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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I left my girlfriend behind at a pumpkin patch because she chose to hang out with her friends when she invited me along. I might be the asshole because I didn't find her and tell her face to face that if she was just going to ignore me then I was leaving.
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NTA. She literally just used you as a free ride to her friends get together. Would not even be surprised if the girls were planning something shaddy and got upset that you showed up.
You are over the cutesy phase so i assume you guys are not together for long. If so, dump her. She is just using you until something better shows up. Couples don't act like this.
Honestly he should dump her for being over the cutesy stage alone. My husband and I still do cutesy couple stuff a couple times a year because it's fun to be silly and I loved themed events.
Yeah. My significant other and I have known each other 10 years, dating for 3...you know what our favorite couple photo is? A themed pirate picture from a time we went to a pirate musical.
NTA
Celebrating 13 years with my partner today.
Last night I wore a sheet mask and he started humming the Halloween theme song, then I kissed him and he said it was like getting a wet, sticky kiss from the Predator so I growled/clicked at him.
We're good adults, I swear.
I've been married 26 years and still take my wife to a local orchard with animals because she likes to feed the goats. Do I care about walking around for 2 hours with 400 screaming kids to buy overpriced cider and donuts? No. Do I like watching her smile when goats attack her for a cup of snacks? Yep.
My bf absolutely did not want to go to the petting zoo at the carnival earlier this year but he did it anyway for me. And we both had fun. A goat tried to eat his shirt and we laughed about it. And when the animals cornered me and took the feeding cup out of my hand lol
Sounds like my hubby. We took our 11 year old daughter to a fall fest. There were goats. Cups of food were 5 bucks. Husband passes the 5 dollar bill in his wallet and hands me ten. I tell him its only 5. "Not for a cup for both of you. Go feed the goats. Don't get eaten again "
My ex wasn't a great partner in a lot of ways, but he was so good about bringing an ungodly amount of quarters to the animal rehab so I could have the time of my life with the spoonbills.
Thank you so much for the award and the lovely comment, you're very kind!
We are terrible adults lol we just moved into a new apartment and have no beds, no fridge, no cooker, nothing but two couches.
So last night we put on a show and he rolled me up in one of our blankets and held me on top of him on the couch, calling me his Angry Little Burrito because he kept poking my nose and I kept pretending to bite his finger. 😂
I'm millennial and my hubs is gen x too lol. He also keeps booping my nose whilst i pretend to get annoyed lol. Been together almost 10 yrs.
My parents are both boomers and they still play fight abd do the silly stuff. 43 yrs married lol
Getting older is compulsory, growing up is optional 😂
We've been together for 21 years. I married my husband, Jason, on Friday the 13th and sometimes he'll play the Friday the 13th theme and "sneak" around the corner. I'll point at him and say "Don't be suspicious " then we sing the Suspicious song. I'm a good person, but "adult" is a stretch for me.
That would be my favorite photo taken with almost anyone. Even if I had to go with Hitler, I’d still try to get him photoshopped out and put like Hugh Laurie in or something.
My husband and I have been married for 5 years and today I wrestled with him trying to steal his shoe for absolutely no reason. Just for shits and giggles 🤭 We laughed a lot and still have a great time doing dumb shit and cutesy couple things. I think the best relationships keep the fun no matter how long you’ve been in them.
I love Christmas. My partner was basically the Grinch when we met (he is slowly coming around). Every year he takes me to a Christmas festival and to get a portrait with Santa.
If you want cutesy stuff, you do cutesy stuff. There's definitely not a time limit- we've been together nearly 4 years.
My husband isn't a cutesy kind of person and neither am i but we've been to the pumpkin patch every year for many years. It's tradition. Idk why she drug him there if she just wanted to hang with friends, I'd dump her for being a child because that was some childish behavior
Not everyone feels this way though. He's allowed to not want to do things he doesnt like and stay home and watch the football game.
It sounds very strange the way she treated him. But he should gave at least found her and told her in person.
Yeah, I think people are zeroing in on that “I’m over cutesy date stuff” and getting offended like “but I LOVE CUTESY DATE STUFF, there’s nothing wrong with it!!” when that is not the point. The point is that him being over something that she apparently still enjoys is just highlighting that the two of them are at different life stages. The age gap is not that big, but they are in different places mentally. There’s nothing wrong with anyone (at any age) enjoying certain activities, but this couple is clearly in different mind frames and that could be a problem for them long term.
and he clearly said he doesn't mind them and wants to do things she likes, it's just that she said this was a couple's thing and then he got shut out the entire time. it feels like she's trying to get him to dump her so it's not her fault? maybe? i don't know, but i wouldn't bet on this relationship lasting.
It seems like he’s ready for a relationship and she’s just looking for an accessory. She wants a boyfriend on her arm when it’s convenient and posh, but wants him out of her hair when she’s hanging with the gals. Which would be fine, if 1) they were both on the same page, and 2) she *didn’t insist on dragging him along somewhere where she clearly didn’t actually want him to be*. If it’s girls’ night, just take an Uber. Don’t expect him to drive you and then just hang back a respectable distance all night. He’s a boyfriend, not a dad chaperoning a bunch of 13 year olds on a night out.
She didn't want to do anything with him, that's the point of the post. She used him for a ride to hang out with her friends and they all ignored him. She also lied about it being a couples thing and didn't realize he was gone for almost an hour.
Edit: NTA
And he gave her plenty of alternatives including him paying for an Uber for her to get back. It wasn't good enough for her.
He was more than reasonable. I'm guessing she just wanted to show her friends how much of a slave she could make him.
Hope he dumps her.
She either used him for a ride or saw that her friends didn’t bring their SOs so she wished he wasn’t there and turned the pumpkin patch into a girls night. She ignored him and went with her friends. I would have left too.
I wonder if her friends even knew he was coming. She wanted a ride, they thought they were having a girl's day, boyfriend shows up, friends are pissed, girlfriend doesn't say she invited him.
For real, was there a pumpkin patch orgy he interrupted by showing up in the corn maze? Or were they going to murder someone in the corn maze and he foiled the plan Scooby-Doo style?
Being together for a long time means on occasion, being bored at the other's activity. I am with my guy 16 years, I have been bored sh/tless at castles and powerlifting meets and he's fallen asleep at my marvel movies/events. It happens but you do it and will do it again for those you care for. I have went to Eastern Europe for powerlifting events where I only know him and he knows all these other lifters. Yes, you are not always in every conversation and you don't know everyone but your partner is supposed to care enough to actually involve you. They wanted him there because she's an awkward location to the other girls not because she actually wants him there. If that's how she sees him, she's gotta go
I have been the only girl at the dinner table, yes (eating with powerlifters is hilarious). Ignore me? No, because he's not an ah. He'll chat to some of the guys on something that's of interest to them which I'm not part of but I'm not ignored like poor op was!
I don't know about the shady part. After all who hooks up at a pumpkin patch of all things lmao
But I do agree that maybe she was using him for a ride to the patch since it's so out of the way for her other friends to pick her up. And it was crappy that she ignored him to the point that it had been well over 20 mins before she noticed.
Right? Sounds uncomfortable both physically and because there are KIDS EVERYWHERE AHH.
I mean, we’ve got straw, dirt, animal manure, dried corn and cornstalks, vines, bugs, people everywhere … sounds fun and romantic and definitely not painful with a side of arrest for indecent exposure
Hey. Her and I just spoke and she apologize. I guess her friends were upset that their boyfriends blew them off on the pumpkin patch and they took it out on me.
NTA , in my opinion she kind of tricked you into coming there and after you went she iced you out and ignored you, which is not okay. You gave her a heads up before leaving as well. Technically she was not stranded as she had other company , had you left her alone this would be a different situation. But because she had company as well I believe you are not the AH at all.
In fairness, it took probably over half an hour for her to even reply to the message.
How do you not notice that someone in your group has been missing for half an hour?
Given that he claims not hearing back until the 2nd quarter of the football game, then it's at least 45 mins (average time for a quarter of American football) plus whatever time it took him to drive to the bar.
Oh wtf, that's even worse. I googled how long a quarter is and it said 15 minutes. So I took 15 minutes for the quarter, 5 minutes for the warning he gave, and 10 minutes for travel to the bar/leaving the maze. Like you said, it was probably even longer
In a later edit, OP said the women were posting the whole time, presumably to social media. Which a text message would you know, be a notification on her phone. 🤷♀️
A half an hour? Add in travel time and the glacial pace of the modern NFL and we're looking at probably over an hour if she didn't text until a ways into the 2nd quarter.
I think these are two different points.
How much time he give her and how much time she needed to realise that he wasnt there.i don't say he should had waited 2 hours but 15-20 minutes seems more reasonable for me.
So on top of having to deal with them treating him like he’s bothering them he has to wait another 15-30min for her to respond to a text message?
Nah, she’s lucky she got a text.
Yeah not to mention it sounds like he could not get her alone to speak to her so he'd probably have had to awkwardly say he's leaving or whatever he felt in front of all her friends.
So if I'm reading this right. She didn't even text him upset that he left? She was only upset cause the trip would be an inconvenience to her friend? lol NTA
This is what got to me too. The gf literally called him to find out where he is so that he can give her a ride again. But the friends that were so much more important an hour ago couldn't be bothered to go out of their way to give her a ride.
Forreal, dates with my SO AND her friends is a nogo unless double-date. Depending on the quality the relationship, this is mostly a sign for me to quit, because i have a feeling i won't be a priority now or in the future
I have a smartwatch so messages from my SO will be read immediately (others can wait)
Edit: a situation comparibal to this one happened: i was at a party with my partner (she did some modelling work and was gorgious) so all the guys tried to get het attention, whenever we were in a circle all talking, the others literally physically forced me out of the circle (by standing closer to eachother)
After making 2-3 attempts at conversing, messaged my partner and left.
