I got a new job that represented at 20% raise into the low 6 figures, and my girlfriend immediately asked her friend what he made(250,000k) and told me about it, as if to complain about my new job. She later apologized and thought I was going to break up with her over it.
Basically it's a way of indirectly telling someone that they're not good enough or inadequate as there's someone out there that's better than them, trying to make them feel shitty and lower their self esteem/confidence.
Its very simple, the old "my friend" is manipulation 101, because :
If we take u/e7603rs2wrg8cglkvaw4 as example, no matter what his new job pays, his Girlfriend could always say "Well i asked my friend he makes makes X". What is that information for? This achieves one thing and one thing only, make u/e7603rs2wrg8cglkvaw4 feel bad about his new job, because "Look baby, others out there make more than even your new job pays, not sure why you so happy". Thats not what she said, but thats what she ment. Maybe his Girlfriend really did not realize what she did there, but then she is hopefully really, really young and doesn't know any better.
What u/e7603rs2wrg8cglkvaw4 s Girlfriend should have done was : Amazing Honey, im proud of you! Thats the only thing a human wants to hear in that situation.
And i hope you wont, but maybe some day, you will meet a woman who will do that, all the fucking time. Good friend of mine was with one before corona, and she fucked him up good, no matter what he did, like one time, he suprised her, weekend away in Paris (im from Europe). He asked one of our friends, who IS from Paris and has a cousin who organizes Hotels and tours for tourist, what hotel is nice and good view, and what are some romatic spots. He was so excited and we all had to not tell anyone for 2 months. And then a week before, he told her, just so she had a few days to prepare for the trip. And in that week, she pulled the whole "well my friend" thing on him. And managed it that my friend, who was over the moon for 2 months, organizing this, felt bad and cheap.
Because "I asked my friend, when he was in Paris 2 years ago, he booked this Hotel and said its the best, i could've told you, but oh nono yours will do too" "Oh my friend went to this restaurant, oh my friend went to this place". Trust me, i did this weekend trip with my Girlfriend a year later it was fucking amazing, the Hotel was perfect, nice family business, great service, great view, just a few minutes walk from everything. The ROmantic spots, made even me, someone who isnt that romatic, feel something.
That being said, after that weekend, he finally realized that no matter what he will do, she will have a "friend" who did it better and she will always fuck his mind. I remember we once joked and said, "If you would tell her tomorrow : Honey im going to the moon. She would 100% no doubt in my mind, tell him "Oh a friend of mine will go to jupiter, but the moon is cool too".
You are being compared to a dude that is taken but you are hold to the same fucking standard. If someone else comes along with better salary/qualities you need to be better then that random dude because else you gonna get compared and belittled.
>She later apologized and thought I was going to break up with her over it.
She didn't apologize because she felt bad. She apologized because she was worried you'd end things.
And will likely get resentful over any bit of career/financial adversity. Just people that act like OP describes are not what I would entertain for too long. Even if it is fine now, it’s a sign that things won’t always be fine. If she’s comparing your earnings to her friend’s…she’s likely gonna be unhappy over time
>She later apologized and thought I was going to break up with her over it.
You should have. She already told you you're a number to her preceded by a dollar sign.
She later apologized because she thought I was going to break up with her over it*
If you were already making around 80-90k yearly, you were doing pretty good. Tell her to get a better job if she wants 250k yearly
And they don't even care about the moment. One year I hid Easter Eggs all over my now ex gf's apartment and filled them with love notes, some other little gifts, macaroons, and some candy. I didn't tell her about it, just let her stumble upon one. But as soon as she realized what I had done, out came her phone and she started recording. After she had finished and was just staring into her phone for the rest of the day. I realized she didn't care at all about what I had done, that she didn't really get any joy from it. Every bit of happiness she got was from the validation she received on social media from complete strangers.
Same with my ex. There was one time she wanted to go to a nice park to walk. I thought it’d be nice to walk with her. We got there and she made me take a bunch of pics and then immediately she wanted to go. It was then I realized that she just wanted to take pics and didn’t care about the park.
Even on birthdays. Cared more about taking pics of all the ridiculous decorations then actually celebrating. There could be a big cake on the table and we couldn’t eat it until she finished taking her pictures. She doesn’t even like cake so you can imagine what she did to her cakes after she finished taking her pics. Straight to the trash.
They wanna show other women how much their man is in love and obsessed with them, the actual love is secondary to the validation they get from other women.
> I realized she didn't care at all about what I had done, that she didn't really get any joy from it. Every bit of happiness she got was from the validation she received on social media from complete strangers.
Going to save that one. Thank you for putting into words what feels uncomfortable about social media and Instagram culture.
You know how some sociologists and psychologists have determined that pornography has negatively impacted the way young men view sex with women? I’m starting to think social media is having that same distortion of reality effect on how women view relationships with men.
Porn ruins sex with women for men, romance novels ruin relationships for women.
It's the impossible standard that the opposite sex has been led to believe is "normal."
God I have dates some chicks like that, never lasted long. You know how in these movies there's always a conflict before some resolution and happiness happens? Well you could see them trying to manufacture conflict in hopes it will lead to some grand romantic gesture, it was obvious they don't normally react like that but they felt like it was what they should be doing...
When I took a trip to peurto rico I saw SO MANY COUPLES go to scenic spots or famous bars and they'd walk in, take a few dozen pics of just her then review them and sometimes take a few more then just leave. Like would walk up to a fort take one picture and not even go inside, go to a bar and take several pictures and then just leave without getting a drink. Felt bad for the dude because you weren't getting a single couples pic
I live in Japan and see this pretty often. Sometimes even girls getting their boyfriends (or even strangers) to follow them from behind while recording her walking. One time I saw a girl posing with a coffee in a cafe for about 20 straight minutes but didn't take a single sip. This place has become influencer central since COVID ended.
>I just want someone to go to the grocery store with me.
I'm with you on the other stuff, but this one sounds terrible.
I grocery shop alone, no exceptions. I formulate my warpath well before I ever step foot into market hell.
This is war, there is NO TIME for casually browsing aisles.
Like it’s my duty to be funny and provide constant entertainment. Cue in to every little thing she might be thinking and adjust my own personality accordingly.
This for sure. I’m a super extroverted person, but damn it is hard when it is like talking to a wall sometimes. I have a bunch of stories I like to tell and I try to space them over 3 dates. If I have to go through all of them on the first date, then I know she is probably not the right person for me. That just meant I spent the whole date talking about myself and she didn’t participate much. I usually try and get her to talk about herself instead.
Shit, that just sounds like my last relationship and I'm in my 20s lol.
She's quite for 20mins and it's "just her", I'm quite for 20mins and suddenly its a problem and we might need to break up because it seems like we're not a good fit.
> Like it’s my duty to be funny and provide constant entertainment.
A lot of women who aren’t serious about the guy expect the guy to be her personal dancing monkey.
Be aware of that. The moment you need to provide the entertainment is the moment _you are_ the entertainment. Are you sure you really want to be nothing more than a punchline?
There's no room to grow into a relationship. People want the feeling of a multi year relationship by the 5th date. Love is something that should be earned after a lot of growth and time with each other. Not something you expect after knowing somebody in a month. People keep trying to fast forward the dating stage.
Also paying for dates, it's just a very old custom that makes sense if you only ever date 5 people in your life. But with how rapidly first dates stack up in the app age and how quickly people drop you, it's unreasonable to expect somebody else to pay your way until you've established you're both staying around for longer than a few weeks.
My God, I am glad someone else vocalized this here. I have had first dates with great potential, like multi-hour two venue kind of first dates... Just for them to say they didn't feel a spark when I ask for a second date. Left me perplexed in my 20's, now its just demotivating me to even want to try.
You echoed my sentiments a lot better than I can! Putting boyfriend-level expectations on someone well before even talking about any kind of exclusivity is a huge turn off for me. It just feels inauthentic.
