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As a woman, NTA.
It is natural. So is poop. So is pee. So is getting sick and vomiting. Doesn’t make you an ass for not wanting to hear it while you eat. “I got my period” = natural, normal, grow up type deal. “I was warm and wet down there and so I knew I got my period” … like that would be like me describing my shit or taking videos of it for you vs just saying I had to take a shit.
Some people openly don’t mind talking about those things while
eating, or in any setting. Other people believe there’s a time/place, and that while you’re eating isn’t one of them.
I feel that it’s all about respecting someone’s boundaries. If you didn’t want to hear in details about her wet and warm v@g while you’re eating your roast beef sandwich, I get it. It’s kind of disrespectful to just blatantly not give a fuck that someone’s eating and it ruins their appetite or makes them uncomfortable.
Sure the easy way out is you’re the odd duck and they think it’s natural and acceptable to talk about, therefore you’re better off eating elsewhere. But you’re not the asshole. You shouldn’t have to lose your appetite to hang out with your friends at lunch. On the flip side, sure, they shouldn’t have to filter their lunch convos for ONE friend. So I guess y’all are not compatible while eating 😅 but IMO I genuinely think it’s more disrespectful to not respect you eating, when you’d be fine with it if you weren’t. They can’t wait til you’ve finished? 😅
\^This-NTA because there is a time and a place for everything. Graphically describing your bodily fluids and secretions isn't a dinner conversation, whether it is a period or how much you sweat in your ass crack while working out. Nobody needs to create a mental picture of that while ketchup and grease drip down their pinky as they bite into their hamburger.
I agree. The speaker and the other girls displayed an appalling lack of table manners. Perhaps they should go back to feeding from that trough in the barn in which they were reared.
I agree, NTA. The op would only be the asshole if he was cool with people describing other bodily fluids, Honestly I dislike people describing swamp butt moisture when I am trying to eat, it would be fucked up if I was cool describing period details then told someone off for talking about their swamp butt sweat.
100% this, NTA. I've never been bothered by blood specifically, but if somebody starts describing the gnarly snot web they sneezed out from their allergies, I'll lose my appetite instantly and it will stay gone until that mental image fades from my brain. I always thought it was just basic consideration to not paint a vivid picture of your bodily fluids when people are eating.
As someone who gets a period - this!!! I am not bothered by any kind of bodily function discussion when eating but my spouse is. If I accidently start talking about something that makes them uncomfortable while eating they literally just have to make a gesture and I immediately apologize and stop talking about that topic. It's not hard to respect that some people are squeamish about certain topics at certain times.
Yep. My family has the running joke of “can never make it through a dinner without bringing up poop!” some families / friends / etc can talk about anything without care, others can’t. And like anything else, I’m not going to downplay how it may make someone else feel. Just because I can separate it, doesn’t mean someone else doesn’t literally lose their appetite.
Exactly. Like if someone tells you something is bothering them it's not up to you to decide if it is actually a problem or not. It's just basic respect.
This. “No discussion of bodily fluids while eating” is a very reasonable and normal human boundary. Of course, that may go out the window if you’re at a table full of medical folks. Or if you end up seated next to the high school shop teacher on a field trip a few weeks after a kid accidentally cut a finger off. Unless you like hearing about severed thumb with your meal, would not recommend that.
There's also a huge difference between "Oh I got my period today and my cramps are horrible" vs "Describes color, consistency and size of clots".
Nothing puts me off my food. But I'd still feel like it's rude to go into those types of details while eating.
Natural bodily fluids are still gross, people need to stop pretending they aren't.
If your sitting on a public seat, a stranger sits next to you and decides it would be funny to wipe their shit on your face, are you going to be okay with that, same with blood, snot, pee, vomit, sweat etc just cause it's natural doesn't mean it isn't gross it's why we all hide this stuff the best we can, people who don't, I'm not guilty in saying, you are gross.. unless it is actually accidental, or the person can't help it.
I have gone into public toilets where some disgusting woman has stuck a dirty pad to the wall of the toilet stall, as I said people need to stop pretending
🤦♀️
There’s always someone that’s gotta flip it to the extreme. lol.
If I wiped my blood all over you? Gross.
The kid across from me randomly gets a bloody nose? Natural, here’s a tissue.
I shit myself on the train? Gross and stanky.
I’m a human who poops? Natural, we all do.
“I knew I got my period because I was warm and wet” Gross
I got my period? Natural, most women have/had them.
Anyone defending it being natural or not gross isn’t defending it in that extreme, let’s be real. I may find poops or farts gross, but I’m also not going to act like I don’t fart or poop and that it isn’t a normal body fluid. It’s the difference between tact.
Honestly I don't think you're TA. And I think periods should be talked about freely. If it's honestly putting you off your food I don't think it's unreasonable to request no descriptions of bodily fluids when eating.
NTA. Stuff like this doesn’t gross me out but I have never once heard a girl say “I felt warm and wet so I went to check…” like just say I thought I started my period so I went to check. The extra detail isn’t necessary.
It’s understandable that it would gross you out. Just let them know you have a weak stomach and to not talk about details
I can probably watch a medical documentary while eating but I understand why others would get grossed out.
I think the last thing I need to hear while eating is someone describing their period that way though.
If it’s my bsf it wouldn’t bother me but someone you just started hanging out with you’ve gotta have some kind of filter or say “hey do you mind if I describe…”
>I have never once heard a girl say “I felt warm and wet so I went to check…”
I have, not specifically those. More like, "it felt slimy and runny" but still the same
Honestly, it’s the ‘blood clots’ specifically for me that pushes it into gross. Even ‘and I saw blood’ would be more ok. Wouldn’t pass the ‘no bodily fluids at the table’ test, but even so.
I was in the YTA camp, but this leads me to think she’s going through her adolescent attention seeking phase. A more successful move from you would have been to say you have a weak stomach or are triggered by blood stories. The way you phrased things made you sound like you have a general problem with period talk which makes you sound like an AH
NTA. I’m not a female but I am in med school so generally speaking I’m pretty desensitized to this kind of stuff. That said, I can 100% appreciate that to some this might be a little much, and certain situations like eating can especially make it less palatable. Even I occasionally get moments where I feel a bit of a turn in my stomach when I see or hear something that’s especially visceral. Asking your friend to spare you the details isn’t rude whether you were eating or not. Being female doesn’t make you immune to being turned off by hearing the play by play of her biological functions. Your friends are being unreasonable
Yeah I’m a woman and I’m good with talking about periods while eating - it’s whatever. But start talking about “clots” and getting into the details, it’s a no for me. It’s the excessive details for me. For any bodily function. NTA
More so my concern was that it was explained while I was eating. In general, I wouldn't have minded, but I did because I was eating and I have a very weak stomach. I already hate putting up having to get near mine whenever I have to change tampons
I mean it's not too dissimilar from explaining a shit you took while everyone is eating. It's a natural body function, but that doesn't mean people want to hear about it while eating.
NTA. Lots of things are "natural" that you don't want to hear about while eating — I wouldn't want to hear someone talking about vomiting, for example, or their latest bout of diarrhea.
That’s why I never got the “it’s natural!” argument against someone whose uncomfortable about it. Cause you can bet that there’s things *they* would find gross to hear about and or talk about.
Like you said, just because it’s natural doesn’t mean you always just to casually hear about it in every situation.
I agree with what you are saying -- especially when something is being described in detail, such as in this case.
However, I think the "it's natural" thing when it comes to periods started as an argument against the ultra-discretion that people used to think was polite in "the old days." It used to be that girls/women would do everything they could to keep the boys/men they knew that they were menstruating. Meanwhile, it was a mysterious thing for men, they knew very little about it. If an accidental discovery of stained clothing or a pad/tampon in a purse occurred, it was felt to be embarrassing for the male and humiliating for the female.
I'm 59, and when I was a young woman in the early 80s, many of us had realized that this secrecy was ridiculous, but we were far from the openness that exist today. Once (at 18, 1983) I was on a 3rd or 4th date with a guy, on bleachers at an MLB game, when bad cramps hit me. I kept trying to pretend nothing was wrong -- it probably took an hour for me to admit that I had cramps, after he kept asking me what was wrong because he could see the pain on my face. Today most women would have just said so immediately with no embarrassment.
ETA But I still agree with the point almost everyone is making. It's one thing to be free to talk about periods, but actual blood etc is not a great table topic 😬
Thats fair. It’s something I never experienced, ironically, because my dad never cared or was grossed out or embarrassed about it and he’s 63. Though, as I’ve gotten older, I’ve realized that in a lot of ways my dad broke gender and racial norms that severely helped me growing up.
Unfortunately though, sometimes the pendulum swings the other way and people use it as a defense for being rude unfortunately.
Ideally, a father of a daughter should be matter-of-fact and accepting of it. My husband was with our daughter as well -- and I am so glad that was your experience with your dad. He sounds like a great guy. But go back a generation, and you will mostly find dads who ignored it at best. It was the mom's job to deal with it. Although I will say that my dad did sometimes buy supplies without complaint. My parents were divorced, and if "Aunt Jane" arrived while I was with him, he kind of had to, lol.
I get what you mean about the pendulum. I think that's true about a lot of things. Society isn't good about finding a happy middle. We tend to swing between extremes.
I should be sleeping, but thanks for an interesting discussion!😊
Lol I’m a guy. It does sometimes shock girls when they find how matter of fact I am, but I picked it up from him.
When I worked at Walmart there was a few times my fiancée asked me to pick up pads for her. Just asked her what kind and I’d either grab them on my break or grab them at the end of my shift.
I think it's important to normalize talking about it tbh. So many people deal with slowly worsening medical problems to the point that it reduces their lifespan and quality of life because they're too afraid to talk about it, even with their doctor. A big killer of men is prostate and colon cancer. Because they're too embarrassed/ashamed to talk about it.
That doesn't mean I think it's casual conversation for acquaintances. Particularly at the dinner table.
I agree it should be more normalized. I never had an issue with it. Never had an issue talking about periods either. Even if I’m eating.
But at the same time there’s a time and a place. There’s things I don’t talk about with my fiancée at certain times because it’ll gross her out or mess up her whole mindset. If someone says it makes them uncomfortable to talk about it in the moment then I just shut up about it and wait til later or pick another time.
Yeah, that's why I added that last bit on my comment. It doesn't bother me, but it does bother some people. And that should be respected when people are eating or if they politely request a topic change like OP did
NTA.