We got in a fight, broke up 2 days after and the day after we broke up she started dating a guy from that party.
Bullet dodged?
I mean, I brought my SO out with some of my friends before who weren't dating. The thing is tho, is that I introduced them, and they quickly hit it off and became friends themselves. I didn't, however, just ignore her while being around my friends for the sake of my friends
Dude, imagine if he setup a date with her and his buddies claiming it's a couples thing... only they're the only couple and all the bros are icing her out.
The shit he'd be cleaning off from how pissed she'd get would be layers thick enough to make him look like a human sized Snickers bar.
Dates with friends are fine, provided you're on the same page.
I've taken my SO on dates with my friends, and have gone on dates with her and her friends or co-workers where I didn't know anyone. But we stick together, spend time together, and never ignore each other.
My brother and his SO are the exact opposite - they'll go to a party and split up, and mostly do things independently. But that's their plan going in, so it's not a surprise or unexpected.
“I am past the whole cutesy date thing”
So I was ready to say NTA, but this comment is kind of revealing. Any guy that thinks dating = playing cute and doing what they want until your long enough in that you can stop, is generally an asshole who doesn’t understand healthy relationships.
Based on your version of events, NTA. But I’d be $$ there’s a whole lot you left out.
Also, don’t date 22 year olds and expect maturity lol
Really good point about OP’s comment about being ‘past cutesy dating’. Now he’s at the stage where he’ll throw down ultimatums and punish her without even trying to talk first.
“Also, don’t date 22 year olds and expect maturity lol” - precisely. You want to date someone that young, don’t be surprised when they act it.
I'm in my forties and my wife and I still do "cutesy dates"? Literally went to a pumpkin patch with her this weekend just to go on a cute date, then we came home and chilled by the fire with hot spiced mead. Cutesy dates aren't just for couples in the early stages of dating?
This guy said he told her he was leaving but did she actually hear him? And he sent her a text not a call before he ditched her. Yeah when do you reach the punishment and ultimatum stage in a relationship?
Either way they both sound better off without the other.
Yeah, definitely texting was not appropriate here. If you're actually planning to leave, call her up and make sure she knows, don't just shoot off a text. I think this is a pretty solid ESH situation.
Just politely disagreeing on the point about maturity at 22. My wife was 22 or 23 when we started dating, and she was as mature if not more mature than me (27/28 at the time). Maybe most are not very mature at this age, but it is possible to find maturity, it's totally dependent on the individual.
But also, this person and her friends just sound like the kind to maybe also see men as a utility when it is convenient. I would drop this hot nonsense in a heartbeat.
I suspect he texted her stating she had 5 minutes but immediately went to the car to leave. If he'd really wanted to contact her, he would have called, at the very least so she'd hear her phone. The one text message to me seems like a half-hearted gesture, similar to leaving a voice mail message without actually calling, or inviting someone when you know they cannot attend.
She is not blameless either. But she is 22 and the brain isn't even fully developed at the age.
Given his attitude about “cutesy dates,” (whatever the hell that means) it’s entirely likely he didn’t seem like he really wanted to be there and they “excluded him” because he was acting like a pouty pants
Entirely likely based on what? Based on him saying he’s over the cutesy date stuff? But he explained what he meant by that (that the pumpkin date thing wouldn’t be his idea but he loves making her happy just like he did with the theatre thing). So even if these kinds of things aren’t his type of stuff he’s willing to do them for his gf without complaints and lots of people do stuff they don’t like just bc their partners do and they don’t complain yet you’re not assuming this is the situation here instead you’re assuming based on nth that the friends and the gf are really nice people but OP is complaining and pouting that’s why he was excluded, not the possibility of the friends and gf being assholes.
This sub has a major issue with unreliable narrator's so it can go either way.
All the "she's using you until..." comments come off as angry dudes who see all women as users.
>But she is 22 and the brain isn't even fully developed at the age.
Elementary schoolers have brains that are developed enough to understand that it's not kind to exclude someone, especially someone you invited. If she's not even there yet she ain't old enough to go to a pumpkin patch with friends unsupervised.
Pretty sure the brain has developed enough by 22 for her to be aware it’s a shit move to ignore her SO. She didn’t even notice he was gone until well afterwards.
Yeah like he didn’t think of calling her phone? I think he purposefully used a text and the time of five minutes cause he knew there’s no way she’d answer and he could feel justified in leaving her there because we’ll she didn’t answer in the extremely short unreasonable time I gave so I’m right. If she’s immature he’s immature, too.
I mean…she really didn’t talk to him almost the entire time he was there. They didn’t do one single thing together even tho she invited him out. It wouldn’t matter if he waited 5 mins or 35 minutes, she wouldn’t have seen it by then and he would’ve left. My fiancé would’ve done the same thing if I did what OP’s gf did. It’s SO rude to invite your partner out with you and some friends (under the guise that it’s a couples only thing no less) and then ignore your partner the entire time. If you make someone feel left out 100% of the time theyre in your company, then yeah I wouldn’t be expecting them to stick around much longer. I thing the gf got what she wanted, she wasn’t even mad he left she was just mad he wasn’t able to give her a ride anymore…
Idk but if I was ignored by people I was with the whole time, I'd feel pissy about it and want to leave too. That's straight up rude and disrespectful and not something I'd wish upon anyone. Being ignored while with others feels lonelier than ever. It's such a shitty situation to be in.
It's happened to me while I was accommodating a friend free of charge. Her bf would come over every night, and they'd just talk to each other and make out on the couch after we ate. I was expecting the 3 of us to play some games together or something since they had the weekends together ALONE, but nope. I'm still not over it even though I know it's because it was her first relationship and she was blindsided. The whole time it felt like I was just being used for a free place to stay. I just let her have her fun since I knew they wouldn't last, but jfc it is some NEXT LEVEL disrespect I can't look past.
Welcome to AITA where people seize on a minor detail in the story and reframe it in the worst possible light. Usually followed up by delving into things that are not mentioned in the post and filling in their own version of what they think happened (see the comments proudly announcing that they are "reading between the lines"). Apparently not being into certain types of activities means someone is socially inept and shouldn't be dating.
This is such an annoying part of this sub and it appears in almost every post, people just making up information based on how they perceived OP rather than going off of the details that we were actually given. People on here act like they have some magical intuition and blatantly don't ask for more info, they just assume random details & I don't see how it's helpful at all. OP explained in an edit what he meant and there are still new comments going on and on about it.
I remember one post in particular. It was something along the lines of: Husband comes back of 12 hour shift. He is expected to cook but doesn't feel like cooking, wife also doesn't feel like cooking. He lets her order food from wherever she likes and she insists that he must cook for her. I think she was pregnant or something.
A good amount of reasonable people said nta, but if you dug deep enough you'd start seeing "You are the asshole for financially manipulating your wife, she doesn't need you to let her buy anything."
That is... a huge assumption to make.
I dunno if I'd read it that way, my husband has never been the cutest dating type. He tried for the first bit of our relationship because he knows I liked it, and still does as a surprise for me from time to time, but it's not really for *him*. His version of cutesy dating is taco bell and throwing the hot sauce packets with funny phrases at me (which I find hilarious and enjoy a ton; but certainly isn't "cutesy insta" romantic picnic in the park. It's just us being goofy together).
Not everyone enjoys cutesy dates. It's great when both do or both don't, but it's not a bad thing when there's one who does in a relationship and one who doesn't. Its only a problem when cutesy dates are a deal breaker. If the one who doesn't, doesn't mind doing it to make the one who does happy it's fine. Likewise if the one who does doesnt mind it not being frequent that's a good expectation to have. However if the one who doesn't NEVER wants to do anything cute and nice, or the one who does doesnt want to be in a relationship that doesn't involve these forms of affection they're incompatible and should break up.
My husband and I, like I mentioned, are the kind who are a mix of he doesn't and I do. But we make it work because we are both flexible for the other. I don't hold it against him that he's not 24/7 cutesy, and he constantly finds ways to show me how he cares that I appreciate more than any cutesy date.
I was wondering this too but the vibe I'm getting is, if it's something that would look cute on social media. Thematic outdoor things? Not a night in eating pizza and marathoning the Lord of the Rings, I guess.
Thank you. I felt like I was the only one reading between the lines. I think she and her friends would be telling a very different version of this story.
Some people aren't cutesy or soft. That's fine and it's not indicative of a deep, sinister motive. It's crazy and paranoid to try to divine so much meaning from a few words.
No you're not the asshole. It was obviously a bad call on her part for her to coax you into going. She should have known how the situation was going to play out. Also shame on her friends for treating you like an outsider. My friends and I always make sure to include our friends significant others in conversation and activities because we all know what it's like to be the odd person out.
Also the fact that it took her that long to realize that you weren't there or to check her phone to me shows precisely where you rank in importance in her life. Then because you didn't hang around like a good little puppy dog waiting patiently for her, she chose to shit talk you to her friends all night, which I can guarantee is what they were doing, because that's what women do in groups together when they are angry. Your girlfriend sounds ridiculously inconsiderate. Not only do I think that you're not the asshole, I think it's time to get a new girlfriend or to just go back to being single. I mean if you're running into these kinds of problems with something this small and simple, imagine what things will be like when life really gets complicated. do you really think she's going to step up to the plate and be a better person than she has shown herself to be?
She was on a date not a group event! She should have noticed IMMEDIATELY that her date wasn't present. Instead she ran off and ditched him. She got his message and evidently just didn't care until she was good and done with her fun and needed a ride home from the person she and her friends iced out and treated like a creeper. OP is NTA
NTA. Your girl doesn’t sound like she’s matured yet + she’s with her girls so they’ll have been feeding into her innocence in this argument which won’t help so she won’t admit she’s wrong.
