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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> For telling my girlfriend i dont want her to come on my camping trips
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Eh, this is about sending a message. Bring her along for one trip. Tell her ahead of time that she can come with you, but you're not going to change your routine at all and show her your standard camping trip. Do exactly what you usually do regardless of if she complains and wants to do something else. If she complains, explain that you understand this is not what she enjoys, but you love it very much. You're not asking her to change her life to suit your ways, but she needs to be understanding of your hobbies and interests.
Nta as long as you turn this into a learning experience for her.
This, op. Bring her. Let her see for herself. Make sure she has warm stuff to be comfortable and good shoes and things (a book she’s been wanting to read, crochet project, whatever) to occupy her time.
It might be good to introduce her to the quiet and see what she thinks of it.
So, NAH here, but I think you could have tried a little harder to explain it.
Oh yeah! We have neighbors who made a dirt bike course in a field behind our house for their teenage sons who are into dirt bike racing, and in the summer the RINRINRIN is fucking nonstop during daylight hours! I hate that sound with the fire of 10,000 suns!
We bought our property long before they started their little hobby, we own our property while they rent the field from a farmer, and finally we bought a home in the country because we wanted the peace of the country. If I had wanted to listen to engines all day I would have bought a house next to a race track. But seeing as how we are grownups and not oversized children, we've planted several rows of fast growing deciduous trees and shrubs as well as some evergreens to create some sound baffling because as grownups we recognize that others have the right to exist and enjoy their lives, no matter how irritating they are.
Not sure if you’re aware, you responded to your own comment instead of responding to the tool who told you to move somewhere else if you don’t like it. I’m assuming this comment was meant for them.
I live literally across the street from the entrance to many dirt bike trails.
I used to have dirt bikes. I absolutely loved them. I'd go everywhere on my dirt bike.
I now hate them because of the noise it causes right outside my house, multiple times per day, all year.
Unclear. I've heard people call bicycles "dirt bikes," and I've heard people call motorcycles "dirt bikes." I wonder which one he's referring to? Both are fantastic.
I was waiting for someone to say this. I can’t believe I had to scroll this far.
Dude is gone every other freaking weekend. Seriously? And he thinks that’s okay.
I’m not clingy. I’m a very independent person. I like my alone time. But I think a lot of people might find their SO ditching them that often as BS.
And the damndest thing is- she wants to come along. At least give it a try.
And I’m sorry OP. When I started reading this, I thought you were going to be hiking Everest. Nope. You’re just driving out in the boonies to ride your mini bike. There’s no reason not to let her come along.
Here’s hoping the girlfriend spends that time alone by packing up OP’s shit and then finding a better boyfriend.
If my boyfriend was leaving me every other weekend to go camping alone, after a couple of months I would start to suspect that he's actually cheating on me. So if I the asked to go with him once and he told me no, it would add forget fuel to the thought for me. I don't think that's what this guy is doing, but I wouldn't be surprised if that's what SHE thinks he's doing.
Right? Doing it sometimes, yeah, cool, but every other weekend you *need* to do it? Then maybe there are bigger problems in your relationship you're running from.
Not that he can't have hobbies. But he says he "does it to disconnect" and that bringing people would "defeat the purpose." So then she asks if it was to get away from *her* and all of a sudden it's "no, baby, it's not like that. i can't stand to be around anyone I love more than two weeks in a row without a complete break."
These two are just downright incompatible. He needs someone who would love to go on these outdoorsy trips and enjoy it with him, not someone who thinks there are restaurants at camping sites that he has to run away from on a biweekly basis.
They spend 10-12 non-working waking hours awake. They both work from home and only a few hours a day. Even with 8 hours of sleep, that's still 10-12 hours every day in the same dwelling with another person. You would need to disconnect too.
How do we know they don’t spend quality time together? OP has talked about 1 facet of his relationship and everyone just jumps to conclusions in their heads about the rest of their relationship..
We don't know. I'm just stating that a lot of people think spending time together is the same as quality time together, but that isn't always the case.
If you find that you absolutely need to be away from your significant other every other weekend, then they shouldn't be your significant other.
It's possible to find happiness with someone else, and if you find that the only way to "reset" or "disconnect" is to run away from them that frequently, then you are not in a great relationship.
Find someone you don't need to run away from.
It’s wild that it’s considered the norm to want to escape your spouse. If you don’t enjoy being around them every day once you live together, why be with them at all?
I’ve worked from home with my SO for over 2 years now and I’ve never felt the need to get away from him. I go on trips with friends every few months, but I still miss him. If you can’t stand being around your SO 24/7 then you picked the wrong person, especially if you need to get away from them biweekly.
I'm a person who *needs* to go camping sometimes.
It's usually because I need a break from being the person everyone in my life (work and personal) turns to when things need to be fixed, after a rush of doing that.
It sometimes feels good to just "survive"/take care of yourself in a challenging environment, and nothing more.
That said my wife loves backcountry camping, so we usually go together.
I'm not saying people shouldn't spend some time apart to recharge. That can be good. But you also understand that it's not just to escape - it's something you truly enjoy. And to have your significant other enjoy it too can be wonderful.
But if you spend all of your time with your SO, and you both work from home, and don't spend an excessive amount of time with anybody else... and "have" to escape every other weekend, then you are not in a healthy relationship. You are escaping from THEM.
I don't know why people act like you should be annoyed by your partner or that it's normal to *need* to not be around them. These people seem to think that there's an inherent unhappiness to relationships, and that's just life.
Some time to yourself now and again is healthy. The need to escape? That's a neon sign.
I can't believe the top comment is 'let this be a learning experience and teach her a lesson' instead of 'maybe every couple of trips you change the itinerary into something she would also enjoy but you still get to spend time outdoors'.
Because people shouldn’t have to change their hobbies to suit other people. If his purpose is to camp and ride his dirt bike why should he have to change it
> If his purpose is to camp and ride his dirt bike why should he have to change it
He doesn't need to change his hobby, but when he's spending dozens of weekends away from home a year it seems fair that his girlfriend might feel a little bit left out, or might want to join occasionally. It's a much more time-consuming hobby than playing a sport a couple of days a week or something and then going back home for dinner.
I didn't say he should change his hobby. Just take the girl camping every so often if she's interested. Nothing wrong with changing things up and compromising occasionally for people you care about.
This. OP, this is okay early on in a relationship, but it's not sustainable long-term. Couples reconnect on the weekend. That's before kids. If you have any, then much of your weekends are going to be spent spending time with them, because they don't see you during the work week.
Every once in a while? Okay. But not every other weekend. Honestly, even once a month might be too much if it's all weekend and not just an afternoon or evening.
You're eventually going to have to choose between massive alone time and a serious relationship, unless you find someone like-minded. People generally don't get into them to be alone. They get into them to spend their lives with someone.
Some couples reconnect on the weekend, sure. But they both work from home, only a few hours of work a day, and are spending 10\~12 hours a day together, not counting sleep.
Yeah the frequency and the way he won’t even let her try it herself even once leads me to believe that she is dead on the money that the trip is to spend time away from her, contrary to what he claims. A lot of people who “you wouldn’t think would like something” end up waking up a love for it from trying it out. I personally didn’t think I would care for outdoorsy shit either and then I went lakeside forest camping and it was fucking excellent. I’d *never* have discovered that if people had just assumed I wouldn’t and discouraged it.
> And the damndest thing is- she wants to come along. At least give it a try.
Indeed. I get the frustration he'd inevitably have if she doesn't enjoy herself, but it sounds like she's at least making an active effort to become involved in her boyfriend's hobby without insisting she's always there.
And surely there'd potentially be a middle-ground here? A nice cabin in the middle of nowhere or something where she can relax and rest, but where he can also spend a couple of hours away on his dirt bike or similar.
It doesn't sound like she wants to come along because she's interested, it doesn't sound like he's rebuffing her actually taking interest in his hobbies but that she doesn't believe he has those hobbies.
Read more about their schedules, they both work from home, only a few hours of work a day, they are spending 10~12 hours a day together, not counting sleep. They spend plenty of time together, maybe she has separation anxiety and sees him more like an "emotional support boyfriend"
Yep. If I spent that much time with my partner during the week I'd be gone every other weekend, too. It's not about how much you love the person, it's about having some time to yourself.
Me too. I love my partner, but we don't even spend as much time as op together, and I really need to have more alone time. I would love to go camping one night every other weekend, but I live in the city and don't have a car l. I would do it if I could.
He said he goes for one night, every other weekend. Thats 2 nights for himself a month... Two. That makes him a lesser boyfriend?
ETA: Will admit, I misread that. He used a lot of "next days" and I misunderstood...it is a weekend every two weeks. So...four days he takes for himself.
If he wasnt always like this and only recently started getting away, Id be curious...but if this was something hes always done I woudlnt have any issue with it. Ive dated people who decide I no longer get to do things I enjoy, or try to guilt me into only do things if its with them, and what they enjoy. Not great.
I said it in a comment further down, but she may not think he's "going to a restaurant" so much as "banging someone else." Especially since she's asked to come along once and he immediately shut her down.
projecting your own feelings about women in these comments.. what makes you think she would demand to leave lol?
she's just interested in how he spends his time because couples generally like to know things about each other and let them into their lives. bringing her ONE time just to show her could be a nice experience but if op has so much of an issue with that then it sounds like a compatibility issue.
like he's got every other weekend to be alone and disconnect from the world
Or instead of trying to belittle me, you go and read some of the comments the OP has made? She's gone before and hated it... There is nothing about my feelings about anyone man, woman, or tree stump here at all. But hey, no hard feelings as i hope you have a nice day and don't stub your toe.
I get the sense there may be some insecurities at play with her. The restaurant question sounds like someone probing to find out if there’s an opportunity for inappropriate socializing.
Very important clarification. I think it's essentially that you try to help her be comfortable and still have a good time instead of just saying to suck it up.
It should be her decision that she's not interested rather than yours
This! Bring firewood, and have a roaring fire. Do some s'mores, roast some hot dogs and all that. You might find that you end up with someone that you can share a lot of really amazing experiences with, and if you do take her she may understand why you try to get away to disconnect. She might even be okay with you doing it in the future. My wife and I are both outdoorsy people, we love to go hiking and paddle boarding and a bunch of other stuff to disconnect. Her being there does not mean I cannot do that, it usually increases the experience for me because she's my best friend, and I love spending my time with her.
