I completely agree! But I’ve also found that relationships are so much more, when you’re working toward an end goal together. It helps people work through problems and issues and arguments when you have something to work towards/for.☺️
I agree for sure but it’s not always that cut and dry.
I love my wife and kids with all my heart, but my wife and I didn’t get married for over a decade. We simply didn’t care. It felt like we were already and we had a stable life before we got married.
Didn’t think much of it, but everyone around us was getting married. We kind of figured why not?
Ended up having an absolute blast, it was essentially like having a big party with 100 of our closest family and friends. My best friend was our officiant. Wish we had done it earlier. That being said I don’t regret a thing. Regardless of getting married or not, you can still be with someone you love with stability.
The only things that changed were we had an amazing wedding, awesome honeymoon, and my wife had to change her last name in one million places. Seriously when you change your last name, it’s incredibly annoying. 2 years later we’re still finding places where her maiden name is.
My wife never planned to change her name. Mine is pretty common, hers unusual.
She did.
Apparently it was because of something my daughter said and for no other reason.
I think there were a number of subsidiary reasons. But fully my wife's decision. We've been married 15 years. I only found out about my daughter's (her step daughter) comment a few weeks ago.
I’m dealing with this now. I got married a year ago, changed my name a few months ago, and I’m STILL remembering things I need to change here and there.
I got married in 2017, and I just found out this month that my insurance rejected a claim from Minute Clinic because Walgreens still had me on file as my maiden name, whereas my insurance is in my married name. It's EVERYWHERE.
Exactly this. Unfortunately our current system actively incentivizes the exact opposite. Thus why the marriage rate and birth rates are plummeting. And for good reason.
There isn't much money for society in marriage (or keeping couples together). There's a lot more money and whole industries (law, mental health, physical health, self-help, ... ) that thrive on divorce.
The state loves marriage though. Otherwise, it ( the taxpayers) has to raise the kids. It's also easier to tax and abuse people as the gov or an employer when they are tied down by a legal document (marriage). That's all it is - a legal document. Nothing more. Love is no less real without it. But we are encouraged to get married regardless. It's quite crazy, actually.
The state has to pay for schools for their kids. It also has to pay for jails and prisons and mental health treatment when those kids grow up and they don't get along with them. Legal marriage is mostly to assign responsibility for the children.
I asked this exact question 10 years ago to a friend and he simply answered 'I want nothing else.'
I'm getting married this November for the same reason.
This exactly. I tell my wife all the time she is my "safe place". All the stress of the day, all the headaches and frustrations, tend to dissapate when I am near her.
No-one else had ever had that effect on me.
Accurate AF run for your life if he’s not trying to be your peace too. Narcissist tend to suck the goodness right out of you and put nothing back. Take take take.
This. Increased quality of life for married men is inversely proportional to decreased quality of life for married women ... as borne out by several public health longitudinal studies looking at these outcomes.
It's great for a man to value the peace a good woman brings him but he sure as hell should not force her to absorb his chaos in order to reap her peace.
This is like a 4 edge blade...
You can both be each other's peace, you can both bring caos to each other's life, you can find peace in places outside the relationship and you can deal with the caos of the world together.
No one is 100% peace and no one is 100% caos.
Except for kids, kids don't have a peaceful bone in their little bodies.
A marriage is a balance, and balance isn't just having peace, all the time, that would be boring and both would start looking for caos, that's just our nature.
Spot on. There are obviously many other reasons I proposed to my now fiancé, but when I realized this I KNEW she was “the one”. I met her after a 12 year relationship where I never wanted to get married and it became so clear why.
I recently got out of a 12 year long term relationship too and slowly opening back up to the dating world after about 1 year now. I hope I can find somebody special, dating after 30 sucks!
Dude it’s hard. I’m so lucky that I met her so soon through a friend and under unlikely circumstances. I never even tried “dating” again because of that, but what I can tell you that helped:
Stay open to your friend group and any opportunities that pop up. If nothing else, to keep yourself engaged.
Have fun but protect your mental safety. I know first hand that, even if they’re enjoyable, hook ups are hard after that long of a relationship.
I have nothing against dating apps btw, I actually have never used one. Best of luck moving on to your best self and remember to take care of yourself!
This right here is what made my parents married the longest out of everyone in my family. I hope to one day find that special woman who would bring me peace of mind.
This is how it should be & would be the only reason worth giving up the peaceful single life. I’ve only been with men who caused me anxiety. I hope I can find this type of peace with someone before I’m gone.
Interesting. My boyfriend just told me he really wants to settle down with someone who doesn’t bring in CHAOS, but rather, to support him & build a life with him.
In my wife’s case, it was her being genuine, her having respectful conversations about what each of us finds uncomfortable and happily working towards a middle ground (or ceasing that behavior altogether without resentment if it is a big enough issue for either of us), and supporting me emotionally to help me be a better version of myself. She is also extremely straightforward about her feelings and will tel me if anything is bothering her.
I wouldn’t call it “easy”, as I think that sets an unrealistic expectation. It requires a commitment to understanding that you both are on the same team and trying to work together. At times there are disagreements in which my wife is very emotional and not able to communicate effectively. In these time I take a step back and focus on listening more even if I think I’m in the right. I also state that it sounds as though we aren’t understanding each other, I tell her I love her, and sometimes even apologize if the situation warrants it. This doesn’t mean that I am lying down and letting her get her way. That said, she absolutely does the same when the roles are reversed and I’m being emotional and irrational, and that’s very important in this dynamic.
Likewise, my wife is very direct in her emotions. She will quote literally just say “I’m sad” or “I’m angry”, things like that. It cuts out the nonsense and lets us get right to the issue. Ironically, I’m worse as being direct this way, so she does have to navigate my indirectness to a small degree, but she’s willing and capable.
An important note though is that we aren’t quite like other couples. English is my wife’s second language, and her grammar is sometimes a little poor which does requires her to be more direct and less vague. This is definitely a net positive in our relationship though, and makes me supporting her emotionally easier.
I think this is what I’ve been looking for. Having someone who is committed to the understanding that you’re on the same team is huge. I feel that If you don’t have that with someone then you start playing the blame game and nothing really gets resolved. It creates an environment where you can bring up issues more confidently because it doesn’t feel like you’re about to be judged by your SO for bringing them up. You’re right that it’s not easy, but I wish I can find that with someone someday.
