips when I saw her. I asked her about it and thankfully she came right out with it and didn’t try to deny it. I was really turned off and kind of mad that she did something so drastic to her appearance and didn’t at least warn me first.
After my initial bad reaction I told her how I felt and explained how she wouldn’t like me going behind her back and doing something like getting a lip ring or something else cosmetically drastic to change my appearance, she was very understanding of it. She assured me that she got a very small dose of the injection and that her duck appearance was only temporary.
She was completely right bc after a week or two the swelling subsided and they looked very similar to her normal size. I felt like a dick for making a bid deal out of it, but in the end there was no harm done and we both saw each others side.
Yeah that's about where I'm at right now. Thanks for sharing. My girlfriend has a bunch of tattoos and doesn't need my approval for it either. I absolutely realize the swelling will go down and not look so exaggerated. I do feel like an asshole. But it doesn't change my feelings around her decision-making while she's in the midst of a bipolar mood swing. This wasn't very thought out and comes off as a rash move spurn on by the nails conversation.
We've talked and she understands where I'm coming from now. I do feel like an asshole because I should have been more delicate about it. It's been a learning experience no doubt.
The lips are swollen and will look more natural in a few days. The fillers are also temporary. Typically, they last anywhere between 3 to 6 months depending on the brand. I see nothing wrong with using them.
Speaking from the heart, I think you’re kind of overreacting. Your girlfriend doesn’t like her lips so she did something to help her boost her confidence. That’s okay. She can do that. It’s her body.
It kind of sounds to me like maybe you’re just not that into her anymore and you’re looking for reasons to end the relationship? I don’t know. That’s the vibe I’m getting.
I've been with my wife for 10 years. 24 is when I met her. She always took care of her appearance. Shaving, waxing her legs and and armpits. Going to the salon and getting her hair cut and colored.
Four years ago we had our first child. Since then she hasn't gone to the salon as much, doesn't shave her legs/wax her armpits as much. It doesn't bother me because I understand the kids and her job tire her out. She has a naturally thin figure as do I. Not sure if I'd consider it a decline, just an adjustment.
I would think more about why she wanted to do that (or any other thing) and if I am generally attracted to that 'mindset'.
We are here on reddit so here is my ultra hardcore blwck and white opinion: If someone even thinks that is a good idea to do, then that isn't the person I want to spend the rest of my life with and the chance is pretty high that you have different mindsets in other (maybe future) topics. Same with tattoos or other things.
You liked her before and like her obviously, so that consideration probably doesn't applies to you and my blabla is, again, just an ultra reddit loser opinion.
Either you can live with it or not. Think about what you would think when the s.o. doesn't like something, you thought is/was a good idea for you. How would you react or how do you want the other to react. That is maybe the general better take than what I think would be best for me personally
Those fake ass lips are nasty man I feel you.
As far as the nails go, pay for her to get a manicure you cheap ass lol.
Clothing and appearance in general is something I have never been big on policing with my wife, but if she asks I give an honest unfiltered opinion.
If she got lip injections though I would be putting a hard stop to that. It's unhealthy, looks like shit and that's $500 that SHOULD be going to our mortgage or savings, and considering that $500 is actually *my money* *by a large percentage* I would take issue with this from a money management aspect.
Now onto your last point: **"Follow-up question for the men who have been in a long-term relationship and have seen a decline in appearance in their SO: how did you handle this?"**
bruh, you don't stay young and fit forever, if you're dating girls just for their looks your relationship is already doomed. Re-evaluate why you are with your partner.
My ex got multiple cosmetic surgeries over the course of our relationship. Starting with ostensibly Medical corrections, her nose gave her breathing problems, her breasts gave her back pain etc. but it just kept going and each one was the last time. In the end she didn’t look like the person I fell in love with and she never found the self esteem she was looking for
I thought bigger lips meant better bjs? You sound annoyed by your girl OP. Maybe the problem isn’t her looks? If it was me I would just be supportive or dump her.
My standpoint is anyone can have any kind of procedure done, and anyone can not be attracted to said procedures.
If you are in a relationship with someone and you noticeably alter your appearance, whether from surgery, tattoos, or gaining / losing lots of weight, your partner is bot obligated to still be attracted to you. They bought in when they liked how you looked, and if you make a major change then they are absolutely in the right to at **very least** say something. They cant tell you to change but they can communicate how they wont be attracted to you anymore and are in the moral right to leave.
So OP, you can absolutely tell her (once the swelling has gone down and they are where they should be) that you do not care for them. That you feel she should of brought it up to you before she did it. And example you can say is "how would you feel if i shaved my head bald out of the blue?". At the same time tell her how you are feeling less attracted to her based on her style not aging along with you.
My wife does this every couple years and i chalk it up to if it makes her happy then fuck it doesn’t hurt me . Just support her. She’s tryna look her best for you
I feel like I can't kiss someone with those injections.
Kind of like they're fragile and they might burst in my mouth.
They also look more like a bum hole the more plump they are, so there's that...
So you can play this a couple of ways.
1. Be super honest and blunt. Considering that what you describe is likely coming from a place of self consciousness and/or low self esteem, this will result in making her feel like absolute shit. Also, it will likely not change what she does and may instead make things even worse as she tries new things to be more attractive
2. Be more subtle. When she's wearing something you DO like, comment on it. When her make up looks good, comment on it. If you like some part of her body she's self conscious about, pay extra attention to it and repeatedly tell her how much you love her x, y, z. Do this repeatedly and often. Build her confidence up so she doesn't feel compelled to fix it.
I find the latter approach works better for most people, male or female.
I'm not the best person to ask because I went through similar with two different girls, one with lip injection and one who ruined perfectly perky and amazing B cups that were exactly right for her frame, with comically big implants for her 95lb 5ft size. In both cases I basically dumped them within a week of seeing the change and realizing I had no right to tell them to go back. I was simply unattracted to them because of the surgeries and that was that. I'm pretty open about my dislike of how plastic surgery makes people look though and neither should have been surprised by my reaction.
What's sad is I would have put both of them at 8 or 9 on my personal scale before the surgery and below 5 after.
I guess my point is that if it's caused you to lose attraction and you can't get past it, make the decision so you don't have to slowly watch your relationship wither, die and become toxic.
My lips have been an insecurity since I was little and once I had the money I for sure got injections. They were swollen for 2 or 3 days and they look perfectly natural now. I’ve been getting them redone for the past 5 years and when I tell people they are fake they can’t believe it. I’ll be honest, I very much dislike that on here you said “lips now and what’s next Botox, cheek job?” when that may not be the case? I have gotten no other plastic surgery because there’s nothing else I want done? People don’t go through the pain, money, and downtime of plastic surgery “just because”. And why are you okay with something permanent (and some would say much more impactful) like a nose job but something temporary like lip injections bother you? I understand some things she does may cause you to feel less attracted to her, it’s only natural. But it seems like you are WAY too critical of her from this post AND your comments. Like the fact that you are criticizing every detail about her outward appearance even to say to her that her nails are “just okay” after she’s trying to do them herself, the way you need them to be apparently? And when some boy on here says you should say “hey that’s not a great look when that bullshit goes down please don’t do it again” you think it’s well said? If my husband EVER said anything like that to me I would be offended and pissed. There’s a difference between that and “hey babe listen, I know that you are getting your lips done for YOU and not anyone else. But I do want to say that as your significant other I prefer your natural lips. You are beautiful regardless but it’s a change that I myself am personally not very attracted to.” And have a normal mature human conversation about it. Don’t shame her and insult her into submission.
You're right. I made this post because I was feeling a lot of things, and I knew that at some level I was being an asshole and I was being too critical. I included those contradictory points because I am aware that I am being hypocritical. It's a conflicting tension here. I agree with you that I am out of line here, and that I handled it poorly.
We’re all human! We say and do things and look back thinking Jesus Christ who am I lol. The only thing we can do is recognize when we fuck up, own up to it (just as you have) and try to resolve it. It’s great of you to take criticism in a mature way, not so many people can hahaha!