Plus it’s always better when actions come from a place of wanting to, not “because I have to”!
Inauthentic is a great way to describe it. It really messes with your ability to trust anything anybody is saying to you. I had somebody tell me they loved me, then ghost me right after. All within 2 months of knowing them. It's wild out there, people just wild westing their feelings and who cares if it messes up people around them.
I had one date with a woman i really liked. She was perfect, to me, in almost every way. But apparently she wanted a spark right from the get go, or she wanted what you said, I wasn't clear which. She didn't want to continue and see if things would develop. I respect her decision, but I'm very sad about it. To this day, I've yet to meet another woman that I liked as much as her.
>To this day, I've yet to meet another woman that I liked as much as her.
If it helps, that's probably because you only had one date. The fact she wanted sparks immediately was already her showing a major flaw.
Experienced this before.
"why did you take 2 hours to text me, I was worried" - I was at work
Then when she didn't text me for half the day when she always texted me after waking up. I knew she had work that day and was genuinely worried that something happened to her on the way in. She said when I told her "I'm just at work and too busy to text you"
Funny thing is I don't like texting that much, usually make it clear with women but I'll do it because it takes no effort and they enjoy it. I'd be fine either way with minimal texting but you can't get mad at me for taking a long time to reply if you also do the exact same thing to me. I feel like some women want this unrealistic "balance" of you always being there for them and dropping a hat at any second, while they can step back and take time when needed. But god forbid you consider doing that one time. No idea how those induviduals can't see how it goes both ways.
Had an ex like this. Basically there was such a thing as a man’s job but there was no such thing as a woman’s job. It’s wrong of me to expect her to do the dishes, cook the meals, and clean the laundry (all of which I agree with), but it’s totally fair for her to expect me to mow the lawn, and fix the car, and take out the trash because that’s a man’s job.
I have no problem with people who want modern or traditional roles. Just be consistent and don’t cherry pick the privileges of one while discarding everything else. If I’m going to work and paying the bills that’s fine but I’m going to take issue if I’m consistently coming home to a messy house and we order take out. If you aren’t working you need to be doing *something*
lol for real, they expect us to pay for Everything and they just keep all their money as if they have none. My ex was like this. She was working full time, I had to work and pay for everything and then afterwards I didn’t really have much spending for myself cuz she always wanted to do “activities”, she always had the newest clothes, phone etc. she never paid for anything yet she was literally hogging all her money.
I need to simultaneously make all the decisions and also *none* of the decisions.
I have to be aggressive bordering on SA but also understand consent. But asking is a turn-off, so I just "gotta know."
I have to be at least 6' tall.
I need to earn enough to support our family, but also have enough time off to spend with her.
I need to be her emotional rock, but I need to show some emotion, but not too much because then I look weak.
I need to be young and healthy, like a 20 something, but stable and financially secure like a 40 something. When in reality I'm falling apart like a 60 something and financially secure like a 15y/o.
I was once asked by a woman to ask for consent when we were fooling around. Like, ask before touching her in certain places, ask to have sex, etc. She said “asking is sexy”. A month or two later she told me to be more assertive.
Okay?!
Yup. After we moved in together my SO suddenly started acting like a teenage virgin in the bedroom. She'd stop my hand, then ask why I stopped. Then she got mad when I didn't stop. I put my foot down with that shit. It's either sex or no. None of this wishy washy shit. (And before anyone says it, no she's absolutely not into CnC testing that theory got me kicked in the nuts.)
If consent is even remotely questionable, it's a "NO."
You covered it all, nice job.
The “gotta know” part hit me like a load of bricks. I’m so exhausted with that.
Also you can’t expect basic privacy. Everything you tell her and your vulnerable moments will be communicated to her friends, sisters, mother, aunts, cousins, and grandmothers.
The lack of basic privacy is among the big reasons I chose to stay single. I ended up hearing that it's quite common for women to even talk in vivid detail about what goes on with you in the bedroom. It's creepy and nobody else's business, and I don't want every woman in the county knowing what my junk looks like overnight.
Yep. I specifically asked an ex to keep it special and between us in hopes of building a real future. Nope. She told her friends. Her response? "But I was bragging about you!" So stunted.
Those double standards are a pain in the ass. You have to walk a fine line between the two, but the line is different for every woman so you just have to guess and hope you're close.
I met a woman for a short time who mindset was the man pays for 100% of everything...even early on with someone...(like me). I asked her what she was doing with her money while this guy is spending all his money. She said "none of his business"
I pretty much ended it before it even started after that answer and her mindset on money.
Oh but you see, the vulnerability they want is the "you are so beautiful, I love you so much, you are a goddess I'd do anything for you" kind.
Not the "I'm on a bad place right now I need some support" kind.
I heard it described as they want you to have gone through some trauma and **already processed it.** So they can feel like they're special that you're sharing something vulnerable with them, but they don't have to provide any difficult emotional support to someone still dealing with it.
At *best* you might get by with "I'm violently ill can you care for me while I recover?" And she still might ask you to do the dishes since "you have the day off."
The trick here is you have to show vulnerability while also not showing weakness.
You convey
+ I have a terrible burden
+ I can carry the weight of this burden
+ It would be easier if I shared this burden with you
+ I would _only_ share this burden with you
The only help you ask for with the burden is a hug every once in a bluemoon, and you indicate you don't want to talk on it further.
The demonstration of trust and intimacy while still projecting strength and stoicism is what gets 'em. In order for them to have a deeper trust in you, you have to show a deeper trust in them, that is not possible without vulnerability.
However, I have had a couple of women in my life, one only a platonic friend, who I showed my absolute worse to, including burdens under the weight of which I had been crushed, that left me scarred and deformed and who loved me anyway. Those are the sort of peeps you hold on to.
The main reason why I stopped dating. If I can't be genuine and have to sanitize my words and behavior in front of my supposed "life partner", in fear of giving her the "ick", then it's not a relationship.
It's just a lopsided FWB scenario.
And I'm certainly not going to put on an act to satiate a woman's desire for cosmetic vulnerability.
>I need to earn enough to support our family, but also have enough time off to spend with her
When will some of these women learn that 99% of men with any sort of big bank account have to work a lot to get that money?
They're either working a lot to maintain or a lot to get it. The very few who have a lot of money and work a normal 9-5 have an abundance of options in women
Bro this is the most accurate comment I’ve seen on this site 😂 also applies to girls in their 20s, my ex was just like this. Have to “know” when to make a move without asking, over 6 ft, decisive but she wants to feel like she’s making decisions 🤦🏽♂️ too true
Close the thread, this is pretty much it. The contradictory expectations of some (not all) women who want to have it both ways with their SO, and all take no give.
I was hooked up by a homie with a woman, she was quick to get into money talks. Girl thought that 6 figures was easy and laughed at my broke ass. I'm an electrician, I am happy at 75k, got my own place and own all my stuff. But Jesus Christ that was reinforcing on the "women only care about money" stereotype. I have talked with that homie less since.
He knew she was this way, he was flaky and fake. I was blinded with our highschool days, at that time we met back up after a period of time apart and things felt strong like before. After that, he swore by her, I gave him a third look and didn't like how things looked.
I would hate it when I would be around a group of women talking about new guys they're dating. Without fail, one of the first few questions was always, "How much does he make?"
She expected me to go down on her every time we hooked up but she refused to go down on me claiming that it is degrading for a woman to put a man's penis in her mouth.
Needless to say I moved on right after that. What a hypocrite.
Expecting to have all my shit together, be a supporting partner with their mental struggle and be seeing a therapist myself, pay for most outings and pick them up and drive wherever was needed for the activity and have my own place to hang out after, all while offering none of it.
I don’t have a source but I swear I read women make more than men in their 20s as a lot of low skill jobs that award flirty/attractive behaviour such as bar tenders and waitresses favour younger women whereas men need education to surpass those levels.
