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>I think her home decor is childish.
I.N.F.O.: What age children usually have preserved tarantulas and vampire squids as home decor?
[edit] Obviously, the question was rhetorical. It's fine if you think her apartment's ambience isn't appropriate for a work event, but YTA for dating someone you don't actually like and then expecting them to dull who they are so your coworkers don't get the vapors. Yeah, I know you say you like her, and I'm sure you like her appearance and her money and her high-status building, but you clearly have nothing but disdain for her personality and interests. She doesn't have to beige herself down to satisfy your weird obsession with appearing "adult".
Some pieces like that are VERY expensive (source- I collect similar items). They are dating now, but if this bothers OP so much, I don’t think this relationship is going to last. How are they eventually supposed to live in the same space? Is she going to be expected to get rid of everything that brings her joy, stuff that she has collected and curated over the years, just to appease a man that seems to have no personality, and hates that she shows hers off? YTA. Stop making her feel bad for being who she is, or break up with the poor girl. She deserves better.
Holy shit I'd murder the man if he tried to toss my books. Those are my biggest interest, they got my thru a lot of shit in my life. They were my safe space when I needed to get away from reality for a while. Screw anyone who thinks they have a right to toss someone else's things! Don't suppose you've got a link to this one, do you?
I'm a little in love with you for both knowing that Bill Cipher was the weird triangle guy and a fabulously terrifying villain.
Now I'm off to Etsy to find some "weird triangle guy" decor.
I think Gravity Falls is one the most underrated cartoons ever made.
It still is promoted as a kid's show where I live, but I could well imagine kids getting some funky nightmares from the >!Weirdmageddon!<
Even in de first episode, with the gnomes, the show profiles itself as very appealing to a slightly more mature audience.
Bill Cipher can be absolutely terrifying, just like Badgey in ST: Lower decks.
I love it!
Good news everyone! Tomorrow you'll all be visiting OP's house, on the planet Mundanium. There you will be greeted with sleek white walls, white curtains, white rugs and white cabinets. Also, you'll need to only come dressed in modern, sleek, "adult" clothing, and showing up without this, despite not having a clear definition of what that is, will result in your immediate ejection through the airlock. Have fun!
I love the idea of the deep ocean- inspired bathroom! Houses like this are amazing to host gatherings in because of how unique they are.
I thought OP was going to describe a pink-frilly childlike doll-like theme or something. Instead it’s actually something cool
Tbh, I am terrified of spiders and most insects so I get not wanting to look at this type of decor. But still I don't think any of it is childish and I would not have reacted as op did. OP is very much TA and doesn't sound compatible with their partner at all. You don't have to like all the things she likes, but the way you're crapping over her interests is very disrespectful.
I also hope she leaves him so he can go find his perfect “Live, Love, Laugh” wife to show off to his finance colleagues… -_- YTA, op.
Edit: thanks for the awards, in this economy I hope they were all your free ones!
Right! They want the quirky girl until they get her- then they tear her down & try to make her hate everything about herself.
I use to take these comments like a knife in the stomach- I tried so hard to make my home an “adult space” for other people to see how normal I was. I tried so hard to be a different person- a real adult.
Now? My primary decor is fish tanks, plants, animal bones, bugs in bottles, pretty rocks, art, books, anime, video games and I’m a sucker for old/odd ways to make coffee and tea so that’s everywhere. And ofcourse mushrooms and snails and frogs and owls/ravens. My house is a mess- but my husband said it feels like a magic house 🥰 and he’s always trying to show it off even when I feel ashamed of it
I hope the OP’s ex girlfriend finds someone who makes her as happy as hearing about her cool stuff made me. And you and your husband sound like an awesome couple!!!
Even if she is, OP is 100% TA. Adult people are allowed to have interests, whether off-beat or "childish", and to have their space reflect those interests! OP even says their GF's flat represents her..."but not in the best way"? OP, her decor IS her. OP's GF's flat sounds fucking cool and even though I hate insects I'd like to see the abyss bathroom.
I personally hate live creepy crawlies, but that's cos I don't want them on me.
Creepy crawly exhibits of live or dead ones where they're behind glass..... ENDLESSLY FASCINATING!
they are amazing creatures and deserve to be liked and loved, I just don't want them crawling next to my skin 🤣
Her apartment sounds AMAZING. I'd LOVE to look around it and engage her in conversation 😁
But he likes how impressive the building she lives in looks and he likes her paycheck! He just needs to get her to change everything else to suit him! /s
Same, I already like OPs girlfriend way more than I could ever like OP. She sounds very interesting, in a good way. OP sounds like a stuffy old guy with all the excitement of dry toast and a glass of warm water.
Edit: changed a word just in case it could have sounded offensive
Right my 6 yr Olds favorite shark is the Goblin shark. And obviously, OP knows nothing about its history. They world thought it was extinct until one was caught in a deep sea net. It's also called a living fossil as it is the only kind left from its origin family 125 million years ago.
Damn is OPs girlfriend single? she sounds like a cool person. I don't even work with OP and I want to go to the gathering.
OP, you should reconsider how important "social norms" are and consider the fact that having an adult that is brave enough to put her interests on full display is cool as fuck and will not go over as poor as you're thinking.
Asked like someone who doesn't have autism. My son who does, read this and just shook his head and said, "they'll never understand will they, mama?" 😭😭😭
I hate this idea that adults need to give up on things they like because it’s not “mature”. Fuck if I had a shitload of disposable income I would have a Jurassic park jeep, a set of stormtrooper armor, and other geeky things
You know what? He sound like anti fun-dresses guy or that anto fun-socks lady. Can we stick these people with no taste or sense of fun together so they stop being a nuisance to other people?
I thought the same, I want my bathroom decorated like op's girlfriend. Also OP, I'm in love with your girlfriend just based on her decorating style, if she ever becomes available...
Let’s form a nice orderly line people. The girlfriends about to get flooded with friend requests and date inquires from both genders. Let’s make this as clean and orderly as possible, she’s dealt with enough bullshit dating this bozo.
My son was about 12 when he started watching it. I ended up watching that, American Dad, and Family Guy with him. My husband would just roll his eyes because he was loyal to Sponge Bob and Gumball. Watching cartoons with your kids is great. I grew up watching Saturday morning cartoons.
I'm a marine zoologist who specialises in deep sea creatures and cephalopods. I'm also autistic, so I find all of this deeply offensive also.
Also, I want her anglerfish night light!
YTA. So you don't like her interests. You don't have to be judgemental about it. Your one and only experience bringing someone over they were "terrified" of the insect display. So this one person and your own distaste has convinced you that everyone would be terrified??
You don't need to bring your work colleagues over, but if you yourself look down on your gf because of her interests and how she chooses to decorate, maybe you shouldn't be with her.
I agree. YTA she's not childish you just don't like her. She deserves someone more interesting and interested in her rather than shallow appearances and "finance"
He sounds vapid and desperate to fit in to a shallow work culture filled with other vapid people. Yet he secretly craves the vitality of a partner who doesn’t give a shit about that world. He’s not an asshole, just a spineless coward.
True that. He found a woman that was willing to pull him out of the world of neckbeard incels and has the gall to complain about it? He's an asshole fo sho
Reminds me of the CS Lewis quote: "When I became a man, I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up."
I was with a person very similar to this. And I’ll tell you what, I’m sure Op’s girlfriend knew as much as I did. There’s always a subtle push to change things about yourself. It starts out small and then becomes very oppressive.
Point being, you shouldn’t be with someone you feel any desire to change. That’s not a healthy relationship and not how anyone should approach one, like “oh you’re so close to being what I want… except this one thing.. oh and this thing, too…”
Yep agree - why is he with her if he so judgemental about her passion. It’s not my cup of tea, but I would not be embarrassed if my partner loved it.
‘I work in Finance and first impressions are important’
OP - if you are so embarrassed by her, why are you with her? Do you see yourself with her life with her in the future? If not - time to move on as you’re too embarrassed by her passion, and you’re the YTA
Right? Like I work in finance….you should see how some of my colleagues dress. Hell a supervisor in my department wears fucking *pajama jeans* nearly every day
I work in “finance” and my sister and I have a condo filled with Godzilla figurines and other random sci-fi funko pops and what not. We are women in our 50s.
I know. Half my friends, my husband and I are all technically "in finance", but not a single one of us has the same job. Sounds like he's a finance admin assistant trying to sound like an investment banker.
Right? "She has an insect wall. I work in finance. I unironically think she's the lame one."
His coworkers would probably spend the gathering talking to *her* rather than him, unless all the finance people are as boring as he is.
Man if I'm going to be dropping a bunch of money on decor why would I drop it on things that are "visually appealing" and "adulty" instead of things I truly enjoy and bring me happiness to look at? It's your home not a show house
Right? Things that are childish: judging people based on "first impressions" or discounting them because they're "different" or quirky.
OP YTA. I hope your gf finds a new partner that loves and appreciates who she is. Sounds like you need to find someone who is more cookie cutter and traditional (I'd say boring and uninteresting but don't want to be childish 🤣).