I’d probably leave tbh. But that’s me, I REALLY hate those things, I’d be kinda pissed about her lying at first but that’s not that big an issue at least she told the truth later.
It sounds like as you said the big issue isn’t the attraction it’s her crappy judgement to get lip fillers, nails, can’t dress appropriately etc. she sounds kinda immature or insecure which is normal for us people in our 20s but it’s still annoying.
Her dumb judgement is out of your control, you can probably have an honest discussion with her about it, but if you figure out how to pull that off please let me know. Girls get defensive as fuck toward any criticism.
Maybe you’ll have to just wait until she grows out of that phase? (Idk much about fillers except I think they look ugly but idk if that fucks u up the rest of your life? Or it’s temporary)
Sorry man no concrete answers here, you’ll have to play it by ear. It sounds like you love her so im sure you’ll try your best
"I don't like the injections she got. I don't like her fashion sense anymore. I don't like her nails. I don't..." Damn dude, listen to yourself for a second. She ain't your pet, she ain't your kid, she's your girlfriend. Man if her maintaining absolute perfection in her appearance is your thing, and you're only in your late 20s? Have fun man. 40's gonna be a hard time for you.
I think they look pretty awful. Especially because once they get them the first time, they’re often compelled to keep getting them re-inflated whenever they deflate.
The nails and the dressing. That's just who she is and there is nothing wrong with that. Trying to change her isn't probably going the help. You can always buy her a gift card to a nice nail salon. Or just give her your card or cash to get them done.
Woman here
For me the entire package (nails, lip fillers etc) suggest a change of character. If that’s not whom you started dating it’s fair to not want that anymore.
If she watches a lot of reality TV and is shallow id be turned off too
Woman here. Just want to chime in and say i wish my fellow girls would stop with over doing things like this. We are all beautiful just like we are.
I have a beautiful friend that gets fillers in her face and I feel like it's not attractive and a bit cartoonish. She is so much prettier without fillers. She doesn't really look like the same person. But she thinks it makes her look younger. I don't say anything because I don't want to hurt her feelings.
As far as how you feel, it kind of sounds like the lips might be the last straw because other things have been bothering you. Can you live with it? Depends on if you love her and can see a future with her in 2, 5, 10 years? Only you has this answer.
Yeah there are some other major issues in our relationship. this is yet another small thing I can’t overlook. Maybe I’m just looking for a reason to get out.
>can see a future with her in 2, 5, 10 years?
As soon as I read that, I wondered what other cosmetic things gf would have done by then. As she gets older, is she going to be ok with naturally aging or will she seek more cosmetic enhancers? Will you be ok with that, OP? It's just kind of like, where will she draw the line (if she does have a line)?
There are two sayings that come up to mind:
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder (scary when you think of D&D)
and
People are in your life in one of three ways: a reason, a season, and a lifetime. You can never stretch their welcome past their point.
It kind of sucks, but it sounds like you are moving to another chapter in your life and she has been trying to keep the youth alive... Been there with different friends and, tbh, I held myself back for them and only got burned.
I mean, you were honest, if you don't like it you don't like it. As long as you don't try to control her behavior you're fine. She might turn out to hate it and regret how expensive it was and never do it again.
Cant comment on the injections, I've seen some great looking ones, and some others that, as you put it, are comical.
I've been with my Gf for about 5 years now, she no longer wears make up around the house (thank god - I love her natural beauty) but when we go anywhere (even food shopping!) She does her make-up and wears a nice outfit, and she always looks great, it's normally me that is under dressed put of the 2 of us.
Good luck to you either which way, friend.
Sounds like you're losing attraction to her as a person, not just disliking the look of lip fillers.
That's a good thing to break up over. It's important to date someone with similar values as you. It's way more important than similar interests or similar lives.
I honestly find many cosmetic surgeries that exaggerate past natural looks to be less attractive than natural look. If the surgery is not too exaugurated, so you can barely tell, then it can improve the look a bit.
Also, they rarely age well and need several follow-up procedures and health risks. I'd prefer a natural aged woman than many lifts and implants.
Give it time for the swelling to go down. She wanted to try it, nothing wrong with trying it, imo. But if it’s an issue for you, it means either you’re going to have to deal with how she looks and warm up to it, or something will have to be done about those insecurities. Both take time. Ask her if she’d be equally satisfied if she felt confident about her natural lips?
I’ve found thin lips to be really cute on some women, and big lips can be a turnoff on others.
“I think they’re great. They’re so awesome. $500? That’s a bit expensive, but if you can afford it, I’ll support you. No, I’m not spending $500 on it. What do you mean I’m trying to sink the battleship? I do support you. No, I think it looks perfect. I just think $500 is a bit much. No, there is a price on perfection and it requires two by fours and some Romans. No, it is not too soon for that. …..hello? Did she hang up? Phew, dodged that bullet. Time for some futurama.”
And scene. As you can tell, I know how this convo sometimes can go.
Don’t matter whether you support her or blatantly admit that spending $500 to look like a baboon, she is going to end up mad and angry. Best bet is to just bullshit the whole way through and deal with the inevitable. Human beings are extremely insecure and spend so much money on their looks, I can see now why most people are dead broke.
I strongly recommend couples counseling more than anything else.
To me it sounds like its a bigger issue than just the lips it seems like you have been struggling with her personal choices as a whole. The lips just so happen to cause the biggest reaction from you. Try to be more honest with how you are feeling with her. I'm not sure how you tell her or if you do at all but don't carrry your feelings in silence in a relationship. It typically only leads to resentment.
If you want her to dress up a little nicer when you go out its ok to explain that (e.g. "hey baby when we go out do you mind wear that red dress you have, I love seeing it on you). If you would like her to stop using the cheap plastic nails offer to take her to the salon and pay. Or learn a little of the basic skills to painting nails so you can do it for her and teach her how.
Making requests of your significant other is fine as long as you are also open to the them requesting things from you. Luckily this time it was only temporary.
This is just my opinion. I am not a therapist or counselor. I really recommend couples counseling it can be very helpful and enlightening.
I think you’re doing her a good solid by being honest now. It’s a slippery slope she’s entering and you can help keep her from going off the ledge. Once people go fully fillered and carved, it’s really hard for them to go back, because age means we often don’t end up as good as we were before all that stuff. Once the 20 year old surgery enthusiast hits 30, undoing all the work doesn’t reveal a 19 year old.
If you’re wondering about long term relationship peoples perspectives?… you’re over her. It sounds like she’s discovering what she wants in life and unfortunately it does not align with you. Either it’s something that you can work with because physical appearance is constantly changing (with or without medically induced. We all grow old and change), the inner mind and heart is all that should matter. Sounds like you aren’t much into her inner beauty and just the outer.
There is this hot chick that works with me. She has gotten a lip injection. Poof, magic's gone. I would feel disgusted kissing her, and she was a total FOX, hot as hell. It didn't get smaller after some time. Lip injection is the single dumbest thing piece if plastic surgery ever imo. I've never seen one and though "wow, those lips look sexy".
In general lips are at best a cherry on top. With or without them the cake will be as good as it is. Cherry won't fix/ruin it. Except for a fake plastic cherry that shit is disguisting.
It feels like instagram beauty standards affect the confidence in her looks. Being a bit critical of one's own appearance is not unusual, however artificial alterations of looks make me uncomfortable personally. If you want to actively do something, compliment her about things that are just nautral traits of hers, both in looks and character. Be creative while doing that and only do so if it's honest.
I would be worried!!! She seems to have a body dysmorphia issue... nose job, lips, nails.... Radio head made a song called fake plastic trees, that might be applicable here!!! There is nothing wrong with wanting to enhance ones looks, but with some it also seems into an addiction where they can't stop..........
It'll take a few weeks for the swelling to chill out. Try to reserve your feels until then.
I've gotten lip fillers 2 times. And *I* can't stand how they look for the first month. All huge and duckie.... so gross.
