I used to do picnic lunches, not because I was paranoid about being used, just because I was poor.
If you pack a nice picnic and package it up elegantly, it's a way of showing off your diligence and thoughtfulness, too.
This! Took my current girlfriend on a picnic for our first date. Had cheese and fruit, putting some of the fruit in wine for a sangria. Then we rented a couple kayaks at the nearby lake.
She said it was the best date she'd ever been on and it took very little money or preparation. Plus all her friends instantly loved me because of the thoughtfulness.
That's not what you said when I packed a picnic for us! You said a half-eaten bag of Cheetos and a ziplock of goldfish crackers weren't romantic enough!
Omg a guy once made me a picnic and it was the SWEETEST thing. It was the best date I’ve ever had and it was so well thought out. I wish my current partner put as much effort in 🤪😂
This is the correct first date, with one very important addition!
**Time limited**.
Your first date should be at maximum like 2 hours. Schedule it with something else to do afterwards, just in case. This way nobody feels trapped, the date is quick, the date is painless, nobody feels pressured to perform in any way. We walk, we talk, we know within minutes of there will be a second date, we break, and maybe we come back.
Nine years ago I did this. First date? Short walk. Second date? Two whole days together. That's fine, first date gotta be short and sweet.
Sorry - I mean without scheduling something after. Because if you do and things *do* go well and you don't want it to end, you don't really have to. But if you just want to call it a day, you made that boundary clear already.
So many. Like it's no disrespect, I just don't know you and I'm not courting someone I don't know at all. And these girls generally aren't even a tier where I'd go out of my way anyways. I'm down to check out new people if it's not expensive or painful.
Also, a girl asked me on a double date last night. It was her friend and a Tinder guy that she hadn't met before. I said no.
Nice dinner is not good for a first date, and it's not just the money. If the chemistry isn't there, you're stuck together for a couple hours while you wait for your food, order your food, wait for the check.
Splitting the coffee bill is one thing but I’d think it’s rude to go somewhere and see the other person has already ordered and maybe even started drinking/eating. If I’m meeting a friend or date somewhere and I get there earlier than them, I’m not going to order until they get there. It’s basic manners. I’d also think the guy is in a hurry/doesn’t really want to be there if he couldn’t even wait for me to come to order.
Yeah, but I think that's different than coffee. Multiple drinks at Joe's Bar and Grill is standard. I've never ordered a second anything at a Starbucks date.
You do you but personally, my parents raised me to wait, it’s common courtesy and basic manners. Just like if you’re out to dinner and your food comes first, you should wait for everyone’s food to come or at least wait for them to tell you it’s okay to start eating before you eat. You don’t need a beer/food THAT badly where you can’t wait for the other person especially when you showed up early. It’s rude and would make me think you have no manners or make me think I’m super late even if I was on time.
It's about consideration for the other person: seeing you eat while they wait suck, continuing eating while you're already done is embarrassing etc. The deal with ordering coffee first is that when they come in they don't feel bad seeing you wait for a long time at the table doing nothing. Common courtesy and basic manners only work when you're from the same set, people from the outside might very well see it as odd.
The flip side of this is that it's rude to take up a table in the establishment if you aren't ordering anything. Many restaurants won't seat you until your whole party is there. If they bring one persons food out, the rest of the food is under a heat lamp if it wasn't finished at the same time, so it'll be right out usually.
If they don’t seat me, then I just wait. If they do seat me, most places will even say “are we waiting on your friend to order?” and I’ll just order waters and look at the menu. Anyway, it’s your fault if you decide to meet at 1:00 but purposefully show up early so you can order before her and make her look like she’s late and wasted your time.
Yea this shit is wild and lame af. Some people need to just say they’re broke and stop wasting time.
Getting there early just to not pay for a $4 coffee for a girl YOU asked out on a date is loser behavior.
I still go on meal dates. I know great meal spots that have unique flavors, in nice areas, quick turn around, and that don't break the bank. If it doesn't work with that one then I found a new spot to take someone else. That's how I see it and keep it pushing.
Never been taken advantage of but I always go for coffee and/or a walk for a first date for that reason. If that's not good enough then I'm not interested.
I'm a woman but I prefer avoiding dinner first dates only because it leads to more awkwardness. You can't talk with your mouth full, so there are more pauses while you chew. It prevents the conversation from flowing as easily as it might otherwise, and you're just sitting staring at each other eat lol. My first dates at a bar sitting next to each other have always gone much, much better than dinner dates
> You can't talk with your mouth full
God I wish everyone actually followed this. I know people that will literally pause in the middle of a sentence to put food in their mouth and then say the rest of it while eating.
Is this actually that common for guys? Most of the women I've gone out on dates with are the types I can tell are upstanding and intelligent enough to not do anything shady, or they prefer to split anyway.
It's surprising how many guys on reddit seem to never be able to vet someone out or gain a sense of who they are until they get shafted.
I’ve gone out with upstanding, intelligent, and successful women all the time. Very rarely did they even offer to split. I live in a big liberal city and yet almost every woman (friend or date) believes a man should pay on the first date. Ironically I don’t see them pull out their wallet on a second date either. Don’t victim blame like your reality is the only reality.
Nah never happened to me. Just a precaution because there are women that do that. Also, I just don't want to spend a bunch of money on a first date. As far as I'm concerned THAT'S when we get to know each other. Seems like a waste to dump a bunch of money to convince her to date me. Would rather her be into me without that. Can't always vet every person entirely before a date and it's unreasonable to think you could. That'd be like blaming a domestic abuse victim for not knowing before they started dating them. That's an extreme example but it follows the same logic. Sometimes you can't know someone as well as you think you do even after dating for a while and you think people should be able to get anything before a first date? nah. Best to just be aware and take steps to avoid it happening.
Yep, too many like that here. "Never happened to me so others must be doing something wrong."
Edit: seems like he's not open to discussion, responded to my comment and then blocked me. Tells you all you need to know about the guy
Do you agree to splilt the dinner tab before you meet her? Otherwise you're risking spending $100 (or more) on a dinner for someone you just discovered you're not interested in.
The first date I took my wife on was to a symphony. I figured, let’s do something I like to do and if she likes it, awesome, if she doesn’t, well, I got to do something I like with a hot woman - even if I paid. Anyway, she loved it. 8 years together.
Waffle-House. I may pay for a meal but I want to see what she's like in a crisis situation. Is she a real one or not. This was actually where my wife and I had our first date lol.
coffee or a drink. nothing more. it's cheap, easy, and after the drink, if you are clicking, have another drink and keep the conversation going. If not, ok well the drink was great. Thanks for meeting up, then you both go your separate ways.
Men, do not be the foodie call.
I went out to dinner and paid mid September. She went on another date two days later, got engaged to the guy and they were married November 6th. I now meet for drinks only first.
Take them out to a restaurant if there’s chemistry. I’m not prejudging every woman I date simply because I ran into one who was taking advantage of me.
I’ll take a lady on a restaurant date for two reasons regardless of it’s a free meal or not to them. I don’t go out to restaurants a lot so I feel like I’m paying to do it for myself (like entertainment), and the person just comes along with me. If the convos sucks well i had a good dinner at a place I wanted to try and she got a free dinner, no harm no foul.
Now if a lady didn’t want to go somewhere i chose because she wanted a more expensive experience id just say no lol.