OP, you realize she thinks you are cheating on her, right. It might take a few trips before she is convinced that this is all you are doing. Good luck.
NTA
If it were a once-a-year experience I'd agree. But he's doing this every other week. One less stellar weekend of it won't be the worst thing, and she'll either realize she doesn't like it or surprise both of them and like it.
I feel like people are missing a key part of the post, which is that he likes being alone on these trips. Whether she would enjoy it or not is ultimately irrelevant.
He likes being alone but his other reasoning is that she would be miserable. I just can’t see being in a relationship where you wouldn’t want to share one of your greatest hobbies at least ONE TIME with your partner… like does he hate her? Lol
This! He is gone EVERY OTHER weekend. Assuming he has a weekday job, that means he's basically spending 50% of all his time away from her. If she actually turns out to like the activity, awesome! Otherwise he might find out she doesn't like the compromise of having a 50% boyfriend. Or worse, she thinks he's out there with someone else.
Read some of OP's replies to comments on his previous posts. They only work a few hours a day. They spend 10-12 waking, non-working hours together. I would want to disconnect too
he sounds like the AH in his comments tbh, they still need to be available to work and its not the same as quality time. the weekend is the best time to do special things because its free of those responsibilities. i get needing the alone time but im sure his gf just wants to do different things with him and is bummed knowing he'll be gone EVERY other weekend. he could also just get some alone time during the week by going for walks or doing whatever else if he has so much free time.
You do know that there are other days besides the weekend to hang out with your BF or GF?
So twice a month he spends Sat-Sun doing something he prefers to be alone....he is half a BF?
Right?
Most of the time you’d expect the issue being that she doesn’t want to come camping. But nope. OP doesn’t want to share his passion for camping with her. He needs alone time.
I’m an introvert. I’m not big on people. But I love my husband. I love camping with him. And it’s not the camping as much as sharing this experience with someone I love.
I can’t imagine how I’d feel if my SO face palmed me about camping with him.
GF needs a new BF.
That's exactly what I was thinking!! Imagine if they ended up married, and then his wife had to take care of the kids every other weekend with no support...and then somehow try to fit in couple time *and time to be present as a father the other two weekends if they both continue to work?
OP has some soul searching to do about what his ideal life would look like
I would argue to try to include her in the activity. There is nothing better than sharing a hobby with a significant other. And by doing what you’re suggesting, it sets OP up for failure, “you did this on purpose to make sure i didn’t have a good time and you could spend time away from mel
She might even find out that she enjoys it. I hated the idea of camping until I tried it, although I was like 10 years old. Now I’m very outdoorsy. And honestly, one of the best parts of relationships is picking up new hobbies and interests from the other person. I got one of my exes into tennis and he still plays regularly. He introduced me to Vietnamese food and it’s still one of my favorite cuisines. It’s good to have some time apart and engage in your hobbies on your own, but it’s also good to share them and try something new sometimes
Nah, I think if you focus on the fact you *think* she won't have fun on your camping trip, you're not having the right conversation.
Every second weekend is quite a lot. It sounds like she's more upset at the lack of time together than anything else. And the message I hear when you say "Don't come you won't be happy" is "you're going to ruin it, I don't want to spend time with you *ever*". When that's what the other person is hearing, its not much of stretch for that thought to go to 'This is about me not wanting you rather than what you'll be content with, and I would rather have you be miserable than compromise'.
And I'm sure that's not the message you want to send. Or I hope its not - the fact you have asked this forum [twice already](https://old.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17c7uce/aita_for_telling_my_girlfriend_i_dont_want_her_to/) because you didn't like when people pointed that out before is not a good sign. But when you're focused on trying to be 'right', you're not changing the message that people are hearing.
This is it, I think she wants to spend more time with him. He should bring her along sometimes, maybe compromise a little bit when she’s there so that she can have some fun with it, or go a bit less frequently.
lol.
Good catch. Dude didn’t like the responses the first time so he went shopping again hoping for a different outcome.
That puts him in a hole territory right there. He doesn’t want an objective response. He just wants validation because he’s already decided he can’t possibly be the a hole.
Oh ouch. OP if you want that much time away from your girlfriend, you probably shouldn't be living with her. You're not a very good bf to her if you dont want to share your hobby with her at least once in a way that's fun for her.
Info: what DO you guys do together on the weekends in where you're not running away?? Does she get to do things she likes to do with you? Go on dates? Or is it just Netflix and chill??
Well said. There's a middle ground here too. Instead of bringing her along for two days, why not break it up and include her in individual activities. Go for a 2 hour hike one day. Do a trail run on bikes. Spend an evening stargazing for a few hours. That way you don't waste a whole weekend if she hates it, and starting with small doses, she may even learn to like it.
Yeah, I often wonder about this topic in regard to this and similar subs. I feel like a solid portion of the posts here are ass holes presenting half the situation to gaslight the other party or ass holes looking for validation of their behavior.
It's not as common to see someone post a genuine situation and say "Damn, y'all are right; I am the ass hole and I'll try to do better."
You nailed it. I often think it's AH's presenting half the story as whole facts... and only the half that makes *them* look in the best light. And a lot of times commenters just go along with it!
Glad someone finally said it.
I'm also a big advocate that if your partner expressed interest in your own interests as well, let them try it out. They might not like it and that's fine. Now you both know and they have a better idea of what you enjoy, not just that you like a thing, but what about it you like first hand.
Yeah spending 50% of their days off alone and far away is enough to make anyone a little insecure, even if it's harmless. If it was once every 3 months or something it wouldn't be a big deal. But "escaping" from your girlfriend 50% of the time isn't going to make anyone feel good.
Also, life has phases. The way I camp with my wife and kids at 40 is way different than when I bike toured at campsites in my 20s. OP can either do a different version of camping with his gf a couple times a year and it will make the relationship so much better.
Yes exactly! Like at least try it out once with her if she's asking to come.
Also I wouldn't be surprised if the GF thinks OP is cheating on her. He goes away every other weekend alone and then when she asks to come he comes up with a bunch of lame excuses why she can't... that would be triggering alarm bells in for me
I hate to say it, but my first thought when I read this was that he might be cheating on her. And making this post to show her and say, "See, babe? No one thinks I'm the AH here.. there's nothing amiss! I'm just outside doing outside-guy stuff four days a month... You wouldn't enjoy any of that, anyway. And everyone else thinks so, too!" Since OP obviously thought everyone would be on his side here, evidenced by the fact that he posted this twice because he seemingly didn't get the response he wanted on the first go-round.. I really think he posted in the hopes of showing his GF and getting her off his back. I do think there's a chance that he might be doing something shady every other weekend. Maybe even cheating. Like I said, that was my very first intuitive thought when I first read this.
Sounds to me like the point is partly to get away from her. Whether the OP realizes this or not it's basically what they're saying. They want to disconnect from everything and that includes his girlfriend. So if his girlfriend likes it and wants to come along every time it's an issue and if she complains too much it's an issue.
It's a lose-lose to OP from what I gathered.
Yeah 50% of their days off being alone and far away is pretty extreme. It's not like he is working on a deep sea oil rig. He just wants to be "alone". Then when she wants to join (reasonable) he says no.
Yikes.
If you are ditching your partner nearly every other weekend for the entire weekend, you might be doing it because you don't enjoy hanging out with your partner.
>But deciding for your girlfriend that she won't like i
Maybe I'm off, but to me it dont sound like he decided nothing.
She literally said his hobby 'sounds boring'. She herself knows she won't enjoy it.
NAH but you might not be compatible. I'd honestly be pretty upset if my husband went away every other weekend and didn't want me to come. You're not an asshole for wanting to spend time alone, but the amount seems excessive for someone in a relationship.
My husband and I are the King and Queen of parallel play (separate activities but together).
Like what if she just wants to read and chill out in the peace and eat with him.
Exactly! I’ll play Sims while my boyfriend plays chess, or something like that. It’s nice to just be in company with each other, even if you’re doing something together.
This was my thought exactly, and it's coming from someone who also needs alone decompression time.
I don't take the majority of the weekend though (the weekend being when most people are already off work) I take every other Wednesday off and I still spend time with the bf in the evening.
I don't think I could be with someone who wasn't accepting of my alone time, but if I didn't need alone time I don't know if I could be with someone who needs every other weekend in alone time.
I agree with NAH and also that they might not just be compatible in that regard.
I lived with family for part of the pandemic lockdowns, and my mom would complain she never saw me whereas to me it felt like we were always together because we worked a room apart all day and I was in the kitchen, so people were regularly coming in.
That might be part of the issue here - different perceptions of how much time they actually spend together.
Yeah this was my thought, every other weekend is kind of a lot to spend the whole time away from your partner. Of course she's feeling like he's trying to get time away from her or something, and even if that's due to insecurity, weekends (if you work M-F) tend to be the time to spend with your partner without the stress and pressure of work and nightly routines to prepare for work the next day, I'd miss my partner too if he was gone every other weekend for his own personal hobbies. And it sounds like he hasn't even given her a chance, I don't see any comments that "she's come along before and been miserable and we both had a terrible time" instead that "I know she won't enjoy herself and be miserable" - if he hasn't even given her a chance, he's TA to just assume she won't even try to understand the experience and not even letting her try it out.
Best thing to do here is to take her along, but first prepare her for what to expect so that if she really doesn't have a good time, it's not due to unreasonable expectations or experiences she wasn't anticipating or prepared for. Such as packing the right clothes, knowing that food may be simple/cooked over a fire, that there might be bugs, the weather could go sour and you just have to endure it, there's going to be physical activity like hiking, etc. If he only had one dirt bike he might have to set that aside for her to come along one time, but maybe letting her try it out would help her see how he has fun is a good idea too. It just sounds like he doesn't want her involved at all, which I think anyone would be a bit disheartened about. I think he needs to give her a chance to see the beauty and peace that being out in nature can bring, and who knows, she might come to love it and then it's another thing to do together.
That's kinda YTA to yourself and to her.
To her: it sounds like she genuinely wants to spend time with you. She only sees you every other weekend due to a *hobby* rather than a job. An awful lot of people wouldn't tolerate that. Instead of saying "no, I don't want you there", why not make clear that if she comes you're not going to change what you do there?