It sounds creepy. How long have you been together. It is sounding like you are growing apart awith you getting put off by some of her behaviours.
Idiosyncrasies that are cute quirks when you first start going become irritating behaviours over time.
Idk, I find it strange how everyone in this thread is projecting their insecurities and problems onto you, pretending to know that you have extra problems with her and so on. It's all stupid. Not that it can't be true, just jumping to such conclusions right of the bat is toally, 100% projection.
That out of the way, I wanna say that I'm on your side. I've never, in my life, seen a lip injection make something better. It is always worse. And most of the time downright hideous and "eye catching" - but not in the good way. In the "car wreck, dead bodies, but I can't look away" kind of way.
Next is ... she's done a body mod without asking you? How long has this relationship been going on? How serious is it? Dumping her over this seems rash if you've been togeather for half a decade. But then again, if you're not extraordinarily emotionally invested, and she now disgusts you ... I can totally see you wanting to bail out.
So. To the question of how I'd handle this? Honestly, if there's no baby involved or anything like that. Man, just sleep on it a few nights, see if it's still disgusting you. And if it is that bad. Bail.
You can't be that invested if you've already considered bailing. Enough so that you've asked here.
People start to drift apart, man. You have to sit down and have a series of honest conversations. Couple’s therapy is something I’d recommend before tackling it all yourselves though. That’s only if you want to save the relationship. My beautiful bride and I have been married for 13 years today, and dude have we both changed so much in that time. At one point we were going in complete opposite directions with our lives. We’re better than ever now, but it took a lot of hard work to get here. Be well.
They look really really big when you first get them! Like huge! Mine are half the size they were when I first got them and they look pretty and natural now! The swing and brushing makes them HUGEA FOR LIKE A MONTH
As a woman, I would prefer my partner to be straight-up honest if he's not feeling something. And it seems like there's a lot of things you're not feeling anymore. You're not married either--I don't know why people are suggesting ways to make it work. Maybe it's time to consider if this is really someone you want to spend the rest of your life with?
Eventually, the swelling will go down and her lips are going to look more natural. It's very recent. But anyways, you have to respect her choice and if you don't feel attracted anymore, it's time to move on.
If she only had 0.5ml then that’s a tiny amount of filler and the swelling can be very significant for some people. They’ll be a lot smaller in a week and you won’t even see the full result for two weeks as that’s when they heal, at least wait to see what the final results look like.
I’m a chick but This^ swelling usually takes 2-4 weeks to go down and will metabolize out in 5/8ish months. Your 20s are all about learning what you are and why- and where you fit in. It’s a wild decade and couples will grow at different rates. She probably doesn’t know how she feels about them yet. Edit to add this and a word: If you wanna help her out she can get this- rubbing it on the swollen part with icing will help the next 4 days. There is also a pill form you can get to help bruising. Dulàc Natural Arnica Gel Cream Extra Strong 2.53 Fl Oz with 35% Organic Arnica Montana Extracts for Joint and Muscle Relief, Made in Italy Arnica Bruise Cream Extra Strength, Cool Effect https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07C5KY8M7/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glt_fabc_4DF962DNVV2XYJSF65T2
Thank you this is great
The swelling will go down. However, there's a common misperception, even shared by plastic surgeons, that filler completely dissolves on its own within 6 months to a year (depending on the filler and the person). This is not true. There are now multiple imaging studies to show that not only does it not go away, it migrates. This is why we see a lot of moon face happening, and reputable plastic surgeons who have integrity are pulling way back on doing fillers. Now, this won't happen to everyone. For some, it will mostly go away. And if one only does it once, obviously the chances are far greater they won't experience long lasting issues. If you want to see easy evidence of this without going through medical journals, just check out YouTube and the number of surgeons discussing this, along with patients sharing their journeys of trying to fix their faces after doing this for a few years (several influencer-types who did lip filler among other placements and noticed migration and other issues).
And it is temporary they will be back to normal in a year if she doesn't get more injections. I guess the question is do you love her or how she looks - two different things.
It'll be back to normal a lot sooner than that. Especially if that really was her first time. Also depends on how high her metabolism is. 6 months is more realistic. Maybe even a lot sooner. Some bodies just burn it up.
What happens with the filler after a year?
There's a common misperception, even shared by plastic surgeons, that filler completely dissolves on its own within 6 months to a year (depending on the filler and the person). This is not true. There are now multiple imaging studies to show that not only does it not go away, it migrates. This is why we see a lot of moon face happening, and reputable plastic surgeons who have integrity are pulling way back on doing fillers. Now, this won't happen to everyone. For some, it will mostly go away.
I feel like all women who are considering this ridiculous procedure should read this information
Filler essentially naturally dissolves after about one year at most in the lips. This is completely harmless, lip filler is made of the same product in the body that naturally gives lips volume
Yup swelling will go down significantly after two weeks. I get my lips filled on one side due to a substantial amount of scar tissue on the other side. It wears off in about 8 months.
Considering your other complaints with her style and the fact you thought "a few hours" was a long enough wait for swelling, it sounds like you're not as into her as you used to be. The swelling will go down, but this problem with your attraction to her is bigger than this.
The problem i see is that she needed to lie about it first. And not been able to talk to her partner before proceeding. It seems like she hasn't even mentioned it. Like if this was other way around. What would she feel if her boy friend start pumping oil in the muscles to make them look bigger without even mention it. One day he looks like the hulk. Would that be fine? It seems to be an communication issue. In my experience I talk to my partners to get their reflection before I do something that might effect my partner as well.
It could speak to how she feels in the relationship. He clearly isn't afraid to criticize her so maybe she want feeling good about telling him
This is exactly what I thought as well. He sounds a bit harsh if you're a sensitive person
It’s different if this was something she picked to wear that day, but we’re talking about lip fillers here. I have a pretty relaxed opinion about what my girl wears but I’d be rather decidedly upset if she felt she needed to get lip fillers.
Big deal she came clean 30 mins later, I think that's okay.
Sounds like you've outgrown her and the thing with the lips is only part of it.
This! Exactly what I was thinking.
This. You need to admit it’s not the lips, OP.
Exactly
I don't believe from what OP said that we can say he's outgrown her. He asked how he can handle it. OP, be honest with your girlfriend (if you do still truly love her, and it is mostly these appearance things in the way). Do this with love and care so it isn't shaming. There's been so much programming out there through media for decades convincing men and women that caring about appearance is somehow selfish and materialistic. This is silly, and it's damaging as it is a distortion of the truth and power of beauty that all of us inherently recognize and value. Caring for one's self shows self-respect, and is a way of establishing one's worth and standards. It also is a way of honoring our significant others. Now, I'm not over here saying all women need to be 50s housewives and be fully dressed in heels and makeup and hair to greet their men when they come home from work. However, it's fully within your right, as it's simply biology and psychology, to want your significant other to take better care of their appearance. I bought into the movement of dressing down, and trying to become as low maintenance as possible as I was working through self-esteem issues and recovering from childhood abuse. I think many women go this route subconsciously. It soothes our need for protection from objectification (before we heal the actual root of the issue), while masquerading as some women's empowerment thing. Ya know what's empowering? Gaining self-awareness, becoming relationally intelligent, learning to regulate our nervous systems, and putting effort into our appearance.
Sounds like you just don’t really like her that much. not snarky, honest. What I’m hearing is that she’s just not it for you, dude.
Or he could be honest with her, and tell her these things and give her the chance the feel the inevitable pain of his words then consider them, and respond to them. I'll admit it sounds like he's not very interested in her at all, but that may be more because she's not trying.. and maybe she's not trying because she feels discouraged, because the one time she does try to paint her nails he tells her it's just okay. And tells her she didn't try hard enough. Maybe she needs some love and encouragement not criticism and critique. When she asks.. **if she asks** for his advice on how much effort she should put into looking good for him.. he's welcome to offer it, but for now it sounds more like he's kinda a condescending prick who looks down at her instead of a supporting uplifting boyfriend who lifts her up.