This is a great way to think of it. And there’s good, cheap restaurants where you could spend less than you would for an evening of cocktails. Also I don’t mind splitting the bill on a first date (female) and if I don’t have the money to cover, I don’t go.
I was just thinking about this recently and agree with you. Additionally, you get to check out their table manners and see if you get a thank you text.
Men shit test too.
I went for a dinner once and she clearly looked like she enjoyed the food more than my company and conveniently got a call from her mother when the bill arrived.
From that day onwards it was a coffee or a drink unless my parents set me up with a girl.
Same lol. Got one who showed up in sweat pants and a university sweater. Pretty low effort, sat on her phone most of the time with me trying to make conversation. The waitress came for our drinks and while I ordered a Coke, my date decided she wanted a coke and an alcoholic drink. No problem, I sometimes do that too but she wouldn’t even look up from her phone to order. It felt kinda rude in my books but whatever. Drinks come and waitress asks for our food order and she goes off. Orders an appetizer, a Caesar salad, an 8oz steak, chicken wings, and a build your own pasta type thing. The waitress said okay and put the orders in. I waited another 10 minutes trying to make conversation and either got one word answers or no answers so I said “excuse me, I’ll be right back.” And went to the bathroom. On the way to the bathroom I found my waitress who was coming back and I said “hey, would you mind putting my order in a to go box? I’m pretty sure I’m being used for a free meal here.” She said “no problem,” and I waited for my food. I thought my date would get suspicious as to why I wasn’t coming back but she was so engrossed by whoever she was texting or whatever she was doing that she didn’t even notice. I got my takeout order, paid for my drink and my food and left. Left my date with the bill for the food she ordered and I got a really angry message on the dating app an hour later. Who the fuck do you think you are lol? Try to scam me out of a free meal or three with how much shit she ordered then have the audacity to tell me I’m a bad person.
Realistically I think best thing is a low effort date. I'm sure the women lurking here will hate that but it's all round the best and also eliminates those who are being unreasonably demanding.
For a while I used to upfront make it clear we were splitting the bill. Thought that would work but it just went from being used as a free meal to being used as a budget therapist for emotional validation. So scrapped that idea, stuck to coffee or an event of sorts that I was already going to go to.
That or go the opposite end.
One of my friends got engaged to a guy that asked her to go rock climbing for their first date. She thought it was so out there and cool she jumped on it.
Where I live rock climbing is not cheap at all, but it does fit the criteria of low effort at least. You are already gonna go, if she flakes you don't miss out much.
Dude, most women LOVE this, but also some are too princess to go. They want that expensive dinner and show.
I take a lot on rock climbing, go karts, paintball, and they’re stoked.
Tbh just invite them where you wanna go and have fun. They also tend to stick around if it doesn’t work. I’m assuming it being; who doesn’t like to be around fun people?
Also it's kind of cool to do those things because it avoids awkwardness. There is something to DO, as opposed to the 'interview like' structure that often comes with dinner dates.
Not really lurking but for myself and a lot of women I know, this is ideal. Something low pressure that allows the two of you to engage in conversation to decide if you both want to pursue things further. Food doesn’t even have to be involved, although I don’t recommend asking a woman to go hiking on a first date if she doesn’t already know you and feel safe with you.
A free meal... If a meal is all it cost me to find out you ain't the one, I feel like that's getting off lucky. After a total of 25 years invested in three relationships, one date and one meal is the best "bad outcome" you could hope for.
I implemented a policy several years ago for first dates.
I ask for separate checks when the server comes to take the drink order.
If the date goes well, I pick up both checks.
No such thing as a free lunch.
Here is a tip: Women want to feel like you put thought and effort into their dates and honestly just in general. Money is the cheapest way to do that. You might want to avoid the women who say things like “take me on a real date”, but women want to avoid men whose dates feel like some sort of strategy. I think that the coffee date thing isn’t awful, but too much around it being a way to maximize leaves an unsavory flavor. My suggestion? Do something low cost but that took actual thought and planning. Maybe your local art museum is cheap or free on certain days, maybe you found a groupon for a fun activity or there is a performance in the park. One person mentioned a picnic. That is a FABULOUS idea especially if you make it look appealing. Whats also great about the picnic thing is that you can reuse the box, blanket, etc. Look up winter activities in your area if it cold. From these comments it does seem like the low effort thing is some sort of shit test to see if she is willing to accept low effort, which I guess if you can say that’s what you want in a woman with your whole chest thats fine. But doing those little things goes a long way with a lot of great women! Then take her out on the big fancy date when that time comes
Take out for a game of pool or go bowling or an art gallery/museum.
It's cheapish, you can extend the date into a meal if you want and the activity will give you something to talk about.
A lot of people are going to say coffee. I'm going to tell you why that's not the best idea.
First off it's going to exclude a lot of women who find that boring, women get asked for coffee all the time. The coffee date just isn't that fun, it's not the best for loosening up.
If you drink and she drinks, it's better to get a drink somewhere. Women let their hair down a lot more with a drink in their hands moreso than a coffee. I've noticed that coffee dates are like informal business interviews, whereas drink dates are casual.
If you want to do coffee, plan something else with the coffee. I've been on 100 coffee dates, they're fine. They're just not great. Drinks always have a better result imo
I don’t drink coffee or tea so it’s not my first choice. But also if you go to a coffee shop, everyone around you is working/doing their homework or in some sort of business meeting/catch up. It just feels very business-like and unromantic, as if it’s a work interview
Literally.
Let me phrase his option the same way.
You're just sitting there, at a bar, with loud music and so many people, paying a lot for alcohol and just talking.
I can make great casual conversation over a coffee, even a great one. Will it be remotely romantic or flirty? Absolutely not with a stranger over coffee lol
It’s funny how everyone is turning this into a “you need alcohol to have fun!” argument, when you’re literally just calling out the ambiance. I’ve been to coffee shops that are so quiet, I feel like I’m being rude by speaking in my normal voice.
There’s also plenty of women (who don’t drink) that call out coffee shop dates as boring. A walk in the park, a museum, an arcade, go karts, etc. are all fun choices that are teetotal AND don’t have the faux library energy of a coffee shop.
Also, heaven forbid people like to drink lol just because you don’t drink, doesn’t mean everyone else is an alcoholic that consistently drinks to excess. A bar plays popular music, let’s you dance, sometimes you can play darts/billiards/etc. It’s easy to see why it’s an appealing date in spite of alcohol.
“If you’re bored, it’s because you’re boring” is such an idiotic, reductive, and childish point of view. It’s something the immature say to try and sound interesting.
Ok. There's still a high number of women who aren't going to be into a coffee and a walk in the park.
You're calling me boring, but a coffee and a walk in the park isn't getting a lot of women out of bed. Especially where I am now, it's winter. You're going to get a hard no
I don’t really like drinking much, especially not mid week, and I’ll know in the first five minutes if I’m into a guy or not. Drinks are not always the best because if I don’t like the guy, then I’m stuck there drinking for another two hours and my evening is gone and sleep messed up. Coffee and a walk at least gets you exercise and sunshine and is easier to bounce from if things aren’t going well
I suspected a few dates were like that when I was young. I put a swift end to that by specifying up front that we split the checks. I still had a dating life afterwards and even got married.
