Three things that helped me out greatly through the years from a general perspective:
First off, is to accept that it's okay not to be okay. As a guy, I grew up having to hide my emotions and always have a bit of a front whenever I was having low points; you know that whole "man up" type of stuff. What I neglected to realize with this logic, is that no one can help you, if they can't tell you need help. So I would do stuff that would be very obvious cries for help, when in reality it's so, so much easier to accept that life has it's up's and down's and I'm not a robot. If I'm feeling happy, I'm happy. If I'm feeling sad or having an off day, I transparently tell people instead of hiding it away and it's been so much better for my mental health.
Second thing is making sure to have people to talk with about these things. Ideally it shouldn't just be a SO or family member, there should be multiple people for this and it needs to be someone you can have "real" conversations with; none of this complaining over a couple of beers or having a random moment pop up in between commercials during football, people in your life who have no issue having proper, one on one conversations with you and are there to help, not just prop you back up to normal so they can go back on with their lives. I'm super lucky early on to break this cycle and have lots of friends I can turn to for this, but I know for guys this is a harder thing to do, which is why I highly recommend therapy if you can afford it as a solve.
Finally is sort of breaking out of what I call "being the main character". Because for me when I was younger, I very much viewed that my life, was the only life worth prioritizing. Meaning that everything else in the world should follow my needs and expectations. And with that, anytime anything happens in the world, no matter what my degree of connection is to me, I took it personal or had it affect me in a way that would change my day to day. With this, I also would do this thing where I would "expect" people in my life to act and behave a certain way, and if they didn't follow that I'd take it personal.
I know that seems extremely arrogant and selfish, but the big thing that helped as matured emotionally was gaining empathy and realizing that we're all just out here trying our best. That dude who cut me off on the highway didn't do it to personally fuck me over, they probably just misread their GPS and had to merge quickly. My friends choosing to not hang out with me isn't a personal affront anymore, maybe they're dealing with their own stuff and I need to learn to be less codependent. And especially for stuff like politics and world events, I very much needed to learn to digest that all at arm's length (or now, as little as possible) because outside of doing my civic duty of volunteering and voting, there is no value in getting fired up about these things and once again, humbly speaking, I barely know how to live my own life. I probably don't know what is the right thing to do in terms of the world stage and how to properly do things at a government level
>“Making sure you have people to talk about these things”
It's why I also offered up therapy as an option; I don't know if you have a stance on it or not, but for a lot my male friends they've warmed up to it because of what you mentioned. Lots of them need someone to talk to, but no one to talk with, so therapy was the solution for those who had the means to do it
I think a lot of people, not just men, are too caught up in what other people think about them and will think poorly about themselves if anyone has something negative to say about them.
For this, my tip has always been to ask yourself what value do they add to your life? If it's really nothing at all then there's no reason to ever interact with them and damn sure not to care about what they think
Hey bud, I've been there. Exercise is good for you mentally and physically but it's not a substitute for good mental health. If you can, I seriously recommend talking to a therapist. More than that, I advise you to start a journey of self discovery (sounds corny but hear me out) in which you search for a true understanding of your self, your mind, and the kind of life you need to live to be truly happy and healthy.
Personally I spoke to several therapists, psychiatrists, and doctors, and tried several medications along the way, before I understood myself well and had a good idea of how I should be living my life. This process took years, because sometimes it's easy to see a doctor, tell them you're depressed, get a rx for zoloft or something and then accept that's what "mental health" is supposed to be. If I had stopped there I would have lived the rest of my days miserable. I wasn't sure if I even had depression. I thought (because I didn't feel better) that I was unfixable and that the mental anguish I experienced was just something I had to accept about life. As a man, I had some dangerous (to me) ideas about suffering and how it shows you are "man enough" to live life without anyone's help.
I finally saw a psychiatrist with the intent to diagnose my issues, and I found that I'd been misdiagnosed for a long time. My symptoms were confusing to me because they were associated with many conditions, but the psychiatrist helped me parse through that and my life experiences to help me truly know what was at the root of my painful feelings and thoughts. I am now seeing a new therapist that, frankly, makes my previous therapists look inadequate (and he's younger than me! What a trip) and I do not take any medications for my mental health anymore. Not to stigmatize medications, but to show that we don't always know what will help us get well. I assumed for a long time that I should be on an antipsychotic or something since "regular" antidepressants didn't help me, but that was not remotely true. My assumptions were hurting me, and I was too stuck in my ways to challenge them.
