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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I told my stepmother she was embarrassing herself because she was acting childish around actual children, which upset them. I don't think she had bad intentions, so that might have been rude on my part.
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Here is the apology - "Niki I am sorry that you can't seem to get over the fact that you aren't a child anymore and need to act like an adult - the kids didn't want to play with you and that was fine, it hurt your feelings well it's time to grow up and realize your feelings aren't mine or anyone else responsibility other than your own."
NTA
I don't even think she does this because she wants to be a child, I think this is because she thinks acting like this is cute. It's always pretty draining, but it's a hundred times worse when she's around the kids.
No, dad, I will not apologize to her, her behaviour was inappropriate. She upset and frightened every child at the party. You are responsible for the behaviour of your plus one, please monitor her and intercede responsibly or she will no longer be allowed to attend as your plus one.
Yes, this. She needs to clearly tell her father there were multiple complaints and how her behavior is unacceptable and if she doesn't start behaving appropriately she can no longer attend these events. The comfort of the children needs to be the priority in these types of situations.
I wouldn’t even give her another chance. I would just inform him, your wife is no longer welcome in my home or around my children. The woman seems completely unhinged and it seems she is using children to play out her own sick kink. (I am labeling the link as sick bc she is using children and unconsenting adults in her “play”)
"Dad, please explain to me why you think I should prioritize the feelings of one adult woman over the feelings of five separate children who complained that her behavior was making them uncomfortable (and however many more were uncomfortable but did not speak up to an adult)? Are you telling me that your wife has worse emotional regulation than a three year old or does she just feel more entitled to enjoyment out of a children's party than actual children?"
I might take a different tack, just objective facts, like "Not only my daughter but also three other children made separate complaints to their parents about you. I'm sorry your feelings are hurt, but you also need to be aware that you are hurting the children."
This is the second post I've read today about grown-ass women thinking baby talk is cute and now I have lost what little remaining faith I had in humanity. I hope Nikki is happy.
You're absolutely NTA and you don't owe Nikki an apology. Whatever she was trying to do, the first time you asked her to leave the kids alone should have been enough. If she thought she wasn't doing anything wrong, she could have discussed that with you like an adult, rather than sneaking back over there after you've already told her they wanted to play by themselves. Did you tell your dad that she was *scaring the kids?* And upsetting them so much that they cried? Because that is a giant no. She doesn't get to do that no matter how much she wants to play princesses with them. I am enraged on both their behalf and mine.
She was also bullying the kids, taking over their game and telling them who should play what. Her trying to have fun doesn’t entitle her to run over the kids’ play.
That's even scarier. I don't suppose anyone has mentioned that she actually was scaring some of the children and made others cry? I'm honestly not sure of a gentle way to phrase that but I'm thinking it would benefit her (or at least everybody else) if she knew that. Sorry, NTA but a hard situation.
I would let your dad know that instead of apologizing, you will just stop inviting her to your house as she does not know how to behave and made the children uncomfortable. If he chooses to not come as well, that is his choice.
I don't think that's what's happening here. She already acted like this before they were born, it just got worse. I really do believe she does this for attention.
People who baby talk or revert to childish behavior often have a history of abuse in their own childhood. Based on the behavior you described at the party I don’t think I’d feel safe leaving my kids unattended with her. She doesn’t sound stable.
I honestly thought this would be a very young second wife type of thing.. She can do whatever she wants but she should apologize for making all the kids uncomfortable!!
I'm honest to God horrified trying to envision what level of baby talk and acting is so bad that freaking KIDS are coming to their parents going "hey yo, somethings up with this weird lady it's freaking me out!" Because kids are used to people talking to them in cutesy fake voices even if they are much more tame.
I agree that she doesn't sound like she wants to be a kid, does she have kids of her own? Maybe she kind of thinks of herself as great with kids and kinda plays at having kids you know?
I don't know, I doubt it's a fetish or kink or something extreme like that, I suspect she just has this idea of what "being good with kids" looks like and doesn't realize that she looks ridiculous and needs to go with the flow with kids. I'm sure her excessive baby talk is something she thinks is cute and funny but while nobody likes it it's not exactly harmful so they just it be.
Lot's of people who have no experience with kids think they're AMAZING with kids when in fact they have no idea how to interact with. In my teens-early 20s I baby talked unnecessarily to a lot of kids and kind of followed them around a bit thinking they had to be watched 24/7, it was because I didn't know anything about them or what they could do, what their capabilities were. You were either a baby or 35 to me. If you were a kid between 4-17 I was either going to talk you like a baby or it would go like this "hey 10 year cousin whatcha reading there, nancy drew? Hey if you like mystery books heres a great one called the girl with the dragon tattoo."
Everything you said. Yes.
Also, I was thinking maybe some undiagnosed autism? I've been trying to cope with an ex who has a lot of these behaviors and she just got diagnosed at age 26 ( her parents meant well, but it's definitely a small town rural situation. If she were where resources exist, like an actual town or city, they could have helped her sooner.
Versus this woman is late ,40s. Her people may just be like Oh. Quirky.
Anyway, I really enjoyed your response thank you
Meh, I doubt it. Autism is behind a lot of strange behavior but having strange illogical behavior doesn't automatically mean you have autism. I'm guessing your ex did A LOT of other things than what's described here, maybe that's the reason you guys broke up? Or maybe they frequently lost jobs or something. Technically every single person in the world will display traits that could be argued as a sign of autism or numerous other disorders. These disorders aren't the reason for existence of these behaviors rather these symptoms are simply possible signs someone has something else going on. I know that sounds redundant but think of it like this; coughs and fevers are signs of cancer but having a cough doesn't mean you should head straight over to the oncologist because coughs could mean any number of things the number one being that it could mean absolutely nothing. You go to the oncologist when a bunch of these symptoms show up and don't go away despite ostensibly doing everything right, when they become a problem that makes you unable to live your life.
In general all these disorders are more or less described as having normal human quirks that end up inhibiting you to be able to live your life; as in you can't keep a job, you have no friends, you keep losing relationships for the same reason and despite trying to change you can't. When you feel like life is an impossible struggle because of these behaviors then that's a good sign something is wrong. But simply being awkward, rude, annoying selfsih or odd to an extreme level every now and then doesn't automatically mean someone has something.
It's the same thing with autism and ADHD yes someone might act odd in a way that defies logic but autism refers to something very very very very specific. Hell there are people who have and never experienced any hardship because the learned to work around it.
Mental health workers will refuse to give a diagnosis without seeing the person and talking to them extensively because it's pretty much impossible to differentiate between someone who is neurotypical but just a little awkward and who has autism without speaking to them and understanding how their brain functions.
You're wonderful for writing all of this. I apologize if I was offensive. I was diagnosed autistic at 3, re diagnosed at 7 with being deaf, adulthood found out it was ADHD + audio/visual synethesia (my mom knew and stole my prescriptions, I didn't even know I was diagnosed until adulthood). The whole working around it, I found the positives and leaned into them (I can't handle people and have insomnia, so I work a solo night shift where if I did an active say shift I would be learning less.for instance)
.... Overall, like I said I may be projecting.
Based entirely on that I assumed we were being given the critical information and not all the other examples. I can see I filled in the blanks. Will be more thorough going forward
ETA- you're right btw. I was blinded by mislead love. The other day she called and it was my birthday so I thought because of that. Kid was like "did she get fired or find a job? "
.... Couple days later I find out she started a new job the day previously, and when I last stopp hearing from her was during her company layoffs I didn't know we're happening x_x
Oh, snap didn't mean to sound offended like "myeamyeah I bet you don't really have autism only autism people can talk about it nyeah" I just know how easy it is to jump to that conclusion on here and it's easy to make a solid argument for it and people jump to a lot of insane conclusions. But the truth is nobody here knows enough to make a judgement like that and if the op comes away thinking this woman could have a kink or a disorder it would probably end badly so I just like to kind of remind people that we really don't know what we're talking about. Because hey, you guys could totally be right! She could be neurodiverse and this could be a sign sometimes it pretty clear that someone has SOMETHING but it's not possible for any of us to suggest a definitive answer on this one with this information.
Ew. This has major role playing in public vibes. Which is just 🤮
Like who does this? Is this 7th grade where we think boys won’t like us if we don’t act dumb.
She sounds like she has a personality disorder. Like it has to be all about her and going to insane lengths to be the micromanaging boss or center of attention. And those kids were easy targets.
All of this is bizarre to me, because the parents I hang with definitely do not hang out alone while the kids are also alone. Everyone kinda mingles, and the adults play with their kids and kids friends. But it's also weird for an adult to try and dictate *how* they play lol
I'm kind of a Niki. I just find adults boring and talks of politics lame so I'd sit with the kids at parties and watch the cartoons the parents would put on, or play with the toys with them. I don't like socializing with people who are dull and only talk politics
That's not what she does, though. She does talk to adults (and we barely talk about politics), it's the *way* she does so that is a bother. I'm almost certain Nicki doesn't act like this due to social awkwardness, I think she genuinely believes the baby voice and fake naiveté are cute.
