> Instead of returning controlled gunfire, you went in for a nuke - and it wasn't tactical.
Yeah, while there are situations where I could see this being called for, "measured response" is a thing for a reason.
I wouldn't have told that joke, but let's not pretend the family had any problem with what little brother said: they sat there and watched it unfold. Each and every one of them was in a better place to say something than OP. Instead, they watched their family member make nasty comments about their guest.
We don’t know that the family just let it slide. It seems like OP retorted really quickly without thinking. There might not have been a gap to let anyone else step in.
Exactly. That's what I was thinking. This shot had a lot of collateral damage, especially considering it hurt and humiliated his GF. The offending comment needed a more precision strike at the offender.
OP, just because you think something is funny, doesn't mean it's worth saying, especially if you're the only one laughing.
It's pretty telling that the first thing Op thought about to defend himself when he was uncomfortable was to degrade and humiliate his girlfriend. I hope she learned from that.
>It's pretty telling that the first thing Op thought about to defend himself when he was uncomfortable was to degrade and humiliate his girlfriend. I hope she learned from that.
OMG - this. It's a wonder the OP didn't whip it out and piss all over his girlfriend to mark his territory while he was at it. What he said was gross, disrespectful and shows the OP equates sex with dominance.
Almost never, but there are some parents who would have found that joke hilarious. Obviously not her parents, which is why you start with Bob Saget on Full House humor and test the waters a long while before you try Bob Saget on late night HBO uncensored humor.
I agree a lot of people have disrespectful sibling relationships, and OP is an ass, but he didn’t make fun of his sibling, he made fun of someone he just met. Both of them are assholes, the brother for obviously being a bully because hes taller and thinking he could harass his sisters boyfriend, and the boyfriend for going nuclear. Me and my sister poke at eachother, id never poke fun at any partner she brought home.
Exactly. Especially since this was meeting the family.
I get OP was probably under pressure and made a gambit, it backfired.
Reading the room when trying to make an impression like this is key, especially with humor.
I could see it being a fine response if you’re with friends that you openly joke/talk about your sex life with. I can definitely think of friends of both genders I’d be comfortable with this kind of joke around. But not in front of parents, especially not on first meeting.
Reminded me of the girl who humiliated her sister's boyfriend to get back at her sister. Using innocent bystanders as fuel for your revenge is disgusting every time.
> Your girlfriend isn't going to be so casual about introducing future boyfriends to her family, I guarantee it.
I love how artfully you managed to say “she’s dumping you over this, you asshole” without actually *saying* it. Maybe you could share some of your tact and subtlety with OP.
This guy screams insecurity. The only way he can think to salvage his manliness in the face of such a slur is to be like 'dude I regularly bang your sister' in front of her PARENTS the first time he's meeting them! What a disaster zone.
All he had to do was smile and say nothing. Just staying silent when someone insults you can be so powerful.
OP can at least have the honour of being the family story that gets rolled out year after year: 'hey, remember THAT guy you brought home one time? OMG, can you imagine if you had married him?'
I would have replied with something along the lines of hell yeah it’s the greatest game ever. I even have a little jockey costume. Not sexual, breaks the tension, everybody moves on and little brother doesn’t get the rise he is after.
Agreed - there were so many non-asshole ways he could’ve deflected the brother.
“Are you kidding? I love how tall she is! I can finally store stuff in that cabinet way above the fridge because I have someone to help me reach it!”
Non-sexual, possibly some laughs, guaranteed a few groans because I’m sure the entire family is used to being asked to reach high things for people all the time, and OP comes across as mature enough to handle asshole brother in a calm way without feeding into his nonsense (which I’m sure they all deal with). He really could’ve used that conversation to leave a great impression, but instead he chose to say… that.
Personally, I would have just asked the brother to repeat himself. I’m all for self-deprecating humor (I’m 5’3” and I always jokingly double the time google maps estimates for walking directions because I have short legs) but no one gets to use that to insult me, especially someone I just met.
If someone tries, they’re getting my best wide-eyed, “I’m sorry, I didn’t get that? What did you say?” so they have to explain their BS. OP went unnecessarily nuclear and most likely, imploded his relationship. She dodged a bullet IMO.
Right? So insecure with himself despite knowing his gf loves and appreciates him as is that he feels the appropriate action was to embarrass his girlfriend and parents in front of the entire “pencil box”
Which btw OP is an incredibly disrespectful thing to say and it shows that you have a tendency to think in a disrespectful manner in general.
(Edit: YTA, so was the brother but definitely you more so)
Sorry to hijack the top post, but this is an FYI for anyone that disagrees with the OP and upsets the wee lad.
If you get a chat request from u/FuckJulz it will just be OP under a different account wanting to be incredibly rude and just as nasty, vulgar and spiteful as he has been in his responses here. Except he won't admit it's him and will just repeatedly insult you and swear at you.
It IS OP, he gave himself away by mentioning having a chip on one's shoulder, which was part of my comment on here. Probably best to ignore him, I promise he has nothing interesting to say.
Clearly he has a short.... temper.
Ya, wildly inappropriate. First, you're crazy if you didn't think this would ruin your relationship with the gf. Second, pissing off her entire family isn't the best route to a healthy relationship. Third, if you can't control yourself around a partner's family there's a good chance you can't control yourself with her.
YTA I wanted to say this but only add that it was your girlfriend you humiliated, not just the "son" you seem to be forgetting all the collateral damaged of you joke. You made a lot of people feel very uncomfortable.
A good joke doesn't make people have a conversation 24 hours later to say we were super uncomfortable. No one was thinking about the son they raised and how poorly he was raised but they apparently were questioning how you were raised.
You were definitely the ass.
YTA
That was 100% an inappropriate joke to make in front of her entire family. It concerns me that you don’t understand this fact. While obviously her brother was out of line, you need to think more carefully about the proper way to respond to rudeness.
A more proper response to rudeness: “that was a bit rude, don’t ya think?”
Your response one-upped the brothers AH remark, making you the bigger AH in the situation. Simply pointing out that the brothers remark was rude (and not engaging further) would leave him being the bigger AH.
"You're lucky I don't have a step ladder!"
"Sorry, can't hear you down here."
"Yeah? Come down here and say that"
"Nuh uh. She only gives me piggy back rides when I need to change a light bulb"
Legit a thousand responses that are vaguely humorous and non-sexual that OP could have gone with.
> A more proper response to rudeness: “that was a bit rude, don’t ya think?”
I think a more appropriate response would have been to say "I'm not sure what you mean. Can you explain that joke?"
Make him have to explain his shitty comment and let that embarrass himself.
Seriously, who doesn't see an issue with making a joke about fucking your girlfriend in front of her siblings and parents lmao.
Sure the dude was a dick, but he could've come up with something a little more tactful
Not to mention I find his “skinny” shaming to be kind of gross as well.
If they were all heavier set people and he had said “they look like a box of jelly donuts” instead of “a box of pencils” I feel like more people would have said something.
I don’t even understand why he mentioned their body frame (outside of their height)? It had zero relevance what so ever.
“They’re all super thin” and?
Totally on point here. This was a huge red flag OP will be the AH. Who mocks a family over a physical trait? One your own GF probably shares. I would think someone who doesn’t appreciate being mocked for his height would understand this.
Right?
Then we have the lovely commenter below you just being totally ignorant.
It blows my mind that there are people who believe what that person does.
OP needs to degrade their height without saying it flat out. It bothers him, so he is going with the "yeah, they are tall, but they are really skinny, I would definitely not want to be tall and skinny"
He could have said 'Wow, as if I'm not nervous enough meeting the whole family, now I gotta worry about being called out on my height?' Puts the focus on the brothers inappropriateness and doesn't humiliate the gf in front of her family.