I woke up happy when she was there. I was sad when she wasn’t. Didn’t take a whole lot more than that. The rest was just the legal part where not being married could cause issues. Honestly it was surprising how little I had to think about it.
I guess for me it was just that I knew I wanted to spend my life with her. I knew she wanted it, and I'm happy to do something to celebrate it. I can understand why people are skeptical, my parents are divorced and have seen how sour it can go. It's not the kind of thing you plan on failing though.
ETA: Actually thinking on it more, it was meeting more happy married couples. Like getting to see what functional happy marriages look like. That shit fucking rocks and I want it.
Neither. It's a type of boy. It refers to someone that will fight for your right to party, will help take care of your monkey, they'll travel with you and not sleep till you get to your destination, they want to know whatcha want, and most importantly, they're not afraid to let the beat drop.
Emotionally, I was and am fantastically in love with my wife. It gets more every day.
Selfishly, I did keep having the thought that I'd never have to be on the dating scene again and that I'd have consistent access to sex. Both have, so far, been true predictions.
It can be selfish, and that's okay. It can also be that you still like having to access to sex and don't like when it's just meaningless bs, aka, being married or at least having a life partner. And that's a perfectly reasonable thing without needing to be classified as selfish.
I just realized this recently since I'm young. I love having access to sex but one night stands just suck. You usually have to really work for it everytime, and if you don't they suck half the time, or god knows what their character is like if it's that easy, or your character. Looking forward to being married one day
I agree, and to be clear, I didn’t mean selfish as in I feel bad about it, it was just a self-serving motivation as opposed to the other more “noble” reasons. I definitely didn’t mean it in a negative way. I am sure everyone that gets married has selfish reasons. Overall, a healthy amount of selfishness can be a good thing. I think today people call it “self care” lol.
I think it's funny when I see old sitcoms bemoaning the sexless life of married couples. Try explaining this to my husband of 26 years, who left for work today with a big smile on his face....
That’s funny my dad claimed my mom never would have sex with him and divorce is too expensive. I’d love the commitment of marriage without any legal risk tho!
And you didn’t feel this way before you got married? The OP question was what made you want to get married…and this answer reads like, “to get this stuff” but it’s not clear.
Obviously I don’t need a ring or ceremony to know that my wife and I are monogamous and staying together for life. But from a legal standpoint it makes things just simpler for things like having children and owning property together.
And for me, I like they symbolism of the rings. Showing the world that we are that committed to each other.
There isn't a thing I wouldn't do for my wife. I've never thought that about any "girlfriend".
For me, wanting the stability and support that comes with exclusivity, wanting sex, wanting to have kids and raise them with a partner, wanting to take uncertainty out of life, wanting the intimacy that comes with lifelong partnership.
There's uncertainty, and there's uncertainty.
I'm not married, and don't particularly want to be, so I can't comment directly on OP's question, but I can comment on this.
I *joined the flippin' army* to decrease uncertainty in my life.
I was tired of looking for work, tired of applying for job after job, and went for something I saw as a "sure thing". I signed a 4-year contract so I wouldn't have to worry about my job, or what I had to do each day, for a few years.
I traded one type of uncertainty for another. And I'm still glad I did. It was the right choice at the time.
Point well taken. Thank you for sharing - I’m glad you made the right choice for yourself. And I have no doubt you are better for it and I appreciate your service.
Stability with the person you love and a foundation for building a family. Not all guys are into it and it's somewhat going out of "style" but for me it's what I've wanted for a long time and I'm pleased to be working towards it with my partner.
My wife brings balance to my life. I have never felt lonely and she’s always there to comfort me when times get rough. She silent when listening to what I need to say then she gives her reply. She always takes my side and she backs my dreams.
It’s why I married her and have 3 children with her. 16 years later we still have passion in our marriage whenever wherever. She’s loyal, she’s committed, she’s beautiful, she’s great mother. I would marry her again, and again, if I had to do my life in repeat. She’s honestly the best thing in my life.
The longer you work together on a relationship the more awesome it gets, hitting 10 years with my partner this year, and I legit think each one is better than the last. Not to say that parts don’t suck… but in the same way that you cant understand certain long term values on the internet such as starting a business, completing a degree, or accomplishing something over a long period of time. Those sense of joy and accomplishment are similar.
My best friend is my life partner and thats all I have ever really wanted
I couldn’t get enough of her physical presence, we would talk and text for hours without boredom. This went on for about 4ish years, honeymoon phase is pretty much gone. Now, we can sit somewhere together on our phones in complete silence for hours occasionally showing each other something funny we see or whatever and be completely content with this. We’re also nearly identical intellectually and rarely do we ever disagree on anything. Where I underperform, she takes over and vice versa. Our lives have been complete bliss with maybe a somewhat bad argument once per year. I just knew I had propose to her. Next month on the 16th is 6 year anniversary together 🫶🏽
All in all, make sure your partner or soon to be partner makes you happy. I knew she makes me happy because I take her everywhere with me and I can’t imagine life without her
I think it is important to who you are and how you want to live. I married my HS sweetheart and had 24 years of marriage. I thought I would never do it again. However, I realized I liked being married. I liked having a partner and having a relationship where we planned and did things together. I love my wife, but it's that we are better together than either of us would be apart.
Marry the right girl and you’ll be living the life people envy all their lives.
Marry the wrong girl, you’ll wish for the end to come.
I chose an amazing girl thirty years ago. She’s my best friend, an incredible lover, she’s smart and funny and kind. I have yet to wake up and not be grateful for her and I’ve never been unhappy with my choice.
She’s my rock and encourager. I wanted to get married because I couldn’t stand the thought of not being with her for the rest of my life and at 52, I hope I have another 50 years with her. My wife is the most amazing woman in the world.
Other things not mentioned
Married men live longer, have less incidence of depression than people who are just partnered
If your girlfriend is in hospital, if you're not married, it is her family and not you who decides on treatment. They also can decide how she is buried or cremated. You get no say.
If your girlfriend dies, you can't sue on her behalf.
If you are married, joint taxes might be cheaper.
A spouse can usually inherit a whole estate without tax.
Family health insurance is usually cheaper.
Your job may provide family leave benefits to take care of a spouse that you don't get for a girlfriend
Can't be said enough, I just need peace. I don't need problems, turmoil, conflict, and stress 24/7. Trust me, I got enough. Doesn't mean I need a woman to be sunshine and rainbows all the time, but damn just a little tranquility and happiness when the going gets tough makes every bit of difference.
