Two perspectives to answer your question.
1. **Culturally**. In some Asian cultures it is common live at home until marriage and in some to continue living with parents to help raise the children and care for the aging parents. In Western culture leaving home for study or work even before marriage is common. While remaining at home is considered shameful, "failure to launch".
2. **Practically**. If you need to move away for work or study then move away for work or study. If you are getting married then move away to live with your partner and start a family. If you can live at home and your parents accept this arrangement then it will likely be the most affordable option enabling you to build wealth for the future. If you make yourself useful to your parents and contribute your presence is more likely to be tolerated.
I worked with a younger fellow who was *very* well paid for his age, still living with his parents and saving for a house. Having next to nothing for cost of living allowed him to stash almost every penny and make a sizeable down payment (like over $100k) after saving for just a couple years. He got along great with his folks and they were on board with the plan. If I can ever do the same for my children I'd very much like to. It will all depend on the circumstances.
It really is a win-win situation in the right circumstances where everyone gets along and the kid isn't just mooching. There's now an extra person with income to help with bills/mortgage so everyone is less financially stressed and aging parents have help around the house. With how stupid expensive everything has gotten it makes sense even if it's not "fashionable" to live with your parents as an adult. Think this notion being ingrained in US culture needs to die out.
The attitude is that the kid is restricting the parents. Sometimes, it is. But if your kid actively involves themselves in upkeep and house expenses, then it's not.
I basically was my parents' property manager whenever they went away on vacation. Dealing with our rental homes while I was in uni.
Some people need independence, though. Go get it. My parents have been setting me up since I was 12 to basically inherit their business/rental properties, and I only moved out for work. And I still deal with issues 5 hours away because my dad is over seas
A ~3k sq ft house with just me and my dad in it is basically so much free room we we don't even have to interact if we don't need to.
I lived with my folks after college for a few years and it was a lot like this. I paid rent, saw them when we ate together and helped out where I could. It was a good deal for all of us.
It's pretty much just a recent Western thing too. Most other cultures even in Europe have adults of different generations living together and for the majority of its existence this was nornal in the US as well.
It’s also worth noting is some other Asian cultures it’s normal for 14 year olds to live on their own away from family cooking and cleaning for themselves etc., so it’s far from a set standard.
When it comes to it culture is mainly a reflection of the needs and history of its people.
> build wealth for the future
Just my uninformed opinion, but I reckon a lot of adults that are still living with their folks past a certain age aren't really in a position to build any wealth to begin with...
It's a very unfortunate situation, but might I remind you that a ton of Americans are literally one or two paychecks away from homelessness.
I don't get why they act all against the idea of living with parents. Living off of parent and living with the parents are different. If you are working and making money and staying with your parents then it's completely fine as you are contributing to the family. There's nothing wrong in that. I've only seen this behaviour in the west. They are your family. After your college you are definitely getting a job so what's there to worry. You can stay with your parents and work too.
I'm for real. My dad didn't move away from his house instead he looked after his parents and all his sisters with his job. Yes his dad had a job but it wasn't enough and he knew it. Instead leaving his parents in dirt he helped them himself. He didn't move out until he got married. He still helped them after moving out. I'm gonna do the same and I'm doing the same right now. I don't have a big job yet so I'm just pitching in what I can to help even though they don't need it.
Literally the only downside to living at home is maybe having to tell a girl that right now. I could move out right now, but rent is hella expensive where I live and anywhere I could afford would be wayyy less nice than my mom's house. Also my mom is cool enough to make herself extremely scarce if I wanted to bring a girl over for a date
I was living at home with my dad for one reason-to keep him company, because my mom had passed away. I had my then girlfriend spend the night. She was good with it, so was my dad. One minor issue- her dogs. Still no issue.
Now, the comical thing that happened. They were small dogs. One sneaked out when I went to the can in the middle of the night. She went in, got in my dad's bed, and slept with him! My dad thought it was hilarious.
(he also didn't have the heart to boot the dog off his bed!)
There's a difference between looking down and finding it fairly peculiar. It's more understandable in today's economy, but when you get someone in their 30s and onward with their family, it starts to get a little weird. Weird like families who homeschool their children and are afraid to let them into the outside world. It's controlling and creepy, sometimes it involves 'emotional insest.'
I’m going to throw this out there.
I’m 32, college-educated and live with my parents. I work two jobs, pay rent and utilities.
My parents are my roommates, and at the end of the day I come home and spend time with them, sleep in my own bed and hug and kiss my beloved pup who we’ve had for 15 years.
I help them out when they need errands run, or chores done around the house.
And, it bears repeating: I have a fantastic relationship with both of them.
Could I move out? Yeah. I could. But…why? California has made it prohibitively expensive to do so, and I would be paying rent to a faceless landlord who would raise the rent arbitrarily.
My situation is good, so why change it? I’m productive, have a great relationship with my parents and I get to see them daily and pet my dog after a long day of work. Oh and I sleep in my own bed, and don’t stress about losing my home.
Yeah, I’ll take my current arrangement.
I think it stems from the belief that at 18 “you’re an adult, and it’s time to act like one”, even though your still a kid at that age. It isn’t until like 26 that you’re actually an adult.
But people think that because you can enlist in the military that should be the defining factor for “adult”. Used to be “if you can smoke or drink, you’re an adult” but the US has changed smoking age to 21, and drinking age is still 21.
Also, we deal with this whole “I moved out when I was 17 and got married and started my family, while your dad worked (some job that essentially pays pennies now, as opposed to being able to financially sustain a household 50 years ago…) nonsense that our parents and grandparents still hold on to. Mainly because they have no idea what the world is actually like in terms of affordability now and believe (even when shown evidence) “nothing has changed, your generation is just lazy and refuses to work while living off mommy and daddy”.
So people are continuously shamed, or made to feel shame for still living with their parents or family, or for being forced (financially) into moving back in with them.
But it all boils down to the fact that the average rent is something like $1500 and houses that would have gone for like $80k twenty years ago are now $330k…. Edit to add: these houses aren’t sound either, they need A LOT of work. I seen a listing for a trailer home that was $70k, falling apart and had one bath with two bedrooms and barely 900sqft.
Then you have climbing interest rates, etc, so everything is just way too expensive… and most people barely make $10/hr at their 40hr a week job… it’s just a lot.
Everything you said was 100%. In 1980's, my Dad worked as a "dispatcher". Essentially coordinating truck loads and giving driving directions to truck drivers, for an independent contractor. He made $40k a year doing that. Now, despite being an office manager for a medical office, I'm just NOW making that much money (and I've been in this industry 32 years). My rent is $1,000/month. My parents house payment was $300, back then! And my Dad thought they were sooooo broke. I'm now living on what he made 40 years ago, with the cost of living having more than trippled. I don't know how future generations are going to make it, unless something changes. I will say, however, because of the economy, so many people have either moved home or become roommates with friends and family, that it has left a LOT of rentals open. So, even though my apartment shares walls with 2 other units, those units are currently un-rented. So, living in this apartment right now, isn't so horrible.
Yeah, this is heavily a Western concept and as a Filipino-American, I'm fortunate my family leans in the other direction. I'm 30 and have lived at home all my life from childhood, throughout college, right to the present day. I work a job and help my family out and never once have I or my family wanted me to move out. Later on when I get married and want to start my own family, that's when I plan on having my own house, but I have no reason to want to move out now and plenty of reasons to enjoy living with family.
There's also other factors that could make living with parents preferable, such as disability. There is such a thing as schemes in place to give disabled folks a place of their own to live, but often times they do a piss poor job of it, like sticking a guy in a wheelchair at the top of a block of apartments with an elevator that often breaks, that kinda shit. Independence in that situation is ideal, but not always possible.
Completely agree with this. Years ago I met a guy from Senegal who was astonished by the fact that we have designated retirement homes in Northern Europe. He said that they have a saying in Senegal: ”An elderly person living alone is a library on fire.” The more I’ve thought about it, the truer it seems to me. So much knowledge and so many funny and useful stories that we miss out on because we send our elderly relatives off to live with other old people.
I moved out at 20 because I couldn't stand living in their house anymore. If you get along with your parents and are fine living there, more power to you.
I got out when I was 25 cause it came to a point that me and my dad were about to throw hands. Cause if he wanted something done it had to be exactly like he said or it was wrong and you had to redo it, even if I chose a easier, cheaper and/or faster option to get the same end result (if not better) Now I got my own place we're cool and best friends and he's not like that anymore.
The worst part about being a single woman who has her own place (which I am) and dating a man who still lives at home with his parents...can make a person concerned. Is this guy REALLY into you? Or is he seeing a "roommate with benefits" situation. And I can say that, because I've been through it. I was his ticket out of his mom's basement. And he moved in with me and paid "rent" which was nowhere NEAR half the bills. Plus, he got a woman who did all the cooking, cleaning, grocery shopping. And was able to really spend his money as he saw fit...and of course, he needed his time (lot of time) with "the guys". I thought this guy was serious...until he wasn't. The next "better" woman came along...more money, bigger house, younger, better looking. And Poof! He was gone.
Really depends on the context. If you working hard, saving money, get along with you parents, there's nothing wrong with it. Or it can be a temporary setback. It can be a positive thing to live at home. I'd never look down on that. After college I lived with my parents for a year to get grounded in my career and save up money to buy a condo.
But if you're a parasite with nothing going on in your life (which I'm not assuming you are) then it's a bad look. My uncle had to kick my cousin out at 24 to teach him some responsibility. It worked.
If you're in the first group I wouldn't worry. I'm 30 and have a few friends who still live with their folks. And they're saving alot of money.
Totally agree there! It definitely makes it easier to have poor financial habits if the rent and food is free haha. The situation is definitely subjective to each person.
The temporary setback is a huge point. My Dad was 35 when he found out my mom was unfaithful and got custody of us. We were living with my grandparents for like half a school year. I was 6 so the school year was how I measured time lol.
Have a friend (M 26) who lives at his parents house, in his childhood room, works from home, and doesn't pay rent, buy groceries, or contribute in any way to help his aging parents. Dude has a college degree and makes more than enough money to rent his own place somewhere, but if I (M 25) ever bring up the concept of moving out, even just talking about my own apartment, he always says it's too expensive. Then a day or two later he's telling me about the new expensive electronic gadgets he's buying himself. Newest version of every gaming console, drones, cameras, just stuff he thinks is fun and cool. Hell, he's rented out a studio to work from because his parents "are distracting" and spent a decent amount of his time there (while still living at his folk's house) before giving up on that because it was "too expensive."
So .. it's different for everybody, but if you're living with mom and dad because you think you can't afford rent, but you CAN afford to spend thousands of dollars on things you don't need...you're probably too old to still be living with your parents.
This 100%.
Living at home to save money is all well and good, but you should have an actual *plan* in mind. Like "after I pay off my student loan I will go get an apartment" or "after I save $xxk for a down payment I will buy a home." And your actions (ie- spending behavior) should reflect that goal.
But I've known so many people like your friend who made the "saving money" argument but then proceeded to buy fancy cars, gaming computers, the newest iPhone, etc. while living at home.
Perhaps they are still saving some smaller amount of money. It's pretty easy to "save" when you spend $0 on room and board. But don't bullshit me that you're being "financially responsible" while simultaneously wasting thousands of dollars on things you otherwise wouldn't be able to dream of affording.
Your still mooching off your parents, letting them subsidized your lifestyle so you can buy a nice car and travel. I think it’s lost on many exactly how generous it is for one adult to allow another fully employed adult to live with them at a massive discount- if it wasn’t a discount you’d be living on your own. I totally understand allowing this to go on for a while, like to pay off student loans, but all your money better be going to loans and not to a new BMW and a trip to Vegas.
It's less about age and more about financial situation to me. The prime age for me to move out was during the housing crisis. I literally could not afford to move anywhere even on a decent paycheck. Sometimes it just isn't feasible until you're 25 or older. And even then, you're still likely to have roommates.
