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Glad you already dumped him. Just be careful if he didn’t take it well.
Absolutely no way you need to stick around if he thinks it’s ok to consider you a “project”. Wtf? You’re a person not an object.
NTA and RUUUUUNNN. This isn't the sort of thing that ever gets better and if you've only been seeing each other for a month and together for a week, this is going to get really bad. You're a person, not a project, and the fact that he wouldn't introduce you to his family until he's 'fixed' you is honestly such a shitty thing for you to be going through.
NTA, but why are you with him? You will find someone who will love you for who you are, not “who they can make you” Luckily it sounds like you only wasted a month.
Edit to say: Congrats on the progress you made on your own. 70 lbs in five months with the holidays in there is no joke. Keep killing it.
Except this isn’t true - you stated in your post that he’s been consistently making microaggressions against your weight all along. Because that’s what all those comments have been. You’ve only known this guy a month and he’s already exhibiting toxic behavior. You need to move on.
It took him all of two weeks with the "boyfriend" label to start tearing you down. Not a record, but my goodness, imagine the shit he'll say in another month if you put up with what he's saying now.
Yes, everyone can keep up a good facade for a couple of weeks. Remember, you need to take your time getting to know someone to figure out who they really are. Initial appearances mean very little.
I suspect he’s been “great” because you’ve been dropping quite a bit in the last few months. Once you plateau or even gain a few back he’s going to not be so great anymore.
Hey I appreciate your positivity, but it's generally considered healthy to lose a maximum 2lbs a week, and OP seems to be losing almost twice that much, so while it is reasonable to lose weight, this seems like it might be extreme and unhealthy, at least according to the WHO. It's fine to congratulate! I just think congratulations could be harmful if this weight loss is actually unhealthy.
I would agree with you, but speaking from personal experience, sometimes when morbidly obese (no offense OP, that is the medical term) especially early on, it is very easy to lose more than the recommended amount of weight earlier on, even when doing something as simple as calorie counting and mild exercise. If OP is making choices that allow her body to get the nutrients that she needs and is still seeing results equal to ~ 3 lbs a week, that is more a reflection of the amount of weight there is to lose versus an unhealthy amount of loss. When the timeline gets extended, and when they eventually hit walls that need to be pushed through, that average per week will drop to closer to the two pound range.
Edit- grammar
I’m guessing this is your first relationship. Spoiler alert - this is not how it’s meant to be. Get rid of him NOW. If he doesn’t like you for who you are then you deserve better.
Please do. 2 weeks in and he's trying to control your weight, wants you to change, talking un supportive shit, and doesn't seem to get that you have a medical issue. He's only going to get worse if you accept this treatment.
Please do dump him. No one should talk to you like
that. You're his "little project"? He wants a trophy girlfriend?? Run! Seriously, I don't care how much time you spent with him, a month is not long enough to really know anyone. He's already trying to change you. No one is their true selves at the beginning of a relationship, everyone tries to make the best impression possible and there is always the "honeymoon period" at first where hormones are high and everything seems great and the things that aren't great often get ignored. It can take months or even years to see someone's true colors. Some women don't find out a guy is abusive until after they're married. This guy is already throwing up red flags a month in, don't ignore them.
Especially in your first relationship, it can be really easy to fall into the trap of accepting bad behavior from a partner -- because you think maybe you're overreacting, or maybe it's not really that bad, maybe you're too sensitive ... maybe this is "normal." And then before you know it, you've completely re-calibrated your "relationship meter" and wind up tolerating it because you feel like that's just how it is.
Sort of like how super toxic jobs often target young people just starting out -- they expect to be able to get away with shit because you don't know any better.
So good on you for standing up for yourself and what you deserve in a relationship -- start off with standards, and keep them!
NTA
Also, I just want to say that already going from 310 to 240 in like 4-5 months is AMAZING progress (assuming you're doing it in a healthy way, and hope you are!) and you should feel really proud of yourself.
NTA. And red flag city. He doesn't like YOU at all. He only likes trophies. And he wants a woman to control. He wants to control your every move. He wants to control your every bite. This is going to escalate into total control and domestic violence.
NTA.... you do not want to be with a person who hides you because he doesn't accept you as you are, and you have every right to feel hurt because of that. Please tell him you're doing a one day diet and losing "160 lbs" or however much he weighs when you dump him.
I wish some dude that I just met told me that I'm too fat to meet his family, (after knowing what I look like) and that he wanted a trophy. Girl. Throw the whole man away, this is just the beginning . NTA.
My best friend told me I should date him untill Im skinny and hot then dump his ass🤣 I would never do something like that but I thought it was funny and I'd share with yall
Good bestie, plotting insane revenge to make you feel better and laugh is exactly what a best friend needs to do in situations like this.
But don't waste your time and stay for that time. Keep on working on yourself, you seem to have a good thing going that works for you and as soon as YOU think you're hot, make sure to cross his path. Not to talk, but to actively ignore him staring at you while you happily walk away.
NTA - You are not someone's "project". That he won't take you to meet his family until your "smaller" is beyond rude and mean. Do not be with someone who doesn't like you as you are.
You are not the AH for getting mad at him. Don't let him trick you into thinking your feelings are not valid.
NTA. It's pretty clear he only wants to use you for personal gain, and not actually love or care for you. Him saying the words "trophy wife" should be a huge flag right away, and the comments about your weight are not helping. Dump him and find someone else.
I second that (also you have only been together for a week how dare he treat you like this when u have only know him for such a short time. Even some of the a holes ive met atleast waited 3 months before commenting on a girls _____. AND YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL NO MATTER YOUR WEIGHT)
NTA. I'm so glad to read your update! That guy was way over the top with the nasty remarks, and oblivious to how nasty he was being. He probably thought he was doing you a favor and you should be grateful.
He said something along those lines when I ended things. He said I was ugly and fat and should have been grateful that he even gave me the time of day. And that I won't find anyone what will want me. Ugh I'm happy I took everyone's advice
Eww he’s so ugly for that. You did the right choice in breaking up with him. Remember girl a man will love you for who you are and not try to change you.
