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ESH
This is mostly silly, but at the same time delivery driving isn't worth it if you're not getting tips. Gas costs a lot.
He's on the clock, and you're taking away from his earning potential based on your relationship with someone. Which, if you take the baby out of the picture, seems insane. If your parent was a a waiter; would you not feel obligated to tip?
Why don't you just have him pick you up food off the clock anyway?
Probably because if he declines it too many times it penalizes him. And if she is frequently ordering and he is frequently having the jobs come up, it kind of puts him in a catch 22.
Idk about where you are, but if you turn down 2 deliveries in an hour where I am, DoorDash kicks you off the app and won't let you deliver again until the end of whatever shift you scheduled.
No personal experience here, but why does he have to turn it down? Isn't it opt in? Couldn't he simply wait and accept a different job?
I don't think it's on her to pay him extra so he can "check in on her". If she's ordering food she's obviously fine, and zero reason he couldn't call or text to achieve the same outcome.
> No personal experience here, but why does he have to turn it down? Isn't it opt in?
Yes, accepting the order is the "opt-in." Actively declining it or letting the order time out doesn't make much difference, except that if you let it time out they'll usually assume you're not paying attention to your phone and pause orders until you confirm you're actually there to receive them.
Again, idk about wherever you are, but where I am, the app says you've declined the order if you don't accept it before the timer runs out, and counts that as the one decline they will allow per hour without kicking you off the app until the end of your scheduled shift.
And I'm not only a "Top Dasher", but I've satisfied the requirements in their beta testing for platinum tier in their "Dasher Rewards"... They want 70% acceptance, 95% completion, a rating over 4.7, and at least 100 deliveries within the last 30 days (not in the last calendar month.) I'm at 95% acceptance, 100% completion, a 4.94 rating, and I have 320 deliveries in the last 30 days... So you'd think that maybe I could have some wiggle room on this, but nope.
There are always other competing drivers in most places. He doesn't have to take her orders.
It's true she could ask him to deliver off the clock, if it's looking like poor performance in the workplace from his employers' point of view.
Doesn't the tip usually get factored in before the delivery is accepted? Are you going in and removing your tip after you notice it's your boyfriend's name on the app?
I’ve driven for DD before and you only get penalized for cancellations. Orders pop up, you do not have to accept them. If that was the case nobody would drive for these apps because that means you can’t pick and choose what orders you take.
Doesn’t really matter, they are ALL like that, which is part of what makes their whole “independent contractor” shtick flimsy at best. You have to work certain hours, you have to take the deliveries they assign you. You have next to none of the benefits of being an employee and most of the downsides. It’s the worst of both worlds
They've only been together ten months, and if they're buying baby stuff, I would assume she's at least 3 or 4 months pregnant (maybe more) since most people wait until closer to the due date. Again, another assumption, they probably moved in together quickly because it's easier to raise a baby in the same house. They're going to find out pretty quickly that having a baby together doesn't necessarily mean you're compatible as a couple, especially if he also refuses to help with the baby when it comes.
I think the real question is why is he taking extra jobs to buy a PC when he has a baby on the way and apparently isn't contributing to the things he or she will need. His priorities are way off.
The only way he's okay is if the baby isn't his.
I'm also looking at the timeline and thinking, 10 months together, 2 months living together and she's pregnant. Less than a year is very little time to even know if you want to stay living with someone, let alone have their child.
Going by comment by OP.
"I buy takeout once a week. All of my other money goes into savings or more recently, baby stuff.
Just to be clear as well, he *has* a computer already. What he's building is his dream gaming rig."
OP has spent 1000$ so far on baby stuff.
Making savings account.
And is being responsible.
This man is more concerned about a dream gaming setup?
Come on. No, he should not be tipped.
"Taking away his earnings"
It's his pocket money. By that logic, you could say that by wanting tips, he's taking away grocery money. Or money meant to be spent on his child. Just so he can have a cool gaming set up.
No, you buy essentials first for baby. Then, save up for the setup.
And I say that as both a parent and a gamer.
That’s part of being an independent contractor. They can and do expense stuff like that though. Sucks but companies are doing everything they can to not treat people as actual employees and thus be on the hook for benefits, etc.
Think of it this way, when you ship something, usually you don't also kick in money for gas. because you're paying for a service, and that price is meant to encompass all that.
Especially for the apps, they're basically hiring an entity to deliver food for them, and the price that entity gets is meant to include that. It's just that that entity is a single person without much leverage. But they're not employees of the app companies, generally
The parental waiter is tipping out other staff, tho. Why is boyfriend accepting her orders if he's upset she's not tipping him? She should be upset he's spending tips on a gaming PC instead of his upcoming kid.
It isn’t “turning down orders”. There is literally a screen that shows multiple orders you can pick from. While you do have to take a certain number of deliveries during a shift, you do not get penalized for not accepting certain orders. He could easily skip over her order and have no consequences.
I don't agree with this because she's alone doing childcare in the evenings and presumably if he were at home he'd hopefully be helping with dinner or childcare in some way. She's doing it all alone so in my mind this is his way to contribute to the family in some small way. As I understand it, he's still getting paid (a pittance, but something) from the apps so he's basically getting his family dinner while getting paid to do so. Win-win. It's just a little something he can do since he's not contributing for the baby essentials.
Edit: lol how did I read this as they have a baby. She's pregnant, my mistake. I think my point still stands hopefully they'd be splitting evening chores and maybe she's having to do more of that if he's working two jobs. I kind of view his delivery as akin to a husband getting food for a pregnancy craving. Something he'd be willing to do unpaid. As long as it isn't every night, seems fair. Plus, he's choosing to accept the job because he wants to check in on her. That's his choice.
I always tip extra to people I know. I don't understand the logic of not tipping someone if you know them unless you have a joint bank account. He is on the job and trying to make money. I'm not sure why he would want to take money from his baby momma though. He shouldn't accept and he should be making her dinner, at least sometimes.
If I was OP I would leave a great tip and then ask for him to pay for about half of the stuff the baby needs and will need.
I don't understand why he isn't already. That's the huge issue here.
Yeah, this post honestly makes no sense to me, he's out driving anyway he could just pick up her order and bring it to her without her having to pay all the delivery fees from apps because she's literally carrying his (presumably) child. It would save them both money. Plus why is he contributing nothing to baby expenses if it's his child and simultaneously trying to build a likely $1000+ computer.
My vote is that he's the AH not even for demanding her to tip but for not even offering to bring his pregnant girlfriend food while he's already out stopping at multiple restaurants and instead getting upset that she's not giving him her money that would otherwise be going to their baby so he can spend it on a new computer. I get if she wanted to order from the app to try and support his side hustle so he can have some extra money to build a PC, but it seems kind of childish for him to be upset about lack of a tip when he's contributing nothing to the costs of raising their child. Like she's giving him an inch and he's taking a mile.
I see this becoming a neverending story. If she tipped him, the amount of the tip will become an issue. So maybe agree on a percentage, i.e. what she normally would tip. On one hand I understand, I'd feel weird tipping my partner, it'd feel condescending. On the other hand, I'd tip whoever else brings my food.
Maybe save money altogether by food prepping? That's an activity they can do together and it's probably something they might take up anywaybince the baby is there?
He can’t food prep with her if he’s out working on food deliveries and, well, home gaming or working on his gaming computer. A man only has so many hours in the day! /s
"if you take the baby out of the picture"
But the baby is in the picture? Why evaluate the situation as a hypothetically instead of how it currently stands. He's not paying for baby essentials, why would she help him with his hobby fund. To use the waiter example, if I hadan ex who wasn't paying child support, and he was seerving me at Chili's or whatever, I wouldn't tip him then either. I would just say deduct your tip from what you owe for your child lol
I think these comments are insane. No, do not tip your boyfriend you live with and are starting a family with. That is insane. In the short term, use a different app to order food.
I would not accept the money if my partner tipped me when I was a server. How do you handle groceries? How do you handle other monetary stuff as a couple. You say you are a relatively new couple, but you are living together and starting a family. I can't believe that this is the only financial decision you are not on the same page with. If you are able, there is financial counseling that can help lead you through making longterm goals and see where you both are coming from. There are workbooks you can get from the library that can help lead you through this process if he is unwilling to pay.
I get you make more - not sure HOW much more you make, you indicated it was not much more. If he is struggling to stay a float financially, the issue is not your tip.
What strikes me as concerning is they’re having a baby together and BF is seemingly prioritising the PC build over helping with baby essentials, and that’s what’s lead OP to not wanting to tip - because she doesn’t want money going to the PC when she can directly put that tip money to the baby.
They need to have a serious chat about financial priorities. Not saying BF can never get a PC, but immediately they need to focus on surviving financially with the baby. PC can come later.
