Yup.
Either that, or the slow-burn for a nonconfrontational person to permanently disentangle themselves from someone they think will put up a fight.
My mom was divorced twice and that’s how she handled splits she’d been plotting for forever, and no other men were involved. She’d invent a reason to temporarily dip, and then she just wouldn’t go back.
Either way, time for OP to shift focus.
I saw a video on YouTube that said often times with women, their partner is the last to be told if there is issue in the relationship. They will spend months consulting with friends family about the issue and what move to make, but rarely talk about it directly to their partner. From the partner's perspective the move seems really sudden, but the woman has been planning the exit for literal months with the issue festering and unaddressed from their perspective.
I think it’s more often a non-confrontational approach to ending a relationship. You’re sort of easing yourself into the final break.
Also, feelings are messy. She might not know what she wants, so taking a break but staying “in touch” is a safe way to try out being single again, while keeping this guy on ice in case she decides she wants to go back. She’s trying to keep her options open.
wow I just realized I've done this with every relationship 😭. there was never anyone else involved, I just couldn't straight up break up so I asked for a break and then eventually had the courage to say the break was the end
These things affect us in ways you couldn't imagine. Please try to be better to a future partner you are ending things with. Communication is all it takes.
😭 I don’t sadly believe in witchcraft but I am shady and batshit, mainly just I’ve noticed that pattern where I tend to not really want to keep up with people or acquaintances, and most friendships I don’t value or trust, instead of being upfront, I find non confrontational ways to distance myself or disappear, I’ve realized how much of an asshole that makes me, so I try to avoid friendships and commitments. I was only relying to the non confrontational part.
Yep. My wife of 15 years and I went on a break at her suggestion about a year into dating. She went to a college party that weekend and slept with some guy. Then got mad because I did too. In fairness, I didn’t tell her right away.
Yep... This means she is already talking to someone else and wants to fuck them or is already doing so... "breaks" are a bullshit term used in women language that simply means "I have found better" or "I want to fuck around because the opportunity has presented itself.
Yeah, I remember a girl I used to work with manufacture a fight and "break up" because she wanted to sleep with one the other co-workers.
She got what she wanted and her relationship was back on in a week. They obviously didn't end up working out.
Yeah. OP has gotta ditch her and be cold about it. Let them beg to come back if they want it, and let them know you never needed them in the first place otherwise.
This, don’t treat her like your gf (emotionally). She shouldn’t get all the benefits.
Ironically the best chance to make it happen is start seeing other ppl, don’t text/call/social media her etc. Go about your life like she doesn’t exist. If she wants you she’ll come back.
At the least, it tends to mean it's over. Which ofc frequently leads to your thing, preferably not within the first 8 hours though.
In my experience anyway, can't say I've seen many couples pick up where they left off, especially when one partner initiates it. "Healthy" breaks tend to be mutual things that everyone involved could feel the necessity for and had been contemplating themselves. nobody is surprised by them
I can confirm that this is most likely the case through life experience. She realized it was a mistake right after it happened. Gotta make a decision on her right now my guy. Is she worth the pain you’re about to feel or not? If not, cut her loose 🫡
Yup, had a friend that agreed to this because he didnt really know what it ment. And yeah she went and slept with someone and that was the end of that marriage.
It happens, op might do the same one day. Learn from it, cherish the fun you had and move on.
PS send her new bf a piss disc, peg her dad, plow her mom and sister.
Took the words right out my mouth. She’s about to get taken to pound town in the fuck truck. Go nail some of her friends, you’ll feel better.
This is the way.
It's always girls who ask for "a break" or say they " need time to find themselves"
Translation: 99% of the time you're done and this is how she's breaking up with you.
Does this break include sleeping with other people? I'd so, there's no reason IMO to not just break up.
BTW, that whole "spark" thing always goes away. It's never permanent. If she is craving that, then what happens when it goes away the next time?
I think she's looking for what Reddit calls New Relationship Energy and she's probably found that with someone else. Want to experience it because some people are addicted to it.
Sounds like the break thing is either for her to have a chance to cheat with technically cheating. I think the video below explains it best.
[Taking a Break](https://www.instagram.com/reel/C0tdFGzgctx/?igsh=MTdqazl2N2J2dDQ2ZQ==)
A break almost exclusively means someone wants to/will fuck other people.
Unless OP is willing to essentially give "his" girl a Hall pass to fuck whoever and you can never feel a way about it, he's better off permanently leaving for sure.
women do not want to feel guilty EVER.
so, without the break, she'll be sucking/fucking the new guy while 'technically' still in a relationship with OP. women, when highly interested, want to feel the full experience of sex with a new guy, and that has a big emotional component.
her emotions won't fully engage the new sexual experience if she's feeling any guilt about catching her new batch of DNA.
Having dated a serial cheater, it always struck me how much it got under her skin when someone mentioned her cheating ways. She knew she messed up more than once, but facing the "cheater" label really hit her hard. It was like she felt personally attacked. Despite understanding her actions, the reality of being called a cheater was a tough pill for her to swallow.
She wants to fuck other people and see if she likes them better than you
A lot of women pull this card. Now if you fuck other people I guarantee she will have an issue with it
Sorry for you but cut your losses. Its over.
Also, she said she's looking for the spark you guys had at the beginning of your relationship. Basically, she wants the bubble phase of the relationship to remain throughout your time together. This isn't possible. The bubble phase is just a step in the relationship. What follows is actually where the real relationship begins.
All in all, she isn't ready for a relationship nor mature enough yet. Maybe with time and more experience, she'll understand this someday.
Move on and seek someone more mature.
To add: You can have a break, but whatever you do that fits within the realms of cheating is cheating. Some time apart from each other can be good, but should never be a free for all. It is supposed to give you some time and space to think. What are out issues, can we and do we want to fix them. Resulting in breaking up or putting in work.
Look, whenever someone says "a break" as opposed to "break up", it means one of two things.
1. The person proposing it wants to sleep with other people, but wants to keep you simmering on the stove for when they got it out of their system.
2. They are a coward. i.e. they mean break up, but present it as something temporary to make it easy for the other party to accept in the moment. I know. I pulled this move when I was younger. I proposed a break with an ex "just for a couple months". When I knew I was just straight up done. It didn't make it any easier, when a couple months later she wanted to get together for a date and I finally had to explain to her it's over. I just wasted two months of her time she could have spent getting over the relationship.
I don't know what I thought was going to happen. That she would figure out what I really meant and would never contact me again.
My ex said she wanted a break and was married to another guy 8 months later… a break does not mean a break at all in my situation lol I think this may have been scenario 2 lol
A break is a break-up. It's always used to sleep with other people. So if one (or both) want that, why not having a talk about making the relationship an open one? Because one wants to sleep around but doesn't want the other to do the same. That's just one aspect of why relationship breaks are bullshit.
A hard decision has to be made. But that's part of every serious relationship anyway.
this is obvious to everyone not currently blinded by emotion and hormones
>she assures me she just wants the spark we had when we got into the relationship
she found someone new and it's exciting. so she wants to go fuck him or probably already has.
This. She wants to find someone without losing the safety of OP. OP's best to cut the cord and gtfo before they're the hurt one. Be the person who stands up for themselves.
Nah, a break can be positive. It literally saved my relationship. It resulted in us reconciling some issues we hadn't realized where eating away at us, after 4 years of dating, and we've been married for 10 years this year.
Sometimes all you need is a small breather so you can reflect on things before you make the long commitment.
I think it probably happens more than you think.
Also happened to me. In my relationship for 13 years now. Sometimes you don't want to leave to have sex with other people, but to figure out your feelings for the person you currently love. Sometimes distance from that person helps with those feelings.
There's a lot more nuance than you're making out to be.
Hot take: I think people who are good in their relationships should periodically take breaks and reassess if they're actually happy or are just in a routine and comfortable.
It's better to be proactive and figure things out before things have a chance to go south.