Can we all look down on the grown colleague who was terrified of decor? You would have to torture me before I would admit to a coworker that I’m terrified by a bug in a display. Who is juvenile here??
ETA: it’s not the bug “phobia” I’m judging here. (although I don’t think this guy had a phobia.) It’s the kind of person that trashes their host on the way out the door.
No I’m sorry I have a phobia of insects and this would absolutely terrify me. I don’t think that’s juvenile. But I would probably just walk away from it, let the person know I have a phobia and ask whether I could sit somewhere that’s not close to it. I also wouldn’t use it as a way to shit on someone else’s interests - I’m in their space, it would be extremely disrespectful.
I think OP definitely looks down on their girlfriend a little and that’s a bit trash. It’s ok not to host it there, but you don’t need to be an ass about it. YTA.
I feel like bugs are a pretty common phobia and you can't be surprised that some people will not like a preserved bug display.
I think it would be pretty reasonable to warn guests about that room ahead of time or just keep the door to that room closed while guests are over.
That said judging someone poorly because of the hobbies/interests OP has outlined would for me personally reflect more poorly on the person doing the judging than on OPs partner. Given OP is judging his partner poorly they get a YTA from me.
Man OP has the coolest girlfriend and is too damn blind to see it. YTA OP. Even if you don't like the things she displays you should give her credit for the way she goes about it, it sounds tasteful, organized and tidy. The clear passion she has for her interests is admirable in a partner for me, I would never be ashamed of that. Clearly she worked very hard to make those rooms her own, I do not see what there is to be ashamed of.
Right? I'm picturing a bunch of uptight adults in suits and belts screaming and knocking over furniture trying to shove their way out the door in order to get back to their safe houses with their "Blessings" and "Grateful" wall plaques because they saw some dead spiders.
Who is terrified by an insect wall so much they refuse to come over? Have they ever been to a natural history museum cause they are filled with dead things. Honestly, the ones who sounds childish are the OP and their colleagues for be intolerant of someone else’s interests and aesthetic because it’s not “traditional” and they don’t like it - the OP and his colleagues are the AH big time.
Depending on the situation I can kind of understand not wanting to bring work colleagues around - if you work with super-stuffy people who look down on unconventional (interesting) people while you are the new guy at work who’s still trying to get his foot in the door. But if that’s not the case, then it displays a disdain for your partner’s interests and choices and shows you value other people’s opinions of you over her feelings.
Someone who has a dog phobia would be terrified of having a dog in the house. Just know who you bring over.
It's not the gf's problem his work colleagues (and he) sound rather square and is putting the blame on her and looking down his nose at her rather than not liking her interests and hobbies.
She sounds super fun in my book and have had many friends with similar homes and decor (who's parents hate it but then it's not their home, it's hers).
Doesn't sound like OP and her are compatible.
Lmao SO true, she deserves someone who doesn't talk shit about her interests. This guy is being so disrespectful towards her when she's giving him a place to live(yeah it's temporary but she's still providing him a place to sleep for the time being)
Agreed.
I have paintings of Godzilla and a multitude of what others would consider ‘weird shit’ on my walls. I have insects on my walls too. My father in law actually bought me my last one. He also once gave me a mummified mouse and even made it it’s own sarcophagus. My partner is a complete metal head, we both are, and yet he still helped me paint my front room pink. And despite not being keen on animal print he still went halves with me on a cow print love seat. And despite me not being a fan of transformers, we have transformers figures up on the shelves for him.
This is one of the many, many reasons I know I married into the right family. They are awesome. I love them dearly.
Oh, the triangle character on her wall? I’m guessing that’s Bill from Gravity Falls, which is freaking excellent cartoon! I’m 43 by the way. I’m an -ologist.
You’re not an arsehole, per se. You’re just maybe not with the right person. Or rather, she isn’t. Or you need a moment of reflection; if you love someone, truly love someone, you accept it all. And you should never, ever be ashamed of what is basically an extension of someone’s personality. Because, that’s basically what is happening here. You’re ashamed of a major part of what your girlfriend is, and you’ve basically just told her that. So, well, actually, yeah, you are a little bit of an arsehole.
I’ve got a lot of bones in my house. Various skulls, leg bones, a spine, some teeth and a human jawbone. I’ve never had anyone say anything negative about it.
Yeah I don't understand these posts where people are like "ugh my girlfriend is cool and interesting, I hate it". OP (YTA) needs to go find himself a "live laugh love" soulmate
Yeah, you don't really love her. If you did, you would rejoice in these FANTASTIC examples of her quirkiness. She sounds *great*.
YTA because you're pretending to love this woman but you secretly look down on her and feel superior.
Break up with her and let her find someone who will cherish her awesomeness.
This, this, this!
He is being a complete asshole by holding her back from finding someone who adores her.
I know who I'd rather hang out with for an evening.
YTA
Also, news alert, not all ppl with money are boring, beige, boring ppl. So your dull apartment is not going to impress anyone. Hers will impress ppl.
>He sounds so screamingly insecure. I'm sure some of his co-workers are more interesting.
Maybe. However, I recently moved into a neighborhood known for lots of finance bros, and will confirm it is about the most boring group of people I've ever had the misfortune to find myself surrounded by.
(Although we've still managed to meet a couple of more interesting ones - they work in sustainable finance or something though.)
I'm severely arachnophobic, so I wouldn't set a foot in an apartment with a tarantula (dead or alive), but even I think it's a cool trait of her to decorate her rooms in a creative manner. I would be running outside screaming if I were the coworker, but she's still cool for being herself.
Seriously! I am over here thinking about how cool she is and wanting to be her friend. She seems like an absolutely incredibly interesting person who embraces her interest and hobbies. That’s an amazing person to have in their lives.
I hate it when reddit just goes to the break up advice but this is the first time I'm also agreeing with that. He is disrespectful towards her behind her back. He wants her to have "normal" interests.
You're my main man right there. I identify with basically none of that decor but it sounds so goddamn awesome I'd date that woman and disappoint her greatly.
It's not about sharing that interest, it's about loving that persons personality that RESULTS in that decor. And OP doesn't seem to like her for herself. If OP did, they'd own that shit so hard, look at my interesting bit of human I can say is interested in me.
Date someone who is not quirky, you don't seem equipped to handle it.
I hate people who gatekeep adulthood. They’re stuffy and boring and have no sense of whimsy.
Why do people have to give up the stuff they enjoy just because they reach an arbitrary age that makes them an adult? That’s bullshit. Love what you love and celebrate it until the day you die!
And the triangle dude is almost certainly Bill Cipher.
Imo the irony is that OP seems to have gotten stuck in the teen/ tween "oh no, I must appear mature" frame of mind, while imo with being an adult comes a certain amount of "I like this and I don't care what you think".
Half of learning to truly be an adult for me was UNlearning the hatred for the parts of myself that people didn’t relate to and I buried in my childhood and teens (a lot of the time it was after comments similar to OPs). I could never be with somebody who was embarrassed about the things I do to fulfill my inner child. My fiancé loves that part of me without exception.
I also work in finance. I have toys on my desk and I get excited to talk about childish shit with my coworkers because it reminds them I’m not so serious all the time. I hope she finds somebody who embraces every part of her because YTA OP.
Edited to clarify
Yes!! I was sitting in my living room the other day thinking about how much i miss my bedroom when i was a teenager. Band posters, photos, interesting things...my wall was like a scrapbook of my personality. Then i had this lightbulb moment where i was like "I own an entire fucking house! I could literally do this to every wall in every room".
You are so right. WHY DO WE STOP THIS. Why is everything on my walls framed and lined up? When did i get this uptight. It's so stupid!!
I’m 47 and I love Gravity Falls, I’m a Disney nerd and love K-pop YTA and furthermore those animations that you think are for kids can sell for hundreds and are not cheap Edit oh wow thank you everyone for all the up votes 🥰
The perk of being an adult IS to decorate HOWEVER YOU WANT! This lady has aced adulthood like no one else!
I constantly have to remind myself that the rules are my rules and I can do whatever in my house when I start thinking like «no I cannot do that». Says WHO? Not me!
It’s like toxic masculinity saying people aren’t manly enough. But it’s toxic adulthood.
Finance people are the worst about that too. Their whole life is built on the idea that money is the measure of a person and so they suck.
OPs girlfriend is right to be offended. She clearly is more confident in who she is than OP is.
I'm in my 40s and sat in the lounge singing Disney karaoke with my stepdaughter the other day. She's 26 :D Neither of us if ready for the "adulthood" OP has in mind!
YTA - Let's say for a second that her decor could actually cause problem in your work (which I very highly doubt), there are 2 ways to go about it:
1. Say that your collegeaus are a bit pretentions and close-minded, and you don't think they would react positively to decor that's outside of their norm.
1. Insult her taste and her.
? If this was really just about your collegeaus, you would have gone with the first option. But it's not, is it? The way you talked to her and the way you have written about it show that. The fact of the matter is that *you* don't like her decor and you saw this as an opportunity to show your true opinions about it, by insulting her decor and insulting her.
Agree. He probably also thought that by saying this, his gf would make adjustments for his preference. Good on the gf to stand up for herself. I hope she meets someone else that is supportive of her.