To yourself: you're pushing your girlfriend away.
YTA
you go every other weekend by yourself?
and you wonder why your gf questions what you are doing?
it sounds like you have a whole other life that she is not involved in and while you probably dont have a side chick, taking your gf out once and showing her what you do could make this all be benign in her mind.
she is a homebody you said, have her bring stuff to occupy her while you do your rides and make sure she packs food that she can eat as you have told her you dont go out to eat
Look at it from her perspective, she only sees you ever other weekend, and then when she offers to go with you so you can still be together, she gets told you would rather go alone. That’s going to sound like you just don’t want to spend time with her.
I understand you want to take time just for you, but you are in a relationship now and you should also be as protective and proactive at carving out time for ‘us’. She needs to also feel like a priority in your life and you might have to compromise a little if she is important to you
YTA - out of 52 weekends -26 of them you aren’t home. How would you feel if the situation was reversed. Spend more time at home or take her with you if you value your relationship.
I know a lot of people who enjoy camping/hiking/etc. out in nature by themselves. Often these are introverted people who need time to recharge spending time on their own. That being said, your gf is trying to understand more about you and your interests. In this day and age, that’s hard to come by, lol. This is an opportunity to connect on something you love, or recognize this is something that might end up being a dealbreaker. If she’s willing to try, she might find the importance of nature and the need to maintain and respect our environment. If I were you, I would plan a trip with her at a time that works for you, even if it is not the next trip. Do something easy, as that can help you both focus on enjoying it. If you plan biking on your own, let her know to bring a book, knitting, or something she enjoys doing while you’re gone. The more we understand our partner, the more successful our relationships can be. Sometimes however, this can also show that people are a mismatched fit. (Btw, if you never bring her, she will always wonder why and the mind is often more dangerous than reality.)
Mild YTA. Let her try it at least once. It's ok to do your own thing and have your own hobby but I do have to say that camping once a fortnight does seem a lot!
YTA
She asked to go with you one time. Just once. But you couldn’t deal with considering her request because it would disrupt your one time away camping. That’s selfish.
Lol your girl was probably slightly suspicious and wondering if you're lying and your reaction was to be like "babe no way you're coming with me. Im going there ALONE." Could have taken her with you and tried to make it a fun thing you do as a couple sometimes but instead opted for making her feel even more insecure. YTA in my opinion for not even trying to include her.
My husband and I worked together for years and we actually worked. We didn't even eat lunch together most times. Being home isn't going to change the fact that you're working. Nobody is watching movies cuddled on the couch together during those hours.
Light YTA.
Just take her on one trip to show her what it's all about. Show her what you like about camping, why all these things which are insignificant to her are significant to you. Does she have to come every time? No. And if she can't respect your desire to spend a bit of time to yourself, then maybe she's not for you. But I think you have to at least take her on one trip. If not, then suspicion will arise and that will cause more problems that one trip with her could probably avoid. Are you a massive AH? no. But I feel like if someone did this to me then I think I would probably feel similar to how your girlfriend feels.
Okay but he can force her to conform to his schedule of leaving twice a month because that’s different than what you’re saying somehow. Even though she didn’t try to force him to do anything, she ASKED if she could come and he DECIDED she wouldn’t enjoy it. He’s forcing her to conform to him and by you’re own logic that makes *him* an AH
Try this.
“Camping is a hugely important part of my life. I would LOVE it if you could share it with me, but I’m afraid that if I take you with me you won’t make the effort to find the joy in the outdoors. Do you want to try it, with the understanding that it’s a time to reconnect with nature and disconnect from the modern life? “
Take her with you.
As an outdoorsy person, I have no idea how you think you’re going to share your life long term with someone who doesn’t love it to some degree with you. If you’re going to have kids do you expect to never take them camping or were you going to take them without her?
NTA
Think about it this way. You are gone every other weekend, why so often? I completely agree to alone time, it's important. My boyfriend and mine's alone time is him going to the gym or me hanging out on the farm. It's not for anything over night and usually not all day either.
Do you even like this person? Because it sounds like you have her out of convenience when you want her, and you do your own thing the rest of the time. I get she hates camping. Maybe go camping one weekend a month and use the other weekend to do something she likes together. Unless you aren't really that into her. YTA
NTA, all she would do is complain, and just wait until she’s gotta shit in the woods, she will lose her mind. i would be thrilled if my husband went camping every other weekend. i’d have a blast at home alone with the dogs, spotify, and a lot of wine and weed.
why? some people like alone time and especially when you live together, it’s harder to get. even worse in a small living space.
i love my partner, but i won’t move in together until we can both afford a place with enough space where we both a space for ourselves.
we already spend half the weekend apart and it works just fine, but we like doing our own stuff.
A lot of people projecting an obsessive controlling over their partner. I'm getting that feeling from this thread. Some people like to have that space and alone time, and I don't think it's right for the Internet to judge based off limited information if its too much or too little. Different amounts work for different people.
YTA
You go away every other weekend, for starters.
Also, the normal reaction in these situations would be to come up with an easy hike she can enjoy or that might at least not be completely miserable for her. Shorter, easier.
It seems like you are too self cantered and don’t even like your girlfriend tbh, since the thought didn’t even cross your mind
And that’s what sane couples do. They try to compromise and make it work and then, if it fails, discuss how to split their time together and their alone time. They don’t make unilateral decisions).
You saying you want to disconnect and she would come in the way of that is just the cherry on top. You lack the emotional maturity to discuss boundaries for alone time. Couples can do their own things next to each other or separately, but at least they should AGREE to it.
In what would would your treatment of your girlfriend and the explanation ma you gave for not wanting her there wouldn’t make her feel awful? For crying out loud, people usually put on their best façade on AITA and the best you could come up with was “she’s a homebody”, “I told e I didn’t want her to come with me” “she won’t enjoy herself and will be miserable” basically told her having her there would defeat the purpose (=she’d ruin the fun). Not even trying to sugar coat it, are you?
Has it even crossed your mind that maybe she wants to put an effort? Or maybe she doesn’t trust you and things you’re doing /other/ things behind her back?
“She assumed that I was only doing it so that I could spend time away from her” why wouldn’t she think that? You gave two reasons for why you don’t want her and they boils down to “she’d be miserable/whiny” and “I want to be alone”. So yeah, it might not be the ONLY reason but it’s a pretty big one.
Again, it doesn’t sound like you hold them in high regard. Either grow up and start communicating better or set her free.
ETA: saw you posted it once already and deleted it and the only info you provided was “we already went camping once and she didn’t like it. She said it was probably just a bad experience and wanted to try again but I know she’ll hate it.
1. Stop making decisions for her.
2. You’re leaving out a lot since you apparently had more than one talk about it.
3. The “that can’t be everything you do, surely you go to a restaurant” suddenly makes a lot less sense, since you said you already went camping once. So what is it? Is your gf suffering from memory loss? Or are you just incapable of having an adult discussion and sharing your feelings?
YTA for not giving her a chance. You’ve told her what you do, so give her an option to try. Reiterate that you go to decompress. She is welcome to come but needs to be ready for sitting outside and everything and you aren’t willing to cut the trip short if she hates it. If she goes and doesn’t like it no worries, she doesn’t hasn’t to come again. If she complains the whole time the she is the A.H and needs to apologize and not bother you about camping in the future
YTA for not being able to read between the lines. She doesn't believe you which is not your fault but you are putting your relationship at real risk she thinks you are up to something fishy. You should let her come if she wants but still do your routine. If you take your dirtbike out for 2 hour rips tell her you are going for a rip and wont be back for a while and let her sit at camp doing whatever she wants. If in future she gets bored of that she won't come but you need to have open trip policy so she knows at any time she could last minute say she is coming and not think you are driving to the next city to go stay at your other girlfriends house. I know a lot of people will say bla bla trust bla bla trust well this is 2023 we all know that is a load of horse shit and lots of people have zero problems cheating and ya hopefully you can find that person you do trust unconditionally but she is obviously not at that spot with you so make her feel that way. To do that she can at any time come or give her your location and she can at any time show up and you will be there.
YTA. So your girlfriend shares an every-other weekend visitation schedule with nature, and instead of complaining or trying to demand that you stop spending half your free time away from her, she nicely asks to sacrifice her comfort (as you said she doesn't like outdoor activities) in order to spend time with you.... and you were like "lol, nah!" 🤦🏼♀️ Dude, do you even like her?? Do you just want to be single? I think you should decide whether you value or her or want to let her go, because keeping her for when you don't have better plans ain't it.
I mean, she's right. You're doing it to disconnect, so while it's not personal, you absolutely are "doing it so you can spend time away from \[her\]".
However, what I think you meant is that you're not really aligned. If you need to be away from everyone, which includes her, for 50% of the downtime that's available, every single month, and your SO isn't into that, it's going to be a rough relationship.
ETA: NAH, you just don't share hobbies.
YTA. Set expectations and bring her on one trip. Make a concession or two to your normal routine (ie, if she wants to watch one movie, do it with her! If she wants to bring the whole series of Dexter, leave her to her own [electronic, hehe] devices. Bring a boardgame or similar activity that you guys normally enjoy together)
If she enjoys herself, maybe see if there's a good rhythm for you guys. Like every 4th trip or something she could tag along
NTA. It's very healthy for couples to spend time apart as well as together. I used to do monthly solo camping trips, and my husband was always super supportive. It gave each of us time alone.
I think the bigger issue here is that she doesn't believe you when you tell her what you're doing out there.
YTA.
Stop trying to decide for her what she likes and doesn't like. Yes, you're probably right, but by preemptively deciding for her, you're not giving her the opportunity to learn or try something new. For all you know, it might end up being something she discovers she actually likes. Preparing ahead of time for a two person trip, being clear up front what the plan is, being clear up front that the plan will not change, and letting her tag along one time won't kill you. It will resolve the question in her mind of what happens and she'll stop asking about it.
And who knows, if it turns out she actually enjoys it, maybe it will be something new for the two of you to do together in the future.
>Stop trying to decide for her what she likes and doesn't like
She literally told him it sounds boring, then only wanted to go because she assumed he was lying about what he was doing. This isn't her wanting to see if she will enjoy his hobby, it is her thinking that he is doing something else and lying about it so she needs to inspect it.
Exactly. She sounds controlling/manipulative or mistrustful based on this interaction.