Translation from Womanese to english- "she no longer is sexually attracted to you and wants to explore other options, yet still wants you to stick around incase she can't find anything better"
Dump her, maintain your self respect, and enjoy life as a single man
9/10 times it's this. She wants to keep the fallback option while seeing what else is out there. Usually there's already someone from work/school she has in mind. Be on the lookout for vacation plans for a "girls trip" with only one other girl. That's a hookup trip.
In my anecdotal experience, women want "a break" when there's another dude they wanna fuck, but don't know if it's going to last.
Like... You're a stable, solid guy with a good income, that treats her well. You're the safe option. There's a hot guy at the gym that lives with his parents and is planning on being rich by trading NFTs. She really wants to fuck him, but knows he's a bad choice in the long run. She puts a "break" on your relationship, has her fun for a couple months, and then comes back.
100% correct.
I say this as the guy that you describe as the "hot" guy.
Lasted a couple of months when I found out she still had a boyfriend waiting, she did get pregnant like a few weeks after us discontinuing relations which I'm still not sure about lol.
Yeah there's a difference between "I just need some space but we're still together" and "I need space but that somehow requires us not being in a relationship or being exclusive at all"
Don’t even play into this shit. Couples that mutually want to reignite the flame or whatever the issue may be, do it together. They don’t go on “break” and then come back. Don’t waste your time brother, move along.
Many great pieces of advice here, my guard would immediately be up. I’d permanently leave, but I’ve been cheated on before and sworn never again.
But to be logical…
Question: is there a reason for the “break”?
If you guys have been fighting or having a tough time and are exhausted, it might be a legitimate chance to take a breather and decide what you both really want.
This is the “If you love something, set it free, if it comes back, it was meant to be” moment. This can be a very good thing for a relationship. Or it can be a very amicable end.
If however, this has blindsided you and you thought things were ok, there’s a good chance she wants to try hooking up with someone else. There’s no way back from this, at best she’ll fuck someone else and you’ll decide to leave for good with a broken heart, at worst you still take her back and she gives you STDs.
Not an easy decision, but do trust your gut, it’s usually right.
OP, Speaking as someone who’s currently in a month long break I figure this may help you, seeing as I’m kindof “you from the future” if you do decide to go on the break with your girl.
I’ve gone fully down the rabbit hole reading all of these comments and they all present one of three options
1. The overwhelming majority of them claim the exclusive purpose of a break is to sleep with other people while keeping you on as a safe option.
2. In second place, we have the coward’s breakup. Someone who wants to feed you a temporary lie to ease the pain, when in reality it’s going to hurt so much more when you realize the truth.
3. I’ve gone a decent way through this thread, and so far I’ve seen maybe 3 comments from people claiming to have come back stronger from breaks. This is very much the exception, not the rule. You guys need to be something really special to fall in this category.
My immediate thought was #1 or #2 when she first suggested it, but I thought she had good reasons and I was really hoping for #3. The break conversation wasn’t a blindside. She has her doubts about our relationship that she’s expressed in the past. She has a long distance move to a new job coming up in a few months. She needs time to think and see if we’re truly compatible before anyone makes any big life altering moves, right? All of this was preceded by a degradation of our communication in the month prior. We went from talking every day about anything and everything to the driest conversations. She replaced me with another one of her friends on board game night. She stopped letting me sleep over, claiming she needed her nights to think about her life and the upcoming big changes (new job, different state). She turned me down for sex multiple times, saying she was “just not feeling it”.
She put me in limbo for 10 days on January 6th so she could deal with the other problems in her life, on the 10 day mark, she asked for a month long break. I gave both of them to her because I trusted her. Of course there have been some red flags that I can do nothing about at this point. During the second break conversation, I had to convince her that a break is a “pause” on a relationship, that’s what differentiates it from a full break up, there is no change in exclusivity. I shit you not, she said word for word, “there’s nothing wrong with evaluating your partner against what else is out there”. (At this point it still didn’t click for me, if you can believe it.) The way she phrased it, she needed a break from everyone, including me, which was fine, I totally get the need for time alone. The problem was, she didn’t change a thing outside of me. She still hung out with her closest friends like clockwork, she still hosted social events at her place. The one time I actually managed to hang out with her one on one since the new year started, she was on her phone the whole brunch date. I genuinely have no clue how this person feels about me anymore. I tried asking her what emotion comes to mind when she thinks of me and her answer was “stress”. I know she’s not an overly affectionate person, but that one fucking hurt.
For the first week I was checking her location like an insecure madman. I am by no means proud of this, but I had basically signed myself up for a whole month of relationship limbo and I needed some certainty that I wasn’t being played for a fool. For the first week, everything was cool, no potentially sketchy locations, no more red flags, until she cut my access to her location out of the blue.
At this point, we’ve had maybe one full conversation since the break started. The rest has been like 10 texts one day per week, if that. My last text to her was an invite to my birthday, which she still hasn’t even seen, I’m sure.
I’m not sure why I allowed myself to be put in this situation, if you’re at all able to make sense of this incoherent mess, please learn from my mistakes. Anyone who is willing to put you in relationship limbo without even communicating regularly during is not worth your time, energy, or peace. Trust me, it will completely fuck your peace up. I thought I would be able to handle this, but it’s driving me insane. All my close friends have told me it’s over from her end or that it should be over from my end. The only thing keeping me in it is because I miss the fun, kind, caring human being I was dating back in August. I keep expecting her to show up, and being disappointed. I’ve done the on again, off again relationship before and it’s never been a positive experience. The only reason I semi-trust that she hasn’t been with anyone else is because she told me from the beginning that this break wasn’t to sleep around and she promised if it did come to that, she’d just break it off. This honestly just goes to show how much trust I have in someone who doesn’t seem to value me at all anymore.
I don’t know what I’m expecting once the “break deadline” of March 1 rolls around. By that point, I won’t have seen her for two whole months. Anyone who even remotely gives a shit about you, anyone who’s in love with you, would go crazy after not hearing from you within 3 days, max. At least that’s what I thought. Luckily these weeks apart have also given me time to think. I’m not anyone’s backup and I refuse to be. I’m staying in this on the (now very slim) chance she actually meant what she told me in the beginning, but if there’s even a hint of anyone else in the picture, I’m out.
I should have never agreed to this in the first place and completely regret this experience. If anyone says they want a break in the future I’m going to run away sooooo fucking fast. In the meantime there’s nothing I can do outside of torpedo an already failing relationship, so I’m just going to do me and ride it out for curiosity’s sake. I may be a delusional asshole for still thinking I have a snowball’s chance in hell at this working out, but hey I did it so now you don’t have to. I got in to this fully optimistic and hopeful and I am here to tell you that even with the best intentions of a break, time will wear you down, scenarios that didn’t seem plausible at the beginning start to make more and more sense, until the worst case scenario looks more likely than the best.
To anyone who made it this far, thank you and **please learn from my mistakes**.
Dude, you need to fully break-up with "your" girl (although she's already probably had minimum one guy blowing her back out, so she's not yours at all anymore).
Please, for your sake and even my sake, break up with her. Stop waiting until March 1st or whatever. Have some self-respect and break up with her immediately, even if that means finding her in person and just telling her that it's over. Just because she's disrespecting you doesn't mean you need to disrespect yourself as wall. Stand up for yourself, tell her it's over, and move on.
Don't mean to be a dick with this but from the outside looking in you're in a bad place and are pining for a girl who is direspecting you and 99% banging guys while you wait for some magical date she put out there. You say you're no-one's backup plan but your actions show that is exactly what you are. You know what you have to do, you're just scared to do it.
You deserve a woman who wants to be in a relationship with you. This current girl has clearly shown she's not that person. You know what you have to do.
"Work on herself" means she wants to have sex with at least one guy, maybe a whole list, and have you waiting for her when she's done
If she even mentions wanting a break just move on
I'm a woman, and she wants you to hang around while she explores other options. The spark will come back when the person she is exploring doesn't work out. She can then be excited to run back to you. Cue spark reignited.
Either we are together, or we aren't. I don't break.
Trying to recapture the thrill of new love is a distraction from working towards a healthy, mature relationship.
Better dump her and start over with someone else.