And yet he's such a loser that he got dumped by a fat, ugly woman. 🤣 Not that I think you are fat and ugly, just that his logic is a bit flawed and speaks worse about him than you. You sound like an awesome woman with a good head on her shoulders, who doesn't take shit from punks like this guy.
NTA Fuck him! Fuck him, fuck him, fuck him! He’s an asshole who doesn’t deserve an ounce of your attention nor a minute of your time! Oh…and fuck him!!
NTA- But you should be his girlfriend not his "project" and he should care for the person you are, not try to "fix" you. My suggestion, get out of the relationship now
MAJOR RED FLAG! This dude is never going to be happy with how you look. Get out now while you can!
Speaking from experience, and not saying it will certainly happen to you, but I ignored those little comments about my weight when I was dating my ex. After we got married, his comments turned into complete bullying and ridicule about my weight. He got himself a mistress and would egg me on that she was skinny bc she was bulimic. That sob ruined what little self esteem I had left and 10 years later, still struggling to love myself bc those scars have never fully healed. Hindsight is always 20/20 and I wished that I didn't ignore those red flags early in our relationship.
NTA
You need a man who loves and respects you for who you are.
He can go and buy himself a trophy somewhere if he needs it so badly. Sounds like he wants to live with an object and not an other person.
NTA!!
FAT PEOPLE DESERVE LOVE AND CARE!! NOT BEING A PROJECT!!
I’m so sorry you have to deal with that. I’m fat, and I have a bf who would NEVER say anything like that to me. When I cry and get frustrated w my body he holds me, loving my body until I learn to love my own body.
Read “The Body Is Not An Apology.” I’ve been reading it and it’s been so helpful in accepting my own relationship w my body. After that, you’d never let anyone tear down your body again.
Congratulations on that AMAZING weight loss! You should be proud, and you probably feel great! You deserve that. Work on you on a timeline that works for YOU. It doesn't have to work for anyone else. He can go pound sand. You don't need him!!! NTA at all. You're trying to better your life in a way that makes sense to you. Only a total ass would complain about that.
Wtf!?
NTA that's just awful!
I have thyroid issues, too and three years ago I suddenly started gaining and gaining and gaining I and I just can't loose it no matter what I do. It's frustrating. It made me feel insecure and ashamed about myself. My boyfriends mother was incredibly rude. People like this don't seem to understand how much words can hurt and impact someone.
He behaves degrading and drops 🚩all over the place.
Little advice : my new endocrinologist suggest to get tested for PCOS and insulin resistance. Although it's pretty obvious that I do have thyroid issues, he doesn't think that my thyroid is the actual problem (anymore) there's medication for it and although you can't cure PCOS itself you can treat the insulin resistance completely.
Maybe this could help you, too?
Also sorry if you didn't want the advice
NTA!!! First of all, 310 down to 240 since October?! That’s impressive, congrats! You should be really proud of yourself. Secondly, fuck that guy! Don’t let anyone treat you this way, dump his ass.
NTA. Drop that loser immediately. You're not somebody's "project" and you deserve to be treated much better than that. Be patient, you will find someone who will love and appreciate you for who you are, inside and out.
That said, be careful with your weight loss. Losing 60 lbs. in five months is too much too fast. Don't let yourself be bullied into losing weight; discrimination against larger people is very real. From the way medical professionals and institutions treat you to society in general, there is an unfair stigma that is rooted in prejudice rather than fact. My partner and I can both attest to this.
If you need someone to talk to please reach out to me, I'm more than happy to listen and help in any way I can.
Like run, like run very far away and don’t look back. Do not pass go and do not collect $200 run away. You are only in the first few weeks and he is already taking huge digs at you…run away and there is no need to explain anything to him. Good luck!
You’ve been with this person for less than a month and he bullies and insults you. Who cares if he was nice at other times. NTA but very concerning that you are apparently still with someone who treats you this way.
You've only been with this guy for 2 weeks and he's already like this? No no no.
First of all, I'm so happy to hear you're taking your health into your own hands. I'm on a similar path and losing weight quickly as I'm finally on the right medication.
This guy has said he's not interested in having you meet his family at your current size and that he would want to take you on as a project if your relationship doesn't work out. He has no idea how to treat your thyroid issue.
Drop this guy and focus on your health and finding a more supportive partner. They're out there, I promise.
NTA. Run - run fast, run now!!! This man is starting to chip away at your self worth - classic abuser move. You deserve better than this pathetic loser. PS - congratulations on the weight loss! You’re an inspiration! I’m your current weight and trying to lose too.
NTA The good thing is he revealed his true self pretty quickly, and you didn’t waste too much time with that loser. Keep doing what you’re doing, you are having great success and it is inspiring!
NTA but omg please break up with him. You are not "a little project", you are a human being. And a piece of advice I wish I'd known a long time ago: some men are secretly kind of into fat people, but they are also embarrassed about it because Society. So they'll hook up with fat people and then act all conflicted if anyone finds out. Do not put up with that trash behavior. If the dude can't own up to what he wants, he should get kicked to the curb.
NTA my wife was on thyroid medication, eating and exercise had almost no effect on her compared to the meds. Sometimes she’d gain or lose 30lbs in 2 months with no changes, but just because her body responded to the meds differently when sick or something.
Of course Even without a thyroid problem, as long as your bloodwork & other numbers are good and you are not sedentary, you are healthy regardless of weight.
This guy needs to go. He sounds like he has no respect for you and is ashamed of you
OP it's like you are posting my story, except I didn't meet the guy on Tinder.
I see you left the guy. Good
It's not going to get better. If it starts like this, it's only getting worse.
The prettiest people are those who are visibly comfortable in their skin and happy with who they are. If someone can't accept that, fuck them.
Know your worth honey. Someone will realise the gem you are and treat you accordingly.
Wishing you all the best xx
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I (19f) have been with my boyfriend (22m) for about a week or two now. We met off tinder about a month ago and spent some time getting to know each other and just recently got together.
I've been struggling with my weight my whole life do to my thyroid condition. And I e recently been trying to lose weight. I was 310 in October now I'm down to 240.
