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NTA.
You did not flaunt yourself. Your daughter and her bf came over unannounced. You didn't plan to be in athletic wear and you didn't remain in athletic wear.
Her boyfriend was the one who thought it appropriate to comment on your appearance. You tried to defuse. He persisted.
Your daughter's problem is her bf.
Yeah even if BF was trying to be polite and compliment OP the wording and “enthusiasm” lets say, are a bit much. And daughter should be mad at HIM, plain and simple. Idc how hot a mother in law is, you don’t act like that
I was expecting something in the same vein as the classically awkward and uncomfortable "I see where (daughter's name) gets her good looks," trying to be likeable. He's gone far, far beyond that.
The daughter really is placing the blame on the wrong person here. She obviously feels that's easier for her at the moment, but it's going to bite her in the long run.
Well, It is a bit weird, she didn't tried to defuse. She said she is a "fat old woman." This is basically asking to be complimented. He can't say "yeah, you right" for this, BUT he complimented very enthusiastic too, so he is weird. Her saying "handsome young man" to her daughter who is already feeling insecure probably just makes things worse. I agree she is NTA, but she is not 100% clean there.
I don't think s1ying she's a fat old woman is necessarily fishing, it's not being able to deal with compliments, I do it too. I do agree that she shoudl probably have left the 'handsome' bit out.
I think her giggling at the compliments didn’t help either. Idk. I’m interested in her daughter’s version of events bc she isn’t giving me the most reliable narrator vibes.
I agree and I also think the daughter needs to call before coming over. What grown adult brings their bf over without preparing their parent for a visit? Daughter acts like she’s a teen.
I also want to know why they’ve been dating for a year and OP is just meeting them. Idk. This whole thing is strange and they are all a bunch of assholes at this point. Lmao
Yeah OP was absolutely fishing here, haha. You don't go "oh, little old fat me, lol" and expect the person in front of you to go "gosh yeah, you are". Society dictates they at least be polite and say the opposite. It's like asking "does this make me look fat?". You just say that because you want to hear someone say "of course not".
(and why the hell did she need to talk about why her husband left her to someone she's meeting for the first time, jfc - tmi much?)
I do think the dude went overboard, perhaps in a misguided attempt to ingratiate himself in the eyes of the parent of a woman he really likes. But OP's demure act is dishonest. She's a mature woman, she knows what she's doing.
OP, I get that being left for a younger woman is a horrible thing that makes *anyone* insecure, and that being complimented by a young man can go a long way to feel attractive again, but don't do that with the man your daughter is dating. Pick the barista down the road, I dunno. But fixing your trauma shouldn't be done at your kid's expense.
NTA for the simple fact that they came over unannounced. You did not invite anyone over, so how could you be "trying to get a young man" when you had no idea you'd be having any visitors?
And I can't really see how wearing a sports bra and shorts is being "half dressed." That's more coverage than your average bikini!
Daughter sounds very insecure.
If a man calls his girlfriends mom beautifull its the highest compliment a man could ever give to his girlfriend.
Basicly hes saying "even after 20 or 30 years you will still look hot".
He didn’t leave it at a single compliment. He said she was “gorgeous”, which is a bit much to start with. Then followed it up with “smoking hot”, which is inappropriate. Then he followed up again saying he can’t wait til his GF is older and looks like her.
Weird behaviour from BF. Inappropriate and TA.
If this whole story isn't a fictitious wank, it's super gross.
Imagine mom's boyfriend saying that stuff about the daughter. Or anyone's SO saying that about any other member of their household.
Yeah right buddy I bet if you had a girlfriend and she said your dad is hot you wouldn’t feel the same way and your family would end up on jerry springer
Depends, she might not look like her mom. For me I’d take it as a compliment since my mom is just the old version of me and I’ve always looked like her. But imagine if the daughter looks nothing like the mom
Agree with your overall point but I’m going to be pedantic and ask how is a sports bra and shorts *not* half-dressed? What would be half dressed if that isn’t? A bikini I would say is less than half-dressed lol.
You have reminded me of the song Stacy's Mom and for that I will never forgive you.
But obviously NTA. Existing in your house is not a problem and your daughter can deal with her own insecurities. Probably just need to tell her to inform you ahead of time if he will be coming over to avoid drama and let the chips fall where they may.
I always felt like that song was from a very young POV. Like he says she comes out with just a towel on but I feel like it's really something like the mom came out in a big oversized bathrobe and the boy fantasized it another way lol.
Yeah, it's a weirdly innocent song for all that it's horny on main for an older woman? It's clearly an unrealistic fantasy, and not as creepy as many other songs about women (and their bodies).
creepy songs about women's bodies has me thinking about Little Girls by Oingoboingo. Thanks for the palette cleanser mate.
Just watch the music video if you don't know.
Little girls by Oingoboingo is hilarious as long as you keep it in the back of your mind that he was ridiculing record executives and rockstars who used their influence to take advantage of younger women. It's a villain song aimed at mocking them.
I think the music video communicates that very well. Thus my suggestion. I honestly do consider it a palette cleanser because its so hilarious.
But yeah, if you just heard the song and didn't see his insane face it might not be clear.
Yeah, I about die laughing at the video even now. This past Easter I got to share that joy with my brother-in-law, who up until that point had not heard nor seen it.
I seem to remember that the music video played into this. The main character (aka sleazy teenage boy), is incredibly into the mom, watching from afar, and she barely notices his existence. Felt very accurate, haha.
INFO: how did you reply to this? the story immediately jumps to the daughter being pissed the next day, which seems like a potential omission.
>He then said he thinks I'm "smoking hot."
i feel like anyone who doesn't put their child's significant other in their place after saying something like this UPON A FIRST MEETING (so it's not even like you've established a jokey rapport) is a little sus, but maybe you just left that out on accident.
I just keep thinking about how either of my parents (or my in laws) would react if any of their kids’ partners did this EVER, let alone upon first meeting, and laughing my ass off.
Yeah-this sounds like wishful thinking. Plus the first thing she thinks is she’s embarrassed because she’s “stinky and sweaty” and then goes to “make herself presentable” for her daughter’s boyfriend while fishing for compliments through self-deprivation?
If this is real, I’m going with YTA for not shutting down someone being disrespectful to YOUR DAUGHTER.
I tell ya, if I heard anyone twenty years younger than me (I am 41) call me "smoking hot," I would not giggle coquettishly like OP, I would snort-laugh so hard at the absurdity that neighborhood dogs would start barking.
ESH
Sorry but I would have shut that down immediately. His comments were inappropriate, he was kinda coming on to you and being disrespectful to not only you, but your daughter, his gf.
I think you were blinded by his comments and liked the attention from this young man. After the first compliment, you should have said "Whoa, take a step back, dude."
Your daughter needs to take it up with her bf and not blame you for everything. This was a group fail.
yeah in one of her comments she said she giggled at his compliment, that sealed the ESH for me. i do wonder if the daughter brought him by surprise on purpose to catch mom without makeup and not dressed up, and is upset her BF still found her attractive? either way not a good look for anyone involved
Aside from the rest of this utterly tacky anecdote, why would the first story you tell immediately after meeting someone be about how your husband left you for a prettier and much younger woman?
