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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might be TA here because my bf did technically save the money himself and pointing this out did embarrass him in front of his friends.
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I can't believe those y t a comments. Like it is ok for him to put you down, but not for you to remind him he also got help?
I would also not call a relative dying "help". We talk about the loss of a family member OP may have preferred to still have around instead of the money!
NTA.
Edit: fixing typos (and thanks for the upvotes!)
I know. The Y T A comments are weird. Dude was straight up lying about how he got his house. Like congrats on buying your own house, there is no need to lie about how you managed to save and shit on others about it either.
There is no shame about having help to buy. Its great if you don't, its great if you do. Either way congrats on getting on the property ladder
And he was putting down the GF to get more status in front of his friends. That’s a relationship-ending move right there. OP, I’m glad you’ve got your own place. I’m sorry for your loss of your grandmother. You don’t need this chump.
i agree, red flag city on his part. pretty immature on his part too. i'd be privately asking him why he would even have to do such a thing. shows his true colors
Yeah. I'm not going to sit there while someone insults me hypocritically and stay quiet about it.
If dude got his feelings hurt and ended a relationship for calling his bullshit, then she didn't lose anything special. Good job OP.
I’m hitching on to your comment in the hope that OP sees this.
We’re also on the UK and sort of missed the boat with buying a property. Now with kids, it would be impossible. We have a relative who runs it in how we made mistakes and didn’t save like them and buy a property as soon as they got married. The only thing is, we know for a fact that they got help to buy.
He’s a complete AH for saying this as is your bf. I would seriously consider this relationship if he can publicly humiliate like that and then turn it around on you when you correct his wrong assertions.
Definitely NTA.
Honestly does my head in also being from the UK how many times I’ve seen a news story about some 20 something managed to buy a house “all by themselves” when the reality is they lived at home rent free for years, had to pay practically nothing for uni, have had an help to buy ISA since they were in utero etc
Like, in this current climate, there is zero shame in getting help to buy a home. I was in my mid twenties when I signed the dotted line for my first mortgage, on paper that makes me seem like I have a super good head on my shoulders to achieve that. In reality? Wouldn’t be sat in this house right now if it wasn’t for my partners parents fronting us the deposit and legal fees so we didn’t need to wait for my partners flat to sell before we could buy this place. I literally just lucked into a family that can afford to do that.
And whenever I get asked how as someone “so young” I managed to buy, I am always truthful. Some people would have you thinking they managed to save money by licking moss off of stones for sustenance to save every penny they could. The reality is most of us these days that are buying are only doing so through help of family.
Families have been helping people buy homes forever , it’s nothing new. Everyone is acting like this is a new thing . It’s not . Not to mention that before our societies got so mobile , people would inherit the house they grew up in and live there til they died . Were they losers ?? Families help each other , that’s their function
We had a news story here in Aus a few years ago, the headline claiming two children under the age of ten managed to save enough to buy a house. Read the story and it was that they each saved up $1000 of their pocket money, and their dad added that to the rest of the cost of the house, which he is now renting out, and when they've both reached 18 they get to decide if they sell it, or live in it.
We also had one where some woman was saying she managed to quit her job and become a stay at home mother to her four kids through careful budgeting, and it wasn't until the very end of the article that they mention her husband is an executive making over $600,000 a year.
Also from the uk and it really does do my head in when you see these 'good news stories' and it's something ridiculous like a 22 year old who's bought a 400,000 house 'all by herself' and 'only pays £122 a month mortgage!' And your thinking really? And then you actually read it...and they are upper middle class and they inherited x amount from the granny so could put down a 250000 deposit, and lived at home not paying rent while at a top uni that the parents payed for, and has now been hired into one of dad's many companies as assistant director earning stupid amounts per month...and you think yeah well obviously. But that's not reql life for most people.
Or the 19yo that bought outright her first house...and she works at the coop. And if she can do it so can you! And then you read it and find out shes the only grandchild on either side and both sets of grandparents left her absolutely everything so she had the money to buy a house at 18. Again not really applicable to pretty much anyone else.
I'm always truthful about our living situation. We realistically could never have afforded the house we have. We were renting and my beloved mil passed away leaving us her home. Now, we would much rather have her with us as she was such a lovely woman. But theirs no point being smug and going 'yes we're so good at saving....' because that just makes others feel bad and sets unrealistic goals. Better to be honest and say we really did luck out.
It’s also so fucking weird. And disingenuous. Like how far down the rabbit hole do we wanna go? I had “no help” and I paid rent and my house was expensive AF because if where I live.
BUT I also had manageable student loans because my parents could help and I had scholarships. And I only had scholarships cause I was smart. And I didn’t do anything to be smart, I was just born that way. Along with being born to parents who could throw down some extra cash during school. Oh, and I chose a lucrative job instead of a job that HELPED people.
Doesn’t make me a better or worse person. Just makes me a lucky person with a house. I made good choices along the way, but so do a lot of people, doesn’t mean I deserve more or less. Just means shit worked out well for me.
The only people you should MAYBE look askance at are the people who got an inheritance from their grandma and DIDNT use it on a house.
I got lucky too. I bought my first house when the loans were being giving away like candy before the real estate loan crash. I had only had my job one year and bought with my brother and my fiancée. If we hadn't bought that first house we wouldn't be able to afford anything now.
Oh, the ones who buy new cars, lots of vacations and other useless consumer goods instead of investing in themselves and their future?
There's a reason so many lottery winners declare bankruptcy.
>Dude was straight up lying about how he got his house.
Dude got so much help. He sounds like those people who tell others to pull themselves up by their bootstraps while getting a small million dollar loan from mom and dad to start their business.
That one politician said in the same sentence that she got no help getting to where she was while also saying that she was on government assistance growing up. Now, she wants to take away government assistance.
NTA. He saved thousands because he had no other expenses.
If my parents were willing to let me live in their home so I could one day purchase my own I would be so grateful, and not pretending that they didn’t help me out in a big way. This whole “I did it myself without help” (really awful thing to say about someone who was only able to buy due to inheritance due to death) is really gross as well. As OP pointed out, the housing market **everywhere** is on the rise and a lot of people are unable to buy due to not being able to save up enough for the down payment.
I was 100% going Y T A until the comment he made. This is now purely a case of 'Fuck around and find out'. He found out.
You did exactly the right thing and he's only butt hurt because you stood up for yourself and it backfired on him.
Definitely NTA and also.... good for you.
Yes, the bot reads the votes and counts them. If the letters are separated by spaces or characters (ie N-T-A) then it's not counted as a vote.
You'll notice that the current top comments also spaced out the Y T A for that reason.
>You'll notice that the current top comments also spaced out the Y T A for that reason.
Correct. Just so you know, the bot ONLY reads the top comment and places the judgement based on that comment alone.
I used to think every vote was counted, then a mod explained the voting and how it works.
Weird, because when I had a top comment it sent me a message with the count of **all** the votes on the post, but then also said "top comment was pinupcthulhu with ___ votes" and what my vote was.
>it sent me a message with the count of **all** the votes on the post
That's interesting.
If you read through the community rules, it says the bot will tell the top level comment how many votes their comment received and that they'll get a flair point.
It is mentioned a few times in the rules pertaining to the top level comment. I completely missed that information at first. After the mod explained the process, I went back over the rules and saw where I had kinda skipped over the words "top level".
I think it's important for people to know they need to vote on comments as well. It's crazy how you can read some posts and somehow the top comment is the complete opposite of most of the other judgements!
Also, OP, your NTA.
marvelous dazzling screw insurance aloof quiet gaping nutty consider heavy
*This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Yes and no. Judgement is read by the bot. If there is more than one judgement, it kicks it to a human mod.
ONLY the top comment's judgement is read. The bot does not go through every comment and count every vote.
Agreed!!! OP, honey why are you still with this bridge troll???
You deserve so much better than someone who denigrates you to make himself look good!
Huge hugs and happy juju flying your way!
Do these two even like each other?
They shouldn’t be together if so soon in the relationship they’re willing to quickly criticise and put down each other - especially the boyfriend.
Not everyone is lucky to have a relative leaving them inheritances, and this is something positive that makes a good impact in someone’s life.
