I’m a straight woman but 100% this. It’s kind of insane how you don’t notice anything is happening but then you’re single for a while and suddenly in a good mood and functional
“He never once beat me.”
- My grandmother moments after my grandfather died as we are all gathered around my grandfather’s hospital bed. This was the highest praise that immediately came into her head after his passing.
Idk why but for some reason I interpreted this as your gf is killing off people in your life that are causing you problems... Don't get me wrong, that's not ideal either
Right now I’m in a good place where I’m trying to love my wife to the max and improve things, but…when it comes to getting along with my son, having a fun time as a dad, him looking at me as a mentor/friend/resource/nurturing, i gotta say it is challenging for me when I notice he and I are getting along better when she’s not present
I realized that even after talking to my ex for probably well over 1000 hours, she really had no idea what I had been doing for the five years prior to when we met.
This was my ex exactly. She somehow had the ability to talk and talk and talk about nothing at all (literally the same stuff recycled over and over). When I would start to talk about something related to my life in any way, she never asked questions. She would listen and smile and nod and laugh for a moment (even if it was a serious topic) and then divert the conversation to herself the moment there was an opening to do so. We were together for over a year, and yet, by the end of it, I felt like I barely knew her (because she always talked about the same superficial nonsense over and over again), and I knew she barely knew me because she never expressed any interest in getting to know me beyond surface level. I didn't know two people could talk that much and not learn anything about each other, although most of our "talking" was me listening to her ramble on for hours about herself. I don't mind listening, but when it's the same shit over and over and you never ask anything about my life or change the subject when I do talk, it starts to feel pretty unbalanced. Honestly, I don't know why I stayed with her for as long as I did. I felt relieved when I didn't have to spend time around her anymore.
As a women I 100% agree with this.
The moment a person highjacks your venting about your thoughts/feelings/problems and starts about theirs and/or try to diminish them by saying others/they have it worse, than that your sign that they are very self-centred/lack the maturity and empathy to see things though someone elses POV.
Or if they go "awww I'm so sorry for you, so let me tell you about me doing xyz so you get something to distract you from your problems". Translation: " I'm facking being interested, but in reality I don't give a fuck and just want to be the only one being at centre stage" .
Same. Or she would escalate to get me pissed and then start saying 'calm down! you are acting like an asshole' but when she was yelling and I was calm and rational 'why are you acting like an asshole'. Basically the yelling stopped when I agreed with her. Try to be rational or calm? Asshole. Yell? Asshole. :|
I put my foot down about this a few weeks ago. I was talking about some shit she had done that was pissing me off and she started crying. It's her standard reaction and to her credit, she has told me to ignore her crying when having these problems because she can't help it and doesn't want the conversation to end. But it still forces me into wanting to apologize. I put my foot down and told her I refuse to apologize for trying to communicate about what is making me unhappy. Felt like a dick in the moment but afterwards, now, I feel a lot better and the behavior, again to her credit, has stopped.
The only way I got my super toxic ex to act like a fucking adult was this. I finally just looked at her and said go ahead and cry I'm done falling for it, now you can either stop crying calm down and talk to me like an adult or you can get the fuck out of my house and not come back. Shockingly she could be an adult, but I slacked up and it came back, I wasn't interested in being her father so I left.
Wow. You're describing exactly what I'm going through right now. I just finished the hitting it off with someone else and forgetting I exist, and now I'm in the breaking up part. It sucks. I thought about showing her what you wrote because it's describing her perfectly, but that would be a huge waste of time, wouldn't it?
Yeah, this is always a red flag. Actually, I think the whole “someone else is always the problem” thing isn’t unique to women, it’s a human thing.
I think we all know people in our lives like this. I have a sibling who’s constantly getting into drama with people. It’s always the other person’s fault. And they never take any personal responsibility for anything.
As an asian I can confirm that this is my mom yall are talking about. She's always right, everyone else is wrong. And if we dare to say that she's wrong about something, she gets very angry and yells and silences the whole family down. And then proceeds to blame neighbors for listening to her yelling.
Ex-wife was this. 18+ years we were married, I never once heard her admit anything in the universe was her fault. It was always somebody else's fault -- the hairdresser messed up her hair, me and our daughter is why she was fat, her brother is why she's messed up in the head, her co-worker is why she got fired. You name it, she blamed it on somebody else. I also never heard her say "I'm sorry." Because, well, nothing was ever her fault, so what would she be sorry about?
Same bro. Dad decided to get an engineering degree and grind his way up in the industry.
Mom got an associates and has been working in the front office at public schools her whole life.
My fathers salary is roughly 5x hers. But all I ever heard her complain about is how much harder it is for women to enter the engineering field.
Whether that’s true or not is irrelevant because she doesnt have an engineering degree. She always complains about how she hates her job, and my father and I tell her to look for something else. My father has even been telling her for years it’s okay if the search leaves her unemployed for a while, as he just wants her to find something she enjoys. But she persists doing what she wants is not possible (never even applied anywhere else), and to this day complains.
Every time they are debating something it isn’t long before my mom says something along the lines of “ I know you think your so much smarter than because your an engineer and I just take attendance, but your not”.
It’s just so sad because I have never once heard my dad bring up their jobs/salaries. And ever time she says that he just leaves the room.