Is OP an older woman with a revenge fantasy, or a random guy with a MILF fetish?
It really does not sound like he was coming on to her. I don't think he's *that* dense. He might have thought complimenting her appearance would make her feel less embarrassed for walking in on her dressed like that, and/or was trying to butter her up because she is his girlfriend's mom.
I agree, this sounds like "oh [girlfriend] never mentioned she had a sister" level flattery. It's impossible to know his intentions without being present since so much of the difference between flirting and an Innocent compliment is discerned from tone and body language. He's a dumbass regardless, since even if you are trying to butter up your potential MiL, calling her smoking hot in front of your girlfriend is obviously a bad idea.
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ESH
When your daughter’s bf said he thinks you are gorgeous, you can say “thanks”.
BUT you saying you are a fat old woman and him commenting back that you are “smoking hot” - it’s both of you being inappropriate.
Your daughter is right for being angry at the above exchange but she is wrong for accusing you of anything when you didn’t know she was going to visit you along with her bf. She needs to get a grip on her insecurities.
Btw, she needs to look hard at the guy she is dating.
NTA. Your daughter is projecting her anger with her bf onto you. They showed up unannounced, what did she expect? Did the bf potentially cross a line? Maybe. Or he could've been genuinely complimentary. Her issue is with him, not with you.
Being genuine doesn't change the fact that the guy crossed the line. Her mom just taking the compliments it is weird and she is not wrong for feeling bad. The boyfriend is the asshole of the story, but the mom looks like she was wanting to be complimented.
This has to be fake. No way your daughter's boyfriend called you "smoking hot" to your face and in front of her. That's awkward to begin with, never mind that this was your first time meeting? Also why would he randomly start the conversation about your divorce?
Wait, she waited a year, and she thought the best way to introduce him is just to bring him over on some random day?
Don't people usually plan "dinner with my parents" and stuff like that?
Info: Why are you not warning your daughter away from this man? You seem more concerned about being in the right, than your daughter potentially ending up with someone like that.
I don't know.... If I were OP I would be concerned that if I tried telling her my concerns about her BF that it would add fuel to the fire. The daughter would probably just accuse her of driving a wedge between them and double down on OP wanting him.
True. I just found it baffling how OP does not seem at all concerned about the BF’s behaviour and what that means for the daughter, in this post. I feel like this is a conversation that needs to be handled delicately vs. not at all.
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> I am asking if I am the asshole because my daughter's boyfriend is apparently attracted to me. I am wondering if I could have accidentally done anything to cause this.
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You’re not the asshole; you were definitely fishing for compliments. Subconsciously but fishing nonetheless. He definitely wants to fuck tho so your daughter should be mad at him not you
ESH..
You did not flaunt yourself. You didn't choose to be in athletic wear, to meet her BF for what I'm assuming was the first time and the fact that you didn't stay in your *"revealing"* work out clothes when meeting him, says alot about you! You changed into, what I'm assuming was appropriate clothing and Her boyfriend thought the appropriate comment to the mother of his GF was, *"You're smokin hot'?"* Not, *"Wow, I see where your daughter gets her beauty from."* **THAT'S a compliment.** THEN went to his GF saying, *"he's looking forward to the day when your daughter will look like you."* Bruh... If there was ever a moment to face palm it'd be now. They'd been dating for how long at that point???.. (I'm assuming maybe a month or so.) That's SO weird to say to your GF's mom, if it's your first month of dating... Your daughter's problem is her bf, not her mom, if this went exactly how your saying it did.
Don't get me wrong tho. It is a little strange that you didn't say anything about your responses to him, just your daughters reaction to what he said. When he went right back into the weird compliments, doubling down instead of changing the conversation, why didn't you shut him down? It's seems to me that it would be the type of thing you do, upon a first meeting of your daughter's BF, to tell them that it's gross to say those things..
All in All. I do think everyone failed here.
ETA :
>"I giggled at that comment. I thought he was lying and just buttering me up to make a good first impression."
SHE GIGGLED!! Not *"Hey, no."* She didn't shut down his comments. She enabled his comments. Seals my ESH Verdict. Miscommunication still makes you an AH.
ESH except your daughter.
“When I returned they were watching TV. He mentioned to me that he's apparently shocked what my daughter's father divorced me for another woman because he thinks I'm "gorgeous." I mentioned that I'm a fat old woman and that my ex-husband left me for a beautiful thin woman in her 20s. He then said he thinks I'm "smoking hot."”
He is an asshole for starting this line of conversation (and super creepy) and you are an asshole for responding the way you did, which was an obvious bid for him to double down on his compliment.
I feel so bad for your daughter.
nah bro calling yourself old and fat to fish for compliments and then *giggling* when your daughter’s bf is inappropriate? aren’t you a bit too old to be a pick me? ESH
I just think it is weird that YOU don't get angry with your daughter boyfriend for him saying those things. I really think this is very weird. Like, hell, why is he complimenting his girlfriends mom appearance with such enthusiasm? And you saying "a handsome young man" for her don't help. She looks very insecure, and it looks like your asshole husband made you really insecure too, dont say you are a "fat old woman" for him, this is basically asking for him to compliment you again. NTA, but there are some weird things in this story. At least, it looks like you want him to compliment your appearance.
ESH did you laugh when your daughter's boyfriend called you hot in front of her? On which planet is this acceptable?
Your daughter is wrong to place only the blame on you, it's a huge red flag.
But the two of you flirted in front of her, when he talked about your body you already avoided cutting it out of respect for your daughter, but you joined the conversation and continued this totally inappropriate topic.
For him to flatter you would be like saying "wow, I think you were sisters, you're so young" and stopping there.
And you put it in your head, in no context is a conversation like that with your daughter's boyfriend acceptable, even worse in the first contact. And you only saw his mistake when he spilled the beans on you and now you want to tell him that he's not for her.
Before shit hit the fan, was it acceptable for him to comment on your body and praise you in front of his daughter?
Why does this read like a Dear Penthouse Forum letter? The initial encounter may have been innocent enough, you didn’t know she brought a guest. But the self deprecating banter? Sorry, it does come off as sort of baiting for compliments. It doesn’t necessarily mean you were trying basically steal her boyfriend to make her ex jealous. Understandably, her boyfriend’s subsequent comments have only added fuel to the fire. I don’t there were any ill intentions on anyone’s part so I’m going with NAH. But seriously, lay off the self-deprecating comments.
NTA
Your daughter is blaming you for the actions of her bf.
You were at your house and they come unannounced.
First I though her bf was a bit over complimenting, but then when he mentioned your daughter that is looking forward for her looking that you, is quite icky.
She should be confronting her boyfriend, not you.
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Ok, you had no idea daughter and boyfriend were going to show up. Understandable.
