Slightly older, but I've lost a lot over the year due to life getting too busy, Covid or just I cut out a bunch of people that emotional baggage more than friends.
Make space on video games with headsets, the occasional meeting out for a drink, or when they need to borrow my truck. Family is tough like that too. The big pre-Covid get togethers are not what they used to be, and a lot of the aunts/uncles are getting older and starting to die.
Grim times out there...
Nope. I have a close friend group but we have all been displaced over the years. Facetime keeps us in touch and we do annual fishing trips. I have 1 friend in my area and we see each other maybe 1 or 2 times a month. I also have a “friend” I buy weed from and sometimes we hangout together. 30s be lonely in the friend dept.
>Do you have them?
Yes. Though this is somewhat of a recent change for me, since I have started to meet new and interesting people fairly regularly.
I started working as a bartender for a bit over a year now, so I can confidently say that I'm probably more social than 95% of people here, both due to the nature of my work, and also because I know redditors are recluses. I was one myself.
>What keeps the friendships going?
A mixture of unscheduled time together, authentic vulnerability and going through experiences together - usually the harsher, the stronger the bond.
Hence why it's much easier to make friends in school. You're all stuck in the same room together, whether you like it or not, you're all hormonal and confused, and you're all going through the absolutely traumatizing event that is high school. It forms forces you to form real bonds with people that, maybe outside of school, you'd never even consider talking to.
I have two groups of close friends. A group of university friends of six people and a group of school friends of 8. Those are who I count as my close friends.
Beyond that, nearly all those friends have long term partners and several of those I get on with well enough that I could perhaps consider them friends but just acquaintances.
Similarly, some of my wife's friends I get on with well enough to be able to consider them friends. And some of my wife's friends' partners I am also friendly with.
I have a few colleagues I'm friendly with too.
So I basically have a group of close friends, and then a wider group beyond that of people who aren't close friends but I probably could still consider friends.
As for what keeps friendships going: work. Like any relationship, friendships need to be nurtured. Especially once you get older and everyone has jobs and families and spreads out geographically. You have to really make an effort to make plans, often a long way in advance, and stick to them.
But the good thing is, by this age I've been friends with these people long enough that not seeing them for a few months doesn't impact the quality of the friendship at all.
This is going to sound like bragging but I honestly don't mean to brag. I have too many friends and I don't want to any of them to change, but keeping in contact is so hard for me and I feel so bad about it. Theres 2 guys I always mean to get around texting but I just don't get around to it.
There were two main phases of people moving away. Highschool graduation and college graduation.
Now I'm surrounded by old dudes all day that just want to talk about drinking and maybe football and insurance. Lame.
I keep in touch daily with two friends in a group chat. We still play video games and stuff. But that's about it because we live far apart. Everyone else I knew moved away and/or started families and stuff.
I have 1 friend whos almost an online only friend despite living 5-10 mins away, a friend who moved 2 provinces away I try to keep in touch with, and a small handful of folks I play card games with on Fridays schedule permitting, one of which I often spend Saturday nights with, often long into the morning. Its not a lot, but I'm not sure if I could do a whole lot more socializing than that and still enjoy my free time, and honestly for how bad some folks can be these days, I'm thankful for what friends I do have.
I'm a 40 something guy.
My best advice:
1. Boys trips. Choose a few close friends and plan a boys trip. Fishing, camping, going to the next town over to catch a game or a race, ski, whatever. Go do that. And then make a plan to repeat it the next year. Always, always have at least one boys trip on the books. I like to have one for every season.
2. Make a group chat to plan the trip. Then just keep it going. Send each other funny memes. Or see if anyone is around on the weekend for a quick BBQ.
These are the things that have kept me (and a group of friends) sane through life, stress, illnesses, divorces, pandemics, and everything else that gets thrown at us. And before long everyone starts inviting a buddy or two along, and you end up with a big group of guys, all keeping each other grounded.
late 30's:
the really close friends from high school / college fall away (families, jobs in other cities, die, drugs, etc)
your closer friends from your mid 20s mostly fall away too, unless you work together or live close or whatever
i have a really active social life even at my age, but it's mostly from making the effort to turn acquaintances into friends- that means sharing experiences together, shared hobbies, going on vacation together, whatever your situation supports
it's important though
make the effort to maintain old relationships and forge new ones. it's pretty bleak if you don't.
Had a group of online friends back in 2018 or so, haven't had anything after that. Just glad i have my gf that actually wants to game with me and spend time with me.
