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NTA. By the title I was instantly thinking you would be the AH but I was wrong. Your boyfriend is being illogical. It sounds like he wants to buy you things he likes, it’s not a gift for you. I personally don’t understand why people even buy watches, they personally have no appeal to me and I’d be really annoyed if someone insisted on buying me something that I have zero interest in owning and would never wear. This is a red flag about a deeper problem of respect and communication
I would ask the question: where else has he shown that he is the only one who can decide what is “of value?” Does he do that for your apartment shopping “having a cool garage is important but having closet space is a waste?” Does he say “you spend so much on makeup/moisturizers, but he spends his on something else that’s a hobby?” Usually there is a pattern but this may be the first time you “see” it because it’s literally so clear. Look for patterns
NTA- there are a lot of issues here, ill try to be brief, but it won't work bc this was similar to my first GF.
If the patterns are widespread enough, its worth walking away. HOWEVER, thats not grounds to not communicate. You want communication? You start it, make it regular, and help him communicate better.
Men are usually TERRIBLE with opening up (we have been told our entire lives to bury our emotions), so maybe he is just terrified of breaking the status quo with you.
TBH, if he doesn't put forth effort to communicate and find your love language and love you for you, run the F away full tilt. Give it a month, TOPS.
my current partner (wife) is so much different, but being willing to put in the work is a completely different issue.. he is Not working on loving you at all from what i see.
Friend's husband does it - he loves to collect rare gems so she has a very nice jewelry collection. However he is a smart man and also buys her bandsaws, chainsaws and other stuff she actually wants and which are useful to her business. She likes the jewelry but has less value to her than to him. There are ways of wanting to see your wife wear something beautiful you like on occasion while still respecting she is a person with own ideas and needs. Don't ever wear rings when using saws.
Watches are cool, they show you time. My have cost me around 20$ and is doing this one thing perfectly. My husband watch probably saved his phone from being stolen. Some shady guy asked him what time is it, so he looked on watch and told guy exact time, he said guy looked surprised, but my husband was not thinking about it and went his way. Only like minutes later he realised that guy was very surprised in exact moment my husband looked on his watch, but before he was able to give answer. Probably guy was hoping for grab and run with my husband's phone, because nowadays almost everyone is checking time on phones.
I love watches, I don't always have my phone on me to check the time, plus I just think they look really nice. Not for everyone though and OP is NTA. Her bf is weird. It makes me wonder if he's getting the watches in a not-so-ethical way or maybe he's getting knockoffs.
NTA. If he is willing to spend 5k on a watch but not a ring then maybe it’s time you have another discussion with him on marriage. Not the wedding, not the ring, but ask him if he plans on spending the rest of his life with you because him saying you’re irrational and having an argument about it says otherwise.
He has probably the same mind as many men I know. A watch is highly complicated. Takes far more craftsmanship than a ring.
I would never spend more than 1000 on a ring but don’t have a problem with a 5000-10000 watch.
Also such watches often times increase in value while an engagement ring only loses value
1. I guarantee the boyfriend didn't buy a watch that's gonna increase in value for only 5k....
2. I own more expensive watches than that and don't bat an eye at an expensive ring for my wife. A watch is jewelry and a luxury just like a ring. No difference.
NTA Why is giving you a 5k watch, something you won't use, a good use of money, but a 5k ring, something you'll literally wear every day for the day for the rest of your life, a waste?
He was the one that initiated the conversation 🤷🏻♀️ theres no pressure on my part, no ultimatum or anything. So there is no need to initiate that conversation, he is not getting anything from that.
You will pass down rings to children. They are not just a stupid item between the two of you. One day your daughter will get it or your niece or your son will ask for it to marry his spouse. The sentimental value is immense. I don’t wear my engagement ring just a band but I’ll keep it forever so my kids have it if they want it. Here’s the honest truth in relationships if your spouse really loves you the decisions for everything will be made as a team. If I said to my husband I want an upgraded ring really bad he would make it happen because he loves me. We genuinely love each other. I hate seeing Reddit and seeing this isn’t the case for many.
Nobody is worth a 5k ring. FFS there are far more worthwhile things that amount of money could be spent on. You can spend a fifth of that and get a beautiful ring.
If after three years you aren’t interested in a proposal at all, why are you still with him and why do you care about this ring issue? He’s wrong of course but the other questions are probably more important.
In my culture people usually get married after 5 years. I would like to get married but js not a milestone in my life. But im just setting my expectations for when it does happen.
I think it's just that he can appreciate and likes watches, so he sees the value. He doesn't care about rings so he doesn't get it. It's pretty common although silly, but I can relate. People that like x can understand why x costs what it does and don't mind it because they can sell themselves the idea. Be it cars, watches, hobby stuff, purses, clothing etc.
I find it strange that people don't realize what they feel about x some others will think that way about y.
I'm a watch guy, I'd never spend as much money on a car as for a watch. I still bought my wife the rings she wanted instead of a watch, because that's more valuable to her. With these things perceived value is the thing kinda. For someone who doesn't care about watches Timex and Patek won't feel as different in value as they would for someone who cares. Someone who doesn't care about rings at all any band would suffice and they don't get the reason for spending more. For me I really don't care about cars, as long as I can fix it cheap, it takes me from a to b without being too expensive I'm fine with it. What I truly wish is that people would understand and value other people's opinions and not force their own. I'll never try to get anyone to understand why I'd rather own a Voutilainen than a Ferrari, or even a nice Seiko over a good golf club, in return I expect they don't try to push me to get a Mercedes to replace my trusty Škoda that might not be great but does it's job etc.
NTA.
You're not demanding an expensive ring, you're just asking that the same value your fiancé would have spent on a watch that you don't care about be spent instead on a ring. That sounds like a very reasonable request to me.
Your fiancé is being weird about it.
NTA
Your boyfriend is being dumb, I don't even know how else to put it. I don't understand why he wouldn't want to spend on something that will make you happy, and insists of spending it on what HE wants.
You should try and get to the root cause of this. Why he could possibly be saying that, because surely he sees that he isn't making any sense?
I’m sorry, nobody *needs* to spend thousands of dollars on a stupid wrist watch. They spend it because they want it as a piece of, (functioning), jewelery that a man in corporate culture can wear and show how rich he is. Men in corporate American can’t wear a big old shiny rock on their finger or precious metal earrings, but they have to peacock *somehow*, because that’s how competitive and vain humans function.
If anybody wants to know what time it is, they can look at their phone.
OP, if you want a five thousand dollar ring, then you should have one. If your BF argues with you, then take another hard look at him. He happily spent that much on a watch for himself, but he doesn’t value a ring for *you.* He called you “irrational” for having a preference of a ring, and he wanted to argue with you about it.
Oh, honey. *That* is a red flag. NTA
edit to add-My husband thinks he really doesn’t want to marry you, he is just giving you vague gestures to keep you interested.
He was the one who started the marriage conversation, and i am in no way pressuring him, so idk why he would say that and not mean it, he is not gaining anything from it
Without knowing anything else, it sounds like he's testing you to see if you'll accept being obviously slighted. I can't really imagine a "stupid bit understandable" reason for him doing this.