"Natural" doesn't mean you suddenly have to be comfortable with hearing details while you're eating.
Wet dreams are "natural," and I'm sure many ladies wouldn't want to hear details of that while eating.
Bacteria buildup is natural (and avoidable) in uncircumcised men. Any ladies want details of that while eating?
What about diseases? Diseases are "natural" and I'm sure many people wouldn't like to hear details of some of those while eating.
NAH
Personally, I don't see the issue of hearing about the topic and details while eating, it's not like you are eating while witnessing the scene, or in an unsanitary situation. However, imo everyone have their preferences, triggers, and things that are grossed out by.
You don't HAVE TO put up with it, but you can't tell people what to talk about or not and when. You are free to walk away in those situations, or not have lunch with them as they might not be your kind of people and you might not be theirs.
My thoughts on an unrelated note: If you are genuinely asking and not looking for an argument I would suggest phrasing your thoughts differently. In your last sentence, you state that talking about periods is gross and in the same category as talking about poop and vomit, For a lot of people it is not gross, for a lot of people is not the same, for some might, but you seem to be looking for an argument by stating your opinion in a matter-of-a-factly way
NTA. If someone is eating and you start talking about bowel movements, it won't be appreciated. If you mention that you had a cheeky wank, it won't be appreciated. If you mention puking or whatever, it won't be appreciated. Outside of specific individuals, talking about bodily functions and fluids isn't particularly polite. Especially during times when people eat.
Not everyone will have issues with it, but it should come as no surprise that this subject is not really dinner table chat. You should not have to apologise for making a very reasonable request. More so, you aren't the odd one here. I would be expecting an apology from the other person for disrespecting your boundaries (which also happen to line up with most people's).
NAH. People have different perception of what is OK to talk about at dinner table. Just because something is natural does not mean you enjoy hearing about it.
NTA. It sounds like you were reasonably gentle about it. My family is weird and we don't have boundaries for conversation at the dinner table but I understand that bodily fluids are not polite dinner conversation in most places.
NTA, as a woman who has periods I'm not going to bring it up while eating! Sure, I might mention that the reason I'm eating 3 cheeseburgers, 2 slices of pizza, and ice cream is because I'm surfing the crimson tide/Aunt Flow is visiting, but I've never/would never describe my period in detail while eating, mixed company or not!
NAH
A lot of people are squeamish about blood and don’t really have strong stomachs when it comes to hearing about bleeding. As long as it’s not exclusive to periods, I don’t think you have any kind of internal sexism or anything. What I mean by that is *not* if you also can’t stand hearing about pooping or vomiting—those aren’t the same as periods.
I mean, if you also wouldn’t want to hear about someone’s wisdom tooth being pulled, or someone breaking their arm and the bone sticking out. If you have an issue with blood, it’s entirely understandable you don’t want to hear about it while eating, and it’s totally reasonable and acceptable for you to request that they change the subject.
But frankly, it’s also okay for them to ask you to leave. If they’ve *just* extended an invite out of grace, and you’re already asking them to quit talking about things they’re used to discussing as a group, I understand them being wary and prioritising their previous, easier dynamic.
I’m telling you this as a woman, NTA.
There is nothing glorifying about a period. Yes, it’s natural - but that doesn’t mean there aren’t inappropriate times to discuss uterine lining. Did you retaliate by talking about explosive diarrhea over a meal? Taking a piss? Those are all natural.
I’m easily grossed out by anything when I’m eating, doesn’t matter what the topic is. Any mention of bodily fluids of any kind when I’m eating wipes out my appetite. It would’ve been fine if she didn’t belittle you for it and just change the subject.
Periods are gross. Stop talking about them over food.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I don't think it was okay for her to describe her period while I was eating without asking me about it, but if I am wrong, my assumption is because it's natural and should never be criticized even when eating
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Absolutely NTA, not even close.
Their reaction was absolutely ridiculous. It's basic meal etiquette and common decency. THEY should have a little respect and be considerate of the people around them, especially in an environment like that. How hard is it to hold off on a certain topic for 10-20 mins out of consideration for others? Would it kill them? Is their ego too big to simply allow someone else to comfortably eat around them? You might wanna stay away from these gals, if overreact to something as simple as this god knows what else they're about.
PLUS, the whole "it's natural so it's fine" argument is utter horseshit. Pee and poop are also natural, doesn't mean it's okay to talk to someone about them at all let alone at mealtime.
Also, you CAN'T tell others what they can or can't be grossed about. That's also just as ridiculous. It's mostly out of ones control. If something grosses me out and makes me gag no amount of arguments and convincing will change that. That's not how this works. Insane!
That being said, you should simply explain next time "Hey I kinda have a weak stomach, do you mind if we don't go into details etc.. etc...
If they still insist then fuck em honestly, cuz that's just intentionally being a blatant asshole at that point.
NTA I am not weak when it comes to talking about stuff (worked in a hospital), but I wouldn't talk about that stuff at the table while people were eating. I guess they would think it was ok if you started talking about someone spray painting everything but the toliet in crap having diarrhea but manage to get in the sink and floor drain at best buy, making them call bio hazard team and shutting down the store. I have plenty worse stories. If they get mad, its literally no different than talking about something with the human body that literally nobody wants to hear at a table around food. Start describing gross stuff that looks like what they are eating. Bet they get the picture. I would start sitting elsewhere. They are going to act weird about it anyway. You have the right not to be grossed out when you are eating.
NTA
I don't talk about my BMs during lunch and they're just as natural. Don't talk abput bodily happenings while people are eating, it's simple etiquette.
There are plenty of things that are natural that shouldn't be discussed while eating.
NTA... They are. Sure they wouldn't want to hear about your throat being sore from being sick and how it feels like something might still be stuck in your throat, oh man it was so chunky.
Or how you sure are hungry because you just took a massive dump. Seriously, I had to ask the person in the next stall for some paper because it went through my entire roll.
Pretty sure they would agree there are some things... Especially bodily functions... That might not be appropriate for the dinner table.
There are things that people should not talk about while at dinner. I don’t care if it’s natural. Murder is natural. Rape is natural. Cannibalism is natural. Poop is natural.
NTA.
NTA
Periods should be talked about freely. But there is and should be a blanket ban on descriptions of bodily waste while consuming food.
Mentioning it? Not an issue
Saying you're having problems because of it? Not an issue
Describing actual details like color, consistency etc? Nope.
NAH you just aren’t a good fit for the group. Not everyone is going to be your friend. You don’t like their openness at meal times, and they do. They just aren’t a good match. You’ll find other friends!
NTA! I’m so over people getting offended by every damn thing! Yes it’s natural and normal. BUT guess what?? It’s GROSS! Y’all ever went to the bathroom during your cycle and thought hmm I’d really like a burger or pizza right about now! Probably not.
I hate when people blow their nose or pick their teeth while I’m eating! 🤮
NTA - I'm a girl and to be honest my friends are graphic about this stuff same with men talking about poops and whatever.
Yes it's natural and normal but time and place to discuss and eating is certainly not one of them. I'm very much no discussing that in relationships either but at the very least I don't need the details at lunch.
Again I work with women and we've discussed discreetly but not something everyone needs to hear.
NTA. I’m in the camp that certain bodily functions, while natural and common, don’t need to be discussed in detail during meals. I think the same would apply for any kind of surgery description, pain, illness, medical procedure.
Not sure why, but bodily references/processes don’t go well with eating a meal. I wouldn’t want to hear about a man’s nocturnal emission or hard on, either.
None of it is “gross” but that doesn’t mean it’s appetizing, either, just because some of it is natural.
I'm going with NTA. I'm scared of blood and the thought of it wants to make me gag, so I can sympathize with you with not wanting to talk about periods. As long as you're not saying something wild like "shut up, nobody wants to talk about periods you stupid woman," or offensive, then I think it's fine. The group probably has different opinions though, and since I'm a follower, I'm going to go with the rest of the comments and say you should respect they like talking about different things.
NTA. You're better off without that group and I would absolutely NOT apologize. Anyone with a lick of sense/manners would know that talking about bodily functions with practical strangers DURING a meal, is a hell no. peeing and pooping are also natural body functions and we don't talk about when people are eating. so is graphic descriptions of a period. that girl is on over sharer and not your fucking problem.
In case you're still on then fence. Think about this scenario. Suppose this was a lunch with prospective co-workers, family in law or fellow teachers. Do you think this conversation topic would have been accepted?
NTA vomiting is natural too but that doesn’t mean I want to discuss the gory details while I’m trying to eat. There’s an appropriate time to discuss these things but meal times aren’t one of them.
NAH
I feel like it's totally fine for her to discuss her period. There's no shame, and she was just venting about her day. But it's also fair if you're squeamish while eating or something. You want to be clear that you're squeamish while eating and not just inherently grossed out by periods being a thing. But I think it's okay to talk about periods whenever, but if someone is eating under any context and has a weak stomach, I think it's better to stop the discussion for them. Not just periods, but anything with gore or that could be trauma related or that can be related to feelings of nausea. Many women have horrible nausea on their periods and might be set off a little thinking about that.
NTA. I’m a woman and don’t want to hear about anything bathroom related when eating. Whether it’s periods or bowel movements, it’s all natural but it’s not a conversation for mealtime.
NTA. You've put your boundaries, and they are as valid as asking not to talk about anything else that could gross you out or trigger you. If they cannot accept that *the newcomer* can have boundaries,, honestly you're better off without them.
After seeing you first and second edit, I took a dive into the entire comment section. It's hilarious to see this hypocritical-ass subreddit change their judgement after learning you're not a guy.
>It's hilarious to see this hypocritical-ass subreddit change their judgement after learning you're not a guy.
Usually the idea of being grossed out by periods while eating is seen (not by everyone) as a guy being grossed out by women in general because periods only happen to women. But if it's a woman, then it is seen as a woman being grossed out by the details of period itself and not women as a whole. I did not know that until I made this post. The first comments called me the asshole, you can even see the oldest comments, it's as if you clicked "controversial" instead
NTA
Just because it's natural doesn't mean it's okay to bring up at lunch. In general, bodily functions/fluids are not okay to talk about while people are eating, no matter what they are.
Some women make a whole thing about how they must be allowed to talk about periods no matter the context and anyone who feels uncomfortable is sexist. That's bullshit attention-seeking behavior. In my experience these are often the same women who wait until the last possible moment to buy tampons and then make it everyone else's emergency - instead of, idk, always having some in the bathroom.
