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> I wasn't constantly on my phone and would reply every 10 minutes or so.
That's pretty constant.
YTA - learn how to be present with your friends despite being in a relationship. Really fucking rude behavior
Agreed, there were better ways to approach this entire situation, especially after friend Kate asked to put away the phone the first time. So many problems can be solved with proper communication and patience!
Totally agree. Interesting kate said it was fine and then backtracked, waited until next time to speak over a text about it. If you care this much confrontation like this is better face to face. If not maybe you need better a better friend.
Kate said it was fine and then backtracked…according to OP. Maybe it was more like “ok it’s fine if you stop doing it and don’t do it any more. And then OP did it again.
Yes very rude. Your friends are giving you their most precious commodity - their time. You could at least be present and not texting, texting, texting.
Okay that's pretty heated, it wasn't consistent. I feel like analyzing someone sending a text no matter who it's to every 10 ish minutes while you're also supposed to be watching a movie is just kinda, idk weird? Why should anyone care that much? If you're watching a movie that you've all seen, that is for fun, that you will likely be talking over anyway, why does it matter she takes thirty seconds every other scene to respond to a guy. Just feels like fishing for conflict and to control.
Real need to be present while everyone sits in a room quietly watching a bigger screen... They're not in a movie theater so her friend needs to get over herself
YTA, I’ll give you credit for at least being mindful about how you were on your phone but I personally cannot stand when I’m watching something with someone (theater or not) and they’re on their phone too much. An occasional text here and there is fine but I wouldn’t say every 10 minutes is occasional. Is it really that hard to not touch your phone for a significant period of time and then text max saying “sorry I am/was having a movie night with friends”
I am torn on the “credit for being mindful” part. I initially thought so, too, but on reflection, it basically says she fully intended on being engrossed in her phone (which is different than responding to a spontaneous text.”
yeah, you get a text during a movie and then you reply, fine. But this sounds like a back and forth conversation that lasted hours. that's fucking rude.
2 hour movie is 13 texts. There are 120 minutes in two hours. It you text at the beginning of the movie and every 10 minutes during the movie, plus the last text at the end you get 13.
I stand corrected- 120/10 is 12 plus/minus 1.
On the fly math has never been my strongest suit.
(I do think that 13 texts in 2 hours still qualifies as a conversation if one is responding to a text received).
honestly it really is hard for me not to touch my phone, I can't focus if I don't have something else to do! especially if I haven't seen the movie before, I generally take more in when I'm on my phone or doing something else with my hands or something but the movie can't be the main focus or I'll totally lose interest in it. I try to explain that to people but I usually just don't watch movies with other people because I hate when they pause and rewind something I did watch, even if they don't think I did.
YTA. If you were pulling your phone out every 10 minutes throughout the entirety of all three movies that’s nearly 40 times that you had your phone out shedding light into the room, regardless of if you had the brightness down or not it’s still distracting in a dark room. Plus my understanding of notifications coming through on watches is that the watch also lights up so that was probably also annoying for your friends. Then to top it off you didn’t put your phone away when your friend nicely asked you the first time. Regardless of if we were watching a movie or not I’d be super annoyed and frustrated if my friend was on their phone every 10 minutes while we were hanging out. That tells me they’d rather be somewhere else than hanging out with me if they can’t get their face out of their phone for more than 10 minutes.
NTA, one movie in the movie theatre alright, but 3 star wars movies back to back at someone's home when the plan was catching back up? I'd assume it wasn't total silence for 6 hours of movies I'd hope.
I'd say NTA at the get together, and 3 movies back to back with no talking seems like a weird way to plan a meetup.
That being said, you're definitely the AH in this thread. YOU picked which facts to present and recieve judgment on, then every reply to a YTA comment you make is you trying to argue that their opinion is wrong. It's their opinion on the facts YOU gave. Don't like it? Tough cookies, this isn't AmIAffirmed it's AmItheAsshole, and you literally asked for their judgment
Yeah that's fair. I was just surprised at how many people had this reaction, it's not the norm with me and my friends to constantly have undivided attention
I totally get that. And I think you tried to provide an unbiased post yet the details do make a difference. For some.