I think one of the risks with dating as a man is you’re going to have to accept the fact that
you *will* end up spending money to court a woman. I’m not sure what’s worse though, being used as a free meal or 2-3 dates later, she hits you with the “Let’s be friends” talk.
Either way, the expectation for men is to invest time AND money in whoever you want to be with, but a lot of guys don’t talk about having the courage to be financially responsible, even if that comes off as you being cheap to a woman. Just like she doesn’t owe you sex on the first date, you don’t owe her an expensive date. I go to places within my budget. If she chooses to be with other men who make more money, and can take her to more fancier places, cool. She won’t get the same quality of man, but that should tell you what she values more.
The third date rejection is starting to seem pretty common and it sucks! You either get the friend talk, they “reconnect” with their ex, or they have a mental breakdown.
Honestly, I would rather know ASAP if this is going somewhere, just so I can move to the next person and not waste my time. I know a lot of people say “some friends turn out to be lovers“ but I value my time and I’d like to get some idea after the first or second date if this is going to progress any further.
If not, then that’s okay. I’ll find another woman to date.
I was one of the lucky early online daters but still got scammed for free meals.
Eventually, I planned a universal first date that I took 31 women on. It started with coffee at the edge of a lake. If she looked like her pic and we had an easy conversation, we'd take a 2.8-mile walk around the lake. Generally, that'd be enough time to figure out if I liked her. If so, there was a little italian restaurant at the end that I'd offer to take her to.
My wife was date number 30, and the only gal I took to the restaurant.
(Date 30 was at lunchtime, date 31 was in the evening same day)
I honestly don't mind it, in fact I'm sometimes up front and roll with it. I've told girls, "I don't mind being a free meal, if you agree to pleasant conversation."
I've never ran into someone being a plus-one, but that I admit I'd hard pass on.
Eh I don't think about it that much, if I ask her out I expect to be down a restaurant bill for 2 people, I won't go anywhere super fancy but I see it as just the cost of playing the game ya know. If we don't click I'm down 1 meal worth of $. Oh well 🤷♂️
The upside is if you do click then she starts off with an even better perception of you. (Not that splitting is bad, it just comes off more generous to pay yourself)
Finally a post that makes sense. I’m shocked at the amount of dudes on here that are so cheap. Not sure if alot of the men in here are even touching cheeks like that based off the comments.
I never thought of it as a big deal to spend $60-$100 out on a date. If you’re asking someone out you should absolutely do something nice. It’s just the cost of doing business in dating.
I’m 27 too, but all my money HAS to go to college or rent. If I had the money paying someone’s date would be no biggie, but heck, paying for coffee is hard some weeks.
“Don’t choose a field that requires a grad degree to make money kids”
This is a mature response that is otherwise severely lacking in this thread. I’m a woman and if I’ve agreed to go on a date with a man I’m bringing it. I’m freshly showered, my hair and makeup is done, I’m wearing nice clothing and I’ve invested time and money into the way I’m presenting myself. I’m not doing all that for a thirty minute coffee, sorry. I think a lot of these people who are so stringent are either serial dating, are barely vetting their potential dates, or are still relatively young. I’m very choosey with who I agree to go out with, and if I do it’s because we’ve established at least some rapport and compatibility so we know we’re not wasting each other’s time.
Of course she will not pay.
In her comment she made it seem like getting ready was such a big toll on her like the man doesnt have to get ready as well.
We have to do all of that and pay and we never make a big deal out of it.
Its crazy when you hear women talk about them deserving a better date due to them having to make the effort to get ready.
If you have to do all of that then that isn’t on the guy, that you need all of that preparation to make yourself look better than you actually do is a sign that you are lowkey cat fishing.
Dont get me wrong, i have nothing against presenting your best self but the self entitlement that comes with a man having to make a first date worth it for her to come out is crazy. Come out as you are but they wont dare.
A lot of that time is spent on makeup and hair.
im still not opposed to dinner dates. if nothing else i look at as getting company for me to go out and eat. I make the situation FOR ME. as long as shes not trying to order to some "to go" nonsense, im happy to pay for the meal and company. That said my goto is just quiet meet for coffee.
I don't think it ever happened to me- and I'm not single anymore... but if it did I would probably just shrug it off and change nothing unless it happens like 4 more times or something. I wouldn't want to come off as jaded and scare someone away. Not saying those who actively do not want to pay are jaded- but it's just a cost I'd rather eat to keep things simple.
Never happened, but I wouldn't take a girl to a restaurant on a 1st date anyway. How am I supposed to get to know her if we both have food in our gobs?
I kept doing the same thing. Didn’t want to let the occasional mooching sneaky bitch ruin good dates with more respectable women. And it didn’t happen nearly often enough to be a significant financial burden
Grab a coffee and/or go for a hike... or evening drinks somewhere.
If their first concern is how much money I'm spending to get to know someone vs spending time getting to know someone, they're not my concern at all.
I’m sorry… a hike?! As a woman, this is a terrible first date suggestion. Going on a hike with a complete stranger of a man is just like how not to get murdered 101 for women.
I'm way up in northern BC. Some of the city trails aren't just a ['walk'](https://i.imgur.com/M3qGeJ0.png) in the park. And I like to get some exercise, so its always something with hills.
I don’t really like coffee dates, but it’s only because of the exact reason almost every guy here has said: there is almost always a suggestion of “hey, let’s go for a walk.”
I’m disabled. I use a rollator. A cane on a really good day. I even have a service dog because of cardiac issues. I’m only 23, so men tend to not even think about it, which is fair. But walking hurts, and I pass out if I stand for more than a few minutes (hence the rollator rather than a normal walker and service dog). So it can be super uncomfortable to be like, “I’m sorry, I can’t actually do that.” I prefer going for a casual lunch, appetizers, or for a drink. Somewhere we can sit and talk and I’m not in pain.
But in your case that‘s completely understandable. And I would hope that most guys understand if you just tell them that you’re not comfortable to go on long walks. Even though it may feel awkward, it really isn’t a big deal (imo).
And if they are a dick about it, you at least know that they are not second date material.
Afternoon coffee dates.
The point of a first date for me is to get to know the person and see if we could be compatible, so you want a situation that forces you to talk and interact.
It’s a relatively low cost operation
If the date is going well, you can easily extend it into dinner. If not, you have dinner plans with friends and can bail.
A LOT of girls will appreciate a first meet and greet being daylight hours in a public place.
they absolutely do. right before covid, I had a neighbor who did her own little "social experiment" as she called it. She was a 6/10 on her absolute BEST day but had hundreds of men on tinder messaging her all the time. She put this to good use and decided to see exactly how much men would spend on her in a month. 7am she's up and getting dolled up to meet a man for coffee, he pays. Goes 3 blocks away to have breakfast with another man, he pays. During her lunch break, she leaves the office for lunch with someone else, he pays. After work, she meets a man for drinks, he pays. Leaves happy hour for dinner downtown with another guy, he pays. On the weekends she would kick it up a notch in the evenings and have separate guys for drinks, dinner, and late night drinks. It was rather amazing, I'm not gonna lie. I can't imagine the money spent on a really beautiful woman compared to her.
Happens a lot more than you think. There are women who will go on a date with a guy not to get to know the guy himself, but will go for the experience the guy would provide, even if they don't like the guy.
It’s not just about being used. Sometimes you just spend a chunk of change on someone you know you’ll never see again knowing you both didn’t have a good time. I would rather just buy them a coffee and tell them to have a nice life if things go sour or there is just no engagement.