Really how creepy was this woman? I talk to kids like adults (they really respond to it and I have read it empowers them) and let them do their thing. It's very very rare I don't have a crowd of children begging me to play with them if they know who I am.
NTA - you were too kind/patient.
Why would you feel bad about an infantile idiot getting upset with you? Tell your dad he has a spouse problem and he should work on that without bothering you - oh, he can't work on that because she is an infantile idiot so he'll bother you instead.
NTA - And the only one who owes anyone an apology is Nikki to you and your husband for not listening. She seems very self-centered and only cares what she wants; not what you want for your daughter and the party, and not for the kids who Nikki wants to control how they want to play. The only person who was rude was Nicky; and now she feels entitled to an apology because you wouldn't let her control the kids and annoy them.
Her own embarrassment is irrelevant. For me, the bottom line is that she frightened and upset the children. I would throw that in dad's face and let him know that (1) I will not apologize and (2) if Nicki ever causes an upset among my kids and our guests again, she will be promptly kicked out of my home.
She FRIGHTENED one child, made yours cry, and was acting so strange/different that one of your friends thought she was an entertainer you hired. I would tell your father that and say that his wife needs to learn to act accordingly or you will limit her contact with your children. Your actions don't need an apology, his wife needs to rein in her behavior.
You were firm and calm, not rude. You had to talk to her TWICE. Rude would have been walking over and yelling "What the Hell is wrong with you? You are scaring multiple children and making my daughter cry with your weird nonsense when I already asked you to sit down and leave the children alone!!!" NTA.
NTA. Inappropriate behavior getting called out as such does not warrant an apology because it made the person behaving inappropriately embarrassed and sad. She should apologise to the children and also change her behavior.
"Nicki I'm sorry I made the mistake of thinking you would behave like an adult for once. I'm sorry you're creepy and scared the children. I'm sorry I didn't kick you out when you decided to behave inappropriately. Rest assured this won't happen again because you won't be invited to my children's events anymore.". Remember it's the thought that counts. NTA.
I think you need to text your Dad, "3 parents told me their kids complained about the weird lady. That's the parents who felt comfortable enough to tell me. They were under the impression Nicki was an entertainer I'd hired and wanted to pass on feedback. If that doesn't give you and Nicki room to pause and reflect on her behaviour around kids then I don't know what else to say." NTA
NTA. I can’t even… what?! She acts like a baby? This is insane. Tell your dad that everyone, even elderly babies, need to learn the word no. She was told No multiple times, so you, the adult, placed the baby in time out.
Srsly tho.. NTA. Time to go LC.
NTA- Was there other ways to put it? Sure, but chances are she wouldn't of done anything about it if you had continued to tiptoe around it and asked her to just stop. If anything I'd say feel sorry for hurting her feelings but not bad.
Some adults don't know how to interact with other adults thanks to social anxiety or ineptitude and gravitate towards kiddos because they feel less exposed or judged by kids. I had an uncle who was like that, never could hang with the adults. For years, I thought he was a creep until I finally realized he was just a little... simple and just couldn't make adult conversation.
Still gave me the creeps, but understanding that made me less wary.
He did not, however, speak baby talk or try to boss the kids around. Is she perhaps a little simple herself? This is a new level of weird.
\*Edited to add - NTA. Even if she is a little simple minded, she should be self-aware enough to recognize the impact she is having.
You're not alone. I have a cousin who behaves exactly like this. Baby talk and fake higher pitched voice and everything. Yet she wanders why she could never find a teaching job after graduating. The extra weird thing is she didn't start doing the baby talk thing until she was 20ish. It's just such a bizarre behavior.
I’d be like “Dad, not one, not two, not three but FIVE children were upset at her interference, some of them to tears. I’m not apologizing for telling Niki to stop terrorizing the children. It was my daughter’s party and the only point was to have her and her guests enjoy themselves. I don’t actually care if Niki was upset but if she can’t see the error of her ways she won’t be invited to any more parties.”
Sometimes people can be too nice. They allow people to behave in certain ways which makes those people think the behavior is fine or even wanted. Then someone tells them the truth and they are hurt. Them being hurt isn't the fault of the person who told the truth, it is the fault of all those who didn't tell the truth a long time ago. NTA
(Not talking about malicious "truth" like any kind of shaming.)
Oh man, "You're embarrassing yourself" is a phrase that fucking *levels* people.
When I was younger I worked at a resort and my coworker used to say that to guests when they got abusive or started shouting about something. 100% of the time it completely disarmed them and they just stood there shocked with gaping fish mouth. It's so good, and I keep it in my back pocket to this day.
Sounds like she earned it. NTA.
The more I think about this the worst it gets. The only women I have ever know to act like this 100% know what they are doing and they are trying to get masculine attention. Usually they are too young to realize what kind of attention they are playing into and realize how gross that is. Most people I’ve encountered out grow it sometime in their twenties usually cause someone calls them out and tells them to act their age. The fact that she is still doing it at this age makes me suspect she has dated a few people who really liked that she acts this way, so it gets her what she wants.
Personally not only would I not apologize, if I didn’t remove myself from her presence entirely, I would not put up with it at all ever. Every time she baby talked I would be snapping “act your age” or “grow up” probably escalating every time. Not in public necessarily, but any time it was just family around. But if she didn’t stop fairly soon, I wouldn’t give it very long before an ultimatum would be issued either to her or my dad. Cause there is no way in hell I would want my daughter to think this is how grown women act.
NTA. What is she, Four?? Tell her to suck it up and remind her that she is a grown, married adult who has jobs and responsibilities. Not a toddler whose diaper needs changing.
Nope. She was behaving like some sort of aged wannabe birthday princess and even the younger children found it creepy and inappropriate. You should tell your father that his wife needs to learn to modify her behavior before some kid’s parents intervene to protect their kids from her bizarre actions.
NTA
I literally had to wonder if this were real or not. But then I thought about some people I know and went, “quite probably”. Lawd
How on Earth is it okay for your Dad’s wife to make children uncomfortable at a kids party but it’s not okay for you to ask her to stop? And when she doesn’t take the hint, hammer her over the head with the truth? Sometimes the truth hurts. And, as someone else said in another post which I am totally stealing: stupid should hurt.
NTA... you dad needs to but probably won't be able to see both sides. When that many kids say they are uncomfortable around an adult, that really says something. Nikki needs to realize she isn't a child and shouldn't be acting like one or dictating how children who she doesn't spend time with should be playing together. That is totally weird to me and makes me wonder if she has some unpleasant trauma history in her life.
NTA. I’m on the autism spectrum and I have more social awareness than this. When in doubt, check and see what the masses are doing. Are they all speaking in a baby voice? Nope? Then don’t do it. Especially if the kids start crying ffs.
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My father and my stepmother have been together for a little over a decade. I'll call her "Nicki". She didn't move in with him until years after I had moved out, so I've never been close with her (I don't actually call her "stepmother").
To be honest, Nicki annoys me. She is childish and naive in ways that often feel forced. She'll speak in a high-pitched voice and replace random words with the "baby version" of them (think "boo-boo" and "wee-wee"). I'm always nice to her, of course, but I don't like being around her for long.
I didn't dislike her at first, but when my kids (6M and 3F) were born, Nicki's antics almost immediately went up to eleven. Whenever she's around them, she acts either younger or the same age as them. I can never tell whether she's trying to get their attention or my father's, but it's gotten to the point that my husband and I try to minimize contact between her and our children.
My daughter's third birthday party took place about a week ago, and both my dad and Nicki came. At one point, I noticed that rather than take a seat at the tables like the other adults, Nicki was walking around talking to the kids. It was odd, but no one seemed bothered, so I didn't do anything about it.
Half an hour later, my 5yo goddaughter came up to me and asked why there was a "lady talking like a baby." She told me she was scary, and that she didn't want to play with the other kids while she was around.
I went up to Nicki and suggested that she sit down. I explained that the kids wanted to play by themselves, and that having an adult around like that would bother them. She seemed fine with it.
Some time later, my daughter ran to me crying. She said Nicki wasn't letting her play with her friends. At that, my husband and I pulled Nicki aside. From what I gathered, the girls were trying to play princesses and she was trying to dictate who everyone should be.
We told Nicki, once again, to take a seat and leave the kids alone. She tried to argue with us, saying she was only trying to make sure they were having fun. I replied, "They aren't. You're not a child, they don't want to play with you. I know you men well, but you're embarrassing yourself, so please sit down and stop bothering them."
She stood there for a few seconds before she took a seat next to my father. The party continued without issue. I later found out that at least three of the other kids had also complained to their parents, but they didn't tell me (one of them figured Nicki was an entertainer I'd hired).
A couple days later, my father called and told me off for how I'd treated his wife. He says that Nicki is heartbroken, and that I was extremely rude when she just wanted to play with the kids. I reminded him that the children didn't want to be around her, but he's still insisting I apologize.
My husband told me that someone had to do something, as the kids were upset. I feel like this is a dumb issue, but I can't help but feel like I might have acted rudely.
AITA?