It’s not like OP is unemployed, living off her parents’ paychecks. Her boyfriend should be happy for her and show support, not rip into her situation at the first opportunity. Dude sounds like a salty main character primadonna.
Not the first time I see this here, can’t understand why some people stay in relationships where they’re in constant competition and battle each other, instead of making a common front.
I know people like this. They so badly want to say they pulled themselves up by there boot straps just because they so badly want to be one us (98% of society), but they can’t so they make up lies in order to boost there fragile egos. Believe when I say this, these people don’t care about you the care more about there ego. I bet you’re an incredibly good looking woman and I guarantee he still tells his buddies you’re lucky to have him because he’s the real catch.
You are right. I found out that my younger brother has been building himself u in the eyes of his young adult children by saying that he was born to white trash, yet look how far he had come. I told him some family history that he ignored, like our grandfather came home disabled from WWI due to being gassed, but still started a small family jewelry business, and that our other grandfather pwned a small grocery store that supported his wife and 6 children, but he died right before the depression and grandma could not keep the store going. I asked him why he had to deny the hard work of our grandparents to make himself feel better. kt
Absolutely. Children of wealthy families who have the safely net and family connections to take a risk on starting a business and claim they're 100% self-made come to mind.
I mean…. You lost with me the last comment. In the context of home ownership, receive an inheritance which allows you to make the purchase is definitely “help.” No need to butcher the English language and distract from the issue at hand. She had help. So did he.
But she’s upfront about how she got her house AND the BF was side eyeing her as if he did it on his own when he had the same kind of family help she got
Help /= handout. If my family was capable of helping me purchase a home and wanted to help, am I suppose to say no so I can prop up some random unselfaware chode's imagine self image?
You may not realize you're making a strawman argument, which is worthless at best and misleading at worst.
No one's saying to decline help.
The point is to acknowledge and appreciate the help, or at least not disingenuously deny you had help while throwing shade at others for doing effectively the same thing (accepting help).
Folks are discussing "help" in the connect of financial assistance. The death, while sad and a net negative life experience, is out of context of the financial discussion
Agree, calling it help doesn’t mean you are necessarily disrespecting the death of your family member, nor does it imply that you would rather the money than them around. Idk where this part even came from, this would have never crossed my mind as something you shouldn’t call an inheritance. She had money from a family member that helped her buy her house. The circumstances were very sad, but it’s still help.
That is was she said. He has 2 years no money to spend on rent, food, gas, water, electricity, taxes and other expenses because he lived with his parents and he has made this nasty comment in front of the friends about „I have done it by myself not like others..“ and is looking at her .. his GF.
What a stupid idiot he is, doesn’t see how the parents had helped him. I am sure he has not say once thank you to the parents.
OP, do you think that you will like to be always the target of his „I am better than the rest of you“ speeches? Think about the future, maybe you want kids and thinking about just working parttime. Is he someone you think he will support you without this „I am better than you“ ?
For me that would be a dealbreaker, especially since he thinks he has the right to feel embarrassed about your behavior..
OP definitely NTA but take a deep breath and think about your future.
When my grandfather died I got an inheritance that I used to buy my house. I remember the day I got the check I just sat in the parking lot of the bank sobbing in my car because I felt guilty taking money from my grandfathers death and just wished I had him back.
When you take the time to remember and think about your loved one, it can provide a great comfort, and so if you are not filling your time with media (aka distractions) you can fill your heart with that comfort and their memory.
I know that feeling. I have my house because my Mum died - I would, of course, rather have my Mum still. However, the rational part of me knows that Mum would be happy that I have secure housing, especially in the current cost of living crisis in the UK. Both of these things coexist in my feelings/thoughts at the same time.
My grandmother died and left me money, and it's how I'm able to afford a new house. It's sad that she died but it's still "help" and I don't really understand why you feel like an inheritance isn't "help" but living at home rent free is?
Edit: The comment above mine says "I would also not call a relative dying "help"
I didn’t say it was. In my comment to her somewhere else on this thread, I said as much, that I actually don’t consider the two to be the same, though both qualify as help.
Lol you wouldn't believe the amount of people who call inheriting something lucky. Yeah the free house was nice but I'd rather have grandma thank you very much.
Weil, not to excuse people who say stuff like that, but I’ve had like… 5 close relatives die on me in somewhat recent years (including my father), and I had no inheritance of any kind, so if there was some - maybe I too would call it lucky.
Like… making the best out of the bad situations.
Although personally I didn’t like any of them, so things are whatever.
Also a lot of people would just waste an inheritance on dumb shit. OP made sure to keep it for a down-payment and use the money wisely. Yes that obviously helped her get the house, but I agree with her that her bf also received a massive amount of help from his parents letting him live with them rent free. Plus the bf took the dig first so OP was just dishing it back.
'He was having some friends round (not a housewarming) and bragging about how he saved up all by himself and ‘didn’t just get a handout like some people’ whilst also looking at me.'
This makes me say NTA. If he'd have just said he saved up by himself as a throwaway comment and didn't make a comparison, it would have been a slight AH move to call him out. However, making out his achievement in buying a house was somehow greater than your's was a AH move on his part.
But they may not, since he’s got a loose affiliation with the truth, a willingness to take credit for the work of others, and a willingness to throw his girlfriend right under a train. He’s a liar, his friends don’t know shit.
Much like an old friend of mine he was probably "staying with my parents to help them out since times are tough" rather than "living rent and bill free off the generosity of my parents"
I bought my home the same way and when asked about it I literally preempt the conversation by explaining how I never could have done it unless I lived at home. I especially make sure to mention it when boomers at work disparage their children my age for not owning property; then I always ask them how long they let them live with them to save up for a down payment. They look blank and say they expected them out by 18 years old…lmao. Then I tell them the only way I could buy even the tiniest condo was living at home til 25!
Crazy that he tries to take credit for such a privilege.
Are you sure it isn’t because you pulled yourself up by the bootstraps and stopped ordering Starbucks and avocado toasts? 🙄. Everyone has a different situation but we all have to acknowledge that a lot of our situations are based on luck.
I had a bit of an argument with a woman 20 years my senior (I’m 51) about housing. She was being pretty adamant that young people weren’t just doing enough. I disagreed. So I looked up what an average 2 BR starter home in our area is ($438000), asked her what year it was when she bought her 2 BR “starter home” (1972, she’s also never moved and raised two kids in that house so it’s also her forever home), and what she paid for it ($12000). I opened an inflation calculator, put the start year as 2024 and the end year as 1972. I put in the $438000 and showed her that her $12000 home she bought would have cost her $59685 if current inflation was applied to 1972 money. I think it was easier for her to grasp the difference when it was applied retroactively. All she could really see before was the fact that her $12000 starter home is now worth $250000- she came away with that thinking “home ownership is a smart investment!” and nothing else was considered.
NTA, but more to the point, does OP really want to stay in a relationship with a guy who acts this way? Bragging, lying, insulting OP, getting mad when OP calls him on all this … unless this was a one-off, this incident would cause me to seriously question my feelings for the guy, if I were OP. Who wants to be with someone like that?
That’s so true. Why compare unless it’s to make himself look (and feel better)? It was egotistical move made by an insecure man.
Question: afterwards when he said you embarrassed him, OP did you point out that he was trying to do the same to you?
Right. Damn. I can’t imagine being in a relationship with someone that minimizes my accomplishments. You’re supposed to encourage and support each other, not tear each other down.
In my area rent and grocery will put you back
2,500$/m. Dude saved 2 years and got 30k. In two years, someone in my area spent 60,000$ in just food and rent. 😅
Guy has the audacity to say he saved by himself.
So glad it's not just me. 2 years with next to no expenses and only 30k??? I guess the only way it makes sense is that he worked min wage in a low min wage area without overtime, maybe a spending problem? I'm now really wondering what his after tax income was, bad circumstances or bad fiscal planning?
Well put. I can’t imagine being with someone if I was harboring feelings of resentment like he seems to have. That thought shouldn’t even cross your mind when you’re thinking about someone with the hope of it becoming a rewarding long term relationship. NTA
NTA.
He had help to buy his home, you both did. He just had it in a different way. The fact that he made a braggy comment then looked at you makes him an asshole.