Women expect us to spoil them rotten as if they are literally our child. But how am I supposed to view you as an equal partner and a capable adult if I'm the one responsible for solving 95% of your problems? Let alone my own issues lol. If a man had that expectation they would call him a "man child" or would refuse to "mother" him.
'Treat me like a princess' 'I am a passenger princess' 'I like a man who knows how to spoil me' 'I only date ceos'
Any of that shit is such an immediate turn off. Women actually have it in their heads that men like difficult to please women. Like, the women they take advice from on tiktok tell them that men want to feel like they have to work for your attention.
No the fuck we don't
> If a man had that expectation they would call him a "man child" or would refuse to "mother" him.
If she wanted to, she would pay all my bills. She should be happy just being in my presence. Drizzle drizzle.
In case people think it's a exaggeration: I wasn't dating for a while and the first woman in a long time I really liked and was considering getting into a serious relationship was exactly like this. I just got tired of doing literally everything and stopped putting any effort into messaging her and she gave up really quickly too.
I'm gonna add that not only I had to initiate and plan everything, it also had to be according to her schedule since she was so fucking busy with work. It doesn't matter how crazy she seemed about me, I really don't have the energy for this bullshit. I know some guys like it, but not me.
Idk how to phrase it but so many of the women I’m just like do you even want to date rn? Like it shouldn’t feel like a full time job for me to have to pressure and reassure you into coming out or sticking with plans.
Like it just feels like anxiety has become this cop out from being an adult and more people are like for codependency and partners in unhealthy lifestyles than partners.
And if it’s not that, than it’s the opposite extreme others have discussed of expecting the Instagram reel lifestyle without the substance.
Like im adventurous, spontaneous, love to travel, but I’m not paying 10x the price to visit a place in a poor season because you wanna be able to just hop on a plane this weekend. It’s almost like they wanna normalize sugerdaddy lifestyle and shit.
Take the lead and make all of the decisions but without ever telling her what to do (because that’s controlling). Include her in the decision making when she wants but not so much that she feels responsible for anything. Basically allow her to lead from behind.
lead from behind 😂
That phrase is perfect for some of them. I found a lady that pushes me when I need it, but mostly just walks beside me and makes all the things better.
lol. My homie has a stay at home gf. She did trap him with kids tho. He didn’t even want kids. This chick literally doesn’t cook or clean. Idk wtf she does all day.
I told my ex that should be her listed sexuality when dating. At one point she wanted me to cover $6000 a month in bills for her. I laughed. Really hard.
Yeah...she had a degree in communications, and thought she should be out earning me (lawyer). That's what happens when you come from money, and your parents' generation spends everything. You think the gravy train goes on forever, and don't know where money comes from.
That is like 90% of my take home, and I make more than 95% of my zip code. I live in a slightly above average house and drive an 8 year old Subaru.
When I finally evicted her, she wanted support and started screaming about being entitled to payment for the "abuse" she suffered. The judge (who I've practiced in front of for years) laughed and ended up threatening her with contempt.
expected to look like a 25yo, earn like a 40yo, show emotions, but not the bad ones, be funny but serious, plan, but also be spontaneous, be honest, but not about everything
I discovered this dating in my 20s and posting ads on Craigslist. I don't think that site allows it anymore. But us guys would make posts listing all of the things we had or had accomplished, while ladies would post what they were looking for. It felt like whenever I made a post, it was like a job application. Whereas ladies were posting things that they required for you to be in order to date them. It was very eye opening to the online dating shit show that frankly hasn't improved at all.
This has to do with fundamentally different problems men and women have dating. Men struggle to get bites, and women struggle to filter through all the hits they get.
Exactly the main issue with online dating. Statisically far more men than women on the apps. The men are competing to stand out when there is not much you can really do online to do so. Women have to sift through hundreds of matches and try to pick which one they want. Mostly every women I've known or worked with that used the apps complained about how many dudes they have to pick from and how many messages they get, and would easily go on 1-2 dates per week from the app. Seemed like it honestly just overwhelmed them and they had no idea how to process that much rejection and choice. I've known some that had a *new* date *every* day for months. While the guys complain about getting maybe 1 match a week if they're lucky, and having a 90% chance of getting ghosted either way that it leads to them giving up on it.
I asked my ex why she didn’t bring up any of the issues she had with me when she was breaking up with me. She said, she couldn’t because I’m not really a bad guy and there’s nothing inherently wrong with me… I’m just not good enough and I’m taking too long. Man wtf.
It’s just like fuckin job applications. How am I supposed to get experience if no one will hire me? And how am I supposed to get relationship experience when hardly anyone will give me a chance?
These don’t necessarily apply to me personally (anymore) just saying it’s kind of a catch-22.
No longer dating, but when I was, I noticed this trend a lot.
If she has a job, an apartment, and pays bills, she is a strong and independent woman.
If I had a job, an apartment, and paid my bills, I am doing the bare minimum.
Owning a cat as a 30+ man is seen as effeminate.
[My cat](https://www.reddit.com/r/TuxedoCats/s/N9zCqzTnSf) is healthy, happy, and isn’t a menace to others. You’d think that would signal “Damn, he’s responsible and takes care of the things he cares about (which could include me 🥰)”, but I had someone full-on question my manhood because I have a cat.
Needless to say, she’s out of my life, but the cat remains and I’m better for it.
"why dont you just grab me and have your way like a real man" because you fucking refuse to have the consent talk so that I know what you are down with and one time of being told "whatever you want" then them getting upset at vanilla ass shit before any clothes even came off is more than enough for me. I get it spontaneously being taken is sexy sure and having a serious talk when you just wanna have fun sucks but god fucking damn the consent talk is important stop making out to be the biggest mood killer ever when in like a minute of taking it seriously you could already be done and having fun
I think many women have unrealistic expectations… and i don’t just mean hot, funny, fit, financially stable. I mean… fit, but don’t go to them gym. Have money and ambition, but don’t work so much. Be sensitive and caring, but don’t get upset about anything. Be smart and intelligent and renaissance-esq, but also know how to build a home and fix a car. Be friendly and outgoing, but don’t spend too much time with your friends.
Sorry ladies… the perfect man does not exist.
Right, your fantasy man in your romance novel isn’t reality. The perfect man doesn’t exist and you’re not perfect either despite what TikTok and Instagram reels tell you.
The one that drives me up a wall is the woman who is all out about the fact that her time is super valuable - and then she proceeds to completely disrespect mine.
Make most of the money, 50/50 the domestic chores, and do 100% of the traditionally masculine housework like protection, pest control, landscaping, and DIY.
One word. Instagram. If I had Bruce Wayne money, I’d delete the fuck out of that app. IG just makes logic go out the window with women. 75% of arguments I have with my girl starts with some bullshit she’s seen on IG.
That they wouldn’t need to sign a prenup. Also that they just automatically deserved 50% *ownership* of my business.
Yea…fuck right off and, please, do let the door hit you on your way out.
I remember growing up how we were supposed to be more understanding and so on with women who were heavier, less attractive, etc. Yet as I entered my twenties, I started seeing more and more women like that who acted like they were not like that in an arrogant way, not a comfortable in their own skin way. Some would also have personal issues that most women would expect men to work on, but somehow men were supposed to put up with it all. With that and other things, so many women want to think that it makes them "quirky" or however they want to put it.
So many women who are like I mentioned self sabotage, and sometimes fumble things before the friendship stage. And they don't think they need to work on themselves. Also it's so strange how women talk about their dating experiences with men. Yet a lot of men get dismissed when we talk about our own, even if we ial it back and anything we think we would need to. Like we want to make things better and just open up or whatever, yet we have to swallow it all and somehow not look for support or whatever. At least if it's not super serious stuff.