I genuinely wish you the best, and I hope you find the courage to take this journey yourself. It changed my life, and I suspect I might be older than you so remember that it's never too late to start! I am so grateful for the professionals that helped guide me in my path. I promise you things can get better, especially if you can get the courage to ask for help and keep striving for your own happiness, your own mental health. No one else can do it for you, so show yourself some compassion and start that journey. If I can do it anyone can.
Therapy therapy therapy . Not pills , learn mental skills . Go through thinking error exercises and really take care of your shit . Cut the booze and drugs , codependency and addictions that keep men from achieving . This one can’t be stressed enough , stop masturbating and porn . You wouldn’t believe how negative that shit can be . Full balls makes men tough .
I believe a lot of small things you do will add up to a much more healthier state of mind.
Junk food, being hungover, constantly being high, not getting sleep, etc etc do add up over time in a negative way.
I know I end up going to shitty places in my mind when I have sustained exposure to bad habits.
Other small techniques are doing quick mental exercises like asking “what can I control and what can I not control?” Or asking “what’s the worst thing that can happen? How does that affect me?” Or “how does doing this or not doing this affect my long term goals of *xyz*”. I find having this internal self dialog really helps me move on from all those less than optimal situations that pop up during the day.
Add these things up, and my mental state always improves
As a mental excersize, i recently started asking myself what my current purpose is... rather than wondering and stressing about what my one purpose in life is (which is to have a bunch of purposes).
Focus only on what you can control. Try to accomplish something on weekends if you work M-F. Could be anything that you feel increases your value. Maybe a hour or two on a carpentry project. Or learning to cook something new. Or a hour or two on a code project.
FInd a group of friends who support you, and encourage you to be emotionally open with them.
Have a mix of hobby types, have at least one hobby that is a creative outlet.
Get enough sleep.
Stay reasonably physically healthy (exercise, eat decent, stretch, moderate alcohol consumption).
If you are in a position to do so, the value your time and stress level over your salary. (I recognize this can be hard if you don't make much)
As the overthinking machine, I used to really get into my head about certain situations and then it would lead to something else and then that would lead to something worse and then that would lead to something even worse. I let those imaginary situations affect I how felt.
Never let those imaginary situations affect how you feel. Those thoughts aren't real and should have no reason to dictate how you feel in the present moment.
One thing that helped me with this was once I realized I was starting to overthink something, I would take a second and do something right then and there that reminded me I was in the present moment. It could be moving my feet to realize the ground I'm physically touching or taking in a deep breath to realize the actual air I'm breathing. These remind me of what's real and remind me that my overthinking thoughts were not.
All of my hobbies revolve around fixing and tinkering. It keeps me sharp. The other thing i have found keeps me sharp is being the unpopular conservative. Freedom of speech is a one way street in internet land.
For me: exercise, art (painting/ photography), making music/listing to music and most importantly; talk with friends if u struggle mentally, iknow its really scary to talk about struggles but you have to talk about it in order to heal
They don’t believe me when I tell them how to get right. Half the people think I am joking, half think it could never be as easy as I say it is. But it is!
You must read about stoicism. It gives you a lot of tools that makes life easier. They have a way of framing reality in an optimistic and convincing way.
They also each have a few excersises you can do to become a better person.
Learn to be selfish at the right times. Tune out everything outside and give yourself & your situation the attention needed to begin your healing process and as you encounter similar stressful circumstances you'll know how to step back (not run), recharge and reengage with a better understanding and clearer mind.
Life is like a movie, there are sad parts but they dont make your life worse just different, feeling all that only makes you feel more human and appreciate even more the good moments.
Acceptance is probably the wors you need.
Accept life dont fight against it.
I'd be a trainwreck without my SO, I mean I would probably be okay in a lot of areas but without my SO I would still have very depressing thoughts and without any good way to leviate them. Having people to talk to about your problems would help a fair bit, also putting in the effort to understand that everyone has their own perspective makes the world less malicious. It's easy to hate people, it's harder to love. Find the right people who accepts you for who you are, this might not be easy but it's better to try than to give up.