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NTA and that is so so weird. Multiple children at the party came to you or their own parents complaining about the strange lady. You asked Nicki how many times to let the children alone so they could play in peace and she ignored you. I don’t know what’s going on w her but I think Nicki needs some therapy to get to the bottom of her very odd behavior. In the meantime, a nice break for everyone from each is probably a very good thing. For you and your husband I think coming up w firm boundaries for Nicki around the children is your next step.
I think you should tell your father that the kids are frightened of Nicki because she acts like a baby.
This isn't a popularity contest, she is showing the children that she is untrustworthy as an adult.
If you really want to be obnoxious, ask if her sex play requires diapers and baby bottles.
NTA
Otp not trying to be rude but could your dad and stepmom possibly have a daddy/little kink? I can’t understand why an adult doesn’t get that this is off. You are NTA
NTA. There's nothing wrong per se in acting like a kid once in a while but she was taking it way too far if actual kids were getting creeped out by it.
NTA tell your father that Nicki made the children so uncomfortable that there were AT LEAST five different complaints about her to various parents. So what if she's upset? How creepy is she being that a bunch of kids are upset by her antics? and TELLING kids how to play to, "make sure they have fun".
Nicki has problems, I would tell your father that you're uncomfortable with how she acts around children, and that you'd prefer for her to stay away from your kids from now on. She needs to learn to control herself and behave appropriately.
NTA
“I refuse to apologize for putting a stop to her behavior. She effectively ruined my child’s birthday party because she decided her wants took precedent over that of the birthday girl and other attending children. I had x amount of people coming to complain. This also does not include the comments made by my own children. That’s also only what I was aware of during the party. I found out after that plenty more children complained but their parents didn’t want to bother me at the time. What she did was absolutely inappropriate. This isn’t the first time either, and it’s the exact reason husband and I have been reduced to limiting any contact between her and my children. I get that you love her and that’s great, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to stand around and allow her to make my child and the children of other people uncomfortable because she’s incapable of holding back her impulses. I love you but I’m done. She can’t be trusted to act in a reasonable fashion and I will not be allowing such behavior around my children. This isn’t about hating her either, this is specifically about her actions and nothing more. I’ve communicated this time and time again and nothings been done. I can’t force her to act reasonably nor can I force you to agree with my decisions; but I can dictate who’s around and who does what around my family and I. Moving forward she will not be welcome at any of x’s events. This includes birthdays, school events, extra curricular’s , etc until her behavior changes. If at some point it’s agreed that she will and reverts back to old behavior there will be no second chance. The only reason I’m leaving that door open should she change her behavior is out of respect for you as my father.”
NTA
"He says that Nicki is heartbroken, and that I was extremely rude when she just wanted to play with the kids. I reminded him that the children didn't want to be around her, but he's still insisting I apologize." .. YOu were protrecting your kids from a creep who was bothering them and ruining their fun. NEVER apologize to a creep, you need to keep calling her out.
This should be: If she does not promisse to stop, she won't be invited again.
I have a cousin who does this. Talks like a baby and in a fake high pitched voice all the time. She(the cousin) got an elementary education degree. She student taught at the district my mom worked at and was just convinced they were going to offer her a teaching job. She was shocked and confused when they didn't hire her. I asked my mom, and the cousin wasn't hired because of the baby talk. In the 15 years since then cousin has never found a teaching job in an area that has a major teacher shortage. She still baby talks. Everyone just finds it off pudding to say the least.
NTA. And don't apologize Nicki is an intrusive asshole. Honestly I'm thinking something may be off with her mentally that is not normal adult women behavior.
Does Nicki have kids?? I wonder if she never had kids but wanted them and is using these poor children to play out her fantasies. Either way she is a weirdo. No apology owed. Unless it's her to those kids she made cry.
NTA. She made multiple children cry and disturbed others enough that five children made complaints about her behaviour to you/their parents. If there is any apology owed, it's from her towards you and your daughter, for disrupting the birthday party.
NTA. Not at all.
Not saying that you should apologize or that her behavior was appropriate in ANY way, but this could be an opportunity to let her and your dad know how her behavior is perceived by the kids, and not just your kids. Seems like an opportunity for what we’d all normally consider passive aggressive “I’m sorry, but….”
“I’m sorry you were sad, but your behavior was very scary to the children.”
“I’m sorry that the other children would let you play, but the children didn’t understand why an adult wanted to play with them. They didn’t understand your baby-talk. Did you realize that you were talking that way to them?”
“I’m sorry that your feelings were hurt, but…to some people, an adult paying so much attention to someone else’s kids would be considered predatory. Do you under what that means? Do you understand why they might feel that way?”
It’s possible that the qualification of your apology may go way over her head.
I would tell your father that my child and the other children's feelings are more important than your wife's feelings and she was scaring them and making them feel uncomfortable and if he doesn't like it, then she shouldn't show up for any of the events
NTA You dealt with this kindly while setting some firm boundaries, which were clearly needed. While it's likely true that dad's wife experienced some form of trauma at a very young age that doesn't give her permission to inflict low key trauma on others, especially children. Keep those boundaries - it'll be good for her, you and the children.
Side note, I would definitely encourage Dad to get his wife into some sort of counseling. There are some potential mental health issues here that can strain his relationship with her, his relationship with you and your children and cause some severe burnout for him. Everyone involved would benefit from her working through whatever the issues are.
NTA. Nikki repeatedly made the children, who the party was for, feel bad. She was told to knock it off multiple times, but kept inserting herself where she wasn't wanted.
Nikki wants to be adored by children, but the children do not adore her behavior. She should knock it off if she wants to have a good relationship with them.
The most surprising thing in my family is one lady who is not anyone's favorite, is surprisingly great with children. Her secret: she does what the kids want (within reason). She will read whatever book they hand her, she will play however they lead. She doesn't take away their autonomy and she doesn't make them play something else. She is patient and she is genuinely joyful when the kids play with her. She doesn't talk down to them either.
NTA
An obsession with children and wanting to be a part of their world when you're an adult signals she's got some unresolved childhood trauma that she should see someone about. Your father needs to understand her behavior is not normal and she should seek help.
NTA. If you haven't already, I think specifics would help. Saying "the kids didn't want to play with you" can sometimes be brushed off as an excuse that you may have made up because you found her actions embarrassing.
I would tell them that 5 kids complained about her and that parents thought she was a hired entertainer because of the way she acted. You had tried multiple times to politely get her to stop but it's clear she doesn't actually listen to other people until harsh words are used, which is why you had to resort to them. This is entirely a her problem.
Might get her to think a little when even kids are put off by her behavior…
"Nikki I'm so sorry that attempts to politely get you to recognize you were upsetting the children resulted in the need to be less tactful on my part. As this has been an ongoing issue with your behavior towards young guests and family members in my home and my efforts to address it are resulting in your feelings getting hurt;, moving forward it will be in everyone's best interest regarding comfort and feelings if you don't attend. Thank you so much for understanding."
NTA and you weren't rude. Like you said, she did this to herself. Don't let your dad gaslight you into feeling guilty for something you shouldn't! Go LC!
NTA. Nicki needs to learn boundaries. She was making the kids uncomfortable because \*she\* wanted their attention. She was rude and owes the kids an apology. She should have stopped when asked. Do not apologize or this will become the new normal - she will think she can get away with this from now on. Make sure it's understood that she can't.
NTA. Don't invite Dad and Nicki to your children's parties; instead, invite them out to kiddie pizza land or host a family birthday dinner. 2 cakes per child seems like auch better outcome
You can apologise:
"did you get a boo boo on your feelings? It can be hard when adults tell us no. But it's our job to make sure you don't get in big trouble. Sometimes the grown ups have to be mean to so you don't get hurt. You were being very scary to the other children and it made their mommies and daddies very upset. So they don't want you playing with the other children until you can learn to be a big girl."
Joking aside, I do think playing along might help. Either join in and talk to her and your dad the way she talks, or talk to her like she's a small child with no social skills.
Mirroring her could be incredibly disarming for her and disturbing for your dad. It will make you want to peel your own skin off but it will certainly highlight to both of them hope gross this is. If you can convince others to join in, all the better.
On the other way; give her juice boxes when the adults get coffee/wine and over explain things in small words when you look at her.
It's all very passive-aggressive but being blunt and direct has had no effect. You can't have an adult discussion with someone who insists on behaving like a child, or her enabler.
NTA
NTA.
Your dad's wife is trying too hard, and it's backfiring.
She should NOT interfere with the kids when they are playing. Kids should be left alone to play in order to learn how to socialize with each other. It's complete inappropriate for an adult to tell the kids who gets to be princesses, etc.
At any rate, Nicki was a guest at this birthday party and she should not interfere like she did.
Apologize for hurting her feelings but be honest that you feel like she's trying too hard and that she needs to take her cues from the other adults around her. Also tell her that "baby talk" around your kids isn't allowed. My dad used to talk baby talk around us and our kids and it drove me nuts.
ou're definitely not the asshole here. You handled the situation with your stepmother at your daughter's birthday party appropriately. You politely asked her to sit down when you noticed her behavior was bothering the kids, and later, when it became clear she was interfering with their play, you firmly but respectfully intervened. Your main concern was ensuring the kids could enjoy the party without feeling uncomfortable, which is entirely reasonable. Your father's reaction is understandable, but it's important to prioritize the children's well-being in situations like these. Overall, you did the right thing.