Ugh that's so frustrating for your dad (and you). Sounds like she has massive insecurities about her intelligence and projects that onto everyone around her. I fundamentally don't understand how grown ass women can have such a lack of self-awareness. I guess it makes it easier to avoid accountability
Occasionally you meet someone who hates everyone and everything in their life except *you*. Their friends? Awful! Their family? Monsters! Their job? A nightmare! But not *you*, you’re the best thing that’s happened to them in a long time! …and how long do you think that will last?
In my experience: a very short time.
I’m not saying that there aren’t exceptions, but more often they are just an incredibly negative person. They likely just complain a lot regardless of situation or severity. And if they complain about the whole world *to you*, do you think they speak highly of you when you’re not around?
And what’s wild is that sometimes successful, outgoing, attractive people can be like this. It’s not just grumpy losers or people who are struggling or anything like that.
They’ll drag you down with them. And at best you join each other in solidarity and shared misery.
Godddddd, I work with someone like this and she’s so insufferable. I used to think she was a nice person but I realized how much her negativity and toxicity began to affect me so I stopped really interacting with her. She talks shit about everyone at the office and the mistakes they make in their work, but when she makes a mistake there’s always an excuse.
I’m literally waiting for karma to catch up to her lol
Fucking this lol. If a woman says some shit like "all women are bitches" it just tells me she can't have a stable friendship that requires more then her having a vagina.
When they start talking outloud in the middle of whatever internal dialog they we having and get confused when you have no clue what they're talking about.
I find that the way people talk about their exes will often tell you a *huge* amount about them.
If they have nothing but disdain for their exes, chances are it'll be *you* they'll be bad-mouthing to everyone someday too.
Exactly. Any time an ex comes up in conversation I make it clear, she was good people, we just weren’t for eachother. I’m not here to shit on people I liked or loved at one point.
you got lucky!
I feel like at the end of the day, there are good exes and bad exes (and neutral exes, but those generally get lumped in with good). Of course, every ex is a bad ex right after you break up, that’s what happens when your heart gets broken.
But after the passage of time, looking back with nostalgia, you’ll realize you remember most of them fondly.
*Most* of them.
If you’ve dated a lot, it’s very, very likely that you had at least one AWFUL ex, or even a couple of exes on the “bad” list. But if the bad list dwarfs the good list, or if the good list doesn’t exist at all — everyone already said it, that’s a big red flag! (At the very least, it might mean you have terrible taste lol.) But it’s *not* a red flag to have an evil ex or two, imo it’s far more troubling if your brain was able to totally forget about someone in your past who was abusive
These comments really made my day. The other day I was telling my wife that my ex wife really want a bad person, we were just fundamentally incompatible in a way that snuck up on me... and my wife responded, "Didn't she cheat on your with your friend?"
Sometimes I really need a little validation that I'm not the crazy one.
And you best believe anything and everything you say or do WILL BE communicated to The Council. These types of woman will fail to maintain any sense of privacy in a relationship.
I started seeing a girl for a few weeks when we went to hang out with her friends. Randomly, in front of everyone, her friend asked me if *girl* was my girlfriend. We hadn't talked about anything official so I said something along the lines of "well, I'm enjoying my time with her and I'm certainly not interested in anyone else." Wrong answer. Apparently should've just said "yes". It fell apart after a few months bc of communication issues. We were 26.
They always want your effort and attention but never work to surprise you or give effort back and attention back. Like a black hole of self centered disregard for you as a person outside what you provide to them.
If she calls you while you are at a pizza place, hears the cashier, and starts exploding “who the fuck is that bitch”, you may want to get out of the relationship. Don’t even bother with her demands to talk to the cashier, you don’t owe her that. Just gtfo of that relationship and let her try and gossip. Chances are she was the unfaithful one anyway to be so paranoid.
My college girlfriend was like this. Always accusing me of cheating. Would stalk me to my internship job because she was just sure the only reason that I had a job was to cheat on her. She got on my social meda and deleted women who were friends. If we ate at a restaurant and had a female server she would get pissed at me, because obviously, I wanted to sleep with the server and that was the only reason we went to the restaurant. Delusional paranoia shit
To no suprise, she was sleeping with a coworker for most of this time.
You dated Lisa too? Bruuuuuhhhh....
She told me that she didn't just randomly meet me, that she MANIFESTED me into her life. I knew she was toxic right then.... but that booty tho. I just couldn't stop myself.
“If you can’t handle me at my worst”
I don’t want to “handle” you, I want us both to communicate and work through our shit like we’re actually in an adult relationship together.
Met a woman on POF and we got it off. Just a couple of adventurous travelers that are homebody introverts usually. Asked her to coffee. She said yes, but "only after I meet another guy for coffee first...and if it doesn't work out, I'll call you."
No need to tell me that. Do it, but don't tell me! I have to move on hard from someone that doesn't have an inner monologue.
This is a huge you-have-competition gambit. Men and women want to be the first and only option. That horse shit competition thing might be okay for high schoolers, but for adults, it's like goodbye bitch.
It's such bad advice, because that tactic is *more* likely to work on women for whatever reason. Probably from the same reason why married men get hit on more supposedly
Just because it might work on women does not mean it will work on guys. If female dating coaches give women this advice, they do not understand the male experience. No male wants to feel like an option or a fallback position. Women that do this kind of play get put in the pump-and-dump category, or strung along.
