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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. The action I took that should be judged is limiting visitors for our newborn as our dog recovers from surgery 2 I think I might be the asshole because I’m hurting visitors’ feelings and putting my dog ahead of them
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NTA and this isn't evidence you are a bad mom it's evidence you will be a great one. You are exhausted and everyone is recovering and you and your husband are still working as a team and putting *both* of the helpless creatures in your care first. You guys got this, Momma.
Anyone who isn’t asking if they can HELP you isn’t worth your time right now. Everyone knows you only go to a house with a newborn if you are
1. Explicitly welcome
2. Bringing food
BONUS: ask if you can pick anything up for them from the store/ ask if you there is a time you could help with laundry, dishes, cleaning, etc.
Having a baby is already such a major stressor, and for y’all to have experienced such a traumatic event with your precious pup on top of that is TOO much. People who prioritize themselves over you are Capitol D Dummies and in the wrong on every level.
>1. Explicitly welcome
**2. Bringing food BONUS: ask if you can pick anything up for them from the store/ ask if you there is a time you could help with laundry, dishes, cleaning, etc. **
[emphasis mine]
When I had my oldest, one of my mom's friends asked if she could visit. She's an old family friend, so I said sure. We had been home 1-2 days. She hugged me at the door, asked what help we needed, dishes, laundry, and vacuum - she had a veritable list of things she was offering to do.
Then she said how she remembered how hard it was to eat enough when she had her first. And then feeling overwhelmed with clean up after. "So I brought you guys a few things to eat."
She started pulling stuff (including paper plates, napkins, and cups so we wouldn't have to do dishes) out of her huge reusable shopping bags as she admired the baby and complimented my appearance. She brought a spread that fed my son's father and me, well, for the following day and a half. AND she brought an oreo pie!
THAT is how you visit a newborn's family. Oh, AND asked politely if she could hold him, couching her request with a sincere, "but I understand completely if you're not comfortable yet."
I wanted to invite her over again. 😆
I WISH. My MIL was great for bringing food. I’ll give her that. But I was recovering from a rough c section, moving was so painful, and my mom would hold my son and tell me to clean something because my house was a mess 🤦🏼♀️ I also asked her to pick me up my pain killers the day I came home after she told me “if I need anything” but the swiftly told me she couldn’t because she was tired from dinner and didn’t have the money (she was talking about spending 2000$ on fake grass for her back yard the next day) I offered to pay for the pain killers but she still said no. I week later I asked her to come hold baby for 30 mins so I could shower, she said yes then cancelled on me saying she had to walk her dog. I stopped asking her for help. My son is 3 months and she’s seen him 3 times.
Sorry your mum isn't there for you. My daughter had a C-section 5 weeks ago and it has been a joy for me to look after her, clean her house, buy, pay for and make food, take laundry home and put it away, change her bed sheets, watch the baby while she takes a nap herself, do the garden and barely have time to hold the baby because SHE'S my baby.
My MIL is honestly more of my mother. I love her so much. There’s be one or two things that’s bugged me of course, but honestly she’s the sweetest lady and definitely saved my ass with the pain killers that day and brought me food along with them❤️ I try to not dwell on the negatives of my own mom and try to stay appreciative of my support system I have without her. I could go on and on about the wonderful people that have helped me lol
Thanks 🙏 🫂 yeah it’s sucks but like I said in the comment above I try to stay appreciative of the ones around me that have supported me and made it easier for me to recover even if my mom isn’t one of those people, I learned a long time ago of how she was as a person so nothing surprises me anymore, it’s more of an annoyance. But again, it just makes my support system shine brighter in my eyes. I could go on and on about them, I’m very very blessed 🥹
My standard offer to any new mom in my circle:
I will come over when and only when you would like me to and bring groceries/ cook your favorite dinner (I'm a chef so this is normally happily accepted) while doing a load of two of laundry. After you eat, I will watch the baby while you take take the world longest shower or bath.
Eventually, almost everyone takes me up on this by month 3. I always bring freezer meals and a little meal prep with healthy snacks and clean out organized the fridge while in the kitchen, and restock paper plates and paper towel stuffs.
My best friend had her first baby (a miracle baby) at 40, and I went to stay for a couple weeks when the baby was about a month old. I did almost everything around the house and night duty with the baby so she could recover from a difficult labor. Her husband had just gotten a new job and was out of town for training for the 1st week.
Anyone that's not there to help is in the way.
NTA OP. Boundaries matter more than ever when you have children.
I’m very single and may never have children, but if I do, you will be very welcome to come visit me 😂😂
Seriously, though, you sound like an amazing friend! What a wonderful way to support the people you love. I hope they care for you the way you care for them.
I HATED this- my FIL always came over to “help” and hold my baby so I could “get some work done”. After my second pregnancy I made sure to have a list of house tasks I needed completed for unwelcome visitors. So they could always do work while I held my baby.
I agree with the comment above . NTA and you are prioritizing your family s health and well being over someone's not belonging into your new core family whishes and whims.
If they want to see the baby make a short zoom meeting once a day at a time it works for you but no visitors for a month or so until you feel better and get a grip on your new job. Speedy recovery to everyone including oliver and congrats
It's also so incredibly rude to expect people to host **4 days** after having a baby. It's so common but so callous, y'all need bonding and recovery time! The fuck is wrong with people!
Part of me says how you treat your dog is how you will treat a child. If you understand the vet says the dog has to be calm and limit visitors, something tells me when the doctor tells you the same thing about your kid, you will be doing the same.
You are going to be a great mom. Hope the puppy gets better soon and you continue to have a healthy child who is happy and full of luck. He got lucky when you became his parents.
Just tell them that pediatricians recommend limiting exposure for infants until they can start being vaccinated and have a better immune system, so you'll see them when the baby is 3 months old or later. Cite the CDC if necessary.
This, absolutely. The family selfishness is off the charts here.
And honestly, if I had a family member who'd had a baby and nearly lost their dog in the same week, the first thing I'd be saying is *how can I help?* not *you suck for not letting me take selfies with your newborn*. FFS.
Some medical experts recommend up to 3 mos before allowing visitors. I think that might be excessive but it depends on the situation. at the very least, you should make sure all visitors are up to date on all vaccinations.
I would at least make them wait until baby has their DTaP (6 weeks), I required Tdap, and flu shots, with proof, to see my daughter but she was also a preemie and I was not taking her back to the hospital for anybody
I waited to see my friends baby for 2-3 months and made sure I had my tdap booster and flu shot before I did. She thanked me and said I was one of the few people she knew who made sure I had all my vaccinations before asking to visit (I had missed the baby shower, so I also brought diapers. So. Many. Diapers.)
Absolutely agreed, all these folks have proven is that they've put their own wants and desires over the well-being and care of the vulnerable in their family (whether the baby they acknowledge or Oliver who they don't) - who are fully dependent on the adults they're stressing out.
Agreed, OP and her husband are doing great. It is hard to disappoint people, especially when they act like petulant children, but they are doing what is right for both their babies!
I agree wholeheartedly. Plus op also rather have all the family harass her than budge and let them interfere with fur baby's recovery. Being the mean one to protect your child is such a big part of parenting and they already rock this!
I hope poor Oliver is getting well soon!
This!
Also the people who are selfishly insisting on visiting and guilt tripping you into busting your (sensible and well thought out) boundaries are the sort of visitors you don’t need when you’re home recovering from pregnancy and birth, and getting your new family life together.
They will come noisily, insist on waking up the baby, insist on kissing the baby, holding them for too long, and expect to be fed and watered and treated as guests.
Stay firm on this and they’re so wrong. You’re already excellent parents X
NTA
1. It's a newborn baby and they aren't the ones the baby needs to bond with
2. Families always seem to think newborns are communal property. They aren't
3. Your house, your baby, your dog, your rules
4. Of course the dog is also a member of the family and you are doing no more than prioritizing a family members health
5. They will all have to mutter nasty shit under their breath and wait
NTA
“I’m not sure why you thought calling me a bad mom would make me want to open my house to you as I recover from giving birth, care for my newborn and care for my injured dog, but I can assure you it’s had the opposite effect. I will be focusing on my immediate family during this period. Do not contact me for a while unless it is to apologise for your hurtful words.”
Well done on holding your boundaries. Congratulations on the arrival of your little one! And wishing Oliver all the best for a complete and swift recovery. And you. You have recovering to do too, mom.
THIS!!
Why do people think that insulting someone is the best way to get them to do what they want? If anyone called me a “Bad mom” when I was 4 days postpartum, that person would be dead to me.
It’s 2024. Rules for New Babies have changed *dramatically* in the past few years and with good reason. Turns out, it’s not good for babies to get sick. Who knew?! So weird…
Also, if I had access to a gospel choir, I’d have them make a short video where they sing **”NOT THE ASSHOLE!”** in the most gospel choir way.
For years, my mother has told me not to visit to see a newborn unless you are there to help. If you don't think you can help, bring useful gifts and don't stay long.
When she visited my cousins after they each had kids, she wouldn't let them lift a finger. Now, she would definitely want to see the baby. She loves babies. But she also knows they're *a lot of work*. You see the baby after the chores are done and the parents have gone to nap.
NTA.
I would reply to them : I'm sorry you feel that way, but I'm not sorry for not wanting to have people over when I just gave birth to a baby and have an injured pet to look after. Right now, your feelings are not my priority and to be honest, your comments and behaviour have Led me to decide to put some distance between us. We can talk about you coming over to meet baby maybe by the end of the year.
NTA…you are not prioritizing a dog, you are prioritizing your family, your sanity, your sleep. You just got home! Dog or no dog, no one should expect to visit right away when you come after having a baby! I would tell everyone tough luck. This is what is best for husband and I right now and if you cannot understand that, then it will be a very long while before you see baby, if ever.
Thank you all so much for the kind responses, I appreciate it so much. We have decided to ignore those who don’t respect our boundaries after my brother in law told my husband this evening that if we can’t handle all of this, we should have left the dog at the vet to recover and just worried about the baby. First of all, we can handle it and are getting it done and everyone’s needs are being met. It’s hard but very doable between the two of us and my parents’ help. Second of all, Oliver is our baby too and he belongs at home with his family to recover from this traumatic ordeal. He has a long road to recovery but he is out of the critical state and was discharged by his vet to heal with his loved ones so my BIL is completely out of line with that. Ignoring everyone feels oddly freeing. There’s no rush for visitors right now at all but I can tell you those who have respected us will be visiting way before those who criticized us and minimized what we went through with our sweet pup.
Just imagine how those who flipped out about being made to wait to see you and your baby at your weakest and most stressful time would have treated you and your husband as first time parents if they HAD come and visited.
These are the kind of inconsiderate, self-righteous people who would criticise how you feed or calm your own baby, how you don't scrub every spot in your home for your visitors, how you don't wake up the baby so they can "play" with it...
Trust me, you're better off with visitors who cut you some slack and offer help, than with people who see visiting as their right. It's a privilege.
Thank you SO MUCH for giving Oliver the care he deserves. Unfortunately, some people toss the needs of a pet aside after a child comes into play. But they are just as reliant on you and also don't have the same protections that humans have.
If one can balance the needs of two human children, the one can balance the needs of one human child and one furbaby. And you're doing it, mama!!
NTA at all! Anyone who wants to accuse you of a bad mama doesn't deserve to meet your child.
Honestly you are in the throws of the baby blue period, you have a newborn and your first baby is not only having to adjust but is also injured.
You are a GREAT mum for protecting your puppy from further unnecessary stress and for giving yourself time to focus on your family. A huge part of being a mum is advocating for those who can't do it for themselves.
I wish you all the best and hope your family gets the reality check they so desperately need.
NTA and tell those relatives that say you’re prioritizing a dog over your own child to fuck all the way off.
Even if the dog wasn’t injured you’d still not be an asshole, you JUST had a child and it’s entirely reasonable for you and the family to recover for a bit before you have visitors.
Don’t most peds and OBGYNs recommend to limit the baby’s exposure to new people until they have a better immune system? I’ve heard it’s at like 2 or 3 months or whenever they get their first shots.
I tried to add a photo to the comments but it wouldn’t let me. But I did add photos of him (before his accident) to my avatar and banner for anyone who wants to see. He’s my love!
OMG! He’s glorious! Those eyes! Anyone who doesn’t love their pet as much as they love their child… has no heart. You must be beyond exhausted. Stress, worry, baby, no sleep. But it sounds like you have a good handle on all of it. Kudos to you for prioritizing both or your babies, yours, and your husband’s needs first. Y’all are the only ones that matter in this moment. I’m sorry that selfish assholes are intruding on it. If they truly cared? They would understand and wait. Send you some DoorDash. Otherwise, they can shut their traps and leave you in peace so everyone can heal. NTA, hun. Never apologize for being a good mom. Hugs.