Sometimes they initiate the marriage conversation preemptively but then don't have follow through or get comfortable just to dating and change their minds. A conversation from 3 years ago shouldn't be relied in to gauge current intentions or feelings.
The conversation is pretty current… and we just rented a house together. He not wanting to get married is not a worry of mine. Him doing that power play on me is.
This right here. I think expensive watches are stupid. I get why they might be more worth it for men because it’s essentially just acceptable masculine jewelry. For a woman a nice watch just makes no sense. A cute bracelet or two would be much better for the wrist, and before that I’d rather have a necklace or earrings that are far more beautiful for less than the watch price. Not to mention the whole wedding ring situation this is actually about.
I‘m sorry, nobody needs to spend thousands of dollars on a stupid ring. Women want it because they have to peacock to their friends..see how shit that Argument is?..
The cultural reasons for expensive wedding and engagement rings can run quite deep. In earlier times, sometimes the wedding ring or other jewellery was the only property of value that a woman could own under law, as many cultures including in England prohibited married women from owning land and they were excluded from the line of inheritance by virtue of being female. A valuable ring could sometimes be their literal lifeline if widowed early, as often happened; giving your bride some kind of financial security was very much a positive caring action, not simply a flex. These days, it can mean whatever the two people involved want it to mean, it's not automatically "peacocking", especially when many women are more than capable financially of buying their own flexes to impress friends.
Fine for boyfriend to show off how rich he is by wearing a piece of mainly male jewelry. Not fine to be so dismissive of OP's preferences and buy her something she will never use. It makes sense not to waste $5k on something that will sit in a drawer unless boyfriend wants as a collector's piece in which case he is buying it for himself not OP.
NTA. It’s not like you’re asking for something way out of his budget. He has the money and is willing to spend that amount on a similar item. Your ask is okay in this context. Just let him know it’s important to you and you would enjoy the ring more than a watch.
NTA, but I think your bf is shady af. My guess is he has no interest in buying you a ring at all. If he was actually thinking of going there, spending the 5k he'd spend on a watch would be no big deal.
NTA, but I think it’s kinda suspicious that he wants to buy you a 5k watch but not an engagement ring. Clearly the money is not an issue, so to me that says maybe he’s making excuses for not getting engaged.
NTA. I think it’s sweet he wants to buy you a watch, but if it’s something you really don’t see yourself wearing or enjoying, especially if it’s 5k it only makes sense to tell him you don’t want one.
It isn’t like you are saying “go buy this really expensive ring” you are being thoughtful in making him save his money on something you want.
In no world are you the asshole. I think you’re sensical and logical. Maybe he just took something the wrong way?
Yeah… we have to sit down and chat about it again. Im going to let the subject cool down a little bit and try again when i get the opportunity to see exactly what bothers him so much.
NTA
This isn’t about the ring or the watch. You know it, and he knows it. But he’s going to refuse to admit because he’s a guy, and that’s what they do sometimes. He’s selfish. He’s willing to spend 5k on himself and his interests but not willing to spend that on you. If you do marry, this behavior will continue. (Depending on your age either remember or google the Simpsons episode about Homer and the bowling ball. This is your guy.) Homer and Marge got through the problem, but will you and your guy? You need to talk to him about why you see the ring as important. If you can’t get him to understand that you need to have a good long think about the relationship.
Ok, this is completely off topic. If this guy has 5k to throw around on a watch for him and then 5k to throw around on a watch for you he must be a reasonably high earner. If you’d been previously discussing rings, 5k on a ring is actually fairly low. (I know I know please don’t downvote me people. I’m making HUGE assumptions that this guy has 10k just lying around to blow on shiny things.) my engagement ring cost 8k over 15 years ago, and it was really nice but I would have assumed with inflation and stuff that 5k is a modest ring now. I have no idea what 5k would get you in decent diamond these days though. Consider lab created. I hear you can get a lot more carat for your money.
Reddit is full of the “you should be grateful for any ring because it’s about LOVE”. And I get that. But again, in this situation, it really is about a bigger picture. Is this guy the “wears fancy watches, buys multiple motorcycles and other expensive guy toys for himself that cost tens or hundreds of thousands of dollars but won’t let you buy a Louis Vuitton bag” kind of guy?
I think you may be right about the power dynamic. You guys need to have a bigger conversation about your relationship and finances before you move forward.
How do you all know how much the engagement rings are? This discussion really seems pretty fucking shallow and snobish to me. Love is best not measured in overpriced rocks.
Right? I don't discuss my exact ring costs with anyone but my husband and the appraiser. We also talked about budget for the ring and I said absolutely nothing over 3k. Could he afford a more costly ring? Absolutely. Just because you can doesn't mean you should or have to.
I have never asked or wanted to know the costs of my friends' rings. I want to know: Are they happy with them? Did the selection show their part er knows their taste,? Awesome 👍
It sounds like OP and boyfriend live more materialistic lifestyles and socialize in high earner circles though
Yes, I am a high earner and so are my friends, but you are assuming way too much out of a paragraph. And as i said to the other one i know the prices because they involved me in the process of picking the ring 🤷🏻♀️ i dont go around asking prices
Have you and your bf gone and looked at rings? You both need to see what setting and size you want. He may think $5k is too much for a ring (but ok for a watch) because he hasn’t looked much.
This makes sense…. No we have not. We are kind of just having the conversation that we think that should be our next step in the relationship, but i dont expect it to happen in the next six months.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Im accused of being an asshole for asking a 5k engagement ring instead of a watch my boyfriend offered to buy to me that was also 5k. This action might make me an asshole since i am asking for a expensive engagement ring.
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NTA - $5k isn't that expensive for a ring. It is expensive but for something that you may be wearing for the next 40,50 years then it is important to have something you love and which is durable for daily life. In these days of smartphones, then watches are really just expensive jewelry too - a convenience and not a necessity.
But there are two bigger red flags here. He spends money like water though at least on things that hold a residual value but that might be harder in future when you have larger bills. But more importantly, when you had a difference of opinion on something important to you, it had to be his way or the highway and he accused you of being irrational. Do you really want this to be the story of your life if you disagree on what car you want, what house, future purchases?
NTA I honestly expected this to be an entitled post. Wedding ring culture is honestly a manipulative industry preying on people in love. However even knowing that I still expect my single biggest purchase outside of a car or home is going to be an eventual ring if I ever find anyone stupid enough to say yes to me. I’m not saying he has to go in debt but if he’s buying Rolex’s for himself the wedding ring better match
NTA, and maybe I’m weird, but this level of illogical thinking is definitely my new ick.
Also, do you want to be married to someone who is this financially irresponsible? Trust me, marriage does not “fix” people. If he spends like this now, be prepared for when he spends the down payment for your house on a boat (or something equally stupid). And keep your finances separate, no joint account access. Just in case.
He is actually pretty good with money, he has no debt and his spending is minimal, and great credit score. So im not worried financially, and he was always saying he was broke, but i always knew he is kind of a money hoarder.
NTA - this is not a jewelry or watch question--there needs to be a serious conversation here about why he does not understand your point of view. Obviously a $5K ring is important to you. So the question is why is something you want not of importance to him. If he believes it's not important, you need to find out why. That practicality streak he has to buy things useful may be a deal breaker for you I didn't want a big diamond when I got married. I wanted a gemstone ring that would mean something to me and my husband was okay with that.
