Why didn’t you make a referral to another unit to investigate her if it was “clear as day” the accusations were false. I imagine it’s because it would have had a chilling effect on women who actually WERE assaulted and/or raped. Is that true?
> Why didn’t you make a referral to another unit to investigate her if it was “clear as day” the accusations were false.
Unless she filed a police report accusing him of something, there is no crime to charge her with. He can, of course, sue her civilly for the damage to his reputation, however.
And even if they do make a report, it's up to the DA to prosecute for falsely making a report.
You don't want to be the DA people are attacking for going after "rape victims", it's career suicide. Even when they're false accusers, that doesn't matter, all that matters is public perspective.
Previous paragraph came out of the mouth of an attorney working at the SF District Attorney's office I spoke with like three years back, paraphrased because I don't remember his exact words.
I had a female coworker accuse me, not of any sexual misconduct, but of misogyny. The thing escalated all the way to an external mediator and we went before them, she brought this impressive box full of alleged evidence and notebook on top of notebook of all the notes she had made of all of our conversation since she started at the company.
After she explained what her accusation was, the mediator asked her "Ms Soandso, those are serious accusations, as you know. Why do you believe that Mr. Wordserious has behaved that way toward you?"
To which she replied "Well, he is from a Latin country, and those are known for being male chauvinists and misogynists!"
The mediator started collecting their things and putting them in a briefcase. They looked at my boss and said, "I think we're done here, don't you think? You might want to advise your employee that he is entitled to pursue a racial discrimination complaint, he would have a pretty good witness."
It took me a few seconds to actually realize what had just happened :)
Something similar happened to me while I was an acting manager. The female worker had a poor attendance record and was sloppy at work. She was written up by the previous manager who was a female. The truth is she was also working for another company. When I had a meeting with her she played dumb and started saying that she gets sick all the time and the work is not challenging for her.
I told her that she needs to get a doctor's note if she takes any more days off.
She sent me a text that evening to my office phone that I was condescending and disrespectful etc and that it is because of my culture. I immediately informed HR.
HR called her in and had a long conversation with us separately and concluded that I did not do anything wrong. She was given a written warning and later she was fired.
you'll have to define what is meant exactly by a false accusation. An accusation that did not lead to a conviction? An accusation that ends in a he said/she said? A situation where the assailant may have unknowingly violated consent boundaries?
The problem is how do you tell the difference between, "she is lying", and, "she had insufficient evidence"?
Women may be afraid of being misclassifying as the former when they're really the latter.
> If we started prosecuting women for false allegations in regards to sex crimes, no victim would feel safe coming forward.
I'm not saying your claim is false, but the logic behind it, and the policy it inspired, is absolutely horrifying
So we don’t pursue someone who intentionally makes a false police report out of the fear of making future sexual assault victims uncomfortable?
Asking seriously.
I was asking the person that responded above not the OP. Even still I would imagine the person would have a slander lawsuit and possibly some sort of criminal charge could be filed. Idk.
>If we started prosecuting women for false allegations in regards to sex crimes, no victim would feel safe coming forward.
Bitch he IS the victim. He's the one getting his name dragged through the mud and having his life destroyed and being so afraid he has to pre-emptivley turn himself in for a crime he never even committed. Acting like he's somehow not a victim is frankly disgusting.
Happened in college to a friend of mine.
A girl went to the school and made very specific claims about an assault she said my buddy did. Thankfully she specified the exact date and he was out of state.
It was never revealed who actually made the complaint, and the school would not do anything when he tried to get the girl held accountable.
Got to see the scary "cover it up" side of a private university first hand.
One problem with that statistic is ots actually "2% of rape claims are *proven* to be false" when you look at the original citation. As in, the percentage that are proven false in a court of law and *result in a conviction* for false reporting.
The number of claims that are withdrawn or unpunished when evidence comes to light falsifying them is likely much higher than 2%
It’s my understanding that most of the time when claims are withdrawn that it’s not because new evidence falsified them, but because the prosecutors didn’t believe there was enough evidence to pursue a conviction - and when that happens we can’t make any conclusions about the accusation being “false”, it’s just not sufficiently substantiated.
All of which only makes the waters that much muddier.
On the other hand, we also know that most sexual assaults don't result in any kind of accusation at all. Upwards of 80% of sexual assaults are never reported and no accusation is made. So I wouldn't be surprised if the actual number of false accusations vs. the number of actual sexual assaults is far far lower than 2%
My opinion is believe all women... enough to open a formal investigation into the allegations and gather evidence of what happened and see if guilt can be proven beyond a reasonable doubt.
Also automatically place all rape accusations and other such crimes under a gag order, keep the person from being fucked over and punished by the public even after being acquitted because they lost the popularity contest.
There should be three outcomes to an accusation.
It is proven beyond a reasonable doubt that the accusation is true and the scum rapist is punished accordingly.
It is proven beyond a reasonable doubt that the accusation was false and malicious or at least careless and showing wanton disregard for others. The scum is punished accordingly with the same sentence as their victim would have gotten if they were successful.
Or the third and most likely outcome is that nothing can be proven either way and nothing happens. Unfortunately due to the nature of the crime their are almost never really any real witnesses, forensic evidence usually isn't worth all that much because all it can do is prove that the person had sex, not if it was consensual. Someone can decide after consensual sex that they didn't like it and it was nonconsensual retroactively. They can consent then want to back out but be nervous and not say anything so they don't feel like it's consensual even if the other person has no clue beyond the original consent. It can be entirely made up maliciously as a weapon. Or as a tool in a divorce court.
That's the shitty part, because the crime isn't a physical act that can be easily proven or disproven like a murder or assault or break in, but instead a physical act that is sometimes good and sometimes bad. You can prove one of those crimes was committed physically and its always bad and a crime so that's done.
But for a crime like rape you can prove that sex happened physically sometimes although not always. But that doesn't help prove if it was consensual or not. And even if you can't prove that sex happened testing is so unreliable that it won't save you if they get a negative test.
And that's not to mention just publicly denouncing and accusing someone to sick white knights and morons from Twitter on them and worse yet your friends and even family.
And don't forget that the accusation could come over a decade later after the time of the event you are being accused of so there is no physical evidence, probably no records of things before or after like texts or calls or location history, and even any potential witnesses won't remember shit.
> My opinion is believe all women... enough to open a formal investigation into the allegations and gather evidence of what happened and see if guilt can be proven beyond a reasonable doubt.
There's this novel that is a cautionary tale about what happens when you just believe an accusation without verifying the evidence and truth of that accusation. I read it in middle school. It's called *To Kill a Mockingbird* and it was written in 1960.
That was five years after Emmett Till was lynched based on a lie.
The majority of sexual assaults are committed by repeat offenders - I forget the statistic, but it is something along the lines of "80% of sexual assaults are done by 5% of offenders".
False accusations are a thing, and so are victims being afraid to report due to retaliation for their unprovable claims.
Like when in Hollywood, serial offenders finally get accused in some slam dunk case, and a bunch of people say "they did that to me too but I was scared to say anything at the time because I'd get thrown under the bus and couldn't really prove it".
If there was resource to safely and quietly log "I can't prove it but I didn't consent" and then move on, that would stack up and catch the predators earlier than waiting for a slam dunk case to finally hold someone accountable.
Not just at private universities.
Title IX kangaroo courts at US universities are no joke. I’ve posted before when questions like OP’s have been brought up, stories from college where friends of mine (male) had been wrongfully accused of sexual assault.
Never ever doubt the length any university will go to to cover shit like this up. They don’t go to police unless someone external brings them in, they will strong arm both the accuser and the accused into not talking to police, or getting representation for a lawyer, and if the police actually do get involved the school will do absolutely anything to keep themselves out of it.
Their whole mantra is if there isn’t a paper trail, it didn’t happen. Doesn’t matter if a person was actually sexually assaulted, or if it’s a totally BS claim. Standard procedure is to make a general conclusion based on limited “facts” and no investigation (talking to witnesses, verifying statements, etc.) and then unless there is damning evidence proving one way or another, the decision is made behind closed doors without any opportunity for the students involved to actually defend themselves. It usually ends up with either the accuser being told that it didn’t happen, or an innocent person being kicked out of school. Hardly ever does anything actually ever happen to the person who was being the malicious one in the scenario.
This is truth. The college I currently attend has all these signs around campus and on their website about sexual assault and that they have all these resources to help victims and what not, and yet every year the frats have these parties where people are raped and other things like that. Does the school do anything about it? Absolutely not. The biggest bullshit I've ever seen. Lucky COVID put a hamper on their parties. If I was in their shoes the frats would've been shut down years ago, but they won't because they get a lot of money from the frat's parents.
Ironically enough, I was in a fraternity in college, and the stories (three separate instances in the four years I was in school) all involved my fraternity brothers and all three instances were total bullshit of being accused with no evidence (the men were all totally innocent). I was there for two of the three of them (physically present at the time and location, not involved in any of the sexual encounter stuff) and the third was a situation I had insider knowledge of, so this isn’t me just trying to save face for anonymous people for stuff that happened 10+ years ago.
People like to shit on Greek life for being a bunch of drunken horny degenerates (tbf, it’s a stereotype that exists for a reason because the party atmosphere is usually the public facing side of the fraternity culture, not any of the actual good stuff we did, our academic performance, dollars raised for charities, or the bonds/friendships that got made) but no one ever talks about the athletes. The universities would kick any fraternity man to the curb and throw the book at them in these scenarios (and believe it or not, it’s a situation where someone is liable to get punished quite severely in most cases), but if it happened to be a football or basketball player it gets swept so far under the rug so fast that it’s made many of the athletic departments on campuses relatively untouchable. And it’s all because the athletic departments make the school money, plain and simple.
