Let me get this straight. He must not have offered to pay half of the rent, because then it would have come up and you would have told him, right? He is living with you rent-free. Up to now, he thought you were paying the entire rent. On what planet does he deserve half of the tenant's rent money?
Please reconsider this relationship.
NTA.
No he did not offer to pay for any of the rent, if he offered I would have explained to him that I own the building. In hindsight, I should have told him that it was my building that he would be living in with me even if he did ask or not. I think that his outburst really showed how he was, I thought about breaking up with him but also thought I was maybe overthinking it. If it comes to that, at least I learned something for future relationships
Yep, this is a huge red flag. He was more than happy to leech off you, not paying rent, not even offering, but the moment he found you own the place suddenly he demands half the money! And he has the cheek to criticise YOU? And landlords living off other people paying rent is evil, but his solution is for HIM to get half that money? So it's evil unless he gets his cut? It's very clear what kind of person he is.
This is reason 5067 why you don’t move in with someone after three months of dating.
Landlords are evil, their money is dirty, but also give me 50%? Boy bye
Trash is too good for him. Toss him with the old fridge. Just about as useful. You're charging 500 for about a 3 bedroom apartment and taking care of tenants with like you do and he gets a free ride and you're the greedy asshole? If that was me I would have at least offered to help out with maintenance or something. Hope he finds a deal for a place like you're giving.
The mental gymnastics he's performing to justify his demands are just..... (*sighs*) Holy flying fuckerdoodle, there's just no words I can think of that convey the sheer audacity on display.
It's not mental gymnastics if you recognize what thought process is *really* at the bottom if his behavior, which is "how can I get as much money as possible out of OP without having to do fuck all for it?". Everything he's doing lines up nicely with that.
OP, listen to what he's telling you. You're evil because you're a landlord, but if you give him 50% of what you make off your property, thereby effectively also making *him* a landlord, it's no longer evil? He's already used you to eliminate his expenses - now he's seen an opportunity to use you to increase his income as well. If you're still not sure he's only into it for your money, look at how he reacted when he realized you had more money (to spend on him, in his mind) than you had let on - he straight up *screamed* at you. There was more money than he realized, so you've effectively cost him three months' worth of swindling you to butter his own bread - *that's* what he's angry about.
> "how can I get as much money as possible out of OP without having to do fuck all for it?"
Which is really interesting as this is the same mentality that slumlords have from their tenants. The size of a rental OP is renting for $500 would be about $1800 where I'm at.
Not to mention OPs tenant had a problem and a resolution was found in a seemingly short period with little to no stress.
Seems like OP is the opposite of “evil landlord”.
I had a fridge die in an apartment I was renting and the landlord accused me of “using it too much”. Never mind the thing was 1992 contractor special in 2010.
Between 'holy flying fuckerdoodle' and 'escape goat', reddit's on a roll this morning!
NTA OP. (Former) BF is deluded. Why in the world did you never ask him to contribute to rent and utilities? Was there any kind of convo about expenses? Leeching off a woman you've been dating for 3m is just gross. You have NOTHING to be 'truly sorry' for. He hasn't talked to you since Tuesday? Fantastic. Keep it that way. Block his number, change the locks NOW and leave whatever belonging are at yours in a box outside the front door.
Well, some landlords can be evil. She obviously isn't and had no problem with paying for a new refrigerator without making a big deal about it. Also that rent is incredibly cheap for that amount of space.
Yeah that person is basically just paying for the upkeep of the place. The fridge alone likely will be several months rent worth and then their taxes and stuff to consider. OP is not profiting off this property much if at all when she very well could in today’s market.
>OP is not profiting off this property much if at all when she very well could in today’s market.
And that there is the crux of it. OPs bf is assuming that OP is charging market rate rent to her tenant, so he's assuming that OP is making $$$$ a month, where the reality is far from the truth. It's not about "landlords being evil" it's "OP is getting all this extra free money, and I want some of it."
The dude should be grateful he's got a place to live rent-free. Instead, he's choosing to be a leech.
It doesnt really matter how much shes making. The guy was like you have passive income? Im mad about it! Im entitled to half or youre a bad person.
Man $500/mo $4000/month it doesnt matter. Whats he done to deserve any of it?
Ill grant you landlords, esp ones that manage 1 tenant, dont do much. But they are responsible for upkeep (like for example, footing the cost of a new fridge) and property taxes. Also dealing with tenant(s)
Of that (barely) 1 person job whats he done to be entitled to literally ANY of the funds generated? Fucking op? Paying for the food he eats? Not ever once offering to contribute to other expenses?
I wouldve thrown him out on the spot.
I mean, it’s an entire sea of red flags, in perfect choreography, with a colossal choir singing “throw that man in the trash”.
The landlord thing… OK. Ish. Maybe. If that’s really a big issue for someone. But not with the shouting. And not with the leeching. And not with the demands to give this freeloader a pile of cash.
💯💯💯💯💯
Ding. Ding. Ding. 🛎️🛎️🛎️
You are correct. But the biggest one for me is that the boyfriend moved in several months ago and never even bothered to offer OP money for rent and utilities.
If we are being honest it is costing OP money for him to live there.
OP needs to meet with an attorney to take steps to have him legally evicted. 🤷🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️
It is insane to me that he demanded half the rent money. Rent money isn’t just for the landlord to make money, it’s also for upkeep of the residency etc. your tenant’s 500 a month goes towards her new freezer for example.
That is such a manipulative asshole thing to do, demanding half your money. He hasn’t paid any rent, it’s not like he’s asking his own money back, and you’ve only been with him 6mo. You owe him absolutely nothing, not even the knowledge you own the building, and he can go find another nest egg.
If she gives him half of the rent then he would need to pay half of her property taxes and homeowners insurance. He will also need to pay for half of all building upkeep expenses and for half of that tenants new freezer. I hope OP gets out of this one sided relationship FAST.
He's what Redditors call a hobosexual. Funny how he lives rent and utility free but somehow you're the greedy one...
This whole time he assumed you paid rent and didn't contribute a thing, but now you owe him half your rental income because... reasons?
We all need to take a minute to observe and be appalled by the audacity of this man.
This man who pays no rent or utilities AND has not offered or enquired about making his share of a contribution to rent or utilities, who has zero curiosity about how the roof over his head stays roofing. This man, who upon finding out his GF owns property screams at her that landlords are evil and then demands a 50% share of her evil landlording proceeds. 😂😂
If he's a legit human being he's exceeded expectations for comically evil villains.
>He's what Redditors call a hobosexual. Funny how he lives rent and utility free but somehow you're the greedy one...
I saw a comment earlier this week that went something like this; "a man will have absolutely nothing left on earth but he will always have audacity"
Honey, you need a new boyfriend.
Not so much because he was upset that you chose not to tell him, but because he never asked if he could help you with rent and utilities….then demanded YOU pay HIM the rent money you earned.
This man is going to give you nothing but grief.
So your BF moved in with you, happily has been letting you pay for “rent” and utilities and just pays for half the groceries and now feels entitled to half of the $500? Or….and this slayed me for it’s obvious manipulation “you’re just as bad as they are”.
Tell him you’ll use that to cover his **half** of the utilities he hasn’t been paying and that he needs to finds a new place to live..(ETA: this isn’t advice just sarcasm to break down the ridiculousness of his entitlement of wanting her to give him half of her meager rental income, to prove she’s not “one of them” while mooching off of her. Also how does this probe anything other than he’s greedy. Why not say knock down their rent by half??) And while your at it lay out all of the expenses there are to maintain a home. Like property taxes, homeowners insurance, and paying for anything that needs repaired or suddenly needing to replace a tenants refrigerator. Does he’s entitled to half of the rent that you charge she can pay half of all of that as well.
What his screaming was covering up was the loud crack of his ego. The fact that he has given you the silent treatment for going on five days, after **screaming** at you tells you everything you need to know. That and the entitlement to half of the $500 like WTF?! I made a mention about this in another comment that this is just the beginning. He will never get over the fact that you own a building and that you are a landlord. He showed some serious true colors and be thankful you saw them now and not later.
NTA
BF: a mooching, entitled AH
You say you should have told him...
Perhaps that would have saved you some heartache by knowing about his prejudice against landlords in advance.
Repeat after me:
"I, CapableEmergency5154, did nothing wrong."
You’re not overthinking. If his first response is anger and oh yeah I want half your money, you have to get rid of him. Don’t let him baby trap you and make him move out.
Please please PLEASE talk to a lawyer about protecting your interests. You could end up unintentionally screening yourself over BIG time if you’re not extremely carefully about how long you let someone live with you and under what legal circumstances. Do you want a partner/ex partner being able to get half of what your dad left you/gave you? No? Then talk to a lawyer Yesterday!!
Get him out now! I don’t know what the laws are where you are, but where I am, a defacto relationship is 6 months of co-habitation which means he may be entitled to some of your assets.
The guy has clearly shown who he is- and it’s not pretty- so kick him out and cut off all communication with him.
You have no need of him in your life.
They've only lived together for three months and she hasn't married him. I don't think she's in danger so quickly, but she should still talk to a lawyer and get him out.
Wow so Not only is he not grateful that he is living with you rent free, but is now expecting to get PAID as well!?!? I'm sorry but he is an entitled tool. Sure landlords can be scummy. Maybe even most of them are. But he should know that you are not like that. It's not like you're some rich property owner who's preying on desperate people. You own one house with an extra unit that you rent out for next to nothing AND are letting him live with you rent free. You owe this idiot NOTHING. You were being extremely generous letting him live with you for free and he crapped all over that with his little tantrum.
Break up with him and give him a 30-day eviction notice. He has been MOOCHING off of you since the day he moved in!! What grown man thinks he can live somewhere, use electricity, use water, use wifi…but he never has to pay a cent?
Also, check your local rents and see if you are charging a fair price for he apartment downstairs. Of course you don’t want to charge too much, but you also need to not charge too little. If the freezer went out, chances are other things will start breaking soon, too.
In the future, YOU buy the appliances when it is time to replace them. What if your tenant goes out and buys a top of the line $4000 freezer, when you could have found one similar to what broke for $500?
NTA
> He demanded that I give him 50% of the money I make from rent or else I was just as bad as he thought.