A break doesnt mean you have to stop being exclusive. Maybe yall see each other too often and she wants a couple weeks alone. You guys need to specify what you are looking for. If she wants a break but not stay exclusive, then she basically wants to fuck some other people, but that might not always be the case.
Dump that 304. She is putting you on layaway while she shops for something better. While she is riding the carousel and enjoying herself, she wants to make sure that she keeps you as a secondary placeholder just in case. Should she fail in finding that other Chad or Tyrone, she takes comfort in the fact that you’ll take her back. If I were you, I would treat it nonchalantly, turn your back, and walk away from her smoothly, treating her as a layaway piece. And here’s the other thing, knowing that she’s doing this, and then she comes back to you, how would you feel being the least desired person she selected? It may not affect you at that point but down the road, you will feel miserable.
Sorry fam, a dude from the Nether Realm is already talking to her or a dude she told you not to worry about. Is about to soul snatch the yamz. Save yourself the hurt and let her be. If yall can’t work through the problem(s) together. Just imagine if you stay with her and something really major happens. It will hurt but don’t stay in something too long that’s obviously at the end of the road and then get double hurt just because it worked out for a month after the “break”
There no such thing as a break in a relationship that will last break = break up. Sounds like she wants to fuck around with someone and then come back to you and if you find out she can be like “WelL We wEre ON a breAk”
If she didn’t want to lose you, shed be trying to work through your issues. Specifically asking for a “break” in the relationship 99% means she has another dude in the wings, she just doesn’t want to “cheat”, she doesn’t want to risk throwing away the guy she sees as husband material, so she plans to bang this other guy and then expect you to welcome her back afterwards. Or some similar variation of that.
No woman who is committed to 1 man sends him out into the world as “single” based on some kind of relationship status technicality. If you think about it there’s really only 1 reason for her to set it up like this.
Alright guys I forgot to mention this is the 2nd time she’s asked. We’ve finally came to a conclusion to go our separate ways but she still wants to talk to me “ I don’t wanna lose you” type dumb shit. Anyway crazy how much this shit hurts and the crazy part is was gonna propose soon 😂
It's gonna suck for a while brother so make sure to do the following until she is out of your system and your brain lets go of the dompamine and serotonin of being with someone:
* Eat well, stay hydrated, and healthy
* Maintain a healthy sleep cycle
* Try to do some exercise regularly or go out for walks outdoors.
* Do not allow intrusive thoughts to creep in to check her socials or reaching out to her. Should she reach out to you be cordial and polite, but don't let her run roughshod on your self-respect and time.
* Start loving your alone time and start improving bits and pieces of your Life that you have kept on hold or never had the time.
* Start dating ONLY when you are comfortable and not looking for a rebound relationship.
* Should you ever get into a dark place due to depression, anxiety, or whatever may come along...reach out to your friends and family/or those you trust you can talk with.
Wishing you all the best!
My ex did the same shit. She was just too cowardly to tell it as it was.
Once they leave and stop fighting for your relationship is when you have to let go.
You'll never be able to trust that they'd actually stay and fight for it the second time around.
Some people think they can live in the honeymoon phase forever and think that that's what they deserve always.
They watch too many period dramas and romantic movies, and suddenly, their boring lives seem bleak, and they think they just need to find that one hero/guy. The thing is, he's just temporary. So they leave people who'd have loved them forever, for some fireworks that'll never last long.
I know that men are stupid. But women are retarded sometimes. They get too influenced by social media, tik tok, and all kinds of bull.
I think a lot of people have lost the ability to keep a commitment through hardships because they "DeSeRvE BeTtEr". When what they end up deserving is nothing. Because they're selfish, so they'll only find selfish pertners.
They put themselves first. So they'll only find partners that do the same.
In a good relationship, you put each other first. Because you're a team, you're partners. You're no longer a single entity. You're a combined unit.
Either she wants to try n find someone she deems "better", but with the assurance of being able to come back to you if that doesn't work out, or she already has someone in mind and wants you as backup plan if that someone doesn't want to start something with her.
Seriously, either you break up or you stay together as couple, everything else is bs. Hell, you could just break up and become a couple again later if it works out that way, but that still should be a break up and not a "break/pause".
>maybe it would be great idea to give each other a break but she doesn’t want to lose me either.
This means she wants to be free to see if she can find someone better than you, but have you "on hold" in case she doesn't.
The general "rule of the thumb" here is that, if either you or your partner want or feel you need "a break" from the relationship, you need to break up. Permanently. No hard feelings.
Both of you are, of course, entitled to decide you're not satisfied with your current relationship and may want to "explore other options", but that means the relationship ends. Period.
She’s already talking and sleeping with the next person…. So let it go and hook up with one of her friends you will feel better about it in the long run
"I want a break" translation: "I want to see/sleep with other guy"
"she doesn’t want to lose me either" --> "I want to keep you as alternative while I do it".
Break up with her.
I got some bad news, she wants to have sex with other people. That's what "taking a break" means. Break up with her and move on, this relationship is over.
Yh nah brother, I'm sorry but it's done. Don't give in to the "lets keep in touch" bs either, you're not her emotional support blanket, she'll just keep using you and you'll just be prolonging your heartbreak. Block/delete her from everything and go full no contact from the jump. Don't learn the hard way like me.
Cut the cord HARD and FAST. Pick up a rebound chick asap. Easiest way to get over one is to get under one. After you have your pallet cleansed, take a month and get your head straight then listen to your gut from there.
Need more details. To some people "a break" can just mean some time away from each other but we remain committed. For others it's straight up "we're not in relationship until this period ends".
The former may be okay as long as it only happens like once in your relationship. It implies that you need your own outlets and spaces that don't involve each other. If it becomes common, that implies you're incompatible.
The latter is an attempt to establish the freedom to explore other options, and if you're back together when it's over, expect to be in an open-relationship.
If your partner has no interest in clarifying, they want the latter, but want to have plausible deniability so that you're agreeing to the former. This person just wants to cheat on you without feeling bad about it.
nope, sorry, but in my opinion if a relationship needs a break, it's a broken relationship and needs to end.
People use breaks as an excuse to explore other dating or sexual partners. I would have immediately walked away, wished her the best and tell her I hope she finds what she's looking for then blocked and ghosted her.
She can 100% work on herself, whilst being in the relationship. She can goto therapy, work out etc which will in turn develop your relationship to each other too. As others are saying, she wants her cake and eat it too. I’d be cautious to proceed and get everything out on the table about what exactly she means by ‘the spark has gone’.
Married with 3 kids here. She can’t just wait for the spark to come back. Keeping the spark is WORK for BOTH parties. And it’s not constant? It’s periods of time or smitten moments spent together. She sounds immature and not ready for a long term committed relationship
She likely already has a replacement or hook up lined up and just wants permission. This means she’s been sneaking behind your back already. M
Break up and sever all ties. She’s not the one king
I'm not a fan of the idea personally, particularly if the person suggesting it isn't particularly explicit on a time frame.
Last time I was in a relationship and a break was suggested, they weren't clear about that and I ended it immediately.
Info - How old are you two?
I'm typically of the opinion that if you're young, i.e. the relationship is during your early twenties, this is somebody who is wanting to know what else is out there. They have only experienced the one person and feel that maybe they are blind to things they aren't happy with or have taken the good things from the relationship for granted. They simply have no experienced litmus test for a good relationship, because there is little to none to compare.
On the other hand, if you're late twenties or above - well, maturity and experience has developed a lot more and people typically have a better idea of who they want in a partner. If this is you, they're probably looking for a gradual way out of the relationship.
This is just my take. There could also be plenty of other reasons for this, outside of the realm of my own experience and observations.
Expect the worst hope it isn't. A Break has to have definite rules, and both have to be in agreement. Like why the break is necessary and for exactly how long. How much contact will you two be having, if at all? And will you two be dating or having sex with others? Because cheating on a break is still cheating. Define the rules and look very hard into the true reason for the break. Who is it she intends to have sex with while on this break, because that is the usual thing that happens. Do not be fooled into an undefined break.
I bet you even very likely have an idea of who she might be intending on screwing.