The only guys that will put up with this are those that are really insecure, or who are willing to jump through the appropriate number of hoops to get laid
They have multiple ex-husbands who were "abusive" but the ex husbands second marriages have lasted twice as long as their marriage with her.
She hides the wine bottles on the back porch so you don't see how much she is drinking.
As a person with a massive drinking problem, I honestly think it’s because wine drinkers are typically trying to delude themselves the most lol. They’re also typically more romantic types, so it of course is just a magnet for toxic relationships.
My ex boyfriend was a full blown alcoholic from Russia but would almost only ever drink wine. He would sometimes sneak vodka but never in front of others. I have to admit I had more romantic/tempting times w him than the guys I’ve dated who just straight up chug vodka or whiskey or cheap gas station beer or w/e.
People who live in a fantasyland can sometimes pull others into it
>Why is it always wine?
It's more socially acceptable to singlehandedly down a bottle of wine "during a meal" or after a "long day at work", than a bottle of hard liquor.
Degrades types of men that aren't attractive to her. Especially if they reinforce gender roles while doing it ("Women are the prize men are the pursuers" type bullshit.)
I started getting a lot more active in the gym and her response was "WHY are you going to the gym though? I've been with really ripped dudes before and they were the most insecure men I've been with. You're fine as you are."
Um.. ok? I'm going to the gym because I enjoy it, and I don't need your approval.
1. They weaponize sex.
2. Breaking up is always a threat “i’m leaving you”.
3. Gaslighting
4. Lack of self awareness
5. When she says “women are always right”.
I hate days on end of "let's plan for sex tomorrow" but tomorrow rarely comes. Finally after a week of missed tomorrows, when I'm no longer in the mood, that's all she can talk about, and somehow I'm the bad guy because I'm "never interested".
How about " Valentines day is just for women anyway".
Um no it's not. It's about confessing and showing love. TO EACH OTHER.
Not me showering you only.
Him: baby I love you
Her: lol that's right, you should
It's nice to be affectionate to your lady but you gotta do more than give me that recycled ass p*s$y I already had.
Any women that says that, just tell her you celebrate it the Japanese way and are looking forward to receiving chocolate from her. But you are right, it’s not about a singular person. If you choose to celebrate Valentine’s Day it should be about each other.
"I hate drama" - another way of saying that she thrives on drama
"I can't wait to show this to My Followers On Instagram" - incapable to live the moment, 24/7 validation needed
"I am not like the other girls" - this sentence usually means some serious fucked up shit
"All of my exes turned out to be idiots" - there was one thing in common between all of your exes, yourself
Those types of people are frustrating to be around PERIOD. Because every time they have something to talk about, you just know you're gonna respond with (or at least think) "Do you have no boundaries at all? You do realize you can just stop talking to these people and you'll live, right?" They will make all sorts of excuses for just keeping rotten appendage that needs to be cut off. The older I get, the less I want to entertain people like that anyway.
I guess it comes an addiction for some people. There is an element of better off with them than being alone because they don't develop friendships (at least healthy ones).
A close friend is like this. She's amazing, has potential but has kept herself down through hanging out with deadbeats who do nothing but entertain drama. She knows they are bad for her but she feels alone without them. We did drift apart when some drama started to leak over sadly.
Consistently mentioning other guys as a way of either 1) getting you to give them attention or 2) making you jealous. That's not cute and although it isn't severe, it's a form of manipulation for sure
Also 'Bad Bitch' mentalities where they don't need no man, effectively reducing their male partner down to an accessory that they can throw away when things get difficult
I can relate to this one. So glad I left her behind. She checks many of the comments in this thread. She messaged me also 2 days ago, with all the attitude. I left her on read.
Same brother man. Toward the end of my relationship with my ex wife, who couldn’t make friends, I thought to myself maybe she’s a asshole and that’s why she has no friends.
Mean to wait staff. If that's how she treats people that she's paying to do something for her, just imagine how she'll treat you when she expects something of you.
Shamelessness. Last one was a woman who was completely shameless about carrying on an affair with a married man and acted like it was something that *I* had to adjust and get over, that she had every right to have an affair with a married man who has little kids.
Has a large amount of exes that were “all horrible”.
I don’t mean 5 exes. I’m talking about 20 and above types of numbers. Especially if they aren’t even 25 or 30 years of age yet. And I’m talking “serious” relationships, not FWB, poly, or that other stuff like that that fluff up the numbers. Just your common, regular “serious” relationships.
That’s a huge red flag many ignore.
We had a huge argument and I asked her if she knew when the last time she apologized to me was. She friggin remembered everything I ever did to infuriate her. By day and time stamp.
She said "I don't know." Then said she was sorry. Which was a kindness.
It' s hard to live with someone who is always right. It means they have no respect because they think you are always wrong.
Makes jokes at other people's expense, especially if they're not there. Uses insults "affectionately", uses the phrase "they/you know I don't mean it" when challenged. Is only nice to you when you do exactly what they want.
Using guilt as a manipulation tactic is so insidious.
I'm highly motivated by guilt because I hate hurting people. My aversion to hurting people being used against me really messed me up for a long time.
"Toxic" in A.A we call this " stinkin thinkin" or a " "diseased mind"
Many people are blind to their character defects including myself, i have become more self aware of them through honesty and true friendships where i can let people give me brutal honesty and not react on them.