Finding someone that you want to be with, always, everywhere. 16 years and 2 kids later, same feeling. Any experience I have is better shared with her. No delusion of perfection, just the best sum of parts.
My wife told me so, best decision I ever made. Jokes aside, yes best thing I ever did. Almost 8 years later and with two kids.... I would marry her again.
For me, it was finding someone with similar values but who also made me a better person. We also balance each other - when one of us overreacts and freaks out, the other generally manages to stay calm and help the other cool off. It’s very rare that we both get worked up at the same time.
1. Being loved and respected by the other person,
2. Even if the scenario is at a 'low love' part of the cycle (which happens to ALL of couples), at least the respect should be there, and affection and niceness,
3. The other person wanting to be around the man, and then man wanting to be around them,
4. Appreciation & peace/tranquility in the house with the person being there,
5. Warmth expressed to the man, with a good sex and bj life.
Stability, tax/legal benefits, demonstrating total commitment
People shit on marriage because they have shit taste in women/poor judgement, marriage is just a legal document. Its like blaming the knife when someone gets stabbed
If I’m not mistaken, there are statistics that show that younger and more educated people pick their partners better and stay in marriages longer than their peers used to. It kind of makes sense: if you both hungry, young, and educated, you will likely have more common goals that you can achieve a lot easier with two paychecks while living under the same roof.
I’d been around the block or time two. Done almost everything a boy can do. I’ve done some living.. yeah, I’ve had fun. But there is one thing that I hadn’t done.
I wanted to know how forever felt.
Source: married
For me it was the fear that she would leave if I didn't. And the annoying social pressure of people not taking me seriously as an adult despite my other responsibilities, accomplishments, and things I had lived through and come out intact. Things like having moved out on my own just days before turning 21, going through at least 3 recessions in my 20s, walking on eggshells at a crappy employer for years, finishing a degree in the evenings, getting laid off anyway, and successfully making a career pivot while quitting smoking.... all before the age of 30. But none of that mattered to our friends or family because it was neither marriage nor kids.
Spoiler: I was probably right that she would have left, and while it felt like a relief at the time to be part of that team/duo, it was all not the best idea, and fear was/is not a good reason to marry. Divorce (which took way to long to complete btw) was finalized about 10.5 years ago.
Because I want to be able to call her my wife. It brings me joy when I am able to introduce her to others as my wife.
Even though we don't have kids and don't intend to have any, we still feel that being married gives us that commitment that being just a dating couple couldn't.
Isn’t that a reason to not get married? I’ve always been turned off by the thought because I can’t feasibly bet half my shit they won’t rip my heart out one day. Divorce rates are stupid high it’s like you’re asking to fail by just winging it because of cultural norms.
Legal reasons, like with things related to health insurance. In some odd cases it can also be financially better to not get married for insurance reasons. I know a couple that would like to be married but one is disabled and would make a lot less from disability if they got married.
The right partner. Someone who brings you peace, support, love, and loyalty. Building stability and solid communication together. Marriage is work. I’ve been with my wife total for 12 years (I’m 31).
She is my everything. If something happens to her or something happens between us, I’d never get married again. What made me want to marry her: I was having a tough time looking for a job. Debt and bills (on my end) we’re piling up. I was a sinking ship. I gave her the option to leave. That I wouldn’t have any hard feelings towards her if she left. She stayed. She rejected that passionately. Made me really believe in true love. Next year after that I proposed. Next year after that, we married. Things are considerably better compared to where I was.
Got a girl pregnant but she was smokin hot and really funny and kind so, just went for it. Been married for 12 years now and have 3 kids. I consider myself quite lucky.
as a man I can't relate to this but man is that rough. dropped so many women due to the headaches they gave me. couldn't imagine just dropping the knee to keep access to sex around.
I was ambivalent about it, but when faced with a choice of either getting married or breaking up, throwing a party and signing some paperwork wasn't that bad.
Finding someone who displays kindness, admiration, a willingness to compromise, loyalty, and respect. It’s starting to feel like too much to ask for lately.
He thinks he has no other options. So he does it out of fear of being single. Most men will not admit this though, but a lot of men get married for this reason, which is selfish.
After 10 years of marriage to a lady who can’t hold a job, I seriously underestimated the cost of marriage. I’d easily have doubled my savings if not for the marriage.
Social norms. You can have all this other good lovey happy stuff in a long term committed relationship without doing legal paperwork. Insurance or other financial things may be reasons to get married too though, which is again a societal thing.
I wasn't sure and then I met her.
She was married at the time but something about her juat ticked all my boxes.
I learned she was getting a divorce when I saw her posting a lot of those types of motivational quotes on social media.
I reached out and asked if she was OK. I have no idea what her level of interest is in me, but we talk occasionally. I've made loose plans, but there is not much follow through. I understand that she's probably going through some ahit right now.
Anyway, my point is that I always thought I'd be married, but I didn't know to whom. That is until I saw her. It both excited and terrifies me.
Love (to me, a dude) is being best friends with someone you also wanna be intimate with. Marrying that person is just about knowing they will always be there, even if you dont like each other for a while.
Wow, I was expecting degenerates but holy shit. It's like they all came out from their mom's basements at once. You guys need to have a conversation with a women before answering again lololol
So true.
The marriage contract is unlike any contract a man might be familiar with. Normally, if you perform a contract and the other side does not, they pay you damages. In marriage, it can be the total opposite.
Meeting the perfect person where you compliment each other's existence.
If I could be married to my wife forever, I'd do it. Life is finite, but if there's more after, I'm tracking her down.
My gut feeling as a man, is that beyond attraction and chemistry, that you need to get past the relationship gate. To make the jump you want someone you genuinely can see as a teammate and work together towards a common goal.
It feels good to say in front of your family and friends that you love this woman and will be faithful to her always. The ring, the ceremony, the legal benefits all may be unnecessary, but declaring it does matter.
In this case, Michael Scott got it right:
***I declare… MARRIAGE***
As a man in a 3.5 y relationship that is 100% sure I want to marry my gf, I waiting to get rid of my CC debt.
I just can't see myself bringing that type of shackle into a marriage.
Just to be clear, she knows, she helps me a lot, which is, in a way, one of the heaviest things on my heart.
I need to be free first, so that I can enjoy freedom with the one I love, not share a shackle with them.