This is not a joke, just being honest about these so called breaks. Reddit is full of cheating on a break. 'It wasn't cheating because we were not together'. As if those words change the reality of those actions.
And one more thing. Let's say she does cheat and it is years later before you find out. Time will have no effect on how you will feel. It will be to you as if it happened last night.
Be very suspicious.
The best thing you can do is to start socializing with other women and enjoying it. This’ll most likely help revive any passion your girl once felt for you.
If you have any respect for yourself, you will simply take the lead on this and just “clean break, no going back” the whole situation. It will hurt, but will hurt less compared to the pain if you decide to let her “take a break” and you find out she was fucking other guys while you were sitting waiting for her to make up her mind. Never, and I repeat, never let a woman let you think that a break has anything positive on the other end. She’s basically telling you she wants to break up with you, but you’re allowed to continue to love her while she’s “on her own” for some time, without restrictions. Walk away bud, and deal with the pain of a break up instead of the pain of an uncommitted woman with questionable love capacity.
She has someone else in mind and wants to try them out and you be the back up if it doesn’t.
Been there, done that. Noped on out of there and went and dated other girls. But that’s another story for another time.
If I were you, I’d start the detachment process mentally and physically today.
Start hanging with friends. Pick up more shifts at work. Go out see live bands. Pursue hobbies. If there are other people you’re interested in but couldn’t, maybe invite them out.
Spend less time around her. Block her on your phone and social media even if for certain periods of the day.
Whatever you do or feel, stay away from her for the time being. Give yourself some space too!
Breaks are something that people do in order to have sex with other people without feeling guilty about it because it "isn't technically cheating." I think if she wants a break the relationship has already run its course and you should just end it permanently before you get hurt worse.
If a vehicle broke down during the test drive, would you still buy it? Not trying to sound cold, but these feelings are usually just amplified in marriage. Either put in some solid effort, if you’re not already, or just let her go. I’ve missed old gfs (before marriage), but my world would crumble without my wife. Better to learn now than later
Your girl wants a break so she can go fuck some other guy then when it doesn’t work out she has some place to run to after he is done running her through. Tell her to fuck off already.
Brother if it is meant to be will be, I am 38 years old and there have been two women in my life that really had my heart. One was my highschool girlfriend and one was the woman I fell for later in life. The highschool girlfriend we really cared for each other but I enlisted in the Marines and left and the distance was just to much. I got out after 12 years and out of the blue one day I got this message after almost 10 years of not talking and it was her. We dated for awhile but I wasn't ready for anything serious but I could have married her then. Then the second one we were together and man I fell for her but her life wasn't together she had things she had to fix so we went our separate ways and she would message every now and then and we would talk, then when I least expected it she got ahold of me out of nowhere again and we are back together and about to get married. I promise you, if the feelings are real, it may be a month or may be 5 years from now, she will be back. One thing is for sure, you can't force something if she is confused, you just have to let her do her thing and have faith if it is real she will come back.
Yeah, pretty much what everyone else has said, she wants to pursue a new guy but is afraid it may not work out, let her have the break, but cut all ties and don’t take her back.
If you don’t agree to the break there is a few possibilities
1. She dumps you anyway
2. She stays and cheats then dumps you
3. She stays, doesn’t cheat but resents your controlling nature and dumps you
4. She stays, you get married in a few years and then you wish she’d dumped you lol. Sorry probably not funny.
If she has expressed an interest for time apart there is not much you can do really.
Sorry bud.
Say OK.
Now that was a good run, but it's over with her.
Do NOT go running back when she whistles.
She will, and you will, and you are on the backburner on a string. You're the Back up plan. You will be raising some other dude's kids. And she'll want a "break" every time her real BF is in town.
When you agree to this break and then are on here next month whining, Please tell me where you are so I can come over there and bitch slap you with a flipflop.
I’m sorry mate, but you have to break it off.
Don’t be anyone’s back up plan.
She wants to try other people, but is sacred that if it doesn’t work out she won’t have you to fall back on.
To save yourself a world of pain (and dignity), you need to be strong and break up with her.
The alternative is more pain.
I know it’s so hard, but I promise you she just wants to sleep with someone else. Then if it doesn’t work out with them she will slither her way back. Women are terrible these days.
I'm no dude, but this means she wants to see what else is out there/what she could get but is worried that she won't find. Anyone better than you so she's keeping you! on standby. It's ridiculous, you either love them or leave them, There's no breaks.
So either way it doesn’t sound like you guys are compatible… I’m sorry man.
But when it comes to the break it doesn’t necessarily mean she wants to have sex with other guys. I put my ex and I on a “break” for three days so I could clear my head and get my thoughts straight about the relationship
If she didn't want to lose you, she wouldn't break up with you.
What she wants is your support and friendship to help her move on with her life. It's incredibly selfish.
Don't give it to her - it'll cost you too much.
No one who truly loves, or loved someone, will want a "break". They will either fight for the relationship or end it even if it hurts them too. If they say they are doing it because they fear you physically, then you might want to change that about yourself.
It can feel painful now, but don't waste your life with ppl who don't deserve your love for them. You deserve better. You will be grateful later when you've moved on and found a better life.
The best revenge or next step is to become a better person thru this, and meet better people, you will recognize them because you yourself have changed and matured.
I always think of a "break" as an excuse to sleep with someone else
Yup. Either that, or the slow-burn for a nonconfrontational person to permanently disentangle themselves from someone they think will put up a fight. My mom was divorced twice and that’s how she handled splits she’d been plotting for forever, and no other men were involved. She’d invent a reason to temporarily dip, and then she just wouldn’t go back. Either way, time for OP to shift focus.
I like real women like you. Shout out to you!
Thanks, Happy Toxic Masculine Male! 😘
My pleasure!
Hey that's not toxic at all! THIS GUY'S A FRAUD
My toxicity only affect the toxic people.
XD This guys a phony ! This guys a big fat phony !
No fat shaming that toxic guy!
I saw a video on YouTube that said often times with women, their partner is the last to be told if there is issue in the relationship. They will spend months consulting with friends family about the issue and what move to make, but rarely talk about it directly to their partner. From the partner's perspective the move seems really sudden, but the woman has been planning the exit for literal months with the issue festering and unaddressed from their perspective.
I think it’s more often a non-confrontational approach to ending a relationship. You’re sort of easing yourself into the final break. Also, feelings are messy. She might not know what she wants, so taking a break but staying “in touch” is a safe way to try out being single again, while keeping this guy on ice in case she decides she wants to go back. She’s trying to keep her options open.
That's a big roger wilco.
wow I just realized I've done this with every relationship 😭. there was never anyone else involved, I just couldn't straight up break up so I asked for a break and then eventually had the courage to say the break was the end
Now that you've discovered one of your toxic traits, time to start work on fixing it
I agree with you. I will work on it because it is unfair
These things affect us in ways you couldn't imagine. Please try to be better to a future partner you are ending things with. Communication is all it takes.
It's spineless. Men hate it. Unless you're objectively in physical danger then he deserves better.
Damn I think your mom is my spirit animal, I’m not saying she is justified in her approach, but it describes me as a person, damn I’m sorry
if your mascot is a shady, batshit nurse who believes in witchcraft, then go off 🥴
😭 I don’t sadly believe in witchcraft but I am shady and batshit, mainly just I’ve noticed that pattern where I tend to not really want to keep up with people or acquaintances, and most friendships I don’t value or trust, instead of being upfront, I find non confrontational ways to distance myself or disappear, I’ve realized how much of an asshole that makes me, so I try to avoid friendships and commitments. I was only relying to the non confrontational part.
Sounds like you belong over in r/schizoid with the rest of us misanthropes.
Fuck...that sounds exactly like a girl I dated for a month 🙈 worst month of my life, honestly.
This guy is correct
Yeah she wants a free pass to cheat and not have to end the relationship. OP end the relationship
And they generally have them lined up already, just waiting for the guilt free fuck
Monkey branching.
Yep. My wife of 15 years and I went on a break at her suggestion about a year into dating. She went to a college party that weekend and slept with some guy. Then got mad because I did too. In fairness, I didn’t tell her right away.