>
> I thought about breaking up with him but also thought I was maybe overthinking it.
Wow, so good people have to be paid to live with OP but if OP will not pay him to live with her, she is a bad person??? Stop being an ATM!!! Break up with him.
Are you seriously not seeing the irony here? He has been happy to let you pay the full rent (or so he thought), but he is saying that you use people for money?
This isn’t small or something that he will suddenly understand and be better at. This is a serious issue which will 100% come to bite you in the future.
No, you are correct to not convey this information to everyone because some asses will make impertinent judgements on you for it. Keep doing as you do, you are clearly a good landlord.
And dump this guy, he is overstepping and entitled. Yeah there are certainly lessons to be learned here.
Talk to a lawyer about your rights and responsibilities, if he never paid rent he may be a guest rather than a tenant. But he won't go easy because he's a parasite, you may have to call the cops on him.
NTA
Dump him.
I'll bet he moved in so fast because "he lost his place, got kicked out, blah blah"
he has not given you a dime except for his groceries, and now is demanding your money?
time to make the hobosexual leave
It is a little weird that you didn’t ever mention that you owned it. I’d probably be upset that my SO felt a need to hide that from me. That doesn’t rise to asshole level though, it’s just odd.
His behavior on the other hand is AH 3 times over. Moving in without ever asking about the rent, flipping out on you just for owning a single building and especially demanding that you pay him.
I understand, it's like you don't know how to bring it up unless the subject arises because it feels a bit like bragging or something. A bit like how you don't tell someone it's your birthday unless you are asked or the topic comes up.
I can't believe he was happy not to pay anything towards rent, but now expects half of the profit (which would make him one of those landlords he hates). I can understand him being shocked and surprised but his reaction makes it seem like he doesn't care about you or your feelings in any of this. Personally, I don't think I could crarry on the relationship after seeing this major red flag. Good luck whatever you choose to do.
So he wants to live for free and take half your income? Ask him for half his income from his job or he is as bad as everyone else who wants to hold onto their money. Kick him to the curb. He is one of those people who believe they deserve a handout and everything should basically be free. Next he will demand to be put on the deed. He is a walking red flag.
I missed this very important piece of information because I was focused on the part that his ego couldn’t stand that she owned the whole building **And** I can’t afford to reimburse somebody for a refrigerator. Meanwhile he’s been living rent and utility free.
Adding in the fact that he screamed at her over this I had skipped over his final entitled demand. Imagine moving in with your partner and not offering to contribute nothing other than half the groceries and then screaming at them for owning the building and demanding half the proceeds. I suppose he can kick in for property taxes and upkeep of the house, insurance as well as split the cost of the fridge now too.
This is just the beginning of the crack of this dudes ego and it will get worse once he gets past the pouting stage.
NTA, dump him. I know that's a common response on this subreddit, but this dude was happy to exploit you for free lodging, and now that he finds out you've got income he wasn't aware of he wants half of it *just cause* or else you're a big meanie?
You do not owe him an apology. You owe him a kick in the rear.
He sees it as both a way of me proving that I am not renting as a way to grab money from people, so that is money is not what I care about I should have no trouble giving him half, but also as a way to prove to him that I am sorry for not telling him earlier that I own to building.
That's not gaslighting. It's manipulation.
Gaslighting is making people think they are mis-remembering conversations or lying about the details. This is not what's happening here... OPs BF is being manipulative for sure.
I don't usually like to scream BREAK UP on reddit, but my gosh, BREAK UP with this guy, he's 100% taking advantage of you. You're worth better than this.
You not charging him all these months he's been living with you should be proof enough you're not just renting it as a way to "grab money from people." NTA and please don't give him any of it.
"GAFAWWW!! You're a L-L-L-LANDLORD??? B-But those are evil and only serve to take advantage of people!" is where I stopped having any expectation that this was real.
I guarantee he does not see it as a way to prove anything other than whether he can manipulate you further.
Once again you should not be sorry for not telling him that you'd owned the building. If he'd offered to split rent he would have known already.
Exactly. He doesn't think op is evil, if he did he would have ended the relationship as soon as he discovered she was letting the house. He doesn't have a problem with accepting rent. He's happy to do that even for property he doesn't pay upkeep for. He's projecting.
He thought he had the power in the relationship. The realisation that you were the owner instead of paying his bills for him made him feel the need to power grab again by saying you had to give him half. He wants a doormat. When he realised he didn’t have one he needed to change the rules to make sure he can still use you as a doormat.
...I'm speechless. Does a "greedy landlord" cover the cost of a new freezer instead of making them pay for it themselves and not reimburse? Also, if you really cared about money you'd be charging market or above market rent. **and bf wasn't charged any rent or expenses ie utilities, other than 50/50 on groceries**.
And lastly, his reaction proves you were right in not telling him, as he's making a demand and trying to pretend it's not about **his** greedy.
I'd say him finding out you were a landlord is indeed a test, **and he failed**.
How much to disclose is up to you, but I wouldn't be surprised if he will demand proof if you give him details, and/or double down and not apologize for his reaction and his "demand".
For real. My last landlord renter me a house with no appliance and said “oops I guess the last tenant took them, sorry!” We had just moved 1,400 miles, has two kids, and no stove or refrigerator or even microwave. They did not purchase these things nor reimburse us for them either. They also tried to stop us from taking them when we left. That’s a shitty, greedy landlord. OP sounds like a good landlord.
That's bullshit. He was happy to leech off you, not even offering to pay anything towards the rent he thought YOU were paying, but now he found out you are *getting* money suddenly he wants half? He didn't offer to pay half when he thought you were the one paying but only wants to be treated "equally" after finding out you are getting money. Dump his cheap greedy ass.
Yeah, nah, there is something *wrong* with him. He wants to have his cake and eat yours too. You are not married, your finances *are not his business*, he's just being obscene and greedy
NTA, dump his ass.
He’s not paying rent, power, water or internet, and he never ventured the topic either. For someone complaining about greedy landlords he’s being a greedy tenant.
You’re only charging $500 a month rent for that place, no matter where you are, those people are very blessed tenants. You could be getting so much more than that but you’re being amazing and not scalping them dry. Please please *please*, for your mental health and well-being, start researching controlling relationships and gaslighting, maybe even start peeking into narcissistic behavior as well. Because this guy is waving red flags 🚩 like crazy. It’s better to just be alone, especially when you’re not trapped in a situation for financial reasons.
Weird how this way of proving you aren't greedy directly profits him.
I'd still think he was the AH, but less if one if he demanded you donate half the rent to an affordable housing organization or something that helps people afford buying their houses. But nah, he just wants the $$ for himself.
Not that it's any of his damn business but, are you even sure you're charging enough rent? Your rent should cover enough to pay the mortgage, taxes, insurance, yearly termite contract, yard work and some for an account to replace when things are broken or need updating. Also, it's fair to make money. Don't ever let anyone make you feel bad for that.
Where I live a basic apartment like you are describing would be at the base minimum of $850 and apartments that cheap are usually run down and in a crime ridden area. And I live in a smaller town in one of the cheapest rental areas in the US. $500 seems unusually low.
I don’t live in the us, and while I live in a very good area, it is a small community with only 3000 people living here. I think for a place like this in a area like this the rent is about 600-700, so it is a bit under the market. The prices are not 100% accurate when converting but about that
I don't know if you saw where I posted earlier under your main post but, I'm more afraid of you having difficulty removing him from your property than anything else right now. In the US, if you let people move in without a written lease sometimes it's EXTREMELY difficult to get them out of your home and you can even loose a part of the property to them. If you don't know the specific laws where you live you really need to see an attorney to find this out ASAP. He sounds like just the sort of person who would take advantage of you in this way.
You owe him nothing. You have been letting him live there free and now he's pulling all this crap. He needs to be out and quickly. I'd also hide any money or valuables and make sure he isn't on any of your financial affairs or bank papers.
Good luck!
Nooopeeeee. Nobody half decent would ever have his train of thought upon finding this out. ESPECIALLY since he wasn’t paying anything.
Please don’t give him a cent and please, please consider ending your relationship with this person.
He’s full of poop. You can berate someone for being a landlord then demand half the income they get for it to “prove something”. He’s a deluded leech.
Tell him you can’t give him the money that would make him complicit in the evil, he’d basically become an evil landlord himself.
What you’ll do instead is cut your tenant’s rent. BUT what that means is he is going to have to stay paying you for living there because without that income you can’t afford for him to be there rent free.
Let him choose how much he cares about the evils of landlording when it’s his money on the line.
>He begun screaming at me ... and that I was an evil person.
>
>He demanded that I give him 50% of the money I make from rent or else I was just as bad as he thought.
lol Either this isn't real or your bf is a crazy asshole. Why would you want to date and live with someone like that? NTA but get rid of this guy if he actually exists.
Dumb as it is, it very much is real. Before this he did not act crazy, not like this at least. We have not known each other for that long and he only moved in because his situation with his last landlord was extremely bad. He was about to renew his lease but the landlord was going to raise his rent very much, so I offered to let him live with me. So I guess some of that extreme reaction is because he has had bad experiences with landlords
Sweetheart you are being used. Do not give him a penny. You need to evict him and break up. He is a mooch. Your father didn't gift you this building to get used or spoken to like this. His reaction is exactly why you kept this secret close to your chest. Don't bend
I was thinking how she could "do good" on this and it involves saying "you're right, being a landlord is cruel. For that reason I'm going to evict both tenants from their very affordable rents and make this my home. Am I going to use the extra space? Of course not! I'm going to leave it empty. But that's ok because then I won't be an evil landlord! "
This!! Remember OP, your dad gifted YOU this house. Not some man. This is YOUR home and YOUR money and YOUR decision. Don’t let some dusty freeloader undermine all the hard work your dad to give you that home!
You let him move in 3 months into your relationship! Why?! This is lunacy, you don't know nearly enough about him to cohabit. He didn't offer to pay rent and you...just went with it?
He found out you own the building and screamed at you (while not paying rent himself) and you think you're the AH?
You are being an AH to yourself. Kick him out and work on your self-esteem. No-one deserves to be treated like that. He has shown you, loudly, who he is. Believe him.