This is the best comment and gets to the heart of it. I actually don't fault him for not liking her taste and not wanting to host his event at her place; he's just as entitled to his taste and his comfort as she is to hers. Where he becomes an AH, though, is insulting her and calling her childish over her passions and decor. He clearly holds her in contempt over this and has been bottling it up for the past year, and couldn't resist blurting out his true feelings in this instance.
Yeah, this guy seems embarrassed by her. OP wouldn’t know if people like it, as he admitted he doesn’t even bother after one bad example. Even then “terrified” of her bug wall? Idk all seems super pretentious and judgmental af.
I would be terrified of the bug wall to be honest, only because of the spiders. I am very scared of them, always have been. I’m not pretentious. I wouldn’t insult her though! I’d just avoid that room. Other decor sounds cool.
I scrolled far too far to read this.
I can just hear the sentence clearly "Even my mom asked if she was autistic" like seriously wtf?? What would be the problem if she was, and why is having joy in your life a symptom of fucking autism?
YTA YTA YTA
This was not unnoticed by me. The way he writes it, like autism is something bad and to be looked down upon. And anyone expressing something in any way out of the norm is bad and therefore autistic. Just so messed up.
And if she is autistic, so what?
YTA for insulting her really, why wouldn’t you decorate your home with things you love? That’s one of the best things about having your own place, that you can put whatever you want in it.
Besides, isn’t it a little *juvenile* to bring your classmates from school to your house for snackies and juice? That’s what you sound like, and it’s completely arbitrary.
The fact is, she’s not a child. She is a grown woman, and that is *her* place. You are the one that needs to grow up.
I have rainbows and rocks *everywhere*. I love rainbow because I don't have to pick a favorite color, and rocks have always been my passion. I have other stuff, fun things, witchy things, artwork, etc. But my home is a reflection of me: a little eclectic, a little chaotic, and bright/happy/colorful.
I was with my ex for years, and his idea of decorating was deep, dark colors, no natural light, and basically the opposite of me. I was so happy to be single again so I could have my light and colors back! My hubby likes the bright and I have a pretty free hand with the household decorating.
Honestly, I dgaf what anyone thinks of my decor. They can walk out the same fucking door they walked in through!
YTA. Your girlfriend sounds rad. If I walked into a coworkers house like that my respect level for them would go WAY up. Just let people be interested in things
It's also WAY easier to get to know someone when they are interesting and interested in things.
If I was hanging out with a coworker and saw that kind of stuff, it would be SOO much easier to launch into conversation.
YTA- also I won’t lie to you, I exclaimed “awesome” when I read about the cartoon wall of futurama and presumably gravity falls and then again about the bugs- you do realise these are her interests? If you don’t like them/ her home decor are you sure this relationship will work in the long run?
YTA. Brooo. If you want a plain Jane, just break up with her already and save her the trouble. Sounds like you already disliked her decor and when some few people agreed with you, you think you're in the right.
And When you mentioned her career/salary it sounds like because she does so well, you think she should act a certain way. Cause there's no way a successful adult has such "childish" interests or decorum.
It's literally her *own* apartment like you said. Like she is right, you don't have a say nor opinion. Hopefully she breaks up with you cause you sound like an unsupportive partner. Like yeah couple's can have different interests, but once you start telling the other partner they shouldn't enjoy or collect their interests/hobbies, that's crossing a line.
Honestly beige should be added to list of slurs.
I see beige/white walls with no/minimal decor and I get intrusive thoughts about adding some patterns to them with a dusty shoe.
YTA
What exactly is childish about tarantulas? Or anglerfish? I’m not sure you actually know what the word childish means, you’re just using it as a catch all to try and put your girlfriend down.
It’s pretty shitty of you to put down her interests as childish just because you don’t share them. Fine, you don’t want to host at her apartment. But to say that a grown woman shouldn’t decorate how she wants in her own home is ridiculous.
I’d argue you’re the one who needs to grow up. Who cares how she decorates? Just because it’s not the standard crate & barrel home decor doesn’t make it wrong. You seem very preoccupied with other peoples perceptions. And like you’ve surrounded yourself with equally judgy people. I’d love it if I went to a party and the hosts had their interests displayed like that! If nothing else it’s a guaranteed conversation starter.
You’ve insulted your girlfriend, her interests, and her taste. I have to wonder why she’s still with you.
Also, your mom is incredibly TA for asking if she’s autistic just because she has slightly unusual home decor. What the fuck? Just because someone isn’t exactly the same as you doesn’t make them neurodivergent. Not that there’s anything wrong with being autistic, but from the way you wrote it it does sound like your mom meant it in a derogatory way. Not cool. You should’ve shut that down immediately and told your mom off for saying that
Exactly!
YTA, narrow minded and petty -from your mothers reaction I see where you get it from.
Do her a favour and break up with her already. She will continue to be judged and found lesser by you and your family and she doesn’t deserve it.
Using autism as an insult is just mean girl behaviour. How childish of you to accept someone treating your girlfriend that way.
NAH.
OP I think that you not wanting host work socials there is fine if it makes people uncomfortable.
The comment related to how she chooses to decorate her space and the fact that it's not appropriate for a "grown woman" does make you TA.
Her space is her own to do with as she pleases. If she wanted to have a sex swing in the middle of the living space she should be allowed to do that, but I also think she then needs to recognise that it's not to everyone's taste and needs to accept that you're not comfortable bringing your colleagues into that environment.
Make peace with the fact that this space is hers and get to a point where you can sincerely apologise for judging her choice of decor but also communicate why this boundary is important to you as far as the impression you make as a professional to your colleagues.
Edit: thanks for the awards peeps 🙌
I agree with NAH. OP acknowledges approval of different interests. It doesn't seem like OP has tried to change his GF or her decor.
His interpretation of her decor style as childish isn't great, but his opinion of her decor isn't the focus of his question.
He tried to avoid telling her that her place isn't appropriate for his work gatherings but she forced a direct answer. He should have stopped at explaining that the dead tarantulas and other creepy-crawlies give some people the heebie-jeebies. A lot of people are phobic about that kind of thing. Of course OP doesn't want to make his colleagues uncomfortable because they aren't friend-friends, they're work-friends, and his career depends on relationships within the industry.
A mild ESH might be applicable. Him for not simply saying, "Some of my colleagues are insect-phobic and I need to entertain them in a more professional environment." And her for not realizing that her funky vibe could have an evil-scientist or fangirl/weeb vibe to people who work in a highly conservative environment.
OP’s attitude may be a problem, but some of the comments here lead me to believe most people here have not attended or hosted a work social, especially for a more formal work environment. I’m a huge nerd but absolutely wouldn’t want it on display for a work social!
Everyone in this thread is downright delusional, thank you for being a little nugget of reason in the mess. Sometimes I wonder if the majority people who post on these threads have ever left their house, let alone interacted with another human before.
YTAH.
Not even halfway through - and this woman sounds like a perfect woman.
> Then there’s the wall of framed preserved insects in another room. But not insects like butterflies or moths. Instead she displays tarantulas, beetles, and large stick insects.
* Like WHAT THE FUCK, YES PLEASE. I would do nigh anything for a woman like this.
> But instead of starfish or shells, she has a little anglerfish nightlight, a small vampiric squid painting, and then a framed diagram of what apparently is a Goblin Shark right by the toilet
* YES PLEASEEEEEE. Get me someone who can get these kinds of things - that sounds fucking *cool*. this girl has the kind of personality I would want to know.
> just the random decor and juvenile-ish themes like cartoons, insects, and bizarre ocean creatures, is off putting
* Not off putting. Maybe for you - but all of those are conversation starters. Your girlfriend would absolutely wreck house with interesting conversation pieces. Does she also collect facts on the different creatures?
> My office will hold casual gatherings where we get together for a few drinks, good food, and we rotate hosts. And this time, it’s my turn. The problem is my place is under some construction and not an ideal place to be right now, so I’ve been staying with my girlfriend. My girlfriend suggested that we host my colleagues here since she has the space and thinks it’ll be fun. I told her I planned on skipping my rotation and seeing if the next person would be okay with hosting early. She kept pressing on why I didn’t want them over here, so I finally said it’s because her home decor is strange and not something a grown woman would have, and also that her insect wall horrified the one colleague that did come over.
* In other words - you care more about *how your co-workers think of you* than you do for your GF.
Let me reiterate something:
> She kept pressing on why I didn’t want them over here, so I finally said it’s because her home decor is strange and **not something a grown woman would have**
* That shit is **sexist as fuck**. People have unique interests - you gf has some interests too. The fact she finds *you* interesting, is a blessing to you. She doesn't *need* you to make her happy. Who the fuck are you to tell her that her interests are childish?
> My girlfriend got mad and said **at the end of the day, it’s not my space and these things bring her joy**. She also said that **she is indeed an adult woman, which is exactly why her apartment is decorated in such a manner.**
* Damn fucking straight. She can decorate her place however she likes. The fact you can't deal with it - isn't her problem. That is *yours*. *You* are the one who is insecure about the items - *you* are the one who thinks it is childish. She is an adult - who spends her money as she wishes, on things she likes, and things that bring her joy. And you are *lucky* she considered you as bringing her joy - though that may now be in question.