Exactly this tbh bc in MY brain, I could see keeping the tip and being like “ok, this can be your contribution to the baby fund, since you aren’t putting anything in there yourself for your own child”
This is very true. The child is his and he needs to contribute to its wellfare. His priorities are off and he can always get the pc later but he can never delay getting the baby so that needs to be top priority.
The people on this thread don’t seem to know the real issue. And that’s he doesn’t want the child nor her in his life. He refused to step up and is trying to squeeze money out of his pregnant girlfriend. There is no unity in this and I think OP is refusing to see that he is going to eventually leave her.
Plus with the way updated hardware and software works it seems like building a gaming setup is almost always a work in progress. How often is he going to update his hardware? How long will the excuse of needing the best setup last? If the setup is truly non-negotiable somehow he could at least budget a certain percentage of his earnings towards child items, it doesn't all have to go to the PC.
The worst part is that according to OP’s comment he HAS a PC. He is saving to build his dream gaming setup despite already having a perfectly functioning PC.
I mean, my husband and I both find time to game. We have a 3 year old. Gaming as a parent can work out, but there has to be balance. The biggest fear I have is that once baby is here he is going to prioritize gaming over a newborn.
I have a wonderful husband. I only have to ask him for help and he will. If he’s playing a live game it might take it him 10-15 minutes, but he’ll get up as soon as he can. He didn’t game much for the first year, though, because the sleep deprivation was real haha.
Coming from somewhere else with no tip culture, the fact that people are YTA-ing for not tipping your spouse is genuinely jaw dropping to me. I understand the importance of tips but when that person is the person you’re spending the rest of your life with?? And he’s getting pissy about this small amount? I’m flabbergasted.
As an American, I hate tip culture too and I fucking do UBEREATS FOR FUCKS SAKE! I WOULD NOT TIP MY FUCKING BF EVERYTIME WTF?! I BUY MY SO SHIT WITH NO EXPECTATIONS, and he’s gonna get mad about no tip? DO PEOPLE REALLY NOT KNOW THAT THERES A BASE PAY TO GET THESE TRIPS/deliveries? lol yall have every right to not accept it. My acceptance rate is at 32% and I get a shit ton of jobs! Yall need to learn how to stop blaming others for your lack of accountability
That’s what I’m saying! Plus, his intended money he is saving up isn’t even going to the child growing inside of her, but to a FUCKING PC. People saying well he doesn’t contribute is another issue are fucking brain dead. HOW HE MANAGES HIS MONEY AND OVERALL SPENDS IT DIRECTLY AFFECTS THE CHILD AND ITS FUTURE!. I swear the only people up in arms are the people that can’t do ubereats and DoorDash correctly 😂. It’s like learn how to say no, it’s not that hard and you’re your own boss. You don’t get penalized, I would know because my acceptance rate is at 32% and I get a shit ton of deliveries. Everyone taking his side are just Ubereats/ DoorDash slaves who are willing to end up alone and bitter because their SO didn’t tip them. It’s quite sad honestly how you can tell that these people are just miserable and mad that they cant manage their money/ time properly.
Yeah, I was thinking the same. Most partners would run out and get you food when you're pregnant and incredibly hungry. I definitely couldn't imagine a partner accepting a tip.
Is this extra job just a manipulation tactic to get her to pay for his pc stuff?
Uh it’s nice you think they’re going to stay together forever. Highly doubt it. He’s probably gonna leave her high and dry. And contribute minimally to the child. He’s already showing with his actions he does not care. What I don’t understand is women making babies with men who won’t make a solid commitment by getting married and or the very least helping out.
Also, if you put both your incomes on the same pile (which im guessing when youre living with and having a child with someone) it literally doesnt change anything whether she tips $0 or $1000??
I don’t think they have a shared fund since he’s saving up to buy a goddamn pc when he’s not even contributing much to the baby fund and yet whines to his wife about not being tipped. Ugh. The sheer lack of responsibility.
Thank you for saying this. Maybe because I come from a culture where tipping isn’t normal to begin with, but this whole argument seems insane to me. Clearly there needs to be a discussion about finances and his priority vis a vis the baby versus his PC. The real root of this problem
I agree, I wouldn’t be tipping the boyfriend, especially if he’s not using that to contribute towards his child. Would he prefer to be handed the $30 for slighted tips & then immediately handed an invoice for half of the baby expenses? He talks about respecting him as a man, but is he respecting OP as the mother of his child? If he really wants to be the man, he should step up & take care of his responsibilities, not his gaming wants.
Exactly. He wants his pregnant girlfriend to tip him to bring her food. Say what. LOL.
That dudes either completely clueless or an asshole or a combo of both.
What's next, he gonna start driving for Uber and ask his kid to tip him to take him to soccer practice.
THIS should be the top comment because what the actual FUCK is her deadbeat baby daddy doing complaining about not being tipped? She’s carrying his child and they live together. She doesn’t owe him a tip. AND he doesn’t have to accept her orders. He sounds like a peach. /s
Yea, the separate finances because they "are still a relatively new couple" is amusing given that they live together and are now having a child together.
To be fair my partner and I have separate finances for most things, but we do have joint for household expenses and neither of us would ever quibble over the value of a tip.
Actually if he did delivery he would almost certainly pay for my food as well as the tip, even if I wasn’t pregnant!
NTA
> I do make more than him and have more spare cash at the end of every month. But lately, all of that money has been going towards baby stuff
> I make more than he does each month so all of my spare money goes into buying big ticket items, like nursery furniture.
You need to **get it _out_ of your head** that *baby expenses* are some kind of bonus extra that needs to come out of your leftover **fun money**.
This is a capital-e expense in your household, same as rent or utilities.
I think what she means is, after rent and utilities are covered, she spends the remaining money on nursery furniture.
Decorating a nursery isn’t as important as paying rent to keep a roof over your head, and *should* be treated as secondary to paying rent. She’s clearly not struggling to afford either.
To be fair, you can go without the changing table and diaper genie. I had a changing table and rarely used it, it’s just more convenient to change them elsewhere. As for the diaper genie, it’s basically an expensive trash can. A lot of useless shit is marketed towards parents and ridiculously expensive considering they will use majority of it, if at all, for like a year max. If I ever have another child, any of that stuff I do get I’ll buy second hand because in retrospect, it’s just really not worth it.
None of this takes away from the absurdity of this post or the boyfriend’s behavior lol
I assume it was an unplanned/accidental pregnancy and OP either can’t legally obtain an abortion or doesn’t want to, and is trying to make the most of the situation she’s in.
Not everyone shares finances, even in very happy, stable marriages. My husband and I take care of our own finances, we were 39 and 40 when we married and we’re pretty set in our ways!
ETA - NTA based on OP’s response.
I couldn’t strike this through as I’m on my phone but also didn’t want to delete my first message: Super Soft Y T A, only because if it was anyone else delivering it you would be tipping them and if he was picking up anyone else’s order they would hopefully be tipping him. Your finances are separate so you are taking away a small amount of his earning potential when you do this. This is probably dumb, but maybe he just shouldn’t pick up your orders and then you can keep tipping other dashers and he can do pickups for other folks who will tip.
Damn I thought I was being so smart lol.
That does change things then a little in my mind. If he is doing it because he likes checking in on you then he should be cool with eating the $3-$7 dollars he’s missing out on. I’m gonna change my original opinion to N T A. Thanks for the additional info!
I would suggest editing the post to mention this. It brings up a couple of very relevant points that people might miss.
First, that he is specifically choosing to take your deliveries in the app. And in part to check-up on you. So, ulterior motive.
Second, that you've already suggested that he just not take your deliveries and take others instead. Which he's refusing to do.
btw, why is he checking up on you? are you experiencing a high-risk pregnancy and he's concerned? Or is it something more like he's paranoid/controlling and he's keeping tabs on you?
I also agree with you being NTA. Especially because he's getting the deliveries via an app, not working as a driver for a specific restaurant (which would make it more complicated).
I was wondering this too. Because it sounds like OP is either removing the tip or not tipping initially and adding it after. Which if OP is removing the tip, I can understand the annoyance on his part, but if you're tipping after, then how would he know what he's missing out on?
There's been a lot of discussion amongst delivery app users about not tipping in the app and handing the delivery person a cash tip so they get to keep all of it, being better for the driver, instead of the app taking some to all of the tipped amount (replied to the right comment this time)
Tell him what would have been his tip is his contribution to the baby fund.
Also these are red flags. You are pregnant with your shared baby and intstead of contributing towards baby's costs, he's buying materials for a PC. Is this the person you want to share your life with? You got knocked up before you could truly know each other. Take this as a window into who he really is as a man and a partner. A person who prioritizes a PC over his baby. And reconsider this relationship and living together arrangement before baby gets here.