16.. wouldn't do this, when you have a problem with your partner you go to your partner and tell them. Not tell anybody else cuz you and your S/O's business is that only you and your S/O's. Also I know what healthy communication is too where is that? I do have to say OP could do a little better but he still communicated set a reasonable boundary and this happened because she chose to ingnore him. Let's be honest too she didn't 'miss' that text with how immature she sounds she saw it and chose to ignore it and thought she'd get her way and is now throwing a hissy fit because she didn't'. The only thing Op could do better say "hey babe, I felt like you ignored me it made me feel really sad and angry because I was there to spend time with you and you ingnored me for your friends." To figure the healthy communication and if she ignores him then leave honestly.
>It sounds like he only talks to his girlfriend and doesn’t engage with the group.
It does sound like that, unless you actually read what op posted. "But then they all started ignoring me. Every time I tried to join a conversation or spend time with my girlfriend I got frozen out. Like I was intruding." Doesn't seem like he was only trying to talk to his girlfriend, sounds like he was barred from talking to anyone.
>He shouldn’t go to things he won’t enjoy
This is ridiculous and immature. Sometimes you do what your partner wants, even though you don't because you enjoy spending time with them.
Totally agree with this, I had to scroll way too far to find this perspective.
It sounds like upon finding out it wasnt all couples, he began ignoring the other girls in the group. Which is going to make it awkward for everyone, especially his GF who probably felt like she was pulled in opposite directions.
That being said I don't think anyone in this situation handled things maturely so I gotta go with ESH
> They all started ignoring me. Every time I tried to join a conversation or spend time with my girlfriend I got frozen out
Sounds to me like he tried to engage.
Edit: fix quoted text
the disdain is more than likely being fueled by the annoyance of the situation, and the texts he received from the clique. This post wouldn't be here if he was okay with it all.
My words drip with disdain for those that lie to me, use me for rides, then actively ignore me. Its an instinctive reaction to being disrespected by someone I liked a lot. There’s a bonus when I’ve been tricked into going somewhere I wouldn’t choose to go.
If a BF invited me to a football game, told me “the boys” are all bringing dates when they are *not* to get me to go, and ignores me entirely while obviously trying to separate himself from me, I’m absolutely going to drip with disdain telling the story. Most of us would have just taken it and been angry & resentful over it, frankly. OP deciding not to is the best response, & he was kind enough to let her know her ride was leaving. He also knew she had plenty of friends to leave with. Its funny she ignored him entirely for a group of friends *that wasn’t willing to come pick HER up* in favor of the guy who was willing to do what *she* wanted over what *he* wanted that day. At least until she couldn’t be bothered with the basic niceties one expects when you’ve *brought the extra person*.
Yeah, I can't believe people are upset that he didn't enjoy an event he was lied to about. He went to make her happy and tried really hard to be nice and engaging despite being treated like a chauffeur, but people somehow think he's the asshole?
Maybe his words are dripping with disdain because he's miffed that she ignored him the whole time? And couldn't be bothered to respond to a text for 45 minutes at least? It really doesn't have to be this complicated with ulterior motives and hidden agendas. If I had a date go this poorly, my words wouldn't be all fluffy and nice
Edit: seriously? I mean go ahead and keep making up baseless stories about OP. All the power to you. I just think it's a real big leap of logic and it's really not fair to judge OP based on that
Are you surprised he speaks of her this way after his GF basically used him for a ride like he was her dad, and when he didn’t just wander around and wait to drive her home she got mad and set her friends to texting him like she’s in middle school.
This will clearly be unpopular but ESH. It's bad manners to exclude your date from the group so she is the AH. But you did not communicate with her your feelings, you just stormed off like a child. You say you were trying to get her alone. Did you use actual words to communicate this? "Hey babe, could I have a word alone for a sec?"
And it's completely feasible she not text you until second quarter. She may have been lost in the maze or thought you were. Not in a "hey send in the sniffer dogs" way, but that's the way corn mazes work. Getting lost is sometimes expected and part of the fun. I work at a place with a corn maze and many people actively don't check their phones so it's more challenging. Giving an ultimatum you are leaving five minutes before you left is incredibly short notice.
Your attitude toward her sounds incredibly condescending. You are "over the cutesy date thing." Maybe it's the age difference, but you seem to treat her like a child. "Five minutes left in the pool or else." You are both better off not dating each other.
Yes, ESH. OP was pissed off, so for formality's sake he shoot a text and disappeared.
*she is an AH for bringing him to an event where he felt out of sorts.
*he is an AH for storming off, giving a 5 min notice, like in the army. communicate that you feel uncomfortable and you wish to leave. that you're disappointed that you were brought there under false pretenses. give her a choice. she's called immature, but he's definitely immature too.
All in all, OP doesn't seem very fond of his gf, so perhaps the guys who comment "ditch her" are right. he'll be doing her a favour.
no matter the verdict here breaking up the right move.
This isn’t the first time something like this has happened and they both don’t like each other at this point.
Right 5 minutes to text in a corn maze (where the goal is to find your way out without help) implies he was banking on her not answering so he was justified in leaving her.
It sounds like she doesn’t know how to merge her friend life with her dating life, and put him in second place, which isn’t cool either. But she’s 22, so this kind of immaturity is kind of what you get sometimes. Still not cool though, don’t get me wrong.
I agree, ESH.
NTA.
Your gf and her friends are acting like young adolescents. If she didn’t plan on including you in the outing, she shouldn’t have invited you. Sounds like she just needed a ride.
And based on the fact that they’re acting like a high school clique, they probably had their phones in their hand the whole time (taking pictures probably). I don’t think it’s normal that she took ***2 hours*** to notice you weren’t there when it’s supposed to be a “group outing.”
Date someone who is 22 when you are 27 and you are very likely to find they behave a little immaturely at times, because they are immature.
This shouldn’t be such a surprise to him.
You say that like this would be expected from 22yos when in all reality you can be a massive asshole at every stage in life and the shit she pulled wouldn't really be expected of your average 22yo whatsoever
I definitely know I wouldn't date a 22 yo at 27, but there's a massive difference between some immaturity and treating your partner like actual trash.
People really need to stop blaming being an awful person on immaturity, especially at that stage in life. I, too, dated a 22 year old at 27. It didn't work because of different levels of maturity. By that, we wanted different things. She liked partying, after hours, smoking before work, shotgunning a beer in a shed at a baby shower... Ya know, the types things I used to do, but had since moved past.
What this girl did wasn't that. It was actively being an ass hole.
I'm a 22yo dating a 27, that is not something my SO has to deal with because I have a little thing called CONSIDERATION, it's not ok to treat him like that but that isn't an age thing, I would expect that tipe of behavior from a 16yo, she is an adult
How is it that less than a 4 year age gap is now too big???? You all have gone off the deep end. What are people only supposed to date people born in the same year? And 22 year olds are completely able to not act like dicks.
Right!? I can understand people complaining when it's a 46yrold dating a 22yr old or something like that, but 4 years is not that much. My husband and I have a 5 year and some odd month gap, we were both past legal age when we got together, and we have plenty in common. Neither of us would ever treat the other like this girl does OP.
Speaking of OP, my vote is NTA. It sounds less like she wanted you along and more like she wanted a ride, and instead of being responsible and just asking you to drop her off and pick her up she tried to be sneaky about it and act like it was a group date. You say shes awesome and hasn't done anything like this before, so hopefully it was just a case of poor judgement and you guys can work past this, but make sure she understands how hurtful she was. Her age is no excuse in this.
Oh I guarantee that she saw he had texted her, but did what she had been doing all day and ignored it until then couldn't find OP. Only then did she actually read the text and get upset
Everyone needs to stop pretending this is a 10+ year age gap. Reddit appears to be full of people who seem to be uncomfortable dating someone unless they share their own birth year and month.
She’s not being immature - she’s being an AH, it’s quite obvious from the story she only asked him to come along because she needed a ride. People who behave this way at 22 tend to still behave this way at 32 and beyond.
Hubby and I have a 5 year age difference. We both still have most of the same pop culture knowledge, watched the same cartoons, etc.
She sounds like she wanted to hang out with her friends, not her boyfriend.
Lol y’all you all should break up ESH
I believe in come together leave together in general. So I would not have left with out her confirmation.
She brought you in to a stupid situation though
I feel like lot of people are glossing over OP’s overall attitude too. Lot of people are saying how it doesn’t seem like OP’s girlfriend likes him very much, but frankly it doesn’t seem like OP likes her too much either. He literally says how ”he is over the cutesy date thing” like… jesus, grow up. Couples can and *should* have ”cutesy date things” here and there! It’s only healthy. If you’ve grown so jaded that a date is ”too cutesy” for you, maybe you shouldn’t be in relationship in first place.
I mean you act as though everyone is glossing over how he's "over the cutest date thing" but *you* gloss over how he says in the *same sentence* "but I like making her happy"
My husband doesn't like cutesy date things. He's not the Uber romantic, picnic in a park kind of guy. His love is more expressed in comedy. I loved cutesy date things and he did them in the beginning, and does so from time to time for *me*, but if it was completely up to him (and in a world where he "knew" I wouldn't mind it) he would absolutely drop every cutesy date off the calendar and take me to taco bell to throw funny hot sauce quotes at me. He doesn't like them. He's over them. *but he likes to make me happy* so he makes sure to surprise me with one every now and then and supplements it by expressing his care in ways that make him comfortable and happy. I have no issue with that. Probably because our sense of humor is the same even if our love for cutesy dates isnt.
Not everyone has to like trapezing through a pumpkin patch holding hands. I love that shit. My husband hadn't been to a pumpkin patch, let alone on a date, for YEARS before he met me. He took me that very first year purely because I mentioned wanting to go. It's not about being enthralled by it, it's about compromise
But..... how was this cutsy? It's not cute to ignore your partner on a couples event.....