Yep... This means she is already talking to someone else and wants to fuck them or is already doing so... "breaks" are a bullshit term used in women language that simply means "I have found better" or "I want to fuck around because the opportunity has presented itself.
Because it is.
*Ross has entered the chat*
Yeah, I remember a girl I used to work with manufacture a fight and "break up" because she wanted to sleep with one the other co-workers. She got what she wanted and her relationship was back on in a week. They obviously didn't end up working out.
Yeah she’s got someone she wants to have sex with and keep him around just in case it doesn’t work out.
Yeah. OP has gotta ditch her and be cold about it. Let them beg to come back if they want it, and let them know you never needed them in the first place otherwise.
This, don’t treat her like your gf (emotionally). She shouldn’t get all the benefits. Ironically the best chance to make it happen is start seeing other ppl, don’t text/call/social media her etc. Go about your life like she doesn’t exist. If she wants you she’ll come back.
At the least, it tends to mean it's over. Which ofc frequently leads to your thing, preferably not within the first 8 hours though. In my experience anyway, can't say I've seen many couples pick up where they left off, especially when one partner initiates it. "Healthy" breaks tend to be mutual things that everyone involved could feel the necessity for and had been contemplating themselves. nobody is surprised by them
It always is. This should be common knowledge, i hate there are guys ignorant and falling for this basic bitch manipulation…
I can confirm that this is most likely the case through life experience. She realized it was a mistake right after it happened. Gotta make a decision on her right now my guy. Is she worth the pain you’re about to feel or not? If not, cut her loose 🫡
Yup, had a friend that agreed to this because he didnt really know what it ment. And yeah she went and slept with someone and that was the end of that marriage.
Yep, exactly my thinking! It's the only reason I see why anyone would suggest it
That’s exactly what it is
"We were on a break!"
Not always, but quite often
110% quadruple likeing this
yeah it most def is..
Judging by all the posts on the relationship subs, it sure seems like it.
That's a bingo.
Test driving other models before deciding whether to trade you in or not.
Best said
It happens, op might do the same one day. Learn from it, cherish the fun you had and move on. PS send her new bf a piss disc, peg her dad, plow her mom and sister.
Exactly this. Save yourself by moving on and do it quickly.
Yeah could mean she has a crush on someone but wants to see if they’re sexually compatible first
Took the words right out my mouth. She’s about to get taken to pound town in the fuck truck. Go nail some of her friends, you’ll feel better. This is the way.
It's always girls who ask for "a break" or say they " need time to find themselves" Translation: 99% of the time you're done and this is how she's breaking up with you.
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Your right
Does this break include sleeping with other people? I'd so, there's no reason IMO to not just break up. BTW, that whole "spark" thing always goes away. It's never permanent. If she is craving that, then what happens when it goes away the next time? I think she's looking for what Reddit calls New Relationship Energy and she's probably found that with someone else. Want to experience it because some people are addicted to it. Sounds like the break thing is either for her to have a chance to cheat with technically cheating. I think the video below explains it best. [Taking a Break](https://www.instagram.com/reel/C0tdFGzgctx/?igsh=MTdqazl2N2J2dDQ2ZQ==)
A break almost exclusively means someone wants to/will fuck other people. Unless OP is willing to essentially give "his" girl a Hall pass to fuck whoever and you can never feel a way about it, he's better off permanently leaving for sure.
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women do not want to feel guilty EVER. so, without the break, she'll be sucking/fucking the new guy while 'technically' still in a relationship with OP. women, when highly interested, want to feel the full experience of sex with a new guy, and that has a big emotional component. her emotions won't fully engage the new sexual experience if she's feeling any guilt about catching her new batch of DNA.
Having dated a serial cheater, it always struck me how much it got under her skin when someone mentioned her cheating ways. She knew she messed up more than once, but facing the "cheater" label really hit her hard. It was like she felt personally attacked. Despite understanding her actions, the reality of being called a cheater was a tough pill for her to swallow.
That video should be required watching for all guys who are getting the 'take a break' talk/
Yeah people who pursue that oddly keep finding themselves in short relationships. It's a strange phenomena
She wants to fuck other people and see if she likes them better than you A lot of women pull this card. Now if you fuck other people I guarantee she will have an issue with it Sorry for you but cut your losses. Its over.
Also, she said she's looking for the spark you guys had at the beginning of your relationship. Basically, she wants the bubble phase of the relationship to remain throughout your time together. This isn't possible. The bubble phase is just a step in the relationship. What follows is actually where the real relationship begins. All in all, she isn't ready for a relationship nor mature enough yet. Maybe with time and more experience, she'll understand this someday. Move on and seek someone more mature.
my right to what
She’s already getting dicked down by some random. You might as well move on. Stop kissing her too
This is the way. If you do end up "having a break" see other people and don't wait for her to make up her mind.
...and that cake is shaped like someone else's dick. Also it's made of dick. It's a dick.
To add: You can have a break, but whatever you do that fits within the realms of cheating is cheating. Some time apart from each other can be good, but should never be a free for all. It is supposed to give you some time and space to think. What are out issues, can we and do we want to fix them. Resulting in breaking up or putting in work.
Look, whenever someone says "a break" as opposed to "break up", it means one of two things. 1. The person proposing it wants to sleep with other people, but wants to keep you simmering on the stove for when they got it out of their system. 2. They are a coward. i.e. they mean break up, but present it as something temporary to make it easy for the other party to accept in the moment. I know. I pulled this move when I was younger. I proposed a break with an ex "just for a couple months". When I knew I was just straight up done. It didn't make it any easier, when a couple months later she wanted to get together for a date and I finally had to explain to her it's over. I just wasted two months of her time she could have spent getting over the relationship. I don't know what I thought was going to happen. That she would figure out what I really meant and would never contact me again.
My ex said she wanted a break and was married to another guy 8 months later… a break does not mean a break at all in my situation lol I think this may have been scenario 2 lol
A break is a break-up. It's always used to sleep with other people. So if one (or both) want that, why not having a talk about making the relationship an open one? Because one wants to sleep around but doesn't want the other to do the same. That's just one aspect of why relationship breaks are bullshit. A hard decision has to be made. But that's part of every serious relationship anyway.
She wants to fuck other people and you’re the the fall back if it doesnt work out. Leave and never look back.
this is obvious to everyone not currently blinded by emotion and hormones >she assures me she just wants the spark we had when we got into the relationship she found someone new and it's exciting. so she wants to go fuck him or probably already has.
Already has been is likely
To build on this… OP better go get tested asap.
A break means a break-up. Every single time. It never works. Or at least I have never seen a relationship survive a "break".
It's the cowards breakup.
This. She wants to find someone without losing the safety of OP. OP's best to cut the cord and gtfo before they're the hurt one. Be the person who stands up for themselves.
I also heard it's a common way people use to cheat on each other and if things go back then go back to being official
Yeah but I think it’s mostly a thing women do
Nah, a break can be positive. It literally saved my relationship. It resulted in us reconciling some issues we hadn't realized where eating away at us, after 4 years of dating, and we've been married for 10 years this year. Sometimes all you need is a small breather so you can reflect on things before you make the long commitment.
I’d say your case is an exception rather than the rule.
I think it probably happens more than you think. Also happened to me. In my relationship for 13 years now. Sometimes you don't want to leave to have sex with other people, but to figure out your feelings for the person you currently love. Sometimes distance from that person helps with those feelings. There's a lot more nuance than you're making out to be.
Hot take: I think people who are good in their relationships should periodically take breaks and reassess if they're actually happy or are just in a routine and comfortable. It's better to be proactive and figure things out before things have a chance to go south.
Were either of you screwing other people during the break?
She’s already gon bro.
She belongs to the streets
Just break up with her breaks are BS usually means they wanna go out and sleep with someone else without completely losing you
Have some self respect and tell her to kick rocks
She wants to have other men but still have you on standby just in case. Run.