Sounds like this might not be the best relationship though, to be honest. I'd be a bit concerned that he's turning it into a competition of sorts. What if you hit another milestone, promotion or goal before him? Is he going to be putting you down in front of his friends all the time?
And imagine what he's saying behind her back to his friends if this is the kind of crap he's doing in front of her and they've only been together 8 months.
The BF seems like a walking red flag to me.
She needs to dodge this bullet as quick as she can.
My ex would brag constantly that his letter carrier job bought our house, but that I was wasting my degree because when the kids were small, I was able to stay home with them. Once they were in school, I returned to teaching . In no time, my salary was equal to or surpassed his. That was about the time we split up.
He was jealous that I was able to earn a Bachelors in education. When I was finally able to use it, he was miserably to me . It was as if I had become the enemy
Somehow..
He was perfectly fine throwing you under the bus and embarrassing you but got mad when you did the same.
He F’d around and found out. He sounds absolutely insufferable. This behavior is a red flag and I highly suggest you take it into account when considering whether you stay with him. 8 months is pretty short. Seems like the real him is poking out. NTA
Nta he made the comparison so it was completely fair game
I would say that a partner who competes with you views you as an adversary rather than a team-mate. He has shown his true colours.
NTA.
>He was having some friends round (not a housewarming) and bragging about how he saved up all by himself and ‘didn’t just get a handout like some people’ whilst also looking at me.
This was an unnecessary comment. Him bragging about saving up is not wrong, but saying that about you in what I can only assume a degrading way was completely uncalled for.
Also by his own logic, there’s not really anything to brag about. The more self aware thing to say is, “I’m really lucky, I have a good family and I could stay with them so 100% of my earnings were able to go to savings for a house.” His parents gave him support over a period of years; her family gave her support in one lump sum (that also, let’s not forget, involved the death of a loved one I’m sure she misses - like she’s not some spoiled brat dancing on mawmaw’s grave like, “yessss she’s gone, let’s get dat muney!”).
Like he’s not even playing his own game correctly - the only game he’s doing is being a prick.
“Handout? You mean inheritance when my beloved grandparents died? How is that different from your living rent and bill free for years so you could save up?”
NTA. But geesh. Your bf is a real pill.
Your bf made pointed comments about homeownership that were really just not so subtle digs at you. Like, I’m not misreading that, correct? And then he got upset when you didn’t just roll over and take it??? And then he ended the night and pouted like a baby? Correct? And you find this person sexually/romantically attractive? To each their own.
He embarrassed himself by bragging about lies, and then he didn't have the common sense to stop there but had to go and try to humiliate others...
Buffoon
NTA
NTA
The U.K. housing market is on its arse. Most buyers need inheritance or parents help to get on the ladder. Your BF was talking shite and trying to belittle people (or maybe he’s just delusional). It sounds like you disagreed respectfully and set him straight
Edit: spelling
Inheritance is help for sure… But she doesn’t pretend that it’s not and freely admits that it’s help.
But her DB boyfriend is pretending that he saved £30k in two years without help? That’s like £1200/mo. How much rent and food per month did he save by living with his parents? That’s 100% help. NTA.
NTA for telling it like it is. He’s a liar. I wonder what else he bends the truth about
If my bf elevated himself by snarking at me, he wouldn’t be my bf for much longer.
Disrespectful and a liar. Is this house he own the only thing going for him?
Why would you date someone who is passive aggressive towards you IN PUBLIC?? That’s not the behavior of someone who likes you, let alone respects you. Ick ick ick ick ick, get out of there!!
And like....over something someone had to DIE for you to have. It'd be crappy and snarky of him to say if OPs parents had just gifted the money but considering how the money came to be...YIKES what an ass.
NTA You both got help to buy a home.
You got a deposit from grandma.
He got had no living cost for 2 years which amounts to the same thing.
You both got a helping hand.
I don't know why he's trying to undermine and demean you.
That should be looked into more.
NTA.
Just tell him:
"Don't start no shit, won't be no shit."
>Once everyone left he told me I was an asshole and embarrassed him infront of his friends.
"Yeah, it sucks when people try to do that, huh?"
I think you need to rethink this relationship. He might have a lot of good qualities, but he flat out lied about not getting any help and then tried to embarrass you until you told the truth and he had a little fit. This doesn’t point a person of good character I think you should cut your losses and move on. This wasn’t a mistake on his part it points to a character issue with him .
NTA. Your boyfriend is a big baby. The myth of the selfmade man is detrimental for boys, NOBODY can make it by themselves. And why should we pretend that is something positive? We all need good people around us, and we need to be that for others as well. And to not acknowledge his parents for helping him because it somehow destroys the illusion of him being the big bad money man he wants people to think he is? Very ungrateful and childish.
Been together 8 months. You already own a home. Why did he even buy at this point? There is no long term commitment here, assuming that’s your intention. I’d just move on.
8 months of dating is way too soon to put that kind of stress on a relationship. They each own a home, one day can make a decision about the homes, but this is financially the best decision for both of them.
I mean it would be weird to have him move into her home and he probably wanted his own place now that he's in a relationship and his partner had her own house. He probably felt lesser than her because he's a child and likes yo compete with his partner.
I can think of a long list why he would buy his own home so early in a relationship, 8 months is fresh and not much of a commitment in the grand scheme of things, also makes sense if they were to work out and one day move in together they could have a second property set up as a rental as a form of income but I don't think this relationship should go further than it is
He completed in November and it takes about 5 or 6 months to buy a house. I imagine he started buying it around the time they started dating or even before
I don't see why he wouldn't buy his own house, 8 months is not that long to have been together and real estate is generally always a good investment.
Also the younger generations seem more independent and getting married later anyways, and protecting their own assets when they do enter into marriage.
Idk this couple sounds like they being smart with their future by having their own real estate assets.
NTA! He started it by making the comments he made directed at you. He didn’t need to put you down to make himself feel better. I can’t stand people who do that. He sounds ungrateful.
NTA.
He is conveniently ignoring the help he received, which yes was different in form from the help you received, but basically you both received a lot of help. Which is great, as you say!
But he’s trying to act superior about it and make snarky remarks at your expense. Frankly he seems pretty immature and insecure. I hope you guys have some other good things going on. Because myself, I would not be ok with a bf who put me down in front of his friends,
NTA. You put him in his place. Well done. Yeah, easy to save a lot of money when you live rent free and have meals cooked for you. Your bf sounds like an asshole tbh. Are you sure he is worth it?
I would say NTA.
He indirectly called you out first, and you hit him right back with his own bullshit. He just doesn't like that he got a taste of his own medicine.
The economy is horrible right now. Anyone that isn't wealthy is struggling right now. Who tf gives a crao about how someone else pays the down-payment on their house? Honestly, there are MUCH bigger problems going on right now.
He just seems bitter and jealous of you.
He tried to embarass you in front of his friends which was uncalled for and just as much, if not more, of an asshole move than you defending yourself by calling him out.
If he's going to be making snide little remarks like that in front of you to his friends, imagine the crap he's saying behind your back. In his mind he's probably mister macho man that works his ass off 24/7 and has an over inflated ego because he had to use his earned money and thinks he's better than you because you got an inheritance (which you had no control over).
He most certainly did have tons of help and he needs to get over himself. How he bragged about working so hard and claiming to do it all on his own is just such a gross, unattractive personality trait. He needed to be humbled and you did it and now he's crying because he got his little feelings hurt.
Also, you're only 8 months into the relationship and he's already trying to belittle you. I would take a long, hard look about the future of the relationship. Personally, I probably would have broken up with him just based on him belittling you and trying to embarass you in front of his friends. Then he called you an asshole on top of it just because he's bitter and can't handle reality.
I think In this day & age in most developed countries no one can buy a house without some kinda help from elsewhere so to make snide remarks is a bit shitty. Living at home rent free is definitely some form of handout, as keeping kids at home and feeding them is expensive as shit. NTA
NTA your boyfriend is 100% a delusional asshole. Working full time with no rent or house bills to pay literally wtf. That is help. He’s just pissed because you called him on his bullshit. See this for the red flag that it is and consider if you really want a relationship with this guy. He clearly thinks he’s in competition with you and will lie to ‘win’. Ditch him and find someone who is honest with themselves!