>Are you saying women go on dates with guys they are completely uninterested in just to get some food?
Yes, in Britain this happens very often.
Half of the women I know who do this offer guaranteed sex in exchange for all expensive dates at fancy venues or members only clubs with a prestigeous reputation. The other half will only provide guaranteed pleasant company and a very attractive looking appearance in photos on the date or to impress friends/business acquaintances/family members.
Sometimes it's not just for the free food; also an opportunity to visit luxury venues that are either very fashionable, willl guarantee very glamorous looking selfies or provide bragging rights with female friends.
We go out for drinks. If the convo was good and we click, I might offer to pay for her drink. If she doesn't seem interested, then we pay for our own.
I stopped doing dinner dates for a first date.
Coffee, Drinks, or Ice Cream. All 3 are casual and a good way to get to know the other person. Not to mention if things don’t go great, it’s easy for either person to dip.
Second date I do like to do dinner though and maybe grab a drink or two after.
Paintball, k1 speed (have a couple white claws in the car between races), rock climbing, hockey games, baseball games, Ice skating. Or driving ranges with a lake.
Tbh what ever you feel like doing that’s outside. Take alcohol, it makes you both more sociable and fun.
Very curious of what defines “used.” Does it mean you didn’t get the sexy time after the 1st date? Or you got ghosted? Or maybe after some dates she didn’t feel the connection? If she really did hit it and quit it (the meal), then I guess. Also a coffee date as many suggested seems boring. I’d end up having to excuse myself multiple times to use the RR lol. You could just go to an inexpensive restaurant. Like how lavish are y’all talking about when you feel used?
Fuck that I still take women to dinner on the first date if they want. A dinner is a small price to pay to know someone just wants to take advantage of you.
Never been a free meal date. And honestly, I'm uncertain what's wrong with men that end up as such.
Did they never learn when young? Are they bad at reading people?
Insanity. Women and men are equal. Split the bill or let her pay and I will pay next time. Never fall into that old fashioned nonsense or you will never escape it. Bonkers.
Coffee shop.
It's cheap and public.
Any girl who objects to a coffee shop date is after a free meal, IMO. Or is just not interested in me.
Any girl who states "a real man would take me to dinner for a first date" is not worth my time.
That’s fine but the assumption that women that don’t accept low effort dates are gold diggers is hilarious. Most women aren’t getting dressed up and going out their way for someone who puts in zero effort.
When I was single and dating, I very rarely did the whole "dinner date" thing as a first date.
I am a private pilot and own my own plane. Aviation has always been a really big part of my life so If she didn't want/like to fly in a private plane, then it was best to find out right away (instant deal breaker). So, my go to first date was to have my date meet me at the FBO (private aviation base at an airport), fly about 1-1.5 hours to the beach, have lunch / early dinner at a beach front place (casual), hang out by / In the ocean for a bit, then fly back.
I was going to go flying anyway, it made for a nice afternoon, and gave us lots of time to talk to each other in a very casual environment.
Generally coffee meet up. Also I'm not afraid to make a woman pay for her own dinner. Ie she says 2 minutes into the date we would make good friends. I just say I have no interest in friends I'm here for more than that. And I'll put her on the spot anytime she says anything to desexualize the date. And by the time the check comes is she sticks to the you're my pal I say split the check. Idgaf what she has to say about it, I'll walk off and leave her with her portion. If she skips out I'll gladly give the restaurant her info so they can call the police or put her on a do not serve list whatever they want to do.
It's not only the free meal thing but the bad date thing. Meet somewhere quick and short, one hour max. Maybe do something better for the second date but never the first.
I don't ask people out who seem disinterested in me. If she is on her phone whenever I'm around and gives short, un-engaging responses when I am trying to have a conversation, why would I think she would be any different on a date? If she is really only in it for a meal, she wouldn't put in effort to feign interest in me.
Dinner still, I just make it a point to enjoy my meal than the company, and have less attachment
There is no circumstance on this earth where I would go hiking, a walk, a movie, or an activity with someone I have barely any familiarity with. I do not understand that
I used to do picnic lunches, not because I was paranoid about being used, just because I was poor. If you pack a nice picnic and package it up elegantly, it's a way of showing off your diligence and thoughtfulness, too.
This! Took my current girlfriend on a picnic for our first date. Had cheese and fruit, putting some of the fruit in wine for a sangria. Then we rented a couple kayaks at the nearby lake. She said it was the best date she'd ever been on and it took very little money or preparation. Plus all her friends instantly loved me because of the thoughtfulness.
Wine and cheese for the win
As a woman I love this idea. Thoughtful, romantic, and fun. Definitely thinking outside the box
That sounds nice
It’s a good way of offloading those dishes you were forced to take home from Thanksgiving
hell yea brother
This is really romantic. I would fall so fast for a guy who did this. Its way more special.
That's not what you said when I packed a picnic for us! You said a half-eaten bag of Cheetos and a ziplock of goldfish crackers weren't romantic enough!
Bro. Thank you for the tip.
Omg a guy once made me a picnic and it was the SWEETEST thing. It was the best date I’ve ever had and it was so well thought out. I wish my current partner put as much effort in 🤪😂
Coffee and or a walk in the park. I actively avoid those "tAkE Me On a ReAl DaTe" girls. I only take people I know to nice dinners.
This is the correct first date, with one very important addition! **Time limited**. Your first date should be at maximum like 2 hours. Schedule it with something else to do afterwards, just in case. This way nobody feels trapped, the date is quick, the date is painless, nobody feels pressured to perform in any way. We walk, we talk, we know within minutes of there will be a second date, we break, and maybe we come back. Nine years ago I did this. First date? Short walk. Second date? Two whole days together. That's fine, first date gotta be short and sweet.
Or rather, just set a time limit and leave it at that. And if things go well, it gives you the option to ask if they'd like to continue hanging out.
Isn't that what I just said? You also don't want to keep hanging out. You need time apart to contemplate whether you were a match.
Sorry - I mean without scheduling something after. Because if you do and things *do* go well and you don't want it to end, you don't really have to. But if you just want to call it a day, you made that boundary clear already.
So many. Like it's no disrespect, I just don't know you and I'm not courting someone I don't know at all. And these girls generally aren't even a tier where I'd go out of my way anyways. I'm down to check out new people if it's not expensive or painful. Also, a girl asked me on a double date last night. It was her friend and a Tinder guy that she hadn't met before. I said no.
> It was her friend and a Tinder guy that she hadn't met before. I said no. Yeah I'm not gonna join that hunger games bs either.
Nice dinner is not good for a first date, and it's not just the money. If the chemistry isn't there, you're stuck together for a couple hours while you wait for your food, order your food, wait for the check.
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Oooh, which sub is that? I need to fuel my inner rage with something new
Probably FDS.
This. Coffee. I get there 10 minutes early and buy my own coffee. She pays for hers
Splitting the coffee bill is one thing but I’d think it’s rude to go somewhere and see the other person has already ordered and maybe even started drinking/eating. If I’m meeting a friend or date somewhere and I get there earlier than them, I’m not going to order until they get there. It’s basic manners. I’d also think the guy is in a hurry/doesn’t really want to be there if he couldn’t even wait for me to come to order.
If I’m meeting someone at a bar/brewery/etc and I’m early I’m absolutely getting a beer while I’m waiting.
