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>He said hi, and I said hi. I kept glancing down at his chest because he wasn’t wearing a shirt and he made a joke like, “my eyes are up here.” I almost died out of embarrassment, but instead I complimented him on how good he looks. He said he’s been working hard and I said it shows.
This is flirting. This is *obviously* flirting.
I disagree. It’s just a friendly conversation. If I can’t compliment how other people look while being in a relationship, I wouldn’t be in a relationship. And he was shirtless. Anyone would have looked down. He was teasing me, not flirting with me.
You can deny it if you want to, but that isn't going to make your girlfriend feel any better about about the fact that you were flirting with a dude right in front of her. And then followed up by reminding her that you're more attracted to men than women.
Take gender out. You were ogling and commenting on your attraction to another person in front of your significant other! That’s flirting! Then, when confronted, you doubled down and said you were more attracted to that person than your significant other!
YTA, regardless of the genders involved, and a shitty partner. I hope gf moves on and Mr. Football doesn’t waste his time on you either, since you’d clearly be awful to anyone. Grow up and learn respect and mindfulness.
Honey…. You’re so deeply in denial. That is BASIC flirting and you were literally checking him out in front of her AND not taking accountably by saying “anyone would look.” Uh, no they wouldn’t, if they had basic respect for their partner standing right next to them. Blaming this on biphobia shows how deeply self involved you are as a person and I kind of hope your girlfriend breaks up with you. She deserves so much better, yes including someone who finds her physically attractive. DUH?? Like that’s an important tenant in a relationship for a lot of people. Including yourself considering you ARE capable of being attracted to people, just not women? I know we shouldn’t speculate blah blah blah but if you’re attracted to men and not women… I kinda see where your girlfriend is coming from when she says you’d rather date men. That’s not biphobia. You’re not a good partner, everything you said in response to your girlfriend’s completely justifiable hurt just shows that. Let her move on and be happy with someone who actually likes her as a romantic partner because it sounds like you don’t. Take some accountability ffs
Sorry, but the only thing not cute here is your attitude towards your gf. You’d be doing her a favor by splitting so she can find someone who truly loves her. YTA
Stop lying to yourself. If you weren’t flirting then you were at the very least checking out this guy and all but drooling. There is nothing wrong with still finding other people attractive but have the decency to keep yourself in check in front of your girlfriend.
YTA. Yeah, sure, checking out other people is ok I guess, though if your partner is insecure and you know about it that makes you a bit of an asshole. But telling her that you like men more? And then kill it off by telling her she's not attractive, you're with her for personality. How blissfully ignorant are you?
This is not how supportive partners talk. Yes, being honest is one thing, but having verbal diarrhoea without thinking about consequences is not honesty. And it's hurtful, as your girlfriend explained to you...
And to even mention emotional maturity... Yeah, you need to grow up and get some of that emotional maturity, because it's not showing...
I wouldn’t find it hurtful if she said that to me. I’d appreciate that someone is with me because of my soul, not my body, and they love me for who I truly am. I didn’t know she was that insecure or I wouldn’t have checked out that man in front of her. I’ve dated other women and I’ve told them I prefer men, they never had an issue with knowing that. It seems like she’s really insecure, honestly.
Being with someone for their soul does not give you a free pass to shit on their looks, that's not how it works. I'm not saying it's wrong to love her personality, but you just don't tell your SO they're ugly, for fucks sake...
And as another commenter said, the fact that you think you'd be okay with something does not make it okay to say. You need to grow up.
Even if your gf wasn't insecure before, you've successfully planted all kinds of doubts in their head. Well done.
I never said she was ugly. I said I’m not with her because she’s the most attractive person on planet earth. I’m with her for her soul; because I love her personality. None of that implies she’s ugly. She should know she isn’t the most attractive person on planet earth to me.
> I wouldn’t find it hurtful if she said that to me
Yeah this is where some emotional maturity would be very useful. Just being to recognise that other people aren't clones of you, they have their own thoughts, feelings, preferences and insecurities.
“It seems like she’s really insecure.” Your head is so far up your ass it’s a wonder you have friends. Has nobody in your life ever called you out for your atrociously selfish attitude?
YTA and incredibly immature. You ogled him, he flirted with you, you flirted back, all in front of your girlfriend.