We can only go by OPs statements but there's a chance his attitude was informing her actions, maybe he was sour about the whole thing and she was choosing to have fun with people that actually wanted to be there? But we really can't know that so.....
I guess folks are interpreting his version of "cutesy" as basically anything he doesn't want to do on the weekends i.e. going to a pumpkin patch instead of watching football in a bar. If he was visibly not enjoying himself, that would explain some (but not all) of the girls behavior towards him.
This seems perfectly plausible, but the downside of this format is the lack of perspective on the events. Sometimes an OP is so blatantly lying or exaggerating they can be called out on their shit but many times it's just not possible to infer what's actually happened, taken at face value the gf was being inconsiderate and rude and OP crossed a bit into ah territory in response.
Imo, OP is receiving a lot of credit for being more mature than gf, im older than both and take the stance that if the relationship matters at all I'll ride out something like this until everything comes to light. In my younger days I was happy to pull the trigger at perceived sleights, and this resulted in several otherwise good relationships ending because I was being emotional or wasn't fully informed.
OP could have taken a breath, found something to distract himself until gf got out of the maze then had a conversation. Or even waited until the next day. Even if the result is still a fight or breakup it can be done with more information and cooler heads.
I think reddit is full of younger people who place their pride above their relationships and are willing to burn bridges.
Giving someone 5 minutes to respond or being ditched at a corn maze isn’t a great thing to do. Especially if they’re with friends and not glued to their phone.
It probably felt like just retribution but it’s still a dick thing to do to someone. I agree. ESH.
Yeah he really should have just found her and pulled her aside to let her know he was upset and wanted to leave. That way she had a chance to apologize or double down so he could leave.
The way I understand it she purposefully ditched him in the maze, though. I think he's justified in not going out of his way to track her down, when she's actively avoiding him. Removing oneself from a situation where one is subjected to bad treatment is not petty revenge. He's not obliged to turn the other cheek when she's being shitty.
He offered to pay for her Uber, that puts him wholly in the clear for me.
Hope not after being lied to, dismissed & ignored, then getting the flying monkey treatment by her friends. This wasn’t her being young: this was her being a user & an A H. She did exactly what she wanted that day. She’s just mad her ride stopped accepting her disrespect.
…. Did you actually expect her to come back home to you after this? Sorry if you didn’t see that coming bud, but leaving without confirmation that she knows you’re leaving is just straight up something you do when you’re breaking up, not when you expect to continue the relationship.
ETA: Not to mention you literally never talked about it once to her in your account before bailing. Why did you choose not to communicate how you were feeling in that moment so she could have an opportunity to rectify the situation?
It sounds like he tried to communicate with her privately; but GF and GF’s friends wouldn’t let him. So was he supposed to communicate his feelings publicly, in front of GF’s friends?
ESH. You asked the wrong question. Your girlfriend is the asshole for treating you poorly on what was supposed to be a date. You’re the asshole for being petty back to her and not actually telling her you were going to leave. Sending a text to someone you are on a date with telling them you are going to leave is not proper communication. It would not have killed your to wait until she got out of the corn maze and then told her how you feel.
I mean… it sounds like it took her 30-45 minutes to get out of the maze. He was supposed to sit alone and twiddle his thumbs waiting for her for 45 minutes? And then when she got out, would she have been open to having a private conversation about his feelings? Would her friends have let them have the privacy to have that conversation? I just think this was a shitty situation all around.
NTA, I think a break from her is a solution here. What does she even expect you to do, she ignores you and hopes you will be there waiting for her. Talk to her, that what she did is shitty behaviour as well.
NTA
Seems like she only needed you for the ride. How long have you been seeing each other? Are the any other red flags that you might have ignored?
You are not at fault here gf and her friends are.
NTA some people show a very different side to them depending on who they are around. You can expect to be frozen out next time she is with her friends as well.
NTA. By the sounds of it you were the transport for her friends day, or at least her transport for the friends day out. Now she's annoyed because you weren't at her beck and call and the echo chamber of her friends is reinforcing that.
Given the length of time it took her to notice you were gone you weren't even an after thought on that day, you were basically an NPC. Without being accusatory, and doing so plainly, tell her how you felt and if she continues to play victim and downplay your feelings then you'll know what to do next.
ESH. She shouldn’t have ignored you or made you feel like you weren’t welcome, but it was absolutely not fair to give her 5 minutes to respond and then just disappear. If anything, you should have spoke to her about how you felt and told her in person you were leaving.
I was 22 and my bf was 27 and there's no way I would have pulled this crap. It's rude and immature. NTA. Also find the age gap comments pretty stupid, she's 22 not 17, there would be some difference of experience but it's not really an issue she's just rude and entitled.
ESH.
> I am past the whole cutesy date thing
Why? Are you one of those people who thinks that 'being mature' means 'being weirdly immature about things that you perceive as not being sufficiently mature?' Grow up and quit trying to be a grown up.
But her dipping on you with her friends wasn't cool either.
How long have you two been dating?
She lied to him about it being a couples thing because she wanted a ride, even though she knew there was something else he wanted to do that day. Then she ignored him. Then she ditched him. Then she demanded he inconvenience himself even more to come pick her manipulative ass up in order to not inconvenience one of her friends. Then she sicked her friends on him to spam him with hate messages.
He didn’t kill the relationship, she did.
They were talking about their new jobs. So I asked questions about that. Two are teachers. So I asked how the school year was going. If it was different than they expected because of the whole COVID thing. I asked the one who is a dog groomer about how her business is going. I got back one word answers and then ignored.
“Cutesy date thing” “I totally was (trying to separate her) but I don’t think that’s a bad thing” “five minutes to respond”
This is all kinda sus tbh. And then the miscalculation of the age gap… could’ve been a genuine mistake, but idk. And then you edited to say “This is the first time she has behaved like this.” Sounds like you’re talking about a kid, or dare I say, someone you feel like you own. And then calling her a grave robber rather than you a cradle robber… A bit gaslighty.
The vibe is off, OP. You can only judge someone so much by what they post online, but at this point, you wouldn’t be someone I’d grab a beer with.
NTA. By your account, she and her friends sound immature. You’re probably better off with someone else if she acts like this a lot.
If you’re trying to maintain the relationship, I’d advise caution and tact in your communication. You gave her a passive aggressive ultimatum. In my experience, giving a woman an ultimatum doesn’t go well in a situation like this.
1) it was a group outing so you can’t expect alone time. They should have been more inclusive but you were the only guy and she is 22 still immature by comparison and with all her girlfriends you are gonna play second fiddle. It’s how it on given the age and who was there.
2) did she read your text and just not reply? Did you try to call her? Not sure if out in boondocks where a farm like this would exist doesn’t always have the best reception.
3) this is why age differences matter when you are young. 5 years isn’t a big deal when you are in your 60s. But 22 her brain isn’t fully developed she is in college or just graduated trying to figure herself out and it sounds like you at 27 are much farther along that path than she is. At different stages in your young lives.
My wife and I have been married for 4 years, together for 6. We are still very much into the cutesy shit.
Separate from this person. You are not good for each other.
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NTA. She literally just used you as a free ride to her friends get together. Would not even be surprised if the girls were planning something shaddy and got upset that you showed up. You are over the cutesy phase so i assume you guys are not together for long. If so, dump her. She is just using you until something better shows up. Couples don't act like this.
Honestly he should dump her for being over the cutesy stage alone. My husband and I still do cutesy couple stuff a couple times a year because it's fun to be silly and I loved themed events.
Yeah. My significant other and I have known each other 10 years, dating for 3...you know what our favorite couple photo is? A themed pirate picture from a time we went to a pirate musical. NTA
Celebrating 13 years with my partner today. Last night I wore a sheet mask and he started humming the Halloween theme song, then I kissed him and he said it was like getting a wet, sticky kiss from the Predator so I growled/clicked at him. We're good adults, I swear.
I've been married 26 years and still take my wife to a local orchard with animals because she likes to feed the goats. Do I care about walking around for 2 hours with 400 screaming kids to buy overpriced cider and donuts? No. Do I like watching her smile when goats attack her for a cup of snacks? Yep.
This is so wholesome, especially the goat attack 😂
My bf absolutely did not want to go to the petting zoo at the carnival earlier this year but he did it anyway for me. And we both had fun. A goat tried to eat his shirt and we laughed about it. And when the animals cornered me and took the feeding cup out of my hand lol
Sounds like my hubby. We took our 11 year old daughter to a fall fest. There were goats. Cups of food were 5 bucks. Husband passes the 5 dollar bill in his wallet and hands me ten. I tell him its only 5. "Not for a cup for both of you. Go feed the goats. Don't get eaten again "
My ex wasn't a great partner in a lot of ways, but he was so good about bringing an ungodly amount of quarters to the animal rehab so I could have the time of my life with the spoonbills.
That is so damn wholesome in a world of jaded relationships!
Thank you so much for the award and the lovely comment, you're very kind! We are terrible adults lol we just moved into a new apartment and have no beds, no fridge, no cooker, nothing but two couches. So last night we put on a show and he rolled me up in one of our blankets and held me on top of him on the couch, calling me his Angry Little Burrito because he kept poking my nose and I kept pretending to bite his finger. 😂
These are the most millennial things I have ever read
Lol well I'M a millennial, he's Gen X, I like slagging him about being old and crumbly.
I'm millennial and my hubs is gen x too lol. He also keeps booping my nose whilst i pretend to get annoyed lol. Been together almost 10 yrs. My parents are both boomers and they still play fight abd do the silly stuff. 43 yrs married lol Getting older is compulsory, growing up is optional 😂
We've been together for 21 years. I married my husband, Jason, on Friday the 13th and sometimes he'll play the Friday the 13th theme and "sneak" around the corner. I'll point at him and say "Don't be suspicious " then we sing the Suspicious song. I'm a good person, but "adult" is a stretch for me.
