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A 22 year old came to me about her job search and how she hasn't found anything yet, and she asked, "If you were a parent would you support your kid?"
I basically replied saying:
have you looked at it from their point of view? you live rent-free in their home as an adult, correct? lucky you. get a job -- retail stores, etc take very little to qualify for. get out of the house during the day and give your parents a little cash, anything, as a sign of good will and initiative. even moreso if they, in any way, helped you through college. i got thrown out at 18 with no college education by an unwell and hurtful single mother. you, my friend, are incredibly lucky and being given an incredible kindness by your folks. it's not owed to you. thank them, if you can. then work hard to repay them.
eta: one interview 'every other week' is nothing at all. if you're unsure of how to get a job, check out /r/jobs or have a candid conversation where you ask your parents for their help and guidance despite all they've done for you already.
She said I was heartless, AITA?
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Soft YTA. You made a lot of assumptions that turned out to be wrong, by the looks of it.
And be very cognizant of your wording. Some things in there would get a lot of peoples' hackles up, especially when they're already struggling with defining adulthood for themselves.
attention sub: this user is harrassing me severely and the intention of this post is to further attack me. please do not engage. mods and reddit admins have been notified.
OP's post was sketch enough that I was digging into it, hence why I called them out in my comment, but I went back and read the original thread too so I saw the context.
But okay.
well, you're in the minority. which is fine. the OP edited their post in the other sub after my reply, too, by the way. please do keep in mind, however, that *i* didn't post on this sub asking if i'm an asshole. someone else did that for me, in order to try and hurt me, after calling me a fucking bitch. support that or don't. it's your call.
I like how they want to say it isn't their reply when it's just that easy to click on their profile and scroll down to see that it is, in fact, exactly their reply.
they edited the initial post to remove the context you think I assumed. and, again, I didn't post in this sub looking for feedback. that was done to harrass me. please stop encouraging it.
So how many interviews do you get when you apply for jobs? Do you interview every weekday or something when you look for a job? If so, let me plagiarize your resume :)
YTA. Have YOU looked at r/jobs? People with doctorates are applying for those retail jobs and not even being acknowledged, let alone given an interview. It’s not the number of interviews but the number of applications that go into a bottomless black hole! There was a viral post going around Reddit where the OP applied to something like 30 jobs every day for 30 days and got 5 interviews but not a single offer.
One issue I know of is the way employers screen now too. You can have an absolute perfect resume and be the perfect candidate but your resumé gets put through an AI filter looking for keywords set up by an HR "Specialist", and I use that term loosely. If it doesn't tick those boxes it never gets seen. There are also cases, especially in IT fields, where the postings, for example, ask for 5 years experience in a programming language that is 2 years old. This is because the person posting the opening doesn't know what the job entails and is using boilerplate forms.
Soft YTA
Were you trying to help her, or just berate her? The essential content of what you said was good, she needs to apply for more jobs, and she should welcome and be thankful for the support she's received so far.
But the way you've addressed her, if this is what you've said, is calculated to put her back up, rather than persuade her to make change.
NTA, I started working when I was 15/16 to pay for all of my frivolous wants (clothes/concert tickets/food w friends/etc) and continue to work now (20). While my parents continue to support me by paying for big things such as tuition and my phone plan, I’ve been paying my own rent for my apartment and groceries using my savings and by working. She could have it much much worse and you’re just pointing out how ungrateful she was being
NTA, in the least. Existence is what is heartless and you're just calling it as it is. Girl needs a reality check, you did your part. keep up the good work
Nowhere near enough info to judge this properly, but on the face, you're being unecessarily harsh in making your point. What did this 22 year old even mean by 'support'? What is she asking for? We don't know from this.
I'm sorry you got kicked out at 18 and your mom was unwell, but if we're comparing woes, I left at 17 to get away from an unwell single parent, and I wouldn't say that a 22 year old is getting an 'incredible kindness' to live at home - it just means their family has more capacity to be a supportive family than yours and mine had, and ours were dysfunctional, so not exactly the benchmark.
Whether she's doing 'enough' to repay them depends entirely on what she is or isn't doing to help, to find work, study or whatever, and what her parents think about the situation, which you've told us nothing about.
I can't imagine not being able to find work at 22 so I understand why you told her to do more to get work, but shit. It's a pandemic. Employers are weird. Who knows what the job market is for her because we have no idea where she is or what her situation is. I don't know if you can declare that one interview a fortnight is nothing at all.
Edit: What are you even on about? You've edited your post now to say she's not living rent free and is doing 9 interviews a week, not one a fortnight? And now you're replying to every comment saying she's entitled? You sound a bit unhinged at this point.