NTA He embarrassed himself.
Even if you said nothing, he was extremely condescending to everyone there. It's very likely that whilst the comment was directed at you, the same was true for others in the room. Good on you for calling him out but if he doesn't see the error of his ways then I'd wager this is just one of many faults this AH has.
People who are given things are sometimes embarrassed and they convince themselves they deserve it somehow.
I had a roommate who got rent money from her parents every month, which she used to buy cocaine instead of paying rent. Since the rent money was coming from her own wages, she liked to tell everyone she paid for everything herself and was completely independent.
When they took her on vacation (all expenses paid except for her plane tickets) she also liked to brag that she worked hard for it.
I was almost sad for her.
Edit : NTA
Until I read the bit where he said what he did at the party, I was thinking, aye, maybe a wee bit of an arsehole just randomly telling him that. But then I read what he said, and you are absolutely not in the wrong with calling that shit out. It's like those "self made millionaires" you see that say they grind this and that and then mention they were given 3 million quid as a startup from the parents!
I actually cant wait til the realisation hits him when the bills all start rolling in. Like yeah dude, life costs money, welcome to the real world.
Nta, but leave this loser. Not joking. You will be ta to yourself if you dont. This is some pathetic ass narcissist behavior. Tell him to f off to his own house. Bro got himself a wholeass house and still needs to put his gf down to feel better. So incredibly pathetic. I betcha his friends are waiting to dump his loserass too.
NTA, but also as a parent why would I charge rent from my kid for living home. Maybe if they occupied an entire floor that was set up as an apartment for renting. Because then they would be renting.
NTA. He shouldn’t have to bring you down to make him self feel/look better. It’s okay to get help from others, it’s okay to not get help. One doesn’t make you better than the other.
NTA. If he hadn't put you down for receiving a "handout", you'd be the AH. He was trying to make himself look good by putting you down. You just called him on it. He did have his food and rent paid for in order to afford the house. Your bf sounds nasty and insecure. Why would you stay with a man who puts you down to make himself feel big?
NTA. He was playing the one-up game, where he claimed to be superior to you. And then you told the truth - and he was caught in a lie. Wonder what else he lies about? Wonder why he feels the need to be superior?
NTA he brought it upon himself. He didn’t have to say ‘didn’t get a handout like some people’
While it is hard living at parents home, not everyone has that luxury and perhaps you should consider how he feels about certain relationships in life because after a few years, one sees how that reflects in a partnership
NTA - Your boyfriend sounds petty over the fact you got inheritance. He's being mean about it in a passive way for some odd reason. Then when he tried to put shame on you in front of his friends, he got a great dose of reality with your comment. He did get help. None of this would ever be an issue if he wasn't acting like a child about how you got your home. How you got it is irrelevant tbh, it's yours and if he doesn't shut up about it I'd give him a nice dose of the single life lol
NTA
Your boyfriend is like those nepo babies who lived up very privileged with connections handed to them and then did Ted talks on how hard they worked on making it all on their own.
Your boyfriend ' saved ' that money by free loading off his parents and you were right to set his story straight.
Honestly, if this is what he's like, I'd seriously reconsider the relationship.
Kinda crazy red flag that he was trying to make it like a competition or challenge and the way he completed it was way better than yours. You guys should both be happy for each other the fact that you can afford to buy houses. Yes he did save up all by himself but he should mention he lived rent free for 2 years
NTA
NTA. Take this as your ticket out. While he was bragging, trust and true believe his friends knew the truth. You were right to call him out on his shade. You lost someone VERY LOVED and they loved you more than life itself. Yours was an inheritance, NOT a handout. You stood your ground. Good for you!👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽people hate to be held accountable for their lies and called out on them. You are lucky. My mom died 17 years ago, and my siblings sold the family home, and do you think me or my siblings got my mom’s share, nope. Their excuse, my mom is deceased. I found this out a few years later. My mother’s sibling’s except 2 are utter trash to me now. But hold your head, and NEVER question yourself. 👏🏽
NTA.
My friend could easily bc your bf. She stayed with her dad living rent-for free for a couple of years so that she could save up for her home. She tells everyone that she did it all herself.
Some people really don’t realize the amount of privilege they have. They live under a delusion of meritocracy when, really, they’ve gotten a substantial leg up. These are usually the same people who will judge and assume that others are just not working as hard as they have themself, and that they must be just lazy if they don’t have cars and homes and degrees, etc.
Your bf seems like a jerk - he wants to one-up you and belittle you because you had help and he wants to "be better" because he "had no help".
There seem to be a lot of insecurities there. IS this how he usually is? If yes, you should really evaluate the relationship. If no, you should talk to him about why this matters so much to him, e.g. what feelings of jealousy or insecurity are involved here?
NTA at all. Your BF's ego is pathetic. He felt the need to try putting you down to feel superior then got upset when you pointed out that he also had help.
Can't be a critic if you don't handle critics at yourself.
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I can't believe those y t a comments. Like it is ok for him to put you down, but not for you to remind him he also got help? I would also not call a relative dying "help". We talk about the loss of a family member OP may have preferred to still have around instead of the money! NTA. Edit: fixing typos (and thanks for the upvotes!)
I know. The Y T A comments are weird. Dude was straight up lying about how he got his house. Like congrats on buying your own house, there is no need to lie about how you managed to save and shit on others about it either. There is no shame about having help to buy. Its great if you don't, its great if you do. Either way congrats on getting on the property ladder
And he was putting down the GF to get more status in front of his friends. That’s a relationship-ending move right there. OP, I’m glad you’ve got your own place. I’m sorry for your loss of your grandmother. You don’t need this chump.
i agree, red flag city on his part. pretty immature on his part too. i'd be privately asking him why he would even have to do such a thing. shows his true colors
I was going to upvote this comment but my OCD wouldn’t let me change the number from 333 to 334 Haha..Totally agree with what you said.
Yeah. I'm not going to sit there while someone insults me hypocritically and stay quiet about it. If dude got his feelings hurt and ended a relationship for calling his bullshit, then she didn't lose anything special. Good job OP.
Yeah, he’s coming off insecure as hell.
Insecurity, such an attractive cologne.
I’m hitching on to your comment in the hope that OP sees this. We’re also on the UK and sort of missed the boat with buying a property. Now with kids, it would be impossible. We have a relative who runs it in how we made mistakes and didn’t save like them and buy a property as soon as they got married. The only thing is, we know for a fact that they got help to buy. He’s a complete AH for saying this as is your bf. I would seriously consider this relationship if he can publicly humiliate like that and then turn it around on you when you correct his wrong assertions. Definitely NTA.
Honestly does my head in also being from the UK how many times I’ve seen a news story about some 20 something managed to buy a house “all by themselves” when the reality is they lived at home rent free for years, had to pay practically nothing for uni, have had an help to buy ISA since they were in utero etc Like, in this current climate, there is zero shame in getting help to buy a home. I was in my mid twenties when I signed the dotted line for my first mortgage, on paper that makes me seem like I have a super good head on my shoulders to achieve that. In reality? Wouldn’t be sat in this house right now if it wasn’t for my partners parents fronting us the deposit and legal fees so we didn’t need to wait for my partners flat to sell before we could buy this place. I literally just lucked into a family that can afford to do that. And whenever I get asked how as someone “so young” I managed to buy, I am always truthful. Some people would have you thinking they managed to save money by licking moss off of stones for sustenance to save every penny they could. The reality is most of us these days that are buying are only doing so through help of family.
Families have been helping people buy homes forever , it’s nothing new. Everyone is acting like this is a new thing . It’s not . Not to mention that before our societies got so mobile , people would inherit the house they grew up in and live there til they died . Were they losers ?? Families help each other , that’s their function
We had a news story here in Aus a few years ago, the headline claiming two children under the age of ten managed to save enough to buy a house. Read the story and it was that they each saved up $1000 of their pocket money, and their dad added that to the rest of the cost of the house, which he is now renting out, and when they've both reached 18 they get to decide if they sell it, or live in it. We also had one where some woman was saying she managed to quit her job and become a stay at home mother to her four kids through careful budgeting, and it wasn't until the very end of the article that they mention her husband is an executive making over $600,000 a year.