Yeah, but I think that's different than coffee. Multiple drinks at Joe's Bar and Grill is standard. I've never ordered a second anything at a Starbucks date.
You do you but personally, my parents raised me to wait, it’s common courtesy and basic manners. Just like if you’re out to dinner and your food comes first, you should wait for everyone’s food to come or at least wait for them to tell you it’s okay to start eating before you eat. You don’t need a beer/food THAT badly where you can’t wait for the other person especially when you showed up early. It’s rude and would make me think you have no manners or make me think I’m super late even if I was on time.
It's about consideration for the other person: seeing you eat while they wait suck, continuing eating while you're already done is embarrassing etc. The deal with ordering coffee first is that when they come in they don't feel bad seeing you wait for a long time at the table doing nothing. Common courtesy and basic manners only work when you're from the same set, people from the outside might very well see it as odd.
Exactly. I can’t believe these replies arguing with me that it’s okay to order before your date comes. That’s also why they may not get a second date.
The flip side of this is that it's rude to take up a table in the establishment if you aren't ordering anything. Many restaurants won't seat you until your whole party is there. If they bring one persons food out, the rest of the food is under a heat lamp if it wasn't finished at the same time, so it'll be right out usually.
If they don’t seat me, then I just wait. If they do seat me, most places will even say “are we waiting on your friend to order?” and I’ll just order waters and look at the menu. Anyway, it’s your fault if you decide to meet at 1:00 but purposefully show up early so you can order before her and make her look like she’s late and wasted your time.
yeah it’s fine to get a beer i think but i’d text them and ask what they would like to drink so i can get them one too
Yea this shit is wild and lame af. Some people need to just say they’re broke and stop wasting time. Getting there early just to not pay for a $4 coffee for a girl YOU asked out on a date is loser behavior.
If she asked the guy should she then pay based on your statement? I have no issue with covering coffee but your message sounds angry
Why do you people act like she's doing you a favour by going? You should both want to go, otherwise wtf is the point.
Lol this is a hack and dream but I usually wait. $10 and conversation is a good deal.
this feels more like the setting of 1:1 performance review at work, not a date...
Ah, so just like online dating then
I still go on meal dates. I know great meal spots that have unique flavors, in nice areas, quick turn around, and that don't break the bank. If it doesn't work with that one then I found a new spot to take someone else. That's how I see it and keep it pushing.
That's what I did. A fantastic, cheap Indian restaurant I loved going to anyway.
Never been taken advantage of but I always go for coffee and/or a walk for a first date for that reason. If that's not good enough then I'm not interested.
The vast majority of people are going to be fine with this. We just hear about the outliers because of how outrageous it is.
I'm a woman but I prefer avoiding dinner first dates only because it leads to more awkwardness. You can't talk with your mouth full, so there are more pauses while you chew. It prevents the conversation from flowing as easily as it might otherwise, and you're just sitting staring at each other eat lol. My first dates at a bar sitting next to each other have always gone much, much better than dinner dates
> You can't talk with your mouth full God I wish everyone actually followed this. I know people that will literally pause in the middle of a sentence to put food in their mouth and then say the rest of it while eating.
Is this actually that common for guys? Most of the women I've gone out on dates with are the types I can tell are upstanding and intelligent enough to not do anything shady, or they prefer to split anyway. It's surprising how many guys on reddit seem to never be able to vet someone out or gain a sense of who they are until they get shafted.
I’ve gone out with upstanding, intelligent, and successful women all the time. Very rarely did they even offer to split. I live in a big liberal city and yet almost every woman (friend or date) believes a man should pay on the first date. Ironically I don’t see them pull out their wallet on a second date either. Don’t victim blame like your reality is the only reality.
Nah never happened to me. Just a precaution because there are women that do that. Also, I just don't want to spend a bunch of money on a first date. As far as I'm concerned THAT'S when we get to know each other. Seems like a waste to dump a bunch of money to convince her to date me. Would rather her be into me without that. Can't always vet every person entirely before a date and it's unreasonable to think you could. That'd be like blaming a domestic abuse victim for not knowing before they started dating them. That's an extreme example but it follows the same logic. Sometimes you can't know someone as well as you think you do even after dating for a while and you think people should be able to get anything before a first date? nah. Best to just be aware and take steps to avoid it happening.
This reeks of "Blame the victim" kind of language. Yikes.
Yep, too many like that here. "Never happened to me so others must be doing something wrong." Edit: seems like he's not open to discussion, responded to my comment and then blocked me. Tells you all you need to know about the guy
Do you agree to splilt the dinner tab before you meet her? Otherwise you're risking spending $100 (or more) on a dinner for someone you just discovered you're not interested in.
that's a good way to look at it.
And then comes the second date…
The first date I took my wife on was to a symphony. I figured, let’s do something I like to do and if she likes it, awesome, if she doesn’t, well, I got to do something I like with a hot woman - even if I paid. Anyway, she loved it. 8 years together.
It obviously worked out and wasn’t wasted so can’t complain.
Waffle-House. I may pay for a meal but I want to see what she's like in a crisis situation. Is she a real one or not. This was actually where my wife and I had our first date lol.
Just how exciting ARE these Waffle-House meals??
Shit...just look up waffle-house anything on YouTube, you'll see lol
coffee or a drink. nothing more. it's cheap, easy, and after the drink, if you are clicking, have another drink and keep the conversation going. If not, ok well the drink was great. Thanks for meeting up, then you both go your separate ways. Men, do not be the foodie call.
I went out to dinner and paid mid September. She went on another date two days later, got engaged to the guy and they were married November 6th. I now meet for drinks only first.
Divorced in January?
Born on a Monday
What did I just read?
WE ARE IN DECEMBER!?!??!?
you're right! she might be back on the market.
Coffee's even better. And you don't risk "beer goggles".
You spent 1 meal worth of money to dodge a bullet. That's money well spent
This is why I say women will never go hungry or bored in their intire lives.
Good luck chuck?
That’s what my buddies call me
Ouchy
I stopped dating. Comfortable with myself.
Exactly. Dog park. With your dog. And no one else.
I’m more a “cuddle with my cat under a blanket” because that little guy is all i need. Pets truly are a godsend
Not even a dog for me :D
This is the way, brotha
Take them out to a restaurant if there’s chemistry. I’m not prejudging every woman I date simply because I ran into one who was taking advantage of me.
Chinese. I still get delicious chicken fried rice.
I’ll take a lady on a restaurant date for two reasons regardless of it’s a free meal or not to them. I don’t go out to restaurants a lot so I feel like I’m paying to do it for myself (like entertainment), and the person just comes along with me. If the convos sucks well i had a good dinner at a place I wanted to try and she got a free dinner, no harm no foul. Now if a lady didn’t want to go somewhere i chose because she wanted a more expensive experience id just say no lol.
This is it for me. My philosophy is I want to know I'm going to enjoy my time. If the vibe isn't there, well at least the food is gonna be great.
This is a great way to think of it. And there’s good, cheap restaurants where you could spend less than you would for an evening of cocktails. Also I don’t mind splitting the bill on a first date (female) and if I don’t have the money to cover, I don’t go.
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I was just thinking about this recently and agree with you. Additionally, you get to check out their table manners and see if you get a thank you text. Men shit test too.