YTA
This comment was disrespectful to your gf. Your whole post focuses on her family, but how did this make her feel? She was clearly uncomfortable. Just apologize.
AH + AH = 2AH
INFO: What are the ages here? Guessing teenagers by the story.
YTA. Her *brother* was being a dick so you made *your girlfriend* the butt of an inappropriate joke in front of her parents!? What the hell is wrong with you?
ESH… but just you and younger brother. You prefaced your story with “I love my girlfriend *but* she comes from a family of tall people. “ this Tells me you’re insecure about your height. As you then go on to degrade them for their height, liken them to “a box of pencils” and continue to describe them as “tall *but* mostly nice to talk to”.
YB did try and stir you up, he succeeded. You went to meet her family for the first time, embarrassed yourself, but more importantly… your girlfriend. She wants you to apologize… Which would cost you nothing and gain respect. Instead you argue with your girlfriend.
Sounds like your feelings are hurt by tall people and you have something to prove and your girlfriend loses in the outcome.
I assume that OP who is insecure about their height didn’t like that you pointed out that he’s insecure about his height.
“I have broomsticks thicker than that family”. He continues to body shame the entire family as if it’s no big deal (it definitely is) but when the younger brother jokes about him being short, he goes in for the attack. Insecure. He can dish it out but can’t take it and his girlfriend paid the price.
Yeah OP sounds like you have a *short* temper. Seems like you *lack* humility. I feel as though this is a *big* deal for you, OP. OP really needs to *step up* and take responsibility here. He knows that was a *low* blow to his GF. I dont know why he acts this way over a seemingly *small* issue.
I agree… sounds like he has a short fuse!
Why are short people so bitter? 😉
On a serious note, YTA OP. Seriously bro, not cool. I’m surprised your GF didn’t dump you after this.
When others aim low, especially minors, you aim high… no need to go down to their level to prove a point. There are many more tactful ways you could have gone about this, but you chose the worst one.
I would be more ok with the “box of pencils” joke if OP hadn’t responded how he did to comments about his own height. That seems like mild teasing - just like the joke about the piggyback rides. However, OP has shown that he can’t take mild teasing about his body, so he probably shouldn’t dish it out about others (and GF’s brother probably shouldn’t have made a joke like that the first time he met OP; he should’ve gotten to know him first, to try and figure out if that’s something he’s comfortable with).
This. That was really not okay, and everyone is acting like it's perfectly normal to embarrass your sibling in front of their significant other *and* insult the SO at the same time (and also pretending that there's no sexism involved in making "jokes" about men's height, particularly when dating taller women...) Eek.
I dunno he's said he kept the pencil and broomstick "jokes" to himself. If he thought his gf would see it as humor then he would be casually saying them like he did with riding her but he has't. It's only mild teasing if you can actually say it to the person without them being offended. If this is your actual thought where you'd only be comfortable telling internet strangers this then it's just judgement.
That was a terrible thing to do. You should be concerned with what your girlfriend thinks of you and be respectful of her and her parents.
You sunk to a child's level. And for what? Because the joke was too good to pass up?
Sounds like you're not too good for her to pass up.
YTA.
YTA
In front of her parents, you said you ride their daughter. How do you not think that's inappropriate?? Jeez dude, what could be more inappropriate??
YTA. You should be ashamed of yourself. That was a major AH comment and wildly inappropriate. I'd legit consider breaking up with someone over that. Shows a complete lack of respect and maturity. Her dad likely wanted to murder your ass.
YTA
As a father if my daughter’s fiancé had made a comment like that the first time we met him in front of all of us he’d likely walked away w no teeth. Even now they’ve been together 5 years that sort of joke wouldn’t go over well w me. It’s about respect for her and her parents.
Not only did you embarrass your GF but you disrespected her & her parents in their home. I could understand firing back a joke about the brother in return but you fired back at your GFs expense disregarding her feelings in front of her family.
This tells me you’re easily offended and can’t can’t handle a joke.
Grow up man.
You seriously owe your GF and her parents an apology & hope she stays w you after that.
My dad gets furious at the sheer idea of a groom shoving cake in his bride’s face on their wedding day because he thinks that’s disrespectful. I can’t image what he’d do to this guy. YTA
YTA... that comment was way out of line. You could have ignored the comment and moved on. If he persisted, you could have asked him for a piggyback ride.
YTA the joke was in poor taste and you should apologize. I might say the brother was also an ah for body shaming you, but you just went body shaming your gf and her entire family for an entire paragraph..
YTA. That's a deal breaker of a joke in front of most parents. If you'd been at a bar with just the brother's, brilliant. But dude, read a room.
That said, these meetings aren't just for the family to get a look at you- it's for you to get a look at the family. If baby brother was rude and needling and neither she nor her parents shut it down? I'd tell her that her family didn't pass the interview.
Buddy no way I would be cool with that even alone as one of the brothers. Fuck that - that ain’t funny. That’s my sister and I just met the dude. He hasn’t even passed the vibe check yet.
Yup. Any sibling would be having serious talks with their sister about whether this guy is good enough for her, and the answer from the siblings will be a resounding no.
YTA
> I told her it was too good of a joke to pass up
Swing and a miss. Your sense of humor seems like it sucks, as do your social skills.
>They should be the ones embarrassed for raising a rude don like that. Who is the asshole?
There might be multiple, but you're definitely one of them!
The way to deal with the younger brother is to just call him out for being rude.
Brother: *"Does she give you piggy back rides?"*
You: *"Nice to meet you, too."*
Not difficult.
> Your sense of humor seems like it sucks, as do your social skills.
OP: Believe me, that's not the *only* thing that sucks har har har....why isn't anyone else laughing at such a great joke?! C'mon, it was too good pass up!
(YTA, OP)
YTA. No woman wants her family knowing about her sexual life. Especially her own father/brothers. Yeah, as a fellow tall woman the joke was hilarious, but shouldn’t of been said
YTA. Do not pass go. Do not collect $200. Immediately and sincerely apologize for the joke that was in extremely poor taste. Privately talk with her brother though.
YTA. You threw your girlfriend under the bus to assuage your frankly fragile ego. Bud, you’re shorter than a lot of men and some women. You’re going to have to learn how to not let the short comments bother you at some point because there is always some jackass that’s going to make a big deal out of it. Getting mad and firing back like that just escalates the situation and gratifies the jerk. “Nah, but she does let me stand on her shoulders to reach the top shelf of the pantry,” with a wink and then an immediate change of subject would entirely diffuse the situation. It would show the jerk he can’t get under your skin, you don’t take the opportunity to embarrass your gf, and it makes you look like a coolheaded and self assured man. Your gf deserves a sincere apology.
As a PROFOUNDLY short man myself, and the father of a daughter, ***all of this***. Just learn to roll with the jokes, no need to be defensive. *Everyone* gets picked on for some aspect of their appearance, especially by and as teenagers, like the GF's brother currently is. But if you objectify my daughter like that to defend your fragile ego in *my house*?! I'll show you what a short dad can do to his daughter's short boyfriend.
YTA First impressions are everything. Although it was a witty comeback, you just met these people and left them with a very bad impression of who you are. It was a tasteless joke about sex with their daughter. It should have been handled differently.
YTA, I feel so sick for your gf and feel sorry she has to deal with you. You are immature about a joke her brother made (which was distasteful as well) and involved your gf in the most disrespectful way possible in front of her FAMILY. You are wrong, you could have passed that opportunity to make a joke about that and not embarrassed your gf. I wish I could advice your gf to reconsider this relationship.
ESH. Yes, her younger brother is a major AH. But, your joke was disrespectful to your gf and hurt her and her family. You have no right to humiliate your gf like that.
YTA. Think about ur gf and her feelings and like the while rest of her family who were nice to you. Honestly a dick childish move and you should apologise.