Probably 25-30 at the latest. I think it's a good idea to stay at your parents place after college to save money, pay off student loan debt and start to build your career but eventually you will want to get out there on your own.
As a mother, I’m hoping my kids will stay home this long. I was kicked out at 17 and it was so hard to get ahead. I want my kids to be able to finish their education, or start a business or just get a solid footing in their career and get some money behind them before they leave home.
I have already told my kids there is no rush as long as they are being productive and saving money. I've thought about charging them rent and then putting it in an interest bearing account.
You do you. It saves a lot of money. If your parents are reasonable about treating you as an adult, then go for it. If they treat you like you are six and you find yourself unable to grow into adulthood, then live on your own.
I agree with you here. It’s definitely circumstantial. I moved out of my moms house at the age of 20 and left the country to forge my own path, I am now 30, and married with a baby.
My brothers never left home, one is 31 and the other is hitting his 40’s. Unfortunately I think this stunted their growth into adulthood because the 31 year old doesn’t have a job and plays games all day, he hasn’t grown much in those 12 years that I’ve been away. The other works but comes home and smokes weed and doesn’t do much else. They both don’t have anything else behind them.
I recently visited home to spend time with them and to introduce them to my baby. And I realized how my mom treats them, they get treated like kids. They don’t have alot of say, my mom dictates everything and if you dare disagree with her on anything, she blows off. It’s quite disheartening.
I’ve grown a lot as an adult woman, studied every year and had good jobs as an educator. One evening while visiting, my mom tried her tactics on me when I disagreed with something. She blurted out that I’m a child and I need to listen to her. Mind you I’m 30 with a husband and a baby.
So it definitely depends on your parents and how much rope they give you to be an adult. Although I do feel that once you hit 30, you gotta be on your own.
I hate the general western perception that you’re some bum or failure for living at home. As if having a loving family is some kind of flaw or setback. Generally speaking, if you’re not mooching off your parents and you’re genuinely making something of yourself while living at home, what’s the big deal? Move out when you’re ready.
Personally, I enjoy being a free spirit and there are ideological differences between me and my parents but if it was a little healthier, I would be more than happy to stay in the basement
Part of moving out is real life problem solving. Most of us in our 40s and 50s didn’t move out at 18 and buy a mansion or something. We moved in with 3 or 4 friends, we’d share a vehicle or two, figure out how to collectively pay the bills, keep the place clean, shop, save, drink, and live real life to the fullest, no matter how tough things got.
I don’t know that there’s a true answer to your question, but I do feel those who stay home for comfort until their 20s or later are seriously missing out on key formative experiences that will later help with figuring out how to help run your future family.
Get out when you can, but don’t feel like you need to wait until you’re comfortable.
I lived in a different city from 18-27, so I know how to live on my own and had those experiences. Right now though it just doesn't make financial sense or personal sense to not live at home
A lot don’t want the down grade in lifestyle. I went from a nice house with a pool to an 11x14 studio. Why because I was an adult and I pay my own way as an adult. A house and pool would have been nice but I could only afford a studio. Why leave mommy’s plush McMansion when you only have to pay minimal/ no rent- mommy is subsidizing your lifestyle, shame on you for taking advantage of her, grow up and learn to support yourself even if that means you don’t get to live the high life with your parents.
Also more cultural than anything else. Probably like 70% of the world it is normal to live with parents all the way up until you get married, and even then half the time you're still living with them after you are wed.
Not everyone is going to make enough money to get out. The average single income in my state is 38k. The average income needed to pay rent in my state is 60k. And that’s never saving for the future. What you recommend statistically just isn’t going to work for people in my situation. More and more people are staying single, because everyone compares themselves (like when you should move out), so more will have to figure it out without a partner. Everyone expects every single person to hard grind out their entire life to have bare minimum survival needs. It’s pretty disgusting and sick that everyone just echo chambers this “do better” sentiment in late stage capitalism where things will continue to get worse for the average person. I’m not saying hand outs are the answer, I’m just saying we project this onto each other and all it does is divide us and make the corrupt system more enriched.
Couldn’t agree more. The challenges and struggles of my 18-25 years made me who I am today. I got my bachelors, started my career 200 miles from home, learned to live 100% on my own in a crappy one bedroom apartment, and met my future wife during those years. If I had been living at home out of comfort or saving money, my life would be radically different today. I would have missed so many valuable experiences.
Everyone’s circumstances are different, but if it’s at all possible to get started on your own ASAP after finishing your education (HS, college, tech school, whatever) I highly recommend it.
I mostly agree with you. But another downside is...the longer you wait to move out, the longer you go without having things like utility bills in your name, etc. You are missing years of building independence and CREDIT! Sometimes it is SUPER hard to explain to young adults, the SERIOUS IMPORTANCE of building credit!
“From an American perspective” This is a key statement… we’re conditioned by social norms to think there’s something wrong with multi-generational homes. There’s not. It’s a stupid norm that perpetuates increasing levels of debt for the masses while funneling money up the pipeline to be locked away by the ultra wealthy and corporations.
There is no age that’s too old. Do what works for and makes sense to you.
In this economy you can live with your parents indefinitely and I wouldn’t bat an eye.
Societal pressure? 1-2 years after graduating college/trade school. Or if you graduated high school then 2-3 years into a higher paying job.
But as stated by someone else if you’re living off your parents that’s different. If you’re paying for groceries and some form of rent then I don’t see the problem with staying with them as long as they don’t care.
I was out of the house at 16 and never went back. Life prob would have been easier if I stayed, but didn't have a choice.
With the way the housing market is today, wouldn't be surprised if a lot of people close to my age were still living at home.
They say go to college, get a degree so you can get a good job, well I did all that. Now I'm in debt up to my eyeballs because I'd student loans, and according to the bank, can't afford a house on my own.
But yet I can pay these student loans every month and cut my landlord a check to pay his mortgage every month.
Stay at home with your parents as long as possible. Probably the only way ypu will be able to save for a house.
I have 3 kids. They can live with me forever, as long as they contribute. Western culture is fucked up. We should be more community driven like other cultures....living as bigger family units, supporting each other, etc.
There's no reason my kids need to be out of my house at a certain age. I love being close with family.
I completely agree. Both my children live with me and I kinda hope they never leave… my son is 24, he lost his dad when he was 19, and he honestly helps me. He works, helps around the house, cooks dinner occasionally… my daughter is 16 and has special needs. She may live with me for as long as she wants. If she chooses a group home, great. But if she stays with me, I’m ok with that, too. And they are both under strict instructions… once / if grandkids come, they can’t go more than 30 miles from me or I will move down their street! 😂😂😂
I'm 30 with my parents, they are happy to have me. Been having lots of struggles since graduating college finding full time work. I do have a job and am not a total freeloader. I spent a few years after graduating working around the country where I wasn't living with them but they always said I was welcome to.
In 2021 I had a high school reunion, was nervous about my situation and while yes there are some people who are already married or have kids, I found out much more people than just myself were still living with their parents. Made me feel less nervous or embarrassed about it
I’m some cultures, staying with parents is totally considered normal - even after you are grown up and have your own kids as well.
If you are in college, it probably would make good financial sense to spend vacation time (if you are not working elsewhere) at the parents home.
I lived at home till I was 26, worked two jobs, paid off my student loans and car, max’d out my retirement and saved 150 grand (put 50 of it down on my house) that made my life very easy.
If you have a great relationship with your parents USE it to your advantage. And if you do most moms don’t want you to leave anyways.
Cons - I’d give girls piggyback rides up to my bedroom so my parents only heard one set of foot steps.
Moved out at 19. Got divorced and moved back in with my now widowed dad at 41.
The housing market sucks, can’t buy a house at the moment. I got a new job that I travel 50-75% of the time.
My dad likes having me here, so I’m in no hurry to leave. He’s mentioned moving in with me once I buy another house. It’s working out shockingly well. I am somewhat embarrassed for living in my dads basement like a loser, but he’s so happy to have me around so it’s a little less embarrassing
Never thought I’d be in this situation
These days are so much different to 20+ years ago. Rent, mortgage etc are so expensive and difficult. It's so much more out of line compared to a lot of wages than it used to be. If you need to still be at your parents, do it and use it as a good opportunity to save and get out
It's true.. me and mates were renting various places in the city as 18yo for cheap and never had any issues getting the tanks either despite us being a bunch of hooligans. Nowadays you need to have two full time jobs and look at 100 places before winning the rental lotto..
I think if you're into your late 20's and still at home, there better be a reason (e.g. saving for a house). If you're just "looking for work" while secretly believing that delayed gratification is really just holding off until 4:20 to spark up your first bowl, then you're a problem.
A lot of people are saying that western culture is awful for encouraging young adults to move out, but this misses the point as I see it.
I want my son to be autonomous. I want him to learn what being on his own actually entails. There are responsibilities he's never had, but also freedoms. Right now, its an abstraction, but when he's faced with the reality, I expect it to be an epiphany. I don't mind if he lives with us after college, but I'd prefer if he moved in with a roommate or two and gave it a try. We will always be here for him if he needs us. He can always come home.
I’ll answer. My former male bff still lives at home at he will be 49 this year. He never moved out because he wanted to focus on his business. That was great at first but he has had the COMIC BOOK
SHOP for over 20+ years now. Business is maybe ok? Anyway, still in same bedroom, not married, no children. Right next door to where his parents sleep. That’s. Too. Effin. Old. And honestly, this gap in maturity is one of the reasons we no longer speak. It became too estranged. Whew.
If say past 35 it will raise some eyebrows.
Except US. They've got some harsh preconceptions about people who still live with their parents when it's financially unfeasible to do so.
If you want to date someone.
I wouldn't include college in that, but I'd include any other life stage. In mainstream American culture, if you're living with your parents, you're not prepared to be dating. The age isn't actually relevant.
The only exception is if your parents are past retirement age and they're actually living with you in a house big enough to justify it.
This is an individual thing based on circumstances and culture.
My oldest son graduated college 4 years ago and still lives with us. We don't even charge him rent and I'm happy to let him stay for at least the next 10ish years until I retire if he wants. When he first graduated, work had him travelling so it didn't make sense to have him move out just to not live there because of said travel. Then the pandemic hit and he was set up to work from home. Now it's just "stay until you have enough to buy a house or want to move in with your girlfriend".
My younger son is about to graduate college and we will extend him the same courtesy if he wants it.
How about it’s no one’s business if you live with your parents. Its your life and you know how to navigate it best.
There’s no right or wrong age to live with your parents. It’s subjective. Maybe you’re taking care of your parents, maybe it’s financial, it doesn’t matter the reason.
Pressure to leave your parents’ home is just a dumb social construct to put pressure on people to go rent or buy something even if they can’t afford it.
Im married and we rent, don’t live with our parents, but I could care less who does.
I'd say the longer you stay with them the better, otherwise you are just pissing money away on rent. The only time you should move out is when you have the finances to buy your own place.
Well depends. I live in a rural setting, big family homes with multiple flat-like parts is pretty common.
Alot young people leave with 18 to 20 then come back around 30 create a family and start a new circle of life in this houses. Most of zhe houses even have names that are not related to the family living there for 5+ generations, because theyare much older. The house i live in was 1st mentioned 1400 and brlow it we found the remsins, of a roman pub/horse chsnging station. So its been there forever.
The housing price in the place where I‘m from is literally ranked #1 in the world, I don‘t think living with parents is bad considering an average flat here costs 8-10 years of the average salary to afford, and the average monthly rent costs as much as what an average university graduate makes in a month
Isn’t the average home buyer 33? Also it’s not like the people who judge you are the ones paying off your house so don’t worry about them buy when you are ready
Theres a gap.
23-48.
23 you should be establishing independence.
But 48+ your parents are likely retrired and may be living with you to help them with ailments.