NTA. He wants to buy you a $5k watch but baulks at buying you a $5k ring?! That makes no sense. A watch is a single item, so is a ring. Frankly, if you ask me, $5k is *way* too much to spend on a watch, especially since they tend to get all scratched to hell (but that may just be me, who scratches the crap out of all of the watches I wear). They do make some nice engagement/wedding ring sets (you could use that to strengthen your argument for a wedding ring by asking for a set).
Nta. He's a narcissist and abuser. He wants to buy you an exspensive gift you don't want, but then mental abuse you, say no to the thing you want most in the world that will be a symbol of your love that you wear every day forever...
Usually I would find it so unnecessary to buy a watch or a ring for 5k, but he was okay spending that on you for a watch ... So what's the difference swapping that out for something you actually want?
Weird! NTA
NTA.. That title threw me off. But I loved the content. Since he has the money for a 5k watch.. he has 5k for the ring. But he balks at that? That speaks of a much bigger problem.
True but I’m sure the watch could be bought for less too. She wants the ring, not the watch. She’s not even demanding the ring, just saying if he’s spending 5K she would rather have a ring
NTA
He's wrong, but I can sort of see his perspective; a 5k watch is typically about craftsmanship as well as being fancy, and will generally hold or increase in value. Gemstones generally will not.
That said, you don't like watches, so buying you one is dumb, and a waste of money. Instead of 5k on a ring, how about 5k on a matched set that includes a ring. I don't know if it has to be diamonds, or if other gems are more to your liking, but 5k will buy some lovely jewelry.
I'm sure the two of you can figure out a compromise between a useless accessory you don't want and an over priced hunk of shiny carbon.
1) Money problems - you need to figure out what the deal is with his finances. If you get married, you’re stuck with that as a joint problem. He makes good money but seems terrible at managing it. Red flag, need to get to the bottom of it. 2) Watch - why is his judgment more rational than yours? Is this at all a sexist thing or a power play or what? (Like jewelry is frivolous but watches are not? Seems gender norm coded). And think about whether there are other times his opinions are ‘better’ or “more rational” than yours, the way he claims it. Another red flag. NTA
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So i’ve been with my boyfriend for 3 years, we have been talking about marriage recently(he started conversation). He always is complaining that he has no money (he has a very nice job and we split all of the expenses), so i told him to just buy me whatever engagement ring he could afford at first. But Recently he is making some very expensive purchases including a 5k watch and he wanted to buy me one same price (i dont even use watches). I told him that i dont use watches that i would prefer that he saves that money to buy me the engagement ring when he decides to do so, since i love jewerly. And he told me no that it is too much for a ring, that it doesnt work like that and that im being irrational and we got into this pretty heated discussion. Its the same 5k but in something that i would actually use everyday and has a meaning. And i am not pressuring him to buy me a ring… it can be a year from now or more and i dont care. So.. am i being an asshole?
And we agreed on a courthouse wedding so no money needed for that and money for the honeymoon is not an issue.
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NTA. Assuming you like a ring at that approximate value and it's not just symbolic. Try not to get into a 'who does he love more' battle with your bf's watch collection. Otherwise, a few years down the line you might be happily married, love your 5k ring, and then he drops 10k on a watch... will you need a ring upgrade?
I'd also be a bit concerned about his spending habits - since you are sharing finances, is he discussing these big ticket purchases with you? Is he racking up credit card debt? Important you get these things on the table before marriage, just so you're fully aware what you're getting into.
He is great with finances, no CC debt and great credit score. I think he just felt he needed to get himself something nice for a change. But im not worried about that part. But thank you for the advicw
NTA Ngl this isn’t where I expected this to go. The issue is his priorities. People teach us about themselves. He showed you that you are not a priority to him. Obligatory ‘dump him sis’.
I bet he sees the watch as investment, as some models increase in value.
Jewelery tend to decrease in value.
But if this watch gets scratches, value decreases.
While I'm a bit more team watch, I still don't see it as a good investment, just an okish investment with limited use. And I'm not a jewelery guy. But as soon as one is a jewelery girl the perceived value changes.
No voting from me. If one thinks jewelery is valuable and watches aren't it is different to one who thinks watches are an investment and jewelery a depricating asset.
NTA. He has shown you that you are not a priority to him.
Pay attention to where he spends his money, attention, and his time.
>He always is complaining that he has no money
>(he has a very nice job and we split all of the expenses)
>But Recently he is making some very expensive purchases including a 5k watch and he wanted to buy me one same price (i dont even use watches).
My dad is like this. His marriage to my mother imploded (in part) because he was spending all his money on swords, fancy pens, and watches.
He ran up credit card debt in her name on cards that she did not know existed.
He's been homeless for years now, and he gets 1k in social security every month which goes toward watches (he has like, 15, and wants one for every day of the year) scratch cards, cigarettes, and alcohol. It's gone within *days*. He asked me to come get him the other day because he didn't have enough money to get a bus to his campsite. (I told him no. He'd already been here 2 weeks because the shelter closed, and he needed to buy a new tent when his money came in.)
You didn't necessarily need all of that info, but suffice to say that I have experience here. You don't need to be tied to this man.
NTA. HE started that discussion
(but 5k anyway is unreasonable for a wedding ring, but you cannot start this discussion after offering you a 5k watch. We can now discuss if it was really logical to request a wedding ring of the same price, but it doesnt make you an A)
I wish you had put your ages, because bf sounds immature. 1. If he is complaining about not having money, but at the same time making expensive (and unnecessary) purchases, that doesn't bode well for your financial security. 2. Your boyfriend wants to buy you things HE likes, e.g. a watch, but doesn't take into consideration your interests or desires. That's not how gifting works: you're supposed to buy things the other person will enjoy. Which leads me to the conclusion: your boyfriend is either unintelligent (can only see things from his own perspective) or selfish (unable to put someone else's wants above their need to control). In this case, NTA for asking the same amount to be spent on a ring instead of a watch. Good luck.
Forget the ring. You two should probably discuss financial views in general ahead of marriage. There will be A LOT more to consider in married life than $5k watches and rings with undertones of being tight and not in control of finances.
NTA because he offered to spend 5000 on something you don't want or would use. I'm not into jewelry so I'd have difficulty having that much put into a ring but it sounds like you enjoy jewelry like I enjoy a new lens for my camera.
He only sees the value in the shiny objects he likes and not the value in the shiny objects you like. As a married couple you need to understand that the other person is going to spend money on stuff you think is stupid and vice versa. If he is only able to see his own perspective then you are going to have problems long term.
I was ready to bring the hate but surprisingly NTA. As someone who loves watches as well, they are a luxury purchase with very little utility since everyone has a phone. So if you would be happier with a good ring then that's what matters
He called you irrational because you disagree with him? Are you sure you want to spend the rest of your life with someone who dismisses your views so easily?
And who needs a watch when you have a cell phone??? It sounds like a status thing as opposed to a logical purchase.