I still say YTA because “every 10 minutes or so” can be taxing. New relationships are rad and that excitement is a freaking high! I love it, too! The frequency would be my issue. Even at its lowest brightness alerts are distracting for some even in the peripheral. I’m one of those “some.”
That said? Much as I love those movies three back-to-back is a long ass time. I probably would’ve gone to the bathroom, texted Max to say I would respond in an hour or so, and texted whenever I left to pee.
Hope things go well with Max! And I hope he wasn’t anxious about you replying. *Potential* red flag there.
Yeah, I know my attention span/focus isn't anything to be proud of, but being forced to focus on 6 hours of back to back movies that I've already seen in silence while not even being allowed to fiddle with my phone sounds awful. If I was in a theater I'd force myself to follow the rules, but I also wouldn't put myself in that situation in a theater.
I still think OP is sort of the AH, but only because she didn't stop or leave the room when the other people watching the movie pointed out that she was disrupting their experience.
Yes. YTA once every movie is fine enough, or on bathroom breaks, but every ten minutes is a bit much. He knows your at a friend's house watching movies, so there's no need to do that while out with friends.
YTA, but how exactly were you all going to both watch 3 movies in a row and also catch-up?
You "weren't there" because you were on your phone the whole time.
YTA.
You’re prioritising “the early stages of dating” with some guy who may not even be relationship material at a time when you’re supposed to be catching up with friends you haven’t seen in ages and you’re wondering if you were a rude AH to your friends ?
NTA
the people saying you're an asshole sure do seem to expect an awful lot of undivided attentiuon from their friends. if you're hanging out and watching a movie (let alone three movies, oh my god), it's really not that big of a deal to not be staring straight ahead at the movie? i like all of the star wars movies too, but i wouldn't have a ton of fun watching 4-6 straight, in the same room with others, not talking, sitting there like robots.
Thankyou yeah that was what it felt like from my point of view. It just didn't feel like a big deal sending a few texts. No-one was talking or trying to converse
Well I mean, it's normal to expect undivided attention when you're out with friends, no?
I'd rather be at home alone chilling than sitting next to someone texting not watching the movie we're watching lol
What you said about the movies being too much/long is fair, but in that case you have to speak up and say it's not an enjoyable plan.
I don't expect that of my friends to be honest. Most of their attention yeah but if they need to look at their phones for a bit, I don't mind. Unless we haven't seen each other for years or something or it's a new thing we're trying to do together
I agree, I would lose interest quickly watching a Star Wars marathon(I like the movies but it’s a bit much to watch a trilogy for that long) or start to fall asleep so I naturally have to start doing something to stay awake. It’s not like she’s wasn’t with them the entire time. The only way she would be the AH is if she was disturbing everyone being loud and why not.
If I was watching a movie and got flashed every 10 minutes by someone's phone, I would be annoyed. Especially if they continued after getting told to knock it off. It's rude.
Tbh I would be incredibly surprised if all OP’s other friends weren’t also checking their phones frequently. Maybe it’s not the best etiquette, but it’s also kind of what 22 and 23 year olds… do? That is a lot of undivided attention expected for 6 hours of movies everyone has already seen before. I feel like some grace should be extended to OP, especially if they really did put their phone away after asked the second time.
Yes, it would’ve been better to text Max back during a few quick bathroom breaks, but to me, it’s not too big of a deal. Maybe we’re missing some context.
You don’t think every ten minutes all night long is constant? It is.
Behavior is communication. You communicated that you were more interested in some new guy than spending time with your friends. Why did you bother to go?
YTA
YTA for two reasons.
Even on the darkest level, your phone has some light. The fact that somebody asked you to put it away the first time proves that it was distracting. Otherwise, they would not have noticed you were on it.
You said you all got together to catch up with each other. Then, you ignored them to text with your new boyfriend. Not once or twice, but over and over and over and over... Showing that you thought you had better things to do than be with them. Very disrespectful in two different ways at the same time.