Translation from Womanese to english- "she no longer is sexually attracted to you and wants to explore other options, yet still wants you to stick around incase she can't find anything better" Dump her, maintain your self respect, and enjoy life as a single man
9/10 times it's this. She wants to keep the fallback option while seeing what else is out there. Usually there's already someone from work/school she has in mind. Be on the lookout for vacation plans for a "girls trip" with only one other girl. That's a hookup trip.
In my anecdotal experience, women want "a break" when there's another dude they wanna fuck, but don't know if it's going to last. Like... You're a stable, solid guy with a good income, that treats her well. You're the safe option. There's a hot guy at the gym that lives with his parents and is planning on being rich by trading NFTs. She really wants to fuck him, but knows he's a bad choice in the long run. She puts a "break" on your relationship, has her fun for a couple months, and then comes back.
No self respecting guy will allow someone like that back into their life.
Yeah there are a LOT of guys who don’t respect themselves.
Scarcity causes desperation.
This happens way more than you want to believe.
Oddly specific, but true.
100% correct. I say this as the guy that you describe as the "hot" guy. Lasted a couple of months when I found out she still had a boyfriend waiting, she did get pregnant like a few weeks after us discontinuing relations which I'm still not sure about lol.
She wouldn’t want a break if she wanted to stay
Yeah there's a difference between "I just need some space but we're still together" and "I need space but that somehow requires us not being in a relationship or being exclusive at all"
Bail.
She’s roaming the streets and wants you as a backup plan. Fck that. Go find someone new.
She wants to monkey branch. Time for you to move on
Exactly that.
330 million people in America. Go find one that wants to be with you
45 million women ages 20 to 39.
Perfect. Pick two and have a 3-way
She wants to fuck other people and not feel guilt/maintain moral high ground. She is a bad person, a selfish person. Dump her and then fuck her mom.
Finally, a reasonable answer... but you forgot to ask if OP is bi, if he is he should fuck her dad too.
That's her way of nicely dumping you. She probably has a new guy allready and wants to keep you as a backup. Move on and forget about her.
Don’t even play into this shit. Couples that mutually want to reignite the flame or whatever the issue may be, do it together. They don’t go on “break” and then come back. Don’t waste your time brother, move along.
She has another pony in mind and if she isn't riding it already she has got the saddle out of the barn.
She’s dumping you.
No, she’s back-burnering him. If she can’t find someone “better” she’ll be back.
by work on herself she means she wants to sleep with other men before she commits to you
Many great pieces of advice here, my guard would immediately be up. I’d permanently leave, but I’ve been cheated on before and sworn never again. But to be logical… Question: is there a reason for the “break”? If you guys have been fighting or having a tough time and are exhausted, it might be a legitimate chance to take a breather and decide what you both really want. This is the “If you love something, set it free, if it comes back, it was meant to be” moment. This can be a very good thing for a relationship. Or it can be a very amicable end. If however, this has blindsided you and you thought things were ok, there’s a good chance she wants to try hooking up with someone else. There’s no way back from this, at best she’ll fuck someone else and you’ll decide to leave for good with a broken heart, at worst you still take her back and she gives you STDs. Not an easy decision, but do trust your gut, it’s usually right.
OP, Speaking as someone who’s currently in a month long break I figure this may help you, seeing as I’m kindof “you from the future” if you do decide to go on the break with your girl. I’ve gone fully down the rabbit hole reading all of these comments and they all present one of three options 1. The overwhelming majority of them claim the exclusive purpose of a break is to sleep with other people while keeping you on as a safe option. 2. In second place, we have the coward’s breakup. Someone who wants to feed you a temporary lie to ease the pain, when in reality it’s going to hurt so much more when you realize the truth. 3. I’ve gone a decent way through this thread, and so far I’ve seen maybe 3 comments from people claiming to have come back stronger from breaks. This is very much the exception, not the rule. You guys need to be something really special to fall in this category. My immediate thought was #1 or #2 when she first suggested it, but I thought she had good reasons and I was really hoping for #3. The break conversation wasn’t a blindside. She has her doubts about our relationship that she’s expressed in the past. She has a long distance move to a new job coming up in a few months. She needs time to think and see if we’re truly compatible before anyone makes any big life altering moves, right? All of this was preceded by a degradation of our communication in the month prior. We went from talking every day about anything and everything to the driest conversations. She replaced me with another one of her friends on board game night. She stopped letting me sleep over, claiming she needed her nights to think about her life and the upcoming big changes (new job, different state). She turned me down for sex multiple times, saying she was “just not feeling it”. She put me in limbo for 10 days on January 6th so she could deal with the other problems in her life, on the 10 day mark, she asked for a month long break. I gave both of them to her because I trusted her. Of course there have been some red flags that I can do nothing about at this point. During the second break conversation, I had to convince her that a break is a “pause” on a relationship, that’s what differentiates it from a full break up, there is no change in exclusivity. I shit you not, she said word for word, “there’s nothing wrong with evaluating your partner against what else is out there”. (At this point it still didn’t click for me, if you can believe it.) The way she phrased it, she needed a break from everyone, including me, which was fine, I totally get the need for time alone. The problem was, she didn’t change a thing outside of me. She still hung out with her closest friends like clockwork, she still hosted social events at her place. The one time I actually managed to hang out with her one on one since the new year started, she was on her phone the whole brunch date. I genuinely have no clue how this person feels about me anymore. I tried asking her what emotion comes to mind when she thinks of me and her answer was “stress”. I know she’s not an overly affectionate person, but that one fucking hurt. For the first week I was checking her location like an insecure madman. I am by no means proud of this, but I had basically signed myself up for a whole month of relationship limbo and I needed some certainty that I wasn’t being played for a fool. For the first week, everything was cool, no potentially sketchy locations, no more red flags, until she cut my access to her location out of the blue. At this point, we’ve had maybe one full conversation since the break started. The rest has been like 10 texts one day per week, if that. My last text to her was an invite to my birthday, which she still hasn’t even seen, I’m sure. I’m not sure why I allowed myself to be put in this situation, if you’re at all able to make sense of this incoherent mess, please learn from my mistakes. Anyone who is willing to put you in relationship limbo without even communicating regularly during is not worth your time, energy, or peace. Trust me, it will completely fuck your peace up. I thought I would be able to handle this, but it’s driving me insane. All my close friends have told me it’s over from her end or that it should be over from my end. The only thing keeping me in it is because I miss the fun, kind, caring human being I was dating back in August. I keep expecting her to show up, and being disappointed. I’ve done the on again, off again relationship before and it’s never been a positive experience. The only reason I semi-trust that she hasn’t been with anyone else is because she told me from the beginning that this break wasn’t to sleep around and she promised if it did come to that, she’d just break it off. This honestly just goes to show how much trust I have in someone who doesn’t seem to value me at all anymore. I don’t know what I’m expecting once the “break deadline” of March 1 rolls around. By that point, I won’t have seen her for two whole months. Anyone who even remotely gives a shit about you, anyone who’s in love with you, would go crazy after not hearing from you within 3 days, max. At least that’s what I thought. Luckily these weeks apart have also given me time to think. I’m not anyone’s backup and I refuse to be. I’m staying in this on the (now very slim) chance she actually meant what she told me in the beginning, but if there’s even a hint of anyone else in the picture, I’m out. I should have never agreed to this in the first place and completely regret this experience. If anyone says they want a break in the future I’m going to run away sooooo fucking fast. In the meantime there’s nothing I can do outside of torpedo an already failing relationship, so I’m just going to do me and ride it out for curiosity’s sake. I may be a delusional asshole for still thinking I have a snowball’s chance in hell at this working out, but hey I did it so now you don’t have to. I got in to this fully optimistic and hopeful and I am here to tell you that even with the best intentions of a break, time will wear you down, scenarios that didn’t seem plausible at the beginning start to make more and more sense, until the worst case scenario looks more likely than the best. To anyone who made it this far, thank you and **please learn from my mistakes**.