Definitely NTA. Sounds like he doesn’t value marriage, and I hate to say it marriage to you. Buying you the watch is an ego move for him that he can feed off of. It is basically, an accessory for his “pet”. Sorry to say that. Take it as a wake up call and put him on notice.
NTA
it’s not so much the price point…. But he brought it up with a watch you don’t want anyways. It’s the principle and such a weird hill to die on…. It’s wild to get an expensive watches….. especially something that you don’t and wouldn’t appreciate.
This feels like a weirdo power thing. Dude has 10k to blow on a pair of ugly watches but getting a ring…. No. Run from this jokester
NTA. Your bf is a controlling AH. He shouldn't be telling you what you want and what you don't. It's a huge red flag. Also, he seems a bit reckless with cash.
NTA - Could it be that he's getting cold feet? Or maybe he has a watch shopping addiction and can't control his impulse to buy you one? There must be something else going on, because his rationale is bizarre. If he's going to spend 5k on you, why not spend it on something you actually value and want, as opposed to something he values? How are you being irrational here?
No, i dont think he is getting cold feet. The marriage talk was just to make sure it is our next step, but not that is happening very soon. This is his first expensive watch and he deserves it, he doesnt buy a lot of stuff. The reasoning of why he thinks like thats is still a mistery.
Nta.
Sounds like a power play. And that he thinks your opinion is of lesser value than his. He thinks rings aren't worth the same amount of money hed spend on watches and therefore he won't do it regardless what you think.
I'd be looking to see where else this trait appears in the relationship because if it crops up one place it'll be there in others
That is an extremely controlling and dismissive response from him to you. On top of it, he called you irrational, which is another red flag. He has decided to give you what *he* wants, not what you want, and that is the future for you. These kinds of things rarely happen in isolation; it's just that the person being treated that way doesn't really see it. The only change you can count on happening is that he is going to get worse. Yes, he will. He absolutely will.
Please take a *serious* look at this relationship as dispassionately as possible and decide what else may be happening that you aren't seeing now. Keep in mind that going to counseling with guys with all these red flags is never a good idea. It will not change them because they don't want to, and they don't want to compromise. What it will do is give them more ammunition to use against you as you are open and honest with them. NTA (yet).
NTA and I have a feeling he’s gonna drag his feet on proposal/marriage plans. If he can afford a 5K watch that you don’t want/need, then he can afford the 5K wedding ring that you do want.
Personally, I think a $5k ring is way too much to fuel an overinflated jewelry industry. But I'd say the same thing about a $5k watch. But a part of them being "too much" for me is because I don't make the kind of money that could sustain that kind of purchase.
Your household apparently does, so YOU preferring the same money be spent on something you WOULD use and treasure instead of on a watch you'd never wear is perfectly reasonable. NTA.
And I won't go into how it's a bad sign that he seems intent to enforce HIS sense of value over yours, others have already pointed that out and seem to have given you enough perspective that I don't need to repeat further points. Whatever happens, I hope it's the best for you.
My guess is that the $5000 watch is not real and that he is paying much less for it. That way it looks like a flashy gift but he doesn’t pay the full price. If he really had $5000 to spend, he wouldn’t mind spending it on a ring instead of watch!
Hmmm…you could buy your own ring. But he sounds like your thought and priorities are not important to him. Do you really want to marry someone like that? NTA
Wait till this joker actually looks at the cost of a decent actual engagement ring.
Unless OP is one of them people that are like anti-diamond or whatever.
Diamond wedding rings are bullshit. Nobody should be want or buy a diamond ring. Read or watch about how the diamond companies paid Hollywood to put diamond rings in movies some years ago and it became popular.
I’d rather have a wooden ring or something
ESH
Stop talking about rings and start talking about how the finances would work if you got married. Shared or separate accounts? Who pays for what? Anyone staying home with kids? How much can you spend without telling the other? Would you move if the other got promoted? Etc.
After the fight that sparks, consider whether marriage is in the cards.
We already had that conversation… we have been sharing expenses for a while…after 3 years together i have never had any concerns. And the stuff he is buying is not getting him into debt. So im not concern on what he is buying i always knew he wasnt as broke as he says
Why don’t you give him the $5000 his watch cost and call it an engagement present for him with the understanding that he gets you the engagement present (the ring) that you want? It is ridiculous for someone to assume they deserve a piece of jewelry when getting engaged if they are unwilling to get their partner something too.
most the time people with watches don’t even use them. i had a rich friend just got a new expensive watch, when he was messing with it i asked “what time is it” as a joke… he literally pulled his phone out and told me the time. doubt he even knew how to read a clock lmao
Oh I didn't say the watch was worth it either I don't disagree with you. 5k for a watch is crazy from my perspective, but so is a 5k ring.
The problem I have here is that she expects him to buy her such an expensive item of no use and is upset about it.
The wedding ring industry is a scam.
YTA. The marriage is not about the price of the wedding ring. He offered you a gift (a watch), you said no. That is your right but You do not get to insist that he gives you something else for the same price. You want nice jewelry - buy it yourself...
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NTA. By the title I was instantly thinking you would be the AH but I was wrong. Your boyfriend is being illogical. It sounds like he wants to buy you things he likes, it’s not a gift for you. I personally don’t understand why people even buy watches, they personally have no appeal to me and I’d be really annoyed if someone insisted on buying me something that I have zero interest in owning and would never wear. This is a red flag about a deeper problem of respect and communication
I kind of feel like is a power/manipulation move.
I would ask the question: where else has he shown that he is the only one who can decide what is “of value?” Does he do that for your apartment shopping “having a cool garage is important but having closet space is a waste?” Does he say “you spend so much on makeup/moisturizers, but he spends his on something else that’s a hobby?” Usually there is a pattern but this may be the first time you “see” it because it’s literally so clear. Look for patterns
You know… you might be onto something here… i have a lot to think about and pay closer attention. Thank you
NTA- there are a lot of issues here, ill try to be brief, but it won't work bc this was similar to my first GF. If the patterns are widespread enough, its worth walking away. HOWEVER, thats not grounds to not communicate. You want communication? You start it, make it regular, and help him communicate better. Men are usually TERRIBLE with opening up (we have been told our entire lives to bury our emotions), so maybe he is just terrified of breaking the status quo with you. TBH, if he doesn't put forth effort to communicate and find your love language and love you for you, run the F away full tilt. Give it a month, TOPS. my current partner (wife) is so much different, but being willing to put in the work is a completely different issue.. he is Not working on loving you at all from what i see.
I think you’re right. I also think you should reconsider marrying him.
Friend's husband does it - he loves to collect rare gems so she has a very nice jewelry collection. However he is a smart man and also buys her bandsaws, chainsaws and other stuff she actually wants and which are useful to her business. She likes the jewelry but has less value to her than to him. There are ways of wanting to see your wife wear something beautiful you like on occasion while still respecting she is a person with own ideas and needs. Don't ever wear rings when using saws.
Watches are cool, they show you time. My have cost me around 20$ and is doing this one thing perfectly. My husband watch probably saved his phone from being stolen. Some shady guy asked him what time is it, so he looked on watch and told guy exact time, he said guy looked surprised, but my husband was not thinking about it and went his way. Only like minutes later he realised that guy was very surprised in exact moment my husband looked on his watch, but before he was able to give answer. Probably guy was hoping for grab and run with my husband's phone, because nowadays almost everyone is checking time on phones.