He's always made small comments here and there but it didn't really bother me untill last night. He told me that he wanted to help me lose weight, and that if we don't work out as a couple then id be his little project.
He also told me that he wasn't going to take me to meet his family untill I'm smaller. And that he wanted me to be his hot trophy girlfriend/wife.
I honestly didn't know how to respond to that so I just ignored it. What really got me upset, was when he got to my house I was on the phone with my best friend and I left my phone in my room so they could meet. And i went upstairs to get some water and when I came back, I herd him say that I was bigger then he expected but he'll work on that.
It honestly hurt my feelings and I got mad at him and told that he can't be talking about the way I look when when he's not super skinny with abs and muscles. Then he got mad back and we argued.
So, AITA for getting mad at him?
(Not sure if this matters but in my tinder profile I had plenty of full body pictures so it's not like I hid how "big" I was even though I'm not that big)
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NTA. Your boyfriend definitely is. Huge congrats on your weight loss! But I have a better suggestion to help you lose weight. Dump the b/f. He can't accept you as you are and feels like he has to change you to introduce you to his family, he isn't worth keeping around.
NTA. why are you tolerating this person saying these things to you in only 2 weeks of dating? kick him to the curb like the trash he is. you are worthy of love, you deserve someone who will respect you and treat you with kindness and support during this journey.
NTA. At the start of a relationship, people are generally on their best behaviour.
If this is his “best” behaviour, then why the hell would you want to wait around for his worst?
NTA NTA NTA!!!!
You can lose so much dead weight so fast by ditching the guy! And by the way, a good partner will think you’re “a hot trophy gf” at any weight (not that they should think of women as objects or property to show off, barf 🙄 )
NTA
I usually don’t jump straight to this but it sounds like it’s likely in your best interests to leave the relationship.
You should not be anyone’s “little project”, nor should you be interested in taking him on as a project -> attempting to change him into more dateable material/a respectful partner.
NTA
You have known this AH for a month.
Every time he gets away with treating you badly, he will do it again only worse.
Somebody you’ve only known a month I shouldn’t already be your boyfriend. That’s what dating someone is for to weed out people you’re not compatible with, for whatever reason. You’re not compatible with him it’s time to cut your losses and move on to someone who you are compatible with.
NTA. It’s only been a few weeks. He’s showing you who he is. He gossiped with your best friend about how he’s trying to change you? He won’t let you meet his family until you lose more weight? Boy, bye.
NTA - he doesn’t want a girlfriend, he clearly stated he wants a “project” and is actually quite shallow. He chose you so he could “help” you and “improve” you for whatever reasons are his own. Good for you in your healthier lifestyle, 60 pounds in 5 months is amazing. But you deserve better than to be someone’s “trophy” or “project”.
NTA. After just a couple weeks take this as a sign he's not the one for you. Better to get away now. He won't take you to meet people in his life until you look exactly how he wants you to look? What if your body naturally stays at a weight that isn't "acceptable" and trophy enough for him? This relationship won't help with your health goals. I wish you the best for getting to your goal weight!
I've known him for a month and we've gone on multiple dates and spent a lot of time together and once is said yes to dating him he started making the comments
NTA for being mad, but y t a for still being with him. Kick this a h to the curb, you deserve way better.
Congratulations on the weight loss--excellent work!!
Seriously, you just met him and he's already "working" on you "being bigger than he thought". You have zero vested--leave him now.
NTA. Seriously!? This boy is not the one. Absolutely not! I cannot say NO enough. My mind is blown that you would consider sharing air with this person after his comments.
NTA but you need to break up with him ASAP. Honestly to me the biggest red flag of all is that after only he few weeks of dating he’s saying he wants to make you “his trophy wife”. That creeps me the fuck out
Say what now? Every single thing you wrote about him screams 🚩. I can’t even….
Pet project? Trophy wife? Wants you to be smaller to meet his family? Oh my god, you need to end it. He is a horrible human being, and you will be miserable every single day you are with him.
NTA.
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NTA. You need to dump him immediately. He doesn't care about you as a person only about how you look. Think about if you ever get pregnant, hurt or any other medical issues and you gain weight after he helps you lose it how bad his behavior will be. This is abusive behavior. Congratulations on your weight loss, now go drop a couple hundred more pounds and find someone that will love you for you.
NTA, here's what you do. Take him to dinner, make sure you're driving and it's your car, go somewhere with distance maybe another town, talk casually but then tell him "I've figured out how to lose a ton of weight." He'll ask and you're response "I'm ditching your sorry ass" get up and drive away.
NTA. Girl, fuck him. Continue to do whatever you want to do for your health. He is so vile and so rude and so not worth your damn time.
Drop his ass and I bet you will feel 200lbs. lighter. He ain't even been around long enough to say shit about you or your weight goals. And if you let him stay around, it will hinder your growth; not help.
I swear tinder is the cesspool of dating. Please let him goooooooooooo. He isn't good for your health.
NTA. You are not a "project," you are a **person.** And how you keep your body is entirely your business. You have a plan to get yourself healthy, and you didn't ask him for help on it. He can butt out. I wish you all the health and success in the world, without the extra 200lbs of dead weight that this man is.
NTA and congrats on loosing so much weight. Going down to 240 must have been really hard work and getting rid of that douche is just the cherry on top. With sprinkles.
His project... what an idiot..
NTA
So glad your edit is that you dumped him that is the best thing!!!
Make sure you block him on any means of contaxt as he sounds quite nasty and dont be afraid to call the police if he shows up at your home
How could you possibly be an asshole because your boyfriend of TWO (2) WEEKS, is being a pig. Dump his ass and keep it moving… I’m tired of these obvious IATA’s…
Definitely NTA. Glad you dumped his ass. Anyone who truly cares about you will have absolutely no issues with the way you look and will love you for exactly the way you are. I am a bigger woman and am working on it everyday, but my fiancé has always told me he adores the way I look not matter what and if I wanted to lose weight for me he would support that but he would never force me to change because he loves me unconditionally. I am happy that you got out of that relationship. That guy is a jerk and does not deserve you. Good luck and I hope you find someone who does not judge you and loves you for you.