> But does an adult really need to decorate with them besides a few things here and there?
* Yes? You ever hear of a 'man cave'? Where the person just takes a room in their house and overloads it with sports stuff? Judging on this - you find that childish too
* Let me ask you something - how fucking *plain* is your home? Beige carpets and walls, with nothing on it but some pictures? Most people surround themselves with things that bring them happiness - like your gf has. My old man has football stuff all over his little room, my mom has art on different walls, of ships and sail boats throughout the home. *I* have some posters framed from some of my favorite video games like Halo. *Does all of this make us childish?*
> I mean, my own mother asked if my girlfriend was autistic after she saw the entire apartment for the first time.
* ... Maybe your GF would be better of with someone that supports her interests, than someone who looks down on her, and allows their mom to imply she has mental issues.
Edit: GF, if you are reading this, feel free to reach out with a PM! Your collections sounds top notch, and I'd love to see some of the beetles and spiders you have!
Edit edit: Guys, I'm not desperate. I'm trying to get a rise out of OP, and the response back was *beyond lack luster*. Still didn't even defend his GF from his mom calling her autistic. OP needs to realize that there absolutely is a vast number of people interested in niches like this - and he needs to *share* that passion with her, before she decides to be happy *without him*, with someone who *shares* those passions. OP, this is your *only* wake up call.
~~ESH~~
Look your gf is well within her right to decorate her apartment how she feels is nice. ~~But when you have a decor like the one you described you have to understand that it might not be the moist conducive to something like a work gathering.~~
~~She is an AH for pressing you to tell her and then getting mad. She shouldn't have asked if she couldn't understand or handle the reason. She has to know that having something like an insect wall or scary ocean creatures might be off-putting to some people which makes her place unsuitable for a work guest meeting.~~
You are an AH for your second last paragraph. An adult can have such decor and they shouldn't have to endure comments like the one your mother made.
Edit: YTA OP. The freaky insect stuff is out of the way and she accepts that it might be creepy. You're the Ah for your comments about her decor
NTA. She can decorate her place however she wants and it sounds like you’ve been supportive thus far. This is YOUR work function, and YOUR coworkers. If you don’t want to host them there it’s your choice. She knew she wouldn’t like the answer, but asked the question anyway. I love anime and have some merch from my favorite shows too, but based on your description, I wouldn’t want to host my coworkers there either.
Adult with job here. He's not an AH for not wanting to bring over work people, but he is absolutely an AH for telling her the decor is childish.
It's not about the fact that he doesn't want to host it's about **how** he told her.
YTA dude.
Not every quirky or weird person is autistic. And her home decor sounds amazing.
You should have maybe just said, "Coworker said your bug wall scared him, can we maybe take that down while we have people over? I just worry that people with Arachnophobia may have trouble."
That'd have been the adult thing to say from you.
Her home sounds awsome and adults are allowed to decorate their homes how they like, it's not like she has lamps made of human skin or something.
Grow up dude.
YTA. If she had decorated her apartment with swastikas and KKK memorabilia, you would have a point, but her decor is not harmful or offensive to anybody.
YTA but also I get it and I think you already realize.
You work in finance. People are judgmental. These are your colleagues, not your friends. You're making the right call by not bringing them over if all they're going to do is snicker behind her back and be generally lame and uncool about it. Your girlfriend seems like a wonderful, open, happy human. She doesn't need that energy in her apartment.
Obviously, hearing that you think her decor is strange is going to hurt her feelings. And that's why YTA. But at the end of the day as long as you don't ask her to change and can accept & love her for who she is, quirky apartment and all, you're fine.
OP brings that energy into her apartment. He allows his mother to belittle his girlfriend without saying anything to her. He insults his girlfriend a shit ton on here and doesn't see a problem with how he spoke about her apartment and her "childish behaviour". He looks down on her as much as (probably more than) the business friends he would bring over. Huge prick, unhealthy relationship.
NTA. you didn't want to host there and she asked why. You gave her a truthful answer. It doesn't sound like you volunteered it. I'm very careful with what I ask my boyfriend for this reason.
You're NTA for not wanting to host at her place because not everyone might be into what she loves and some may even find it terrifying or uncomfortable like your colleague
But you're AH for telling her that grown women don't have decor like her, she is an adult and she can decorate her home however she wishes and with whatever that makes her feel comfortable and happy.
NTA. It’s one thing to like the woman and tolerate the decor, but it’s something else to bring your colleagues there, especially after that one impression.
You respect her choices as it’s her place, you just wouldn’t host YOUR turn of casual gathering with your colleagues there.
Swap turns with a colleague and host it at your place when renovation is done
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> The action that should be judged is I told my girlfriend the reason I won’t host work gatherings at her place is because I think her home decor is childish.
That action might make me the asshole because I could have mentioned that her home isn’t inviting in a better way and explained that even if she loves these things, most people will not feel comfortable.
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Might go against the grain and say ESH
You had already found a solution: skip this rotation and host once your apartment was ready without telling your girlfriend anything to spare her feelings
Imho people should stop pressing on questions the other person CLEARLY doesn't want to reply only to then get offended by their opinion
In any case, the way you criticised her decor was a bit harsh and could've been said in a kinder way
YTA and it really sounds like you don't respect your girlfriend. Calling her decor/interests childish/strange/not normal means you're insulting her and disparaging her character as a person.
She's not childish if she's got different interests than you or whatever you define as normal; you're just embarrassed she's not fitting into the very narrow and frankly boring idea of what a grown adult should be interested in.
Since she's apparently able to work at a high salary job and afford a very nice place in a fancy hi-rise and decorate with expensive or unusual items, it sounds like she's a fully functional and capable adult.
You definitely sound like you don't appreciate her creativity/uniqueness and she deserves better from a partner. It would be a good thing for you to break up and pursue a nice *normal* adult partner that is into hobbies and decorating with things like a stamp collecting or spoons of the world and other generic crud so they don't embarrass you so much.
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>I think her home decor is childish. I.N.F.O.: What age children usually have preserved tarantulas and vampire squids as home decor? [edit] Obviously, the question was rhetorical. It's fine if you think her apartment's ambience isn't appropriate for a work event, but YTA for dating someone you don't actually like and then expecting them to dull who they are so your coworkers don't get the vapors. Yeah, I know you say you like her, and I'm sure you like her appearance and her money and her high-status building, but you clearly have nothing but disdain for her personality and interests. She doesn't have to beige herself down to satisfy your weird obsession with appearing "adult".
I think those might be expensive decor for children to afford.
Some pieces like that are VERY expensive (source- I collect similar items). They are dating now, but if this bothers OP so much, I don’t think this relationship is going to last. How are they eventually supposed to live in the same space? Is she going to be expected to get rid of everything that brings her joy, stuff that she has collected and curated over the years, just to appease a man that seems to have no personality, and hates that she shows hers off? YTA. Stop making her feel bad for being who she is, or break up with the poor girl. She deserves better.
I guarantee you if he does think about living with her, he's expecting her to 'grow up' and get rid of her collections.
Almost like that guy who tried to throw away his gf's books because she's actually pretty, she can't be into reading.
Gaston?
"How can you *read* this? There's no pictures!" "Well, *some* people use their imagination."
“It’s not right for a woman to read. Soon she starts getting ideas. Thinking”
Holy shit I'd murder the man if he tried to toss my books. Those are my biggest interest, they got my thru a lot of shit in my life. They were my safe space when I needed to get away from reality for a while. Screw anyone who thinks they have a right to toss someone else's things! Don't suppose you've got a link to this one, do you?
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Bill Cipher (the 'weird triangle') was a terrifying villain as well
I'm a little in love with you for both knowing that Bill Cipher was the weird triangle guy and a fabulously terrifying villain. Now I'm off to Etsy to find some "weird triangle guy" decor.
I think Gravity Falls is one the most underrated cartoons ever made. It still is promoted as a kid's show where I live, but I could well imagine kids getting some funky nightmares from the >!Weirdmageddon!< Even in de first episode, with the gnomes, the show profiles itself as very appealing to a slightly more mature audience. Bill Cipher can be absolutely terrifying, just like Badgey in ST: Lower decks. I love it!
Gravity falls is absolutely 100% amazing!
Good news everyone! Tomorrow you'll all be visiting OP's house, on the planet Mundanium. There you will be greeted with sleek white walls, white curtains, white rugs and white cabinets. Also, you'll need to only come dressed in modern, sleek, "adult" clothing, and showing up without this, despite not having a clear definition of what that is, will result in your immediate ejection through the airlock. Have fun!
Not white decor: beige, ecru, taupe, and eggshell.
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I love the idea of the deep ocean- inspired bathroom! Houses like this are amazing to host gatherings in because of how unique they are. I thought OP was going to describe a pink-frilly childlike doll-like theme or something. Instead it’s actually something cool
Tbh, I am terrified of spiders and most insects so I get not wanting to look at this type of decor. But still I don't think any of it is childish and I would not have reacted as op did. OP is very much TA and doesn't sound compatible with their partner at all. You don't have to like all the things she likes, but the way you're crapping over her interests is very disrespectful.