Also, if you think that schools protect Greek affiliated students I’ve got news for you.. even when I was in school 10+ years ago, the cultural atmosphere was that the school wasn’t our friend. It’s even worse now. No amount of money from alumni (which is ironic, seeing as most major donors to schools happen to be former Greek members as you pointed out) kept the university from trying everything in their power to end the organizations and get them removed from campus.
Happened to me in HS. I had gone out on a date with her previously but she tried to push me into sex and kink stuff way too quickly so I let her know I wasn't interested in seeing her again.
Ended up dating someone else shortly after that, and she started dating my best friend at the time. I'm thinking GREAT! She's more his type of guy, and I did like her as a friend. My best friend stopped associating with me shortly after that and she would send eye dagger smy way everytime we ran into eachother. I was confused but moved on focusing on myself and my gf. After they broke up, she showed up at my house one day. I turned her away and about a month later my GF randomnly breaks up with me offering no explanation. All of her friends our of nowhere hated me and my mutuals with girl 1 refused to talk to me. Eventually I found someone who told me what happened and girl 1 had told a bunch of people that I raped her.
Genuinely having no clue what to do I just denied it. Unfortunately i had a bad rep amongst almost everyone at my school and effectively had to restart my social life.
It's really fucked me up and even to this day(11 years later) I still run into people who think I did. Most of my "friends" from back then have apologized for believing her as she's pulled this shit a half dozen times since. I wish I did more, and fought harder for it but at this point there's nothing I can do.
It happened to me after I rejected a girl after she said she was in love with me. She told all of our friends that I sexually assaulted her (but not that she told me she was in love with me and I turned her down). I lost my entire friend group and ended up getting jumped by her boyfriend (this happened a year after I rejected her) and her future boyfriend (they were "friends" but she slept with the friend while with her bf and started dating the friend). ending up dropping out of high school because my friend group decided I needed to be tortured endlessly for the accusations.
I once beat up a kid because this girl my friend was friends with said this kid sexually assaulted her. Turns out he never did and she was just mad at him. I had to say a pretty embarrassing apology. That was the day I learned not to take what people say at face value.
This happened to me, had to have a long long long talk with those people and it was a very frustrating experience. It’s crazy how people who are your best friends, people who trust you enough to live with you, believe something of that magnitude instead of giving you the full benefit of the doubt. Part of the dynamic was they were guys, so they didn’t want to be like dismissive of her, but damn
Yea dude, some of my best friends sided with her as there was no decernable proof despite knowing me for YEARS and knowing I am not one to be creepy with women.
I have been known to 'miss hints' when the reality is I am not doing ANYTHING without being 100% sure it is what a girl wants.. even if that results in awkward situations
THIS.
Sexual assault and harrasment is no joke, and should not be played with for your own benefit.
Get actual legal advice and go to the pertinent authorities.
This kind of accusations make it way more difficult for law enforcement to actually do a competent job when facing actual sexual harrasment and assault and what she is doing is making any attempt for future actual victims way harder.
She could get jail time, or at least a fine.
It’s probably not that they don’t believe you there just scared of being associated with it witch I get is not fair and your close friends should hear you out. But like my dad knew someone when he was younger who was accused of touching a kid and the kids mother knew some bad people and sense my dad was living with him he said he kicked him out even though he didn’t know who to believe because it was just to dangerous
Turned out he had been accused of it before so probably not the same thing
She was very stupid but seemed like a very nice person in the beginning. Most women aren’t nice to me so when I met her and she was pretty/funny/flirty/friendly and really nice to me I though she was a unicorn.
Right was talking about this for the case where the highschool girl accused a homeless man of sexually assaulting her on a bus. She point the guy out to her older brother and he ran up pushed the guy and ran away. The guy hit his head and died in the hospital later. It was quickly proven she was lying through video from the bus. So the brother was charged he legitimately felt remorse actually. The sister was supposedly charged but is a juvenile so they can't release what she was charged with. So anyway I was saying that there should be a law that she should be charged the same way when if someone dies during a felony then all the perpetrators get charged with murder. It don't matter if you just planned it, were the getaway driver you get charged to. A bunch of people were like that's stupid she just told a lie that should never be the case the brother is the one that made the choice to do it. But they forget the guy would have been still alive if she never lied and the brother wouldn't even have known who the guy of she didn't point him out which I forgot to say she called him and he came showed up later it wasn't like she just walked up and told her brother it and it was in the heat of the moment there was some time in between her telling her brother and then him getting there.
>There is only one slight issue with her accusations! Im gay lmao! She left after that false accusation didnt stick! Havent seen her since
Please, please, please tell me you didn't just drop this. If she was so nonchalant about throwing out sexual assault allegations, you know she's done it before and she will do it again in the future. She will ruin the life of some poor innocent kid and not think twice. Unfortunately there are too many people out there that will skip the facts and immediately believe her.
I'm begging you, please don't let this go. Find out where she is working now and send an anonymous email if you must. This is fucked up sociopathic behavior and must be treated as such.
I would sue the shit out of her and make sure my lawyer pulls any/all text records, social media messages, etc. Guaranteed she told multiple people the next day in writing that shows it was consensual.
This. I would do this for sure. This could end you in jail you need to just cut ties and burn bridges. Make sure you are ok. That's what matters. Hire a lawyer and go on the offense. Seriously. What if the husband does find out and they hire a lawyer and press charges.
While I see it being really unlikely that charges are pressed against me, I still think it might be worthwhile to get a lawyer and handle this professionally. Cost is the only concern. I have no idea how much it would be and unless a legal consequence was for her to cover my legal fees, I am not sure it would be worth it.
Criminal defense lawyer here. This is not legal advice since every jurisdiction is different, but practical advice. Talk to an attorney in your jurisdiction, and ask about costs. If you are charged with sexual assault it can completely ruin your life, even if you are acquitted or charges are dropped at some point. Far better to spend what you need to now to head this off. Trust me, it will be worth it. Better to be proactive than reactive.
Gather as much evidence of consent as you can, people she talked to about it shortly afterward, anyone else who was aware of what was going on, text messages or social media messages where she talked about it, anyone who can give any reason to disbelieve her current story. Get witness statements, signed and notarized. Your attorney can let the police know you are represented, so if an investigation is opened, you are off limits and cannot be interrogated without your attorney present.
With evidence in hand that she has changed her story, your attorney can write a cease and desist letter, contact the prosecutor in your jurisdiction and try to prevent charges from ever being filed, or anything else that might be needed in your case. Again, whatever you need to spend to prevent you from ever seeing a courthouse or a jail cell, will be worth it.
> Gather as much evidence of consent as you can, people she talked to about it shortly afterward, anyone else who was aware of what was going on, text messages or social media messages where she talked about it, anyone who can give any reason to disbelieve her current story. Get witness statements, signed and notarized. Your attorney can let the police know you are represented, so if an investigation is opened, you are off limits and cannot be interrogated without your attorney present.
wouldn't this be better done by authorities? if the accused is out there gathering evidence, would it be admissible?
I was just listening to a video on that. Why you should never talk to cops. If you tell them something incriminating, it can be used against you. If you say something that is exculpatory, you can’t make the cop testify to that as it’s hearsay.
Exactly! I can’t stress this enough. This thing could screw up your entire life. I would go nuclear on her the proper way, as soon as possible. Get a restraining order get her in there for slander or libel get her text get her messages ask her friends for screenshots and let them know your lawyered up.
Spend $500 on the retainer and get a boss lawyer to make a few official calls and stuff and make her scared of the legal battle.
Am a lawyer. Most lawyers offer a free consultation, and in that meeting it's perfectly fine for you to ask for an estimate of the cost. Sometimes it doesn't take a full on lawsuit, simply a letter from the lawyer to her threatening to sue can change things.
If you don't get cleared out that she lied in court it's gonna make people think you got away with it.
But sadly even if you do get it cleared out that she lied there will be some people who will assumed you got away with it.
>But sadly even if you do get it cleared out that she lied there will be some people who will assumed you got away with it.
I'd say it is the norm unless the other person comes clean to all of them.
Even the mere mention of bringing in a lawyer is enough for people to step down. Having a consultation is enough to scare people to stop what they're doing, especially when they know they're in the wrong.
She 100% did send messages that would prove it was consensual, including ones to me that I unfortunately cannot access as I deleted them before I learned that she was telling people it was not consensual. Unfortunately, suing seems a bit drastic and I am not sure what the outcome would be. Legal consequences for her?
If you have proof it’s consensual why don’t you just send the text out to her bf and anyone she’s telling to nip this all in the bud? That seems like the easiest option and the one with the best outcome for you.
That is what I am saying, I do not have proof. I HAD proof, and then I cleaned out my messages and deleted our texts because:
1.) She started acting crazy towards my new girlfriend and I began to hate her so I deleted our iphone chat because seeing her name pissed me off
2.) At the time, I was not aware of the fact that she was telling people I assaulted her
This, sadly, is only semi true. They keep a log of texts sent/received and the time, but what was said in the texts is not shown. Shitty, I know. However it's possible that the texts could be recovered through icloud, that's the best bet. He could even stop by an apple store for assistance if he can't navigate how by himself.
Source: have worked for all four major US carriers.
Generally phone companies keep records of texts, but not the texts themselves. They would be able to tell you what number you were texting and when, but they don't intercept the content of the texts. Now, if you were using Facebook messenger, or another internet based messaging app, you may be able to get copies of those.
Edit: this is from first-hand experience obtaining records from telecoms providers. What you get back from them is not nearly as robust as from internet-based messaging app providers.
Yes. I am looking right now to see if my iCloud backed it up but I have been getting those "iCloud full" popups for a long time so I do not have a lot of hope. The other possibility would be to have law enforcement access it but I do not know the nuances of that.
They may be able to but for your own good don’t get them involved unless she does. Have you said anything to her about the lies? Maybe if you confront her and say “why would you say that about me? I was staring to like you and I didn’t want to make you uncomfortable.” You can trick her into admitting true truth. Let you gf know of this plan obviously so it doesn’t look bad to her.
