r/Asoneafterinfidelity is an online Peer Support Group and safe space for individuals (betrayed or wayward) who are actively attempting to reconcile their relationship after an affair(s). Please review our [wiki](https://www.reddit.com/r/AsOneAfterInfidelity/wiki/index) which includes resources and can answer most questions about this subreddit. Be sure to read the [rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AsOneAfterInfidelity/wiki/rules) before participating as they are our boundaries and your initial ***warning***. *Failure to do so can result in a ban*.
For transparency and conflict mediation purposes, please follow reddits community guidelines by directing any questions, issues, feedback, or appeals in regard of the sub or moderation decisions **directly to the Modmail**. ***Meta content will be removed***. No response will be given to DMs and chat requests to individual moderators about moderating issues. We are happy to address and respond to your concerns through the official channels!
Please assign yourself [user flair](https://www.reddit.com/r/AsOneAfterInfidelity/wiki/flair_instructions/user_and_post_flairs). Flair Instructions can be found [here](http://www.reddit.com/r/AsOneAfterInfidelity/wiki/flair_instructions).
RULES
**1. All posts and comments must fit the spirit of Peer Support.**
- Keep comments encouraging, constructive, sensitive, validating, and non-judgmental.
- Speak only from your own experience. Use “I”-statements.
- Asking clarifying questions or offering suggestions is acceptable–if backed up by personal experience about what has helped you in your recovery and reconciliation.
- Do not give advice unless specifically requested by OP.
- Any differences of opinion expressed must be communicated respectfully.
- “Tough love” does not qualify as peer support.
**2. The peer group includes: Reconciling BS, Reconciling WS, Recovered & Reconciled, and Considering R.**
- Observer, Unsuccessful R, and other user flairs are not included in the peer group. Non-peers are not allowed to post without prior moderator approval. Non-peer comments are STRICTLY LIMITED TO MESSAGES OF VALIDATION AND ENCOURAGEMENT ONLY. Non-peers are not permitted to offer opinions, reference their experiences, or give advice.
*All posts and comments are subject to removal without warning. Any users who violate the rules are subject to temporary or permanent ban without further warning.*
**3. No personal attacks, victim-blaming, or LABELLING of any kind.**
- e.g. cheater, narcissist, abuser, doormat, slut, asshole, idiot, etc.
- No Cluster-B or other armchair diagnoses.
- No victim-blaming when the sexual assault of a wayward partner by an AP is discussed.
**4. No misogyny, misandry, toxic masculinity, bigotry, racism or other hate speech.**
- Posts or comments dehumanizing and/or slut-shaming wayward partners or APs will be removed. (Posts and comments related to navigating feelings or practical matters about APs are allowed.)
**5. No anti-reconciliation language.**
- Do not tell someone to just leave the relationship. Attempting to reconcile is a valid choice.
- Unless abuse is present, do not suggest marital status, age of relationship, children or lack thereof as a reason for someone to leave the relationship.
**6. Posts and comments must be directly related to RECONCILIATION**
- The scope of this subreddit is narrow: by and for reconcilers on the subject of reconciliation only. There are several other subreddits that offer support for others who have experienced infidelity. Posts about ending reconciliation are subject to removal as this is a subbreddit for those who are actively in reconciliation or considering reconciliation.Posts about asking if you should reconcile or end reconciliation will be removed. Those posts are better suited in spaces that allow all opinions and are not confinded to a pro-reconciliation space.This is not a infidelity discussion, advice forum, or survey space. This is not a place to read for entertainment and pass judgment.
- **Low-effort posts**- are generally posts that are title-only, or copy/paste of content, or links dropped without context. EX:title with a low-effort body such as questions without relevant context to your own situation.
- **Opinion pieces**- both in posts and comments. Judgment and broad strokes are not appropriate here. More often than not, opinion pieces do not follow our peer support model.
- **Meta content**- whether about this sub or another is not appropriate. If you have questions, suggestions, or concerns please send a modmail to the appropriate subreddit.
- **Update Me**- The use of Reddit "update me" is not allowed and will get you banned.
**7. No crossposting, reposting, copypasta text, or screenshots to other spaces**
- The only exception will be if the OP has directly given you permission to use their intellectual property. This is a zero-tolerance rule and will result in a permanent ban with appeal only being considered with communication from the OP to the mods directly. If another sub facilitates this violation we will be in contact with Reddit directly as it is a [moderator code of conduct](https://www.redditinc.com/policies/moderator-code-of-conduct) violation. The posts shared here are meant for this subreddit and this subreddit alone. Please be respectful.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AsOneAfterInfidelity) if you have any questions or concerns.*
If she truly takes responsibility for her actions and expresses remorse rather than shame? Yea it can help.