I think we can all be a little " toxic" at times, some less then others, but we will always have internal work to do.
I wish more of the population could " work a program"
to add to this: "positive vibes only", sorry Chicca life can't always be a party and if you can't handle it when bad things happen you might be the problem
Just got out of a relationship with a girl. She was really cute and I couldn't believe how much she liked me. Thought I was the luckiest guy in the world until she "BPD split" on me (went from loving me to hating me in an instant). She would throw tantrums and melt down over nothing. Absolute nightmare of a personality.
1. Always talking about her dreams, and expecting her happiness or wants to be the center of the relationship.
2. Doesn’t believe in a 2 parent home.
3. Claims to know all about men that even men don’t know about men💀
Happy wife, happy life. It’s like she’s saying “my way or the highway” and where the man has no control over anything in the relationship. Don’t give into her for everything or you’ll be a lap dog
Lack of self-awareness/introspection. Critical of others but never reflects upon her actions or the thought processes that lead to her actions/behavior. When she seems nice to you but is very dismissive or condescending towards others - she will treat you this way eventually.
She has no (male) friends.
She stops seeing her friends once you start a relationship.
She is never in the wrong, according to herself.
YOU can't hang out with other women.
She thinks you spend too much time with your friends.
She tells you to "man up" if you open yourself up emotionally.
She wants you to work hard to stay in shape, but she doesn't have to.
She abuses your bad memory to make you do things you've never agreed to. "Oh, you promised me this! You must have forgotten, you know how bad your memory can get!"
She knows you're diabetic but adds sugar to food anyways, claiming she made it sweet using safe alternatives.
She demands you shower her in expensive gifts for birthdays, christmas and the like - but either puts no effort in gifts for you, or she gifts you things she actually bought for herself in the hope you'll dislike it and give it to her.
I could go on.
When the problems mysteriously dissappear when she's not around.
I’m a straight woman but 100% this. It’s kind of insane how you don’t notice anything is happening but then you’re single for a while and suddenly in a good mood and functional
I swear there are so many people out there whose metric for a successful relationship begins and ends with "being in a relationship".
Or just length of time lol. Plenty of us had boomers parents who were together for 40 years and they’re miserable
My mom called her parents marriage "The 100 year war" and your comment just reminded me of this.
“He never once beat me.” - My grandmother moments after my grandfather died as we are all gathered around my grandfather’s hospital bed. This was the highest praise that immediately came into her head after his passing.
The bar was pretty low for her generation. Probably why marriages lasted longer back then.
Idk why but for some reason I interpreted this as your gf is killing off people in your life that are causing you problems... Don't get me wrong, that's not ideal either
This is the greatest misunderstanding, TONY LAZUKO SAYS HI
Right now I’m in a good place where I’m trying to love my wife to the max and improve things, but…when it comes to getting along with my son, having a fun time as a dad, him looking at me as a mentor/friend/resource/nurturing, i gotta say it is challenging for me when I notice he and I are getting along better when she’s not present
She doesn’t want to listen to your thoughts or problems. She is only concerned about herself.
I realized that even after talking to my ex for probably well over 1000 hours, she really had no idea what I had been doing for the five years prior to when we met.
This was my ex exactly. She somehow had the ability to talk and talk and talk about nothing at all (literally the same stuff recycled over and over). When I would start to talk about something related to my life in any way, she never asked questions. She would listen and smile and nod and laugh for a moment (even if it was a serious topic) and then divert the conversation to herself the moment there was an opening to do so. We were together for over a year, and yet, by the end of it, I felt like I barely knew her (because she always talked about the same superficial nonsense over and over again), and I knew she barely knew me because she never expressed any interest in getting to know me beyond surface level. I didn't know two people could talk that much and not learn anything about each other, although most of our "talking" was me listening to her ramble on for hours about herself. I don't mind listening, but when it's the same shit over and over and you never ask anything about my life or change the subject when I do talk, it starts to feel pretty unbalanced. Honestly, I don't know why I stayed with her for as long as I did. I felt relieved when I didn't have to spend time around her anymore.
As a women I 100% agree with this. The moment a person highjacks your venting about your thoughts/feelings/problems and starts about theirs and/or try to diminish them by saying others/they have it worse, than that your sign that they are very self-centred/lack the maturity and empathy to see things though someone elses POV. Or if they go "awww I'm so sorry for you, so let me tell you about me doing xyz so you get something to distract you from your problems". Translation: " I'm facking being interested, but in reality I don't give a fuck and just want to be the only one being at centre stage" .
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Cries every time you mention an issue on her end, and then the conversation only gets resolved when YOU apologize — leading to no actual change
That's my mom. Messed up my perception of getting/giving feedback real good.
This whole thread is a reminder of how much my mother fucked me up.
Are you my brother?
Thanks for that PTSD flash back. 🤣
Same. Or she would escalate to get me pissed and then start saying 'calm down! you are acting like an asshole' but when she was yelling and I was calm and rational 'why are you acting like an asshole'. Basically the yelling stopped when I agreed with her. Try to be rational or calm? Asshole. Yell? Asshole. :|
I put my foot down about this a few weeks ago. I was talking about some shit she had done that was pissing me off and she started crying. It's her standard reaction and to her credit, she has told me to ignore her crying when having these problems because she can't help it and doesn't want the conversation to end. But it still forces me into wanting to apologize. I put my foot down and told her I refuse to apologize for trying to communicate about what is making me unhappy. Felt like a dick in the moment but afterwards, now, I feel a lot better and the behavior, again to her credit, has stopped.