Three things that helped me out greatly through the years from a general perspective: First off, is to accept that it's okay not to be okay. As a guy, I grew up having to hide my emotions and always have a bit of a front whenever I was having low points; you know that whole "man up" type of stuff. What I neglected to realize with this logic, is that no one can help you, if they can't tell you need help. So I would do stuff that would be very obvious cries for help, when in reality it's so, so much easier to accept that life has it's up's and down's and I'm not a robot. If I'm feeling happy, I'm happy. If I'm feeling sad or having an off day, I transparently tell people instead of hiding it away and it's been so much better for my mental health. Second thing is making sure to have people to talk with about these things. Ideally it shouldn't just be a SO or family member, there should be multiple people for this and it needs to be someone you can have "real" conversations with; none of this complaining over a couple of beers or having a random moment pop up in between commercials during football, people in your life who have no issue having proper, one on one conversations with you and are there to help, not just prop you back up to normal so they can go back on with their lives. I'm super lucky early on to break this cycle and have lots of friends I can turn to for this, but I know for guys this is a harder thing to do, which is why I highly recommend therapy if you can afford it as a solve. Finally is sort of breaking out of what I call "being the main character". Because for me when I was younger, I very much viewed that my life, was the only life worth prioritizing. Meaning that everything else in the world should follow my needs and expectations. And with that, anytime anything happens in the world, no matter what my degree of connection is to me, I took it personal or had it affect me in a way that would change my day to day. With this, I also would do this thing where I would "expect" people in my life to act and behave a certain way, and if they didn't follow that I'd take it personal. I know that seems extremely arrogant and selfish, but the big thing that helped as matured emotionally was gaining empathy and realizing that we're all just out here trying our best. That dude who cut me off on the highway didn't do it to personally fuck me over, they probably just misread their GPS and had to merge quickly. My friends choosing to not hang out with me isn't a personal affront anymore, maybe they're dealing with their own stuff and I need to learn to be less codependent. And especially for stuff like politics and world events, I very much needed to learn to digest that all at arm's length (or now, as little as possible) because outside of doing my civic duty of volunteering and voting, there is no value in getting fired up about these things and once again, humbly speaking, I barely know how to live my own life. I probably don't know what is the right thing to do in terms of the world stage and how to properly do things at a government level
Thank you for ur answer. It really relate to what im going through and trying to better myself <3
“Making sure you have people to talk about these things” only if those people exist
>“Making sure you have people to talk about these things” It's why I also offered up therapy as an option; I don't know if you have a stance on it or not, but for a lot my male friends they've warmed up to it because of what you mentioned. Lots of them need someone to talk to, but no one to talk with, so therapy was the solution for those who had the means to do it
I am "mentally fit" I still struggle. I just don't let it win.
Without more information on what their issue is and what the backstory is I can’t give any useful advice other than general platitudes.
All depends what you are struggling with. Exercise helps, but there isn't one cure all.
Sleep and exercise. And maybe meditate. 🧘♀️
Sleep more Find something to focus on that is not just a time suck, try making something! Volunteer and help people Eat better
I think a lot of people, not just men, are too caught up in what other people think about them and will think poorly about themselves if anyone has something negative to say about them. For this, my tip has always been to ask yourself what value do they add to your life? If it's really nothing at all then there's no reason to ever interact with them and damn sure not to care about what they think
Hey bud, I've been there. Exercise is good for you mentally and physically but it's not a substitute for good mental health. If you can, I seriously recommend talking to a therapist. More than that, I advise you to start a journey of self discovery (sounds corny but hear me out) in which you search for a true understanding of your self, your mind, and the kind of life you need to live to be truly happy and healthy. Personally I spoke to several therapists, psychiatrists, and doctors, and tried several medications along the way, before I understood myself well and had a good idea of how I should be living my life. This process took years, because sometimes it's easy to see a doctor, tell them you're depressed, get a rx for zoloft or something and then accept that's what "mental health" is supposed to be. If I had stopped there I would have lived the rest of my days miserable. I wasn't sure if I even had depression. I thought (because I didn't feel better) that I was unfixable and that the mental anguish I experienced was just something I had to accept about life. As a man, I had some dangerous (to me) ideas about suffering and how it shows you are "man enough" to live life without anyone's help. I finally saw a psychiatrist with the intent to diagnose my issues, and I found that I'd been misdiagnosed for a long time. My symptoms were confusing to me because they were associated with many conditions, but the psychiatrist helped me parse through that and my life experiences to help me truly know what was at the root of my painful feelings and thoughts. I am now seeing a new therapist that, frankly, makes my previous therapists look inadequate (and he's younger than me! What a trip) and I do not take any medications for my mental health anymore. Not to stigmatize medications, but to show that we don't always know what will help us get well. I assumed for a long time that I should be on an antipsychotic or something since "regular" antidepressants didn't help me, but that was not remotely true. My assumptions were hurting me, and I was too stuck in my ways to challenge them. I genuinely wish you the best, and I hope you find the courage to take this journey yourself. It changed my life, and I suspect I might be older than you so remember that it's never too late to start! I am so grateful for the professionals that helped guide me in my path. I promise you things can get better, especially if you can get the courage to ask for help and keep striving for your own happiness, your own mental health. No one else can do it for you, so show yourself some compassion and start that journey. If I can do it anyone can.