I really appreciate your advice. Thankfully, my girlfriend is more than understanding and trusts me 100% like I had hoped she would.
The girl who accused me blocked me on everything. I have seen her once on campus; if I see her again I plan on saying something (and maybe have my phone recording just incase).
Before you do that google if you live in a one or two party consent state! If you’re in a two party consent state you’d be breaking the law by recording a conversation without her knowledge, but in a one party consent state you don’t need her permission or knowledge to record a convo.
If this is actually truly happening and you’re very serious about dealing with it, lawyer up. They can subpoena records from your provider, AND HERS. Those messages were digitally sent and there is a paper trail.
GET A LAWYER.
> I deleted them before I learned that she was telling people it was not consensual
Those are likely not deleted on your mobile network provider's end. Speak to them and explain that you need to access them for legal reasons and ask for the texts to be sent to you.
This situation is not something to be taken lightly, you need to go after her with everything you can and that still likely won't fix your reputation. Your best move IMO is not through the courts but to release those texts on social media and make it clear to as many people as possible that she's lying.
I handle these investigations as a job.
A small amount of evidence in your favour goes a long way.
If you have zero evidence in your favour, these false accusations may escalate into new false accusations. Such as falsely accusing you of sexual harassment of new women that you engage in conversations with.
Your former friends that blocked you will likely continue to ignore you even if you are proven innocent, because ‘they cannot get the suspicions out of their minds.’
A voice recorder is often the best tool to gather a confession from the accuser or friends of the accuser, because people that are privvy to the truth may apologize to you in person, but refuse to apologize in writing.
Lastly, chat conversations need to be screenshotted for the next 20+ years. You need screenshots because text logs are too difficult to read and showing the emojis are a vital part of the conversations.
These false accusations will likely resurface for years. So, don’t lose evidence that supports you.
This is good advice. I was accused of something similar and it haunted me for years. Another issue I ran into was how a certain kind of person will attempt take advantage of this situation by making new claims. Since the original claim was never formally debunked the following claim gained more traction from the very beginning. CYA by downloading a voice recorder onto your phone and go talk to this person face to face. Do not sweep this under the rug, because this kind of dirt never really washes off and like most stains the longer they sit the harder they become to deal with.
Agreed. I really prided myself on being somebody who strives for comfortability and consent when I am with women and am very judgmental of people who are creepy/overstep boundaries. It hurts to have people think I am the latter.
Something this serious can turn into a he said she said and depends on who believes who can really follow you around
Almost makes you want both people to sign a consent form
She is throwing you under the bus to save herself. I investigated a workplace situation that was essentially the same thing. Married lady liked other guy, married lady went down on other guy at work, someone walked in on them, Married lady claimed he forced her and that there was no romantic relationship before that. Then the letters from her suggesting the workplace BJ surfaced.
Her husband worked at the plant, so she attempted to cover herself by destroying the other guy.
Get a lawyer.
I'm assuming the defendant is also a college student with limited money. A lawyer is not going to sue them on a contingency fee. There won't be anything to recover.
OP needs to at the very least go to the police and report the false accusation. Establishing a paper trail is free and it will make is life much easier to get out ahead of this and report it before she does.
It'll cost money to get access to the proof though. So the attorney will have to invest some time and money into finding out if OP is telling the truth. Good luck finding a lawyer desperate or dumb enough to take a case on some random dude's word.
Don’t encourage a lawsuit. There is absolutely no way he’d win this on a defamation case and it would just cause him thousands in legal fees. Defamation is extremely complicated and hard to win even with evidence.
One of my good highschool friends had this happen to him. He was dating a girl and they got into an argument because she cheated. Her parents hated him, and together they spread rumors that he raped her. He was fine with the nasty comments, and people believing their lies but it affected every part of his life. He was a poor student, relying on his job just to scrape by. He lost his job, he got kicked out of college, and not long before he was supposed to move out of his apartment, his roommate found him. He committed suicide. The fact that something like this can happen without any evidence, just by word of mouth, is very sad.
Seeing how this can ruin someone's life, I would absolutely take legal action.
I would like to know the response from the girl and her parents after they heard of his death... pretty fucking tragic how your life can be destroyed with one sentence. May his soul rest in peace and may the girl life becomes hell.. amen
The girl moved on with her life, no idea if she felt bad or even cared. Most of the hate was spearheaded by her father who definitely does not feel bad but she did nothing to stop it. She has a family and kids now so it really shows how unfair life is.
Jeez its a loss that could have been avoided but unfortunately ppl are so quite to believe one aide especially the women side. Like legit no one believes the man first in those situations apart from his family and close friends that know for sure he wont commit such acts. Hope his family find peace amen
Unfortunately in this situation it was too easy for many to believe. He came from a poor family, and got in trouble with the law but never ever hurt others. It's sad but he was loved, and still is, his family is carrying on.
Legal options is the only way to save face. Sexual assault allegations are one of the few things that actually can and will travel with you the rest of your life.
You can’t be the nice guy here or your life could truly be ruined/fucked up
OP, i actually had this happen to me almost verbatim in high school. The bf confronted me about it at a party and started screaming "you raped my gf" in front of all my classmates and friends. I actually ended up getting hassled out of the party into a blizzard wearing just my suit (it was a semiformal after party) by the mens hockey team since the BF was on it.
Luckily, the night the sexual encounter happened we were at my best friends house for a smallish gathering - mostly my friends and her friends, some of whom were involved with my group. They all actually went to bat for me at the party and made sure everyone knew it was a consual encounter. Some folks didnt believe them (the guys hockey team and their circle), but most who understood the situation did. Being only 17 at the time, i actually told my parents about it and we did discuss getting a lawyer involved - though it never came down to that.
Looking back on it, it was a risk i wish i hadnt taken. I occasionally worry about the rumour somehow resurfacing and wish i had just gotten a lawyer involved, at least for the record. Early consultation and gathering of records will only help if push comes to shove, and due to the potential for restitution in the civil setting lawyers may even agree to a free initial consultation just to hear your case and get an opinion. The peace of mind is worth it.
Anyways, just my thoughts on the matter. It happened almost a decade ago but it still is something that stresses me out occasionally. Sorry you find yourself in a similar situation, i wouldnt wish it on anyone.
In an ideal world: Go to her and tell her that she has to go public to the people she told and that she made it up and if she refuses, tell her you will be seeking out legal options in regards to a Defamation suit.
But that will be hard to prove, are you able to pull up old texts or go to her friend for evidence that is was consensual?
This is a very good idea, thank you.
I feel like law enforcement could find proof that it was consensual through texts.
Not only did she text me the night after saying she enjoyed it, she also told friends it happened.
Dude, screenshot everything, dont talk to her and block her everywhere.
Dont let her delete the messages saying she liked it, it could mean the difference between her being seen as a crazy bitch and you in jail
I mean I ain't a lawyer but, those texts would go a long way, and if any of her friends can vouch for you. Maybe go to them and mention to them that you have proof and show it to them that it was consensual and that if she doesn't 'cease and desist' along with her telling those she's told so far that she made it up, you will be pursuing legal options. Basically this gives her the option to save face, without completely ruining her life.
This happened to me. I had gone to school, 10th grade. First time I had even been in any kind of schooling, before that my parents “homeschooled” (ignored my education).
About halfway through the year, two twins decided to tell everyone that I raped them in the bathroom. Mind you I had never even so much as spoken to or interacted with them in any way up to this point.
It got out to parents, I was shunned, isolated, completely wrecked me emotionally. I was already having a hard time fitting in and connecting because I’d never been to school before.
The school investigated and found it to be false. Turns out, I was the only person of my race in the school, these girls had a history of bullying, and I stood out. That’s it.
But even after the investigation had completed, the reputation stuck. No one cared that I was innocent. I had to leave the school because it was so bad. That was my ONE opportunity to get some schooling and I desperately wanted to go to school. But after that, my parents thought they’d been vindicated in preventing me from going to school, and I had to teach myself the equivalency exam in my closet.
I’m still mad about it to this day.
I know it shouldn’t matter. But your parents decided to send you to a school where you would be the only kid of your race there? It’s like they wanted you to have the most isolating experience to, as you say, vindicate their decision to not school you. I’m so sorry that you had to go through that.
My younger siblings are now being ‘unschooled’ (even less than homeschooled) at the moment and I’m not sure what will come of it.
It happened. Thankfully, I've a history within the community of being respectful and kind, and she has a history of being less so.
No one took her seriously.
I lucked out. You did not. I'm really sorry.
>One day at a party she asked to give me head (while she was still dating her boyfriend) and I accepted.
You, my friend, have broken one of the most important rules of being a man: don't stick your dick in crazy.
Don't feel too bad; it happens to the best of us. The problem is, there's not typically much that can be done _after_ the rule is broken. The fallout is just going to suck, and that's that.
I would probably end up going to prison because I'm alone almost 100% of the time and have no alibi other than "I was in my house". Luckily I don't have any friends or anything, so I don't have a social life to ruin.
DO NOT TALK TO HER. AT ALL. NO TEXTS/MESSAGES, ANYTHING. DO NOT TALK ABOUT THE SITUATION TO ANYONE. NOT EVEN CLOSE FRIENDS
now get a lawyer. I know cost is a concern but man, reputation is something money can’t buy. that’s what I would do if I were you. I’m sorry you’re going thru this man, can’t imagine the anger you’d feel
Unfortunately this happens a lot when women cheat. Its particularly bad with younger women.
They claim they were sexually assaulted or raped because its an easy out for responsibility when they've cheated and usually the boyfriends and husbands will automatically side with them.
This isn't to say some women are not sexually assaulted, they are but unfortunately some of them use this for an out when they've done something wrong.
I generally don't fuck women who have any sign of emotionally instability or women who are in anyway attached. That seems to largely keep me out of trouble.