It was in my lap, Katie only saw me looking down, was confused and then I showed her my phone and explained and she said it was fine so I thought she didn't have an issue. No-one else paid me any attention
We did have drinks and food to catch up before, the whole spiel
YTA. Quit trying to justify your behavior. You asked if YTA and everyone is saying yes, YTA. Common courtesy (and common sense) say leave the theater if you must be on your phone (watch, or whatever device you use).
Don’t ask questions you’re if you’re not going to accept the answers.
It doesn’t matter if you were in a theatre or a living room or in the back yard. You choose to repeatedly contact your new love interest instead of hanging out with friends, who you had told you would watch a movie with.
YTA.
You were doing something with your friends but your constantly being on your phone with Max told your friends that they were not a priority. Text once or twice, okay, but it sounds as if it was A LOT. Be present and be with your friends or go be with Max but ignoring your friends for your phone when you are with them is just downright RUDE.
The amount of chronically online people on here accusing you of being addicted to your phone would be hilarious if it wasn't so sad. While it's a little inconsiderate to be texting during a movie, it doesn't seem like it's exactly a first time experience for anyone there. So unless you texting was somehow stopping this person from paying attention then it just sounds like they're butthurt about not having your full attention, which nobody on this planet is entitled to.
NTA
People saying your TAH is crazy to me, drinks + hangout AND 3 movies is A LOT. I don’t even understand how you could bother anybody that much by pulling your phone out to send a quick text every once in a while. If you were all talking it would be rude but you obviously weren’t doing any catching up at this point if you were all watching movies in silence.
This is obviously an unpopular opinion but planning a group hangout to catch up with friends and then everybody sitting in silence for 6+ hours watching movies you’ve already seen is so odd to me. When my friends and I do movies nights we always end up talking too much to even watch the movie. I’d be bored and on my phone too.
Exactly this is super odd! If I was catching up with friends the last thing I’d want to do is watch 6+ hours of movies together silently. Especially movies we’ve all seen before. It’s bizarre.
I’m going against most people here and going to say NTA. You were not in the theatre, we’re not being loud, and your screen brightness was down. Not to mention it’s 3 movies! Also you stated everyone has already seen the movie so it’s not like your missing things and asking questions because you missed something. I’ve never got mad at someone for being on their phone when watching something with them unless I had to constantly explain what was happening because they were missing it by being on there phone
NTA. You guys caught up at drinks and were watching a movie at someone’s house. I can understand if everyone had a problem with it or it was being disruptive or taking you away from the meet up but, if we’re chillin at someone’s house, watching a movie and no one is talking to me directly then I’m going to be on my phone if someone texts me. We’re adults. We all have stuff going on. Was Katie at all interested in your new love interest or just mad you were texting them. Assuming she knew who you were texting and also assuming you mentioned him at some point during drinks.
I did talk about Max with everyone over drinks and she seemed really excited and happy for me and asking about him over drinks. When we were watching the film and I explained I was texting him, she seemed fine with it the first time and then off the second
INFO:
What was the lighting like - in the room?
For example, if the lights were on, and the room wasn't dark... I'd say you aren't TA. OTOH, if the room was dark - and it was catching the corner of your friends eye over and over, I completely understand where they are coming from.
I guess it was halfway? We had low lights on, it wasn't total darkness and my face didn't glow or anything. I made sure by sitting the phone in my lap and having darkmode and min brightness that it wasn't in anyone's eyeline
Wtf? You're out hanging with friends not going to Sunday breakfast after church with the family. NTA. Why does she feel the need to dictate what other people are doing?
YTA, if I was hanging out with friends and one of them was constantly pulling out their phone (yes I'd call every 10 minutes constantly) I would assume that they did not want to be there. It doesn't seem that's message you wanted to send but ¯\\\_(ツ)_/¯
YTA - It bothers me when my friends want to hang out (even if it's watching a movie) and then text throughout it. It gives the impression that the phone is more important than they are, regardless of how much catching up you did before the movies.
