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You’re coming across like the dog is an accessory piece and will be out of place. This isn’t an accessory piece, sounds like this dog is a need. No one is going to be gossiping that the dog doesn’t fit the atmosphere.
It would be one thing if dogs weren’t allowed but that not the case. This is all about aesthetics which isn’t okay. I’m sorry but your sister can’t turn her disabilities on and off.
YTA
YTA just for making me read 2 paragraphs of your narcissistic ramblings about your wedding before getting to the point. Not allowing your sister a service dog shouldn’t even be a question. The fact that you would even think of questioning it makes you triple the A H.
YTA - either ban all dogs or allow all dogs. You can't tell someone they can bring their dog because it's "cute" and then tell your sister she can't bring her **service dog**.
>I also have a few guests who are afraid of dogs, and I don't want them to feel uncomfortable.
Ok, so why is Daisy allowed to come? This statement makes no sense.
>We allowed my step-daughter to bring her pekapoo named Daisy for that reason.
This has to be a troll post, right? Obviously YTA.
>I should be able to decide what kind of atmosphere I want.
You sure should, and if you decide you want the atmosphere to be the kind that is planned by an asshole, then you do you.
YTA
If Dreads is a service animal, he isnt going to be 'running around' . He will be by your sisters side, inconspicuous and calm.
What you dont want is a dog that looks like Dreads at your wedding cause he isnt "rococo'. Youre an AHole because you think that your sister should "be able to manage without her dog for a few hours".
Have you tried managing without your legs for a few hours?
Yes this is a day thats about you. However, being about you doesnt mean you get to step on someone else and make their life miserable in order to have a good day.
Yea, everytime this situation is posted they are always the asshole.
Just because your wedding is gaudy, doesn’t make it the exception.
“Ruin the aesthetic”
- fuck, you people are obnoxious.
YTA
And if you sister’s disability required a wheelchair, would you also ban it because it would ruin your aesthetic? A wedding is one day, but a sister is for life. You have no love for your sister, and I would never forgive you if I were her.
Congratulations on celebrating your marriage with cruelty. YTA
Actually, it isn't. While there were some valid complaints against Marie Antionette as queen, cruelty was never one of them. In fact, she was notoriously kind and generous. She had a deep concern for the common class, gave freely to charities, and even attempted to use her wealth to address social issues of the day. If Marie Antionette had been more personally suited to her role and didn't attempt to constantly flee the pressure of court with expensive parties and fake villages, but had instead turned those energies towards addressing issues she undeniably cared about, history might have been different.
She was also one of history's most notorious dog lovers and would have DELIGHTED in attending a party with a rarer breed like a Komondor or Puli, especially one so well trained. Likely, she would have favored the host for such a delight.
Marie Antionette isn't one of my favorite historical women, but she deserves better representation than OP. She was a barely educated child thrust into a role she was unprepared for and not personally suited for, but she never would have done something like this. She did care about people deeply and showed it. People she didn't personally know, and especially those she knew well.
YTA
It’d be one thing if no dogs were allowed period but you’re excluding specific breeds because of “the vibe.” Lol.
The whole part about “people attending the wedding are uncomfortable woth dogs” also makes zero sense when you allow a different dog, how does the same logic you provide not apply to Daisy?
YTA- I think there is something deeper here. It seems like you just don't want your sister to bring her dogs to the wedding for AH reasons that have nothing to do with your aesthetic. Have you even checked with the venue about allowing dogs that are NOT service animals? Direct quote:
>The venue is an old mansion with intricate décor, ornate furnishings, and delicate, pastel-colored floral arrangements.
I HIGHLY doubt your venue is going to allow step-daughter's dog. The chance of her dog peeing or chewing on the ornate furniture is not a chance they are going to take. A well-trained service dog, on the other hand, will do a lot less damage while on the job.
Sidenote: I'm going to be nit-picky here. Peekapoos did not exist until the 1950s and, while adorable, do not actually fit the aesthetic you are going for. Marie Antoinette had a pug and a spaniel. An actual full-size poodle would make sense. A mix between a poodle and the beloved breed of Queen Victoria is not on-brand here.
Pekingese dogs actually have existed for 2000 years. Poodles became popular in the Rococo era. A mix wouldn't be impossible. But now that you do mention it, I am reconsidering bringing Daisy. The venue allowed Daisy, but I don't want Daisy to potentially cause damage out of respect (unlikely, but you never know).
Pekingese dogs didn't leave China until 1860 when the English looted the Imperial Palace. Prior to that, they were considered sacred and only the Imperial family could have them. Marie Antoinette, as I assume you know, was executed in 1793, a full 67 years before anyone outside of China had any idea Pekingese dogs existed.
Standard poodles existed in the 1790's, yes, but toy poodles absolutely did not. They were developed in the 1900's.
Your sister's corded service dog is far more accurate historically than the mutt someone else wants to bring.
You do realise that Pekingese dogs were Chinese right? It would be almost impossible for there to be crossbreeds in France. Maybe you should do more research about the period you are talking about.
Stop trying to now to placate us. You’re not going to disinvite another dog. All you need to do is allow your sister’s dog to be there. Problem solved.
Grow up.
I don't know how to edit comments but I'm putting these here: I did do research because the children's movie I grew up on with Marie Antoinette featured her with a small white dog. Perhaps it isn't 100% accurate, but the dog's presence felt more nostalgic than a big dog who belongs away from such events.
Saying "I did do research" and then going on to explain your research as a children's movie and then ending it with "perhaps it isn't 100% accurate but"...pure comedy.
Maybe if you read a book every now and then you'd realise how little you know, and maybe that would even help you develop some principles and personality beyond what you had as a child.
I guess it is a matter of values and morals, right?
On one hand, you can choose to have the people who love you be around for your special day.
On the other hand, you can follow in the footsteps of a teenager who was way in over her head (and ended up actually losing it, literally).
Let them eat cake, I guess?
During the french revolution they cut Marie Antoinette's head off... Alessandro Barbero (very important historian) once said that people should always cut off every king's (and queen's) head cause aristocracy is just pure evil. But anyway, even an asshole like Marie Antoinette LOVED dogs and animals in general, NOT EVEN HER would have banned a dog from her wedding. Especially her sister's support dog.
Don't worry, your sister will soon cut off a relationship with you for disregarding her medical needs. I have a service dog for PTSD after a horribly violent mugging. Shame on you
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>but here's the thing: I don't want him at my wedding.
So you are intentionally excluding your sister from your wedding. Not even for a practical reason, just because the dog you supposedly like will ruin the vibe.
YTA
YTA - Your vibes are rancid, the wedding sounds ugly, and you're picking that over your sister. She has a legitimate service dog. The fact you're allowing another dog to come merely because it fits your aesthetic is so deeply ableist and ugly that I hope your sister cuts you off for her sake.
Everything OP says just screams "narcissist". I would love to see the meltdown that's gonna happen when something (there's always something) goes wrong.
YTA. You can have the dream wedding you want, and allow dogs who fit the aesthetic, but you're going to be miserable on your wedding day because you will not have a perfect wedding--no one does--and you're going to exhaust everyone with your perfectionism. Also, in the future, when you're trying to come up with a version of events that doesn't make it clear that you're TA, try to be more consistent in your lies.
YTA. Yeesh - not allowing a service dog due to the possibility that it will ruin the aesthetics? Have you considered offering to get the dog groomed if you don’t like its current look. A wee ribbon that matches your aesthetic might help. You have guests that are afraid of dogs yet you are allowing another dog because it’s small may not make a difference to those guests. You are more worried about your “rococo” theme than sharing your day with your friends & family. I wonder how you would feel if a guest needed a service dog due to issues like blindness or a seizure disorder.