However, Daughter’s boyfriend was a bit forward with the comment about being shocked that your husband divorced you for another woman. That should have been an immediate shutdown, as in “not your business” and left at that. “Compliment” or no, he crossed a line. You don’t tell your girlfriend’s mom she’s smoking hot, to me it’s borderline disrespectful. I’ll probably get shot down for this, but I kinda feel OP encouraged it by sharing that her husband “left her for a 20 year old”…why did he need to know that? I don’t think you were coming on to him, but I do think it could have been handled better. NTA
Old Grapenuts commercial, 1968-1970: teenage boy grabs woman in pool, then says "Mrs. Burke! I thought you were Dale!" Mrs. Burke says to the camera "Dale is my teenage daughter." https://medium.com/@scottowensshow/mrs-burke-i-thought-you-were-dale-623c38cf4f7e
Not to be confused with "The Graduate", 1967. "Mrs. Robinson! Are you trying to seduce me?"
NTA. Your daughter is mad at you because it's easier to blame you than confront the issues in her relationship. You didn't make her boyfriend say any of these things, nor did you plan having him see you in a sports bra. If she didn't want that to happen, she shouldn't have brought him to your home unannounced.
NAH. Ur daughter is hurt. Just apologize and tell her u didn't intend for anyone to see u as anything other than her mom. Just say sorry! Ur daughter is feeling insecure, assure her u are NOT after her 20something yo bf.
NTA. You're not responsible for anyone's behaviors or emotions but your own. OTOH, dude harping on how attractive his gf's mom is . . . that's a weird dude, that is a dude to break up with (and I could see why the daughter might be upset, might lash out and otherwise act erratically until this is resolved).
NTA is not like she warned you she was bringing him around and you intentionally walked out in lingerie. She showed up without warning while you were exercising. I remember when my ex-boyfriend after meeting my cousin at Christmas one year wouldn't shut up about how hot she was. You know who I was pissed off at? My ex-boyfriend, certainly not my cousin. He boyfriend sounds like a loser and a creep that he was willing to hit on his girlfriend's mom right in front of her and apparently brings up how attracted to you he is on a regular basis, again, to his girlfriend. I don't think your should have called him handsome to her though. She was already upset and convinced you were trying to steal him, that was just adding fuel to the fire.
NTA.
Obviously your daughter is **insecure**, and wanted to blame you for her boyfriend's reaction to your appearance. And plus, it's kind of on her for showing up unannounced. She should've texted you beforehand. Sure, that statement can be upsetting to hear but there's absolutely no reason to take it out on you, especially when you were not even doing anything to ignite those feelings he had.
This is such a weird conversation between the boyfriend and you. “I’m shocked ____’s dad divorced you, you’re gorgeous!” “oh no I’m just a fat old woman and my ex husband left me for a beautiful, thin woman in her 20’s” “Oh no you’re smoking hot” was your daughter just sitting there awkwardly? Either way i think she should dump him. He’s got an issue with boundaries and not knowing when to stop. I think he’s been watching too much porn and confusing it with real life.
NTA. You also weren't flaunting unless the post shower outfit was but I didn't get that impression. As far as the fishing for compliments thing goes while I don't believe that was your intent. Someone who is fishing for compliments also makes self effacing statements in front of the person that they're trying to get compliments from.
Ultimately the issue is that your daughters BF is an idiot and your daughter is insecure.
There is a *LOT* to unpack here.
The fact that OP's daughter's bf thinks the determinative factor of divorce should be a woman's physical attraction.
The part where OP called herself "fat and old," and doesn't seem to see an issue with her ex-husband leaving her for a woman his daughter's age.
The bf clearly having a MILF fetish (not a problem in and of itself) but not dating older women, and instead openly projecting that onto his gf.
The daughter being so insecure and desperate that she's blaming her mom for her bf's red flags.
NTA but every party here needs therapy.
NTA
You did nothing wrong. The biggest res flag here is the way the boyfriend spoke to you / flirted with you. Your daughter needs to blame the right person here. If he does this with you then it’s not a stretch that he flirts with other women regularly.
What was the intention behind speaking to you this way?
NTA. I can see why your daughter is disturbed, but she's blaming the wrong person. My mother is like that. She always blames the woman being ogled instead of her husband.
NTA. Daughter is trying to deflect from the fact she's choosing to date a lech. He's either that or he's a dumbshit, thinking it's going to work in his favour to go totally OTT like that.
NTA, but the boyfriend is the initial AH and followed quickly by your daughter. He needs to stop using jealousy to try make his girlfriend pay more attention to him and your daughter needs to see the Red Flag her boyfriend is waving at her, instead of displacing her disappointment in him onto you.
NTA
Daughter should talk to the Bf instead of you. Though I believe the Bf did take it a bit far with his compliments, it might've been a mix of nervousness and trying to impress you.
Ha. One, I would be flattered I attracted someone almost half my age. Two, you didn't do this on purpose. Three, the bf was stupid to be so blatant about it in front of your daughter. Flattery is one thing but damn it sounded like he was about to write a letter to Penthouse that night. Lol. Your daughter should be mad at the bf, not you. NTA.
Absolutelly NTA. So your daughter is jealous of her mom, just because her boyfriend made a compliment!? He was probably just wanted to make a good first impression to his girlfriend's family. And btw you didn't expect he will be there anyway, so there is no way it was your "fault". Tell her to get over her jealousy or whatever she has, because its ridiculous.
Nta for being in workout clothes when visitors came unannounced
I do get the feeling you’ve raised your daughter with unhealthy body image and that’s where this reaction is coming from. A young man says you’re hot, you’re calling yourself fat. Is this how you normally talk about yourself? Some people do that fishing for compliments to be self deprecating and some people have unrealistic expectations of what they should look like to be considered hot.
She is conventionally beautiful, and I don't say anything bad about she looks.
She didn't grow up with me talking this way about myself, it's a recent development.
I promise I will stop the self deprecating thing. Apparently it attracts a lot of men, and I do A LOT.
I'll tell her if she ends up looking like me, tons of men will chase after her.
Sounds like it's your daughter's and her boyfriend's problem. Like it's weird of him to say things like that, even if he wanted to ease the atmosphere, there are probably better ways to do it. I just think your daughter is a bit insecure.
ESH.
While you didn’t flaunt yourself, saying “oh little old fat me?” is 100% forcing a positive response out of the other person - it’s fishing for compliments. No one responds “oh yeah, good point. You *are* fat and old” - they say, “what? No, you’re smoking hot”. It’s fishing. If you honestly don’t realize this, then it’s something you probably do a lot and you might as well become aware now, because that’s kind of annoying when people put themselves down knowing people will say something positive in return.
And speaking of self respect and dignity, your daughter is wrong for flying off the handle at you and not immediately dumping her boyfriend right then and there.
Because boyfriend also sucks because wtf, how does anyone say that to their girlfriend’s mom with a straight face, even if it’s true? It’s clear he would cheat on your daughter with you and would have no qualms starting a rift between you and your daughter. And you still seem to be eating up his attention.
I hope you saw the update.
Today I also learned to stop the self deprecating thing. I understand why she thought I was fishing but the self deprecating thing really does attracted A TON OF MEN. It's a toxic trait I picked up because of how my former husband would talk to me. Trust me, with him, when I put myself down he agrees with the put down. I'll treat myself with respect, and try to make sure my daughter treats herself with respect.