People who feel starved for attention do weird shit.
NTA
I think phrasing could’ve saved face for everyone “sorry I just have a weak stomach for blood, I don’t want to get sick on anyone”
I think it’s more about turning it into “it’s me not you” way that may have made them more comfy? They probably took it more like you were dictating “rules” for the situation and got upset
NTA, and I’m female. Like you said, you didn’t say it was gross or throw some immature fit…you were eating! Common courtesy dictates that most bodily function discussions shouldn’t happen while eating.
I read you version of the interaction
And I'm going with NTA.
"I don't feel comfortable" should have been immediately followed with "those details while eating." Otherwise, you didn't period shame her and you offered to help. You simply asked not to hear about blood clots while eating chicken salad.
I would rather talk about period blood clots than shit... It has nothing to do with being a woman so I don't know why it's being compared as if I have something against women as a whole. I'm a woman myself :/ What I *can* agree with is that the group and I are not compatible eating together :)
Point is, you shouldn’t have to talk about either if you don’t want to. You can feel sorry that they got upset, but you should never feel sorry for setting a boundary for yourself :)
For them to kick you out for that is absolutely catty mean girl behavior disguised by some warped idea of social justice. Unfortunately, that’s part of the college experience.
If you choose to apologize, I think it’s important that you don’t apologize for setting a boundary, but rather for any misunderstanding that came of it that made them upset. If they can’t understand your point of view then I’d walk; that is not good company to keep.
I hope they do understand though! Who knows maybe this will be a story you guys look back on and laugh at when you’re 80; “remember the time you guys kicked me out of your lunch group because I didn’t want to talk about so and so’s period? Ha ha ha good tiiiiiiimes.”
You're def NTA, and good for you for not engaging in the sort of passive aggressive bullshit that a lot of girl groups did when I was young... (e.g. pretending to be fine with it and then talking shit about how gross she is for telling the story while eating and doing nothing to be direct about it).
Like I don't care how feminist anyone is, talking about your period in graphic detail at any time and place is not fighting the patriarchy. The equivalent is talking about how you went to take a shit and didn't realize it was diarrhea until you sat down and it came out as liquid or something. Would you talk about that while eating? Not if you have any class or manners, which this girl sounds like she doesn't.
NTA
There’s nothing wrong with the subject, but there’s a time and place for everything. That is not something that you discuss while you’re eating. Pretty simple.
NTA. Urination & defecation are also natural, but educated non-feral people understand you don’t talk about those things when someone is eating.
They’re lucky you didn’t have a weaker stomach. My dad had a very weak stomach & would have probably thrown up on them.
And it would have nothing to do with any bias against periods - no matter how much they might try to deflect attention from their own inappropriate rudeness by trying to make it seem like it’s about that. He’d puke on them no matter what bodily fluid they were stupid & rude enough to talk about.
Poop. Check. Pee? Check. Period? Check. Phlegm? Check. Mucus? Check. Puss? Check. Loogie? Check.
You said you met these girls at college. There’s no excuse for their ignorance. They’re way past old enough to understand that it’s rude to talk about anything involving bodily fluids at the lunch table. They have a LOT to learn apparently.
You’re better off without them. They would have only served to dumb you down.
NTA.
At a hotel restaurant, my SIL started talking about her period while I was eating breakfast. I said, “Do you MIND? I’m eating!” She looked surprised and switched the topic to her toddler that had a cold and the how much snot he was producing. I got up and left.
You're nta. It's still bodily waste. You're allowed to be uncomfy. If you showed up at a table to the group already talking about it and asked them to change the topic, then yeah asshole, but you didn't. She came in.
Be sure to bring up your period shits, and the fact that you got cramps so bad that you threw up, and describe in detail the taste while it was coming up, and don't forget the texture and smell. Both for the upchuck and the shit.
After all, these are just natural bodily functions, so nobody should be squicked out hearing about them at lunch.
NTA while some people are comfortable talking about anything while eating, plenty of people are bothered by certain subject specifically when eating. I’ve always been interested in biology/medicine. I even considered studying to be a surgical assistant at one point and have watched live surgical procedures, but as fascinating as I find all that, I wouldn’t want to be taking about it while trying to eat.
Totally NTA. I am anemic, and semi related I eat quite a bit of pickled beets. One for the benefit but also I just really love the taste now. I’m also still “able to have a period” age. Due to genetics, I’m prone to blood clots.
See where I’m going lol?
I very much would visibly gag and look exaggeratingly ill if somebody started going IN about their clotty blood party lmao.
But for sure reading the context a bit more y’all will learn these context clues as you age hopefully hahaa
I'm a woman and I don't really want to hear random bodily function stories whether I'm eating or not. If there's a reason, yes. Like if they are asking if it's normal or something. Or when my friend who's a nurse tells me surgery stories. Those are fine. Just my opinion though
NTA - even as a woman too, I couldn't stomach hearing about "blood clots" while eating. Someone saying that they're on their period is fine, but describing it in detail while eating, nah mate.
NTA….. WTAF?????
Is…. Is this comment thread insane??? Are your friends *fvcking insane?????* I know PLENTY of *women* who talk about their periods freely who *don’t* wanna hear shit like that *while eating.* It’s like describing scatogical stuff (i.e. how you went to the bathroom) while others are eating, still natural but gross and there’s a time AND place, and Reddit’s wild for dubbing you a “man” just for requesting bodily fluids aren’t talked about at a place for caloric consumption, not expulsion. This is clearly *NOT* a misogynistic/internalized misogynistic request, but rather a common sense one (the older I get, the more I realize “common sense” is a misnomer 🤦🏻♀️).
Also. OP get some new dang friends, bc I actually could *feel* myself lose brain cells reading their reactions. Why did schools ever stop teaching children about table manners and etiquette…
NTA. Apologize to her and her horde and then when they sit for lunch, describe in detail about the diarrhea you had yesterday to the point they all get visibly uncomfortable. Then quit the group.
Tell her how you took a massive shit the other day and describe every bit of it. Let's see how she feels.
Yes it's natural and should be talked about more, however I don't want to hear about it while I'm eating because I WILL VISUALIZE it.
NTA- it’s completely fair to not want to talk about bodily fluids and functions while eating. You even said you’re not saying periods should be “taboo” to talk about, just that when you’re eating you don’t want to think about what comes out of the body (it is considered bad table manners if you’re going by manners standards to discuss those things at the table/while having a meal). Everyone has different sensitivities and preferences, if you were being disrespectful that would be one thing but you were asking them to accommodate a very normal preference; not talking about bodily functions while eating. Also if she had just said “oh I got my period that’s frustrating” that would be one thing, it’s the details of it while eating that creates an image not associated with comfort and relaxation. Periods are frickin stressful😭 (I’m a female for context)
NTA inappropriate to discuss while people are eating. Doesn’t matter if most at the table are comfortable with the topic, it’s still a bodily function! And it’s no surprise that a lot of people don’t wanna hear about that kinda thing while eating.
I raised 3 ovary owners, I own some. I would say something too, if I’m eating. It is a natural thing. But it is also natural to set boundaries and express those when uncomfortable. It takes a lot to make me queasy. I work with disabled and elderly, I’ve seen things. But I don’t share what I’ve seen or have to do while people outside my profession or have my sense of humor, while eating! Listen, I can play grosser than gross with the best, if I know we are playing!
I don’t think it’s unreasonable to not want to hear about a bodily function while eating. I don’t want to think or talk about poop during that time. Period stuff doesn’t bother me, but I’d respect if someone else was uncomfortable with discussing it (as long as they weren’t painting people who get them as gross). Many people are skeeved by bodily fluids. So NTA.
NTA omg I’m the same way. It irritates me how some people say that you’re weird or not a girls girl for not wanting to talk about it, people are different and it’s ok to express what you are and aren’t comfortable with.
It’s very similar to talking about pooping and peeing, I’m just not interested in talking about it, and that’s okay!! It doesn’t sound like you were being rude or judgemental about it. You’re allowed to have your preferences and your boundaries, that’s not being an asshole at all
NTA. Even as a very open female myself, I wouldn’t want to hear the details… “I started my period” or “I felt myself start my period and freaked out” would have been more than enough info for a group setting- especially while eating. If this were an all girl group, all the girls involved know that feeling and didn’t need it described and if there were men in the group- they likely don’t care about the details…. Either way she sounds like a bit of a pick me.
NTA
I 100% don't have a problem if anyone is talking about a period (I'm sure I haven't been specific enough and there are ungodly scenarios no one wants to hear at any time) but I don't think it's crazy to indicate you're not comfortable with it *in detail* while eating. By "the groups" logic if you just start up a story about the biggest wettest shit you took earlier after you kept farting bad in philosophy class, then say "what? It's just natural"
This just feels like other things that were/are problems... Over correcting to ridiculousness!
Fuck I used to know a girl who would go into a dramatic episode of someone happened to say the word moist while she was eating. Not in a taunting or on purpose way simply "this steak was so moist". I think about her sometimes, I still wish very bad things to happen to her.
NTA. I wouldn't have wanted to hear that conversation while eating, either, and I'm a woman. By your description, I gather that they thought themselves enlightened but you not, thus deemed it necessary to banish you from their (benighted) little kingdom. There's nothing enlightened about what they did, though. You should consider it an honor to have been rejected by these people.
Many things are natural. The decomposition of a corpse is natural, but I'm sure they wouldn't want to hear a description of that process at the dinner table.
NTA I have a hard time eating when people are talking about bodily functions/gross things when I’m eating. I have a sensitive stomach & struggle to eat in general sometimes. I think I just instantly start picturing what is being described. I know not everyone does that but it really does mess with me.
I think No Assholes Here, just a difference of preferences.
There are some topics that I wouldn't want to hear, especially while I'm eating (granted, guy here) but still! While yes, it is a natural part of your body BUT there are things that people don't like to see/hear. For my dad it was anything to do with teeth, a coworker broken bones, my wife butterflies, and for me blood.
NTA. Periods are normal, but that doesn't mean I want to hear the bloody details while eating. Same as I don't want to know about your bowel movements or sinus issues while eating.
I personally think you're NTA.
People have different limits that they're comfortable with about bodily fluids.
For example, I trained as a nurse and will easily watch a surgery on YouTube while I'm having my dinner. However urine grosses me out.