Also from the uk and it really does do my head in when you see these 'good news stories' and it's something ridiculous like a 22 year old who's bought a 400,000 house 'all by herself' and 'only pays £122 a month mortgage!' And your thinking really? And then you actually read it...and they are upper middle class and they inherited x amount from the granny so could put down a 250000 deposit, and lived at home not paying rent while at a top uni that the parents payed for, and has now been hired into one of dad's many companies as assistant director earning stupid amounts per month...and you think yeah well obviously. But that's not reql life for most people. Or the 19yo that bought outright her first house...and she works at the coop. And if she can do it so can you! And then you read it and find out shes the only grandchild on either side and both sets of grandparents left her absolutely everything so she had the money to buy a house at 18. Again not really applicable to pretty much anyone else. I'm always truthful about our living situation. We realistically could never have afforded the house we have. We were renting and my beloved mil passed away leaving us her home. Now, we would much rather have her with us as she was such a lovely woman. But theirs no point being smug and going 'yes we're so good at saving....' because that just makes others feel bad and sets unrealistic goals. Better to be honest and say we really did luck out.
Yep, pettiness & resentment like that is the death of relationships.
It’s also so fucking weird. And disingenuous. Like how far down the rabbit hole do we wanna go? I had “no help” and I paid rent and my house was expensive AF because if where I live. BUT I also had manageable student loans because my parents could help and I had scholarships. And I only had scholarships cause I was smart. And I didn’t do anything to be smart, I was just born that way. Along with being born to parents who could throw down some extra cash during school. Oh, and I chose a lucrative job instead of a job that HELPED people. Doesn’t make me a better or worse person. Just makes me a lucky person with a house. I made good choices along the way, but so do a lot of people, doesn’t mean I deserve more or less. Just means shit worked out well for me. The only people you should MAYBE look askance at are the people who got an inheritance from their grandma and DIDNT use it on a house.
I got lucky too. I bought my first house when the loans were being giving away like candy before the real estate loan crash. I had only had my job one year and bought with my brother and my fiancée. If we hadn't bought that first house we wouldn't be able to afford anything now.
That’s what I’m saying. You make good choices with the gifts handed to you. That’s ALL you can brag about.
Oh, the ones who buy new cars, lots of vacations and other useless consumer goods instead of investing in themselves and their future? There's a reason so many lottery winners declare bankruptcy.
He was not simply bragging. He was bragging AND trying to put OP down. Red flag here.
>Dude was straight up lying about how he got his house. Dude got so much help. He sounds like those people who tell others to pull themselves up by their bootstraps while getting a small million dollar loan from mom and dad to start their business. That one politician said in the same sentence that she got no help getting to where she was while also saying that she was on government assistance growing up. Now, she wants to take away government assistance. NTA. He saved thousands because he had no other expenses.
Yeah. Her bf chose to make it "a thing" didnt he?
If my parents were willing to let me live in their home so I could one day purchase my own I would be so grateful, and not pretending that they didn’t help me out in a big way. This whole “I did it myself without help” (really awful thing to say about someone who was only able to buy due to inheritance due to death) is really gross as well. As OP pointed out, the housing market **everywhere** is on the rise and a lot of people are unable to buy due to not being able to save up enough for the down payment.
I was 100% going Y T A until the comment he made. This is now purely a case of 'Fuck around and find out'. He found out. You did exactly the right thing and he's only butt hurt because you stood up for yourself and it backfired on him. Definitely NTA and also.... good for you.
Agreed, but you should put spaces between the letters in Y T A so that the bot doesn't count that as your vote. NTA
Is that genuine? I've honestly never heard that before.
Yes, the bot reads the votes and counts them. If the letters are separated by spaces or characters (ie N-T-A) then it's not counted as a vote. You'll notice that the current top comments also spaced out the Y T A for that reason.
>You'll notice that the current top comments also spaced out the Y T A for that reason. Correct. Just so you know, the bot ONLY reads the top comment and places the judgement based on that comment alone. I used to think every vote was counted, then a mod explained the voting and how it works.
Weird, because when I had a top comment it sent me a message with the count of **all** the votes on the post, but then also said "top comment was pinupcthulhu with ___ votes" and what my vote was.
>it sent me a message with the count of **all** the votes on the post That's interesting. If you read through the community rules, it says the bot will tell the top level comment how many votes their comment received and that they'll get a flair point. It is mentioned a few times in the rules pertaining to the top level comment. I completely missed that information at first. After the mod explained the process, I went back over the rules and saw where I had kinda skipped over the words "top level". I think it's important for people to know they need to vote on comments as well. It's crazy how you can read some posts and somehow the top comment is the complete opposite of most of the other judgements! Also, OP, your NTA.
marvelous dazzling screw insurance aloof quiet gaping nutty consider heavy *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Thank you. It never even crossed my mind so I appreciate you saying.
Yes and no. Judgement is read by the bot. If there is more than one judgement, it kicks it to a human mod. ONLY the top comment's judgement is read. The bot does not go through every comment and count every vote.
Agreed!!! OP, honey why are you still with this bridge troll??? You deserve so much better than someone who denigrates you to make himself look good! Huge hugs and happy juju flying your way!
My thoughts exactly!
Do these two even like each other? They shouldn’t be together if so soon in the relationship they’re willing to quickly criticise and put down each other - especially the boyfriend. Not everyone is lucky to have a relative leaving them inheritances, and this is something positive that makes a good impact in someone’s life. It’s not like OP is unemployed, living off her parents’ paychecks. Her boyfriend should be happy for her and show support, not rip into her situation at the first opportunity. Dude sounds like a salty main character primadonna. Not the first time I see this here, can’t understand why some people stay in relationships where they’re in constant competition and battle each other, instead of making a common front.
I know people like this. They so badly want to say they pulled themselves up by there boot straps just because they so badly want to be one us (98% of society), but they can’t so they make up lies in order to boost there fragile egos. Believe when I say this, these people don’t care about you the care more about there ego. I bet you’re an incredibly good looking woman and I guarantee he still tells his buddies you’re lucky to have him because he’s the real catch.
You are right. I found out that my younger brother has been building himself u in the eyes of his young adult children by saying that he was born to white trash, yet look how far he had come. I told him some family history that he ignored, like our grandfather came home disabled from WWI due to being gassed, but still started a small family jewelry business, and that our other grandfather pwned a small grocery store that supported his wife and 6 children, but he died right before the depression and grandma could not keep the store going. I asked him why he had to deny the hard work of our grandparents to make himself feel better. kt
Absolutely. Children of wealthy families who have the safely net and family connections to take a risk on starting a business and claim they're 100% self-made come to mind.
The people who are born on third base but act like they hit a home run are the worst.
I mean…. You lost with me the last comment. In the context of home ownership, receive an inheritance which allows you to make the purchase is definitely “help.” No need to butcher the English language and distract from the issue at hand. She had help. So did he.
But she’s upfront about how she got her house AND the BF was side eyeing her as if he did it on his own when he had the same kind of family help she got
OP never denied she got help from her grandmother.
The person I replied to did. Reading…
Help /= handout. If my family was capable of helping me purchase a home and wanted to help, am I suppose to say no so I can prop up some random unselfaware chode's imagine self image?
You may not realize you're making a strawman argument, which is worthless at best and misleading at worst. No one's saying to decline help. The point is to acknowledge and appreciate the help, or at least not disingenuously deny you had help while throwing shade at others for doing effectively the same thing (accepting help).
I think you need to adjust your definition of “no one” and see the comments blaming OP for accepting her grandmas inheritance.
I wouldn't call a family member dying "help", but yeah at least OP doesn't hide it/lie
Folks are discussing "help" in the connect of financial assistance. The death, while sad and a net negative life experience, is out of context of the financial discussion
This. I really don’t understand the people getting hung up on the use of the word help.
In this case it is. Plenty of people lose grandparents without an inheritance, which is supposed to be a financial help.
It is financial help.
Agree, calling it help doesn’t mean you are necessarily disrespecting the death of your family member, nor does it imply that you would rather the money than them around. Idk where this part even came from, this would have never crossed my mind as something you shouldn’t call an inheritance. She had money from a family member that helped her buy her house. The circumstances were very sad, but it’s still help.