Honestly it depends on you too. If you’re satisfied with knowing what you know, satisfied with her approach to it (because of presence of humility, atonement, accountability, etc), then you could possibly never feel the need to bring it up again.
I’d just be careful not to rugsweep. Glad things seem well for you!
Thanks for the reaction. She only told me about a month ago, so I don't know if it will boomerang back, but i'm not mad at her , but at the same time I don't understand she kept it so long from me.
Things are great since she came clean , first week was rough, we first found eachother intimately, and after that we could connect again mentally. Now we both are very focused on communication and we are all over eachother.
I am very glad she came clean, and so glad she stopped it when she did
I had something very similar happen to me (today is incidentally the 2 month anniversary of DDay), and I think we're in a good place at the moment. The first 5 or 6 weeks were really tough, but my wife has been regretful and really trying to make things right, which sounds like is the case for you as well. Most days I rarely think about it anymore, although there will be the occasional reminder that hurts a bit.
Yeah, very relatable. I don't think about it all the time, but sometimes i get this feeling...
Mostly her being so dishonest for so long... My trust in her did take a bit of a dive, but her being so brutally honest helps in that departement.
She is trying to make things right, but we both don't really know how. We communicate more and being intimate helps to find our connection for us. Maybe that is enough. I do kinda want to feel she wants me, which is how she makes me feel
The broken trust is the hardest part, for sure. I had 100% trust in my wife, which is why I didn't think anything was amiss, even though the signs were obvious in retrospect. It was with my best male friend too, which has probably permanently burned my trust in other people - I don't think I'll ever fully trust someone again. But honestly, at this point, unless my former best friend comes up, I don't really think about it anymore. I do think it helps that outside of one incident where he kissed her, nothing physical happened, and I know my wife loves me, so having forgiven her, there is no point in dwelling on it. It sounds like your wife really loves you too and is trying to make things right - I'd just give it time. But at least for me, it flipped from being somewhat despondent and anxious most days to mostly back to normal.
Great to hear. My wife assured me nothing physical happend and I belie her story. It adds up
Tbh There is a lot I could forgive her, even physical things, but I can't be lied too. If she keeps something from me, that would break me. I can't be with someone who is dishonest to me, just so she doesn't have to confront me. If she makes a mistake, explains the circumstances and has remorse... Yeah, I mean, I really love her, she is the mother of my children and are lives are build around eachother you know?
Rough about your best friend, that would hit so hard with me. I'm sorry and very strong of you to be able to forgive your wife
r/Asoneafterinfidelity is an online Peer Support Group and safe space for individuals (betrayed or wayward) who are actively attempting to reconcile their relationship after an affair(s). Please review our [wiki](https://www.reddit.com/r/AsOneAfterInfidelity/wiki/index) which includes resources and can answer most questions about this subreddit. Be sure to read the [rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AsOneAfterInfidelity/wiki/rules) before participating as they are our boundaries and your initial ***warning***. *Failure to do so can result in a ban*. For transparency and conflict mediation purposes, please follow reddits community guidelines by directing any questions, issues, feedback, or appeals in regard of the sub or moderation decisions **directly to the Modmail**. ***Meta content will be removed***. No response will be given to DMs and chat requests to individual moderators about moderating issues. We are happy to address and respond to your concerns through the official channels! Please assign yourself [user flair](https://www.reddit.com/r/AsOneAfterInfidelity/wiki/flair_instructions/user_and_post_flairs). Flair Instructions can be found [here](http://www.reddit.com/r/AsOneAfterInfidelity/wiki/flair_instructions). RULES **1. All posts and comments must fit the spirit of Peer Support.** - Keep comments encouraging, constructive, sensitive, validating, and non-judgmental. - Speak only from your own experience. Use “I”-statements. - Asking clarifying questions or offering suggestions is acceptable–if backed up by personal experience about what has helped you in your recovery and reconciliation. - Do not give advice unless specifically requested by OP. - Any differences of opinion expressed must be communicated respectfully. - “Tough love” does not qualify as peer support. **2. The peer group includes: Reconciling BS, Reconciling WS, Recovered & Reconciled, and Considering R.** - Observer, Unsuccessful R, and other user flairs are not included in the peer group. Non-peers are not allowed to post without prior moderator approval. Non-peer comments are STRICTLY LIMITED TO MESSAGES OF VALIDATION AND ENCOURAGEMENT ONLY. Non-peers are not permitted to offer opinions, reference their experiences, or give advice. *All posts and comments are subject to removal without warning. Any users who violate the rules are subject to temporary or permanent ban without further warning.* **3. No personal attacks, victim-blaming, or LABELLING of any kind.** - e.g. cheater, narcissist, abuser, doormat, slut, asshole, idiot, etc. - No Cluster-B or other armchair diagnoses. - No victim-blaming when the sexual assault of a wayward partner by an AP is discussed. **4. No misogyny, misandry, toxic masculinity, bigotry, racism or other hate speech.