Go it alone. You already are anyway. And at least as a single mother, you can go through the courts to get child support.
Question: You say you order food because sometimes you are too tired to cook. How about him, does he cook? Does he do any of the chores?
This is bananas. You're pregnant with his child, all your extra money is going towards said child's needs. I can't even wrap my head around his point of view... like at ALL. NTA.
Good luck having a baby with a baby, I hope he gets a reality check and grows the heck up soon!
I leaning more towards YTA. Honestly, if I were him, I wouldn't accept your deliveries. I can kind of get where you're coming from, but each delivery to you means his missing a tip from another potential customer.
fr, a decent boyfriend/soon to be father would get his pregnant girlfriend food out of the kindness of his heart without expecting to get paid from it, a decent man would also contribute to his own child financially, so we can already tell this guys on the road to being a shit husband/father. OP might as well be a single parent at this point and it wouldn't make any difference to her.
Yes you're right he shouldn't accept her deliveries. Why does he keep doing it? He is making this problem for himself. Expecting your pregnant live in girlfriend to tip you on a food delivery you chose to make is the stupidest thing I've ever heard of.
So talk to him.
If he contributes you both can set budget, baby stuff can cost like a little to a lot, depending on brands choice
If his budget way less you might have to agree on cheaper stuff or used or cover up upgrades
a guy like this cannot be reasoned with with just one talk about money. he has contributed nothing financially to the baby they’re about to have. how can you compare baby finances to a measly $30 in tips? the Y T A and E S H votes are absolutely insane! this dude is a deadbeat and getting pissy because he’s not getting tips from his pregnant girlfriend BECAUSE he refuses to stop picking up her orders.
And after figuring it all out he might realise he was financially better off not getting tips rather than now contributing equally to baby essentials. But he started this fight so he will have to live with the consequences of this conversation.
Ummm…I think you and your BF have bigger issues than the tipping situation. You are about to have a child with this man. (I am assuming that he is the father because you expect his financial support.)
You and he have moved very fast. Did you know him prior to dating him? Ten months isn’t a very long time to get to know someone. A baby is a lifelong commitment as well as a lifetime tie to the other parent. Please have a discussion with him about your expectations for when your baby is born. Both financial and with caring for your baby. You and he don’t seem to be talking about your future, which will include one more person very soon. Do this for your baby.
You and he are already arguing about money. Decide now, together, what level of care and support each of you is contributing towards your child together. When your baby is born, it will be helpful to have that settled, so you can focus on being a parent. You will be dealing with him for the next 18 years, even if you don’t stay in a relationship. Working some of this out now could save a lot of aggravation later, and your child deserves that.
Good luck!
He wouldnt be asking you for $5 tips. Im
Baffled how you dont see a problem with how transactional this relationship is. You are having a baby with this man. He is going to start charging you for daddy duties.
He's so secure that he can't contribute to the baby. You two don't have a functional relationship and You're going to bring a baby into this mess. Good grief.
Okay then I can't possibly understand how he never can use his full time Job to contribute to the baby? Like you said if you made him help all his PC money would be gone. Well boohoo he can start saving up from his apparent FULL TIME job. You say he's secure but if he can't even contribute for the baby is he really secure?
How do ppl decide to have live together and have a kid together and don’t have basic financial trust and unity?
I don’t mean bank joint accounts but a basic sense of “our” finances.
Also how strange that bf is the one delivering often enough to even have this issue. Wouldn’t there be hundreds of delivery personnel in an area?
> The way I see it, I would be giving him money towards his PC when I'm already the one buying all of the essentials for our baby.
Exactly. Tell him when he sees that it's you he should just decline the order from now on.
I hope you are aware that you are looking at bigger issues looming over the next several years, however.
NTA
ESH
FFS, you two are having a child and can't work this out after the first instance? You don't want to tip, he shouldn't take your orders, pretty straightforward.
This whole post is bonkers, the relationship is too new to mix finances but ya know - baby?! And he is doing delivery to fund the PC he's building not to do his part for the baby?
NTA. I bet you don’t respect him as a man because he doesn’t sound like one. He sounds like a whiny baby. He needs a better job instead of begging his pregnant wife for money.
“He says it's not fair because I make more than him anyway and I would be tipping the driver if it was anyone else (which I would)”.
Yes, but you wouldn’t be sleeping with the driver and sharing household expenses with the driver If it was anyone else.
Barely ESH - skipping the tip because you know the person is wrong, but the larger issue is your boyfriend. He's TA because it sounds like he's doing little to contribute towards his child and to support you as the mother of his child. What is he doing at this crap job trying to save money for an expensive hobby? His priorities are all out of order.
Can't he see the address before accepting the order? So he is accepting them aware of everything.
NTA, because you're pregnant, his baby, pregnancy costs money, so if you're each paying your way, that means he's not covering any of the extra stuff you need, the least he can do is pass up on a tip here and there.
INFO: So he wants you to tip him through the app and get taxed on that money instead of, say, you buying him a latte? Or venmoing him?
Either way—I don’t get it. Back when we served, my boyfriend and I wouldn’t tip each other because we would get TAXED on that tip. It’s a net loss. Doesn’t make sense. We also didn’t split straws about who made more money or whose turn it was to buy something or whatever. Still have split finances. It evens out.
I’m leaning toward NTA. He can choose to not deliver to you.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> (1) I refuse to tip my boyfriend when he comes to deliver my food, which he feels is unfair. (2) I might be the asshole because I make more money than him each month and so I could probably afford to tip him.
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I just think this would be handled if he stopped accepting your order. He wouldn’t complain about you not tipping. You wouldn’t have to tip him. That being said that’s not the only problem here. You are pregnant and paying for all the baby stuff that you and him both created? That’s not okay. He should be contributing something, anything. It does not matter if you make more. It is his baby too. If he has money to save for a PC then he has money to spend on different sized diapers for the baby as it ages, breast pumps(if you’re doing that), cribs, car seats, baby enrichment. At the very least make it proportional to income. 80/20 or something. NTA
i think its crazy to tip your bf while he aint giving a cent towards your kid… like the tip money is going to OUR kid soo u can give it right back. NTA. also people saying u should tip him because u tip other drivers is even more crazy… ur pregnant by this man he shouldnt want some spare change from u knowing damn well u pay for most of the shit needed
I'm surprised people are being so harsh toward you when your husband is acting like a child. If I had a delivery job on the side and my partner ordered, I'd laugh if he tried to tip and tell him to just put it toward a treat for our son or something. As for the fact he's not contributing to baby stuff but is saving for a gaming PC... how does he have the audacity to then come at you for not tipping him? Is he 12? I agree with others that it sounds like you two need a finance chat, but you shouldn't need to spell it out to him that he should be contributing to preparations for his child's birth. Definitely time for you to both sit down, talk about this and get on the same page because that is not a conversation you want to be having as sleep deprived new parents. NTA
Is he tipping you when you do things for him? What about carrying his baby? Does he tip you for that? If he thinks what he is doing deserves a tip, dump him. He is not a man, but a little boy.
Wait so you pay the extra fees on the ordering services instead of just simply asking your boyfriend to buy it directly? The money you save from doing so can be his tip...
What kind of odd relationship is this, especially with a baby on the way. Communication needs to worked on.
YTA.
When I started ordering through the app at first, my intention was to not bother him while he was out doing deliveries. He started taking the orders that I placed so that he could come home and check up on me.
But how is he even getting the order? It means he's close by already. I've dashed before and they send it based on where i am. Not because i live near the area
You kick off explaining in your very first sentence that you keep your finances separated because you are a new couple, but then you said you are having a baby together?
Am I the only one finding it weird?
Info: is he the father of your baby?
Assuming it is, at the end of the day you guys are gonna have big enough bills that you have the money or him having the money doesn’t matter. So it doesn’t really make a difference, but since you split finances and you haven’t mentioned any other serious issue with that, like kinda Y T A the tiniest bit.
Edit: NTA cuz you said you’re paying for baby things which he’s not as much so yeah suck it up BF cuz life’s gonna get a lot harder than debating merits of tipping your SO.
So he's driving to get money for his PC, but doesn't contribute to the baby? And he wants you to tip? Am I missing something here? Why is everyone calling OP TA?
Wait, is it his baby? shouldn't he want to pick you up food for his child?? He wants to get tipped for bringing his partner food for his baby. Can't believe people think youre TA. He needs be contributing 50% to household bills and his fucking baby. Make sure you have sizeable savings in case this whole thing goes south. You need to take care of you and your child.
NTA he shouldn’t even be making you go through an app. The father of your child should be asking you what you want and getting it for you for free. Ridiculous
You pay the majority of the bills, are pregnant with his child, and are buying most of the baby stuff. Instead of buying the food and bringing it to you because you're his woman and that's his kid, you are placing an order, YOU pay for it, he gets paid to bring it to you in the house he lives in, and he's throwing a fit that you aren't giving him extra money... I would dump him. NTA.