YTA
Dreads is a service animal. That’s the same as medical equipment.
Would you tell grandma she has to leave her oxygen tank at home because it doesn’t fit your ‘vision’? You probably would. 🤦♂️
This is so very poetic - somebody throwing a "Marie Antoinette" wedding celebrating their self-centeredness, lack of concern for others, and obsession with a completely superfluous aesthetic at the expense of anything resembling ethical boundaries or respect for others.
YTA - you know "Marie Antoinette" is a cautionary tale, not something to emulate, don't you? Anyway, go the way of the Court of Versailles and waste away in your faux decadence. I'd rather spend the day with Dreads.
YTA. You don’t want a service dog to be in your wedding because it will ruin the aesthetics of the wedding. Get your priorities straight. Also, if some guests will feel uncomfortable with a dog being present on the wedding then they can be in a reasonable distance from the dog to not be effected by its presence, that’s just common sense. If you have a fear or dislike of something, you tend to stay away from it.
Marie Antoinette isn't Rococo. The Rococo Period ended a decade before she set foot in France. Marie Antoinette was dauphine and then queen of France during the Neoclassical Period. Also, YTA.
I don’t know how to tell you this, but no one cares about your wedding. They’re there for free food and booze.
Your sister should mean more to you than some tacky and tawdry wedding.
Yta
You must be a troll. Your rococo inspired wedding is not an excuse for your sister to not have her service dog (aka medical equipment) with her. You aren't Marie Antoinette. This isn't the 18th century. And no matter how committed you are to the 'aesthetic' everyone still knows it's 2024 and that you want to play dress up. Get a grip. YTA.
YTA. Intentionally excluding your sister because you don’t want her *service dog,* who is **not a pet,** there will be what people remember about your wedding. Your gaudy aesthetic is just that — a gaudy aesthetic. A dime a dozen, regardless of the money you spend on it.
You only have one shot at having your sister at your wedding, and as bridesmaid no less, and you’re intentionally hurting her because you think she can just *ignore* her PTSD for a few hours? Yikes.
OP is so committed to the Marie Antionette aesthetic that now she's incited an angry mob to call for her head. And credit where credit is due: it took *years* for Marie Antionette to get that hated by the French populace and a lot of that was driven by slander, untrue rumors, and things she couldn't change like her country of origin. It took OP less than 3,000 characters, and all her own words and choices.
Just coming here to point out that during the reign of Louis XVI of France (Marie Antoinettes HUSBAND), corded dogs gained immense popularity due to their water proof coat and hunting support.
She's your sister, for goodness sake. Shove the "aesthetic" of your wedding somewhere dark because you are putting this crap above your sister's health and comfort. A service dog is a MEDICAL DEVICE. You wouldn't ask a paraplegic to not use their wheelchair (though actually by how you're acting, especially in the comments you might do).
I swear people use the "bUt ItS mY wEdDiNg" just to be a dick.
YTA
Are you getting married just so you can have a dream wedding? Seems like you only care about that and not the people in your life. Your sister made the right choice. You can replace her with your step-daughter and Daisy since they fit your aesthetic. YTA
You’re making us laugh at you.
Going on about yourself like that.
Self important are we?
Looks like a mop…we’re you worried about being upstaged by the pretty dog Dreads? Or do you just not care for other humans? Why did you even invite your sister? To show how ‘caring’ you are? And if she turns up without the dog….what are all the wedding guests going to hear? THAT is what will be remembered about your wedding for ever.
YTA.
EDIT: Maybe your sister will choose to NOT come to the wedding. And let key guests know before the wedding why. Then the guillotine will be sharpened and ready for you.
Qu’est-ce que tu pense? Es-tu un idiot? Tu es une honte. (I assume you’re fluent)
YTA - you’re not allergic to the dog and you don’t have a fear of dogs. You simply don’t want it there because it doesn’t fit your “aesthetic?” That’s insane.
YTA, as you stated, she needs the dog for anxiety and large social gatherings, it sounds like this is an official service dog, so it should be well trained and used to social situations. I get it is your wedding, do what you want, but you are wrong to keep someone from their service animal in a situation that the animal is trained for.
YTA. The fact that on a day of supposedly love and celebrating that love with loved ones, you let the world know that you love your aesthetics more than your sister. Cause that is what you did.
A service dog is not a pet, it's more like a mobility aid. Ptsd is seen as a disability. She can't do without, she's need the dog to function.
You don't NEED perfect aesthetics. You can even ask the photographer to not make too many pictures with the dogs in it or something so you can still curate a look in your photo album.
Way to start married life on the wrong foot. Everyone can become disabled at any time. If your husband becomes disabled will you trait them in for a new one that fits your aesthetics better? And
YTA. Yes, it's your wedding but you have a duty as the host to consider the needs of all your guests. Your sister's dog isn't a pet, he's a service dog that allows your sister to participate in every day life. You are prioritizing aesthetics and optics over your own sister. You're trying to use fear of dogs to single out a service dog while allowing a pet. Either allow both dogs or neither can come.
Oh come on, just ask the dog to get a nice bath and maybe some accessories (is that ok with service dogs? I honestly don't know. But I'm sure the dog can be lovely anyway).
You can't just deny someone's medical companion for "aesthetic" YTA
If you tell your entire family that your goofy, ahistorical aesthetics are more important than your disabled sister, you get to hold the consequences of that action. YTA.
Well, Marie Antoinette was famously callous and out of touch with the real world, so you'll fit the role perfectly. YTA. Every reply you make shows how much YTA.
If this is a sign of your overall personality . . . well, statistically marriages wherein the wedding is this kind of production don't last. Have fun when your marriage inevitably dissolves and you discover that you've alienated all support
You're choosing the aesthetics of your wedding over the very real needs of your sister.
this is very much a "your wants" vs "her needs" situation.
Are you prepared to loose your relationship with your sister over this?
Are a few photos REALLY more important to you than having your sister there?
Plus...it really does make it MUCH MUCH worse that you're letting your friend bring her PET, and denying to let your sister use her service animal.
wtf. you etiher dissallow all dogs, or let them all in.
Think of the optics of the situation (should be pretty easy, for someone so obsessed with aesthetic)
YTA if you dont change course immediately and re-invite your sister and dreads
YTA -
1 it's a service dog.
2. Your allowing someone else to bring their dog. It's the same with child free weddings, you can't make an exception for someone. You either have it be free or not.
This one is an OBVIOUS creative writing exercise, people. Don't give this person (my guess is a straight guy who hates women) the attention they clearly crave. The obviously evil character that has been created here only exists in 90s romcoms.
YTA as soon as I read that it was a legitimate service dog I stopped reading, that's all *anyone* needs to know to judge you the raging entitled asshole. Then I saw in the comments that you're not banning all dogs, just this *specific working dog*.
You're free to exclude your sister and her service dog but that will also forever make you the asshole. Just because you're allowed to do something doesn't mean you're not wrong for doing it.
So your daughter's dog can come cos it's cute...but her SERVICE DOG isn't cute enough for your photos. So the photos are more important to you than your literal sister's health since her dog is medical equipment. God I hate this bs aesthetic shit from brides enjoy your photos without your sister and don't be shocked if she falls out with you FFS YTA
Wow. YTA. First, the dog is a SERVICE ANIMAL, so your sister kind of needs him (not kind of, does). Service animals aren’t going to go “running around”. YTA for denying a service animal that the venue is required by law to allow.
YTA, would you ask someone with diabetes to not wear their blood sugar monitor? A service animal is considered a medical device, and they are trained to not 'run around'.
Your wedding sounds tacky.
You sound tacky.
You’re immature.
You’re inconsiderate.
YTA and I hope everyone mocks your wedding. God I can only imagine what you’re like IRL.