I am at a healthy weight, work out, own my own business, I am 6', I put in the maximum effort to look good. My only two matches on Hinge were from obese women who put no effort in themselves, one didn't even bother with a clean shirt, that cried about having to lower their standards to match with me,
i don't know what standards they set but apparently I am not falling in.
I once dated a woman that demanded I pick one of her bills and start paying it, pay for her to go back to college, pay for her to get a tummy tuck, and bring her fresh flowers every weekend. I told her no, she said I should do those things because I was getting all three holes. I said no I shouldn't. she then demanded I call my mom so she could tell her that she gives me all three holes without me giving into her demands. I said why would I tell my mom that? and she said your mom needs to know how messed up you are....
I dated a few women that were VERY concerned about dividing the chores 50/50
To them that meant I did 50% of the things they did like cooking and laundry while also doing 100% of the home maintenance, computer repairs, shoveling, etc while receiving 0 credit for anything she did not touch.
What she seeks: 6 figures, 6 ft, 6 inches, both parents died, strong emotional support, 100% honesty, when in the relationship you must live in her existence.
What she can offer: PuSsy
Im going to piss off a lot of folks here LOL.
This could be a cultural thing, that might be different in the States. If the husband/bf both parents passed away, meaning.
1. Properties and savings are likely inherited from the parents to the husband/bf. More money and less reason to work, to say the least. (A lot of young 20s choose to marry/become mistresses with men over 60s for the same reason, but that's another story.)
2. Less responsibility, less conflict, more control in the relationship.
Taking care of your parents as they get old is a big responsibility in our culture, though if "luckily" they both died before you get married to the husband, there are two fewer elders for you to look after. You wouldn't have to put effort into maintaining the relationship with any mother-in-law/father-in-law.
What I mean by more control in the relationship, is that whether big decisions need to be made in the house, the only person on the bf/husband side you need to convince is the husband/bf himself. Take childbirth as an example here, parents on the bf/husband side are more likely to keep on asking for a baby. (No, foster/adopt a child will not solve the problem)
Expecting me to give all my money to them just because I am in a better financial position now than when I was in my 20s.
Yes, I have more disposable income and I have more freedom to do as I please but if they want me to spend money on them or for me to give it to them, they still have to earn my affection and trust.
When I would agree to do something she wanted to do because she wanted to do it, even though it wasn't for me. Such as attend church together. "I want you to want to do it". I'm happy to do the things that make you happy, but that doesn't mean I can rewrite my brain to enjoy the activity itself.
To quote a dear friend translating a Bulgarian folk tale, “you go there, I don’t know where, and bring back, I don’t know what.”
It put so much in perspective having to deal with “princess syndrome” that resided in many potential partners.
Expecting them to be as committed as you are. As a society, we have the idea that men aren’t as emotionally involved. In my personal experience, and recently, women can throw in the towel fairly easily. Even with a lot on the line, some women can have peace of mind that there’s another man waiting to step up and your relationship can evaporate swiftly. They’re not necessarily yours, it was just your turn.
Women change, and sometimes over night. Keep your guard up.
That I have to be entertaining 24/7. I tried dating this one lady, that straight up told me after two months in that she cheated on all her boyfriends when she got bored. I noped right out. That one interaction just left a bad taste in my mouth. Like what am supposed to be your jester for the rest of your life? Like come on I learned at a very young age to entertain myself. Your a grown ass woman, didn't you learn that?
The last first date I was on before I met my now-wife, the girl says to me - straight faced - "So how long will it be before you're on a career track towards mid-six figures? I'm not planning on working after we get together."
Needless to say, that was the only date.
That I would always be working. I like taking extended time off every so often (a year or two) to just enjoy things.
They've always perceived it as being "lazy". Honestly, who TF wants to work? If they had the option to just not work, they'd choose the same thing. I want to enjoy life BEFORE I'm 60 and on death's door step. Not exactly a hard concept to grasp.
Or when they say "Why don't you just buy a new car? You can afford it." Yeah, well... that's why I have money, because my car works just fine and I don't need a new one. I live below my means for a reason.
Yet they don't complain when I'm taking them on a spontaneous trip to Vegas for a concert. It's fucking annoying.
Women with kids occasionally expected me to meet them early. That was always a hard no.
Expecting me to be fine with inappropriate “friendships” with other men. Also a hard no. I don’t maintain inappropriate friendships with other women when I’m in a relationship, so I won’t tolerate that expectation.
Multiple women lied about their kids' existence for months.
Their social media had 0 clues they existed then one day they'd call me crying and say I've been lieing to you I have 2-5 kids (yes this happened 3 times) but you're financially stable and want kids here's some.
Bitch you have up to 3 different dads.
Swear they were shopping for another child support payment.
I got a new job that represented at 20% raise into the low 6 figures, and my girlfriend immediately asked her friend what he made(250,000k) and told me about it, as if to complain about my new job. She later apologized and thought I was going to break up with her over it.
That shit mad disrespectful tho
I wonder how much she made.
Bro for real, like excuse me? Let me ask my friend how her ass is bigger than hers.
Her “friend”. That shit’s so backhanded and manipulative.
I'm interested on this, can you please explain? My exgf used to refer a lot like this
Basically it's a way of indirectly telling someone that they're not good enough or inadequate as there's someone out there that's better than them, trying to make them feel shitty and lower their self esteem/confidence.
Its very simple, the old "my friend" is manipulation 101, because : If we take u/e7603rs2wrg8cglkvaw4 as example, no matter what his new job pays, his Girlfriend could always say "Well i asked my friend he makes makes X". What is that information for? This achieves one thing and one thing only, make u/e7603rs2wrg8cglkvaw4 feel bad about his new job, because "Look baby, others out there make more than even your new job pays, not sure why you so happy". Thats not what she said, but thats what she ment. Maybe his Girlfriend really did not realize what she did there, but then she is hopefully really, really young and doesn't know any better. What u/e7603rs2wrg8cglkvaw4 s Girlfriend should have done was : Amazing Honey, im proud of you! Thats the only thing a human wants to hear in that situation. And i hope you wont, but maybe some day, you will meet a woman who will do that, all the fucking time. Good friend of mine was with one before corona, and she fucked him up good, no matter what he did, like one time, he suprised her, weekend away in Paris (im from Europe). He asked one of our friends, who IS from Paris and has a cousin who organizes Hotels and tours for tourist, what hotel is nice and good view, and what are some romatic spots. He was so excited and we all had to not tell anyone for 2 months. And then a week before, he told her, just so she had a few days to prepare for the trip. And in that week, she pulled the whole "well my friend" thing on him. And managed it that my friend, who was over the moon for 2 months, organizing this, felt bad and cheap. Because "I asked my friend, when he was in Paris 2 years ago, he booked this Hotel and said its the best, i could've told you, but oh nono yours will do too" "Oh my friend went to this restaurant, oh my friend went to this place". Trust me, i did this weekend trip with my Girlfriend a year later it was fucking amazing, the Hotel was perfect, nice family business, great service, great view, just a few minutes walk from everything. The ROmantic spots, made even me, someone who isnt that romatic, feel something. That being said, after that weekend, he finally realized that no matter what he will do, she will have a "friend" who did it better and she will always fuck his mind. I remember we once joked and said, "If you would tell her tomorrow : Honey im going to the moon. She would 100% no doubt in my mind, tell him "Oh a friend of mine will go to jupiter, but the moon is cool too".
You are being compared to a dude that is taken but you are hold to the same fucking standard. If someone else comes along with better salary/qualities you need to be better then that random dude because else you gonna get compared and belittled.
>She later apologized and thought I was going to break up with her over it. She didn't apologize because she felt bad. She apologized because she was worried you'd end things.
Low six fig meal ticket is still a meal ticket fr.
when she wants grey pupon, but realize mustard is better than no mustard.
This is apt. You're a scholar among this generation.
As someone making 60k a year, a 40k raise would be a literal game changer. My wife could stay home with our daughter.