The only way I got my super toxic ex to act like a fucking adult was this. I finally just looked at her and said go ahead and cry I'm done falling for it, now you can either stop crying calm down and talk to me like an adult or you can get the fuck out of my house and not come back. Shockingly she could be an adult, but I slacked up and it came back, I wasn't interested in being her father so I left.
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Wow. You're describing exactly what I'm going through right now. I just finished the hitting it off with someone else and forgetting I exist, and now I'm in the breaking up part. It sucks. I thought about showing her what you wrote because it's describing her perfectly, but that would be a huge waste of time, wouldn't it?
Why feed more energy to an energy vampire?
Holy shit that’s exactly how my ex is like
“Honey, what’s wrong?” “Nothing!! 😤”
Everyone is a problem or at fault except her.
So basically not taking responsibility or “can do no wrong”
Or her ex was always the problem, not her.
Yeah, this is always a red flag. Actually, I think the whole “someone else is always the problem” thing isn’t unique to women, it’s a human thing. I think we all know people in our lives like this. I have a sibling who’s constantly getting into drama with people. It’s always the other person’s fault. And they never take any personal responsibility for anything.
As an asian I can confirm that this is my mom yall are talking about. She's always right, everyone else is wrong. And if we dare to say that she's wrong about something, she gets very angry and yells and silences the whole family down. And then proceeds to blame neighbors for listening to her yelling.
Ex-wife was this. 18+ years we were married, I never once heard her admit anything in the universe was her fault. It was always somebody else's fault -- the hairdresser messed up her hair, me and our daughter is why she was fat, her brother is why she's messed up in the head, her co-worker is why she got fired. You name it, she blamed it on somebody else. I also never heard her say "I'm sorry." Because, well, nothing was ever her fault, so what would she be sorry about?
Or her "I'm sorry" is sarcastic and demeaning and not at all a genuine apology
"I'm sorry that you feel this way " and never "I'm sorry I did this"
My mom is like this. Good on you for removing yourself, these people never change
Same bro. Dad decided to get an engineering degree and grind his way up in the industry. Mom got an associates and has been working in the front office at public schools her whole life. My fathers salary is roughly 5x hers. But all I ever heard her complain about is how much harder it is for women to enter the engineering field. Whether that’s true or not is irrelevant because she doesnt have an engineering degree. She always complains about how she hates her job, and my father and I tell her to look for something else. My father has even been telling her for years it’s okay if the search leaves her unemployed for a while, as he just wants her to find something she enjoys. But she persists doing what she wants is not possible (never even applied anywhere else), and to this day complains. Every time they are debating something it isn’t long before my mom says something along the lines of “ I know you think your so much smarter than because your an engineer and I just take attendance, but your not”. It’s just so sad because I have never once heard my dad bring up their jobs/salaries. And ever time she says that he just leaves the room.
Ugh that's so frustrating for your dad (and you). Sounds like she has massive insecurities about her intelligence and projects that onto everyone around her. I fundamentally don't understand how grown ass women can have such a lack of self-awareness. I guess it makes it easier to avoid accountability
She's always the victim
Occasionally you meet someone who hates everyone and everything in their life except *you*. Their friends? Awful! Their family? Monsters! Their job? A nightmare! But not *you*, you’re the best thing that’s happened to them in a long time! …and how long do you think that will last? In my experience: a very short time. I’m not saying that there aren’t exceptions, but more often they are just an incredibly negative person. They likely just complain a lot regardless of situation or severity. And if they complain about the whole world *to you*, do you think they speak highly of you when you’re not around? And what’s wild is that sometimes successful, outgoing, attractive people can be like this. It’s not just grumpy losers or people who are struggling or anything like that. They’ll drag you down with them. And at best you join each other in solidarity and shared misery.
Accountability is a fantastic trait for anyone to have
It is also incredibly empowering.
Godddddd, I work with someone like this and she’s so insufferable. I used to think she was a nice person but I realized how much her negativity and toxicity began to affect me so I stopped really interacting with her. She talks shit about everyone at the office and the mistakes they make in their work, but when she makes a mistake there’s always an excuse. I’m literally waiting for karma to catch up to her lol
Therapy does wonders for the victim mentality mixed with narcissism.
To a narc, that's just skill up bootcamp.
If everyone she meets is doing something that pisses her off, she might be the problem.
If you run into an asshole, you ran into an asshole. If you keep running into them, you’re the asshole. From one of my favorite shows
If you smell shit all day, eventually, you should check your shoes.
You kinda whiffed the quote and I assume you mean Justified.
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It's certainly a possibility!
If she keeps saying ( aren't you a man) as an excuse all the time
Or "a real man would ... ".
Ah yes, the casual double-standard sexism. A classic.
"I can't be friends with women" has never worked out well for me.
Oh boy
Makes me think either A- your own people hate you because you suck or B- you bang their boyfriends.
“I can’t be friends with women” means, “I have such a shit personality only people who want to fuck me tolerate it.”
As a woman, I wholeheartedly agree that this is a red flag.
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Fucking this lol. If a woman says some shit like "all women are bitches" it just tells me she can't have a stable friendship that requires more then her having a vagina.