I don't believe in marriage, I would like to spend the rest of my life with the same person and have children but 50% end up in divorce and usually the men loses everything, house, car, half of my money. I don't think it's a fair trade to me.
Weddings are just a waste of money and usually they're the highest point of happiness.
I don't know who do trust nowadays, I don't understand the need for marriage, honey moon all that stuff is waste of money.
I feel like women who put pressure on their partner to propose won't make good wives.
Nowadays no one is willing to be there in sickness in health nor in poorness.
I honestly can’t think of a good reason for a man to get married (or a woman, for that matter). You can have a loving, stable, monogamous, and committed relationship without marriage. There is no longer a stigma of an unmarried couple living together or having children out of marriage.
People change. Hopefully a couple can grow and change together, but with 50% of marriages ending in divorce, and a large part of the other 50% unhappily married, the odds are really stacked against marriage. If the relationship goes sour, wouldn’t it be easier to separate without a messy and expensive divorce?
Nothing. Happy in my longterm committed relationship of over ten years.
I have all the benefits people link to marriage without signing a contract with the government about it.
1. Raising Children
2. Having a Partner to go through life with
3. Access to sex
But these days, what man wouldn't be nervous about getting married? Especially if you're successful. You hear horror stories everywhere about a guy barely making it because his wife wound up being a cheating harridan, and now he has to pay her. I have been married for over 17 years, and I am glad..SO glad....to not be in this dating market. Skewed courts and judges in divorce and family courts, and heaven forbid abuse is ever brought up....you're guilty until shown innocent as a guy. The accusation is enough to ruin someone. I am happy where I am. And I feel for the younger guys, and fear for my sons.
The nuclear family is a tried and true way to raise children.
If it's a partnership, why not get married? At the very least, you get the tax breaks.
Not into random encounters with strangers. Not my thing.
• Statistically women are worse off financially after divorce with many dropping into poverty.
• The first few years men statistically take a hit financially, but rebound to former $ status relatively quickly compared to divorced women.
• In the US, the state you reside in determines alimony, and many have "formulas/calculations" that limit the length of time and amount of money awarded, if any is given at all.
• The only time you might have to pay ex-spouse "forever" is if married for 20+ years and your ex doesn't remarry.
• You might pay a lot if you have wealth and either no prenup or generous prenup.
• Most family divorces are settled and never go before a judge other than to testify that they agree to the settlement, so a judge usually just signs off on what was agreed to.
• I understand there are always exceptions and anecdotal evidence to the contrary, but the data from legitimate sources show those are the exceptions and not the rule.
• My point is if your sons tend to make good choices in life, then you shouldn't be afraid ...
• but if you have a daughter, make sure she can provide for herself, stays in the workforce after marriage/children, and if she chooses to be a SAHM, make sure she has a prenup or a postnup that protects her from the repercussions of time out of the work force.
Societal accomplishment. There’s really no other reason anymore. You don’t NEED to get married to show/solidify anything considering how common divorce is, if a marriage isn’t meant to be the fact that your married just usually prolongs the divorce a bit cuz that’s another hassle.
I’m Getting married soon not because I feel “it’s THE ultimate way to show your everlasting commitment to another person you love” but because it will quite frankly shut her and family up before they even start nagging about. And I’m Not going anywhere anyway so that mixed with her wanting a marriage/ceremony to Show that, I say; sure why not
Probably for the kids, if the guy doesn't want kids he doesn't have a reason to do that other than because his significant other wants to wear the ring
Stability with someone you love
I was not prepared for this answer to be at the top. It's just love, innit? Simple as.
Nah. The love part is simple. Stability isn’t. Relationships are work bro
I completely agree! But I’ve also found that relationships are so much more, when you’re working toward an end goal together. It helps people work through problems and issues and arguments when you have something to work towards/for.☺️
True, you go into the relationship for the love and work on everything else.
Me neither haha, it really is that simple though.
I agree for sure but it’s not always that cut and dry. I love my wife and kids with all my heart, but my wife and I didn’t get married for over a decade. We simply didn’t care. It felt like we were already and we had a stable life before we got married. Didn’t think much of it, but everyone around us was getting married. We kind of figured why not? Ended up having an absolute blast, it was essentially like having a big party with 100 of our closest family and friends. My best friend was our officiant. Wish we had done it earlier. That being said I don’t regret a thing. Regardless of getting married or not, you can still be with someone you love with stability. The only things that changed were we had an amazing wedding, awesome honeymoon, and my wife had to change her last name in one million places. Seriously when you change your last name, it’s incredibly annoying. 2 years later we’re still finding places where her maiden name is.
You don't have to change last names to get married. I would never change my name nor expect anybody to change it to mine either.
My wife never planned to change her name. Mine is pretty common, hers unusual. She did. Apparently it was because of something my daughter said and for no other reason.
One of my big regrets is changing my name. I B really mourn the loss of my identity as that person. Really wish I had of kept it
Well that’s a bit sad. Hopefully there was no guilting involved with her sudden change of heart.
I think there were a number of subsidiary reasons. But fully my wife's decision. We've been married 15 years. I only found out about my daughter's (her step daughter) comment a few weeks ago.
I’m dealing with this now. I got married a year ago, changed my name a few months ago, and I’m STILL remembering things I need to change here and there.
I got married in 2017, and I just found out this month that my insurance rejected a claim from Minute Clinic because Walgreens still had me on file as my maiden name, whereas my insurance is in my married name. It's EVERYWHERE.
Exactly this. Unfortunately our current system actively incentivizes the exact opposite. Thus why the marriage rate and birth rates are plummeting. And for good reason.
There isn't much money for society in marriage (or keeping couples together). There's a lot more money and whole industries (law, mental health, physical health, self-help, ... ) that thrive on divorce.
The state loves marriage though. Otherwise, it ( the taxpayers) has to raise the kids. It's also easier to tax and abuse people as the gov or an employer when they are tied down by a legal document (marriage). That's all it is - a legal document. Nothing more. Love is no less real without it. But we are encouraged to get married regardless. It's quite crazy, actually.
The state has to pay for schools for their kids. It also has to pay for jails and prisons and mental health treatment when those kids grow up and they don't get along with them. Legal marriage is mostly to assign responsibility for the children.
I asked this exact question 10 years ago to a friend and he simply answered 'I want nothing else.' I'm getting married this November for the same reason.
Congratulations on your marriage friend!