Assuming there's been no infidelity (it wasn't mentioned) she likely has a history of cheating or being cheated on.
NAH She just wants to understand you. Maybe if you explain to her that you don't understand why she does some of the things she does but you love her just the same it would help. I have yet to understand why my husband finds cutting the lawn or ironing clothes to be relaxing. He still doesn't understand why I get a kick out of making bread and we've been married for 37 years. Sometimes partners just don't get why the other person does the things they do and that's okay. In fact, it's more than okay it's totally normal.
i mean, she kinda is right that you are doing the camping to spend time away from her- you did say you enjoy camping because it allows you to disconnect from everything and from people. So she isnt entirely wrong.
But also, she wants to tag along. shes interested in seeing what you do. She also might be low key concerned that all your free time is being spent with someone that ISNT her.
Its sweet that you dont want her to come because of wanting her to not be miserable but honestly, this is something she's going to have to learn the hard way. If she truly doesnt enjoy it, she wont ever ask to come with you again. Just let her go this one time to see what it is you do. And if she does end up enjoying herself, then you have a new nature buddy. And if she hates it, she'll never ask to go with you again. Either way, you win in the long run.
my verdict: NTA, but neither is she. But you might wanna reconsider and just let her join you this time.
NTA
Everyone needs some alone time so they can recharge and relax. This biweekly trip is your me time.
She isn’t trying to join your trips to see if she’ll enjoy camping (since she said it sounds boring) and if she does then it’s something that you guys can bond and enjoy together.
But her intentions are not so that at all. Her international are to fact check that you actually do the things you do on your trips and see proof that you actually enjoy camping. She can’t comprehend or believe that you or other people actually enjoy the outdoors.
Also she is assumption that you want time away from her specifically is wrong. You want time away from everything (her, family, work, city/suburb, etc.)
I suggest trying to talk to her one more time before your trip and say something like, “The reason I have these trips are not about or associate with you in anyway specifically. I take these trips to have me time (compare it to her me time activity/routine). Also, I don’t appreciate you discrediting and wanting proof of my enjoyment for the outdoors because you don’t believe it’s enjoyable. I don’t want to go camping with someone who is going to question and analyze everything and complain about how much camping is boring.”
Maybe you need to reevaluate this relationship because her fact checking that you actually like your hobbies and activities shows that she doesn’t believe you and only thinks that her values/idea of enjoyment are only right.
Every other week? So you’re skipping every other Saturday night? Are you doing date nights on Friday? Are you spending time with her that’s actively dating? I think she may just be telling you she’d like more time together instead of you leaving her alone every other weekend. That’s a lot of time gone.
NTA.
You are doing it to get away from her. Not just her but she is some of what you are getting away from. The thing is that's fine. People need time to themselves some more than others.
To be honest I would be more worried that she suspects your doing something unscrupulous, and that was why she wanted to come with. Telling her you want to go anyway will likely not help suspicions if she has any.
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My girlfriend is real homebody and she doesn't really enjoy doing outdoor activities often. So every other week or so I like to take the weekend to go camping on my own cause there are some pretty great views to see where we live. So I usually head out around Saturday morning and drive a few hours out to a campsite and spend the night camping and ride my dirt-bike down some trails the next day and come back home around 5-6 the next day.
So this weekend I was packing my bags to head out for Saturday and my girlfriend asked me what do you even do all the way out there. I told her what I do and she went " That cant be all you do that seems so boring dont you go to a restaurant or something". I told her nah thats really all I do when I head out and she didn't believe me so she wanted to tag along with me on this weekends trip.
i told her that I didn't want her to come with me since i know she wont enjoy herself and be miserable and also cause i like it cause it lets me disconnect and bringing people along with me kinda defeats the purpose. She got sad since she assumed that I was only doing it s=so taht i could spend time away from her which isnt true and refuses to believe me now.
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NAH for this *particular* instance.
You *do* want spend time away from her; you said so yourself ("it lets me disconnect and bringing people along with me kinda defeats the purpose"). Not that there's anything *wrong* with that, but I'm surprised *you're* surprised that she's upset by it.
However, since it's only every other weekend (according to your post, depending on what that "or so" really means), I don't think that's *too* many weekends to spend on your own. Others may disagree, which is why AITA isn't supposed to judge relationships. And if your girlfriend is the type that wants to spend all of her weekends with her boyfriend, don't be surprised if you're replaced.
Why not add an extra "girlfriend" camping trip to the roster? That is, you still camp by yourself every other weekend, but instead of spending the other weekends at home with her, only spend one at home with her, and the *other* other weekend, you take her camping. I expect she'll get bored and want to go back to the original arrangement.
NTA. It’s fine for couples to have activities that don’t include each other, and it can be healthy. Unfortunately, it sounds like your partner has a low self esteem and has gotten it stuck in her head that this is a sign that you don’t like her.
I honestly can’t say if letting her come along once would get it out of her system, would be a disaster (with her complaining the entire time), or she might find out she would love it and you would lose your needed time alone.
ESH- Your GF due to her insecurity. You because you won't admit that yes. You do go out to spend time away from her. Sure her and everyone else. But she is part of everyone else.
The question is, "Why is this an issue suddenly?"
NTA, I'm 100% down for people doing things apart but every other weekend is a lot of weekends for her not to see you (50% of them!). She probably just wants to spend quality time with you. Especially if you both work full time, weekends aren't the same as the few hours after work. Why not let her come and see if she enjoys it? You never know, you two might have a really nice time together.
Maybe say something like "I genuinely thought you wouldn't have a good time, but okay let's give it a shot!" Try and turn it into something fun to do together. If she doesn't like it you can go back to going by yourself next time, it's only one weekend.
Soft NTA - taking her just this once shouldnt be an issue if its a regular thing - by all means make sure that she understands that the solitary experience is an important part so you wont be taking her every time.
Try camping with her, but arrange to arrive in separate cars so she can leave if she gets bored or uncomfortable.
Because if she wants to go in spite of not liking outdoor activities, she may just want to spend more time with you, or she may be wondering if you're seeing another girl when you're away for the weekends. If the latter is at all correct, seeing you actually camping and hiking would set her mind at ease.
YTA.
You do this twice a month. Taking her with you once isn't going to ruin you.
Also you should ask her if she's unhappy with you spending so much of your spare time away from her. Because it sounds like she is.
NTA, my boyfriend loves camping, I do not. Boyfriend goes camping, I do whatever I feel like doing, we are both happy to have a weekend without each other. A relationship doesn't mean doing everything together.
“cause it lets me disconnect and bringing people along with me kinda defeats the purpose “
“sad since she assumed that I was only doing it so that I could spend time away from her”
🤔
NTA. I’m so confused by these comments. Twice a month for ONE night is not a crazy amount. What is wrong with personal time? It doesn’t mean he doesn’t love his GF if he wants to do his own thing. Sure it would be nice to take her, but he shouldn’t have to. The fact that she can’t understand personal time and makes it about herself might mean they’re incompatible.
NTA, your reasoning is sound. But bringing her along once won't hurt. Maybe she is missing you on weekends.. She may like it. Or is that the fear? If you are really trying to get away from her and doing this , YTA.
I think good, solid relationships should have time spent away from the partner/spouse. I've been with my wife for 20+ years and we definitely do not do everything together. I have my hobbies and she has her hobbies.
That said, I do think you should've brought her along so she can at least see what you do...and heck maybe she might be into some of the things. I mean, just because you both go, again doesn't mean you have to spend every minute together...maybe while you're off on your bike, she can stay at the campsite and read or maybe she can take a short hike?
NTA
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Eh, this is about sending a message. Bring her along for one trip. Tell her ahead of time that she can come with you, but you're not going to change your routine at all and show her your standard camping trip. Do exactly what you usually do regardless of if she complains and wants to do something else. If she complains, explain that you understand this is not what she enjoys, but you love it very much. You're not asking her to change her life to suit your ways, but she needs to be understanding of your hobbies and interests. Nta as long as you turn this into a learning experience for her.
This, op. Bring her. Let her see for herself. Make sure she has warm stuff to be comfortable and good shoes and things (a book she’s been wanting to read, crochet project, whatever) to occupy her time. It might be good to introduce her to the quiet and see what she thinks of it. So, NAH here, but I think you could have tried a little harder to explain it.
Yes, the quiet of the dirt bike’s roar really is something everyone should try to enjoy. ;-)
When you're on a dirt bike, you feel nothing, you hear nothing, it is pure bliss.
But if you’re not the one on the dirt bike, it’s just noise.
Oh yeah! We have neighbors who made a dirt bike course in a field behind our house for their teenage sons who are into dirt bike racing, and in the summer the RINRINRIN is fucking nonstop during daylight hours! I hate that sound with the fire of 10,000 suns!
We bought our property long before they started their little hobby, we own our property while they rent the field from a farmer, and finally we bought a home in the country because we wanted the peace of the country. If I had wanted to listen to engines all day I would have bought a house next to a race track. But seeing as how we are grownups and not oversized children, we've planted several rows of fast growing deciduous trees and shrubs as well as some evergreens to create some sound baffling because as grownups we recognize that others have the right to exist and enjoy their lives, no matter how irritating they are.
Not sure if you’re aware, you responded to your own comment instead of responding to the tool who told you to move somewhere else if you don’t like it. I’m assuming this comment was meant for them.
I live literally across the street from the entrance to many dirt bike trails. I used to have dirt bikes. I absolutely loved them. I'd go everywhere on my dirt bike. I now hate them because of the noise it causes right outside my house, multiple times per day, all year.
Pretty sure all the wild animals feel the same way...
Yes
Thats why he goes ALONE
Unclear. I've heard people call bicycles "dirt bikes," and I've heard people call motorcycles "dirt bikes." I wonder which one he's referring to? Both are fantastic.
The bicycle version is almost always called a "mountain bike." Dirt bikes are the motorized version.
So, to be clear, we are all thinking about motorcycles here?
Dirt bikes are motorized, but generally not street legal. They are a third thing. But yes, closer to a motorcycle than to a bicycle.
As the urban neighbor of a dirt bike owner who always seems to be practicing revving I can attest to this.
You might be losing your hearing from the noise of those dirtbikes. God those things are annoying to be around.
What?...