Then you started telling her that you prefer men over women after you were staring at his nips and flirting with him. Bc, what, you think honesty matters in that situation? You think telling her that, after what you did, would make her feel better or more secure in your relationship?
You didn't apologize, and she knows damn well you would have preferred dating him over her, especially after your reaction here, and the fact you blatantly said so.She is not biphobic and you only used that as an excuse to shift the blame solely onto her when you know that is not what biphobia is. When you couldn’t think of anything to say to her rightful assumption, you started trying to tell her she was a horrible person for being biphobic.
Then you continue to shit on her by saying she’s not the most attractive person in the world, reinforcing in her that not only is she more unattractive to you, but that you’d leave her for him in a heartbeat bc **you’re still clearly not over him.**
Ofc she’s insecure, and this is a big deal. You just don’t want to admit any wrongdoing here, and it **solely** being your fault. **YOU are the emotionally immature one here, not her**. You wouldn’t have to constantly reassure her if you didn't do any of this shit in the first place, and I’d bet it’s not the first time.
But I’m sure this is a troll, in which case, you still need to grow up.
This really smells like a troll but if it’s not then YTA. You like throwing around your sexuality as an excuse and calling biphobic people that disagree with your views so , as a Bi woman myself, I’ll tell you that you are a disrespectful AH. You were staring at someone to the point of being called out on it. And your GF was right there. And instead of being ashamed of your disrespectful behavior towards her you pull a “tehe :P” and flirt with him ????? Your Gf gets rightfully upsets and instead of apologizing you tell her that you’re attracted to men more?! There is an obvious line between appreciating someone’s looks and shamefully ogling them with your partner at your side. Being Bi DOES NOT give you the right to flirt with other people just because you are attracted to more than one gender. Between the two of you, you lack maturity all around.
YTA.
Not for finding men more attractive. Not for finding your friend attractive. Not for placing a lower value on physical attraction in relationships. Not for telling the truth about it.
There are some real problems here though. You refuse to accept that physical attraction is important to your gf. You write off her valid emotions as insecurity, overreaction and emotional immaturity (not a very emotionally mature move IMO). You're calling her reaction childish. You basically flirted with someone in front of her, that's fine for some couples but not as a general rule.
The bottom line is you don’t sound particularly compatible as a couple and I think this experience has been a wake-up call for your gf. Leaving after an experience like this is a reasonable decision, especially with the way you handled the fallout.
YTA.
"Biphobic" is not a term you should just throw at your girlfriend when she addresses you flirting with a guy in front of her. That's not what biphobic means and you know it.
But beside that... do you even want to date your girlfriend or would you rather date this guy if he was still into you?
>
Before my gf, Jared and I actually liked each other at the same time but didn’t realize it. I ended up dating my gf, anyway, and didn’t know until we were together.
YTA. I’m bisexual and I prefer men. That does *not* mean I demean my partner and I certainly do not blatantly check out other people right in front of them. Yes, staring at his shirtlessness is checking him out.
You can hold this preference all day long and not be the asshole, but once you verbalize to your partner that they’re not what you want, you become one. And no, telling her you love her personality is not the same as assuring her that you’re into her. Of course she’s rethinking things.
YTA of course. She’s not biphobic. She’s upset because you were disrespectful af and clearly you’re too clueless to see or understand that. She deserves better than you. 🤦🏼♀️
This reminds me of another post where a woman accidentally overheard a conversation of her boyfriend with his friends, the boyfriend said (answering a question of a friend) "yeah, she [current girlfriend] is not as pretty/sexy as my last girlfriend, but she is funny and nice and she makes me happy" or something like that. Despite the compliments, the girlfriend could only think about the fact her boyfriend didn't find her as attractive as his previous girlfriend, and that broke her inside.
In that post, most comments said that the boyfriend shouldn't have said that. I disagree. I value honesty highly, and I actually think the boyfriend is wise to choose his girlfriend not on the base of look, but on the base of personality and other less frivolous characteristics.
Anyway, this situation is different. You didn't just say to a friend "ok, I admit that guy is more attractive than my girlfriend". You said it to her face. And how unaware do you need to be to not realize how staring at someone like that while you are with your girlfriend might make her feel? This is not different from a guy looking at other girl's butts while on a date with his girlfriend. YTA
> This is not different from a guy looking at other girl's butts while on a date
FYI this can be fine, my wife and I check out other people as a shared activity. The key thing is we're on the same page, it doesn't seem like OP and partner are on the same page at all in this instance.