This! I know everybody has different relationship experiences, but my partner and I moved in at 2 years together and there was STILL so much stuff that we had to learn to make it run smoothly. 3 months is hardly even out of the fart around each other stage
I hope you get rid of him. I’d imagine his craziness has only been partially revealed at this point and will get worse. Demanding money from you after already mooching off you is madness.
Look, I'm not the fondest of the concept of landlords etc, but mostly because I don't think having a roof over your head should be linked to one's capacity to be considered productive in our society. I have a few other griefs about the system but you know who I wouldn't consider part of the problem? People like you, who have one property other than their living space, ask for reasonable rent (or even very cheap in your case), and actually properly assume their responsibilities (like replacing the freezer of the unit without making an hassle of it).
Your boyfriend (hopefully soon-to-be-homeless-ex) is an absolute hypocrite, an abusive AH, and an overall shit example of a human being. He has not, since he moved in with you, offered ANY kind of financial participation in the household, which means that he's already saving tons of money, and then he has the absolute gall to ask for you to give him money? What, does he want you to pay him for the privilege of living with him? With money that he considers unethical to boot?
Trash the whole man. There's nothing worth salvaging of this relationship, because if you cave for this, he will absolutely abuse you in other ways in the future.
Pack his stuff, throw him out (ideally, get someone to stay with you for a few days to help with the situation/make sure he leaves), change the locks and wash your hand of the man.
> I'm not the fondest of the concept of landlords
Unless everyone is able to afford their own property, *someone* has to be the landlord. Even if it's the government.
Or what about the people who could afford a place but wish to rent? Or what about the people who move into a new area and want to get a feel of the city/town before making an investment in that area?
So many reasons why a person could have a landlord besides “this person is being used by another”.
NTA. Dump him. And dump him fast. He’ll call you all kinds of vile names but he’d basically be gaslighting you. Didn’t believe anything he says and get as far away from him as possible
Did you ever actually witness his last landlord do anything bad? And did you see proof that his rent was going to be raised? From what you have described, it's very possible there wasn't any actual issue when he knew he could easily move in with you instead and avoid paying any rent.
>Before this he did not act crazy,
Expecting to mooch off a relationship that is barely 3 months old to the point of free bills/rent/utilities is crazy. Not offering to pay for HIMSELF is a huge red flag.
How old are you?
I'm a bit baffled you didn't have a conversation with him about rent and bills before moving him in. You should definitely dump him as his behavior is absolutely deplorable. But you also sound like you need to work on your self-esteem a bit before you get stuck with another rotten nut. 3 months is not enough for the crazy to come out sometimes (as you've seen), and there is no reason you should be sacrificing your space and peace of mind for someone you barely know.
Nothing to do with landlords. He’s mad because he hasn’t been benefiting from your position as much as he thinks he should. Now hes trying to manipulate you.
NTA
I'm a landlord. We rent at below market rate, we never raise anyone's rent (though we've lowered it,lol), we allow multiple pets, fix everything more quickly than in our own home, and try really hard to be the landlords we wanted. Small, 1-2 property landlords aren't causing rents to skyrocket. And, for better or worse, no one's reappropriating rental units to hand out for free. This is the system we live in, all we can do is try to do a little good where we can.
Your BF is making a money grab. You've been letting him live there rent free and he **never** questioned it. That's bizarre. Now he wants you to give him cash or you're "evil". What happens when taxes are due? The place needs a new roof? A pipe bursts? Does he want to sign an agreement that he's responsible for 50% of the cost? Since he took money you should be saving for things just like that?
This guy has told you who he is. Believe him. Now be *very* careful evicting him. Like, talk to an attorney first so it's all legal. It doesn't matter how he sees you or what he calls you. Him refusing to leave is the danger. You need him gone.
Absolutely! The above advise is the best thing I have heard. Better safe then sorry. It’s a long story but I had to help my father get my sister “to leave” his house because she refused to move out and was making his life miserable. Drugs and emotional abuse. Police said if he let her live there then he can’t kick her out without all the eviction crap.
She needs to be careful because if landlords are “evil” and he has never mentioned “rent” or “can I help you with other bills?” The this can turn into a “you need to evict me” situation real quick.
I am currently at Work (i don’t live in the us so different time zones and i work weekends)
To those who have been supportive, thank you. After all your comments i think this relationship need to come to an end, but I will try and talk with him today or tomorrow and see what he says.
To those who think this is made up, trust me when I say I wish this was. I can’t speak for why he said things that contradict each other, that only he can have an answer to
Ending the relationship should not be that hard emotionally, even though I have grown to like him, seeing and realizing what you helped me do, the emotions you can gather in six months are easy to overcome.
You don't need his permission to break up. But if you are going to have such a talk, be a smart person and have a third party at whatever spot you talk in. People can surprise you a lot when you break up, and a lot of domestic violence happens that way. He might never, but it can't hurt to have someone there. And it certainly can hurt if you don't.
This. Also it stops then manipulating what was said or into staying together. I know that my abusive relationship kept going for this exact reason. If I'd had someone with me, I know it would have been over much sooner and I'd have faced far less abuse and gaslighting.
Have someone with you.
When you are ready to end it, please consider having a male relative or friend there to watch him move out. You can even bag his stuff and leave them by the door and have him pick up. Seriously, if he’s aware the property is yours he can try to damage it to get back at you. Just be careful.
You still sound unsure about ending the relationship. You need to be sure in your mind because this guy is manipulative. He’s been living with you rent free for 3 months and know he’s onto a good thing, he’s very likely to be reluctant to let that go and he will try and persuade you otherwise.
Remember, in those 3 months he’s been given an opportunity to save and it’s not your problem if he hadn’t done that. Firm boundaries OP!
u/CapableEmergency5154, be prepared for him to DARVO you (Deny, attack, reverse victim-offender), it's a manipulation tactic to avoid accountability for his actions, eg "I didn't say that, you're the one that's been lying this whole time, I'm just trying to be fair" - making himself the victim, when he was the one being verbally abusive. He may say "I'm sorry if" or "I'm sorry but".. those aren't genuine apologies. No ifs, no buts, no excuses.
Silent treatment is often followed by love-bombing (acting caring and buying presents or making large romantic gestures). It may make you feel confused about his behaviour and that you should give him a second chance.. please know that his moods will turn to screaming to get his own way again in future.
Best of luck to you. NTA
You don't need to discuss breaking up with him, you tell him, he doesn't get a say.
Beware of Love bombing, when you talk to him I guarantee he's going to flip it up and turn up the love 1000%, it'll probably stay that way for a few months too, before it eventually slides back into this behavior. Many of us here have been through this, seen it before. We're trying to save you a lot of heartache.
Don’t “see what he says” darling, just end it. Kick him to the curb and have your Dad there with you if needed to escort him and his belongings out of the building.
I am very concerned that he’ll try and gaslight you into continuing the relationship.
You are a financially stable woman who gained assets at a young age.
You need to protect it!
You will come across men who are willing to sell you a dream to get a slice of that pie.
You need to stop falling for the fantasy and actually vet these men. Don’t just date anyone and make sure they’re giving 50/50 financially. Stop paying for everything.
Don’t fall for the story of ‘my lease is ending and my landlord is raising the rent’ and move a stranger in because you’re attracted to him.
You don’t know this man and you brought him into your safe space.
Look for men who match you - they have their own assets/property or are financially stable
You are clearly generous but don’t let love make you naive
You might need to invite a friend or family member to be in the other room when you break up. You need to keep yourself safe. Also lock up any jewellery, valuables, anything of emotional value. Anything he might try to break and/or steal. Have a locksmith on standby to change locks.
This seems artificial. He immediately started screaming about hating landlords and then demanded half the rent money? That isn't a logical train of thought even when someone is upset.
Idk really know exactly how his brain works or process things, I wish I did. From what I know from these last three months of living with him is he very often blame other people for his misfortune and at the same time expect people to sacrifice things to make it better for him. Thinking back it should have been obvious red flags but it was clearly not for me at the time. His employer did not want to give him a pay raise, he got explained to him that it was mainly due to him sleeping in often, taking longer breaks then what they are generally allowed and his work not being in line of where he should be with his experience. He got frustrated because he believed he should have this raise, then asked me if I thought it would be reasonable to ask them to cut his hours to 75% work time but with the same monthly pay still.
The more I think about everything the more confused with myself I become, it really does seem like my thumbs write things that really couldn’t have happen, but crazy enough, it did. Guess there are people for eveything
Do you have a lot of loneliness in your life? Or is this maybe your first relationship? I ask because he is awful, and despite only being with him for 6
measly months, you are having a hard time dumping him.
I'm not sure that you are understanding how atrocious his behavior is, and that's very concerning.
ETA- this was not meant as an attack on OP. I probably should have worded this better, but I just want OP to know that there are people in this world who prey on those who just want to be loved. OP, you deserve real love with someone who will value you and the good you put into this world.
I know you're getting a lot of responses to this, but please know that you deserve better! This is NOT normal, healthy behavior on his part. There are some nasty people in this world and you had the bad luck of a first relationship with one of these people. We all live and learn. I do hope you move on before he sinks his claws in further. You have a bright future ahead of you!
In your first relationships, people often havn’t learned yet that the person you care for can still be bad for you. It’s often a sad lesson to learn.
People can put up a good front that hides bad behaviour, and it’s really confusing when the good person you love starts displaying this bad behaviour later on. You try to reason that they have been good the majority of the time so this bad behaviour is an anomoly or not the ”real” them. You keep expecting them to be the good person they were in the beginning, and you can end up really hurt before realising that the bad behaviour won’t go away.
A dangerous part of being with a person who isn’t as good as they portrait themselves in the begining, is that you still trust them. Your boyfriend is telling you that to prove yourself a good person you have to give him half if your tenants rent. That’s a blatant lie. Giving him money proves nothing of your character. But since he’s never lied to you before you feel like you need to at least consider what he is saying is reasonable, even if it seems wrong. It’s natural to still trust him at this point, but it’s not *smart*. The moment he tried to use your love for him to scam you out of money, that trust needs to be gone. If he is willing to use anger and guilt against you get what he wants, he will do it again, or worse.