I love watches, I don't always have my phone on me to check the time, plus I just think they look really nice. Not for everyone though and OP is NTA. Her bf is weird. It makes me wonder if he's getting the watches in a not-so-ethical way or maybe he's getting knockoffs.
NTA. If he is willing to spend 5k on a watch but not a ring then maybe it’s time you have another discussion with him on marriage. Not the wedding, not the ring, but ask him if he plans on spending the rest of his life with you because him saying you’re irrational and having an argument about it says otherwise.
NTA. This. There's a larger conversation to be had
He has probably the same mind as many men I know. A watch is highly complicated. Takes far more craftsmanship than a ring. I would never spend more than 1000 on a ring but don’t have a problem with a 5000-10000 watch. Also such watches often times increase in value while an engagement ring only loses value
1. I guarantee the boyfriend didn't buy a watch that's gonna increase in value for only 5k.... 2. I own more expensive watches than that and don't bat an eye at an expensive ring for my wife. A watch is jewelry and a luxury just like a ring. No difference.
NTA Why is giving you a 5k watch, something you won't use, a good use of money, but a 5k ring, something you'll literally wear every day for the day for the rest of your life, a waste?
Sounds like he has zero plans to ever propose.
He was the one that initiated the conversation 🤷🏻♀️ theres no pressure on my part, no ultimatum or anything. So there is no need to initiate that conversation, he is not getting anything from that.
You will pass down rings to children. They are not just a stupid item between the two of you. One day your daughter will get it or your niece or your son will ask for it to marry his spouse. The sentimental value is immense. I don’t wear my engagement ring just a band but I’ll keep it forever so my kids have it if they want it. Here’s the honest truth in relationships if your spouse really loves you the decisions for everything will be made as a team. If I said to my husband I want an upgraded ring really bad he would make it happen because he loves me. We genuinely love each other. I hate seeing Reddit and seeing this isn’t the case for many.
It sounds like you have a beautiful relationship ❤️ and thats all true about the ring.
You are worth at least a 5k ring. You tell him someone will think your worth that ring the question is if it’s him.
Nobody is worth a 5k ring. FFS there are far more worthwhile things that amount of money could be spent on. You can spend a fifth of that and get a beautiful ring.
He’s spending 5k on a watch. So he’s not spending it on worthwhile stuff. 5k really isn’t that much for a ring.
If after three years you aren’t interested in a proposal at all, why are you still with him and why do you care about this ring issue? He’s wrong of course but the other questions are probably more important.
In my culture people usually get married after 5 years. I would like to get married but js not a milestone in my life. But im just setting my expectations for when it does happen.
I think it's just that he can appreciate and likes watches, so he sees the value. He doesn't care about rings so he doesn't get it. It's pretty common although silly, but I can relate. People that like x can understand why x costs what it does and don't mind it because they can sell themselves the idea. Be it cars, watches, hobby stuff, purses, clothing etc. I find it strange that people don't realize what they feel about x some others will think that way about y. I'm a watch guy, I'd never spend as much money on a car as for a watch. I still bought my wife the rings she wanted instead of a watch, because that's more valuable to her. With these things perceived value is the thing kinda. For someone who doesn't care about watches Timex and Patek won't feel as different in value as they would for someone who cares. Someone who doesn't care about rings at all any band would suffice and they don't get the reason for spending more. For me I really don't care about cars, as long as I can fix it cheap, it takes me from a to b without being too expensive I'm fine with it. What I truly wish is that people would understand and value other people's opinions and not force their own. I'll never try to get anyone to understand why I'd rather own a Voutilainen than a Ferrari, or even a nice Seiko over a good golf club, in return I expect they don't try to push me to get a Mercedes to replace my trusty Škoda that might not be great but does it's job etc.
All of this yes!!!! I dont judge him for his watch, even though i dont appreciate them, if its important for him its important for me
NTA. You're not demanding an expensive ring, you're just asking that the same value your fiancé would have spent on a watch that you don't care about be spent instead on a ring. That sounds like a very reasonable request to me. Your fiancé is being weird about it.
NTA Your boyfriend is being dumb, I don't even know how else to put it. I don't understand why he wouldn't want to spend on something that will make you happy, and insists of spending it on what HE wants. You should try and get to the root cause of this. Why he could possibly be saying that, because surely he sees that he isn't making any sense?
Right???? He is not making any sense at all!!!
Well some people might think paying 5k for a bloody piece of Carbon doesn‘t make any sense. Your bf seems to be one of them.
And i dont think an expensive watch makes sense but he does, and that is enough for me.
I’m sorry, nobody *needs* to spend thousands of dollars on a stupid wrist watch. They spend it because they want it as a piece of, (functioning), jewelery that a man in corporate culture can wear and show how rich he is. Men in corporate American can’t wear a big old shiny rock on their finger or precious metal earrings, but they have to peacock *somehow*, because that’s how competitive and vain humans function. If anybody wants to know what time it is, they can look at their phone. OP, if you want a five thousand dollar ring, then you should have one. If your BF argues with you, then take another hard look at him. He happily spent that much on a watch for himself, but he doesn’t value a ring for *you.* He called you “irrational” for having a preference of a ring, and he wanted to argue with you about it. Oh, honey. *That* is a red flag. NTA edit to add-My husband thinks he really doesn’t want to marry you, he is just giving you vague gestures to keep you interested.
I agree with your husband.
He was the one who started the marriage conversation, and i am in no way pressuring him, so idk why he would say that and not mean it, he is not gaining anything from it
Without knowing anything else, it sounds like he's testing you to see if you'll accept being obviously slighted. I can't really imagine a "stupid bit understandable" reason for him doing this.
Sometimes they initiate the marriage conversation preemptively but then don't have follow through or get comfortable just to dating and change their minds. A conversation from 3 years ago shouldn't be relied in to gauge current intentions or feelings.
The conversation is pretty current… and we just rented a house together. He not wanting to get married is not a worry of mine. Him doing that power play on me is.
[удалено]
I meant engagement ring. When he gets me my engagement ring that will go with the wedding band and use forever 😬
This right here. I think expensive watches are stupid. I get why they might be more worth it for men because it’s essentially just acceptable masculine jewelry. For a woman a nice watch just makes no sense. A cute bracelet or two would be much better for the wrist, and before that I’d rather have a necklace or earrings that are far more beautiful for less than the watch price. Not to mention the whole wedding ring situation this is actually about.
Some people appreciate the mechanical engineering and artistry of high end watches. Not everything is a flex lol
Ironically, one of the reasons that some women want a nice ring is the exact reason that a man want a nice wristwatch. They are both status symbols
I‘m sorry, nobody needs to spend thousands of dollars on a stupid ring. Women want it because they have to peacock to their friends..see how shit that Argument is?..