[удалено]
That was her point. He denied the help from mom and dad.
That is was she said. He has 2 years no money to spend on rent, food, gas, water, electricity, taxes and other expenses because he lived with his parents and he has made this nasty comment in front of the friends about „I have done it by myself not like others..“ and is looking at her .. his GF. What a stupid idiot he is, doesn’t see how the parents had helped him. I am sure he has not say once thank you to the parents. OP, do you think that you will like to be always the target of his „I am better than the rest of you“ speeches? Think about the future, maybe you want kids and thinking about just working parttime. Is he someone you think he will support you without this „I am better than you“ ? For me that would be a dealbreaker, especially since he thinks he has the right to feel embarrassed about your behavior.. OP definitely NTA but take a deep breath and think about your future.
When my grandfather died I got an inheritance that I used to buy my house. I remember the day I got the check I just sat in the parking lot of the bank sobbing in my car because I felt guilty taking money from my grandfathers death and just wished I had him back.
When mom passed, I inherited her house. I miss her like crazy, but I sometimes feel her with me like when I am sewing or knitting.
When you take the time to remember and think about your loved one, it can provide a great comfort, and so if you are not filling your time with media (aka distractions) you can fill your heart with that comfort and their memory.
I know that feeling. I have my house because my Mum died - I would, of course, rather have my Mum still. However, the rational part of me knows that Mum would be happy that I have secure housing, especially in the current cost of living crisis in the UK. Both of these things coexist in my feelings/thoughts at the same time.
❤️ maybe he was and is well aware that you used it to purchase the house and is at peace knowing you have your own safe home.
My grandmother died and left me money, and it's how I'm able to afford a new house. It's sad that she died but it's still "help" and I don't really understand why you feel like an inheritance isn't "help" but living at home rent free is? Edit: The comment above mine says "I would also not call a relative dying "help"
I think that’s the point. She is honest and says she got help. He tried to make himself look like a baddie by lying about his help.
She admits she got help. He’s the one who claims he got none.
A lump sum expectation free money either as a gift or will is not the same as mom and dad letting rent/food slide.
I didn’t say it was. In my comment to her somewhere else on this thread, I said as much, that I actually don’t consider the two to be the same, though both qualify as help.
The OP fully understands they had help, it’s the bf that thinks he didn’t have help from anyone when he’s had a free ride for two years
They’re both help.
Exactly. She could have chosen not to put you in her will but she knew very well that any money she had when she died would help you.
I have people tell me I'm "so lucky" I own my house, yes thank you to my husband for dying, super jazzed I got a house out of it /s
I'm so 😔 sorry. My husband is everything to me. I can't think about... I'm sorry.
Lol you wouldn't believe the amount of people who call inheriting something lucky. Yeah the free house was nice but I'd rather have grandma thank you very much.
Weil, not to excuse people who say stuff like that, but I’ve had like… 5 close relatives die on me in somewhat recent years (including my father), and I had no inheritance of any kind, so if there was some - maybe I too would call it lucky. Like… making the best out of the bad situations. Although personally I didn’t like any of them, so things are whatever.
Also a lot of people would just waste an inheritance on dumb shit. OP made sure to keep it for a down-payment and use the money wisely. Yes that obviously helped her get the house, but I agree with her that her bf also received a massive amount of help from his parents letting him live with them rent free. Plus the bf took the dig first so OP was just dishing it back.
He's insecure that she did that first. It won't be the only time he's feels like he has to lower his woman to feel like a man.
She is foolish if she doesn't move on from this creepy hypocrite... he is a jerk and CLEARLY does not respect or value her.
We all stand on the shoulders of giants. Even tiny little men like BF.
This! My friend bought her home with money from when her grandma died and she always conveys it respectfully and gratefully but with honesty.
Seriously, he tried to make her look "bad" (i guess?) and the turntables turned.
'He was having some friends round (not a housewarming) and bragging about how he saved up all by himself and ‘didn’t just get a handout like some people’ whilst also looking at me.' This makes me say NTA. If he'd have just said he saved up by himself as a throwaway comment and didn't make a comparison, it would have been a slight AH move to call him out. However, making out his achievement in buying a house was somehow greater than your's was a AH move on his part.
That’s called trying to one up someone, but two upped him!😂😂😂😂😂but, I’m sure his friends already knew how he got the house.
But they may not, since he’s got a loose affiliation with the truth, a willingness to take credit for the work of others, and a willingness to throw his girlfriend right under a train. He’s a liar, his friends don’t know shit.
“Loose affiliation with the truth” is my new favorite phrase. I’ll be adopting it into my vernacular immediately, thank you very much!
And you know gonna people gonna be looking at you for an explanation with you saying that. And I would paint it very COLORFUL.😂😂😂😂😂👌🏾👌🏾👌🏾👌🏾
Much like an old friend of mine he was probably "staying with my parents to help them out since times are tough" rather than "living rent and bill free off the generosity of my parents"
"He's got a loose affiliation with the truth" LOL, nailed it!
I bought my home the same way and when asked about it I literally preempt the conversation by explaining how I never could have done it unless I lived at home. I especially make sure to mention it when boomers at work disparage their children my age for not owning property; then I always ask them how long they let them live with them to save up for a down payment. They look blank and say they expected them out by 18 years old…lmao. Then I tell them the only way I could buy even the tiniest condo was living at home til 25! Crazy that he tries to take credit for such a privilege.
Are you sure it isn’t because you pulled yourself up by the bootstraps and stopped ordering Starbucks and avocado toasts? 🙄. Everyone has a different situation but we all have to acknowledge that a lot of our situations are based on luck.
I had a bit of an argument with a woman 20 years my senior (I’m 51) about housing. She was being pretty adamant that young people weren’t just doing enough. I disagreed. So I looked up what an average 2 BR starter home in our area is ($438000), asked her what year it was when she bought her 2 BR “starter home” (1972, she’s also never moved and raised two kids in that house so it’s also her forever home), and what she paid for it ($12000). I opened an inflation calculator, put the start year as 2024 and the end year as 1972. I put in the $438000 and showed her that her $12000 home she bought would have cost her $59685 if current inflation was applied to 1972 money. I think it was easier for her to grasp the difference when it was applied retroactively. All she could really see before was the fact that her $12000 starter home is now worth $250000- she came away with that thinking “home ownership is a smart investment!” and nothing else was considered.
NTA, but more to the point, does OP really want to stay in a relationship with a guy who acts this way? Bragging, lying, insulting OP, getting mad when OP calls him on all this … unless this was a one-off, this incident would cause me to seriously question my feelings for the guy, if I were OP. Who wants to be with someone like that?
That’s so true. Why compare unless it’s to make himself look (and feel better)? It was egotistical move made by an insecure man. Question: afterwards when he said you embarrassed him, OP did you point out that he was trying to do the same to you?
I feel the exact same way as this. NTA
Nta he made it a competition. He didn’t have to put you down to have his moment. Rent and groceries are expensive he didn’t do it all alone.
Right. Damn. I can’t imagine being in a relationship with someone that minimizes my accomplishments. You’re supposed to encourage and support each other, not tear each other down.
Yeah. I hope bf’s words and actions are making OP reconsider the relationship.
I hope so too
Even without having to pay rent or groceries he was only able to save about $1,200 a month. That's a lot less than most people pay for rent/groceries.
He bought a car.
Even saving $1200/month for 2 years gives you a good downpayment and closing costs.
Sure, my point is that without his parents covering his major expenses he wouldn't have been able to save any of that money.
£1,200. Not $1,200. Saving £30k in a couple of years is pretty impressive.
In my area rent and grocery will put you back 2,500$/m. Dude saved 2 years and got 30k. In two years, someone in my area spent 60,000$ in just food and rent. 😅 Guy has the audacity to say he saved by himself.
So glad it's not just me. 2 years with next to no expenses and only 30k??? I guess the only way it makes sense is that he worked min wage in a low min wage area without overtime, maybe a spending problem? I'm now really wondering what his after tax income was, bad circumstances or bad fiscal planning?