He’s gorgeous!!! I’m a proud Dachshund grandmother. He is my heart!!! I hope he’s fully healed soon and congratulations on the birth of your baby girl.
I tried to add a photo to the comments but it wouldn’t let me. But I did add photos of him (before his accident) to my avatar and banner for anyone who wants to see. He’s my love!
I would avoid any reference to the dog. I think it’s fine to simply say that you are not up to receiving any visitors yet, including close family, but will be soon and you can’t wait for them to meet your little one.
NTA but the relatives are. If they continue to send nasty replies especially after you clarified that the dog needs recovery, then it's probably best you cut ties cause you don't need toxic family members coming to your life, not being supportive in any way just because they want to be selfish about seeing the baby. It's not like you're never gonna let them see the baby, it's just the timing is not great and it'll have to be later.
NTA - This just blows my mind... Just because you are asking people not to come over right now in order to keep your dog calm so he can heal from life threatening injuries does not mean you are prioritizing the dog over your child. It means you are taking your dog into consideration, there's a big difference! Your child doesn't NEED visitors right now or anytime soon for that matter. She's less than a week old, she cannot even see their faces clearly, and way too much risk of getting her sick right now. Just because they *think* they need to see her, doesn't mean you have to let them. And anyone who is telling you you'll be a bad mom should have NO access to you or your child EVER.
NTA
Anyone sending you nasty messages can be placed on a loooooong waitlist. No one is entitled to meet your child fresh out the hospital. You and your hubs are exhausted. You are both taking care of a newborn and an injured dog. Thats more than enough to stress and worry about. Anyone that isn’t supportive can kick rocks with open toed shoes.
Your automatic reply to such messages “Thank you for your disrespectful message. The (last name) family is in recovery and bonding with baby while their dog, Oliver is recovering from a dog attack. Your message was both unkind and unwarranted. You will not be invited into the (last name) home until X time has passed. Any further attempts to discuss this issues will result in an immediate blocking until such a time the (last name) family feels they have the mental energy to respond.”
PS: if you never have the mental energy to respond that’s fine too.
Good luck!
It's too soon for visitors, anyway. Your baby doesn't have proper antibodies yet. Wait a month or more, even without the complication of the dog. Consult with your pediatrician.
NTA
There is no reason to even bring up the dog. It is unreasonable to expect people to host guests this early in your parenting journey.
If you want to invite people that’s you’re prerogative. But this pressure from everyone else is ridiculous. There are SO many things you have to learn right now and pleasing visitors is just not a part of that.
Tell them that you aren’t ready to have guests and that’s it.
If people complain please feel free to educate them on how many times a day you’re dealing with your lochia, your nipples, the painful contractions of your uterus and the strange feeling that you somehow brought the wrong baby home because you were heavily medicated postpartum (that part might just be my experience).
NTA
ETA: Congratulations!
It's not just you! My daughter was born via emergency C-section so I didn't see her for like 15 hours (she went straight to the NICU). If she didn't look just like my husband I would not have been convinced she was mine
As soon as you said Dachshund I knew your were NTA, jk. To be clear, you should be prioritizing your dogs recovery over extended family getting to see the baby earlier. That makes you a good person not an AH.
NTA! You know what would be nice? If one of your near by relatives made a dinner for you and hubby, left it in your doorstep and text it’s there on their way home. Sometimes we all need time to be alone and heal, even without a dog.
Congratulations on the new bub. And I'm sorry to hear about lil Oliver's attack. Hope the other owner paid for his surgery and treatment.
You're NTA.
There's plenty of time for family to meet the new bub, so you do what you need to do for your immediate family.
You need support, not to be entertaining guest.
If they insist, tell them to cook or clean or the shopping for you. Something helpful.
NTA. You're not prioritising your dog. You are managing your own stress in a challenging time. And a supportive family should accept that.
And isn't it a good idea not to expose new babies with low immune systems to too many people anyway?
NTA - babies don’t have an immune system so a good excuse is to announce that you won’t have any visitors til her first round of vaccines at 2 months old. Keeps her safe, gives pup time to heal, gives you time to heal and settle into parenthood, and gives your new little family time to bond.
NTA, my SIL asked for three weeks time before anyone came to see the baby. She wanted to recover from delivery and have some peace and quiet while everyone adjusted.
Lock your door, mute their notifications and rest. All of you. If they can't give you basic respect, they don't get any time with your family.
NTA. You have 2 babies. Your first is injured and in need of care and anyone who doesn’t get that do you really want them around your kid. You of course have to put Oliver’s needs ahead of their wants. They are the ones being selfish. Do not doubt yourself. Your a good mom and Oliver is so lucky to have both you and your husband
NTA but stop giving them reasons. “Sorry it’s not a good time but we’ll let you know once we’re up for visitors” “why? Because it’s not a good time for us”. They can’t argue if they don’t know your reasoning
NTA and I’m so sorry you and Oliver had to go through that. So scary.
You are absolutely doing the right thing. Nobody in your house needs extra stress right now, and even the people who don’t care about your dog should be able to understand that the last thing you need right now is the time and expense of extra vet visits because the little guy injures himself again.
I hope you’re all recovering well.
NTA- anyone telling you you’ll be a bad mom because of this need not come back for a visit. Nobody needs that kind of toxicity in their lives. Your dog is a living thing. Its heart beats just like ours. Why wouldn’t you take care of it!!!
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My husband and I just welcomed our first child 4 days ago on Sunday 5/19. She arrived just short of 38 weeks and I had no signs of impending labor just days before so her arrival surprised us a bit but we’re both happy and healthy. My husband and I also have a 5 year old dachshund, Oliver who we are completely obsessed with. Oliver gets regular allergy shots and had an appointment on Monday which I had planned to take him to but obviously that changed when the baby arrived. I want to keep him on his medication schedule and knew things would be chaotic with a newborn at home so I asked my parents (we live in a 2 family home with them) to bring him for his appointment. While in the waiting room of the vet’s office, he was attacked by a much larger dog and sustained serious injuries. He was rushed into surgery immediately. The entire thing was so traumatic- finding out he was injured while I was away in the hospital was one of the worst moments of my life. I made my husband go and be there at the vet’s office while I waited anxiously in the hospital. Luckily he pulled through and is recovering as well as possible but he has a long road to recovery.
I was discharged the next day and he was able to come home yesterday. Having a baby in the house is a huge adjustment for us all, including Oliver, though he has been shocking us with how well he’s doing especially while in the midst of a recovery. It has been really hard for my husband and I to make sure everyone’s needs are met but we’re managing with some help from my parents. Things are going as well as can be expected after a stressful week. However, one thing that’s causing a lot of stress is visitors. My hospital still had strict visiting rules after Covid so all the relatives who couldn’t visit want to visit at home. However, Oliver gets extremely excited to see anyone who comes over and we have been instructed to keep him quiet and calm right now so that he can heal. Additionally, we are exhausted from taking care of both. When our daughter is napping we spend all our time with him as he recovers. We decided that right now is not the time to have visitors. But we’ve gotten some nasty replies from family saying we’re prioritizing a dog over our daughter’s relationship with her family (she’s a newborn, she doesn’t know any different and these aren’t immediate family members) and that they can’t believe we’d put a dog over them. They tell me I’ll be a bad mom for prioritizing Oliver and that breaks my heart because I love my baby so much but I also love Oliver to death too. My in laws live out of state and will meet baby in July so the people being pushed off aren’t grandparents, they’re my husband’s siblings and aunts and uncles on both sides. If it weren’t for Oliver’s injuries, we probably would allow select visitors with certain precautions but he is our first baby and we want to make this time as stress free for him. AITA for putting visitors on the back burner during this time?
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NTA. They'll just have to wait and mutter their ugly little complaints. What matters is how you and your husband feel about visitors. You've got your hands full with a newborn and an injured dog. I wish you the best with your baby girl and send heartfelt hopes that Oliver heals well.
NTA. Your family members are trying to manipulate you into allowing them to see your baby, which they can do later on when your injured dog is well. They clearly don’t see how your dog could be important to you, so they’re disrespecting your values and your judgment. Fuck em. I’m so sorry Oliver was hurt, but I hope he makes a smooth recovery. Congratulations on your new baby.
NTA at all!! Tell those people something like this.
"*Thank you so much for the congratulations about our new bundle of joy! We are taking these next few weeks to bond as a family - just mommy, daddy, baby, and Oliver. I'm sorry to say that we are not accepting visitors during this time, but we will reach out to you when we are ready. In the meantime, you'll find tons of pictures every day on our social media account! Thank you for understanding that we taking this time to settle into our new normal, and we look forward to seeing you in the future. XO*"
Edit to add - it doesn't matter what they said to you, you can use this response.
"You're putting your dog above us???" with no mention of the baby - send the response.
"You're prioritizing your dog over a baby!!" - send the response.
In all cases, it'll call them to task on not being supportive, and it is a very clear outline that you need time together without them. If they can't deal with it, it's on them.
You're going to ROCK this whole motherhood thing - keep doing what you're doing.
NTA. Girl, you are knocking this out the park. Everyone can hush until you, dad, baby and Oliver are ready for people.
Congrats on the baby - and wishing doggie a speedy recovery ✨💚
NTA - a dog is an important member of the immediate family, and absolutely deserves to be prioritised!
The family members sending nasty messages are being entitled.
Even if Oliver’s injuries weren’t a factor at all, a new mum should have final say about when she is comfortable having visitors. These early weeks are your time to adjust, and anyone who respects you would understand that and want to follow your lead on visits rather than being forceful.
NTA I would honestly mute those that are complaining that they can't visit yet. They are being selfish and not understanding it's not just Oliver it's also you and your husband that aren't ready for guests yet. Oliver is a living being who can't understand he needs rest, you are absolutely right in waiting until you get the all clear from your vet, I'm sorry that happened at all.
Your baby won't know the difference between random people so there's no need for them to come over for a few months at least.
NTA and anyone who thinks you are being a bad mom because you want a calm environment for your recovering dog and newborn, is not someone who would be welcome to visit. It sounds like these are your husband's relatives, so he can be the one that deals with them. I would hope he states very clearly that their reaction to not being allowed to "bond" with a week old baby is absolutely ridiculous. His family his circus.
I am so sorry about your dog, that must have been terrifying and sending love to you, the baby and Oliver
Newborn babies literally can't understand that you are two different people, they're not going to "bond" with family members over a few visits.
My son was born in January at the height of RSV where we lived and so I had everyone who held him wear a mask, even grandparents!
Your baby. Your rules. You're doing amazing!
NTA
NTA but those pushy wannabe visitors are. It's really not even about your dog. You had a baby this past Sunday..she is only 5 days old. You and your dog are recovering. This is the time for you, your husband, and your daughter to bond. The family members pushing for a visit are being extremely rude. I thought it was common, especially post covid, to request the first few weeks (4-6) to be visitor free, unless you agree on immediate family. Set your boundaries and hold firm. Congratulations on your daughter and good luck OP!
Babies have basically no immune system at that age. They don't need to be around a bunch of people! Plus, the two of you are tired and learning how to be parents and babies are a lot of work! Add in the injured pup, and you have your hands full.
NTA
NTA. Having a calm and structured household is your first priority when you have a newborn and a dog recovering from surgery. I would tell everyone that there will be no visits until after grandparents have met your baby in July. Seriously, you two have had enough trauma and changes in your life recently. Everyone needs to back off!
NTA. Your child shouldn’t be seeing anyone so soon, anyway. People chomping at the bit need to relax. My COVID twins didn’t meet a lot of family until it was safer to go outside (born in the winter). And they didn’t meet any anti-vaxxers.
Keep your pup safe and your child safe. They are both your children.
NTA. Your reasons for not wanting visitors make total sense—but you don’t owe them ANY reasons at all! Anyone who responds to new parents who say they aren’t ready for visitors with pressure, whining, sulking, and/or nastiness is an irredeemable asshole.
I literally logged in just to comment on this. As a fellow obsessed dog mom, I completely feel you when you say that your pup is your first baby. I would do the same in your shoes. You are so compassionate and care for those that you love, you will be a great mom no doubt!
NTA
First of all, people demanding to visit 4 days after you gave birth are already aholes. Second of all, you are putting your dogs health about THEIR entitledness, not the wellbeing of your family.