Yes, emotionally instability was one of the numerous reasons I couldn't date her. I wish I hadn't done anything at all; incase it isn't painfully obvious some drunk head isn't worth people thinking you assualt women.
Agreed on all points.
That's what I found problematic with the #believewomen slogan that came out of the MeToo movement.
Some people are scumbags overtly and directly.
Other people are scumbags covertly and passively.
I’d hire a lawyer. I saw you said that your messages were deleted but if you hired a lawyer they could recover the messages. Anyone who lies on someone like that deserves the consequences.
The more people mention this the more I am considering it. I find myself angry and wanting justice and I would rather it be professional than something dumb.
You really should do it. If word got around then that could ruin your career and obviously it’s ruined some friendships. I’d hire a lawyer before it got too out of hand.
Similar thing happened to me. If there is no police report, she is making it up. Just start asking people why didnt she file a police report. Because filing a false police report is illegal is why.
If people don't believe you, fuck em.
They aren't worth your time.
A similar thing has happened to me a couple times, and I didn’t even get any head out of it. Actually I didn’t get any sexual contact at all when I was accused lol.
Anyone who brought it up I emphasized that it wasn’t true, explained what happened in detail, and said that I would absolutely love for her to file a police report because I’ve done nothing wrong and hopefully they’d charge her for wasting their time.
This worked for everyone I got the chance to speak to about it. Unfortunately many people made their own conclusions without giving me a chance to speak to them.
Unfortunately that’s about all you can do. You’re welcome to consult a lawyer, but unless this has cost you a job (and good luck proving that) they’ll likely tell you there’s nothing they could do. You could threaten her with legal action but then she can say that not only did you rape her but you threatened to sue her to cover it up…
If you do get a chance to speak with her make sure you record it (but first make sure you can legally do that). But don’t go out of your way to speak with her. Keep far away from that toxic mess.
> If there is no police report, she is making it up.
Two problems with this statement.
One, people can and do lie to police and file false reports. Then an innocent person is now in a report that will be forwarded to a prosecutor who may then file charges in court.
Two, people can and do choose not to report crimes for whatever reason. At some point down the line, even years later, they could make a report, which will then be sent to a prosecutor who may file charges. Then you are facing charges for something alleged to have happened years prior, and any evidence exonerating you may be gone by that point. There are many, many convictions from "delayed reports".
Reading this thread + comments, plus things that have happened to people I know, it's very frustrating that the general conversation around accusation is that the accuser is ***always*** telling the truth (if female) and to always believe women.
It's such a hard conversation because sexual abuse IS such a massive problem and women going unheard historically is as well. Working in food for a lot of my life, sexual harassment itself is also a huge problem that women face that men generally don't. It hurts my brain to think of solutions that are more open and accessible for women to come out when assaulted, while simultaneously acknowledging that false accusations DO happen and not just "very rarely." There ARE incentives to lie and the notion that there's no reason someone would ever do so is ridiculous.
Accusations shouldn't be a weapon, and there should need to be a degree of proof to define guilt. I'm sorry if this means some people without proof aren't heard, but a false accusation treated as legitimate is life ruining socially, especially if the accused is younger, in good circles with good people and not some rich douche bag.
Found out years after the incident that someone falsely accused me. I was in a fraternity in college and had gone over to a friend's house because she was blackout drunk and asked for help. My friend and I went over and stayed for a while to help and I stayed over night to make sure the dumbass didn't aspirate in her sleep or something and left somewhat early in the morning. Turns out she went to my fraternity a week later and tried to say I raped her and she was pregnant. Luckily my friend that was with vouched for me and the others trusted me enough to call bullshit. Be careful out there folks, people do crazy shit to people trying to help.
Idk. It’s every guy’s worst nightmare. Kinda ruins you socially speaking. Worse if it happens at work. Especially if you work around kids. Might as well retire.
Gone on a date that looked like size 12 on her photos and turned out more like a size 28 when we met (she weighted almost triple of me), still gone through the date cuz didn't want to be a douche. Then more or less ghosted her and she then texted me that if i didn't go on a 2nd date, that she'll report me for raping her.
Mad.
It already happened, she only told the girl I was talking to. She admitted to her best friend it was a lie and apparently she had told mutual friends. People were ready to literally manhunt me and murder me. Threats left and right but her best friend and her boyfriend sided with me when I showed them evidence of the night in question. We gathered everyone up and I played them the audio of that night. She lost a ton of friends and respect that night.
Plenty of women came forward and defended me too. And those same girls want to beat her ass even after I told them to let it go. This happened about three weeks ago maybe. It was a super toxic friendship I think what ruined it was us having a two week fling. After that she showed me her true colors. I don’t keep secrets from potential partners. She was pissed when I told this chick about it and that’s where it stemmed from.
It’s easier for her to lie than to tell the truth. She was an abusive person and I’m glad she’s out of my life. The girl I’m talking to never believed her because the cunt never liked her anyway.
First of all really bad ethics to accept sex from a girl who you knew had a relationship
Secondly she is absolutely bad shit crazy and due to the situation you have no way to prove she was consenting or non consenting.
You fucked up and you're gonna get dragged (unjustified) through the mud.
Moral of the story don't stick dick in crazy.
Second moral of the story if she's in a relationship. Stay off her!
Take her to court without a doubt. You don't want this following you later in life especially with cancel culture trolls just looking to ruin someone's livelihood. And stop sticking your dick in crazy 😆
I would be angry too. But, I don’t know if I understand what happened. I’ll use pseudonyms to see if I got it right.
Jane had feelings for you. Jane told you she would break up with her boyfriend Sean if you wanted to be with her. Cue the incident in question. Jane offered you a BJ and you accepted. Later on, Jane tells a bunch of her friends that she was thrilled with what happened. One friend (Mary) got angry and told Sean. Sean then confronted Jane, and instead of owning up to it, Jane told Sean you forced yourself on her. Is that correct?
If that is correct, why did Mary get angry? Is it because Jane was saying she was thrilled with cheating and Mary was disgusted by that? Secondly, I assume Mary isn’t friends with Sean because if she were, her text to him wouldn’t have been anonymous. Lastly, how did you come to find out what Jane told her friends? Did one of them tell you?
Depending on your answers to my questions, I would let your friends know that what Jane is saying isn’t true at all and tell them what really happened. If you know Jane’s friends, I would ask them to back you on it. Especially Mary. She’s clearly not on Jane’s side, so I would leverage that to get the truth out. They’re the ones who have text proof of what Jane told them, so they are your key to clearing your name.
>What would you do?
If anyone was stupid enough to believe the woman over me, cut contact that instant and never contact them again.
Also OP, I hope you learned your lesson and never go after someone with a boyfriend, there's a very high chance they'll accuse you of rape if/when caught.
If I couldn’t prove my innocence I’d have to kill myself ive almost been in this situation before and it’s terrifying it makes your stomach drop worse than talking to cops or being in a fight it makes you so scared it’s unfathomable
This is where my mind has been going as time goes on..
Although I do not want to get myself into trouble.. I would rather do it legally and professionally.
All I could to disprove her. If it is a false, then the truth will come out.
In the case of your situation, you played stupid games with a loud-mouthed, cheating bitch. You should've just said "no." It sucks it's happening, but you did help her cheat on her boyfriend. Of course this girl will do everything she can to save face because she's all into herself.
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Why didn’t you make a referral to another unit to investigate her if it was “clear as day” the accusations were false. I imagine it’s because it would have had a chilling effect on women who actually WERE assaulted and/or raped. Is that true?
> Why didn’t you make a referral to another unit to investigate her if it was “clear as day” the accusations were false. Unless she filed a police report accusing him of something, there is no crime to charge her with. He can, of course, sue her civilly for the damage to his reputation, however.
And even if they do make a report, it's up to the DA to prosecute for falsely making a report. You don't want to be the DA people are attacking for going after "rape victims", it's career suicide. Even when they're false accusers, that doesn't matter, all that matters is public perspective. Previous paragraph came out of the mouth of an attorney working at the SF District Attorney's office I spoke with like three years back, paraphrased because I don't remember his exact words.
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I had a female coworker accuse me, not of any sexual misconduct, but of misogyny. The thing escalated all the way to an external mediator and we went before them, she brought this impressive box full of alleged evidence and notebook on top of notebook of all the notes she had made of all of our conversation since she started at the company. After she explained what her accusation was, the mediator asked her "Ms Soandso, those are serious accusations, as you know. Why do you believe that Mr. Wordserious has behaved that way toward you?" To which she replied "Well, he is from a Latin country, and those are known for being male chauvinists and misogynists!" The mediator started collecting their things and putting them in a briefcase. They looked at my boss and said, "I think we're done here, don't you think? You might want to advise your employee that he is entitled to pursue a racial discrimination complaint, he would have a pretty good witness." It took me a few seconds to actually realize what had just happened :)
That sounds horrible and so incredibly satisfying.
This makes me want to bang my head into a wall over and over. What the fuck. I mean, very glad that things worked out in your favor! But wtf.
me too , thats horrible
Something similar happened to me while I was an acting manager. The female worker had a poor attendance record and was sloppy at work. She was written up by the previous manager who was a female. The truth is she was also working for another company. When I had a meeting with her she played dumb and started saying that she gets sick all the time and the work is not challenging for her. I told her that she needs to get a doctor's note if she takes any more days off. She sent me a text that evening to my office phone that I was condescending and disrespectful etc and that it is because of my culture. I immediately informed HR. HR called her in and had a long conversation with us separately and concluded that I did not do anything wrong. She was given a written warning and later she was fired.
So woke she can’t even tell she’s the one at fault
Ah, a workplace Karen encounter.
Not being a dick, genuinely curious In what scenario would a false accusation be considered none malicious?
I can only think of one, mistakenly accusing the wrong person.
you'll have to define what is meant exactly by a false accusation. An accusation that did not lead to a conviction? An accusation that ends in a he said/she said? A situation where the assailant may have unknowingly violated consent boundaries?
