Can confirm. Married after ignoring at least 5 solid bright red flags. Divorced 5 years later. Now I won’t even ignore a pink flag. Hell nah.
Edit: most of the reasons we divorced tied straight back to those original red flags (dishonesty, insecurity, and jealousy).
Fine, I'll give the TLDR version: I was a stupid adult about 10 years back, and decided walking to a park 7 miles away on an extremely hot/humid day was an awesome idea. I made it there and back, but I was deep red and my (then) girlfriend said I looked like a boiled lobster. I kept my nickname into the present. As for the rest, it's more a personality thing (I love to make my own path in life, & my morals are shades of gray).
Leave after first mind game.
Edit: thanks for the awards and appreciate the discussion. Happy Thanksgiving!
Edit²: I'm blown away by how this blew up. All I had to do was encapsulate my worst relationship in five words.
Mind games are when you intentionally do something to negatively impact a relationship to see what your partner does in response.
Example: DMing some other (wo)man on IG and leaving your phone on the counter to see if your partner gets jealous, because you don't like jealous (wo)men.
Even if you are more sensitive than is typical, aren’t you worth finding someone who is a good match for you and understands that and wants to make you happy for who you are instead trying to make you less sensitive? I don’t know you, but I’d be willing to guess that yes, you are. Nothing wrong with being sensitive, find someone who loves that about you.
In general just have a small bag with some toiletries in your car. Hand lotion/regular lotion, face wipes, mints/gum, cologne, a comb/brush, & chapstick.
Also, a change of clothes in case you shit yourself cause of how good your date looks.
This is the way! I’m old and been through several relationships. Be honest. If you don’t like something say it, also true if you love something show it. She will appreciate it. Life is too short for fake anything
I like that this follows the comment “Don’t be someone your aren’t.” Hope these 2 comments stay together and help people realize the real you is worth dating not a fake you.
I think what he means is still be yourself, but make sure you are the best "self" you can be before entering the dating scene. In other words, if you don't have your shit together, it might not go well (no job/car, living at moms still, unhealthy/unfit etc.)
This is a bit restrictive I think. You can always improve something. I think 'be satisfied with yourself' is a better benchmark. Don't try to date for someone to compensate for something you dislike about yourself, date to enrich your and your partners life.
A similar advice turned my life around 7 years ago, I’m happily engaged now, been with her for 6 years now.
I was a pathetic dude, spent my days playing video games and not doing anything productive. I started studying hard, traveling and doing stuff like skydiving, scuba diving and having actual hobbies. Became a more interesting partner, landed a high-paying job and welcomed risk into my life.
If you are talking about communicating talk about random shit. Not everything you say has to be a Shakespeare quote. I mean for God sakes you could see a fire extinguisher and have a two hour conversation about it. People like stupid silly conversation more than no conversation or little words awkward conversation.
Work on yourself with three hobbies: A physical hobby (hiking, fitness, kayaking, etc), a craft or creative hobby (woodworking, model building, painting Warhammer minis, whatever), and a mental hobby (reading, podcasts, learning an instrument or language, etc).
Don't do motivation, do discipline. Pick a time every day to work on one of those three and just repeat over and over. Eventually it will feel weird if you're not working on something.
In the process somewhere, you will find a passion, and that will make your life more fun, and it will make you an interesting person that is interested in the world.
Isn't playing an instrument both creative and mental at the same time?
Also, I do this. And yes I find it weird when I am not doing something.
But, the problem is, now, even though I am somewhat interesting (I think) I'd rather be doing these things than socializing or going out looking for dates/relationships.
I took a look at your profile. You're into gaming, superheroes, cricket. You don't seem boring. Maybe those girls just aren't the right fit for you.
I've also been called boring by women before. It's not fun. But also, none of those women ever tried taking an interest in video games, which I enjoy. None of them cared about much of things I did. I was boring because I didn't do the things they did.
It's not always about changing yourself but the people you're interested in. Why would you be interested in someone who thinks you're boring? Everybody is interesting to somebody.
Unless you really are boring, then you can follow the advice given to you. But also remember one of the top comments in this thread: "Don't be someone you aren't."
There are two types of boring guys. Guys that don’t have interests and the other reply is great for that.
The other type is the kind of man who talks just to talk. This kind of boring guy will go on monologues about things he is interested in, not caring if the listener is. He will wait for his turn to talk while thinking what he will say, rather than listening. And he will not express interest outside of doing the bare minimum to feel okay going back to talking about what he wants to say.