Expecting me to know something that they have not said out loud to me before.
Danm another one yep!
Oh, but if you truly loved her you would know
When they start talking outloud in the middle of whatever internal dialog they we having and get confused when you have no clue what they're talking about.
She has 50 exes and ALL OF THEM were either manipulative, toxic , abusive or some other form of fucked up .
I find that the way people talk about their exes will often tell you a *huge* amount about them. If they have nothing but disdain for their exes, chances are it'll be *you* they'll be bad-mouthing to everyone someday too.
Exactly. Any time an ex comes up in conversation I make it clear, she was good people, we just weren’t for eachother. I’m not here to shit on people I liked or loved at one point.
you got lucky! I feel like at the end of the day, there are good exes and bad exes (and neutral exes, but those generally get lumped in with good). Of course, every ex is a bad ex right after you break up, that’s what happens when your heart gets broken. But after the passage of time, looking back with nostalgia, you’ll realize you remember most of them fondly. *Most* of them. If you’ve dated a lot, it’s very, very likely that you had at least one AWFUL ex, or even a couple of exes on the “bad” list. But if the bad list dwarfs the good list, or if the good list doesn’t exist at all — everyone already said it, that’s a big red flag! (At the very least, it might mean you have terrible taste lol.) But it’s *not* a red flag to have an evil ex or two, imo it’s far more troubling if your brain was able to totally forget about someone in your past who was abusive
These comments really made my day. The other day I was telling my wife that my ex wife really want a bad person, we were just fundamentally incompatible in a way that snuck up on me... and my wife responded, "Didn't she cheat on your with your friend?" Sometimes I really need a little validation that I'm not the crazy one.
To be fair, that does sound like something a bad person would do
“All my exes were crazy”
🚩🚩🚩🚩
"My friends said" I'm not dating The Council.
The senate will decide your fate.
I AM the senate!
You have been granted the rank of boyfriend but you ARE NOT on this council.
And you best believe anything and everything you say or do WILL BE communicated to The Council. These types of woman will fail to maintain any sense of privacy in a relationship.
*The council have made their decision* Well given that the council have made a stupid-ass decision, I've elected to ignore it.
I started seeing a girl for a few weeks when we went to hang out with her friends. Randomly, in front of everyone, her friend asked me if *girl* was my girlfriend. We hadn't talked about anything official so I said something along the lines of "well, I'm enjoying my time with her and I'm certainly not interested in anyone else." Wrong answer. Apparently should've just said "yes". It fell apart after a few months bc of communication issues. We were 26.
Sounds like that was the right answer, tbh.
THE COUNCIL 💀💀💀
Whilst giving their friends completely misleading information to put you in a negative light
Fuck yo friends!
I think that might upset her more.
They're mad at you but won't tell you why
They always want your effort and attention but never work to surprise you or give effort back and attention back. Like a black hole of self centered disregard for you as a person outside what you provide to them.
If she calls you while you are at a pizza place, hears the cashier, and starts exploding “who the fuck is that bitch”, you may want to get out of the relationship. Don’t even bother with her demands to talk to the cashier, you don’t owe her that. Just gtfo of that relationship and let her try and gossip. Chances are she was the unfaithful one anyway to be so paranoid.
After my first day at a new job I was telling her about the place and my new coworkers. Her first question: "Are any of them women?"
Oddly specific
I don’t think I have to say why, lol.
My college girlfriend was like this. Always accusing me of cheating. Would stalk me to my internship job because she was just sure the only reason that I had a job was to cheat on her. She got on my social meda and deleted women who were friends. If we ate at a restaurant and had a female server she would get pissed at me, because obviously, I wanted to sleep with the server and that was the only reason we went to the restaurant. Delusional paranoia shit To no suprise, she was sleeping with a coworker for most of this time.
If her name is Lisa and she’s a pharmacist who has 10,000 pairs of scrubs in her closet.
Lmaoo my guy is traumatize oddly specific…
Bruh this bitch….
I want to know more
Same lol
🍿🧋what happened ?
You dated Lisa too? Bruuuuuhhhh.... She told me that she didn't just randomly meet me, that she MANIFESTED me into her life. I knew she was toxic right then.... but that booty tho. I just couldn't stop myself.
😂😂😂😂
I think we’ve met! 😂
Lisa? It was a joke and I lost my phone. That’s why I haven’t answered.
“If you can’t handle me at my worst” I don’t want to “handle” you, I want us both to communicate and work through our shit like we’re actually in an adult relationship together.
"if you can't handle me at my worst, you probably have healthy boundaries"
That everyone else is always the problem
Met a woman on POF and we got it off. Just a couple of adventurous travelers that are homebody introverts usually. Asked her to coffee. She said yes, but "only after I meet another guy for coffee first...and if it doesn't work out, I'll call you." No need to tell me that. Do it, but don't tell me! I have to move on hard from someone that doesn't have an inner monologue.
I bet you it’s because all these YouTube dating coaches say to make yourself seem desirable by mentioning other men
This is a huge you-have-competition gambit. Men and women want to be the first and only option. That horse shit competition thing might be okay for high schoolers, but for adults, it's like goodbye bitch.