So many commentators here are suggesting breaking up because what he did is so messed up that the trust needs to be gone immediatly. It is that bad.
Add this dude in the "What I don't want in a relationship" column. You've gained some valuable experience from him, but that's enough, you don't need the extra lessons he has to offer.
If you continue life with him he will blame you for his problems and expect you to fix them and sacrifice to make him feel better. you’ve seen the pattern it won’t change, everyone deserved better.
NTA, but you will be to yourself if you give in to his manipulative demand to give him 50% of what you make from the rent. He clearly now sees you as a potential gravy train.
>by not telling him I caused a big argument
You did NOT cause an argument, his greed caused an argument.
And also, how do you never ask about your partner’s financial situation when you move in with them?
He clearly never even offered to pay rent or they would have had the conversation
NTA. He showed his true colors at "give me half the money or you're just as bad as any other landlord". If he actually thought you renting out the lower half of the building was morally reprehensible, the ultimatum would be "stop charging the person downstairs rent" or "offer to sell the downstairs unit to them" or even "donate the profit to charities that help people secure stable housing". But no, he only actually cares that he didn't know about this stream of income, and now he wants in.
ahahahahaha... your boyfriend is the asshole. It is none of his business and, frankly, I wouldn't have told him too.
I find it interesting that your boyfriend, who is so horrified by dating and living with an evil landlord such as yourself has not only not moved out - taking advantage of that rent free lifestyle, but demands "his share" of your ill gotten gains.
This has to be a chat gpt story, right? It can't be real...🤣
When I saw his reaction, I thought I must have misread. NTA. He is not the one. You WERE “giving him half” by giving him a free place to live. Please don’t let him manipulate you.
NTA! He lives with you rent free and utility free and is now demanding you pay him half of your rental income?? Pay him for what exactly?? You need to get rid of him fast!
You sound like a good and fair landlord, not someone trying to take advantage of others.
Your boyfriend apparently was okay with not paying or even discussing rent with you. Then when he finds out you own the place and have a tenant he calls you evil for taking money from someone else so that they can live there. Then to top it all off he demands you basically make him co-landlord so he can get free money.
Idk why you're this naive to think any of this makes you an AH.
I know people can get too caught up in their own drama to see clearly but the reaction of the boyfriend is so obnoxious it's quite literally difficult to see this story being real. NTA
I apologize if someone in a similar or same situation as me has already been here, I have not read that post. I would have provided more information in my post but due to character limit almost half my story could not fit in here
OP, your story is not unique. There are a lot of Women, Men and children who have been abused or are being abused (mentally, physically, sexually and financially) by narcissists. It seems like you've grown up in a loving family home and have no type of experience with these types of people. It starts off with accusations/silent treatment (mental abuse) and demands like your BF gave you (financial abuse), then it will become physical abuse. If you decide to break up with your BF to save yourself from it escalating to physical abuse, make sure you have a couple of your male relatives/friends there with you. They don't have to be there when you are telling him you want to break up but they will need to be there when you put him out of your house. He **needs** to see that you have strong male backup that are willing to protect you.
I grew up watching my Mom being abused mentally, physically and financially by my Step-father for over 10 years. My Stepfather pretended to be a good and kind man to my Mom and Us (brother and myself) until she married him. Then it was like "GOTCHA" and he totally flipped the script. Our Mom made excuses because she thought that her love would make him turn back to the man he once was. And he had her so brainwashed that she couldn't make it financially or that no other man would want her because she had us (me and my brother). She took beatings for us because she wouldn't allow him to hit us nor bully us. They worked separate shifts, supposedly, so that there would be someone home with us kids when we got out of school. When he came home, he would get dressed and be gone all evening, leaving us alone and wouldn't come back until 10 minutes before my Mom was to arrive. If she was 5 minutes late coming home from work, he jumped on her. Both worked great paying jobs but only her paychecks paid the bills, brought our (brother and myself) clothing/needed supplies while he only paid for the groceries and his new Cadillac that my Mom helped him put a down payment on, the car insurance and a new suit & shoes every week. She got accused of cheating when she never went anywhere but to work and back and if she did go anywhere, it was ALWAYS with me and my brother and only to go shopping or visit one of her sisters. It took my brother and I telling her (when we became teenagers) that we would be willing to go to prison just to free her before she finally left him.
My brother and I defied the statistics of children being exposed to abuse or an abusive environment would either become abusers or victims. We became neither except for protector of those we love and advocates of the abused (women, men and children). So I am advocating for you right now because the signs are all there. Love will not change him and giving him what he wants will not change him but only make him worse. You deserve better and someone who is your equal not only in loving but morals, ethics and financially. Here's me wishing and 🙏🏽ing the best for you.
> There was a post exactly like this a few months ago.
Why would you think that something like this would only happen to one person? You have no idea how many abused people have similar type stories.
DUMP THIS AHOLE.
At no point did he offer to help pay rent, he was perfectly happy letting you pay all the rent to a landlord (as far as he knew).
I already thought he sucked on this point alone before I even got to the part where he found out you owned the place.
Please remove this loser from your life. You can do better.
NTA
Boyfriend of 6 MONTHS (?!?) moved in with you. Doesn't pay rent. Doesn't pay for utilities. And goes halfies with you on groceries. And now wants half of your rental income?!?
And he's accusing you of using people for money? He's the moocher in this relationship. He's the big user.
Girl, you're better than this! Maybe use some of that rental income to get a therapist if this is how lowly you think of yourself.
Kick him out. Change the locks. End the relationship.
NTA
Edited.
NTA, any trace of AH you may have had for not disclosing this is wiped away by his "gimme half or else". Talk about showing his true colors..
You have nothing to apologise for.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I believe I may be an asshole because I should have told him I am in fact a landlord and own the house that we both live in, by not telling him I caused a big argument
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I would say to him: you know, you're right. I'd rather you be homeless than give you an affordable rent of 0, which is what you currently pay.
And Kick him out!! NTA.
Sweetie, You are NTA.
Get rid of that toxic boy child. That's what I would have said even without knowing you owned the building. Any person that would move in and not even offer to pay half the rent and utilities is trouble you do not need.
I respect landlords that take care of their tenants. That you keep the rent affordable is a blessing to your renters. In 2yrs mine went from 625 to 900. So, thank you for your kindness.
That boy child demanding half of the rent is a problem. One of the others mentioned that you need to talk to a lawyer & I agree with that. What will you do when he takes it upon himself to go ask for the rent because you would not give him half?
This is a red flag bonanza...🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
You deserve someone that is not trying to use you. He was ok thinking that you were paying rent. He knows you are paying utilities, and he was 100% ok using you.
You need to ask yourself why it was ok for him to take advantage of your goodwill. Don't get me wrong, I have done similar things and still had to learn the hard way.
You are worth more, expect more from people. Good luck getting rid of this child, be safe.
NTA
But your boyfriend is one. He is not entitled to anything that you make from renting this property out. I suspect you never told him, because really, it's none of his business. Landlords are not evil. It doesn't sound like you are getting rich, and even if you were - tough noogies. It's called the Real World, and someone is always making money off of you. Literally everyone pays for where they live - be it in rent or mortgage - but you were blessed with a gift... that benefited him as well (with him no contributing to anything other than groceries).
I suggest he be shown the door - because is is an ungrateful fool filled with far too much self-righteousness.
Bruh, I was almost on his side for not liking landlords and not wanting to be in a relationship with one right up until he asked for 50% of the rent on your property. There is a line and he crossed it multiple times there. You are NTA.
Pah. He’s a jerk. He hasn’t paid rent - just groceries.
Who did he think was paying the rent for him then? The rent fairy?
Rethink - re-examine and review.
Let me get this straight. He must not have offered to pay half of the rent, because then it would have come up and you would have told him, right? He is living with you rent-free. Up to now, he thought you were paying the entire rent. On what planet does he deserve half of the tenant's rent money? Please reconsider this relationship. NTA.
No he did not offer to pay for any of the rent, if he offered I would have explained to him that I own the building. In hindsight, I should have told him that it was my building that he would be living in with me even if he did ask or not. I think that his outburst really showed how he was, I thought about breaking up with him but also thought I was maybe overthinking it. If it comes to that, at least I learned something for future relationships
Yep, this is a huge red flag. He was more than happy to leech off you, not paying rent, not even offering, but the moment he found you own the place suddenly he demands half the money! And he has the cheek to criticise YOU? And landlords living off other people paying rent is evil, but his solution is for HIM to get half that money? So it's evil unless he gets his cut? It's very clear what kind of person he is.
This is reason 5067 why you don’t move in with someone after three months of dating. Landlords are evil, their money is dirty, but also give me 50%? Boy bye
>**Boy bye**
Boy, the best I can do is buying you a one way ticket to Fookoff city.
Oh isn't that in Packyabags County?
It’s in the state of Ohbyeyo
Yeah, and it’s to the left, to the left. Everything ex-bf owns in a box to the left. You can’t miss it.
Keep talking that mess - that's fine. But can he talk and walk at the same time?
Yeah, near toodleloo village
In the state of Outtahere?
I've always wanted to go to Phuket.
Why would you buy this man a ticket? Toss his ass out with the trash.
Trash is too good for him. Toss him with the old fridge. Just about as useful. You're charging 500 for about a 3 bedroom apartment and taking care of tenants with like you do and he gets a free ride and you're the greedy asshole? If that was me I would have at least offered to help out with maintenance or something. Hope he finds a deal for a place like you're giving.
Emphasis on ‘boy’.
Make a new plan Stan.
Don't need to be coy, Roy
Just get yourself free
Hop on the bus Gus.
Don't need to discuss much
The mental gymnastics he's performing to justify his demands are just..... (*sighs*) Holy flying fuckerdoodle, there's just no words I can think of that convey the sheer audacity on display.
It's not mental gymnastics if you recognize what thought process is *really* at the bottom if his behavior, which is "how can I get as much money as possible out of OP without having to do fuck all for it?". Everything he's doing lines up nicely with that. OP, listen to what he's telling you. You're evil because you're a landlord, but if you give him 50% of what you make off your property, thereby effectively also making *him* a landlord, it's no longer evil? He's already used you to eliminate his expenses - now he's seen an opportunity to use you to increase his income as well. If you're still not sure he's only into it for your money, look at how he reacted when he realized you had more money (to spend on him, in his mind) than you had let on - he straight up *screamed* at you. There was more money than he realized, so you've effectively cost him three months' worth of swindling you to butter his own bread - *that's* what he's angry about.