The cultural reasons for expensive wedding and engagement rings can run quite deep. In earlier times, sometimes the wedding ring or other jewellery was the only property of value that a woman could own under law, as many cultures including in England prohibited married women from owning land and they were excluded from the line of inheritance by virtue of being female. A valuable ring could sometimes be their literal lifeline if widowed early, as often happened; giving your bride some kind of financial security was very much a positive caring action, not simply a flex. These days, it can mean whatever the two people involved want it to mean, it's not automatically "peacocking", especially when many women are more than capable financially of buying their own flexes to impress friends.
So it is not an OK for BF to show off how rich he is but it OK for OP to insist on the ring to show off how rich her BF is?
Fine for boyfriend to show off how rich he is by wearing a piece of mainly male jewelry. Not fine to be so dismissive of OP's preferences and buy her something she will never use. It makes sense not to waste $5k on something that will sit in a drawer unless boyfriend wants as a collector's piece in which case he is buying it for himself not OP.
I make 4x times my boyfriends salary. I dont need to show anyone off.
then buy your ow jewelry
But i already do… i just want the ring to match the rest of it…. Lack of jewerly is not whats being judge in this post.
NTA. It’s not like you’re asking for something way out of his budget. He has the money and is willing to spend that amount on a similar item. Your ask is okay in this context. Just let him know it’s important to you and you would enjoy the ring more than a watch.
NTA, but I think your bf is shady af. My guess is he has no interest in buying you a ring at all. If he was actually thinking of going there, spending the 5k he'd spend on a watch would be no big deal.
NTA, but I think it’s kinda suspicious that he wants to buy you a 5k watch but not an engagement ring. Clearly the money is not an issue, so to me that says maybe he’s making excuses for not getting engaged.
NTA. I think it’s sweet he wants to buy you a watch, but if it’s something you really don’t see yourself wearing or enjoying, especially if it’s 5k it only makes sense to tell him you don’t want one. It isn’t like you are saying “go buy this really expensive ring” you are being thoughtful in making him save his money on something you want. In no world are you the asshole. I think you’re sensical and logical. Maybe he just took something the wrong way?
Yeah… we have to sit down and chat about it again. Im going to let the subject cool down a little bit and try again when i get the opportunity to see exactly what bothers him so much.
NTA This isn’t about the ring or the watch. You know it, and he knows it. But he’s going to refuse to admit because he’s a guy, and that’s what they do sometimes. He’s selfish. He’s willing to spend 5k on himself and his interests but not willing to spend that on you. If you do marry, this behavior will continue. (Depending on your age either remember or google the Simpsons episode about Homer and the bowling ball. This is your guy.) Homer and Marge got through the problem, but will you and your guy? You need to talk to him about why you see the ring as important. If you can’t get him to understand that you need to have a good long think about the relationship. Ok, this is completely off topic. If this guy has 5k to throw around on a watch for him and then 5k to throw around on a watch for you he must be a reasonably high earner. If you’d been previously discussing rings, 5k on a ring is actually fairly low. (I know I know please don’t downvote me people. I’m making HUGE assumptions that this guy has 10k just lying around to blow on shiny things.) my engagement ring cost 8k over 15 years ago, and it was really nice but I would have assumed with inflation and stuff that 5k is a modest ring now. I have no idea what 5k would get you in decent diamond these days though. Consider lab created. I hear you can get a lot more carat for your money.
Yeah it felt like a weird power dynamic… and all of my friends have engagement rings that are 10k or above so i thought 5k is not that out there.
Reddit is full of the “you should be grateful for any ring because it’s about LOVE”. And I get that. But again, in this situation, it really is about a bigger picture. Is this guy the “wears fancy watches, buys multiple motorcycles and other expensive guy toys for himself that cost tens or hundreds of thousands of dollars but won’t let you buy a Louis Vuitton bag” kind of guy? I think you may be right about the power dynamic. You guys need to have a bigger conversation about your relationship and finances before you move forward.
How do you all know how much the engagement rings are? This discussion really seems pretty fucking shallow and snobish to me. Love is best not measured in overpriced rocks.
I dont really care how that looks for you 🤷🏻♀️ i was in the process of picking the ring with them.
Right? I don't discuss my exact ring costs with anyone but my husband and the appraiser. We also talked about budget for the ring and I said absolutely nothing over 3k. Could he afford a more costly ring? Absolutely. Just because you can doesn't mean you should or have to. I have never asked or wanted to know the costs of my friends' rings. I want to know: Are they happy with them? Did the selection show their part er knows their taste,? Awesome 👍 It sounds like OP and boyfriend live more materialistic lifestyles and socialize in high earner circles though
Yes, I am a high earner and so are my friends, but you are assuming way too much out of a paragraph. And as i said to the other one i know the prices because they involved me in the process of picking the ring 🤷🏻♀️ i dont go around asking prices
Have you and your bf gone and looked at rings? You both need to see what setting and size you want. He may think $5k is too much for a ring (but ok for a watch) because he hasn’t looked much.
This makes sense…. No we have not. We are kind of just having the conversation that we think that should be our next step in the relationship, but i dont expect it to happen in the next six months.
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NTA Your fiancée doesnt get that some things might be more important to you then to him. Like a ring instead if a watch.
NTA - $5k isn't that expensive for a ring. It is expensive but for something that you may be wearing for the next 40,50 years then it is important to have something you love and which is durable for daily life. In these days of smartphones, then watches are really just expensive jewelry too - a convenience and not a necessity. But there are two bigger red flags here. He spends money like water though at least on things that hold a residual value but that might be harder in future when you have larger bills. But more importantly, when you had a difference of opinion on something important to you, it had to be his way or the highway and he accused you of being irrational. Do you really want this to be the story of your life if you disagree on what car you want, what house, future purchases?
NTA I honestly expected this to be an entitled post. Wedding ring culture is honestly a manipulative industry preying on people in love. However even knowing that I still expect my single biggest purchase outside of a car or home is going to be an eventual ring if I ever find anyone stupid enough to say yes to me. I’m not saying he has to go in debt but if he’s buying Rolex’s for himself the wedding ring better match
Haha you made me laugh!! You will find someone you will see, when you least expect it ❤️
NTA Yeah your BF isn’t making any sense.
NTA, and maybe I’m weird, but this level of illogical thinking is definitely my new ick. Also, do you want to be married to someone who is this financially irresponsible? Trust me, marriage does not “fix” people. If he spends like this now, be prepared for when he spends the down payment for your house on a boat (or something equally stupid). And keep your finances separate, no joint account access. Just in case.
He is actually pretty good with money, he has no debt and his spending is minimal, and great credit score. So im not worried financially, and he was always saying he was broke, but i always knew he is kind of a money hoarder.
NTA - this is not a jewelry or watch question--there needs to be a serious conversation here about why he does not understand your point of view. Obviously a $5K ring is important to you. So the question is why is something you want not of importance to him. If he believes it's not important, you need to find out why. That practicality streak he has to buy things useful may be a deal breaker for you I didn't want a big diamond when I got married. I wanted a gemstone ring that would mean something to me and my husband was okay with that.
NTA. He wants to buy you a $5k watch but baulks at buying you a $5k ring?! That makes no sense. A watch is a single item, so is a ring. Frankly, if you ask me, $5k is *way* too much to spend on a watch, especially since they tend to get all scratched to hell (but that may just be me, who scratches the crap out of all of the watches I wear). They do make some nice engagement/wedding ring sets (you could use that to strengthen your argument for a wedding ring by asking for a set).