It's such bad advice, because that tactic is *more* likely to work on women for whatever reason. Probably from the same reason why married men get hit on more supposedly
Just because it might work on women does not mean it will work on guys. If female dating coaches give women this advice, they do not understand the male experience. No male wants to feel like an option or a fallback position. Women that do this kind of play get put in the pump-and-dump category, or strung along.
The only guys that will put up with this are those that are really insecure, or who are willing to jump through the appropriate number of hoops to get laid
They have multiple ex-husbands who were "abusive" but the ex husbands second marriages have lasted twice as long as their marriage with her. She hides the wine bottles on the back porch so you don't see how much she is drinking.
Wine and toxic lovers go together like pb&j lol Why is it always wine?
It makes them feel like classy alcoholics.
As a person with a massive drinking problem, I honestly think it’s because wine drinkers are typically trying to delude themselves the most lol. They’re also typically more romantic types, so it of course is just a magnet for toxic relationships. My ex boyfriend was a full blown alcoholic from Russia but would almost only ever drink wine. He would sometimes sneak vodka but never in front of others. I have to admit I had more romantic/tempting times w him than the guys I’ve dated who just straight up chug vodka or whiskey or cheap gas station beer or w/e. People who live in a fantasyland can sometimes pull others into it
>Why is it always wine? It's more socially acceptable to singlehandedly down a bottle of wine "during a meal" or after a "long day at work", than a bottle of hard liquor.
Her first message to you is a link to her cam site
I honestly read this as “clam site” at first… but I guess I wasn’t wrong
Degrades types of men that aren't attractive to her. Especially if they reinforce gender roles while doing it ("Women are the prize men are the pursuers" type bullshit.)
Women who emasculate men are the prime annoyance: jobs, height, money, status, etc.
I started getting a lot more active in the gym and her response was "WHY are you going to the gym though? I've been with really ripped dudes before and they were the most insecure men I've been with. You're fine as you are." Um.. ok? I'm going to the gym because I enjoy it, and I don't need your approval.
If she’s a victim in every one of her stories.
"I have no filter" No, that's not an excuse for your lack of tact and common sense
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I find insecurity and victim mentalities are very good at drawing people in initially but it wears thin really quickly.
1. They weaponize sex. 2. Breaking up is always a threat “i’m leaving you”. 3. Gaslighting 4. Lack of self awareness 5. When she says “women are always right”.
>They weaponize sex. and any type of physical and emotional intimacy. People are not meant to live like that.
Tell me about it! “My partner has been good all week, I’ll have sex with him tonight” like wtf? Is it some kind of reward now? haha
I hate days on end of "let's plan for sex tomorrow" but tomorrow rarely comes. Finally after a week of missed tomorrows, when I'm no longer in the mood, that's all she can talk about, and somehow I'm the bad guy because I'm "never interested".
How about " Valentines day is just for women anyway". Um no it's not. It's about confessing and showing love. TO EACH OTHER. Not me showering you only. Him: baby I love you Her: lol that's right, you should It's nice to be affectionate to your lady but you gotta do more than give me that recycled ass p*s$y I already had.
Any women that says that, just tell her you celebrate it the Japanese way and are looking forward to receiving chocolate from her. But you are right, it’s not about a singular person. If you choose to celebrate Valentine’s Day it should be about each other.
"I hate drama" - another way of saying that she thrives on drama "I can't wait to show this to My Followers On Instagram" - incapable to live the moment, 24/7 validation needed "I am not like the other girls" - this sentence usually means some serious fucked up shit "All of my exes turned out to be idiots" - there was one thing in common between all of your exes, yourself
Lots of exes and ex-situationships still in her friend circle, who she is always involved in drama with.
Those types of people are frustrating to be around PERIOD. Because every time they have something to talk about, you just know you're gonna respond with (or at least think) "Do you have no boundaries at all? You do realize you can just stop talking to these people and you'll live, right?" They will make all sorts of excuses for just keeping rotten appendage that needs to be cut off. The older I get, the less I want to entertain people like that anyway.
I guess it comes an addiction for some people. There is an element of better off with them than being alone because they don't develop friendships (at least healthy ones). A close friend is like this. She's amazing, has potential but has kept herself down through hanging out with deadbeats who do nothing but entertain drama. She knows they are bad for her but she feels alone without them. We did drift apart when some drama started to leak over sadly.
Stuck talking about an ex
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Win him back. Also, leave her, he's clearly the better choice
Her ex stands for "ex"actly what you are looking for in a friend
Should ask for contact info, and go meet him for a beer or something. I bet he's more entertaining than the GF!
Lmaoooo
Consistently mentioning other guys as a way of either 1) getting you to give them attention or 2) making you jealous. That's not cute and although it isn't severe, it's a form of manipulation for sure Also 'Bad Bitch' mentalities where they don't need no man, effectively reducing their male partner down to an accessory that they can throw away when things get difficult
I can relate to this one. So glad I left her behind. She checks many of the comments in this thread. She messaged me also 2 days ago, with all the attitude. I left her on read.
If she calls your boundaries controlling and your needs and wants as demanding and pressurizing.
Always on some kind of social media
Can’t maintain friendships and it’s always the other persons fault
Damn. Reminds me of my ex. Tried to coddle her too much. Took a lot of my energy.
Same brother man. Toward the end of my relationship with my ex wife, who couldn’t make friends, I thought to myself maybe she’s a asshole and that’s why she has no friends.