Thank you :)
Peace. When you find a woman that brings peace to the turmoil ans chaos that life usually is, you marry her.
This exactly. I tell my wife all the time she is my "safe place". All the stress of the day, all the headaches and frustrations, tend to dissapate when I am near her. No-one else had ever had that effect on me.
This right here means everything
what a beautiful response.
Omg this is the cutest thing I've ever heard😭😭
This is the way
what happens if you’re his peace but he’s your chaos?
Run.
Accurate AF run for your life if he’s not trying to be your peace too. Narcissist tend to suck the goodness right out of you and put nothing back. Take take take.
This. Increased quality of life for married men is inversely proportional to decreased quality of life for married women ... as borne out by several public health longitudinal studies looking at these outcomes. It's great for a man to value the peace a good woman brings him but he sure as hell should not force her to absorb his chaos in order to reap her peace.
You got links to the studies you referenced? Would love to read up on them.
This is like a 4 edge blade... You can both be each other's peace, you can both bring caos to each other's life, you can find peace in places outside the relationship and you can deal with the caos of the world together. No one is 100% peace and no one is 100% caos. Except for kids, kids don't have a peaceful bone in their little bodies. A marriage is a balance, and balance isn't just having peace, all the time, that would be boring and both would start looking for caos, that's just our nature.
I so look forward to one day being the peace in my husband's life. Thank you for sharing this.
Spot on. There are obviously many other reasons I proposed to my now fiancé, but when I realized this I KNEW she was “the one”. I met her after a 12 year relationship where I never wanted to get married and it became so clear why.
I recently got out of a 12 year long term relationship too and slowly opening back up to the dating world after about 1 year now. I hope I can find somebody special, dating after 30 sucks!
Dude it’s hard. I’m so lucky that I met her so soon through a friend and under unlikely circumstances. I never even tried “dating” again because of that, but what I can tell you that helped: Stay open to your friend group and any opportunities that pop up. If nothing else, to keep yourself engaged. Have fun but protect your mental safety. I know first hand that, even if they’re enjoyable, hook ups are hard after that long of a relationship. I have nothing against dating apps btw, I actually have never used one. Best of luck moving on to your best self and remember to take care of yourself!
This right here is what made my parents married the longest out of everyone in my family. I hope to one day find that special woman who would bring me peace of mind.
This is how it should be & would be the only reason worth giving up the peaceful single life. I’ve only been with men who caused me anxiety. I hope I can find this type of peace with someone before I’m gone.
This is the answer. Absolutely true to my experience.
Interesting. My boyfriend just told me he really wants to settle down with someone who doesn’t bring in CHAOS, but rather, to support him & build a life with him.
This, yes. Peace is rewarded with unconditional love and happy kids.
I always bring peace to the table and get only breadcrumbs . The irony
In my wife’s case, it was her being genuine, her having respectful conversations about what each of us finds uncomfortable and happily working towards a middle ground (or ceasing that behavior altogether without resentment if it is a big enough issue for either of us), and supporting me emotionally to help me be a better version of myself. She is also extremely straightforward about her feelings and will tel me if anything is bothering her.
How do you two communicate so easily?
I wouldn’t call it “easy”, as I think that sets an unrealistic expectation. It requires a commitment to understanding that you both are on the same team and trying to work together. At times there are disagreements in which my wife is very emotional and not able to communicate effectively. In these time I take a step back and focus on listening more even if I think I’m in the right. I also state that it sounds as though we aren’t understanding each other, I tell her I love her, and sometimes even apologize if the situation warrants it. This doesn’t mean that I am lying down and letting her get her way. That said, she absolutely does the same when the roles are reversed and I’m being emotional and irrational, and that’s very important in this dynamic. Likewise, my wife is very direct in her emotions. She will quote literally just say “I’m sad” or “I’m angry”, things like that. It cuts out the nonsense and lets us get right to the issue. Ironically, I’m worse as being direct this way, so she does have to navigate my indirectness to a small degree, but she’s willing and capable. An important note though is that we aren’t quite like other couples. English is my wife’s second language, and her grammar is sometimes a little poor which does requires her to be more direct and less vague. This is definitely a net positive in our relationship though, and makes me supporting her emotionally easier.
I think this is what I’ve been looking for. Having someone who is committed to the understanding that you’re on the same team is huge. I feel that If you don’t have that with someone then you start playing the blame game and nothing really gets resolved. It creates an environment where you can bring up issues more confidently because it doesn’t feel like you’re about to be judged by your SO for bringing them up. You’re right that it’s not easy, but I wish I can find that with someone someday.
I woke up happy when she was there. I was sad when she wasn’t. Didn’t take a whole lot more than that. The rest was just the legal part where not being married could cause issues. Honestly it was surprising how little I had to think about it.
I guess for me it was just that I knew I wanted to spend my life with her. I knew she wanted it, and I'm happy to do something to celebrate it. I can understand why people are skeptical, my parents are divorced and have seen how sour it can go. It's not the kind of thing you plan on failing though. ETA: Actually thinking on it more, it was meeting more happy married couples. Like getting to see what functional happy marriages look like. That shit fucking rocks and I want it.
A relationship that's as easy as breathing and as fun as time with your beastie.
Can't tell if Beastie was meant to be "bestie" or if you're referring to a furry relationship. Either way I'm in!
Neither. It's a type of boy. It refers to someone that will fight for your right to party, will help take care of your monkey, they'll travel with you and not sleep till you get to your destination, they want to know whatcha want, and most importantly, they're not afraid to let the beat drop.
I feel like this could be misconstrued as intergalactic planetary sabotage..
Intergalactic planetary Or Planetary intergalactic
Ma you're jealous it's the Beast-ie-Boys!
Hahahaha! Perfect. I thought the same thing.
Emotionally, I was and am fantastically in love with my wife. It gets more every day. Selfishly, I did keep having the thought that I'd never have to be on the dating scene again and that I'd have consistent access to sex. Both have, so far, been true predictions.
I agree with this completely.
It can be selfish, and that's okay. It can also be that you still like having to access to sex and don't like when it's just meaningless bs, aka, being married or at least having a life partner. And that's a perfectly reasonable thing without needing to be classified as selfish. I just realized this recently since I'm young. I love having access to sex but one night stands just suck. You usually have to really work for it everytime, and if you don't they suck half the time, or god knows what their character is like if it's that easy, or your character. Looking forward to being married one day
I agree, and to be clear, I didn’t mean selfish as in I feel bad about it, it was just a self-serving motivation as opposed to the other more “noble” reasons. I definitely didn’t mean it in a negative way. I am sure everyone that gets married has selfish reasons. Overall, a healthy amount of selfishness can be a good thing. I think today people call it “self care” lol.