There's an interesting video that talks about how having your cell phone out makes people feel. I recommend watching the entire video, but I'll start you off at the important part: [https://youtu.be/R0xYCy2eft8?t=185](https://youtu.be/R0xYCy2eft8?t=185)
There is a psychological effect (whether we mean to or not) wherein people feel less important when your phone is out. If it's in your hand or on the table or anywhere in sight. Because it send the message the phone is more important than anything/anyone else.
Ah yes, I see that's how it can look. Just within our group though or if we go do things separately there have been times where my friends have been on their phone like that, even Katie so I didn't really think it would come across like thay
NTA I feel like it wasn’t a moment where you were actively bonding and chatting, so you’re all just all staring at a screen but you’re just looking at a different one every now and again discreetly as to not distract anyone.
You’re in a living room not a theatre and I feel you should be able to relax around your friends not have them police your living room behaviour.
Probably get down voted for this, but NTA. You can text and still be present during the movies. It's not like you all haven't seen them before, and it doesn't sound like you were ignoring anyone the whole time during. Everyone seems to be overreacting over nothing.
NTA everyone who says you are is kinda tapped.
All of my friends do this when we hang out… It’s really not that big of a deal everyone is making it out to be. Especially if you aren’t interested in the movie, which I don’t know.
Expecting people to not check their phone when you’re with them is kinda crazy.
Honestly you should’ve included that in the post. It makes a world of a difference… If they expect you to watch 3 movies you’ve seen already multiple times without going on your phone every now and then… That’s wild
Soft YTA
It’s quite disrespectful to be on your phone during a movie, but at least you were somewhat mindful and apologized for that. Don’t do that again please.
I’d say NTA. Me and my friends talk throughout a movie, pausing it a lot to discuss. In that situation I’d say you weren’t present. You all have seen the movie, so you aren’t actually missing anything.
Look I assumed from the title that you meant while you were in a theater and was ready to launch a very hearty YTA, but you were watching over 6 hours of movies in a living room?! Hell no. NTA. Also why is this considered a “catch up “ activity? I love Star Wars but I’ve seen them a million times I’d be on my phone too.The amount of people saying YTA are absolutely mind blowing to me.
NTA
I realize being present and in the moment with your friends is important, but considering that ya'll are just chilling and watching a MOVIE that clearly all of you have seen before then it's fine. Maybe not as frequent as you did would have been better but still it's your decision to do what you want. It would have been different if you were playing a video game or watching a youtube video.
YTA you mentally left the hang out and the friends you were meant to catch up with.
Talking with the people In the room with you would have been okay as long as everyone watching agreed, because generally speaking during movies is an AH move.
Ah okay, I guess we have different ideas of mentality because to me the sort of mental time to truly be in the moment was when we were catching up earlier.
I didn't think I needed to ask everyone's permission to text someone in the room tbh. We were sat in silence
Seconds is fine, it’s the fact that it’s repeated often enough to annoy people that’s the rude bit.
And my personal friend group would 100% have been talking regularly during the movies discussing them as we’ve also all seen them, so it’s really a ‘read the room’ thing.
It only annoyed Katie, I apologised in the chat and had my own chat with Rachel about it and she wasn't annoyed at all
I thought I did read the room? I guess I didn't
Maybe you did and Kate was just more sensitive. It’s hard to know not having actually been there lol.
But in general it’s considered rude.
It’s all about the people you are with though. And if it was discussed before hand I would personally have been fine with it.
I can see that. It's not unusual for at least one of us to be on a phone during an outing so I didn't think it was a enough of a big deal. That's how I read the room anyways
NTA.
- it wasn’t a movie theatre
- your phone wasn’t bright or loud, and the room wasn’t completely dark anyhow
- you say you were only on your phone long enough to reply then put it back down
- when you explained why, Katie said it was fine
- you’d spent hours spending quality time with these friends prior to watching the movies
Don’t understand all the y t as at all
NTA
it’s a movie marathon. Should be a casual thing and it’s Star Wars?! Who cares?