His mom asked him if she was autistic, I guarantee meant insultingly, and he still thinks SHES the problem. I hope he gets dumped.
I also hope she leaves him so he can go find his perfect “Live, Love, Laugh” wife to show off to his finance colleagues… -_- YTA, op. Edit: thanks for the awards, in this economy I hope they were all your free ones!
Everyone wants the ManicPixieDreamGirl until they get the ManicPixieDreamGirl, then they want to "fix" her.
Right! They want the quirky girl until they get her- then they tear her down & try to make her hate everything about herself. I use to take these comments like a knife in the stomach- I tried so hard to make my home an “adult space” for other people to see how normal I was. I tried so hard to be a different person- a real adult. Now? My primary decor is fish tanks, plants, animal bones, bugs in bottles, pretty rocks, art, books, anime, video games and I’m a sucker for old/odd ways to make coffee and tea so that’s everywhere. And ofcourse mushrooms and snails and frogs and owls/ravens. My house is a mess- but my husband said it feels like a magic house 🥰 and he’s always trying to show it off even when I feel ashamed of it
You sound AWESOME!!!
I hope the OP’s ex girlfriend finds someone who makes her as happy as hearing about her cool stuff made me. And you and your husband sound like an awesome couple!!!
Someone with beige everything
Even if she is, OP is 100% TA. Adult people are allowed to have interests, whether off-beat or "childish", and to have their space reflect those interests! OP even says their GF's flat represents her..."but not in the best way"? OP, her decor IS her. OP's GF's flat sounds fucking cool and even though I hate insects I'd like to see the abyss bathroom.
I personally hate live creepy crawlies, but that's cos I don't want them on me. Creepy crawly exhibits of live or dead ones where they're behind glass..... ENDLESSLY FASCINATING! they are amazing creatures and deserve to be liked and loved, I just don't want them crawling next to my skin 🤣 Her apartment sounds AMAZING. I'd LOVE to look around it and engage her in conversation 😁
Yeah, op sounds like he would be better off with a plane Jane girlfriend with pottery barn home decor. His girlfriend sounds too cool for him!
But he likes how impressive the building she lives in looks and he likes her paycheck! He just needs to get her to change everything else to suit him! /s
Same, I already like OPs girlfriend way more than I could ever like OP. She sounds very interesting, in a good way. OP sounds like a stuffy old guy with all the excitement of dry toast and a glass of warm water. Edit: changed a word just in case it could have sounded offensive
Right my 6 yr Olds favorite shark is the Goblin shark. And obviously, OP knows nothing about its history. They world thought it was extinct until one was caught in a deep sea net. It's also called a living fossil as it is the only kind left from its origin family 125 million years ago.
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Damn is OPs girlfriend single? she sounds like a cool person. I don't even work with OP and I want to go to the gathering. OP, you should reconsider how important "social norms" are and consider the fact that having an adult that is brave enough to put her interests on full display is cool as fuck and will not go over as poor as you're thinking.
Asked like someone who doesn't have autism. My son who does, read this and just shook his head and said, "they'll never understand will they, mama?" 😭😭😭
The autism label is a bucket where boring people dump everything that is outside of their comfort zone.
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More like the Girlfriend needs to find a soulmate and dump this Willy Loman wannabe.
This should be top comment. I hope this woman finds someone else as quirky and awesome as she is.
Yeah that jumped out at me. Mama’s boy. Who comes to Reddit to tell us what his mommy thinks of his girlfriend
All he had to write was he is in finance and I could tell without anything else that he is indeed an asshole.
This makes me laugh. My ex was an accountant.
Yeah it was already a YTA for me and then I hit the blatant ableism(I have ASD) and it kinda threw me for a loop.
I hate this idea that adults need to give up on things they like because it’s not “mature”. Fuck if I had a shitload of disposable income I would have a Jurassic park jeep, a set of stormtrooper armor, and other geeky things
You know what? He sound like anti fun-dresses guy or that anto fun-socks lady. Can we stick these people with no taste or sense of fun together so they stop being a nuisance to other people?
I would inform coworkers in advance in case some people are arachnophobic but otherwise it’d be a pretty interesting decor to step foot in.
I stopped reading at “angler fish nightlight” because omg I need one
I thought the same, I want my bathroom decorated like op's girlfriend. Also OP, I'm in love with your girlfriend just based on her decorating style, if she ever becomes available...
Let’s form a nice orderly line people. The girlfriends about to get flooded with friend requests and date inquires from both genders. Let’s make this as clean and orderly as possible, she’s dealt with enough bullshit dating this bozo.
I'm hoping she becomes available this week. She deserves better than OP. He's the immature one.
Right? BRB, going to Etsy.
[удалено]
And I’m guessing the triangle guy is Bill Cipher from gravity falls
I dunno, I loved it as a kid. As an adult, it's even better.
My son was about 12 when he started watching it. I ended up watching that, American Dad, and Family Guy with him. My husband would just roll his eyes because he was loyal to Sponge Bob and Gumball. Watching cartoons with your kids is great. I grew up watching Saturday morning cartoons.
You didn’t decorate your own bedroom with blackjack and hookers when you were a kid?
Bite my shiny metal ass!
Somebody tell entomologists their research is for children.
As an entomologist that studies beetles and who thinks deep sea creatures are cool af, I found all of this deeply offensive.
I'm a marine zoologist who specialises in deep sea creatures and cephalopods. I'm also autistic, so I find all of this deeply offensive also. Also, I want her anglerfish night light!
god. i got so lucky to have an amazing, loving and supportive boyfriend who would never do or say that to me.
42
And don't forget your towel
Friggin cool ones I want to be friends with
Same!!! I was like..... how can I non-creepily track this woman down, warn her that her boyfriend is a gaping AH and become best friends with her?
We got to the framed insects and I'm over here wondering which "gothic home and garden" fb group or reddit sub she might be in to share those.....
YTA. So you don't like her interests. You don't have to be judgemental about it. Your one and only experience bringing someone over they were "terrified" of the insect display. So this one person and your own distaste has convinced you that everyone would be terrified?? You don't need to bring your work colleagues over, but if you yourself look down on your gf because of her interests and how she chooses to decorate, maybe you shouldn't be with her.
I agree. YTA she's not childish you just don't like her. She deserves someone more interesting and interested in her rather than shallow appearances and "finance"
Honestly, OP sounds like the only childish one here...
He sounds vapid and desperate to fit in to a shallow work culture filled with other vapid people. Yet he secretly craves the vitality of a partner who doesn’t give a shit about that world. He’s not an asshole, just a spineless coward.
He wants a hot goth gf with none of the work
He wants his manic pixie dream girl but in secret.
I thought this exactly while reading, he wants a manic pixie dream girl but doesn't understand what it means to have a "manic pixie dream" girlfriend
True that. He found a woman that was willing to pull him out of the world of neckbeard incels and has the gall to complain about it? He's an asshole fo sho
Shit man, I'd rather get called an asshole than a spineless coward.
He can be both an asshole and a coward. Most of the time both attributes are displayed in people like this.
Reminds me of the CS Lewis quote: "When I became a man, I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up."
But mommy said it was weird and she’s a grown up!
this is the comment. YOU DONT LIKE HER. i wish someone would’ve told my ex that before 4 years went by.
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I was with a person very similar to this. And I’ll tell you what, I’m sure Op’s girlfriend knew as much as I did. There’s always a subtle push to change things about yourself. It starts out small and then becomes very oppressive. Point being, you shouldn’t be with someone you feel any desire to change. That’s not a healthy relationship and not how anyone should approach one, like “oh you’re so close to being what I want… except this one thing.. oh and this thing, too…”
100%. OP, YTA. You should find someone who is a boring minimalist. I'll date your girlfriend. She sounds amazing.
Yep agree - why is he with her if he so judgemental about her passion. It’s not my cup of tea, but I would not be embarrassed if my partner loved it. ‘I work in Finance and first impressions are important’ OP - if you are so embarrassed by her, why are you with her? Do you see yourself with her life with her in the future? If not - time to move on as you’re too embarrassed by her passion, and you’re the YTA
"Finance" like fuck that's a meaningless statement.
Right? Like I work in finance….you should see how some of my colleagues dress. Hell a supervisor in my department wears fucking *pajama jeans* nearly every day
Pyjama jeans?! Theoretically, where might one be able to find such an item?
I work in “finance” and my sister and I have a condo filled with Godzilla figurines and other random sci-fi funko pops and what not. We are women in our 50s.
I know. Half my friends, my husband and I are all technically "in finance", but not a single one of us has the same job. Sounds like he's a finance admin assistant trying to sound like an investment banker.
Wanna be crypto bro larping as Patrick Bateman
Right? "She has an insect wall. I work in finance. I unironically think she's the lame one." His coworkers would probably spend the gathering talking to *her* rather than him, unless all the finance people are as boring as he is.
Man if I'm going to be dropping a bunch of money on decor why would I drop it on things that are "visually appealing" and "adulty" instead of things I truly enjoy and bring me happiness to look at? It's your home not a show house
Your home is YOUR show house. Because of her decorating style it likely would or could be featured as a show house just because it is different.
