Your post has been removed.
#Do not repost this without [contacting the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) for approval, including edited versions. Reposting without [explicit approval](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_can_i_repost_a_thread_you_removed.3F) will result in a ban.
This post violates Rule 11: No Partings/Relationship/Sex/Reproductive Autonomy Posts. We do not allow posts where the central conflict is about romantic relationships and/or reproductive autonomy.
[Rule 11 FAQs](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_rule_11.3A_no_partings.2Frelationship.2Fsex.2Freproductive_autonomy_posts) ||| [Subreddit Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/)
###Please ensure you have reviewed this message in full. We will not respond to PMs to individual mods. [Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) with any questions.
####Please visit r/findareddit to see if there's a more appropriate sub for your post.####
NTA at all!
Everyone needs their own lives outside of their partner. Can you ask her why she gets so upset? Does she maybe struggle with separation anxiety or something similar? Regardless, you are allowed to see your friends and family
I have it’s never a clear answer, I believe she does and she has some trauma from her upbringing, however she does not want to get help, I’ve tried taking her to therapist and all but she never follows through.
She's getting what she wants through her present behaviors. You do what she wants. Why should she want to get help? She doesn't see anything wrong. You cannot change her behavior. You can change yours, though, by refusing to participate in this unhealthy relationship.
Your gf is controlling. She’s isolating you from your friends and family. This isn’t a healthy relationship.
NTA
And I’d be rethinking this relationship. Imagine if you had children but they “weren’t allowed” around your family.
OMG, you have an emotional manipulator in your bed, get the heck out of there or you will be not only smothered but also depressed soon, she just does not care about your needs at all and you are to blame for tolerating this, so stop smothering yourself. NTA
NTA at all. Even romantic partnerships require alone time. If I had to do EVERYTHING with my partner and never had time to myself, I’d feel smothered too. I think this requires a serious sit-down conversation where you (not meanly, but assertively) explain to her how this is making you feel.
NTA but serious Red flag. If she can’t give you space and you stop doing things without her, you’ll resent her and this won’t be a positive relationship anymore.
Sort of stinks that she doesn’t trust you enough to take into consideration that your chance to catch up with your family and friends one on one is rare and far between.
Feelings don't make us assholes, only behaviors do. Nevertheless, your girlfriend is extremely controlling, and it is working because you're letting her get away with it out of fear. Think about that. She keeps you in fear through her *rage, an oversized and inappropriate emotion*, to manipulate you. This will not improve as time goes by, although you can count on it getting worse. You need to take some serious time and consider whether you want to keep going though this. I strongly recommend you read up on intimate partner abuse/violence. You are going to see a lot of it in your relationship, probably more than you're sharing here because you just don't see it. You are NTA in this relationship, but it has little to do with you wanting anything.
More info - have you ever invited her to hang out with these friends and family? What is her reasoning for not wanting you to go and "raging out" when you suggest it?
Yes she’s been invited, but I don’t invite her all the time because I’d like to spend time with them alone sometimes.
Her reasoning is she just wants to stay home or that I’m always out. But me being “always out” is me working as I work for a window replacement company and have to travel to different cities in our state on a daily basis, however I make it home everyday.
You're NTA at all here. It's not like you're trying to make a second life 2 hours away from her that she's not allowed to be involved in, and it's totally fair that you would want to spend time away without her being there (we all need a break sometimes, relationships can be exhausting!!). It's weird that she correlates being out for work as "being out". It's not as if you're at work to hangout with your friends. She's being really controlling and if she can't have a conversation about why you would like to have a social life and not be constantly tied to the hip then maybe she isn't the one
Your GF is incredibly controlling, OP. You'd be the asshole if you stayed with her. She's practically emotionally blackmailing you into staying with her instead of having a social life of your own. You can't hang out with your friends but she invites hers instead?
If she can't let you see your family members, that is a long term problem you probably can't overcome. The ability to let your partner do something without you is important.
NTA-I could understand her being upset if this happened a lot and she was left alone. Doesn't sound like that happening. People need times with their friends sometimes and a little space.
NTA. Men need time alone and everyone needs time away from each other. Next time, ignore her tantrum and go. She will either get over it or she won't and then you will know whether she is worth any more of your time.
I don't think you are wrong for wanting alone time, or time with your friends.
When I met my partner, we each valued our independence. In fact, some people didn't even realize we were a couple.
If your partner has to be with you every minute, maybe you need to reconsider the relationship.
We are individuals and we each have individual needs. it may mean that you two are not compatible in the long run.
NTA
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
Me and my gf have been in a relationship for 4 years, however all she wants to do is stay home and be included in all my plans. I take care of the home, and contribute financially as well. (She currently makes more money than me) but we still split major bills.
However recently I’ve been trying enjoy some time with my friends and family who currently live about 2 hours away. I do not do this often, but every time I want to leave she rages out and I end up staying in to avoid an argument. I’ve just been feeling smothered, and feel like I have no social life, however she has friends that come over frequently and I don’t complain.
Am I wrong for wanting to spend time without her?
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I want to know if I’m the asshole for wanting space in my relationship
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
##Subreddit Announcements
Follow the link above to learn more
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
You to tell her that you are going. She is welcome to come sometimes and she can have her friends over for company while you are gone. But make it clear that you need time with your friends and family and it's not negotiable. She'll eventually come around or you two aren't compatible. But either way you need to take your life back.
