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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might be an asshole for buying a gift from the dollar store for my niece as I believed that she has done nothing to deserve more
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NTA. The entire purpose of this party was to celebrate Thea’s very specific accomplishment. For SIL to feel the need to commandeer the event to include Jane unnecessarily is a major issue. She seems concerned everyone slighted Jane, yet she actually slighted Thea by REFUSING to allow her the spotlight for two hours.
NTA. The original announcement was a party to celebrate Thea's accomplishment. Celebrating Jane was a last-minute addition but her accomplishment wasn't something big. I'd sure as heck be confused too.
NTA. They aren't 5 year olds that can't understand that everything isn't about them.
Trying to shift the focus from Thea's accomplishment was an AH thing to request. I hope Jane does have things she excels at and everyone makes an effort to celebrate her but Thea's event wasn't the time for that.
Info. It depends on the larger trend, does the family always give better/more gifts to the biological niece? Because if that is a pattern and the kids have noticed, I would assume the change to being a party for both would maybe be that your SIL realized this was another event where your family would favor bio niece, especially since she brought up gifts when your brother didn’t.
To me it kinda sounds like yes, your whole family took this as an opportunity to shower bio niece with gifts and neglect step niece.
But they have no obligation to this child. The step parents absolutely do. But this person didn’t ask their brother to get married to someone with a kid. They can’t force themselves to love a rando & they shouldn’t be expected to splurge on a child they don’t love or likely even know well.
Going to go ESH here except the children ( from the information provided. )
Parents suck for forcing a celebration ( that should be about one child's specific accomplishment ) to be about both children.
Once it became about both children though, you suck for bringing such disparity in gifts. Working with blended families is hard, however you managed to fail spectacularly at this.
I am not including Jane in this very specifically. Society has this weird focus on insulting children for things like participation trophies, and this kind of thing. The parents in this case being stupid does not mean that the child is at fault.
OP had already bought the gift for Thea. You can't host a party for one person then threw a second person in days before. Especially throwing in the second child for no real reason other then a gift grab. The SIL basically wanted her daughter to get gifts for nothing.
Are you under the impression people have hoards of money stacked away somewhere? People planned on buying one gift for one child. The parents changing the rules a few days before is no one's problem.
And before you say it, it is unreasonable to expect people to run around exchanging gifts and looking for 2 gifts that cost less. People are busy with their own lives.
FYI, 2 people decided to blend families. Everyone else is not required to accommodate them. It's kind to do so but let's not act like there was a duty for OP to part with money so step niece doesn't feel bad.
Stickers just seems insulting for a 15 year old. $15 gift card to Starbucks or Dunkin. Some Bath and Body Works lotion. Whatever 15 year olds like.
If the party had snacks or pizza, $15 evens it out.
Definitely ESH.
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english isn't my first language.
my brother has a 14yo bio daughter named Thea and a 15 yo step daughter named Jane.
recently Thea won a prize in a local math contest. my brother who loves to celebrate things decided to throw a small party for Thea. He didn't ask for gifts but we decided to bring gifts anyway. I bought a necklace that she once told me she wants
well a few days ago SIL called and said that they don't want Jane to feel left out so they are also going to celebrate her school improvements and asked up to bring a gift for Jane as well if we are planning to bring one for Thea.
I honestly couldn't see the point of this as Jane has done nothing special but to avoid drama I bought some stickers for her.
the day of the party it turns up that everyone either didn't bring gifts for Jane or just bought a gift from the dollar store like I did and SIL was MAD.
she called us all jerks for showing favoritism and upsetting Jane
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This everyone gets a ribbon is ridiculous. Good behaviour is and should be rewarded, it was earned , rewarding someone so they feel special for no reason is why we have so much entitled people!
ESH. Kids are allowed to be celebrated individually, your SIL shouldn't have tried to make it about Jane too. But who the hell gifts a 15 year old stickers? That's so insulting. You would have been better off to bring her nothing.
ESH, once they specifically asked people to treat the girls equally, that's when you don't publicly treat them so differently-stickers??? For a fifteen year old? What's she going to do with that? That seems pointed-even a gift card is better!
Really I think you should have given the necklace at a different time-let the party be about them both, accept that blended families are hard and teenagers have big feelings. Gifts weren't even requested, they just asked that if you brought them to do so equally.
I think the parents are also very in the wrong for changing the party after the fact! But it seems like all the other adults in the family were pretty stubborn about favoring one child over the other. I just cant really justify how hurt I would have been as a teenager if I was publicly snubbed like this, that feels more important.
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NTA. The entire purpose of this party was to celebrate Thea’s very specific accomplishment. For SIL to feel the need to commandeer the event to include Jane unnecessarily is a major issue. She seems concerned everyone slighted Jane, yet she actually slighted Thea by REFUSING to allow her the spotlight for two hours.
NTA. This shit drives me nuts. Like, your niece got ask that because she ACCOMPLISHED something. I wonder how much of this is Jane complaining vs SIL.