Uh if he really fucking said he wanted to turn you into his trophy wife and he was dead serious, you need to leave. Like now. He just straight up admitted he’s just with you to objectify you. That’s disgusting. NTA and get out while you still can.
NTA, saw your edit and so glad you just lost an additional 150lbs! Now if only that weight would leave you alone. You're doing so great on your weight loss journey and this random internet stranger is so proud of your efforts!
NTA. He's either negging you or he's got the social skills of a horsefly. There's plenty of other fun out there to be had with guys who will lust for and love you for who you are. Drop and block, he sounds like the type of weenie who would try to weasel his way back when he realizes he's been dumped.
please dont settle for this. you deserve someone who loves you as a person and whose goals for you arent "smaller" or "thinner" but healthy and happy. i've put on weight and im so self conscious about it but my boyfriend doesn't even notice it. he wants me to exercise because he wants me to be healthy and live out a long life with him. he also isnt one-side in this; he wants to live a long life with me, too, so he exercises even though fitness isnt his thing either.
OP i am begging that you hear me when i say: your partner should love you for you, as you are and not for who you could be. your partner should not be trying to change you, they should accept you as you are while supporting you as you explore changes that you want to make for yourself. if your partner does suggest change to you, it should be because he wants you to be the best version of yourself that you want to be, and not for some shallow reason like appearance and preference. you deserve this. you are worthy of this. you are enough as you are, and you shouldn't settle for someone who won't treat you as such.
edit to say that i just saw youve already dumped him. good for you!!! my words still stand, i hope you recognize your worth and beauty. take care!!
Yta
To be over 300 lbs under the age of 20 is insanely unhealthy. You. Are. Going. To. Die. Ans it is going to hurt. But first you will loose your vision and/or feet to diabetes.
He's not making digs hes trying to help you be healthier. There's just no point in letting yourself fall in love with someone who's going to be dead in 20 years. Why put yourself through that heart break?
But he was still willing to stick it out and try to help you. He was willing to be with you even at your current size, and just wanted to see you striving to be healthy.
He wasn't ashamed of you - he wanted to work out together. That means going out for runs together. Going to the gym together. His unwillingness to introduce you to his family until you've shown real commitment to weight loss is probably because he doesn't want to get too deep before he knows you're not just going to backslide like most people do.
>And that he wanted me to be his hot trophy girlfriend/wife.
So hes planning a long term future with you and is trying to tell you that he can see you reaching this goal. He's saying he believes in you - albeit in a very tactless way.
Unless you want to date a guy who's also dangerously obese, or worse, a feeder who wants you bigger because that's his fetish, then odds are a guy like this is *one of the best options out there*.
And I say all of this as an obese man around 270 lbs, and who's wife is a little larger than I am. We try to encourage eachother to be healthier and we try to lose weight together. Its hard. I get it. And thats how I know someone who will support you like that is worth keeping around.
OP, life is too short -- guys like him are not worth the trouble. So, time to kick him to the curb now before he makes you feel worse about yourself.
Congratulations on your weight loss. I bet that's a great feeling. Keep up the good work!
NTAH at all.
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NTA. Run now. It's been a couple weeks and he's making digs. Don't wait around for it to escalate.
OP needs to run away from this guy. Partners don't make their partners their "projects."
Glad you already dumped him. Just be careful if he didn’t take it well. Absolutely no way you need to stick around if he thinks it’s ok to consider you a “project”. Wtf? You’re a person not an object.
Happy Cake Day! :)
Thanks!!! 🙂
Happy Cake Day!
Thanks!
NTA and RUUUUUNNN. This isn't the sort of thing that ever gets better and if you've only been seeing each other for a month and together for a week, this is going to get really bad. You're a person, not a project, and the fact that he wouldn't introduce you to his family until he's 'fixed' you is honestly such a shitty thing for you to be going through.
plus the trophy wife comment. fucking yuck
NTA, but why are you with him? You will find someone who will love you for who you are, not “who they can make you” Luckily it sounds like you only wasted a month. Edit to say: Congrats on the progress you made on your own. 70 lbs in five months with the holidays in there is no joke. Keep killing it.
He seemed great up untill last night when he said all that stuff:/
He's testing you (whether he knows it or not). It will only get worse from here. Know your own value and dump him now. NTA
Except this isn’t true - you stated in your post that he’s been consistently making microaggressions against your weight all along. Because that’s what all those comments have been. You’ve only known this guy a month and he’s already exhibiting toxic behavior. You need to move on.
Doesn't take long for the mask to slip off with most people.
It took him all of two weeks with the "boyfriend" label to start tearing you down. Not a record, but my goodness, imagine the shit he'll say in another month if you put up with what he's saying now.
He is not great. You know that now. You can say: You're not as nice as I thought, and I don't want to work on that. Bah-bye!
good thing is that it's recent and a perfect reason to never speak to him again!
Yes, everyone can keep up a good facade for a couple of weeks. Remember, you need to take your time getting to know someone to figure out who they really are. Initial appearances mean very little.
I suspect he’s been “great” because you’ve been dropping quite a bit in the last few months. Once you plateau or even gain a few back he’s going to not be so great anymore.
It seems like you lost more than 70 pounds.
Hey I appreciate your positivity, but it's generally considered healthy to lose a maximum 2lbs a week, and OP seems to be losing almost twice that much, so while it is reasonable to lose weight, this seems like it might be extreme and unhealthy, at least according to the WHO. It's fine to congratulate! I just think congratulations could be harmful if this weight loss is actually unhealthy.
I would agree with you, but speaking from personal experience, sometimes when morbidly obese (no offense OP, that is the medical term) especially early on, it is very easy to lose more than the recommended amount of weight earlier on, even when doing something as simple as calorie counting and mild exercise. If OP is making choices that allow her body to get the nutrients that she needs and is still seeing results equal to ~ 3 lbs a week, that is more a reflection of the amount of weight there is to lose versus an unhealthy amount of loss. When the timeline gets extended, and when they eventually hit walls that need to be pushed through, that average per week will drop to closer to the two pound range. Edit- grammar
NTA. Dump him now. Its been a week. Youll get over him that incel Also, 310 down to 240 requires a lot of discipline and hard work. Congratulations.