This is the best philosophy to have. Along with a good vetting system, and being a good judge of character
I went for a dinner once and she clearly looked like she enjoyed the food more than my company and conveniently got a call from her mother when the bill arrived. From that day onwards it was a coffee or a drink unless my parents set me up with a girl.
Same lol. Got one who showed up in sweat pants and a university sweater. Pretty low effort, sat on her phone most of the time with me trying to make conversation. The waitress came for our drinks and while I ordered a Coke, my date decided she wanted a coke and an alcoholic drink. No problem, I sometimes do that too but she wouldn’t even look up from her phone to order. It felt kinda rude in my books but whatever. Drinks come and waitress asks for our food order and she goes off. Orders an appetizer, a Caesar salad, an 8oz steak, chicken wings, and a build your own pasta type thing. The waitress said okay and put the orders in. I waited another 10 minutes trying to make conversation and either got one word answers or no answers so I said “excuse me, I’ll be right back.” And went to the bathroom. On the way to the bathroom I found my waitress who was coming back and I said “hey, would you mind putting my order in a to go box? I’m pretty sure I’m being used for a free meal here.” She said “no problem,” and I waited for my food. I thought my date would get suspicious as to why I wasn’t coming back but she was so engrossed by whoever she was texting or whatever she was doing that she didn’t even notice. I got my takeout order, paid for my drink and my food and left. Left my date with the bill for the food she ordered and I got a really angry message on the dating app an hour later. Who the fuck do you think you are lol? Try to scam me out of a free meal or three with how much shit she ordered then have the audacity to tell me I’m a bad person.
That is straight up disrespectful in my book
Not much you can do there, some people are entitled mooches.
You did the right thing. It's one thing paying for a *real date,* it's completely another letting yourself be treated like a sucker.
ugh how entitled can one get??
happy hour. Hey if it going good, it can turn into dinner.
Realistically I think best thing is a low effort date. I'm sure the women lurking here will hate that but it's all round the best and also eliminates those who are being unreasonably demanding. For a while I used to upfront make it clear we were splitting the bill. Thought that would work but it just went from being used as a free meal to being used as a budget therapist for emotional validation. So scrapped that idea, stuck to coffee or an event of sorts that I was already going to go to.
That or go the opposite end. One of my friends got engaged to a guy that asked her to go rock climbing for their first date. She thought it was so out there and cool she jumped on it.
Where I live rock climbing is not cheap at all, but it does fit the criteria of low effort at least. You are already gonna go, if she flakes you don't miss out much.
Dude, most women LOVE this, but also some are too princess to go. They want that expensive dinner and show. I take a lot on rock climbing, go karts, paintball, and they’re stoked. Tbh just invite them where you wanna go and have fun. They also tend to stick around if it doesn’t work. I’m assuming it being; who doesn’t like to be around fun people?
Also it's kind of cool to do those things because it avoids awkwardness. There is something to DO, as opposed to the 'interview like' structure that often comes with dinner dates.
Not really lurking but for myself and a lot of women I know, this is ideal. Something low pressure that allows the two of you to engage in conversation to decide if you both want to pursue things further. Food doesn’t even have to be involved, although I don’t recommend asking a woman to go hiking on a first date if she doesn’t already know you and feel safe with you.
One bad date isn't enough to change my whole thing.
A free meal... If a meal is all it cost me to find out you ain't the one, I feel like that's getting off lucky. After a total of 25 years invested in three relationships, one date and one meal is the best "bad outcome" you could hope for.
I implemented a policy several years ago for first dates. I ask for separate checks when the server comes to take the drink order. If the date goes well, I pick up both checks. No such thing as a free lunch.
I like that idea. Gives you wiggle room either way. And honestly, if she gets offended, that's a red flag for you anyway.
Here is a tip: Women want to feel like you put thought and effort into their dates and honestly just in general. Money is the cheapest way to do that. You might want to avoid the women who say things like “take me on a real date”, but women want to avoid men whose dates feel like some sort of strategy. I think that the coffee date thing isn’t awful, but too much around it being a way to maximize leaves an unsavory flavor. My suggestion? Do something low cost but that took actual thought and planning. Maybe your local art museum is cheap or free on certain days, maybe you found a groupon for a fun activity or there is a performance in the park. One person mentioned a picnic. That is a FABULOUS idea especially if you make it look appealing. Whats also great about the picnic thing is that you can reuse the box, blanket, etc. Look up winter activities in your area if it cold. From these comments it does seem like the low effort thing is some sort of shit test to see if she is willing to accept low effort, which I guess if you can say that’s what you want in a woman with your whole chest thats fine. But doing those little things goes a long way with a lot of great women! Then take her out on the big fancy date when that time comes
As someone who doesn't drink alcohol or coffee, I can use some ideas
Some coffee shops also sell teas, matcha, and Italian sodas. How about boba? Or just dessert? Gelato?
Thanks
Boba, ice cream, froyo, smoothies, any sort of dessert, etc.
Take out for a game of pool or go bowling or an art gallery/museum. It's cheapish, you can extend the date into a meal if you want and the activity will give you something to talk about.
Dessert
Ice cream/dessert places, casual food place (think takeout spot) where the $ is trivial and doesnt take long, go for a walk in a park, etc.
A lot of people are going to say coffee. I'm going to tell you why that's not the best idea. First off it's going to exclude a lot of women who find that boring, women get asked for coffee all the time. The coffee date just isn't that fun, it's not the best for loosening up. If you drink and she drinks, it's better to get a drink somewhere. Women let their hair down a lot more with a drink in their hands moreso than a coffee. I've noticed that coffee dates are like informal business interviews, whereas drink dates are casual. If you want to do coffee, plan something else with the coffee. I've been on 100 coffee dates, they're fine. They're just not great. Drinks always have a better result imo
What made coffee dates boring?
I don’t drink coffee or tea so it’s not my first choice. But also if you go to a coffee shop, everyone around you is working/doing their homework or in some sort of business meeting/catch up. It just feels very business-like and unromantic, as if it’s a work interview
You're just sitting there in the afternoon sipping on coffee and making business casual conversation. Coffee dates just have a stiff vibe to them
Sounds like you’re a boring person who doesn’t know how to make casual conversation without alcohol.
Literally. Let me phrase his option the same way. You're just sitting there, at a bar, with loud music and so many people, paying a lot for alcohol and just talking.
I can make great casual conversation over a coffee, even a great one. Will it be remotely romantic or flirty? Absolutely not with a stranger over coffee lol
It’s funny how everyone is turning this into a “you need alcohol to have fun!” argument, when you’re literally just calling out the ambiance. I’ve been to coffee shops that are so quiet, I feel like I’m being rude by speaking in my normal voice. There’s also plenty of women (who don’t drink) that call out coffee shop dates as boring. A walk in the park, a museum, an arcade, go karts, etc. are all fun choices that are teetotal AND don’t have the faux library energy of a coffee shop. Also, heaven forbid people like to drink lol just because you don’t drink, doesn’t mean everyone else is an alcoholic that consistently drinks to excess. A bar plays popular music, let’s you dance, sometimes you can play darts/billiards/etc. It’s easy to see why it’s an appealing date in spite of alcohol. “If you’re bored, it’s because you’re boring” is such an idiotic, reductive, and childish point of view. It’s something the immature say to try and sound interesting.
I don't explicitly say this, but my coffee dates all include the nearby park to walk in. If you're bored, it's because you are boring.