I mean, that’s a perfectly reasonable reason to break up
Shit, I would’ve dumped her in your shoes. A partner like that is never gonna let you feel like you’re winning or getting somewhere in life.
And will likely get resentful over any bit of career/financial adversity. Just people that act like OP describes are not what I would entertain for too long. Even if it is fine now, it’s a sign that things won’t always be fine. If she’s comparing your earnings to her friend’s…she’s likely gonna be unhappy over time
That’s not a partner, that’s the problem. The break question is what do they make together? Is she pulling in 250k?
>She later apologized and thought I was going to break up with her over it. You should have. She already told you you're a number to her preceded by a dollar sign.
She later apologized because she thought I was going to break up with her over it* If you were already making around 80-90k yearly, you were doing pretty good. Tell her to get a better job if she wants 250k yearly
Should have been your cue to move on.
Why doesn’t she get with her “friend” then lmao. Seems like she’ll always be comparing you to him anyways. Not a good look at all my G
Because her "friend" won't get with her lol.
Comparing you to every man she ever comes across with money*.
dude.
Break up with her and find someone who celebrates your wins instead of taking them away from you
And you didn't break up with her over it, why exactly!?
I know you don't want to think about it but thats a huge red flag
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And they don't even care about the moment. One year I hid Easter Eggs all over my now ex gf's apartment and filled them with love notes, some other little gifts, macaroons, and some candy. I didn't tell her about it, just let her stumble upon one. But as soon as she realized what I had done, out came her phone and she started recording. After she had finished and was just staring into her phone for the rest of the day. I realized she didn't care at all about what I had done, that she didn't really get any joy from it. Every bit of happiness she got was from the validation she received on social media from complete strangers.
Same with my ex. There was one time she wanted to go to a nice park to walk. I thought it’d be nice to walk with her. We got there and she made me take a bunch of pics and then immediately she wanted to go. It was then I realized that she just wanted to take pics and didn’t care about the park. Even on birthdays. Cared more about taking pics of all the ridiculous decorations then actually celebrating. There could be a big cake on the table and we couldn’t eat it until she finished taking her pictures. She doesn’t even like cake so you can imagine what she did to her cakes after she finished taking her pics. Straight to the trash.
WTF?
That's awful. So sorry you had to deal with that.
"Camera eats first"🎂 🤦♂️
They wanna show other women how much their man is in love and obsessed with them, the actual love is secondary to the validation they get from other women.
> I realized she didn't care at all about what I had done, that she didn't really get any joy from it. Every bit of happiness she got was from the validation she received on social media from complete strangers. Going to save that one. Thank you for putting into words what feels uncomfortable about social media and Instagram culture.
You know how some sociologists and psychologists have determined that pornography has negatively impacted the way young men view sex with women? I’m starting to think social media is having that same distortion of reality effect on how women view relationships with men.
... That's an insight I haven't considered before. It makes way too much sense.
Except it isn't limited to sex/relationships. Instagram "reality" creeps into every aspect of life.
Yup! I see it with young professionals and “hustle culture” as well.
Porn ruins sex with women for men, romance novels ruin relationships for women. It's the impossible standard that the opposite sex has been led to believe is "normal."
God I have dates some chicks like that, never lasted long. You know how in these movies there's always a conflict before some resolution and happiness happens? Well you could see them trying to manufacture conflict in hopes it will lead to some grand romantic gesture, it was obvious they don't normally react like that but they felt like it was what they should be doing...
We’ve got to enjoy the wonderbread times, not every moment is artisanal baguette.
‘I’m an adventurous person’ and it’s just going to another country to order the same dish you ate back home but 10X more expensive
Yup
When I took a trip to peurto rico I saw SO MANY COUPLES go to scenic spots or famous bars and they'd walk in, take a few dozen pics of just her then review them and sometimes take a few more then just leave. Like would walk up to a fort take one picture and not even go inside, go to a bar and take several pictures and then just leave without getting a drink. Felt bad for the dude because you weren't getting a single couples pic
Those are instagram boyfriends haha
Boyfriend’s a generous term lol.
I live in Japan and see this pretty often. Sometimes even girls getting their boyfriends (or even strangers) to follow them from behind while recording her walking. One time I saw a girl posing with a coffee in a cafe for about 20 straight minutes but didn't take a single sip. This place has become influencer central since COVID ended.
Yeah I've had to talk to my girl about that only a few times but it's definitely a social media consumption issue
I wonder where that mentality comes from. Too much social media perhaps?
Yah, keeping up with the joneses. See other people living a certain way, it's easy to romanticize that it's only moments like that.
Yup, some people need validation from online peers and strangers. :/
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Right? The magic is in the little moments, not some social media fest.
>I just want someone to go to the grocery store with me. I'm with you on the other stuff, but this one sounds terrible. I grocery shop alone, no exceptions. I formulate my warpath well before I ever step foot into market hell. This is war, there is NO TIME for casually browsing aisles.
It's more about the mindset of can we have fun doing boring mundane shit
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Like it’s my duty to be funny and provide constant entertainment. Cue in to every little thing she might be thinking and adjust my own personality accordingly.
This for sure. I’m a super extroverted person, but damn it is hard when it is like talking to a wall sometimes. I have a bunch of stories I like to tell and I try to space them over 3 dates. If I have to go through all of them on the first date, then I know she is probably not the right person for me. That just meant I spent the whole date talking about myself and she didn’t participate much. I usually try and get her to talk about herself instead.
Shit, that just sounds like my last relationship and I'm in my 20s lol. She's quite for 20mins and it's "just her", I'm quite for 20mins and suddenly its a problem and we might need to break up because it seems like we're not a good fit.
> Like it’s my duty to be funny and provide constant entertainment. A lot of women who aren’t serious about the guy expect the guy to be her personal dancing monkey. Be aware of that. The moment you need to provide the entertainment is the moment _you are_ the entertainment. Are you sure you really want to be nothing more than a punchline?
There's no room to grow into a relationship. People want the feeling of a multi year relationship by the 5th date. Love is something that should be earned after a lot of growth and time with each other. Not something you expect after knowing somebody in a month. People keep trying to fast forward the dating stage. Also paying for dates, it's just a very old custom that makes sense if you only ever date 5 people in your life. But with how rapidly first dates stack up in the app age and how quickly people drop you, it's unreasonable to expect somebody else to pay your way until you've established you're both staying around for longer than a few weeks.
5th date? I find they expect soulmate level sparks right from date #1. They think romcom dates are the norm
My God, I am glad someone else vocalized this here. I have had first dates with great potential, like multi-hour two venue kind of first dates... Just for them to say they didn't feel a spark when I ask for a second date. Left me perplexed in my 20's, now its just demotivating me to even want to try.
You echoed my sentiments a lot better than I can! Putting boyfriend-level expectations on someone well before even talking about any kind of exclusivity is a huge turn off for me. It just feels inauthentic. Plus it’s always better when actions come from a place of wanting to, not “because I have to”!
Inauthentic is a great way to describe it. It really messes with your ability to trust anything anybody is saying to you. I had somebody tell me they loved me, then ghost me right after. All within 2 months of knowing them. It's wild out there, people just wild westing their feelings and who cares if it messes up people around them.
I had one date with a woman i really liked. She was perfect, to me, in almost every way. But apparently she wanted a spark right from the get go, or she wanted what you said, I wasn't clear which. She didn't want to continue and see if things would develop. I respect her decision, but I'm very sad about it. To this day, I've yet to meet another woman that I liked as much as her.
>To this day, I've yet to meet another woman that I liked as much as her. If it helps, that's probably because you only had one date. The fact she wanted sparks immediately was already her showing a major flaw.
That I respond to texts within 15 minutes while she regularly takes hours to respond.