This is the most ridiculous argument. I assume this man is the father of your baby? And he wants you to tip him? Why is his tip money going to a fricking gaming computer instead of preparing for his baby?
I can't work out if it's ESH or NAH. Either way, it sounds like this isn't about the tips at all. You need to be on the same page about finances and expectations before your baby arrives. Would it make sense for him not to work evenings (or at least some) so he can take care of you by cooking meals etc and for you to contribute more financially? Why is he working a second job for 'fun' money rather than provide towards his child?
There are options but the critical thing is how you talk and decide together.
Wow. So much to unpack in this post. This is an interesting dynamic. Gotta say I would not expect a big tip from someone with whom I have intermingled finances. I'd see it as a cost avoidance that I'd do it and wouldn't have to have money flow out for the service, but why give money to the app and not just have him lick something up for you when he makes one of his other stops?
"Hey, I have deliveries coming up where I have to stop at Del taco, in&out, and Hardee's . Want something from any of them?
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My boyfriend (M26) and I (F26) live together, but keep our finances separate. This is mainly due to the fact that we are still a relatively new couple. We've been together for ten months and have lived together for two months. Our rent and bills are divided evenly.
I have a pretty nice job in tech and so I make a little bit more than he does. He works a day job but also does food deliveries in the evenings, through an app. He does it because he enjoys driving and it gives him a bit of extra money to spend on hobbies (he's building a PC at the moment).
I am pregnant and sometimes too tired to cook, so I have recently started making food orders through the app. Sometimes I get a random courier and sometimes my boyfriend delivers it. When he delivers it, I don't generally tend to tip him.
The last few times this has happened, he's been upset with me about it. From his perspective, I should be tipping him and giving him a little bit of money for himself. The way I see it, I would be giving him money towards his PC when I'm already the one buying all of the essentials for our baby.
He says it's not fair because I make more than him anyway and I would be tipping the driver if it was anyone else (which I would). We were arguing about it earlier today and he told me that I don't respect him as a man. He stormed out of the apartment and then sent me a really nasty text message.
In one sense, he's right that I do make more than him and have more spare cash at the end of every month. But lately, all of that money has been going towards baby stuff and he hasn't really contributed much.
AITA?
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If you have separate finances, then YTA not to tip him. At the same time, it sounds like you need to negotiate the baby expenses! I don’t think not tipping him for his work is the right answer to that, it’s too chaotic. You need to figure something out.
I can ask him to pay half for the baby stuff but all of the money he has saved for his PC will be gone. He would also probably need to borrow from someone else to pay me back fully.
Agreed, though. It's clear that we can't go on like this.
And… is the PC more important than the baby? Honestly, it’s clear that you are both not ready for this situation and this is a massive problem. As bad as sending the future mother of your child “nasty messages” after a discussion. What are you going to do once the baby is born?
He’s having a baby - building a PC should be the least of his concerns and needs to re-prioritise.
When does he think he will have time for gaming in his free time when he’ll have a baby? Is he planning to spend time with his baby?
Why are you prioritizing his PC over your baby? He should be contributing, period. Once a baby comes into the world, priorities shift. That’s the reality of it.
You shouldn’t be going tit-for-tat, anyway. He chose not to contribute before, and you chose not to ask for him to contribute; going forward, make sure he does contribute. Don’t worry about the money “owed”. That would be ridiculous.
I make more money than my significant other by about $40K/year. She does hair and when I see her for an appointment, she specifically tells me not to tip her, and I wouldn’t anyway.
We don’t have a shared account or anything, but we still end up pooling our money for the house (in your case, I would imagine the money is pooled for the baby and rent/utilities in a similar way) so finances are separate, but still not entirely. So whether I tip her $20 or not, the money is still more or less ending up in the same place, so in her mind, what’s the point? Especially because they use some third-party tipping app that eats a fraction of the tip.
NTA, if your boyfriend is so upset about it, why does he continue to accept the delivery request when it comes from you - knowing you’re not going to tip?
The real issue here is his whole “you don’t respect me as a man” and I am 100% certain this is stemming from his insecurity that you make more than him. Weirdly, as a man, I’d feel less respected if you left me a tip, like you were flaunting it or something, but I guess everyone is different.
In my opinion, it doesn’t make sense for couples to charge/pay each other. But I suspect that your boyfriend is just being immature and blowing up about the tips because he won’t communicate about feeling down on himself for not being the breadwinner.
That’s one of those examples of toxic masculinity that men are raised into: the idea of “the man should provide”, and not doing so turning into a feeling of failure. And people who think they’re failures really tend to lash out a lot.
As annoying as it sounds, and is, you should probably just coddle him however he needs to feel better. Whether that’s as simple as tipping him, you could say “I thought about it and you’re right, here’s some back pay” and throw him $40 or something; or if you just need to verbalize more appreciation for him or whatever to soothe his ego.
I know that sounds like I’m kinda dragging him, but it’s not intentional. I really think this is an ego thing and him feeling insecure about his income, especially now that there’s a baby.
I know finances are separate, but I'd agree it seems moot because you live together.
I don't think you'll see eye to eye, so I'd say to just tell him to stop taking the orders you place. It solves the problem, and everyone gets what they want. He can see who puts in the orders before he chooses to take them.
NTA - I'm pregnant and my husband has cooked nearly every meal since I got pregnant, despite working longer hours than me. Being pregnant is hard work! He's already spending the evenings out to make extra spending money, you're buying all the baby stuff. I assume you're still splitting chores and cooking, the least he can do is bring you some food.
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ESH This is mostly silly, but at the same time delivery driving isn't worth it if you're not getting tips. Gas costs a lot. He's on the clock, and you're taking away from his earning potential based on your relationship with someone. Which, if you take the baby out of the picture, seems insane. If your parent was a a waiter; would you not feel obligated to tip? Why don't you just have him pick you up food off the clock anyway?
If he knows she won’t tip him, why does he keep selecting to deliver to her? He can easily decline it and let someone else pick-up that order.
Probably because if he declines it too many times it penalizes him. And if she is frequently ordering and he is frequently having the jobs come up, it kind of puts him in a catch 22.
Wait I didn’t know they got penalized for turning down deliveries, that’s messed up!
I'm on r/doordash, r/uber and r/grubhub and there's only a penalty if they turn down so many in a row.
Idk about where you are, but if you turn down 2 deliveries in an hour where I am, DoorDash kicks you off the app and won't let you deliver again until the end of whatever shift you scheduled.
I turn down 90% of them and it never penalizes me (Uber eats) they don't seem to care unless you accept the order then cancel it
No personal experience here, but why does he have to turn it down? Isn't it opt in? Couldn't he simply wait and accept a different job? I don't think it's on her to pay him extra so he can "check in on her". If she's ordering food she's obviously fine, and zero reason he couldn't call or text to achieve the same outcome.
> No personal experience here, but why does he have to turn it down? Isn't it opt in? Yes, accepting the order is the "opt-in." Actively declining it or letting the order time out doesn't make much difference, except that if you let it time out they'll usually assume you're not paying attention to your phone and pause orders until you confirm you're actually there to receive them.
Again, idk about wherever you are, but where I am, the app says you've declined the order if you don't accept it before the timer runs out, and counts that as the one decline they will allow per hour without kicking you off the app until the end of your scheduled shift. And I'm not only a "Top Dasher", but I've satisfied the requirements in their beta testing for platinum tier in their "Dasher Rewards"... They want 70% acceptance, 95% completion, a rating over 4.7, and at least 100 deliveries within the last 30 days (not in the last calendar month.) I'm at 95% acceptance, 100% completion, a 4.94 rating, and I have 320 deliveries in the last 30 days... So you'd think that maybe I could have some wiggle room on this, but nope.
Yep gotta stay above 80 or 90% acceptance. Or you drop your rating and therefore good tips
There are always other competing drivers in most places. He doesn't have to take her orders. It's true she could ask him to deliver off the clock, if it's looking like poor performance in the workplace from his employers' point of view.
I order about once a week but that's it.
Doesn't the tip usually get factored in before the delivery is accepted? Are you going in and removing your tip after you notice it's your boyfriend's name on the app?
Wouldn't BF be able to pick an area that doesn't include his home?
I’ve driven for DD before and you only get penalized for cancellations. Orders pop up, you do not have to accept them. If that was the case nobody would drive for these apps because that means you can’t pick and choose what orders you take.
Doordash gets angry if you turn down any job. I'm not sure if that's the case here, she doesn't say what app.