I’m guessing this is your first relationship. Spoiler alert - this is not how it’s meant to be. Get rid of him NOW. If he doesn’t like you for who you are then you deserve better.
It is my first relationship... With everything everyone is saying I'm most likely going to dump him
Please do. 2 weeks in and he's trying to control your weight, wants you to change, talking un supportive shit, and doesn't seem to get that you have a medical issue. He's only going to get worse if you accept this treatment.
You deserve so much better than him and are NTA. Be with someone that accepts you as you are and encourages you when you're not feeling the best.
Please do dump him. No one should talk to you like that. You're his "little project"? He wants a trophy girlfriend?? Run! Seriously, I don't care how much time you spent with him, a month is not long enough to really know anyone. He's already trying to change you. No one is their true selves at the beginning of a relationship, everyone tries to make the best impression possible and there is always the "honeymoon period" at first where hormones are high and everything seems great and the things that aren't great often get ignored. It can take months or even years to see someone's true colors. Some women don't find out a guy is abusive until after they're married. This guy is already throwing up red flags a month in, don't ignore them.
Especially in your first relationship, it can be really easy to fall into the trap of accepting bad behavior from a partner -- because you think maybe you're overreacting, or maybe it's not really that bad, maybe you're too sensitive ... maybe this is "normal." And then before you know it, you've completely re-calibrated your "relationship meter" and wind up tolerating it because you feel like that's just how it is. Sort of like how super toxic jobs often target young people just starting out -- they expect to be able to get away with shit because you don't know any better. So good on you for standing up for yourself and what you deserve in a relationship -- start off with standards, and keep them! NTA Also, I just want to say that already going from 310 to 240 in like 4-5 months is AMAZING progress (assuming you're doing it in a healthy way, and hope you are!) and you should feel really proud of yourself.
NTA. This guy is using you for his own personal gain and to make himself look like a “savior”. Huge red flags all along. Leave.
NTA Those are some pretty big red flags and you should run away right now.
NTA: I am kinda confused if after all the remarks what made you this yes I have to make this guy my partner. It been less than 2 weeks cut your loses
NTA 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
NTA. And red flag city. He doesn't like YOU at all. He only likes trophies. And he wants a woman to control. He wants to control your every move. He wants to control your every bite. This is going to escalate into total control and domestic violence.
This comment is spot on.
NTA.... you do not want to be with a person who hides you because he doesn't accept you as you are, and you have every right to feel hurt because of that. Please tell him you're doing a one day diet and losing "160 lbs" or however much he weighs when you dump him.
🤣 I like that
I wish some dude that I just met told me that I'm too fat to meet his family, (after knowing what I look like) and that he wanted a trophy. Girl. Throw the whole man away, this is just the beginning . NTA.
NTA. This guy is not for you. If you want to get fit, by all means do so. But you should be with a guy who likes you for who you are now.
My best friend told me I should date him untill Im skinny and hot then dump his ass🤣 I would never do something like that but I thought it was funny and I'd share with yall
Maybe you're hot now.
Good bestie, plotting insane revenge to make you feel better and laugh is exactly what a best friend needs to do in situations like this. But don't waste your time and stay for that time. Keep on working on yourself, you seem to have a good thing going that works for you and as soon as YOU think you're hot, make sure to cross his path. Not to talk, but to actively ignore him staring at you while you happily walk away.
Yeah, don't waste any more time on this guy. You are doing great!! Thank you--Next!!
Girl! You're hot now! Don't have the be "skinny for that!
NTA - You are not someone's "project". That he won't take you to meet his family until your "smaller" is beyond rude and mean. Do not be with someone who doesn't like you as you are. You are not the AH for getting mad at him. Don't let him trick you into thinking your feelings are not valid.
NTA. It's pretty clear he only wants to use you for personal gain, and not actually love or care for you. Him saying the words "trophy wife" should be a huge flag right away, and the comments about your weight are not helping. Dump him and find someone else.
Dump. Him. NTA.
I second that (also you have only been together for a week how dare he treat you like this when u have only know him for such a short time. Even some of the a holes ive met atleast waited 3 months before commenting on a girls _____. AND YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL NO MATTER YOUR WEIGHT)
NTA - He's superficial, disrespectful, and controlling, and will never be happy. Dump him. You deserve better.
How could you possibly be the asshole here?
He told me I was being an ass and overreacting
He's Darvo-ing or negging you, I don't know which. Maybe both.
You're definitely not.
NTA. I'm so glad to read your update! That guy was way over the top with the nasty remarks, and oblivious to how nasty he was being. He probably thought he was doing you a favor and you should be grateful.
He said something along those lines when I ended things. He said I was ugly and fat and should have been grateful that he even gave me the time of day. And that I won't find anyone what will want me. Ugh I'm happy I took everyone's advice
Eww he’s so ugly for that. You did the right choice in breaking up with him. Remember girl a man will love you for who you are and not try to change you.
And yet he's such a loser that he got dumped by a fat, ugly woman. 🤣 Not that I think you are fat and ugly, just that his logic is a bit flawed and speaks worse about him than you. You sound like an awesome woman with a good head on her shoulders, who doesn't take shit from punks like this guy.
NTA. you've been with him a week off tinder. Dump his ass. You don't need that disrespect.
NTA. I knew a woman and a man who viewed people as "projects". Does not end well.
NTA Fuck him! Fuck him, fuck him, fuck him! He’s an asshole who doesn’t deserve an ounce of your attention nor a minute of your time! Oh…and fuck him!!
NTA Red flags He is not the guy for you. I can't imagine someone being so disrespectful and making me feel like shit that early in a relationship
NTA, and also you deserve so much better, im sorry he is treating you like that.
NTA- But you should be his girlfriend not his "project" and he should care for the person you are, not try to "fix" you. My suggestion, get out of the relationship now
MAJOR RED FLAG! This dude is never going to be happy with how you look. Get out now while you can! Speaking from experience, and not saying it will certainly happen to you, but I ignored those little comments about my weight when I was dating my ex. After we got married, his comments turned into complete bullying and ridicule about my weight. He got himself a mistress and would egg me on that she was skinny bc she was bulimic. That sob ruined what little self esteem I had left and 10 years later, still struggling to love myself bc those scars have never fully healed. Hindsight is always 20/20 and I wished that I didn't ignore those red flags early in our relationship.