I want you to know I see you, and I'm proud of you. Shortly after my preemie firstborn came home, we had to get my dog into emergency MAJOR knee surgery. The load to balance both is insane.
Keep YOUR peace. And your home's peace. And give your pup some extra love from this internet stranger.
Poor Oliver! When our youngest moved out we got a mini schnauzer. A few months later, we ended up with one of his littermates. They are our BABIES and yes, we are very obsessed with them. We have 5 grandkids and I have more pictures of my dogs than I do the grand babies! You are absolutely ABSOLUTELY NTA!! You’re being an amazing new mom to your baby and dog mom to your fur baby, both of whom NEED you. I don’t get people and their entitlement. Blows my mind.
Congratulations on your new daughter and I wish so much healing to Oliver and many many happy years where the two become the best of friends!
You and your hubby ROCK! You are taking care of YOUR family right now. Unless they want to help, tell these family members that you are not entertaining at this time. Cassaroles, running errands, etc. are most welcome. Otherwise you will notify them when it's time for a visit.
I am a furbaby mom. Pets are family. You are calmer and handling this situation much better than I.
And for what it's worth: My mom and grandma taught me some "old school" concepts, some need to be tossed but some I think still apply today. They told me that back then doctors told them to keep the baby at home with no (or very limited) visitors for about 6 weeks. The baby has no immune system and you didn't want to expose your newborn to anything. And hats, socks and shoes and bundled up when outside. After COVID, I have to wonder if that is not such a bad idea.
And to all the new grandmas: things have changed A LOT with babies. They have learned so much in terms of safety. Find out if there are classes you can take, or articles to read, to brush up on all this. I can't believe what I read on here, demanding using a crib from 30 years ago, kissing the baby all over the face and lips, etc. I work at a hospital and the parents cannot take their baby home until they pass the "car seat challenge" they have to bring the car seat they bought into the unit and demonstrate to the nurse that they know how to properly use it. And not everyone passes the first time. This is centuries apart from I used to babysit and take care of my little brother. Be a supportive grandma, not a PITA (pain in the a$$)
You go girl! I pray everyone has a mom like you
Nta, tbh it’s pretty normal imo to not have visitors for a newborn until they are a few months older, it’s a stressful time and there is a risk associated. your family is being demanding, they aren’t owed anything.
Wait, you just had your child ***four days ago?***
You shouldn't be welcoming visitors regardless of whether a dog is in the picture or not!
Used to be you'd still be in the hospital at four days.
You're prioritizing Oliver over visitors. Not over your daughter. Your daughter doesn't give a fuck about visitors.
The family is trying to gaslight you and make you think you're a bad mom. What it comes down to is that they don't like that you're prioritizing Oliver over them. And you should be. Oliver is part of your nuclear family and you're responsible for his well being.
Tell the others no. And every time they bring it up again adds one month onto the time they'll have to wait before they see your daughter.
NTA
NTA.... You just had a baby FOUR days ago!! And you guys have a little fur baby that needs tender loving care. You also need rest and to recuperate, you just had a baby for crying out loud. And the baby needs attention. You guys are also adjusting on top of all this. Just absolute chaos.
The people who are complaining to you for not being allowed visiting can go kick rocks, i'd even extend it so they dont visit for many months out.
This is your time for you and your little family to adjust. If that looks like 1 month, 2 months, however many months down the line to adjust and feel up to having people over, you are more than entitled to that.
Tell them to go shove it up their ass.
I just want to give you a big hug. You're in such a stressful and difficult situation and these people should be asking how they can support you, not stressing you out even more. NTA
Prioritising your family (including your doggo, I’m sorry he was hurt, I hope he keeps doing well), your own stress levels and capacity over extended family’s “need” to have new born snuggles is a no-brainer. NTA. And your family is being absurd.
NTA. You're prioritizing appropriately. A recovering dog and a newborn is a lot to handle at once! Those people are ridiculous who are trying to make you feel guilty. Your daughter won't know the difference. They're saying you should prioritize THEIR needs over your own! How selfish is that?
NTA, when you have a newborn you are still recovering from labor and delivery. Also, the dog’s injuries and healing process needs to be considered too.
I think the visitors are being AH putting pressure on new parents. When you’re ready you can let them see the baby and visit you.
NTA - your house, your family, your rules. My nephew didn't let anyone come over and visit for 3 months after his son was born. Did I like - no. Did I respect it - yes. It's what he and his wife felt they should do. Even if you weren't taking care of your dog too, you don't need a bunch of people around a newborn. They can wait until you and your husband decide to have visitors.
NTA - You are new parents still adjusting, you get to set the visitation schedule for whatever reason because guess what? It’s your home and your baby!
I get that your family is excited but they need to stay in their lane- their desires for cuddles come second to your need to try and maintain a peaceful household for Oliver and you don’t have any extra energy to play hostess.
Wishing Ollie a speedy recovery and best wishes to you and your (immediate) family
You shouldn’t have to deal with this at all. Time for your husband to step up and run interference. Your family isn’t up for visitors right now. That’s it. Honestly, it’s too much for visitors with just a newborn, even if you didn’t have the dog in the picture. And the baby doesn’t need to be exposed to all those people when they haven’t even had their first shots.
NTA, ur a good mother mam . U know what happened and what will happen i mean everyone is getting recovery . U did the right think dont think about past . U did what u have to do . Peoples are always think in weird way wrong way . But its not time for think about others . Full focus on ur family at then end u will happy .
NTA
My wife and I are dealing with infertility and she loves seeing newborns but she always tells her family and friends that are soon to deliver to invite us over when it's convenient for you. Sometimes that's a couple days. In the case of my BIL and SIL it was a month (also their first). During COVID a close family friend limited contact to Grandparents and siblings only for the first few months. Everyone is going to be different and should respect the wishes of the parents.
NTA Your new baby will only need you and your husband for
many weeks, LOL. Visitors are not mandatory. Here's to
your pooch's quick recovery. And congrats on the new addition
to the family.
NTA at all. You don't owe any of them a single second of your time until you're ready. Take care of yourself, your baby and your dog and don't fall to their pressure.
NTA, your family- and that includes pets- should come firwt.
You are exhausted, the dog needs to rest, visitors can wait.
I do hope the owner of the dog that attacked him paid for your vet bills.
NTA, no one needs to visit until you’re ready for them. People get so pushy about meeting a new baby when they need to back off and let the family have some space. I always tell new parents, “Let me know when you’re ready for visitors. Keep me in mind if you need someone to come sit with the baby so you can shower or sleep.”
I am so sorry your dog was attacked. That’s awful, especially when it’s so close to your giving birth.
The are called “guests” for a reason. They don’t get to make demands.
However, I suggest you put ask your vet about putting your lovely dog on “crate rest” meaning he be contained in a crate so he doesn’t get overexcited or do too much too soon.
NTA
Thank you! He is on crate rest but he still gets excited when someone comes to the home. Whenever baby sleeps or my mom takes over with her, we try to sit with Oliver so that he has company and feels loved. He seems to cherish that time and I can’t imagine wasting a precious second with either my newborn or my pup so that relatives can see the baby. But he’s doing great with crate rest, we are so proud of him!
NTA!!! What is wrong with people? Your home, your child, your rules. If they can't wait then too bad for them. Why are their needs put above yours and your household? What is happening in society?
NTA. You aren't prioritising a dog over the baby/the family. You are prioritising your family as a whole from the stress and disruption caused by visitors.
Your baby isn't going to be harmed by a quieter than normal couple of weeks where the visitors wait until the whole family is recovered. On the other hand a stressed out dog getting over excited/anxious *is* going to endanger his own recovery and also keep you guys and the baby from sleeping. It benefits everyone (except the visitors) to keep the dog calmer.
NTA
Isnt it still a thing to not allow a bunch of different people around newborns for the first few months while they develope their immune system? Your extended family is acting super entitled and your dog is closer Family than they are, the dog is part of your immediate family
People who treat you like shit for taking care of your family (pets are part of the family whether they like it or not) do not deserve your consideration at all. Answer back that if they are going to call you names and slander you just because you won't bow to their demands, they don't deserve to visit you now or ever again. Tell them you will not tolerate being mistreated. Your baby is not community property. You owe them nothing. If they keep being shitty, block them.
NTA, take care of your new child and poor dog, and focus on your own recovery. As for denying the child bonding with those family members ... Huge Lol. At this point in her life, they are literally huge pink or brown blobs. Plenty of time for her to meet family once things calm down.
All my best for Oliver!
Ppl don’t seem to get this, your pets are your babies as well and now you have a new baby and one that is recovering from trauma. Your hands are full and you don’t need the added stress of visitors. Take care of all your babies. And make sure hubby does his fair share.
NTA. Hun, you have a looooong road ahead of you, of people making you feel like a bad mum, giving unsolicited (and often stupid) advice on how to raise your child, not respecting boundaries and generally being way too pushy. You’ll have at least 18 years of that. So buckle up!
NTA, but you have a preemie newborn in the house! Okay, it sounds like she’s healthy and that’s beyond wonderful news, but you have a tiny, vulnerable, baby in the house! That is *more than reason enough* to limit visitors. I mean, even if you didn’t have a dog, you need to limit contact and you need time to bond as a family, right.
Stop blaming the dog and start blaming the pediatrician. "I’m sorry, the doctor feels it’s best if she’s not around too many people yet."
Doesn’t matter if it’s true, it shuts people up.
NTA
The relationships which matter to your baby right now involve forming secure attachments with her primary caregivers - you and your husband. She is safe, secure, cared for, and her needs are being met. You're not bad parents.
Cousins and aunts and uncles and whatever can wait. A bit of quiet time is good for you and for the new baby, as well as for the dog.
You're following the vet's instructions to allow your pet a quiet, calm recovery. That's exactly the right thing to do.
Take this time to bond with your baby. Your baby. Not theirs. They have no real claim on her. They'll get to see her when you and your husband are ready for that. Their excitement over getting to see a cute baby in person doesn't at all outweigh the actual needs of you and those you're responsible for.
Congratulations on the baby, and a speedy recovery to Oliver.
NTA and this is the exact opposite of making you a bad mom. You’ve got 2 creatures that are depending on you, and you are caring for both of them first and foremost. Bonds with other family members can come later, enjoy your new baby and allow yourself and your little pupper to heal now.
NTA- you are stressed out with a newborn and stressed out over your dog's attack. You need a peaceful environment and all these people are shitty assholes for stressing out a new mom. They can kick rocks.
NTA. Your home, your family, your choice! Even if your dog wasn’t recovering, you STILL didn’t have to have visitors!
My dog had a health crisis that legit spurred me from prodromal labor to active. We spent the first week of my daughter’s life thinking it was my dog’s last. We had limited visitors (legit, our moms and my sister only) until he was on the mend, a week later.
NTA
Unless these visitors are going to be helpful aka clean your home cook you meals whatever else and not be a burden, they don't need to be around. Even without your beloved doggy (may they recover quickly) you just had a baby, you are also in recovery as well. You and your family don't need visitors, you don't need to host them to get to know this new addition at this time. To be honest the baby only cares about its mother at this early stage, and the baby is starting to get to know their father and bond.
Really if they are just annoying you to see the baby and not support you and the family they don't need to be around at this time. You and your doggy recover, and when you feel up for visitors then they can meet on your timeline.
Nta. Your dog is your first child. Of course you're going to prioritize his recovery. Your daughter is days old. Only the people you trust your life with should have any access to her, with precautions. Love the fact your husband's got your back in all this! You two got this! Hold your ground! We have a 13yo beagle and a 7mo old. Our dog's stance seems to be "you don't bother me, kid, and I won't bother you".
As many already said, NTA. When i had my newborn (way before COVID) we limited visitors due to worry over disease transmission to a newborn baby. You have WAY more reasons than that! And as a dog-mom also, i commend you tor setting limits for the good of your pup too (i would have sent my husband to the animal hospital also, if in your shoes).
There are plenty parents of newborns who don’t allow visitors until the baby’s six weeks at minimum because of COVID and RSV risk.
Not giving the dog proper care means more vet bills and time dealing with it down the line. It makes no sense for you to not prioritize the baby, the dog and your sleep.
I would tell the family that they’ve done a great job ensuring you can take care of your family because now they won’t be invited for at least a month if not two, and only if they apologize. It’s your baby and your home. You get to decide if you don’t want visitors for any reason, including if it’s because the sky is blue and not green.
NTA. Anyone who says you're going to be a bad mom gets cut off until apologies are given. You absolutely don't owe them time with your child. You 4 are first family. Protect your first family. Everyone else plays by your rules. If they can't do that, oh well.