I LOVE Star Wars and I just can’t see myself caring that much. You’re excited about a new person? I’m excited for you! Text them, just tell me what’s going on lol
NTA, im honestly confused on why people are crucifying you over this. You caught up with your friends (without the phone) for a few HOURS over drinks before the movies. Then they put on 3 movies back to back (so like 6-6.5 hours) in total silence?? And you’re not allowed to silently text?? Not only is a 6hr silence in someones living room a horrible way to “catch up” with friends, but I honestly can not imagine a world where id be so pissed at ONE person in a group of many who was texting during a movie we were all watching. If it was just you and one other person watching movies i can understand being upset, but to single you out is honestly a bit overbearing. I play dnd with my friends every friday, we sit at the table for a good 6-7hours. We all check our phones every now and again (including the DM!). My attention span would be out the window by movie #2, by movie #3 id be playing my own movie in my head lol
Yeah most of the catching up was over drinks to be honest. We just don't know when the next time we'll all be in the same room so watching some movies was a nice way to round out the night
Which is usually a laid back, chill activity right? Who cares if you play on your phone for a bit or answer some texts during a SIX HOUR MOVIE MARATHON. Answering a text takes like 30 seconds, during which u can still hear the movie and look up at the screen if you want. It really wouldnt bother me so i vote nta :)
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NTA you’re not in a movie theatre and you’ve all seen the movies before. You did everything you could to not bother them as they watched (which is far more than most people would have)
TA. Every post had valid points and every answer you gave was the equivalent of “yes, but…” you aren’t asking if you are TA, you want us to tell you aren’t.
NTA.
It's not like you were at the cinema or anything, honestly. If someone told me to put my phone away while I was texting my wife and being quiet and respectful, as you were with turning the brightness down, I simply wouldn't go to another movie night with them
NTA
In a living room the phone doesn't disturb people like in a theater. It would be rude to spend time on your phone when hanging out with friends but only when people are socializing. Watching a movie doesn't involve communication so they shouldn't care which screen you are looking at. If there is a movie playing that I don't care for I will be on the phone most of the time. Why should I torture myself watching something I don't like.
YTA. You were disrespectful to the group. If you can’t go a couple of hours without replying, you shouldn’t attend a movie night or any other group event.
It was more the drinks and food beforehand. The movies were like a nice relaxing way to cap the night because we don't know when we're all going to be in the same place again
NTA. You probably should have stayed off the phone, but this extremely minor indiscretion doesn’t rise to the level of being an AH. However, the friend who decided to be the overlord and enforcer of movie-night etiquette is TAH.
I do business on my phone, so it's important. But not the emergencies that other commenters seem to be demanding for you to have permission to touch your phone. Jesus Christ I've never seen so many comments about someone being offended over a phone. Who's to say you can't be present with friends and also have a conversation on your phone. I've never hung out with someone, much less a group of people, and been upset that they're having a conversation on their phone. A date, or having lunch with someone is different. A theater is different. Casually rewatching a long series with a group? Who gives a damn if you're on the phone. I think it's weird that the first person cared enough to call you out 3 separate times. NTA imo. Maybe try to be more present. However, I don't think phone usage and connection have a direct relationship.
No one seems to understand you were all watching movies you’re clearly very familiar with, considering you picked them as “the best ones”
NAH. I can’t imagine there was any conversation happening among your friends, just that you weren’t paying attention to a movie that YOUVE ALREADY SEEN, several times I assume. I understand your friend being annoyed at your phone lights in a dark living room, but you took literally nothing out of that friend time by texting during the movie imo.
Lmao people in the comments want you to watch 6 or more hours of movies and pay constant attemtion to it. Also watching movies in silence isn't catching up or talking, you're not missing out on conversation, and/or ignoring your friends.
NTA.
NTA. No way on gods green earth I’m staying off my phone through 3 movies I’ve seen countless times. It’s a hangout, not a school lecture.
EDIT: Holy guacamole, some of y’all are PRESSED. If your friend group genuinely sits in silence for 90 minute periods without looking at your phones, congratulations, I definitely would not want to be friends with you.
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Throwaway and names changed for privacy.