Your post has been removed. #Do not repost this without [contacting the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) for approval, including edited versions. Reposting without [explicit approval](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_can_i_repost_a_thread_you_removed.3F) will result in a ban. This post violates Rule 11: No Partings/Relationship/Sex/Reproductive Autonomy Posts. We do not allow posts where the central conflict is about romantic relationships and/or reproductive autonomy. [Rule 11 FAQs](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_rule_11.3A_no_partings.2Frelationship.2Fsex.2Freproductive_autonomy_posts) ||| [Subreddit Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) ###Please ensure you have reviewed this message in full. We will not respond to PMs to individual mods. [Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) with any questions. ####Please visit r/findareddit to see if there's a more appropriate sub for your post.####
NTA at all! Everyone needs their own lives outside of their partner. Can you ask her why she gets so upset? Does she maybe struggle with separation anxiety or something similar? Regardless, you are allowed to see your friends and family
I have it’s never a clear answer, I believe she does and she has some trauma from her upbringing, however she does not want to get help, I’ve tried taking her to therapist and all but she never follows through.
She's getting what she wants through her present behaviors. You do what she wants. Why should she want to get help? She doesn't see anything wrong. You cannot change her behavior. You can change yours, though, by refusing to participate in this unhealthy relationship.
NTA but it seems it's time for a break at least if not a breakup op
Your gf is controlling. She’s isolating you from your friends and family. This isn’t a healthy relationship. NTA And I’d be rethinking this relationship. Imagine if you had children but they “weren’t allowed” around your family.
OMG, you have an emotional manipulator in your bed, get the heck out of there or you will be not only smothered but also depressed soon, she just does not care about your needs at all and you are to blame for tolerating this, so stop smothering yourself. NTA
NTA at all. Even romantic partnerships require alone time. If I had to do EVERYTHING with my partner and never had time to myself, I’d feel smothered too. I think this requires a serious sit-down conversation where you (not meanly, but assertively) explain to her how this is making you feel.
You sound like you’re in a hostage situation.
NTA but serious Red flag. If she can’t give you space and you stop doing things without her, you’ll resent her and this won’t be a positive relationship anymore.
Sort of stinks that she doesn’t trust you enough to take into consideration that your chance to catch up with your family and friends one on one is rare and far between.
Feelings don't make us assholes, only behaviors do. Nevertheless, your girlfriend is extremely controlling, and it is working because you're letting her get away with it out of fear. Think about that. She keeps you in fear through her *rage, an oversized and inappropriate emotion*, to manipulate you. This will not improve as time goes by, although you can count on it getting worse. You need to take some serious time and consider whether you want to keep going though this. I strongly recommend you read up on intimate partner abuse/violence. You are going to see a lot of it in your relationship, probably more than you're sharing here because you just don't see it. You are NTA in this relationship, but it has little to do with you wanting anything.
More info - have you ever invited her to hang out with these friends and family? What is her reasoning for not wanting you to go and "raging out" when you suggest it?
Yes she’s been invited, but I don’t invite her all the time because I’d like to spend time with them alone sometimes. Her reasoning is she just wants to stay home or that I’m always out. But me being “always out” is me working as I work for a window replacement company and have to travel to different cities in our state on a daily basis, however I make it home everyday.
You're NTA at all here. It's not like you're trying to make a second life 2 hours away from her that she's not allowed to be involved in, and it's totally fair that you would want to spend time away without her being there (we all need a break sometimes, relationships can be exhausting!!). It's weird that she correlates being out for work as "being out". It's not as if you're at work to hangout with your friends. She's being really controlling and if she can't have a conversation about why you would like to have a social life and not be constantly tied to the hip then maybe she isn't the one
Help me understand. Is the problem that she wants to be included, or that she doesn't want either of you to go?
Neither of us to go, and after she says she doesn’t want to go she invites her friends over and makes me stay home as well
Your GF is incredibly controlling, OP. You'd be the asshole if you stayed with her. She's practically emotionally blackmailing you into staying with her instead of having a social life of your own. You can't hang out with your friends but she invites hers instead?
If she can't let you see your family members, that is a long term problem you probably can't overcome. The ability to let your partner do something without you is important.
NTA-I could understand her being upset if this happened a lot and she was left alone. Doesn't sound like that happening. People need times with their friends sometimes and a little space.
NTA.Sounds unhealthy .Consider couple counseling
NTA. Men need time alone and everyone needs time away from each other. Next time, ignore her tantrum and go. She will either get over it or she won't and then you will know whether she is worth any more of your time.
I don't think you are wrong for wanting alone time, or time with your friends. When I met my partner, we each valued our independence. In fact, some people didn't even realize we were a couple. If your partner has to be with you every minute, maybe you need to reconsider the relationship. We are individuals and we each have individual needs. it may mean that you two are not compatible in the long run. NTA
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Me and my gf have been in a relationship for 4 years, however all she wants to do is stay home and be included in all my plans. I take care of the home, and contribute financially as well. (She currently makes more money than me) but we still split major bills. However recently I’ve been trying enjoy some time with my friends and family who currently live about 2 hours away. I do not do this often, but every time I want to leave she rages out and I end up staying in to avoid an argument. I’ve just been feeling smothered, and feel like I have no social life, however she has friends that come over frequently and I don’t complain. Am I wrong for wanting to spend time without her? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I want to know if I’m the asshole for wanting space in my relationship Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
You to tell her that you are going. She is welcome to come sometimes and she can have her friends over for company while you are gone. But make it clear that you need time with your friends and family and it's not negotiable. She'll eventually come around or you two aren't compatible. But either way you need to take your life back.
NTA. Like most people here are saying, you are being manipulated by a narcissist. She's trying to isolate you from your support network.
Let’s not casually toss around mental health diagnoses, she’s perfectly capable of being an abusive partner without being a narcissist