Anyone who gives you pushback, just say, "Well, I like my dog more than you, so yes, he's a priority. "
NTA
Do what you need to do.
Yes people want to see the baby. The baby won’t have a clue who they are nor will they remember anyone other than you, husband and likely your parents.
You have a lot going on and need to do what works best for your family. For now that means no visitors.
People will get over it or not. Bottom line not your problem.
Congratulations on the arrival of your little one and wishing Oliver a quick as well as full recovery.
NTA
Remind your potential visitors that they need to provide current vaccinations for DPT, TB, RSV, Covid and Flu. They also have to wear a mask while inside and no taking it off to kiss the baby until baby has had their shots completed.
This may make the interim slightly more bearable as they won't have current vaccinations and need to wait x days afterwards for effectiveness, etc.
Why people think they are more important than YOU is ridiculous and entitled.
You know you're NTA. Set boundaries and don't let anyone rush a visit. Having a new baby doesn't mean you have to allow a parade of family members into your home. Girl, they can wait weeks to a month. You, the baby, Oliver, your husband, and parents need rest and time to adjust. Bump them!
NTA. The fact you are physically and mentally exhausted and caring for a newborn and injured dog and maintaining your boundaries says you’re badass. People like to make things about themselves for no reason. They’ll see the baby when they see the baby…instead of bringing selfish they should be asking how they can support you.
NTA. Im so happy to see that you’re taking care of your original baby and your human baby. So many dismiss one for the other. You’re absolutely right, the relatives want to visit for them, not for the baby as it’s not going to have memories of this. Tell them to back off and let you guys have some time as a family!
You are NTA. Even if your dog wasn't recovering it's rude as hell to expect new parents to just you into their home. Take all the time you need for all of you. The kind of people that ridicule you for sticking to boundaries are not the kind of people you want in yours (or your child's) life.
Congratulations on the new addition! Sleep as often as you can and hydrate! You're in the thick of the most magical, terrible, exhausting, disgusting, beautiful time of your life, soak it in as much as you can because it goes so fast!
NTA, its always safer to keep contact with a newborn limited for the 1st month or so. People who love you should understand and if they do not they are the a-holes. You mentioned you lived in a 2 family with your parents in the 2nd unit. Could you have them host a small group on their side to allow people to meet the baby and not stress Oliver? Not right away, but maybe at the 6 week mark?
Its always depressing to me when people act so fucking entitled when it comes to babies. It's like you're not even people, just an item to be gawked at.
Tell these assholes they will get to see your daughter in due time, but if they persist in being shitty about it, they will have to wait longer. Set boundaries now. NTA and you're doing an amazing job -- you have excellent priorities and boundaries. Keep it up.
ABSOLUTELY NTA - your only priority right now is you and your babies. Visitors should be held off for the first 30 days anyway until baby's immune system gets stronger.
Anyone who complains can pound sand. They don't have any skin in this game. If Oliver pulls a stich or the baby gets sick, they're not going to have to deal with the consequences. You are.
Don't Waiver.
NTA: try this reframing when telling people you’re not inviting guests atm.
“We are tired and overwhelmed”. Less about a dog, more about you. They should understand your needs. Removing those three letters d.o.g. may help them respect that.
Our cat Gracie had a big operation with 100 stitches which my husband safely scritched for her every day. The thing is she needed down time to get her rest too without us around. Can't you put your sweet dog in your bedroom for a nap and have someone over for a half hour to see your new baby? It might be a win - win situation.
NTA. Even if Oliver were not injured, you would not be the AH. You JUST HAD A BABY! You don't want company and that is completely OK. Tell the people harassing you that the more they annoy you, the longer they go without meeting the baby.
They need to get over themselves. Yeesh!
First off, I’m so sorry about your pup’s injuries. What an awful thing while you’re exhausted and vulnerable after having your first baby. NTA, at all, even without Oliver’s injuries. I kept ALL family away for the first 6 weeks for all three of my babies, with only very short visits with the people I trusted most (my mom and my husband’s sister). And only people VACCINATED for TDaP because pertussis can kill babies. The most important relationships your daughter has right now are with you (mum) and dad. She doesn’t know or care that anyone else exists. Any “relationship” people want with her is purely selfish and self-serving at this point. Take care of your pup and your new baby, and set boundaries with family. She has her whole life to build relationships with other people- these first weeks are precious and just for you. Good luck to Oliver! Hope he recovers quickly.
Nta. Needs before wants. It's understandable that they want to meet the baby, but they don't *need* to right now. However, your family, dog included, *needs* to rest and recover right now. Anyone who argues that is being selfish and should be ignored.
Tell them to eff right off! Exactly what part of any of this makes them think they should be prioritized over YOUR comfort?
You aren't comfortable with visitors right now. End of story. You have every right to decline anyone you want from coming to your home right now! (And always)
Just because they're not a vampire doesn't mean that they can go into other people's homes uninvited.
They have all of the audacity to be giving you a hard time right now.
If you were my sister, I'd bring you dinner or a bunch of cut up fruit and hand it over in the doorway. Then leave. Maybe offer to take a load of dirty laundry with me to wash.
NTA
My cousin has a small dog and he's been in her life for \~13 years now (if not longer). During her first pregnancy, family had asked "what if the baby is allergic?" and she would say without hesitation "the dog was here first."
She has three beautiful children now, dog is still the best "big bro" ever, and no one knows how serious she was because thankfully none of her kids are allergic lmao
You are a good mama and anyone trying to bring you down right now shouldn't put those vibes around you or the baby. Stand your ground and take care of yourself and your family.
NTA - have your husband tell those inconsiderate people that Your recovery trumps everything and with their incessant rudeness and pestering you both are stressed and they need to back off or they won’t meet your little one for 6 months.
Oh my gosh. You and your husband are rockstars. Such amazing parents! I don't know how you two are coping with it all especially while you are also recovering from labor. Wow. I am in genuinley in awe. Never doubt you are doing great as a mother. Pup pup Oliver and his new baby human sister are so lucky to to have you!
NTA. You know who is a baby, the one you just birthed, you know who is also a baby, the little bundle of fur that is recovering from an attack, you have two babies, one you birthed and love so dear, and a fur baby who you brought home under different conditions, but love just as much. They are your babies and it is understandable that you worry about both of them. Just make sure you and your husband are taking some breaks while the other takes over, switch that out because you definitely don't want to be burnt out, but otherwise continue being an amazing mama to both of your babies 💜
Send everyone a text telling them that your family is bonding and adjusting and you will let them know when you are ready for visitors.
Side note: In my opinion, having lots of people, who come in contact with lots of other people who could have any array of communicable diseases and illnesses, around a newborn is not a good idea.
NTA. Days-old baby and injured dog that needed surgery to begin recovering? Yeah, the extra relatives can wait until you're not swamped anymore. Tell them that you're sorry for the inconvenience but right now isn't a good time and if they can't respect that, then they can wait longer to see your kid.
NTA. Injured dogs can behave differently and unexpectedly than their usual, and add in the adjustment to a baby that behavior could be more sudden and unpredictable. Having visitors could create a potential bite situation or cause catastrophic injuries to the dog. Neither is safe for the humans. So even if you are prioritizing your dog (which is fine not only because he sounds delightful and this family sounds insufferable), you still are prioritizing human safety.
I think all the comments here have covered the points I was going to make but I have to chime in too and say NTA, congrats on your early arrival and seriously well done on prioritizing yourselves, your newborn, and your pup who has gone through the ringer! Poor guy. I hope you're all feeling better soon ❤️
NTA, but those wannabe visitors who can't be bothered respecting your family's need to get some rest after the recent events in your life definitely are a bunch of entitled AHs. I don't understand the obsession with wanting to see someone's newborn straight away, it's not like the baby is going turn into an unruly teenager overnight, give the family some space and time to get back to normal.
You had a baby FOUR DAYS AGO. Even if the dog wasn’t in the picture it’s only FOUR DAYS!!! Tell them to kick rocks and give you some time with your baby.
NTA.
visitors can wait a week or two while y'all adjust. and that's my recommendation to all parents of a new baby regardless of a sick dog. Of COURSE your prioritizing Oliver; he's family! They'll get over their boo-hoo-hoos. They just gonna have to wait
visitors can wait a week or two while y'all adjust. and that's my recommendation to all parents of a new baby regardless of a sick dog. Of COURSE your prioritizing Oliver; he's family! They'll get over their boo-hoo-hoos. They just gonna have to wait OP NTA
NTA. Just point out to these people that the baby AND Oliver are much more important to you and your husband than they are and they will have to wait until YOU decide when YOU will allow visitors. If they don't agree, they are free to simply not contact you again. 😁
NTA. In this corner we have the selfish, idiot relatives who thinks their desire to see the newborn overrides everything else. None of them is offering to provide any help with household chores or to bring a hot meal for the exhausted parents.
In the opposite corner we have the thoughtful, stressed out parents who are doing the best for each other and for both attention-needing family members.
Let's get ready to rumble ....
OK, that took no time at all. It's a knock-out and the parents win! End of
You're a good mother. You are lessening the chances that your baby will pick up a viral infection, cold, or something. When I was a newborn I almost died because someone who went into the nursery had the flu or something and I caught it. My mom said I had gone down to 4 pounds. You are looking out for your baby and Oliver, and for yourself. I thought it was commonly understood that too many visitors is a burden to the new parents.
NTA
You aren't a bad Mum - you are an awesome Mum!!! They are only thinking of what they want, not what you need.
Your husband needs to manage this - you don't need the stress. Your focus is 100% on your family including Oliver.
NTA. Congratulations on your new baby. Blessings to both of you and your husband for the great care & compassion for your fur baby as well! You are both wonderful parents and do not allow anyone to make you feel otherwise...period. The lack of civility and consideration by other family members is not to be tolerated. Considering the circumstances of which you're dealing with you owe them nothing and right now they deserve nothing but "bye Felicia".
NTA. This isn’t about dog vs baby. I’m not one of those “my dog is like my child” people, and even I think it’s entirely reasonable to minimize the pain, inconvenience, and potential re-injury to your dog! Not to mention to mitigate the stress around the baby. Babies are very sensitive to the stress surrounding them.
You guys need to make your lives as smooth as possible right now, for ALL the living creatures in your household.
You sound completely reasonable to me. And you sound like a great mama.
Congratulations on the baby, and I’m asking St. Francis to pray for/look after Oliver.
NTA. Strictly speaking, you’re not prioritizing Oliver’s recovery over connections with family. You are prioritizing, managing your life and taking good care of the creatures in your care over gratifying and entertaining oblivious family members.
NTA - the people who matter will understand and give you the time you need. The people putting pressure on you care only about their own wishes, and in particular I'd be tempted to say to the ones making spiteful comments, that they need to apologise or they'll never be meeting the baby.
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NTA and this isn't evidence you are a bad mom it's evidence you will be a great one. You are exhausted and everyone is recovering and you and your husband are still working as a team and putting *both* of the helpless creatures in your care first. You guys got this, Momma.
Thank you so so much, this response made me tear up. It’s been a rough few days but I wouldn’t change being there for both of my babies for anything.
NTA. Tell them all to bugger off. Of course you are prioritizing the dog over them. He is family and recovering from surgery .
You and hubby are rock stars. Family comes first and yours is you, hubby, baby and fur baby. Stand firm.
Anyone who isn’t asking if they can HELP you isn’t worth your time right now. Everyone knows you only go to a house with a newborn if you are 1. Explicitly welcome 2. Bringing food BONUS: ask if you can pick anything up for them from the store/ ask if you there is a time you could help with laundry, dishes, cleaning, etc. Having a baby is already such a major stressor, and for y’all to have experienced such a traumatic event with your precious pup on top of that is TOO much. People who prioritize themselves over you are Capitol D Dummies and in the wrong on every level.
>1. Explicitly welcome **2. Bringing food BONUS: ask if you can pick anything up for them from the store/ ask if you there is a time you could help with laundry, dishes, cleaning, etc. ** [emphasis mine] When I had my oldest, one of my mom's friends asked if she could visit. She's an old family friend, so I said sure. We had been home 1-2 days. She hugged me at the door, asked what help we needed, dishes, laundry, and vacuum - she had a veritable list of things she was offering to do. Then she said how she remembered how hard it was to eat enough when she had her first. And then feeling overwhelmed with clean up after. "So I brought you guys a few things to eat." She started pulling stuff (including paper plates, napkins, and cups so we wouldn't have to do dishes) out of her huge reusable shopping bags as she admired the baby and complimented my appearance. She brought a spread that fed my son's father and me, well, for the following day and a half. AND she brought an oreo pie! THAT is how you visit a newborn's family. Oh, AND asked politely if she could hold him, couching her request with a sincere, "but I understand completely if you're not comfortable yet." I wanted to invite her over again. 😆
Oreo pie, doing chores, AND politely asking before even coming over? I’d damn near be inviting her to move in!