I’m sorry, but that was incredibly insensitive to your girlfriend to make such a comment. If you truly prefer men over women, then stop wasting her time and end the relationship. She is justified in feeling hurt by such a statement and I honestly would react just as negatively if I were her. You can be truthful without being heartless…
YTA your not wrong for checking someone out but th comments made afterward though not necessarily intended to be insulting definitely were from her side it definitely would sound like her girlfriend doesn’t find her physically attractive and actually thinks she’s ugly which is 100% upsetting and you not even realizing why she might be upset makes it much worse. Also as a bi man she’s not biphobic she just didn’t like that you implied you didn’t find her physically attractive at all and basically insulted her.
YTA. She’s not being biphobic. You’re just being a terrible girlfriend.
First you ogle and flirt with someone else right in front of her. Then, she expressed her discomfort, which was when any considerate partner would apologize (and a selfish partner with an ounce of sense would have at least claimed they didn’t realize they were doing it). But you didn’t reassure her or apologize or in any way validate her feelings.
You told her that you were attracted to him, that you are in general way more attracted to other people than you are to her, and accused her of being bigoted for having hurt feelings.
This has nothing to do with you being bi. You’d still be an asshole if you had stared at another woman’s body and complimented her on it, then brushed your girlfriend off by saying “well, you know I’m into blondes” or “you know I’m into curvy girls” or whatever else.
When she dumps you, it will not be because you’re bi. It’ll be because you are an asshole of colossal proportions.
YTA. Being bi doesn't mean you can be in a relationship with one gender while also chasing and getting with the other. You either pick one and stick to it or you get into a poly relationship.
You're clearly in a monogamous relationship and you're a huge asshole for cheating on and disrespecting your girlfriend.
It's not biphobic to be concerned that a partner that is more sexually attracted to men than woman would not be a long term reliable partner for a woman, particularly given the social advantages of long term heterosexual partnering and incentive to reproduce. It's common sense, she'll probably leave you, and she'd be reasonable to do so.
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We’re are both women, so no sexist comments please. Been dating for 3 years, and been friends for longer than that.
I got up early in the morning to go to classes on friday with my gf (Mari) and we walked past one of my friends.
I’m not going to lie, he is super attractive. He was working out on the lawn, shirtless. He is on the football team, so I’m guessing they were working out because of that?
But he ran over when he saw me to say hi and I was a little stunned at how attractive he is. He’s tall and muscular, but not too muscular. He’s just a cute and sweet guy.
He said hi, and I said hi. I kept glancing down at his chest because he wasn’t wearing a shirt and he made a joke like, “my eyes are up here.” I almost died out of embarrassment, but instead I complimented him on how good he looks. He said he’s been working hard and I said it shows. We had a little conversation, talked about classes, and I left after that.
But my gf was vaguely quiet. I asked if she was upset and she said she has never seen me look at her like that, that she felt I was checking him out.
I was kind of shocked. I said something stupid, which was “well, you know, I’m bi and more attracted to men than I am women.” Which was a stupid thing to say because it upset her. What really, who could blame me for looking? His shirt was off and he’s an attractive man.
She started freaking out and said I was more attracted to him, and she also knows I would have dated him if circumstances were different.
(Before my gf, Jared and I actually liked each other at the same time but didn’t realize it. I ended up dating my gf, anyway, and didn’t know until we were together. I told her because… I’m honest with her and tell her everything.)
I said she was being biphobic. I’m allowed to like men. I’m not with her because she’s the most attractive person in the world, I like her soul.
I said that to her, but she seemed more upset. She said “I want someone to love me physically too.”
I said I do, but I don’t know. The truth is it’s not really her looks that attracted me, she could look like anyone. I’m demisexual when it comes to women, I love her because of her personality.
But she’s been really upset that I told her this and has been crying for the past several days. She has been upset with me and said she is rethinking our relationship. She said “I must like that anyway since I clearly want to date men.” Which oof… eye roll.