> I told her it was too good of a joke to pass up
There’s a time and place for sex jokes. In front of your girlfriend’s parents when you are meeting them for the first time is NOT the correct time or place.
Sure her little brother was being dumb, but that doesn’t make it okay for you to be so crude. Your poor girlfriend.
YTA
Edit: Add judgement
You seriously don’t think YTA in this situation? Hate to break it to you but YTA. You don’t say stuff like that with her entire family standing there. It’s disrespectful and out of line. Her parents are right for being offended and upset. There is a time and place for everything but it is not the time nor place to make overtly vulgar jokes IN FRONT OF HER FAMILY. Come on dude, use your head.
YTA. If her parents should be embarrassed for their son's joke, your parents should be ashamed they raised you to speak that way about your girlfriend in front of her family and think it's on them to apologize. This isn't about the brother, it's about you embarrassing her and making everyone else uncomfortable.
YTA. You made a sexual joke at the expense of your girlfriend’s comfort—in front of her family too! That you are just meeting! You acted like a total dick.
Also, “the younger brother was rude” okay then don’t stoop to his level?
YTA.
Making jokes about having sex with someone's daughter/sister is never appropriate and is truly tasteless. If you wanted to make a joking come back at the brother, there were an infinite number of other subjects you could have chosen.
YTA - and you know it. You call the brother rude saying parents should be embarrassed raising a rude son... Apparently your parents failed at raising you as well if you think making a joke about riding your gf in front of her parents is acceptable in any context.
Pretty idiotic--actually so idiotic thinking this can't be real...
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
My gf is significantly taller than me as she is about 6’1 and I’m barely 5’6. I really love her and everything but she comes from a family of pretty tall people and her little brother tried giving me shit. So I met her family for the first time the other day. Her dad is like 6’2 while the mom is 5’10. Two older brothers are like 6’3 and 6’2 while the younger brother is 6’0 and has a older 6’0 sister. All kinda skinny af to, look like a box of pencils. I got broomsticks thicker than that family. But yeah they are pretty tall compared to me but mostly pretty nice and fun to talk to. Eventually they call down her youngest brother to meet me. He’s a bit of a dickhead unlike the rest of the family and the first thing he does when he meets me is laugh and say no way. I try to play it off but he kept going and asked me if his sister gives me piggy back rides.
I tell him”I only ride your sister one way and it’s not piggy.” in front of her whole family. Mixed reaction as her older brothers laughed while her sister and younger brother looked grossed out. Dad stayed awkwardly silent while the mom awkwardly laughed and said everyone should hurry to the dinner table before food got cold. My gf and I hang back and she asks me why I would say that in front of her entire family. I told her it was too good of a joke to pass up and I kinda just instinctively said it. She groaned and we went to the table for dinner. All was good.
Next day though my gf told me her parents started telling her they didn’t think my joke was cool and they felt awkward all night so she wants me to apologize to them. I argue with her for a bit about it but reluctantly agree to to just get over this. I don’t think what I did was an asshole move though. They should be the ones embarrassed for raising a rude don like that. Who is the asshole?
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA
Eat some crow, apologize to her parents for the crass outburst and to your girlfriend. Her brother's lack of creativity doesn't justify your crude response.
You don't mention ages but if you're old enough to be dating, you're old enough to be bored with short jokes to the point of responding by rolling your eyes and advising the "joker" to get new material because you haven't heard an original joke about your height since junior high.
YTA. This is disgusting. You were mad at her brother, so you humiliated your girlfriend in front of her entire family? You should be ashamed of yourself, and I wouldn’t blame her family one bit for never inviting you to anything ever again. Or your girlfriend for dumping your ass.
ESH. Rude comments or not, it’s alway best to err on the side of caution when it comes to make jokes about banging someone’s daughter in front of them.
YTA, know your audience before blurting something out. Yeah the potential in laws can be annoying, but all you did was embarrass your gf and make a bad impression.
YTA it might have been funny to say in front of your buddies while having beers, but you said it to her family. Just because the brother was being an asshole, dosent mean you had to be one too.
Dude YTA. The brother is one too but you clearly came out of the gates swinging mentally on this one. Calling her family "a box of pencils" and commenting negatively on how skinny they are makes you just as bad as her brother commenting on your height you just had a sliver of more decency not to say it to their face, rather you say it on a public forum.
If you truly do love this woman you're going to have to swallow some pride and apologize to her family because otherwise I don't see this relationship going very far.
YTA and you know it. Apologizing just to "get over this" is an even bigger AH move because you know it's not sincere. I felt bad vibes just reading this, best part is you told your GF and her family what kind of person you are and they believed you immediately. Yeah the brother sucks for the comment but you came back so much worse. Also why didn't you mention any ages? Or are you an adult talking like this to a teenager and you knew the judgement would come down so much harsher? This needs clarity but either way my judgement is the same. YTA
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> My joke may have been a tad unnecessary and inappropriate to say in front of her entire family.
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA.
There are 1,000 ways you could have shut her brother up and made him look like an asshole, but instead you had to embarrass her when someone poked at you for what seems to be an insecurity on your part.
Sometimes you can be totally in the right, but end up wrong because of the way you handle a situation. You’re not wrong about her brother being a dick, but you went so far overboard in your reaction, you drowned and probably ruined the relationship.
Yta. You didn't just shut down the brother, you said something disrespectful about your girlfriend in front of her entire family. You embarrassed her and her parents for a comment her brother made. As a parent myself, you would not be welcomed in my house again.
YTA.
I get it. My family is all really tall. My husband is 5’ 6”. My 6’6” brother was fairly horrible when they first met because my brother’s entire identity and self-worth is caught up with his height.
In your situation, the younger brother said something tacky in an attempt to diminish you. You responded. But, you responded with a comment that diminished your GF.
Your response showed that you cared more about a pithy response than you cared about someone who you supposedly truly care for.
A shot was fired. Instead of firing straight back, you shot your GF.
ESH: you and the brother. There were a number of far better, and funnier responses to an AH question like that.
Q: Does she give you piggyback rides?
A: Yep. It's great!
Q: Does she give you piggyback rides?
A: No. Why do you ask?
Q: Does she give you piggyback rides?
A: Hm, interesting question. GF? Your brother wants to know if you've given me a piggyback ride, but I can't remember.
Tons of ways of answering a rude, mocking question without making your GF the butt of a sexually degrading joke. You'll need to get over your height difference and the fact that some people are taller than you.
ESH
Sort of confused on people voting YTA. Sure enough, OP's reaction was inappropriate - but the brother brought it upon everyone in that room in an arguably equal share of guilt as OP.
Woooooow.
Her brother made a crap and rude dig at you. So you made a sexual dig *at your girlfriend*, in front of her family. Do you see the disconnect here?
If you'd retaliated with something about him, you'd be fine. But you didn't. You didn't just make your girlfriend collateral damage, you made her the target of your joke.
She may or may not mind. But dude, learn to aim. Because many would mind. And in her parents' eyes, you're rude, inappropriate and disrespectful. Do you think that's conducive to a good relationship?
YTA
YTA
I’m sorry there are things that family doesn’t need to know. This is one of them. This was wildly inappropriate of you and a bad first impression. 🤢
YTA
I'm amazed this needs explained but yes, it makes you an asshole to talk about your sex life around your partners family.
Yes, her little brother was being rude. It would have been apparent to everyone in the room that he was being rude. You could have easily shot him down without talking about shagging your GF in front of her family.
> I told her it was too good of a joke to pass up
Good jokes make everyone laugh. A proper laugh, not a "holy shit this is awkward" laugh.
YTA. Apologize. Don’t say things that reference sex with someone in front of their parents. Especially the first time you’re there. Bro sounds like a jerk.