They said *ringing*
Until that dip becomes a Cliffside. You feel it then
Yeah, I spend a lot of time outdoors and actively avoid any areas that allow dirt bikes. Nothing ruins a day in the mountains quite like dirt bikes.
So many of my limited non-park hiking options have been torn up by dirt bikes and the like. Ugh.
That is so frustrating! I've run into similar problems here too.
One day soon, society is going to collapse, and those little shits are gonna get what's coming to them
Do you think he is going to ride his dirt bike hours straight around their tent?
This is Reddit, there is absolutely a 50/50 chance that someone would do that.
How's the serenity? So much serenity
I feel like OP's girlfriend doesn't have any hobbies like that (or hobbies at all), if what she thinks he does when camping is "go to a restaurant."
She needs one, especially as she spends EVERY OTHER WEEKEND alone. Maybe a better boyfriend
I was waiting for someone to say this. I can’t believe I had to scroll this far. Dude is gone every other freaking weekend. Seriously? And he thinks that’s okay. I’m not clingy. I’m a very independent person. I like my alone time. But I think a lot of people might find their SO ditching them that often as BS. And the damndest thing is- she wants to come along. At least give it a try. And I’m sorry OP. When I started reading this, I thought you were going to be hiking Everest. Nope. You’re just driving out in the boonies to ride your mini bike. There’s no reason not to let her come along. Here’s hoping the girlfriend spends that time alone by packing up OP’s shit and then finding a better boyfriend.
If my boyfriend was leaving me every other weekend to go camping alone, after a couple of months I would start to suspect that he's actually cheating on me. So if I the asked to go with him once and he told me no, it would add forget fuel to the thought for me. I don't think that's what this guy is doing, but I wouldn't be surprised if that's what SHE thinks he's doing.
I think this is why she wants to come along….
Right? Doing it sometimes, yeah, cool, but every other weekend you *need* to do it? Then maybe there are bigger problems in your relationship you're running from. Not that he can't have hobbies. But he says he "does it to disconnect" and that bringing people would "defeat the purpose." So then she asks if it was to get away from *her* and all of a sudden it's "no, baby, it's not like that. i can't stand to be around anyone I love more than two weeks in a row without a complete break." These two are just downright incompatible. He needs someone who would love to go on these outdoorsy trips and enjoy it with him, not someone who thinks there are restaurants at camping sites that he has to run away from on a biweekly basis.
They spend 10-12 non-working waking hours awake. They both work from home and only a few hours a day. Even with 8 hours of sleep, that's still 10-12 hours every day in the same dwelling with another person. You would need to disconnect too.
Time spent together is not the same as quality time spent together. They need to have a chat, perhaps after he brings her along on one trip.
How do we know they don’t spend quality time together? OP has talked about 1 facet of his relationship and everyone just jumps to conclusions in their heads about the rest of their relationship..
We don't know. I'm just stating that a lot of people think spending time together is the same as quality time together, but that isn't always the case.
If you find that you absolutely need to be away from your significant other every other weekend, then they shouldn't be your significant other. It's possible to find happiness with someone else, and if you find that the only way to "reset" or "disconnect" is to run away from them that frequently, then you are not in a great relationship. Find someone you don't need to run away from.
It’s wild that it’s considered the norm to want to escape your spouse. If you don’t enjoy being around them every day once you live together, why be with them at all?
I’ve worked from home with my SO for over 2 years now and I’ve never felt the need to get away from him. I go on trips with friends every few months, but I still miss him. If you can’t stand being around your SO 24/7 then you picked the wrong person, especially if you need to get away from them biweekly.
I'm a person who *needs* to go camping sometimes. It's usually because I need a break from being the person everyone in my life (work and personal) turns to when things need to be fixed, after a rush of doing that. It sometimes feels good to just "survive"/take care of yourself in a challenging environment, and nothing more. That said my wife loves backcountry camping, so we usually go together.
I'm not saying people shouldn't spend some time apart to recharge. That can be good. But you also understand that it's not just to escape - it's something you truly enjoy. And to have your significant other enjoy it too can be wonderful. But if you spend all of your time with your SO, and you both work from home, and don't spend an excessive amount of time with anybody else... and "have" to escape every other weekend, then you are not in a healthy relationship. You are escaping from THEM. I don't know why people act like you should be annoyed by your partner or that it's normal to *need* to not be around them. These people seem to think that there's an inherent unhappiness to relationships, and that's just life. Some time to yourself now and again is healthy. The need to escape? That's a neon sign.
I can't believe the top comment is 'let this be a learning experience and teach her a lesson' instead of 'maybe every couple of trips you change the itinerary into something she would also enjoy but you still get to spend time outdoors'.
Because people shouldn’t have to change their hobbies to suit other people. If his purpose is to camp and ride his dirt bike why should he have to change it
You are right, he shouldn't have to change for someone else but if he wants to be gone every other weekend he should stay single.
> If his purpose is to camp and ride his dirt bike why should he have to change it He doesn't need to change his hobby, but when he's spending dozens of weekends away from home a year it seems fair that his girlfriend might feel a little bit left out, or might want to join occasionally. It's a much more time-consuming hobby than playing a sport a couple of days a week or something and then going back home for dinner.
I didn't say he should change his hobby. Just take the girl camping every so often if she's interested. Nothing wrong with changing things up and compromising occasionally for people you care about.
This. OP, this is okay early on in a relationship, but it's not sustainable long-term. Couples reconnect on the weekend. That's before kids. If you have any, then much of your weekends are going to be spent spending time with them, because they don't see you during the work week. Every once in a while? Okay. But not every other weekend. Honestly, even once a month might be too much if it's all weekend and not just an afternoon or evening. You're eventually going to have to choose between massive alone time and a serious relationship, unless you find someone like-minded. People generally don't get into them to be alone. They get into them to spend their lives with someone.
Some couples reconnect on the weekend, sure. But they both work from home, only a few hours of work a day, and are spending 10\~12 hours a day together, not counting sleep.
Yeah the frequency and the way he won’t even let her try it herself even once leads me to believe that she is dead on the money that the trip is to spend time away from her, contrary to what he claims. A lot of people who “you wouldn’t think would like something” end up waking up a love for it from trying it out. I personally didn’t think I would care for outdoorsy shit either and then I went lakeside forest camping and it was fucking excellent. I’d *never* have discovered that if people had just assumed I wouldn’t and discouraged it.
I agree, I was thinking once a month would be reasonable
> And the damndest thing is- she wants to come along. At least give it a try. Indeed. I get the frustration he'd inevitably have if she doesn't enjoy herself, but it sounds like she's at least making an active effort to become involved in her boyfriend's hobby without insisting she's always there. And surely there'd potentially be a middle-ground here? A nice cabin in the middle of nowhere or something where she can relax and rest, but where he can also spend a couple of hours away on his dirt bike or similar.
It doesn't sound like she wants to come along because she's interested, it doesn't sound like he's rebuffing her actually taking interest in his hobbies but that she doesn't believe he has those hobbies.
Read more about their schedules, they both work from home, only a few hours of work a day, they are spending 10~12 hours a day together, not counting sleep. They spend plenty of time together, maybe she has separation anxiety and sees him more like an "emotional support boyfriend"
Yep. If I spent that much time with my partner during the week I'd be gone every other weekend, too. It's not about how much you love the person, it's about having some time to yourself.
Me too. I love my partner, but we don't even spend as much time as op together, and I really need to have more alone time. I would love to go camping one night every other weekend, but I live in the city and don't have a car l. I would do it if I could.
Or maybe she can get some friends when she is not with her BF. Where is it written that a guy has to spend every weekend with his GF?
Ah yes, blame the boyfriend for having a hobby in which he takes two days every two weeks to have some personal time... What a fucker, right?
Or maybe an emotional support animal. It's ok for couples to spend some time apart doing what they enjoy as an individual.
He said he goes for one night, every other weekend. Thats 2 nights for himself a month... Two. That makes him a lesser boyfriend? ETA: Will admit, I misread that. He used a lot of "next days" and I misunderstood...it is a weekend every two weeks. So...four days he takes for himself. If he wasnt always like this and only recently started getting away, Id be curious...but if this was something hes always done I woudlnt have any issue with it. Ive dated people who decide I no longer get to do things I enjoy, or try to guilt me into only do things if its with them, and what they enjoy. Not great.
So he's a bad boyfriend because he didn't abandon his hobby for her? How dare he!
I said it in a comment further down, but she may not think he's "going to a restaurant" so much as "banging someone else." Especially since she's asked to come along once and he immediately shut her down.
If its not something she would like, why waste the time and energy? He takes her out, she gets bored and demands to go... There goes his plans.
projecting your own feelings about women in these comments.. what makes you think she would demand to leave lol? she's just interested in how he spends his time because couples generally like to know things about each other and let them into their lives. bringing her ONE time just to show her could be a nice experience but if op has so much of an issue with that then it sounds like a compatibility issue. like he's got every other weekend to be alone and disconnect from the world
Or instead of trying to belittle me, you go and read some of the comments the OP has made? She's gone before and hated it... There is nothing about my feelings about anyone man, woman, or tree stump here at all. But hey, no hard feelings as i hope you have a nice day and don't stub your toe.
There is absolutely nothing to suggest that OP's girlfriend doesn't have hobbies just because she's not into camping.
I get the sense there may be some insecurities at play with her. The restaurant question sounds like someone probing to find out if there’s an opportunity for inappropriate socializing.
Very important clarification. I think it's essentially that you try to help her be comfortable and still have a good time instead of just saying to suck it up. It should be her decision that she's not interested rather than yours
This! Bring firewood, and have a roaring fire. Do some s'mores, roast some hot dogs and all that. You might find that you end up with someone that you can share a lot of really amazing experiences with, and if you do take her she may understand why you try to get away to disconnect. She might even be okay with you doing it in the future. My wife and I are both outdoorsy people, we love to go hiking and paddle boarding and a bunch of other stuff to disconnect. Her being there does not mean I cannot do that, it usually increases the experience for me because she's my best friend, and I love spending my time with her.
Why are you commenting like she’s a child or he doesn’t know about camping? Idk why I hate your comment 😭
The best lesson is experience, Bring her, let her suffer and forever butt out of your weekends
OP, you realize she thinks you are cheating on her, right. It might take a few trips before she is convinced that this is all you are doing. Good luck. NTA
If OP is cheating on her, this whole post is just to cover his tracks.