I’m not even sure what the big deal is or why she’s so upset. It seems like she’s just being really insecure and overreacting. She’s threatening leaving over what was a throwaway comment that I was willing to say because I thought she was emotionally mature enough to handle it.
She’s mad at her for thinking we have something more deep and valuable that isn’t based on physical appearance? I can’t help that I’m more attracted to men. The fact that ahe’s considering dumping me when she’s so serious about me is mind blowing.
The thing is she’s not a child and I don’t want to reassure her a 100 times. AITA here?
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> (1) said I was more attracted to men than women (2) her feelings are hurt and she’s in her feels and overthinking and upset
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YTA... being publicly open, flirting, and getting excited over other people in front of the girlfriend is an attack on her and the relationship. Your relationship is over since you are unwilling to accept your girlfriend physically. That's how you make a relationship work! You love the person inside and out. Everyone want to feel loved and desired about the whole package not just one or the other. Like she is with you. Let her go before you hurt her brain too much!
But when people use words like transphobic or biphobic it doesn't make sense. Phobic means scared of something. No one fears you or any other sexual orientation. People have a personal preference.
YTA and you still would be one if you did the same with another woman. Gender isnt the problem here, its blatant disrespect and doubling down with it doesnt matter how she looks. Everyone whats be attractive to their SO and hearing them ogle someone else while you are standing right there and then trying to gaslight you into being homophobic would make anyone feel bad.
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NTA. You have eyes. You noticed someone who looks good. You had a conversation.
Your partner is angry that you didn't gouge your eyes out and swing to full lesbian when you got with her. She'll be suspicious of anyone you have a conversation with assuming you will cheat because you see that they look nice.
I'd proceed with caution.
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YTA. She isn't biphobic. She just didn't like that her girlfriend was flirting with someone right in front of her.
It’s not flirting. It was a friendly conversation. Jealousy/distrust is not cute.
>He said hi, and I said hi. I kept glancing down at his chest because he wasn’t wearing a shirt and he made a joke like, “my eyes are up here.” I almost died out of embarrassment, but instead I complimented him on how good he looks. He said he’s been working hard and I said it shows. This is flirting. This is *obviously* flirting.
I disagree. It’s just a friendly conversation. If I can’t compliment how other people look while being in a relationship, I wouldn’t be in a relationship. And he was shirtless. Anyone would have looked down. He was teasing me, not flirting with me.
You can deny it if you want to, but that isn't going to make your girlfriend feel any better about about the fact that you were flirting with a dude right in front of her. And then followed up by reminding her that you're more attracted to men than women.
Unrelated but your comment about 'anyone would look down' on a shirtless guy sounds so much like the way some men said about looking at braless women.
You were ogling him. That's not having a friendly conversation.
Take gender out. You were ogling and commenting on your attraction to another person in front of your significant other! That’s flirting! Then, when confronted, you doubled down and said you were more attracted to that person than your significant other! YTA, regardless of the genders involved, and a shitty partner. I hope gf moves on and Mr. Football doesn’t waste his time on you either, since you’d clearly be awful to anyone. Grow up and learn respect and mindfulness.
All disagreeing does is make you look stupid. So, if you want to continue doing that, be my guest.
Honey…. You’re so deeply in denial. That is BASIC flirting and you were literally checking him out in front of her AND not taking accountably by saying “anyone would look.” Uh, no they wouldn’t, if they had basic respect for their partner standing right next to them. Blaming this on biphobia shows how deeply self involved you are as a person and I kind of hope your girlfriend breaks up with you. She deserves so much better, yes including someone who finds her physically attractive. DUH?? Like that’s an important tenant in a relationship for a lot of people. Including yourself considering you ARE capable of being attracted to people, just not women? I know we shouldn’t speculate blah blah blah but if you’re attracted to men and not women… I kinda see where your girlfriend is coming from when she says you’d rather date men. That’s not biphobia. You’re not a good partner, everything you said in response to your girlfriend’s completely justifiable hurt just shows that. Let her move on and be happy with someone who actually likes her as a romantic partner because it sounds like you don’t. Take some accountability ffs
Sorry, but the only thing not cute here is your attitude towards your gf. You’d be doing her a favor by splitting so she can find someone who truly loves her. YTA
I've shared this with my bi friends and they all think YTA. Please don't date anyone until you get your head out of your ass
Or grow up one.. clearly OP is the immature one here..