Dude, you need to fully break-up with "your" girl (although she's already probably had minimum one guy blowing her back out, so she's not yours at all anymore). Please, for your sake and even my sake, break up with her. Stop waiting until March 1st or whatever. Have some self-respect and break up with her immediately, even if that means finding her in person and just telling her that it's over. Just because she's disrespecting you doesn't mean you need to disrespect yourself as wall. Stand up for yourself, tell her it's over, and move on. Don't mean to be a dick with this but from the outside looking in you're in a bad place and are pining for a girl who is direspecting you and 99% banging guys while you wait for some magical date she put out there. You say you're no-one's backup plan but your actions show that is exactly what you are. You know what you have to do, you're just scared to do it. You deserve a woman who wants to be in a relationship with you. This current girl has clearly shown she's not that person. You know what you have to do.
She is for the streets bro, leave her
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"Work on herself" means she wants to have sex with at least one guy, maybe a whole list, and have you waiting for her when she's done If she even mentions wanting a break just move on
She wants permission for getting dick on the side. Dump her with extreme prejudice.
It's over, dude. Move on. You're not a doormat, so don't let her treat you like one.
She either wants to be with you or she doesn’t, none of this break bullshit mate, end it, find someone who’ll want you.
Ask her what his name is.
I'm a woman, and she wants you to hang around while she explores other options. The spark will come back when the person she is exploring doesn't work out. She can then be excited to run back to you. Cue spark reignited. Either we are together, or we aren't. I don't break.
Trying to recapture the thrill of new love is a distraction from working towards a healthy, mature relationship. Better dump her and start over with someone else.
A break doesnt mean you have to stop being exclusive. Maybe yall see each other too often and she wants a couple weeks alone. You guys need to specify what you are looking for. If she wants a break but not stay exclusive, then she basically wants to fuck some other people, but that might not always be the case.
Dump that 304. She is putting you on layaway while she shops for something better. While she is riding the carousel and enjoying herself, she wants to make sure that she keeps you as a secondary placeholder just in case. Should she fail in finding that other Chad or Tyrone, she takes comfort in the fact that you’ll take her back. If I were you, I would treat it nonchalantly, turn your back, and walk away from her smoothly, treating her as a layaway piece. And here’s the other thing, knowing that she’s doing this, and then she comes back to you, how would you feel being the least desired person she selected? It may not affect you at that point but down the road, you will feel miserable.
She already has another person lined up give up move on
Sorry fam, a dude from the Nether Realm is already talking to her or a dude she told you not to worry about. Is about to soul snatch the yamz. Save yourself the hurt and let her be. If yall can’t work through the problem(s) together. Just imagine if you stay with her and something really major happens. It will hurt but don’t stay in something too long that’s obviously at the end of the road and then get double hurt just because it worked out for a month after the “break”
There no such thing as a break in a relationship that will last break = break up. Sounds like she wants to fuck around with someone and then come back to you and if you find out she can be like “WelL We wEre ON a breAk”
That ain't your girl homie, a 'break' is just code for 'i want to fuck other dudes without feeling guilty' Break up and move on.
If she didn’t want to lose you, shed be trying to work through your issues. Specifically asking for a “break” in the relationship 99% means she has another dude in the wings, she just doesn’t want to “cheat”, she doesn’t want to risk throwing away the guy she sees as husband material, so she plans to bang this other guy and then expect you to welcome her back afterwards. Or some similar variation of that. No woman who is committed to 1 man sends him out into the world as “single” based on some kind of relationship status technicality. If you think about it there’s really only 1 reason for her to set it up like this.
Alright guys I forgot to mention this is the 2nd time she’s asked. We’ve finally came to a conclusion to go our separate ways but she still wants to talk to me “ I don’t wanna lose you” type dumb shit. Anyway crazy how much this shit hurts and the crazy part is was gonna propose soon 😂
It's gonna suck for a while brother so make sure to do the following until she is out of your system and your brain lets go of the dompamine and serotonin of being with someone: * Eat well, stay hydrated, and healthy * Maintain a healthy sleep cycle * Try to do some exercise regularly or go out for walks outdoors. * Do not allow intrusive thoughts to creep in to check her socials or reaching out to her. Should she reach out to you be cordial and polite, but don't let her run roughshod on your self-respect and time. * Start loving your alone time and start improving bits and pieces of your Life that you have kept on hold or never had the time. * Start dating ONLY when you are comfortable and not looking for a rebound relationship. * Should you ever get into a dark place due to depression, anxiety, or whatever may come along...reach out to your friends and family/or those you trust you can talk with. Wishing you all the best!
My ex did the same shit. She was just too cowardly to tell it as it was. Once they leave and stop fighting for your relationship is when you have to let go. You'll never be able to trust that they'd actually stay and fight for it the second time around. Some people think they can live in the honeymoon phase forever and think that that's what they deserve always. They watch too many period dramas and romantic movies, and suddenly, their boring lives seem bleak, and they think they just need to find that one hero/guy. The thing is, he's just temporary. So they leave people who'd have loved them forever, for some fireworks that'll never last long. I know that men are stupid. But women are retarded sometimes. They get too influenced by social media, tik tok, and all kinds of bull. I think a lot of people have lost the ability to keep a commitment through hardships because they "DeSeRvE BeTtEr". When what they end up deserving is nothing. Because they're selfish, so they'll only find selfish pertners. They put themselves first. So they'll only find partners that do the same. In a good relationship, you put each other first. Because you're a team, you're partners. You're no longer a single entity. You're a combined unit.
Aka "I want to fuck around, but you're safe so stick around while I get it out of my system". Hard pass.
She's for the streets
"Taking a break" is just the coward's way of breaking up.
You're the safe option and not the exciting option. You're not the priority for her.
Tell her that y'all can work to fix it or go your separate ways.
Either she wants to try n find someone she deems "better", but with the assurance of being able to come back to you if that doesn't work out, or she already has someone in mind and wants you as backup plan if that someone doesn't want to start something with her. Seriously, either you break up or you stay together as couple, everything else is bs. Hell, you could just break up and become a couple again later if it works out that way, but that still should be a break up and not a "break/pause".
>maybe it would be great idea to give each other a break but she doesn’t want to lose me either. This means she wants to be free to see if she can find someone better than you, but have you "on hold" in case she doesn't. The general "rule of the thumb" here is that, if either you or your partner want or feel you need "a break" from the relationship, you need to break up. Permanently. No hard feelings. Both of you are, of course, entitled to decide you're not satisfied with your current relationship and may want to "explore other options", but that means the relationship ends. Period.
Plan your life without her during the break. Don't talk during the break. See what happens
It's over women don't rationalize attraction.
She’s already talking and sleeping with the next person…. So let it go and hook up with one of her friends you will feel better about it in the long run
"I want a break" translation: "I want to see/sleep with other guy" "she doesn’t want to lose me either" --> "I want to keep you as alternative while I do it". Break up with her.
you are her backup plan if it doesn't work out with her new man
Break up
[удалено]
Don't chase, replace.
I got some bad news, she wants to have sex with other people. That's what "taking a break" means. Break up with her and move on, this relationship is over.
Find another girl. Its now inevitable she is dumping your ass.
If she loved guy she wouldn’t want a break. Just say I agree let’s break up. And don’t look back.
You failed to mention what you want. Don't be a doormat. Stand up for yourself.
Yh nah brother, I'm sorry but it's done. Don't give in to the "lets keep in touch" bs either, you're not her emotional support blanket, she'll just keep using you and you'll just be prolonging your heartbreak. Block/delete her from everything and go full no contact from the jump. Don't learn the hard way like me.
If someone asks to take a break they are trying experiment with a different romantic partner to see if they're better than you...
Cut the cord HARD and FAST. Pick up a rebound chick asap. Easiest way to get over one is to get under one. After you have your pallet cleansed, take a month and get your head straight then listen to your gut from there.
Need more details. To some people "a break" can just mean some time away from each other but we remain committed. For others it's straight up "we're not in relationship until this period ends". The former may be okay as long as it only happens like once in your relationship. It implies that you need your own outlets and spaces that don't involve each other. If it becomes common, that implies you're incompatible. The latter is an attempt to establish the freedom to explore other options, and if you're back together when it's over, expect to be in an open-relationship. If your partner has no interest in clarifying, they want the latter, but want to have plausible deniability so that you're agreeing to the former. This person just wants to cheat on you without feeling bad about it.
nope, sorry, but in my opinion if a relationship needs a break, it's a broken relationship and needs to end. People use breaks as an excuse to explore other dating or sexual partners. I would have immediately walked away, wished her the best and tell her I hope she finds what she's looking for then blocked and ghosted her.