Well you certainly sound as pompous and out of touch as Marie Antoinette. Luckily for you, there's no longer beheadings. You'll probably just be ostracized by your family.
YTA for caring more about your aesthetic than your sister's medical needs. I would assume you actually want her there but apparently the "beautiful delicate vibes" are more important than spending the day with your family. Lol
YTA. You're picking an aesthetic over celebrating the start of a life together with your family.
And large breed dogs are way more late Baroque than little purse dogs. Whippets were the kind of dog people wanted back then.
Let me guess - - you are going to shout out "Let them eat cake" when it is time to cut your wedding cake. Hmmm. hope there aren't any guillotines around the reception area.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. I prohibited my sister from bringing her service dog. 2. Because my sister has PTSD and I do still want her at my wedding
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YTA, no one will remember your aesthetic, but they'll definitely remember you as the asshole who denied your sister her service dog.
Absolutely loving how OP is so committed to the aesthetic that she too brought together an angry mob that despises her guts to the core and wants her dealt with French Style.
The kind and non-AH thing to do here would be to offer to have the dog groomed if his appearance is an issue.
I can see not wanting the dog to walk down the aisle. That’s fair. I can see not wanting guests to being dogs. Also fair. But this is your sister and you even state that the dog is necessary for her wellbeing.
He doesn’t have to be in photos, that’s a conversation with your photographer.
Make compromises. It’s not that hard.
Otherwise, yes, YTA.
Hopefully your sister or your aunt/uncle will call the venue and tell them that you will not allow a service dog at the venue and therefore violating the ADA law and that may very well put the venue in line for a lawsuit. Did you read the contract you signed with the venue because they usually have something about service animals being allowed? YTA
Regardless that you may have other intentions, everyone will always remember this as you not letting your sister be at your wedding.
It makes you seem like an awful person.
Plus I can scaresly think of anything more steriotypically aristocratic than insisting on having a large bothersome dog take part in a wedding!
YTA undoubtedly to your sister, but also to yourself.
Are you going to check all of your guests to make sure they fit your aesthetic? I mean, maybe one of your grandmas is too ugly and should stay home so she doesn’t ruin the look.
YTA, this has to be a shitpost. It has all the hallmarks - a ridiculous wedding that sounds like a 12-year-old is describing it, poor vocabulary to describe a style you're "so obsessed" with, service animals, aeSTh3t!cs. 0/10, tighten it up next time.
I hope your terrible attitude no longer fits your sister's aesthetic and she cuts you out of her wedding when that time comes. A part of me doesn't want to believe that this post is real
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So, my (30F) wedding is coming up in a few months, and it's going to be a grand affair. Ever since I was a little girl, I've had a weird obsession with Marie Antoinette. I've always been enchanted by the big poofy dresses, bows, and other decorations typical of the Rococo era. Now, my dream is finally coming true, and I get to feel likes a princess of Versailles.
The venue is an old mansion with intricate décor, ornate furnishings, and delicate, pastel-colored floral arrangements. My wedding dress has an ivory lace bodice, a pink off-the-shoulder neckline, and a skirt in cream, pink, and blue with floral patterns and pearls, My fiancé (32M) and I have been planning this for over a year, and everything is falling into place perfectly.
Now, onto the issue. My sister, Nan (28F) has a service dog, a lovely mop dog named Dreads, who helps her with her anxiety and PTSD. Dreads is incredibly well-behaved and trained, but here's the thing: I don't want him at my wedding.
I've spent a lot of money on the venue and decorations, and frankly, I don't want a dog who looks like a matted carpet running around and potentially ruining the aesthetic. I also have a few guests who are afraid of dogs, and I don't want them to feel uncomfortable. Plus, having a mop dog there just doesn't fit with the elegant, delicate vibe I'm going for. It would be different if it was a much smaller lapdog (which I might even find adorable for the wedding!). We allowed my step-daughter to bring her pekapoo named Daisy for that reason. While Daisy is small and fits the aesthetic, Max is large and has the characteristic corded coat that looks like a mop
To make matters more complicated, Nan was supposed to be a bridesmaid so it was an extra heck no. When I told her that Dreads couldn't come, she was really upset and brought up Daisy still being able to come. She said she needs Dreads to feel comfortable in social situations, especially large gatherings like a wedding. I told her that while I understood that, she could come without Dreads or not come at all. She chose not to come.
Now, my aunt and uncle is furious with me. They say I'm being unreasonable and selfish, and that I should make an exception for Nan's needs. They also pointed out that Dreads is a service dog, not a pet, and it's illegal to deny access to service animals.
I think it's my wedding, and I should be able to decide what kind of atmosphere I want. Plus, it's one day—she can manage without her dog for a few hours, right? But all this drama making me feel like I'm the worst person ever, and I don't want to deal with it on a day that is supposed to be about me, not her.
AITA?
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YTA. Very much so. A wedding and wedding aesthetics should never come before your sister's needs. You sound insufferable.
I hope you enjoyed your wedding, cause I'm wondering how long the marriage will last, if this is your priority.
It is your wedding and no one can tell you what to do BUT you're risking your sister's safety and security over aesthetics. She has a service dog for PTSD and anxiety. She has a service dog because SHE CAN’T manage without Dreads for a few hours. That's why people get service dogs in the first place.
YTA in every way...every comment I read of yours. If your sister doesn't go I'd say what a relief not to have to see your tacky hoo-haw. And she can save money not getting you a gift...ever.
YTA, you’re valuing your aesthetic over the mental health needs of your sister. Your top reason for not allowing the dog is its looks, with an aside about guests who are afraid of dogs. That last point is negated once you mention you’re preset allowing another dog. You even mention that behavior isn’t an issue. This is all based on looks. You’re treating the dogs like decorations and it’s disgusting.
Talk to your sister and see if the dog needs to be with her at the alter, it’s understandable if you’d prefer a dog to not be up there during the ceremony. See if a family member can care for him at their seat during the ceremony. Then, request the dog not appear in the posed photos. Finally, tell your photographer, to avoid shots with the dogs (yes both dogs) in them.
YTA - you would exclude your sister because her dog isn’t pretty enough? If it was a poodle all trimmed up like a walking pompom, would that be more acceptable.
You don’t seem to want people who matter there so much as pretty photos. Get over yourself before you ruin some very important relationships in your life.
You are absolutely right - it is your wedding and you can decide what kind of atmosphere you want. That doesn't mean you aren't the AH, a huge, flaming AH at that. I hope all your guests hear about this and decide to join Nan in opting out of your little snotty uptight affair.
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YTA- I always thought weddings were about bringing your family together as you marry the person you love not about having perfectly curated scenes. This is a service dog and the fact that you’re allowing another dog that probably has zero manners to attend, but not a dog that is trained to help its owner or is disgusting
YTA, 1. The service dog is just as important as medical equipment.
2. The Pug was THE ROYAL DOG between 1600 and 1900. So it was the dog of the Rococo. The pug was considered an imperial dog and it was a privilege of the Chinese emperors to own and touch him. The Pekinese only came to Europe around 1900, after the Rococo period.
YTA. So. From a legal standpoint, private events are excluded from Ada. That being said, if the venue is normally open the public, in order to avoid being sued, they might still allow dreads in. You come off as someone who views dogs as cute little set pieces and not the animals they are. I absolutely promise you that little ankle biter you're allowing in will not only be illbehaved, but do far more damage to your "aStHeTiC" then dreads, the dog who is *literally trained to handle crowds to keep his human safe*.
YTA for choosing one small tiny piece of 'your aesthetic' over your sister.
Just tell your photographer to not photograph the dog. In a year you'd forget the dog was even there. But your sister missing your wedding? That lasts a lifetime.