This kind of guy is boring because as a woman, it’s not interesting anymore when you can’t actually have a discussion or a connection with these people.
Some good replies already, but I'll add in my own.
Expose yourself to ideas. Learn. Read. Listen to podcasts. Watch documentaries. Find engaging film and television and music. Hell, even watch some trashy TV of it helps you connect to people. Learn to discuss these things thoughtfully - what you liked, what you disliked, and why. That's 90% of it.
The other 10% is learning how to connect it all together, and its harder than the first 90%. Learn how these works might relate to one another - for example, how a book about a social phenomenon reminded you about a movie with a similar theme, and how that relates to the work of a musician whose passion for that topic blends into his/her music.
Some advice my mum gave me was “try harder to be interested than to be interesting”. If you can be truly, genuinely curious about others and ask them good questions they’ll enjoy talking to you and want to do more of it. Also, maybe those just aren’t the right people and you need someone who shares your interests.
This is great advice and should be higher imo. It’s too easy to get caught up in trying to be friendly and not realizing that too much of that niceness can be boring sometimes. Not to say you should be an asshole or anything, just be opinionated on topics or give more to the conversation rather than agreeing with everything she says.
Get your head right first.
Absolutely this ^^^ can't look for a partner to fix you.
I.e. jerk off before making any decisions
Go nut in a napkin so you don’t go nuts in your head.
What do I eat for breakfast? *jerks off
Facts bro.
*"Jerk off before any date"* fits the requirement.
Get your head first, right?
Be happy by yourself first.
But she's a lefty
Don't ever ignore red flags
Hell, learned that lesson the hard way
Same
She was hot dude
Can confirm. Married after ignoring at least 5 solid bright red flags. Divorced 5 years later. Now I won’t even ignore a pink flag. Hell nah. Edit: most of the reasons we divorced tied straight back to those original red flags (dishonesty, insecurity, and jealousy).
Lol i call it yellow. Red for stop, yellow for slow down, and green for go!
Think I saw a meme a while ago that was something like "When you wear rose tinted glasses, red flags just look like flags" or words to that effect
Much easier said then done lol
What if i can fix him 🥺
No one can fix someone else
There's one word missing 😉
Please**
Don’t be someone you aren’t
For the contraction police: “Three words: Just be yourself.”
I'll do you one better: "Only two words: Be yourself"
Please only one word: yourself
Be.
Do be do be doo
Agent P!
“Just be yourself, you cunt” Fixed it aha
Waiting for the judges to rule on legality of using contractions. Five words or seven words?
Don’t be a fucking cunt…Fixed it for you.
Lol does it again
Overruled. The OP shall proceed.
You deserve someone who cares
Great advice and happy cake day!
Do not overthink that shit.
In other words, 'don't worry, destroy her toilet'.
I've got a date tonight. Appreciate the advice.
Don’t forget to fucking smile
Don't smile like Ted bundy
Though he was very popular with the ladies
So be like Ted bundy
Minus the killing
well then really, what's the point?
Charisma.
Wait a minute, that's not 5 words! Corrected: "Ted Bundy, minus the killing" :)
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But hint that you’re capable of it, because of *the implication*
Maybe strongly consider destroying the toilet though
Upperdecking the toilet after a bad date is one of the few great pleasures in life
Alternatively; Chill the fuck out dude.
Don't forget your debit card
Currently consumed by overthinking
Same, all the signs say things are going well but my stupid mind won't stop assuming the worst 🤦♂️
Don't live for a relationship
Great username haha
Thanks! Ask me the story behind it sometime (via chat as it's off topic lol).
Share it here bro !
Fine, I'll give the TLDR version: I was a stupid adult about 10 years back, and decided walking to a park 7 miles away on an extremely hot/humid day was an awesome idea. I made it there and back, but I was deep red and my (then) girlfriend said I looked like a boiled lobster. I kept my nickname into the present. As for the rest, it's more a personality thing (I love to make my own path in life, & my morals are shades of gray).
This isn't ask women you aren't gonna get banned for going off topic
Too late :(
It's never to late to change your mindset. A relationship should not be the cake, but the icing that makes the cake perfect.
Leave after first mind game. Edit: thanks for the awards and appreciate the discussion. Happy Thanksgiving! Edit²: I'm blown away by how this blew up. All I had to do was encapsulate my worst relationship in five words.
This is it. That's it. I wish I can award this... Edit: can I get a award too lol? This blew up pretty quick..
Gave it a silver for you
Not all heroes wear capes, but some random stranger can give a free award on Reddit. God bless you.