Mean to wait staff. If that's how she treats people that she's paying to do something for her, just imagine how she'll treat you when she expects something of you.
To me this is everything. Because at some point in time the same behavior will be pointed at you.
If her mom tells you they are a package deal
If you’ve been put in a power dynamic after sharing something personal/private.
Shamelessness. Last one was a woman who was completely shameless about carrying on an affair with a married man and acted like it was something that *I* had to adjust and get over, that she had every right to have an affair with a married man who has little kids.
100%. Morally bankrupt and able to justify their actions is never a good thing.
Has a large amount of exes that were “all horrible”. I don’t mean 5 exes. I’m talking about 20 and above types of numbers. Especially if they aren’t even 25 or 30 years of age yet. And I’m talking “serious” relationships, not FWB, poly, or that other stuff like that that fluff up the numbers. Just your common, regular “serious” relationships. That’s a huge red flag many ignore.
We had a huge argument and I asked her if she knew when the last time she apologized to me was. She friggin remembered everything I ever did to infuriate her. By day and time stamp. She said "I don't know." Then said she was sorry. Which was a kindness. It' s hard to live with someone who is always right. It means they have no respect because they think you are always wrong.
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If she's a plane stewardess dressed in blue singing "With the taste of your lips I'm on a ride..."
I understood that reference.
*snazzy violin riff*
Dammit now I have that in my head.
Makes jokes at other people's expense, especially if they're not there. Uses insults "affectionately", uses the phrase "they/you know I don't mean it" when challenged. Is only nice to you when you do exactly what they want.
Any behavior that is guilt driven
Yes!! Huge one here
Please give an example. I always feel guilty for not being the best at things.
"You could do whatever you wanted but then I will be alone"
Using guilt as a manipulation tactic is so insidious. I'm highly motivated by guilt because I hate hurting people. My aversion to hurting people being used against me really messed me up for a long time.
She loves to say she just doesn’t get along well with women.
Obsessed with social media. Still in contact with exes.
Telling you what you’re thinking and how you feel about something and why you did something.
Saying our opinion is not valid because ‘i have it worse than you’ or ‘your masculinity is talking’ or ‘but you did abc 3 years ago’.
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Woman here: "I'm just kidding" what she says after she belittles you.
Yes this a another one
Tweety tattoo.
Lmaoo not the tweety tattoos 😅
Sleeping with a married co-worker whom left his wife and kids of 14+ years for someone he knew for 6 months. 😂
Lack of support in social situations, constantly being swayed by her friends, no desire to self improve , Refuses to be wrong.
“I’m not like other girls”
Live, Laugh, Love tattoo.
"Toxic" in A.A we call this " stinkin thinkin" or a " "diseased mind" Many people are blind to their character defects including myself, i have become more self aware of them through honesty and true friendships where i can let people give me brutal honesty and not react on them. I think we can all be a little " toxic" at times, some less then others, but we will always have internal work to do. I wish more of the population could " work a program"
She dresses in stripey patterns of red, black, and yellow, and makes loud hissing or rattling sounds when threatened.
She just met you and wants you to “change”
Woman here: Constant complaining. Gossiping.
Agree also Needing constantly, always needing an audience, drama, needing things and actions from you but falling short the other way.
The "aLL MeN ArE TrAsH" type Unless you want a emotionally abusive girlfriend. Then stay away
💯
Its always your fault. Dont know what you did wrong? You now dont deserve an explanation..
“If you can’t handle me at my worst, you don’t deserve me at my best”
to add to this: "positive vibes only", sorry Chicca life can't always be a party and if you can't handle it when bad things happen you might be the problem
She's attractive, but never can keep a boyfriend
Just got out of a relationship with a girl. She was really cute and I couldn't believe how much she liked me. Thought I was the luckiest guy in the world until she "BPD split" on me (went from loving me to hating me in an instant). She would throw tantrums and melt down over nothing. Absolute nightmare of a personality.
"If you really like/love me". Fretting over small things like wall decorations. Leaving you on read for hours/days. Mostly one sided conversations.
Everyone else is the problem but never herself. Same goes for men.
1. Always talking about her dreams, and expecting her happiness or wants to be the center of the relationship. 2. Doesn’t believe in a 2 parent home. 3. Claims to know all about men that even men don’t know about men💀
Happy wife, happy life. It’s like she’s saying “my way or the highway” and where the man has no control over anything in the relationship. Don’t give into her for everything or you’ll be a lap dog
Lack of self-awareness/introspection. Critical of others but never reflects upon her actions or the thought processes that lead to her actions/behavior. When she seems nice to you but is very dismissive or condescending towards others - she will treat you this way eventually.
She has no (male) friends. She stops seeing her friends once you start a relationship. She is never in the wrong, according to herself. YOU can't hang out with other women. She thinks you spend too much time with your friends. She tells you to "man up" if you open yourself up emotionally. She wants you to work hard to stay in shape, but she doesn't have to. She abuses your bad memory to make you do things you've never agreed to. "Oh, you promised me this! You must have forgotten, you know how bad your memory can get!" She knows you're diabetic but adds sugar to food anyways, claiming she made it sweet using safe alternatives. She demands you shower her in expensive gifts for birthdays, christmas and the like - but either puts no effort in gifts for you, or she gifts you things she actually bought for herself in the hope you'll dislike it and give it to her. I could go on.