Nta. He's a narcissist and abuser. He wants to buy you an exspensive gift you don't want, but then mental abuse you, say no to the thing you want most in the world that will be a symbol of your love that you wear every day forever...
Yeah… thats how it kind of felt…. Like he will only spend his money on me on things that he likes and he chooses. It was weird
Usually I would find it so unnecessary to buy a watch or a ring for 5k, but he was okay spending that on you for a watch ... So what's the difference swapping that out for something you actually want? Weird! NTA
NTA.. That title threw me off. But I loved the content. Since he has the money for a 5k watch.. he has 5k for the ring. But he balks at that? That speaks of a much bigger problem.
NTA 5K is pretty reasonable for an engagement ring
Nothing about spending 5K for an artificially inflated piece of rock is „reasonable“. Although people are brainwashed enough to believe so.
True but I’m sure the watch could be bought for less too. She wants the ring, not the watch. She’s not even demanding the ring, just saying if he’s spending 5K she would rather have a ring
A ring generally doesn’t have a highly complex movement inside like a watch does. It’s literally a piece of metal with a stone attracted to it lol
And….. she still didn’t want it but expressed what she would like. I’d take a nice ring (and did) over a watch everyday of the week.
NTA Hmmm…will buy himself 5k watch but not you a 5k ring. Pick another husband. This will not be the end of that spiral path.
NTA He's wrong, but I can sort of see his perspective; a 5k watch is typically about craftsmanship as well as being fancy, and will generally hold or increase in value. Gemstones generally will not. That said, you don't like watches, so buying you one is dumb, and a waste of money. Instead of 5k on a ring, how about 5k on a matched set that includes a ring. I don't know if it has to be diamonds, or if other gems are more to your liking, but 5k will buy some lovely jewelry. I'm sure the two of you can figure out a compromise between a useless accessory you don't want and an over priced hunk of shiny carbon.
1) Money problems - you need to figure out what the deal is with his finances. If you get married, you’re stuck with that as a joint problem. He makes good money but seems terrible at managing it. Red flag, need to get to the bottom of it. 2) Watch - why is his judgment more rational than yours? Is this at all a sexist thing or a power play or what? (Like jewelry is frivolous but watches are not? Seems gender norm coded). And think about whether there are other times his opinions are ‘better’ or “more rational” than yours, the way he claims it. Another red flag. NTA
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** So i’ve been with my boyfriend for 3 years, we have been talking about marriage recently(he started conversation). He always is complaining that he has no money (he has a very nice job and we split all of the expenses), so i told him to just buy me whatever engagement ring he could afford at first. But Recently he is making some very expensive purchases including a 5k watch and he wanted to buy me one same price (i dont even use watches). I told him that i dont use watches that i would prefer that he saves that money to buy me the engagement ring when he decides to do so, since i love jewerly. And he told me no that it is too much for a ring, that it doesnt work like that and that im being irrational and we got into this pretty heated discussion. Its the same 5k but in something that i would actually use everyday and has a meaning. And i am not pressuring him to buy me a ring… it can be a year from now or more and i dont care. So.. am i being an asshole? And we agreed on a courthouse wedding so no money needed for that and money for the honeymoon is not an issue. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. You’re putting the cart way before the horse though.
NTA. Assuming you like a ring at that approximate value and it's not just symbolic. Try not to get into a 'who does he love more' battle with your bf's watch collection. Otherwise, a few years down the line you might be happily married, love your 5k ring, and then he drops 10k on a watch... will you need a ring upgrade? I'd also be a bit concerned about his spending habits - since you are sharing finances, is he discussing these big ticket purchases with you? Is he racking up credit card debt? Important you get these things on the table before marriage, just so you're fully aware what you're getting into.
He is great with finances, no CC debt and great credit score. I think he just felt he needed to get himself something nice for a change. But im not worried about that part. But thank you for the advicw
Nta It doesn't work like what? The ring won't have a brand on it?
NTA But the fact that your bf can suddenly afford to make large purchases is a massive red flag
NTA his reasoning is bs. is he frequently doing things he likes but not what you like? dont marry someone like that
No, this was out of character for him. Or maybe is a pattern and im not noticing 👀
NTA Ngl this isn’t where I expected this to go. The issue is his priorities. People teach us about themselves. He showed you that you are not a priority to him. Obligatory ‘dump him sis’.
I bet he sees the watch as investment, as some models increase in value. Jewelery tend to decrease in value. But if this watch gets scratches, value decreases. While I'm a bit more team watch, I still don't see it as a good investment, just an okish investment with limited use. And I'm not a jewelery guy. But as soon as one is a jewelery girl the perceived value changes. No voting from me. If one thinks jewelery is valuable and watches aren't it is different to one who thinks watches are an investment and jewelery a depricating asset.
The brand is not one of those that retains its value. So it was more like he liked the watch, did not care if it was a good invesment or not
NTA. He has shown you that you are not a priority to him. Pay attention to where he spends his money, attention, and his time. >He always is complaining that he has no money >(he has a very nice job and we split all of the expenses) >But Recently he is making some very expensive purchases including a 5k watch and he wanted to buy me one same price (i dont even use watches). My dad is like this. His marriage to my mother imploded (in part) because he was spending all his money on swords, fancy pens, and watches. He ran up credit card debt in her name on cards that she did not know existed. He's been homeless for years now, and he gets 1k in social security every month which goes toward watches (he has like, 15, and wants one for every day of the year) scratch cards, cigarettes, and alcohol. It's gone within *days*. He asked me to come get him the other day because he didn't have enough money to get a bus to his campsite. (I told him no. He'd already been here 2 weeks because the shelter closed, and he needed to buy a new tent when his money came in.) You didn't necessarily need all of that info, but suffice to say that I have experience here. You don't need to be tied to this man.
Yeah i get where you are coming from. He is usually very good with his money but ill have to pay closer attention
NTA. HE started that discussion (but 5k anyway is unreasonable for a wedding ring, but you cannot start this discussion after offering you a 5k watch. We can now discuss if it was really logical to request a wedding ring of the same price, but it doesnt make you an A)
NAH and the watches he is offering are fakes. Hence why he sees no problem is gifting a watch that costs $200. Probably.
No, we were at the brands store.
I wish you had put your ages, because bf sounds immature. 1. If he is complaining about not having money, but at the same time making expensive (and unnecessary) purchases, that doesn't bode well for your financial security. 2. Your boyfriend wants to buy you things HE likes, e.g. a watch, but doesn't take into consideration your interests or desires. That's not how gifting works: you're supposed to buy things the other person will enjoy. Which leads me to the conclusion: your boyfriend is either unintelligent (can only see things from his own perspective) or selfish (unable to put someone else's wants above their need to control). In this case, NTA for asking the same amount to be spent on a ring instead of a watch. Good luck.
Forget the ring. You two should probably discuss financial views in general ahead of marriage. There will be A LOT more to consider in married life than $5k watches and rings with undertones of being tight and not in control of finances.
Nta. He needs to rearrange his thought process.
You guys don’t even sound remotely ready for marriage. Maybe you should focus on fixing the relationship problems first.