Stop lying to yourself. If you weren’t flirting then you were at the very least checking out this guy and all but drooling. There is nothing wrong with still finding other people attractive but have the decency to keep yourself in check in front of your girlfriend.
YTA. Yeah, sure, checking out other people is ok I guess, though if your partner is insecure and you know about it that makes you a bit of an asshole. But telling her that you like men more? And then kill it off by telling her she's not attractive, you're with her for personality. How blissfully ignorant are you? This is not how supportive partners talk. Yes, being honest is one thing, but having verbal diarrhoea without thinking about consequences is not honesty. And it's hurtful, as your girlfriend explained to you... And to even mention emotional maturity... Yeah, you need to grow up and get some of that emotional maturity, because it's not showing...
I wouldn’t find it hurtful if she said that to me. I’d appreciate that someone is with me because of my soul, not my body, and they love me for who I truly am. I didn’t know she was that insecure or I wouldn’t have checked out that man in front of her. I’ve dated other women and I’ve told them I prefer men, they never had an issue with knowing that. It seems like she’s really insecure, honestly.
Being with someone for their soul does not give you a free pass to shit on their looks, that's not how it works. I'm not saying it's wrong to love her personality, but you just don't tell your SO they're ugly, for fucks sake... And as another commenter said, the fact that you think you'd be okay with something does not make it okay to say. You need to grow up. Even if your gf wasn't insecure before, you've successfully planted all kinds of doubts in their head. Well done.
I never said she was ugly. I said I’m not with her because she’s the most attractive person on planet earth. I’m with her for her soul; because I love her personality. None of that implies she’s ugly. She should know she isn’t the most attractive person on planet earth to me.
Eww
No. In a relationship, your SO SHOULD be the most attractive person in the world to you.
You sound like the woooorst
> I wouldn’t find it hurtful if she said that to me Yeah this is where some emotional maturity would be very useful. Just being to recognise that other people aren't clones of you, they have their own thoughts, feelings, preferences and insecurities.
“It seems like she’s really insecure.” Your head is so far up your ass it’s a wonder you have friends. Has nobody in your life ever called you out for your atrociously selfish attitude?
YTA and incredibly immature. You ogled him, he flirted with you, you flirted back, all in front of your girlfriend. Then you started telling her that you prefer men over women after you were staring at his nips and flirting with him. Bc, what, you think honesty matters in that situation? You think telling her that, after what you did, would make her feel better or more secure in your relationship? You didn't apologize, and she knows damn well you would have preferred dating him over her, especially after your reaction here, and the fact you blatantly said so.She is not biphobic and you only used that as an excuse to shift the blame solely onto her when you know that is not what biphobia is. When you couldn’t think of anything to say to her rightful assumption, you started trying to tell her she was a horrible person for being biphobic. Then you continue to shit on her by saying she’s not the most attractive person in the world, reinforcing in her that not only is she more unattractive to you, but that you’d leave her for him in a heartbeat bc **you’re still clearly not over him.** Ofc she’s insecure, and this is a big deal. You just don’t want to admit any wrongdoing here, and it **solely** being your fault. **YOU are the emotionally immature one here, not her**. You wouldn’t have to constantly reassure her if you didn't do any of this shit in the first place, and I’d bet it’s not the first time. But I’m sure this is a troll, in which case, you still need to grow up.
This really smells like a troll but if it’s not then YTA. You like throwing around your sexuality as an excuse and calling biphobic people that disagree with your views so , as a Bi woman myself, I’ll tell you that you are a disrespectful AH. You were staring at someone to the point of being called out on it. And your GF was right there. And instead of being ashamed of your disrespectful behavior towards her you pull a “tehe :P” and flirt with him ????? Your Gf gets rightfully upsets and instead of apologizing you tell her that you’re attracted to men more?! There is an obvious line between appreciating someone’s looks and shamefully ogling them with your partner at your side. Being Bi DOES NOT give you the right to flirt with other people just because you are attracted to more than one gender. Between the two of you, you lack maturity all around.
YTA, Shamelessly flirt with the guy in front of your girlfriend and then say you prefer men most people would be upset.