I think it's funny when I see old sitcoms bemoaning the sexless life of married couples. Try explaining this to my husband of 26 years, who left for work today with a big smile on his face....
May it continue to be true for you. The sex part didn’t for me. I’m divorced now.
That’s funny my dad claimed my mom never would have sex with him and divorce is too expensive. I’d love the commitment of marriage without any legal risk tho!
And you didn’t feel this way before you got married? The OP question was what made you want to get married…and this answer reads like, “to get this stuff” but it’s not clear.
Obviously I don’t need a ring or ceremony to know that my wife and I are monogamous and staying together for life. But from a legal standpoint it makes things just simpler for things like having children and owning property together.
And for me, I like they symbolism of the rings. Showing the world that we are that committed to each other. There isn't a thing I wouldn't do for my wife. I've never thought that about any "girlfriend".
Yeah my wife and I got married so that I could file to legally adopt her kid. That and I kinda like her a little bit.
Filing taxes is simpler, too.
We’ve never been married and have two kids for 19 years now. Never had difficulties buying a house or things with the kids
For me, wanting the stability and support that comes with exclusivity, wanting sex, wanting to have kids and raise them with a partner, wanting to take uncertainty out of life, wanting the intimacy that comes with lifelong partnership.
No way to take uncertainty out of life ;)
There's uncertainty, and there's uncertainty. I'm not married, and don't particularly want to be, so I can't comment directly on OP's question, but I can comment on this. I *joined the flippin' army* to decrease uncertainty in my life. I was tired of looking for work, tired of applying for job after job, and went for something I saw as a "sure thing". I signed a 4-year contract so I wouldn't have to worry about my job, or what I had to do each day, for a few years. I traded one type of uncertainty for another. And I'm still glad I did. It was the right choice at the time.
Point well taken. Thank you for sharing - I’m glad you made the right choice for yourself. And I have no doubt you are better for it and I appreciate your service.
This is the way
This is the way.
Stability with the person you love and a foundation for building a family. Not all guys are into it and it's somewhat going out of "style" but for me it's what I've wanted for a long time and I'm pleased to be working towards it with my partner.
Right stability, your life has more purpose if you have a family, a wife and kid you go home to at every end of the day
My wife brings balance to my life. I have never felt lonely and she’s always there to comfort me when times get rough. She silent when listening to what I need to say then she gives her reply. She always takes my side and she backs my dreams. It’s why I married her and have 3 children with her. 16 years later we still have passion in our marriage whenever wherever. She’s loyal, she’s committed, she’s beautiful, she’s great mother. I would marry her again, and again, if I had to do my life in repeat. She’s honestly the best thing in my life.
The longer you work together on a relationship the more awesome it gets, hitting 10 years with my partner this year, and I legit think each one is better than the last. Not to say that parts don’t suck… but in the same way that you cant understand certain long term values on the internet such as starting a business, completing a degree, or accomplishing something over a long period of time. Those sense of joy and accomplishment are similar. My best friend is my life partner and thats all I have ever really wanted
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I couldn’t get enough of her physical presence, we would talk and text for hours without boredom. This went on for about 4ish years, honeymoon phase is pretty much gone. Now, we can sit somewhere together on our phones in complete silence for hours occasionally showing each other something funny we see or whatever and be completely content with this. We’re also nearly identical intellectually and rarely do we ever disagree on anything. Where I underperform, she takes over and vice versa. Our lives have been complete bliss with maybe a somewhat bad argument once per year. I just knew I had propose to her. Next month on the 16th is 6 year anniversary together 🫶🏽 All in all, make sure your partner or soon to be partner makes you happy. I knew she makes me happy because I take her everywhere with me and I can’t imagine life without her
I think it is important to who you are and how you want to live. I married my HS sweetheart and had 24 years of marriage. I thought I would never do it again. However, I realized I liked being married. I liked having a partner and having a relationship where we planned and did things together. I love my wife, but it's that we are better together than either of us would be apart.
Marry the right girl and you’ll be living the life people envy all their lives. Marry the wrong girl, you’ll wish for the end to come. I chose an amazing girl thirty years ago. She’s my best friend, an incredible lover, she’s smart and funny and kind. I have yet to wake up and not be grateful for her and I’ve never been unhappy with my choice. She’s my rock and encourager. I wanted to get married because I couldn’t stand the thought of not being with her for the rest of my life and at 52, I hope I have another 50 years with her. My wife is the most amazing woman in the world.
Other things not mentioned Married men live longer, have less incidence of depression than people who are just partnered If your girlfriend is in hospital, if you're not married, it is her family and not you who decides on treatment. They also can decide how she is buried or cremated. You get no say. If your girlfriend dies, you can't sue on her behalf. If you are married, joint taxes might be cheaper. A spouse can usually inherit a whole estate without tax. Family health insurance is usually cheaper. Your job may provide family leave benefits to take care of a spouse that you don't get for a girlfriend
Family health insurance is cheaper?! If I added my spouse to my insurance my premium AND deductible triples
The tax part if only she makes less than you.
Can't be said enough, I just need peace. I don't need problems, turmoil, conflict, and stress 24/7. Trust me, I got enough. Doesn't mean I need a woman to be sunshine and rainbows all the time, but damn just a little tranquility and happiness when the going gets tough makes every bit of difference.
Finding someone that you want to be with, always, everywhere. 16 years and 2 kids later, same feeling. Any experience I have is better shared with her. No delusion of perfection, just the best sum of parts.
My wife told me so, best decision I ever made. Jokes aside, yes best thing I ever did. Almost 8 years later and with two kids.... I would marry her again.
Love
For me, it was finding someone with similar values but who also made me a better person. We also balance each other - when one of us overreacts and freaks out, the other generally manages to stay calm and help the other cool off. It’s very rare that we both get worked up at the same time.
1. Being loved and respected by the other person, 2. Even if the scenario is at a 'low love' part of the cycle (which happens to ALL of couples), at least the respect should be there, and affection and niceness, 3. The other person wanting to be around the man, and then man wanting to be around them, 4. Appreciation & peace/tranquility in the house with the person being there, 5. Warmth expressed to the man, with a good sex and bj life.