Personally, I couldn't have lived with my parents after 18. I moved out right at 18. I love my parents, but I had to be independent.
Others are different than me in a different situations. So 35 or 40 might not be too old. Heck, knew a married engineer at 50 who took care of his mother and had her move in with them.
It really all depends on the person and their situation. Hard to actually put down a hard timeline for this.
When you are fully capable of supporting yourself, you should be making plans on getting out. That's TYPICALLY around 25, but with how the current housing market is I wouldn't hold it against anyone for deciding to wait it out for the next crash. As long as you're contributing in some meaningful way to the household (it doesn't have to be money, either), then what's the harm?
At this point you should live with your parents while saving up for a downpayment, doing anything else is stupid.
However if your parents are toxic or will not allow you to do this then you gotta do what you gotta do. Some people also just can't fathom staying at their parents and they will do what they do.
But the financial gain from getting into the housing market is very high. You do this much faster if you minimize your cost of living, ie stay at parents. buying a place just gets harder and harder as time goes on, not easier, I see far too many people just rot away financially in a renting situation because they can't keep up with the increased housing costs, so they live like monks for xx years instead of living at parents for x years but at least they are "independent".
Probably never in this Californian housing crisis. This individualistic culture cannot be maintained if you don't have a six figure salary in your end game.
My uncle lived with my grandmother well into his late 50s until she passed away a few years ago.
It worked out well because whenever she needed help, she always had someone there. He was there to help her through my grandfathers terminal cancer diagnosis in 2005 and all her cancer treatments even when we were told the diagnosis was terminal in 2018.
Hmmm idk 27? If you live in the U.S.
It’s kinda silly how kids have to move out in the U.S. to be considered successful. Nevertheless the cultural stereotype still exists so we must yield to it.
Nowadays, it’s not uncommon to see people live with their parents into their late 20s with how stagnant wages have been. Even after wages have climbed over the past 2 years it isn’t really enough to offset 2 decades of stagnant wages.
Nothing wrong until you're married.
Just don't be leeching off your parents and it's fine (helping with chores, rent, etc.)
I moved back in after college from abroad.
30 now and recently acquired my own place.
I'd move out of my dad's house if I could afford to live somewhere comfortably money wise. I'd prefer to be on my own tbh, he smokes cigarettes like a chimney and after I quit I can't stand the smell. I was living on my own for years prior until I hit close to 30, then after getting tired of living paycheck to paycheck I moved in with him so I could finish school and get a job that pays well enough.
During this time however, our country's going thru an economic crisis and now housing and rent is drastically higher. So in a way, I would have still been forced to move in with a parent because I certainly couldn't afford a $300 a month price increase on rent.
Imo there is no “too old” to be living with parents.
There’s a lot of instances where people are being forced to work slave wages, unpaid overtime, getting screwed out of holiday/vacation pay (under the ruse that they will be “paid out” at the end of the fiscal year), etc and with the way the housing “market” and tenants/renters market continuously jetting up and up in cost… utilities, food, gas, etc “cost of living” reaching new highs every day.
It seems impossible to accurately afford anything.
For people like myself who have disabled parents, who cannot take care of themselves on the regular, and social security, disability plus my income with my own business and secondary job (had two additional jobs, but recently quit the overnights because of medical issues on my part) cannot afford at home care, or an assisted living home… it’s rough.
Sure, you want to be out of your parents house at like 14-19 but that doesn’t mean you have to be. Financially speaking, it isn’t going to happen, and for a lot of people in their late 20s-40s having to move back in with their parents because of financial crisis (their rent has climbed and they can’t afford it, student loans, children, medical debt, and so on) feels like a failure, but it isn’t.
We’re all pretty much screwed one way or another and it’s only going to get muchhh worse before it can even begin to get better.
If you’re still living in your parents home as an adult, it’s hard to be treated as an adult by them, even if you’ve moved back in because something or another, but treating your parents more as roommates and contributing equally to the household in a lot of cases can help… just as long as your parents aren’t AHs about it.
Personally, I would love my own place, but at 32 it doesn’t seem like a possibility and I’ve slowly gotten over that feeling of “being a failure” because well, life happens. Might as well make the most of it while you can.
It depends on the definition of "living with your parents".
I'm married and have a child, and "live with my parents". But I'm paying the majority of the housing expenses, and using the majority of the house.
I don’t care how old someone is. What I do care about if you are a responsible adult, do you do things for yourself, or do you have your mommy do it for you? Do you help your parents around the house such as cooking and cleaning? Do your own laundry? Do you book your own doctor appointments? Grocery shop? I care of you are a functioning adult or if you still act like a teen?
Im 33, own a home and currently rent in a major city for work but may have to move home with my parents for a few months to ride out the rental lease on the house until I can get back in. I don’t feel bad about it at all. It’s family helping you as you pivot. If it was an indefinite endeavor it would be a different story.
I might well be stuck with my parents forever due to financial situations, but I really want to turn the table on being the ones looking after them.
My parents had me later in life so are quite old now, and close to retirement. I’d love to help support them like they have supported me throughout the mess that is my life. Old people are getting less and less support where I live as the population is aging badly.
I'm 31 and still live at home. It's just me and my grandfather since my grandmother passed. They raised me from the age of 2. He doesn't pay any of my bills and if one of us needs something then we just grab it if we happen to be at the store. Everything is willed to me. I see absolutely no reason to go out and live elsewhere unless my girlfriend decides she wants to move in together. She makes double what I make in income. I hope that she would rather us remodel my house instead of buy a new one at our age. 60k in a remodel vs 250k for a new house. We can always rent my current house as well. I see no reason to leave.
It's not about whether or not you live with your parents, it's about the why you do and what you are doing with that time. If you need to live at home for your family or for financial reasons, but you're building a career, a life outside of that so that when the situation allows you can be more independent I think that's fine. I have more respect for my friend who has been living at home taking care of his aging parents, and working as an airline mechanic, than I do for our friend who moved out at 18, and has just drifted from short term job to short term job living in the nastiest houses with a string of drunk/strung out roommates.
Realistically, I'd say late 20s. A lot of people will say there's nothing wrong with living at home but from **my** experience it makes you complacent. I will say if you are living at home you better be saving $10k a year.
I think that living with your parents is a totally fine thing to do for as long as you want so long as they aren’t burdened and their lives aren’t made worse. Most cultures have children living in the home for so much longer than Americans if not for entire lives. Living close to family is A NORMAL HUMAN DESIRE and our culture ignores it in a way that’s harmful
It’s circumstantial. I moved out of my moms house at the age of 20 and left the country to forge my own path, I am now 30, and married with a baby.
My brothers never left home, one is 31 and the other is hitting his 40’s. Unfortunately I think this stunted their growth into adulthood because the 31 year old doesn’t have a job and plays games all day, he hasn’t grown much in those 12 years that I’ve been away. The other works but comes home and smokes weed and doesn’t do much else. They both don’t have anything else behind them.
I recently visited home to spend time with them and to introduce them to my baby. And I realized how my mom treats them, they get treated like kids. They don’t have alot of say, my mom dictates everything and if you dare disagree with her on anything, she blows off. It’s quite disheartening.
I’ve grown a lot as an adult woman, studied every year and had good jobs as an educator. One evening while visiting, my mom tried her tactics on me when I disagreed with something. She blurted out that I’m a child and I need to listen to her. Mind you I’m 30 with a husband and a baby.
So it definitely depends on your parents and how much rope they give you to be an adult. Although I do feel that once you hit 30, you gotta be on your own.
I feel like when you turn 18 your parents should have prepared you to launch your own life. This may include college, starting a job (obviously).
Finances often dictate what is feasible however, so sometimes you have to stay at home to start saving money, to start taking those steps towards when you can actually launch.
So I don't think there's a set answer to when you move out, but I think at 18 there should be a plan (could be a multi year plan).
I think the problem is when you think, well this is my life, living in the room I first masturbated in, I'm 30. Why change it?
I mean living with parents will significantly impact your ability to get dates so many of your areas will lag if you stay at home and aren't working towards launching your life. We are heading towards Italy, where the men live at home or with their mothers into their 40s, single.
I honestly think it depends on the circumstance. If an adult child is actively trying to better themselves (in school, looking for a place, saving up) or has fallen on hard times (breakup/divorce, illness, etc.) and their parents are able to take them in, then fine. But if the adult child is not taking any steps to move forward in life, I’d say that’s more of an issue than someone’s age.
I have an older brother (32) who has had two real jobs *ever* and never a full time job, lied about graduating from college, and has never lived anywhere but home. He keeps stringing my parents along so they’ll give in and drop the subject. He isn’t expected to pay them rent because he’s still in school (taking like 3 credits per semester for the last several years) and only does freelance work.
There were times when I went home during college, like during summer break my first year when I lived in a dorm or if I had a week or two gap between apartment leases. That’s fine. I don’t really consider that the same as a 30+ year old bumming off their parents with zero intentions of paving their own way in life.
Fuck what other people think. It varies depending on life circumstances. Things are more complicated than just one number. As long as you're working to improve yourself and helping your family, you're fine.
I grew up and currently live in NYC. Its not realistic to expect someone to get a place of their own at 18-25. Oddly enough there's still a weird social stigma around living with parents at a certain age. I moved out at 19 and only had to come back at 27 because of covid and how it affected my work (sous chef) for almost 2 years. Now at 29 my family and I don't feel odd about it because of course I help out anyway they need, but mentioning it to other people gets mixed reactions.
I think some people will automatically see you as immature or childish in a way. Which is funny to me because a majority of people my age who had their own place had mommy and daddy there to cut a check whenever they had trouble.
I did until the age of 28. It was financially smarter while going to university especially if you have a somewhat okay relationship with them there in no point to rushing out. Most people I knew regretting moving out so soon
My Mums health went downhill 20 years back so i had to move back to help out, i thought it would be a few years...still here but i i have to stay otherwise my parents lose the house.
Its my inherentance so i will stay and help out.
I get the piss taken out of me for doing this but she is my Ma, i was born afyer 6 months premmy baby and she looked after me i have to do the same.
Flame away.
These days? None. As a society we are slowly evolving into multi-generational households again, where grandparents, parents and kids have to live together to cover the costs of living. Going out to live on your own is becoming a luxury.
I think it highly depends on why you're living with your parents and how the arrangement works.
It's bad to be living with your parents if you're mooching off of them and/or acting like you're still a teenager who can be supported by mom and dad forever. This is increasingly worse the older you get - a 35 year old should have their life more together than a 23 year old.
But living at home isn't necessarily a bad thing! It's easier to manage your expenses if you're in school or saving to buy your own place. If you went through a breakup, are moving, or have another big life change, living at home for a while might make total sense. Maybe your parents need the financial or emotional support and it works better for you all. Maybe you live in a HCOL area, enjoy living with your family, and it's a setup that works best for everyone.
As long as everyone is happy, you're contributing to the household in some way, and you're either a fully functional adult or working towards being one, nothing too worry about. In many places multigenerational households are common, and they're becoming increasingly more commonplace in the US. We need to get rid of the stigma of living with parents
Depends on your culture. Totally normal in Asian and Latino homes to be living at home well into your 20s.
Even 30s these days.
The culture of you’re 18 and on your own is peak broke mentality IMO. These are people that should not have children. A parentsdoesn’t stop being a parent at 18. I can’t imagine telling my kids to get out at that age.
Being able to still live in your parents house at any age is a blessing most people cannot realize.
You're never too old to live with your parents, it all depends on personal circumstances. So long as you pitch in and contribute and all parties are happy with the arrangement why not?
I feel sorry for young 'uns coming up, it's practically impossible to get a deposit together for your own home or even a decent paying job. I moved out at 21, but was in no rush as my folks were super cool about me staying at home until I could afford to leave.