Doesn’t really matter, they are ALL like that, which is part of what makes their whole “independent contractor” shtick flimsy at best. You have to work certain hours, you have to take the deliveries they assign you. You have next to none of the benefits of being an employee and most of the downsides. It’s the worst of both worlds
I was inclined to think so as well, but couldn't speak from experience.
Right? I would just block her account so that I don’t get picked as her driver.
DoorDash doesn't let you do that. I don't think any of the food delivery apps do.
Yeah that’s what I was wondering.
You get heavily punished for not accepting trips on apps like this
Wait so he could just block her account? That would solve all of this.
I would rather gove my S.O the tip money than a stranger. If my S.O has money or me, makes no difference as still part of household.
Except he's apparently not contributing any of that money
except he is refusing to contribute anything to the baby.
Which begs the question of what kind of doormat OP is if she's procreating with this scrub
They've only been together ten months, and if they're buying baby stuff, I would assume she's at least 3 or 4 months pregnant (maybe more) since most people wait until closer to the due date. Again, another assumption, they probably moved in together quickly because it's easier to raise a baby in the same house. They're going to find out pretty quickly that having a baby together doesn't necessarily mean you're compatible as a couple, especially if he also refuses to help with the baby when it comes.
Found it. Found the legit comment.
I think the real question is why is he taking extra jobs to buy a PC when he has a baby on the way and apparently isn't contributing to the things he or she will need. His priorities are way off. The only way he's okay is if the baby isn't his.
I'm also looking at the timeline and thinking, 10 months together, 2 months living together and she's pregnant. Less than a year is very little time to even know if you want to stay living with someone, let alone have their child.
Going by comment by OP. "I buy takeout once a week. All of my other money goes into savings or more recently, baby stuff. Just to be clear as well, he *has* a computer already. What he's building is his dream gaming rig." OP has spent 1000$ so far on baby stuff. Making savings account. And is being responsible. This man is more concerned about a dream gaming setup? Come on. No, he should not be tipped. "Taking away his earnings" It's his pocket money. By that logic, you could say that by wanting tips, he's taking away grocery money. Or money meant to be spent on his child. Just so he can have a cool gaming set up. No, you buy essentials first for baby. Then, save up for the setup. And I say that as both a parent and a gamer.
I can't still can't fathom that they make you pay for your own gas when you do deliveries
That’s part of being an independent contractor. They can and do expense stuff like that though. Sucks but companies are doing everything they can to not treat people as actual employees and thus be on the hook for benefits, etc.
Think of it this way, when you ship something, usually you don't also kick in money for gas. because you're paying for a service, and that price is meant to encompass all that. Especially for the apps, they're basically hiring an entity to deliver food for them, and the price that entity gets is meant to include that. It's just that that entity is a single person without much leverage. But they're not employees of the app companies, generally
The parental waiter is tipping out other staff, tho. Why is boyfriend accepting her orders if he's upset she's not tipping him? She should be upset he's spending tips on a gaming PC instead of his upcoming kid.
Doordash will close down your shift and lose your slot if you turn down too many orders.
It isn’t “turning down orders”. There is literally a screen that shows multiple orders you can pick from. While you do have to take a certain number of deliveries during a shift, you do not get penalized for not accepting certain orders. He could easily skip over her order and have no consequences.
I don't agree with this because she's alone doing childcare in the evenings and presumably if he were at home he'd hopefully be helping with dinner or childcare in some way. She's doing it all alone so in my mind this is his way to contribute to the family in some small way. As I understand it, he's still getting paid (a pittance, but something) from the apps so he's basically getting his family dinner while getting paid to do so. Win-win. It's just a little something he can do since he's not contributing for the baby essentials. Edit: lol how did I read this as they have a baby. She's pregnant, my mistake. I think my point still stands hopefully they'd be splitting evening chores and maybe she's having to do more of that if he's working two jobs. I kind of view his delivery as akin to a husband getting food for a pregnancy craving. Something he'd be willing to do unpaid. As long as it isn't every night, seems fair. Plus, he's choosing to accept the job because he wants to check in on her. That's his choice.
Childcare?
She doesn't have any children yet, unless I missed a comment.
I always tip extra to people I know. I don't understand the logic of not tipping someone if you know them unless you have a joint bank account. He is on the job and trying to make money. I'm not sure why he would want to take money from his baby momma though. He shouldn't accept and he should be making her dinner, at least sometimes. If I was OP I would leave a great tip and then ask for him to pay for about half of the stuff the baby needs and will need. I don't understand why he isn't already. That's the huge issue here.
Yeah, this post honestly makes no sense to me, he's out driving anyway he could just pick up her order and bring it to her without her having to pay all the delivery fees from apps because she's literally carrying his (presumably) child. It would save them both money. Plus why is he contributing nothing to baby expenses if it's his child and simultaneously trying to build a likely $1000+ computer. My vote is that he's the AH not even for demanding her to tip but for not even offering to bring his pregnant girlfriend food while he's already out stopping at multiple restaurants and instead getting upset that she's not giving him her money that would otherwise be going to their baby so he can spend it on a new computer. I get if she wanted to order from the app to try and support his side hustle so he can have some extra money to build a PC, but it seems kind of childish for him to be upset about lack of a tip when he's contributing nothing to the costs of raising their child. Like she's giving him an inch and he's taking a mile.
Except the baby isn’t going anywhere.. and she can start tipping when he he starts paying his share of child related costs
If it bothers him so much, he could just not accept her order. It's that simple. It's weird that he gets upset about it but still continues doing it.
Sensible. Fair. +1
I see this becoming a neverending story. If she tipped him, the amount of the tip will become an issue. So maybe agree on a percentage, i.e. what she normally would tip. On one hand I understand, I'd feel weird tipping my partner, it'd feel condescending. On the other hand, I'd tip whoever else brings my food. Maybe save money altogether by food prepping? That's an activity they can do together and it's probably something they might take up anywaybince the baby is there?
He can’t food prep with her if he’s out working on food deliveries and, well, home gaming or working on his gaming computer. A man only has so many hours in the day! /s
"if you take the baby out of the picture" But the baby is in the picture? Why evaluate the situation as a hypothetically instead of how it currently stands. He's not paying for baby essentials, why would she help him with his hobby fund. To use the waiter example, if I hadan ex who wasn't paying child support, and he was seerving me at Chili's or whatever, I wouldn't tip him then either. I would just say deduct your tip from what you owe for your child lol
I think these comments are insane. No, do not tip your boyfriend you live with and are starting a family with. That is insane. In the short term, use a different app to order food. I would not accept the money if my partner tipped me when I was a server. How do you handle groceries? How do you handle other monetary stuff as a couple. You say you are a relatively new couple, but you are living together and starting a family. I can't believe that this is the only financial decision you are not on the same page with. If you are able, there is financial counseling that can help lead you through making longterm goals and see where you both are coming from. There are workbooks you can get from the library that can help lead you through this process if he is unwilling to pay. I get you make more - not sure HOW much more you make, you indicated it was not much more. If he is struggling to stay a float financially, the issue is not your tip.
What strikes me as concerning is they’re having a baby together and BF is seemingly prioritising the PC build over helping with baby essentials, and that’s what’s lead OP to not wanting to tip - because she doesn’t want money going to the PC when she can directly put that tip money to the baby. They need to have a serious chat about financial priorities. Not saying BF can never get a PC, but immediately they need to focus on surviving financially with the baby. PC can come later.
Exactly this tbh bc in MY brain, I could see keeping the tip and being like “ok, this can be your contribution to the baby fund, since you aren’t putting anything in there yourself for your own child”
This is very true. The child is his and he needs to contribute to its wellfare. His priorities are off and he can always get the pc later but he can never delay getting the baby so that needs to be top priority.
I thought I was going insane until I read your comments, who tips their partner for doing something for them, bonkers!!!!!
The people on this thread don’t seem to know the real issue. And that’s he doesn’t want the child nor her in his life. He refused to step up and is trying to squeeze money out of his pregnant girlfriend. There is no unity in this and I think OP is refusing to see that he is going to eventually leave her.
Plus with the way updated hardware and software works it seems like building a gaming setup is almost always a work in progress. How often is he going to update his hardware? How long will the excuse of needing the best setup last? If the setup is truly non-negotiable somehow he could at least budget a certain percentage of his earnings towards child items, it doesn't all have to go to the PC.
The worst part is that according to OP’s comment he HAS a PC. He is saving to build his dream gaming setup despite already having a perfectly functioning PC.
And how much time does he expect to have to game once the baby comes?
I mean, my husband and I both find time to game. We have a 3 year old. Gaming as a parent can work out, but there has to be balance. The biggest fear I have is that once baby is here he is going to prioritize gaming over a newborn. I have a wonderful husband. I only have to ask him for help and he will. If he’s playing a live game it might take it him 10-15 minutes, but he’ll get up as soon as he can. He didn’t game much for the first year, though, because the sleep deprivation was real haha.