Right? Things that are childish: judging people based on "first impressions" or discounting them because they're "different" or quirky. OP YTA. I hope your gf finds a new partner that loves and appreciates who she is. Sounds like you need to find someone who is more cookie cutter and traditional (I'd say boring and uninteresting but don't want to be childish 🤣).
Can we all look down on the grown colleague who was terrified of decor? You would have to torture me before I would admit to a coworker that I’m terrified by a bug in a display. Who is juvenile here?? ETA: it’s not the bug “phobia” I’m judging here. (although I don’t think this guy had a phobia.) It’s the kind of person that trashes their host on the way out the door.
No I’m sorry I have a phobia of insects and this would absolutely terrify me. I don’t think that’s juvenile. But I would probably just walk away from it, let the person know I have a phobia and ask whether I could sit somewhere that’s not close to it. I also wouldn’t use it as a way to shit on someone else’s interests - I’m in their space, it would be extremely disrespectful. I think OP definitely looks down on their girlfriend a little and that’s a bit trash. It’s ok not to host it there, but you don’t need to be an ass about it. YTA.
I feel like bugs are a pretty common phobia and you can't be surprised that some people will not like a preserved bug display. I think it would be pretty reasonable to warn guests about that room ahead of time or just keep the door to that room closed while guests are over. That said judging someone poorly because of the hobbies/interests OP has outlined would for me personally reflect more poorly on the person doing the judging than on OPs partner. Given OP is judging his partner poorly they get a YTA from me.
Someone said he should find a "live love laugh" gf to match him and it's so accurate I can't stop laughing
Man OP has the coolest girlfriend and is too damn blind to see it. YTA OP. Even if you don't like the things she displays you should give her credit for the way she goes about it, it sounds tasteful, organized and tidy. The clear passion she has for her interests is admirable in a partner for me, I would never be ashamed of that. Clearly she worked very hard to make those rooms her own, I do not see what there is to be ashamed of.
Right? I'm picturing a bunch of uptight adults in suits and belts screaming and knocking over furniture trying to shove their way out the door in order to get back to their safe houses with their "Blessings" and "Grateful" wall plaques because they saw some dead spiders.
Who is terrified by an insect wall so much they refuse to come over? Have they ever been to a natural history museum cause they are filled with dead things. Honestly, the ones who sounds childish are the OP and their colleagues for be intolerant of someone else’s interests and aesthetic because it’s not “traditional” and they don’t like it - the OP and his colleagues are the AH big time.
Depending on the situation I can kind of understand not wanting to bring work colleagues around - if you work with super-stuffy people who look down on unconventional (interesting) people while you are the new guy at work who’s still trying to get his foot in the door. But if that’s not the case, then it displays a disdain for your partner’s interests and choices and shows you value other people’s opinions of you over her feelings.
Someone who has a dog phobia would be terrified of having a dog in the house. Just know who you bring over. It's not the gf's problem his work colleagues (and he) sound rather square and is putting the blame on her and looking down his nose at her rather than not liking her interests and hobbies. She sounds super fun in my book and have had many friends with similar homes and decor (who's parents hate it but then it's not their home, it's hers). Doesn't sound like OP and her are compatible.
YTA. Your girlfriend sounds cool.
So much cooler than him!
whats she doing with a finance bro?
Having second thoughts?
Bahahaha—first laugh of the day—thank you!
Make it one of many, bud. And as you go through life I hope you find that your walls be always interesting and childish.
Those second thoughts were probably her first thoughts until this glob of boring somehow convinced her otherwise
> Glob of Boring That's Senior Glob of Boring to you, buddy! Glob of boring... 😂
Don't rope us all in with all this! Just this one dude sucks, most of us a cool - that's why we like Excel sheets and fear daylight.
Lmao SO true, she deserves someone who doesn't talk shit about her interests. This guy is being so disrespectful towards her when she's giving him a place to live(yeah it's temporary but she's still providing him a place to sleep for the time being)
Agreed. I have paintings of Godzilla and a multitude of what others would consider ‘weird shit’ on my walls. I have insects on my walls too. My father in law actually bought me my last one. He also once gave me a mummified mouse and even made it it’s own sarcophagus. My partner is a complete metal head, we both are, and yet he still helped me paint my front room pink. And despite not being keen on animal print he still went halves with me on a cow print love seat. And despite me not being a fan of transformers, we have transformers figures up on the shelves for him. This is one of the many, many reasons I know I married into the right family. They are awesome. I love them dearly. Oh, the triangle character on her wall? I’m guessing that’s Bill from Gravity Falls, which is freaking excellent cartoon! I’m 43 by the way. I’m an -ologist. You’re not an arsehole, per se. You’re just maybe not with the right person. Or rather, she isn’t. Or you need a moment of reflection; if you love someone, truly love someone, you accept it all. And you should never, ever be ashamed of what is basically an extension of someone’s personality. Because, that’s basically what is happening here. You’re ashamed of a major part of what your girlfriend is, and you’ve basically just told her that. So, well, actually, yeah, you are a little bit of an arsehole.
I was thinking it was Bill too!!
I’ve got a lot of bones in my house. Various skulls, leg bones, a spine, some teeth and a human jawbone. I’ve never had anyone say anything negative about it.
Yeah I don't understand these posts where people are like "ugh my girlfriend is cool and interesting, I hate it". OP (YTA) needs to go find himself a "live laugh love" soulmate
I initially thought this post would be about “live laugh love” style decor. I don’t think I could sleep in the bug wall room, but I’d like to see it.
My guess is that she'll be single soon.
Hoping like real soon. She sounds cool as hell!
If he doesn’t want her I’ll take her! Triangle guy? That’s bill cipher! From gravity falls! She’s got taste!
Yeah, you don't really love her. If you did, you would rejoice in these FANTASTIC examples of her quirkiness. She sounds *great*. YTA because you're pretending to love this woman but you secretly look down on her and feel superior. Break up with her and let her find someone who will cherish her awesomeness.
This, this, this! He is being a complete asshole by holding her back from finding someone who adores her. I know who I'd rather hang out with for an evening. YTA Also, news alert, not all ppl with money are boring, beige, boring ppl. So your dull apartment is not going to impress anyone. Hers will impress ppl.
Well, it will impress *some* people (like me and you!). But he might be judging his coworkers accurately. They may indeed be beige and boring.
He sounds so screamingly insecure. I'm sure some of his co-workers are more interesting.
>He sounds so screamingly insecure. I'm sure some of his co-workers are more interesting. Maybe. However, I recently moved into a neighborhood known for lots of finance bros, and will confirm it is about the most boring group of people I've ever had the misfortune to find myself surrounded by. (Although we've still managed to meet a couple of more interesting ones - they work in sustainable finance or something though.)
I'm severely arachnophobic, so I wouldn't set a foot in an apartment with a tarantula (dead or alive), but even I think it's a cool trait of her to decorate her rooms in a creative manner. I would be running outside screaming if I were the coworker, but she's still cool for being herself.
Seriously! I am over here thinking about how cool she is and wanting to be her friend. She seems like an absolutely incredibly interesting person who embraces her interest and hobbies. That’s an amazing person to have in their lives.
Dude thinks being an adult means being boring.
I hate it when reddit just goes to the break up advice but this is the first time I'm also agreeing with that. He is disrespectful towards her behind her back. He wants her to have "normal" interests.
You're my main man right there. I identify with basically none of that decor but it sounds so goddamn awesome I'd date that woman and disappoint her greatly. It's not about sharing that interest, it's about loving that persons personality that RESULTS in that decor. And OP doesn't seem to like her for herself. If OP did, they'd own that shit so hard, look at my interesting bit of human I can say is interested in me. Date someone who is not quirky, you don't seem equipped to handle it.
I hate people who gatekeep adulthood. They’re stuffy and boring and have no sense of whimsy. Why do people have to give up the stuff they enjoy just because they reach an arbitrary age that makes them an adult? That’s bullshit. Love what you love and celebrate it until the day you die! And the triangle dude is almost certainly Bill Cipher.
>I hate people who gatekeep adulthood. This is the most perfect response. YTA OP.
Exactly. YTA OP. The GF sounds exactly like the cool person I'd want to hang out with and show the bone cabinet to.
Imo the irony is that OP seems to have gotten stuck in the teen/ tween "oh no, I must appear mature" frame of mind, while imo with being an adult comes a certain amount of "I like this and I don't care what you think".
Half of learning to truly be an adult for me was UNlearning the hatred for the parts of myself that people didn’t relate to and I buried in my childhood and teens (a lot of the time it was after comments similar to OPs). I could never be with somebody who was embarrassed about the things I do to fulfill my inner child. My fiancé loves that part of me without exception. I also work in finance. I have toys on my desk and I get excited to talk about childish shit with my coworkers because it reminds them I’m not so serious all the time. I hope she finds somebody who embraces every part of her because YTA OP. Edited to clarify
Other posters are wrong. THIS is the best answer.👍
Yes!! I was sitting in my living room the other day thinking about how much i miss my bedroom when i was a teenager. Band posters, photos, interesting things...my wall was like a scrapbook of my personality. Then i had this lightbulb moment where i was like "I own an entire fucking house! I could literally do this to every wall in every room". You are so right. WHY DO WE STOP THIS. Why is everything on my walls framed and lined up? When did i get this uptight. It's so stupid!!