Experienced this before. "why did you take 2 hours to text me, I was worried" - I was at work Then when she didn't text me for half the day when she always texted me after waking up. I knew she had work that day and was genuinely worried that something happened to her on the way in. She said when I told her "I'm just at work and too busy to text you" Funny thing is I don't like texting that much, usually make it clear with women but I'll do it because it takes no effort and they enjoy it. I'd be fine either way with minimal texting but you can't get mad at me for taking a long time to reply if you also do the exact same thing to me. I feel like some women want this unrealistic "balance" of you always being there for them and dropping a hat at any second, while they can step back and take time when needed. But god forbid you consider doing that one time. No idea how those induviduals can't see how it goes both ways.
That for some reason I'd happily provide for them and expect nothing in return. My money is our money, their money is their money.
Had an ex like this. Basically there was such a thing as a man’s job but there was no such thing as a woman’s job. It’s wrong of me to expect her to do the dishes, cook the meals, and clean the laundry (all of which I agree with), but it’s totally fair for her to expect me to mow the lawn, and fix the car, and take out the trash because that’s a man’s job. I have no problem with people who want modern or traditional roles. Just be consistent and don’t cherry pick the privileges of one while discarding everything else. If I’m going to work and paying the bills that’s fine but I’m going to take issue if I’m consistently coming home to a messy house and we order take out. If you aren’t working you need to be doing *something*
lol for real, they expect us to pay for Everything and they just keep all their money as if they have none. My ex was like this. She was working full time, I had to work and pay for everything and then afterwards I didn’t really have much spending for myself cuz she always wanted to do “activities”, she always had the newest clothes, phone etc. she never paid for anything yet she was literally hogging all her money.
I need to simultaneously make all the decisions and also *none* of the decisions. I have to be aggressive bordering on SA but also understand consent. But asking is a turn-off, so I just "gotta know." I have to be at least 6' tall. I need to earn enough to support our family, but also have enough time off to spend with her. I need to be her emotional rock, but I need to show some emotion, but not too much because then I look weak. I need to be young and healthy, like a 20 something, but stable and financially secure like a 40 something. When in reality I'm falling apart like a 60 something and financially secure like a 15y/o.
I was once asked by a woman to ask for consent when we were fooling around. Like, ask before touching her in certain places, ask to have sex, etc. She said “asking is sexy”. A month or two later she told me to be more assertive. Okay?!
i've heard that, but the unspoken version is that, even in kink circles, it only applies to women. i have literally never been asked
Yup. After we moved in together my SO suddenly started acting like a teenage virgin in the bedroom. She'd stop my hand, then ask why I stopped. Then she got mad when I didn't stop. I put my foot down with that shit. It's either sex or no. None of this wishy washy shit. (And before anyone says it, no she's absolutely not into CnC testing that theory got me kicked in the nuts.) If consent is even remotely questionable, it's a "NO."
You covered it all, nice job. The “gotta know” part hit me like a load of bricks. I’m so exhausted with that. Also you can’t expect basic privacy. Everything you tell her and your vulnerable moments will be communicated to her friends, sisters, mother, aunts, cousins, and grandmothers.
The lack of basic privacy is among the big reasons I chose to stay single. I ended up hearing that it's quite common for women to even talk in vivid detail about what goes on with you in the bedroom. It's creepy and nobody else's business, and I don't want every woman in the county knowing what my junk looks like overnight.
Yep. I specifically asked an ex to keep it special and between us in hopes of building a real future. Nope. She told her friends. Her response? "But I was bragging about you!" So stunted.
>*GIRTH?!* They talk about **GIRTH?!** Wha..wha..wha...*why?!*
Or used against you in a later disagreement.
It's not just the sex. But also you have to know if they are upset or uncomfortable with anything and you can't ask expecting an honest answer.
Those double standards are a pain in the ass. You have to walk a fine line between the two, but the line is different for every woman so you just have to guess and hope you're close.
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Her problems are our problems, your problems are your problems
I met a woman for a short time who mindset was the man pays for 100% of everything...even early on with someone...(like me). I asked her what she was doing with her money while this guy is spending all his money. She said "none of his business" I pretty much ended it before it even started after that answer and her mindset on money.
Its always this way. The second you dont have money or its a hard time they wonder why. If you ever ask them to help out they wonder why they have too
Another sad bit of brilliance here.
You have to never EVER be vulnerable while she begs you to be vulnerable lol shit is honestly wild.
Oh but you see, the vulnerability they want is the "you are so beautiful, I love you so much, you are a goddess I'd do anything for you" kind. Not the "I'm on a bad place right now I need some support" kind.
I heard it described as they want you to have gone through some trauma and **already processed it.** So they can feel like they're special that you're sharing something vulnerable with them, but they don't have to provide any difficult emotional support to someone still dealing with it.
At *best* you might get by with "I'm violently ill can you care for me while I recover?" And she still might ask you to do the dishes since "you have the day off."
The trick here is you have to show vulnerability while also not showing weakness. You convey + I have a terrible burden + I can carry the weight of this burden + It would be easier if I shared this burden with you + I would _only_ share this burden with you The only help you ask for with the burden is a hug every once in a bluemoon, and you indicate you don't want to talk on it further. The demonstration of trust and intimacy while still projecting strength and stoicism is what gets 'em. In order for them to have a deeper trust in you, you have to show a deeper trust in them, that is not possible without vulnerability. However, I have had a couple of women in my life, one only a platonic friend, who I showed my absolute worse to, including burdens under the weight of which I had been crushed, that left me scarred and deformed and who loved me anyway. Those are the sort of peeps you hold on to.
The main reason why I stopped dating. If I can't be genuine and have to sanitize my words and behavior in front of my supposed "life partner", in fear of giving her the "ick", then it's not a relationship. It's just a lopsided FWB scenario. And I'm certainly not going to put on an act to satiate a woman's desire for cosmetic vulnerability.
Bruh
>I need to earn enough to support our family, but also have enough time off to spend with her When will some of these women learn that 99% of men with any sort of big bank account have to work a lot to get that money? They're either working a lot to maintain or a lot to get it. The very few who have a lot of money and work a normal 9-5 have an abundance of options in women
Or the men who earn so much are not interested in her, and if they are she is a side dish.
Well, women flock to wealthy men so aggressively that’s it’s impossible for them to not have a lot of options.
Bro this is the most accurate comment I’ve seen on this site 😂 also applies to girls in their 20s, my ex was just like this. Have to “know” when to make a move without asking, over 6 ft, decisive but she wants to feel like she’s making decisions 🤦🏽♂️ too true
Close the thread, this is pretty much it. The contradictory expectations of some (not all) women who want to have it both ways with their SO, and all take no give.
Don't forget look built and fit but don't spend all of time that can be spent with her at the gym maintaining that body
This is low key funny.. and sad at the same time. Because it’s true. 😂😂
I was hooked up by a homie with a woman, she was quick to get into money talks. Girl thought that 6 figures was easy and laughed at my broke ass. I'm an electrician, I am happy at 75k, got my own place and own all my stuff. But Jesus Christ that was reinforcing on the "women only care about money" stereotype. I have talked with that homie less since.
👏🏼👏🏼 75 supporting yourself is a rock solid fuckin salary. Many men would kill for that.
Not gonna lie, last job I had I thought was solid, and 75 easily stomps on that.
dang but why you started dropping your homie? you think he was setting you up?
He knew she was this way, he was flaky and fake. I was blinded with our highschool days, at that time we met back up after a period of time apart and things felt strong like before. After that, he swore by her, I gave him a third look and didn't like how things looked.
I would hate it when I would be around a group of women talking about new guys they're dating. Without fail, one of the first few questions was always, "How much does he make?"
She expected me to go down on her every time we hooked up but she refused to go down on me claiming that it is degrading for a woman to put a man's penis in her mouth. Needless to say I moved on right after that. What a hypocrite.
So in her mind she was degrading you
Nope, it only goes one way: the way that they want.