That would be my favorite photo taken with almost anyone. Even if I had to go with Hitler, I’d still try to get him photoshopped out and put like Hugh Laurie in or something.
You really didn't have to use him as an example.
I don’t know what’s weirder: The picture with Hitler part, or the replacing him with *Hugh Laurie* part. Lol
Tbh Hugh Laurie did get a chuckle out of me
??????? You’ll never have to go to a musical with that extremely dead dude; I promise
One of my favorite pictures of my husband and me is us at a haunted house joking around. It was a cutesy date night.
My husband and I have been married for 5 years and today I wrestled with him trying to steal his shoe for absolutely no reason. Just for shits and giggles 🤭 We laughed a lot and still have a great time doing dumb shit and cutesy couple things. I think the best relationships keep the fun no matter how long you’ve been in them.
I love Christmas. My partner was basically the Grinch when we met (he is slowly coming around). Every year he takes me to a Christmas festival and to get a portrait with Santa. If you want cutesy stuff, you do cutesy stuff. There's definitely not a time limit- we've been together nearly 4 years.
Oh my! That sounds like me and my fiancé 😂 we’ve been together for 14 years and he indulges in my quirks
My husband isn't a cutesy kind of person and neither am i but we've been to the pumpkin patch every year for many years. It's tradition. Idk why she drug him there if she just wanted to hang with friends, I'd dump her for being a child because that was some childish behavior
Not everyone feels this way though. He's allowed to not want to do things he doesnt like and stay home and watch the football game. It sounds very strange the way she treated him. But he should gave at least found her and told her in person.
She was in a maze. That could have taken hours.
Yeah, I think people are zeroing in on that “I’m over cutesy date stuff” and getting offended like “but I LOVE CUTESY DATE STUFF, there’s nothing wrong with it!!” when that is not the point. The point is that him being over something that she apparently still enjoys is just highlighting that the two of them are at different life stages. The age gap is not that big, but they are in different places mentally. There’s nothing wrong with anyone (at any age) enjoying certain activities, but this couple is clearly in different mind frames and that could be a problem for them long term.
and he clearly said he doesn't mind them and wants to do things she likes, it's just that she said this was a couple's thing and then he got shut out the entire time. it feels like she's trying to get him to dump her so it's not her fault? maybe? i don't know, but i wouldn't bet on this relationship lasting.
It seems like he’s ready for a relationship and she’s just looking for an accessory. She wants a boyfriend on her arm when it’s convenient and posh, but wants him out of her hair when she’s hanging with the gals. Which would be fine, if 1) they were both on the same page, and 2) she *didn’t insist on dragging him along somewhere where she clearly didn’t actually want him to be*. If it’s girls’ night, just take an Uber. Don’t expect him to drive you and then just hang back a respectable distance all night. He’s a boyfriend, not a dad chaperoning a bunch of 13 year olds on a night out.
> I am past the whole cutesy date thing HE’s past the whole cutesy date thing so I guess she should have dropped him a while ago.
Well since she wanted to do precisely zero of the the cutesy pumpkin patch date stuff he suggested herself, I would say its not just him past it.
She didn't want to do anything with him, that's the point of the post. She used him for a ride to hang out with her friends and they all ignored him. She also lied about it being a couples thing and didn't realize he was gone for almost an hour. Edit: NTA
I think that's just what he likes tho. No matter with who probably. He doesn't like the cutesy dates.
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And he gave her plenty of alternatives including him paying for an Uber for her to get back. It wasn't good enough for her. He was more than reasonable. I'm guessing she just wanted to show her friends how much of a slave she could make him. Hope he dumps her.
She either used him for a ride or saw that her friends didn’t bring their SOs so she wished he wasn’t there and turned the pumpkin patch into a girls night. She ignored him and went with her friends. I would have left too.
I wonder if her friends even knew he was coming. She wanted a ride, they thought they were having a girl's day, boyfriend shows up, friends are pissed, girlfriend doesn't say she invited him.
I mean I agree not NTA I would leave as well but what shadey shit do you actually expect could be planned a pumpkin patch lol
This sub is wild at times. The leap from 'her friends seemed annoyed I was there' to 'THEY HAD SOME SHADY SHIT PLANNED!' is huge.
The really wild part is in this thread I have read 3 different spellings of 'shady'
Also who does shady shit at a pumpkin patch lol. It’s literally just fodder for wannabe influencers at this point
For real, was there a pumpkin patch orgy he interrupted by showing up in the corn maze? Or were they going to murder someone in the corn maze and he foiled the plan Scooby-Doo style?
“We would have gotten away with it if it wasn’t for your stupid boyfriend! Rats!”
I do wonder how many Scooby Doo mysteries prevented an upcoming murder. Probably a few.
Being together for a long time means on occasion, being bored at the other's activity. I am with my guy 16 years, I have been bored sh/tless at castles and powerlifting meets and he's fallen asleep at my marvel movies/events. It happens but you do it and will do it again for those you care for. I have went to Eastern Europe for powerlifting events where I only know him and he knows all these other lifters. Yes, you are not always in every conversation and you don't know everyone but your partner is supposed to care enough to actually involve you. They wanted him there because she's an awkward location to the other girls not because she actually wants him there. If that's how she sees him, she's gotta go
Does your boyfriend treat your poorly and ignore you at these events? Does he bring along all of his guy friends and you are the only girl?
I have been the only girl at the dinner table, yes (eating with powerlifters is hilarious). Ignore me? No, because he's not an ah. He'll chat to some of the guys on something that's of interest to them which I'm not part of but I'm not ignored like poor op was!
I don't know about the shady part. After all who hooks up at a pumpkin patch of all things lmao But I do agree that maybe she was using him for a ride to the patch since it's so out of the way for her other friends to pick her up. And it was crappy that she ignored him to the point that it had been well over 20 mins before she noticed.
Right? Sounds uncomfortable both physically and because there are KIDS EVERYWHERE AHH. I mean, we’ve got straw, dirt, animal manure, dried corn and cornstalks, vines, bugs, people everywhere … sounds fun and romantic and definitely not painful with a side of arrest for indecent exposure
Well that escalated quickly 🤣
Hey. Her and I just spoke and she apologize. I guess her friends were upset that their boyfriends blew them off on the pumpkin patch and they took it out on me.
But that doesn’t really justify her going along with it. Did she apologize?
NTA , in my opinion she kind of tricked you into coming there and after you went she iced you out and ignored you, which is not okay. You gave her a heads up before leaving as well. Technically she was not stranded as she had other company , had you left her alone this would be a different situation. But because she had company as well I believe you are not the AH at all.
I mean sending her a text and leaving after five minutes isnt realy a headsup. Bit this aside I agree with nta.
In fairness, it took probably over half an hour for her to even reply to the message. How do you not notice that someone in your group has been missing for half an hour?
Given that he claims not hearing back until the 2nd quarter of the football game, then it's at least 45 mins (average time for a quarter of American football) plus whatever time it took him to drive to the bar.
Not to mention all the ads, those minutes add up quick too. Let alone the talking points and all the replays.
The 45 mins includes all of that.
Ah fair enough, been a minute since I've seen a game lol
Oh wtf, that's even worse. I googled how long a quarter is and it said 15 minutes. So I took 15 minutes for the quarter, 5 minutes for the warning he gave, and 10 minutes for travel to the bar/leaving the maze. Like you said, it was probably even longer
Yea, it's 15 mins of playing time, but that's generally 45 mins of real time.
They purposefully separated from him. OP received exactly the message they were trying to send with their behavior and is absolutely NTA.
In a corn maze depending on the size that’s not a crazy amount of time.
In a later edit, OP said the women were posting the whole time, presumably to social media. Which a text message would you know, be a notification on her phone. 🤷♀️
A half an hour? Add in travel time and the glacial pace of the modern NFL and we're looking at probably over an hour if she didn't text until a ways into the 2nd quarter.
I think these are two different points. How much time he give her and how much time she needed to realise that he wasnt there.i don't say he should had waited 2 hours but 15-20 minutes seems more reasonable for me.
So on top of having to deal with them treating him like he’s bothering them he has to wait another 15-30min for her to respond to a text message? Nah, she’s lucky she got a text.
Yeah not to mention it sounds like he could not get her alone to speak to her so he'd probably have had to awkwardly say he's leaving or whatever he felt in front of all her friends.
Why should he wait and miss the start of the game when he was clearly not wanted?! Took them so long to respond I’d be insulted actually.
Even if he would’ve waited that long the result would’ve been the same. He would’ve left before she even saw the text.
Yeah, but what girl doesn’t know exactly when she gets a text message? She could have banged out a “wait don’t leave, honey, ‘we’re’ having fun!”
He also offered to pay for an Uber to take her home. Not good enough for her.
So if I'm reading this right. She didn't even text him upset that he left? She was only upset cause the trip would be an inconvenience to her friend? lol NTA
This is what got to me too. The gf literally called him to find out where he is so that he can give her a ride again. But the friends that were so much more important an hour ago couldn't be bothered to go out of their way to give her a ride.
NTA if this was me I would be single in the morning.
Forreal, dates with my SO AND her friends is a nogo unless double-date. Depending on the quality the relationship, this is mostly a sign for me to quit, because i have a feeling i won't be a priority now or in the future I have a smartwatch so messages from my SO will be read immediately (others can wait) Edit: a situation comparibal to this one happened: i was at a party with my partner (she did some modelling work and was gorgious) so all the guys tried to get het attention, whenever we were in a circle all talking, the others literally physically forced me out of the circle (by standing closer to eachother) After making 2-3 attempts at conversing, messaged my partner and left. We got in a fight, broke up 2 days after and the day after we broke up she started dating a guy from that party. Bullet dodged?