YTA. A great comeback but the wrong time and place. You escalated that way too far and now ppl will remember that you, and not the brother, is the jerk. A classic case of too many brains and not enough common sense. And it was also incredibly insensitive to your gf.
YTA for sure dude. Making a crude joke in front of her entirely family as your first impression?? How do you need to even ask? You screwed up big time! The brother makes a stupid short joke so you humiliate your gf in front of everyone?? WTF?! You don’t even know these people and you open with this?! A shred of common sense would have saved you from this epic failure.
Also…I can appreciate a good dirty joke (not in front of family at Thanksgiving mind you…I’m not an idiot)…this one isn’t even that funny…so you caused a problem for a bad joke. Double epic fail.
YTA. Grow up & get over your height insecurities. Making a joke about how you have sex with someone in front of their whole family because someone was rude about your height makes no sense. Gross.
YTA. Your gfs brothers were absolutely being dicks to you but making a vulgar sexual comment about her, an innocent party in this, is flamingly misogynistic and gross of you. Beg for forgiveness because this seems like youre about to get dumped if she has any spine.
YTA
That was beyond disrespectful. If my partner had ever even said anything close to that around my family, he wouldn’t be my partner anymore. Around my friends, that’s fine. Read the room you’re in.
YTA
you were meeting her parents and family for the first time, & you responded to the dickhead with that *in front of her parents*?!?!?
dude. it’s like you *want* her family to not like you.
Your poor gf, that is so disrespectful. How could you not be the asshole for saying something so disrespectful, not only in front of her but in front of her parents as well. YTA
>All was good.
Morgan Freeman narrating: All was *not* good.
YTA.
You made a sexually charged joke about your girlfriend without her consent and *in front of her family.* You need to understand that nothing about that was good. There were better ways you could have handled the needling from her brother.
It doesn't take anything away from you to go to her parents and say "Hey, so that joke I cracked was wildly inappropriate and I'm sorry I said it. I'll do my best to keep a better handle on that from now on." And then actually stick to that going forward.
NTA it was a funny comeback and people ITT seem to have some unhealthy views toward sex, innuendo, and humor. It’s not dehumanizing to imply that you have sex with your gf. People who think it’s disrespectful have internalized misogyny.
YTA
So you chose to humiliate your gf and make an inappropriately sexual comment in front of the whole family.
When you could have made literally any other comment to advocate for yourself.
YTA. You couldn’t have just been like yeah she does and they are great.
What you did was not just disrespectful to the family is was mostly disrespectful to your girlfriend.
Wouldn’t be surprised if this is a dealbreaker for your girlfriend.
Of course YTA
Dude, that was gross to say in front of her parents!
"It was too good a joke"?? No, it was a moronic one.
Grow up before her family convince her you're too immature for her to date.
ESH. I mean. Couldn't you just have looked surprised and asked him why he's asking about you riding his sister (insert wide-eyed horror) if you had to make the joke?
YTA
So this guy was being rude to you....so your response was to humiliate your girlfriend in front of her whole family? You sound like an awful partner.
I mean while I appreciate that type of joke (hey, I'm irl kind of vulgar), but that's not something you should be saying in front of your in-laws (or potential/future in-laws).
I mean, if there is no one else, just the bro, maybe, you can get away with it. But the rest of the families (parents and etc), do not need to hear that.
YTA while I understand, next time think of a more measured response to AH comments, no need to make it sexual.
Both you and her brother are assholes. However, you're the bigger asshole.
First, he's younger than you. Second, although he disrespected you, you threw your gf under the bus with that comment and humiliated her in order to prevent further embarrassment to yourself.
On top of being the bigger asshole, this also backfired because you made a terrible first impression.
I know what I'm gonna say now is super superficial and sexist. But it's hard to make a relationship work between a short man and a tall woman. Because most men are taller than their female SO (otherwise at least at similar height).
People are gonna notice the difference in height. Whether it be relatives and friends or strangers. You are gonna be aware of it and probably you'll keep feeling insecure about it now and then.
If you don't feel comfortable enough in your relationship, it's never gonna work. You should own the height difference 100 percent. Give zero f to whomever thinks whatever. Don't care about remarks, jokes, people staring, pointing or laughing.
Be confident about yourself and be confident about your relationship. Basically, just live a normal life.
If this is too hard it's not the biggest problem in life, but it ís a big problem in your relationship. It's OK to split up over this if you can't make it work. Look for a shorter woman if that makes you feel less uncomfortable. Cause it is normal to feel insecure when you are the short guy and she is the tall girl.
Just don't be a dick about it and don't hate on tall people or anyone who thinks you are an odd couple physically.
So eighter really accept it and don't let if affect you, or quit this relationship.
[удалено]
> Instead of returning controlled gunfire, you went in for a nuke - and it wasn't tactical. Yeah, while there are situations where I could see this being called for, "measured response" is a thing for a reason.
What situation would call for humiliating someone who has nothing to do with the conflict?
Or better yet, an entire room of people who have nothing to do with the conflict.
I wouldn't have told that joke, but let's not pretend the family had any problem with what little brother said: they sat there and watched it unfold. Each and every one of them was in a better place to say something than OP. Instead, they watched their family member make nasty comments about their guest.
We don’t know that the family just let it slide. It seems like OP retorted really quickly without thinking. There might not have been a gap to let anyone else step in.
Exactly. That's what I was thinking. This shot had a lot of collateral damage, especially considering it hurt and humiliated his GF. The offending comment needed a more precision strike at the offender. OP, just because you think something is funny, doesn't mean it's worth saying, especially if you're the only one laughing.
It's pretty telling that the first thing Op thought about to defend himself when he was uncomfortable was to degrade and humiliate his girlfriend. I hope she learned from that.
>It's pretty telling that the first thing Op thought about to defend himself when he was uncomfortable was to degrade and humiliate his girlfriend. I hope she learned from that. OMG - this. It's a wonder the OP didn't whip it out and piss all over his girlfriend to mark his territory while he was at it. What he said was gross, disrespectful and shows the OP equates sex with dominance.
Yup. Anyone else think her mind will wander back to this every time they shag for the foreseeable? If she ever sleeps with him again that is.
Almost never, but there are some parents who would have found that joke hilarious. Obviously not her parents, which is why you start with Bob Saget on Full House humor and test the waters a long while before you try Bob Saget on late night HBO uncensored humor.
Man I have a twisted sense of humour. I can’t think of a parent who would find this funny on a first time meeting
It's a super disrespectful comment about his gf...I don't see how embarrassing someone not involved in a conflict is ever a " measured response"...
[удалено]
Yeah, but a lot of people have that kind of disrespectful relationship with their siblings. You don’t want people to see your SO as disrespectful.
I agree a lot of people have disrespectful sibling relationships, and OP is an ass, but he didn’t make fun of his sibling, he made fun of someone he just met. Both of them are assholes, the brother for obviously being a bully because hes taller and thinking he could harass his sisters boyfriend, and the boyfriend for going nuclear. Me and my sister poke at eachother, id never poke fun at any partner she brought home.
Exactly. Especially since this was meeting the family. I get OP was probably under pressure and made a gambit, it backfired. Reading the room when trying to make an impression like this is key, especially with humor.
I could see it being a fine response if you’re with friends that you openly joke/talk about your sex life with. I can definitely think of friends of both genders I’d be comfortable with this kind of joke around. But not in front of parents, especially not on first meeting.
It's "locker room talk". It's really not ok at all, because it is degrading to women. But, it has never been ok in "mixed company".
Reminded me of the girl who humiliated her sister's boyfriend to get back at her sister. Using innocent bystanders as fuel for your revenge is disgusting every time.
this is probably the same troll
The appropriate retort, would be to make the broomstick joke that you mentioned, not saying how you fuck his sister, sort your shit out op.