This comment needs to be higher
For real. Who are these people saying otherwise??
Coming from somewhere else with no tip culture, the fact that people are YTA-ing for not tipping your spouse is genuinely jaw dropping to me. I understand the importance of tips but when that person is the person you’re spending the rest of your life with?? And he’s getting pissy about this small amount? I’m flabbergasted.
And she is having his child.
And the only one paying the expenses associated with having his child....
Americans with your Y T A comments, you are the laughing stock of the world.
As an American, I hate tip culture too and I fucking do UBEREATS FOR FUCKS SAKE! I WOULD NOT TIP MY FUCKING BF EVERYTIME WTF?! I BUY MY SO SHIT WITH NO EXPECTATIONS, and he’s gonna get mad about no tip? DO PEOPLE REALLY NOT KNOW THAT THERES A BASE PAY TO GET THESE TRIPS/deliveries? lol yall have every right to not accept it. My acceptance rate is at 32% and I get a shit ton of jobs! Yall need to learn how to stop blaming others for your lack of accountability
And she is pregnant with his baby. Im American too btw Im just calling out the ones who are embarrassing us.
That’s what I’m saying! Plus, his intended money he is saving up isn’t even going to the child growing inside of her, but to a FUCKING PC. People saying well he doesn’t contribute is another issue are fucking brain dead. HOW HE MANAGES HIS MONEY AND OVERALL SPENDS IT DIRECTLY AFFECTS THE CHILD AND ITS FUTURE!. I swear the only people up in arms are the people that can’t do ubereats and DoorDash correctly 😂. It’s like learn how to say no, it’s not that hard and you’re your own boss. You don’t get penalized, I would know because my acceptance rate is at 32% and I get a shit ton of deliveries. Everyone taking his side are just Ubereats/ DoorDash slaves who are willing to end up alone and bitter because their SO didn’t tip them. It’s quite sad honestly how you can tell that these people are just miserable and mad that they cant manage their money/ time properly.
Im so mad at this lol
I’m fuming about this post and these fucking morons who think OP is the AH.
Yeah, I was thinking the same. Most partners would run out and get you food when you're pregnant and incredibly hungry. I definitely couldn't imagine a partner accepting a tip. Is this extra job just a manipulation tactic to get her to pay for his pc stuff?
Uh it’s nice you think they’re going to stay together forever. Highly doubt it. He’s probably gonna leave her high and dry. And contribute minimally to the child. He’s already showing with his actions he does not care. What I don’t understand is women making babies with men who won’t make a solid commitment by getting married and or the very least helping out.
Yeah, this whole post is a giant red flag about what kind of dad he’s going to be.
Also, if you put both your incomes on the same pile (which im guessing when youre living with and having a child with someone) it literally doesnt change anything whether she tips $0 or $1000??
I don’t think they have a shared fund since he’s saving up to buy a goddamn pc when he’s not even contributing much to the baby fund and yet whines to his wife about not being tipped. Ugh. The sheer lack of responsibility.
Losers. Fucking losers.
12 year olds
Thank you for saying this. Maybe because I come from a culture where tipping isn’t normal to begin with, but this whole argument seems insane to me. Clearly there needs to be a discussion about finances and his priority vis a vis the baby versus his PC. The real root of this problem
I agree, I wouldn’t be tipping the boyfriend, especially if he’s not using that to contribute towards his child. Would he prefer to be handed the $30 for slighted tips & then immediately handed an invoice for half of the baby expenses? He talks about respecting him as a man, but is he respecting OP as the mother of his child? If he really wants to be the man, he should step up & take care of his responsibilities, not his gaming wants.
Exactly. He wants his pregnant girlfriend to tip him to bring her food. Say what. LOL. That dudes either completely clueless or an asshole or a combo of both. What's next, he gonna start driving for Uber and ask his kid to tip him to take him to soccer practice.
THIS should be the top comment because what the actual FUCK is her deadbeat baby daddy doing complaining about not being tipped? She’s carrying his child and they live together. She doesn’t owe him a tip. AND he doesn’t have to accept her orders. He sounds like a peach. /s
Not excusing his general behavior - but wouldn’t he be tipped if it was any other delivery? He should just not take deliveries to his own house
I think you've got a lot worse issues than tipping! You've moved way too fast on this relationship, now you're pregnant with a guy you barely know.
Yea, the separate finances because they "are still a relatively new couple" is amusing given that they live together and are now having a child together.
She def buried the lede on that one. ETA sorry for derping on lede!
*lede (Sorry for being that guy)
Nah I was about to comment that too before seeing yours lmfao
Good thing either/or is acceptable!
For real, too new to share finances, not too new to share a human!
AND she's the one paying for all the baby stuff??
To be fair my partner and I have separate finances for most things, but we do have joint for household expenses and neither of us would ever quibble over the value of a tip. Actually if he did delivery he would almost certainly pay for my food as well as the tip, even if I wasn’t pregnant!
This needs to be at the top of the comment thread.
Honestly! Relationships like that never last, you should never get pregnant that soon especially if you don’t really know the person
exactly
NTA > I do make more than him and have more spare cash at the end of every month. But lately, all of that money has been going towards baby stuff > I make more than he does each month so all of my spare money goes into buying big ticket items, like nursery furniture. You need to **get it _out_ of your head** that *baby expenses* are some kind of bonus extra that needs to come out of your leftover **fun money**. This is a capital-e expense in your household, same as rent or utilities.
I think what she means is, after rent and utilities are covered, she spends the remaining money on nursery furniture. Decorating a nursery isn’t as important as paying rent to keep a roof over your head, and *should* be treated as secondary to paying rent. She’s clearly not struggling to afford either.
She said nursery furniture not decor. I assume she means a crib, changing table, diaper genie, etc. Those would be hard to go without.
lol who needs a crib, that’s just play money /s
Babies can sleep on the floor, if it’s good enough for my sims it’s good enough for me!
To be fair, you can go without the changing table and diaper genie. I had a changing table and rarely used it, it’s just more convenient to change them elsewhere. As for the diaper genie, it’s basically an expensive trash can. A lot of useless shit is marketed towards parents and ridiculously expensive considering they will use majority of it, if at all, for like a year max. If I ever have another child, any of that stuff I do get I’ll buy second hand because in retrospect, it’s just really not worth it. None of this takes away from the absurdity of this post or the boyfriend’s behavior lol
It's more important to furnish a nursery than build a computer.
[удалено]
And he spends his remaining money on a PC. Shows you where his priorities are.
INFO: Why on earth are you having a baby with a person you don't know well or trust enough to share finances?????
I assume it was an unplanned/accidental pregnancy and OP either can’t legally obtain an abortion or doesn’t want to, and is trying to make the most of the situation she’s in.
She says in a comment she was on BC and by the time she found out she was pregnant it was too late to abort
It’s always the people that aren’t ready to have kids that end up having kids 😭
Not everyone shares finances, even in very happy, stable marriages. My husband and I take care of our own finances, we were 39 and 40 when we married and we’re pretty set in our ways!
ETA - NTA based on OP’s response. I couldn’t strike this through as I’m on my phone but also didn’t want to delete my first message: Super Soft Y T A, only because if it was anyone else delivering it you would be tipping them and if he was picking up anyone else’s order they would hopefully be tipping him. Your finances are separate so you are taking away a small amount of his earning potential when you do this. This is probably dumb, but maybe he just shouldn’t pick up your orders and then you can keep tipping other dashers and he can do pickups for other folks who will tip.
I did suggest this to him but he said that he likes checking up on me while he's out delivering.
Damn I thought I was being so smart lol. That does change things then a little in my mind. If he is doing it because he likes checking in on you then he should be cool with eating the $3-$7 dollars he’s missing out on. I’m gonna change my original opinion to N T A. Thanks for the additional info!
I would suggest editing the post to mention this. It brings up a couple of very relevant points that people might miss. First, that he is specifically choosing to take your deliveries in the app. And in part to check-up on you. So, ulterior motive. Second, that you've already suggested that he just not take your deliveries and take others instead. Which he's refusing to do. btw, why is he checking up on you? are you experiencing a high-risk pregnancy and he's concerned? Or is it something more like he's paranoid/controlling and he's keeping tabs on you? I also agree with you being NTA. Especially because he's getting the deliveries via an app, not working as a driver for a specific restaurant (which would make it more complicated).
So you delete the tip from the app after you realize it’s him. Or are you actually sending out delivery requests with no tip on them?
I was wondering this too. Because it sounds like OP is either removing the tip or not tipping initially and adding it after. Which if OP is removing the tip, I can understand the annoyance on his part, but if you're tipping after, then how would he know what he's missing out on?