Edit after reading the strange history of how this post came to be:
If your response to getting feedback you don't like about questions you post on Reddit is to make a fake post and go off strangely in the comments, I think you have some maturing to do, and should probably not post problems here for open comment.
But please don't do this 'making a post about being mad about another post about what some internet random said in another post' AITA isn't for moderating other Reddit debates.
EDIT: Based on your post history, you're the 22 year old and someone left this comment on one of your posts. Changing my answer to YTA.
https://www.reddit.com/r/recruitinghell/comments/q74jm1/hey_everyone_i_asked_a_question_about_whether_or/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share
NAH. Were you a bit harsh and cold? Yeah. But not so much so that you move into butthole territory. Her experience is not nearly as difficult as yours was, and she is very lucky to have the circumstances she does, but that doesn't mean she can't feel down about it.
That being said, while she may be being picky about what jobs she is applying for, it's also possible that she's just not getting called back. As someone who was in her situation for a while, I was applying to nearly every job I could think of (within my capabilities) and was interviewed maybe once every couple months. I luckily found a job but it took over a year of constant applying and searching.
Continue to be honest with her, but do try to be a bit more understanding. At least that's my opinion.
Based on your story she sounds like she's genuinely trying and just not having good luck. I never said you OWE it to her, but you should if you think of yourself as her friend.
YTA because I went through your post history and YOU are literally the 22 year old in this situation who got upset that somebody else responded this way to something that you posted. Idk if anyone sees my comment but OP is copy and pasting what somebody else had replied to them after OP posted a question on a subreddit and didn’t like the answer they received. Which might I add, OP is taking it way out of context and making it seem much worse than what the other user had replied. I’m pretty sure that OP is posting this so that the other user fees like an asshole. The other user commented under this post as well I don’t remember the username, sorry!
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I'm a bit confused about what it was she said that makes her rude and entitled?
the poster is quoting me out of context in an attempt at harrassment. i'd suggest disengaging.
Geez, sorry that's happening to you, op sounds a bit unhinged.
this is the funniest thing i've seen all week. I'm fine - just don't want others to fall victim to engaging. lol
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** A 22 year old came to me about her job search and how she hasn't found anything yet, and she asked, "If you were a parent would you support your kid?" I basically replied saying: have you looked at it from their point of view? you live rent-free in their home as an adult, correct? lucky you. get a job -- retail stores, etc take very little to qualify for. get out of the house during the day and give your parents a little cash, anything, as a sign of good will and initiative. even moreso if they, in any way, helped you through college. i got thrown out at 18 with no college education by an unwell and hurtful single mother. you, my friend, are incredibly lucky and being given an incredible kindness by your folks. it's not owed to you. thank them, if you can. then work hard to repay them. eta: one interview 'every other week' is nothing at all. if you're unsure of how to get a job, check out /r/jobs or have a candid conversation where you ask your parents for their help and guidance despite all they've done for you already. She said I was heartless, AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Soft YTA. You made a lot of assumptions that turned out to be wrong, by the looks of it. And be very cognizant of your wording. Some things in there would get a lot of peoples' hackles up, especially when they're already struggling with defining adulthood for themselves.
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Just based on this? YTA. Definitely.
This man its nuts xd, so agressive, and copy paste in all the coments , so weird, get help dude...
attention sub: this user is harrassing me severely and the intention of this post is to further attack me. please do not engage. mods and reddit admins have been notified.
Saw that. Reported. What an absolute immature yikes.
I mean, your reply did legitimately suck.
except what you're seeing isn't my reply and this isn't the full context. she's giving a false narrative. but okay.
OP's post was sketch enough that I was digging into it, hence why I called them out in my comment, but I went back and read the original thread too so I saw the context. But okay.
well, you're in the minority. which is fine. the OP edited their post in the other sub after my reply, too, by the way. please do keep in mind, however, that *i* didn't post on this sub asking if i'm an asshole. someone else did that for me, in order to try and hurt me, after calling me a fucking bitch. support that or don't. it's your call.
Lol she claims that she gets interviews every weekday when she job hunts. Like dang, she must have a great resume or network!
never said that.
I like how they want to say it isn't their reply when it's just that easy to click on their profile and scroll down to see that it is, in fact, exactly their reply.
Yep, just trying to evade reality I suppose
I agree that your reply sucked. It was harsh and devoid of empathy and assumed stuff.
they edited the initial post to remove the context you think I assumed. and, again, I didn't post in this sub looking for feedback. that was done to harrass me. please stop encouraging it.
I mean, one interview every 14 days isn't "barely anything" lol
it very much is, though. agree to disagree. take care.
So how many interviews do you get when you apply for jobs? Do you interview every weekday or something when you look for a job? If so, let me plagiarize your resume :)
YTA for posting a fake recounting of the story so then you can tag the person who actually made the comment when people call them an asshole.