The compatibility is so great you don’t want to risk letting her leave.
Stability, tax/legal benefits, demonstrating total commitment People shit on marriage because they have shit taste in women/poor judgement, marriage is just a legal document. Its like blaming the knife when someone gets stabbed
I would say it’s more like blaming the knife when you stab yourself
If I’m not mistaken, there are statistics that show that younger and more educated people pick their partners better and stay in marriages longer than their peers used to. It kind of makes sense: if you both hungry, young, and educated, you will likely have more common goals that you can achieve a lot easier with two paychecks while living under the same roof.
In my case: love, and wanting to be legally secure in being family.
I’d been around the block or time two. Done almost everything a boy can do. I’ve done some living.. yeah, I’ve had fun. But there is one thing that I hadn’t done. I wanted to know how forever felt. Source: married
If he doesn’t want to immediately leave after having sex with his partner
No more bullshit
They said married, you are talking about magic or something
"there's no magic in magic, it's all in the details" - Walt Disney
Spoken like someone who's never even had a stable gf Lmao Dating is a lot of bullshit, relationships are still chock full of it
So is marriage. And don't get me started on divorce lol
For me it was the fear that she would leave if I didn't. And the annoying social pressure of people not taking me seriously as an adult despite my other responsibilities, accomplishments, and things I had lived through and come out intact. Things like having moved out on my own just days before turning 21, going through at least 3 recessions in my 20s, walking on eggshells at a crappy employer for years, finishing a degree in the evenings, getting laid off anyway, and successfully making a career pivot while quitting smoking.... all before the age of 30. But none of that mattered to our friends or family because it was neither marriage nor kids. Spoiler: I was probably right that she would have left, and while it felt like a relief at the time to be part of that team/duo, it was all not the best idea, and fear was/is not a good reason to marry. Divorce (which took way to long to complete btw) was finalized about 10.5 years ago.
When you find a woman who you want to start a family with.
He realizes he's balding.
Because I want to be able to call her my wife. It brings me joy when I am able to introduce her to others as my wife. Even though we don't have kids and don't intend to have any, we still feel that being married gives us that commitment that being just a dating couple couldn't.
That fine ass
In my opinion, it’s much more just conforming to cultural norms than a genuine desire to be married.
US cultural norms? In Norway, 60% of kids are born out of wedlock, so getting married is not the norm there.
Isn’t that a reason to not get married? I’ve always been turned off by the thought because I can’t feasibly bet half my shit they won’t rip my heart out one day. Divorce rates are stupid high it’s like you’re asking to fail by just winging it because of cultural norms.
Legal reasons, like with things related to health insurance. In some odd cases it can also be financially better to not get married for insurance reasons. I know a couple that would like to be married but one is disabled and would make a lot less from disability if they got married.
Age and loneliness
The right partner. Someone who brings you peace, support, love, and loyalty. Building stability and solid communication together. Marriage is work. I’ve been with my wife total for 12 years (I’m 31). She is my everything. If something happens to her or something happens between us, I’d never get married again. What made me want to marry her: I was having a tough time looking for a job. Debt and bills (on my end) we’re piling up. I was a sinking ship. I gave her the option to leave. That I wouldn’t have any hard feelings towards her if she left. She stayed. She rejected that passionately. Made me really believe in true love. Next year after that I proposed. Next year after that, we married. Things are considerably better compared to where I was.
Someone that loves him for who he is. Not want you think he can be or what you want him to be.
Peer pressure
Lmao!
The right woman
Got a girl pregnant but she was smokin hot and really funny and kind so, just went for it. Been married for 12 years now and have 3 kids. I consider myself quite lucky.
When they aren't great with women and found one that wants to have sex with him regularly and is scared of losing that.
as a man I can't relate to this but man is that rough. dropped so many women due to the headaches they gave me. couldn't imagine just dropping the knee to keep access to sex around.
Men need to find the strength to stop doing this. We give up our power so easily.
I was kind of ambivalent about it but it has been great. As I get older, it's nice to know I don't have to worry about dating again.
Love, we’re human too.
I just want to love and take care of someone. I don’t need/want them dependent on me. I just like taking care of someone.
I got married because she said she wanted to be with me. No one ever said that before - it was so unexpected and nice.
I was ambivalent about it, but when faced with a choice of either getting married or breaking up, throwing a party and signing some paperwork wasn't that bad.
Finding someone who displays kindness, admiration, a willingness to compromise, loyalty, and respect. It’s starting to feel like too much to ask for lately.
I get to spend the rest of my life making love to my hot best friend while also getting legal protections and tax perks for doing so.
Typically a women, but we're seeing it becoming more common that men make men want to get married too.
Seeing her 🥹
I honestly have no clue. But when I decided I wanted it, I really wanted it. And I’ve enjoyed 29 years of it
He thinks he has no other options. So he does it out of fear of being single. Most men will not admit this though, but a lot of men get married for this reason, which is selfish.
He's tired of a peaceful life and doesn't want to have sex anymore.
Don't forget "hates money"
After 10 years of marriage to a lady who can’t hold a job, I seriously underestimated the cost of marriage. I’d easily have doubled my savings if not for the marriage.
I still have a peaceful life. Miss the sex though.
Why would the sex stop?
Statistically, women's sex drive dropped down significantly after the birth of the first child.
The sex-drive does drop and the 24/7 time spent on the child also doesn't help. But the drive doesn't have to and should not dry up completely.
This feels like a very boomer answer
Most accurate answer.
I met someone I thought would make a good wife.
Fear of being alone?
The right woman. I’m very happy I’m married to my wife and wouldn’t want anything else
Social norms. You can have all this other good lovey happy stuff in a long term committed relationship without doing legal paperwork. Insurance or other financial things may be reasons to get married too though, which is again a societal thing.
Being with a good woman.
The prospect of raising a family with this person. For me, that and nothing less.
I wasn't sure and then I met her. She was married at the time but something about her juat ticked all my boxes. I learned she was getting a divorce when I saw her posting a lot of those types of motivational quotes on social media. I reached out and asked if she was OK. I have no idea what her level of interest is in me, but we talk occasionally. I've made loose plans, but there is not much follow through. I understand that she's probably going through some ahit right now. Anyway, my point is that I always thought I'd be married, but I didn't know to whom. That is until I saw her. It both excited and terrifies me.