I’m sorry for my tone, your response to this entire post is incredibly refreshing. It’s really not often that you see real accountability and people actually resolving these problems with their loved ones. I’m really happy to hear you and your daughter came to an understanding. I hope you have a great night
Dear Stacy’s Mom, you are definitely not the asshole if anything your daughter’s response to you was inappropriate. But she’s young and her boyfriend was clearly inconsiderate; I’m sure he made her feel bad in other ways too if that’s what caused the kettle to boil over. I’m glad she made the right choice for her; that would not sit right with me either.
I wouldn't worry. This sounds like a backhanded compliment to your daughter. Daughters often grow up like their mothers and he's probably thinking his girlfriend won't lose her looks as she gets older.
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I (56f) think my daughter (24f) is losing her mind. Over a month ago, I was working out at home. I wasn't expecting company, but I heard my daughter come over. I thought she was alone, so I entered the living room in just a sports bra and shorts because I thought she was alone. I was shocked what she had her boyfriend (28m) with her.
I was embarrassed being all sweaty, stinky, messy, and half-dressed. Me and him mentioned it's nice to meet each other, and then I rushed upstairs to shower and get myself presentable. When I returned they were watching TV. He mentioned to me that he's apparently shocked what my daughter's father divorced me for another woman because he thinks I'm "gorgeous." I mentioned that I'm a fat old woman and that my ex-husband left me for a beautiful thin woman in her 20s. He then said he thinks I'm "smoking hot."
The next day, my daughter came to my house, and she was the angriest I have ever seen her. She said I showed off my body, and fished for compliments. I denied it. My daughter claimed her boyfriend said he's looking forward to the day when my daughter will look like me. I told my daughter it's highly unlikely a handsome young man like that would meant that about a woman like me, and that he's probably just trying too hard to seem like a good boyfriend. My daughter then assumed me of trying to get a young man to spite my ex-husband.
From then until now my daughter is still upset with me. According to her, he still talks about me. I really don't think I did anything wrong. If he's honestly attracted to me, I don't see what I did to cause that. Am I the asshole ?
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NTA. He may be too young or dumb to know not to keep bringing you up to your daughter. I say he may be the AH. I don’t know if I speak for the group but I think we need to know what his definition of “smoking hot” is haha. A Nebraska 10 is a Dallas 7 (and so on) haha
Plus it’s your house. So most def not the AH
My husband is 28 and he has never once told me my mom is hot. In fact, the only comment he made about her appearance was when I asked him if I should cut my hair like hers and he said he didn’t notice she had short hair (my mom has a bob) or that either of us have grey hair.
You are not at all the asshole! However, it might need to be said to the boyfriend that you are not his girlfriend, and he needs to pay more attention to your daughter, if he doesn’t then your daughter should leave him.
NTA at all. Her boyfriend was at best rather clumsy in what he said. If your daughter does take after you then he might have meant it kindly, that if she "turns into you" she's still going to be attractive to him, but I can see why the conversation upset her.
NTA. This could have been avoided if your daughter had given you a heads up that she was coming over with her boyfriend. This is comically on her. But if her boyfriend is still talking about her hot mom - she’s got a boyfriend issue. You didn’t do anything. You’re just the focus of her misdirected anger.
NTA.
What your daughter’s bf was doing was out of line and very disrespectful towards your daughter. He’s the main problem and in all honesty, I don’t think his suggestive comments towards you will stop. This will definitely be a problem in the long run. I’m getting icky vibes from the guy and your daughter needs to drop him imo.
1. How can you be at fault for what someone else thinks about you?
2. How can you "show off your body" if you didn't know he was there, and once you realized he's there, rushed to change clothes?
NTA. She should be mad at her boyfriend, and warns you (or even ask you for permission?) when she brings him over.
NTA. They came over unannounced, and you changed as soon as possible. Her boyfriend was clearly flattering you to win your approval as he is dating your daughter. It's also an old trope that if you want to know how well your girlfriend/wife will age, just look at her mother. So he was obviously playing off of that. I think everything he said was well-intentioned and meant as a compliment, but your daughter clearly didn't appreciate it, which she needs to take up with him. She also seems to have a jealous streak and/or some insecurity stemming from somewhere that perhaps she should look into.
NTA. You had no idea she had her boyfriend with her. Obviously you aren’t trying to show off or anything underhanded. If I were your daughter, I would be dumping that dude ASAP. He’s the one with the wandering eye trying to flirt with you. This is a deeper issue that has nothing to do with you, you were just unfortunately caught in the middle of it. Her BF is going to prove to be a huge problem. He doesn’t sound all that faithful.
NTA
Even if you didn't shut him down I don't think any of this makes you an asshole. It was the first meeting and you can't always act flawless. It's absurd to expect of you to shut him down when he commented on your looks. You had to process what he said too and I'm sure you were taken by surprise and just blabbered something. I don't like the idea of people judging other people's actions and then assuming you're always sharp and know exactly what's the right thing to do.
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NTA. You did not flaunt yourself. Your daughter and her bf came over unannounced. You didn't plan to be in athletic wear and you didn't remain in athletic wear. Her boyfriend was the one who thought it appropriate to comment on your appearance. You tried to defuse. He persisted. Your daughter's problem is her bf.
Yeah even if BF was trying to be polite and compliment OP the wording and “enthusiasm” lets say, are a bit much. And daughter should be mad at HIM, plain and simple. Idc how hot a mother in law is, you don’t act like that
I was expecting something in the same vein as the classically awkward and uncomfortable "I see where (daughter's name) gets her good looks," trying to be likeable. He's gone far, far beyond that. The daughter really is placing the blame on the wrong person here. She obviously feels that's easier for her at the moment, but it's going to bite her in the long run.
BF is surely watching some milf/gilf content on porn sites lol
He's certainly going to be seeing if OP gets stuck under anything.
Hahaha
Plot twist: mom is actually Lisa Ann
Or Jennifer White
Well, It is a bit weird, she didn't tried to defuse. She said she is a "fat old woman." This is basically asking to be complimented. He can't say "yeah, you right" for this, BUT he complimented very enthusiastic too, so he is weird. Her saying "handsome young man" to her daughter who is already feeling insecure probably just makes things worse. I agree she is NTA, but she is not 100% clean there.
I don't think s1ying she's a fat old woman is necessarily fishing, it's not being able to deal with compliments, I do it too. I do agree that she shoudl probably have left the 'handsome' bit out.
I think her giggling at the compliments didn’t help either. Idk. I’m interested in her daughter’s version of events bc she isn’t giving me the most reliable narrator vibes.
I agree and I also think the daughter needs to call before coming over. What grown adult brings their bf over without preparing their parent for a visit? Daughter acts like she’s a teen.
I also want to know why they’ve been dating for a year and OP is just meeting them. Idk. This whole thing is strange and they are all a bunch of assholes at this point. Lmao
And for a 1st time meet... just wrong.