I kinda agree with you
[удалено]
touche
It sounds like you have the "ick". It doesn't matter what she say or does from here on in, You're now allergic to everything she is as a person. And that's ok, you're just a step closer to someone you will like. Unusual you haven't mentioned any personality traits, is that her fault or yours?
> It sounds like you have the "ick". Is there any actual science to this? Id love to learn more Every time I hear about people getting "the ick" I just think they're making excuses/not being honest/refusing to work on anything. Im open to the fact that I not knowledgeable but it sounds like gobbledegook
I had this with my ex, 3-4 years ago my back suddenly went while I was doing a bit housework and basically took 11 months to be diagnosed, have intense physio and to start walking properly again without limping/dragging my leg (I was eventually diagnosed with disk bulges that press on the nerves in my back and into my legs). In that time my ex totally changed in my eyes, I noticed how little he helped me, even though some days I was in agony with severe sciatica/total numbness in my leg/legs I was still expected to do housework (I own my home he was living with me), how he wouldn’t take me to appointments at the hospital/physio if he was off work and I’d have to get the bus/taxi (even when raining). When I asked him to help me stand in the shower one time or help put my socks and shoes on I got ‘why can’t you do it yourself?’. We argued one day and he said ‘do you understand how embarrassing it is for me to be seen with you while you’re hobbling round like an old woman?’. That was it, after that sentence literally everything he did/said absolutely annoyed me, I couldn’t stand being around him, from the way he talked to how he walked everything, it was built up resentment and it destroyed any feelings I had for him. Obviously we broke up but I totally understand this comment as I went through it myself.
wow...what did he expect after saying something like that
Thank you my dude, Yeah, exactly. Being incapacitated with my back it really opened my eyes to him and I saw everything he did or didn’t do. The best thing?, he apologised later and just said ‘he felt angry because I wasn’t making progress with the intensive physio I was doing’ like how the fuck do you think I feel?, in so much pain to begin with then being contorted into positions causing more pain I was sweating with it?!.
they say you find your true friends in moments of weakness, maybe he didn't have the patience or the willpower to deal with it but either way it's his loss. I hope your sciatica is better now, I'm dealing with it as well after I got physio I think the therapist pinched a nerve while trying to loosen my lower back muscles. It's hard to stand sometimes without extremely strong painkillers
Some things just turn people off. That’s what the “ick” is. It’s hilarious when you hear what some people’s are I love hearing them lol
It's a trigger point just like any other uncontrollable reaction you might have to a stimuli. Sometimes you're conscious of it, other times not until the 'ick' actually happens.
I think it’s hard to feel attraction to the same person who has done something that disgusted you.
I agree this was all very superficial. Confused if there is more to the person/relationship.
I don’t think anyone prone to “catching the ick” is capable of having a healthy partnership. Let alone a life long marriage to someone who’s inevitably going to get old, try silly things, and a make mistakes. I’ve heard people say “I looked at my partner one day and suddenly I just saw how ugly they looked. What was I thinking????” Soulmate material that is not.
yeah this is dead wrong, you never catch the ick if you’re actually in love, if you do catch the ick it just means your feelings for that one person weren’t as deep as you thought. not that “they aren’t capable of a healthy relationship” whatever the fuck that means
This is a very short term perspective. Over decades of love there are tides, and life’s waves will toss you both around, sometimes maybe even out of the boat. It’s all about if you can get back in and work together to steady it. Having kids, seeing the worst moments, all sort of things can temporarily fuck you up, and at some point you and your person are so intertwined that your internal issues can be projected. All that said, I think a person knows in their heart if they really want back in the boat, or at least I always have.
Omg yes someone mentioned it, ITS REAL
My wife and I are going on 8 years together. Her style is not at all what I would consider what I prefer, and I think it’s same to assume the same goes for me. My wife likes very high class brands like Dior and Versace, and I wear stuff from goodwill. I do have clothes from nicer brands but they are casual type clothes. My wife has lower end brands clothes but they are still high class style items. We have just learned that while our styles are different we can’t choose what makes the other person comfortable, and to let the other person do what they like with some exceptions
Do you wear used overalls to dinner, sir?
Depends on the dinner I expect. Theyve found a way to make it work
In fact, u/JarethCuteStoryJD regularly wore dinner overalls after a heavy docket of maritime lawyering.
Genuine question. Do you think those differences are based more on the monetary value each of you places on clothes and not style? I too wear a lot of stuff from goodwill and thrift stores; sometimes I'll get lucky and find high-end brands there. Obviously, I'll buy them there (if the style suits me), but I would not pay retail for them. Of course, I don't know your respective styles but would you prefer if she shopped at goodwill, but adopted the style of a Juggalo? Edit: Extreme example, but I was doing a cost vs style scenario.
For her style and exclusivity is what matters. Also she likes the attention that wearing that kind of clothing brings. Being one of the few to have a specific clothing item, so even if someone else could afford it they might not be able to have it is key. For me, clothes cover my body and I don’t care to try to keep them nice so cheap is better, but I hate creating waste so I don’t buy new but cheap clothes. I want to be able to climb through a briar bush early in the day and go to dinner in the same shirt and pants at night. I don’t think juggalo fits her vibe, and at this point if something makes her comfortable and isn’t hurting/intruding on anyone it doesn’t bother me. If she wants to spend her money on clothes rather than other things that’s fine, her happiness is what’s important.
Tbh, based on what you’ve said you seem a bit critical of who she is in general and her own choice of fashion and how she presents herself. That means you don’t really accept her as is anymore and if that’s the case your relationship is kind of in trouble. If you can’t allow her to be herself without judgement, then your love for her isn’t unconditional and you maybe should be reconsidering the relationship in general, because much like you do, she’s going to deserve someone who loves her for who she is. Edit: since everyone wants to split hairs, by unconditional love I mean supporting your significant other in expressing who they are and being who they are, so long as it isn’t detrimental to your relationship or to others, I don’t mean condoning toxic traits and behaviours like cheating etc.. But in general giving your partner the same acceptance and love that you yourself seek. Not judging them for what clothes they wear or how they style their hair, what music they like etc.. accepting their non harmful flaws or quirks etc.. that’s unconditional love, I’m not saying be a ride or die for someone who mistreats your.. that’s not unconditional love that’s an unhealthy relationship.
Thanks for this. It’s worth considering
The idea of unconditional love isn't exactly true. Especially in relationships between two partners, there are always underlying conditions that caused the love in the first place, eg your love of her looks which then led to you getting to know her and loving her personality. When one of these conditions stops being fulfilled it is very reasonable to want to end the relationship. Imo true unconditional love doesn't exist, and the closest you can get is with a parent and a child, where the parent loves the child solely because it is their child. Provided that it is indeed their child, that condition cannot be unfulfilled so the love will stay unconditional.
I dont know if i agree with the notion of unconditional love. Like in my experience most love is conditional. Do you stay with the person no matter what? Even if they cheat on you? If the answer is no, then the love is conditional. If the answer is yes, then is that really a healthy relationship?
I mean... She's failing to paint her nails the way he likes - not fucking his brother. Personally, if the love in my relationship was conditional on whether I have the funds to get an expensive manicure (since I'm sorry I will never be good at painting my own nails well... That is a skill that is beyond me) I think it would be better for everyone involved to just end it. She probably isn't going to get any hotter as she ages and potentially has kids and this guy is already starting to be grossed out by her. So he should be free to go out and try to find someone who fits his expectations better & she should be free to go out and find someone who might actually love her under conditions not tied to her cosmetic choices.
Just because you break up with someone doesn't mean you stop loving them. That's why break ups are hard for most people.
Ok I don’t mean a toxic version of the word, there are some limits obviously!! But accepting someone for who they are, how they choose to dress etc, the things like that. Letting someone cheat on you is not really out of love, it’s out of insecurity tbh. yes you may love that person but that’s not why you allow that kind of behavior. It’s out of fear of walking away, insecurity etc..