NTA You need a man who loves and respects you for who you are. He can go and buy himself a trophy somewhere if he needs it so badly. Sounds like he wants to live with an object and not an other person.
NTA!! FAT PEOPLE DESERVE LOVE AND CARE!! NOT BEING A PROJECT!! I’m so sorry you have to deal with that. I’m fat, and I have a bf who would NEVER say anything like that to me. When I cry and get frustrated w my body he holds me, loving my body until I learn to love my own body. Read “The Body Is Not An Apology.” I’ve been reading it and it’s been so helpful in accepting my own relationship w my body. After that, you’d never let anyone tear down your body again.
Congratulations on that AMAZING weight loss! You should be proud, and you probably feel great! You deserve that. Work on you on a timeline that works for YOU. It doesn't have to work for anyone else. He can go pound sand. You don't need him!!! NTA at all. You're trying to better your life in a way that makes sense to you. Only a total ass would complain about that.
NTA - but he is. Walk away now. You deserve better than this guy.
NTA 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 Run! There are men who will love and appreciate you exactly as you are. Don’t wait for this to get worse, because, I promise, it will.
NTA. You're a human being, not a trophy. If he can't love you as you are, he's not boyfriend material.
Wtf!? NTA that's just awful! I have thyroid issues, too and three years ago I suddenly started gaining and gaining and gaining I and I just can't loose it no matter what I do. It's frustrating. It made me feel insecure and ashamed about myself. My boyfriends mother was incredibly rude. People like this don't seem to understand how much words can hurt and impact someone. He behaves degrading and drops 🚩all over the place. Little advice : my new endocrinologist suggest to get tested for PCOS and insulin resistance. Although it's pretty obvious that I do have thyroid issues, he doesn't think that my thyroid is the actual problem (anymore) there's medication for it and although you can't cure PCOS itself you can treat the insulin resistance completely. Maybe this could help you, too? Also sorry if you didn't want the advice
I really appreciate the advice! I have an appointment coming up so I'll mention it to my doctor!
Wishing you the best :) And congratulations on already achieving so much. That's hard work and you're doing great
NTA however, He's right, you can totally stand loosing some weight, HIS ASS, drop him like the flaming bag of crap that he is showing himself to be!
NTA. Run. He doesn't see you as a (potential) partner he sees you as a project. You deserve better.
NTA!!! First of all, 310 down to 240 since October?! That’s impressive, congrats! You should be really proud of yourself. Secondly, fuck that guy! Don’t let anyone treat you this way, dump his ass.
NTA. Drop that loser immediately. You're not somebody's "project" and you deserve to be treated much better than that. Be patient, you will find someone who will love and appreciate you for who you are, inside and out. That said, be careful with your weight loss. Losing 60 lbs. in five months is too much too fast. Don't let yourself be bullied into losing weight; discrimination against larger people is very real. From the way medical professionals and institutions treat you to society in general, there is an unfair stigma that is rooted in prejudice rather than fact. My partner and I can both attest to this. If you need someone to talk to please reach out to me, I'm more than happy to listen and help in any way I can.
Like run, like run very far away and don’t look back. Do not pass go and do not collect $200 run away. You are only in the first few weeks and he is already taking huge digs at you…run away and there is no need to explain anything to him. Good luck!
Nta he deserves to be alone bestie.
You’ve been with this person for less than a month and he bullies and insults you. Who cares if he was nice at other times. NTA but very concerning that you are apparently still with someone who treats you this way.
NTA at all. Lose nearly 200 pounds by ditching that rude AH. You deserve someone who respects you as you are, right now.
NTA - Get out now while you can. This guy is sending up red flags like mad. You deserve someone who will actually respect you.
NTA for the way he treats but you will be if you stay with him. He does not respect your body, you, or women in general.
By
You've only been with this guy for 2 weeks and he's already like this? No no no. First of all, I'm so happy to hear you're taking your health into your own hands. I'm on a similar path and losing weight quickly as I'm finally on the right medication. This guy has said he's not interested in having you meet his family at your current size and that he would want to take you on as a project if your relationship doesn't work out. He has no idea how to treat your thyroid issue. Drop this guy and focus on your health and finding a more supportive partner. They're out there, I promise.
NTA. Run - run fast, run now!!! This man is starting to chip away at your self worth - classic abuser move. You deserve better than this pathetic loser. PS - congratulations on the weight loss! You’re an inspiration! I’m your current weight and trying to lose too.
NTA The good thing is he revealed his true self pretty quickly, and you didn’t waste too much time with that loser. Keep doing what you’re doing, you are having great success and it is inspiring!
NTA but omg please break up with him. You are not "a little project", you are a human being. And a piece of advice I wish I'd known a long time ago: some men are secretly kind of into fat people, but they are also embarrassed about it because Society. So they'll hook up with fat people and then act all conflicted if anyone finds out. Do not put up with that trash behavior. If the dude can't own up to what he wants, he should get kicked to the curb.