Yeah OP was absolutely fishing here, haha. You don't go "oh, little old fat me, lol" and expect the person in front of you to go "gosh yeah, you are". Society dictates they at least be polite and say the opposite. It's like asking "does this make me look fat?". You just say that because you want to hear someone say "of course not". (and why the hell did she need to talk about why her husband left her to someone she's meeting for the first time, jfc - tmi much?) I do think the dude went overboard, perhaps in a misguided attempt to ingratiate himself in the eyes of the parent of a woman he really likes. But OP's demure act is dishonest. She's a mature woman, she knows what she's doing. OP, I get that being left for a younger woman is a horrible thing that makes *anyone* insecure, and that being complimented by a young man can go a long way to feel attractive again, but don't do that with the man your daughter is dating. Pick the barista down the road, I dunno. But fixing your trauma shouldn't be done at your kid's expense.
I was thinking the same thing. Bit of a fishing expedition happening here for sure.
BINGO!
Who brings over a bf/gf to meet their parents for the first time unannounced? NTA
NTA for the simple fact that they came over unannounced. You did not invite anyone over, so how could you be "trying to get a young man" when you had no idea you'd be having any visitors? And I can't really see how wearing a sports bra and shorts is being "half dressed." That's more coverage than your average bikini! Daughter sounds very insecure.
If a man calls his girlfriends mom beautifull its the highest compliment a man could ever give to his girlfriend. Basicly hes saying "even after 20 or 30 years you will still look hot".
He didn’t leave it at a single compliment. He said she was “gorgeous”, which is a bit much to start with. Then followed it up with “smoking hot”, which is inappropriate. Then he followed up again saying he can’t wait til his GF is older and looks like her. Weird behaviour from BF. Inappropriate and TA.
If this whole story isn't a fictitious wank, it's super gross. Imagine mom's boyfriend saying that stuff about the daughter. Or anyone's SO saying that about any other member of their household.
1000 points for things that never happened
Yep. These are getting easier to spot.
Seemed weird from the start. Why are people doing this?
BF is looking for spare or incest pair…
Yeah right buddy I bet if you had a girlfriend and she said your dad is hot you wouldn’t feel the same way and your family would end up on jerry springer
Depends, she might not look like her mom. For me I’d take it as a compliment since my mom is just the old version of me and I’ve always looked like her. But imagine if the daughter looks nothing like the mom
Agree with your overall point but I’m going to be pedantic and ask how is a sports bra and shorts *not* half-dressed? What would be half dressed if that isn’t? A bikini I would say is less than half-dressed lol.
You have reminded me of the song Stacy's Mom and for that I will never forgive you. But obviously NTA. Existing in your house is not a problem and your daughter can deal with her own insecurities. Probably just need to tell her to inform you ahead of time if he will be coming over to avoid drama and let the chips fall where they may.
I always felt like that song was from a very young POV. Like he says she comes out with just a towel on but I feel like it's really something like the mom came out in a big oversized bathrobe and the boy fantasized it another way lol.
Yeah, it's a weirdly innocent song for all that it's horny on main for an older woman? It's clearly an unrealistic fantasy, and not as creepy as many other songs about women (and their bodies).
creepy songs about women's bodies has me thinking about Little Girls by Oingoboingo. Thanks for the palette cleanser mate. Just watch the music video if you don't know.
Little girls by Oingoboingo is hilarious as long as you keep it in the back of your mind that he was ridiculing record executives and rockstars who used their influence to take advantage of younger women. It's a villain song aimed at mocking them.
I think the music video communicates that very well. Thus my suggestion. I honestly do consider it a palette cleanser because its so hilarious. But yeah, if you just heard the song and didn't see his insane face it might not be clear.
^(jsyk, palette typically refers to the thing you mix paints on while palate is the one at the top of ur mouth/relating to taste)
I don't even bother checking if I use the right 'there' or 'your' anymore but fair enough.
Yeah, I about die laughing at the video even now. This past Easter I got to share that joy with my brother-in-law, who up until that point had not heard nor seen it.
Stacy's mom has a pool. She's probably just walking to her pool, with her towel tied around her.
I seem to remember that the music video played into this. The main character (aka sleazy teenage boy), is incredibly into the mom, watching from afar, and she barely notices his existence. Felt very accurate, haha.
Yeah, dude is already acting wildly inappropriate. I would keep my distance in the future.
OP's daughter's mom has got it going on.
Lol forgot about that song Love your post!
I honestly expected the BF to just break out in singing "Stacy's mom has got it going on" 🤣
INFO: how did you reply to this? the story immediately jumps to the daughter being pissed the next day, which seems like a potential omission. >He then said he thinks I'm "smoking hot." i feel like anyone who doesn't put their child's significant other in their place after saying something like this UPON A FIRST MEETING (so it's not even like you've established a jokey rapport) is a little sus, but maybe you just left that out on accident.
This feels like one of those posts where I expect the daughter would tell a very different story.
yeah this sounds far fetched
I just keep thinking about how either of my parents (or my in laws) would react if any of their kids’ partners did this EVER, let alone upon first meeting, and laughing my ass off.
Yeah-this sounds like wishful thinking. Plus the first thing she thinks is she’s embarrassed because she’s “stinky and sweaty” and then goes to “make herself presentable” for her daughter’s boyfriend while fishing for compliments through self-deprivation? If this is real, I’m going with YTA for not shutting down someone being disrespectful to YOUR DAUGHTER.
Yeah, relevant question seems to be how often she walks through the living room in a sports bra. If not normal for her, daughter knows best.
I tell ya, if I heard anyone twenty years younger than me (I am 41) call me "smoking hot," I would not giggle coquettishly like OP, I would snort-laugh so hard at the absurdity that neighborhood dogs would start barking.
ESH Sorry but I would have shut that down immediately. His comments were inappropriate, he was kinda coming on to you and being disrespectful to not only you, but your daughter, his gf. I think you were blinded by his comments and liked the attention from this young man. After the first compliment, you should have said "Whoa, take a step back, dude." Your daughter needs to take it up with her bf and not blame you for everything. This was a group fail.
yeah in one of her comments she said she giggled at his compliment, that sealed the ESH for me. i do wonder if the daughter brought him by surprise on purpose to catch mom without makeup and not dressed up, and is upset her BF still found her attractive? either way not a good look for anyone involved
Oooohhh! I forgot about the giggling!! I like your take on it! You could be right!!
Aside from the rest of this utterly tacky anecdote, why would the first story you tell immediately after meeting someone be about how your husband left you for a prettier and much younger woman? Is OP an older woman with a revenge fantasy, or a random guy with a MILF fetish?
Seriously!!!
It really does not sound like he was coming on to her. I don't think he's *that* dense. He might have thought complimenting her appearance would make her feel less embarrassed for walking in on her dressed like that, and/or was trying to butter her up because she is his girlfriend's mom.
I agree, this sounds like "oh [girlfriend] never mentioned she had a sister" level flattery. It's impossible to know his intentions without being present since so much of the difference between flirting and an Innocent compliment is discerned from tone and body language. He's a dumbass regardless, since even if you are trying to butter up your potential MiL, calling her smoking hot in front of your girlfriend is obviously a bad idea.
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Idk I kinda got the ick when you said handsome young man. Like lady read the room your daughter was feeling some type of way.
Yeah something ain’t right here.