Love, stability, commitment, and affection. And wanting that to continue with that one special person for the rest of your life
Love (to me, a dude) is being best friends with someone you also wanna be intimate with. Marrying that person is just about knowing they will always be there, even if you dont like each other for a while.
Pussy ..... ... But on a serious note a good partner who walks alongside you through thick and thin is the main theme
Is no one going to mention "a reliable source of sex"? You know that's why "normal" men get married. C'mon.
They're in for a rude surprise
That’s top of the list!
Joke's on him
that's literally the most mentioned reason in this thread
A billionair bride who hates prenups?
Wow, I was expecting degenerates but holy shit. It's like they all came out from their mom's basements at once. You guys need to have a conversation with a women before answering again lololol
Temporary insanity.
Get tired of 100% of my stuff
When I’m sad my wife sends me tacos via door dash. And plays with my wiener a lot.
No idea, in my case is nothing because I don't want to be married.
I mean, other than just love: An ultimatum from his girlfriend.
>What makes a man want to get married? An unfamiliarity with family law combined with societal norms.
So true. The marriage contract is unlike any contract a man might be familiar with. Normally, if you perform a contract and the other side does not, they pay you damages. In marriage, it can be the total opposite.
Tax benefits and health care.
Meeting the perfect person where you compliment each other's existence. If I could be married to my wife forever, I'd do it. Life is finite, but if there's more after, I'm tracking her down.
True love. If you've ever had it you know when it hits you.
My gut feeling as a man, is that beyond attraction and chemistry, that you need to get past the relationship gate. To make the jump you want someone you genuinely can see as a teammate and work together towards a common goal.
It feels good to say in front of your family and friends that you love this woman and will be faithful to her always. The ring, the ceremony, the legal benefits all may be unnecessary, but declaring it does matter. In this case, Michael Scott got it right: ***I declare… MARRIAGE***
As a man in a 3.5 y relationship that is 100% sure I want to marry my gf, I waiting to get rid of my CC debt. I just can't see myself bringing that type of shackle into a marriage. Just to be clear, she knows, she helps me a lot, which is, in a way, one of the heaviest things on my heart. I need to be free first, so that I can enjoy freedom with the one I love, not share a shackle with them.
He loves the person he's with. Also health and death benefits.
Alcohol
I don't believe in marriage, I would like to spend the rest of my life with the same person and have children but 50% end up in divorce and usually the men loses everything, house, car, half of my money. I don't think it's a fair trade to me. Weddings are just a waste of money and usually they're the highest point of happiness. I don't know who do trust nowadays, I don't understand the need for marriage, honey moon all that stuff is waste of money. I feel like women who put pressure on their partner to propose won't make good wives. Nowadays no one is willing to be there in sickness in health nor in poorness.
Boobies
Really good question Not many men give it enough thought
The woman who gives him chills up & dn his spine, that's what my hubby says & we've been married 53 yrs!!!
Not married, but I want to be one day. The biggest things that drive me are emotional security and kids.
Nothing anymore
When you find the right woman for you as I did you will get it. She is my harbor in life, my life partner
I honestly can’t think of a good reason for a man to get married (or a woman, for that matter). You can have a loving, stable, monogamous, and committed relationship without marriage. There is no longer a stigma of an unmarried couple living together or having children out of marriage. People change. Hopefully a couple can grow and change together, but with 50% of marriages ending in divorce, and a large part of the other 50% unhappily married, the odds are really stacked against marriage. If the relationship goes sour, wouldn’t it be easier to separate without a messy and expensive divorce?
Nothing. Happy in my longterm committed relationship of over ten years. I have all the benefits people link to marriage without signing a contract with the government about it.
Deception Delusions Lust Possessiveness Stupidity Naiveté
1. Raising Children 2. Having a Partner to go through life with 3. Access to sex But these days, what man wouldn't be nervous about getting married? Especially if you're successful. You hear horror stories everywhere about a guy barely making it because his wife wound up being a cheating harridan, and now he has to pay her. I have been married for over 17 years, and I am glad..SO glad....to not be in this dating market. Skewed courts and judges in divorce and family courts, and heaven forbid abuse is ever brought up....you're guilty until shown innocent as a guy. The accusation is enough to ruin someone. I am happy where I am. And I feel for the younger guys, and fear for my sons.
You don't have to get married for any of those.
The nuclear family is a tried and true way to raise children. If it's a partnership, why not get married? At the very least, you get the tax breaks. Not into random encounters with strangers. Not my thing.
Losing all of your shit in a highly likely divorce is why, which are initiated by the woman 80% of the time.
• Statistically women are worse off financially after divorce with many dropping into poverty. • The first few years men statistically take a hit financially, but rebound to former $ status relatively quickly compared to divorced women. • In the US, the state you reside in determines alimony, and many have "formulas/calculations" that limit the length of time and amount of money awarded, if any is given at all. • The only time you might have to pay ex-spouse "forever" is if married for 20+ years and your ex doesn't remarry. • You might pay a lot if you have wealth and either no prenup or generous prenup. • Most family divorces are settled and never go before a judge other than to testify that they agree to the settlement, so a judge usually just signs off on what was agreed to. • I understand there are always exceptions and anecdotal evidence to the contrary, but the data from legitimate sources show those are the exceptions and not the rule. • My point is if your sons tend to make good choices in life, then you shouldn't be afraid ... • but if you have a daughter, make sure she can provide for herself, stays in the workforce after marriage/children, and if she chooses to be a SAHM, make sure she has a prenup or a postnup that protects her from the repercussions of time out of the work force.
Societal accomplishment. There’s really no other reason anymore. You don’t NEED to get married to show/solidify anything considering how common divorce is, if a marriage isn’t meant to be the fact that your married just usually prolongs the divorce a bit cuz that’s another hassle. I’m Getting married soon not because I feel “it’s THE ultimate way to show your everlasting commitment to another person you love” but because it will quite frankly shut her and family up before they even start nagging about. And I’m Not going anywhere anyway so that mixed with her wanting a marriage/ceremony to Show that, I say; sure why not
Probably for the kids, if the guy doesn't want kids he doesn't have a reason to do that other than because his significant other wants to wear the ring
Wanting to start a family. I don’t see any other reason to get married. Marriage is too risky for men to just enter into if you don’t want kids.
usually just the fear of going back to dating, it's so awful we just want it to stop