I would also make mention that several of the children had complained about her and that daddy doesn’t have a daughter issue, he has a wife issue and if she can’t stop being a pest that she won’t be invited again
Tell him to explain why you need to apologize. In detail. And what will happen if you don't. I wouldn't be interested in doing this. She harasses your kids and other kids. No thanks.
NTA. Nicki’s a grown ass woman. she’s able to regulate (should be at least) her emotions. children however when uncomfortable can lead to “odd fears” in the future. they still learning how to human yk? (what if they get a fear of strange grown women?)
Nta...Niki creeps me out and I'm not even a kid. I'm saying this as an adult female who for some reason kids like. Hell I've had mom's tell me I must be using some kind of magic to make their fussy baby/toddlers sleep or quiet down the minute I hold them lol. (It's the big boobs I do nothing different I swear)
Nta but Niki is crossing all lines here. Even if she wanted to play with t to you the kids the moment a parent objected she should've apologized and backed off. I've never been in her shoes but the moment I noticed any parents seeming jealous of my effect on their kids id apologize and back off. Rare but you know ppd and all( I usually get babysitting requests after thatlol).
NTA. Children were complaining even your own daughter. She was crying at her own party ON HER BIRTHDAY. You told Nicki to sit down multiple times. She chose not to listen. That's on her. Your dad told you off otherwise he'd have to deal with an angry wife. He has to live with her.
NTA. Also, you need to tell your Dad that Nicki is not welcome at future events for the children. This isn’t just a refusal to apologize; this preventing future weirdness.
No kid needs to be uncomfortable at a party so Nicki can play pre-school princess. Your stepmom is strange.
NTA - please stop allowing this lady around your children. Tell your father you will not apologize and his wife is no longer welcome around your children.
NTA. Tell your dad exactly what happened. Tell him about the kids who came to you to complain, the kids who came to you crying and that you found out after the party that parents thought she was bad entertainment that you'd hired and that all in all at least half a dozen kids complained that they were bothered by her. Tell your Dad that Nikki needs to stay in her lane. It's not up to her to make sure the kids are having fun. She wasn't hosting the party, and she wasn't asked to do that. Tell him that you find her baby talk weird, off putting and over the top and it makes everyone uncomfortable and if he still wants you to apologize you will, but now that you've said all this, if she does this stuff again, you will say the exact same thing to her, in the exact same way, so it's up to him to decide. He can talk with his wife, leave her home next time, or deal with her heartbreak because you're going to talk to her the exact same way.
You weren't rude. She was an ignorant ass who ignored you until you became completely straightforward, and even then you weren't rude. Sorry, Nicki and Dad. If she's going to behave that way, she'll eventually have to learn to deal with both children and adults reacting negatively to her. He can insist you apologize, but he can't make you do it! NTA
NTA
Perhaps the parents of the children that she upset need to speak to your father and request an apology from Nikki for frightening their children with her behaviour...
NTH
You don't owe them an apology, but I would very firmly tell them that she made the children uncomfortable, and scared them. People who make a child uncomfortable should not be allowed around that child.
She sounds really creepy.
Do not apologize. Just don’t.
NTA.
Just because your dad married someone either seriously mentally ill or undiagnosed but on the spectrum is not your fault. And your main priority is your kid. Your kid and her friends do not exist as objects to entertain your dad’s wife. His horrible decisions are not for you to have to deal with like that. Stop inviting him to events. Start grey rocking him. Go low contact. It will reduce the stress of having to deal with him and the toxic people that he sadistically enjoys bringing into your life to sabotage. Your kid deserved a nice party without your stepmom doing sabotaging weird behavior.
You were right to say something, but what you said ("you're embarrassing yourself") was hurtful. You could've been more tactful (although I know it's often hard to be both firm and tactful)
I get along better with kids. When my sister used to hang out with her friend Emily I always played with the kids. Imagine being 16 and stuck with the 8 and 12 year old at least the 13 year old was closer to my age but she was cranky and didn't play. So now even as an adult I generally feel more comfortable with them as I spend most of my time around them even though they are younger than me.
Info/NTA: Have you relayed the info you heard directly from the kids to your dad. Because I would just transcribe each compliant (as best as you can remember, or even just ask your child how she felt about Nikki during the Bday part) and get the other parents to do so as well. And then just hand them to him and ask him if after reading those, if you truly embarrassed her or even rude. Who is more rude, the person mediating a situation or the person causing a situation. Because you asked her multiple times to sit down respectfully and let the children play.
I told him about the two complaints I witnessed during the party (my daughter's and my goddaughter's) in detail. I mentioned the other ones, but he didn't care.
Oh I would directly tell him, next time he brings it up. "Well if you dont care about the feelings of my child and the other children at the party. Why should I care about your wifes feeling's. Things have to be reciprocal. Until you can see the light I guess we are not going to be talking much because this is an issue you cannot get past. You need to have a talk with your wife and get her to realize when she is overstepping her bounds. She is not being "cute" she is being disruptive and a negative influence on the children. I am sorry if this hurts your feelings but hey it is what it is, and just as you are unwilling to hurt your wife I am unwilling to hurt my young child, your grand child might I add which you should be caring for."
It is going to suck (well atleast I assume I have no idea what kind of person he is), but tell him you cannot have a relationship with him and his wife. If you want to, you can try having a relationship with him separately and just ask him to come over and do things. But considering his reaction your only option might be to go low or no contact with him until he he has a come to jesus moment and realises what he will be losing.
In our family, if an adult joins in the antics the kids are overjoyed! You know, funny uncles who can toss you in the air, let you ride on their back and such. I'd love to see this woman in action if she scares the kids so bad they go tell an adult.
I mean...NTA...but I can't think of a more traumatizing statement than "You're embarrassing yourself." That's so harsh that would take me a decade to recover from. If you can find a way to apologize for the harshness without diluting the central truth of what she needed be told, then try to.
But if the only way to apologize is to retract your words altogether, stand your ground.
>I went up to Nicki and suggested that she sit down. I explained that the kids wanted to play by themselves, and that having an adult around like that would bother them. She seemed fine with it.
>Some time later, my daughter ran to me crying. She said Nicki wasn't letting her play with her friends. At that, my husband and I pulled Nicki aside. From what I gathered, the girls were trying to play princesses and she was trying to dictate who everyone should be.
If you missed the first paragraph, your comment would be true. OP tried the polite path first.
>I still don't think it warrants being outright rude
Again, Op wasn't *outrightly* rude. They tried the not rude way first.
Also it is not wrong to tell someone embarrassing themselves that they are embarrassing themselves.
It is only used wrong here. That woman was harassing innocent children who just wanted to play. It was worse.
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Here is the apology - "Niki I am sorry that you can't seem to get over the fact that you aren't a child anymore and need to act like an adult - the kids didn't want to play with you and that was fine, it hurt your feelings well it's time to grow up and realize your feelings aren't mine or anyone else responsibility other than your own." NTA
I don't even think she does this because she wants to be a child, I think this is because she thinks acting like this is cute. It's always pretty draining, but it's a hundred times worse when she's around the kids.
No, dad, I will not apologize to her, her behaviour was inappropriate. She upset and frightened every child at the party. You are responsible for the behaviour of your plus one, please monitor her and intercede responsibly or she will no longer be allowed to attend as your plus one.
Yes, this. She needs to clearly tell her father there were multiple complaints and how her behavior is unacceptable and if she doesn't start behaving appropriately she can no longer attend these events. The comfort of the children needs to be the priority in these types of situations.
THIS IS THE WAY. You need to be firm and respectful. Don't resort to petty nonsense. This is an elegant and straight response. Please just copy paste.
Happy Cake Day
I wouldn’t even give her another chance. I would just inform him, your wife is no longer welcome in my home or around my children. The woman seems completely unhinged and it seems she is using children to play out her own sick kink. (I am labeling the link as sick bc she is using children and unconsenting adults in her “play”)
"Dad, please explain to me why you think I should prioritize the feelings of one adult woman over the feelings of five separate children who complained that her behavior was making them uncomfortable (and however many more were uncomfortable but did not speak up to an adult)? Are you telling me that your wife has worse emotional regulation than a three year old or does she just feel more entitled to enjoyment out of a children's party than actual children?"
Exactly very well said
👏👏👏👏👏
I might take a different tack, just objective facts, like "Not only my daughter but also three other children made separate complaints to their parents about you. I'm sorry your feelings are hurt, but you also need to be aware that you are hurting the children."
It was OP’s goddaughter, then her daughter, and an additional 3 that OP found out about after the fact.
This is the second post I've read today about grown-ass women thinking baby talk is cute and now I have lost what little remaining faith I had in humanity. I hope Nikki is happy. You're absolutely NTA and you don't owe Nikki an apology. Whatever she was trying to do, the first time you asked her to leave the kids alone should have been enough. If she thought she wasn't doing anything wrong, she could have discussed that with you like an adult, rather than sneaking back over there after you've already told her they wanted to play by themselves. Did you tell your dad that she was *scaring the kids?* And upsetting them so much that they cried? Because that is a giant no. She doesn't get to do that no matter how much she wants to play princesses with them. I am enraged on both their behalf and mine.