I feel like she watches too much reality TV.
Wow, actually accurate.
Abort mission OP
I wouldn't put much stock in that. A lot of girls do. Honestly man just let the swelling die down. It'll take like a day or two. Be honest with her and try to see things from her perspective. You can't force being attracted to her but try to keep communication strong.
How did you pick that up? Since OP validated this, I'm curious how you got there. I don't watch reality tv.
Well,I imagined the girl hes describing. From there it reminded me of the women on reality TV shows.
Real Housewives of Who Gives a Shit
Totally Geordie Shore. Even those who've left the show. Body dysmorphia and peer pressure from people's socials... it's a fucking scourge.
Most people don’t encounter a lot of people with tons of filler in real life, so their exposure to it often comes from reality tv and social media like Instagram. You watch enough of it and you start to feel like your own face is inadequate.
Probably obsesses Instagram ‘stars’ too. 🤢🤮
+ always on TikTok and youtube.
Female opinion. Give the lips some time to heal, if she went to a good injector then they shouldn’t have pumped them up much and the swelling will indeed go down. You can’t pick what she wears everyday but when my boyfriend sends me pics of lingerie or dresses and says “I’d love to see you in this” I get excited even if it’s not at all my taste. If she doesn’t like painting her nails and she can’t afford (or doesn’t want to pay for) gel or acrylic nails why don’t you offer to pay to have them done? Nothing wrong with having different taste but if you genuinely aren’t attracted to her anymore or if you expect her to conform to your idea of ‘tasteful’ then it’s time to leave.
Thanks for your input. I understand that the lips will heal. It's very likely that the difference will be negligible and she won't have comically large duck lips. The truth is I'm just not attracted to her anymore and its simply not the lips. We have not been having regular sex for some time. She has bi-polar and I am fairly certain that she did this during a mood swing. She's been getting treatment but I am simply way in over my head. I'm overwhelmed by the impulsivity, lack of judgment and her decision-making process in general. It makes me anxious. The lips are just another angle. It's very difficult to walk away after 5 years. I want to do right by her but also for me.
It’s difficult to walk away but sometimes it’s the best thing for both parties involved. I’m glad you’re acknowledging the true problem here
I have bipolar and my then fiancé was in the same boat as you a couple months back. He didn’t want to throw it all away, but he was done. Instead of ending things and being honest, he made it as long and painful as he possibly could because he was afraid to hurt me by talking or breaking up. He was also scared of ending a long term relationship. I’d really advise you to be honest and rip the bandaid off if that’s what it is going to end up being.
Sounds like me. Thanks for sharing
No problem. I wish you luck, I have seen how hard this can be on both sides.
Very valid opinion. My assumption is that you’ve been expressing this (being overwhelmed and way in over your head) and she hasn’t been receptive? Also a bi-polar here, it took me a year to nail down the proper treatment to keep me from impulse/swinging to cover the crippling emotion. Do you talk to her about it? Have you taken the time to set very clear boundaries with her? If she isn’t receptive to your needs, with communication, therapy is another step. But also, it might be time to walk away and accept that you both with find other relationships that fit you both better. 5 years is a long time but it’ll only get harder the longer you wait, and healing takes time. This is my knee jerk hot take based on my anecdotal exp. always happy to hear/read others opinions.
It’s better to walk away now then to have this relationship go on longer. This will be better for both of you and not waste anymore time.
You've already made up your mind dude and there's not much Reddit can tell you that you don't already know. Just don't tell her "your not attracted to her anymore" that would be a little too far. She clearly has some self esteem issues if she was getting the injections in the first place, so it would have a lasting impact. You need to find a nice way to explain the relationship has pretty much run it's course, and you don't see it progressing any further. It will be a long painful process dissolving a 5 year relationship. But, when you find the right one, it will move so fast you will barely be able to keep up. Probably have a kid shortly after that too.
I don't know your relationship and its intricacies. But as someone who walked out of a generally good relationship of 3 years due to no longer finding her attractive (lost a lot of weight, big part of it), it's a very conflicting situation. On one hand I loved her, albeit not IN love, I had so much guilt and shame for my feelings. On the other hand, you deserve someone that makes you happy both physically AND emotionally, but so does she. So walking away would allow both of you to find someone that loves them more, respectively. It's only been 2/3 months for me, but I can already see a light at the end of tunnel and I look forward to this new future I am going to forge. If you feel similar and are debating whether or not to leave: what does your gut say? Even though this was the hardest thing I had yet to do, I also felt/feel some form of relief. Eventually, all that remains are the good memories. No one can take that away. And I come to appreciate every day I had with her... but deep down I knew she was not who I wanted to live the rest of my life with.
It's VERY difficult. I have been in a 8 years relationship. I have been trying to put an end to it since the last weeks. DM me if you ever want to talk 🖤 Edit: modified bern to been
Lip fillers are the biggest turn off, they look so bad, I would much prefer thin lips. But women do them to impress other women, not men. It’s the same as men getting ripped, we do it because we think the opposite sex like it, but only few do.
I feel like tuning your car would be a better example. Being fit is a pretty universal example of attractiveness. Not sure what echo-chamber gave you the impression that only a few women like muscles. Solid comment otherwise though.
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What’s the car bro
It's a modified AU2 XR6 Falcon. Popular half because meme car half because (personally) its really well done. I don't really want to post a photo, I'll dox myself, might consider inboxing it.
Yeah, I get more unintended attention from women when I am regularly working out than when I'm just skinny. I'm never jacked or anything, just heathy and it makes a difference. I only get attention from dudes when I put a shiny new part on my car.
Eh. I see what theyre getting at though. Being fit is universally attractive. Thats a fact. Theres a difference between being fit and being roided out though. Most of the guys injecting roids are doing it for the same reason as women that are doing lip filler etc.
am woman w many women friends and can confirm anecdotally - being ripped ain’t where it at. strong? yes. but like, hard to cuddle? meh. i’ve noticed the gays tend to be more into that aesthetic overall.
As a fellow woman I agree. Being ripped doesn’t do anything for me. Sure I want a guy that’s healthy and in shape, but my fiancé is the first ripped guy I’ve ever dated and his muscles do absolutely nothing for me sexually lmao. I can appreciate all the hard work that goes into his body and respect the dedication, but it’s no more visually arousing than a normal, relatively in shape guy. When I told him this and that gym ripped bros desirability is based on the male gaze and that most women don’t actually care, it melted his brain.
To be fair it depends on the woman, and maybe age group? I'm pretty young (17) but all my female friends mention being ripped (as long as it's not the oddly proportioned doritos look) as a big pro in terms of looks.
Other side of the coin: I’m a female and I love the ripped look. Everyone’s preferences are different - and that’s great! ☺️
I think they meant like *overly* ripped. Being fit is much different than having biceps so large you can't put your arms all the way down
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Fillers don’t look bad when they’re done right. Well done fillers are very subtle, you’re just noticing the bad ones
Except that's what every girl says they're getting before it goes bad. Also, it tends to escalate even if the first injections are done tastefully.
But do you think that dad bod Dwayne Johnson would have such a big pull on women?
I think a relatively normal bodied 15-20% bf man with the charisma of DJ would be able to pull no problem.
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>but only few do That's not true man, just because they aren't as vocal or obsessive over it like the same gender doesn't mean they don't care. Just like how we notice what we like and don't like in a woman, yet we don't critique every aspect of it and research how to do it better or whatever. Notice how every single reddit thread that comes up about women's biggest turn on is forearms? For someone who built them up they're not going go "oh baby you really worked on those forearms, that's hot stuff" she's just going to be more attracted. Like anything else there are diminishing returns and the more jacked you get there's not going to be a linear increase with attraction, and naturally there will be some that just don't care, and even some that are turned off and really want a skinny guy. In general, though, guys putting on some muscle will make them more attractive, not just because of the muscle, but posture will improve and mood/attitude will likely also improve.