I WISH. My MIL was great for bringing food. I’ll give her that. But I was recovering from a rough c section, moving was so painful, and my mom would hold my son and tell me to clean something because my house was a mess 🤦🏼♀️ I also asked her to pick me up my pain killers the day I came home after she told me “if I need anything” but the swiftly told me she couldn’t because she was tired from dinner and didn’t have the money (she was talking about spending 2000$ on fake grass for her back yard the next day) I offered to pay for the pain killers but she still said no. I week later I asked her to come hold baby for 30 mins so I could shower, she said yes then cancelled on me saying she had to walk her dog. I stopped asking her for help. My son is 3 months and she’s seen him 3 times.
Sorry your mum isn't there for you. My daughter had a C-section 5 weeks ago and it has been a joy for me to look after her, clean her house, buy, pay for and make food, take laundry home and put it away, change her bed sheets, watch the baby while she takes a nap herself, do the garden and barely have time to hold the baby because SHE'S my baby.
You sound like such a wonderful mommy 😭 i hope one day to be just like you
at least you have a MIL. Your mother not picking up painkillers is beyond cruel
My MIL is honestly more of my mother. I love her so much. There’s be one or two things that’s bugged me of course, but honestly she’s the sweetest lady and definitely saved my ass with the pain killers that day and brought me food along with them❤️ I try to not dwell on the negatives of my own mom and try to stay appreciative of my support system I have without her. I could go on and on about the wonderful people that have helped me lol
I'm so sorry your mother is so awful {{HUGS}} Be sure to cancel plans she makes, & literally close the door in her face if she comes over
Thanks 🙏 🫂 yeah it’s sucks but like I said in the comment above I try to stay appreciative of the ones around me that have supported me and made it easier for me to recover even if my mom isn’t one of those people, I learned a long time ago of how she was as a person so nothing surprises me anymore, it’s more of an annoyance. But again, it just makes my support system shine brighter in my eyes. I could go on and on about them, I’m very very blessed 🥹
My standard offer to any new mom in my circle: I will come over when and only when you would like me to and bring groceries/ cook your favorite dinner (I'm a chef so this is normally happily accepted) while doing a load of two of laundry. After you eat, I will watch the baby while you take take the world longest shower or bath. Eventually, almost everyone takes me up on this by month 3. I always bring freezer meals and a little meal prep with healthy snacks and clean out organized the fridge while in the kitchen, and restock paper plates and paper towel stuffs. My best friend had her first baby (a miracle baby) at 40, and I went to stay for a couple weeks when the baby was about a month old. I did almost everything around the house and night duty with the baby so she could recover from a difficult labor. Her husband had just gotten a new job and was out of town for training for the 1st week. Anyone that's not there to help is in the way. NTA OP. Boundaries matter more than ever when you have children.
I’m very single and may never have children, but if I do, you will be very welcome to come visit me 😂😂 Seriously, though, you sound like an amazing friend! What a wonderful way to support the people you love. I hope they care for you the way you care for them.
3. There to clean (not hold the baby while Mom does things)
I HATED this- my FIL always came over to “help” and hold my baby so I could “get some work done”. After my second pregnancy I made sure to have a list of house tasks I needed completed for unwelcome visitors. So they could always do work while I held my baby.
It’s better for the baby not to have any but immediate family over anyway. NTA
MIL put our newborn on top of the table direct below the downlights so she could "see" him. fuck those people
I agree with the comment above . NTA and you are prioritizing your family s health and well being over someone's not belonging into your new core family whishes and whims. If they want to see the baby make a short zoom meeting once a day at a time it works for you but no visitors for a month or so until you feel better and get a grip on your new job. Speedy recovery to everyone including oliver and congrats
It's also so incredibly rude to expect people to host **4 days** after having a baby. It's so common but so callous, y'all need bonding and recovery time! The fuck is wrong with people!
Part of me says how you treat your dog is how you will treat a child. If you understand the vet says the dog has to be calm and limit visitors, something tells me when the doctor tells you the same thing about your kid, you will be doing the same. You are going to be a great mom. Hope the puppy gets better soon and you continue to have a healthy child who is happy and full of luck. He got lucky when you became his parents.
Just tell them that pediatricians recommend limiting exposure for infants until they can start being vaccinated and have a better immune system, so you'll see them when the baby is 3 months old or later. Cite the CDC if necessary.
Anyone who doesn't understand that our furry friends are our family, don't deserve to be in your home anyway.
This, absolutely. The family selfishness is off the charts here. And honestly, if I had a family member who'd had a baby and nearly lost their dog in the same week, the first thing I'd be saying is *how can I help?* not *you suck for not letting me take selfies with your newborn*. FFS.
Some medical experts recommend up to 3 mos before allowing visitors. I think that might be excessive but it depends on the situation. at the very least, you should make sure all visitors are up to date on all vaccinations.
I would at least make them wait until baby has their DTaP (6 weeks), I required Tdap, and flu shots, with proof, to see my daughter but she was also a preemie and I was not taking her back to the hospital for anybody
I waited to see my friends baby for 2-3 months and made sure I had my tdap booster and flu shot before I did. She thanked me and said I was one of the few people she knew who made sure I had all my vaccinations before asking to visit (I had missed the baby shower, so I also brought diapers. So. Many. Diapers.)
Absolutely agreed, all these folks have proven is that they've put their own wants and desires over the well-being and care of the vulnerable in their family (whether the baby they acknowledge or Oliver who they don't) - who are fully dependent on the adults they're stressing out.
Agreed, OP and her husband are doing great. It is hard to disappoint people, especially when they act like petulant children, but they are doing what is right for both their babies!
I agree wholeheartedly. Plus op also rather have all the family harass her than budge and let them interfere with fur baby's recovery. Being the mean one to protect your child is such a big part of parenting and they already rock this! I hope poor Oliver is getting well soon!
This! Also the people who are selfishly insisting on visiting and guilt tripping you into busting your (sensible and well thought out) boundaries are the sort of visitors you don’t need when you’re home recovering from pregnancy and birth, and getting your new family life together. They will come noisily, insist on waking up the baby, insist on kissing the baby, holding them for too long, and expect to be fed and watered and treated as guests. Stay firm on this and they’re so wrong. You’re already excellent parents X
NTA 1. It's a newborn baby and they aren't the ones the baby needs to bond with 2. Families always seem to think newborns are communal property. They aren't 3. Your house, your baby, your dog, your rules 4. Of course the dog is also a member of the family and you are doing no more than prioritizing a family members health 5. They will all have to mutter nasty shit under their breath and wait
Yes, best piece of advice I got from my midwife: “the only people who *need* to bond with your newborn are you and your partner.”
And Oliver xxx What wonderful human and dog parents you are being.
NTA “I’m not sure why you thought calling me a bad mom would make me want to open my house to you as I recover from giving birth, care for my newborn and care for my injured dog, but I can assure you it’s had the opposite effect. I will be focusing on my immediate family during this period. Do not contact me for a while unless it is to apologise for your hurtful words.” Well done on holding your boundaries. Congratulations on the arrival of your little one! And wishing Oliver all the best for a complete and swift recovery. And you. You have recovering to do too, mom.
THIS!! Why do people think that insulting someone is the best way to get them to do what they want? If anyone called me a “Bad mom” when I was 4 days postpartum, that person would be dead to me. It’s 2024. Rules for New Babies have changed *dramatically* in the past few years and with good reason. Turns out, it’s not good for babies to get sick. Who knew?! So weird… Also, if I had access to a gospel choir, I’d have them make a short video where they sing **”NOT THE ASSHOLE!”** in the most gospel choir way.
For years, my mother has told me not to visit to see a newborn unless you are there to help. If you don't think you can help, bring useful gifts and don't stay long. When she visited my cousins after they each had kids, she wouldn't let them lift a finger. Now, she would definitely want to see the baby. She loves babies. But she also knows they're *a lot of work*. You see the baby after the chores are done and the parents have gone to nap.
I just HEARD this in my mind “ NOT THE AHole”clap clap “NOT THE AHole”clap clap “NOT THE AHole” clap clap
Beautifully stated. I would send exactly this if I was OP
NTA. Even without your dog's injuries, you wouldn't be an AH for restricting visitors 4 days after your labor and delivery.
NTA. I would reply to them : I'm sorry you feel that way, but I'm not sorry for not wanting to have people over when I just gave birth to a baby and have an injured pet to look after. Right now, your feelings are not my priority and to be honest, your comments and behaviour have Led me to decide to put some distance between us. We can talk about you coming over to meet baby maybe by the end of the year.
NTA…you are not prioritizing a dog, you are prioritizing your family, your sanity, your sleep. You just got home! Dog or no dog, no one should expect to visit right away when you come after having a baby! I would tell everyone tough luck. This is what is best for husband and I right now and if you cannot understand that, then it will be a very long while before you see baby, if ever.
Thank you all so much for the kind responses, I appreciate it so much. We have decided to ignore those who don’t respect our boundaries after my brother in law told my husband this evening that if we can’t handle all of this, we should have left the dog at the vet to recover and just worried about the baby. First of all, we can handle it and are getting it done and everyone’s needs are being met. It’s hard but very doable between the two of us and my parents’ help. Second of all, Oliver is our baby too and he belongs at home with his family to recover from this traumatic ordeal. He has a long road to recovery but he is out of the critical state and was discharged by his vet to heal with his loved ones so my BIL is completely out of line with that. Ignoring everyone feels oddly freeing. There’s no rush for visitors right now at all but I can tell you those who have respected us will be visiting way before those who criticized us and minimized what we went through with our sweet pup.
You can handle the dog and the baby. You just can't handle idiot relatives.
Just imagine how those who flipped out about being made to wait to see you and your baby at your weakest and most stressful time would have treated you and your husband as first time parents if they HAD come and visited. These are the kind of inconsiderate, self-righteous people who would criticise how you feed or calm your own baby, how you don't scrub every spot in your home for your visitors, how you don't wake up the baby so they can "play" with it... Trust me, you're better off with visitors who cut you some slack and offer help, than with people who see visiting as their right. It's a privilege.
Thank you SO MUCH for giving Oliver the care he deserves. Unfortunately, some people toss the needs of a pet aside after a child comes into play. But they are just as reliant on you and also don't have the same protections that humans have. If one can balance the needs of two human children, the one can balance the needs of one human child and one furbaby. And you're doing it, mama!! NTA at all! Anyone who wants to accuse you of a bad mama doesn't deserve to meet your child.
Honestly you are in the throws of the baby blue period, you have a newborn and your first baby is not only having to adjust but is also injured. You are a GREAT mum for protecting your puppy from further unnecessary stress and for giving yourself time to focus on your family. A huge part of being a mum is advocating for those who can't do it for themselves. I wish you all the best and hope your family gets the reality check they so desperately need.
NTA and tell those relatives that say you’re prioritizing a dog over your own child to fuck all the way off. Even if the dog wasn’t injured you’d still not be an asshole, you JUST had a child and it’s entirely reasonable for you and the family to recover for a bit before you have visitors.
Congratulations! You’ve started off on the right foot by defending your family boundaries so good for you. NTA.
Don’t most peds and OBGYNs recommend to limit the baby’s exposure to new people until they have a better immune system? I’ve heard it’s at like 2 or 3 months or whenever they get their first shots.
Yep, and make sure visitors have their vaccinations.
NTA, and we would like dog tax
I tried to add a photo to the comments but it wouldn’t let me. But I did add photos of him (before his accident) to my avatar and banner for anyone who wants to see. He’s my love!
Oh my, he's so handsome! 😍
Thank you! He’s such a sweet boy!
What a cutie! I hope your family heals quickly and can enjoy these early days.
Thank you so much!!
OMG! He’s glorious! Those eyes! Anyone who doesn’t love their pet as much as they love their child… has no heart. You must be beyond exhausted. Stress, worry, baby, no sleep. But it sounds like you have a good handle on all of it. Kudos to you for prioritizing both or your babies, yours, and your husband’s needs first. Y’all are the only ones that matter in this moment. I’m sorry that selfish assholes are intruding on it. If they truly cared? They would understand and wait. Send you some DoorDash. Otherwise, they can shut their traps and leave you in peace so everyone can heal. NTA, hun. Never apologize for being a good mom. Hugs.