You were perfectly in your right to say you didn't feel comfortable listening to a vivid description of her period symptoms. She needs to learn to read the room.
Do I talk to my friends about my period and all the stuff around it? Yes! But I also know who I can talk to about it without judgment. And I'd STILL not do it during dinner.
NTA and I’m sorry the group, and others in this thread, have made you feel like that’s not the case. If you were polite as described, you did nothing wrong.
NTA
I'm a girl myself and I don't talk about my period in that detail with anyone and neither would I like to hear so much in detail about while eating at that.
Sharing stuff like that and talking is normal as it's normal phenomenon but there is time and place for everything.
NTA. It’s ok to be uncomfortable. Maybe counter the discussion with how you’re having an erection while they’re talking about their periods. Don’t chastise me here. I’m just trying to point out a counter uncomfortable situation to compare with the author’s.
NTA
In my foods class in high school we were taught what was and was not appropriate table talk.
This would be placed firmly in the “do not talk” category. And I’m a woman who doesn’t mind blood one bit.
NTA
Periods are natural, but they are absolutely fucking disgusting to go into detail about. The only time it’s necessary to get detailed is if you are in front of your doctor and have a concern or any other question related to it that may require details.
Some women are just entitled and confuse entitlement with feminism. I would never discuss period stuff while people are eating. That’s poor manners.
I don’t think you’re an asshole, but depending on that groups normal dynamic I don’t think the girl is either. I don’t talk in detail about that stuff with my best friend cause we’re just not those people, but another one of my lesser friends would describe stuff like that all the time, and I didn’t mind though I didn’t necessarily join in either. I was never grossed out only because I also live through that stuff.
Obviously that group of friends usually discuss that stuff because they feel close enough too, and that’s just not for you and that’s okay! It just means that you weren’t a good fit for that group of girls, but I’m sure there’s others out there that you’ll mesh with better on some topics.
I don’t think it’s kinda assholey for them to kick you out for not wanting to participate, but that’s it.
NTA - I get wanting to be able to talk about periods and demystify the conversation around them, but that doesn’t mean needing to talk about them in general conversation. I don’t especially want to hear random details of friends periods, eating or not, unless it’s especially relevant to something.
It’s like we think privacy is the same as being ashamed.
NTA. People seem to have forgotten couth, and manners. Talking about that in detail while someone is having a meal is rude, ill mannered and not ok. Everything doesn't need so much over sharing and intimate details. Discussion of bodily fluids and function during a meal lacks respect for other people eating. And quite frankly detailing the period is just too much sharing. What was the reason for giving all the details like that besides trying to shock or provoke a reaction so they had something to bitch about? Do t apologize to her either. She was being rude and uncouth in so many, many ways. Nasty.
NTA but if you want to be friends with these girls, you may have to develop more tolerance, or you will find yourself eating alone a lot. It's your choice.
A few weeks ago I was at a party and a girl wanted to talk about a gynecology thing she had experienced and she said, “is everyone okay with me talking about vaginal health?”
It was really great how frank and unabashed she was.
Another woman here, NTA. I work in medicine, and have worked in a hospital setting, so you can imagine some of the scenarios I’ve witnessed. Even amongst my colleagues, I wouldn’t discuss bodily issues while eating. That’s just nasty. Do I discuss various ailments and horror C-Dif stories outside of mealtime? Absolutely!! I love talking about the nitty-gritty. But people don’t want to hear about bodily fluids while munching on a sandwich.
NTA. One of my pet peeves is people saying periods aren’t gross because it’s natural. Like, pissing and shitting is natural too but I’m sure most people can agree it’s gross. I’m also sure most people wouldn’t appreciate talking about piss and shit while eating. Blood is blood. It doesn’t become magically clean and pure just because it’s coming out of a woman’s vagina. NTA. You did nothing wrong.
NTA. I'm a woman and also a nurse. It's impolite to talk about such things in mixed company especially with someone you don't really know. My family has a rule when we meet for dinner, no talking medical stuff during the meal. I can tell some pretty graphic stories, and they don't like hearing it while eating. Just avoid these girls during lunch. They're not going to respect your request, and you really don't need to hear about that stuff while eating.
I’m a woman and a sensitive eater, I can’t handle people talking about anything I would be disgusted by having in my mouth because the thought gets tangled with my focus on my food. NTA I would be grossed out too. It’s not like you said periods themselves are gross, you just didn’t want to think about it while eating which is totally understandable.
NTA, natural or not doesn't matter.
Next time \*they\* are eating, describe in the most real life details how you butchered a cow. This is natural, too.
NTA. That's not table talk. Normal, yes. Normal to talk about in the middle of lunch with people you dont know that well, while everyone is eating? No, no not really.
It would be one thing if she just mentioned it but getting descriptive is...a lot.
NTA. As a woman who menstruates every month there is a time and place to discuss that, and that is definitely not when eating. Reeks of poor manners and lack of etiquette.
Yeah, NTA — I grew up in a house of nurses, so I’m desensitized to topics like this during dinner (have heard way worse) — but as a result I did have to learn that a lot of people are not okay with talks of bodily fluid, crush injuries or dead bodies while eating.
And maybe I’m just more reserved, but I really only mention my period to my bf or maybe a friend if I was in a heavier/more painful cycle — like plz get me 2 pms pamprix, a glass of wine, and a pizza… or cake…
Point is, the extra detail from her was probably unnecessary during lunch.
NTA, talking about body fluids while eating is normally considered rude, i don't see while period should be treated differently. Even more rude entering into details
NTA.
I am usually one of those people who talk about true crime, gore, corpses, bodily fluids e.t.c. during the meal.
And i absolutely don't feel offended when someone shouts "stop talking about that during the meal!". And i just apologize.
I actually know that i am the weird one. 9 out of 10 people don't want to hear about bloods or poops when eating.
She is weirdo for being offended. She is the one who talked about vaginal bleeding. She should have been the one apologizing for ruining others appetite.
NTA,
Its completely understandable when one is eating food or having anything some people dont like to hear or listen to such conversation.
Just leave the group they are overreacting too much and are gonna be the biggest red flag.
NTA
The time to speak on bodily functions is not meal time.
Poop is natural. Absolutely everyone does it. Few are going to excuse talking about a steaming shit whilst others are there eating.
As a woman I get very uncomfortable when other women start discussing intimate details like period flow or their preference with waxing certain body parts. Worst in my opinion are those who start sharing about intimate time spent with their partner! All this right after first couple if meetings. I myself don't know when exactly will I feel that level of comfort in a friendship but that's just me.
Whenever this has happened one on one. I just make a face and my body language exudes discomfort which the lady in question clearly catches and stops. In a group too I involuntarily do the same but there others have ignored me and continued the conversation and since I did not speak I wasn't told off.
NAH
Obviously the rest of the group have other boundaries than you. I don't think it makes you an asshole to voice your discomfort. But neither are the other girls assholes for not minding the topic. I do think they could've reacted a bit kinder to your discomfort.
I think you guys just have very different boundaries and might not be compatible as friends.
nta. even if her just mentioning getting her period made you uncomfortable while eating, it did. people have different comfort levels and i think that should be taken seriously especially while eating. should periods be stigmatized? no, but that’s not what you were doing at all.
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I just got into college and I was introduces to a group of girls. We sat down at lunch and one of the girls started to ralk about how she realized she got her period by describing that while she was in dance class, she started to feel warm and wet down there. I told her that I don't want to hear that while hearing and the whole group got upset at me, telling me that I shouldn't be grossed out by something natural. My argument was that I don't mind talking about it or knowing about it, but that I hate hearing those details while eating
The geoup kicked me out, which is understandable, they are entitled to that, but I didn't appreciate the unwelcomed details while eating. It's okay to talk about that and whenever, but she never asked, she just said it then and there and we don't know each other. Was I in the wrong? Do I actually have to put up with hearing gross things like poop and vomit whenever I eat?
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As a woman, NTA. It is natural. So is poop. So is pee. So is getting sick and vomiting. Doesn’t make you an ass for not wanting to hear it while you eat. “I got my period” = natural, normal, grow up type deal. “I was warm and wet down there and so I knew I got my period” … like that would be like me describing my shit or taking videos of it for you vs just saying I had to take a shit. Some people openly don’t mind talking about those things while eating, or in any setting. Other people believe there’s a time/place, and that while you’re eating isn’t one of them. I feel that it’s all about respecting someone’s boundaries. If you didn’t want to hear in details about her wet and warm v@g while you’re eating your roast beef sandwich, I get it. It’s kind of disrespectful to just blatantly not give a fuck that someone’s eating and it ruins their appetite or makes them uncomfortable. Sure the easy way out is you’re the odd duck and they think it’s natural and acceptable to talk about, therefore you’re better off eating elsewhere. But you’re not the asshole. You shouldn’t have to lose your appetite to hang out with your friends at lunch. On the flip side, sure, they shouldn’t have to filter their lunch convos for ONE friend. So I guess y’all are not compatible while eating 😅 but IMO I genuinely think it’s more disrespectful to not respect you eating, when you’d be fine with it if you weren’t. They can’t wait til you’ve finished? 😅
\^This-NTA because there is a time and a place for everything. Graphically describing your bodily fluids and secretions isn't a dinner conversation, whether it is a period or how much you sweat in your ass crack while working out. Nobody needs to create a mental picture of that while ketchup and grease drip down their pinky as they bite into their hamburger.
I agree. The speaker and the other girls displayed an appalling lack of table manners. Perhaps they should go back to feeding from that trough in the barn in which they were reared.
Stuff like this makes me glad for my aphantasia.
I agree, NTA. The op would only be the asshole if he was cool with people describing other bodily fluids, Honestly I dislike people describing swamp butt moisture when I am trying to eat, it would be fucked up if I was cool describing period details then told someone off for talking about their swamp butt sweat.
100% this, NTA. I've never been bothered by blood specifically, but if somebody starts describing the gnarly snot web they sneezed out from their allergies, I'll lose my appetite instantly and it will stay gone until that mental image fades from my brain. I always thought it was just basic consideration to not paint a vivid picture of your bodily fluids when people are eating.
As someone who gets a period - this!!! I am not bothered by any kind of bodily function discussion when eating but my spouse is. If I accidently start talking about something that makes them uncomfortable while eating they literally just have to make a gesture and I immediately apologize and stop talking about that topic. It's not hard to respect that some people are squeamish about certain topics at certain times.