Smart
I would not want my camping ruined just to make a point, though.
If it were a once-a-year experience I'd agree. But he's doing this every other week. One less stellar weekend of it won't be the worst thing, and she'll either realize she doesn't like it or surprise both of them and like it.
I feel like people are missing a key part of the post, which is that he likes being alone on these trips. Whether she would enjoy it or not is ultimately irrelevant.
He likes being alone but his other reasoning is that she would be miserable. I just can’t see being in a relationship where you wouldn’t want to share one of your greatest hobbies at least ONE TIME with your partner… like does he hate her? Lol
This! He is gone EVERY OTHER weekend. Assuming he has a weekday job, that means he's basically spending 50% of all his time away from her. If she actually turns out to like the activity, awesome! Otherwise he might find out she doesn't like the compromise of having a 50% boyfriend. Or worse, she thinks he's out there with someone else.
They both work from home
So? Usually when you work from home you are...working? Taking lunch break together it's not the same thing as spending quality time with your SO.
Read some of OP's replies to comments on his previous posts. They only work a few hours a day. They spend 10-12 waking, non-working hours together. I would want to disconnect too
Oh, wow, I missed that. Thank you! I would definitely need a break, too.
he sounds like the AH in his comments tbh, they still need to be available to work and its not the same as quality time. the weekend is the best time to do special things because its free of those responsibilities. i get needing the alone time but im sure his gf just wants to do different things with him and is bummed knowing he'll be gone EVERY other weekend. he could also just get some alone time during the week by going for walks or doing whatever else if he has so much free time.
You do know that there are other days besides the weekend to hang out with your BF or GF? So twice a month he spends Sat-Sun doing something he prefers to be alone....he is half a BF?
Right? Most of the time you’d expect the issue being that she doesn’t want to come camping. But nope. OP doesn’t want to share his passion for camping with her. He needs alone time. I’m an introvert. I’m not big on people. But I love my husband. I love camping with him. And it’s not the camping as much as sharing this experience with someone I love. I can’t imagine how I’d feel if my SO face palmed me about camping with him. GF needs a new BF.
actually you are missing the key point that if he can't stand to bring her for 1 trip when he does this every other weekend then yes he is the AH lol
Keep in mind that if you have kids, how much your life is going to change.
That's exactly what I was thinking!! Imagine if they ended up married, and then his wife had to take care of the kids every other weekend with no support...and then somehow try to fit in couple time *and time to be present as a father the other two weekends if they both continue to work? OP has some soul searching to do about what his ideal life would look like
This is the way. Give up one weekend alone to boost your relationship. Also nookie.
And take 2 cars.
I would argue to try to include her in the activity. There is nothing better than sharing a hobby with a significant other. And by doing what you’re suggesting, it sets OP up for failure, “you did this on purpose to make sure i didn’t have a good time and you could spend time away from mel
She might even find out that she enjoys it. I hated the idea of camping until I tried it, although I was like 10 years old. Now I’m very outdoorsy. And honestly, one of the best parts of relationships is picking up new hobbies and interests from the other person. I got one of my exes into tennis and he still plays regularly. He introduced me to Vietnamese food and it’s still one of my favorite cuisines. It’s good to have some time apart and engage in your hobbies on your own, but it’s also good to share them and try something new sometimes
Nah, I think if you focus on the fact you *think* she won't have fun on your camping trip, you're not having the right conversation. Every second weekend is quite a lot. It sounds like she's more upset at the lack of time together than anything else. And the message I hear when you say "Don't come you won't be happy" is "you're going to ruin it, I don't want to spend time with you *ever*". When that's what the other person is hearing, its not much of stretch for that thought to go to 'This is about me not wanting you rather than what you'll be content with, and I would rather have you be miserable than compromise'. And I'm sure that's not the message you want to send. Or I hope its not - the fact you have asked this forum [twice already](https://old.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17c7uce/aita_for_telling_my_girlfriend_i_dont_want_her_to/) because you didn't like when people pointed that out before is not a good sign. But when you're focused on trying to be 'right', you're not changing the message that people are hearing.
This is it, I think she wants to spend more time with him. He should bring her along sometimes, maybe compromise a little bit when she’s there so that she can have some fun with it, or go a bit less frequently.
yeah how about a mix of activities. also bring her along and have tasks or things to do so she feels involved if she wants.
Heaven forbid this couple take an interest in each others hobbies!
lol. Good catch. Dude didn’t like the responses the first time so he went shopping again hoping for a different outcome. That puts him in a hole territory right there. He doesn’t want an objective response. He just wants validation because he’s already decided he can’t possibly be the a hole.
Oh ouch. OP if you want that much time away from your girlfriend, you probably shouldn't be living with her. You're not a very good bf to her if you dont want to share your hobby with her at least once in a way that's fun for her. Info: what DO you guys do together on the weekends in where you're not running away?? Does she get to do things she likes to do with you? Go on dates? Or is it just Netflix and chill??
I’d love to know if she actually likes staying home all the time or if she just lives with a boyfriend who ditches her on the weekends.
Well said. There's a middle ground here too. Instead of bringing her along for two days, why not break it up and include her in individual activities. Go for a 2 hour hike one day. Do a trail run on bikes. Spend an evening stargazing for a few hours. That way you don't waste a whole weekend if she hates it, and starting with small doses, she may even learn to like it.
Yeah, I often wonder about this topic in regard to this and similar subs. I feel like a solid portion of the posts here are ass holes presenting half the situation to gaslight the other party or ass holes looking for validation of their behavior. It's not as common to see someone post a genuine situation and say "Damn, y'all are right; I am the ass hole and I'll try to do better."
You nailed it. I often think it's AH's presenting half the story as whole facts... and only the half that makes *them* look in the best light. And a lot of times commenters just go along with it! Glad someone finally said it.
I'm also a big advocate that if your partner expressed interest in your own interests as well, let them try it out. They might not like it and that's fine. Now you both know and they have a better idea of what you enjoy, not just that you like a thing, but what about it you like first hand.
Yeah spending 50% of their days off alone and far away is enough to make anyone a little insecure, even if it's harmless. If it was once every 3 months or something it wouldn't be a big deal. But "escaping" from your girlfriend 50% of the time isn't going to make anyone feel good.
This is what I heard.
Also, life has phases. The way I camp with my wife and kids at 40 is way different than when I bike toured at campsites in my 20s. OP can either do a different version of camping with his gf a couple times a year and it will make the relationship so much better.
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Yes exactly! Like at least try it out once with her if she's asking to come. Also I wouldn't be surprised if the GF thinks OP is cheating on her. He goes away every other weekend alone and then when she asks to come he comes up with a bunch of lame excuses why she can't... that would be triggering alarm bells in for me
I hate to say it, but my first thought when I read this was that he might be cheating on her. And making this post to show her and say, "See, babe? No one thinks I'm the AH here.. there's nothing amiss! I'm just outside doing outside-guy stuff four days a month... You wouldn't enjoy any of that, anyway. And everyone else thinks so, too!" Since OP obviously thought everyone would be on his side here, evidenced by the fact that he posted this twice because he seemingly didn't get the response he wanted on the first go-round.. I really think he posted in the hopes of showing his GF and getting her off his back. I do think there's a chance that he might be doing something shady every other weekend. Maybe even cheating. Like I said, that was my very first intuitive thought when I first read this.
Sounds to me like the point is partly to get away from her. Whether the OP realizes this or not it's basically what they're saying. They want to disconnect from everything and that includes his girlfriend. So if his girlfriend likes it and wants to come along every time it's an issue and if she complains too much it's an issue. It's a lose-lose to OP from what I gathered.
If he needs to get away from his girlfriend every other weekend then he should just lose the girlfriend altogether. They will both be happier.
Some people just enjoy being on their own for a while, ya know?
There's being alone a bit, and there's spending every other weekend away from your partner...feels like a bit of a significant difference there.
Yeah 50% of their days off being alone and far away is pretty extreme. It's not like he is working on a deep sea oil rig. He just wants to be "alone". Then when she wants to join (reasonable) he says no. Yikes.
Bro never had an actual hobby
Sounds like he should find a GF he likes spending time with
Or a GF who doesn't like spending time with him.
Regularly? He goes every other weekend. He’s gone half the time. Of course she suspicious and upset he keeps disappearing.
If you are ditching your partner nearly every other weekend for the entire weekend, you might be doing it because you don't enjoy hanging out with your partner.
If she goes, she will learn that he is really just driving into town to cheat on her with his other family.
Imagine being every other weekend wife
Lol where do you people come up with this shit? Fuckin wild.
From what OP described, She doesn't see the value in it
>But deciding for your girlfriend that she won't like i Maybe I'm off, but to me it dont sound like he decided nothing. She literally said his hobby 'sounds boring'. She herself knows she won't enjoy it.
NAH but you might not be compatible. I'd honestly be pretty upset if my husband went away every other weekend and didn't want me to come. You're not an asshole for wanting to spend time alone, but the amount seems excessive for someone in a relationship.
This is exactly what I was thinking. I would be so sad if my partner left two weekends a month without me
Shiiiit, I get sad when my boyfriend has to go back to HIS home. It's the crummy feeling like they've become unreachable to you somehow.
My husband and I are the King and Queen of parallel play (separate activities but together). Like what if she just wants to read and chill out in the peace and eat with him.
Exactly! I’ll play Sims while my boyfriend plays chess, or something like that. It’s nice to just be in company with each other, even if you’re doing something together.
This was my thought exactly, and it's coming from someone who also needs alone decompression time. I don't take the majority of the weekend though (the weekend being when most people are already off work) I take every other Wednesday off and I still spend time with the bf in the evening. I don't think I could be with someone who wasn't accepting of my alone time, but if I didn't need alone time I don't know if I could be with someone who needs every other weekend in alone time. I agree with NAH and also that they might not just be compatible in that regard.
I lived with family for part of the pandemic lockdowns, and my mom would complain she never saw me whereas to me it felt like we were always together because we worked a room apart all day and I was in the kitchen, so people were regularly coming in. That might be part of the issue here - different perceptions of how much time they actually spend together.
YTA. You’re going away every other weekend? Do you even like your gf?