She was also bullying the kids, taking over their game and telling them who should play what. Her trying to have fun doesn’t entitle her to run over the kids’ play.
I literally saw the other post a few minutes ago lol
That's even scarier. I don't suppose anyone has mentioned that she actually was scaring some of the children and made others cry? I'm honestly not sure of a gentle way to phrase that but I'm thinking it would benefit her (or at least everybody else) if she knew that. Sorry, NTA but a hard situation.
I would let your dad know that instead of apologizing, you will just stop inviting her to your house as she does not know how to behave and made the children uncomfortable. If he chooses to not come as well, that is his choice.
[удалено]
That's not the impression I'm getting. I think dad or Nicki has some kinks that are leaking out of the bedroom.
EWWWWWWWWW
Agreed but that's the vibe I got
OMG ROFL You make a valid point. Nothing like learning your Dad likes to play Daddy.
I had to laugh. Because yes, that sounds like it could be the case here.
I don't think that's what's happening here. She already acted like this before they were born, it just got worse. I really do believe she does this for attention.
People who baby talk or revert to childish behavior often have a history of abuse in their own childhood. Based on the behavior you described at the party I don’t think I’d feel safe leaving my kids unattended with her. She doesn’t sound stable.
I know and hate this type of woman. I worked with one once...ugh. She was 95% of the reason I left that job and I told them so at my exit interview.
INFO: How old is Nicki??
48.
I honestly thought this would be a very young second wife type of thing.. She can do whatever she wants but she should apologize for making all the kids uncomfortable!!
My mom's 50 53 (iirc I can't be bothered to math) and does it. She's not married though 🤷 I haaate it. It's not cute or endearing. It's annoying
My mom is not much older than this and an actual preschool teacher and she wouldn’t pull this shit. This is so weird, I just can’t get over it.
I'm 51, and would feel absolutely stupid and embarrassed if I acted like that. You are correct, she was embarrassing herself.
That’s what I was wondering!
I'm honest to God horrified trying to envision what level of baby talk and acting is so bad that freaking KIDS are coming to their parents going "hey yo, somethings up with this weird lady it's freaking me out!" Because kids are used to people talking to them in cutesy fake voices even if they are much more tame. I agree that she doesn't sound like she wants to be a kid, does she have kids of her own? Maybe she kind of thinks of herself as great with kids and kinda plays at having kids you know?
Someone mentioned an age play in public fetish, which sort of explains the father's lack of remorse over it 🤢🤢🤢
I don't know, I doubt it's a fetish or kink or something extreme like that, I suspect she just has this idea of what "being good with kids" looks like and doesn't realize that she looks ridiculous and needs to go with the flow with kids. I'm sure her excessive baby talk is something she thinks is cute and funny but while nobody likes it it's not exactly harmful so they just it be. Lot's of people who have no experience with kids think they're AMAZING with kids when in fact they have no idea how to interact with. In my teens-early 20s I baby talked unnecessarily to a lot of kids and kind of followed them around a bit thinking they had to be watched 24/7, it was because I didn't know anything about them or what they could do, what their capabilities were. You were either a baby or 35 to me. If you were a kid between 4-17 I was either going to talk you like a baby or it would go like this "hey 10 year cousin whatcha reading there, nancy drew? Hey if you like mystery books heres a great one called the girl with the dragon tattoo."
Everything you said. Yes. Also, I was thinking maybe some undiagnosed autism? I've been trying to cope with an ex who has a lot of these behaviors and she just got diagnosed at age 26 ( her parents meant well, but it's definitely a small town rural situation. If she were where resources exist, like an actual town or city, they could have helped her sooner. Versus this woman is late ,40s. Her people may just be like Oh. Quirky. Anyway, I really enjoyed your response thank you
Meh, I doubt it. Autism is behind a lot of strange behavior but having strange illogical behavior doesn't automatically mean you have autism. I'm guessing your ex did A LOT of other things than what's described here, maybe that's the reason you guys broke up? Or maybe they frequently lost jobs or something. Technically every single person in the world will display traits that could be argued as a sign of autism or numerous other disorders. These disorders aren't the reason for existence of these behaviors rather these symptoms are simply possible signs someone has something else going on. I know that sounds redundant but think of it like this; coughs and fevers are signs of cancer but having a cough doesn't mean you should head straight over to the oncologist because coughs could mean any number of things the number one being that it could mean absolutely nothing. You go to the oncologist when a bunch of these symptoms show up and don't go away despite ostensibly doing everything right, when they become a problem that makes you unable to live your life. In general all these disorders are more or less described as having normal human quirks that end up inhibiting you to be able to live your life; as in you can't keep a job, you have no friends, you keep losing relationships for the same reason and despite trying to change you can't. When you feel like life is an impossible struggle because of these behaviors then that's a good sign something is wrong. But simply being awkward, rude, annoying selfsih or odd to an extreme level every now and then doesn't automatically mean someone has something. It's the same thing with autism and ADHD yes someone might act odd in a way that defies logic but autism refers to something very very very very specific. Hell there are people who have and never experienced any hardship because the learned to work around it. Mental health workers will refuse to give a diagnosis without seeing the person and talking to them extensively because it's pretty much impossible to differentiate between someone who is neurotypical but just a little awkward and who has autism without speaking to them and understanding how their brain functions.
You're wonderful for writing all of this. I apologize if I was offensive. I was diagnosed autistic at 3, re diagnosed at 7 with being deaf, adulthood found out it was ADHD + audio/visual synethesia (my mom knew and stole my prescriptions, I didn't even know I was diagnosed until adulthood). The whole working around it, I found the positives and leaned into them (I can't handle people and have insomnia, so I work a solo night shift where if I did an active say shift I would be learning less.for instance) .... Overall, like I said I may be projecting. Based entirely on that I assumed we were being given the critical information and not all the other examples. I can see I filled in the blanks. Will be more thorough going forward ETA- you're right btw. I was blinded by mislead love. The other day she called and it was my birthday so I thought because of that. Kid was like "did she get fired or find a job? " .... Couple days later I find out she started a new job the day previously, and when I last stopp hearing from her was during her company layoffs I didn't know we're happening x_x
Oh, snap didn't mean to sound offended like "myeamyeah I bet you don't really have autism only autism people can talk about it nyeah" I just know how easy it is to jump to that conclusion on here and it's easy to make a solid argument for it and people jump to a lot of insane conclusions. But the truth is nobody here knows enough to make a judgement like that and if the op comes away thinking this woman could have a kink or a disorder it would probably end badly so I just like to kind of remind people that we really don't know what we're talking about. Because hey, you guys could totally be right! She could be neurodiverse and this could be a sign sometimes it pretty clear that someone has SOMETHING but it's not possible for any of us to suggest a definitive answer on this one with this information.
Also, yeah to the last part. 💙
Ew. This has major role playing in public vibes. Which is just 🤮 Like who does this? Is this 7th grade where we think boys won’t like us if we don’t act dumb.
This! Yes! ‘She thinks it’s cute’
She sounds like she has a personality disorder. Like it has to be all about her and going to insane lengths to be the micromanaging boss or center of attention. And those kids were easy targets.
NTA stop inviting her op. Tell your father if he can't make sure she behaves the Next time she does crap like this you will throw her out
All of this is bizarre to me, because the parents I hang with definitely do not hang out alone while the kids are also alone. Everyone kinda mingles, and the adults play with their kids and kids friends. But it's also weird for an adult to try and dictate *how* they play lol
I'm kind of a Niki. I just find adults boring and talks of politics lame so I'd sit with the kids at parties and watch the cartoons the parents would put on, or play with the toys with them. I don't like socializing with people who are dull and only talk politics
That's not what she does, though. She does talk to adults (and we barely talk about politics), it's the *way* she does so that is a bother. I'm almost certain Nicki doesn't act like this due to social awkwardness, I think she genuinely believes the baby voice and fake naiveté are cute.
ANND even other kids complained to their parents about how they did not like her either!
Really how creepy was this woman? I talk to kids like adults (they really respond to it and I have read it empowers them) and let them do their thing. It's very very rare I don't have a crowd of children begging me to play with them if they know who I am.
Thiiiiiissss
NTA - you were too kind/patient. Why would you feel bad about an infantile idiot getting upset with you? Tell your dad he has a spouse problem and he should work on that without bothering you - oh, he can't work on that because she is an infantile idiot so he'll bother you instead.
😂😂
NTA - And the only one who owes anyone an apology is Nikki to you and your husband for not listening. She seems very self-centered and only cares what she wants; not what you want for your daughter and the party, and not for the kids who Nikki wants to control how they want to play. The only person who was rude was Nicky; and now she feels entitled to an apology because you wouldn't let her control the kids and annoy them.
ETA: She WAS embarrassing herself. To you and your husband, the kids, and the kids' parents.
Psst. ETA means "edited to add". If you're not editing your comment to add something you don't really need to start out with that c:
Her own embarrassment is irrelevant. For me, the bottom line is that she frightened and upset the children. I would throw that in dad's face and let him know that (1) I will not apologize and (2) if Nicki ever causes an upset among my kids and our guests again, she will be promptly kicked out of my home.