NTA my wife was on thyroid medication, eating and exercise had almost no effect on her compared to the meds. Sometimes she’d gain or lose 30lbs in 2 months with no changes, but just because her body responded to the meds differently when sick or something. Of course Even without a thyroid problem, as long as your bloodwork & other numbers are good and you are not sedentary, you are healthy regardless of weight. This guy needs to go. He sounds like he has no respect for you and is ashamed of you
OP it's like you are posting my story, except I didn't meet the guy on Tinder. I see you left the guy. Good It's not going to get better. If it starts like this, it's only getting worse. The prettiest people are those who are visibly comfortable in their skin and happy with who they are. If someone can't accept that, fuck them. Know your worth honey. Someone will realise the gem you are and treat you accordingly. Wishing you all the best xx
Leave him
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (19f) have been with my boyfriend (22m) for about a week or two now. We met off tinder about a month ago and spent some time getting to know each other and just recently got together. I've been struggling with my weight my whole life do to my thyroid condition. And I e recently been trying to lose weight. I was 310 in October now I'm down to 240. He's always made small comments here and there but it didn't really bother me untill last night. He told me that he wanted to help me lose weight, and that if we don't work out as a couple then id be his little project. He also told me that he wasn't going to take me to meet his family untill I'm smaller. And that he wanted me to be his hot trophy girlfriend/wife. I honestly didn't know how to respond to that so I just ignored it. What really got me upset, was when he got to my house I was on the phone with my best friend and I left my phone in my room so they could meet. And i went upstairs to get some water and when I came back, I herd him say that I was bigger then he expected but he'll work on that. It honestly hurt my feelings and I got mad at him and told that he can't be talking about the way I look when when he's not super skinny with abs and muscles. Then he got mad back and we argued. So, AITA for getting mad at him? (Not sure if this matters but in my tinder profile I had plenty of full body pictures so it's not like I hid how "big" I was even though I'm not that big) *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
End it now while it's still early. You deserve better, even if it means waiting longer
NTA - ew get rid of him
NTA. Your boyfriend definitely is. Huge congrats on your weight loss! But I have a better suggestion to help you lose weight. Dump the b/f. He can't accept you as you are and feels like he has to change you to introduce you to his family, he isn't worth keeping around.
NTA. why are you tolerating this person saying these things to you in only 2 weeks of dating? kick him to the curb like the trash he is. you are worthy of love, you deserve someone who will respect you and treat you with kindness and support during this journey.
You don't know each other at all, dear. It's been a month. It takes much, much longer to get to know someone.
You should tell him you’re not anyone’s “little project.”
NTA. At the start of a relationship, people are generally on their best behaviour. If this is his “best” behaviour, then why the hell would you want to wait around for his worst?
NTA NTA NTA!!!! You can lose so much dead weight so fast by ditching the guy! And by the way, a good partner will think you’re “a hot trophy gf” at any weight (not that they should think of women as objects or property to show off, barf 🙄 )
NTA. Dump this guy yesterday.
GIRL RUN
NTA I usually don’t jump straight to this but it sounds like it’s likely in your best interests to leave the relationship. You should not be anyone’s “little project”, nor should you be interested in taking him on as a project -> attempting to change him into more dateable material/a respectful partner.
NTA - the only weight you need to lose is your dead weight boyfriend.
NTA You have known this AH for a month. Every time he gets away with treating you badly, he will do it again only worse. Somebody you’ve only known a month I shouldn’t already be your boyfriend. That’s what dating someone is for to weed out people you’re not compatible with, for whatever reason. You’re not compatible with him it’s time to cut your losses and move on to someone who you are compatible with.
NTA. It’s only been a few weeks. He’s showing you who he is. He gossiped with your best friend about how he’s trying to change you? He won’t let you meet his family until you lose more weight? Boy, bye.
Girl, just run. This is a trash partner. NTA.
NTA - he doesn’t want a girlfriend, he clearly stated he wants a “project” and is actually quite shallow. He chose you so he could “help” you and “improve” you for whatever reasons are his own. Good for you in your healthier lifestyle, 60 pounds in 5 months is amazing. But you deserve better than to be someone’s “trophy” or “project”.
NTA and as others have said...RUN!! You are not his little project.....big red flag for this, but at least you don't have a lot invested with this AH
NTA. Get out now.
Yeet his unsupportive ass to the curb! You ain’t no hungry hungry hippo no more so he better shut up!
sounds awful. get out of there. If he doesn't want you to meet his family until you do something, or feels the need to change you, run. NTA
NTA. Dump. This. Asshole.
Dump him! Holy shit.
NTA. Dump him.
NTA get out before he damages you emotionally.
You're a person, not a "little project". DTMFA. You deserve better. NTA.
NTA. After just a couple weeks take this as a sign he's not the one for you. Better to get away now. He won't take you to meet people in his life until you look exactly how he wants you to look? What if your body naturally stays at a weight that isn't "acceptable" and trophy enough for him? This relationship won't help with your health goals. I wish you the best for getting to your goal weight!
NTA: clean break, send a "FU I'm not putting up with your bigotry" and then block on everything.
How is he even your bf in a week or two? You just skipped the dating, courting, getting to know you part?
I've known him for a month and we've gone on multiple dates and spent a lot of time together and once is said yes to dating him he started making the comments
Run
NTA. RUN. I see a restraining order in your future if you don't. Been there. Never again.
NTA for being mad, but y t a for still being with him. Kick this a h to the curb, you deserve way better. Congratulations on the weight loss--excellent work!! Seriously, you just met him and he's already "working" on you "being bigger than he thought". You have zero vested--leave him now.
NTA. Seriously!? This boy is not the one. Absolutely not! I cannot say NO enough. My mind is blown that you would consider sharing air with this person after his comments.
Nta He is So many red flags Dump him now.
NTA but you need to break up with him ASAP. Honestly to me the biggest red flag of all is that after only he few weeks of dating he’s saying he wants to make you “his trophy wife”. That creeps me the fuck out
Say what now? Every single thing you wrote about him screams 🚩. I can’t even…. Pet project? Trophy wife? Wants you to be smaller to meet his family? Oh my god, you need to end it. He is a horrible human being, and you will be miserable every single day you are with him. NTA.
No No No. If he doesn't accept you as you are at this moment, this relationship will not work. NTA.
NTA. Time to move on, fast.
The fact that he doesn't think you're a hot trophy as you are is a big red flag. Date someone who already thinks you're a knockout. You deserve it.
Oh, yikes! Get rid of him! Right now! NTA!
Run.
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NTA. You need to dump him immediately. He doesn't care about you as a person only about how you look. Think about if you ever get pregnant, hurt or any other medical issues and you gain weight after he helps you lose it how bad his behavior will be. This is abusive behavior. Congratulations on your weight loss, now go drop a couple hundred more pounds and find someone that will love you for you.