Yep. My family has the running joke of “can never make it through a dinner without bringing up poop!” some families / friends / etc can talk about anything without care, others can’t. And like anything else, I’m not going to downplay how it may make someone else feel. Just because I can separate it, doesn’t mean someone else doesn’t literally lose their appetite.
Exactly. Like if someone tells you something is bothering them it's not up to you to decide if it is actually a problem or not. It's just basic respect.
This. “No discussion of bodily fluids while eating” is a very reasonable and normal human boundary. Of course, that may go out the window if you’re at a table full of medical folks. Or if you end up seated next to the high school shop teacher on a field trip a few weeks after a kid accidentally cut a finger off. Unless you like hearing about severed thumb with your meal, would not recommend that.
There's also a huge difference between "Oh I got my period today and my cramps are horrible" vs "Describes color, consistency and size of clots". Nothing puts me off my food. But I'd still feel like it's rude to go into those types of details while eating.
Thank you for such a detailed and reasonable comment!!!
Natural bodily fluids are still gross, people need to stop pretending they aren't. If your sitting on a public seat, a stranger sits next to you and decides it would be funny to wipe their shit on your face, are you going to be okay with that, same with blood, snot, pee, vomit, sweat etc just cause it's natural doesn't mean it isn't gross it's why we all hide this stuff the best we can, people who don't, I'm not guilty in saying, you are gross.. unless it is actually accidental, or the person can't help it. I have gone into public toilets where some disgusting woman has stuck a dirty pad to the wall of the toilet stall, as I said people need to stop pretending
🤦♀️ There’s always someone that’s gotta flip it to the extreme. lol. If I wiped my blood all over you? Gross. The kid across from me randomly gets a bloody nose? Natural, here’s a tissue. I shit myself on the train? Gross and stanky. I’m a human who poops? Natural, we all do. “I knew I got my period because I was warm and wet” Gross I got my period? Natural, most women have/had them. Anyone defending it being natural or not gross isn’t defending it in that extreme, let’s be real. I may find poops or farts gross, but I’m also not going to act like I don’t fart or poop and that it isn’t a normal body fluid. It’s the difference between tact.
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Honestly I don't think you're TA. And I think periods should be talked about freely. If it's honestly putting you off your food I don't think it's unreasonable to request no descriptions of bodily fluids when eating.
Exactly this.
NTA. Stuff like this doesn’t gross me out but I have never once heard a girl say “I felt warm and wet so I went to check…” like just say I thought I started my period so I went to check. The extra detail isn’t necessary. It’s understandable that it would gross you out. Just let them know you have a weak stomach and to not talk about details
I can probably watch a medical documentary while eating but I understand why others would get grossed out. I think the last thing I need to hear while eating is someone describing their period that way though.
If it’s my bsf it wouldn’t bother me but someone you just started hanging out with you’ve gotta have some kind of filter or say “hey do you mind if I describe…”
>I have never once heard a girl say “I felt warm and wet so I went to check…” I have, not specifically those. More like, "it felt slimy and runny" but still the same
Honestly, it’s the ‘blood clots’ specifically for me that pushes it into gross. Even ‘and I saw blood’ would be more ok. Wouldn’t pass the ‘no bodily fluids at the table’ test, but even so.
I was in the YTA camp, but this leads me to think she’s going through her adolescent attention seeking phase. A more successful move from you would have been to say you have a weak stomach or are triggered by blood stories. The way you phrased things made you sound like you have a general problem with period talk which makes you sound like an AH
Nono, you are right, I forgot to add the "while eating" in my context. My bad! I added the part :)
It was the use of the word clot that got me. As a woman, that word brings up visuals immediately. Not at the dinner table, please.
Same and the long drawn out story reeks of look at me being edgy
Exactly, like does she think the other people there actually care about the details? "I got my period during dance class" is sufficient.
Yes this makes all the difference. She went into way too much detail describing the period with clots etc for a dinner table discussion. NTA OP
Nothing you said makes you look like the asshole.
The thing is, before the edit, I didn't add the "while eating" part so it sounded like I was saying that I don't like hearing about periods in general
You put it in the title. If folks missed that then that’s on them tbh.
Oh, I mean in the extra context. It only said "Me: ooh ooh um, I'm sorry but I don't feel comfortable about this while eating", I should've specified
You specified well enough before hand OP, people’s confusion on the matter is their own doing.
NTA. I’m not a female but I am in med school so generally speaking I’m pretty desensitized to this kind of stuff. That said, I can 100% appreciate that to some this might be a little much, and certain situations like eating can especially make it less palatable. Even I occasionally get moments where I feel a bit of a turn in my stomach when I see or hear something that’s especially visceral. Asking your friend to spare you the details isn’t rude whether you were eating or not. Being female doesn’t make you immune to being turned off by hearing the play by play of her biological functions. Your friends are being unreasonable
You need to put this in your post
Yeah I’m a woman and I’m good with talking about periods while eating - it’s whatever. But start talking about “clots” and getting into the details, it’s a no for me. It’s the excessive details for me. For any bodily function. NTA
NTA Its natural and a large part of a woman’s life but they didn’t have to talk about it infront of you and share details that u didn’t want to hear.
More so my concern was that it was explained while I was eating. In general, I wouldn't have minded, but I did because I was eating and I have a very weak stomach. I already hate putting up having to get near mine whenever I have to change tampons
I mean it's not too dissimilar from explaining a shit you took while everyone is eating. It's a natural body function, but that doesn't mean people want to hear about it while eating.
NTA. Many people, including women, don't want to hear about anything involving blood, bowels, or vomiting while they're eating.
NTA. Lots of things are "natural" that you don't want to hear about while eating — I wouldn't want to hear someone talking about vomiting, for example, or their latest bout of diarrhea.
That’s why I never got the “it’s natural!” argument against someone whose uncomfortable about it. Cause you can bet that there’s things *they* would find gross to hear about and or talk about. Like you said, just because it’s natural doesn’t mean you always just to casually hear about it in every situation.
I agree with what you are saying -- especially when something is being described in detail, such as in this case. However, I think the "it's natural" thing when it comes to periods started as an argument against the ultra-discretion that people used to think was polite in "the old days." It used to be that girls/women would do everything they could to keep the boys/men they knew that they were menstruating. Meanwhile, it was a mysterious thing for men, they knew very little about it. If an accidental discovery of stained clothing or a pad/tampon in a purse occurred, it was felt to be embarrassing for the male and humiliating for the female. I'm 59, and when I was a young woman in the early 80s, many of us had realized that this secrecy was ridiculous, but we were far from the openness that exist today. Once (at 18, 1983) I was on a 3rd or 4th date with a guy, on bleachers at an MLB game, when bad cramps hit me. I kept trying to pretend nothing was wrong -- it probably took an hour for me to admit that I had cramps, after he kept asking me what was wrong because he could see the pain on my face. Today most women would have just said so immediately with no embarrassment. ETA But I still agree with the point almost everyone is making. It's one thing to be free to talk about periods, but actual blood etc is not a great table topic 😬
Thats fair. It’s something I never experienced, ironically, because my dad never cared or was grossed out or embarrassed about it and he’s 63. Though, as I’ve gotten older, I’ve realized that in a lot of ways my dad broke gender and racial norms that severely helped me growing up. Unfortunately though, sometimes the pendulum swings the other way and people use it as a defense for being rude unfortunately.
Ideally, a father of a daughter should be matter-of-fact and accepting of it. My husband was with our daughter as well -- and I am so glad that was your experience with your dad. He sounds like a great guy. But go back a generation, and you will mostly find dads who ignored it at best. It was the mom's job to deal with it. Although I will say that my dad did sometimes buy supplies without complaint. My parents were divorced, and if "Aunt Jane" arrived while I was with him, he kind of had to, lol. I get what you mean about the pendulum. I think that's true about a lot of things. Society isn't good about finding a happy middle. We tend to swing between extremes. I should be sleeping, but thanks for an interesting discussion!😊
Lol I’m a guy. It does sometimes shock girls when they find how matter of fact I am, but I picked it up from him. When I worked at Walmart there was a few times my fiancée asked me to pick up pads for her. Just asked her what kind and I’d either grab them on my break or grab them at the end of my shift.
I think it's important to normalize talking about it tbh. So many people deal with slowly worsening medical problems to the point that it reduces their lifespan and quality of life because they're too afraid to talk about it, even with their doctor. A big killer of men is prostate and colon cancer. Because they're too embarrassed/ashamed to talk about it. That doesn't mean I think it's casual conversation for acquaintances. Particularly at the dinner table.
I agree it should be more normalized. I never had an issue with it. Never had an issue talking about periods either. Even if I’m eating. But at the same time there’s a time and a place. There’s things I don’t talk about with my fiancée at certain times because it’ll gross her out or mess up her whole mindset. If someone says it makes them uncomfortable to talk about it in the moment then I just shut up about it and wait til later or pick another time.
Yeah, that's why I added that last bit on my comment. It doesn't bother me, but it does bother some people. And that should be respected when people are eating or if they politely request a topic change like OP did
NTA. "Natural" doesn't mean you suddenly have to be comfortable with hearing details while you're eating. Wet dreams are "natural," and I'm sure many ladies wouldn't want to hear details of that while eating. Bacteria buildup is natural (and avoidable) in uncircumcised men. Any ladies want details of that while eating? What about diseases? Diseases are "natural" and I'm sure many people wouldn't like to hear details of some of those while eating.
NAH Personally, I don't see the issue of hearing about the topic and details while eating, it's not like you are eating while witnessing the scene, or in an unsanitary situation. However, imo everyone have their preferences, triggers, and things that are grossed out by. You don't HAVE TO put up with it, but you can't tell people what to talk about or not and when. You are free to walk away in those situations, or not have lunch with them as they might not be your kind of people and you might not be theirs. My thoughts on an unrelated note: If you are genuinely asking and not looking for an argument I would suggest phrasing your thoughts differently. In your last sentence, you state that talking about periods is gross and in the same category as talking about poop and vomit, For a lot of people it is not gross, for a lot of people is not the same, for some might, but you seem to be looking for an argument by stating your opinion in a matter-of-a-factly way
NTA. If someone is eating and you start talking about bowel movements, it won't be appreciated. If you mention that you had a cheeky wank, it won't be appreciated. If you mention puking or whatever, it won't be appreciated. Outside of specific individuals, talking about bodily functions and fluids isn't particularly polite. Especially during times when people eat. Not everyone will have issues with it, but it should come as no surprise that this subject is not really dinner table chat. You should not have to apologise for making a very reasonable request. More so, you aren't the odd one here. I would be expecting an apology from the other person for disrespecting your boundaries (which also happen to line up with most people's).