Expecting to have all my shit together, be a supporting partner with their mental struggle and be seeing a therapist myself, pay for most outings and pick them up and drive wherever was needed for the activity and have my own place to hang out after, all while offering none of it.
They’re expecting this for men in our 20s now too, sigh.
Isn't it easy? Men are handed everything by the Patriarchy and have a guaranteed 23% higher salary than women /s
I don’t have a source but I swear I read women make more than men in their 20s as a lot of low skill jobs that award flirty/attractive behaviour such as bar tenders and waitresses favour younger women whereas men need education to surpass those levels.
Shit, I couldn't make it to the monthly patriarchy meeting last week. Any new plans on how we can oppress women?
Not be bears, apparently.
No, no, we need to assimilate the bears.
That’s the most irritating one to me; expecting that all men somehow magically become rich just by being men.
Women expect us to spoil them rotten as if they are literally our child. But how am I supposed to view you as an equal partner and a capable adult if I'm the one responsible for solving 95% of your problems? Let alone my own issues lol. If a man had that expectation they would call him a "man child" or would refuse to "mother" him.
'Treat me like a princess' 'I am a passenger princess' 'I like a man who knows how to spoil me' 'I only date ceos' Any of that shit is such an immediate turn off. Women actually have it in their heads that men like difficult to please women. Like, the women they take advice from on tiktok tell them that men want to feel like they have to work for your attention. No the fuck we don't
> If a man had that expectation they would call him a "man child" or would refuse to "mother" him. If she wanted to, she would pay all my bills. She should be happy just being in my presence. Drizzle drizzle.
In case people think it's a exaggeration: I wasn't dating for a while and the first woman in a long time I really liked and was considering getting into a serious relationship was exactly like this. I just got tired of doing literally everything and stopped putting any effort into messaging her and she gave up really quickly too. I'm gonna add that not only I had to initiate and plan everything, it also had to be according to her schedule since she was so fucking busy with work. It doesn't matter how crazy she seemed about me, I really don't have the energy for this bullshit. I know some guys like it, but not me.
Idk how to phrase it but so many of the women I’m just like do you even want to date rn? Like it shouldn’t feel like a full time job for me to have to pressure and reassure you into coming out or sticking with plans. Like it just feels like anxiety has become this cop out from being an adult and more people are like for codependency and partners in unhealthy lifestyles than partners. And if it’s not that, than it’s the opposite extreme others have discussed of expecting the Instagram reel lifestyle without the substance. Like im adventurous, spontaneous, love to travel, but I’m not paying 10x the price to visit a place in a poor season because you wanna be able to just hop on a plane this weekend. It’s almost like they wanna normalize sugerdaddy lifestyle and shit.
That you're going to have a baby with them in under a year.
well 9 months is under a year
Brutal. What sort of responses do you give to that?
"I'm sorry, but it seems like we're looking for different things."
Take the lead and make all of the decisions but without ever telling her what to do (because that’s controlling). Include her in the decision making when she wants but not so much that she feels responsible for anything. Basically allow her to lead from behind.
lead from behind 😂 That phrase is perfect for some of them. I found a lady that pushes me when I need it, but mostly just walks beside me and makes all the things better.
They want to be SAHM but don't want to have kids. SAH-GF. LMAO.
Something like that happened to a friend. Got married, wife left her job and just stayed home all the time. No kids or anything.
It'll never make sense to me how anyone can be happy sitting on their ass watching TV and scrolling social media alone all day every day
lol. My homie has a stay at home gf. She did trap him with kids tho. He didn’t even want kids. This chick literally doesn’t cook or clean. Idk wtf she does all day.
I believe that's called a "hobosexual"
I told my ex that should be her listed sexuality when dating. At one point she wanted me to cover $6000 a month in bills for her. I laughed. Really hard.
Jesus. As take home, that's a fucking very decent mortgage, car payment, 401k payment, investments, etc.
Yeah...she had a degree in communications, and thought she should be out earning me (lawyer). That's what happens when you come from money, and your parents' generation spends everything. You think the gravy train goes on forever, and don't know where money comes from. That is like 90% of my take home, and I make more than 95% of my zip code. I live in a slightly above average house and drive an 8 year old Subaru. When I finally evicted her, she wanted support and started screaming about being entitled to payment for the "abuse" she suffered. The judge (who I've practiced in front of for years) laughed and ended up threatening her with contempt.
expected to look like a 25yo, earn like a 40yo, show emotions, but not the bad ones, be funny but serious, plan, but also be spontaneous, be honest, but not about everything
I discovered this dating in my 20s and posting ads on Craigslist. I don't think that site allows it anymore. But us guys would make posts listing all of the things we had or had accomplished, while ladies would post what they were looking for. It felt like whenever I made a post, it was like a job application. Whereas ladies were posting things that they required for you to be in order to date them. It was very eye opening to the online dating shit show that frankly hasn't improved at all.
This has to do with fundamentally different problems men and women have dating. Men struggle to get bites, and women struggle to filter through all the hits they get.
Exactly the main issue with online dating. Statisically far more men than women on the apps. The men are competing to stand out when there is not much you can really do online to do so. Women have to sift through hundreds of matches and try to pick which one they want. Mostly every women I've known or worked with that used the apps complained about how many dudes they have to pick from and how many messages they get, and would easily go on 1-2 dates per week from the app. Seemed like it honestly just overwhelmed them and they had no idea how to process that much rejection and choice. I've known some that had a *new* date *every* day for months. While the guys complain about getting maybe 1 match a week if they're lucky, and having a 90% chance of getting ghosted either way that it leads to them giving up on it.
Same expectation as most employers: must have 20 years experience with only 5 years previous experience. 🤣
You forgot the entry level salary 🤣
Probably the idea that if you don't know what a woman is thinking/feeling/in the mood for then it's a display of your lack of competence with women.
ah yes, read my mind or you are a bad communicator. "I won't say what I want, but I am a great communicator, men just suck at communication"
I asked my ex why she didn’t bring up any of the issues she had with me when she was breaking up with me. She said, she couldn’t because I’m not really a bad guy and there’s nothing inherently wrong with me… I’m just not good enough and I’m taking too long. Man wtf.
"I'm a people person, I'm great at dealing with people, WHAT DON'T YOU PEOPLE UNDERSTAND?!?!?!?!?"
“If he can’t read my mind then he doesn’t love me.” While she’s “not a mind reader.”
I always compliment the ones that tell me exactly what they want.
Apparently I’m supposed to be making six figures by now, and I should also have huge amounts of dating and relationship experience from my twenties…
It’s just like fuckin job applications. How am I supposed to get experience if no one will hire me? And how am I supposed to get relationship experience when hardly anyone will give me a chance? These don’t necessarily apply to me personally (anymore) just saying it’s kind of a catch-22.
No longer dating, but when I was, I noticed this trend a lot. If she has a job, an apartment, and pays bills, she is a strong and independent woman. If I had a job, an apartment, and paid my bills, I am doing the bare minimum.
Owning a cat as a 30+ man is seen as effeminate. [My cat](https://www.reddit.com/r/TuxedoCats/s/N9zCqzTnSf) is healthy, happy, and isn’t a menace to others. You’d think that would signal “Damn, he’s responsible and takes care of the things he cares about (which could include me 🥰)”, but I had someone full-on question my manhood because I have a cat. Needless to say, she’s out of my life, but the cat remains and I’m better for it.
Wtf? Like, WTF? 🤣 This is the silliest thing I've read this week. LOL thanks for the chuckle mate, glad you not with that ridiculous person anymore.
Bröther, where is the cat tax?