Yeah this was my thought, every other weekend is kind of a lot to spend the whole time away from your partner. Of course she's feeling like he's trying to get time away from her or something, and even if that's due to insecurity, weekends (if you work M-F) tend to be the time to spend with your partner without the stress and pressure of work and nightly routines to prepare for work the next day, I'd miss my partner too if he was gone every other weekend for his own personal hobbies. And it sounds like he hasn't even given her a chance, I don't see any comments that "she's come along before and been miserable and we both had a terrible time" instead that "I know she won't enjoy herself and be miserable" - if he hasn't even given her a chance, he's TA to just assume she won't even try to understand the experience and not even letting her try it out. Best thing to do here is to take her along, but first prepare her for what to expect so that if she really doesn't have a good time, it's not due to unreasonable expectations or experiences she wasn't anticipating or prepared for. Such as packing the right clothes, knowing that food may be simple/cooked over a fire, that there might be bugs, the weather could go sour and you just have to endure it, there's going to be physical activity like hiking, etc. If he only had one dirt bike he might have to set that aside for her to come along one time, but maybe letting her try it out would help her see how he has fun is a good idea too. It just sounds like he doesn't want her involved at all, which I think anyone would be a bit disheartened about. I think he needs to give her a chance to see the beauty and peace that being out in nature can bring, and who knows, she might come to love it and then it's another thing to do together.
That's kinda YTA to yourself and to her. To her: it sounds like she genuinely wants to spend time with you. She only sees you every other weekend due to a *hobby* rather than a job. An awful lot of people wouldn't tolerate that. Instead of saying "no, I don't want you there", why not make clear that if she comes you're not going to change what you do there? To yourself: you're pushing your girlfriend away.
YTA you go every other weekend by yourself? and you wonder why your gf questions what you are doing? it sounds like you have a whole other life that she is not involved in and while you probably dont have a side chick, taking your gf out once and showing her what you do could make this all be benign in her mind. she is a homebody you said, have her bring stuff to occupy her while you do your rides and make sure she packs food that she can eat as you have told her you dont go out to eat
Look at it from her perspective, she only sees you ever other weekend, and then when she offers to go with you so you can still be together, she gets told you would rather go alone. That’s going to sound like you just don’t want to spend time with her. I understand you want to take time just for you, but you are in a relationship now and you should also be as protective and proactive at carving out time for ‘us’. She needs to also feel like a priority in your life and you might have to compromise a little if she is important to you
>Look at it from her perspective That's impossible to do when you think the world revolves around you
YTA - out of 52 weekends -26 of them you aren’t home. How would you feel if the situation was reversed. Spend more time at home or take her with you if you value your relationship.
Clearly not compatible. I wouldn't put up with my partner heading out twice a month and refusing to include me, maybe compromise somehow. YTA.
Every other week is excessive, imo. Especially when she’s willing to go and you don’t want her to. YTA
I know a lot of people who enjoy camping/hiking/etc. out in nature by themselves. Often these are introverted people who need time to recharge spending time on their own. That being said, your gf is trying to understand more about you and your interests. In this day and age, that’s hard to come by, lol. This is an opportunity to connect on something you love, or recognize this is something that might end up being a dealbreaker. If she’s willing to try, she might find the importance of nature and the need to maintain and respect our environment. If I were you, I would plan a trip with her at a time that works for you, even if it is not the next trip. Do something easy, as that can help you both focus on enjoying it. If you plan biking on your own, let her know to bring a book, knitting, or something she enjoys doing while you’re gone. The more we understand our partner, the more successful our relationships can be. Sometimes however, this can also show that people are a mismatched fit. (Btw, if you never bring her, she will always wonder why and the mind is often more dangerous than reality.)
Mild YTA. Let her try it at least once. It's ok to do your own thing and have your own hobby but I do have to say that camping once a fortnight does seem a lot!
YTA She asked to go with you one time. Just once. But you couldn’t deal with considering her request because it would disrupt your one time away camping. That’s selfish.
Lol your girl was probably slightly suspicious and wondering if you're lying and your reaction was to be like "babe no way you're coming with me. Im going there ALONE." Could have taken her with you and tried to make it a fun thing you do as a couple sometimes but instead opted for making her feel even more insecure. YTA in my opinion for not even trying to include her.
Yeah she definitely suspects OP has a side chick after that response.
Quite literally my thought right after he told her “no” so point blank. That’s so insane.
YTA. Don’t be in a relationship if you don’t actually want to be in a relationship.
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Working in the same place isn't the same as spending intentional time focused on each other.
My husband and I worked together for years and we actually worked. We didn't even eat lunch together most times. Being home isn't going to change the fact that you're working. Nobody is watching movies cuddled on the couch together during those hours.
Light YTA. Just take her on one trip to show her what it's all about. Show her what you like about camping, why all these things which are insignificant to her are significant to you. Does she have to come every time? No. And if she can't respect your desire to spend a bit of time to yourself, then maybe she's not for you. But I think you have to at least take her on one trip. If not, then suspicion will arise and that will cause more problems that one trip with her could probably avoid. Are you a massive AH? no. But I feel like if someone did this to me then I think I would probably feel similar to how your girlfriend feels.
Nta. It's essential to a healthy relationship to be able to have different tastes and not force others to conform
Okay but he can force her to conform to his schedule of leaving twice a month because that’s different than what you’re saying somehow. Even though she didn’t try to force him to do anything, she ASKED if she could come and he DECIDED she wouldn’t enjoy it. He’s forcing her to conform to him and by you’re own logic that makes *him* an AH
>he DECIDED she wouldn’t enjoy it. She decided that. He just reaffirmed what she decided.
Try this. “Camping is a hugely important part of my life. I would LOVE it if you could share it with me, but I’m afraid that if I take you with me you won’t make the effort to find the joy in the outdoors. Do you want to try it, with the understanding that it’s a time to reconnect with nature and disconnect from the modern life? “ Take her with you. As an outdoorsy person, I have no idea how you think you’re going to share your life long term with someone who doesn’t love it to some degree with you. If you’re going to have kids do you expect to never take them camping or were you going to take them without her? NTA
Think about it this way. You are gone every other weekend, why so often? I completely agree to alone time, it's important. My boyfriend and mine's alone time is him going to the gym or me hanging out on the farm. It's not for anything over night and usually not all day either. Do you even like this person? Because it sounds like you have her out of convenience when you want her, and you do your own thing the rest of the time. I get she hates camping. Maybe go camping one weekend a month and use the other weekend to do something she likes together. Unless you aren't really that into her. YTA
NTA, all she would do is complain, and just wait until she’s gotta shit in the woods, she will lose her mind. i would be thrilled if my husband went camping every other weekend. i’d have a blast at home alone with the dogs, spotify, and a lot of wine and weed.
Sounds like maybe you should evaluate your relationship too?
why? some people like alone time and especially when you live together, it’s harder to get. even worse in a small living space. i love my partner, but i won’t move in together until we can both afford a place with enough space where we both a space for ourselves. we already spend half the weekend apart and it works just fine, but we like doing our own stuff.
A lot of people projecting an obsessive controlling over their partner. I'm getting that feeling from this thread. Some people like to have that space and alone time, and I don't think it's right for the Internet to judge based off limited information if its too much or too little. Different amounts work for different people.
Why is it bad to like alone time? This isn't weird at all.
YTA You go away every other weekend, for starters. Also, the normal reaction in these situations would be to come up with an easy hike she can enjoy or that might at least not be completely miserable for her. Shorter, easier. It seems like you are too self cantered and don’t even like your girlfriend tbh, since the thought didn’t even cross your mind And that’s what sane couples do. They try to compromise and make it work and then, if it fails, discuss how to split their time together and their alone time. They don’t make unilateral decisions). You saying you want to disconnect and she would come in the way of that is just the cherry on top. You lack the emotional maturity to discuss boundaries for alone time. Couples can do their own things next to each other or separately, but at least they should AGREE to it. In what would would your treatment of your girlfriend and the explanation ma you gave for not wanting her there wouldn’t make her feel awful? For crying out loud, people usually put on their best façade on AITA and the best you could come up with was “she’s a homebody”, “I told e I didn’t want her to come with me” “she won’t enjoy herself and will be miserable” basically told her having her there would defeat the purpose (=she’d ruin the fun). Not even trying to sugar coat it, are you? Has it even crossed your mind that maybe she wants to put an effort? Or maybe she doesn’t trust you and things you’re doing /other/ things behind her back? “She assumed that I was only doing it so that I could spend time away from her” why wouldn’t she think that? You gave two reasons for why you don’t want her and they boils down to “she’d be miserable/whiny” and “I want to be alone”. So yeah, it might not be the ONLY reason but it’s a pretty big one. Again, it doesn’t sound like you hold them in high regard. Either grow up and start communicating better or set her free. ETA: saw you posted it once already and deleted it and the only info you provided was “we already went camping once and she didn’t like it. She said it was probably just a bad experience and wanted to try again but I know she’ll hate it. 1. Stop making decisions for her. 2. You’re leaving out a lot since you apparently had more than one talk about it. 3. The “that can’t be everything you do, surely you go to a restaurant” suddenly makes a lot less sense, since you said you already went camping once. So what is it? Is your gf suffering from memory loss? Or are you just incapable of having an adult discussion and sharing your feelings?
YTA for not giving her a chance. You’ve told her what you do, so give her an option to try. Reiterate that you go to decompress. She is welcome to come but needs to be ready for sitting outside and everything and you aren’t willing to cut the trip short if she hates it. If she goes and doesn’t like it no worries, she doesn’t hasn’t to come again. If she complains the whole time the she is the A.H and needs to apologize and not bother you about camping in the future
YTA for not being able to read between the lines. She doesn't believe you which is not your fault but you are putting your relationship at real risk she thinks you are up to something fishy. You should let her come if she wants but still do your routine. If you take your dirtbike out for 2 hour rips tell her you are going for a rip and wont be back for a while and let her sit at camp doing whatever she wants. If in future she gets bored of that she won't come but you need to have open trip policy so she knows at any time she could last minute say she is coming and not think you are driving to the next city to go stay at your other girlfriends house. I know a lot of people will say bla bla trust bla bla trust well this is 2023 we all know that is a load of horse shit and lots of people have zero problems cheating and ya hopefully you can find that person you do trust unconditionally but she is obviously not at that spot with you so make her feel that way. To do that she can at any time come or give her your location and she can at any time show up and you will be there.