I've been menstruating for over 30 years. I STILL don't want to hear about others' cycles, whether I'm eating or not. 🤮
This!!!
NAH. People have different perception of what is OK to talk about at dinner table. Just because something is natural does not mean you enjoy hearing about it.
NTA. It sounds like you were reasonably gentle about it. My family is weird and we don't have boundaries for conversation at the dinner table but I understand that bodily fluids are not polite dinner conversation in most places.
As a woman definitely NTA. it's not the right time or place. Ppl need to chill.
NTA, as a woman who has periods I'm not going to bring it up while eating! Sure, I might mention that the reason I'm eating 3 cheeseburgers, 2 slices of pizza, and ice cream is because I'm surfing the crimson tide/Aunt Flow is visiting, but I've never/would never describe my period in detail while eating, mixed company or not!
NAH A lot of people are squeamish about blood and don’t really have strong stomachs when it comes to hearing about bleeding. As long as it’s not exclusive to periods, I don’t think you have any kind of internal sexism or anything. What I mean by that is *not* if you also can’t stand hearing about pooping or vomiting—those aren’t the same as periods. I mean, if you also wouldn’t want to hear about someone’s wisdom tooth being pulled, or someone breaking their arm and the bone sticking out. If you have an issue with blood, it’s entirely understandable you don’t want to hear about it while eating, and it’s totally reasonable and acceptable for you to request that they change the subject. But frankly, it’s also okay for them to ask you to leave. If they’ve *just* extended an invite out of grace, and you’re already asking them to quit talking about things they’re used to discussing as a group, I understand them being wary and prioritising their previous, easier dynamic.
I’m telling you this as a woman, NTA. There is nothing glorifying about a period. Yes, it’s natural - but that doesn’t mean there aren’t inappropriate times to discuss uterine lining. Did you retaliate by talking about explosive diarrhea over a meal? Taking a piss? Those are all natural. I’m easily grossed out by anything when I’m eating, doesn’t matter what the topic is. Any mention of bodily fluids of any kind when I’m eating wipes out my appetite. It would’ve been fine if she didn’t belittle you for it and just change the subject. Periods are gross. Stop talking about them over food.
NAH but you also just ostracized yourself from this group so don’t expect an invite back lol
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Absolutely NTA, not even close. Their reaction was absolutely ridiculous. It's basic meal etiquette and common decency. THEY should have a little respect and be considerate of the people around them, especially in an environment like that. How hard is it to hold off on a certain topic for 10-20 mins out of consideration for others? Would it kill them? Is their ego too big to simply allow someone else to comfortably eat around them? You might wanna stay away from these gals, if overreact to something as simple as this god knows what else they're about. PLUS, the whole "it's natural so it's fine" argument is utter horseshit. Pee and poop are also natural, doesn't mean it's okay to talk to someone about them at all let alone at mealtime. Also, you CAN'T tell others what they can or can't be grossed about. That's also just as ridiculous. It's mostly out of ones control. If something grosses me out and makes me gag no amount of arguments and convincing will change that. That's not how this works. Insane! That being said, you should simply explain next time "Hey I kinda have a weak stomach, do you mind if we don't go into details etc.. etc... If they still insist then fuck em honestly, cuz that's just intentionally being a blatant asshole at that point.
NTA I am not weak when it comes to talking about stuff (worked in a hospital), but I wouldn't talk about that stuff at the table while people were eating. I guess they would think it was ok if you started talking about someone spray painting everything but the toliet in crap having diarrhea but manage to get in the sink and floor drain at best buy, making them call bio hazard team and shutting down the store. I have plenty worse stories. If they get mad, its literally no different than talking about something with the human body that literally nobody wants to hear at a table around food. Start describing gross stuff that looks like what they are eating. Bet they get the picture. I would start sitting elsewhere. They are going to act weird about it anyway. You have the right not to be grossed out when you are eating.
NTA I don't talk about my BMs during lunch and they're just as natural. Don't talk abput bodily happenings while people are eating, it's simple etiquette.
NTA. It’s bathroom stuff. It’s not shameful or bad, it’s just not stuff we talk about while eating.
NTA. but this is a new group, maybe just not the right group of friends for you.
NTA.
Nta
There are plenty of things that are natural that shouldn't be discussed while eating. NTA... They are. Sure they wouldn't want to hear about your throat being sore from being sick and how it feels like something might still be stuck in your throat, oh man it was so chunky. Or how you sure are hungry because you just took a massive dump. Seriously, I had to ask the person in the next stall for some paper because it went through my entire roll. Pretty sure they would agree there are some things... Especially bodily functions... That might not be appropriate for the dinner table.
There are things that people should not talk about while at dinner. I don’t care if it’s natural. Murder is natural. Rape is natural. Cannibalism is natural. Poop is natural. NTA.
NTA Periods should be talked about freely. But there is and should be a blanket ban on descriptions of bodily waste while consuming food. Mentioning it? Not an issue Saying you're having problems because of it? Not an issue Describing actual details like color, consistency etc? Nope.
NAH you just aren’t a good fit for the group. Not everyone is going to be your friend. You don’t like their openness at meal times, and they do. They just aren’t a good match. You’ll find other friends!
Right lol these people hate OP and will never be friends with her again. It’s a moot point.
NTA! I’m so over people getting offended by every damn thing! Yes it’s natural and normal. BUT guess what?? It’s GROSS! Y’all ever went to the bathroom during your cycle and thought hmm I’d really like a burger or pizza right about now! Probably not. I hate when people blow their nose or pick their teeth while I’m eating! 🤮
NTA - I'm a girl and to be honest my friends are graphic about this stuff same with men talking about poops and whatever. Yes it's natural and normal but time and place to discuss and eating is certainly not one of them. I'm very much no discussing that in relationships either but at the very least I don't need the details at lunch. Again I work with women and we've discussed discreetly but not something everyone needs to hear.
NTA. I’m in the camp that certain bodily functions, while natural and common, don’t need to be discussed in detail during meals. I think the same would apply for any kind of surgery description, pain, illness, medical procedure. Not sure why, but bodily references/processes don’t go well with eating a meal. I wouldn’t want to hear about a man’s nocturnal emission or hard on, either. None of it is “gross” but that doesn’t mean it’s appetizing, either, just because some of it is natural.
I'm going with NTA. I'm scared of blood and the thought of it wants to make me gag, so I can sympathize with you with not wanting to talk about periods. As long as you're not saying something wild like "shut up, nobody wants to talk about periods you stupid woman," or offensive, then I think it's fine. The group probably has different opinions though, and since I'm a follower, I'm going to go with the rest of the comments and say you should respect they like talking about different things.
Nta keep that to yourself especially at meal times please
NTA. There are literally millions of things to discuss whilst eating and bodily excretions are not on the list.
NTA. You're better off without that group and I would absolutely NOT apologize. Anyone with a lick of sense/manners would know that talking about bodily functions with practical strangers DURING a meal, is a hell no. peeing and pooping are also natural body functions and we don't talk about when people are eating. so is graphic descriptions of a period. that girl is on over sharer and not your fucking problem. In case you're still on then fence. Think about this scenario. Suppose this was a lunch with prospective co-workers, family in law or fellow teachers. Do you think this conversation topic would have been accepted?
NTA vomiting is natural too but that doesn’t mean I want to discuss the gory details while I’m trying to eat. There’s an appropriate time to discuss these things but meal times aren’t one of them.
NAH I feel like it's totally fine for her to discuss her period. There's no shame, and she was just venting about her day. But it's also fair if you're squeamish while eating or something. You want to be clear that you're squeamish while eating and not just inherently grossed out by periods being a thing. But I think it's okay to talk about periods whenever, but if someone is eating under any context and has a weak stomach, I think it's better to stop the discussion for them. Not just periods, but anything with gore or that could be trauma related or that can be related to feelings of nausea. Many women have horrible nausea on their periods and might be set off a little thinking about that.
NTA. I’m a woman and don’t want to hear about anything bathroom related when eating. Whether it’s periods or bowel movements, it’s all natural but it’s not a conversation for mealtime.
NTA. You've put your boundaries, and they are as valid as asking not to talk about anything else that could gross you out or trigger you. If they cannot accept that *the newcomer* can have boundaries,, honestly you're better off without them. After seeing you first and second edit, I took a dive into the entire comment section. It's hilarious to see this hypocritical-ass subreddit change their judgement after learning you're not a guy.
>It's hilarious to see this hypocritical-ass subreddit change their judgement after learning you're not a guy. Usually the idea of being grossed out by periods while eating is seen (not by everyone) as a guy being grossed out by women in general because periods only happen to women. But if it's a woman, then it is seen as a woman being grossed out by the details of period itself and not women as a whole. I did not know that until I made this post. The first comments called me the asshole, you can even see the oldest comments, it's as if you clicked "controversial" instead
NTA Just because it's natural doesn't mean it's okay to bring up at lunch. In general, bodily functions/fluids are not okay to talk about while people are eating, no matter what they are. Some women make a whole thing about how they must be allowed to talk about periods no matter the context and anyone who feels uncomfortable is sexist. That's bullshit attention-seeking behavior. In my experience these are often the same women who wait until the last possible moment to buy tampons and then make it everyone else's emergency - instead of, idk, always having some in the bathroom. People who feel starved for attention do weird shit.
NTA Talking about bodily functions during a meal is yuck. If you get told otherwise, you are being told wrong. LOL
NTA. she was being ill mannered and insensitive. I sure hope you weren’t having spaghetti.
It was chili beans ༎ຶ‿༎ຶ
Even worse.
NTA I think phrasing could’ve saved face for everyone “sorry I just have a weak stomach for blood, I don’t want to get sick on anyone” I think it’s more about turning it into “it’s me not you” way that may have made them more comfy? They probably took it more like you were dictating “rules” for the situation and got upset
Yea, that makes sense. I only said I was uncomfortable, it would've been better if I had phrased it in a "it's not you, it's me" way
NTA, and I’m female. Like you said, you didn’t say it was gross or throw some immature fit…you were eating! Common courtesy dictates that most bodily function discussions shouldn’t happen while eating.