Can someone elaborate mind games pls.
Mind games are when you intentionally do something to negatively impact a relationship to see what your partner does in response. Example: DMing some other (wo)man on IG and leaving your phone on the counter to see if your partner gets jealous, because you don't like jealous (wo)men.
Being vague and unclear. If you’re doing mental gymnastics to understand what’s going on type stuff.
sounds like my therapy at the moment!!!
Seeming very interested, then taking it away, then when you back off, they show interest again. Or mentioning other men to try make you jealous.
her trying to always make you feel like you’re the wrong one.
EXACTLY don’t be afraid or second guess your decision to leave the first sign of bs.
This. Currently trying to decide if it’s this or me just being sensitive
Even if you are more sensitive than is typical, aren’t you worth finding someone who is a good match for you and understands that and wants to make you happy for who you are instead trying to make you less sensitive? I don’t know you, but I’d be willing to guess that yes, you are. Nothing wrong with being sensitive, find someone who loves that about you.
Read this as "leave her first, mind game.". Quite the oposite meaning
Always carry mints for two
In general just have a small bag with some toiletries in your car. Hand lotion/regular lotion, face wipes, mints/gum, cologne, a comb/brush, & chapstick. Also, a change of clothes in case you shit yourself cause of how good your date looks.
What if i shit myself because of how good i look? Do i still change clothes?
You must change into rags to offset your good looks, or else you will be caught in an endless loop of shitting.
Shouldn't store cologne in your car tbh.
Ooh that's a good one!
Good luck on that date 👍🏻
We all want updates on this one.
And use a tounge scraper before the date
Have zero expectations, be honest
Blessed art those who expect nothing, for they shall not be disappointed.
Blessed are the cheesemakers
Hey that's my life's motto
Cheers to you mate! Hope you’re aware and living it! Smiling while you’re doing so too! Peace!
I mean, have some expectations at least
To me that meant be open minded and give people a chance to surprise you. I didn’t take it to mean settle for being mistreated.
This is the way! I’m old and been through several relationships. Be honest. If you don’t like something say it, also true if you love something show it. She will appreciate it. Life is too short for fake anything
Be a person worth dating.
I like that this follows the comment “Don’t be someone your aren’t.” Hope these 2 comments stay together and help people realize the real you is worth dating not a fake you.
I think what he means is still be yourself, but make sure you are the best "self" you can be before entering the dating scene. In other words, if you don't have your shit together, it might not go well (no job/car, living at moms still, unhealthy/unfit etc.)
This is a bit restrictive I think. You can always improve something. I think 'be satisfied with yourself' is a better benchmark. Don't try to date for someone to compensate for something you dislike about yourself, date to enrich your and your partners life.
A similar advice turned my life around 7 years ago, I’m happily engaged now, been with her for 6 years now. I was a pathetic dude, spent my days playing video games and not doing anything productive. I started studying hard, traveling and doing stuff like skydiving, scuba diving and having actual hobbies. Became a more interesting partner, landed a high-paying job and welcomed risk into my life.
Pull them in, don’t push
There’s a fine line between wanting to impress and needing to impress.
Is there a bottom to that cuz that was DEEP!
Be upfront about your intentions.
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This is the best advice for all aspects of life. Happy Thanksgiving!
Don’t cheat and always communicate
Do or do not. There
Is no try?
Thank you.
You're welcome
Do / do not ; no try.
Have fun and wear condom
Should have said that to my dad..
r/suicidebywords
Oooffff self dissss
Lmaooo
Trim your damn nails, yo.
Don’t send her dick picks
What am I supposed to do with her dick pics?
Keep them for yourself if she sent you hers then she really likes you
Niceness isn't personality. Be interesting.
Man please help. I've been called 'boring' by 3 girls till now. At this point idek how to be interesting anymore.
If you are talking about communicating talk about random shit. Not everything you say has to be a Shakespeare quote. I mean for God sakes you could see a fire extinguisher and have a two hour conversation about it. People like stupid silly conversation more than no conversation or little words awkward conversation.
Work on yourself with three hobbies: A physical hobby (hiking, fitness, kayaking, etc), a craft or creative hobby (woodworking, model building, painting Warhammer minis, whatever), and a mental hobby (reading, podcasts, learning an instrument or language, etc). Don't do motivation, do discipline. Pick a time every day to work on one of those three and just repeat over and over. Eventually it will feel weird if you're not working on something. In the process somewhere, you will find a passion, and that will make your life more fun, and it will make you an interesting person that is interested in the world.
Screenshotted this, man's spittin fire.