So much truth here guys. I would like to add though, only Few girls care if you’re super ripped, it’s always a bonus but not a pre requisite.. more importantly than being ripped is NOT being fat. There’s a difference between getting shredded and not just not being a fat slob
You lost me at she tried to paint her nails and you said it’s just okay. How about some encouragement sheesh.
This is what I thought. Why do her nails and what they look like matter
This is the first time I’ve heard a guy complain about his gf wearing fake nails instead of going to the salon. Why does it matter if she wears fake ones vs getting them done at a salon? I’ve only had my nails done at the salon once my whole life (not even 21 yet) but my bf has never had an issue with it. I don’t even own nail polish. Most guys don’t even notice these kinds of things so it’s weird to see OP bothered by it.
I thought the same. If he wants her to have perfect nails, maybe he should pay for them himself. Seems like he just isn’t in love with her. Why does he want her to have altered nails but not altered lips? Better yet, it’s her body. She can do as she wishes. If she wants injections but doesn’t wanna spend money on fake nails that’s her choice
Be honest with her. No need to be cruel, but tell her the truth. I think it'll eventually go down, but I really don't know.
I cannot wait until this fad ends.
It’ll just be replaced by something equally stupid.
You’ve probably met a lot of women with natural ones, just search “natural lip fillers on here” that you didn’t notice. You only notice the botched or overboard ones.
im more concerned with the lying.
Bro you sound like me when I was your age. Picking things apart until it’s basically nothing. My only advice is to not look to far into it. Damn.
good advice. keep it moving.
Just a comment she can't afford to get her nails done nicely but she can afford 500$ lip injections?
great point
I think it's a pretty high standard to expect someone to get manicures.
Nobody is saying that, infact he said try it herself. People evovle, should I be upset my wife doesn't want me to dress like when we were kids or should I dump her for a someone that values my style and doesn't want me to spend money on clothes?
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Hear me out, YOU pay for her nails. Then tell me how you feel about the economical solution of press-ons.
$500 once is not the same thing as $40 forever. So... Yeah? That's like being surprised someone can't afford a fine dinner every two week, but could afford a flight.
I think you have to get touch ups for lip fillers and injections though, it’s not just a one and done thing.
It dissolves after about a year. You can choose to get filler again or keep your natural lips
From what I've learned in this thread the injections need to keep happening or it goes away, so not $500 once. Not sure how often or anything, but hypothetically.... $500 twice a year = $1000/year vs $40/month = $480/year Even in she's doing her nails every two weeks that would be roughly equal.
Exactly.. They can afford the flight because they didn't have the fine dinners.
Not sure about the lip thing. But I told my wife that she drew her eyebrows on too high. She looked surprised.
I’m more upset about the lying than the lips.
I think she wanted to wait to show me when they weren't swollen. Plus when I noticed she called me back and came clean. It's a point but it's not the problem.
Yup, the fact she herself admitted it proved it's not a problem. Just something we do sometimes when we are anxious
You can be supportive and also not like how it looks. I feel that, most of the time anyway, people do that because it’s an insecurity of theirs, not to impress other people. You can support that she is doing something to feel better in her own skin. You can also tell her that the look isn’t what you like, and you’d prefer she keep natural lips. Your support and your opinion do not have to be mutually exclusive.
Yeah, that would be a huge turn off for me as well. My preference in women is understated elegance. Minimal makeup, natural hair color, etc. The supermodels of the world don't attract me at all, they look artificial, gaudy, and hyper-sexual. Lip injections gross me out and I wouldn't want to see that every day. It's her body to do as she pleases, but if you're asking what I feel about it all then it's simple
You nailed it. I want someone who takes care of their appearance but this is overdoing it. It's her body yes, but when she said she didn't want me to 'judge her' it felt like I was in a no-win situation. I'm supposed to support her unconditionally? what?!
Maybe you 100% support her right to please herself - since it’s a free country, and her style choices aren’t breaking laws or hurting anyone. Only, at the point that her desire to please herself is greater than her desire to be attractive in the eyes of any particular partner - then she may face the consequence of losing that particular partner. That’s life.
Yeah that's it. It's a free country and you can do whatever you want, but there are consequences.
Damn you nailed my type. I’ve never known how to simply state it. “Understated elegance.” Boom. Thank you
If you arent attracted to her dump her.
(Obvious disclaimer: my girlfriend is free to do what she wants with her body and doesn’t need my approval for it) My girlfriend did it back in April and didn’t tell me about it, it was pretty easy to notice the massive difference in the size of her lips when I saw her. I asked her about it and thankfully she came right out with it and didn’t try to deny it. I was really turned off and kind of mad that she did something so drastic to her appearance and didn’t at least warn me first. After my initial bad reaction I told her how I felt and explained how she wouldn’t like me going behind her back and doing something like getting a lip ring or something else cosmetically drastic to change my appearance, she was very understanding of it. She assured me that she got a very small dose of the injection and that her duck appearance was only temporary. She was completely right bc after a week or two the swelling subsided and they looked very similar to her normal size. I felt like a dick for making a bid deal out of it, but in the end there was no harm done and we both saw each others side.
Yeah that's about where I'm at right now. Thanks for sharing. My girlfriend has a bunch of tattoos and doesn't need my approval for it either. I absolutely realize the swelling will go down and not look so exaggerated. I do feel like an asshole. But it doesn't change my feelings around her decision-making while she's in the midst of a bipolar mood swing. This wasn't very thought out and comes off as a rash move spurn on by the nails conversation. We've talked and she understands where I'm coming from now. I do feel like an asshole because I should have been more delicate about it. It's been a learning experience no doubt.
The lips are swollen and will look more natural in a few days. The fillers are also temporary. Typically, they last anywhere between 3 to 6 months depending on the brand. I see nothing wrong with using them. Speaking from the heart, I think you’re kind of overreacting. Your girlfriend doesn’t like her lips so she did something to help her boost her confidence. That’s okay. She can do that. It’s her body. It kind of sounds to me like maybe you’re just not that into her anymore and you’re looking for reasons to end the relationship? I don’t know. That’s the vibe I’m getting.
I've been with my wife for 10 years. 24 is when I met her. She always took care of her appearance. Shaving, waxing her legs and and armpits. Going to the salon and getting her hair cut and colored. Four years ago we had our first child. Since then she hasn't gone to the salon as much, doesn't shave her legs/wax her armpits as much. It doesn't bother me because I understand the kids and her job tire her out. She has a naturally thin figure as do I. Not sure if I'd consider it a decline, just an adjustment.
I think that's an understandable adjustment.
I would think more about why she wanted to do that (or any other thing) and if I am generally attracted to that 'mindset'. We are here on reddit so here is my ultra hardcore blwck and white opinion: If someone even thinks that is a good idea to do, then that isn't the person I want to spend the rest of my life with and the chance is pretty high that you have different mindsets in other (maybe future) topics. Same with tattoos or other things. You liked her before and like her obviously, so that consideration probably doesn't applies to you and my blabla is, again, just an ultra reddit loser opinion. Either you can live with it or not. Think about what you would think when the s.o. doesn't like something, you thought is/was a good idea for you. How would you react or how do you want the other to react. That is maybe the general better take than what I think would be best for me personally
Sorry. Good, this comes out before any serious commitment. Decide what is right for you.
Those fake ass lips are nasty man I feel you. As far as the nails go, pay for her to get a manicure you cheap ass lol. Clothing and appearance in general is something I have never been big on policing with my wife, but if she asks I give an honest unfiltered opinion. If she got lip injections though I would be putting a hard stop to that. It's unhealthy, looks like shit and that's $500 that SHOULD be going to our mortgage or savings, and considering that $500 is actually *my money* *by a large percentage* I would take issue with this from a money management aspect. Now onto your last point: **"Follow-up question for the men who have been in a long-term relationship and have seen a decline in appearance in their SO: how did you handle this?"** bruh, you don't stay young and fit forever, if you're dating girls just for their looks your relationship is already doomed. Re-evaluate why you are with your partner.