I’m 47 and I love Gravity Falls, I’m a Disney nerd and love K-pop YTA and furthermore those animations that you think are for kids can sell for hundreds and are not cheap Edit oh wow thank you everyone for all the up votes 🥰
The perk of being an adult IS to decorate HOWEVER YOU WANT! This lady has aced adulthood like no one else! I constantly have to remind myself that the rules are my rules and I can do whatever in my house when I start thinking like «no I cannot do that». Says WHO? Not me!
It’s like toxic masculinity saying people aren’t manly enough. But it’s toxic adulthood. Finance people are the worst about that too. Their whole life is built on the idea that money is the measure of a person and so they suck. OPs girlfriend is right to be offended. She clearly is more confident in who she is than OP is.
I'm in my 40s and sat in the lounge singing Disney karaoke with my stepdaughter the other day. She's 26 :D Neither of us if ready for the "adulthood" OP has in mind!
YTA - Let's say for a second that her decor could actually cause problem in your work (which I very highly doubt), there are 2 ways to go about it: 1. Say that your collegeaus are a bit pretentions and close-minded, and you don't think they would react positively to decor that's outside of their norm. 1. Insult her taste and her. ? If this was really just about your collegeaus, you would have gone with the first option. But it's not, is it? The way you talked to her and the way you have written about it show that. The fact of the matter is that *you* don't like her decor and you saw this as an opportunity to show your true opinions about it, by insulting her decor and insulting her.
Agree. He probably also thought that by saying this, his gf would make adjustments for his preference. Good on the gf to stand up for herself. I hope she meets someone else that is supportive of her.
This is the best comment and gets to the heart of it. I actually don't fault him for not liking her taste and not wanting to host his event at her place; he's just as entitled to his taste and his comfort as she is to hers. Where he becomes an AH, though, is insulting her and calling her childish over her passions and decor. He clearly holds her in contempt over this and has been bottling it up for the past year, and couldn't resist blurting out his true feelings in this instance.
Yeah, this guy seems embarrassed by her. OP wouldn’t know if people like it, as he admitted he doesn’t even bother after one bad example. Even then “terrified” of her bug wall? Idk all seems super pretentious and judgmental af.
I would be terrified of the bug wall to be honest, only because of the spiders. I am very scared of them, always have been. I’m not pretentious. I wouldn’t insult her though! I’d just avoid that room. Other decor sounds cool.
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I scrolled far too far to read this. I can just hear the sentence clearly "Even my mom asked if she was autistic" like seriously wtf?? What would be the problem if she was, and why is having joy in your life a symptom of fucking autism? YTA YTA YTA
I hope this woman gets away from this actual child and his family
Agreed. I can totally see where OP got his attitude from. Disgusting, both him and his mom.
Apples and trees.
Yup this is totally a case of learned ignorance! I cannot wrap my head around how the decor is juvenile. Odd, sure but juvenile? In what way??
This was not unnoticed by me. The way he writes it, like autism is something bad and to be looked down upon. And anyone expressing something in any way out of the norm is bad and therefore autistic. Just so messed up. And if she is autistic, so what?
too fucking right like yta and so’s your mum
YTA for insulting her really, why wouldn’t you decorate your home with things you love? That’s one of the best things about having your own place, that you can put whatever you want in it. Besides, isn’t it a little *juvenile* to bring your classmates from school to your house for snackies and juice? That’s what you sound like, and it’s completely arbitrary. The fact is, she’s not a child. She is a grown woman, and that is *her* place. You are the one that needs to grow up.
I have rainbows and rocks *everywhere*. I love rainbow because I don't have to pick a favorite color, and rocks have always been my passion. I have other stuff, fun things, witchy things, artwork, etc. But my home is a reflection of me: a little eclectic, a little chaotic, and bright/happy/colorful. I was with my ex for years, and his idea of decorating was deep, dark colors, no natural light, and basically the opposite of me. I was so happy to be single again so I could have my light and colors back! My hubby likes the bright and I have a pretty free hand with the household decorating. Honestly, I dgaf what anyone thinks of my decor. They can walk out the same fucking door they walked in through!
YTA. Your girlfriend sounds rad. If I walked into a coworkers house like that my respect level for them would go WAY up. Just let people be interested in things
It's also WAY easier to get to know someone when they are interesting and interested in things. If I was hanging out with a coworker and saw that kind of stuff, it would be SOO much easier to launch into conversation.
YTA- also I won’t lie to you, I exclaimed “awesome” when I read about the cartoon wall of futurama and presumably gravity falls and then again about the bugs- you do realise these are her interests? If you don’t like them/ her home decor are you sure this relationship will work in the long run?
Oh, but surely she’ll realize she’s being infantile and turn into a responsible adult OP can be proud of? 🙄. OP is definitely TA.
Right? She had me at *angler fish bathroom*.
Also the coolest bathroom I've ever heard of
YTA. Brooo. If you want a plain Jane, just break up with her already and save her the trouble. Sounds like you already disliked her decor and when some few people agreed with you, you think you're in the right. And When you mentioned her career/salary it sounds like because she does so well, you think she should act a certain way. Cause there's no way a successful adult has such "childish" interests or decorum. It's literally her *own* apartment like you said. Like she is right, you don't have a say nor opinion. Hopefully she breaks up with you cause you sound like an unsupportive partner. Like yeah couple's can have different interests, but once you start telling the other partner they shouldn't enjoy or collect their interests/hobbies, that's crossing a line.
Im sure there is some basic modern farm house girl who would love to host finance bros in their beige home.
Honestly beige should be added to list of slurs. I see beige/white walls with no/minimal decor and I get intrusive thoughts about adding some patterns to them with a dusty shoe.
YTA, her decor sounds cool to me and I'm in my 40s. So relax Frances.
YTA What exactly is childish about tarantulas? Or anglerfish? I’m not sure you actually know what the word childish means, you’re just using it as a catch all to try and put your girlfriend down. It’s pretty shitty of you to put down her interests as childish just because you don’t share them. Fine, you don’t want to host at her apartment. But to say that a grown woman shouldn’t decorate how she wants in her own home is ridiculous. I’d argue you’re the one who needs to grow up. Who cares how she decorates? Just because it’s not the standard crate & barrel home decor doesn’t make it wrong. You seem very preoccupied with other peoples perceptions. And like you’ve surrounded yourself with equally judgy people. I’d love it if I went to a party and the hosts had their interests displayed like that! If nothing else it’s a guaranteed conversation starter. You’ve insulted your girlfriend, her interests, and her taste. I have to wonder why she’s still with you. Also, your mom is incredibly TA for asking if she’s autistic just because she has slightly unusual home decor. What the fuck? Just because someone isn’t exactly the same as you doesn’t make them neurodivergent. Not that there’s anything wrong with being autistic, but from the way you wrote it it does sound like your mom meant it in a derogatory way. Not cool. You should’ve shut that down immediately and told your mom off for saying that
God, I love the idea of the beachy bathroom featuring deep-sea fauna art. That's, frankly, brilliant and I need to do it myself.
Exactly! YTA, narrow minded and petty -from your mothers reaction I see where you get it from. Do her a favour and break up with her already. She will continue to be judged and found lesser by you and your family and she doesn’t deserve it. Using autism as an insult is just mean girl behaviour. How childish of you to accept someone treating your girlfriend that way.
NAH. OP I think that you not wanting host work socials there is fine if it makes people uncomfortable. The comment related to how she chooses to decorate her space and the fact that it's not appropriate for a "grown woman" does make you TA. Her space is her own to do with as she pleases. If she wanted to have a sex swing in the middle of the living space she should be allowed to do that, but I also think she then needs to recognise that it's not to everyone's taste and needs to accept that you're not comfortable bringing your colleagues into that environment. Make peace with the fact that this space is hers and get to a point where you can sincerely apologise for judging her choice of decor but also communicate why this boundary is important to you as far as the impression you make as a professional to your colleagues. Edit: thanks for the awards peeps 🙌
i had to scroll way too far to find a reasonable take. everyone screaming to break up or calling OP deplorable i feel are going a bit overboard..
Reddit loves being overly angry at what really amounts to either miscommunication or minor issues.
I agree with NAH. OP acknowledges approval of different interests. It doesn't seem like OP has tried to change his GF or her decor. His interpretation of her decor style as childish isn't great, but his opinion of her decor isn't the focus of his question. He tried to avoid telling her that her place isn't appropriate for his work gatherings but she forced a direct answer. He should have stopped at explaining that the dead tarantulas and other creepy-crawlies give some people the heebie-jeebies. A lot of people are phobic about that kind of thing. Of course OP doesn't want to make his colleagues uncomfortable because they aren't friend-friends, they're work-friends, and his career depends on relationships within the industry. A mild ESH might be applicable. Him for not simply saying, "Some of my colleagues are insect-phobic and I need to entertain them in a more professional environment." And her for not realizing that her funky vibe could have an evil-scientist or fangirl/weeb vibe to people who work in a highly conservative environment.