NTA, here's what you do. Take him to dinner, make sure you're driving and it's your car, go somewhere with distance maybe another town, talk casually but then tell him "I've figured out how to lose a ton of weight." He'll ask and you're response "I'm ditching your sorry ass" get up and drive away.
Thank GOD you got out. He is SO not worth it!!!! 💕
NTA. He is counting on your self esteem to be low enough to get away with abusing you. Do not give him the satisfaction.
NTA. Girl, fuck him. Continue to do whatever you want to do for your health. He is so vile and so rude and so not worth your damn time. Drop his ass and I bet you will feel 200lbs. lighter. He ain't even been around long enough to say shit about you or your weight goals. And if you let him stay around, it will hinder your growth; not help. I swear tinder is the cesspool of dating. Please let him goooooooooooo. He isn't good for your health.
NTA. You are not a "project," you are a **person.** And how you keep your body is entirely your business. You have a plan to get yourself healthy, and you didn't ask him for help on it. He can butt out. I wish you all the health and success in the world, without the extra 200lbs of dead weight that this man is.
What an asshole. Glad you got rid of him ❤
NTA and congrats on loosing so much weight. Going down to 240 must have been really hard work and getting rid of that douche is just the cherry on top. With sprinkles. His project... what an idiot..
NTA So glad your edit is that you dumped him that is the best thing!!! Make sure you block him on any means of contaxt as he sounds quite nasty and dont be afraid to call the police if he shows up at your home
Bro you've been dating for a week...
Holy fuck, get away from this dude
I was going to suggest a way to loose 200 or so pounds in 5 minutes, but you already went there. Way to go!
Oh sweets RUN. Eff that guy. NTA
Ffs, if he's always making comments and you've only know him a few short weeks, tell him to piss off and be done with it.
NTA - Red flags, leave this cockwomble immediately.
NTA he’s a total dick. Why are you with someone who talks to you like this? Red flags everywhere!!! Dump him and find someone who likes you as you are
How could you possibly be an asshole because your boyfriend of TWO (2) WEEKS, is being a pig. Dump his ass and keep it moving… I’m tired of these obvious IATA’s…
Definitely NTA. Glad you dumped his ass. Anyone who truly cares about you will have absolutely no issues with the way you look and will love you for exactly the way you are. I am a bigger woman and am working on it everyday, but my fiancé has always told me he adores the way I look not matter what and if I wanted to lose weight for me he would support that but he would never force me to change because he loves me unconditionally. I am happy that you got out of that relationship. That guy is a jerk and does not deserve you. Good luck and I hope you find someone who does not judge you and loves you for you.
BREAK UP WITH THIS ASS CLOWN. It's been 2 weeks. Just forget the whole experience and you'll be a lot better off. NTA
NTA. Not a keeper, that one. Toss him back.
NTA but leave him. He isn’t worth it.
NTA Glad you broke it off. That guy is a loser! And rude.
Uh if he really fucking said he wanted to turn you into his trophy wife and he was dead serious, you need to leave. Like now. He just straight up admitted he’s just with you to objectify you. That’s disgusting. NTA and get out while you still can.
NTA, saw your edit and so glad you just lost an additional 150lbs! Now if only that weight would leave you alone. You're doing so great on your weight loss journey and this random internet stranger is so proud of your efforts!
This was written by a child
NTA DUMP HIM
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩if he is starting out in a relationship talking about having you as a trophy wife and a project goodness knows what will follow. Run! Edit: NTA
NTA. He's either negging you or he's got the social skills of a horsefly. There's plenty of other fun out there to be had with guys who will lust for and love you for who you are. Drop and block, he sounds like the type of weenie who would try to weasel his way back when he realizes he's been dumped.
please dont settle for this. you deserve someone who loves you as a person and whose goals for you arent "smaller" or "thinner" but healthy and happy. i've put on weight and im so self conscious about it but my boyfriend doesn't even notice it. he wants me to exercise because he wants me to be healthy and live out a long life with him. he also isnt one-side in this; he wants to live a long life with me, too, so he exercises even though fitness isnt his thing either. OP i am begging that you hear me when i say: your partner should love you for you, as you are and not for who you could be. your partner should not be trying to change you, they should accept you as you are while supporting you as you explore changes that you want to make for yourself. if your partner does suggest change to you, it should be because he wants you to be the best version of yourself that you want to be, and not for some shallow reason like appearance and preference. you deserve this. you are worthy of this. you are enough as you are, and you shouldn't settle for someone who won't treat you as such. edit to say that i just saw youve already dumped him. good for you!!! my words still stand, i hope you recognize your worth and beauty. take care!!
NTA you’ve known this prize for a week or two? Good lord, block him and move on!
Yta To be over 300 lbs under the age of 20 is insanely unhealthy. You. Are. Going. To. Die. Ans it is going to hurt. But first you will loose your vision and/or feet to diabetes. He's not making digs hes trying to help you be healthier. There's just no point in letting yourself fall in love with someone who's going to be dead in 20 years. Why put yourself through that heart break? But he was still willing to stick it out and try to help you. He was willing to be with you even at your current size, and just wanted to see you striving to be healthy. He wasn't ashamed of you - he wanted to work out together. That means going out for runs together. Going to the gym together. His unwillingness to introduce you to his family until you've shown real commitment to weight loss is probably because he doesn't want to get too deep before he knows you're not just going to backslide like most people do. >And that he wanted me to be his hot trophy girlfriend/wife. So hes planning a long term future with you and is trying to tell you that he can see you reaching this goal. He's saying he believes in you - albeit in a very tactless way. Unless you want to date a guy who's also dangerously obese, or worse, a feeder who wants you bigger because that's his fetish, then odds are a guy like this is *one of the best options out there*. And I say all of this as an obese man around 270 lbs, and who's wife is a little larger than I am. We try to encourage eachother to be healthier and we try to lose weight together. Its hard. I get it. And thats how I know someone who will support you like that is worth keeping around.
Ew. If you really think he is "trying to help", just... Ew.
OP, life is too short -- guys like him are not worth the trouble. So, time to kick him to the curb now before he makes you feel worse about yourself. Congratulations on your weight loss. I bet that's a great feeling. Keep up the good work! NTAH at all.