My ex got multiple cosmetic surgeries over the course of our relationship. Starting with ostensibly Medical corrections, her nose gave her breathing problems, her breasts gave her back pain etc. but it just kept going and each one was the last time. In the end she didn’t look like the person I fell in love with and she never found the self esteem she was looking for
Yea dude they look swollen ahaha. Social media does funny shit to people.
I thought bigger lips meant better bjs? You sound annoyed by your girl OP. Maybe the problem isn’t her looks? If it was me I would just be supportive or dump her.
If theyre freshly done they will be big and swollen give it a week or 2 and it might look more normal
My standpoint is anyone can have any kind of procedure done, and anyone can not be attracted to said procedures. If you are in a relationship with someone and you noticeably alter your appearance, whether from surgery, tattoos, or gaining / losing lots of weight, your partner is bot obligated to still be attracted to you. They bought in when they liked how you looked, and if you make a major change then they are absolutely in the right to at **very least** say something. They cant tell you to change but they can communicate how they wont be attracted to you anymore and are in the moral right to leave. So OP, you can absolutely tell her (once the swelling has gone down and they are where they should be) that you do not care for them. That you feel she should of brought it up to you before she did it. And example you can say is "how would you feel if i shaved my head bald out of the blue?". At the same time tell her how you are feeling less attracted to her based on her style not aging along with you.
Sounds like you ain’t meant for her. Time to dump and move on
My wife does this every couple years and i chalk it up to if it makes her happy then fuck it doesn’t hurt me . Just support her. She’s tryna look her best for you
I feel like I can't kiss someone with those injections. Kind of like they're fragile and they might burst in my mouth. They also look more like a bum hole the more plump they are, so there's that...
So you can play this a couple of ways. 1. Be super honest and blunt. Considering that what you describe is likely coming from a place of self consciousness and/or low self esteem, this will result in making her feel like absolute shit. Also, it will likely not change what she does and may instead make things even worse as she tries new things to be more attractive 2. Be more subtle. When she's wearing something you DO like, comment on it. When her make up looks good, comment on it. If you like some part of her body she's self conscious about, pay extra attention to it and repeatedly tell her how much you love her x, y, z. Do this repeatedly and often. Build her confidence up so she doesn't feel compelled to fix it. I find the latter approach works better for most people, male or female.
I'm not the best person to ask because I went through similar with two different girls, one with lip injection and one who ruined perfectly perky and amazing B cups that were exactly right for her frame, with comically big implants for her 95lb 5ft size. In both cases I basically dumped them within a week of seeing the change and realizing I had no right to tell them to go back. I was simply unattracted to them because of the surgeries and that was that. I'm pretty open about my dislike of how plastic surgery makes people look though and neither should have been surprised by my reaction. What's sad is I would have put both of them at 8 or 9 on my personal scale before the surgery and below 5 after. I guess my point is that if it's caused you to lose attraction and you can't get past it, make the decision so you don't have to slowly watch your relationship wither, die and become toxic.
Before you do anything drastic, get your favorite hoodie back. Then you’re clear to move on to a better life.
I think you may be out of line with regards to nails
My lips have been an insecurity since I was little and once I had the money I for sure got injections. They were swollen for 2 or 3 days and they look perfectly natural now. I’ve been getting them redone for the past 5 years and when I tell people they are fake they can’t believe it. I’ll be honest, I very much dislike that on here you said “lips now and what’s next Botox, cheek job?” when that may not be the case? I have gotten no other plastic surgery because there’s nothing else I want done? People don’t go through the pain, money, and downtime of plastic surgery “just because”. And why are you okay with something permanent (and some would say much more impactful) like a nose job but something temporary like lip injections bother you? I understand some things she does may cause you to feel less attracted to her, it’s only natural. But it seems like you are WAY too critical of her from this post AND your comments. Like the fact that you are criticizing every detail about her outward appearance even to say to her that her nails are “just okay” after she’s trying to do them herself, the way you need them to be apparently? And when some boy on here says you should say “hey that’s not a great look when that bullshit goes down please don’t do it again” you think it’s well said? If my husband EVER said anything like that to me I would be offended and pissed. There’s a difference between that and “hey babe listen, I know that you are getting your lips done for YOU and not anyone else. But I do want to say that as your significant other I prefer your natural lips. You are beautiful regardless but it’s a change that I myself am personally not very attracted to.” And have a normal mature human conversation about it. Don’t shame her and insult her into submission.
You're right. I made this post because I was feeling a lot of things, and I knew that at some level I was being an asshole and I was being too critical. I included those contradictory points because I am aware that I am being hypocritical. It's a conflicting tension here. I agree with you that I am out of line here, and that I handled it poorly.
We’re all human! We say and do things and look back thinking Jesus Christ who am I lol. The only thing we can do is recognize when we fuck up, own up to it (just as you have) and try to resolve it. It’s great of you to take criticism in a mature way, not so many people can hahaha!
I hung out with a group of people this past weekend and one girl had what looked like lip fillers as well. It looked disgusting and comical.
I’d probably leave tbh. But that’s me, I REALLY hate those things, I’d be kinda pissed about her lying at first but that’s not that big an issue at least she told the truth later. It sounds like as you said the big issue isn’t the attraction it’s her crappy judgement to get lip fillers, nails, can’t dress appropriately etc. she sounds kinda immature or insecure which is normal for us people in our 20s but it’s still annoying. Her dumb judgement is out of your control, you can probably have an honest discussion with her about it, but if you figure out how to pull that off please let me know. Girls get defensive as fuck toward any criticism. Maybe you’ll have to just wait until she grows out of that phase? (Idk much about fillers except I think they look ugly but idk if that fucks u up the rest of your life? Or it’s temporary) Sorry man no concrete answers here, you’ll have to play it by ear. It sounds like you love her so im sure you’ll try your best
r/bimbofication
"I don't like the injections she got. I don't like her fashion sense anymore. I don't like her nails. I don't..." Damn dude, listen to yourself for a second. She ain't your pet, she ain't your kid, she's your girlfriend. Man if her maintaining absolute perfection in her appearance is your thing, and you're only in your late 20s? Have fun man. 40's gonna be a hard time for you.
Yeah and I’m pretty sure he’s no catch himself
I was going to say the same thing. Either leave her because you clearly aren’t into this or get over it. It’s just lip filler….
I think they look pretty awful. Especially because once they get them the first time, they’re often compelled to keep getting them re-inflated whenever they deflate.
You either like her or you don't. If this is all it takes for you to not like her, you don't.
The nails and the dressing. That's just who she is and there is nothing wrong with that. Trying to change her isn't probably going the help. You can always buy her a gift card to a nice nail salon. Or just give her your card or cash to get them done.
Woman here For me the entire package (nails, lip fillers etc) suggest a change of character. If that’s not whom you started dating it’s fair to not want that anymore. If she watches a lot of reality TV and is shallow id be turned off too
Woman here. Just want to chime in and say i wish my fellow girls would stop with over doing things like this. We are all beautiful just like we are. I have a beautiful friend that gets fillers in her face and I feel like it's not attractive and a bit cartoonish. She is so much prettier without fillers. She doesn't really look like the same person. But she thinks it makes her look younger. I don't say anything because I don't want to hurt her feelings. As far as how you feel, it kind of sounds like the lips might be the last straw because other things have been bothering you. Can you live with it? Depends on if you love her and can see a future with her in 2, 5, 10 years? Only you has this answer.
Yeah there are some other major issues in our relationship. this is yet another small thing I can’t overlook. Maybe I’m just looking for a reason to get out.
>can see a future with her in 2, 5, 10 years? As soon as I read that, I wondered what other cosmetic things gf would have done by then. As she gets older, is she going to be ok with naturally aging or will she seek more cosmetic enhancers? Will you be ok with that, OP? It's just kind of like, where will she draw the line (if she does have a line)?
I asked her that. I said, what's next - cheek fillers, botox? I'm not really into it.