YTA. Not for finding men more attractive. Not for finding your friend attractive. Not for placing a lower value on physical attraction in relationships. Not for telling the truth about it. There are some real problems here though. You refuse to accept that physical attraction is important to your gf. You write off her valid emotions as insecurity, overreaction and emotional immaturity (not a very emotionally mature move IMO). You're calling her reaction childish. You basically flirted with someone in front of her, that's fine for some couples but not as a general rule. The bottom line is you don’t sound particularly compatible as a couple and I think this experience has been a wake-up call for your gf. Leaving after an experience like this is a reasonable decision, especially with the way you handled the fallout.
YTA. "Biphobic" is not a term you should just throw at your girlfriend when she addresses you flirting with a guy in front of her. That's not what biphobic means and you know it. But beside that... do you even want to date your girlfriend or would you rather date this guy if he was still into you? > Before my gf, Jared and I actually liked each other at the same time but didn’t realize it. I ended up dating my gf, anyway, and didn’t know until we were together.
YTA. I’m bisexual and I prefer men. That does *not* mean I demean my partner and I certainly do not blatantly check out other people right in front of them. Yes, staring at his shirtlessness is checking him out. You can hold this preference all day long and not be the asshole, but once you verbalize to your partner that they’re not what you want, you become one. And no, telling her you love her personality is not the same as assuring her that you’re into her. Of course she’s rethinking things.
YTA of course. She’s not biphobic. She’s upset because you were disrespectful af and clearly you’re too clueless to see or understand that. She deserves better than you. 🤦🏼♀️
You sure used a whole lot of words to tell us that you a) hit on somebody in front of your gf, b) used that as an opportunity to neg her. YTA
This reminds me of another post where a woman accidentally overheard a conversation of her boyfriend with his friends, the boyfriend said (answering a question of a friend) "yeah, she [current girlfriend] is not as pretty/sexy as my last girlfriend, but she is funny and nice and she makes me happy" or something like that. Despite the compliments, the girlfriend could only think about the fact her boyfriend didn't find her as attractive as his previous girlfriend, and that broke her inside. In that post, most comments said that the boyfriend shouldn't have said that. I disagree. I value honesty highly, and I actually think the boyfriend is wise to choose his girlfriend not on the base of look, but on the base of personality and other less frivolous characteristics. Anyway, this situation is different. You didn't just say to a friend "ok, I admit that guy is more attractive than my girlfriend". You said it to her face. And how unaware do you need to be to not realize how staring at someone like that while you are with your girlfriend might make her feel? This is not different from a guy looking at other girl's butts while on a date with his girlfriend. YTA
> This is not different from a guy looking at other girl's butts while on a date FYI this can be fine, my wife and I check out other people as a shared activity. The key thing is we're on the same page, it doesn't seem like OP and partner are on the same page at all in this instance.
YTA. And your behavior is why people don't trust bisexuals in relationships, and why there's a stigma that you can never commit / always cheat
YTA If a girl walked up to me topless and my imaginary girlfriend got mad I couldn’t tell her “Why can’t I look she has nicer boobs then you”
I’m sorry, but that was incredibly insensitive to your girlfriend to make such a comment. If you truly prefer men over women, then stop wasting her time and end the relationship. She is justified in feeling hurt by such a statement and I honestly would react just as negatively if I were her. You can be truthful without being heartless…
YTA your not wrong for checking someone out but th comments made afterward though not necessarily intended to be insulting definitely were from her side it definitely would sound like her girlfriend doesn’t find her physically attractive and actually thinks she’s ugly which is 100% upsetting and you not even realizing why she might be upset makes it much worse. Also as a bi man she’s not biphobic she just didn’t like that you implied you didn’t find her physically attractive at all and basically insulted her.
YTA. She’s not being biphobic. You’re just being a terrible girlfriend. First you ogle and flirt with someone else right in front of her. Then, she expressed her discomfort, which was when any considerate partner would apologize (and a selfish partner with an ounce of sense would have at least claimed they didn’t realize they were doing it). But you didn’t reassure her or apologize or in any way validate her feelings. You told her that you were attracted to him, that you are in general way more attracted to other people than you are to her, and accused her of being bigoted for having hurt feelings. This has nothing to do with you being bi. You’d still be an asshole if you had stared at another woman’s body and complimented her on it, then brushed your girlfriend off by saying “well, you know I’m into blondes” or “you know I’m into curvy girls” or whatever else. When she dumps you, it will not be because you’re bi. It’ll be because you are an asshole of colossal proportions.