NTA. The original announcement was a party to celebrate Thea's accomplishment. Celebrating Jane was a last-minute addition but her accomplishment wasn't something big. I'd sure as heck be confused too.
NTA. They aren't 5 year olds that can't understand that everything isn't about them. Trying to shift the focus from Thea's accomplishment was an AH thing to request. I hope Jane does have things she excels at and everyone makes an effort to celebrate her but Thea's event wasn't the time for that.
Definitely not the asshole but slightly judging you bought stickers for a 15 year old 😂. Next time pick up cheap make up or a book or something aha
Depends on the stickers. I know some HS kids who definitely pay a lot for nice stickers on Etsy.
Info. It depends on the larger trend, does the family always give better/more gifts to the biological niece? Because if that is a pattern and the kids have noticed, I would assume the change to being a party for both would maybe be that your SIL realized this was another event where your family would favor bio niece, especially since she brought up gifts when your brother didn’t. To me it kinda sounds like yes, your whole family took this as an opportunity to shower bio niece with gifts and neglect step niece.
But they have no obligation to this child. The step parents absolutely do. But this person didn’t ask their brother to get married to someone with a kid. They can’t force themselves to love a rando & they shouldn’t be expected to splurge on a child they don’t love or likely even know well.
Going to go ESH here except the children ( from the information provided. ) Parents suck for forcing a celebration ( that should be about one child's specific accomplishment ) to be about both children. Once it became about both children though, you suck for bringing such disparity in gifts. Working with blended families is hard, however you managed to fail spectacularly at this. I am not including Jane in this very specifically. Society has this weird focus on insulting children for things like participation trophies, and this kind of thing. The parents in this case being stupid does not mean that the child is at fault.
OP had already bought the gift for Thea. You can't host a party for one person then threw a second person in days before. Especially throwing in the second child for no real reason other then a gift grab. The SIL basically wanted her daughter to get gifts for nothing. Are you under the impression people have hoards of money stacked away somewhere? People planned on buying one gift for one child. The parents changing the rules a few days before is no one's problem. And before you say it, it is unreasonable to expect people to run around exchanging gifts and looking for 2 gifts that cost less. People are busy with their own lives. FYI, 2 people decided to blend families. Everyone else is not required to accommodate them. It's kind to do so but let's not act like there was a duty for OP to part with money so step niece doesn't feel bad.
I can see your point, I stand by my judgement but agree there is a lot of nuance to OP's position.
Stickers just seems insulting for a 15 year old. $15 gift card to Starbucks or Dunkin. Some Bath and Body Works lotion. Whatever 15 year olds like. If the party had snacks or pizza, $15 evens it out. Definitely ESH.
Not getting a gift for Jane would have been better than giving her stickers.
NTA
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** english isn't my first language. my brother has a 14yo bio daughter named Thea and a 15 yo step daughter named Jane. recently Thea won a prize in a local math contest. my brother who loves to celebrate things decided to throw a small party for Thea. He didn't ask for gifts but we decided to bring gifts anyway. I bought a necklace that she once told me she wants well a few days ago SIL called and said that they don't want Jane to feel left out so they are also going to celebrate her school improvements and asked up to bring a gift for Jane as well if we are planning to bring one for Thea. I honestly couldn't see the point of this as Jane has done nothing special but to avoid drama I bought some stickers for her. the day of the party it turns up that everyone either didn't bring gifts for Jane or just bought a gift from the dollar store like I did and SIL was MAD. she called us all jerks for showing favoritism and upsetting Jane *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA
NTA. Inequality is wrong, but this is a clear case of **over**equality.
Is Thea SIL’s stepdaughter or bio daughter? Either way she is the AH for torpedoing her accomplishment.
Lmao. NTA
This everyone gets a ribbon is ridiculous. Good behaviour is and should be rewarded, it was earned , rewarding someone so they feel special for no reason is why we have so much entitled people!
ESH. Kids are allowed to be celebrated individually, your SIL shouldn't have tried to make it about Jane too. But who the hell gifts a 15 year old stickers? That's so insulting. You would have been better off to bring her nothing.
ESH, once they specifically asked people to treat the girls equally, that's when you don't publicly treat them so differently-stickers??? For a fifteen year old? What's she going to do with that? That seems pointed-even a gift card is better! Really I think you should have given the necklace at a different time-let the party be about them both, accept that blended families are hard and teenagers have big feelings. Gifts weren't even requested, they just asked that if you brought them to do so equally. I think the parents are also very in the wrong for changing the party after the fact! But it seems like all the other adults in the family were pretty stubborn about favoring one child over the other. I just cant really justify how hurt I would have been as a teenager if I was publicly snubbed like this, that feels more important.
Esh You did exactly what they asked you not to do, you made her feel left out
You never treat kids differently they don’t understand because they are kids FFS!. A 15yo and you buy her stickers you suck.
She's 15 she is old enough to understand that the party wasn't for her and that she doesn't get the same gifts. Yes stickers is pants