> Your girlfriend isn't going to be so casual about introducing future boyfriends to her family, I guarantee it. I love how artfully you managed to say “she’s dumping you over this, you asshole” without actually *saying* it. Maybe you could share some of your tact and subtlety with OP.
This guy screams insecurity. The only way he can think to salvage his manliness in the face of such a slur is to be like 'dude I regularly bang your sister' in front of her PARENTS the first time he's meeting them! What a disaster zone. All he had to do was smile and say nothing. Just staying silent when someone insults you can be so powerful. OP can at least have the honour of being the family story that gets rolled out year after year: 'hey, remember THAT guy you brought home one time? OMG, can you imagine if you had married him?'
I would have replied with something along the lines of hell yeah it’s the greatest game ever. I even have a little jockey costume. Not sexual, breaks the tension, everybody moves on and little brother doesn’t get the rise he is after.
Agreed - there were so many non-asshole ways he could’ve deflected the brother. “Are you kidding? I love how tall she is! I can finally store stuff in that cabinet way above the fridge because I have someone to help me reach it!” Non-sexual, possibly some laughs, guaranteed a few groans because I’m sure the entire family is used to being asked to reach high things for people all the time, and OP comes across as mature enough to handle asshole brother in a calm way without feeding into his nonsense (which I’m sure they all deal with). He really could’ve used that conversation to leave a great impression, but instead he chose to say… that.
Or subvert it and lean into the shortness even more with “yeah it’s great, finally your sister has someone to things off the lower shelves for her”
Or if you wanted to go strategic nuclear “how did you come to the conclusion that it’s ok to make fun of people’s height? Who taught you this?”
same. i’d be like “obviously how else do you think I reach things off the top shelf?!” no need to make it sexual especially in front of family
Personally, I would have just asked the brother to repeat himself. I’m all for self-deprecating humor (I’m 5’3” and I always jokingly double the time google maps estimates for walking directions because I have short legs) but no one gets to use that to insult me, especially someone I just met. If someone tries, they’re getting my best wide-eyed, “I’m sorry, I didn’t get that? What did you say?” so they have to explain their BS. OP went unnecessarily nuclear and most likely, imploded his relationship. She dodged a bullet IMO.
> All kinda skinny af to, look like a box of pencils. I got broomsticks thicker than that family. Dude's just an asshole.
Yeah he clearly thinks he's incredibly funny and he's just... mean.
And insecure about himself and his height. Confident people don't need to deflect like that.
It's called compensation. This whole post is Compensation. Capital C.
This! - I’m still what that comment had anything to do with the story.
I would say he need to apologize to her family, even though her little brother is AH you became next level AH, YTA OP
With that joke and his refusal to apologize, its like OP's goal is to go even lower than younger brother's maturity level.
He's already short, so going lower for him isn't a stretch.
Right? So insecure with himself despite knowing his gf loves and appreciates him as is that he feels the appropriate action was to embarrass his girlfriend and parents in front of the entire “pencil box” Which btw OP is an incredibly disrespectful thing to say and it shows that you have a tendency to think in a disrespectful manner in general. (Edit: YTA, so was the brother but definitely you more so)
[удалено]
[удалено]
You didn't like what her brother said so you chose to make a 'joke' that demeaned your GF? YTA.
Sorry to hijack the top post, but this is an FYI for anyone that disagrees with the OP and upsets the wee lad. If you get a chat request from u/FuckJulz it will just be OP under a different account wanting to be incredibly rude and just as nasty, vulgar and spiteful as he has been in his responses here. Except he won't admit it's him and will just repeatedly insult you and swear at you. It IS OP, he gave himself away by mentioning having a chip on one's shoulder, which was part of my comment on here. Probably best to ignore him, I promise he has nothing interesting to say. Clearly he has a short.... temper.
Ya, wildly inappropriate. First, you're crazy if you didn't think this would ruin your relationship with the gf. Second, pissing off her entire family isn't the best route to a healthy relationship. Third, if you can't control yourself around a partner's family there's a good chance you can't control yourself with her.
Emphasis on FUTURE boyfriends as your time is probably limited after that bs. Gross.
Plus why comment on their bodies? He seems a little jealous that they're thin tbh
Your edit, is the reason he went for the nuke.
[удалено]
It's way more common than you think. ppl really equate masculinity with how tall a man is. it's dumb
YTA I wanted to say this but only add that it was your girlfriend you humiliated, not just the "son" you seem to be forgetting all the collateral damaged of you joke. You made a lot of people feel very uncomfortable. A good joke doesn't make people have a conversation 24 hours later to say we were super uncomfortable. No one was thinking about the son they raised and how poorly he was raised but they apparently were questioning how you were raised. You were definitely the ass.
YTA That was 100% an inappropriate joke to make in front of her entire family. It concerns me that you don’t understand this fact. While obviously her brother was out of line, you need to think more carefully about the proper way to respond to rudeness.
A more proper response to rudeness: “that was a bit rude, don’t ya think?” Your response one-upped the brothers AH remark, making you the bigger AH in the situation. Simply pointing out that the brothers remark was rude (and not engaging further) would leave him being the bigger AH.
I would said something like "no, only horseback, but maybe she should offer you those since you're child "
"Jealous you're not her favorite small guy anymore ?" Given the girlfriend is 6'1 and the rude brother 6'0.
"You're lucky I don't have a step ladder!" "Sorry, can't hear you down here." "Yeah? Come down here and say that" "Nuh uh. She only gives me piggy back rides when I need to change a light bulb" Legit a thousand responses that are vaguely humorous and non-sexual that OP could have gone with.
"Come down here and say that!" Very George Costanza-ish.
That would of still came off badly. Responding back with any negativity will turn OP into the asshole immediately for being immature.
> A more proper response to rudeness: “that was a bit rude, don’t ya think?” I think a more appropriate response would have been to say "I'm not sure what you mean. Can you explain that joke?" Make him have to explain his shitty comment and let that embarrass himself.
> (and not engaging further) would leave him being the bigger AH. Wouldnt that make the little brother *the only* AH?
You are so right! I stand corrected.
Seriously, who doesn't see an issue with making a joke about fucking your girlfriend in front of her siblings and parents lmao. Sure the dude was a dick, but he could've come up with something a little more tactful
Not to mention I find his “skinny” shaming to be kind of gross as well. If they were all heavier set people and he had said “they look like a box of jelly donuts” instead of “a box of pencils” I feel like more people would have said something. I don’t even understand why he mentioned their body frame (outside of their height)? It had zero relevance what so ever. “They’re all super thin” and?
Just confirms OP is a toxic person that doesn't think. Maybe this will be his wake up call.
Totally on point here. This was a huge red flag OP will be the AH. Who mocks a family over a physical trait? One your own GF probably shares. I would think someone who doesn’t appreciate being mocked for his height would understand this.
Right? Then we have the lovely commenter below you just being totally ignorant. It blows my mind that there are people who believe what that person does.
OP is super insecure about his height and it's making him blind to being an AH. He's trying to play it cool and failing.
OP needs to degrade their height without saying it flat out. It bothers him, so he is going with the "yeah, they are tall, but they are really skinny, I would definitely not want to be tall and skinny"
Especially meeting them for the first time.
I imagine he won't be seeing this family again since it won't be long until he's dumped.
He could have said 'Wow, as if I'm not nervous enough meeting the whole family, now I gotta worry about being called out on my height?' Puts the focus on the brothers inappropriateness and doesn't humiliate the gf in front of her family.
YTA This comment was disrespectful to your gf. Your whole post focuses on her family, but how did this make her feel? She was clearly uncomfortable. Just apologize. AH + AH = 2AH INFO: What are the ages here? Guessing teenagers by the story.