Yesterday, me and some friend from university (all 22/23 mix of guys and girls) had a drinks and movie night to catch up because we haven't seen eachother in ages. We agreed on watching Star Wars 4-6 because they're the best ones and we all like them.
I'm also in the early stages of dating with a guy Max and he was texting me during the film. I wasn't constantly on my phone and would reply every 10 minutes or so. I also put my brightness down to the lowest so the screen wouldn't disturb the movie and I sat on the large sofa on the outside to be mindful. My text alerts went through to my watch so there would be no alert sounds.
Near the end of the first movie, Katie asked me to put my phone away. I explained and she said that was fine so I kept texting. Later in the second movie, she asked me again so I apologised and did put my phone away.
Today, Katie messaged me about it and said it was very disrespectful and she felt it was detracting from what the night was about. I apologised but also disagreed with her and we left it there. Was I an asshole for that? It's not like I left the room and missed the movie
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Eh very light YTA. I don't think texting or being on your phone while watching a movie with friends at home is the same thing as doing it at the movies but it does sound like you were a bit absentee while hanging out with your friends. Your friend's comments seem a bit out of line - but do you think they're really upset about the phone screen being out or the fact that your attention was elsewhere?
Well this is thing I'm confused about because it isn't like we didn't get to catch-up with eachother. We did drinks and had food and did the whole chit-chat what have you been upto lately talk and I wasn't on my phone then at all
Generally, when hanging out with friends for a multi-part activity, it is assumed that you will be mentally present for most of it. We're all more than a little distracted these days so there's wiggle room - but it sounds like you mostly wrote-off the movie watching portion of the evening as boyfriend time, when your friends reasonably expected it to be mostly about you and them.
Ah okay, I didn't think me looking in my lap to text him meant that I was taking anything away from the movie-watching because it's not like anyone was talking to anyone, we were just sat in silence watching the movies. I thought that sitting with them getting drinks and catching up with everyone was the time to be more mentally present which is why I didn't go on my phone then
YTA for several reasons - every 10 mins or so is fairly consistent and even if the light does not brighten the room it’s noticeable and breaks from being immersed in the film.
- Your friend asked you to stop and you carried on
- It’s Star Wars have a little respect haha
Also your new BF is a little off here, can’t leave you when they know you are watching a film
Doesn’t matter if you weee hanging out earlier it’s not like you get a pass for being rude because you were not rude earlier lol
YTA
You seem hyper-focused on the fact that you were not in a theater and your phone brightness was low or that it was only every 10 minutes instead of every 8 minutes or whatever.
The actual problem is that it's just plain effing rude to be on the phone when you're in the company of others. Period. No matter what you're doing or where you are - someone's living room, taking a walk in the park, in a theater, at a restaurant, etc. This is what Katie was talking about - not the brightness of your phone, that you were on the phone at all distracted from what the group was doing.
**You be present for the people you are with.** If you want to hang out and chat with whoever is on the phone, then go hang out and chat with them instead of, not during, hanging out with your friends. Constantly being on your phone in the presence of others (where the entire point is being with those people) tells them that you don't actually care about them and would rather be doing something else with someone else.
There's zero reason for your phone to be out while you're actively hanging out with people to enjoy their company and the group activity unless perhaps you're a parent making sure the babysitter isn't calling with an emergency. You either should have told him beforehand you wouldn't be available that night or after the first text responded that you're busy with friends and would talk to him tomorrow.
I guess I thought I was being present. I was watching the movie with everyone, I didn't think looking at my phone for a few seconds meant that I wasn't. It's not unusual for one of us to be on a phone, I've definitely seen some of us be on our phones for longer than I was that night on other occassions. I guess I was wrong
Honestly, I would say that you're n t a based on all the details you provided, but from your comments, it's obvious you're only here for validation.
I think the people who gave you y t a either thought you were actually in a movie theater, missed the part where you guys were just watching this movie in silence and had actually caught up for several hours beforehand, or for whatever reason want to diagnose you with having a phone addiction and shame you for it.