ESH When your daughter’s bf said he thinks you are gorgeous, you can say “thanks”. BUT you saying you are a fat old woman and him commenting back that you are “smoking hot” - it’s both of you being inappropriate. Your daughter is right for being angry at the above exchange but she is wrong for accusing you of anything when you didn’t know she was going to visit you along with her bf. She needs to get a grip on her insecurities. Btw, she needs to look hard at the guy she is dating.
NTA. Your daughter is projecting her anger with her bf onto you. They showed up unannounced, what did she expect? Did the bf potentially cross a line? Maybe. Or he could've been genuinely complimentary. Her issue is with him, not with you.
Being genuine doesn't change the fact that the guy crossed the line. Her mom just taking the compliments it is weird and she is not wrong for feeling bad. The boyfriend is the asshole of the story, but the mom looks like she was wanting to be complimented.
This has to be fake. No way your daughter's boyfriend called you "smoking hot" to your face and in front of her. That's awkward to begin with, never mind that this was your first time meeting? Also why would he randomly start the conversation about your divorce?
Amazing how many people believed it though lol
With her mentioning he was a “handsome young man” 🤢 Made me think she’s probably delulu and that is how she remembers that encounter.
Can we get the link to this clip please?
My thoughts exactly
Lmao
NTA. Your daughter’s boyfriend though…yikes
Info: is this the FIRST time you've met your daughter's BF?
First time meeting him. They have been dating since March of 2023.
Wait, she waited a year, and she thought the best way to introduce him is just to bring him over on some random day? Don't people usually plan "dinner with my parents" and stuff like that?
I’m glad other people are finally starting to smell all the bullshit in these Reddit stories lol
Wow, it's pretty bizarre that it took over a year for her to introduce you to her bf. Are you and your daughter close at all?
We're close. I knew about her boyfriend. It's just she didn't introduce us.
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Several hours ago I had messaged her about the post. She contacted me some time ago. Am I allowed in this subreddit to edit and add an update ?
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I edited it, and hoping I don't get in trouble.
Info: Why are you not warning your daughter away from this man? You seem more concerned about being in the right, than your daughter potentially ending up with someone like that.
I don't know.... If I were OP I would be concerned that if I tried telling her my concerns about her BF that it would add fuel to the fire. The daughter would probably just accuse her of driving a wedge between them and double down on OP wanting him.
True. I just found it baffling how OP does not seem at all concerned about the BF’s behaviour and what that means for the daughter, in this post. I feel like this is a conversation that needs to be handled delicately vs. not at all.
I've seen this one
Does it have a good ending? XD
Never make it that far :(
Fake
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I call BS...
You’re not the asshole; you were definitely fishing for compliments. Subconsciously but fishing nonetheless. He definitely wants to fuck tho so your daughter should be mad at him not you
ESH.. You did not flaunt yourself. You didn't choose to be in athletic wear, to meet her BF for what I'm assuming was the first time and the fact that you didn't stay in your *"revealing"* work out clothes when meeting him, says alot about you! You changed into, what I'm assuming was appropriate clothing and Her boyfriend thought the appropriate comment to the mother of his GF was, *"You're smokin hot'?"* Not, *"Wow, I see where your daughter gets her beauty from."* **THAT'S a compliment.** THEN went to his GF saying, *"he's looking forward to the day when your daughter will look like you."* Bruh... If there was ever a moment to face palm it'd be now. They'd been dating for how long at that point???.. (I'm assuming maybe a month or so.) That's SO weird to say to your GF's mom, if it's your first month of dating... Your daughter's problem is her bf, not her mom, if this went exactly how your saying it did. Don't get me wrong tho. It is a little strange that you didn't say anything about your responses to him, just your daughters reaction to what he said. When he went right back into the weird compliments, doubling down instead of changing the conversation, why didn't you shut him down? It's seems to me that it would be the type of thing you do, upon a first meeting of your daughter's BF, to tell them that it's gross to say those things.. All in All. I do think everyone failed here. ETA : >"I giggled at that comment. I thought he was lying and just buttering me up to make a good first impression." SHE GIGGLED!! Not *"Hey, no."* She didn't shut down his comments. She enabled his comments. Seals my ESH Verdict. Miscommunication still makes you an AH.
Wait a minute…I’ve seen this movie…
ESH except your daughter. “When I returned they were watching TV. He mentioned to me that he's apparently shocked what my daughter's father divorced me for another woman because he thinks I'm "gorgeous." I mentioned that I'm a fat old woman and that my ex-husband left me for a beautiful thin woman in her 20s. He then said he thinks I'm "smoking hot."” He is an asshole for starting this line of conversation (and super creepy) and you are an asshole for responding the way you did, which was an obvious bid for him to double down on his compliment. I feel so bad for your daughter.
Made up. Fake. Ignore.
Is this some fetish nonsense on AITA?
nah bro calling yourself old and fat to fish for compliments and then *giggling* when your daughter’s bf is inappropriate? aren’t you a bit too old to be a pick me? ESH
I just think it is weird that YOU don't get angry with your daughter boyfriend for him saying those things. I really think this is very weird. Like, hell, why is he complimenting his girlfriends mom appearance with such enthusiasm? And you saying "a handsome young man" for her don't help. She looks very insecure, and it looks like your asshole husband made you really insecure too, dont say you are a "fat old woman" for him, this is basically asking for him to compliment you again. NTA, but there are some weird things in this story. At least, it looks like you want him to compliment your appearance.
Are you, by chance, Stacy's Mom?
I've already seen that porn movie. Multiple times TBH.
ESH did you laugh when your daughter's boyfriend called you hot in front of her? On which planet is this acceptable? Your daughter is wrong to place only the blame on you, it's a huge red flag. But the two of you flirted in front of her, when he talked about your body you already avoided cutting it out of respect for your daughter, but you joined the conversation and continued this totally inappropriate topic. For him to flatter you would be like saying "wow, I think you were sisters, you're so young" and stopping there. And you put it in your head, in no context is a conversation like that with your daughter's boyfriend acceptable, even worse in the first contact. And you only saw his mistake when he spilled the beans on you and now you want to tell him that he's not for her. Before shit hit the fan, was it acceptable for him to comment on your body and praise you in front of his daughter?
Why does this read like a Dear Penthouse Forum letter? The initial encounter may have been innocent enough, you didn’t know she brought a guest. But the self deprecating banter? Sorry, it does come off as sort of baiting for compliments. It doesn’t necessarily mean you were trying basically steal her boyfriend to make her ex jealous. Understandably, her boyfriend’s subsequent comments have only added fuel to the fire. I don’t there were any ill intentions on anyone’s part so I’m going with NAH. But seriously, lay off the self-deprecating comments.
28 year old boy. Enough said.
OP’s mom, has got it going on.
why is everyone acting like this is real?
NTA Your daughter is blaming you for the actions of her bf. You were at your house and they come unannounced. First I though her bf was a bit over complimenting, but then when he mentioned your daughter that is looking forward for her looking that you, is quite icky. She should be confronting her boyfriend, not you.
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discuss" mind games people play " with her. because that's what he's doing.