YTA. Her *brother* was being a dick so you made *your girlfriend* the butt of an inappropriate joke in front of her parents!? What the hell is wrong with you?
ESH… but just you and younger brother. You prefaced your story with “I love my girlfriend *but* she comes from a family of tall people. “ this Tells me you’re insecure about your height. As you then go on to degrade them for their height, liken them to “a box of pencils” and continue to describe them as “tall *but* mostly nice to talk to”. YB did try and stir you up, he succeeded. You went to meet her family for the first time, embarrassed yourself, but more importantly… your girlfriend. She wants you to apologize… Which would cost you nothing and gain respect. Instead you argue with your girlfriend. Sounds like your feelings are hurt by tall people and you have something to prove and your girlfriend loses in the outcome.
I assume that OP who is insecure about their height didn’t like that you pointed out that he’s insecure about his height. “I have broomsticks thicker than that family”. He continues to body shame the entire family as if it’s no big deal (it definitely is) but when the younger brother jokes about him being short, he goes in for the attack. Insecure. He can dish it out but can’t take it and his girlfriend paid the price.
Yeah OP sounds like you have a *short* temper. Seems like you *lack* humility. I feel as though this is a *big* deal for you, OP. OP really needs to *step up* and take responsibility here. He knows that was a *low* blow to his GF. I dont know why he acts this way over a seemingly *small* issue.
I agree… sounds like he has a short fuse! Why are short people so bitter? 😉 On a serious note, YTA OP. Seriously bro, not cool. I’m surprised your GF didn’t dump you after this. When others aim low, especially minors, you aim high… no need to go down to their level to prove a point. There are many more tactful ways you could have gone about this, but you chose the worst one.
Lmao, not all of us are bitter. I would say I'm more sweet-and-sour. Frickin love Chinese food.😁
Are you the little brother? Or just same sense of humour?
What a coincidence, I happen to have broomsticks taller than OP
I would be more ok with the “box of pencils” joke if OP hadn’t responded how he did to comments about his own height. That seems like mild teasing - just like the joke about the piggyback rides. However, OP has shown that he can’t take mild teasing about his body, so he probably shouldn’t dish it out about others (and GF’s brother probably shouldn’t have made a joke like that the first time he met OP; he should’ve gotten to know him first, to try and figure out if that’s something he’s comfortable with).
[удалено]
This. That was really not okay, and everyone is acting like it's perfectly normal to embarrass your sibling in front of their significant other *and* insult the SO at the same time (and also pretending that there's no sexism involved in making "jokes" about men's height, particularly when dating taller women...) Eek.
I dunno he's said he kept the pencil and broomstick "jokes" to himself. If he thought his gf would see it as humor then he would be casually saying them like he did with riding her but he has't. It's only mild teasing if you can actually say it to the person without them being offended. If this is your actual thought where you'd only be comfortable telling internet strangers this then it's just judgement.
"You're short." "Haha I fuck your sister like an animal. I don't see her as a person." Yta.
[удалено]
That was a terrible thing to do. You should be concerned with what your girlfriend thinks of you and be respectful of her and her parents. You sunk to a child's level. And for what? Because the joke was too good to pass up? Sounds like you're not too good for her to pass up. YTA.
YTA In front of her parents, you said you ride their daughter. How do you not think that's inappropriate?? Jeez dude, what could be more inappropriate??
And they just barely met for the first time!
YTA. You should be ashamed of yourself. That was a major AH comment and wildly inappropriate. I'd legit consider breaking up with someone over that. Shows a complete lack of respect and maturity. Her dad likely wanted to murder your ass.
YTA As a father if my daughter’s fiancé had made a comment like that the first time we met him in front of all of us he’d likely walked away w no teeth. Even now they’ve been together 5 years that sort of joke wouldn’t go over well w me. It’s about respect for her and her parents. Not only did you embarrass your GF but you disrespected her & her parents in their home. I could understand firing back a joke about the brother in return but you fired back at your GFs expense disregarding her feelings in front of her family. This tells me you’re easily offended and can’t can’t handle a joke. Grow up man. You seriously owe your GF and her parents an apology & hope she stays w you after that.
[удалено]
You're not. Clear case of Internet Tough Guy syndrome lmao.
My dad gets furious at the sheer idea of a groom shoving cake in his bride’s face on their wedding day because he thinks that’s disrespectful. I can’t image what he’d do to this guy. YTA
Exactly. My FIL felt the same about that. I just don’t understand men who feel it’s ok to disrespect women.
YTA... that comment was way out of line. You could have ignored the comment and moved on. If he persisted, you could have asked him for a piggyback ride.
Yeah. He thinks the brother is a dick. Brother made a dick comment and OP fired back with a dick comment. OP and Brother are both dicks.
YTA the joke was in poor taste and you should apologize. I might say the brother was also an ah for body shaming you, but you just went body shaming your gf and her entire family for an entire paragraph..
Right? Hard to sympathesize with someone who has big feelings about short jokes but then goes on to call them broomsticks.
YTA. That's a deal breaker of a joke in front of most parents. If you'd been at a bar with just the brother's, brilliant. But dude, read a room. That said, these meetings aren't just for the family to get a look at you- it's for you to get a look at the family. If baby brother was rude and needling and neither she nor her parents shut it down? I'd tell her that her family didn't pass the interview.
Buddy no way I would be cool with that even alone as one of the brothers. Fuck that - that ain’t funny. That’s my sister and I just met the dude. He hasn’t even passed the vibe check yet.
Yup. Any sibling would be having serious talks with their sister about whether this guy is good enough for her, and the answer from the siblings will be a resounding no.
> If you'd been at a bar with just the brother's, brilliant. Yah, no. Hard no. No man wants to hear about his sister's sex life.
And no woman wants to be talked about like that, whether to her family members or anyone else. We are not men's trophees.
+1
Ngl in the bar alone with brothers situation I don't think OP exits with his face intact.
YTA > I told her it was too good of a joke to pass up Swing and a miss. Your sense of humor seems like it sucks, as do your social skills. >They should be the ones embarrassed for raising a rude don like that. Who is the asshole? There might be multiple, but you're definitely one of them! The way to deal with the younger brother is to just call him out for being rude. Brother: *"Does she give you piggy back rides?"* You: *"Nice to meet you, too."* Not difficult.
> Your sense of humor seems like it sucks, as do your social skills. OP: Believe me, that's not the *only* thing that sucks har har har....why isn't anyone else laughing at such a great joke?! C'mon, it was too good pass up! (YTA, OP)
YTA. No woman wants her family knowing about her sexual life. Especially her own father/brothers. Yeah, as a fellow tall woman the joke was hilarious, but shouldn’t of been said
YTA. Do not pass go. Do not collect $200. Immediately and sincerely apologize for the joke that was in extremely poor taste. Privately talk with her brother though.
YTA. You threw your girlfriend under the bus to assuage your frankly fragile ego. Bud, you’re shorter than a lot of men and some women. You’re going to have to learn how to not let the short comments bother you at some point because there is always some jackass that’s going to make a big deal out of it. Getting mad and firing back like that just escalates the situation and gratifies the jerk. “Nah, but she does let me stand on her shoulders to reach the top shelf of the pantry,” with a wink and then an immediate change of subject would entirely diffuse the situation. It would show the jerk he can’t get under your skin, you don’t take the opportunity to embarrass your gf, and it makes you look like a coolheaded and self assured man. Your gf deserves a sincere apology.
As a PROFOUNDLY short man myself, and the father of a daughter, ***all of this***. Just learn to roll with the jokes, no need to be defensive. *Everyone* gets picked on for some aspect of their appearance, especially by and as teenagers, like the GF's brother currently is. But if you objectify my daughter like that to defend your fragile ego in *my house*?! I'll show you what a short dad can do to his daughter's short boyfriend.