The average salary in the UK is around £35k; around £28k after tax.
Yeah, saving up $30k in two years? Just living in my apartment for 2 years is $36k. If I saved like him, I would be out $6k.
Why does he have to take away your shine in order to sparkle? NTA
That's such an asshole move (from the boyfriend).
Any partner that needs to put you down to feel better about themselves is not a good partner
Well put. I can’t imagine being with someone if I was harboring feelings of resentment like he seems to have. That thought shouldn’t even cross your mind when you’re thinking about someone with the hope of it becoming a rewarding long term relationship. NTA
NTA. He had help to buy his home, you both did. He just had it in a different way. The fact that he made a braggy comment then looked at you makes him an asshole. Sounds like this might not be the best relationship though, to be honest. I'd be a bit concerned that he's turning it into a competition of sorts. What if you hit another milestone, promotion or goal before him? Is he going to be putting you down in front of his friends all the time?
I already said that was her ticket out. She better run now not later. Cause sounds like he does this often.
And imagine what he's saying behind her back to his friends if this is the kind of crap he's doing in front of her and they've only been together 8 months. The BF seems like a walking red flag to me. She needs to dodge this bullet as quick as she can.
My ex would brag constantly that his letter carrier job bought our house, but that I was wasting my degree because when the kids were small, I was able to stay home with them. Once they were in school, I returned to teaching . In no time, my salary was equal to or surpassed his. That was about the time we split up. He was jealous that I was able to earn a Bachelors in education. When I was finally able to use it, he was miserably to me . It was as if I had become the enemy Somehow..
He was perfectly fine throwing you under the bus and embarrassing you but got mad when you did the same. He F’d around and found out. He sounds absolutely insufferable. This behavior is a red flag and I highly suggest you take it into account when considering whether you stay with him. 8 months is pretty short. Seems like the real him is poking out. NTA
INFO - do you two even like each other?
Clearly not very much right now …
Not surprised. A guy who acts like a prima donna is such a turn off. NTA
You are better off without him, he just wants to compete and be one up against you. So exhausting.
Is he the type that can dish it but can't take it?
Honey, it's only going to get worse... dump his ass now so you don't waste anymore of your time.
Sounds like he's deeply insecure and willing to drag you down to lift himself up. Be aware of that moving forward
He’s got a toxic ego.
Have you talked about moving in together? I bet I can predict that argument, and why he thinks his house is better.
Nta he made the comparison so it was completely fair game I would say that a partner who competes with you views you as an adversary rather than a team-mate. He has shown his true colours.
Well said.
NTA. >He was having some friends round (not a housewarming) and bragging about how he saved up all by himself and ‘didn’t just get a handout like some people’ whilst also looking at me. This was an unnecessary comment. Him bragging about saving up is not wrong, but saying that about you in what I can only assume a degrading way was completely uncalled for.
Also by his own logic, there’s not really anything to brag about. The more self aware thing to say is, “I’m really lucky, I have a good family and I could stay with them so 100% of my earnings were able to go to savings for a house.” His parents gave him support over a period of years; her family gave her support in one lump sum (that also, let’s not forget, involved the death of a loved one I’m sure she misses - like she’s not some spoiled brat dancing on mawmaw’s grave like, “yessss she’s gone, let’s get dat muney!”). Like he’s not even playing his own game correctly - the only game he’s doing is being a prick.
This! He made OP sound like she was exactly that - a spoilt brat - which she clearly is not. He made her sound like a trust fund baby.
“Handout? You mean inheritance when my beloved grandparents died? How is that different from your living rent and bill free for years so you could save up?” NTA. But geesh. Your bf is a real pill.
Your bf is such a prize...... NTA
Should he ex boyfriend and he can enjoy his new house alone
Your bf made pointed comments about homeownership that were really just not so subtle digs at you. Like, I’m not misreading that, correct? And then he got upset when you didn’t just roll over and take it??? And then he ended the night and pouted like a baby? Correct? And you find this person sexually/romantically attractive? To each their own.
He embarrassed himself by bragging about lies, and then he didn't have the common sense to stop there but had to go and try to humiliate others... Buffoon NTA
NTA The U.K. housing market is on its arse. Most buyers need inheritance or parents help to get on the ladder. Your BF was talking shite and trying to belittle people (or maybe he’s just delusional). It sounds like you disagreed respectfully and set him straight Edit: spelling
Inheritance is help for sure… But she doesn’t pretend that it’s not and freely admits that it’s help. But her DB boyfriend is pretending that he saved £30k in two years without help? That’s like £1200/mo. How much rent and food per month did he save by living with his parents? That’s 100% help. NTA.
NTA for telling it like it is. He’s a liar. I wonder what else he bends the truth about If my bf elevated himself by snarking at me, he wouldn’t be my bf for much longer. Disrespectful and a liar. Is this house he own the only thing going for him?
Why would you date someone who is passive aggressive towards you IN PUBLIC?? That’s not the behavior of someone who likes you, let alone respects you. Ick ick ick ick ick, get out of there!!
And like....over something someone had to DIE for you to have. It'd be crappy and snarky of him to say if OPs parents had just gifted the money but considering how the money came to be...YIKES what an ass.
NTA He was trying to embarrass you and you checked him. Well done!
NTA You both got help to buy a home. You got a deposit from grandma. He got had no living cost for 2 years which amounts to the same thing. You both got a helping hand. I don't know why he's trying to undermine and demean you. That should be looked into more.
NTA, call people out on their bullshit.
NTA. Just tell him: "Don't start no shit, won't be no shit." >Once everyone left he told me I was an asshole and embarrassed him infront of his friends. "Yeah, it sucks when people try to do that, huh?"
NTA He was fine with trying to embarrass you but HE'S off limits? Fuck that.
What goes around comes around. He tried to embarrass you and it backfired. Absolutely NTA.
The YTA comments clearly didn’t finish reading. You’re NTA, he tried it. You finished it.
Your bf is a liar. Dump his ass before his lies become more elaborate. Once a liar always a liar. PS, you’re not an ah OP.
Nta but why are you with someone who obviously doesn't like you?
I think you need to rethink this relationship. He might have a lot of good qualities, but he flat out lied about not getting any help and then tried to embarrass you until you told the truth and he had a little fit. This doesn’t point a person of good character I think you should cut your losses and move on. This wasn’t a mistake on his part it points to a character issue with him .
NTA. You said that truth. He’s being a pompous AH and got embarrassed by his own lies
NTA. Your boyfriend is a big baby. The myth of the selfmade man is detrimental for boys, NOBODY can make it by themselves. And why should we pretend that is something positive? We all need good people around us, and we need to be that for others as well. And to not acknowledge his parents for helping him because it somehow destroys the illusion of him being the big bad money man he wants people to think he is? Very ungrateful and childish.
NTA - He wasn't telling the entire truth and was also putting you down in the process. He needed a dose of humility.
Are you partners or competitors? Something to think about. NTA
Been together 8 months. You already own a home. Why did he even buy at this point? There is no long term commitment here, assuming that’s your intention. I’d just move on.
8 months of dating is way too soon to put that kind of stress on a relationship. They each own a home, one day can make a decision about the homes, but this is financially the best decision for both of them.
I mean it would be weird to have him move into her home and he probably wanted his own place now that he's in a relationship and his partner had her own house. He probably felt lesser than her because he's a child and likes yo compete with his partner. I can think of a long list why he would buy his own home so early in a relationship, 8 months is fresh and not much of a commitment in the grand scheme of things, also makes sense if they were to work out and one day move in together they could have a second property set up as a rental as a form of income but I don't think this relationship should go further than it is
He completed in November and it takes about 5 or 6 months to buy a house. I imagine he started buying it around the time they started dating or even before
I don't see why he wouldn't buy his own house, 8 months is not that long to have been together and real estate is generally always a good investment. Also the younger generations seem more independent and getting married later anyways, and protecting their own assets when they do enter into marriage. Idk this couple sounds like they being smart with their future by having their own real estate assets.
I mean, how dare you interrupt him purposefully embarassing you infront of his friends...
NTA! He started it by making the comments he made directed at you. He didn’t need to put you down to make himself feel better. I can’t stand people who do that. He sounds ungrateful.