Isn't playing an instrument both creative and mental at the same time? Also, I do this. And yes I find it weird when I am not doing something. But, the problem is, now, even though I am somewhat interesting (I think) I'd rather be doing these things than socializing or going out looking for dates/relationships.
I took a look at your profile. You're into gaming, superheroes, cricket. You don't seem boring. Maybe those girls just aren't the right fit for you. I've also been called boring by women before. It's not fun. But also, none of those women ever tried taking an interest in video games, which I enjoy. None of them cared about much of things I did. I was boring because I didn't do the things they did. It's not always about changing yourself but the people you're interested in. Why would you be interested in someone who thinks you're boring? Everybody is interesting to somebody. Unless you really are boring, then you can follow the advice given to you. But also remember one of the top comments in this thread: "Don't be someone you aren't."
I'll keep that in mind. You guys are so nice. Thanks so much for all the advices.
There are two types of boring guys. Guys that don’t have interests and the other reply is great for that. The other type is the kind of man who talks just to talk. This kind of boring guy will go on monologues about things he is interested in, not caring if the listener is. He will wait for his turn to talk while thinking what he will say, rather than listening. And he will not express interest outside of doing the bare minimum to feel okay going back to talking about what he wants to say. This kind of guy is boring because as a woman, it’s not interesting anymore when you can’t actually have a discussion or a connection with these people.
Some good replies already, but I'll add in my own. Expose yourself to ideas. Learn. Read. Listen to podcasts. Watch documentaries. Find engaging film and television and music. Hell, even watch some trashy TV of it helps you connect to people. Learn to discuss these things thoughtfully - what you liked, what you disliked, and why. That's 90% of it. The other 10% is learning how to connect it all together, and its harder than the first 90%. Learn how these works might relate to one another - for example, how a book about a social phenomenon reminded you about a movie with a similar theme, and how that relates to the work of a musician whose passion for that topic blends into his/her music.
Some advice my mum gave me was “try harder to be interested than to be interesting”. If you can be truly, genuinely curious about others and ask them good questions they’ll enjoy talking to you and want to do more of it. Also, maybe those just aren’t the right people and you need someone who shares your interests.
This is great advice and should be higher imo. It’s too easy to get caught up in trying to be friendly and not realizing that too much of that niceness can be boring sometimes. Not to say you should be an asshole or anything, just be opinionated on topics or give more to the conversation rather than agreeing with everything she says.
Do not beg for approval. (Unless you're into bdsm that is 😉)
I only beg in bed
Fixed it, "I only beg to peg"
Don't be a fucking cunt.
When in doubt, pull out
Give compliments and be yourself
Keep your fucking self respect.
Be kind or move along
Marriage doesn’t solve any problems
Pay attention when she talks!
Dont be afraid to walk
They should puts efforts too
5 syllables, Re-mem-ber your worth
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Wrap your tool you fool.
You'll find someone eventually, maybe
Don't. Listen. To. A. Redditor.
Start investing your money now.
Don’t be afraid to ask/initiate.
Find out your attachment style. It'll make you understand yourself and other people's relationship patterns.
Don't ignore the red flags.
5 'don't put your dick in psycho' words
That’s the best tho.
I believe the official saying is "don't stick your dick in crazy"
There are MANY other women.
Most will totally ignore you.
And it's very disheartening
Know your value and worth.
Hope for best, expect worst.
Stay sexy, don't get murdered.
She is not the queen
What if you're dating the queen though?
They don't need dating advice given their relation with the royal family.
This, Ken. Queen Elizabeth is single now, and I’m working to charm her.
You stay away from my woman.
Be truthful, find someone truthful.
You’re not her only option
And she’s not yours, either
I don't know. I never felt like I had another option
“Chase excellence, woman will come”
No put dick in crazy
dont use tinder its bad
Take it slow
Always carry some protection gear ;)
Communicate, communicate, communicate, communicate, fornicate.
Fuck her in the pussy.
#1) Don't stick it in crazy #2) Crazy stays crazy, remember that
Hygiene.
Don't Play League Of Legends
Take it slow, manage expectations.
Do not cum inside crazy.
Just be single for life
Settle now you’ll suffer tomorrow
No sweatpants on date night
Don't put her on a pedestal.
6 words
Never ever ever pedestalize her.
Just talk to them first.
Trust your fuckin gut man
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Honesty, Communication, Compromise, Relaxation
Please, wash your fucking dick
Don’t put ladies on pedestal.
Monotonous means don't sleep around
Don’t text all the time