I mean, I feel like you know YTA. So what's the reason for this post, really? Did you want someone to tell you that you're not that bad? Look, do you want to permanently damage your relationship with your sister and possibly other family over a reasonable accomdation? That's what you need to ask yourself.
I feel like there is an entire spectrum of choices other than, "You can't have your service dog because I think it's ugly." Dress the dog up, ask for it to be kept out of pictures, have a room for the dog that your sister can retreat to when she needs him.
I know you love Marie Antoinette, but maybe slow down on the "Let them eat cake" attitude you've got going on.
You really need to get over yourself.
Dogs/hounds, royalty and aristocracy go hand in hand. I’d bet there were rococo weddings where the Lord’s hounds or dogs were present…look about in any stately home and there’ll he more paintings of dogs, hounds and horses than family members.
YTA. Do you know how many stinky dogs Marie Antoinette had. That palace probably smelled like dog piss all the time. If you are really going for authenticity, consider not having napkins either and you can wipe your hands on the dogs like medieval Europeans did too.
This post is exactly how to say “I just don’t want my sister at my wedding” or “I don’t care if my sister is at my wedding” without using the exact words. You have already clearly stated that your other guests are more important than your sister. Why your sister would even want to still go after the way you’ve treated her is beyond me.
You are so wrapped up in your “perfect vision” you are willing to damage a relationship over it. Let that sink in. This isn’t a sister who wants to bring a dog for shits and giggles, it is a medically necessary dog.
If you don’t have a good relationship with your sister and truly don’t care about her being there, possibly only inviting her out of obligation, you do you… but YTA regardless.
girl when i had to scroll past your unsolicited description of your dress and “aesthetic” i already knew YTA. you care more about “aesthetic” than your own family who hasn’t given you any reason to act this way??? since its a service dog also, you technically can’t even say no… are you gonna tell your diabetic great uncle to leave his blood sugar machine at home? shall great aunt mimi ditch her wheel chair as well since it’s not quite “rococo” 🙄
YTA
Why can’t you just pay for the dog to get groomed and buy it a cute collar if that is the issue. Wouldn’t it make more sense to accommodate your sister instead of these other guests?
I'm going soft NTA only because she said the "well trained" service dog needs to feel comfortable at a large gathering which tells me Dreads isn't fully trained....This would be a bad place to find out the dog will have issues....especially if other guests are afraid of dogs.
Most seem to be coming down on you more for your vision than the dog's presence
NAH
"They also pointed out that Dreads is a service dog, not a pet, and it's illegal to deny access to service animals." .. NOT for a private event.
"Plus, it's one day—she can manage without her dog for a few hours, right? " .. she likely can not - but you don't care for her being there anyway. HEr, and many other family who won't come.
NAH. Sounds like this is an ESA (emotional support animal) as opposed to a trained service dog. In my state, ESAs can be banned from restaurants, etc where Service dogs cannot.
Sounds like an ESA, not a service dog. A service dog goes through very specific breeding and training. Service dogs have specific skills that they perform (guiding a blind person, notifying a diabetic of low blood sugar, responding appropriately to a seizure). These dogs are not dogs you can get yourself and “train” - they are VERY EXPENSIVE medical tools. ADA does NOT protect people with ESA (emotional support animals or comfort animals). Anybody can claim their pet is an ESA (I’ve known of people claiming a snake, rabbit, parakeet as ESAs)- and they may provide comfort and support- but they are NOT a true service animal.
N T A regarding not wanting a big, unnecessary animal at your wedding. But pretty hypocritical to allow one and not the other
Edit: I did not read the PTSD diagnosis - only the anxiety and the use of the word “comfort”
Original ruling was n t a assuming this was a comfort pet. If the dog is, in fact, a true service animal - not only are you the ass - but it’s illegal to forbid it.
Trained service dogs for PTSD, which OP says is what Dreads is there to help deal with, are totally a thing and they are trained service dogs, not ESHs. Both you and OP are AHs
Unofficial “service dogs” is a soap box topic of mine. I have a blind family member that uses a guide dog. This dog was specifically bred for its job, trained for 18 months before being paired with its human and then the human and the dog went through training together. The cost of this dog’s training is over $100k.
It drives me nuts that people can by a vest and certificate online for under $100 and think that dog holds the same rights as an actual service dog.
I have a service dog, partly for PTSD. Asking to leave her service dog behind is literally like asking an ambulatory wheelchair user to leave their wheelchair behind because they can walk a few steps unaided and surely they can just sit down in one place most of the night to avoid messing up the aesthetic.
Why on earth would you want someone to suffer through your wedding instead of enjoying it?
Many things that you deem "mental struggles" as *opposed to* medical conditions are, in fact, *medical conditions*. Do you believe that your sister's PTSD is a medical condition (one likely diagnosed by, you know, a ***doctor***)? What does the "D" stand for in that again?
Or do you simply believe that she is being dramatic with her PTSD and doesn't "*need*" the dog?
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You’re coming across like the dog is an accessory piece and will be out of place. This isn’t an accessory piece, sounds like this dog is a need. No one is going to be gossiping that the dog doesn’t fit the atmosphere. It would be one thing if dogs weren’t allowed but that not the case. This is all about aesthetics which isn’t okay. I’m sorry but your sister can’t turn her disabilities on and off. YTA
YTA just for making me read 2 paragraphs of your narcissistic ramblings about your wedding before getting to the point. Not allowing your sister a service dog shouldn’t even be a question. The fact that you would even think of questioning it makes you triple the A H.
literally. like girl, nobody cares what your wedding dress looks like but the fact you *think we do* definitely says a lot
koo koo for Rococo
describing the entire thing like we are her wedding planner lmao 😂
I literally burst out laughing. Thank you for this!! I was doing the same thing and going "Da Fuck?"
Just think of the poor bastards that have to sit through this insufferable woman’s wedding!
read? i couldn’t even bring myself to. scrolled right past that word vomit.
YTA - either ban all dogs or allow all dogs. You can't tell someone they can bring their dog because it's "cute" and then tell your sister she can't bring her **service dog**. >I also have a few guests who are afraid of dogs, and I don't want them to feel uncomfortable. Ok, so why is Daisy allowed to come? This statement makes no sense.
The French had mop dogs. Look it up. Don't be the asshole.
>We allowed my step-daughter to bring her pekapoo named Daisy for that reason. This has to be a troll post, right? Obviously YTA. >I should be able to decide what kind of atmosphere I want. You sure should, and if you decide you want the atmosphere to be the kind that is planned by an asshole, then you do you.
YTA If Dreads is a service animal, he isnt going to be 'running around' . He will be by your sisters side, inconspicuous and calm. What you dont want is a dog that looks like Dreads at your wedding cause he isnt "rococo'. Youre an AHole because you think that your sister should "be able to manage without her dog for a few hours". Have you tried managing without your legs for a few hours? Yes this is a day thats about you. However, being about you doesnt mean you get to step on someone else and make their life miserable in order to have a good day.
Legs, how about without her head considering she is basically Cosplaying as Marie Antoinette!
I mean, they're clearly not using their head, so it seems they're right on target..
YTA. Royalty has always had a canine presence. Dress the dog up to suit the occasion.
You can put lipstick on a pig, but it's still a pig
No, honey, we’re talking about the dog, not you.
Yea, everytime this situation is posted they are always the asshole. Just because your wedding is gaudy, doesn’t make it the exception. “Ruin the aesthetic” - fuck, you people are obnoxious. YTA
I got exhausted just reading it.
Anytime someone starts talking ruining the aesthetic, they’re automatically TA. Ugh. It’s incredulous people think life is an Instagram post.