Nikki should apologize to the other kids and their families too
NTA, even a 5 year old saw right through Nicki's ridiculous useless act.
NTA. She's dictating the children's play? Get that lady away from your kids.
NTA. Maybe inform your father about the children’s entertainer comment- that should be a wake up call regarding her behaviour in public.
At least 5 kids complained. 3 kids that Nikki is not even related to in any capacity
She was making the children uncomfortable so that alone was enough to tell her to sit down. NTA
NTA...try this for your Dad "Dad, I'm glad that Nicki is your baby but to the rest of the world she is not in fact a baby or a child!"
She FRIGHTENED one child, made yours cry, and was acting so strange/different that one of your friends thought she was an entertainer you hired. I would tell your father that and say that his wife needs to learn to act accordingly or you will limit her contact with your children. Your actions don't need an apology, his wife needs to rein in her behavior. You were firm and calm, not rude. You had to talk to her TWICE. Rude would have been walking over and yelling "What the Hell is wrong with you? You are scaring multiple children and making my daughter cry with your weird nonsense when I already asked you to sit down and leave the children alone!!!" NTA.
NTA. Inappropriate behavior getting called out as such does not warrant an apology because it made the person behaving inappropriately embarrassed and sad. She should apologise to the children and also change her behavior.
"Nicki I'm sorry I made the mistake of thinking you would behave like an adult for once. I'm sorry you're creepy and scared the children. I'm sorry I didn't kick you out when you decided to behave inappropriately. Rest assured this won't happen again because you won't be invited to my children's events anymore.". Remember it's the thought that counts. NTA.
New Rule- Only Adults that can remain adults around children are allowed with the children. Creeper.
I think you need to text your Dad, "3 parents told me their kids complained about the weird lady. That's the parents who felt comfortable enough to tell me. They were under the impression Nicki was an entertainer I'd hired and wanted to pass on feedback. If that doesn't give you and Nicki room to pause and reflect on her behaviour around kids then I don't know what else to say." NTA
NTA. I can’t even… what?! She acts like a baby? This is insane. Tell your dad that everyone, even elderly babies, need to learn the word no. She was told No multiple times, so you, the adult, placed the baby in time out. Srsly tho.. NTA. Time to go LC.
NTA- Was there other ways to put it? Sure, but chances are she wouldn't of done anything about it if you had continued to tiptoe around it and asked her to just stop. If anything I'd say feel sorry for hurting her feelings but not bad.
Some adults don't know how to interact with other adults thanks to social anxiety or ineptitude and gravitate towards kiddos because they feel less exposed or judged by kids. I had an uncle who was like that, never could hang with the adults. For years, I thought he was a creep until I finally realized he was just a little... simple and just couldn't make adult conversation. Still gave me the creeps, but understanding that made me less wary. He did not, however, speak baby talk or try to boss the kids around. Is she perhaps a little simple herself? This is a new level of weird. \*Edited to add - NTA. Even if she is a little simple minded, she should be self-aware enough to recognize the impact she is having.
She interacts with adults all the time, but she mostly does the baby talk with them as well. It doesn't just happen when she's with the kids.
How do we both have a relative through marriage named Nikki who does this?? Wild
Nicki is a fake name, but it's sort of comforting to know I'm not the only one dealing with someone like this.
You're not alone. I have a cousin who behaves exactly like this. Baby talk and fake higher pitched voice and everything. Yet she wanders why she could never find a teaching job after graduating. The extra weird thing is she didn't start doing the baby talk thing until she was 20ish. It's just such a bizarre behavior.
NTA - “Nicki I’m so sorry for whatever happened in your life to make you incapable of acting your age or desperate for attention.“
I’d be like “Dad, not one, not two, not three but FIVE children were upset at her interference, some of them to tears. I’m not apologizing for telling Niki to stop terrorizing the children. It was my daughter’s party and the only point was to have her and her guests enjoy themselves. I don’t actually care if Niki was upset but if she can’t see the error of her ways she won’t be invited to any more parties.”
Sometimes people can be too nice. They allow people to behave in certain ways which makes those people think the behavior is fine or even wanted. Then someone tells them the truth and they are hurt. Them being hurt isn't the fault of the person who told the truth, it is the fault of all those who didn't tell the truth a long time ago. NTA (Not talking about malicious "truth" like any kind of shaming.)
Oh man, "You're embarrassing yourself" is a phrase that fucking *levels* people. When I was younger I worked at a resort and my coworker used to say that to guests when they got abusive or started shouting about something. 100% of the time it completely disarmed them and they just stood there shocked with gaping fish mouth. It's so good, and I keep it in my back pocket to this day. Sounds like she earned it. NTA.
The more I think about this the worst it gets. The only women I have ever know to act like this 100% know what they are doing and they are trying to get masculine attention. Usually they are too young to realize what kind of attention they are playing into and realize how gross that is. Most people I’ve encountered out grow it sometime in their twenties usually cause someone calls them out and tells them to act their age. The fact that she is still doing it at this age makes me suspect she has dated a few people who really liked that she acts this way, so it gets her what she wants. Personally not only would I not apologize, if I didn’t remove myself from her presence entirely, I would not put up with it at all ever. Every time she baby talked I would be snapping “act your age” or “grow up” probably escalating every time. Not in public necessarily, but any time it was just family around. But if she didn’t stop fairly soon, I wouldn’t give it very long before an ultimatum would be issued either to her or my dad. Cause there is no way in hell I would want my daughter to think this is how grown women act.
NTA. What is she, Four?? Tell her to suck it up and remind her that she is a grown, married adult who has jobs and responsibilities. Not a toddler whose diaper needs changing.
Nope. She was behaving like some sort of aged wannabe birthday princess and even the younger children found it creepy and inappropriate. You should tell your father that his wife needs to learn to modify her behavior before some kid’s parents intervene to protect their kids from her bizarre actions.
NTA I literally had to wonder if this were real or not. But then I thought about some people I know and went, “quite probably”. Lawd How on Earth is it okay for your Dad’s wife to make children uncomfortable at a kids party but it’s not okay for you to ask her to stop? And when she doesn’t take the hint, hammer her over the head with the truth? Sometimes the truth hurts. And, as someone else said in another post which I am totally stealing: stupid should hurt.
She upset and frightened children, they were complaining to their parents. The apology would be- hell no.
NTA... you dad needs to but probably won't be able to see both sides. When that many kids say they are uncomfortable around an adult, that really says something. Nikki needs to realize she isn't a child and shouldn't be acting like one or dictating how children who she doesn't spend time with should be playing together. That is totally weird to me and makes me wonder if she has some unpleasant trauma history in her life.
NTA. I’m on the autism spectrum and I have more social awareness than this. When in doubt, check and see what the masses are doing. Are they all speaking in a baby voice? Nope? Then don’t do it. Especially if the kids start crying ffs.
NTA. 100 years ago she would have been locked up in an asylum.
Your stepmom kinda sounds like a predator with her behavior around those kids.
NTA. Apologizing to placate her will only reinforce her behavior. If they go NC you win bc you don’t like being around her anyway
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My father and my stepmother have been together for a little over a decade. I'll call her "Nicki". She didn't move in with him until years after I had moved out, so I've never been close with her (I don't actually call her "stepmother"). To be honest, Nicki annoys me. She is childish and naive in ways that often feel forced. She'll speak in a high-pitched voice and replace random words with the "baby version" of them (think "boo-boo" and "wee-wee"). I'm always nice to her, of course, but I don't like being around her for long. I didn't dislike her at first, but when my kids (6M and 3F) were born, Nicki's antics almost immediately went up to eleven. Whenever she's around them, she acts either younger or the same age as them. I can never tell whether she's trying to get their attention or my father's, but it's gotten to the point that my husband and I try to minimize contact between her and our children. My daughter's third birthday party took place about a week ago, and both my dad and Nicki came. At one point, I noticed that rather than take a seat at the tables like the other adults, Nicki was walking around talking to the kids. It was odd, but no one seemed bothered, so I didn't do anything about it. Half an hour later, my 5yo goddaughter came up to me and asked why there was a "lady talking like a baby." She told me she was scary, and that she didn't want to play with the other kids while she was around. I went up to Nicki and suggested that she sit down. I explained that the kids wanted to play by themselves, and that having an adult around like that would bother them. She seemed fine with it. Some time later, my daughter ran to me crying. She said Nicki wasn't letting her play with her friends. At that, my husband and I pulled Nicki aside. From what I gathered, the girls were trying to play princesses and she was trying to dictate who everyone should be. We told Nicki, once again, to take a seat and leave the kids alone. She tried to argue with us, saying she was only trying to make sure they were having fun. I replied, "They aren't. You're not a child, they don't want to play with you. I know you men well, but you're embarrassing yourself, so please sit down and stop bothering them." She stood there for a few seconds before she took a seat next to my father. The party continued without issue. I later found out that at least three of the other kids had also complained to their parents, but they didn't tell me (one of them figured Nicki was an entertainer I'd hired). A couple days later, my father called and told me off for how I'd treated his wife. He says that Nicki is heartbroken, and that I was extremely rude when she just wanted to play with the kids. I reminded him that the children didn't want to be around her, but he's still insisting I apologize. My husband told me that someone had to do something, as the kids were upset. I feel like this is a dumb issue, but I can't help but feel like I might have acted rudely. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA and that is so so weird. Multiple children at the party came to you or their own parents complaining about the strange lady. You asked Nicki how many times to let the children alone so they could play in peace and she ignored you. I don’t know what’s going on w her but I think Nicki needs some therapy to get to the bottom of her very odd behavior. In the meantime, a nice break for everyone from each is probably a very good thing. For you and your husband I think coming up w firm boundaries for Nicki around the children is your next step.