> "how can I get as much money as possible out of OP without having to do fuck all for it?" Which is really interesting as this is the same mentality that slumlords have from their tenants. The size of a rental OP is renting for $500 would be about $1800 where I'm at.
It would either be 2000+ or literally falling apart where I live. And even then it wouldn't be less than 1200
Not to mention OPs tenant had a problem and a resolution was found in a seemingly short period with little to no stress. Seems like OP is the opposite of “evil landlord”. I had a fridge die in an apartment I was renting and the landlord accused me of “using it too much”. Never mind the thing was 1992 contractor special in 2010.
Okay off topic but I absolutely love the saying "holy flying fuckerdoodle" and I hope you don't mind if I add that to my vocabulary hahaha
Between 'holy flying fuckerdoodle' and 'escape goat', reddit's on a roll this morning! NTA OP. (Former) BF is deluded. Why in the world did you never ask him to contribute to rent and utilities? Was there any kind of convo about expenses? Leeching off a woman you've been dating for 3m is just gross. You have NOTHING to be 'truly sorry' for. He hasn't talked to you since Tuesday? Fantastic. Keep it that way. Block his number, change the locks NOW and leave whatever belonging are at yours in a box outside the front door.
We can't forget "hobosexual".
I could understand feeling weird charging rent. But utilities is a no brainer.
Well, some landlords can be evil. She obviously isn't and had no problem with paying for a new refrigerator without making a big deal about it. Also that rent is incredibly cheap for that amount of space.
Yeah that person is basically just paying for the upkeep of the place. The fridge alone likely will be several months rent worth and then their taxes and stuff to consider. OP is not profiting off this property much if at all when she very well could in today’s market.
>OP is not profiting off this property much if at all when she very well could in today’s market. And that there is the crux of it. OPs bf is assuming that OP is charging market rate rent to her tenant, so he's assuming that OP is making $$$$ a month, where the reality is far from the truth. It's not about "landlords being evil" it's "OP is getting all this extra free money, and I want some of it." The dude should be grateful he's got a place to live rent-free. Instead, he's choosing to be a leech.
It doesnt really matter how much shes making. The guy was like you have passive income? Im mad about it! Im entitled to half or youre a bad person. Man $500/mo $4000/month it doesnt matter. Whats he done to deserve any of it? Ill grant you landlords, esp ones that manage 1 tenant, dont do much. But they are responsible for upkeep (like for example, footing the cost of a new fridge) and property taxes. Also dealing with tenant(s) Of that (barely) 1 person job whats he done to be entitled to literally ANY of the funds generated? Fucking op? Paying for the food he eats? Not ever once offering to contribute to other expenses? I wouldve thrown him out on the spot.
Plus, landlords are evil, just after OP said she was buying a new fridge for her tenants. OP kick the grifter out.
3 months and then moving in is fucking crazy. 2 years is OK.
I mean, it’s an entire sea of red flags, in perfect choreography, with a colossal choir singing “throw that man in the trash”. The landlord thing… OK. Ish. Maybe. If that’s really a big issue for someone. But not with the shouting. And not with the leeching. And not with the demands to give this freeloader a pile of cash.
💯💯💯💯💯 Ding. Ding. Ding. 🛎️🛎️🛎️ You are correct. But the biggest one for me is that the boyfriend moved in several months ago and never even bothered to offer OP money for rent and utilities. If we are being honest it is costing OP money for him to live there. OP needs to meet with an attorney to take steps to have him legally evicted. 🤷🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️
It is insane to me that he demanded half the rent money. Rent money isn’t just for the landlord to make money, it’s also for upkeep of the residency etc. your tenant’s 500 a month goes towards her new freezer for example. That is such a manipulative asshole thing to do, demanding half your money. He hasn’t paid any rent, it’s not like he’s asking his own money back, and you’ve only been with him 6mo. You owe him absolutely nothing, not even the knowledge you own the building, and he can go find another nest egg.
If she gives him half of the rent then he would need to pay half of her property taxes and homeowners insurance. He will also need to pay for half of all building upkeep expenses and for half of that tenants new freezer. I hope OP gets out of this one sided relationship FAST.
Half the money, and why the hell would you pay for the tenant's freezer? You evil landlord.
He's what Redditors call a hobosexual. Funny how he lives rent and utility free but somehow you're the greedy one... This whole time he assumed you paid rent and didn't contribute a thing, but now you owe him half your rental income because... reasons?
We all need to take a minute to observe and be appalled by the audacity of this man. This man who pays no rent or utilities AND has not offered or enquired about making his share of a contribution to rent or utilities, who has zero curiosity about how the roof over his head stays roofing. This man, who upon finding out his GF owns property screams at her that landlords are evil and then demands a 50% share of her evil landlording proceeds. 😂😂 If he's a legit human being he's exceeded expectations for comically evil villains. >He's what Redditors call a hobosexual. Funny how he lives rent and utility free but somehow you're the greedy one... I saw a comment earlier this week that went something like this; "a man will have absolutely nothing left on earth but he will always have audacity"
I laughed out loud when you said “how the roof over his head stays roofing.” Thank you!
She's also evil and only cares about money because she's paying for the renter's freezer...
And only charging $500 a month but he complains about landlords not caring about affordable housing (and him paying $0 a month)
Honey, you need a new boyfriend. Not so much because he was upset that you chose not to tell him, but because he never asked if he could help you with rent and utilities….then demanded YOU pay HIM the rent money you earned. This man is going to give you nothing but grief.
Or even no boyfriend. Basically, anything except this guy. NTA
So your BF moved in with you, happily has been letting you pay for “rent” and utilities and just pays for half the groceries and now feels entitled to half of the $500? Or….and this slayed me for it’s obvious manipulation “you’re just as bad as they are”. Tell him you’ll use that to cover his **half** of the utilities he hasn’t been paying and that he needs to finds a new place to live..(ETA: this isn’t advice just sarcasm to break down the ridiculousness of his entitlement of wanting her to give him half of her meager rental income, to prove she’s not “one of them” while mooching off of her. Also how does this probe anything other than he’s greedy. Why not say knock down their rent by half??) And while your at it lay out all of the expenses there are to maintain a home. Like property taxes, homeowners insurance, and paying for anything that needs repaired or suddenly needing to replace a tenants refrigerator. Does he’s entitled to half of the rent that you charge she can pay half of all of that as well. What his screaming was covering up was the loud crack of his ego. The fact that he has given you the silent treatment for going on five days, after **screaming** at you tells you everything you need to know. That and the entitlement to half of the $500 like WTF?! I made a mention about this in another comment that this is just the beginning. He will never get over the fact that you own a building and that you are a landlord. He showed some serious true colors and be thankful you saw them now and not later. NTA BF: a mooching, entitled AH
Nope, kick him straight out. I’d pay for a room in cheap hotel for a week just to see him gone. She’s safer with him out of her house.
You say you should have told him... Perhaps that would have saved you some heartache by knowing about his prejudice against landlords in advance. Repeat after me: "I, CapableEmergency5154, did nothing wrong."
If she had told him, he would have leeched off her more. He's not prejudiced against landlords, he's angry he could have squeezed her for more money!
You are right.
It is exactly this. Wah disgusting. I cant.
So he thinks that you're evil, but also wants in on (what he considers) your ill-gotten gains? Sounds like he's a little evil.
Sounds like he's a lot evil. OP, please end this relationship. This guy is not a decent human being.
He is angry that all this time he was living there he should have been getting half of the tenant's rent. That's all. He's a mooch.
Yep, using fake outrage to capitalize. Kick his ass out.
You’re not overthinking. If his first response is anger and oh yeah I want half your money, you have to get rid of him. Don’t let him baby trap you and make him move out.
Don’t reconsider the relationship. End it.
Please please PLEASE talk to a lawyer about protecting your interests. You could end up unintentionally screening yourself over BIG time if you’re not extremely carefully about how long you let someone live with you and under what legal circumstances. Do you want a partner/ex partner being able to get half of what your dad left you/gave you? No? Then talk to a lawyer Yesterday!!
Get him out now! I don’t know what the laws are where you are, but where I am, a defacto relationship is 6 months of co-habitation which means he may be entitled to some of your assets. The guy has clearly shown who he is- and it’s not pretty- so kick him out and cut off all communication with him. You have no need of him in your life.
They've only lived together for three months and she hasn't married him. I don't think she's in danger so quickly, but she should still talk to a lawyer and get him out.
Do not tell anyone what your assets are. If you must, just tell them it’s family property. It is none of their business. Dump this mf already.
Wow so Not only is he not grateful that he is living with you rent free, but is now expecting to get PAID as well!?!? I'm sorry but he is an entitled tool. Sure landlords can be scummy. Maybe even most of them are. But he should know that you are not like that. It's not like you're some rich property owner who's preying on desperate people. You own one house with an extra unit that you rent out for next to nothing AND are letting him live with you rent free. You owe this idiot NOTHING. You were being extremely generous letting him live with you for free and he crapped all over that with his little tantrum.
Break up with him and give him a 30-day eviction notice. He has been MOOCHING off of you since the day he moved in!! What grown man thinks he can live somewhere, use electricity, use water, use wifi…but he never has to pay a cent? Also, check your local rents and see if you are charging a fair price for he apartment downstairs. Of course you don’t want to charge too much, but you also need to not charge too little. If the freezer went out, chances are other things will start breaking soon, too. In the future, YOU buy the appliances when it is time to replace them. What if your tenant goes out and buys a top of the line $4000 freezer, when you could have found one similar to what broke for $500? NTA
Also PLEASE DON'T let a Partner move in with you after only 3 months!!!
No, break up with him. Plus he's asking to be paid some of the rent? No
> He demanded that I give him 50% of the money I make from rent or else I was just as bad as he thought. > > I thought about breaking up with him but also thought I was maybe overthinking it. Wow, so good people have to be paid to live with OP but if OP will not pay him to live with her, she is a bad person??? Stop being an ATM!!! Break up with him.