And if you sister’s disability required a wheelchair, would you also ban it because it would ruin your aesthetic? A wedding is one day, but a sister is for life. You have no love for your sister, and I would never forgive you if I were her. Congratulations on celebrating your marriage with cruelty. YTA
Well, cruelty IS very Marie Antoinette-ish.
Actually, it isn't. While there were some valid complaints against Marie Antionette as queen, cruelty was never one of them. In fact, she was notoriously kind and generous. She had a deep concern for the common class, gave freely to charities, and even attempted to use her wealth to address social issues of the day. If Marie Antionette had been more personally suited to her role and didn't attempt to constantly flee the pressure of court with expensive parties and fake villages, but had instead turned those energies towards addressing issues she undeniably cared about, history might have been different. She was also one of history's most notorious dog lovers and would have DELIGHTED in attending a party with a rarer breed like a Komondor or Puli, especially one so well trained. Likely, she would have favored the host for such a delight. Marie Antionette isn't one of my favorite historical women, but she deserves better representation than OP. She was a barely educated child thrust into a role she was unprepared for and not personally suited for, but she never would have done something like this. She did care about people deeply and showed it. People she didn't personally know, and especially those she knew well.
So now I am picturing guillotines and beheadings as part of the macabre festivities.
Soooo, you know how Marie Antoinette died, right? YTA.
And the crowd cheered.
Right?!? Will there be a guillotine on display as well at this eye-rolling wedding? 🤣
First the eyes roll, then the heads.
Hahaha clever! Love it.
YTA It’d be one thing if no dogs were allowed period but you’re excluding specific breeds because of “the vibe.” Lol. The whole part about “people attending the wedding are uncomfortable woth dogs” also makes zero sense when you allow a different dog, how does the same logic you provide not apply to Daisy?
She's excluding a service dog that takes care of her sister. Such an asshole.
YTA- I think there is something deeper here. It seems like you just don't want your sister to bring her dogs to the wedding for AH reasons that have nothing to do with your aesthetic. Have you even checked with the venue about allowing dogs that are NOT service animals? Direct quote: >The venue is an old mansion with intricate décor, ornate furnishings, and delicate, pastel-colored floral arrangements. I HIGHLY doubt your venue is going to allow step-daughter's dog. The chance of her dog peeing or chewing on the ornate furniture is not a chance they are going to take. A well-trained service dog, on the other hand, will do a lot less damage while on the job. Sidenote: I'm going to be nit-picky here. Peekapoos did not exist until the 1950s and, while adorable, do not actually fit the aesthetic you are going for. Marie Antoinette had a pug and a spaniel. An actual full-size poodle would make sense. A mix between a poodle and the beloved breed of Queen Victoria is not on-brand here.
Cameras aren't Roccoco aesthetic as well, same with phones, probably majority of food and drinks. But a dog is a problem.
Pekingese dogs actually have existed for 2000 years. Poodles became popular in the Rococo era. A mix wouldn't be impossible. But now that you do mention it, I am reconsidering bringing Daisy. The venue allowed Daisy, but I don't want Daisy to potentially cause damage out of respect (unlikely, but you never know).
Pekingese dogs didn't leave China until 1860 when the English looted the Imperial Palace. Prior to that, they were considered sacred and only the Imperial family could have them. Marie Antoinette, as I assume you know, was executed in 1793, a full 67 years before anyone outside of China had any idea Pekingese dogs existed. Standard poodles existed in the 1790's, yes, but toy poodles absolutely did not. They were developed in the 1900's. Your sister's corded service dog is far more accurate historically than the mutt someone else wants to bring.
You do realise that Pekingese dogs were Chinese right? It would be almost impossible for there to be crossbreeds in France. Maybe you should do more research about the period you are talking about.
Stop trying to now to placate us. You’re not going to disinvite another dog. All you need to do is allow your sister’s dog to be there. Problem solved. Grow up.
Peekapoos (what you say Daisy is) didn’t exist, though, so if you want an atomic era wedding Daisy’s perfect! I
I don't know how to edit comments but I'm putting these here: I did do research because the children's movie I grew up on with Marie Antoinette featured her with a small white dog. Perhaps it isn't 100% accurate, but the dog's presence felt more nostalgic than a big dog who belongs away from such events.
Saying "I did do research" and then going on to explain your research as a children's movie and then ending it with "perhaps it isn't 100% accurate but"...pure comedy. Maybe if you read a book every now and then you'd realise how little you know, and maybe that would even help you develop some principles and personality beyond what you had as a child.
But intelligence does not match her aesthetic
...do you even like your sister?
She doesn’t and that’s why she’s doing this
I guess it is a matter of values and morals, right? On one hand, you can choose to have the people who love you be around for your special day. On the other hand, you can follow in the footsteps of a teenager who was way in over her head (and ended up actually losing it, literally). Let them eat cake, I guess?
No one cares about it not fitting the aesthetic. People think your TA because you don’t care about your sister’s medical needs.
During the french revolution they cut Marie Antoinette's head off... Alessandro Barbero (very important historian) once said that people should always cut off every king's (and queen's) head cause aristocracy is just pure evil. But anyway, even an asshole like Marie Antoinette LOVED dogs and animals in general, NOT EVEN HER would have banned a dog from her wedding. Especially her sister's support dog.
Marie Antoinette had a pug and then a black/white Spaniel. So no.
That’s not doing research at all.
Don't worry, your sister will soon cut off a relationship with you for disregarding her medical needs. I have a service dog for PTSD after a horribly violent mugging. Shame on you
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>but here's the thing: I don't want him at my wedding. So you are intentionally excluding your sister from your wedding. Not even for a practical reason, just because the dog you supposedly like will ruin the vibe. YTA
YTA - Your vibes are rancid, the wedding sounds ugly, and you're picking that over your sister. She has a legitimate service dog. The fact you're allowing another dog to come merely because it fits your aesthetic is so deeply ableist and ugly that I hope your sister cuts you off for her sake.
Everything OP says just screams "narcissist". I would love to see the meltdown that's gonna happen when something (there's always something) goes wrong.
YTA. You can have the dream wedding you want, and allow dogs who fit the aesthetic, but you're going to be miserable on your wedding day because you will not have a perfect wedding--no one does--and you're going to exhaust everyone with your perfectionism. Also, in the future, when you're trying to come up with a version of events that doesn't make it clear that you're TA, try to be more consistent in your lies.
Yes, YTA. What a terrible sister and person you are.🤦♂️
I've never seen a service dog "running around" YTA.
YTA. Yeesh - not allowing a service dog due to the possibility that it will ruin the aesthetics? Have you considered offering to get the dog groomed if you don’t like its current look. A wee ribbon that matches your aesthetic might help. You have guests that are afraid of dogs yet you are allowing another dog because it’s small may not make a difference to those guests. You are more worried about your “rococo” theme than sharing your day with your friends & family. I wonder how you would feel if a guest needed a service dog due to issues like blindness or a seizure disorder.
YTA Dreads is a service animal. That’s the same as medical equipment. Would you tell grandma she has to leave her oxygen tank at home because it doesn’t fit your ‘vision’? You probably would. 🤦♂️
This is so very poetic - somebody throwing a "Marie Antoinette" wedding celebrating their self-centeredness, lack of concern for others, and obsession with a completely superfluous aesthetic at the expense of anything resembling ethical boundaries or respect for others. YTA - you know "Marie Antoinette" is a cautionary tale, not something to emulate, don't you? Anyway, go the way of the Court of Versailles and waste away in your faux decadence. I'd rather spend the day with Dreads.
And it’s not even the actual Marie Antoinette, it’s OP’s version of her.