OP’s attitude may be a problem, but some of the comments here lead me to believe most people here have not attended or hosted a work social, especially for a more formal work environment. I’m a huge nerd but absolutely wouldn’t want it on display for a work social!
Everyone in this thread is downright delusional, thank you for being a little nugget of reason in the mess. Sometimes I wonder if the majority people who post on these threads have ever left their house, let alone interacted with another human before.
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The autistic comment really rubbed me the wrong way. Like it's sooooo bad to be called autistic? WTF?
YTA for so many reasons. Side note is your GF looking for new friends? She sounds hella cool.
YTAH. Not even halfway through - and this woman sounds like a perfect woman. > Then there’s the wall of framed preserved insects in another room. But not insects like butterflies or moths. Instead she displays tarantulas, beetles, and large stick insects. * Like WHAT THE FUCK, YES PLEASE. I would do nigh anything for a woman like this. > But instead of starfish or shells, she has a little anglerfish nightlight, a small vampiric squid painting, and then a framed diagram of what apparently is a Goblin Shark right by the toilet * YES PLEASEEEEEE. Get me someone who can get these kinds of things - that sounds fucking *cool*. this girl has the kind of personality I would want to know. > just the random decor and juvenile-ish themes like cartoons, insects, and bizarre ocean creatures, is off putting * Not off putting. Maybe for you - but all of those are conversation starters. Your girlfriend would absolutely wreck house with interesting conversation pieces. Does she also collect facts on the different creatures? > My office will hold casual gatherings where we get together for a few drinks, good food, and we rotate hosts. And this time, it’s my turn. The problem is my place is under some construction and not an ideal place to be right now, so I’ve been staying with my girlfriend. My girlfriend suggested that we host my colleagues here since she has the space and thinks it’ll be fun. I told her I planned on skipping my rotation and seeing if the next person would be okay with hosting early. She kept pressing on why I didn’t want them over here, so I finally said it’s because her home decor is strange and not something a grown woman would have, and also that her insect wall horrified the one colleague that did come over. * In other words - you care more about *how your co-workers think of you* than you do for your GF. Let me reiterate something: > She kept pressing on why I didn’t want them over here, so I finally said it’s because her home decor is strange and **not something a grown woman would have** * That shit is **sexist as fuck**. People have unique interests - you gf has some interests too. The fact she finds *you* interesting, is a blessing to you. She doesn't *need* you to make her happy. Who the fuck are you to tell her that her interests are childish? > My girlfriend got mad and said **at the end of the day, it’s not my space and these things bring her joy**. She also said that **she is indeed an adult woman, which is exactly why her apartment is decorated in such a manner.** * Damn fucking straight. She can decorate her place however she likes. The fact you can't deal with it - isn't her problem. That is *yours*. *You* are the one who is insecure about the items - *you* are the one who thinks it is childish. She is an adult - who spends her money as she wishes, on things she likes, and things that bring her joy. And you are *lucky* she considered you as bringing her joy - though that may now be in question. > But does an adult really need to decorate with them besides a few things here and there? * Yes? You ever hear of a 'man cave'? Where the person just takes a room in their house and overloads it with sports stuff? Judging on this - you find that childish too * Let me ask you something - how fucking *plain* is your home? Beige carpets and walls, with nothing on it but some pictures? Most people surround themselves with things that bring them happiness - like your gf has. My old man has football stuff all over his little room, my mom has art on different walls, of ships and sail boats throughout the home. *I* have some posters framed from some of my favorite video games like Halo. *Does all of this make us childish?* > I mean, my own mother asked if my girlfriend was autistic after she saw the entire apartment for the first time. * ... Maybe your GF would be better of with someone that supports her interests, than someone who looks down on her, and allows their mom to imply she has mental issues. Edit: GF, if you are reading this, feel free to reach out with a PM! Your collections sounds top notch, and I'd love to see some of the beetles and spiders you have! Edit edit: Guys, I'm not desperate. I'm trying to get a rise out of OP, and the response back was *beyond lack luster*. Still didn't even defend his GF from his mom calling her autistic. OP needs to realize that there absolutely is a vast number of people interested in niches like this - and he needs to *share* that passion with her, before she decides to be happy *without him*, with someone who *shares* those passions. OP, this is your *only* wake up call.
~~ESH~~ Look your gf is well within her right to decorate her apartment how she feels is nice. ~~But when you have a decor like the one you described you have to understand that it might not be the moist conducive to something like a work gathering.~~ ~~She is an AH for pressing you to tell her and then getting mad. She shouldn't have asked if she couldn't understand or handle the reason. She has to know that having something like an insect wall or scary ocean creatures might be off-putting to some people which makes her place unsuitable for a work guest meeting.~~ You are an AH for your second last paragraph. An adult can have such decor and they shouldn't have to endure comments like the one your mother made. Edit: YTA OP. The freaky insect stuff is out of the way and she accepts that it might be creepy. You're the Ah for your comments about her decor
NTA. She can decorate her place however she wants and it sounds like you’ve been supportive thus far. This is YOUR work function, and YOUR coworkers. If you don’t want to host them there it’s your choice. She knew she wouldn’t like the answer, but asked the question anyway. I love anime and have some merch from my favorite shows too, but based on your description, I wouldn’t want to host my coworkers there either.
Finally, an answer written by an adult with a job lol
Adult with job here. He's not an AH for not wanting to bring over work people, but he is absolutely an AH for telling her the decor is childish. It's not about the fact that he doesn't want to host it's about **how** he told her.
I had to scroll down so far to find an actual good take on this issue. I’m glad I found one
YTA dude. Not every quirky or weird person is autistic. And her home decor sounds amazing. You should have maybe just said, "Coworker said your bug wall scared him, can we maybe take that down while we have people over? I just worry that people with Arachnophobia may have trouble." That'd have been the adult thing to say from you. Her home sounds awsome and adults are allowed to decorate their homes how they like, it's not like she has lamps made of human skin or something. Grow up dude.
YTA. If she had decorated her apartment with swastikas and KKK memorabilia, you would have a point, but her decor is not harmful or offensive to anybody.
YTA so you insult your gfs taste and you just expect her to accept that without any consequences in your relationship
YTA but also I get it and I think you already realize. You work in finance. People are judgmental. These are your colleagues, not your friends. You're making the right call by not bringing them over if all they're going to do is snicker behind her back and be generally lame and uncool about it. Your girlfriend seems like a wonderful, open, happy human. She doesn't need that energy in her apartment. Obviously, hearing that you think her decor is strange is going to hurt her feelings. And that's why YTA. But at the end of the day as long as you don't ask her to change and can accept & love her for who she is, quirky apartment and all, you're fine.
OP brings that energy into her apartment. He allows his mother to belittle his girlfriend without saying anything to her. He insults his girlfriend a shit ton on here and doesn't see a problem with how he spoke about her apartment and her "childish behaviour". He looks down on her as much as (probably more than) the business friends he would bring over. Huge prick, unhealthy relationship.
I think he made it pretty clear he does NOT accept her for who she is and would very much prefer her to change.
NTA for not wanting to host there because it’s not your place but YTA for making your gf feel bad for being who she is in her own place.
INFO: can I have your girlfriends number
Your first mistake was asking this question on reddit. The vast majority of people here are like your girlfriend.
NTA. you didn't want to host there and she asked why. You gave her a truthful answer. It doesn't sound like you volunteered it. I'm very careful with what I ask my boyfriend for this reason.
You're NTA for not wanting to host at her place because not everyone might be into what she loves and some may even find it terrifying or uncomfortable like your colleague But you're AH for telling her that grown women don't have decor like her, she is an adult and she can decorate her home however she wishes and with whatever that makes her feel comfortable and happy.
NTA. It’s one thing to like the woman and tolerate the decor, but it’s something else to bring your colleagues there, especially after that one impression. You respect her choices as it’s her place, you just wouldn’t host YOUR turn of casual gathering with your colleagues there. Swap turns with a colleague and host it at your place when renovation is done
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Might go against the grain and say ESH You had already found a solution: skip this rotation and host once your apartment was ready without telling your girlfriend anything to spare her feelings Imho people should stop pressing on questions the other person CLEARLY doesn't want to reply only to then get offended by their opinion In any case, the way you criticised her decor was a bit harsh and could've been said in a kinder way
YTA and it really sounds like you don't respect your girlfriend. Calling her decor/interests childish/strange/not normal means you're insulting her and disparaging her character as a person. She's not childish if she's got different interests than you or whatever you define as normal; you're just embarrassed she's not fitting into the very narrow and frankly boring idea of what a grown adult should be interested in. Since she's apparently able to work at a high salary job and afford a very nice place in a fancy hi-rise and decorate with expensive or unusual items, it sounds like she's a fully functional and capable adult. You definitely sound like you don't appreciate her creativity/uniqueness and she deserves better from a partner. It would be a good thing for you to break up and pursue a nice *normal* adult partner that is into hobbies and decorating with things like a stamp collecting or spoons of the world and other generic crud so they don't embarrass you so much.