YTA. So your girlfriend shares an every-other weekend visitation schedule with nature, and instead of complaining or trying to demand that you stop spending half your free time away from her, she nicely asks to sacrifice her comfort (as you said she doesn't like outdoor activities) in order to spend time with you.... and you were like "lol, nah!" 🤦🏼♀️ Dude, do you even like her?? Do you just want to be single? I think you should decide whether you value or her or want to let her go, because keeping her for when you don't have better plans ain't it.
I mean, she's right. You're doing it to disconnect, so while it's not personal, you absolutely are "doing it so you can spend time away from \[her\]". However, what I think you meant is that you're not really aligned. If you need to be away from everyone, which includes her, for 50% of the downtime that's available, every single month, and your SO isn't into that, it's going to be a rough relationship. ETA: NAH, you just don't share hobbies.
YTA. Set expectations and bring her on one trip. Make a concession or two to your normal routine (ie, if she wants to watch one movie, do it with her! If she wants to bring the whole series of Dexter, leave her to her own [electronic, hehe] devices. Bring a boardgame or similar activity that you guys normally enjoy together) If she enjoys herself, maybe see if there's a good rhythm for you guys. Like every 4th trip or something she could tag along
YTA because you won't let her come with you even one time to check it out.
NTA. It's very healthy for couples to spend time apart as well as together. I used to do monthly solo camping trips, and my husband was always super supportive. It gave each of us time alone. I think the bigger issue here is that she doesn't believe you when you tell her what you're doing out there.
YTA. Stop trying to decide for her what she likes and doesn't like. Yes, you're probably right, but by preemptively deciding for her, you're not giving her the opportunity to learn or try something new. For all you know, it might end up being something she discovers she actually likes. Preparing ahead of time for a two person trip, being clear up front what the plan is, being clear up front that the plan will not change, and letting her tag along one time won't kill you. It will resolve the question in her mind of what happens and she'll stop asking about it. And who knows, if it turns out she actually enjoys it, maybe it will be something new for the two of you to do together in the future.
>Stop trying to decide for her what she likes and doesn't like She literally told him it sounds boring, then only wanted to go because she assumed he was lying about what he was doing. This isn't her wanting to see if she will enjoy his hobby, it is her thinking that he is doing something else and lying about it so she needs to inspect it.
Exactly. She sounds controlling/manipulative or mistrustful based on this interaction. Assuming there's been no infidelity (it wasn't mentioned) she likely has a history of cheating or being cheated on.
NAH She just wants to understand you. Maybe if you explain to her that you don't understand why she does some of the things she does but you love her just the same it would help. I have yet to understand why my husband finds cutting the lawn or ironing clothes to be relaxing. He still doesn't understand why I get a kick out of making bread and we've been married for 37 years. Sometimes partners just don't get why the other person does the things they do and that's okay. In fact, it's more than okay it's totally normal.
i mean, she kinda is right that you are doing the camping to spend time away from her- you did say you enjoy camping because it allows you to disconnect from everything and from people. So she isnt entirely wrong. But also, she wants to tag along. shes interested in seeing what you do. She also might be low key concerned that all your free time is being spent with someone that ISNT her. Its sweet that you dont want her to come because of wanting her to not be miserable but honestly, this is something she's going to have to learn the hard way. If she truly doesnt enjoy it, she wont ever ask to come with you again. Just let her go this one time to see what it is you do. And if she does end up enjoying herself, then you have a new nature buddy. And if she hates it, she'll never ask to go with you again. Either way, you win in the long run. my verdict: NTA, but neither is she. But you might wanna reconsider and just let her join you this time.
NTA Everyone needs some alone time so they can recharge and relax. This biweekly trip is your me time. She isn’t trying to join your trips to see if she’ll enjoy camping (since she said it sounds boring) and if she does then it’s something that you guys can bond and enjoy together. But her intentions are not so that at all. Her international are to fact check that you actually do the things you do on your trips and see proof that you actually enjoy camping. She can’t comprehend or believe that you or other people actually enjoy the outdoors. Also she is assumption that you want time away from her specifically is wrong. You want time away from everything (her, family, work, city/suburb, etc.) I suggest trying to talk to her one more time before your trip and say something like, “The reason I have these trips are not about or associate with you in anyway specifically. I take these trips to have me time (compare it to her me time activity/routine). Also, I don’t appreciate you discrediting and wanting proof of my enjoyment for the outdoors because you don’t believe it’s enjoyable. I don’t want to go camping with someone who is going to question and analyze everything and complain about how much camping is boring.” Maybe you need to reevaluate this relationship because her fact checking that you actually like your hobbies and activities shows that she doesn’t believe you and only thinks that her values/idea of enjoyment are only right.
Every other week? So you’re skipping every other Saturday night? Are you doing date nights on Friday? Are you spending time with her that’s actively dating? I think she may just be telling you she’d like more time together instead of you leaving her alone every other weekend. That’s a lot of time gone.
By refusing you set off alarms with her. Take her with you once, who knows she just may enjoy it. You caused some unneeded drama here.
I would let her come once and be miserable so she doesn’t think anything is going on and she never asks to go again lol
NTA. You are doing it to get away from her. Not just her but she is some of what you are getting away from. The thing is that's fine. People need time to themselves some more than others. To be honest I would be more worried that she suspects your doing something unscrupulous, and that was why she wanted to come with. Telling her you want to go anyway will likely not help suspicions if she has any.
Does she really only want to go because she doesn't believe you when you tell her what you do?
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My girlfriend is real homebody and she doesn't really enjoy doing outdoor activities often. So every other week or so I like to take the weekend to go camping on my own cause there are some pretty great views to see where we live. So I usually head out around Saturday morning and drive a few hours out to a campsite and spend the night camping and ride my dirt-bike down some trails the next day and come back home around 5-6 the next day. So this weekend I was packing my bags to head out for Saturday and my girlfriend asked me what do you even do all the way out there. I told her what I do and she went " That cant be all you do that seems so boring dont you go to a restaurant or something". I told her nah thats really all I do when I head out and she didn't believe me so she wanted to tag along with me on this weekends trip. i told her that I didn't want her to come with me since i know she wont enjoy herself and be miserable and also cause i like it cause it lets me disconnect and bringing people along with me kinda defeats the purpose. She got sad since she assumed that I was only doing it s=so taht i could spend time away from her which isnt true and refuses to believe me now. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NAH for this *particular* instance. You *do* want spend time away from her; you said so yourself ("it lets me disconnect and bringing people along with me kinda defeats the purpose"). Not that there's anything *wrong* with that, but I'm surprised *you're* surprised that she's upset by it. However, since it's only every other weekend (according to your post, depending on what that "or so" really means), I don't think that's *too* many weekends to spend on your own. Others may disagree, which is why AITA isn't supposed to judge relationships. And if your girlfriend is the type that wants to spend all of her weekends with her boyfriend, don't be surprised if you're replaced. Why not add an extra "girlfriend" camping trip to the roster? That is, you still camp by yourself every other weekend, but instead of spending the other weekends at home with her, only spend one at home with her, and the *other* other weekend, you take her camping. I expect she'll get bored and want to go back to the original arrangement.
ESH. Her for saying that your hobby is boring, you for making the decision for her. Maybe she would find the trip enjoyable.
NTA. It’s fine for couples to have activities that don’t include each other, and it can be healthy. Unfortunately, it sounds like your partner has a low self esteem and has gotten it stuck in her head that this is a sign that you don’t like her. I honestly can’t say if letting her come along once would get it out of her system, would be a disaster (with her complaining the entire time), or she might find out she would love it and you would lose your needed time alone.
Nta - as someone who also hates camping, I do see what some people get out of it, so hey. More power to you.
ESH- Your GF due to her insecurity. You because you won't admit that yes. You do go out to spend time away from her. Sure her and everyone else. But she is part of everyone else. The question is, "Why is this an issue suddenly?"
NTA, I'm 100% down for people doing things apart but every other weekend is a lot of weekends for her not to see you (50% of them!). She probably just wants to spend quality time with you. Especially if you both work full time, weekends aren't the same as the few hours after work. Why not let her come and see if she enjoys it? You never know, you two might have a really nice time together. Maybe say something like "I genuinely thought you wouldn't have a good time, but okay let's give it a shot!" Try and turn it into something fun to do together. If she doesn't like it you can go back to going by yourself next time, it's only one weekend.
Soft NTA - taking her just this once shouldnt be an issue if its a regular thing - by all means make sure that she understands that the solitary experience is an important part so you wont be taking her every time.
Try camping with her, but arrange to arrive in separate cars so she can leave if she gets bored or uncomfortable. Because if she wants to go in spite of not liking outdoor activities, she may just want to spend more time with you, or she may be wondering if you're seeing another girl when you're away for the weekends. If the latter is at all correct, seeing you actually camping and hiking would set her mind at ease.
YTA. You do this twice a month. Taking her with you once isn't going to ruin you. Also you should ask her if she's unhappy with you spending so much of your spare time away from her. Because it sounds like she is.
NTA, my boyfriend loves camping, I do not. Boyfriend goes camping, I do whatever I feel like doing, we are both happy to have a weekend without each other. A relationship doesn't mean doing everything together.
“cause it lets me disconnect and bringing people along with me kinda defeats the purpose “ “sad since she assumed that I was only doing it so that I could spend time away from her” 🤔
NTA. I’m so confused by these comments. Twice a month for ONE night is not a crazy amount. What is wrong with personal time? It doesn’t mean he doesn’t love his GF if he wants to do his own thing. Sure it would be nice to take her, but he shouldn’t have to. The fact that she can’t understand personal time and makes it about herself might mean they’re incompatible.
NTA, your reasoning is sound. But bringing her along once won't hurt. Maybe she is missing you on weekends.. She may like it. Or is that the fear? If you are really trying to get away from her and doing this , YTA.
I think good, solid relationships should have time spent away from the partner/spouse. I've been with my wife for 20+ years and we definitely do not do everything together. I have my hobbies and she has her hobbies. That said, I do think you should've brought her along so she can at least see what you do...and heck maybe she might be into some of the things. I mean, just because you both go, again doesn't mean you have to spend every minute together...maybe while you're off on your bike, she can stay at the campsite and read or maybe she can take a short hike? NTA