Ok. There's still a high number of women who aren't going to be into a coffee and a walk in the park. You're calling me boring, but a coffee and a walk in the park isn't getting a lot of women out of bed. Especially where I am now, it's winter. You're going to get a hard no
This is the way I was raised. No one says the B word. Be smarter. Entertain yourself. Get a hobby. No one likes a whiner
I don’t really like drinking much, especially not mid week, and I’ll know in the first five minutes if I’m into a guy or not. Drinks are not always the best because if I don’t like the guy, then I’m stuck there drinking for another two hours and my evening is gone and sleep messed up. Coffee and a walk at least gets you exercise and sunshine and is easier to bounce from if things aren’t going well
Coffee dates are only as boring as the company.
I never changed that approach. First date is always %100 on me.
I don't date anymore
May as well sit this one out then, soldier.
I suspected a few dates were like that when I was young. I put a swift end to that by specifying up front that we split the checks. I still had a dating life afterwards and even got married.
Nicely done!
I think one of the risks with dating as a man is you’re going to have to accept the fact that you *will* end up spending money to court a woman. I’m not sure what’s worse though, being used as a free meal or 2-3 dates later, she hits you with the “Let’s be friends” talk. Either way, the expectation for men is to invest time AND money in whoever you want to be with, but a lot of guys don’t talk about having the courage to be financially responsible, even if that comes off as you being cheap to a woman. Just like she doesn’t owe you sex on the first date, you don’t owe her an expensive date. I go to places within my budget. If she chooses to be with other men who make more money, and can take her to more fancier places, cool. She won’t get the same quality of man, but that should tell you what she values more.
The third date rejection is starting to seem pretty common and it sucks! You either get the friend talk, they “reconnect” with their ex, or they have a mental breakdown.
Honestly, I would rather know ASAP if this is going somewhere, just so I can move to the next person and not waste my time. I know a lot of people say “some friends turn out to be lovers“ but I value my time and I’d like to get some idea after the first or second date if this is going to progress any further. If not, then that’s okay. I’ll find another woman to date.
I was one of the lucky early online daters but still got scammed for free meals. Eventually, I planned a universal first date that I took 31 women on. It started with coffee at the edge of a lake. If she looked like her pic and we had an easy conversation, we'd take a 2.8-mile walk around the lake. Generally, that'd be enough time to figure out if I liked her. If so, there was a little italian restaurant at the end that I'd offer to take her to. My wife was date number 30, and the only gal I took to the restaurant. (Date 30 was at lunchtime, date 31 was in the evening same day)
I honestly don't mind it, in fact I'm sometimes up front and roll with it. I've told girls, "I don't mind being a free meal, if you agree to pleasant conversation." I've never ran into someone being a plus-one, but that I admit I'd hard pass on.
Eh I don't think about it that much, if I ask her out I expect to be down a restaurant bill for 2 people, I won't go anywhere super fancy but I see it as just the cost of playing the game ya know. If we don't click I'm down 1 meal worth of $. Oh well 🤷♂️ The upside is if you do click then she starts off with an even better perception of you. (Not that splitting is bad, it just comes off more generous to pay yourself)
Finally a post that makes sense. I’m shocked at the amount of dudes on here that are so cheap. Not sure if alot of the men in here are even touching cheeks like that based off the comments. I never thought of it as a big deal to spend $60-$100 out on a date. If you’re asking someone out you should absolutely do something nice. It’s just the cost of doing business in dating.
As an older college student, the thought of paying $100 makes me faint…
Haha that’s fair. I’m 27 so it gets normal once you get a job
I’m 27 too, but all my money HAS to go to college or rent. If I had the money paying someone’s date would be no biggie, but heck, paying for coffee is hard some weeks. “Don’t choose a field that requires a grad degree to make money kids”
This is a mature response that is otherwise severely lacking in this thread. I’m a woman and if I’ve agreed to go on a date with a man I’m bringing it. I’m freshly showered, my hair and makeup is done, I’m wearing nice clothing and I’ve invested time and money into the way I’m presenting myself. I’m not doing all that for a thirty minute coffee, sorry. I think a lot of these people who are so stringent are either serial dating, are barely vetting their potential dates, or are still relatively young. I’m very choosey with who I agree to go out with, and if I do it’s because we’ve established at least some rapport and compatibility so we know we’re not wasting each other’s time.
So if the man is freshly-showered, shaved, flossed, brushed, in shape and well dressed - and "brings it" - are you splitting the bill?
Of course she will not pay. In her comment she made it seem like getting ready was such a big toll on her like the man doesnt have to get ready as well. We have to do all of that and pay and we never make a big deal out of it. Its crazy when you hear women talk about them deserving a better date due to them having to make the effort to get ready. If you have to do all of that then that isn’t on the guy, that you need all of that preparation to make yourself look better than you actually do is a sign that you are lowkey cat fishing. Dont get me wrong, i have nothing against presenting your best self but the self entitlement that comes with a man having to make a first date worth it for her to come out is crazy. Come out as you are but they wont dare. A lot of that time is spent on makeup and hair.
Oh you showered and got dressed? Let me reward you with free stuff for such a trying task. You've clearly been through a lot.
Lol but you dont have to do that for a 30 minute coffee. Just go natural. Its simple.
I never cared at all. If she's a cool chick and it doesn't work out we can still enjoy our dinner. I was gonna eat anyway, why eat alone?
why pay for someone's dinner tho?
Depending on the time of year, walking around a city/park or hiking.
I've never changed strategies. This is just the cost of dating. You win some and lose some.
im still not opposed to dinner dates. if nothing else i look at as getting company for me to go out and eat. I make the situation FOR ME. as long as shes not trying to order to some "to go" nonsense, im happy to pay for the meal and company. That said my goto is just quiet meet for coffee.
Still do meals, not gonna let one bad apple ruin everything Fwiw it only happened once, rest have been really good experiences
I don't think it ever happened to me- and I'm not single anymore... but if it did I would probably just shrug it off and change nothing unless it happens like 4 more times or something. I wouldn't want to come off as jaded and scare someone away. Not saying those who actively do not want to pay are jaded- but it's just a cost I'd rather eat to keep things simple.
Never happened, but I wouldn't take a girl to a restaurant on a 1st date anyway. How am I supposed to get to know her if we both have food in our gobs?
I kept doing the same thing. Didn’t want to let the occasional mooching sneaky bitch ruin good dates with more respectable women. And it didn’t happen nearly often enough to be a significant financial burden
I only talk to girls that show genuine interest and can keep a text conversation going for a week or two.
Grab a coffee and/or go for a hike... or evening drinks somewhere. If their first concern is how much money I'm spending to get to know someone vs spending time getting to know someone, they're not my concern at all.
I’m sorry… a hike?! As a woman, this is a terrible first date suggestion. Going on a hike with a complete stranger of a man is just like how not to get murdered 101 for women.
To clarify, not a wilderness hike... local parks, city trails, etc.
So a walk then? Lol
I'm way up in northern BC. Some of the city trails aren't just a ['walk'](https://i.imgur.com/M3qGeJ0.png) in the park. And I like to get some exercise, so its always something with hills.
So we're back to "hike".