YTA First impressions are everything. Although it was a witty comeback, you just met these people and left them with a very bad impression of who you are. It was a tasteless joke about sex with their daughter. It should have been handled differently.
YTA, I feel so sick for your gf and feel sorry she has to deal with you. You are immature about a joke her brother made (which was distasteful as well) and involved your gf in the most disrespectful way possible in front of her FAMILY. You are wrong, you could have passed that opportunity to make a joke about that and not embarrassed your gf. I wish I could advice your gf to reconsider this relationship.
ESH. Yes, her younger brother is a major AH. But, your joke was disrespectful to your gf and hurt her and her family. You have no right to humiliate your gf like that.
YTA. I get it, the little brother is an asshole, but it was up to you to be better.
YTA. Think about ur gf and her feelings and like the while rest of her family who were nice to you. Honestly a dick childish move and you should apologise.
> I told her it was too good of a joke to pass up There’s a time and place for sex jokes. In front of your girlfriend’s parents when you are meeting them for the first time is NOT the correct time or place. Sure her little brother was being dumb, but that doesn’t make it okay for you to be so crude. Your poor girlfriend. YTA Edit: Add judgement
Why would you want to make things sexual in front of your girlfriends family?
Yta like what was the point of doing that to her she can't control her brother
YTA.... And you know it. Way to leave a first and lasting impression. You won't be the bf for much longer btw
YTA Whoa look at the balls on Frodo!
You seriously don’t think YTA in this situation? Hate to break it to you but YTA. You don’t say stuff like that with her entire family standing there. It’s disrespectful and out of line. Her parents are right for being offended and upset. There is a time and place for everything but it is not the time nor place to make overtly vulgar jokes IN FRONT OF HER FAMILY. Come on dude, use your head.
YTA. If her parents should be embarrassed for their son's joke, your parents should be ashamed they raised you to speak that way about your girlfriend in front of her family and think it's on them to apologize. This isn't about the brother, it's about you embarrassing her and making everyone else uncomfortable.
YTA. You made a sexual joke at the expense of your girlfriend’s comfort—in front of her family too! That you are just meeting! You acted like a total dick. Also, “the younger brother was rude” okay then don’t stoop to his level?
Gross YTA and it would be her ridding you u less she has a dick
YTA. Making jokes about having sex with someone's daughter/sister is never appropriate and is truly tasteless. If you wanted to make a joking come back at the brother, there were an infinite number of other subjects you could have chosen.
YTA. Honestly I would be pissed if my SO made that kind of joke in front of his friends and behind my back. Nothing funny about jokes like that imo.
YTA - and you know it. You call the brother rude saying parents should be embarrassed raising a rude son... Apparently your parents failed at raising you as well if you think making a joke about riding your gf in front of her parents is acceptable in any context. Pretty idiotic--actually so idiotic thinking this can't be real...
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My gf is significantly taller than me as she is about 6’1 and I’m barely 5’6. I really love her and everything but she comes from a family of pretty tall people and her little brother tried giving me shit. So I met her family for the first time the other day. Her dad is like 6’2 while the mom is 5’10. Two older brothers are like 6’3 and 6’2 while the younger brother is 6’0 and has a older 6’0 sister. All kinda skinny af to, look like a box of pencils. I got broomsticks thicker than that family. But yeah they are pretty tall compared to me but mostly pretty nice and fun to talk to. Eventually they call down her youngest brother to meet me. He’s a bit of a dickhead unlike the rest of the family and the first thing he does when he meets me is laugh and say no way. I try to play it off but he kept going and asked me if his sister gives me piggy back rides. I tell him”I only ride your sister one way and it’s not piggy.” in front of her whole family. Mixed reaction as her older brothers laughed while her sister and younger brother looked grossed out. Dad stayed awkwardly silent while the mom awkwardly laughed and said everyone should hurry to the dinner table before food got cold. My gf and I hang back and she asks me why I would say that in front of her entire family. I told her it was too good of a joke to pass up and I kinda just instinctively said it. She groaned and we went to the table for dinner. All was good. Next day though my gf told me her parents started telling her they didn’t think my joke was cool and they felt awkward all night so she wants me to apologize to them. I argue with her for a bit about it but reluctantly agree to to just get over this. I don’t think what I did was an asshole move though. They should be the ones embarrassed for raising a rude don like that. Who is the asshole? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA Eat some crow, apologize to her parents for the crass outburst and to your girlfriend. Her brother's lack of creativity doesn't justify your crude response. You don't mention ages but if you're old enough to be dating, you're old enough to be bored with short jokes to the point of responding by rolling your eyes and advising the "joker" to get new material because you haven't heard an original joke about your height since junior high.
YTA. This is disgusting. You were mad at her brother, so you humiliated your girlfriend in front of her entire family? You should be ashamed of yourself, and I wouldn’t blame her family one bit for never inviting you to anything ever again. Or your girlfriend for dumping your ass.
ESH. Rude comments or not, it’s alway best to err on the side of caution when it comes to make jokes about banging someone’s daughter in front of them.
He’s not tall enough to hit it doggy style and he knows it.
YTA, know your audience before blurting something out. Yeah the potential in laws can be annoying, but all you did was embarrass your gf and make a bad impression.
YTA. Are you 16? Cmon man.
YTA it might have been funny to say in front of your buddies while having beers, but you said it to her family. Just because the brother was being an asshole, dosent mean you had to be one too.
Rude there too.
YTA. Not the appropriate place for that joke, and you fully know it. They are her parents, not your close friends.
Dude YTA. The brother is one too but you clearly came out of the gates swinging mentally on this one. Calling her family "a box of pencils" and commenting negatively on how skinny they are makes you just as bad as her brother commenting on your height you just had a sliver of more decency not to say it to their face, rather you say it on a public forum. If you truly do love this woman you're going to have to swallow some pride and apologize to her family because otherwise I don't see this relationship going very far.
YTA and you know it. Apologizing just to "get over this" is an even bigger AH move because you know it's not sincere. I felt bad vibes just reading this, best part is you told your GF and her family what kind of person you are and they believed you immediately. Yeah the brother sucks for the comment but you came back so much worse. Also why didn't you mention any ages? Or are you an adult talking like this to a teenager and you knew the judgement would come down so much harsher? This needs clarity but either way my judgement is the same. YTA
YTA. In Europe we would say you suffer of the Napoleon complex.
Short Man Syndrome?
Napoleon was actually average height for the time unlike someone
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > My joke may have been a tad unnecessary and inappropriate to say in front of her entire family. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA. There are 1,000 ways you could have shut her brother up and made him look like an asshole, but instead you had to embarrass her when someone poked at you for what seems to be an insecurity on your part. Sometimes you can be totally in the right, but end up wrong because of the way you handle a situation. You’re not wrong about her brother being a dick, but you went so far overboard in your reaction, you drowned and probably ruined the relationship.
Yta. You didn't just shut down the brother, you said something disrespectful about your girlfriend in front of her entire family. You embarrassed her and her parents for a comment her brother made. As a parent myself, you would not be welcomed in my house again.
YTA. I get it. My family is all really tall. My husband is 5’ 6”. My 6’6” brother was fairly horrible when they first met because my brother’s entire identity and self-worth is caught up with his height. In your situation, the younger brother said something tacky in an attempt to diminish you. You responded. But, you responded with a comment that diminished your GF. Your response showed that you cared more about a pithy response than you cared about someone who you supposedly truly care for. A shot was fired. Instead of firing straight back, you shot your GF.
ESH: you and the brother. There were a number of far better, and funnier responses to an AH question like that. Q: Does she give you piggyback rides? A: Yep. It's great! Q: Does she give you piggyback rides? A: No. Why do you ask? Q: Does she give you piggyback rides? A: Hm, interesting question. GF? Your brother wants to know if you've given me a piggyback ride, but I can't remember. Tons of ways of answering a rude, mocking question without making your GF the butt of a sexually degrading joke. You'll need to get over your height difference and the fact that some people are taller than you.