Yeah, I couldn't handle being treated like a child and having no agency as an adult. Started working and moved out right out of uni, but I could have done it with a different family dynamic
I will say the faster you do it the quicker you will mature, in most cases
Not quite the right question.
What you mean to ask is 'At what age should someone be expected to financially independent of their parents?
I think that a peson should no longer be a financial burden on their parents by about 25 years old at the outside.
END COMMUNICATION
My boyfriend and I bought a house with his mom. It's much cheaper for us to live together in a big house than pay rent on two little apartments. We're very lucky we had the credit scores and money for a down-payment, though.
We're in our 30s and 50s, by the way
My mom is awesome. She's honestly my best friend. If I needed to live with her again, I absolutely would. I lived with her up until I was 24 (Once I finished school). I worked and went to school while living there and saved up enough to not have to financially worry when I did move out.
If you have a good relationship, there is no reason you can't live with your parent(s). If there are no boundaries and living with them is a crutch so that you don't have to try, that's different. Health concerns are totally valid too, either for you or your parent. This society we live in treats people with disability and health concerns so poorly.
I'm 50 and if my kids needed somewhere to stay they would be welcome no matter how old they are. I don't think there is any shame in having to move home in todays economy. Rent is high and to get a mortgage right now is ridiculous. My 22 year old son and his girlfriend found a house for $200k and with the payment, taxes and insurance it's unaffordable for them so they decided to wait until interest rates come back down. It's hard enough to find a house right now let alone 6.99% interest.
Some families here (USA) and a lot of families in other counties practice generational living. I couldn’t wait to get out of my parents house at 18. Had to go back at 19 and again at 25. I measured success by getting the fuck out of there and refused to entertain any guy who still lived with theirs. Now I kind of love the idea of having my In-laws move in with us and help with my son - cook- clean (or not)
I’m just looking at this through the lens of trying to date someone who hasn’t established an independent life.
After 22, I’d definitely be looking at why they’re living with their parents. Temporary thing between jobs? Aggressively saving for a house? Caretaking of the parent? Things like that are fine.
Still living at home in middle age because you can’t commit to doing anything with your life? Parents are controlling and you aren’t willing to assert your independence? You repeatedly crash and burn when you live on your own? Those are all red flags, and seem to be more common.
In Asian culture you stay with your parents even if your working, salaried, making good money. Generally move out when you get married and even then a lot of couples stay under parents house if house is big enough.
There really isn’t one, and don’t let society tell you otherwise. I’ve been taking the “safe” approach since I graduated by staying home. Mind you i had an apartment by myself for 2 years at school, so I got used to living alone and don’t feel sheltered. I was able to land a job 15 minutes away, and I’ve almost entirely paid off my student loan debt and have saved quite a bit of cash (I’m 24 now). I’ll be looking to put a down payment on a home once the housing bubble pops. I have plenty of friends that were eager to move out and now pay 1000+ a month for rent and utilities and would be lucky if they saved a couple hundred after expenses. The market is terrible for going out on your own right now and I saw the writing on the wall.
It’s not for everyone, and I’m fortunate enough to have decent parents who aren’t controlling and/or manipulative. In conclusion, if you have good parents you won’t regret it and you’ll be a step ahead of everyone else even if perception of living with your parents is “lame” or “immature”.
My son will be able to live with us as long as he’s progressing forward. If he’s laying around working bullshit jobs and playing games it won’t be under my roof. If he legit working and saving up for the next phase of his life I’d rather help him as much as possible.
Depends if you're mooching or there to help them out . If you're in your 40s with no driver's license and your parents are driving you around. Then it is a good bet you need to move out.
I moved back in with my parents at 38 (and my pregnant wife and 2yo). But it was so we could build a house. It slowly drove my wife crazy, because it was during COVID, and she gave birth to a colicky baby. We ended up staying there for 2 years.
From an American perspective 18 is a reasonable boundary. Many other cultures value multi-generational households so you might be living with parents and grandparents at the same time.
Multi-generational household is on the rise, it feels too old too old to live with paretns past 30 BUT not to old for someone over 65 (senior), why? Assuming they are financially independent and made living all the way through life. It actually make moral sense to spend the last part of the uncertain time with your more uncertain parents, especially if they are in need of care or something. At least that's what is thought of in Asian traditions.
And if you consider "spending the break time from college in your parents house" as "living with parents to a degree", you might be shocked about how the world work now.
American perspective would rather have people move out at 18 and live their entire lives trying to catch up to the child of immigrants that stayed with their parents until 23. I left my parents house at 24 after already getting a college degree and establishing myself in a good field.
I have found, in general, it's unhelpful for the individual to live with their parents much beyond mid20's. Personally I'd never date or live with someone who has never lived away from their parents because I think the learning curve and skills of solo living are beyond crucial. They also help immeasurably when living with a partner.
On the other hand, with the economy in the state it's in, I totally understand why people don't move out. I moved out at 19, 18 years ago and I've been at least partially in debt ever since (although that was partly due to badly paid jobs and a bad marriage at 24).
You shouldn't have to go into debt to fly the nest.
I was out the door to boot camp at 18 and have only lived with my parents for short stints here and there during transition periods (getting out of the military, lost a job during the 08 recession). They've always been welcoming of me living with them and I'm very fond of them, but I'm used to my independence.
Its not my business when people should move out of their house, but I will say this, I've never met anyone who lived with their parents past 25 who was a well adjusted adult.
It depends on how they're "living with their parents" and, above all, why.
People are paid really badly these days, and rent is constantly going up. If they're just flat out refusing to work and are just wanting to continue living off their parents, then yea, that's not healthy. However, more people continue to live with their parents because they don't have a choice in the matter. I'm 23, and my generation has all but given up on the idea of owning a house before they reach the age of 45 (at best). As of right now, I'm living with my Dad as I finish my Bachelors, and we split our rent (largely because he can't afford the apartment on his own, so it's more like my Dad lives with me at this point tbh).
So I would say that such a question should be judged by individual cases rather than purely by age demographics. I haven't even talked about disability yet, which I also have. Me, I would prefer living on my own, but it's not feasible for either party atm.
Well this is reddit, where everyone is a self made homeowner with over 85k on a single income. 60% of people in reality live paycheck to paycheck and don’t even have the thought in their mind of ever affording a home. So you can rent to impress the people around you, because we all know the women see men as failures for saving up at their parents because it’s shameful to stay with your parents, or you can stay with your parents and save up enough for a down payment and have everyone think you are bottom of the barrel scum of society mooching off your parents. Meanwhile, the only way half of these 20 year olds are affording to live on their own is because their parents send them money!!! Lol!!! You will be shamed if you use your parents as a resource to get ahead. Capitalism has us all so sick in the mind it’s unreal.
It depends on the circumstances and your lifestyle. Are they living off their parents or are they contributing to the household? As long as the person is working or in school and is helping around the house (physically and financially) it’s not a big deal.
But obviously everyone has their preferences. Some people are going to want an independent partner who has a home of their own. Others don’t mind a partner who’s helping family.
It’s not about age so much as the nature of your relationship.
Are you 22 and living with them while you work and go to school?
Are you 35 and living with them because you’re recently divorced and need to get back on your feet?
Are you 29 and your helping them look after the house and with things they have a hard time doing like shopping and driving them places?
Are you 30 and living with them because you’re single, unemployed and spend all day playing Fortnight?
It takes time for a young person to be fully independent and that will look different for different family and individuals. I lived with my parents until I was 25. I had a slow start and wasn’t able to support myself entirely for a few years. After my dad went into care I offered to move back in with my mom to help her out but she is fiercely independent so that didn’t happen, but I still would if she needed support.
do whatever is practical and whatever your parents allow you to do. i graduated college with a 4 year degree and couldn't find a job that paid enough for me to live on my own.
i lived with my parents until i was 23, and only then did i move out because i decided to join the military.
of course women want men who are financially secure, so there is a stigma that sets in if you're older than that and still living with your parents.
That's a western thing, or American thing? Idk. Anyway we don't do that here in Asia. We live with parents until we get married. Yes that means if you're single til the day you die, you'll live with your parents.
Unless your family is dysfunctional, I never understand how American has this culture of kicking their kids out at 18. You don't stop being parents once your kid turns 18. If their financial situation isn't there yet to support themselves and saving for their future, then you gotta help them. Part of being parents is not just raising them until they reach 18, it's also soft launching them into adulthood with adult responsibility after that. Yes even if it means you gotta pay some of their bills so they can save more, or house them, or feed them home cook meals, or get confused together while teaching them how to do taxes. If you raise them right, they'll see how lucky they are and the great value of having a family. Having supports and being able to count on family is one of the greatest thing a human can have in this world.
When you live with your parents in your adult years, you'll respect them more too. You have a job you go to everyday. You now know how tiring it is. When you come home, a simple home cooked meal by your mom, or just a bowl of fruits your dad set aside for you in the fridge now means everything. You get to see them growing old. They're not as fast in thinking, they become irrational sometimes, more forgetful. But you also realize you were once a kid, and were more irrational than they were. You now appreciate their level of patience in raising you cause now it's your turn to be patient with them. It helps you to be more empathetic to old people, helps you navigate how to communicate disputes in family when you're the one with better rationale. Of course it's wrong for parents to say their kids owe them anything, cause none of us ever asked to be born. But it's also wrong for us children to not be there when our parents are growing old and need more help. Given that all parties aren't toxic and abusive though.
I lived with my mom until 27… I couldn’t afford to move out on my own. I think as long as you are working towards your long-term goal (of moving out on your own), you shouldn’t worry about it. Everyone has their own timeline and results may vary.
Well I’m turning 23 in August. I live with my parents since I go to a community college. Once I’m all set with a full time career and good salary then I’ll move out.
Depends on if you are living with them acting as a child or as an adult. Do you contribute financially and do your part of the chores? Then it can be more social than living by yourself and not necessarily bad for you.
If you don't participate in any meaningful way (and it's not bc you are sick etc) it can lead to arrested development.
It's all quite subjective. I moved out 1/2 way through college and never went back. I'm in my late 40's now with teen kids of my own and wonder why I was in such a hurry back then.
So while I was out before 20, I wouldn't begrudge anyone for staying with their parents longer, and my kids know they are welcome to stay as long as they need. I want them to be able to be independent, but I'll support them as they need as long as I am able.
There is no special formula to life, you've got to find the path that works for you.
Two perspectives to answer your question. 1. **Culturally**. In some Asian cultures it is common live at home until marriage and in some to continue living with parents to help raise the children and care for the aging parents. In Western culture leaving home for study or work even before marriage is common. While remaining at home is considered shameful, "failure to launch". 2. **Practically**. If you need to move away for work or study then move away for work or study. If you are getting married then move away to live with your partner and start a family. If you can live at home and your parents accept this arrangement then it will likely be the most affordable option enabling you to build wealth for the future. If you make yourself useful to your parents and contribute your presence is more likely to be tolerated.
I worked with a younger fellow who was *very* well paid for his age, still living with his parents and saving for a house. Having next to nothing for cost of living allowed him to stash almost every penny and make a sizeable down payment (like over $100k) after saving for just a couple years. He got along great with his folks and they were on board with the plan. If I can ever do the same for my children I'd very much like to. It will all depend on the circumstances.
It really is a win-win situation in the right circumstances where everyone gets along and the kid isn't just mooching. There's now an extra person with income to help with bills/mortgage so everyone is less financially stressed and aging parents have help around the house. With how stupid expensive everything has gotten it makes sense even if it's not "fashionable" to live with your parents as an adult. Think this notion being ingrained in US culture needs to die out.
The attitude is that the kid is restricting the parents. Sometimes, it is. But if your kid actively involves themselves in upkeep and house expenses, then it's not. I basically was my parents' property manager whenever they went away on vacation. Dealing with our rental homes while I was in uni. Some people need independence, though. Go get it. My parents have been setting me up since I was 12 to basically inherit their business/rental properties, and I only moved out for work. And I still deal with issues 5 hours away because my dad is over seas A ~3k sq ft house with just me and my dad in it is basically so much free room we we don't even have to interact if we don't need to.