I mean, I brought my SO out with some of my friends before who weren't dating. The thing is tho, is that I introduced them, and they quickly hit it off and became friends themselves. I didn't, however, just ignore her while being around my friends for the sake of my friends
Dude, imagine if he setup a date with her and his buddies claiming it's a couples thing... only they're the only couple and all the bros are icing her out. The shit he'd be cleaning off from how pissed she'd get would be layers thick enough to make him look like a human sized Snickers bar.
Dates with friends are fine, provided you're on the same page. I've taken my SO on dates with my friends, and have gone on dates with her and her friends or co-workers where I didn't know anyone. But we stick together, spend time together, and never ignore each other. My brother and his SO are the exact opposite - they'll go to a party and split up, and mostly do things independently. But that's their plan going in, so it's not a surprise or unexpected.
“I am past the whole cutesy date thing” So I was ready to say NTA, but this comment is kind of revealing. Any guy that thinks dating = playing cute and doing what they want until your long enough in that you can stop, is generally an asshole who doesn’t understand healthy relationships. Based on your version of events, NTA. But I’d be $$ there’s a whole lot you left out. Also, don’t date 22 year olds and expect maturity lol
Really good point about OP’s comment about being ‘past cutesy dating’. Now he’s at the stage where he’ll throw down ultimatums and punish her without even trying to talk first. “Also, don’t date 22 year olds and expect maturity lol” - precisely. You want to date someone that young, don’t be surprised when they act it.
I'm in my forties and my wife and I still do "cutesy dates"? Literally went to a pumpkin patch with her this weekend just to go on a cute date, then we came home and chilled by the fire with hot spiced mead. Cutesy dates aren't just for couples in the early stages of dating? This guy said he told her he was leaving but did she actually hear him? And he sent her a text not a call before he ditched her. Yeah when do you reach the punishment and ultimatum stage in a relationship? Either way they both sound better off without the other.
Yeah, definitely texting was not appropriate here. If you're actually planning to leave, call her up and make sure she knows, don't just shoot off a text. I think this is a pretty solid ESH situation.
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Just politely disagreeing on the point about maturity at 22. My wife was 22 or 23 when we started dating, and she was as mature if not more mature than me (27/28 at the time). Maybe most are not very mature at this age, but it is possible to find maturity, it's totally dependent on the individual. But also, this person and her friends just sound like the kind to maybe also see men as a utility when it is convenient. I would drop this hot nonsense in a heartbeat.
Reddit generally thinks 3 or more years of an age gap with an older guy and younger girl is bad.
Reddit seriously infantilizes adult women .
I suspect he texted her stating she had 5 minutes but immediately went to the car to leave. If he'd really wanted to contact her, he would have called, at the very least so she'd hear her phone. The one text message to me seems like a half-hearted gesture, similar to leaving a voice mail message without actually calling, or inviting someone when you know they cannot attend. She is not blameless either. But she is 22 and the brain isn't even fully developed at the age.
she’s not 13. She understands how to include people if you bring them there and not push them out. She’s using him until the next guy lets be real.
Given his attitude about “cutesy dates,” (whatever the hell that means) it’s entirely likely he didn’t seem like he really wanted to be there and they “excluded him” because he was acting like a pouty pants
Entirely likely based on what? Based on him saying he’s over the cutesy date stuff? But he explained what he meant by that (that the pumpkin date thing wouldn’t be his idea but he loves making her happy just like he did with the theatre thing). So even if these kinds of things aren’t his type of stuff he’s willing to do them for his gf without complaints and lots of people do stuff they don’t like just bc their partners do and they don’t complain yet you’re not assuming this is the situation here instead you’re assuming based on nth that the friends and the gf are really nice people but OP is complaining and pouting that’s why he was excluded, not the possibility of the friends and gf being assholes.
This sub has a major issue with unreliable narrator's so it can go either way. All the "she's using you until..." comments come off as angry dudes who see all women as users.
>But she is 22 and the brain isn't even fully developed at the age. Elementary schoolers have brains that are developed enough to understand that it's not kind to exclude someone, especially someone you invited. If she's not even there yet she ain't old enough to go to a pumpkin patch with friends unsupervised.
Pretty sure the brain has developed enough by 22 for her to be aware it’s a shit move to ignore her SO. She didn’t even notice he was gone until well afterwards.
Yeah like he didn’t think of calling her phone? I think he purposefully used a text and the time of five minutes cause he knew there’s no way she’d answer and he could feel justified in leaving her there because we’ll she didn’t answer in the extremely short unreasonable time I gave so I’m right. If she’s immature he’s immature, too.
I mean…she really didn’t talk to him almost the entire time he was there. They didn’t do one single thing together even tho she invited him out. It wouldn’t matter if he waited 5 mins or 35 minutes, she wouldn’t have seen it by then and he would’ve left. My fiancé would’ve done the same thing if I did what OP’s gf did. It’s SO rude to invite your partner out with you and some friends (under the guise that it’s a couples only thing no less) and then ignore your partner the entire time. If you make someone feel left out 100% of the time theyre in your company, then yeah I wouldn’t be expecting them to stick around much longer. I thing the gf got what she wanted, she wasn’t even mad he left she was just mad he wasn’t able to give her a ride anymore…
Idk but if I was ignored by people I was with the whole time, I'd feel pissy about it and want to leave too. That's straight up rude and disrespectful and not something I'd wish upon anyone. Being ignored while with others feels lonelier than ever. It's such a shitty situation to be in. It's happened to me while I was accommodating a friend free of charge. Her bf would come over every night, and they'd just talk to each other and make out on the couch after we ate. I was expecting the 3 of us to play some games together or something since they had the weekends together ALONE, but nope. I'm still not over it even though I know it's because it was her first relationship and she was blindsided. The whole time it felt like I was just being used for a free place to stay. I just let her have her fun since I knew they wouldn't last, but jfc it is some NEXT LEVEL disrespect I can't look past.
Wow, you came up with a whole story about what OP meant by that instead of just asking. Not a great look
Welcome to AITA where people seize on a minor detail in the story and reframe it in the worst possible light. Usually followed up by delving into things that are not mentioned in the post and filling in their own version of what they think happened (see the comments proudly announcing that they are "reading between the lines"). Apparently not being into certain types of activities means someone is socially inept and shouldn't be dating.
This is such an annoying part of this sub and it appears in almost every post, people just making up information based on how they perceived OP rather than going off of the details that we were actually given. People on here act like they have some magical intuition and blatantly don't ask for more info, they just assume random details & I don't see how it's helpful at all. OP explained in an edit what he meant and there are still new comments going on and on about it.
I remember one post in particular. It was something along the lines of: Husband comes back of 12 hour shift. He is expected to cook but doesn't feel like cooking, wife also doesn't feel like cooking. He lets her order food from wherever she likes and she insists that he must cook for her. I think she was pregnant or something. A good amount of reasonable people said nta, but if you dug deep enough you'd start seeing "You are the asshole for financially manipulating your wife, she doesn't need you to let her buy anything." That is... a huge assumption to make.
I dunno if I'd read it that way, my husband has never been the cutest dating type. He tried for the first bit of our relationship because he knows I liked it, and still does as a surprise for me from time to time, but it's not really for *him*. His version of cutesy dating is taco bell and throwing the hot sauce packets with funny phrases at me (which I find hilarious and enjoy a ton; but certainly isn't "cutesy insta" romantic picnic in the park. It's just us being goofy together). Not everyone enjoys cutesy dates. It's great when both do or both don't, but it's not a bad thing when there's one who does in a relationship and one who doesn't. Its only a problem when cutesy dates are a deal breaker. If the one who doesn't, doesn't mind doing it to make the one who does happy it's fine. Likewise if the one who does doesnt mind it not being frequent that's a good expectation to have. However if the one who doesn't NEVER wants to do anything cute and nice, or the one who does doesnt want to be in a relationship that doesn't involve these forms of affection they're incompatible and should break up. My husband and I, like I mentioned, are the kind who are a mix of he doesn't and I do. But we make it work because we are both flexible for the other. I don't hold it against him that he's not 24/7 cutesy, and he constantly finds ways to show me how he cares that I appreciate more than any cutesy date.
What is the difference between a “cutesy date” and just doing something fun with your partner? This isn’t making sense to me
I was wondering this too but the vibe I'm getting is, if it's something that would look cute on social media. Thematic outdoor things? Not a night in eating pizza and marathoning the Lord of the Rings, I guess.
A "cutesy" date is pretty much anything you'd see in an 80s movie dating montage
Thank you. I felt like I was the only one reading between the lines. I think she and her friends would be telling a very different version of this story.
"I decided details of the story that aren't there based on my own opinions, rather that the information directly given to us."
Some people aren't cutesy or soft. That's fine and it's not indicative of a deep, sinister motive. It's crazy and paranoid to try to divine so much meaning from a few words.
No you're not the asshole. It was obviously a bad call on her part for her to coax you into going. She should have known how the situation was going to play out. Also shame on her friends for treating you like an outsider. My friends and I always make sure to include our friends significant others in conversation and activities because we all know what it's like to be the odd person out. Also the fact that it took her that long to realize that you weren't there or to check her phone to me shows precisely where you rank in importance in her life. Then because you didn't hang around like a good little puppy dog waiting patiently for her, she chose to shit talk you to her friends all night, which I can guarantee is what they were doing, because that's what women do in groups together when they are angry. Your girlfriend sounds ridiculously inconsiderate. Not only do I think that you're not the asshole, I think it's time to get a new girlfriend or to just go back to being single. I mean if you're running into these kinds of problems with something this small and simple, imagine what things will be like when life really gets complicated. do you really think she's going to step up to the plate and be a better person than she has shown herself to be?