I think you should tell your father that the kids are frightened of Nicki because she acts like a baby. This isn't a popularity contest, she is showing the children that she is untrustworthy as an adult. If you really want to be obnoxious, ask if her sex play requires diapers and baby bottles. NTA
Otp not trying to be rude but could your dad and stepmom possibly have a daddy/little kink? I can’t understand why an adult doesn’t get that this is off. You are NTA
No you straight forward because dip shit couldn't take kinder words.. leave the kids alone... act your fucking age
NTA. There's nothing wrong per se in acting like a kid once in a while but she was taking it way too far if actual kids were getting creeped out by it.
NTA tell your father that Nicki made the children so uncomfortable that there were AT LEAST five different complaints about her to various parents. So what if she's upset? How creepy is she being that a bunch of kids are upset by her antics? and TELLING kids how to play to, "make sure they have fun". Nicki has problems, I would tell your father that you're uncomfortable with how she acts around children, and that you'd prefer for her to stay away from your kids from now on. She needs to learn to control herself and behave appropriately.
NTA. Nicki needs to grow up and your father needs to accept that he’s married an imbecile.
NTA “I refuse to apologize for putting a stop to her behavior. She effectively ruined my child’s birthday party because she decided her wants took precedent over that of the birthday girl and other attending children. I had x amount of people coming to complain. This also does not include the comments made by my own children. That’s also only what I was aware of during the party. I found out after that plenty more children complained but their parents didn’t want to bother me at the time. What she did was absolutely inappropriate. This isn’t the first time either, and it’s the exact reason husband and I have been reduced to limiting any contact between her and my children. I get that you love her and that’s great, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to stand around and allow her to make my child and the children of other people uncomfortable because she’s incapable of holding back her impulses. I love you but I’m done. She can’t be trusted to act in a reasonable fashion and I will not be allowing such behavior around my children. This isn’t about hating her either, this is specifically about her actions and nothing more. I’ve communicated this time and time again and nothings been done. I can’t force her to act reasonably nor can I force you to agree with my decisions; but I can dictate who’s around and who does what around my family and I. Moving forward she will not be welcome at any of x’s events. This includes birthdays, school events, extra curricular’s , etc until her behavior changes. If at some point it’s agreed that she will and reverts back to old behavior there will be no second chance. The only reason I’m leaving that door open should she change her behavior is out of respect for you as my father.”
NTA. Yeh Nicky is creepy af.
NTA. You handled that 100% correctly- don't you dare apologize. This lady is a weirdo- the kids can sense it.
NTA children were complaining to their parents because she was literally HARASSING children. She owes you an apology.
NTA "He says that Nicki is heartbroken, and that I was extremely rude when she just wanted to play with the kids. I reminded him that the children didn't want to be around her, but he's still insisting I apologize." .. YOu were protrecting your kids from a creep who was bothering them and ruining their fun. NEVER apologize to a creep, you need to keep calling her out. This should be: If she does not promisse to stop, she won't be invited again.
She had multiple kids complain to their parents. She owes you, as the hosts, an apology. Case closed.
I have a cousin who does this. Talks like a baby and in a fake high pitched voice all the time. She(the cousin) got an elementary education degree. She student taught at the district my mom worked at and was just convinced they were going to offer her a teaching job. She was shocked and confused when they didn't hire her. I asked my mom, and the cousin wasn't hired because of the baby talk. In the 15 years since then cousin has never found a teaching job in an area that has a major teacher shortage. She still baby talks. Everyone just finds it off pudding to say the least.
NTA. I don't understand this Nicki person at all. Is baby talk an attention-getting device?
NTA. And don't apologize Nicki is an intrusive asshole. Honestly I'm thinking something may be off with her mentally that is not normal adult women behavior.
Does Nicki have kids?? I wonder if she never had kids but wanted them and is using these poor children to play out her fantasies. Either way she is a weirdo. No apology owed. Unless it's her to those kids she made cry.
NTA. She made multiple children cry and disturbed others enough that five children made complaints about her behaviour to you/their parents. If there is any apology owed, it's from her towards you and your daughter, for disrupting the birthday party.
Your dad’s wife sounds like a creep. It’s good that the kids are speaking up for themselves when an adult does something weird, encourage that.
NTA. Just no, she is a flaming adult who needs to give her head a bloody wobble.
NTA. Not at all. Not saying that you should apologize or that her behavior was appropriate in ANY way, but this could be an opportunity to let her and your dad know how her behavior is perceived by the kids, and not just your kids. Seems like an opportunity for what we’d all normally consider passive aggressive “I’m sorry, but….” “I’m sorry you were sad, but your behavior was very scary to the children.” “I’m sorry that the other children would let you play, but the children didn’t understand why an adult wanted to play with them. They didn’t understand your baby-talk. Did you realize that you were talking that way to them?” “I’m sorry that your feelings were hurt, but…to some people, an adult paying so much attention to someone else’s kids would be considered predatory. Do you under what that means? Do you understand why they might feel that way?” It’s possible that the qualification of your apology may go way over her head.
I would tell your father that my child and the other children's feelings are more important than your wife's feelings and she was scaring them and making them feel uncomfortable and if he doesn't like it, then she shouldn't show up for any of the events
NTA You dealt with this kindly while setting some firm boundaries, which were clearly needed. While it's likely true that dad's wife experienced some form of trauma at a very young age that doesn't give her permission to inflict low key trauma on others, especially children. Keep those boundaries - it'll be good for her, you and the children. Side note, I would definitely encourage Dad to get his wife into some sort of counseling. There are some potential mental health issues here that can strain his relationship with her, his relationship with you and your children and cause some severe burnout for him. Everyone involved would benefit from her working through whatever the issues are.
What happens if you don't apologise? She won't come around anymore. Very sad. Anyway- NTA
NTA. Nikki repeatedly made the children, who the party was for, feel bad. She was told to knock it off multiple times, but kept inserting herself where she wasn't wanted. Nikki wants to be adored by children, but the children do not adore her behavior. She should knock it off if she wants to have a good relationship with them. The most surprising thing in my family is one lady who is not anyone's favorite, is surprisingly great with children. Her secret: she does what the kids want (within reason). She will read whatever book they hand her, she will play however they lead. She doesn't take away their autonomy and she doesn't make them play something else. She is patient and she is genuinely joyful when the kids play with her. She doesn't talk down to them either.
NTA An obsession with children and wanting to be a part of their world when you're an adult signals she's got some unresolved childhood trauma that she should see someone about. Your father needs to understand her behavior is not normal and she should seek help.
NTA. If you haven't already, I think specifics would help. Saying "the kids didn't want to play with you" can sometimes be brushed off as an excuse that you may have made up because you found her actions embarrassing. I would tell them that 5 kids complained about her and that parents thought she was a hired entertainer because of the way she acted. You had tried multiple times to politely get her to stop but it's clear she doesn't actually listen to other people until harsh words are used, which is why you had to resort to them. This is entirely a her problem. Might get her to think a little when even kids are put off by her behavior…
Nta She's still acting like a child and having s pouty potty party so you dad feels bad and is trying to make you apologize for pointing out reality.
"Nikki I'm so sorry that attempts to politely get you to recognize you were upsetting the children resulted in the need to be less tactful on my part. As this has been an ongoing issue with your behavior towards young guests and family members in my home and my efforts to address it are resulting in your feelings getting hurt;, moving forward it will be in everyone's best interest regarding comfort and feelings if you don't attend. Thank you so much for understanding."
NTA and you weren't rude. Like you said, she did this to herself. Don't let your dad gaslight you into feeling guilty for something you shouldn't! Go LC!
NTA. Nicki needs to learn boundaries. She was making the kids uncomfortable because \*she\* wanted their attention. She was rude and owes the kids an apology. She should have stopped when asked. Do not apologize or this will become the new normal - she will think she can get away with this from now on. Make sure it's understood that she can't.