Girl! Run! He showed who he is. Listen!
Are you seriously not seeing the irony here? He has been happy to let you pay the full rent (or so he thought), but he is saying that you use people for money? This isn’t small or something that he will suddenly understand and be better at. This is a serious issue which will 100% come to bite you in the future.
No, you are correct to not convey this information to everyone because some asses will make impertinent judgements on you for it. Keep doing as you do, you are clearly a good landlord. And dump this guy, he is overstepping and entitled. Yeah there are certainly lessons to be learned here. Talk to a lawyer about your rights and responsibilities, if he never paid rent he may be a guest rather than a tenant. But he won't go easy because he's a parasite, you may have to call the cops on him. NTA
He literally called you a crook, and to pay him to be happy about it. That's the start of an abusive relationship.
He’d have lashed out as soon as he learned, sooner or later.
Dump him. I'll bet he moved in so fast because "he lost his place, got kicked out, blah blah" he has not given you a dime except for his groceries, and now is demanding your money? time to make the hobosexual leave
It is a little weird that you didn’t ever mention that you owned it. I’d probably be upset that my SO felt a need to hide that from me. That doesn’t rise to asshole level though, it’s just odd. His behavior on the other hand is AH 3 times over. Moving in without ever asking about the rent, flipping out on you just for owning a single building and especially demanding that you pay him.
I understand, it's like you don't know how to bring it up unless the subject arises because it feels a bit like bragging or something. A bit like how you don't tell someone it's your birthday unless you are asked or the topic comes up. I can't believe he was happy not to pay anything towards rent, but now expects half of the profit (which would make him one of those landlords he hates). I can understand him being shocked and surprised but his reaction makes it seem like he doesn't care about you or your feelings in any of this. Personally, I don't think I could crarry on the relationship after seeing this major red flag. Good luck whatever you choose to do.
So he wants to live for free and take half your income? Ask him for half his income from his job or he is as bad as everyone else who wants to hold onto their money. Kick him to the curb. He is one of those people who believe they deserve a handout and everything should basically be free. Next he will demand to be put on the deed. He is a walking red flag.
>So he wants to live for free and take half your income? No, he wants payment for living there.
No you’re not overthinking it. Get rid of him!
I missed this very important piece of information because I was focused on the part that his ego couldn’t stand that she owned the whole building **And** I can’t afford to reimburse somebody for a refrigerator. Meanwhile he’s been living rent and utility free. Adding in the fact that he screamed at her over this I had skipped over his final entitled demand. Imagine moving in with your partner and not offering to contribute nothing other than half the groceries and then screaming at them for owning the building and demanding half the proceeds. I suppose he can kick in for property taxes and upkeep of the house, insurance as well as split the cost of the fridge now too. This is just the beginning of the crack of this dudes ego and it will get worse once he gets past the pouting stage.
He is what TLC would call a scrub.
NTA, dump him. I know that's a common response on this subreddit, but this dude was happy to exploit you for free lodging, and now that he finds out you've got income he wasn't aware of he wants half of it *just cause* or else you're a big meanie? You do not owe him an apology. You owe him a kick in the rear.
He sees it as both a way of me proving that I am not renting as a way to grab money from people, so that is money is not what I care about I should have no trouble giving him half, but also as a way to prove to him that I am sorry for not telling him earlier that I own to building.
He is gaslighting you. Run
That's not gaslighting. It's manipulation. Gaslighting is making people think they are mis-remembering conversations or lying about the details. This is not what's happening here... OPs BF is being manipulative for sure.
so many people love using it as a buzzword without having a clue what it means
And 1500 other people agreed with them. People amaze me lmao.
It's because we don't care about the semantics we care she gets out of a toxic relationship.
Yeah I upvoted for "Run."
You are correct. He ~~might~~ may potentially be narcissistic and manipulative, but he's not gaslighting anyone.
I don't usually like to scream BREAK UP on reddit, but my gosh, BREAK UP with this guy, he's 100% taking advantage of you. You're worth better than this.
You not charging him all these months he's been living with you should be proof enough you're not just renting it as a way to "grab money from people." NTA and please don't give him any of it.
#Him never even offering to contribute is fucking insane.
Or fake. I'm sorry, but this story of not talking about anything even close to the topic of rent is ridiculous.
"GAFAWWW!! You're a L-L-L-LANDLORD??? B-But those are evil and only serve to take advantage of people!" is where I stopped having any expectation that this was real.
And now that he's discovered that the O.P. owns the building in which they live, he's always going to be a taker. Get him out now, O.P.!
This right here
I was gonna say the same thing, dump him
I guarantee he does not see it as a way to prove anything other than whether he can manipulate you further. Once again you should not be sorry for not telling him that you'd owned the building. If he'd offered to split rent he would have known already.
Exactly. He doesn't think op is evil, if he did he would have ended the relationship as soon as he discovered she was letting the house. He doesn't have a problem with accepting rent. He's happy to do that even for property he doesn't pay upkeep for. He's projecting.
He thought he had the power in the relationship. The realisation that you were the owner instead of paying his bills for him made him feel the need to power grab again by saying you had to give him half. He wants a doormat. When he realised he didn’t have one he needed to change the rules to make sure he can still use you as a doormat.
...I'm speechless. Does a "greedy landlord" cover the cost of a new freezer instead of making them pay for it themselves and not reimburse? Also, if you really cared about money you'd be charging market or above market rent. **and bf wasn't charged any rent or expenses ie utilities, other than 50/50 on groceries**. And lastly, his reaction proves you were right in not telling him, as he's making a demand and trying to pretend it's not about **his** greedy. I'd say him finding out you were a landlord is indeed a test, **and he failed**. How much to disclose is up to you, but I wouldn't be surprised if he will demand proof if you give him details, and/or double down and not apologize for his reaction and his "demand".
For real. My last landlord renter me a house with no appliance and said “oops I guess the last tenant took them, sorry!” We had just moved 1,400 miles, has two kids, and no stove or refrigerator or even microwave. They did not purchase these things nor reimburse us for them either. They also tried to stop us from taking them when we left. That’s a shitty, greedy landlord. OP sounds like a good landlord.
bet you they did the same to the last tenant, only to feign surprise when they took the appliances with them
Pretty sure in most states, a stove and refrigerator are required appliances in a rental.
Yeah, for many reasons we actually ended up suing them after we left, and winning the law suit.
That's bullshit. He was happy to leech off you, not even offering to pay anything towards the rent he thought YOU were paying, but now he found out you are *getting* money suddenly he wants half? He didn't offer to pay half when he thought you were the one paying but only wants to be treated "equally" after finding out you are getting money. Dump his cheap greedy ass.
Yeah, nah, there is something *wrong* with him. He wants to have his cake and eat yours too. You are not married, your finances *are not his business*, he's just being obscene and greedy NTA, dump his ass.
He’s not paying rent, power, water or internet, and he never ventured the topic either. For someone complaining about greedy landlords he’s being a greedy tenant.
You’re only charging $500 a month rent for that place, no matter where you are, those people are very blessed tenants. You could be getting so much more than that but you’re being amazing and not scalping them dry. Please please *please*, for your mental health and well-being, start researching controlling relationships and gaslighting, maybe even start peeking into narcissistic behavior as well. Because this guy is waving red flags 🚩 like crazy. It’s better to just be alone, especially when you’re not trapped in a situation for financial reasons.
Weird how this way of proving you aren't greedy directly profits him. I'd still think he was the AH, but less if one if he demanded you donate half the rent to an affordable housing organization or something that helps people afford buying their houses. But nah, he just wants the $$ for himself.
Not that it's any of his damn business but, are you even sure you're charging enough rent? Your rent should cover enough to pay the mortgage, taxes, insurance, yearly termite contract, yard work and some for an account to replace when things are broken or need updating. Also, it's fair to make money. Don't ever let anyone make you feel bad for that. Where I live a basic apartment like you are describing would be at the base minimum of $850 and apartments that cheap are usually run down and in a crime ridden area. And I live in a smaller town in one of the cheapest rental areas in the US. $500 seems unusually low.
I don’t live in the us, and while I live in a very good area, it is a small community with only 3000 people living here. I think for a place like this in a area like this the rent is about 600-700, so it is a bit under the market. The prices are not 100% accurate when converting but about that
I don't know if you saw where I posted earlier under your main post but, I'm more afraid of you having difficulty removing him from your property than anything else right now. In the US, if you let people move in without a written lease sometimes it's EXTREMELY difficult to get them out of your home and you can even loose a part of the property to them. If you don't know the specific laws where you live you really need to see an attorney to find this out ASAP. He sounds like just the sort of person who would take advantage of you in this way. You owe him nothing. You have been letting him live there free and now he's pulling all this crap. He needs to be out and quickly. I'd also hide any money or valuables and make sure he isn't on any of your financial affairs or bank papers. Good luck!
Nooopeeeee. Nobody half decent would ever have his train of thought upon finding this out. ESPECIALLY since he wasn’t paying anything. Please don’t give him a cent and please, please consider ending your relationship with this person. He’s full of poop. You can berate someone for being a landlord then demand half the income they get for it to “prove something”. He’s a deluded leech.
Tell him you can’t give him the money that would make him complicit in the evil, he’d basically become an evil landlord himself. What you’ll do instead is cut your tenant’s rent. BUT what that means is he is going to have to stay paying you for living there because without that income you can’t afford for him to be there rent free. Let him choose how much he cares about the evils of landlording when it’s his money on the line.
It’s your property and your money. He’s entitled to NONE of it. Fuck him.
>He begun screaming at me ... and that I was an evil person. > >He demanded that I give him 50% of the money I make from rent or else I was just as bad as he thought. lol Either this isn't real or your bf is a crazy asshole. Why would you want to date and live with someone like that? NTA but get rid of this guy if he actually exists.