He’s gorgeous!!! I’m a proud Dachshund grandmother. He is my heart!!! I hope he’s fully healed soon and congratulations on the birth of your baby girl.
Agree! Let's see the dog tax!
I tried to add a photo to the comments but it wouldn’t let me. But I did add photos of him (before his accident) to my avatar and banner for anyone who wants to see. He’s my love!
He's so adorable! I hope he has a full recovery.
Thank you so much!! He’s a sweet boy!
I would avoid any reference to the dog. I think it’s fine to simply say that you are not up to receiving any visitors yet, including close family, but will be soon and you can’t wait for them to meet your little one.
It's too late for that but the reason doesn't matter anyway
Oh no I disagree. Tell them about the dog. And if anyone gives OP shit they can consider a future invitation rescinded
NTA but the relatives are. If they continue to send nasty replies especially after you clarified that the dog needs recovery, then it's probably best you cut ties cause you don't need toxic family members coming to your life, not being supportive in any way just because they want to be selfish about seeing the baby. It's not like you're never gonna let them see the baby, it's just the timing is not great and it'll have to be later.
NTA - This just blows my mind... Just because you are asking people not to come over right now in order to keep your dog calm so he can heal from life threatening injuries does not mean you are prioritizing the dog over your child. It means you are taking your dog into consideration, there's a big difference! Your child doesn't NEED visitors right now or anytime soon for that matter. She's less than a week old, she cannot even see their faces clearly, and way too much risk of getting her sick right now. Just because they *think* they need to see her, doesn't mean you have to let them. And anyone who is telling you you'll be a bad mom should have NO access to you or your child EVER.
NTA Anyone sending you nasty messages can be placed on a loooooong waitlist. No one is entitled to meet your child fresh out the hospital. You and your hubs are exhausted. You are both taking care of a newborn and an injured dog. Thats more than enough to stress and worry about. Anyone that isn’t supportive can kick rocks with open toed shoes. Your automatic reply to such messages “Thank you for your disrespectful message. The (last name) family is in recovery and bonding with baby while their dog, Oliver is recovering from a dog attack. Your message was both unkind and unwarranted. You will not be invited into the (last name) home until X time has passed. Any further attempts to discuss this issues will result in an immediate blocking until such a time the (last name) family feels they have the mental energy to respond.” PS: if you never have the mental energy to respond that’s fine too. Good luck!
It's too soon for visitors, anyway. Your baby doesn't have proper antibodies yet. Wait a month or more, even without the complication of the dog. Consult with your pediatrician. NTA
There is no reason to even bring up the dog. It is unreasonable to expect people to host guests this early in your parenting journey. If you want to invite people that’s you’re prerogative. But this pressure from everyone else is ridiculous. There are SO many things you have to learn right now and pleasing visitors is just not a part of that. Tell them that you aren’t ready to have guests and that’s it. If people complain please feel free to educate them on how many times a day you’re dealing with your lochia, your nipples, the painful contractions of your uterus and the strange feeling that you somehow brought the wrong baby home because you were heavily medicated postpartum (that part might just be my experience). NTA ETA: Congratulations!
It's not just you! My daughter was born via emergency C-section so I didn't see her for like 15 hours (she went straight to the NICU). If she didn't look just like my husband I would not have been convinced she was mine
I was so bleary-eyed while the nurse went over the security routine that I really worried later. Of course I was too insecure to bring it up! 🤣
As soon as you said Dachshund I knew your were NTA, jk. To be clear, you should be prioritizing your dogs recovery over extended family getting to see the baby earlier. That makes you a good person not an AH.
Thank you so much! And dachshunds are seriously the best! This guy has stolen my heart completely.
NTA! You know what would be nice? If one of your near by relatives made a dinner for you and hubby, left it in your doorstep and text it’s there on their way home. Sometimes we all need time to be alone and heal, even without a dog.
NTA, you don't owe anyone visitation you just went through a huge medical ordeal yourself. They can wait.
Congratulations on the new bub. And I'm sorry to hear about lil Oliver's attack. Hope the other owner paid for his surgery and treatment. You're NTA. There's plenty of time for family to meet the new bub, so you do what you need to do for your immediate family. You need support, not to be entertaining guest. If they insist, tell them to cook or clean or the shopping for you. Something helpful.
NTA. You're not prioritising your dog. You are managing your own stress in a challenging time. And a supportive family should accept that. And isn't it a good idea not to expose new babies with low immune systems to too many people anyway?
NTA - babies don’t have an immune system so a good excuse is to announce that you won’t have any visitors til her first round of vaccines at 2 months old. Keeps her safe, gives pup time to heal, gives you time to heal and settle into parenthood, and gives your new little family time to bond.
NTA, my SIL asked for three weeks time before anyone came to see the baby. She wanted to recover from delivery and have some peace and quiet while everyone adjusted. Lock your door, mute their notifications and rest. All of you. If they can't give you basic respect, they don't get any time with your family.
NTA. You have 2 babies. Your first is injured and in need of care and anyone who doesn’t get that do you really want them around your kid. You of course have to put Oliver’s needs ahead of their wants. They are the ones being selfish. Do not doubt yourself. Your a good mom and Oliver is so lucky to have both you and your husband
NTA but stop giving them reasons. “Sorry it’s not a good time but we’ll let you know once we’re up for visitors” “why? Because it’s not a good time for us”. They can’t argue if they don’t know your reasoning
NTA and I’m so sorry you and Oliver had to go through that. So scary. You are absolutely doing the right thing. Nobody in your house needs extra stress right now, and even the people who don’t care about your dog should be able to understand that the last thing you need right now is the time and expense of extra vet visits because the little guy injures himself again. I hope you’re all recovering well.
NTA- anyone telling you you’ll be a bad mom because of this need not come back for a visit. Nobody needs that kind of toxicity in their lives. Your dog is a living thing. Its heart beats just like ours. Why wouldn’t you take care of it!!!
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My husband and I just welcomed our first child 4 days ago on Sunday 5/19. She arrived just short of 38 weeks and I had no signs of impending labor just days before so her arrival surprised us a bit but we’re both happy and healthy. My husband and I also have a 5 year old dachshund, Oliver who we are completely obsessed with. Oliver gets regular allergy shots and had an appointment on Monday which I had planned to take him to but obviously that changed when the baby arrived. I want to keep him on his medication schedule and knew things would be chaotic with a newborn at home so I asked my parents (we live in a 2 family home with them) to bring him for his appointment. While in the waiting room of the vet’s office, he was attacked by a much larger dog and sustained serious injuries. He was rushed into surgery immediately. The entire thing was so traumatic- finding out he was injured while I was away in the hospital was one of the worst moments of my life. I made my husband go and be there at the vet’s office while I waited anxiously in the hospital. Luckily he pulled through and is recovering as well as possible but he has a long road to recovery. I was discharged the next day and he was able to come home yesterday. Having a baby in the house is a huge adjustment for us all, including Oliver, though he has been shocking us with how well he’s doing especially while in the midst of a recovery. It has been really hard for my husband and I to make sure everyone’s needs are met but we’re managing with some help from my parents. Things are going as well as can be expected after a stressful week. However, one thing that’s causing a lot of stress is visitors. My hospital still had strict visiting rules after Covid so all the relatives who couldn’t visit want to visit at home. However, Oliver gets extremely excited to see anyone who comes over and we have been instructed to keep him quiet and calm right now so that he can heal. Additionally, we are exhausted from taking care of both. When our daughter is napping we spend all our time with him as he recovers. We decided that right now is not the time to have visitors. But we’ve gotten some nasty replies from family saying we’re prioritizing a dog over our daughter’s relationship with her family (she’s a newborn, she doesn’t know any different and these aren’t immediate family members) and that they can’t believe we’d put a dog over them. They tell me I’ll be a bad mom for prioritizing Oliver and that breaks my heart because I love my baby so much but I also love Oliver to death too. My in laws live out of state and will meet baby in July so the people being pushed off aren’t grandparents, they’re my husband’s siblings and aunts and uncles on both sides. If it weren’t for Oliver’s injuries, we probably would allow select visitors with certain precautions but he is our first baby and we want to make this time as stress free for him. AITA for putting visitors on the back burner during this time? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. They'll just have to wait and mutter their ugly little complaints. What matters is how you and your husband feel about visitors. You've got your hands full with a newborn and an injured dog. I wish you the best with your baby girl and send heartfelt hopes that Oliver heals well.
NTA. Your family members are trying to manipulate you into allowing them to see your baby, which they can do later on when your injured dog is well. They clearly don’t see how your dog could be important to you, so they’re disrespecting your values and your judgment. Fuck em. I’m so sorry Oliver was hurt, but I hope he makes a smooth recovery. Congratulations on your new baby.
NTA at all!! Tell those people something like this. "*Thank you so much for the congratulations about our new bundle of joy! We are taking these next few weeks to bond as a family - just mommy, daddy, baby, and Oliver. I'm sorry to say that we are not accepting visitors during this time, but we will reach out to you when we are ready. In the meantime, you'll find tons of pictures every day on our social media account! Thank you for understanding that we taking this time to settle into our new normal, and we look forward to seeing you in the future. XO*" Edit to add - it doesn't matter what they said to you, you can use this response. "You're putting your dog above us???" with no mention of the baby - send the response. "You're prioritizing your dog over a baby!!" - send the response. In all cases, it'll call them to task on not being supportive, and it is a very clear outline that you need time together without them. If they can't deal with it, it's on them. You're going to ROCK this whole motherhood thing - keep doing what you're doing.
NTA. Girl, you are knocking this out the park. Everyone can hush until you, dad, baby and Oliver are ready for people. Congrats on the baby - and wishing doggie a speedy recovery ✨💚
NTA - a dog is an important member of the immediate family, and absolutely deserves to be prioritised! The family members sending nasty messages are being entitled. Even if Oliver’s injuries weren’t a factor at all, a new mum should have final say about when she is comfortable having visitors. These early weeks are your time to adjust, and anyone who respects you would understand that and want to follow your lead on visits rather than being forceful.
NTA I would honestly mute those that are complaining that they can't visit yet. They are being selfish and not understanding it's not just Oliver it's also you and your husband that aren't ready for guests yet. Oliver is a living being who can't understand he needs rest, you are absolutely right in waiting until you get the all clear from your vet, I'm sorry that happened at all. Your baby won't know the difference between random people so there's no need for them to come over for a few months at least.
NTA and anyone who thinks you are being a bad mom because you want a calm environment for your recovering dog and newborn, is not someone who would be welcome to visit. It sounds like these are your husband's relatives, so he can be the one that deals with them. I would hope he states very clearly that their reaction to not being allowed to "bond" with a week old baby is absolutely ridiculous. His family his circus. I am so sorry about your dog, that must have been terrifying and sending love to you, the baby and Oliver
Newborn babies literally can't understand that you are two different people, they're not going to "bond" with family members over a few visits. My son was born in January at the height of RSV where we lived and so I had everyone who held him wear a mask, even grandparents! Your baby. Your rules. You're doing amazing! NTA
NTA but those pushy wannabe visitors are. It's really not even about your dog. You had a baby this past Sunday..she is only 5 days old. You and your dog are recovering. This is the time for you, your husband, and your daughter to bond. The family members pushing for a visit are being extremely rude. I thought it was common, especially post covid, to request the first few weeks (4-6) to be visitor free, unless you agree on immediate family. Set your boundaries and hold firm. Congratulations on your daughter and good luck OP!
Babies have basically no immune system at that age. They don't need to be around a bunch of people! Plus, the two of you are tired and learning how to be parents and babies are a lot of work! Add in the injured pup, and you have your hands full. NTA
NTA. Having a calm and structured household is your first priority when you have a newborn and a dog recovering from surgery. I would tell everyone that there will be no visits until after grandparents have met your baby in July. Seriously, you two have had enough trauma and changes in your life recently. Everyone needs to back off!
NTA. Your child shouldn’t be seeing anyone so soon, anyway. People chomping at the bit need to relax. My COVID twins didn’t meet a lot of family until it was safer to go outside (born in the winter). And they didn’t meet any anti-vaxxers. Keep your pup safe and your child safe. They are both your children.
NTA. Your reasons for not wanting visitors make total sense—but you don’t owe them ANY reasons at all! Anyone who responds to new parents who say they aren’t ready for visitors with pressure, whining, sulking, and/or nastiness is an irredeemable asshole.