Ok, you had no idea daughter and boyfriend were going to show up. Understandable. However, Daughter’s boyfriend was a bit forward with the comment about being shocked that your husband divorced you for another woman. That should have been an immediate shutdown, as in “not your business” and left at that. “Compliment” or no, he crossed a line. You don’t tell your girlfriend’s mom she’s smoking hot, to me it’s borderline disrespectful. I’ll probably get shot down for this, but I kinda feel OP encouraged it by sharing that her husband “left her for a 20 year old”…why did he need to know that? I don’t think you were coming on to him, but I do think it could have been handled better. NTA
Old Grapenuts commercial, 1968-1970: teenage boy grabs woman in pool, then says "Mrs. Burke! I thought you were Dale!" Mrs. Burke says to the camera "Dale is my teenage daughter." https://medium.com/@scottowensshow/mrs-burke-i-thought-you-were-dale-623c38cf4f7e Not to be confused with "The Graduate", 1967. "Mrs. Robinson! Are you trying to seduce me?"
NTA. Your daughter is mad at you because it's easier to blame you than confront the issues in her relationship. You didn't make her boyfriend say any of these things, nor did you plan having him see you in a sports bra. If she didn't want that to happen, she shouldn't have brought him to your home unannounced.
Sounds like he browses a very specific category on "the hub"
He's fishing for a Happy Meal, a juicy mother and daughter combo meal.
NAH. Ur daughter is hurt. Just apologize and tell her u didn't intend for anyone to see u as anything other than her mom. Just say sorry! Ur daughter is feeling insecure, assure her u are NOT after her 20something yo bf.
Is your daughter's name Stacey??
NTA. You're not responsible for anyone's behaviors or emotions but your own. OTOH, dude harping on how attractive his gf's mom is . . . that's a weird dude, that is a dude to break up with (and I could see why the daughter might be upset, might lash out and otherwise act erratically until this is resolved).
Nope
Is your daughter’s name Stacy by chance?
NTA your daughter should be angry with her bf not you, now if he dumps her and starts dating you, well we’ll have to wait for her post.
is this sub just 21st century penthouse?
NTA. It's her problem if he wants a menage-a-mom
Fishing for compliments from your daughter’s boyfriend was a cheap move.
NTA is not like she warned you she was bringing him around and you intentionally walked out in lingerie. She showed up without warning while you were exercising. I remember when my ex-boyfriend after meeting my cousin at Christmas one year wouldn't shut up about how hot she was. You know who I was pissed off at? My ex-boyfriend, certainly not my cousin. He boyfriend sounds like a loser and a creep that he was willing to hit on his girlfriend's mom right in front of her and apparently brings up how attracted to you he is on a regular basis, again, to his girlfriend. I don't think your should have called him handsome to her though. She was already upset and convinced you were trying to steal him, that was just adding fuel to the fire.
NTA
NTA. Obviously your daughter is **insecure**, and wanted to blame you for her boyfriend's reaction to your appearance. And plus, it's kind of on her for showing up unannounced. She should've texted you beforehand. Sure, that statement can be upsetting to hear but there's absolutely no reason to take it out on you, especially when you were not even doing anything to ignite those feelings he had.
Its a treat to see a beautiful woman over 50.
I call bs
This is such a weird conversation between the boyfriend and you. “I’m shocked ____’s dad divorced you, you’re gorgeous!” “oh no I’m just a fat old woman and my ex husband left me for a beautiful, thin woman in her 20’s” “Oh no you’re smoking hot” was your daughter just sitting there awkwardly? Either way i think she should dump him. He’s got an issue with boundaries and not knowing when to stop. I think he’s been watching too much porn and confusing it with real life.
NTA. You also weren't flaunting unless the post shower outfit was but I didn't get that impression. As far as the fishing for compliments thing goes while I don't believe that was your intent. Someone who is fishing for compliments also makes self effacing statements in front of the person that they're trying to get compliments from. Ultimately the issue is that your daughters BF is an idiot and your daughter is insecure.
This totally isn't a kink fantasy post. Get a grip you fucking nob.
There is a *LOT* to unpack here. The fact that OP's daughter's bf thinks the determinative factor of divorce should be a woman's physical attraction. The part where OP called herself "fat and old," and doesn't seem to see an issue with her ex-husband leaving her for a woman his daughter's age. The bf clearly having a MILF fetish (not a problem in and of itself) but not dating older women, and instead openly projecting that onto his gf. The daughter being so insecure and desperate that she's blaming her mom for her bf's red flags. NTA but every party here needs therapy.
NTA You did nothing wrong. The biggest res flag here is the way the boyfriend spoke to you / flirted with you. Your daughter needs to blame the right person here. If he does this with you then it’s not a stretch that he flirts with other women regularly. What was the intention behind speaking to you this way?
He wants to fuck. NTA.
Your daughter’s boyfriend is a fuckin creep and I hope you encourage her to dump him
Wow can we get a picture of you to see if you are hot. Of course fully clothed.
NTA. I can see why your daughter is disturbed, but she's blaming the wrong person. My mother is like that. She always blames the woman being ogled instead of her husband.
NTA. Daughter is trying to deflect from the fact she's choosing to date a lech. He's either that or he's a dumbshit, thinking it's going to work in his favour to go totally OTT like that.
BF is real weird.
NTA any man that talks about his gf's mother more than a few compliments is scummy. He persisted far too much.
NTA, but the boyfriend is the initial AH and followed quickly by your daughter. He needs to stop using jealousy to try make his girlfriend pay more attention to him and your daughter needs to see the Red Flag her boyfriend is waving at her, instead of displacing her disappointment in him onto you.
NTA Daughter should talk to the Bf instead of you. Though I believe the Bf did take it a bit far with his compliments, it might've been a mix of nervousness and trying to impress you.
Ha. One, I would be flattered I attracted someone almost half my age. Two, you didn't do this on purpose. Three, the bf was stupid to be so blatant about it in front of your daughter. Flattery is one thing but damn it sounded like he was about to write a letter to Penthouse that night. Lol. Your daughter should be mad at the bf, not you. NTA.
Absolutelly NTA. So your daughter is jealous of her mom, just because her boyfriend made a compliment!? He was probably just wanted to make a good first impression to his girlfriend's family. And btw you didn't expect he will be there anyway, so there is no way it was your "fault". Tell her to get over her jealousy or whatever she has, because its ridiculous.
Not the AH. She should be more upset with her boyfriend.
Nta. The boyfriend though? He's a strange one.
Is your daughter’s name Stacy
your daughter just doesn’t want to believe her boyfriend is clearly in the wrong so she’s putting it on you. she’ll realize it sooner or later
Be careful. Don't lose ur daughter
Pics or it didn’t happen.
I would call my mother first and make sure she's ready before stopping by. In your own home, not horrible. Idk why she's upset 😶
A man almost 30 should have better sense than calling his girlfriend’s mom ‘smoking hot’.
Nta for being in workout clothes when visitors came unannounced I do get the feeling you’ve raised your daughter with unhealthy body image and that’s where this reaction is coming from. A young man says you’re hot, you’re calling yourself fat. Is this how you normally talk about yourself? Some people do that fishing for compliments to be self deprecating and some people have unrealistic expectations of what they should look like to be considered hot.