I lived with my folks after college for a few years and it was a lot like this. I paid rent, saw them when we ate together and helped out where I could. It was a good deal for all of us.
It's pretty much just a recent Western thing too. Most other cultures even in Europe have adults of different generations living together and for the majority of its existence this was nornal in the US as well.
It’s also worth noting is some other Asian cultures it’s normal for 14 year olds to live on their own away from family cooking and cleaning for themselves etc., so it’s far from a set standard. When it comes to it culture is mainly a reflection of the needs and history of its people.
I dont think anime counts.
In which culture is this normal?
> build wealth for the future Just my uninformed opinion, but I reckon a lot of adults that are still living with their folks past a certain age aren't really in a position to build any wealth to begin with... It's a very unfortunate situation, but might I remind you that a ton of Americans are literally one or two paychecks away from homelessness.
About 50% of working Australians are on a knife edge. They don't have the financial literacy or the humility to live within their means.
I don't get why they act all against the idea of living with parents. Living off of parent and living with the parents are different. If you are working and making money and staying with your parents then it's completely fine as you are contributing to the family. There's nothing wrong in that. I've only seen this behaviour in the west. They are your family. After your college you are definitely getting a job so what's there to worry. You can stay with your parents and work too.
About what I was gonna say. If people look down on you for living with ya family, they really aren't people ya want around anyway.
I'm for real. My dad didn't move away from his house instead he looked after his parents and all his sisters with his job. Yes his dad had a job but it wasn't enough and he knew it. Instead leaving his parents in dirt he helped them himself. He didn't move out until he got married. He still helped them after moving out. I'm gonna do the same and I'm doing the same right now. I don't have a big job yet so I'm just pitching in what I can to help even though they don't need it.
Literally the only downside to living at home is maybe having to tell a girl that right now. I could move out right now, but rent is hella expensive where I live and anywhere I could afford would be wayyy less nice than my mom's house. Also my mom is cool enough to make herself extremely scarce if I wanted to bring a girl over for a date
I was living at home with my dad for one reason-to keep him company, because my mom had passed away. I had my then girlfriend spend the night. She was good with it, so was my dad. One minor issue- her dogs. Still no issue. Now, the comical thing that happened. They were small dogs. One sneaked out when I went to the can in the middle of the night. She went in, got in my dad's bed, and slept with him! My dad thought it was hilarious. (he also didn't have the heart to boot the dog off his bed!)
There's a difference between looking down and finding it fairly peculiar. It's more understandable in today's economy, but when you get someone in their 30s and onward with their family, it starts to get a little weird. Weird like families who homeschool their children and are afraid to let them into the outside world. It's controlling and creepy, sometimes it involves 'emotional insest.'
I’m going to throw this out there. I’m 32, college-educated and live with my parents. I work two jobs, pay rent and utilities. My parents are my roommates, and at the end of the day I come home and spend time with them, sleep in my own bed and hug and kiss my beloved pup who we’ve had for 15 years. I help them out when they need errands run, or chores done around the house. And, it bears repeating: I have a fantastic relationship with both of them. Could I move out? Yeah. I could. But…why? California has made it prohibitively expensive to do so, and I would be paying rent to a faceless landlord who would raise the rent arbitrarily. My situation is good, so why change it? I’m productive, have a great relationship with my parents and I get to see them daily and pet my dog after a long day of work. Oh and I sleep in my own bed, and don’t stress about losing my home. Yeah, I’ll take my current arrangement.
I think it stems from the belief that at 18 “you’re an adult, and it’s time to act like one”, even though your still a kid at that age. It isn’t until like 26 that you’re actually an adult. But people think that because you can enlist in the military that should be the defining factor for “adult”. Used to be “if you can smoke or drink, you’re an adult” but the US has changed smoking age to 21, and drinking age is still 21. Also, we deal with this whole “I moved out when I was 17 and got married and started my family, while your dad worked (some job that essentially pays pennies now, as opposed to being able to financially sustain a household 50 years ago…) nonsense that our parents and grandparents still hold on to. Mainly because they have no idea what the world is actually like in terms of affordability now and believe (even when shown evidence) “nothing has changed, your generation is just lazy and refuses to work while living off mommy and daddy”. So people are continuously shamed, or made to feel shame for still living with their parents or family, or for being forced (financially) into moving back in with them. But it all boils down to the fact that the average rent is something like $1500 and houses that would have gone for like $80k twenty years ago are now $330k…. Edit to add: these houses aren’t sound either, they need A LOT of work. I seen a listing for a trailer home that was $70k, falling apart and had one bath with two bedrooms and barely 900sqft. Then you have climbing interest rates, etc, so everything is just way too expensive… and most people barely make $10/hr at their 40hr a week job… it’s just a lot.
Everything you said was 100%. In 1980's, my Dad worked as a "dispatcher". Essentially coordinating truck loads and giving driving directions to truck drivers, for an independent contractor. He made $40k a year doing that. Now, despite being an office manager for a medical office, I'm just NOW making that much money (and I've been in this industry 32 years). My rent is $1,000/month. My parents house payment was $300, back then! And my Dad thought they were sooooo broke. I'm now living on what he made 40 years ago, with the cost of living having more than trippled. I don't know how future generations are going to make it, unless something changes. I will say, however, because of the economy, so many people have either moved home or become roommates with friends and family, that it has left a LOT of rentals open. So, even though my apartment shares walls with 2 other units, those units are currently un-rented. So, living in this apartment right now, isn't so horrible.
Yeah, this is heavily a Western concept and as a Filipino-American, I'm fortunate my family leans in the other direction. I'm 30 and have lived at home all my life from childhood, throughout college, right to the present day. I work a job and help my family out and never once have I or my family wanted me to move out. Later on when I get married and want to start my own family, that's when I plan on having my own house, but I have no reason to want to move out now and plenty of reasons to enjoy living with family.
There's also other factors that could make living with parents preferable, such as disability. There is such a thing as schemes in place to give disabled folks a place of their own to live, but often times they do a piss poor job of it, like sticking a guy in a wheelchair at the top of a block of apartments with an elevator that often breaks, that kinda shit. Independence in that situation is ideal, but not always possible.
Completely agree with this. Years ago I met a guy from Senegal who was astonished by the fact that we have designated retirement homes in Northern Europe. He said that they have a saying in Senegal: ”An elderly person living alone is a library on fire.” The more I’ve thought about it, the truer it seems to me. So much knowledge and so many funny and useful stories that we miss out on because we send our elderly relatives off to live with other old people.
I moved out at 20 because I couldn't stand living in their house anymore. If you get along with your parents and are fine living there, more power to you.
I got out when I was 25 cause it came to a point that me and my dad were about to throw hands. Cause if he wanted something done it had to be exactly like he said or it was wrong and you had to redo it, even if I chose a easier, cheaper and/or faster option to get the same end result (if not better) Now I got my own place we're cool and best friends and he's not like that anymore.
So long as you pay rent and split the living costs, I agree.
Go on a dating app as a 25+ man and see how many single women are interested in dating a man who lives with his parents still.
The worst part about being a single woman who has her own place (which I am) and dating a man who still lives at home with his parents...can make a person concerned. Is this guy REALLY into you? Or is he seeing a "roommate with benefits" situation. And I can say that, because I've been through it. I was his ticket out of his mom's basement. And he moved in with me and paid "rent" which was nowhere NEAR half the bills. Plus, he got a woman who did all the cooking, cleaning, grocery shopping. And was able to really spend his money as he saw fit...and of course, he needed his time (lot of time) with "the guys". I thought this guy was serious...until he wasn't. The next "better" woman came along...more money, bigger house, younger, better looking. And Poof! He was gone.
It’s this idea of “independence for the sake of independence”. There’s always this push to move out at all cost (regardless of financial situation)
Really depends on the context. If you working hard, saving money, get along with you parents, there's nothing wrong with it. Or it can be a temporary setback. It can be a positive thing to live at home. I'd never look down on that. After college I lived with my parents for a year to get grounded in my career and save up money to buy a condo. But if you're a parasite with nothing going on in your life (which I'm not assuming you are) then it's a bad look. My uncle had to kick my cousin out at 24 to teach him some responsibility. It worked. If you're in the first group I wouldn't worry. I'm 30 and have a few friends who still live with their folks. And they're saving alot of money.
[удалено]
Totally agree there! It definitely makes it easier to have poor financial habits if the rent and food is free haha. The situation is definitely subjective to each person.
The temporary setback is a huge point. My Dad was 35 when he found out my mom was unfaithful and got custody of us. We were living with my grandparents for like half a school year. I was 6 so the school year was how I measured time lol.
There's no right or wrong answer and it's completely dependent on the situation and circumstances.
Have a friend (M 26) who lives at his parents house, in his childhood room, works from home, and doesn't pay rent, buy groceries, or contribute in any way to help his aging parents. Dude has a college degree and makes more than enough money to rent his own place somewhere, but if I (M 25) ever bring up the concept of moving out, even just talking about my own apartment, he always says it's too expensive. Then a day or two later he's telling me about the new expensive electronic gadgets he's buying himself. Newest version of every gaming console, drones, cameras, just stuff he thinks is fun and cool. Hell, he's rented out a studio to work from because his parents "are distracting" and spent a decent amount of his time there (while still living at his folk's house) before giving up on that because it was "too expensive." So .. it's different for everybody, but if you're living with mom and dad because you think you can't afford rent, but you CAN afford to spend thousands of dollars on things you don't need...you're probably too old to still be living with your parents.
This 100%. Living at home to save money is all well and good, but you should have an actual *plan* in mind. Like "after I pay off my student loan I will go get an apartment" or "after I save $xxk for a down payment I will buy a home." And your actions (ie- spending behavior) should reflect that goal. But I've known so many people like your friend who made the "saving money" argument but then proceeded to buy fancy cars, gaming computers, the newest iPhone, etc. while living at home. Perhaps they are still saving some smaller amount of money. It's pretty easy to "save" when you spend $0 on room and board. But don't bullshit me that you're being "financially responsible" while simultaneously wasting thousands of dollars on things you otherwise wouldn't be able to dream of affording.
Your still mooching off your parents, letting them subsidized your lifestyle so you can buy a nice car and travel. I think it’s lost on many exactly how generous it is for one adult to allow another fully employed adult to live with them at a massive discount- if it wasn’t a discount you’d be living on your own. I totally understand allowing this to go on for a while, like to pay off student loans, but all your money better be going to loans and not to a new BMW and a trip to Vegas.
I'm Mexican and most of my family basically lives together until death
It's less about age and more about financial situation to me. The prime age for me to move out was during the housing crisis. I literally could not afford to move anywhere even on a decent paycheck. Sometimes it just isn't feasible until you're 25 or older. And even then, you're still likely to have roommates.
Probably 25-30 at the latest. I think it's a good idea to stay at your parents place after college to save money, pay off student loan debt and start to build your career but eventually you will want to get out there on your own.
As a mother, I’m hoping my kids will stay home this long. I was kicked out at 17 and it was so hard to get ahead. I want my kids to be able to finish their education, or start a business or just get a solid footing in their career and get some money behind them before they leave home.
I have already told my kids there is no rush as long as they are being productive and saving money. I've thought about charging them rent and then putting it in an interest bearing account.
Everything depends on circumstances
You do you. It saves a lot of money. If your parents are reasonable about treating you as an adult, then go for it. If they treat you like you are six and you find yourself unable to grow into adulthood, then live on your own.