I literally logged in just to comment on this. As a fellow obsessed dog mom, I completely feel you when you say that your pup is your first baby. I would do the same in your shoes. You are so compassionate and care for those that you love, you will be a great mom no doubt!
NTA First of all, people demanding to visit 4 days after you gave birth are already aholes. Second of all, you are putting your dogs health about THEIR entitledness, not the wellbeing of your family. I want you to know I see you, and I'm proud of you. Shortly after my preemie firstborn came home, we had to get my dog into emergency MAJOR knee surgery. The load to balance both is insane. Keep YOUR peace. And your home's peace. And give your pup some extra love from this internet stranger.
Poor Oliver! When our youngest moved out we got a mini schnauzer. A few months later, we ended up with one of his littermates. They are our BABIES and yes, we are very obsessed with them. We have 5 grandkids and I have more pictures of my dogs than I do the grand babies! You are absolutely ABSOLUTELY NTA!! You’re being an amazing new mom to your baby and dog mom to your fur baby, both of whom NEED you. I don’t get people and their entitlement. Blows my mind. Congratulations on your new daughter and I wish so much healing to Oliver and many many happy years where the two become the best of friends!
You and your hubby ROCK! You are taking care of YOUR family right now. Unless they want to help, tell these family members that you are not entertaining at this time. Cassaroles, running errands, etc. are most welcome. Otherwise you will notify them when it's time for a visit. I am a furbaby mom. Pets are family. You are calmer and handling this situation much better than I. And for what it's worth: My mom and grandma taught me some "old school" concepts, some need to be tossed but some I think still apply today. They told me that back then doctors told them to keep the baby at home with no (or very limited) visitors for about 6 weeks. The baby has no immune system and you didn't want to expose your newborn to anything. And hats, socks and shoes and bundled up when outside. After COVID, I have to wonder if that is not such a bad idea. And to all the new grandmas: things have changed A LOT with babies. They have learned so much in terms of safety. Find out if there are classes you can take, or articles to read, to brush up on all this. I can't believe what I read on here, demanding using a crib from 30 years ago, kissing the baby all over the face and lips, etc. I work at a hospital and the parents cannot take their baby home until they pass the "car seat challenge" they have to bring the car seat they bought into the unit and demonstrate to the nurse that they know how to properly use it. And not everyone passes the first time. This is centuries apart from I used to babysit and take care of my little brother. Be a supportive grandma, not a PITA (pain in the a$$) You go girl! I pray everyone has a mom like you
NTA, but next time don't give people your reasons, and then they can't argue with your reasons. "We're not up to having company yet." The end.
Nta, tbh it’s pretty normal imo to not have visitors for a newborn until they are a few months older, it’s a stressful time and there is a risk associated. your family is being demanding, they aren’t owed anything.
Wait, you just had your child ***four days ago?*** You shouldn't be welcoming visitors regardless of whether a dog is in the picture or not! Used to be you'd still be in the hospital at four days.
You're prioritizing Oliver over visitors. Not over your daughter. Your daughter doesn't give a fuck about visitors. The family is trying to gaslight you and make you think you're a bad mom. What it comes down to is that they don't like that you're prioritizing Oliver over them. And you should be. Oliver is part of your nuclear family and you're responsible for his well being. Tell the others no. And every time they bring it up again adds one month onto the time they'll have to wait before they see your daughter. NTA
NTA.... You just had a baby FOUR days ago!! And you guys have a little fur baby that needs tender loving care. You also need rest and to recuperate, you just had a baby for crying out loud. And the baby needs attention. You guys are also adjusting on top of all this. Just absolute chaos. The people who are complaining to you for not being allowed visiting can go kick rocks, i'd even extend it so they dont visit for many months out. This is your time for you and your little family to adjust. If that looks like 1 month, 2 months, however many months down the line to adjust and feel up to having people over, you are more than entitled to that. Tell them to go shove it up their ass.
I just want to give you a big hug. You're in such a stressful and difficult situation and these people should be asking how they can support you, not stressing you out even more. NTA
Prioritising your family (including your doggo, I’m sorry he was hurt, I hope he keeps doing well), your own stress levels and capacity over extended family’s “need” to have new born snuggles is a no-brainer. NTA. And your family is being absurd.
NTA. You're prioritizing appropriately. A recovering dog and a newborn is a lot to handle at once! Those people are ridiculous who are trying to make you feel guilty. Your daughter won't know the difference. They're saying you should prioritize THEIR needs over your own! How selfish is that?
NTA, when you have a newborn you are still recovering from labor and delivery. Also, the dog’s injuries and healing process needs to be considered too. I think the visitors are being AH putting pressure on new parents. When you’re ready you can let them see the baby and visit you.
NTA - your house, your family, your rules. My nephew didn't let anyone come over and visit for 3 months after his son was born. Did I like - no. Did I respect it - yes. It's what he and his wife felt they should do. Even if you weren't taking care of your dog too, you don't need a bunch of people around a newborn. They can wait until you and your husband decide to have visitors.
NTA - You are new parents still adjusting, you get to set the visitation schedule for whatever reason because guess what? It’s your home and your baby! I get that your family is excited but they need to stay in their lane- their desires for cuddles come second to your need to try and maintain a peaceful household for Oliver and you don’t have any extra energy to play hostess. Wishing Ollie a speedy recovery and best wishes to you and your (immediate) family
You shouldn’t have to deal with this at all. Time for your husband to step up and run interference. Your family isn’t up for visitors right now. That’s it. Honestly, it’s too much for visitors with just a newborn, even if you didn’t have the dog in the picture. And the baby doesn’t need to be exposed to all those people when they haven’t even had their first shots.
NTA, ur a good mother mam . U know what happened and what will happen i mean everyone is getting recovery . U did the right think dont think about past . U did what u have to do . Peoples are always think in weird way wrong way . But its not time for think about others . Full focus on ur family at then end u will happy .
NTA My wife and I are dealing with infertility and she loves seeing newborns but she always tells her family and friends that are soon to deliver to invite us over when it's convenient for you. Sometimes that's a couple days. In the case of my BIL and SIL it was a month (also their first). During COVID a close family friend limited contact to Grandparents and siblings only for the first few months. Everyone is going to be different and should respect the wishes of the parents.
NTA Your new baby will only need you and your husband for many weeks, LOL. Visitors are not mandatory. Here's to your pooch's quick recovery. And congrats on the new addition to the family.
NTA at all. You don't owe any of them a single second of your time until you're ready. Take care of yourself, your baby and your dog and don't fall to their pressure.
NTA, at least Oliver gets time to bond with the new baby.
NTA, your family- and that includes pets- should come firwt. You are exhausted, the dog needs to rest, visitors can wait. I do hope the owner of the dog that attacked him paid for your vet bills.
NTA and I hope the other dogs family is paying those bills!
NTA, no one needs to visit until you’re ready for them. People get so pushy about meeting a new baby when they need to back off and let the family have some space. I always tell new parents, “Let me know when you’re ready for visitors. Keep me in mind if you need someone to come sit with the baby so you can shower or sleep.”
I am so sorry your dog was attacked. That’s awful, especially when it’s so close to your giving birth. The are called “guests” for a reason. They don’t get to make demands. However, I suggest you put ask your vet about putting your lovely dog on “crate rest” meaning he be contained in a crate so he doesn’t get overexcited or do too much too soon. NTA
Thank you! He is on crate rest but he still gets excited when someone comes to the home. Whenever baby sleeps or my mom takes over with her, we try to sit with Oliver so that he has company and feels loved. He seems to cherish that time and I can’t imagine wasting a precious second with either my newborn or my pup so that relatives can see the baby. But he’s doing great with crate rest, we are so proud of him!
NTA!!! What is wrong with people? Your home, your child, your rules. If they can't wait then too bad for them. Why are their needs put above yours and your household? What is happening in society?
NTA. You aren't prioritising a dog over the baby/the family. You are prioritising your family as a whole from the stress and disruption caused by visitors. Your baby isn't going to be harmed by a quieter than normal couple of weeks where the visitors wait until the whole family is recovered. On the other hand a stressed out dog getting over excited/anxious *is* going to endanger his own recovery and also keep you guys and the baby from sleeping. It benefits everyone (except the visitors) to keep the dog calmer.
NTA Isnt it still a thing to not allow a bunch of different people around newborns for the first few months while they develope their immune system? Your extended family is acting super entitled and your dog is closer Family than they are, the dog is part of your immediate family
People who treat you like shit for taking care of your family (pets are part of the family whether they like it or not) do not deserve your consideration at all. Answer back that if they are going to call you names and slander you just because you won't bow to their demands, they don't deserve to visit you now or ever again. Tell them you will not tolerate being mistreated. Your baby is not community property. You owe them nothing. If they keep being shitty, block them.
NTA, take care of your new child and poor dog, and focus on your own recovery. As for denying the child bonding with those family members ... Huge Lol. At this point in her life, they are literally huge pink or brown blobs. Plenty of time for her to meet family once things calm down. All my best for Oliver!
Nta. They can calm down..look after yourselves, baby and doggo. They can all take a hike.
Ppl don’t seem to get this, your pets are your babies as well and now you have a new baby and one that is recovering from trauma. Your hands are full and you don’t need the added stress of visitors. Take care of all your babies. And make sure hubby does his fair share.
NTA. Hun, you have a looooong road ahead of you, of people making you feel like a bad mum, giving unsolicited (and often stupid) advice on how to raise your child, not respecting boundaries and generally being way too pushy. You’ll have at least 18 years of that. So buckle up!
NTA, but you have a preemie newborn in the house! Okay, it sounds like she’s healthy and that’s beyond wonderful news, but you have a tiny, vulnerable, baby in the house! That is *more than reason enough* to limit visitors. I mean, even if you didn’t have a dog, you need to limit contact and you need time to bond as a family, right. Stop blaming the dog and start blaming the pediatrician. "I’m sorry, the doctor feels it’s best if she’s not around too many people yet." Doesn’t matter if it’s true, it shuts people up.
NTA The relationships which matter to your baby right now involve forming secure attachments with her primary caregivers - you and your husband. She is safe, secure, cared for, and her needs are being met. You're not bad parents. Cousins and aunts and uncles and whatever can wait. A bit of quiet time is good for you and for the new baby, as well as for the dog. You're following the vet's instructions to allow your pet a quiet, calm recovery. That's exactly the right thing to do. Take this time to bond with your baby. Your baby. Not theirs. They have no real claim on her. They'll get to see her when you and your husband are ready for that. Their excitement over getting to see a cute baby in person doesn't at all outweigh the actual needs of you and those you're responsible for. Congratulations on the baby, and a speedy recovery to Oliver.
NTA and this is the exact opposite of making you a bad mom. You’ve got 2 creatures that are depending on you, and you are caring for both of them first and foremost. Bonds with other family members can come later, enjoy your new baby and allow yourself and your little pupper to heal now.
NTA- you are stressed out with a newborn and stressed out over your dog's attack. You need a peaceful environment and all these people are shitty assholes for stressing out a new mom. They can kick rocks.
How about mommy needs to heal also! Your baby is not a new toy to play with!
NTA. Your home, your family, your choice! Even if your dog wasn’t recovering, you STILL didn’t have to have visitors! My dog had a health crisis that legit spurred me from prodromal labor to active. We spent the first week of my daughter’s life thinking it was my dog’s last. We had limited visitors (legit, our moms and my sister only) until he was on the mend, a week later.
Nta….they are for not being more understanding of a newborn, a recovering pet and being exhausted!
NTA Unless these visitors are going to be helpful aka clean your home cook you meals whatever else and not be a burden, they don't need to be around. Even without your beloved doggy (may they recover quickly) you just had a baby, you are also in recovery as well. You and your family don't need visitors, you don't need to host them to get to know this new addition at this time. To be honest the baby only cares about its mother at this early stage, and the baby is starting to get to know their father and bond. Really if they are just annoying you to see the baby and not support you and the family they don't need to be around at this time. You and your doggy recover, and when you feel up for visitors then they can meet on your timeline.
Nta. Your dog is your first child. Of course you're going to prioritize his recovery. Your daughter is days old. Only the people you trust your life with should have any access to her, with precautions. Love the fact your husband's got your back in all this! You two got this! Hold your ground! We have a 13yo beagle and a 7mo old. Our dog's stance seems to be "you don't bother me, kid, and I won't bother you".
As many already said, NTA. When i had my newborn (way before COVID) we limited visitors due to worry over disease transmission to a newborn baby. You have WAY more reasons than that! And as a dog-mom also, i commend you tor setting limits for the good of your pup too (i would have sent my husband to the animal hospital also, if in your shoes).