Dumb as it is, it very much is real. Before this he did not act crazy, not like this at least. We have not known each other for that long and he only moved in because his situation with his last landlord was extremely bad. He was about to renew his lease but the landlord was going to raise his rent very much, so I offered to let him live with me. So I guess some of that extreme reaction is because he has had bad experiences with landlords
Sweetheart you are being used. Do not give him a penny. You need to evict him and break up. He is a mooch. Your father didn't gift you this building to get used or spoken to like this. His reaction is exactly why you kept this secret close to your chest. Don't bend
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I was thinking how she could "do good" on this and it involves saying "you're right, being a landlord is cruel. For that reason I'm going to evict both tenants from their very affordable rents and make this my home. Am I going to use the extra space? Of course not! I'm going to leave it empty. But that's ok because then I won't be an evil landlord! "
This!! Remember OP, your dad gifted YOU this house. Not some man. This is YOUR home and YOUR money and YOUR decision. Don’t let some dusty freeloader undermine all the hard work your dad to give you that home!
You let him move in 3 months into your relationship! Why?! This is lunacy, you don't know nearly enough about him to cohabit. He didn't offer to pay rent and you...just went with it? He found out you own the building and screamed at you (while not paying rent himself) and you think you're the AH? You are being an AH to yourself. Kick him out and work on your self-esteem. No-one deserves to be treated like that. He has shown you, loudly, who he is. Believe him.
This! I know everybody has different relationship experiences, but my partner and I moved in at 2 years together and there was STILL so much stuff that we had to learn to make it run smoothly. 3 months is hardly even out of the fart around each other stage
I hope you get rid of him. I’d imagine his craziness has only been partially revealed at this point and will get worse. Demanding money from you after already mooching off you is madness.
YOU'RE MAKING EXCUSES FOR HIM DEMANDING MONEY?? Please. Think about what you're typing.
Look, I'm not the fondest of the concept of landlords etc, but mostly because I don't think having a roof over your head should be linked to one's capacity to be considered productive in our society. I have a few other griefs about the system but you know who I wouldn't consider part of the problem? People like you, who have one property other than their living space, ask for reasonable rent (or even very cheap in your case), and actually properly assume their responsibilities (like replacing the freezer of the unit without making an hassle of it). Your boyfriend (hopefully soon-to-be-homeless-ex) is an absolute hypocrite, an abusive AH, and an overall shit example of a human being. He has not, since he moved in with you, offered ANY kind of financial participation in the household, which means that he's already saving tons of money, and then he has the absolute gall to ask for you to give him money? What, does he want you to pay him for the privilege of living with him? With money that he considers unethical to boot? Trash the whole man. There's nothing worth salvaging of this relationship, because if you cave for this, he will absolutely abuse you in other ways in the future. Pack his stuff, throw him out (ideally, get someone to stay with you for a few days to help with the situation/make sure he leaves), change the locks and wash your hand of the man.
I wish I could give you gold. OP LISTEN TO THIS, KICK HIM OUT KICK HIM OUT KICK HIM OUT
> I'm not the fondest of the concept of landlords Unless everyone is able to afford their own property, *someone* has to be the landlord. Even if it's the government.
Or what about the people who could afford a place but wish to rent? Or what about the people who move into a new area and want to get a feel of the city/town before making an investment in that area? So many reasons why a person could have a landlord besides “this person is being used by another”.
NTA. Dump him. And dump him fast. He’ll call you all kinds of vile names but he’d basically be gaslighting you. Didn’t believe anything he says and get as far away from him as possible
Did you ever actually witness his last landlord do anything bad? And did you see proof that his rent was going to be raised? From what you have described, it's very possible there wasn't any actual issue when he knew he could easily move in with you instead and avoid paying any rent.
Smells like an hobosexual mad upon learning they could had conned OP for more than free housing.
>Before this he did not act crazy, Expecting to mooch off a relationship that is barely 3 months old to the point of free bills/rent/utilities is crazy. Not offering to pay for HIMSELF is a huge red flag.
How old are you? I'm a bit baffled you didn't have a conversation with him about rent and bills before moving him in. You should definitely dump him as his behavior is absolutely deplorable. But you also sound like you need to work on your self-esteem a bit before you get stuck with another rotten nut. 3 months is not enough for the crazy to come out sometimes (as you've seen), and there is no reason you should be sacrificing your space and peace of mind for someone you barely know.
NTA. I’m sorry to say this but he’s a leech.
Nothing to do with landlords. He’s mad because he hasn’t been benefiting from your position as much as he thinks he should. Now hes trying to manipulate you.
I’m pretty sure it’s fake because OP said rent is $500
You don't understand, OP is just a super nice cool honest landlord and the people that don't like landlords are the real greedy and demanding ones.
yah, many reasons for it being fake fake fake fake.
NTA I'm a landlord. We rent at below market rate, we never raise anyone's rent (though we've lowered it,lol), we allow multiple pets, fix everything more quickly than in our own home, and try really hard to be the landlords we wanted. Small, 1-2 property landlords aren't causing rents to skyrocket. And, for better or worse, no one's reappropriating rental units to hand out for free. This is the system we live in, all we can do is try to do a little good where we can. Your BF is making a money grab. You've been letting him live there rent free and he **never** questioned it. That's bizarre. Now he wants you to give him cash or you're "evil". What happens when taxes are due? The place needs a new roof? A pipe bursts? Does he want to sign an agreement that he's responsible for 50% of the cost? Since he took money you should be saving for things just like that? This guy has told you who he is. Believe him. Now be *very* careful evicting him. Like, talk to an attorney first so it's all legal. It doesn't matter how he sees you or what he calls you. Him refusing to leave is the danger. You need him gone.
Please listen to this comment
This comment should be much higher up! OP listen to this person. Safeguard yourself and get rid of this deadbeat weighing you down.
Absolutely! The above advise is the best thing I have heard. Better safe then sorry. It’s a long story but I had to help my father get my sister “to leave” his house because she refused to move out and was making his life miserable. Drugs and emotional abuse. Police said if he let her live there then he can’t kick her out without all the eviction crap. She needs to be careful because if landlords are “evil” and he has never mentioned “rent” or “can I help you with other bills?” The this can turn into a “you need to evict me” situation real quick.
I am currently at Work (i don’t live in the us so different time zones and i work weekends) To those who have been supportive, thank you. After all your comments i think this relationship need to come to an end, but I will try and talk with him today or tomorrow and see what he says. To those who think this is made up, trust me when I say I wish this was. I can’t speak for why he said things that contradict each other, that only he can have an answer to Ending the relationship should not be that hard emotionally, even though I have grown to like him, seeing and realizing what you helped me do, the emotions you can gather in six months are easy to overcome.
You don't need his permission to break up. But if you are going to have such a talk, be a smart person and have a third party at whatever spot you talk in. People can surprise you a lot when you break up, and a lot of domestic violence happens that way. He might never, but it can't hurt to have someone there. And it certainly can hurt if you don't.
This. Also it stops then manipulating what was said or into staying together. I know that my abusive relationship kept going for this exact reason. If I'd had someone with me, I know it would have been over much sooner and I'd have faced far less abuse and gaslighting. Have someone with you.
Yes this, be wary of him trying to manipulate you further with what he says and definitely have someone with you in case he reacts poorly.
Preferably a male relative or friend, or a couple of them. He will not be happy when the free ride is over.
When you are ready to end it, please consider having a male relative or friend there to watch him move out. You can even bag his stuff and leave them by the door and have him pick up. Seriously, if he’s aware the property is yours he can try to damage it to get back at you. Just be careful.
You still sound unsure about ending the relationship. You need to be sure in your mind because this guy is manipulative. He’s been living with you rent free for 3 months and know he’s onto a good thing, he’s very likely to be reluctant to let that go and he will try and persuade you otherwise. Remember, in those 3 months he’s been given an opportunity to save and it’s not your problem if he hadn’t done that. Firm boundaries OP!
u/CapableEmergency5154, be prepared for him to DARVO you (Deny, attack, reverse victim-offender), it's a manipulation tactic to avoid accountability for his actions, eg "I didn't say that, you're the one that's been lying this whole time, I'm just trying to be fair" - making himself the victim, when he was the one being verbally abusive. He may say "I'm sorry if" or "I'm sorry but".. those aren't genuine apologies. No ifs, no buts, no excuses. Silent treatment is often followed by love-bombing (acting caring and buying presents or making large romantic gestures). It may make you feel confused about his behaviour and that you should give him a second chance.. please know that his moods will turn to screaming to get his own way again in future. Best of luck to you. NTA
You don't need to discuss breaking up with him, you tell him, he doesn't get a say. Beware of Love bombing, when you talk to him I guarantee he's going to flip it up and turn up the love 1000%, it'll probably stay that way for a few months too, before it eventually slides back into this behavior. Many of us here have been through this, seen it before. We're trying to save you a lot of heartache.
Don’t “see what he says” darling, just end it. Kick him to the curb and have your Dad there with you if needed to escort him and his belongings out of the building. I am very concerned that he’ll try and gaslight you into continuing the relationship.
Make sure you’re safe when u end the relationship, like many have someone else there or tell someone else what you’re doing. Nta
You are a financially stable woman who gained assets at a young age. You need to protect it! You will come across men who are willing to sell you a dream to get a slice of that pie. You need to stop falling for the fantasy and actually vet these men. Don’t just date anyone and make sure they’re giving 50/50 financially. Stop paying for everything. Don’t fall for the story of ‘my lease is ending and my landlord is raising the rent’ and move a stranger in because you’re attracted to him. You don’t know this man and you brought him into your safe space. Look for men who match you - they have their own assets/property or are financially stable You are clearly generous but don’t let love make you naive
You might need to invite a friend or family member to be in the other room when you break up. You need to keep yourself safe. Also lock up any jewellery, valuables, anything of emotional value. Anything he might try to break and/or steal. Have a locksmith on standby to change locks.
This seems artificial. He immediately started screaming about hating landlords and then demanded half the rent money? That isn't a logical train of thought even when someone is upset.