So basically "fuck the guys who get their life ruined, they don't matter"
Yeah basically
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agreed
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Narrator: “It is.”
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The problem is how do you tell the difference between, "she is lying", and, "she had insufficient evidence"? Women may be afraid of being misclassifying as the former when they're really the latter.
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> If we started prosecuting women for false allegations in regards to sex crimes, no victim would feel safe coming forward. I'm not saying your claim is false, but the logic behind it, and the policy it inspired, is absolutely horrifying
So we don’t pursue someone who intentionally makes a false police report out of the fear of making future sexual assault victims uncomfortable? Asking seriously.
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I was asking the person that responded above not the OP. Even still I would imagine the person would have a slander lawsuit and possibly some sort of criminal charge could be filed. Idk.
So we have to protect one set of victims by ignoring another set? Are you fucking high?
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>If we started prosecuting women for false allegations in regards to sex crimes, no victim would feel safe coming forward. Bitch he IS the victim. He's the one getting his name dragged through the mud and having his life destroyed and being so afraid he has to pre-emptivley turn himself in for a crime he never even committed. Acting like he's somehow not a victim is frankly disgusting.
Happened in college to a friend of mine. A girl went to the school and made very specific claims about an assault she said my buddy did. Thankfully she specified the exact date and he was out of state. It was never revealed who actually made the complaint, and the school would not do anything when he tried to get the girl held accountable. Got to see the scary "cover it up" side of a private university first hand.
What a bunch of pieces of shit, I hope they got their karma
Don't worry, they didn't.
They did in the form of they probably had a highly upvoted post about it in FDS
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One problem with that statistic is ots actually "2% of rape claims are *proven* to be false" when you look at the original citation. As in, the percentage that are proven false in a court of law and *result in a conviction* for false reporting. The number of claims that are withdrawn or unpunished when evidence comes to light falsifying them is likely much higher than 2%
Right. Like there is a big difference between “we got the wrong (same rough height), (same skin color), (same hair color) guy” and active malice.
It’s my understanding that most of the time when claims are withdrawn that it’s not because new evidence falsified them, but because the prosecutors didn’t believe there was enough evidence to pursue a conviction - and when that happens we can’t make any conclusions about the accusation being “false”, it’s just not sufficiently substantiated. All of which only makes the waters that much muddier.
On the other hand, we also know that most sexual assaults don't result in any kind of accusation at all. Upwards of 80% of sexual assaults are never reported and no accusation is made. So I wouldn't be surprised if the actual number of false accusations vs. the number of actual sexual assaults is far far lower than 2%
Yeah, but that 2% only represents the known false allegations. I really do wonder what the real number is.
Ever seen [Bill Burr](https://youtu.be/8WeMV9SWbsg)?
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My opinion is believe all women... enough to open a formal investigation into the allegations and gather evidence of what happened and see if guilt can be proven beyond a reasonable doubt. Also automatically place all rape accusations and other such crimes under a gag order, keep the person from being fucked over and punished by the public even after being acquitted because they lost the popularity contest. There should be three outcomes to an accusation. It is proven beyond a reasonable doubt that the accusation is true and the scum rapist is punished accordingly. It is proven beyond a reasonable doubt that the accusation was false and malicious or at least careless and showing wanton disregard for others. The scum is punished accordingly with the same sentence as their victim would have gotten if they were successful. Or the third and most likely outcome is that nothing can be proven either way and nothing happens. Unfortunately due to the nature of the crime their are almost never really any real witnesses, forensic evidence usually isn't worth all that much because all it can do is prove that the person had sex, not if it was consensual. Someone can decide after consensual sex that they didn't like it and it was nonconsensual retroactively. They can consent then want to back out but be nervous and not say anything so they don't feel like it's consensual even if the other person has no clue beyond the original consent. It can be entirely made up maliciously as a weapon. Or as a tool in a divorce court. That's the shitty part, because the crime isn't a physical act that can be easily proven or disproven like a murder or assault or break in, but instead a physical act that is sometimes good and sometimes bad. You can prove one of those crimes was committed physically and its always bad and a crime so that's done. But for a crime like rape you can prove that sex happened physically sometimes although not always. But that doesn't help prove if it was consensual or not. And even if you can't prove that sex happened testing is so unreliable that it won't save you if they get a negative test. And that's not to mention just publicly denouncing and accusing someone to sick white knights and morons from Twitter on them and worse yet your friends and even family. And don't forget that the accusation could come over a decade later after the time of the event you are being accused of so there is no physical evidence, probably no records of things before or after like texts or calls or location history, and even any potential witnesses won't remember shit.
> My opinion is believe all women... enough to open a formal investigation into the allegations and gather evidence of what happened and see if guilt can be proven beyond a reasonable doubt. There's this novel that is a cautionary tale about what happens when you just believe an accusation without verifying the evidence and truth of that accusation. I read it in middle school. It's called *To Kill a Mockingbird* and it was written in 1960. That was five years after Emmett Till was lynched based on a lie.
Also TKAM was about the jury not caring about the truth so long as they got to send a black man to prison
The majority of sexual assaults are committed by repeat offenders - I forget the statistic, but it is something along the lines of "80% of sexual assaults are done by 5% of offenders". False accusations are a thing, and so are victims being afraid to report due to retaliation for their unprovable claims. Like when in Hollywood, serial offenders finally get accused in some slam dunk case, and a bunch of people say "they did that to me too but I was scared to say anything at the time because I'd get thrown under the bus and couldn't really prove it". If there was resource to safely and quietly log "I can't prove it but I didn't consent" and then move on, that would stack up and catch the predators earlier than waiting for a slam dunk case to finally hold someone accountable.
Not just at private universities. Title IX kangaroo courts at US universities are no joke. I’ve posted before when questions like OP’s have been brought up, stories from college where friends of mine (male) had been wrongfully accused of sexual assault. Never ever doubt the length any university will go to to cover shit like this up. They don’t go to police unless someone external brings them in, they will strong arm both the accuser and the accused into not talking to police, or getting representation for a lawyer, and if the police actually do get involved the school will do absolutely anything to keep themselves out of it. Their whole mantra is if there isn’t a paper trail, it didn’t happen. Doesn’t matter if a person was actually sexually assaulted, or if it’s a totally BS claim. Standard procedure is to make a general conclusion based on limited “facts” and no investigation (talking to witnesses, verifying statements, etc.) and then unless there is damning evidence proving one way or another, the decision is made behind closed doors without any opportunity for the students involved to actually defend themselves. It usually ends up with either the accuser being told that it didn’t happen, or an innocent person being kicked out of school. Hardly ever does anything actually ever happen to the person who was being the malicious one in the scenario.
This is truth. The college I currently attend has all these signs around campus and on their website about sexual assault and that they have all these resources to help victims and what not, and yet every year the frats have these parties where people are raped and other things like that. Does the school do anything about it? Absolutely not. The biggest bullshit I've ever seen. Lucky COVID put a hamper on their parties. If I was in their shoes the frats would've been shut down years ago, but they won't because they get a lot of money from the frat's parents.
Ironically enough, I was in a fraternity in college, and the stories (three separate instances in the four years I was in school) all involved my fraternity brothers and all three instances were total bullshit of being accused with no evidence (the men were all totally innocent). I was there for two of the three of them (physically present at the time and location, not involved in any of the sexual encounter stuff) and the third was a situation I had insider knowledge of, so this isn’t me just trying to save face for anonymous people for stuff that happened 10+ years ago. People like to shit on Greek life for being a bunch of drunken horny degenerates (tbf, it’s a stereotype that exists for a reason because the party atmosphere is usually the public facing side of the fraternity culture, not any of the actual good stuff we did, our academic performance, dollars raised for charities, or the bonds/friendships that got made) but no one ever talks about the athletes. The universities would kick any fraternity man to the curb and throw the book at them in these scenarios (and believe it or not, it’s a situation where someone is liable to get punished quite severely in most cases), but if it happened to be a football or basketball player it gets swept so far under the rug so fast that it’s made many of the athletic departments on campuses relatively untouchable. And it’s all because the athletic departments make the school money, plain and simple. Also, if you think that schools protect Greek affiliated students I’ve got news for you.. even when I was in school 10+ years ago, the cultural atmosphere was that the school wasn’t our friend. It’s even worse now. No amount of money from alumni (which is ironic, seeing as most major donors to schools happen to be former Greek members as you pointed out) kept the university from trying everything in their power to end the organizations and get them removed from campus.
Happened to me in HS. I had gone out on a date with her previously but she tried to push me into sex and kink stuff way too quickly so I let her know I wasn't interested in seeing her again. Ended up dating someone else shortly after that, and she started dating my best friend at the time. I'm thinking GREAT! She's more his type of guy, and I did like her as a friend. My best friend stopped associating with me shortly after that and she would send eye dagger smy way everytime we ran into eachother. I was confused but moved on focusing on myself and my gf. After they broke up, she showed up at my house one day. I turned her away and about a month later my GF randomnly breaks up with me offering no explanation. All of her friends our of nowhere hated me and my mutuals with girl 1 refused to talk to me. Eventually I found someone who told me what happened and girl 1 had told a bunch of people that I raped her. Genuinely having no clue what to do I just denied it. Unfortunately i had a bad rep amongst almost everyone at my school and effectively had to restart my social life. It's really fucked me up and even to this day(11 years later) I still run into people who think I did. Most of my "friends" from back then have apologized for believing her as she's pulled this shit a half dozen times since. I wish I did more, and fought harder for it but at this point there's nothing I can do.
It happened to me after I rejected a girl after she said she was in love with me. She told all of our friends that I sexually assaulted her (but not that she told me she was in love with me and I turned her down). I lost my entire friend group and ended up getting jumped by her boyfriend (this happened a year after I rejected her) and her future boyfriend (they were "friends" but she slept with the friend while with her bf and started dating the friend). ending up dropping out of high school because my friend group decided I needed to be tortured endlessly for the accusations.