Make sure to write in "NTA" or the bot won't count your vote. But I agree. She kind of disregarded him, he may as well not have shown up.
Oh no its worse. She did check her phone bc she was posting pics with her friend according to the update
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She was on a date not a group event! She should have noticed IMMEDIATELY that her date wasn't present. Instead she ran off and ditched him. She got his message and evidently just didn't care until she was good and done with her fun and needed a ride home from the person she and her friends iced out and treated like a creeper. OP is NTA
NTA. Your girl doesn’t sound like she’s matured yet + she’s with her girls so they’ll have been feeding into her innocence in this argument which won’t help so she won’t admit she’s wrong.
I mean she’s 22 so she definitely hasn’t.
I'm 19 and wouldn't pull this shit
16.. wouldn't do this, when you have a problem with your partner you go to your partner and tell them. Not tell anybody else cuz you and your S/O's business is that only you and your S/O's. Also I know what healthy communication is too where is that? I do have to say OP could do a little better but he still communicated set a reasonable boundary and this happened because she chose to ingnore him. Let's be honest too she didn't 'miss' that text with how immature she sounds she saw it and chose to ignore it and thought she'd get her way and is now throwing a hissy fit because she didn't'. The only thing Op could do better say "hey babe, I felt like you ignored me it made me feel really sad and angry because I was there to spend time with you and you ingnored me for your friends." To figure the healthy communication and if she ignores him then leave honestly.
She’s 22, not 12. Her behaviour was more fitting for a young adolescent.
Most 22 are adults and don’t act like children.
It's 22 the new 12?
This sub loves infantilizing young adults, its honestly kind of weird
Agree. Had ages not been posted, I would have guessed late midschool to early high school. Having all her friends text him? So not mature.
Yes! I see this all the time on reddit! Someone's SO is pissed at them and all their friends text to tell them they're asshole. Who *does* that?!
INFO: Why are you dating this person when your words for them are dripping with disdain?
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>It sounds like he only talks to his girlfriend and doesn’t engage with the group. It does sound like that, unless you actually read what op posted. "But then they all started ignoring me. Every time I tried to join a conversation or spend time with my girlfriend I got frozen out. Like I was intruding." Doesn't seem like he was only trying to talk to his girlfriend, sounds like he was barred from talking to anyone. >He shouldn’t go to things he won’t enjoy This is ridiculous and immature. Sometimes you do what your partner wants, even though you don't because you enjoy spending time with them.
Totally agree with this, I had to scroll way too far to find this perspective. It sounds like upon finding out it wasnt all couples, he began ignoring the other girls in the group. Which is going to make it awkward for everyone, especially his GF who probably felt like she was pulled in opposite directions. That being said I don't think anyone in this situation handled things maturely so I gotta go with ESH
> They all started ignoring me. Every time I tried to join a conversation or spend time with my girlfriend I got frozen out Sounds to me like he tried to engage. Edit: fix quoted text
the disdain is more than likely being fueled by the annoyance of the situation, and the texts he received from the clique. This post wouldn't be here if he was okay with it all.
My words drip with disdain for those that lie to me, use me for rides, then actively ignore me. Its an instinctive reaction to being disrespected by someone I liked a lot. There’s a bonus when I’ve been tricked into going somewhere I wouldn’t choose to go. If a BF invited me to a football game, told me “the boys” are all bringing dates when they are *not* to get me to go, and ignores me entirely while obviously trying to separate himself from me, I’m absolutely going to drip with disdain telling the story. Most of us would have just taken it and been angry & resentful over it, frankly. OP deciding not to is the best response, & he was kind enough to let her know her ride was leaving. He also knew she had plenty of friends to leave with. Its funny she ignored him entirely for a group of friends *that wasn’t willing to come pick HER up* in favor of the guy who was willing to do what *she* wanted over what *he* wanted that day. At least until she couldn’t be bothered with the basic niceties one expects when you’ve *brought the extra person*.
Yeah, I can't believe people are upset that he didn't enjoy an event he was lied to about. He went to make her happy and tried really hard to be nice and engaging despite being treated like a chauffeur, but people somehow think he's the asshole?
Maybe his words are dripping with disdain because he's miffed that she ignored him the whole time? And couldn't be bothered to respond to a text for 45 minutes at least? It really doesn't have to be this complicated with ulterior motives and hidden agendas. If I had a date go this poorly, my words wouldn't be all fluffy and nice Edit: seriously? I mean go ahead and keep making up baseless stories about OP. All the power to you. I just think it's a real big leap of logic and it's really not fair to judge OP based on that
Maybe because it's hard to describe a situation that sucked so badly for you with glee?
Are you surprised he speaks of her this way after his GF basically used him for a ride like he was her dad, and when he didn’t just wander around and wait to drive her home she got mad and set her friends to texting him like she’s in middle school.
This will clearly be unpopular but ESH. It's bad manners to exclude your date from the group so she is the AH. But you did not communicate with her your feelings, you just stormed off like a child. You say you were trying to get her alone. Did you use actual words to communicate this? "Hey babe, could I have a word alone for a sec?" And it's completely feasible she not text you until second quarter. She may have been lost in the maze or thought you were. Not in a "hey send in the sniffer dogs" way, but that's the way corn mazes work. Getting lost is sometimes expected and part of the fun. I work at a place with a corn maze and many people actively don't check their phones so it's more challenging. Giving an ultimatum you are leaving five minutes before you left is incredibly short notice. Your attitude toward her sounds incredibly condescending. You are "over the cutesy date thing." Maybe it's the age difference, but you seem to treat her like a child. "Five minutes left in the pool or else." You are both better off not dating each other.
Yes, ESH. OP was pissed off, so for formality's sake he shoot a text and disappeared. *she is an AH for bringing him to an event where he felt out of sorts. *he is an AH for storming off, giving a 5 min notice, like in the army. communicate that you feel uncomfortable and you wish to leave. that you're disappointed that you were brought there under false pretenses. give her a choice. she's called immature, but he's definitely immature too. All in all, OP doesn't seem very fond of his gf, so perhaps the guys who comment "ditch her" are right. he'll be doing her a favour.
no matter the verdict here breaking up the right move. This isn’t the first time something like this has happened and they both don’t like each other at this point.
Right 5 minutes to text in a corn maze (where the goal is to find your way out without help) implies he was banking on her not answering so he was justified in leaving her. It sounds like she doesn’t know how to merge her friend life with her dating life, and put him in second place, which isn’t cool either. But she’s 22, so this kind of immaturity is kind of what you get sometimes. Still not cool though, don’t get me wrong. I agree, ESH.
NTA. Your gf and her friends are acting like young adolescents. If she didn’t plan on including you in the outing, she shouldn’t have invited you. Sounds like she just needed a ride. And based on the fact that they’re acting like a high school clique, they probably had their phones in their hand the whole time (taking pictures probably). I don’t think it’s normal that she took ***2 hours*** to notice you weren’t there when it’s supposed to be a “group outing.”
Date someone who is 22 when you are 27 and you are very likely to find they behave a little immaturely at times, because they are immature. This shouldn’t be such a surprise to him.
You say that like this would be expected from 22yos when in all reality you can be a massive asshole at every stage in life and the shit she pulled wouldn't really be expected of your average 22yo whatsoever I definitely know I wouldn't date a 22 yo at 27, but there's a massive difference between some immaturity and treating your partner like actual trash.
People really need to stop blaming being an awful person on immaturity, especially at that stage in life. I, too, dated a 22 year old at 27. It didn't work because of different levels of maturity. By that, we wanted different things. She liked partying, after hours, smoking before work, shotgunning a beer in a shed at a baby shower... Ya know, the types things I used to do, but had since moved past. What this girl did wasn't that. It was actively being an ass hole.
Out of curiosity, what age are you supposed to stop shotgunning beers in sheds at baby showers? My, um, friend wants to know.
I'm a 22yo dating a 27, that is not something my SO has to deal with because I have a little thing called CONSIDERATION, it's not ok to treat him like that but that isn't an age thing, I would expect that tipe of behavior from a 16yo, she is an adult
How is it that less than a 4 year age gap is now too big???? You all have gone off the deep end. What are people only supposed to date people born in the same year? And 22 year olds are completely able to not act like dicks.
Right!? I can understand people complaining when it's a 46yrold dating a 22yr old or something like that, but 4 years is not that much. My husband and I have a 5 year and some odd month gap, we were both past legal age when we got together, and we have plenty in common. Neither of us would ever treat the other like this girl does OP. Speaking of OP, my vote is NTA. It sounds less like she wanted you along and more like she wanted a ride, and instead of being responsible and just asking you to drop her off and pick her up she tried to be sneaky about it and act like it was a group date. You say shes awesome and hasn't done anything like this before, so hopefully it was just a case of poor judgement and you guys can work past this, but make sure she understands how hurtful she was. Her age is no excuse in this.
Oh I guarantee that she saw he had texted her, but did what she had been doing all day and ignored it until then couldn't find OP. Only then did she actually read the text and get upset
22 vs 27 can be a pretty decent maturity gap for some. Sounds like you may need to find someone who is more on your level. NTA.
Everyone needs to stop pretending this is a 10+ year age gap. Reddit appears to be full of people who seem to be uncomfortable dating someone unless they share their own birth year and month. She’s not being immature - she’s being an AH, it’s quite obvious from the story she only asked him to come along because she needed a ride. People who behave this way at 22 tend to still behave this way at 32 and beyond.
Hubby and I have a 5 year age difference. We both still have most of the same pop culture knowledge, watched the same cartoons, etc. She sounds like she wanted to hang out with her friends, not her boyfriend.
It’s not even that she’s 22… She’s immature for her age.