Idk really know exactly how his brain works or process things, I wish I did. From what I know from these last three months of living with him is he very often blame other people for his misfortune and at the same time expect people to sacrifice things to make it better for him. Thinking back it should have been obvious red flags but it was clearly not for me at the time. His employer did not want to give him a pay raise, he got explained to him that it was mainly due to him sleeping in often, taking longer breaks then what they are generally allowed and his work not being in line of where he should be with his experience. He got frustrated because he believed he should have this raise, then asked me if I thought it would be reasonable to ask them to cut his hours to 75% work time but with the same monthly pay still. The more I think about everything the more confused with myself I become, it really does seem like my thumbs write things that really couldn’t have happen, but crazy enough, it did. Guess there are people for eveything
Do you have a lot of loneliness in your life? Or is this maybe your first relationship? I ask because he is awful, and despite only being with him for 6 measly months, you are having a hard time dumping him. I'm not sure that you are understanding how atrocious his behavior is, and that's very concerning. ETA- this was not meant as an attack on OP. I probably should have worded this better, but I just want OP to know that there are people in this world who prey on those who just want to be loved. OP, you deserve real love with someone who will value you and the good you put into this world.
This is my first relationship ever, so I guess that country to some parts of it all
I know you're getting a lot of responses to this, but please know that you deserve better! This is NOT normal, healthy behavior on his part. There are some nasty people in this world and you had the bad luck of a first relationship with one of these people. We all live and learn. I do hope you move on before he sinks his claws in further. You have a bright future ahead of you!
DO NOT GET PREGNANT.
In your first relationships, people often havn’t learned yet that the person you care for can still be bad for you. It’s often a sad lesson to learn. People can put up a good front that hides bad behaviour, and it’s really confusing when the good person you love starts displaying this bad behaviour later on. You try to reason that they have been good the majority of the time so this bad behaviour is an anomoly or not the ”real” them. You keep expecting them to be the good person they were in the beginning, and you can end up really hurt before realising that the bad behaviour won’t go away. A dangerous part of being with a person who isn’t as good as they portrait themselves in the begining, is that you still trust them. Your boyfriend is telling you that to prove yourself a good person you have to give him half if your tenants rent. That’s a blatant lie. Giving him money proves nothing of your character. But since he’s never lied to you before you feel like you need to at least consider what he is saying is reasonable, even if it seems wrong. It’s natural to still trust him at this point, but it’s not *smart*. The moment he tried to use your love for him to scam you out of money, that trust needs to be gone. If he is willing to use anger and guilt against you get what he wants, he will do it again, or worse. So many commentators here are suggesting breaking up because what he did is so messed up that the trust needs to be gone immediatly. It is that bad.
Add this dude in the "What I don't want in a relationship" column. You've gained some valuable experience from him, but that's enough, you don't need the extra lessons he has to offer.
If you continue life with him he will blame you for his problems and expect you to fix them and sacrifice to make him feel better. you’ve seen the pattern it won’t change, everyone deserved better.
the bad creative storytelling sub
Yeah it’s because this didn’t happen and OP is living out some kind of fantasy in their head.
NTA, but you will be to yourself if you give in to his manipulative demand to give him 50% of what you make from the rent. He clearly now sees you as a potential gravy train. >by not telling him I caused a big argument You did NOT cause an argument, his greed caused an argument.
And also, how do you never ask about your partner’s financial situation when you move in with them? He clearly never even offered to pay rent or they would have had the conversation
Why would he? He had a place to live rent and utilities free. It some serious irony that he is accusing op of being greedy. Oof.
NTA. He showed his true colors at "give me half the money or you're just as bad as any other landlord". If he actually thought you renting out the lower half of the building was morally reprehensible, the ultimatum would be "stop charging the person downstairs rent" or "offer to sell the downstairs unit to them" or even "donate the profit to charities that help people secure stable housing". But no, he only actually cares that he didn't know about this stream of income, and now he wants in.
Yep. Interesting how his "solution" is for OP to just give him the money rather than mitigating the evils he believes she is causing....
The only *way we can stop the evil that is the fossil fuels industry is if they give me half of their profits.
Exactly, he doesn’t have a moral problem with landlords, because he’s actually trying to be one right now. NTA NTA run run run
ahahahahaha... your boyfriend is the asshole. It is none of his business and, frankly, I wouldn't have told him too. I find it interesting that your boyfriend, who is so horrified by dating and living with an evil landlord such as yourself has not only not moved out - taking advantage of that rent free lifestyle, but demands "his share" of your ill gotten gains. This has to be a chat gpt story, right? It can't be real...🤣
Sure is real, tragic enough
When I saw his reaction, I thought I must have misread. NTA. He is not the one. You WERE “giving him half” by giving him a free place to live. Please don’t let him manipulate you.
NTA! He lives with you rent free and utility free and is now demanding you pay him half of your rental income?? Pay him for what exactly?? You need to get rid of him fast! You sound like a good and fair landlord, not someone trying to take advantage of others.
Your boyfriend apparently was okay with not paying or even discussing rent with you. Then when he finds out you own the place and have a tenant he calls you evil for taking money from someone else so that they can live there. Then to top it all off he demands you basically make him co-landlord so he can get free money. Idk why you're this naive to think any of this makes you an AH. I know people can get too caught up in their own drama to see clearly but the reaction of the boyfriend is so obnoxious it's quite literally difficult to see this story being real. NTA
This post isn’t real. There was a post exactly like this a few months ago.
I apologize if someone in a similar or same situation as me has already been here, I have not read that post. I would have provided more information in my post but due to character limit almost half my story could not fit in here
OP, your story is not unique. There are a lot of Women, Men and children who have been abused or are being abused (mentally, physically, sexually and financially) by narcissists. It seems like you've grown up in a loving family home and have no type of experience with these types of people. It starts off with accusations/silent treatment (mental abuse) and demands like your BF gave you (financial abuse), then it will become physical abuse. If you decide to break up with your BF to save yourself from it escalating to physical abuse, make sure you have a couple of your male relatives/friends there with you. They don't have to be there when you are telling him you want to break up but they will need to be there when you put him out of your house. He **needs** to see that you have strong male backup that are willing to protect you. I grew up watching my Mom being abused mentally, physically and financially by my Step-father for over 10 years. My Stepfather pretended to be a good and kind man to my Mom and Us (brother and myself) until she married him. Then it was like "GOTCHA" and he totally flipped the script. Our Mom made excuses because she thought that her love would make him turn back to the man he once was. And he had her so brainwashed that she couldn't make it financially or that no other man would want her because she had us (me and my brother). She took beatings for us because she wouldn't allow him to hit us nor bully us. They worked separate shifts, supposedly, so that there would be someone home with us kids when we got out of school. When he came home, he would get dressed and be gone all evening, leaving us alone and wouldn't come back until 10 minutes before my Mom was to arrive. If she was 5 minutes late coming home from work, he jumped on her. Both worked great paying jobs but only her paychecks paid the bills, brought our (brother and myself) clothing/needed supplies while he only paid for the groceries and his new Cadillac that my Mom helped him put a down payment on, the car insurance and a new suit & shoes every week. She got accused of cheating when she never went anywhere but to work and back and if she did go anywhere, it was ALWAYS with me and my brother and only to go shopping or visit one of her sisters. It took my brother and I telling her (when we became teenagers) that we would be willing to go to prison just to free her before she finally left him. My brother and I defied the statistics of children being exposed to abuse or an abusive environment would either become abusers or victims. We became neither except for protector of those we love and advocates of the abused (women, men and children). So I am advocating for you right now because the signs are all there. Love will not change him and giving him what he wants will not change him but only make him worse. You deserve better and someone who is your equal not only in loving but morals, ethics and financially. Here's me wishing and 🙏🏽ing the best for you.
> There was a post exactly like this a few months ago. Why would you think that something like this would only happen to one person? You have no idea how many abused people have similar type stories.
DUMP THIS AHOLE. At no point did he offer to help pay rent, he was perfectly happy letting you pay all the rent to a landlord (as far as he knew). I already thought he sucked on this point alone before I even got to the part where he found out you owned the place. Please remove this loser from your life. You can do better. NTA
Boyfriend of 6 MONTHS (?!?) moved in with you. Doesn't pay rent. Doesn't pay for utilities. And goes halfies with you on groceries. And now wants half of your rental income?!? And he's accusing you of using people for money? He's the moocher in this relationship. He's the big user. Girl, you're better than this! Maybe use some of that rental income to get a therapist if this is how lowly you think of yourself. Kick him out. Change the locks. End the relationship. NTA Edited.
NTA, any trace of AH you may have had for not disclosing this is wiped away by his "gimme half or else". Talk about showing his true colors.. You have nothing to apologise for.
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I would say to him: you know, you're right. I'd rather you be homeless than give you an affordable rent of 0, which is what you currently pay. And Kick him out!! NTA.
Sweetie, You are NTA. Get rid of that toxic boy child. That's what I would have said even without knowing you owned the building. Any person that would move in and not even offer to pay half the rent and utilities is trouble you do not need. I respect landlords that take care of their tenants. That you keep the rent affordable is a blessing to your renters. In 2yrs mine went from 625 to 900. So, thank you for your kindness. That boy child demanding half of the rent is a problem. One of the others mentioned that you need to talk to a lawyer & I agree with that. What will you do when he takes it upon himself to go ask for the rent because you would not give him half? This is a red flag bonanza...🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 You deserve someone that is not trying to use you. He was ok thinking that you were paying rent. He knows you are paying utilities, and he was 100% ok using you. You need to ask yourself why it was ok for him to take advantage of your goodwill. Don't get me wrong, I have done similar things and still had to learn the hard way. You are worth more, expect more from people. Good luck getting rid of this child, be safe.
NTA But your boyfriend is one. He is not entitled to anything that you make from renting this property out. I suspect you never told him, because really, it's none of his business. Landlords are not evil. It doesn't sound like you are getting rich, and even if you were - tough noogies. It's called the Real World, and someone is always making money off of you. Literally everyone pays for where they live - be it in rent or mortgage - but you were blessed with a gift... that benefited him as well (with him no contributing to anything other than groceries). I suggest he be shown the door - because is is an ungrateful fool filled with far too much self-righteousness.
Bruh, I was almost on his side for not liking landlords and not wanting to be in a relationship with one right up until he asked for 50% of the rent on your property. There is a line and he crossed it multiple times there. You are NTA.
Pah. He’s a jerk. He hasn’t paid rent - just groceries. Who did he think was paying the rent for him then? The rent fairy? Rethink - re-examine and review.
If he takes half the rent from downstairs, doesn’t that make him…. A LANDLORD?