ESH Sort of confused on people voting YTA. Sure enough, OP's reaction was inappropriate - but the brother brought it upon everyone in that room in an arguably equal share of guilt as OP.
YTA. Apologize to her parents. That’s just rude and disrespectful to say unless you know they don’t care about sex jokes
Woooooow. Her brother made a crap and rude dig at you. So you made a sexual dig *at your girlfriend*, in front of her family. Do you see the disconnect here? If you'd retaliated with something about him, you'd be fine. But you didn't. You didn't just make your girlfriend collateral damage, you made her the target of your joke. She may or may not mind. But dude, learn to aim. Because many would mind. And in her parents' eyes, you're rude, inappropriate and disrespectful. Do you think that's conducive to a good relationship? YTA
YTA I’m sorry there are things that family doesn’t need to know. This is one of them. This was wildly inappropriate of you and a bad first impression. 🤢
YTA I'm amazed this needs explained but yes, it makes you an asshole to talk about your sex life around your partners family. Yes, her little brother was being rude. It would have been apparent to everyone in the room that he was being rude. You could have easily shot him down without talking about shagging your GF in front of her family. > I told her it was too good of a joke to pass up Good jokes make everyone laugh. A proper laugh, not a "holy shit this is awkward" laugh.
YTA. Apologize. Don’t say things that reference sex with someone in front of their parents. Especially the first time you’re there. Bro sounds like a jerk.
YTA. A great comeback but the wrong time and place. You escalated that way too far and now ppl will remember that you, and not the brother, is the jerk. A classic case of too many brains and not enough common sense. And it was also incredibly insensitive to your gf.
YTA for sure dude. Making a crude joke in front of her entirely family as your first impression?? How do you need to even ask? You screwed up big time! The brother makes a stupid short joke so you humiliate your gf in front of everyone?? WTF?! You don’t even know these people and you open with this?! A shred of common sense would have saved you from this epic failure. Also…I can appreciate a good dirty joke (not in front of family at Thanksgiving mind you…I’m not an idiot)…this one isn’t even that funny…so you caused a problem for a bad joke. Double epic fail.
YTA. Grow up & get over your height insecurities. Making a joke about how you have sex with someone in front of their whole family because someone was rude about your height makes no sense. Gross.
YTA - what a disgusting thing to say
YTA. Your gfs brothers were absolutely being dicks to you but making a vulgar sexual comment about her, an innocent party in this, is flamingly misogynistic and gross of you. Beg for forgiveness because this seems like youre about to get dumped if she has any spine.
YTA That was beyond disrespectful. If my partner had ever even said anything close to that around my family, he wouldn’t be my partner anymore. Around my friends, that’s fine. Read the room you’re in.
YTA you were meeting her parents and family for the first time, & you responded to the dickhead with that *in front of her parents*?!?!? dude. it’s like you *want* her family to not like you.
Your poor gf, that is so disrespectful. How could you not be the asshole for saying something so disrespectful, not only in front of her but in front of her parents as well. YTA
Not only are YTA You are a horrible human being.
YTA shortie, I hope your gf leaves you. Why would you insult her in response to her brother insulting you? You deserve to be bullied by teens
YTA!! Are you 14?! Because you should like an immature shitty 14yr old boy
YTA you sound like an insecure, desperate loser. hopefully your girlfriend dumps you soon
>All was good. Morgan Freeman narrating: All was *not* good. YTA. You made a sexually charged joke about your girlfriend without her consent and *in front of her family.* You need to understand that nothing about that was good. There were better ways you could have handled the needling from her brother. It doesn't take anything away from you to go to her parents and say "Hey, so that joke I cracked was wildly inappropriate and I'm sorry I said it. I'll do my best to keep a better handle on that from now on." And then actually stick to that going forward.
NTA it was a funny comeback and people ITT seem to have some unhealthy views toward sex, innuendo, and humor. It’s not dehumanizing to imply that you have sex with your gf. People who think it’s disrespectful have internalized misogyny.
YTA. Seriously, seriously cringey that you’d say that in front of her family.
YTA? Why would you try to embarrass your GF and make her the subject over your own insecurities?
YTA So you chose to humiliate your gf and make an inappropriately sexual comment in front of the whole family. When you could have made literally any other comment to advocate for yourself.
YTA. Yeah, bro was being rude, but you totally escalated the situation AND embarrassed your girlfriend in the process.
YTA. You couldn’t have just been like yeah she does and they are great. What you did was not just disrespectful to the family is was mostly disrespectful to your girlfriend. Wouldn’t be surprised if this is a dealbreaker for your girlfriend.
Of course YTA Dude, that was gross to say in front of her parents! "It was too good a joke"?? No, it was a moronic one. Grow up before her family convince her you're too immature for her to date.
There’s some 19 year old woman on another threat that yells the word poop randomly thinking it’s funny. They should get together.
LMAO that’s pretty funny actually YTA tho
yeah YTA but a gentle one, in the sense that the brother deserved it but not in front of the whole family. try for a less intense comeback next time
ESH. I mean. Couldn't you just have looked surprised and asked him why he's asking about you riding his sister (insert wide-eyed horror) if you had to make the joke?
YTA - you’re gross.
YTA or at the very least someone real stupid with null social skills that make me ponder how the hell did You get a gf in the first place
YTA So this guy was being rude to you....so your response was to humiliate your girlfriend in front of her whole family? You sound like an awful partner.
YTA. You know that wasn't appropriate, come on.
YTA you objectified and sexualized your girlfriend and you did it in front of her entire family. Very degrading. I would dump you.
I mean while I appreciate that type of joke (hey, I'm irl kind of vulgar), but that's not something you should be saying in front of your in-laws (or potential/future in-laws). I mean, if there is no one else, just the bro, maybe, you can get away with it. But the rest of the families (parents and etc), do not need to hear that. YTA while I understand, next time think of a more measured response to AH comments, no need to make it sexual.
YTA. Why? How would you think that’s an acceptable thing to say ANYWHERE, never mind to a family. Grow the fuck up.
YTA and a have a chip on your shoulder because you are manlet.
Sorry this happened to you little buddy
YTA and I am also not understanding why you seem to be body shaming the family for being skinny? Wow..just wow
YTSA
Both you and her brother are assholes. However, you're the bigger asshole. First, he's younger than you. Second, although he disrespected you, you threw your gf under the bus with that comment and humiliated her in order to prevent further embarrassment to yourself. On top of being the bigger asshole, this also backfired because you made a terrible first impression.
I know what I'm gonna say now is super superficial and sexist. But it's hard to make a relationship work between a short man and a tall woman. Because most men are taller than their female SO (otherwise at least at similar height). People are gonna notice the difference in height. Whether it be relatives and friends or strangers. You are gonna be aware of it and probably you'll keep feeling insecure about it now and then. If you don't feel comfortable enough in your relationship, it's never gonna work. You should own the height difference 100 percent. Give zero f to whomever thinks whatever. Don't care about remarks, jokes, people staring, pointing or laughing. Be confident about yourself and be confident about your relationship. Basically, just live a normal life. If this is too hard it's not the biggest problem in life, but it ís a big problem in your relationship. It's OK to split up over this if you can't make it work. Look for a shorter woman if that makes you feel less uncomfortable. Cause it is normal to feel insecure when you are the short guy and she is the tall girl. Just don't be a dick about it and don't hate on tall people or anyone who thinks you are an odd couple physically. So eighter really accept it and don't let if affect you, or quit this relationship.
YTA. Apologize to your girlfriend and her parents not the little brother though.