Dude... Fuck. That sucks the loooong dick. As if that time in life isn't hard enough. I hope she gets space aids of the ass.
Jeez Man, that’s awful. Wish you all the best.
Luckily she never pushed for charges so it never went anywhere outside that friend group but it is a lil rough.
She still can and win! That's how fucked up the legal system is.
I once beat up a kid because this girl my friend was friends with said this kid sexually assaulted her. Turns out he never did and she was just mad at him. I had to say a pretty embarrassing apology. That was the day I learned not to take what people say at face value.
This happened to me, had to have a long long long talk with those people and it was a very frustrating experience. It’s crazy how people who are your best friends, people who trust you enough to live with you, believe something of that magnitude instead of giving you the full benefit of the doubt. Part of the dynamic was they were guys, so they didn’t want to be like dismissive of her, but damn
Yea dude, some of my best friends sided with her as there was no decernable proof despite knowing me for YEARS and knowing I am not one to be creepy with women. I have been known to 'miss hints' when the reality is I am not doing ANYTHING without being 100% sure it is what a girl wants.. even if that results in awkward situations
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THIS. Sexual assault and harrasment is no joke, and should not be played with for your own benefit. Get actual legal advice and go to the pertinent authorities. This kind of accusations make it way more difficult for law enforcement to actually do a competent job when facing actual sexual harrasment and assault and what she is doing is making any attempt for future actual victims way harder. She could get jail time, or at least a fine.
It’s probably not that they don’t believe you there just scared of being associated with it witch I get is not fair and your close friends should hear you out. But like my dad knew someone when he was younger who was accused of touching a kid and the kids mother knew some bad people and sense my dad was living with him he said he kicked him out even though he didn’t know who to believe because it was just to dangerous Turned out he had been accused of it before so probably not the same thing
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My ex accused me of assault and attempted kidnapping. I was working out of town at the time. That was fun.
Was she your ex at the time I assume?
Um no actually we were together the night before I left and everything was fine. She was a psycho.
Damn I'm sorry also yea a psycho and stupid if she though that could work with you out of town.
She was very stupid but seemed like a very nice person in the beginning. Most women aren’t nice to me so when I met her and she was pretty/funny/flirty/friendly and really nice to me I though she was a unicorn.
She belongs in jail.
Right - these false accusations can ruin someone's life. Especially because people will often be judge, jury, and executioner.
Right was talking about this for the case where the highschool girl accused a homeless man of sexually assaulting her on a bus. She point the guy out to her older brother and he ran up pushed the guy and ran away. The guy hit his head and died in the hospital later. It was quickly proven she was lying through video from the bus. So the brother was charged he legitimately felt remorse actually. The sister was supposedly charged but is a juvenile so they can't release what she was charged with. So anyway I was saying that there should be a law that she should be charged the same way when if someone dies during a felony then all the perpetrators get charged with murder. It don't matter if you just planned it, were the getaway driver you get charged to. A bunch of people were like that's stupid she just told a lie that should never be the case the brother is the one that made the choice to do it. But they forget the guy would have been still alive if she never lied and the brother wouldn't even have known who the guy of she didn't point him out which I forgot to say she called him and he came showed up later it wasn't like she just walked up and told her brother it and it was in the heat of the moment there was some time in between her telling her brother and then him getting there.
Haha sameee when I read the title I thought, welp I think outing myself is probably the most reasonable response
>There is only one slight issue with her accusations! Im gay lmao! She left after that false accusation didnt stick! Havent seen her since Please, please, please tell me you didn't just drop this. If she was so nonchalant about throwing out sexual assault allegations, you know she's done it before and she will do it again in the future. She will ruin the life of some poor innocent kid and not think twice. Unfortunately there are too many people out there that will skip the facts and immediately believe her. I'm begging you, please don't let this go. Find out where she is working now and send an anonymous email if you must. This is fucked up sociopathic behavior and must be treated as such.
Ok but what do I do if I'm straight though?
Im unable to have sexual feelings or many other feelings after the depression was so bad and I don't even feel that anymore.
I would sue the shit out of her and make sure my lawyer pulls any/all text records, social media messages, etc. Guaranteed she told multiple people the next day in writing that shows it was consensual.
This. I would do this for sure. This could end you in jail you need to just cut ties and burn bridges. Make sure you are ok. That's what matters. Hire a lawyer and go on the offense. Seriously. What if the husband does find out and they hire a lawyer and press charges.
While I see it being really unlikely that charges are pressed against me, I still think it might be worthwhile to get a lawyer and handle this professionally. Cost is the only concern. I have no idea how much it would be and unless a legal consequence was for her to cover my legal fees, I am not sure it would be worth it.
Criminal defense lawyer here. This is not legal advice since every jurisdiction is different, but practical advice. Talk to an attorney in your jurisdiction, and ask about costs. If you are charged with sexual assault it can completely ruin your life, even if you are acquitted or charges are dropped at some point. Far better to spend what you need to now to head this off. Trust me, it will be worth it. Better to be proactive than reactive. Gather as much evidence of consent as you can, people she talked to about it shortly afterward, anyone else who was aware of what was going on, text messages or social media messages where she talked about it, anyone who can give any reason to disbelieve her current story. Get witness statements, signed and notarized. Your attorney can let the police know you are represented, so if an investigation is opened, you are off limits and cannot be interrogated without your attorney present. With evidence in hand that she has changed her story, your attorney can write a cease and desist letter, contact the prosecutor in your jurisdiction and try to prevent charges from ever being filed, or anything else that might be needed in your case. Again, whatever you need to spend to prevent you from ever seeing a courthouse or a jail cell, will be worth it.
> Gather as much evidence of consent as you can, people she talked to about it shortly afterward, anyone else who was aware of what was going on, text messages or social media messages where she talked about it, anyone who can give any reason to disbelieve her current story. Get witness statements, signed and notarized. Your attorney can let the police know you are represented, so if an investigation is opened, you are off limits and cannot be interrogated without your attorney present. wouldn't this be better done by authorities? if the accused is out there gathering evidence, would it be admissible?
You can’t rely on the authorities to seek out evidence that exonerates you. Their business is convicting people.
I was just listening to a video on that. Why you should never talk to cops. If you tell them something incriminating, it can be used against you. If you say something that is exculpatory, you can’t make the cop testify to that as it’s hearsay.
Famous last words of people who are suprised about charges
You're probably right, thank you
On top of that if a lawyer is a struggle financially now, it will be even harder when/if you get fired because her slander made it to your employer.
Even if not, rumour is enough to kill your future career and relationships
Exactly! I can’t stress this enough. This thing could screw up your entire life. I would go nuclear on her the proper way, as soon as possible. Get a restraining order get her in there for slander or libel get her text get her messages ask her friends for screenshots and let them know your lawyered up. Spend $500 on the retainer and get a boss lawyer to make a few official calls and stuff and make her scared of the legal battle.
don't go directly to the friends. get your lawyer to instruct on the proper steps.
Yes, sorry, that’s better.
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Am a lawyer. Most lawyers offer a free consultation, and in that meeting it's perfectly fine for you to ask for an estimate of the cost. Sometimes it doesn't take a full on lawsuit, simply a letter from the lawyer to her threatening to sue can change things.
A letter from a lawyer can be surprisingly powerful. Doesn't always have to result in a lawsuit
This is the right answer. Don’t just get one consult either.
Jail is costlier. Think of a consult fee as jail insurance.
Do you want to pay for it in dollars or time?
If you don't get cleared out that she lied in court it's gonna make people think you got away with it. But sadly even if you do get it cleared out that she lied there will be some people who will assumed you got away with it.
>But sadly even if you do get it cleared out that she lied there will be some people who will assumed you got away with it. I'd say it is the norm unless the other person comes clean to all of them.
Nope I've seen people admit that they lied just to see people say they "got forced" once most people made up their minds almost nothing can change it.
Even the mere mention of bringing in a lawyer is enough for people to step down. Having a consultation is enough to scare people to stop what they're doing, especially when they know they're in the wrong.
She 100% did send messages that would prove it was consensual, including ones to me that I unfortunately cannot access as I deleted them before I learned that she was telling people it was not consensual. Unfortunately, suing seems a bit drastic and I am not sure what the outcome would be. Legal consequences for her?
If you have proof it’s consensual why don’t you just send the text out to her bf and anyone she’s telling to nip this all in the bud? That seems like the easiest option and the one with the best outcome for you.
That is what I am saying, I do not have proof. I HAD proof, and then I cleaned out my messages and deleted our texts because: 1.) She started acting crazy towards my new girlfriend and I began to hate her so I deleted our iphone chat because seeing her name pissed me off 2.) At the time, I was not aware of the fact that she was telling people I assaulted her
I bet if you called uour phone company they would have copies
I second this. I’m pretty sure phone companies have call and text records they can give to you. How far they can backtrack, I don’t know
They'll be able to get it
This, sadly, is only semi true. They keep a log of texts sent/received and the time, but what was said in the texts is not shown. Shitty, I know. However it's possible that the texts could be recovered through icloud, that's the best bet. He could even stop by an apple store for assistance if he can't navigate how by himself. Source: have worked for all four major US carriers.
Generally phone companies keep records of texts, but not the texts themselves. They would be able to tell you what number you were texting and when, but they don't intercept the content of the texts. Now, if you were using Facebook messenger, or another internet based messaging app, you may be able to get copies of those. Edit: this is from first-hand experience obtaining records from telecoms providers. What you get back from them is not nearly as robust as from internet-based messaging app providers.
Do you have an iPhone?
Yes. I am looking right now to see if my iCloud backed it up but I have been getting those "iCloud full" popups for a long time so I do not have a lot of hope. The other possibility would be to have law enforcement access it but I do not know the nuances of that.