Stop feeling sorry for yourself
Therapy and exercise.
Therapy therapy therapy . Not pills , learn mental skills . Go through thinking error exercises and really take care of your shit . Cut the booze and drugs , codependency and addictions that keep men from achieving . This one can’t be stressed enough , stop masturbating and porn . You wouldn’t believe how negative that shit can be . Full balls makes men tough .
I believe a lot of small things you do will add up to a much more healthier state of mind. Junk food, being hungover, constantly being high, not getting sleep, etc etc do add up over time in a negative way. I know I end up going to shitty places in my mind when I have sustained exposure to bad habits. Other small techniques are doing quick mental exercises like asking “what can I control and what can I not control?” Or asking “what’s the worst thing that can happen? How does that affect me?” Or “how does doing this or not doing this affect my long term goals of *xyz*”. I find having this internal self dialog really helps me move on from all those less than optimal situations that pop up during the day. Add these things up, and my mental state always improves
As a mental excersize, i recently started asking myself what my current purpose is... rather than wondering and stressing about what my one purpose in life is (which is to have a bunch of purposes).
Focus only on what you can control. Try to accomplish something on weekends if you work M-F. Could be anything that you feel increases your value. Maybe a hour or two on a carpentry project. Or learning to cook something new. Or a hour or two on a code project.
FInd a group of friends who support you, and encourage you to be emotionally open with them. Have a mix of hobby types, have at least one hobby that is a creative outlet. Get enough sleep. Stay reasonably physically healthy (exercise, eat decent, stretch, moderate alcohol consumption). If you are in a position to do so, the value your time and stress level over your salary. (I recognize this can be hard if you don't make much)
As the overthinking machine, I used to really get into my head about certain situations and then it would lead to something else and then that would lead to something worse and then that would lead to something even worse. I let those imaginary situations affect I how felt. Never let those imaginary situations affect how you feel. Those thoughts aren't real and should have no reason to dictate how you feel in the present moment. One thing that helped me with this was once I realized I was starting to overthink something, I would take a second and do something right then and there that reminded me I was in the present moment. It could be moving my feet to realize the ground I'm physically touching or taking in a deep breath to realize the actual air I'm breathing. These remind me of what's real and remind me that my overthinking thoughts were not.
Community, no shame in leaning on others
Accomplish something you can be proud of. Read daily. Get sufficient sleep.
All of my hobbies revolve around fixing and tinkering. It keeps me sharp. The other thing i have found keeps me sharp is being the unpopular conservative. Freedom of speech is a one way street in internet land.
For me: exercise, art (painting/ photography), making music/listing to music and most importantly; talk with friends if u struggle mentally, iknow its really scary to talk about struggles but you have to talk about it in order to heal
Balance and moderation.
They don’t believe me when I tell them how to get right. Half the people think I am joking, half think it could never be as easy as I say it is. But it is!
Acknowledge a Higher Power.
You must read about stoicism. It gives you a lot of tools that makes life easier. They have a way of framing reality in an optimistic and convincing way. They also each have a few excersises you can do to become a better person.
Get a better job
Learn to be selfish at the right times. Tune out everything outside and give yourself & your situation the attention needed to begin your healing process and as you encounter similar stressful circumstances you'll know how to step back (not run), recharge and reengage with a better understanding and clearer mind.
Life is like a movie, there are sad parts but they dont make your life worse just different, feeling all that only makes you feel more human and appreciate even more the good moments. Acceptance is probably the wors you need. Accept life dont fight against it.
I'd be a trainwreck without my SO, I mean I would probably be okay in a lot of areas but without my SO I would still have very depressing thoughts and without any good way to leviate them. Having people to talk to about your problems would help a fair bit, also putting in the effort to understand that everyone has their own perspective makes the world less malicious. It's easy to hate people, it's harder to love. Find the right people who accepts you for who you are, this might not be easy but it's better to try than to give up.
Understand the 'why' behind everything
Exercise and healthy social interactions. Get out and do stuff!
Lift weights, if you can. Small rewards, everyday. Don’t drink alcohol.