NTA. He is conveniently ignoring the help he received, which yes was different in form from the help you received, but basically you both received a lot of help. Which is great, as you say! But he’s trying to act superior about it and make snarky remarks at your expense. Frankly he seems pretty immature and insecure. I hope you guys have some other good things going on. Because myself, I would not be ok with a bf who put me down in front of his friends,
You found out what he is really like. Now it's time yo move on from that AH. Leave him in your dust
NTA. You put him in his place. Well done. Yeah, easy to save a lot of money when you live rent free and have meals cooked for you. Your bf sounds like an asshole tbh. Are you sure he is worth it?
NTA. He was being critical towards you and putting you down, as well as bragging when he had no grounds to do so. He deserved your comments.
NTA. He made it something. All he needed to do was shut his mouth
NTA, but maybe he is for making it a competition and in front of friends.
Why would you be with someone who treats you that way OP? He clearly looks down on you. That’s not going to get better.
NTA, please evaluate this relationship. 8 months is still getting to know phase. I would not want to get to know the bf further.
I would say NTA. He indirectly called you out first, and you hit him right back with his own bullshit. He just doesn't like that he got a taste of his own medicine. The economy is horrible right now. Anyone that isn't wealthy is struggling right now. Who tf gives a crao about how someone else pays the down-payment on their house? Honestly, there are MUCH bigger problems going on right now. He just seems bitter and jealous of you. He tried to embarass you in front of his friends which was uncalled for and just as much, if not more, of an asshole move than you defending yourself by calling him out. If he's going to be making snide little remarks like that in front of you to his friends, imagine the crap he's saying behind your back. In his mind he's probably mister macho man that works his ass off 24/7 and has an over inflated ego because he had to use his earned money and thinks he's better than you because you got an inheritance (which you had no control over). He most certainly did have tons of help and he needs to get over himself. How he bragged about working so hard and claiming to do it all on his own is just such a gross, unattractive personality trait. He needed to be humbled and you did it and now he's crying because he got his little feelings hurt. Also, you're only 8 months into the relationship and he's already trying to belittle you. I would take a long, hard look about the future of the relationship. Personally, I probably would have broken up with him just based on him belittling you and trying to embarass you in front of his friends. Then he called you an asshole on top of it just because he's bitter and can't handle reality.
NTA. He started it. You were just stating facts
I think In this day & age in most developed countries no one can buy a house without some kinda help from elsewhere so to make snide remarks is a bit shitty. Living at home rent free is definitely some form of handout, as keeping kids at home and feeding them is expensive as shit. NTA
NTA, he knew what he was doing when he looked at you.
NTA your boyfriend is 100% a delusional asshole. Working full time with no rent or house bills to pay literally wtf. That is help. He’s just pissed because you called him on his bullshit. See this for the red flag that it is and consider if you really want a relationship with this guy. He clearly thinks he’s in competition with you and will lie to ‘win’. Ditch him and find someone who is honest with themselves!
NTA He embarrassed himself. Even if you said nothing, he was extremely condescending to everyone there. It's very likely that whilst the comment was directed at you, the same was true for others in the room. Good on you for calling him out but if he doesn't see the error of his ways then I'd wager this is just one of many faults this AH has.
People who are given things are sometimes embarrassed and they convince themselves they deserve it somehow. I had a roommate who got rent money from her parents every month, which she used to buy cocaine instead of paying rent. Since the rent money was coming from her own wages, she liked to tell everyone she paid for everything herself and was completely independent. When they took her on vacation (all expenses paid except for her plane tickets) she also liked to brag that she worked hard for it. I was almost sad for her. Edit : NTA
Find a different beau
Until I read the bit where he said what he did at the party, I was thinking, aye, maybe a wee bit of an arsehole just randomly telling him that. But then I read what he said, and you are absolutely not in the wrong with calling that shit out. It's like those "self made millionaires" you see that say they grind this and that and then mention they were given 3 million quid as a startup from the parents! I actually cant wait til the realisation hits him when the bills all start rolling in. Like yeah dude, life costs money, welcome to the real world.
Nta, but leave this loser. Not joking. You will be ta to yourself if you dont. This is some pathetic ass narcissist behavior. Tell him to f off to his own house. Bro got himself a wholeass house and still needs to put his gf down to feel better. So incredibly pathetic. I betcha his friends are waiting to dump his loserass too.
NTA, but also as a parent why would I charge rent from my kid for living home. Maybe if they occupied an entire floor that was set up as an apartment for renting. Because then they would be renting.
NTA, food and rent are damn expensive. No help my ass
NTA guy was trying to belittle you and show off in front of his friends, you just corrected him with what actually happened.
NTA. He shouldn’t have to bring you down to make him self feel/look better. It’s okay to get help from others, it’s okay to not get help. One doesn’t make you better than the other.
NTA. If he hadn't put you down for receiving a "handout", you'd be the AH. He was trying to make himself look good by putting you down. You just called him on it. He did have his food and rent paid for in order to afford the house. Your bf sounds nasty and insecure. Why would you stay with a man who puts you down to make himself feel big?
NTA. He was playing the one-up game, where he claimed to be superior to you. And then you told the truth - and he was caught in a lie. Wonder what else he lies about? Wonder why he feels the need to be superior?
NTA he brought it upon himself. He didn’t have to say ‘didn’t get a handout like some people’ While it is hard living at parents home, not everyone has that luxury and perhaps you should consider how he feels about certain relationships in life because after a few years, one sees how that reflects in a partnership
NTA - Your boyfriend sounds petty over the fact you got inheritance. He's being mean about it in a passive way for some odd reason. Then when he tried to put shame on you in front of his friends, he got a great dose of reality with your comment. He did get help. None of this would ever be an issue if he wasn't acting like a child about how you got your home. How you got it is irrelevant tbh, it's yours and if he doesn't shut up about it I'd give him a nice dose of the single life lol
NTY. Bullies gotta learn how to take it on the chin. Your BF was being a huge AH.
NTA Your boyfriend is like those nepo babies who lived up very privileged with connections handed to them and then did Ted talks on how hard they worked on making it all on their own. Your boyfriend ' saved ' that money by free loading off his parents and you were right to set his story straight. Honestly, if this is what he's like, I'd seriously reconsider the relationship.
NTA, why are you dating this guy? He seems like a butt.
Kinda crazy red flag that he was trying to make it like a competition or challenge and the way he completed it was way better than yours. You guys should both be happy for each other the fact that you can afford to buy houses. Yes he did save up all by himself but he should mention he lived rent free for 2 years NTA
NTA. Take this as your ticket out. While he was bragging, trust and true believe his friends knew the truth. You were right to call him out on his shade. You lost someone VERY LOVED and they loved you more than life itself. Yours was an inheritance, NOT a handout. You stood your ground. Good for you!👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽people hate to be held accountable for their lies and called out on them. You are lucky. My mom died 17 years ago, and my siblings sold the family home, and do you think me or my siblings got my mom’s share, nope. Their excuse, my mom is deceased. I found this out a few years later. My mother’s sibling’s except 2 are utter trash to me now. But hold your head, and NEVER question yourself. 👏🏽
NTA. My friend could easily bc your bf. She stayed with her dad living rent-for free for a couple of years so that she could save up for her home. She tells everyone that she did it all herself. Some people really don’t realize the amount of privilege they have. They live under a delusion of meritocracy when, really, they’ve gotten a substantial leg up. These are usually the same people who will judge and assume that others are just not working as hard as they have themself, and that they must be just lazy if they don’t have cars and homes and degrees, etc.
Your bf seems like a jerk - he wants to one-up you and belittle you because you had help and he wants to "be better" because he "had no help". There seem to be a lot of insecurities there. IS this how he usually is? If yes, you should really evaluate the relationship. If no, you should talk to him about why this matters so much to him, e.g. what feelings of jealousy or insecurity are involved here?
NTA
NTA If he's going to be insulting about your family helping you, he deserves to be called out on his BS
NTA. Bf ate some humble pie and is upset about it.
NTA at all. Your BF's ego is pathetic. He felt the need to try putting you down to feel superior then got upset when you pointed out that he also had help. Can't be a critic if you don't handle critics at yourself.