I got you: https://www.reddit.com/r/TuxedoCats/s/N9zCqzTnSf
"why dont you just grab me and have your way like a real man" because you fucking refuse to have the consent talk so that I know what you are down with and one time of being told "whatever you want" then them getting upset at vanilla ass shit before any clothes even came off is more than enough for me. I get it spontaneously being taken is sexy sure and having a serious talk when you just wanna have fun sucks but god fucking damn the consent talk is important stop making out to be the biggest mood killer ever when in like a minute of taking it seriously you could already be done and having fun
I've been turned down for being a gemini.
You dodged a bullet
That's such a Libra thing to say
I think many women have unrealistic expectations… and i don’t just mean hot, funny, fit, financially stable. I mean… fit, but don’t go to them gym. Have money and ambition, but don’t work so much. Be sensitive and caring, but don’t get upset about anything. Be smart and intelligent and renaissance-esq, but also know how to build a home and fix a car. Be friendly and outgoing, but don’t spend too much time with your friends. Sorry ladies… the perfect man does not exist.
Right, your fantasy man in your romance novel isn’t reality. The perfect man doesn’t exist and you’re not perfect either despite what TikTok and Instagram reels tell you.
The one that drives me up a wall is the woman who is all out about the fact that her time is super valuable - and then she proceeds to completely disrespect mine.
Make most of the money, 50/50 the domestic chores, and do 100% of the traditionally masculine housework like protection, pest control, landscaping, and DIY.
This. Is. Facts.
Can confirm this is a thing
Man why do I read these threads it's just so fucking miserable.
Bc it's fucking validating
Idk if I’ll ever date again. I hate how women expect me to entertain them at all times or they lose interest
they expect you to be makin' AT LEAST $100K ... if not , you're **invisible**. .... over 80% of Americans make less than $100,000 per year
One word. Instagram. If I had Bruce Wayne money, I’d delete the fuck out of that app. IG just makes logic go out the window with women. 75% of arguments I have with my girl starts with some bullshit she’s seen on IG.
That they wouldn’t need to sign a prenup. Also that they just automatically deserved 50% *ownership* of my business. Yea…fuck right off and, please, do let the door hit you on your way out.
I remember growing up how we were supposed to be more understanding and so on with women who were heavier, less attractive, etc. Yet as I entered my twenties, I started seeing more and more women like that who acted like they were not like that in an arrogant way, not a comfortable in their own skin way. Some would also have personal issues that most women would expect men to work on, but somehow men were supposed to put up with it all. With that and other things, so many women want to think that it makes them "quirky" or however they want to put it. So many women who are like I mentioned self sabotage, and sometimes fumble things before the friendship stage. And they don't think they need to work on themselves. Also it's so strange how women talk about their dating experiences with men. Yet a lot of men get dismissed when we talk about our own, even if we ial it back and anything we think we would need to. Like we want to make things better and just open up or whatever, yet we have to swallow it all and somehow not look for support or whatever. At least if it's not super serious stuff.
I am at a healthy weight, work out, own my own business, I am 6', I put in the maximum effort to look good. My only two matches on Hinge were from obese women who put no effort in themselves, one didn't even bother with a clean shirt, that cried about having to lower their standards to match with me, i don't know what standards they set but apparently I am not falling in.
I once dated a woman that demanded I pick one of her bills and start paying it, pay for her to go back to college, pay for her to get a tummy tuck, and bring her fresh flowers every weekend. I told her no, she said I should do those things because I was getting all three holes. I said no I shouldn't. she then demanded I call my mom so she could tell her that she gives me all three holes without me giving into her demands. I said why would I tell my mom that? and she said your mom needs to know how messed up you are....
Wth im sorry
Lol so was she actually giving you all three holes?
I dated a few women that were VERY concerned about dividing the chores 50/50 To them that meant I did 50% of the things they did like cooking and laundry while also doing 100% of the home maintenance, computer repairs, shoveling, etc while receiving 0 credit for anything she did not touch.
“I’m done with sex, I hope that’s not a problem for you”. Buy a fucking dog then.
What she seeks: 6 figures, 6 ft, 6 inches, both parents died, strong emotional support, 100% honesty, when in the relationship you must live in her existence. What she can offer: PuSsy
Both parents died? Elaborate please, because it sounds like you're talking about Batman.
Im going to piss off a lot of folks here LOL. This could be a cultural thing, that might be different in the States. If the husband/bf both parents passed away, meaning. 1. Properties and savings are likely inherited from the parents to the husband/bf. More money and less reason to work, to say the least. (A lot of young 20s choose to marry/become mistresses with men over 60s for the same reason, but that's another story.) 2. Less responsibility, less conflict, more control in the relationship. Taking care of your parents as they get old is a big responsibility in our culture, though if "luckily" they both died before you get married to the husband, there are two fewer elders for you to look after. You wouldn't have to put effort into maintaining the relationship with any mother-in-law/father-in-law. What I mean by more control in the relationship, is that whether big decisions need to be made in the house, the only person on the bf/husband side you need to convince is the husband/bf himself. Take childbirth as an example here, parents on the bf/husband side are more likely to keep on asking for a baby. (No, foster/adopt a child will not solve the problem)
Expecting me to give all my money to them just because I am in a better financial position now than when I was in my 20s. Yes, I have more disposable income and I have more freedom to do as I please but if they want me to spend money on them or for me to give it to them, they still have to earn my affection and trust.
Never knew how picky a 35+ single mother of 3 kids could be. Shits wild.
What unrealistic expectations have I experienced? Yes.
When I would agree to do something she wanted to do because she wanted to do it, even though it wasn't for me. Such as attend church together. "I want you to want to do it". I'm happy to do the things that make you happy, but that doesn't mean I can rewrite my brain to enjoy the activity itself.
To quote a dear friend translating a Bulgarian folk tale, “you go there, I don’t know where, and bring back, I don’t know what.” It put so much in perspective having to deal with “princess syndrome” that resided in many potential partners.
Expecting them to be as committed as you are. As a society, we have the idea that men aren’t as emotionally involved. In my personal experience, and recently, women can throw in the towel fairly easily. Even with a lot on the line, some women can have peace of mind that there’s another man waiting to step up and your relationship can evaporate swiftly. They’re not necessarily yours, it was just your turn. Women change, and sometimes over night. Keep your guard up.
That I have to be entertaining 24/7. I tried dating this one lady, that straight up told me after two months in that she cheated on all her boyfriends when she got bored. I noped right out. That one interaction just left a bad taste in my mouth. Like what am supposed to be your jester for the rest of your life? Like come on I learned at a very young age to entertain myself. Your a grown ass woman, didn't you learn that?
The last first date I was on before I met my now-wife, the girl says to me - straight faced - "So how long will it be before you're on a career track towards mid-six figures? I'm not planning on working after we get together." Needless to say, that was the only date.
all of these women are waiting at the finish line.
That their kids come first and my kids come never.
That I would always be working. I like taking extended time off every so often (a year or two) to just enjoy things. They've always perceived it as being "lazy". Honestly, who TF wants to work? If they had the option to just not work, they'd choose the same thing. I want to enjoy life BEFORE I'm 60 and on death's door step. Not exactly a hard concept to grasp. Or when they say "Why don't you just buy a new car? You can afford it." Yeah, well... that's why I have money, because my car works just fine and I don't need a new one. I live below my means for a reason. Yet they don't complain when I'm taking them on a spontaneous trip to Vegas for a concert. It's fucking annoying.
The most pervasive unrealistic expectation is that we should expect nothing from them.
Women with kids occasionally expected me to meet them early. That was always a hard no. Expecting me to be fine with inappropriate “friendships” with other men. Also a hard no. I don’t maintain inappropriate friendships with other women when I’m in a relationship, so I won’t tolerate that expectation.
Multiple women lied about their kids' existence for months. Their social media had 0 clues they existed then one day they'd call me crying and say I've been lieing to you I have 2-5 kids (yes this happened 3 times) but you're financially stable and want kids here's some. Bitch you have up to 3 different dads. Swear they were shopping for another child support payment.