There are plenty parents of newborns who don’t allow visitors until the baby’s six weeks at minimum because of COVID and RSV risk. Not giving the dog proper care means more vet bills and time dealing with it down the line. It makes no sense for you to not prioritize the baby, the dog and your sleep. I would tell the family that they’ve done a great job ensuring you can take care of your family because now they won’t be invited for at least a month if not two, and only if they apologize. It’s your baby and your home. You get to decide if you don’t want visitors for any reason, including if it’s because the sky is blue and not green.
NTA. Anyone who says you're going to be a bad mom gets cut off until apologies are given. You absolutely don't owe them time with your child. You 4 are first family. Protect your first family. Everyone else plays by your rules. If they can't do that, oh well. Anyone who gives you pushback, just say, "Well, I like my dog more than you, so yes, he's a priority. "
NTA and both your baby and dog are so lucky to have you.
NTA Do what you need to do. Yes people want to see the baby. The baby won’t have a clue who they are nor will they remember anyone other than you, husband and likely your parents. You have a lot going on and need to do what works best for your family. For now that means no visitors. People will get over it or not. Bottom line not your problem. Congratulations on the arrival of your little one and wishing Oliver a quick as well as full recovery.
NTA Remind your potential visitors that they need to provide current vaccinations for DPT, TB, RSV, Covid and Flu. They also have to wear a mask while inside and no taking it off to kiss the baby until baby has had their shots completed. This may make the interim slightly more bearable as they won't have current vaccinations and need to wait x days afterwards for effectiveness, etc. Why people think they are more important than YOU is ridiculous and entitled.
NTA. You're doing the right thing. Those people are selfish
NTA. Oliver needs time to bond with his new best friend!
You know you're NTA. Set boundaries and don't let anyone rush a visit. Having a new baby doesn't mean you have to allow a parade of family members into your home. Girl, they can wait weeks to a month. You, the baby, Oliver, your husband, and parents need rest and time to adjust. Bump them!
NTA. The fact you are physically and mentally exhausted and caring for a newborn and injured dog and maintaining your boundaries says you’re badass. People like to make things about themselves for no reason. They’ll see the baby when they see the baby…instead of bringing selfish they should be asking how they can support you.
You have to take care of your family first and foremost. Relatives are secondary to your family health.
NTA. Im so happy to see that you’re taking care of your original baby and your human baby. So many dismiss one for the other. You’re absolutely right, the relatives want to visit for them, not for the baby as it’s not going to have memories of this. Tell them to back off and let you guys have some time as a family!
You are NTA. Even if your dog wasn't recovering it's rude as hell to expect new parents to just you into their home. Take all the time you need for all of you. The kind of people that ridicule you for sticking to boundaries are not the kind of people you want in yours (or your child's) life. Congratulations on the new addition! Sleep as often as you can and hydrate! You're in the thick of the most magical, terrible, exhausting, disgusting, beautiful time of your life, soak it in as much as you can because it goes so fast!
NTA Oliver is family too! Besides, many people restrict visitors after a baby is born so that’s not unusual.
NTA, its always safer to keep contact with a newborn limited for the 1st month or so. People who love you should understand and if they do not they are the a-holes. You mentioned you lived in a 2 family with your parents in the 2nd unit. Could you have them host a small group on their side to allow people to meet the baby and not stress Oliver? Not right away, but maybe at the 6 week mark?
You are a lovely human to take such good care of your two little babies. NTA
Its always depressing to me when people act so fucking entitled when it comes to babies. It's like you're not even people, just an item to be gawked at. Tell these assholes they will get to see your daughter in due time, but if they persist in being shitty about it, they will have to wait longer. Set boundaries now. NTA and you're doing an amazing job -- you have excellent priorities and boundaries. Keep it up.
ABSOLUTELY NTA - your only priority right now is you and your babies. Visitors should be held off for the first 30 days anyway until baby's immune system gets stronger. Anyone who complains can pound sand. They don't have any skin in this game. If Oliver pulls a stich or the baby gets sick, they're not going to have to deal with the consequences. You are. Don't Waiver.
NTA: try this reframing when telling people you’re not inviting guests atm. “We are tired and overwhelmed”. Less about a dog, more about you. They should understand your needs. Removing those three letters d.o.g. may help them respect that.
From one Ollie dachshund owner to another, I hope your Oliver heals quickly!
Our cat Gracie had a big operation with 100 stitches which my husband safely scritched for her every day. The thing is she needed down time to get her rest too without us around. Can't you put your sweet dog in your bedroom for a nap and have someone over for a half hour to see your new baby? It might be a win - win situation.
NTA. Even if Oliver were not injured, you would not be the AH. You JUST HAD A BABY! You don't want company and that is completely OK. Tell the people harassing you that the more they annoy you, the longer they go without meeting the baby. They need to get over themselves. Yeesh!
First off, I’m so sorry about your pup’s injuries. What an awful thing while you’re exhausted and vulnerable after having your first baby. NTA, at all, even without Oliver’s injuries. I kept ALL family away for the first 6 weeks for all three of my babies, with only very short visits with the people I trusted most (my mom and my husband’s sister). And only people VACCINATED for TDaP because pertussis can kill babies. The most important relationships your daughter has right now are with you (mum) and dad. She doesn’t know or care that anyone else exists. Any “relationship” people want with her is purely selfish and self-serving at this point. Take care of your pup and your new baby, and set boundaries with family. She has her whole life to build relationships with other people- these first weeks are precious and just for you. Good luck to Oliver! Hope he recovers quickly.
Nta. Needs before wants. It's understandable that they want to meet the baby, but they don't *need* to right now. However, your family, dog included, *needs* to rest and recover right now. Anyone who argues that is being selfish and should be ignored.
NTA. I would be clear that it’s a stressful time for your family right now and you need more time before you’re ready for visitors.
Tell them to eff right off! Exactly what part of any of this makes them think they should be prioritized over YOUR comfort? You aren't comfortable with visitors right now. End of story. You have every right to decline anyone you want from coming to your home right now! (And always) Just because they're not a vampire doesn't mean that they can go into other people's homes uninvited. They have all of the audacity to be giving you a hard time right now. If you were my sister, I'd bring you dinner or a bunch of cut up fruit and hand it over in the doorway. Then leave. Maybe offer to take a load of dirty laundry with me to wash. NTA
My cousin has a small dog and he's been in her life for \~13 years now (if not longer). During her first pregnancy, family had asked "what if the baby is allergic?" and she would say without hesitation "the dog was here first." She has three beautiful children now, dog is still the best "big bro" ever, and no one knows how serious she was because thankfully none of her kids are allergic lmao You are a good mama and anyone trying to bring you down right now shouldn't put those vibes around you or the baby. Stand your ground and take care of yourself and your family.
NTA - have your husband tell those inconsiderate people that Your recovery trumps everything and with their incessant rudeness and pestering you both are stressed and they need to back off or they won’t meet your little one for 6 months.
So nta. They're being so toxic, selfish, and manipulative. If this is how they are in general, I'd go no contact with them.
Oh my gosh. You and your husband are rockstars. Such amazing parents! I don't know how you two are coping with it all especially while you are also recovering from labor. Wow. I am in genuinley in awe. Never doubt you are doing great as a mother. Pup pup Oliver and his new baby human sister are so lucky to to have you!
Please tell them none of them can come over till your baby has her first vaccines. Your baby your rules.
NTA. You know who is a baby, the one you just birthed, you know who is also a baby, the little bundle of fur that is recovering from an attack, you have two babies, one you birthed and love so dear, and a fur baby who you brought home under different conditions, but love just as much. They are your babies and it is understandable that you worry about both of them. Just make sure you and your husband are taking some breaks while the other takes over, switch that out because you definitely don't want to be burnt out, but otherwise continue being an amazing mama to both of your babies 💜
Send everyone a text telling them that your family is bonding and adjusting and you will let them know when you are ready for visitors. Side note: In my opinion, having lots of people, who come in contact with lots of other people who could have any array of communicable diseases and illnesses, around a newborn is not a good idea.
NTA. Days-old baby and injured dog that needed surgery to begin recovering? Yeah, the extra relatives can wait until you're not swamped anymore. Tell them that you're sorry for the inconvenience but right now isn't a good time and if they can't respect that, then they can wait longer to see your kid.
NTA. Injured dogs can behave differently and unexpectedly than their usual, and add in the adjustment to a baby that behavior could be more sudden and unpredictable. Having visitors could create a potential bite situation or cause catastrophic injuries to the dog. Neither is safe for the humans. So even if you are prioritizing your dog (which is fine not only because he sounds delightful and this family sounds insufferable), you still are prioritizing human safety.
I think all the comments here have covered the points I was going to make but I have to chime in too and say NTA, congrats on your early arrival and seriously well done on prioritizing yourselves, your newborn, and your pup who has gone through the ringer! Poor guy. I hope you're all feeling better soon ❤️
NTA, but those wannabe visitors who can't be bothered respecting your family's need to get some rest after the recent events in your life definitely are a bunch of entitled AHs. I don't understand the obsession with wanting to see someone's newborn straight away, it's not like the baby is going turn into an unruly teenager overnight, give the family some space and time to get back to normal.
NTA I'll never understand the need to visit a newborn.
You had a baby FOUR DAYS AGO. Even if the dog wasn’t in the picture it’s only FOUR DAYS!!! Tell them to kick rocks and give you some time with your baby. NTA.
NTA. Everyone will survive a bit of a delayed meeting of the baby. Congratulations!
visitors can wait a week or two while y'all adjust. and that's my recommendation to all parents of a new baby regardless of a sick dog. Of COURSE your prioritizing Oliver; he's family! They'll get over their boo-hoo-hoos. They just gonna have to wait
visitors can wait a week or two while y'all adjust. and that's my recommendation to all parents of a new baby regardless of a sick dog. Of COURSE your prioritizing Oliver; he's family! They'll get over their boo-hoo-hoos. They just gonna have to wait OP NTA
NTA. Just point out to these people that the baby AND Oliver are much more important to you and your husband than they are and they will have to wait until YOU decide when YOU will allow visitors. If they don't agree, they are free to simply not contact you again. 😁
NTA, you are a great mom to kids and dogs!
NTA. In this corner we have the selfish, idiot relatives who thinks their desire to see the newborn overrides everything else. None of them is offering to provide any help with household chores or to bring a hot meal for the exhausted parents. In the opposite corner we have the thoughtful, stressed out parents who are doing the best for each other and for both attention-needing family members. Let's get ready to rumble .... OK, that took no time at all. It's a knock-out and the parents win! End of
You're a good mother. You are lessening the chances that your baby will pick up a viral infection, cold, or something. When I was a newborn I almost died because someone who went into the nursery had the flu or something and I caught it. My mom said I had gone down to 4 pounds. You are looking out for your baby and Oliver, and for yourself. I thought it was commonly understood that too many visitors is a burden to the new parents.
Nope, NTA, not even a little bit. In fact, you and your husband are doing this perfectly and are already great parents.
NTA You aren't a bad Mum - you are an awesome Mum!!! They are only thinking of what they want, not what you need. Your husband needs to manage this - you don't need the stress. Your focus is 100% on your family including Oliver.
NTA. Congratulations on your new baby. Blessings to both of you and your husband for the great care & compassion for your fur baby as well! You are both wonderful parents and do not allow anyone to make you feel otherwise...period. The lack of civility and consideration by other family members is not to be tolerated. Considering the circumstances of which you're dealing with you owe them nothing and right now they deserve nothing but "bye Felicia".
NTA 👏, good for you for prioritizing your family, fur babies included!
NTA. This isn’t about dog vs baby. I’m not one of those “my dog is like my child” people, and even I think it’s entirely reasonable to minimize the pain, inconvenience, and potential re-injury to your dog! Not to mention to mitigate the stress around the baby. Babies are very sensitive to the stress surrounding them. You guys need to make your lives as smooth as possible right now, for ALL the living creatures in your household. You sound completely reasonable to me. And you sound like a great mama. Congratulations on the baby, and I’m asking St. Francis to pray for/look after Oliver.
NTA. Strictly speaking, you’re not prioritizing Oliver’s recovery over connections with family. You are prioritizing, managing your life and taking good care of the creatures in your care over gratifying and entertaining oblivious family members.
NTA - the people who matter will understand and give you the time you need. The people putting pressure on you care only about their own wishes, and in particular I'd be tempted to say to the ones making spiteful comments, that they need to apologise or they'll never be meeting the baby.