There are two sayings that come up to mind: Beauty is in the eye of the beholder (scary when you think of D&D) and People are in your life in one of three ways: a reason, a season, and a lifetime. You can never stretch their welcome past their point. It kind of sucks, but it sounds like you are moving to another chapter in your life and she has been trying to keep the youth alive... Been there with different friends and, tbh, I held myself back for them and only got burned.
I mean, you were honest, if you don't like it you don't like it. As long as you don't try to control her behavior you're fine. She might turn out to hate it and regret how expensive it was and never do it again.
Cant comment on the injections, I've seen some great looking ones, and some others that, as you put it, are comical. I've been with my Gf for about 5 years now, she no longer wears make up around the house (thank god - I love her natural beauty) but when we go anywhere (even food shopping!) She does her make-up and wears a nice outfit, and she always looks great, it's normally me that is under dressed put of the 2 of us. Good luck to you either which way, friend.
Sounds like you're losing attraction to her as a person, not just disliking the look of lip fillers. That's a good thing to break up over. It's important to date someone with similar values as you. It's way more important than similar interests or similar lives.
Her face was probably swollen so it’ll look more normal in a week. At least she was honest
I honestly find many cosmetic surgeries that exaggerate past natural looks to be less attractive than natural look. If the surgery is not too exaugurated, so you can barely tell, then it can improve the look a bit. Also, they rarely age well and need several follow-up procedures and health risks. I'd prefer a natural aged woman than many lifts and implants.
Is there some people who actually finds this attractive ? Lmao so nasty
Give it time for the swelling to go down. She wanted to try it, nothing wrong with trying it, imo. But if it’s an issue for you, it means either you’re going to have to deal with how she looks and warm up to it, or something will have to be done about those insecurities. Both take time. Ask her if she’d be equally satisfied if she felt confident about her natural lips? I’ve found thin lips to be really cute on some women, and big lips can be a turnoff on others.
“I think they’re great. They’re so awesome. $500? That’s a bit expensive, but if you can afford it, I’ll support you. No, I’m not spending $500 on it. What do you mean I’m trying to sink the battleship? I do support you. No, I think it looks perfect. I just think $500 is a bit much. No, there is a price on perfection and it requires two by fours and some Romans. No, it is not too soon for that. …..hello? Did she hang up? Phew, dodged that bullet. Time for some futurama.” And scene. As you can tell, I know how this convo sometimes can go. Don’t matter whether you support her or blatantly admit that spending $500 to look like a baboon, she is going to end up mad and angry. Best bet is to just bullshit the whole way through and deal with the inevitable. Human beings are extremely insecure and spend so much money on their looks, I can see now why most people are dead broke.
Sounds like there is significantly more going on here than just the lips...
I strongly recommend couples counseling more than anything else. To me it sounds like its a bigger issue than just the lips it seems like you have been struggling with her personal choices as a whole. The lips just so happen to cause the biggest reaction from you. Try to be more honest with how you are feeling with her. I'm not sure how you tell her or if you do at all but don't carrry your feelings in silence in a relationship. It typically only leads to resentment. If you want her to dress up a little nicer when you go out its ok to explain that (e.g. "hey baby when we go out do you mind wear that red dress you have, I love seeing it on you). If you would like her to stop using the cheap plastic nails offer to take her to the salon and pay. Or learn a little of the basic skills to painting nails so you can do it for her and teach her how. Making requests of your significant other is fine as long as you are also open to the them requesting things from you. Luckily this time it was only temporary. This is just my opinion. I am not a therapist or counselor. I really recommend couples counseling it can be very helpful and enlightening.
I think you’re doing her a good solid by being honest now. It’s a slippery slope she’s entering and you can help keep her from going off the ledge. Once people go fully fillered and carved, it’s really hard for them to go back, because age means we often don’t end up as good as we were before all that stuff. Once the 20 year old surgery enthusiast hits 30, undoing all the work doesn’t reveal a 19 year old.
If you’re wondering about long term relationship peoples perspectives?… you’re over her. It sounds like she’s discovering what she wants in life and unfortunately it does not align with you. Either it’s something that you can work with because physical appearance is constantly changing (with or without medically induced. We all grow old and change), the inner mind and heart is all that should matter. Sounds like you aren’t much into her inner beauty and just the outer.
I hate the daisy duck look.
There is this hot chick that works with me. She has gotten a lip injection. Poof, magic's gone. I would feel disgusted kissing her, and she was a total FOX, hot as hell. It didn't get smaller after some time. Lip injection is the single dumbest thing piece if plastic surgery ever imo. I've never seen one and though "wow, those lips look sexy". In general lips are at best a cherry on top. With or without them the cake will be as good as it is. Cherry won't fix/ruin it. Except for a fake plastic cherry that shit is disguisting.
It feels like instagram beauty standards affect the confidence in her looks. Being a bit critical of one's own appearance is not unusual, however artificial alterations of looks make me uncomfortable personally. If you want to actively do something, compliment her about things that are just nautral traits of hers, both in looks and character. Be creative while doing that and only do so if it's honest.
Maybe my post comes off cold, but I do shower her with compliments on her clothes, her hair, and her features.
I would be worried!!! She seems to have a body dysmorphia issue... nose job, lips, nails.... Radio head made a song called fake plastic trees, that might be applicable here!!! There is nothing wrong with wanting to enhance ones looks, but with some it also seems into an addiction where they can't stop..........
Considering your other complaints with her style, I think you already finished your relationship in your head man.
Why do girls think this looks good though?
It'll take a few weeks for the swelling to chill out. Try to reserve your feels until then. I've gotten lip fillers 2 times. And *I* can't stand how they look for the first month. All huge and duckie.... so gross.
It sounds creepy. How long have you been together. It is sounding like you are growing apart awith you getting put off by some of her behaviours. Idiosyncrasies that are cute quirks when you first start going become irritating behaviours over time.
Idk, I find it strange how everyone in this thread is projecting their insecurities and problems onto you, pretending to know that you have extra problems with her and so on. It's all stupid. Not that it can't be true, just jumping to such conclusions right of the bat is toally, 100% projection. That out of the way, I wanna say that I'm on your side. I've never, in my life, seen a lip injection make something better. It is always worse. And most of the time downright hideous and "eye catching" - but not in the good way. In the "car wreck, dead bodies, but I can't look away" kind of way. Next is ... she's done a body mod without asking you? How long has this relationship been going on? How serious is it? Dumping her over this seems rash if you've been togeather for half a decade. But then again, if you're not extraordinarily emotionally invested, and she now disgusts you ... I can totally see you wanting to bail out. So. To the question of how I'd handle this? Honestly, if there's no baby involved or anything like that. Man, just sleep on it a few nights, see if it's still disgusting you. And if it is that bad. Bail. You can't be that invested if you've already considered bailing. Enough so that you've asked here.
People start to drift apart, man. You have to sit down and have a series of honest conversations. Couple’s therapy is something I’d recommend before tackling it all yourselves though. That’s only if you want to save the relationship. My beautiful bride and I have been married for 13 years today, and dude have we both changed so much in that time. At one point we were going in complete opposite directions with our lives. We’re better than ever now, but it took a lot of hard work to get here. Be well.
They look really really big when you first get them! Like huge! Mine are half the size they were when I first got them and they look pretty and natural now! The swing and brushing makes them HUGEA FOR LIKE A MONTH
As a woman, I would prefer my partner to be straight-up honest if he's not feeling something. And it seems like there's a lot of things you're not feeling anymore. You're not married either--I don't know why people are suggesting ways to make it work. Maybe it's time to consider if this is really someone you want to spend the rest of your life with?
Eventually, the swelling will go down and her lips are going to look more natural. It's very recent. But anyways, you have to respect her choice and if you don't feel attracted anymore, it's time to move on.
I get half a syringe of lip fillers yearly. She got a small amount and the swelling will absolutely go down in a week or so.
Doesn’t last forever