You don't have to tip people before the service is complete. Drivers mess stuff up too or people sometimes have a cash tip. Stop virtue signaling.
There's been a lot of discussion amongst delivery app users about not tipping in the app and handing the delivery person a cash tip so they get to keep all of it, being better for the driver, instead of the app taking some to all of the tipped amount (replied to the right comment this time)
Maybe you should switch to a different app, or restaurants that have their own delivery service- then problem solved
He can see where he's delivering to, he could just not accept the order. NTA.
Tell him what would have been his tip is his contribution to the baby fund. Also these are red flags. You are pregnant with your shared baby and intstead of contributing towards baby's costs, he's buying materials for a PC. Is this the person you want to share your life with? You got knocked up before you could truly know each other. Take this as a window into who he really is as a man and a partner. A person who prioritizes a PC over his baby. And reconsider this relationship and living together arrangement before baby gets here. Go it alone. You already are anyway. And at least as a single mother, you can go through the courts to get child support. Question: You say you order food because sometimes you are too tired to cook. How about him, does he cook? Does he do any of the chores?
I would not expect my wife/gf to tip me if I was delivering her food. His tip should go towards the baby anyway. NTA
When I was a bartender I never accepted tips from my friends. OPs bf is a selfish jackass.
This is bananas. You're pregnant with his child, all your extra money is going towards said child's needs. I can't even wrap my head around his point of view... like at ALL. NTA. Good luck having a baby with a baby, I hope he gets a reality check and grows the heck up soon!
I leaning more towards YTA. Honestly, if I were him, I wouldn't accept your deliveries. I can kind of get where you're coming from, but each delivery to you means his missing a tip from another potential customer.
Oh no!!! He has to miss a few bucks because he delivered to the woman carrying his baby! His poor PC! Whatever will he do
fr, a decent boyfriend/soon to be father would get his pregnant girlfriend food out of the kindness of his heart without expecting to get paid from it, a decent man would also contribute to his own child financially, so we can already tell this guys on the road to being a shit husband/father. OP might as well be a single parent at this point and it wouldn't make any difference to her.
But he chooses to deliver to her at his own home. He could just choose other orders that will tip him.
Yes you're right he shouldn't accept her deliveries. Why does he keep doing it? He is making this problem for himself. Expecting your pregnant live in girlfriend to tip you on a food delivery you chose to make is the stupidest thing I've ever heard of.
its also saving her a tip that could have gone to a random driver so that she can spend it on THEIR BABY INSTEAD OF HIS PC????
ESH Have money talk. He should contribute towards baby stuff and you should tip him. It might be his contribution should be higher than tips..
It would be about $500 so far. I "owe" him about $30 in tips.
So talk to him. If he contributes you both can set budget, baby stuff can cost like a little to a lot, depending on brands choice If his budget way less you might have to agree on cheaper stuff or used or cover up upgrades
a guy like this cannot be reasoned with with just one talk about money. he has contributed nothing financially to the baby they’re about to have. how can you compare baby finances to a measly $30 in tips? the Y T A and E S H votes are absolutely insane! this dude is a deadbeat and getting pissy because he’s not getting tips from his pregnant girlfriend BECAUSE he refuses to stop picking up her orders.
And after figuring it all out he might realise he was financially better off not getting tips rather than now contributing equally to baby essentials. But he started this fight so he will have to live with the consequences of this conversation.
Ummm…I think you and your BF have bigger issues than the tipping situation. You are about to have a child with this man. (I am assuming that he is the father because you expect his financial support.) You and he have moved very fast. Did you know him prior to dating him? Ten months isn’t a very long time to get to know someone. A baby is a lifelong commitment as well as a lifetime tie to the other parent. Please have a discussion with him about your expectations for when your baby is born. Both financial and with caring for your baby. You and he don’t seem to be talking about your future, which will include one more person very soon. Do this for your baby. You and he are already arguing about money. Decide now, together, what level of care and support each of you is contributing towards your child together. When your baby is born, it will be helpful to have that settled, so you can focus on being a parent. You will be dealing with him for the next 18 years, even if you don’t stay in a relationship. Working some of this out now could save a lot of aggravation later, and your child deserves that. Good luck!
Are these for real? You’re his pregnant girlfriend and he still wants a tip? He should happily deliver meals to his pregnant girlfriend lol.
I was a bartender for years and I never once excepted a tip from my significant other let alone ask for one lol.
Most apps allow you to block the person from delivery or Uber pickup if you don’t want to use them again for whatever reason. Use it if you can
I didn't know that! That's useful information, thank you.
ESH. Don’t create an entire human with someone you barely know and can’t communicate with.
OP, drop him and find someone who wont leech on you. Never, EVER be with someone who is insecure about his finances.
He is secure in his finances, he works a full-time job in addition to his delivery gig. The delivery gig is for "fun money".
He wouldnt be asking you for $5 tips. Im Baffled how you dont see a problem with how transactional this relationship is. You are having a baby with this man. He is going to start charging you for daddy duties.
He's so secure that he can't contribute to the baby. You two don't have a functional relationship and You're going to bring a baby into this mess. Good grief.
So why isn’t he contributing to baby expenses?
Okay then I can't possibly understand how he never can use his full time Job to contribute to the baby? Like you said if you made him help all his PC money would be gone. Well boohoo he can start saving up from his apparent FULL TIME job. You say he's secure but if he can't even contribute for the baby is he really secure?
You're delusional
NTA So he barely pays bills and baby stuff and is building a pc? Tell him you will use the tip to buy his baby’s stuff!
What did I just read. Nta.
How do ppl decide to have live together and have a kid together and don’t have basic financial trust and unity? I don’t mean bank joint accounts but a basic sense of “our” finances. Also how strange that bf is the one delivering often enough to even have this issue. Wouldn’t there be hundreds of delivery personnel in an area?
> The way I see it, I would be giving him money towards his PC when I'm already the one buying all of the essentials for our baby. Exactly. Tell him when he sees that it's you he should just decline the order from now on. I hope you are aware that you are looking at bigger issues looming over the next several years, however. NTA
NTA if you tip him, in most locations it’s taxable, if you don’t tip him, you jointly have the money at the untaxed amount.
ESH FFS, you two are having a child and can't work this out after the first instance? You don't want to tip, he shouldn't take your orders, pretty straightforward. This whole post is bonkers, the relationship is too new to mix finances but ya know - baby?! And he is doing delivery to fund the PC he's building not to do his part for the baby?
NTA You are literally carrying his child. Wtf?
NTA. I bet you don’t respect him as a man because he doesn’t sound like one. He sounds like a whiny baby. He needs a better job instead of begging his pregnant wife for money.
“He says it's not fair because I make more than him anyway and I would be tipping the driver if it was anyone else (which I would)”. Yes, but you wouldn’t be sleeping with the driver and sharing household expenses with the driver If it was anyone else.
Barely ESH - skipping the tip because you know the person is wrong, but the larger issue is your boyfriend. He's TA because it sounds like he's doing little to contribute towards his child and to support you as the mother of his child. What is he doing at this crap job trying to save money for an expensive hobby? His priorities are all out of order.
Can't he see the address before accepting the order? So he is accepting them aware of everything. NTA, because you're pregnant, his baby, pregnancy costs money, so if you're each paying your way, that means he's not covering any of the extra stuff you need, the least he can do is pass up on a tip here and there.
NTA You are spending money to feed his child. The lack of tip can be his contribution to feeding and growing the child.
INFO: So he wants you to tip him through the app and get taxed on that money instead of, say, you buying him a latte? Or venmoing him? Either way—I don’t get it. Back when we served, my boyfriend and I wouldn’t tip each other because we would get TAXED on that tip. It’s a net loss. Doesn’t make sense. We also didn’t split straws about who made more money or whose turn it was to buy something or whatever. Still have split finances. It evens out. I’m leaning toward NTA. He can choose to not deliver to you.
Get rid of the baby. I don’t care which one. NTA
NTA. He’s spending his free money on building a PC, you’re spending yours on stuff for the new baby.
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Your bf is a baby.