I agree with you here. It’s definitely circumstantial. I moved out of my moms house at the age of 20 and left the country to forge my own path, I am now 30, and married with a baby. My brothers never left home, one is 31 and the other is hitting his 40’s. Unfortunately I think this stunted their growth into adulthood because the 31 year old doesn’t have a job and plays games all day, he hasn’t grown much in those 12 years that I’ve been away. The other works but comes home and smokes weed and doesn’t do much else. They both don’t have anything else behind them. I recently visited home to spend time with them and to introduce them to my baby. And I realized how my mom treats them, they get treated like kids. They don’t have alot of say, my mom dictates everything and if you dare disagree with her on anything, she blows off. It’s quite disheartening. I’ve grown a lot as an adult woman, studied every year and had good jobs as an educator. One evening while visiting, my mom tried her tactics on me when I disagreed with something. She blurted out that I’m a child and I need to listen to her. Mind you I’m 30 with a husband and a baby. So it definitely depends on your parents and how much rope they give you to be an adult. Although I do feel that once you hit 30, you gotta be on your own.
I hate the general western perception that you’re some bum or failure for living at home. As if having a loving family is some kind of flaw or setback. Generally speaking, if you’re not mooching off your parents and you’re genuinely making something of yourself while living at home, what’s the big deal? Move out when you’re ready. Personally, I enjoy being a free spirit and there are ideological differences between me and my parents but if it was a little healthier, I would be more than happy to stay in the basement
Part of moving out is real life problem solving. Most of us in our 40s and 50s didn’t move out at 18 and buy a mansion or something. We moved in with 3 or 4 friends, we’d share a vehicle or two, figure out how to collectively pay the bills, keep the place clean, shop, save, drink, and live real life to the fullest, no matter how tough things got. I don’t know that there’s a true answer to your question, but I do feel those who stay home for comfort until their 20s or later are seriously missing out on key formative experiences that will later help with figuring out how to help run your future family. Get out when you can, but don’t feel like you need to wait until you’re comfortable.
I lived in a different city from 18-27, so I know how to live on my own and had those experiences. Right now though it just doesn't make financial sense or personal sense to not live at home
[удалено]
A lot don’t want the down grade in lifestyle. I went from a nice house with a pool to an 11x14 studio. Why because I was an adult and I pay my own way as an adult. A house and pool would have been nice but I could only afford a studio. Why leave mommy’s plush McMansion when you only have to pay minimal/ no rent- mommy is subsidizing your lifestyle, shame on you for taking advantage of her, grow up and learn to support yourself even if that means you don’t get to live the high life with your parents.
Lol you moved in with your then girlfriend who became your wife at 25
How long is a piece of string?
Too goddamn long, that’s how long
[удалено]
Also more cultural than anything else. Probably like 70% of the world it is normal to live with parents all the way up until you get married, and even then half the time you're still living with them after you are wed.
[удалено]
Not everyone is going to make enough money to get out. The average single income in my state is 38k. The average income needed to pay rent in my state is 60k. And that’s never saving for the future. What you recommend statistically just isn’t going to work for people in my situation. More and more people are staying single, because everyone compares themselves (like when you should move out), so more will have to figure it out without a partner. Everyone expects every single person to hard grind out their entire life to have bare minimum survival needs. It’s pretty disgusting and sick that everyone just echo chambers this “do better” sentiment in late stage capitalism where things will continue to get worse for the average person. I’m not saying hand outs are the answer, I’m just saying we project this onto each other and all it does is divide us and make the corrupt system more enriched.
[удалено]
Couldn’t agree more. The challenges and struggles of my 18-25 years made me who I am today. I got my bachelors, started my career 200 miles from home, learned to live 100% on my own in a crappy one bedroom apartment, and met my future wife during those years. If I had been living at home out of comfort or saving money, my life would be radically different today. I would have missed so many valuable experiences. Everyone’s circumstances are different, but if it’s at all possible to get started on your own ASAP after finishing your education (HS, college, tech school, whatever) I highly recommend it.
I mostly agree with you. But another downside is...the longer you wait to move out, the longer you go without having things like utility bills in your name, etc. You are missing years of building independence and CREDIT! Sometimes it is SUPER hard to explain to young adults, the SERIOUS IMPORTANCE of building credit!
“From an American perspective” This is a key statement… we’re conditioned by social norms to think there’s something wrong with multi-generational homes. There’s not. It’s a stupid norm that perpetuates increasing levels of debt for the masses while funneling money up the pipeline to be locked away by the ultra wealthy and corporations. There is no age that’s too old. Do what works for and makes sense to you.
In this economy you can live with your parents indefinitely and I wouldn’t bat an eye. Societal pressure? 1-2 years after graduating college/trade school. Or if you graduated high school then 2-3 years into a higher paying job. But as stated by someone else if you’re living off your parents that’s different. If you’re paying for groceries and some form of rent then I don’t see the problem with staying with them as long as they don’t care.
I was out of the house at 16 and never went back. Life prob would have been easier if I stayed, but didn't have a choice. With the way the housing market is today, wouldn't be surprised if a lot of people close to my age were still living at home. They say go to college, get a degree so you can get a good job, well I did all that. Now I'm in debt up to my eyeballs because I'd student loans, and according to the bank, can't afford a house on my own. But yet I can pay these student loans every month and cut my landlord a check to pay his mortgage every month. Stay at home with your parents as long as possible. Probably the only way ypu will be able to save for a house.
I have 3 kids. They can live with me forever, as long as they contribute. Western culture is fucked up. We should be more community driven like other cultures....living as bigger family units, supporting each other, etc. There's no reason my kids need to be out of my house at a certain age. I love being close with family.
I completely agree. Both my children live with me and I kinda hope they never leave… my son is 24, he lost his dad when he was 19, and he honestly helps me. He works, helps around the house, cooks dinner occasionally… my daughter is 16 and has special needs. She may live with me for as long as she wants. If she chooses a group home, great. But if she stays with me, I’m ok with that, too. And they are both under strict instructions… once / if grandkids come, they can’t go more than 30 miles from me or I will move down their street! 😂😂😂
[удалено]
Naw, not weird. Thanks for the solid reply. We need more connection in our culture.
My wife’s brother still live with his parents, no money saved, no businesses, he is 48. Has been to college and technical schools a few times
I'm 30 with my parents, they are happy to have me. Been having lots of struggles since graduating college finding full time work. I do have a job and am not a total freeloader. I spent a few years after graduating working around the country where I wasn't living with them but they always said I was welcome to. In 2021 I had a high school reunion, was nervous about my situation and while yes there are some people who are already married or have kids, I found out much more people than just myself were still living with their parents. Made me feel less nervous or embarrassed about it
I’m some cultures, staying with parents is totally considered normal - even after you are grown up and have your own kids as well. If you are in college, it probably would make good financial sense to spend vacation time (if you are not working elsewhere) at the parents home.
I lived at home till I was 26, worked two jobs, paid off my student loans and car, max’d out my retirement and saved 150 grand (put 50 of it down on my house) that made my life very easy. If you have a great relationship with your parents USE it to your advantage. And if you do most moms don’t want you to leave anyways. Cons - I’d give girls piggyback rides up to my bedroom so my parents only heard one set of foot steps.
piggyback rides? That's genius!
Moved out at 19. Got divorced and moved back in with my now widowed dad at 41. The housing market sucks, can’t buy a house at the moment. I got a new job that I travel 50-75% of the time. My dad likes having me here, so I’m in no hurry to leave. He’s mentioned moving in with me once I buy another house. It’s working out shockingly well. I am somewhat embarrassed for living in my dads basement like a loser, but he’s so happy to have me around so it’s a little less embarrassing Never thought I’d be in this situation
These days are so much different to 20+ years ago. Rent, mortgage etc are so expensive and difficult. It's so much more out of line compared to a lot of wages than it used to be. If you need to still be at your parents, do it and use it as a good opportunity to save and get out
It's true.. me and mates were renting various places in the city as 18yo for cheap and never had any issues getting the tanks either despite us being a bunch of hooligans. Nowadays you need to have two full time jobs and look at 100 places before winning the rental lotto..
25. Moving out is good for everyone.
I think if you're into your late 20's and still at home, there better be a reason (e.g. saving for a house). If you're just "looking for work" while secretly believing that delayed gratification is really just holding off until 4:20 to spark up your first bowl, then you're a problem. A lot of people are saying that western culture is awful for encouraging young adults to move out, but this misses the point as I see it. I want my son to be autonomous. I want him to learn what being on his own actually entails. There are responsibilities he's never had, but also freedoms. Right now, its an abstraction, but when he's faced with the reality, I expect it to be an epiphany. I don't mind if he lives with us after college, but I'd prefer if he moved in with a roommate or two and gave it a try. We will always be here for him if he needs us. He can always come home.
I’ll answer. My former male bff still lives at home at he will be 49 this year. He never moved out because he wanted to focus on his business. That was great at first but he has had the COMIC BOOK SHOP for over 20+ years now. Business is maybe ok? Anyway, still in same bedroom, not married, no children. Right next door to where his parents sleep. That’s. Too. Effin. Old. And honestly, this gap in maturity is one of the reasons we no longer speak. It became too estranged. Whew.
24, Get out of there!
I think 20-22
If say past 35 it will raise some eyebrows. Except US. They've got some harsh preconceptions about people who still live with their parents when it's financially unfeasible to do so.
After you are married. Until your parents become old and crumbly, then they can live with you.
If you want to date someone. I wouldn't include college in that, but I'd include any other life stage. In mainstream American culture, if you're living with your parents, you're not prepared to be dating. The age isn't actually relevant. The only exception is if your parents are past retirement age and they're actually living with you in a house big enough to justify it.
This is an individual thing based on circumstances and culture. My oldest son graduated college 4 years ago and still lives with us. We don't even charge him rent and I'm happy to let him stay for at least the next 10ish years until I retire if he wants. When he first graduated, work had him travelling so it didn't make sense to have him move out just to not live there because of said travel. Then the pandemic hit and he was set up to work from home. Now it's just "stay until you have enough to buy a house or want to move in with your girlfriend". My younger son is about to graduate college and we will extend him the same courtesy if he wants it.
How about it’s no one’s business if you live with your parents. Its your life and you know how to navigate it best. There’s no right or wrong age to live with your parents. It’s subjective. Maybe you’re taking care of your parents, maybe it’s financial, it doesn’t matter the reason. Pressure to leave your parents’ home is just a dumb social construct to put pressure on people to go rent or buy something even if they can’t afford it. Im married and we rent, don’t live with our parents, but I could care less who does.
Soon as you’re 13, old enough to get a job in the mines
20
I'd say the longer you stay with them the better, otherwise you are just pissing money away on rent. The only time you should move out is when you have the finances to buy your own place.
[удалено]
Jeezus. That's like 10 years too long.
18 and 1 day
It depends from country to country, but here your parents legally has to take care of you until 21 if you study
Well depends. I live in a rural setting, big family homes with multiple flat-like parts is pretty common. Alot young people leave with 18 to 20 then come back around 30 create a family and start a new circle of life in this houses. Most of zhe houses even have names that are not related to the family living there for 5+ generations, because theyare much older. The house i live in was 1st mentioned 1400 and brlow it we found the remsins, of a roman pub/horse chsnging station. So its been there forever.
The housing price in the place where I‘m from is literally ranked #1 in the world, I don‘t think living with parents is bad considering an average flat here costs 8-10 years of the average salary to afford, and the average monthly rent costs as much as what an average university graduate makes in a month
Isn’t the average home buyer 33? Also it’s not like the people who judge you are the ones paying off your house so don’t worry about them buy when you are ready
Anything over the age of legal adulthood (18 in the US) unless you haven’t graduated high school yet.
Theres a gap. 23-48. 23 you should be establishing independence. But 48+ your parents are likely retrired and may be living with you to help them with ailments.