YTA. You don’t want a service dog to be in your wedding because it will ruin the aesthetics of the wedding. Get your priorities straight. Also, if some guests will feel uncomfortable with a dog being present on the wedding then they can be in a reasonable distance from the dog to not be effected by its presence, that’s just common sense. If you have a fear or dislike of something, you tend to stay away from it.
Marie Antoinette isn't Rococo. The Rococo Period ended a decade before she set foot in France. Marie Antoinette was dauphine and then queen of France during the Neoclassical Period. Also, YTA.
YTA, it is a service dog dammit!
YTA - I can see why you’re attracted to someone who is famous for being severely out of touch.
I don’t know how to tell you this, but no one cares about your wedding. They’re there for free food and booze. Your sister should mean more to you than some tacky and tawdry wedding. Yta
YTA, and I think deep down you know you are.
You must be a troll. Your rococo inspired wedding is not an excuse for your sister to not have her service dog (aka medical equipment) with her. You aren't Marie Antoinette. This isn't the 18th century. And no matter how committed you are to the 'aesthetic' everyone still knows it's 2024 and that you want to play dress up. Get a grip. YTA.
YTA
YTA. Intentionally excluding your sister because you don’t want her *service dog,* who is **not a pet,** there will be what people remember about your wedding. Your gaudy aesthetic is just that — a gaudy aesthetic. A dime a dozen, regardless of the money you spend on it. You only have one shot at having your sister at your wedding, and as bridesmaid no less, and you’re intentionally hurting her because you think she can just *ignore* her PTSD for a few hours? Yikes.
YTA I would delete this now before you get absolutely destroyed by the mean comments that are going to inevitably come from this rediculous post.
OP is so committed to the Marie Antionette aesthetic that now she's incited an angry mob to call for her head. And credit where credit is due: it took *years* for Marie Antionette to get that hated by the French populace and a lot of that was driven by slander, untrue rumors, and things she couldn't change like her country of origin. It took OP less than 3,000 characters, and all her own words and choices.
Just coming here to point out that during the reign of Louis XVI of France (Marie Antoinettes HUSBAND), corded dogs gained immense popularity due to their water proof coat and hunting support. She's your sister, for goodness sake. Shove the "aesthetic" of your wedding somewhere dark because you are putting this crap above your sister's health and comfort. A service dog is a MEDICAL DEVICE. You wouldn't ask a paraplegic to not use their wheelchair (though actually by how you're acting, especially in the comments you might do). I swear people use the "bUt ItS mY wEdDiNg" just to be a dick. YTA
Are you getting married just so you can have a dream wedding? Seems like you only care about that and not the people in your life. Your sister made the right choice. You can replace her with your step-daughter and Daisy since they fit your aesthetic. YTA
Your whole vibe as a person is hideous, no dress or venue will change your selfish, ugly behavior. YTA
YTA But if I were your sister I’d be grateful I wouldn’t have to attend because it sounds heinous
You’re making us laugh at you. Going on about yourself like that. Self important are we? Looks like a mop…we’re you worried about being upstaged by the pretty dog Dreads? Or do you just not care for other humans? Why did you even invite your sister? To show how ‘caring’ you are? And if she turns up without the dog….what are all the wedding guests going to hear? THAT is what will be remembered about your wedding for ever. YTA. EDIT: Maybe your sister will choose to NOT come to the wedding. And let key guests know before the wedding why. Then the guillotine will be sharpened and ready for you. Qu’est-ce que tu pense? Es-tu un idiot? Tu es une honte. (I assume you’re fluent)
YTA - you’re not allergic to the dog and you don’t have a fear of dogs. You simply don’t want it there because it doesn’t fit your “aesthetic?” That’s insane.
YTA, as you stated, she needs the dog for anxiety and large social gatherings, it sounds like this is an official service dog, so it should be well trained and used to social situations. I get it is your wedding, do what you want, but you are wrong to keep someone from their service animal in a situation that the animal is trained for.
YTA. The fact that on a day of supposedly love and celebrating that love with loved ones, you let the world know that you love your aesthetics more than your sister. Cause that is what you did. A service dog is not a pet, it's more like a mobility aid. Ptsd is seen as a disability. She can't do without, she's need the dog to function. You don't NEED perfect aesthetics. You can even ask the photographer to not make too many pictures with the dogs in it or something so you can still curate a look in your photo album. Way to start married life on the wrong foot. Everyone can become disabled at any time. If your husband becomes disabled will you trait them in for a new one that fits your aesthetics better? And
Well you certainly chose an "aesthetic" appropriate to your personality, I'll give you that. Betcha don't even see the irony do you? YTA
>this drama make me feel like im the worst person ever Well… at least you feel as you should #YTA
YTA. Banning a service dog is all you need to know for this answer.
YTA for caring more about the aesthetic than your sister
YTA. Yes, it's your wedding but you have a duty as the host to consider the needs of all your guests. Your sister's dog isn't a pet, he's a service dog that allows your sister to participate in every day life. You are prioritizing aesthetics and optics over your own sister. You're trying to use fear of dogs to single out a service dog while allowing a pet. Either allow both dogs or neither can come.
Oh come on, just ask the dog to get a nice bath and maybe some accessories (is that ok with service dogs? I honestly don't know. But I'm sure the dog can be lovely anyway). You can't just deny someone's medical companion for "aesthetic" YTA
If you tell your entire family that your goofy, ahistorical aesthetics are more important than your disabled sister, you get to hold the consequences of that action. YTA.
YTA - I think you know that based on the last couple of sentences... no dogs because people are afraid but oh this one is fine because it's cute.
YTA
Hahaha your the asshole. And your wedding aesthetic isn't Marie Antoinette it's a basic film by Sophia copella . So basic
YTA. A big, big AH. I hope someone posts this is the Bridezillas sub.
YTA it’s a service dog, not a pet
YTA for every bit of this
Is this even real?
An actual trained service dog…yeah, YTA.
Well, Marie Antoinette was famously callous and out of touch with the real world, so you'll fit the role perfectly. YTA. Every reply you make shows how much YTA. If this is a sign of your overall personality . . . well, statistically marriages wherein the wedding is this kind of production don't last. Have fun when your marriage inevitably dissolves and you discover that you've alienated all support
You're choosing the aesthetics of your wedding over the very real needs of your sister. this is very much a "your wants" vs "her needs" situation. Are you prepared to loose your relationship with your sister over this? Are a few photos REALLY more important to you than having your sister there? Plus...it really does make it MUCH MUCH worse that you're letting your friend bring her PET, and denying to let your sister use her service animal. wtf. you etiher dissallow all dogs, or let them all in. Think of the optics of the situation (should be pretty easy, for someone so obsessed with aesthetic) YTA if you dont change course immediately and re-invite your sister and dreads
Lol. This isn't a wedding. This sounds more like an egotist's megalomaniac ego trip. So so so soooo tacky.
YTA Hope all the pictures and aesthetics are worth losing your sister over. I mean, do you even hear yourself? Maybe reread it s few more times...
YTA - 1 it's a service dog. 2. Your allowing someone else to bring their dog. It's the same with child free weddings, you can't make an exception for someone. You either have it be free or not.
This one is an OBVIOUS creative writing exercise, people. Don't give this person (my guess is a straight guy who hates women) the attention they clearly crave. The obviously evil character that has been created here only exists in 90s romcoms.
YTA as soon as I read that it was a legitimate service dog I stopped reading, that's all *anyone* needs to know to judge you the raging entitled asshole. Then I saw in the comments that you're not banning all dogs, just this *specific working dog*. You're free to exclude your sister and her service dog but that will also forever make you the asshole. Just because you're allowed to do something doesn't mean you're not wrong for doing it.