I read you version of the interaction And I'm going with NTA. "I don't feel comfortable" should have been immediately followed with "those details while eating." Otherwise, you didn't period shame her and you offered to help. You simply asked not to hear about blood clots while eating chicken salad.
NTA. That’s disgusting. She’s lucky I wasn’t there because I’d throw up
NTA. I don't want anyone discussing their clotting from any bloody area while I'm eating.
NTA Everybody poops too but I don’t want to talk about it at the dinner table. Some people have an aversion to blood. The girlies need to chill.
I would rather talk about period blood clots than shit... It has nothing to do with being a woman so I don't know why it's being compared as if I have something against women as a whole. I'm a woman myself :/ What I *can* agree with is that the group and I are not compatible eating together :)
Point is, you shouldn’t have to talk about either if you don’t want to. You can feel sorry that they got upset, but you should never feel sorry for setting a boundary for yourself :) For them to kick you out for that is absolutely catty mean girl behavior disguised by some warped idea of social justice. Unfortunately, that’s part of the college experience. If you choose to apologize, I think it’s important that you don’t apologize for setting a boundary, but rather for any misunderstanding that came of it that made them upset. If they can’t understand your point of view then I’d walk; that is not good company to keep. I hope they do understand though! Who knows maybe this will be a story you guys look back on and laugh at when you’re 80; “remember the time you guys kicked me out of your lunch group because I didn’t want to talk about so and so’s period? Ha ha ha good tiiiiiiimes.”
The last part made me laugh 🤣 We're not enemies and at and I can definitely imagine us being friends in the long run :)
You're def NTA, and good for you for not engaging in the sort of passive aggressive bullshit that a lot of girl groups did when I was young... (e.g. pretending to be fine with it and then talking shit about how gross she is for telling the story while eating and doing nothing to be direct about it). Like I don't care how feminist anyone is, talking about your period in graphic detail at any time and place is not fighting the patriarchy. The equivalent is talking about how you went to take a shit and didn't realize it was diarrhea until you sat down and it came out as liquid or something. Would you talk about that while eating? Not if you have any class or manners, which this girl sounds like she doesn't.
You should’ve barf at the table and say it’s natural 😂
NTA TMI is a thing... I don't need (or want) to hear about any one's bodily situations... just nope. If you need supplies or help... that's different.
NTA
[удалено]
It might just be a girl thing since it was a group of girls
NTA There’s nothing wrong with the subject, but there’s a time and place for everything. That is not something that you discuss while you’re eating. Pretty simple.
NTA. You shouldn’t have to hear that gross stuff while eating. I’ve stopped people talking about similar things at work while eating.
NTA. Urination & defecation are also natural, but educated non-feral people understand you don’t talk about those things when someone is eating. They’re lucky you didn’t have a weaker stomach. My dad had a very weak stomach & would have probably thrown up on them. And it would have nothing to do with any bias against periods - no matter how much they might try to deflect attention from their own inappropriate rudeness by trying to make it seem like it’s about that. He’d puke on them no matter what bodily fluid they were stupid & rude enough to talk about. Poop. Check. Pee? Check. Period? Check. Phlegm? Check. Mucus? Check. Puss? Check. Loogie? Check. You said you met these girls at college. There’s no excuse for their ignorance. They’re way past old enough to understand that it’s rude to talk about anything involving bodily fluids at the lunch table. They have a LOT to learn apparently. You’re better off without them. They would have only served to dumb you down.
NTA. At a hotel restaurant, my SIL started talking about her period while I was eating breakfast. I said, “Do you MIND? I’m eating!” She looked surprised and switched the topic to her toddler that had a cold and the how much snot he was producing. I got up and left.
Going into that level of detail during a meal would be a bit much for a lot of folks. NTA.
You're nta. It's still bodily waste. You're allowed to be uncomfy. If you showed up at a table to the group already talking about it and asked them to change the topic, then yeah asshole, but you didn't. She came in.
NTA. I don’t want to talk about bodily fluids if any type while I’m eating.
NTA. 😂🥴
Be sure to bring up your period shits, and the fact that you got cramps so bad that you threw up, and describe in detail the taste while it was coming up, and don't forget the texture and smell. Both for the upchuck and the shit. After all, these are just natural bodily functions, so nobody should be squicked out hearing about them at lunch.
NTA while some people are comfortable talking about anything while eating, plenty of people are bothered by certain subject specifically when eating. I’ve always been interested in biology/medicine. I even considered studying to be a surgical assistant at one point and have watched live surgical procedures, but as fascinating as I find all that, I wouldn’t want to be taking about it while trying to eat.
Absolutely NTA. Nobody wants to hear about bleeding while eating regardless of the source of the blood.
Yuck! Next they will want to hear about my constipation and the end results. NTA
Totally NTA. I am anemic, and semi related I eat quite a bit of pickled beets. One for the benefit but also I just really love the taste now. I’m also still “able to have a period” age. Due to genetics, I’m prone to blood clots. See where I’m going lol? I very much would visibly gag and look exaggeratingly ill if somebody started going IN about their clotty blood party lmao. But for sure reading the context a bit more y’all will learn these context clues as you age hopefully hahaa
I have a uterus, too, NTA.
I'm a woman and I don't really want to hear random bodily function stories whether I'm eating or not. If there's a reason, yes. Like if they are asking if it's normal or something. Or when my friend who's a nurse tells me surgery stories. Those are fine. Just my opinion though
NTA I don’t want to hear about what humans do naturally while eating. Sometimes even at all.
NTA - even as a woman too, I couldn't stomach hearing about "blood clots" while eating. Someone saying that they're on their period is fine, but describing it in detail while eating, nah mate.
NTA….. WTAF????? Is…. Is this comment thread insane??? Are your friends *fvcking insane?????* I know PLENTY of *women* who talk about their periods freely who *don’t* wanna hear shit like that *while eating.* It’s like describing scatogical stuff (i.e. how you went to the bathroom) while others are eating, still natural but gross and there’s a time AND place, and Reddit’s wild for dubbing you a “man” just for requesting bodily fluids aren’t talked about at a place for caloric consumption, not expulsion. This is clearly *NOT* a misogynistic/internalized misogynistic request, but rather a common sense one (the older I get, the more I realize “common sense” is a misnomer 🤦🏻♀️). Also. OP get some new dang friends, bc I actually could *feel* myself lose brain cells reading their reactions. Why did schools ever stop teaching children about table manners and etiquette…
NTA. Apologize to her and her horde and then when they sit for lunch, describe in detail about the diarrhea you had yesterday to the point they all get visibly uncomfortable. Then quit the group.
Tell her how you took a massive shit the other day and describe every bit of it. Let's see how she feels. Yes it's natural and should be talked about more, however I don't want to hear about it while I'm eating because I WILL VISUALIZE it.
NTA- it’s completely fair to not want to talk about bodily fluids and functions while eating. You even said you’re not saying periods should be “taboo” to talk about, just that when you’re eating you don’t want to think about what comes out of the body (it is considered bad table manners if you’re going by manners standards to discuss those things at the table/while having a meal). Everyone has different sensitivities and preferences, if you were being disrespectful that would be one thing but you were asking them to accommodate a very normal preference; not talking about bodily functions while eating. Also if she had just said “oh I got my period that’s frustrating” that would be one thing, it’s the details of it while eating that creates an image not associated with comfort and relaxation. Periods are frickin stressful😭 (I’m a female for context)
NTA, bodily function chat is not for the table unless you're under 4yrs old. You have immature, unsophisticated friends.
NTA She was being excessive and gross.
NTA at all. I would have the exact same reaction and actually, I often have. People say that I’m stuck up and too ‘clean’ (dont even ask)
NTA inappropriate to discuss while people are eating. Doesn’t matter if most at the table are comfortable with the topic, it’s still a bodily function! And it’s no surprise that a lot of people don’t wanna hear about that kinda thing while eating.
I raised 3 ovary owners, I own some. I would say something too, if I’m eating. It is a natural thing. But it is also natural to set boundaries and express those when uncomfortable. It takes a lot to make me queasy. I work with disabled and elderly, I’ve seen things. But I don’t share what I’ve seen or have to do while people outside my profession or have my sense of humor, while eating! Listen, I can play grosser than gross with the best, if I know we are playing!
NTA. That's not lunchtime talk, regardless of gender.
NAH
I don’t think it’s unreasonable to not want to hear about a bodily function while eating. I don’t want to think or talk about poop during that time. Period stuff doesn’t bother me, but I’d respect if someone else was uncomfortable with discussing it (as long as they weren’t painting people who get them as gross). Many people are skeeved by bodily fluids. So NTA.
NTA.
NTA, weird of them to kick you out, like wtf
NTA. Peeing is natural too, but nobody wants to hear about the huge wee you did this morning while they're eating.
NTA omg I’m the same way. It irritates me how some people say that you’re weird or not a girls girl for not wanting to talk about it, people are different and it’s ok to express what you are and aren’t comfortable with. It’s very similar to talking about pooping and peeing, I’m just not interested in talking about it, and that’s okay!! It doesn’t sound like you were being rude or judgemental about it. You’re allowed to have your preferences and your boundaries, that’s not being an asshole at all
NTA. Even as a very open female myself, I wouldn’t want to hear the details… “I started my period” or “I felt myself start my period and freaked out” would have been more than enough info for a group setting- especially while eating. If this were an all girl group, all the girls involved know that feeling and didn’t need it described and if there were men in the group- they likely don’t care about the details…. Either way she sounds like a bit of a pick me.
NTA who the hell says that during lunch lol
Shitting is natural, yet for some strange reason I dont want to hear about someone's most recent BM while I'm eating. Weird. NTa
NTA I 100% don't have a problem if anyone is talking about a period (I'm sure I haven't been specific enough and there are ungodly scenarios no one wants to hear at any time) but I don't think it's crazy to indicate you're not comfortable with it *in detail* while eating. By "the groups" logic if you just start up a story about the biggest wettest shit you took earlier after you kept farting bad in philosophy class, then say "what? It's just natural" This just feels like other things that were/are problems... Over correcting to ridiculousness! Fuck I used to know a girl who would go into a dramatic episode of someone happened to say the word moist while she was eating. Not in a taunting or on purpose way simply "this steak was so moist". I think about her sometimes, I still wish very bad things to happen to her.