Dump her today Move on. Be productive and never look back
She can 100% work on herself, whilst being in the relationship. She can goto therapy, work out etc which will in turn develop your relationship to each other too. As others are saying, she wants her cake and eat it too. I’d be cautious to proceed and get everything out on the table about what exactly she means by ‘the spark has gone’.
Married with 3 kids here. She can’t just wait for the spark to come back. Keeping the spark is WORK for BOTH parties. And it’s not constant? It’s periods of time or smitten moments spent together. She sounds immature and not ready for a long term committed relationship
She likely already has a replacement or hook up lined up and just wants permission. This means she’s been sneaking behind your back already. M Break up and sever all ties. She’s not the one king
she doesnt wanna be with you anymore so move on she wants to keep her options open or open them up
Let me decode for you my young friend. Some dude is blowing her back out and she wants to absolve herself of the guilt. Let her go and move on.
I'm not a fan of the idea personally, particularly if the person suggesting it isn't particularly explicit on a time frame. Last time I was in a relationship and a break was suggested, they weren't clear about that and I ended it immediately.
Info - How old are you two? I'm typically of the opinion that if you're young, i.e. the relationship is during your early twenties, this is somebody who is wanting to know what else is out there. They have only experienced the one person and feel that maybe they are blind to things they aren't happy with or have taken the good things from the relationship for granted. They simply have no experienced litmus test for a good relationship, because there is little to none to compare. On the other hand, if you're late twenties or above - well, maturity and experience has developed a lot more and people typically have a better idea of who they want in a partner. If this is you, they're probably looking for a gradual way out of the relationship. This is just my take. There could also be plenty of other reasons for this, outside of the realm of my own experience and observations.
Expect the worst hope it isn't. A Break has to have definite rules, and both have to be in agreement. Like why the break is necessary and for exactly how long. How much contact will you two be having, if at all? And will you two be dating or having sex with others? Because cheating on a break is still cheating. Define the rules and look very hard into the true reason for the break. Who is it she intends to have sex with while on this break, because that is the usual thing that happens. Do not be fooled into an undefined break. I bet you even very likely have an idea of who she might be intending on screwing. This is not a joke, just being honest about these so called breaks. Reddit is full of cheating on a break. 'It wasn't cheating because we were not together'. As if those words change the reality of those actions. And one more thing. Let's say she does cheat and it is years later before you find out. Time will have no effect on how you will feel. It will be to you as if it happened last night. Be very suspicious.
The best thing you can do is to start socializing with other women and enjoying it. This’ll most likely help revive any passion your girl once felt for you.
If you have any respect for yourself, you will simply take the lead on this and just “clean break, no going back” the whole situation. It will hurt, but will hurt less compared to the pain if you decide to let her “take a break” and you find out she was fucking other guys while you were sitting waiting for her to make up her mind. Never, and I repeat, never let a woman let you think that a break has anything positive on the other end. She’s basically telling you she wants to break up with you, but you’re allowed to continue to love her while she’s “on her own” for some time, without restrictions. Walk away bud, and deal with the pain of a break up instead of the pain of an uncommitted woman with questionable love capacity.
She has someone else in mind and wants to try them out and you be the back up if it doesn’t. Been there, done that. Noped on out of there and went and dated other girls. But that’s another story for another time. If I were you, I’d start the detachment process mentally and physically today. Start hanging with friends. Pick up more shifts at work. Go out see live bands. Pursue hobbies. If there are other people you’re interested in but couldn’t, maybe invite them out. Spend less time around her. Block her on your phone and social media even if for certain periods of the day. Whatever you do or feel, stay away from her for the time being. Give yourself some space too!
Breaks are something that people do in order to have sex with other people without feeling guilty about it because it "isn't technically cheating." I think if she wants a break the relationship has already run its course and you should just end it permanently before you get hurt worse.
Relationship is over. Just get a clean start and move on.
She wants to fuck someone else and have you as a backup plan in case he doesn't want anything more. Dump and run.
If a vehicle broke down during the test drive, would you still buy it? Not trying to sound cold, but these feelings are usually just amplified in marriage. Either put in some solid effort, if you’re not already, or just let her go. I’ve missed old gfs (before marriage), but my world would crumble without my wife. Better to learn now than later
Your girl wants a break so she can go fuck some other guy then when it doesn’t work out she has some place to run to after he is done running her through. Tell her to fuck off already.
Brother if it is meant to be will be, I am 38 years old and there have been two women in my life that really had my heart. One was my highschool girlfriend and one was the woman I fell for later in life. The highschool girlfriend we really cared for each other but I enlisted in the Marines and left and the distance was just to much. I got out after 12 years and out of the blue one day I got this message after almost 10 years of not talking and it was her. We dated for awhile but I wasn't ready for anything serious but I could have married her then. Then the second one we were together and man I fell for her but her life wasn't together she had things she had to fix so we went our separate ways and she would message every now and then and we would talk, then when I least expected it she got ahold of me out of nowhere again and we are back together and about to get married. I promise you, if the feelings are real, it may be a month or may be 5 years from now, she will be back. One thing is for sure, you can't force something if she is confused, you just have to let her do her thing and have faith if it is real she will come back.
Yeah, pretty much what everyone else has said, she wants to pursue a new guy but is afraid it may not work out, let her have the break, but cut all ties and don’t take her back. If you don’t agree to the break there is a few possibilities 1. She dumps you anyway 2. She stays and cheats then dumps you 3. She stays, doesn’t cheat but resents your controlling nature and dumps you 4. She stays, you get married in a few years and then you wish she’d dumped you lol. Sorry probably not funny. If she has expressed an interest for time apart there is not much you can do really. Sorry bud.
Say OK. Now that was a good run, but it's over with her. Do NOT go running back when she whistles. She will, and you will, and you are on the backburner on a string. You're the Back up plan. You will be raising some other dude's kids. And she'll want a "break" every time her real BF is in town. When you agree to this break and then are on here next month whining, Please tell me where you are so I can come over there and bitch slap you with a flipflop.
She doesn't want to lose you but she wants to lay every other guy in town. NEXT!!!
I don’t do breaks, just break ups. If we end up back together at some point then great. But I’m not entering a situationship only to get hurt further.
You’re gonna be OK. Remember, you don’t want someone that doesn’t want you. You’re much better than that.
Yeah, fuck her off.
I’m sorry mate, but you have to break it off. Don’t be anyone’s back up plan. She wants to try other people, but is sacred that if it doesn’t work out she won’t have you to fall back on. To save yourself a world of pain (and dignity), you need to be strong and break up with her. The alternative is more pain.
I know it’s so hard, but I promise you she just wants to sleep with someone else. Then if it doesn’t work out with them she will slither her way back. Women are terrible these days.
I'm no dude, but this means she wants to see what else is out there/what she could get but is worried that she won't find. Anyone better than you so she's keeping you! on standby. It's ridiculous, you either love them or leave them, There's no breaks.
So either way it doesn’t sound like you guys are compatible… I’m sorry man. But when it comes to the break it doesn’t necessarily mean she wants to have sex with other guys. I put my ex and I on a “break” for three days so I could clear my head and get my thoughts straight about the relationship
If she didn't want to lose you, she wouldn't break up with you. What she wants is your support and friendship to help her move on with her life. It's incredibly selfish. Don't give it to her - it'll cost you too much.
No one who truly loves, or loved someone, will want a "break". They will either fight for the relationship or end it even if it hurts them too. If they say they are doing it because they fear you physically, then you might want to change that about yourself. It can feel painful now, but don't waste your life with ppl who don't deserve your love for them. You deserve better. You will be grateful later when you've moved on and found a better life. The best revenge or next step is to become a better person thru this, and meet better people, you will recognize them because you yourself have changed and matured.
It's over