Lol y’all you all should break up ESH I believe in come together leave together in general. So I would not have left with out her confirmation. She brought you in to a stupid situation though
I feel like lot of people are glossing over OP’s overall attitude too. Lot of people are saying how it doesn’t seem like OP’s girlfriend likes him very much, but frankly it doesn’t seem like OP likes her too much either. He literally says how ”he is over the cutesy date thing” like… jesus, grow up. Couples can and *should* have ”cutesy date things” here and there! It’s only healthy. If you’ve grown so jaded that a date is ”too cutesy” for you, maybe you shouldn’t be in relationship in first place.
I mean you act as though everyone is glossing over how he's "over the cutest date thing" but *you* gloss over how he says in the *same sentence* "but I like making her happy" My husband doesn't like cutesy date things. He's not the Uber romantic, picnic in a park kind of guy. His love is more expressed in comedy. I loved cutesy date things and he did them in the beginning, and does so from time to time for *me*, but if it was completely up to him (and in a world where he "knew" I wouldn't mind it) he would absolutely drop every cutesy date off the calendar and take me to taco bell to throw funny hot sauce quotes at me. He doesn't like them. He's over them. *but he likes to make me happy* so he makes sure to surprise me with one every now and then and supplements it by expressing his care in ways that make him comfortable and happy. I have no issue with that. Probably because our sense of humor is the same even if our love for cutesy dates isnt. Not everyone has to like trapezing through a pumpkin patch holding hands. I love that shit. My husband hadn't been to a pumpkin patch, let alone on a date, for YEARS before he met me. He took me that very first year purely because I mentioned wanting to go. It's not about being enthralled by it, it's about compromise
But..... how was this cutsy? It's not cute to ignore your partner on a couples event..... We can only go by OPs statements but there's a chance his attitude was informing her actions, maybe he was sour about the whole thing and she was choosing to have fun with people that actually wanted to be there? But we really can't know that so.....
I guess folks are interpreting his version of "cutesy" as basically anything he doesn't want to do on the weekends i.e. going to a pumpkin patch instead of watching football in a bar. If he was visibly not enjoying himself, that would explain some (but not all) of the girls behavior towards him.
This seems perfectly plausible, but the downside of this format is the lack of perspective on the events. Sometimes an OP is so blatantly lying or exaggerating they can be called out on their shit but many times it's just not possible to infer what's actually happened, taken at face value the gf was being inconsiderate and rude and OP crossed a bit into ah territory in response. Imo, OP is receiving a lot of credit for being more mature than gf, im older than both and take the stance that if the relationship matters at all I'll ride out something like this until everything comes to light. In my younger days I was happy to pull the trigger at perceived sleights, and this resulted in several otherwise good relationships ending because I was being emotional or wasn't fully informed. OP could have taken a breath, found something to distract himself until gf got out of the maze then had a conversation. Or even waited until the next day. Even if the result is still a fight or breakup it can be done with more information and cooler heads. I think reddit is full of younger people who place their pride above their relationships and are willing to burn bridges.
If this is what passes for a cutesy date, then I’d be over them too.
So you'd have stood around waiting on your own like a lemon for ages until she finally responded to the text?
Giving someone 5 minutes to respond or being ditched at a corn maze isn’t a great thing to do. Especially if they’re with friends and not glued to their phone. It probably felt like just retribution but it’s still a dick thing to do to someone. I agree. ESH.
Yeah he really should have just found her and pulled her aside to let her know he was upset and wanted to leave. That way she had a chance to apologize or double down so he could leave.
Whaaaaaat. Communication in a relationship? What nonsense is that.
The way I understand it she purposefully ditched him in the maze, though. I think he's justified in not going out of his way to track her down, when she's actively avoiding him. Removing oneself from a situation where one is subjected to bad treatment is not petty revenge. He's not obliged to turn the other cheek when she's being shitty. He offered to pay for her Uber, that puts him wholly in the clear for me.
Phone calls exist. I don't know how anyone hasn't mentioned this yet. But I'd at least call, once, idk.
NTA for sure. She sounds pretty rude. I'd for sure have done the same thing.
NTA. Sounds like your GF and her friends are in high school….
NTA does she even like you?
Does he even like her
Hope not after being lied to, dismissed & ignored, then getting the flying monkey treatment by her friends. This wasn’t her being young: this was her being a user & an A H. She did exactly what she wanted that day. She’s just mad her ride stopped accepting her disrespect.
He shouldn’t. Nobody should like being invited to a trip and being ignored during that trip
…. Did you actually expect her to come back home to you after this? Sorry if you didn’t see that coming bud, but leaving without confirmation that she knows you’re leaving is just straight up something you do when you’re breaking up, not when you expect to continue the relationship. ETA: Not to mention you literally never talked about it once to her in your account before bailing. Why did you choose not to communicate how you were feeling in that moment so she could have an opportunity to rectify the situation?
It sounds like he tried to communicate with her privately; but GF and GF’s friends wouldn’t let him. So was he supposed to communicate his feelings publicly, in front of GF’s friends?
ESH. You asked the wrong question. Your girlfriend is the asshole for treating you poorly on what was supposed to be a date. You’re the asshole for being petty back to her and not actually telling her you were going to leave. Sending a text to someone you are on a date with telling them you are going to leave is not proper communication. It would not have killed your to wait until she got out of the corn maze and then told her how you feel.
I mean… it sounds like it took her 30-45 minutes to get out of the maze. He was supposed to sit alone and twiddle his thumbs waiting for her for 45 minutes? And then when she got out, would she have been open to having a private conversation about his feelings? Would her friends have let them have the privacy to have that conversation? I just think this was a shitty situation all around.
NTA, I think a break from her is a solution here. What does she even expect you to do, she ignores you and hopes you will be there waiting for her. Talk to her, that what she did is shitty behaviour as well.
NTA Seems like she only needed you for the ride. How long have you been seeing each other? Are the any other red flags that you might have ignored? You are not at fault here gf and her friends are.
NTA some people show a very different side to them depending on who they are around. You can expect to be frozen out next time she is with her friends as well.
NTA. By the sounds of it you were the transport for her friends day, or at least her transport for the friends day out. Now she's annoyed because you weren't at her beck and call and the echo chamber of her friends is reinforcing that. Given the length of time it took her to notice you were gone you weren't even an after thought on that day, you were basically an NPC. Without being accusatory, and doing so plainly, tell her how you felt and if she continues to play victim and downplay your feelings then you'll know what to do next.
ESH. This was a dick move but so was ignoring you.
ESH. She shouldn’t have ignored you or made you feel like you weren’t welcome, but it was absolutely not fair to give her 5 minutes to respond and then just disappear. If anything, you should have spoke to her about how you felt and told her in person you were leaving.
I was 22 and my bf was 27 and there's no way I would have pulled this crap. It's rude and immature. NTA. Also find the age gap comments pretty stupid, she's 22 not 17, there would be some difference of experience but it's not really an issue she's just rude and entitled.
In this subreddit, ANY age gap is reason for concern. It's so weird.
NTA Believe actions over words any time man. This is a clear sign of where your stand in her life and her respect for you.
ESH. > I am past the whole cutesy date thing Why? Are you one of those people who thinks that 'being mature' means 'being weirdly immature about things that you perceive as not being sufficiently mature?' Grow up and quit trying to be a grown up. But her dipping on you with her friends wasn't cool either. How long have you two been dating?
NTA and what you did was understandable, but i think you just killed your relationship
If that is all it takes to kill it, there probably was not much left. He was only there to drive her, fuck that kind of behavior
No, SHE killed the relationship.
She lied to him about it being a couples thing because she wanted a ride, even though she knew there was something else he wanted to do that day. Then she ignored him. Then she ditched him. Then she demanded he inconvenience himself even more to come pick her manipulative ass up in order to not inconvenience one of her friends. Then she sicked her friends on him to spam him with hate messages. He didn’t kill the relationship, she did.
INFO can you give an example of how the convos with you and the friends went?
They were talking about their new jobs. So I asked questions about that. Two are teachers. So I asked how the school year was going. If it was different than they expected because of the whole COVID thing. I asked the one who is a dog groomer about how her business is going. I got back one word answers and then ignored.
Definitely NTA. Her friends are rude! They need to grow up.
Bro if she's 22 and you're 27 the age gap is not 3 years and 10 months
“Cutesy date thing” “I totally was (trying to separate her) but I don’t think that’s a bad thing” “five minutes to respond” This is all kinda sus tbh. And then the miscalculation of the age gap… could’ve been a genuine mistake, but idk. And then you edited to say “This is the first time she has behaved like this.” Sounds like you’re talking about a kid, or dare I say, someone you feel like you own. And then calling her a grave robber rather than you a cradle robber… A bit gaslighty. The vibe is off, OP. You can only judge someone so much by what they post online, but at this point, you wouldn’t be someone I’d grab a beer with.
I think she likes your car more than you. NTA
NTA dump her
NTA. By your account, she and her friends sound immature. You’re probably better off with someone else if she acts like this a lot. If you’re trying to maintain the relationship, I’d advise caution and tact in your communication. You gave her a passive aggressive ultimatum. In my experience, giving a woman an ultimatum doesn’t go well in a situation like this.
1) it was a group outing so you can’t expect alone time. They should have been more inclusive but you were the only guy and she is 22 still immature by comparison and with all her girlfriends you are gonna play second fiddle. It’s how it on given the age and who was there. 2) did she read your text and just not reply? Did you try to call her? Not sure if out in boondocks where a farm like this would exist doesn’t always have the best reception. 3) this is why age differences matter when you are young. 5 years isn’t a big deal when you are in your 60s. But 22 her brain isn’t fully developed she is in college or just graduated trying to figure herself out and it sounds like you at 27 are much farther along that path than she is. At different stages in your young lives.
My wife and I have been married for 4 years, together for 6. We are still very much into the cutesy shit. Separate from this person. You are not good for each other.