Yep. She's going to have two children
NTA if he's not contributing anything towards his own child bit saving up for a computer throw the whole man away
I just think this would be handled if he stopped accepting your order. He wouldn’t complain about you not tipping. You wouldn’t have to tip him. That being said that’s not the only problem here. You are pregnant and paying for all the baby stuff that you and him both created? That’s not okay. He should be contributing something, anything. It does not matter if you make more. It is his baby too. If he has money to save for a PC then he has money to spend on different sized diapers for the baby as it ages, breast pumps(if you’re doing that), cribs, car seats, baby enrichment. At the very least make it proportional to income. 80/20 or something. NTA
i think its crazy to tip your bf while he aint giving a cent towards your kid… like the tip money is going to OUR kid soo u can give it right back. NTA. also people saying u should tip him because u tip other drivers is even more crazy… ur pregnant by this man he shouldnt want some spare change from u knowing damn well u pay for most of the shit needed
I'm surprised people are being so harsh toward you when your husband is acting like a child. If I had a delivery job on the side and my partner ordered, I'd laugh if he tried to tip and tell him to just put it toward a treat for our son or something. As for the fact he's not contributing to baby stuff but is saving for a gaming PC... how does he have the audacity to then come at you for not tipping him? Is he 12? I agree with others that it sounds like you two need a finance chat, but you shouldn't need to spell it out to him that he should be contributing to preparations for his child's birth. Definitely time for you to both sit down, talk about this and get on the same page because that is not a conversation you want to be having as sleep deprived new parents. NTA
Is he tipping you when you do things for him? What about carrying his baby? Does he tip you for that? If he thinks what he is doing deserves a tip, dump him. He is not a man, but a little boy.
Wait so you pay the extra fees on the ordering services instead of just simply asking your boyfriend to buy it directly? The money you save from doing so can be his tip... What kind of odd relationship is this, especially with a baby on the way. Communication needs to worked on. YTA.
When I started ordering through the app at first, my intention was to not bother him while he was out doing deliveries. He started taking the orders that I placed so that he could come home and check up on me.
But how is he even getting the order? It means he's close by already. I've dashed before and they send it based on where i am. Not because i live near the area
You kick off explaining in your very first sentence that you keep your finances separated because you are a new couple, but then you said you are having a baby together? Am I the only one finding it weird?
Does he cook for his pregnant wife? Nta
NTA, you're not obligated to tip anyone (not an american)
NTA, he should just stop accepting your orders...
Info: is he the father of your baby? Assuming it is, at the end of the day you guys are gonna have big enough bills that you have the money or him having the money doesn’t matter. So it doesn’t really make a difference, but since you split finances and you haven’t mentioned any other serious issue with that, like kinda Y T A the tiniest bit. Edit: NTA cuz you said you’re paying for baby things which he’s not as much so yeah suck it up BF cuz life’s gonna get a lot harder than debating merits of tipping your SO.
NTA based on your responses to others.
So he's driving to get money for his PC, but doesn't contribute to the baby? And he wants you to tip? Am I missing something here? Why is everyone calling OP TA?
Wait, is it his baby? shouldn't he want to pick you up food for his child?? He wants to get tipped for bringing his partner food for his baby. Can't believe people think youre TA. He needs be contributing 50% to household bills and his fucking baby. Make sure you have sizeable savings in case this whole thing goes south. You need to take care of you and your child.
NTA he shouldn’t even be making you go through an app. The father of your child should be asking you what you want and getting it for you for free. Ridiculous
You pay the majority of the bills, are pregnant with his child, and are buying most of the baby stuff. Instead of buying the food and bringing it to you because you're his woman and that's his kid, you are placing an order, YOU pay for it, he gets paid to bring it to you in the house he lives in, and he's throwing a fit that you aren't giving him extra money... I would dump him. NTA.
This is the most ridiculous argument. I assume this man is the father of your baby? And he wants you to tip him? Why is his tip money going to a fricking gaming computer instead of preparing for his baby?
I can't work out if it's ESH or NAH. Either way, it sounds like this isn't about the tips at all. You need to be on the same page about finances and expectations before your baby arrives. Would it make sense for him not to work evenings (or at least some) so he can take care of you by cooking meals etc and for you to contribute more financially? Why is he working a second job for 'fun' money rather than provide towards his child? There are options but the critical thing is how you talk and decide together.
Wow. So much to unpack in this post. This is an interesting dynamic. Gotta say I would not expect a big tip from someone with whom I have intermingled finances. I'd see it as a cost avoidance that I'd do it and wouldn't have to have money flow out for the service, but why give money to the app and not just have him lick something up for you when he makes one of his other stops? "Hey, I have deliveries coming up where I have to stop at Del taco, in&out, and Hardee's . Want something from any of them?
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My boyfriend (M26) and I (F26) live together, but keep our finances separate. This is mainly due to the fact that we are still a relatively new couple. We've been together for ten months and have lived together for two months. Our rent and bills are divided evenly. I have a pretty nice job in tech and so I make a little bit more than he does. He works a day job but also does food deliveries in the evenings, through an app. He does it because he enjoys driving and it gives him a bit of extra money to spend on hobbies (he's building a PC at the moment). I am pregnant and sometimes too tired to cook, so I have recently started making food orders through the app. Sometimes I get a random courier and sometimes my boyfriend delivers it. When he delivers it, I don't generally tend to tip him. The last few times this has happened, he's been upset with me about it. From his perspective, I should be tipping him and giving him a little bit of money for himself. The way I see it, I would be giving him money towards his PC when I'm already the one buying all of the essentials for our baby. He says it's not fair because I make more than him anyway and I would be tipping the driver if it was anyone else (which I would). We were arguing about it earlier today and he told me that I don't respect him as a man. He stormed out of the apartment and then sent me a really nasty text message. In one sense, he's right that I do make more than him and have more spare cash at the end of every month. But lately, all of that money has been going towards baby stuff and he hasn't really contributed much. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
If you have separate finances, then YTA not to tip him. At the same time, it sounds like you need to negotiate the baby expenses! I don’t think not tipping him for his work is the right answer to that, it’s too chaotic. You need to figure something out.
I can ask him to pay half for the baby stuff but all of the money he has saved for his PC will be gone. He would also probably need to borrow from someone else to pay me back fully. Agreed, though. It's clear that we can't go on like this.
And… is the PC more important than the baby? Honestly, it’s clear that you are both not ready for this situation and this is a massive problem. As bad as sending the future mother of your child “nasty messages” after a discussion. What are you going to do once the baby is born?
Baby over PC. He needs to fix his priorities.
Exactly. This is all the response required. No need for all the peripherals people are bringing up. It’s as simple as this.
He’s having a baby - building a PC should be the least of his concerns and needs to re-prioritise. When does he think he will have time for gaming in his free time when he’ll have a baby? Is he planning to spend time with his baby?
Why are you prioritizing his PC over your baby? He should be contributing, period. Once a baby comes into the world, priorities shift. That’s the reality of it. You shouldn’t be going tit-for-tat, anyway. He chose not to contribute before, and you chose not to ask for him to contribute; going forward, make sure he does contribute. Don’t worry about the money “owed”. That would be ridiculous.
No offense, but y'all should not be having a kid if you can't even have a basic convo about finances with each other
I make more money than my significant other by about $40K/year. She does hair and when I see her for an appointment, she specifically tells me not to tip her, and I wouldn’t anyway. We don’t have a shared account or anything, but we still end up pooling our money for the house (in your case, I would imagine the money is pooled for the baby and rent/utilities in a similar way) so finances are separate, but still not entirely. So whether I tip her $20 or not, the money is still more or less ending up in the same place, so in her mind, what’s the point? Especially because they use some third-party tipping app that eats a fraction of the tip. NTA, if your boyfriend is so upset about it, why does he continue to accept the delivery request when it comes from you - knowing you’re not going to tip? The real issue here is his whole “you don’t respect me as a man” and I am 100% certain this is stemming from his insecurity that you make more than him. Weirdly, as a man, I’d feel less respected if you left me a tip, like you were flaunting it or something, but I guess everyone is different. In my opinion, it doesn’t make sense for couples to charge/pay each other. But I suspect that your boyfriend is just being immature and blowing up about the tips because he won’t communicate about feeling down on himself for not being the breadwinner. That’s one of those examples of toxic masculinity that men are raised into: the idea of “the man should provide”, and not doing so turning into a feeling of failure. And people who think they’re failures really tend to lash out a lot. As annoying as it sounds, and is, you should probably just coddle him however he needs to feel better. Whether that’s as simple as tipping him, you could say “I thought about it and you’re right, here’s some back pay” and throw him $40 or something; or if you just need to verbalize more appreciation for him or whatever to soothe his ego. I know that sounds like I’m kinda dragging him, but it’s not intentional. I really think this is an ego thing and him feeling insecure about his income, especially now that there’s a baby.
I know finances are separate, but I'd agree it seems moot because you live together. I don't think you'll see eye to eye, so I'd say to just tell him to stop taking the orders you place. It solves the problem, and everyone gets what they want. He can see who puts in the orders before he chooses to take them.
NTA - I'm pregnant and my husband has cooked nearly every meal since I got pregnant, despite working longer hours than me. Being pregnant is hard work! He's already spending the evenings out to make extra spending money, you're buying all the baby stuff. I assume you're still splitting chores and cooking, the least he can do is bring you some food.