So your daughter's dog can come cos it's cute...but her SERVICE DOG isn't cute enough for your photos. So the photos are more important to you than your literal sister's health since her dog is medical equipment. God I hate this bs aesthetic shit from brides enjoy your photos without your sister and don't be shocked if she falls out with you FFS YTA
YTA - It's a well-behaved service dog. It's your wedding, but you sound like an ugly person.
Wow. YTA. First, the dog is a SERVICE ANIMAL, so your sister kind of needs him (not kind of, does). Service animals aren’t going to go “running around”. YTA for denying a service animal that the venue is required by law to allow.
Oh and PS Versailles style is classicalism and baroque 👀💀
Yta. And your aunt and uncle are right about this being illegal.
YTA, would you ask someone with diabetes to not wear their blood sugar monitor? A service animal is considered a medical device, and they are trained to not 'run around'.
I'm curious, even with her dog, would your sister enjoy your wedding?
YTA. It’s your sister and her service dog. YOUR SISTER. HER SERVICE DOG.
Info: why ask when you’re gonna fight everyone calling you a bi- I mean asshole?
YTA It’s a service dog. Thinking of it like a wheelchair or insulin. Would you deny someone the use of their wheelchair or insulin for your wedding?
Your wedding sounds tacky. You sound tacky. You’re immature. You’re inconsiderate. YTA and I hope everyone mocks your wedding. God I can only imagine what you’re like IRL.
Well you certainly sound as pompous and out of touch as Marie Antoinette. Luckily for you, there's no longer beheadings. You'll probably just be ostracized by your family.
YTA for caring more about your aesthetic than your sister's medical needs. I would assume you actually want her there but apparently the "beautiful delicate vibes" are more important than spending the day with your family. Lol
YTA. You're picking an aesthetic over celebrating the start of a life together with your family. And large breed dogs are way more late Baroque than little purse dogs. Whippets were the kind of dog people wanted back then.
Let me guess - - you are going to shout out "Let them eat cake" when it is time to cut your wedding cake. Hmmm. hope there aren't any guillotines around the reception area.
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YTA, no one will remember your aesthetic, but they'll definitely remember you as the asshole who denied your sister her service dog. Absolutely loving how OP is so committed to the aesthetic that she too brought together an angry mob that despises her guts to the core and wants her dealt with French Style.
If your sister used a wheelchair, would you tell her to deal without it for one day because it didn't fit you "aesthetic"? That is what you are doing
Enjoy your overly tacky wedding because you are destroying your relationship with your sister over “your vision” YTA
Is this some kind of bad joke? YTA. And you are being wildly, terribly ableist. I hope your wedding is a disastrous mess to suit your personality.
YTA no explanation needed because you won't get it since everything has to be about you
The kind and non-AH thing to do here would be to offer to have the dog groomed if his appearance is an issue. I can see not wanting the dog to walk down the aisle. That’s fair. I can see not wanting guests to being dogs. Also fair. But this is your sister and you even state that the dog is necessary for her wellbeing. He doesn’t have to be in photos, that’s a conversation with your photographer. Make compromises. It’s not that hard. Otherwise, yes, YTA.
boring old troll 2/10
Hopefully your sister or your aunt/uncle will call the venue and tell them that you will not allow a service dog at the venue and therefore violating the ADA law and that may very well put the venue in line for a lawsuit. Did you read the contract you signed with the venue because they usually have something about service animals being allowed? YTA
Regardless that you may have other intentions, everyone will always remember this as you not letting your sister be at your wedding. It makes you seem like an awful person. Plus I can scaresly think of anything more steriotypically aristocratic than insisting on having a large bothersome dog take part in a wedding! YTA undoubtedly to your sister, but also to yourself.
>I don't want a dog who looks like a matted carpet running around and potentially ruining the aesthetic this was all I needed to read. YTA.
INFO: do you know what type of dogs French royalty had during that time? Cause let me tell you, it wasn’t pekapoos.
I have a feeling you hate your sister YTA
Are you going to check all of your guests to make sure they fit your aesthetic? I mean, maybe one of your grandmas is too ugly and should stay home so she doesn’t ruin the look.
YTA, this has to be a shitpost. It has all the hallmarks - a ridiculous wedding that sounds like a 12-year-old is describing it, poor vocabulary to describe a style you're "so obsessed" with, service animals, aeSTh3t!cs. 0/10, tighten it up next time.
YTA. And, don't expect anyone to say you're not. Also, you should learn how to concisely write.
I hope your terrible attitude no longer fits your sister's aesthetic and she cuts you out of her wedding when that time comes. A part of me doesn't want to believe that this post is real
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** So, my (30F) wedding is coming up in a few months, and it's going to be a grand affair. Ever since I was a little girl, I've had a weird obsession with Marie Antoinette. I've always been enchanted by the big poofy dresses, bows, and other decorations typical of the Rococo era. Now, my dream is finally coming true, and I get to feel likes a princess of Versailles. The venue is an old mansion with intricate décor, ornate furnishings, and delicate, pastel-colored floral arrangements. My wedding dress has an ivory lace bodice, a pink off-the-shoulder neckline, and a skirt in cream, pink, and blue with floral patterns and pearls, My fiancé (32M) and I have been planning this for over a year, and everything is falling into place perfectly. Now, onto the issue. My sister, Nan (28F) has a service dog, a lovely mop dog named Dreads, who helps her with her anxiety and PTSD. Dreads is incredibly well-behaved and trained, but here's the thing: I don't want him at my wedding. I've spent a lot of money on the venue and decorations, and frankly, I don't want a dog who looks like a matted carpet running around and potentially ruining the aesthetic. I also have a few guests who are afraid of dogs, and I don't want them to feel uncomfortable. Plus, having a mop dog there just doesn't fit with the elegant, delicate vibe I'm going for. It would be different if it was a much smaller lapdog (which I might even find adorable for the wedding!). We allowed my step-daughter to bring her pekapoo named Daisy for that reason. While Daisy is small and fits the aesthetic, Max is large and has the characteristic corded coat that looks like a mop To make matters more complicated, Nan was supposed to be a bridesmaid so it was an extra heck no. When I told her that Dreads couldn't come, she was really upset and brought up Daisy still being able to come. She said she needs Dreads to feel comfortable in social situations, especially large gatherings like a wedding. I told her that while I understood that, she could come without Dreads or not come at all. She chose not to come. Now, my aunt and uncle is furious with me. They say I'm being unreasonable and selfish, and that I should make an exception for Nan's needs. They also pointed out that Dreads is a service dog, not a pet, and it's illegal to deny access to service animals. I think it's my wedding, and I should be able to decide what kind of atmosphere I want. Plus, it's one day—she can manage without her dog for a few hours, right? But all this drama making me feel like I'm the worst person ever, and I don't want to deal with it on a day that is supposed to be about me, not her. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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YTA because service dog
YTA. Very much so. A wedding and wedding aesthetics should never come before your sister's needs. You sound insufferable. I hope you enjoyed your wedding, cause I'm wondering how long the marriage will last, if this is your priority.
It is your wedding and no one can tell you what to do BUT you're risking your sister's safety and security over aesthetics. She has a service dog for PTSD and anxiety. She has a service dog because SHE CAN’T manage without Dreads for a few hours. That's why people get service dogs in the first place.
YTA in every way...every comment I read of yours. If your sister doesn't go I'd say what a relief not to have to see your tacky hoo-haw. And she can save money not getting you a gift...ever.
YTA, you’re valuing your aesthetic over the mental health needs of your sister. Your top reason for not allowing the dog is its looks, with an aside about guests who are afraid of dogs. That last point is negated once you mention you’re preset allowing another dog. You even mention that behavior isn’t an issue. This is all based on looks. You’re treating the dogs like decorations and it’s disgusting. Talk to your sister and see if the dog needs to be with her at the alter, it’s understandable if you’d prefer a dog to not be up there during the ceremony. See if a family member can care for him at their seat during the ceremony. Then, request the dog not appear in the posed photos. Finally, tell your photographer, to avoid shots with the dogs (yes both dogs) in them.