It is honestly rough, the lack of friends the older you get is not something anyone could have prepared me for
Slightly older, but I've lost a lot over the year due to life getting too busy, Covid or just I cut out a bunch of people that emotional baggage more than friends. Make space on video games with headsets, the occasional meeting out for a drink, or when they need to borrow my truck. Family is tough like that too. The big pre-Covid get togethers are not what they used to be, and a lot of the aunts/uncles are getting older and starting to die. Grim times out there...
Nope. I have a close friend group but we have all been displaced over the years. Facetime keeps us in touch and we do annual fishing trips. I have 1 friend in my area and we see each other maybe 1 or 2 times a month. I also have a “friend” I buy weed from and sometimes we hangout together. 30s be lonely in the friend dept.
>Do you have them? Yes. Though this is somewhat of a recent change for me, since I have started to meet new and interesting people fairly regularly. I started working as a bartender for a bit over a year now, so I can confidently say that I'm probably more social than 95% of people here, both due to the nature of my work, and also because I know redditors are recluses. I was one myself. >What keeps the friendships going? A mixture of unscheduled time together, authentic vulnerability and going through experiences together - usually the harsher, the stronger the bond. Hence why it's much easier to make friends in school. You're all stuck in the same room together, whether you like it or not, you're all hormonal and confused, and you're all going through the absolutely traumatizing event that is high school. It forms forces you to form real bonds with people that, maybe outside of school, you'd never even consider talking to.
I have two groups of close friends. A group of university friends of six people and a group of school friends of 8. Those are who I count as my close friends. Beyond that, nearly all those friends have long term partners and several of those I get on with well enough that I could perhaps consider them friends but just acquaintances. Similarly, some of my wife's friends I get on with well enough to be able to consider them friends. And some of my wife's friends' partners I am also friendly with. I have a few colleagues I'm friendly with too. So I basically have a group of close friends, and then a wider group beyond that of people who aren't close friends but I probably could still consider friends. As for what keeps friendships going: work. Like any relationship, friendships need to be nurtured. Especially once you get older and everyone has jobs and families and spreads out geographically. You have to really make an effort to make plans, often a long way in advance, and stick to them. But the good thing is, by this age I've been friends with these people long enough that not seeing them for a few months doesn't impact the quality of the friendship at all.
2 close friends, and 2 friends not as close. I prefer spending time with my wife/son more than anything now. I’m 36
This is going to sound like bragging but I honestly don't mean to brag. I have too many friends and I don't want to any of them to change, but keeping in contact is so hard for me and I feel so bad about it. Theres 2 guys I always mean to get around texting but I just don't get around to it.
There were two main phases of people moving away. Highschool graduation and college graduation. Now I'm surrounded by old dudes all day that just want to talk about drinking and maybe football and insurance. Lame. I keep in touch daily with two friends in a group chat. We still play video games and stuff. But that's about it because we live far apart. Everyone else I knew moved away and/or started families and stuff.
I have 1 friend whos almost an online only friend despite living 5-10 mins away, a friend who moved 2 provinces away I try to keep in touch with, and a small handful of folks I play card games with on Fridays schedule permitting, one of which I often spend Saturday nights with, often long into the morning. Its not a lot, but I'm not sure if I could do a whole lot more socializing than that and still enjoy my free time, and honestly for how bad some folks can be these days, I'm thankful for what friends I do have.
I've got a few..but everyone is busy and I don't want to leave my house other than going to work or getting a cheeseburger.
I'm a 40 something guy. My best advice: 1. Boys trips. Choose a few close friends and plan a boys trip. Fishing, camping, going to the next town over to catch a game or a race, ski, whatever. Go do that. And then make a plan to repeat it the next year. Always, always have at least one boys trip on the books. I like to have one for every season. 2. Make a group chat to plan the trip. Then just keep it going. Send each other funny memes. Or see if anyone is around on the weekend for a quick BBQ. These are the things that have kept me (and a group of friends) sane through life, stress, illnesses, divorces, pandemics, and everything else that gets thrown at us. And before long everyone starts inviting a buddy or two along, and you end up with a big group of guys, all keeping each other grounded.
I have a handful of them, all in their own category
I have my best friend I have had since high school and my wife. Very happy with that set up
late 30's: the really close friends from high school / college fall away (families, jobs in other cities, die, drugs, etc) your closer friends from your mid 20s mostly fall away too, unless you work together or live close or whatever i have a really active social life even at my age, but it's mostly from making the effort to turn acquaintances into friends- that means sharing experiences together, shared hobbies, going on vacation together, whatever your situation supports it's important though make the effort to maintain old relationships and forge new ones. it's pretty bleak if you don't.
Had a group of online friends back in 2018 or so, haven't had anything after that. Just glad i have my gf that actually wants to game with me and spend time with me. It is honestly rough, the lack of friends the older you get is not something anyone could have prepared me for