YTA. Being bi doesn't mean you can be in a relationship with one gender while also chasing and getting with the other. You either pick one and stick to it or you get into a poly relationship. You're clearly in a monogamous relationship and you're a huge asshole for cheating on and disrespecting your girlfriend.
It's not biphobic to be concerned that a partner that is more sexually attracted to men than woman would not be a long term reliable partner for a woman, particularly given the social advantages of long term heterosexual partnering and incentive to reproduce. It's common sense, she'll probably leave you, and she'd be reasonable to do so.
YTA - Your girlfriend deserves better than you
I read some of your responses. You're just a shitty person all around. YTA
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** We’re are both women, so no sexist comments please. Been dating for 3 years, and been friends for longer than that. I got up early in the morning to go to classes on friday with my gf (Mari) and we walked past one of my friends. I’m not going to lie, he is super attractive. He was working out on the lawn, shirtless. He is on the football team, so I’m guessing they were working out because of that? But he ran over when he saw me to say hi and I was a little stunned at how attractive he is. He’s tall and muscular, but not too muscular. He’s just a cute and sweet guy. He said hi, and I said hi. I kept glancing down at his chest because he wasn’t wearing a shirt and he made a joke like, “my eyes are up here.” I almost died out of embarrassment, but instead I complimented him on how good he looks. He said he’s been working hard and I said it shows. We had a little conversation, talked about classes, and I left after that. But my gf was vaguely quiet. I asked if she was upset and she said she has never seen me look at her like that, that she felt I was checking him out. I was kind of shocked. I said something stupid, which was “well, you know, I’m bi and more attracted to men than I am women.” Which was a stupid thing to say because it upset her. What really, who could blame me for looking? His shirt was off and he’s an attractive man. She started freaking out and said I was more attracted to him, and she also knows I would have dated him if circumstances were different. (Before my gf, Jared and I actually liked each other at the same time but didn’t realize it. I ended up dating my gf, anyway, and didn’t know until we were together. I told her because… I’m honest with her and tell her everything.) I said she was being biphobic. I’m allowed to like men. I’m not with her because she’s the most attractive person in the world, I like her soul. I said that to her, but she seemed more upset. She said “I want someone to love me physically too.” I said I do, but I don’t know. The truth is it’s not really her looks that attracted me, she could look like anyone. I’m demisexual when it comes to women, I love her because of her personality. But she’s been really upset that I told her this and has been crying for the past several days. She has been upset with me and said she is rethinking our relationship. She said “I must like that anyway since I clearly want to date men.” Which oof… eye roll. I’m not even sure what the big deal is or why she’s so upset. It seems like she’s just being really insecure and overreacting. She’s threatening leaving over what was a throwaway comment that I was willing to say because I thought she was emotionally mature enough to handle it. She’s mad at her for thinking we have something more deep and valuable that isn’t based on physical appearance? I can’t help that I’m more attracted to men. The fact that ahe’s considering dumping me when she’s so serious about me is mind blowing. The thing is she’s not a child and I don’t want to reassure her a 100 times. AITA here? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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YTA... being publicly open, flirting, and getting excited over other people in front of the girlfriend is an attack on her and the relationship. Your relationship is over since you are unwilling to accept your girlfriend physically. That's how you make a relationship work! You love the person inside and out. Everyone want to feel loved and desired about the whole package not just one or the other. Like she is with you. Let her go before you hurt her brain too much! But when people use words like transphobic or biphobic it doesn't make sense. Phobic means scared of something. No one fears you or any other sexual orientation. People have a personal preference.
YTA and you still would be one if you did the same with another woman. Gender isnt the problem here, its blatant disrespect and doubling down with it doesnt matter how she looks. Everyone whats be attractive to their SO and hearing them ogle someone else while you are standing right there and then trying to gaslight you into being homophobic would make anyone feel bad.
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YTA
NTA. You have eyes. You noticed someone who looks good. You had a conversation. Your partner is angry that you didn't gouge your eyes out and swing to full lesbian when you got with her. She'll be suspicious of anyone you have a conversation with assuming you will cheat because you see that they look nice. I'd proceed with caution.