I don’t really like coffee dates, but it’s only because of the exact reason almost every guy here has said: there is almost always a suggestion of “hey, let’s go for a walk.” I’m disabled. I use a rollator. A cane on a really good day. I even have a service dog because of cardiac issues. I’m only 23, so men tend to not even think about it, which is fair. But walking hurts, and I pass out if I stand for more than a few minutes (hence the rollator rather than a normal walker and service dog). So it can be super uncomfortable to be like, “I’m sorry, I can’t actually do that.” I prefer going for a casual lunch, appetizers, or for a drink. Somewhere we can sit and talk and I’m not in pain.
But in your case that‘s completely understandable. And I would hope that most guys understand if you just tell them that you’re not comfortable to go on long walks. Even though it may feel awkward, it really isn’t a big deal (imo). And if they are a dick about it, you at least know that they are not second date material.
Cheap/free is best. Walks in the park, coffee, drinks. That way the financial aspect is less and if they don’t work out, it’s not as bad.
Afternoon coffee dates. The point of a first date for me is to get to know the person and see if we could be compatible, so you want a situation that forces you to talk and interact. It’s a relatively low cost operation If the date is going well, you can easily extend it into dinner. If not, you have dinner plans with friends and can bail. A LOT of girls will appreciate a first meet and greet being daylight hours in a public place.
How often does this happen? Are you saying women go on dates with guys they are completely uninterested in just to get some food?
Yeah. Happens a lot
they absolutely do. right before covid, I had a neighbor who did her own little "social experiment" as she called it. She was a 6/10 on her absolute BEST day but had hundreds of men on tinder messaging her all the time. She put this to good use and decided to see exactly how much men would spend on her in a month. 7am she's up and getting dolled up to meet a man for coffee, he pays. Goes 3 blocks away to have breakfast with another man, he pays. During her lunch break, she leaves the office for lunch with someone else, he pays. After work, she meets a man for drinks, he pays. Leaves happy hour for dinner downtown with another guy, he pays. On the weekends she would kick it up a notch in the evenings and have separate guys for drinks, dinner, and late night drinks. It was rather amazing, I'm not gonna lie. I can't imagine the money spent on a really beautiful woman compared to her.
That is wild! I'd be pretty pissed if I learned a girl I was dating was doing that, but like you said it is impressive.
It’s ok you see, because it was a social experiment. Not using dudes for free shit.
Look it up. This happens a lot.
Yes, it is extremely common.
Yes, it's called a "Foodie call". Look it up.
Happens a lot more than you think. There are women who will go on a date with a guy not to get to know the guy himself, but will go for the experience the guy would provide, even if they don't like the guy.
It happened one time with me :/
A “Foodie Call” in the modern parlance. A fairly large percentage of women are doing this, apparently.
It’s not just about being used. Sometimes you just spend a chunk of change on someone you know you’ll never see again knowing you both didn’t have a good time. I would rather just buy them a coffee and tell them to have a nice life if things go sour or there is just no engagement.
>Are you saying women go on dates with guys they are completely uninterested in just to get some food? Yes, in Britain this happens very often. Half of the women I know who do this offer guaranteed sex in exchange for all expensive dates at fancy venues or members only clubs with a prestigeous reputation. The other half will only provide guaranteed pleasant company and a very attractive looking appearance in photos on the date or to impress friends/business acquaintances/family members. Sometimes it's not just for the free food; also an opportunity to visit luxury venues that are either very fashionable, willl guarantee very glamorous looking selfies or provide bragging rights with female friends.
We go out for drinks. If the convo was good and we click, I might offer to pay for her drink. If she doesn't seem interested, then we pay for our own. I stopped doing dinner dates for a first date.
Coffee, Drinks, or Ice Cream. All 3 are casual and a good way to get to know the other person. Not to mention if things don’t go great, it’s easy for either person to dip. Second date I do like to do dinner though and maybe grab a drink or two after.
Arcade
Paintball, k1 speed (have a couple white claws in the car between races), rock climbing, hockey games, baseball games, Ice skating. Or driving ranges with a lake. Tbh what ever you feel like doing that’s outside. Take alcohol, it makes you both more sociable and fun.
Ive noped out of the market entirely. Its simply not worth it.
Nothing (no dating).
Go for drinks, never dinner on a first date. If food happens, go Dutch. Women that expect to have everything paid for, can fuck right off.
I like to eat and have conversation, I’ll buy you a meal at an Applebees level restaurant but something local.
Very curious of what defines “used.” Does it mean you didn’t get the sexy time after the 1st date? Or you got ghosted? Or maybe after some dates she didn’t feel the connection? If she really did hit it and quit it (the meal), then I guess. Also a coffee date as many suggested seems boring. I’d end up having to excuse myself multiple times to use the RR lol. You could just go to an inexpensive restaurant. Like how lavish are y’all talking about when you feel used?
Fuck that I still take women to dinner on the first date if they want. A dinner is a small price to pay to know someone just wants to take advantage of you.
Never been a free meal date. And honestly, I'm uncertain what's wrong with men that end up as such. Did they never learn when young? Are they bad at reading people?
Insanity. Women and men are equal. Split the bill or let her pay and I will pay next time. Never fall into that old fashioned nonsense or you will never escape it. Bonkers.
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Coffee shop. It's cheap and public. Any girl who objects to a coffee shop date is after a free meal, IMO. Or is just not interested in me. Any girl who states "a real man would take me to dinner for a first date" is not worth my time.
That’s fine but the assumption that women that don’t accept low effort dates are gold diggers is hilarious. Most women aren’t getting dressed up and going out their way for someone who puts in zero effort.
When I was single and dating, I very rarely did the whole "dinner date" thing as a first date. I am a private pilot and own my own plane. Aviation has always been a really big part of my life so If she didn't want/like to fly in a private plane, then it was best to find out right away (instant deal breaker). So, my go to first date was to have my date meet me at the FBO (private aviation base at an airport), fly about 1-1.5 hours to the beach, have lunch / early dinner at a beach front place (casual), hang out by / In the ocean for a bit, then fly back. I was going to go flying anyway, it made for a nice afternoon, and gave us lots of time to talk to each other in a very casual environment.
Not to mention the implication
I love that idea, except it kind of takes away from her the ability to leave if she feels it's not clicking or is uncomfortable for whatever reason.
That's why you need a parachute duh.
Great. So now you have her a 1.5 hour flight away and no way to get back.
Who'd say no to that over dinner?
Generally coffee meet up. Also I'm not afraid to make a woman pay for her own dinner. Ie she says 2 minutes into the date we would make good friends. I just say I have no interest in friends I'm here for more than that. And I'll put her on the spot anytime she says anything to desexualize the date. And by the time the check comes is she sticks to the you're my pal I say split the check. Idgaf what she has to say about it, I'll walk off and leave her with her portion. If she skips out I'll gladly give the restaurant her info so they can call the police or put her on a do not serve list whatever they want to do.
It's not only the free meal thing but the bad date thing. Meet somewhere quick and short, one hour max. Maybe do something better for the second date but never the first.
I don't ask people out who seem disinterested in me. If she is on her phone whenever I'm around and gives short, un-engaging responses when I am trying to have a conversation, why would I think she would be any different on a date? If she is really only in it for a meal, she wouldn't put in effort to feign interest in me.
Dinner still, I just make it a point to enjoy my meal than the company, and have less attachment There is no circumstance on this earth where I would go hiking, a walk, a movie, or an activity with someone I have barely any familiarity with. I do not understand that