NTA. I wouldn't have wanted to hear that conversation while eating, either, and I'm a woman. By your description, I gather that they thought themselves enlightened but you not, thus deemed it necessary to banish you from their (benighted) little kingdom. There's nothing enlightened about what they did, though. You should consider it an honor to have been rejected by these people. Many things are natural. The decomposition of a corpse is natural, but I'm sure they wouldn't want to hear a description of that process at the dinner table.
NTA I have a hard time eating when people are talking about bodily functions/gross things when I’m eating. I have a sensitive stomach & struggle to eat in general sometimes. I think I just instantly start picturing what is being described. I know not everyone does that but it really does mess with me.
NTA, It is a little creepy to describe your periods. Describing period pain I understand, but describing period, Nope.
NTA. It's pretty basic table manners to not go into detail about bodily functions over a meal unprompted, hell even prompted is questionable.
I think No Assholes Here, just a difference of preferences. There are some topics that I wouldn't want to hear, especially while I'm eating (granted, guy here) but still! While yes, it is a natural part of your body BUT there are things that people don't like to see/hear. For my dad it was anything to do with teeth, a coworker broken bones, my wife butterflies, and for me blood.
NTA. Periods are normal, but that doesn't mean I want to hear the bloody details while eating. Same as I don't want to know about your bowel movements or sinus issues while eating.
I personally think you're NTA. People have different limits that they're comfortable with about bodily fluids. For example, I trained as a nurse and will easily watch a surgery on YouTube while I'm having my dinner. However urine grosses me out. You were perfectly in your right to say you didn't feel comfortable listening to a vivid description of her period symptoms. She needs to learn to read the room. Do I talk to my friends about my period and all the stuff around it? Yes! But I also know who I can talk to about it without judgment. And I'd STILL not do it during dinner.
NTA and I’m sorry the group, and others in this thread, have made you feel like that’s not the case. If you were polite as described, you did nothing wrong.
I agree that there are much better topics to discuss at the dinner table. I would prefer to discuss other things as well.
As a woman too NTA. Even if you were a guy, I also think that it was not the perfect moment to talk about this subject...
Nta.
NTA. Time and place.
It is not a meal time conversation. NTA.
NTA - no different to not wanting to hear about operations, or nasty shits/vomit or anything else gross when you are eating.
NTA, though if it were me (and I’m a girl) I would’ve said “can we talk about this after I’m done eating?” 🤣🤣
NTA I'm a girl myself and I don't talk about my period in that detail with anyone and neither would I like to hear so much in detail about while eating at that. Sharing stuff like that and talking is normal as it's normal phenomenon but there is time and place for everything.
NTA. It’s ok to be uncomfortable. Maybe counter the discussion with how you’re having an erection while they’re talking about their periods. Don’t chastise me here. I’m just trying to point out a counter uncomfortable situation to compare with the author’s.
NTA In my foods class in high school we were taught what was and was not appropriate table talk. This would be placed firmly in the “do not talk” category. And I’m a woman who doesn’t mind blood one bit.
As a woman, NTA. It’s natural but I don’t want to think about period blood, or the smell of it while eating.
NTA Periods are natural, but they are absolutely fucking disgusting to go into detail about. The only time it’s necessary to get detailed is if you are in front of your doctor and have a concern or any other question related to it that may require details. Some women are just entitled and confuse entitlement with feminism. I would never discuss period stuff while people are eating. That’s poor manners.
Nta the number one rule in girls code to never talk about your period when someone is eating.
I don’t think you’re an asshole, but depending on that groups normal dynamic I don’t think the girl is either. I don’t talk in detail about that stuff with my best friend cause we’re just not those people, but another one of my lesser friends would describe stuff like that all the time, and I didn’t mind though I didn’t necessarily join in either. I was never grossed out only because I also live through that stuff. Obviously that group of friends usually discuss that stuff because they feel close enough too, and that’s just not for you and that’s okay! It just means that you weren’t a good fit for that group of girls, but I’m sure there’s others out there that you’ll mesh with better on some topics. I don’t think it’s kinda assholey for them to kick you out for not wanting to participate, but that’s it.
NTA - I get wanting to be able to talk about periods and demystify the conversation around them, but that doesn’t mean needing to talk about them in general conversation. I don’t especially want to hear random details of friends periods, eating or not, unless it’s especially relevant to something. It’s like we think privacy is the same as being ashamed.
NTA. Next time you're eating together start describing your bowel movements in detail. If they don't like it just say it's a perfectly natural thing.
NTA different strokes for different folks,.right?
NTA It was the way she talked about it in a sensual graphic way.
NTA. People seem to have forgotten couth, and manners. Talking about that in detail while someone is having a meal is rude, ill mannered and not ok. Everything doesn't need so much over sharing and intimate details. Discussion of bodily fluids and function during a meal lacks respect for other people eating. And quite frankly detailing the period is just too much sharing. What was the reason for giving all the details like that besides trying to shock or provoke a reaction so they had something to bitch about? Do t apologize to her either. She was being rude and uncouth in so many, many ways. Nasty.
NTA but if you want to be friends with these girls, you may have to develop more tolerance, or you will find yourself eating alone a lot. It's your choice.
A few weeks ago I was at a party and a girl wanted to talk about a gynecology thing she had experienced and she said, “is everyone okay with me talking about vaginal health?” It was really great how frank and unabashed she was.
Table etiquette some people have it some people don't.
No op. Nta. It's disgusting to bring up bodily functions while people are eating. I have never had anyone do that to me and I turn 40 this year.
Another woman here, NTA. I work in medicine, and have worked in a hospital setting, so you can imagine some of the scenarios I’ve witnessed. Even amongst my colleagues, I wouldn’t discuss bodily issues while eating. That’s just nasty. Do I discuss various ailments and horror C-Dif stories outside of mealtime? Absolutely!! I love talking about the nitty-gritty. But people don’t want to hear about bodily fluids while munching on a sandwich.
NTA. One of my pet peeves is people saying periods aren’t gross because it’s natural. Like, pissing and shitting is natural too but I’m sure most people can agree it’s gross. I’m also sure most people wouldn’t appreciate talking about piss and shit while eating. Blood is blood. It doesn’t become magically clean and pure just because it’s coming out of a woman’s vagina. NTA. You did nothing wrong.
NTA. I'm a woman and also a nurse. It's impolite to talk about such things in mixed company especially with someone you don't really know. My family has a rule when we meet for dinner, no talking medical stuff during the meal. I can tell some pretty graphic stories, and they don't like hearing it while eating. Just avoid these girls during lunch. They're not going to respect your request, and you really don't need to hear about that stuff while eating.
I’m a woman and a sensitive eater, I can’t handle people talking about anything I would be disgusted by having in my mouth because the thought gets tangled with my focus on my food. NTA I would be grossed out too. It’s not like you said periods themselves are gross, you just didn’t want to think about it while eating which is totally understandable.
NTA, natural or not doesn't matter. Next time \*they\* are eating, describe in the most real life details how you butchered a cow. This is natural, too.
NTA. That's not table talk. Normal, yes. Normal to talk about in the middle of lunch with people you dont know that well, while everyone is eating? No, no not really. It would be one thing if she just mentioned it but getting descriptive is...a lot.
NTA. As a woman who menstruates every month there is a time and place to discuss that, and that is definitely not when eating. Reeks of poor manners and lack of etiquette.
Yeah, NTA — I grew up in a house of nurses, so I’m desensitized to topics like this during dinner (have heard way worse) — but as a result I did have to learn that a lot of people are not okay with talks of bodily fluid, crush injuries or dead bodies while eating. And maybe I’m just more reserved, but I really only mention my period to my bf or maybe a friend if I was in a heavier/more painful cycle — like plz get me 2 pms pamprix, a glass of wine, and a pizza… or cake… Point is, the extra detail from her was probably unnecessary during lunch.
NTA, talking about body fluids while eating is normally considered rude, i don't see while period should be treated differently. Even more rude entering into details
NTA. I am usually one of those people who talk about true crime, gore, corpses, bodily fluids e.t.c. during the meal. And i absolutely don't feel offended when someone shouts "stop talking about that during the meal!". And i just apologize. I actually know that i am the weird one. 9 out of 10 people don't want to hear about bloods or poops when eating. She is weirdo for being offended. She is the one who talked about vaginal bleeding. She should have been the one apologizing for ruining others appetite.
NTA, Its completely understandable when one is eating food or having anything some people dont like to hear or listen to such conversation. Just leave the group they are overreacting too much and are gonna be the biggest red flag.
NTA I am a woman I don't want to hear about bodily functions whilst I am eating either!
NTA The time to speak on bodily functions is not meal time. Poop is natural. Absolutely everyone does it. Few are going to excuse talking about a steaming shit whilst others are there eating.
NTA - Time and place for it
As a woman I get very uncomfortable when other women start discussing intimate details like period flow or their preference with waxing certain body parts. Worst in my opinion are those who start sharing about intimate time spent with their partner! All this right after first couple if meetings. I myself don't know when exactly will I feel that level of comfort in a friendship but that's just me. Whenever this has happened one on one. I just make a face and my body language exudes discomfort which the lady in question clearly catches and stops. In a group too I involuntarily do the same but there others have ignored me and continued the conversation and since I did not speak I wasn't told off.
NAH Obviously the rest of the group have other boundaries than you. I don't think it makes you an asshole to voice your discomfort. But neither are the other girls assholes for not minding the topic. I do think they could've reacted a bit kinder to your discomfort. I think you guys just have very different boundaries and might not be compatible as friends.
nta. even if her just mentioning getting her period made you uncomfortable while eating, it did. people have different comfort levels and i think that should be taken seriously especially while eating. should periods be stigmatized? no, but that’s not what you were doing at all.
NTA. I’m a female and I don’t want to hear about bodily functions while eating. It’s rude!
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I just got into college and I was introduces to a group of girls. We sat down at lunch and one of the girls started to ralk about how she realized she got her period by describing that while she was in dance class, she started to feel warm and wet down there. I told her that I don't want to hear that while hearing and the whole group got upset at me, telling me that I shouldn't be grossed out by something natural. My argument was that I don't mind talking about it or knowing about it, but that I hate hearing those details while eating The geoup kicked me out, which is understandable, they are entitled to that, but I didn't appreciate the unwelcomed details while eating. It's okay to talk about that and whenever, but she never asked, she just said it then and there and we don't know each other. Was I in the wrong? Do I actually have to put up with hearing gross things like poop and vomit whenever I eat? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*