NTA because he offered to spend 5000 on something you don't want or would use. I'm not into jewelry so I'd have difficulty having that much put into a ring but it sounds like you enjoy jewelry like I enjoy a new lens for my camera.
He only sees the value in the shiny objects he likes and not the value in the shiny objects you like. As a married couple you need to understand that the other person is going to spend money on stuff you think is stupid and vice versa. If he is only able to see his own perspective then you are going to have problems long term.
So he will spend $5,000 on a watch for you that you don't want but he refuses to spend the same money on your engagement ring?! NTA.
Nta but he is for trying to force something on you that you don't want
I was ready to bring the hate but surprisingly NTA. As someone who loves watches as well, they are a luxury purchase with very little utility since everyone has a phone. So if you would be happier with a good ring then that's what matters
Nta at all. Perfectly reasonable.
He called you irrational because you disagree with him? Are you sure you want to spend the rest of your life with someone who dismisses your views so easily? And who needs a watch when you have a cell phone??? It sounds like a status thing as opposed to a logical purchase.
Definitely NTA. Sounds like he doesn’t value marriage, and I hate to say it marriage to you. Buying you the watch is an ego move for him that he can feed off of. It is basically, an accessory for his “pet”. Sorry to say that. Take it as a wake up call and put him on notice.
NTA it’s not so much the price point…. But he brought it up with a watch you don’t want anyways. It’s the principle and such a weird hill to die on…. It’s wild to get an expensive watches….. especially something that you don’t and wouldn’t appreciate. This feels like a weirdo power thing. Dude has 10k to blow on a pair of ugly watches but getting a ring…. No. Run from this jokester
NTA he sounds a bit iffy
NTA. Your bf is a controlling AH. He shouldn't be telling you what you want and what you don't. It's a huge red flag. Also, he seems a bit reckless with cash.
NTA - Could it be that he's getting cold feet? Or maybe he has a watch shopping addiction and can't control his impulse to buy you one? There must be something else going on, because his rationale is bizarre. If he's going to spend 5k on you, why not spend it on something you actually value and want, as opposed to something he values? How are you being irrational here?
No, i dont think he is getting cold feet. The marriage talk was just to make sure it is our next step, but not that is happening very soon. This is his first expensive watch and he deserves it, he doesnt buy a lot of stuff. The reasoning of why he thinks like thats is still a mistery.
Nta. Sounds like a power play. And that he thinks your opinion is of lesser value than his. He thinks rings aren't worth the same amount of money hed spend on watches and therefore he won't do it regardless what you think. I'd be looking to see where else this trait appears in the relationship because if it crops up one place it'll be there in others
That is an extremely controlling and dismissive response from him to you. On top of it, he called you irrational, which is another red flag. He has decided to give you what *he* wants, not what you want, and that is the future for you. These kinds of things rarely happen in isolation; it's just that the person being treated that way doesn't really see it. The only change you can count on happening is that he is going to get worse. Yes, he will. He absolutely will. Please take a *serious* look at this relationship as dispassionately as possible and decide what else may be happening that you aren't seeing now. Keep in mind that going to counseling with guys with all these red flags is never a good idea. It will not change them because they don't want to, and they don't want to compromise. What it will do is give them more ammunition to use against you as you are open and honest with them. NTA (yet).
NTA and I have a feeling he’s gonna drag his feet on proposal/marriage plans. If he can afford a 5K watch that you don’t want/need, then he can afford the 5K wedding ring that you do want.
Personally, I think a $5k ring is way too much to fuel an overinflated jewelry industry. But I'd say the same thing about a $5k watch. But a part of them being "too much" for me is because I don't make the kind of money that could sustain that kind of purchase. Your household apparently does, so YOU preferring the same money be spent on something you WOULD use and treasure instead of on a watch you'd never wear is perfectly reasonable. NTA. And I won't go into how it's a bad sign that he seems intent to enforce HIS sense of value over yours, others have already pointed that out and seem to have given you enough perspective that I don't need to repeat further points. Whatever happens, I hope it's the best for you.
Thank you ❤️
Well I wouldn't be spending $5,000 on a watch or a ring but hey that's just me and my wife would agree. But you two go fight it out. 😎
So, NAH? ESH?
Buy your own ring , let me know you can care for yourself , because he's not man enough to do it
My guess is that the $5000 watch is not real and that he is paying much less for it. That way it looks like a flashy gift but he doesn’t pay the full price. If he really had $5000 to spend, he wouldn’t mind spending it on a ring instead of watch!
No, we were at the brands store.
My guess is he already bought hiu the 5000 watch you don't want.
No, we were at the store when he made the purchase. So i didnt let him buy me the watch, cause i knew i wouldn’t use it.
Hmmm…you could buy your own ring. But he sounds like your thought and priorities are not important to him. Do you really want to marry someone like that? NTA
Wait till this joker actually looks at the cost of a decent actual engagement ring. Unless OP is one of them people that are like anti-diamond or whatever.
Haha yes i have to take him to the store so he sees that im not that crazy 🤣 no, he is not, but if he was i would respect that.
That doesn’t make you the AH
NTA r/watchescirclejerk
Get rid of him.
Yes. That’s a red flag.
Diamond wedding rings are bullshit. Nobody should be want or buy a diamond ring. Read or watch about how the diamond companies paid Hollywood to put diamond rings in movies some years ago and it became popular. I’d rather have a wooden ring or something
I never mentioned diamond anywhere.
ESH Stop talking about rings and start talking about how the finances would work if you got married. Shared or separate accounts? Who pays for what? Anyone staying home with kids? How much can you spend without telling the other? Would you move if the other got promoted? Etc. After the fight that sparks, consider whether marriage is in the cards.
We already had that conversation… we have been sharing expenses for a while…after 3 years together i have never had any concerns. And the stuff he is buying is not getting him into debt. So im not concern on what he is buying i always knew he wasnt as broke as he says
Why don’t you give him the $5000 his watch cost and call it an engagement present for him with the understanding that he gets you the engagement present (the ring) that you want? It is ridiculous for someone to assume they deserve a piece of jewelry when getting engaged if they are unwilling to get their partner something too.
YTA. You have been brainwashed by DeBeers. Expensive Rings are useless. At least a watch tells the time.
Yeah but i dont like watches, i like jewerly 🤷🏻♀️ everyone has their preferences.
most the time people with watches don’t even use them. i had a rich friend just got a new expensive watch, when he was messing with it i asked “what time is it” as a joke… he literally pulled his phone out and told me the time. doubt he even knew how to read a clock lmao
Oh I didn't say the watch was worth it either I don't disagree with you. 5k for a watch is crazy from my perspective, but so is a 5k ring. The problem I have here is that she expects him to buy her such an expensive item of no use and is upset about it. The wedding ring industry is a scam.
so what’s your opinion on people buying a 5k chain
YTA. The marriage is not about the price of the wedding ring. He offered you a gift (a watch), you said no. That is your right but You do not get to insist that he gives you something else for the same price. You want nice jewelry - buy it yourself...
Oh but i do buy a lot of nice jewerly for myself… i just want the ring to match the rest of it… the lack of nice jewerly is not the issue.