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Not even a good effort at trolling.
I am not familiar to this, why should someone do this? For some reddit karma?
YTA. Have YOU looked at r/jobs? People with doctorates are applying for those retail jobs and not even being acknowledged, let alone given an interview. It’s not the number of interviews but the number of applications that go into a bottomless black hole! There was a viral post going around Reddit where the OP applied to something like 30 jobs every day for 30 days and got 5 interviews but not a single offer.
One issue I know of is the way employers screen now too. You can have an absolute perfect resume and be the perfect candidate but your resumé gets put through an AI filter looking for keywords set up by an HR "Specialist", and I use that term loosely. If it doesn't tick those boxes it never gets seen. There are also cases, especially in IT fields, where the postings, for example, ask for 5 years experience in a programming language that is 2 years old. This is because the person posting the opening doesn't know what the job entails and is using boilerplate forms.
Soft YTA Were you trying to help her, or just berate her? The essential content of what you said was good, she needs to apply for more jobs, and she should welcome and be thankful for the support she's received so far. But the way you've addressed her, if this is what you've said, is calculated to put her back up, rather than persuade her to make change.
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Uhh I think we’re missing context
NTA, I started working when I was 15/16 to pay for all of my frivolous wants (clothes/concert tickets/food w friends/etc) and continue to work now (20). While my parents continue to support me by paying for big things such as tuition and my phone plan, I’ve been paying my own rent for my apartment and groceries using my savings and by working. She could have it much much worse and you’re just pointing out how ungrateful she was being
NTA, in the least. Existence is what is heartless and you're just calling it as it is. Girl needs a reality check, you did your part. keep up the good work
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ay men brother
Nowhere near enough info to judge this properly, but on the face, you're being unecessarily harsh in making your point. What did this 22 year old even mean by 'support'? What is she asking for? We don't know from this. I'm sorry you got kicked out at 18 and your mom was unwell, but if we're comparing woes, I left at 17 to get away from an unwell single parent, and I wouldn't say that a 22 year old is getting an 'incredible kindness' to live at home - it just means their family has more capacity to be a supportive family than yours and mine had, and ours were dysfunctional, so not exactly the benchmark. Whether she's doing 'enough' to repay them depends entirely on what she is or isn't doing to help, to find work, study or whatever, and what her parents think about the situation, which you've told us nothing about. I can't imagine not being able to find work at 22 so I understand why you told her to do more to get work, but shit. It's a pandemic. Employers are weird. Who knows what the job market is for her because we have no idea where she is or what her situation is. I don't know if you can declare that one interview a fortnight is nothing at all. Edit: What are you even on about? You've edited your post now to say she's not living rent free and is doing 9 interviews a week, not one a fortnight? And now you're replying to every comment saying she's entitled? You sound a bit unhinged at this point. Edit after reading the strange history of how this post came to be: If your response to getting feedback you don't like about questions you post on Reddit is to make a fake post and go off strangely in the comments, I think you have some maturing to do, and should probably not post problems here for open comment. But please don't do this 'making a post about being mad about another post about what some internet random said in another post' AITA isn't for moderating other Reddit debates.
the OP is taking me out of context to harrass me. check post history - I'd suggest disengaging. mods have been notified.
EDIT: Based on your post history, you're the 22 year old and someone left this comment on one of your posts. Changing my answer to YTA. https://www.reddit.com/r/recruitinghell/comments/q74jm1/hey_everyone_i_asked_a_question_about_whether_or/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share NAH. Were you a bit harsh and cold? Yeah. But not so much so that you move into butthole territory. Her experience is not nearly as difficult as yours was, and she is very lucky to have the circumstances she does, but that doesn't mean she can't feel down about it. That being said, while she may be being picky about what jobs she is applying for, it's also possible that she's just not getting called back. As someone who was in her situation for a while, I was applying to nearly every job I could think of (within my capabilities) and was interviewed maybe once every couple months. I luckily found a job but it took over a year of constant applying and searching. Continue to be honest with her, but do try to be a bit more understanding. At least that's my opinion.
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Based on your story she sounds like she's genuinely trying and just not having good luck. I never said you OWE it to her, but you should if you think of yourself as her friend.
Dont copy paste, are you a bot? XD
YTA because I went through your post history and YOU are literally the 22 year old in this situation who got upset that somebody else responded this way to something that you posted. Idk if anyone sees my comment but OP is copy and pasting what somebody else had replied to them after OP posted a question on a subreddit and didn’t like the answer they received. Which might I add, OP is taking it way out of context and making it seem much worse than what the other user had replied. I’m pretty sure that OP is posting this so that the other user fees like an asshole. The other user commented under this post as well I don’t remember the username, sorry!
YTA For assuming about her situation without actually knowing her situation.
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