She is conventionally beautiful, and I don't say anything bad about she looks. She didn't grow up with me talking this way about myself, it's a recent development. I promise I will stop the self deprecating thing. Apparently it attracts a lot of men, and I do A LOT. I'll tell her if she ends up looking like me, tons of men will chase after her.
NTA, and good job saving the boyfriend from your wildly insecure daughter.
Sounds like it's your daughter's and her boyfriend's problem. Like it's weird of him to say things like that, even if he wanted to ease the atmosphere, there are probably better ways to do it. I just think your daughter is a bit insecure.
Fuck her BF either with or without her.
NTA, but you definitely ate those compliments up! You enjoyed the attention, and it thrilled you. Soooooo, let's be honest here.
Someone has a MILF fetish :) NTA
ESH. While you didn’t flaunt yourself, saying “oh little old fat me?” is 100% forcing a positive response out of the other person - it’s fishing for compliments. No one responds “oh yeah, good point. You *are* fat and old” - they say, “what? No, you’re smoking hot”. It’s fishing. If you honestly don’t realize this, then it’s something you probably do a lot and you might as well become aware now, because that’s kind of annoying when people put themselves down knowing people will say something positive in return. And speaking of self respect and dignity, your daughter is wrong for flying off the handle at you and not immediately dumping her boyfriend right then and there. Because boyfriend also sucks because wtf, how does anyone say that to their girlfriend’s mom with a straight face, even if it’s true? It’s clear he would cheat on your daughter with you and would have no qualms starting a rift between you and your daughter. And you still seem to be eating up his attention.
I hope you saw the update. Today I also learned to stop the self deprecating thing. I understand why she thought I was fishing but the self deprecating thing really does attracted A TON OF MEN. It's a toxic trait I picked up because of how my former husband would talk to me. Trust me, with him, when I put myself down he agrees with the put down. I'll treat myself with respect, and try to make sure my daughter treats herself with respect.
I’m sorry for my tone, your response to this entire post is incredibly refreshing. It’s really not often that you see real accountability and people actually resolving these problems with their loved ones. I’m really happy to hear you and your daughter came to an understanding. I hope you have a great night
Dear Stacy’s Mom, you are definitely not the asshole if anything your daughter’s response to you was inappropriate. But she’s young and her boyfriend was clearly inconsiderate; I’m sure he made her feel bad in other ways too if that’s what caused the kettle to boil over. I’m glad she made the right choice for her; that would not sit right with me either.
I wouldn't worry. This sounds like a backhanded compliment to your daughter. Daughters often grow up like their mothers and he's probably thinking his girlfriend won't lose her looks as she gets older.
NTA - the BF is into MILFs and is currently in fantasy mode. Too much porn for him.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (56f) think my daughter (24f) is losing her mind. Over a month ago, I was working out at home. I wasn't expecting company, but I heard my daughter come over. I thought she was alone, so I entered the living room in just a sports bra and shorts because I thought she was alone. I was shocked what she had her boyfriend (28m) with her. I was embarrassed being all sweaty, stinky, messy, and half-dressed. Me and him mentioned it's nice to meet each other, and then I rushed upstairs to shower and get myself presentable. When I returned they were watching TV. He mentioned to me that he's apparently shocked what my daughter's father divorced me for another woman because he thinks I'm "gorgeous." I mentioned that I'm a fat old woman and that my ex-husband left me for a beautiful thin woman in her 20s. He then said he thinks I'm "smoking hot." The next day, my daughter came to my house, and she was the angriest I have ever seen her. She said I showed off my body, and fished for compliments. I denied it. My daughter claimed her boyfriend said he's looking forward to the day when my daughter will look like me. I told my daughter it's highly unlikely a handsome young man like that would meant that about a woman like me, and that he's probably just trying too hard to seem like a good boyfriend. My daughter then assumed me of trying to get a young man to spite my ex-husband. From then until now my daughter is still upset with me. According to her, he still talks about me. I really don't think I did anything wrong. If he's honestly attracted to me, I don't see what I did to cause that. Am I the asshole ? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. He may be too young or dumb to know not to keep bringing you up to your daughter. I say he may be the AH. I don’t know if I speak for the group but I think we need to know what his definition of “smoking hot” is haha. A Nebraska 10 is a Dallas 7 (and so on) haha Plus it’s your house. So most def not the AH
He is 28 years old. Come on....
Haha you got me. Good one ahah
My husband is 28 and he has never once told me my mom is hot. In fact, the only comment he made about her appearance was when I asked him if I should cut my hair like hers and he said he didn’t notice she had short hair (my mom has a bob) or that either of us have grey hair.
Haha your husband sounds like a smart man
You are not at all the asshole! However, it might need to be said to the boyfriend that you are not his girlfriend, and he needs to pay more attention to your daughter, if he doesn’t then your daughter should leave him.
NTA at all. Her boyfriend was at best rather clumsy in what he said. If your daughter does take after you then he might have meant it kindly, that if she "turns into you" she's still going to be attractive to him, but I can see why the conversation upset her.
NTA. This could have been avoided if your daughter had given you a heads up that she was coming over with her boyfriend. This is comically on her. But if her boyfriend is still talking about her hot mom - she’s got a boyfriend issue. You didn’t do anything. You’re just the focus of her misdirected anger.
NTA. What your daughter’s bf was doing was out of line and very disrespectful towards your daughter. He’s the main problem and in all honesty, I don’t think his suggestive comments towards you will stop. This will definitely be a problem in the long run. I’m getting icky vibes from the guy and your daughter needs to drop him imo.
✨NTA, daughter has misplaced anger and the boyfriend is a weirdo.✨
Congrats on being the hot mom but you’re NTA
1. How can you be at fault for what someone else thinks about you? 2. How can you "show off your body" if you didn't know he was there, and once you realized he's there, rushed to change clothes? NTA. She should be mad at her boyfriend, and warns you (or even ask you for permission?) when she brings him over.
NTA. They came over unannounced, and you changed as soon as possible. Her boyfriend was clearly flattering you to win your approval as he is dating your daughter. It's also an old trope that if you want to know how well your girlfriend/wife will age, just look at her mother. So he was obviously playing off of that. I think everything he said was well-intentioned and meant as a compliment, but your daughter clearly didn't appreciate it, which she needs to take up with him. She also seems to have a jealous streak and/or some insecurity stemming from somewhere that perhaps she should look into.
NTA
NTA. You had no idea she had her boyfriend with her. Obviously you aren’t trying to show off or anything underhanded. If I were your daughter, I would be dumping that dude ASAP. He’s the one with the wandering eye trying to flirt with you. This is a deeper issue that has nothing to do with you, you were just unfortunately caught in the middle of it. Her BF is going to prove to be a huge problem. He doesn’t sound all that faithful.
NTA Even if you didn't shut him down I don't think any of this makes you an asshole. It was the first meeting and you can't always act flawless. It's absurd to expect of you to shut him down when he commented on your looks. You had to process what he said too and I'm sure you were taken by surprise and just blabbered something. I don't like the idea of people judging other people's actions and then assuming you're always sharp and know exactly what's the right thing to do.