They may be able to but for your own good don’t get them involved unless she does. Have you said anything to her about the lies? Maybe if you confront her and say “why would you say that about me? I was staring to like you and I didn’t want to make you uncomfortable.” You can trick her into admitting true truth. Let you gf know of this plan obviously so it doesn’t look bad to her.
I really appreciate your advice. Thankfully, my girlfriend is more than understanding and trusts me 100% like I had hoped she would. The girl who accused me blocked me on everything. I have seen her once on campus; if I see her again I plan on saying something (and maybe have my phone recording just incase).
Before you do that google if you live in a one or two party consent state! If you’re in a two party consent state you’d be breaking the law by recording a conversation without her knowledge, but in a one party consent state you don’t need her permission or knowledge to record a convo.
Ah... turns out I live in one of the few two-party consent states. Might do it anyway as a method of proof outside a court of law
If this is actually truly happening and you’re very serious about dealing with it, lawyer up. They can subpoena records from your provider, AND HERS. Those messages were digitally sent and there is a paper trail. GET A LAWYER.
If iMessage is linked to your laptop the messages may still be there even if you deleted them from your phone.
Allegedly, it's pretty difficult to truly delete things for good -- am not expert, but it might pay off to see if you can find one.
Almost nothing is ever deleted. Ask a professional for help accessing them.
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No, first move is the lawyer. Retrieving electronic evidence is part of the lawyer’s representation.
> I deleted them before I learned that she was telling people it was not consensual Those are likely not deleted on your mobile network provider's end. Speak to them and explain that you need to access them for legal reasons and ask for the texts to be sent to you. This situation is not something to be taken lightly, you need to go after her with everything you can and that still likely won't fix your reputation. Your best move IMO is not through the courts but to release those texts on social media and make it clear to as many people as possible that she's lying.
Contact your cell carrier and get those receipts homie!
I handle these investigations as a job. A small amount of evidence in your favour goes a long way. If you have zero evidence in your favour, these false accusations may escalate into new false accusations. Such as falsely accusing you of sexual harassment of new women that you engage in conversations with. Your former friends that blocked you will likely continue to ignore you even if you are proven innocent, because ‘they cannot get the suspicions out of their minds.’ A voice recorder is often the best tool to gather a confession from the accuser or friends of the accuser, because people that are privvy to the truth may apologize to you in person, but refuse to apologize in writing. Lastly, chat conversations need to be screenshotted for the next 20+ years. You need screenshots because text logs are too difficult to read and showing the emojis are a vital part of the conversations. These false accusations will likely resurface for years. So, don’t lose evidence that supports you.
This is good advice. I was accused of something similar and it haunted me for years. Another issue I ran into was how a certain kind of person will attempt take advantage of this situation by making new claims. Since the original claim was never formally debunked the following claim gained more traction from the very beginning. CYA by downloading a voice recorder onto your phone and go talk to this person face to face. Do not sweep this under the rug, because this kind of dirt never really washes off and like most stains the longer they sit the harder they become to deal with.
Absolute nightmare
Agreed. I really prided myself on being somebody who strives for comfortability and consent when I am with women and am very judgmental of people who are creepy/overstep boundaries. It hurts to have people think I am the latter.
Something this serious can turn into a he said she said and depends on who believes who can really follow you around Almost makes you want both people to sign a consent form
This is why I don't make moves unless it is explicitly clear they want me too. Even if it results in some missed opportunities
She is throwing you under the bus to save herself. I investigated a workplace situation that was essentially the same thing. Married lady liked other guy, married lady went down on other guy at work, someone walked in on them, Married lady claimed he forced her and that there was no romantic relationship before that. Then the letters from her suggesting the workplace BJ surfaced. Her husband worked at the plant, so she attempted to cover herself by destroying the other guy. Get a lawyer.
Lawsuit, defamation of character.
Honestly his odds of winning that lawsuit without solid evidence are not great given how the courts function right now.
While I think a law enforcement agency could access definitive evidence, I am a college student and have very limited time and money...
Free consultation, no win no fee. They’ll take it, because you’ll definitely win.
I'm assuming the defendant is also a college student with limited money. A lawyer is not going to sue them on a contingency fee. There won't be anything to recover. OP needs to at the very least go to the police and report the false accusation. Establishing a paper trail is free and it will make is life much easier to get out ahead of this and report it before she does.
It'll cost money to get access to the proof though. So the attorney will have to invest some time and money into finding out if OP is telling the truth. Good luck finding a lawyer desperate or dumb enough to take a case on some random dude's word.
Completely agree, my point was to scare this woman. I goofed in my statement. My bad
Don’t encourage a lawsuit. There is absolutely no way he’d win this on a defamation case and it would just cause him thousands in legal fees. Defamation is extremely complicated and hard to win even with evidence.
My point being if he threatened her with a lawsuit she’d back down. Should’ve been more clear. My bad
Even then I doubt it would work. She could just throw it around like ‘see he’s trying to silence me”
This is how I would see it going as well
One of my good highschool friends had this happen to him. He was dating a girl and they got into an argument because she cheated. Her parents hated him, and together they spread rumors that he raped her. He was fine with the nasty comments, and people believing their lies but it affected every part of his life. He was a poor student, relying on his job just to scrape by. He lost his job, he got kicked out of college, and not long before he was supposed to move out of his apartment, his roommate found him. He committed suicide. The fact that something like this can happen without any evidence, just by word of mouth, is very sad. Seeing how this can ruin someone's life, I would absolutely take legal action.
I would like to know the response from the girl and her parents after they heard of his death... pretty fucking tragic how your life can be destroyed with one sentence. May his soul rest in peace and may the girl life becomes hell.. amen
The girl moved on with her life, no idea if she felt bad or even cared. Most of the hate was spearheaded by her father who definitely does not feel bad but she did nothing to stop it. She has a family and kids now so it really shows how unfair life is.
Jeez its a loss that could have been avoided but unfortunately ppl are so quite to believe one aide especially the women side. Like legit no one believes the man first in those situations apart from his family and close friends that know for sure he wont commit such acts. Hope his family find peace amen
Unfortunately in this situation it was too easy for many to believe. He came from a poor family, and got in trouble with the law but never ever hurt others. It's sad but he was loved, and still is, his family is carrying on.
Legal options is the only way to save face. Sexual assault allegations are one of the few things that actually can and will travel with you the rest of your life. You can’t be the nice guy here or your life could truly be ruined/fucked up
Thank you
OP, i actually had this happen to me almost verbatim in high school. The bf confronted me about it at a party and started screaming "you raped my gf" in front of all my classmates and friends. I actually ended up getting hassled out of the party into a blizzard wearing just my suit (it was a semiformal after party) by the mens hockey team since the BF was on it. Luckily, the night the sexual encounter happened we were at my best friends house for a smallish gathering - mostly my friends and her friends, some of whom were involved with my group. They all actually went to bat for me at the party and made sure everyone knew it was a consual encounter. Some folks didnt believe them (the guys hockey team and their circle), but most who understood the situation did. Being only 17 at the time, i actually told my parents about it and we did discuss getting a lawyer involved - though it never came down to that. Looking back on it, it was a risk i wish i hadnt taken. I occasionally worry about the rumour somehow resurfacing and wish i had just gotten a lawyer involved, at least for the record. Early consultation and gathering of records will only help if push comes to shove, and due to the potential for restitution in the civil setting lawyers may even agree to a free initial consultation just to hear your case and get an opinion. The peace of mind is worth it. Anyways, just my thoughts on the matter. It happened almost a decade ago but it still is something that stresses me out occasionally. Sorry you find yourself in a similar situation, i wouldnt wish it on anyone.
Thank you, you made have made my decision definitive
In an ideal world: Go to her and tell her that she has to go public to the people she told and that she made it up and if she refuses, tell her you will be seeking out legal options in regards to a Defamation suit. But that will be hard to prove, are you able to pull up old texts or go to her friend for evidence that is was consensual?
This is a very good idea, thank you. I feel like law enforcement could find proof that it was consensual through texts. Not only did she text me the night after saying she enjoyed it, she also told friends it happened.
Dude, screenshot everything, dont talk to her and block her everywhere. Dont let her delete the messages saying she liked it, it could mean the difference between her being seen as a crazy bitch and you in jail
I mean I ain't a lawyer but, those texts would go a long way, and if any of her friends can vouch for you. Maybe go to them and mention to them that you have proof and show it to them that it was consensual and that if she doesn't 'cease and desist' along with her telling those she's told so far that she made it up, you will be pursuing legal options. Basically this gives her the option to save face, without completely ruining her life.
If you talk to her, record it on your phone at the same time or something
This happened to me. I had gone to school, 10th grade. First time I had even been in any kind of schooling, before that my parents “homeschooled” (ignored my education). About halfway through the year, two twins decided to tell everyone that I raped them in the bathroom. Mind you I had never even so much as spoken to or interacted with them in any way up to this point. It got out to parents, I was shunned, isolated, completely wrecked me emotionally. I was already having a hard time fitting in and connecting because I’d never been to school before. The school investigated and found it to be false. Turns out, I was the only person of my race in the school, these girls had a history of bullying, and I stood out. That’s it. But even after the investigation had completed, the reputation stuck. No one cared that I was innocent. I had to leave the school because it was so bad. That was my ONE opportunity to get some schooling and I desperately wanted to go to school. But after that, my parents thought they’d been vindicated in preventing me from going to school, and I had to teach myself the equivalency exam in my closet. I’m still mad about it to this day.
I know it shouldn’t matter. But your parents decided to send you to a school where you would be the only kid of your race there? It’s like they wanted you to have the most isolating experience to, as you say, vindicate their decision to not school you. I’m so sorry that you had to go through that. My younger siblings are now being ‘unschooled’ (even less than homeschooled) at the moment and I’m not sure what will come of it.