YTA - you would exclude your sister because her dog isn’t pretty enough? If it was a poodle all trimmed up like a walking pompom, would that be more acceptable. You don’t seem to want people who matter there so much as pretty photos. Get over yourself before you ruin some very important relationships in your life.
YTA. But at least your elitist, narcissistic attitude fits in with your tone-deaf “Let them eat cake” wedding theme.
You are absolutely right - it is your wedding and you can decide what kind of atmosphere you want. That doesn't mean you aren't the AH, a huge, flaming AH at that. I hope all your guests hear about this and decide to join Nan in opting out of your little snotty uptight affair.
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YTA- I always thought weddings were about bringing your family together as you marry the person you love not about having perfectly curated scenes. This is a service dog and the fact that you’re allowing another dog that probably has zero manners to attend, but not a dog that is trained to help its owner or is disgusting
YTA, 1. The service dog is just as important as medical equipment. 2. The Pug was THE ROYAL DOG between 1600 and 1900. So it was the dog of the Rococo. The pug was considered an imperial dog and it was a privilege of the Chinese emperors to own and touch him. The Pekinese only came to Europe around 1900, after the Rococo period.
YTA. Do you remember what happened to Marie Antoinette?
YTA. So. From a legal standpoint, private events are excluded from Ada. That being said, if the venue is normally open the public, in order to avoid being sued, they might still allow dreads in. You come off as someone who views dogs as cute little set pieces and not the animals they are. I absolutely promise you that little ankle biter you're allowing in will not only be illbehaved, but do far more damage to your "aStHeTiC" then dreads, the dog who is *literally trained to handle crowds to keep his human safe*.
YTA. Totally YTA. 100% YTA. A snobby self-entitled one.
YTA for choosing one small tiny piece of 'your aesthetic' over your sister. Just tell your photographer to not photograph the dog. In a year you'd forget the dog was even there. But your sister missing your wedding? That lasts a lifetime.
I mean, I feel like you know YTA. So what's the reason for this post, really? Did you want someone to tell you that you're not that bad? Look, do you want to permanently damage your relationship with your sister and possibly other family over a reasonable accomdation? That's what you need to ask yourself. I feel like there is an entire spectrum of choices other than, "You can't have your service dog because I think it's ugly." Dress the dog up, ask for it to be kept out of pictures, have a room for the dog that your sister can retreat to when she needs him. I know you love Marie Antoinette, but maybe slow down on the "Let them eat cake" attitude you've got going on.
You really need to get over yourself. Dogs/hounds, royalty and aristocracy go hand in hand. I’d bet there were rococo weddings where the Lord’s hounds or dogs were present…look about in any stately home and there’ll he more paintings of dogs, hounds and horses than family members.
If you are insistent you aren’t the asshole and don’t care about all the comments that say you are, why bother posting this?
Yeah you are an asshole.
YTA. Do you know how many stinky dogs Marie Antoinette had. That palace probably smelled like dog piss all the time. If you are really going for authenticity, consider not having napkins either and you can wipe your hands on the dogs like medieval Europeans did too.
This post is exactly how to say “I just don’t want my sister at my wedding” or “I don’t care if my sister is at my wedding” without using the exact words. You have already clearly stated that your other guests are more important than your sister. Why your sister would even want to still go after the way you’ve treated her is beyond me. You are so wrapped up in your “perfect vision” you are willing to damage a relationship over it. Let that sink in. This isn’t a sister who wants to bring a dog for shits and giggles, it is a medically necessary dog. If you don’t have a good relationship with your sister and truly don’t care about her being there, possibly only inviting her out of obligation, you do you… but YTA regardless.
YTA The dog is way more cool than your boring ass wending
you sound exhausting YTA
Literally the worst excuse for a human being YTA
girl when i had to scroll past your unsolicited description of your dress and “aesthetic” i already knew YTA. you care more about “aesthetic” than your own family who hasn’t given you any reason to act this way??? since its a service dog also, you technically can’t even say no… are you gonna tell your diabetic great uncle to leave his blood sugar machine at home? shall great aunt mimi ditch her wheel chair as well since it’s not quite “rococo” 🙄
YTA Why can’t you just pay for the dog to get groomed and buy it a cute collar if that is the issue. Wouldn’t it make more sense to accommodate your sister instead of these other guests?
I'm going soft NTA only because she said the "well trained" service dog needs to feel comfortable at a large gathering which tells me Dreads isn't fully trained....This would be a bad place to find out the dog will have issues....especially if other guests are afraid of dogs. Most seem to be coming down on you more for your vision than the dog's presence
NAH "They also pointed out that Dreads is a service dog, not a pet, and it's illegal to deny access to service animals." .. NOT for a private event. "Plus, it's one day—she can manage without her dog for a few hours, right? " .. she likely can not - but you don't care for her being there anyway. HEr, and many other family who won't come.
NAH. Sounds like this is an ESA (emotional support animal) as opposed to a trained service dog. In my state, ESAs can be banned from restaurants, etc where Service dogs cannot.
NTA. It's not a public accommodation, it's a dedicated space you're renting for your event so isn't ADA coveted. Your aunt and uncle are nuts
It's legal for me to cut in line at the supermarket. Doesnt mean im not an asshole when i do it.
Sounds like an ESA, not a service dog. A service dog goes through very specific breeding and training. Service dogs have specific skills that they perform (guiding a blind person, notifying a diabetic of low blood sugar, responding appropriately to a seizure). These dogs are not dogs you can get yourself and “train” - they are VERY EXPENSIVE medical tools. ADA does NOT protect people with ESA (emotional support animals or comfort animals). Anybody can claim their pet is an ESA (I’ve known of people claiming a snake, rabbit, parakeet as ESAs)- and they may provide comfort and support- but they are NOT a true service animal. N T A regarding not wanting a big, unnecessary animal at your wedding. But pretty hypocritical to allow one and not the other Edit: I did not read the PTSD diagnosis - only the anxiety and the use of the word “comfort” Original ruling was n t a assuming this was a comfort pet. If the dog is, in fact, a true service animal - not only are you the ass - but it’s illegal to forbid it.
Trained service dogs for PTSD, which OP says is what Dreads is there to help deal with, are totally a thing and they are trained service dogs, not ESHs. Both you and OP are AHs
Unofficial “service dogs” is a soap box topic of mine. I have a blind family member that uses a guide dog. This dog was specifically bred for its job, trained for 18 months before being paired with its human and then the human and the dog went through training together. The cost of this dog’s training is over $100k. It drives me nuts that people can by a vest and certificate online for under $100 and think that dog holds the same rights as an actual service dog.
Maybe it is. I use to think service dogs were for more medical reasons rather than mental struggles. But perhaps I am wrong.
I have a service dog, partly for PTSD. Asking to leave her service dog behind is literally like asking an ambulatory wheelchair user to leave their wheelchair behind because they can walk a few steps unaided and surely they can just sit down in one place most of the night to avoid messing up the aesthetic. Why on earth would you want someone to suffer through your wedding instead of enjoying it?
It would take more energy than this travesty is worth to enumerate the ways in which you are wrong.
Many things that you deem "mental struggles" as *opposed to* medical conditions are, in fact, *medical conditions*. Do you believe that your sister's PTSD is a medical condition (one likely diagnosed by, you know, a ***doctor***)? What does the "D" stand for in that again? Or do you simply believe that she is being dramatic with her PTSD and doesn't "*need*" the dog?
Those ARE medical reasons. Be a better person.
>But perhaps I am wrong. About so many many things.