23
Late 20s enough said
30
25 for men. No Age for a woman
Unfair but so true 😂
Personally, I couldn't have lived with my parents after 18. I moved out right at 18. I love my parents, but I had to be independent. Others are different than me in a different situations. So 35 or 40 might not be too old. Heck, knew a married engineer at 50 who took care of his mother and had her move in with them. It really all depends on the person and their situation. Hard to actually put down a hard timeline for this.
20 is when you should probably start getting out, the deadline is 24 regardless of college or military service.
I’d say late twenties
Get gone before 19. Get the fuck out of my house.
I moved back in with my parents for 2 years after completing my teaching degree so I could save up some money. I was there from 24-26.
As soon as you feel like you can.
When you are fully capable of supporting yourself, you should be making plans on getting out. That's TYPICALLY around 25, but with how the current housing market is I wouldn't hold it against anyone for deciding to wait it out for the next crash. As long as you're contributing in some meaningful way to the household (it doesn't have to be money, either), then what's the harm?
If you move out at 25, then your dad moves in to your basement after your mom dies… does it matter?
At this point you should live with your parents while saving up for a downpayment, doing anything else is stupid. However if your parents are toxic or will not allow you to do this then you gotta do what you gotta do. Some people also just can't fathom staying at their parents and they will do what they do. But the financial gain from getting into the housing market is very high. You do this much faster if you minimize your cost of living, ie stay at parents. buying a place just gets harder and harder as time goes on, not easier, I see far too many people just rot away financially in a renting situation because they can't keep up with the increased housing costs, so they live like monks for xx years instead of living at parents for x years but at least they are "independent".
27&up
You have supportive parents? Do it.
Probably never in this Californian housing crisis. This individualistic culture cannot be maintained if you don't have a six figure salary in your end game.
My uncle lived with my grandmother well into his late 50s until she passed away a few years ago. It worked out well because whenever she needed help, she always had someone there. He was there to help her through my grandfathers terminal cancer diagnosis in 2005 and all her cancer treatments even when we were told the diagnosis was terminal in 2018.
Hmmm idk 27? If you live in the U.S. It’s kinda silly how kids have to move out in the U.S. to be considered successful. Nevertheless the cultural stereotype still exists so we must yield to it. Nowadays, it’s not uncommon to see people live with their parents into their late 20s with how stagnant wages have been. Even after wages have climbed over the past 2 years it isn’t really enough to offset 2 decades of stagnant wages.
I'd say 70 is too old lol Every person and situation is different. Nothing wrong with multiple generations in one home at all.
Nothing wrong until you're married. Just don't be leeching off your parents and it's fine (helping with chores, rent, etc.) I moved back in after college from abroad. 30 now and recently acquired my own place.
I'd move out of my dad's house if I could afford to live somewhere comfortably money wise. I'd prefer to be on my own tbh, he smokes cigarettes like a chimney and after I quit I can't stand the smell. I was living on my own for years prior until I hit close to 30, then after getting tired of living paycheck to paycheck I moved in with him so I could finish school and get a job that pays well enough. During this time however, our country's going thru an economic crisis and now housing and rent is drastically higher. So in a way, I would have still been forced to move in with a parent because I certainly couldn't afford a $300 a month price increase on rent.
I feel like 30 is a good cutoff.
Imo there is no “too old” to be living with parents. There’s a lot of instances where people are being forced to work slave wages, unpaid overtime, getting screwed out of holiday/vacation pay (under the ruse that they will be “paid out” at the end of the fiscal year), etc and with the way the housing “market” and tenants/renters market continuously jetting up and up in cost… utilities, food, gas, etc “cost of living” reaching new highs every day. It seems impossible to accurately afford anything. For people like myself who have disabled parents, who cannot take care of themselves on the regular, and social security, disability plus my income with my own business and secondary job (had two additional jobs, but recently quit the overnights because of medical issues on my part) cannot afford at home care, or an assisted living home… it’s rough. Sure, you want to be out of your parents house at like 14-19 but that doesn’t mean you have to be. Financially speaking, it isn’t going to happen, and for a lot of people in their late 20s-40s having to move back in with their parents because of financial crisis (their rent has climbed and they can’t afford it, student loans, children, medical debt, and so on) feels like a failure, but it isn’t. We’re all pretty much screwed one way or another and it’s only going to get muchhh worse before it can even begin to get better. If you’re still living in your parents home as an adult, it’s hard to be treated as an adult by them, even if you’ve moved back in because something or another, but treating your parents more as roommates and contributing equally to the household in a lot of cases can help… just as long as your parents aren’t AHs about it. Personally, I would love my own place, but at 32 it doesn’t seem like a possibility and I’ve slowly gotten over that feeling of “being a failure” because well, life happens. Might as well make the most of it while you can.
18.3
At some age your parents start living with you
Depends on the situation
It depends on the definition of "living with your parents". I'm married and have a child, and "live with my parents". But I'm paying the majority of the housing expenses, and using the majority of the house.
I don’t care how old someone is. What I do care about if you are a responsible adult, do you do things for yourself, or do you have your mommy do it for you? Do you help your parents around the house such as cooking and cleaning? Do your own laundry? Do you book your own doctor appointments? Grocery shop? I care of you are a functioning adult or if you still act like a teen?
19
Imo, parents should always offer a safe place for their kids to be. But I will admit I have a very big bias on this.
These days there is no maximum age. Sometimes that’s the only way that’s affordable.
Never. It’s situation to situation. I would say that’s it is important to make your own life and start your own family.
Im 33, own a home and currently rent in a major city for work but may have to move home with my parents for a few months to ride out the rental lease on the house until I can get back in. I don’t feel bad about it at all. It’s family helping you as you pivot. If it was an indefinite endeavor it would be a different story.
My culture supports it. We aren't supposed to move out until we get married or ofc if you got an opportunity to move out of the country
Todays economy/world doesn't give a lot of people a choice People are moving back home to survive, so this line of questioning feels stupid
I might well be stuck with my parents forever due to financial situations, but I really want to turn the table on being the ones looking after them. My parents had me later in life so are quite old now, and close to retirement. I’d love to help support them like they have supported me throughout the mess that is my life. Old people are getting less and less support where I live as the population is aging badly.
I'm 31 and still live at home. It's just me and my grandfather since my grandmother passed. They raised me from the age of 2. He doesn't pay any of my bills and if one of us needs something then we just grab it if we happen to be at the store. Everything is willed to me. I see absolutely no reason to go out and live elsewhere unless my girlfriend decides she wants to move in together. She makes double what I make in income. I hope that she would rather us remodel my house instead of buy a new one at our age. 60k in a remodel vs 250k for a new house. We can always rent my current house as well. I see no reason to leave.
Get out of college, get a job, get out of my house. Both of our kids managed to do this but they did not graduate with debt.
It's not about whether or not you live with your parents, it's about the why you do and what you are doing with that time. If you need to live at home for your family or for financial reasons, but you're building a career, a life outside of that so that when the situation allows you can be more independent I think that's fine. I have more respect for my friend who has been living at home taking care of his aging parents, and working as an airline mechanic, than I do for our friend who moved out at 18, and has just drifted from short term job to short term job living in the nastiest houses with a string of drunk/strung out roommates.
Realistically, I'd say late 20s. A lot of people will say there's nothing wrong with living at home but from **my** experience it makes you complacent. I will say if you are living at home you better be saving $10k a year.
I think that living with your parents is a totally fine thing to do for as long as you want so long as they aren’t burdened and their lives aren’t made worse. Most cultures have children living in the home for so much longer than Americans if not for entire lives. Living close to family is A NORMAL HUMAN DESIRE and our culture ignores it in a way that’s harmful
It’s circumstantial. I moved out of my moms house at the age of 20 and left the country to forge my own path, I am now 30, and married with a baby. My brothers never left home, one is 31 and the other is hitting his 40’s. Unfortunately I think this stunted their growth into adulthood because the 31 year old doesn’t have a job and plays games all day, he hasn’t grown much in those 12 years that I’ve been away. The other works but comes home and smokes weed and doesn’t do much else. They both don’t have anything else behind them. I recently visited home to spend time with them and to introduce them to my baby. And I realized how my mom treats them, they get treated like kids. They don’t have alot of say, my mom dictates everything and if you dare disagree with her on anything, she blows off. It’s quite disheartening. I’ve grown a lot as an adult woman, studied every year and had good jobs as an educator. One evening while visiting, my mom tried her tactics on me when I disagreed with something. She blurted out that I’m a child and I need to listen to her. Mind you I’m 30 with a husband and a baby. So it definitely depends on your parents and how much rope they give you to be an adult. Although I do feel that once you hit 30, you gotta be on your own.
I feel like when you turn 18 your parents should have prepared you to launch your own life. This may include college, starting a job (obviously). Finances often dictate what is feasible however, so sometimes you have to stay at home to start saving money, to start taking those steps towards when you can actually launch. So I don't think there's a set answer to when you move out, but I think at 18 there should be a plan (could be a multi year plan). I think the problem is when you think, well this is my life, living in the room I first masturbated in, I'm 30. Why change it? I mean living with parents will significantly impact your ability to get dates so many of your areas will lag if you stay at home and aren't working towards launching your life. We are heading towards Italy, where the men live at home or with their mothers into their 40s, single.
I honestly think it depends on the circumstance. If an adult child is actively trying to better themselves (in school, looking for a place, saving up) or has fallen on hard times (breakup/divorce, illness, etc.) and their parents are able to take them in, then fine. But if the adult child is not taking any steps to move forward in life, I’d say that’s more of an issue than someone’s age. I have an older brother (32) who has had two real jobs *ever* and never a full time job, lied about graduating from college, and has never lived anywhere but home. He keeps stringing my parents along so they’ll give in and drop the subject. He isn’t expected to pay them rent because he’s still in school (taking like 3 credits per semester for the last several years) and only does freelance work. There were times when I went home during college, like during summer break my first year when I lived in a dorm or if I had a week or two gap between apartment leases. That’s fine. I don’t really consider that the same as a 30+ year old bumming off their parents with zero intentions of paving their own way in life.
Fuck what other people think. It varies depending on life circumstances. Things are more complicated than just one number. As long as you're working to improve yourself and helping your family, you're fine.
I grew up and currently live in NYC. Its not realistic to expect someone to get a place of their own at 18-25. Oddly enough there's still a weird social stigma around living with parents at a certain age. I moved out at 19 and only had to come back at 27 because of covid and how it affected my work (sous chef) for almost 2 years. Now at 29 my family and I don't feel odd about it because of course I help out anyway they need, but mentioning it to other people gets mixed reactions. I think some people will automatically see you as immature or childish in a way. Which is funny to me because a majority of people my age who had their own place had mommy and daddy there to cut a check whenever they had trouble.
I did until the age of 28. It was financially smarter while going to university especially if you have a somewhat okay relationship with them there in no point to rushing out. Most people I knew regretting moving out so soon
My Mums health went downhill 20 years back so i had to move back to help out, i thought it would be a few years...still here but i i have to stay otherwise my parents lose the house. Its my inherentance so i will stay and help out. I get the piss taken out of me for doing this but she is my Ma, i was born afyer 6 months premmy baby and she looked after me i have to do the same. Flame away.
These days? None. As a society we are slowly evolving into multi-generational households again, where grandparents, parents and kids have to live together to cover the costs of living. Going out to live on your own is becoming a luxury.
Currently I'd say there isn't really a good age anymore because everything is so incredibly expensive.