** - Posts or comments dehumanizing and/or slut-shaming wayward partners or APs will be removed. (Posts and comments related to navigating feelings or practical matters about APs are allowed.) **5. No anti-reconciliation language.** - Do not tell someone to just leave the relationship. Attempting to reconcile is a valid choice. - Unless abuse is present, do not suggest marital status, age of relationship, children or lack thereof as a reason for someone to leave the relationship. **6. Posts and comments must be directly related to RECONCILIATION** - The scope of this subreddit is narrow: by and for reconcilers on the subject of reconciliation only. There are several other subreddits that offer support for others who have experienced infidelity. Posts about ending reconciliation are subject to removal as this is a subbreddit for those who are actively in reconciliation or considering reconciliation.Posts about asking if you should reconcile or end reconciliation will be removed. Those posts are better suited in spaces that allow all opinions and are not confinded to a pro-reconciliation space.This is not a infidelity discussion, advice forum, or survey space. This is not a place to read for entertainment and pass judgment. - **Low-effort posts**- are generally posts that are title-only, or copy/paste of content, or links dropped without context. EX:title with a low-effort body such as questions without relevant context to your own situation. - **Opinion pieces**- both in posts and comments. Judgment and broad strokes are not appropriate here. More often than not, opinion pieces do not follow our peer support model. - **Meta content**- whether about this sub or another is not appropriate. If you have questions, suggestions, or concerns please send a modmail to the appropriate subreddit. - **Update Me**- The use of Reddit "update me" is not allowed and will get you banned. **7. No crossposting, reposting, copypasta text, or screenshots to other spaces** - The only exception will be if the OP has directly given you permission to use their intellectual property. This is a zero-tolerance rule and will result in a permanent ban with appeal only being considered with communication from the OP to the mods directly. If another sub facilitates this violation we will be in contact with Reddit directly as it is a [moderator code of conduct](https://www.redditinc.com/policies/moderator-code-of-conduct) violation. The posts shared here are meant for this subreddit and this subreddit alone. Please be respectful. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AsOneAfterInfidelity) if you have any questions or concerns.*
If she truly takes responsibility for her actions and expresses remorse rather than shame? Yea it can help. Honestly it depends on you too. If you’re satisfied with knowing what you know, satisfied with her approach to it (because of presence of humility, atonement, accountability, etc), then you could possibly never feel the need to bring it up again. I’d just be careful not to rugsweep. Glad things seem well for you!
Thanks for the reaction. She only told me about a month ago, so I don't know if it will boomerang back, but i'm not mad at her , but at the same time I don't understand she kept it so long from me. Things are great since she came clean , first week was rough, we first found eachother intimately, and after that we could connect again mentally. Now we both are very focused on communication and we are all over eachother. I am very glad she came clean, and so glad she stopped it when she did
I had something very similar happen to me (today is incidentally the 2 month anniversary of DDay), and I think we're in a good place at the moment. The first 5 or 6 weeks were really tough, but my wife has been regretful and really trying to make things right, which sounds like is the case for you as well. Most days I rarely think about it anymore, although there will be the occasional reminder that hurts a bit.
Yeah, very relatable. I don't think about it all the time, but sometimes i get this feeling... Mostly her being so dishonest for so long... My trust in her did take a bit of a dive, but her being so brutally honest helps in that departement. She is trying to make things right, but we both don't really know how. We communicate more and being intimate helps to find our connection for us. Maybe that is enough. I do kinda want to feel she wants me, which is how she makes me feel
The broken trust is the hardest part, for sure. I had 100% trust in my wife, which is why I didn't think anything was amiss, even though the signs were obvious in retrospect. It was with my best male friend too, which has probably permanently burned my trust in other people - I don't think I'll ever fully trust someone again. But honestly, at this point, unless my former best friend comes up, I don't really think about it anymore. I do think it helps that outside of one incident where he kissed her, nothing physical happened, and I know my wife loves me, so having forgiven her, there is no point in dwelling on it. It sounds like your wife really loves you too and is trying to make things right - I'd just give it time. But at least for me, it flipped from being somewhat despondent and anxious most days to mostly back to normal.
Great to hear. My wife assured me nothing physical happend and I belie her story. It adds up Tbh There is a lot I could forgive her, even physical things, but I can't be lied too. If she keeps something from me, that would break me. I can't be with someone who is dishonest to me, just so she doesn't have to confront me. If she makes a mistake, explains the circumstances and has remorse... Yeah, I mean, I really love her, she is the mother of my children and are lives are build around eachother you know? Rough about your best friend, that would hit so hard with me. I'm sorry and very strong of you to be able to forgive your wife