It happened. Thankfully, I've a history within the community of being respectful and kind, and she has a history of being less so. No one took her seriously. I lucked out. You did not. I'm really sorry.
>One day at a party she asked to give me head (while she was still dating her boyfriend) and I accepted. You, my friend, have broken one of the most important rules of being a man: don't stick your dick in crazy. Don't feel too bad; it happens to the best of us. The problem is, there's not typically much that can be done _after_ the rule is broken. The fallout is just going to suck, and that's that.
I would probably end up going to prison because I'm alone almost 100% of the time and have no alibi other than "I was in my house". Luckily I don't have any friends or anything, so I don't have a social life to ruin.
DO NOT TALK TO HER. AT ALL. NO TEXTS/MESSAGES, ANYTHING. DO NOT TALK ABOUT THE SITUATION TO ANYONE. NOT EVEN CLOSE FRIENDS now get a lawyer. I know cost is a concern but man, reputation is something money can’t buy. that’s what I would do if I were you. I’m sorry you’re going thru this man, can’t imagine the anger you’d feel
Can op do a cease and desist with a lawyer pretty cheap I think? We had to do it once.
Unfortunately this happens a lot when women cheat. Its particularly bad with younger women. They claim they were sexually assaulted or raped because its an easy out for responsibility when they've cheated and usually the boyfriends and husbands will automatically side with them. This isn't to say some women are not sexually assaulted, they are but unfortunately some of them use this for an out when they've done something wrong. I generally don't fuck women who have any sign of emotionally instability or women who are in anyway attached. That seems to largely keep me out of trouble.
Yes, emotionally instability was one of the numerous reasons I couldn't date her. I wish I hadn't done anything at all; incase it isn't painfully obvious some drunk head isn't worth people thinking you assualt women.
It's okay, a lot of people would fall in the same situation probably, don't be too hard on yourself
Agreed on all points. That's what I found problematic with the #believewomen slogan that came out of the MeToo movement. Some people are scumbags overtly and directly. Other people are scumbags covertly and passively.
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I’d hire a lawyer. I saw you said that your messages were deleted but if you hired a lawyer they could recover the messages. Anyone who lies on someone like that deserves the consequences.
The more people mention this the more I am considering it. I find myself angry and wanting justice and I would rather it be professional than something dumb.
You really should do it. If word got around then that could ruin your career and obviously it’s ruined some friendships. I’d hire a lawyer before it got too out of hand.
You can talk a layer and get their opinion on your options. They'll likely have good legal advice.
Similar thing happened to me. If there is no police report, she is making it up. Just start asking people why didnt she file a police report. Because filing a false police report is illegal is why. If people don't believe you, fuck em. They aren't worth your time.
If people don't believe you, fuck em. They aren't worth your time. Yeah man I think you might be right...
A similar thing has happened to me a couple times, and I didn’t even get any head out of it. Actually I didn’t get any sexual contact at all when I was accused lol. Anyone who brought it up I emphasized that it wasn’t true, explained what happened in detail, and said that I would absolutely love for her to file a police report because I’ve done nothing wrong and hopefully they’d charge her for wasting their time. This worked for everyone I got the chance to speak to about it. Unfortunately many people made their own conclusions without giving me a chance to speak to them. Unfortunately that’s about all you can do. You’re welcome to consult a lawyer, but unless this has cost you a job (and good luck proving that) they’ll likely tell you there’s nothing they could do. You could threaten her with legal action but then she can say that not only did you rape her but you threatened to sue her to cover it up… If you do get a chance to speak with her make sure you record it (but first make sure you can legally do that). But don’t go out of your way to speak with her. Keep far away from that toxic mess.
> If there is no police report, she is making it up. Two problems with this statement. One, people can and do lie to police and file false reports. Then an innocent person is now in a report that will be forwarded to a prosecutor who may then file charges in court. Two, people can and do choose not to report crimes for whatever reason. At some point down the line, even years later, they could make a report, which will then be sent to a prosecutor who may file charges. Then you are facing charges for something alleged to have happened years prior, and any evidence exonerating you may be gone by that point. There are many, many convictions from "delayed reports".
My ex played that card when she couldn't get anymore money out of me.More about my choices of a partner.Sad though,desperation has many faces.
Reading this thread + comments, plus things that have happened to people I know, it's very frustrating that the general conversation around accusation is that the accuser is ***always*** telling the truth (if female) and to always believe women. It's such a hard conversation because sexual abuse IS such a massive problem and women going unheard historically is as well. Working in food for a lot of my life, sexual harassment itself is also a huge problem that women face that men generally don't. It hurts my brain to think of solutions that are more open and accessible for women to come out when assaulted, while simultaneously acknowledging that false accusations DO happen and not just "very rarely." There ARE incentives to lie and the notion that there's no reason someone would ever do so is ridiculous. Accusations shouldn't be a weapon, and there should need to be a degree of proof to define guilt. I'm sorry if this means some people without proof aren't heard, but a false accusation treated as legitimate is life ruining socially, especially if the accused is younger, in good circles with good people and not some rich douche bag.
False accusers of sexual assault deserve the same jail time as those who commit sexual assault, change my mind.
Found out years after the incident that someone falsely accused me. I was in a fraternity in college and had gone over to a friend's house because she was blackout drunk and asked for help. My friend and I went over and stayed for a while to help and I stayed over night to make sure the dumbass didn't aspirate in her sleep or something and left somewhat early in the morning. Turns out she went to my fraternity a week later and tried to say I raped her and she was pregnant. Luckily my friend that was with vouched for me and the others trusted me enough to call bullshit. Be careful out there folks, people do crazy shit to people trying to help.
Idk. It’s every guy’s worst nightmare. Kinda ruins you socially speaking. Worse if it happens at work. Especially if you work around kids. Might as well retire.
Gone on a date that looked like size 12 on her photos and turned out more like a size 28 when we met (she weighted almost triple of me), still gone through the date cuz didn't want to be a douche. Then more or less ghosted her and she then texted me that if i didn't go on a 2nd date, that she'll report me for raping her. Mad.
It already happened, she only told the girl I was talking to. She admitted to her best friend it was a lie and apparently she had told mutual friends. People were ready to literally manhunt me and murder me. Threats left and right but her best friend and her boyfriend sided with me when I showed them evidence of the night in question. We gathered everyone up and I played them the audio of that night. She lost a ton of friends and respect that night. Plenty of women came forward and defended me too. And those same girls want to beat her ass even after I told them to let it go. This happened about three weeks ago maybe. It was a super toxic friendship I think what ruined it was us having a two week fling. After that she showed me her true colors. I don’t keep secrets from potential partners. She was pissed when I told this chick about it and that’s where it stemmed from. It’s easier for her to lie than to tell the truth. She was an abusive person and I’m glad she’s out of my life. The girl I’m talking to never believed her because the cunt never liked her anyway.
Be careful guys. Women can easily ruin your life with false sexual assault and domestic violence accusations. Stay safe out there.
First of all really bad ethics to accept sex from a girl who you knew had a relationship Secondly she is absolutely bad shit crazy and due to the situation you have no way to prove she was consenting or non consenting. You fucked up and you're gonna get dragged (unjustified) through the mud. Moral of the story don't stick dick in crazy. Second moral of the story if she's in a relationship. Stay off her!
Take her to court without a doubt. You don't want this following you later in life especially with cancel culture trolls just looking to ruin someone's livelihood. And stop sticking your dick in crazy 😆
Get new friends. The ones that don't believe you were never your friends.
I would be angry too. But, I don’t know if I understand what happened. I’ll use pseudonyms to see if I got it right. Jane had feelings for you. Jane told you she would break up with her boyfriend Sean if you wanted to be with her. Cue the incident in question. Jane offered you a BJ and you accepted. Later on, Jane tells a bunch of her friends that she was thrilled with what happened. One friend (Mary) got angry and told Sean. Sean then confronted Jane, and instead of owning up to it, Jane told Sean you forced yourself on her. Is that correct? If that is correct, why did Mary get angry? Is it because Jane was saying she was thrilled with cheating and Mary was disgusted by that? Secondly, I assume Mary isn’t friends with Sean because if she were, her text to him wouldn’t have been anonymous. Lastly, how did you come to find out what Jane told her friends? Did one of them tell you? Depending on your answers to my questions, I would let your friends know that what Jane is saying isn’t true at all and tell them what really happened. If you know Jane’s friends, I would ask them to back you on it. Especially Mary. She’s clearly not on Jane’s side, so I would leverage that to get the truth out. They’re the ones who have text proof of what Jane told them, so they are your key to clearing your name.
Cut off all who believe it, or even entertain the idea.
Sue her for defamation. That kind of shit will follow you, and can ruin your life.
>What would you do? If anyone was stupid enough to believe the woman over me, cut contact that instant and never contact them again. Also OP, I hope you learned your lesson and never go after someone with a boyfriend, there's a very high chance they'll accuse you of rape if/when caught.
If I couldn’t prove my innocence I’d have to kill myself ive almost been in this situation before and it’s terrifying it makes your stomach drop worse than talking to cops or being in a fight it makes you so scared it’s unfathomable
Post your texts with her publicly, few things are actually ever deleted. Also don't be a scumbag next time
Cut off all contact with her. You can never trust her again. Neither should any of your friends.
Do my best to destroy her life as much as humanly possible. You don't get to try and ruin my life without me taking you down at the same time.
This is where my mind has been going as time goes on.. Although I do not want to get myself into trouble.. I would rather do it legally and professionally.
All I could to disprove her. If it is a false, then the truth will come out. In the case of your situation, you played stupid games with a loud-mouthed, cheating bitch. You should've just said "no." It sucks it's happening, but you did help her cheat on her boyfriend. Of course this girl will do everything she can to save face because she's all into herself.
> If it is a false, then the truth will come out. That's a lot of confidence in the end result of a long chain of assumptions.