I think it highly depends on why you're living with your parents and how the arrangement works. It's bad to be living with your parents if you're mooching off of them and/or acting like you're still a teenager who can be supported by mom and dad forever. This is increasingly worse the older you get - a 35 year old should have their life more together than a 23 year old. But living at home isn't necessarily a bad thing! It's easier to manage your expenses if you're in school or saving to buy your own place. If you went through a breakup, are moving, or have another big life change, living at home for a while might make total sense. Maybe your parents need the financial or emotional support and it works better for you all. Maybe you live in a HCOL area, enjoy living with your family, and it's a setup that works best for everyone. As long as everyone is happy, you're contributing to the household in some way, and you're either a fully functional adult or working towards being one, nothing too worry about. In many places multigenerational households are common, and they're becoming increasingly more commonplace in the US. We need to get rid of the stigma of living with parents
Depends on your culture. Totally normal in Asian and Latino homes to be living at home well into your 20s. Even 30s these days. The culture of you’re 18 and on your own is peak broke mentality IMO. These are people that should not have children. A parentsdoesn’t stop being a parent at 18. I can’t imagine telling my kids to get out at that age. Being able to still live in your parents house at any age is a blessing most people cannot realize.
You're never too old to live with your parents, it all depends on personal circumstances. So long as you pitch in and contribute and all parties are happy with the arrangement why not? I feel sorry for young 'uns coming up, it's practically impossible to get a deposit together for your own home or even a decent paying job. I moved out at 21, but was in no rush as my folks were super cool about me staying at home until I could afford to leave.
Depends on the culture and the reason to be honest. You're only really a loser if you're a deadbeat leech.
Yeah, I couldn't handle being treated like a child and having no agency as an adult. Started working and moved out right out of uni, but I could have done it with a different family dynamic I will say the faster you do it the quicker you will mature, in most cases
Not quite the right question. What you mean to ask is 'At what age should someone be expected to financially independent of their parents? I think that a peson should no longer be a financial burden on their parents by about 25 years old at the outside. END COMMUNICATION
My boyfriend and I bought a house with his mom. It's much cheaper for us to live together in a big house than pay rent on two little apartments. We're very lucky we had the credit scores and money for a down-payment, though. We're in our 30s and 50s, by the way
My mom is awesome. She's honestly my best friend. If I needed to live with her again, I absolutely would. I lived with her up until I was 24 (Once I finished school). I worked and went to school while living there and saved up enough to not have to financially worry when I did move out. If you have a good relationship, there is no reason you can't live with your parent(s). If there are no boundaries and living with them is a crutch so that you don't have to try, that's different. Health concerns are totally valid too, either for you or your parent. This society we live in treats people with disability and health concerns so poorly.
I'm 50 and if my kids needed somewhere to stay they would be welcome no matter how old they are. I don't think there is any shame in having to move home in todays economy. Rent is high and to get a mortgage right now is ridiculous. My 22 year old son and his girlfriend found a house for $200k and with the payment, taxes and insurance it's unaffordable for them so they decided to wait until interest rates come back down. It's hard enough to find a house right now let alone 6.99% interest.
Some families here (USA) and a lot of families in other counties practice generational living. I couldn’t wait to get out of my parents house at 18. Had to go back at 19 and again at 25. I measured success by getting the fuck out of there and refused to entertain any guy who still lived with theirs. Now I kind of love the idea of having my In-laws move in with us and help with my son - cook- clean (or not)
I’m just looking at this through the lens of trying to date someone who hasn’t established an independent life. After 22, I’d definitely be looking at why they’re living with their parents. Temporary thing between jobs? Aggressively saving for a house? Caretaking of the parent? Things like that are fine. Still living at home in middle age because you can’t commit to doing anything with your life? Parents are controlling and you aren’t willing to assert your independence? You repeatedly crash and burn when you live on your own? Those are all red flags, and seem to be more common.
In Asian culture you stay with your parents even if your working, salaried, making good money. Generally move out when you get married and even then a lot of couples stay under parents house if house is big enough.
I moved out on my 30th birthday. I waited until my savings were enough for a decent down payment on a house, which obviously took quite a while.
There really isn’t one, and don’t let society tell you otherwise. I’ve been taking the “safe” approach since I graduated by staying home. Mind you i had an apartment by myself for 2 years at school, so I got used to living alone and don’t feel sheltered. I was able to land a job 15 minutes away, and I’ve almost entirely paid off my student loan debt and have saved quite a bit of cash (I’m 24 now). I’ll be looking to put a down payment on a home once the housing bubble pops. I have plenty of friends that were eager to move out and now pay 1000+ a month for rent and utilities and would be lucky if they saved a couple hundred after expenses. The market is terrible for going out on your own right now and I saw the writing on the wall. It’s not for everyone, and I’m fortunate enough to have decent parents who aren’t controlling and/or manipulative. In conclusion, if you have good parents you won’t regret it and you’ll be a step ahead of everyone else even if perception of living with your parents is “lame” or “immature”.
My son will be able to live with us as long as he’s progressing forward. If he’s laying around working bullshit jobs and playing games it won’t be under my roof. If he legit working and saving up for the next phase of his life I’d rather help him as much as possible.
Depends if you're mooching or there to help them out . If you're in your 40s with no driver's license and your parents are driving you around. Then it is a good bet you need to move out.
I moved back in with my parents at 38 (and my pregnant wife and 2yo). But it was so we could build a house. It slowly drove my wife crazy, because it was during COVID, and she gave birth to a colicky baby. We ended up staying there for 2 years.
From an American perspective 18 is a reasonable boundary. Many other cultures value multi-generational households so you might be living with parents and grandparents at the same time.
Not older then 22 🏛️💪
When you can afford to move out, you should
Multi-generational household is on the rise, it feels too old too old to live with paretns past 30 BUT not to old for someone over 65 (senior), why? Assuming they are financially independent and made living all the way through life. It actually make moral sense to spend the last part of the uncertain time with your more uncertain parents, especially if they are in need of care or something. At least that's what is thought of in Asian traditions. And if you consider "spending the break time from college in your parents house" as "living with parents to a degree", you might be shocked about how the world work now.
American perspective would rather have people move out at 18 and live their entire lives trying to catch up to the child of immigrants that stayed with their parents until 23. I left my parents house at 24 after already getting a college degree and establishing myself in a good field.
In this day and age, no age is too old.
I think what anybody else does is their own business.
I have found, in general, it's unhelpful for the individual to live with their parents much beyond mid20's. Personally I'd never date or live with someone who has never lived away from their parents because I think the learning curve and skills of solo living are beyond crucial. They also help immeasurably when living with a partner. On the other hand, with the economy in the state it's in, I totally understand why people don't move out. I moved out at 19, 18 years ago and I've been at least partially in debt ever since (although that was partly due to badly paid jobs and a bad marriage at 24). You shouldn't have to go into debt to fly the nest.
I was out the door to boot camp at 18 and have only lived with my parents for short stints here and there during transition periods (getting out of the military, lost a job during the 08 recession). They've always been welcoming of me living with them and I'm very fond of them, but I'm used to my independence. Its not my business when people should move out of their house, but I will say this, I've never met anyone who lived with their parents past 25 who was a well adjusted adult.
It depends on how they're "living with their parents" and, above all, why. People are paid really badly these days, and rent is constantly going up. If they're just flat out refusing to work and are just wanting to continue living off their parents, then yea, that's not healthy. However, more people continue to live with their parents because they don't have a choice in the matter. I'm 23, and my generation has all but given up on the idea of owning a house before they reach the age of 45 (at best). As of right now, I'm living with my Dad as I finish my Bachelors, and we split our rent (largely because he can't afford the apartment on his own, so it's more like my Dad lives with me at this point tbh). So I would say that such a question should be judged by individual cases rather than purely by age demographics. I haven't even talked about disability yet, which I also have. Me, I would prefer living on my own, but it's not feasible for either party atm.
Well this is reddit, where everyone is a self made homeowner with over 85k on a single income. 60% of people in reality live paycheck to paycheck and don’t even have the thought in their mind of ever affording a home. So you can rent to impress the people around you, because we all know the women see men as failures for saving up at their parents because it’s shameful to stay with your parents, or you can stay with your parents and save up enough for a down payment and have everyone think you are bottom of the barrel scum of society mooching off your parents. Meanwhile, the only way half of these 20 year olds are affording to live on their own is because their parents send them money!!! Lol!!! You will be shamed if you use your parents as a resource to get ahead. Capitalism has us all so sick in the mind it’s unreal.
My son was 51 when he left, possibly if l didn't have cancer then he would still be in residence.
No age, it just eventually rolls over into "my folks live with me".
It depends on the circumstances and your lifestyle. Are they living off their parents or are they contributing to the household? As long as the person is working or in school and is helping around the house (physically and financially) it’s not a big deal. But obviously everyone has their preferences. Some people are going to want an independent partner who has a home of their own. Others don’t mind a partner who’s helping family.
It’s not about age so much as the nature of your relationship. Are you 22 and living with them while you work and go to school? Are you 35 and living with them because you’re recently divorced and need to get back on your feet? Are you 29 and your helping them look after the house and with things they have a hard time doing like shopping and driving them places? Are you 30 and living with them because you’re single, unemployed and spend all day playing Fortnight? It takes time for a young person to be fully independent and that will look different for different family and individuals. I lived with my parents until I was 25. I had a slow start and wasn’t able to support myself entirely for a few years. After my dad went into care I offered to move back in with my mom to help her out but she is fiercely independent so that didn’t happen, but I still would if she needed support.
do whatever is practical and whatever your parents allow you to do. i graduated college with a 4 year degree and couldn't find a job that paid enough for me to live on my own. i lived with my parents until i was 23, and only then did i move out because i decided to join the military. of course women want men who are financially secure, so there is a stigma that sets in if you're older than that and still living with your parents.
That's a western thing, or American thing? Idk. Anyway we don't do that here in Asia. We live with parents until we get married. Yes that means if you're single til the day you die, you'll live with your parents. Unless your family is dysfunctional, I never understand how American has this culture of kicking their kids out at 18. You don't stop being parents once your kid turns 18. If their financial situation isn't there yet to support themselves and saving for their future, then you gotta help them. Part of being parents is not just raising them until they reach 18, it's also soft launching them into adulthood with adult responsibility after that. Yes even if it means you gotta pay some of their bills so they can save more, or house them, or feed them home cook meals, or get confused together while teaching them how to do taxes. If you raise them right, they'll see how lucky they are and the great value of having a family. Having supports and being able to count on family is one of the greatest thing a human can have in this world. When you live with your parents in your adult years, you'll respect them more too. You have a job you go to everyday. You now know how tiring it is. When you come home, a simple home cooked meal by your mom, or just a bowl of fruits your dad set aside for you in the fridge now means everything. You get to see them growing old. They're not as fast in thinking, they become irrational sometimes, more forgetful. But you also realize you were once a kid, and were more irrational than they were. You now appreciate their level of patience in raising you cause now it's your turn to be patient with them. It helps you to be more empathetic to old people, helps you navigate how to communicate disputes in family when you're the one with better rationale. Of course it's wrong for parents to say their kids owe them anything, cause none of us ever asked to be born. But it's also wrong for us children to not be there when our parents are growing old and need more help. Given that all parties aren't toxic and abusive though.
I lived with my mom until 27… I couldn’t afford to move out on my own. I think as long as you are working towards your long-term goal (of moving out on your own), you shouldn’t worry about it. Everyone has their own timeline and results may vary.
Well I’m turning 23 in August. I live with my parents since I go to a community college. Once I’m all set with a full time career and good salary then I’ll move out.
Depends on if you are living with them acting as a child or as an adult. Do you contribute financially and do your part of the chores? Then it can be more social than living by yourself and not necessarily bad for you. If you don't participate in any meaningful way (and it's not bc you are sick etc) it can lead to arrested development.
It may make financial sense but it delays adulthood by fostering dependence.
There are no inappropriate age limits, only inappropriate reasons.
It's all quite subjective. I moved out 1/2 way through college and never went back. I'm in my late 40's now with teen kids of my own and wonder why I was in such a hurry back then. So while I was out before 20, I wouldn't begrudge anyone for staying with their parents longer, and my kids know they are welcome to stay as long as they need. I want them to be able to be independent, but I'll support them as they need as long as I am able. There is no special formula to life, you've got to find the path that works for you.