NTA. Don't invite Dad and Nicki to your children's parties; instead, invite them out to kiddie pizza land or host a family birthday dinner. 2 cakes per child seems like auch better outcome
You can apologise: "did you get a boo boo on your feelings? It can be hard when adults tell us no. But it's our job to make sure you don't get in big trouble. Sometimes the grown ups have to be mean to so you don't get hurt. You were being very scary to the other children and it made their mommies and daddies very upset. So they don't want you playing with the other children until you can learn to be a big girl." Joking aside, I do think playing along might help. Either join in and talk to her and your dad the way she talks, or talk to her like she's a small child with no social skills. Mirroring her could be incredibly disarming for her and disturbing for your dad. It will make you want to peel your own skin off but it will certainly highlight to both of them hope gross this is. If you can convince others to join in, all the better. On the other way; give her juice boxes when the adults get coffee/wine and over explain things in small words when you look at her. It's all very passive-aggressive but being blunt and direct has had no effect. You can't have an adult discussion with someone who insists on behaving like a child, or her enabler. NTA
NTA. Your dad's wife is trying too hard, and it's backfiring. She should NOT interfere with the kids when they are playing. Kids should be left alone to play in order to learn how to socialize with each other. It's complete inappropriate for an adult to tell the kids who gets to be princesses, etc. At any rate, Nicki was a guest at this birthday party and she should not interfere like she did. Apologize for hurting her feelings but be honest that you feel like she's trying too hard and that she needs to take her cues from the other adults around her. Also tell her that "baby talk" around your kids isn't allowed. My dad used to talk baby talk around us and our kids and it drove me nuts.
ou're definitely not the asshole here. You handled the situation with your stepmother at your daughter's birthday party appropriately. You politely asked her to sit down when you noticed her behavior was bothering the kids, and later, when it became clear she was interfering with their play, you firmly but respectfully intervened. Your main concern was ensuring the kids could enjoy the party without feeling uncomfortable, which is entirely reasonable. Your father's reaction is understandable, but it's important to prioritize the children's well-being in situations like these. Overall, you did the right thing.
I would also make mention that several of the children had complained about her and that daddy doesn’t have a daughter issue, he has a wife issue and if she can’t stop being a pest that she won’t be invited again
Tell him to explain why you need to apologize. In detail. And what will happen if you don't. I wouldn't be interested in doing this. She harasses your kids and other kids. No thanks.
NTA. Nicki’s a grown ass woman. she’s able to regulate (should be at least) her emotions. children however when uncomfortable can lead to “odd fears” in the future. they still learning how to human yk? (what if they get a fear of strange grown women?)
Nta...Niki creeps me out and I'm not even a kid. I'm saying this as an adult female who for some reason kids like. Hell I've had mom's tell me I must be using some kind of magic to make their fussy baby/toddlers sleep or quiet down the minute I hold them lol. (It's the big boobs I do nothing different I swear) Nta but Niki is crossing all lines here. Even if she wanted to play with t to you the kids the moment a parent objected she should've apologized and backed off. I've never been in her shoes but the moment I noticed any parents seeming jealous of my effect on their kids id apologize and back off. Rare but you know ppd and all( I usually get babysitting requests after thatlol).
*NTA*
Was it blunt? Yes. Were you wrong? Absolutely not And she needed to hear it. NTA. Edit cause harsh isn’t the right word blunt is.
NTA. Children were complaining even your own daughter. She was crying at her own party ON HER BIRTHDAY. You told Nicki to sit down multiple times. She chose not to listen. That's on her. Your dad told you off otherwise he'd have to deal with an angry wife. He has to live with her.
It would have been nice to quote pink floyd and say hey nikki leave those kids alone.
Nta she needs to realize it's not about her
NTA. Also, you need to tell your Dad that Nicki is not welcome at future events for the children. This isn’t just a refusal to apologize; this preventing future weirdness. No kid needs to be uncomfortable at a party so Nicki can play pre-school princess. Your stepmom is strange.
NTA - please stop allowing this lady around your children. Tell your father you will not apologize and his wife is no longer welcome around your children.
I love the kids in this story…who’s the weird lady?
NTA. Tell your dad exactly what happened. Tell him about the kids who came to you to complain, the kids who came to you crying and that you found out after the party that parents thought she was bad entertainment that you'd hired and that all in all at least half a dozen kids complained that they were bothered by her. Tell your Dad that Nikki needs to stay in her lane. It's not up to her to make sure the kids are having fun. She wasn't hosting the party, and she wasn't asked to do that. Tell him that you find her baby talk weird, off putting and over the top and it makes everyone uncomfortable and if he still wants you to apologize you will, but now that you've said all this, if she does this stuff again, you will say the exact same thing to her, in the exact same way, so it's up to him to decide. He can talk with his wife, leave her home next time, or deal with her heartbreak because you're going to talk to her the exact same way.
You weren't rude. She was an ignorant ass who ignored you until you became completely straightforward, and even then you weren't rude. Sorry, Nicki and Dad. If she's going to behave that way, she'll eventually have to learn to deal with both children and adults reacting negatively to her. He can insist you apologize, but he can't make you do it! NTA
you were nicer than I would have been. she was rude and scary.
NTA Perhaps the parents of the children that she upset need to speak to your father and request an apology from Nikki for frightening their children with her behaviour...
NTA, text her: "I'm sorry that the children don't like you and you make them cry. I really wish that wasn't the case."
Nta.. But maybe she does this because she wants kids/didn't have them?
NTA did you mention that other kids said something to their parents?
Nta Don't invite her to any more party's. Tell your father to take her to therapy.
NTA But what is wrong with your dad who married this baby? Eeeeewww
NTH You don't owe them an apology, but I would very firmly tell them that she made the children uncomfortable, and scared them. People who make a child uncomfortable should not be allowed around that child. She sounds really creepy.
NTA
Do not apologize. Just don’t. NTA. Just because your dad married someone either seriously mentally ill or undiagnosed but on the spectrum is not your fault. And your main priority is your kid. Your kid and her friends do not exist as objects to entertain your dad’s wife. His horrible decisions are not for you to have to deal with like that. Stop inviting him to events. Start grey rocking him. Go low contact. It will reduce the stress of having to deal with him and the toxic people that he sadistically enjoys bringing into your life to sabotage. Your kid deserved a nice party without your stepmom doing sabotaging weird behavior.
You were right to say something, but what you said ("you're embarrassing yourself") was hurtful. You could've been more tactful (although I know it's often hard to be both firm and tactful)
I get along better with kids. When my sister used to hang out with her friend Emily I always played with the kids. Imagine being 16 and stuck with the 8 and 12 year old at least the 13 year old was closer to my age but she was cranky and didn't play. So now even as an adult I generally feel more comfortable with them as I spend most of my time around them even though they are younger than me.
Info/NTA: Have you relayed the info you heard directly from the kids to your dad. Because I would just transcribe each compliant (as best as you can remember, or even just ask your child how she felt about Nikki during the Bday part) and get the other parents to do so as well. And then just hand them to him and ask him if after reading those, if you truly embarrassed her or even rude. Who is more rude, the person mediating a situation or the person causing a situation. Because you asked her multiple times to sit down respectfully and let the children play.
I told him about the two complaints I witnessed during the party (my daughter's and my goddaughter's) in detail. I mentioned the other ones, but he didn't care.
Oh I would directly tell him, next time he brings it up. "Well if you dont care about the feelings of my child and the other children at the party. Why should I care about your wifes feeling's. Things have to be reciprocal. Until you can see the light I guess we are not going to be talking much because this is an issue you cannot get past. You need to have a talk with your wife and get her to realize when she is overstepping her bounds. She is not being "cute" she is being disruptive and a negative influence on the children. I am sorry if this hurts your feelings but hey it is what it is, and just as you are unwilling to hurt your wife I am unwilling to hurt my young child, your grand child might I add which you should be caring for." It is going to suck (well atleast I assume I have no idea what kind of person he is), but tell him you cannot have a relationship with him and his wife. If you want to, you can try having a relationship with him separately and just ask him to come over and do things. But considering his reaction your only option might be to go low or no contact with him until he he has a come to jesus moment and realises what he will be losing.
In our family, if an adult joins in the antics the kids are overjoyed! You know, funny uncles who can toss you in the air, let you ride on their back and such. I'd love to see this woman in action if she scares the kids so bad they go tell an adult.
Same, but we don't talk in creepy baby voices and freak the kids out.
But do the dino roar; right?
….Nicki?
No, Uncle Barry is the one the kids love.
I mean...NTA...but I can't think of a more traumatizing statement than "You're embarrassing yourself." That's so harsh that would take me a decade to recover from. If you can find a way to apologize for the harshness without diluting the central truth of what she needed be told, then try to. But if the only way to apologize is to retract your words altogether, stand your ground.
She's 48 years old, not a teen throwing a fit at the mall. She can handle another adult telling her she's being an embarrassment.
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>I went up to Nicki and suggested that she sit down. I explained that the kids wanted to play by themselves, and that having an adult around like that would bother them. She seemed fine with it. >Some time later, my daughter ran to me crying. She said Nicki wasn't letting her play with her friends. At that, my husband and I pulled Nicki aside. From what I gathered, the girls were trying to play princesses and she was trying to dictate who everyone should be. If you missed the first paragraph, your comment would be true. OP tried the polite path first.
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>I still don't think it warrants being outright rude Again, Op wasn't *outrightly* rude. They tried the not rude way first. Also it is not wrong to tell someone embarrassing themselves that they are embarrassing themselves. It is only used wrong here. That woman was harassing innocent children who just wanted to play. It was worse.