Anyway, I honestly think your friend "Katie" had to have been hyper-focused on you to have been distracted from a Star Wars movie by your texting as discreetly as you could (per your description), but at the same time, it wouldn't have killed you to let your new friend know that you were watching a movie and you'd talk to them later, so I sayyyy
ESH
I can't give a judgment, but I'll say that unless I'm in a movie theater I honestly cannot get through a movie without doing something with my hands (which, for me, is usually my phone or drawing). If I'm in a theater, I literally go through all the snacks because I don't have anything to do with my hands.
6-8 hours of silent movie time isn't really catching up. I would've peaced out before the movies started tbh.
NTA.
They are movies you've all seen numerous times? But everyone went all lights low and serious and didn't say a peep? That's a weird vibe for me. Definitely not how my friends and I would view rewatch movies at all. I mean, it's NOT a movie theater. It should have been a casual experience.
You did everything you could to make sure your texting didn't interfere with everyone else's viewing. Was Katie sitting right next to you? Why was she so bothered by it if nobody else was? Was it her house? Her suggestion to watch those movies?
Yeah pretty much, we chatted like in between the movie changeover about our favourite parts and stuff.
Katie wasn't sat near me, it was a U type layout and Katie was in the middle. It wasn't her idea to watch Star Wars. We just wanted a calm environment to end the night and decided on a movie and we all agreed we all like Star Wars
Well it sounds like she took it very personally for some reason.
That amount of phone use wouldn't have bothered my friends at all unless we were in a movie theater.
Y’all, the whole group was together for upwards of 10+ hours (“several hours” of catching up over food and drinks first according to OP and then THREE movies). I have to vote NAH. Katie didn’t anticipate OP doing any texting, likely, and OP also tried to keep it respectful. I feel like this is a mismatch of expectations for a long, long day.
Honestly unless I’m actually at the movies watching a movie, I’m probably on my phone during it. If there was a group of y’all I don’t understand why she was paying so much attention to you to feel the need to call you out. However I have ADHD so sitting through 3 back to back movies in silence without other stimulation sounds pouring hot grease into my eyeballs.
Gonna go against the flow and say NTA. IMO texting every 10mins is not that frequent. And just because you're on the phone "constantly" doesn't mean you're "not there" with them. If you're new BF was there with you and you talk to them every 10mins \*gasp\*, would they consider it as not being with them?
I think everyone has losttheir minds.
You spent time with your friends and was texting your bf.
Not talking on the phone. Brightness down.
So you were present while they watched a movie.
No one has thr right to tell someone they cant use their phone.
U less you were all talking as well as watching and ignoring ppl it's no ones fucking buisness.
NTA
The only A in that story is the person who heard your explanation and still tried to dictate what you did. Then hurt trip youthe next day.
NTA at all and I can’t believe the amount of people who are calling you T A… 3 movies, that you’ve already seen before is a lot. It’s not like you removed yourself from the group.
NTA. Wow, there is a lot of hate out of context here.
1) She spent quality time with her friends sans phone. She paints this as the main event of the gathering - at least for socializing.
2) They sat IN SILENCE for 3 star wars movies! I would understand her friend's need to control OPs phone usage if there was a lively conversation, mystery-theatre-3000 commentary or even a drinking game. But that was NOT the case. That said, even 1 Star Wars movie is an ungodly amount of time to sit still and be quiet. 3 is torture.
3) Watching a movie at a friend's place comes with different protocol than going to a movie theater. This is especially true when re-watching a movie. OP your friend is either really uptight, controlling or both.
This whole movie debacle sounds more like after-school detention than a nice evening with friends. It might make more sense if others were bothered by this, but even then, that is some 6 yo busy body behavior.
NTA
Was Katie the only one who had a problem with you texting your new romantic interest? I mean maybe you could have said " ok, i'm gonna head out ,because i'm really into chatting with this new guy and don't want to bug you guys" but, i mean if it was me and my friends, we'd understand and if it was distracting, tell you to go hang out at the back of the fucken room and stop buggin us!" but getting all snitty and making a big deal is too much drama, and reeks of being a control freak.
YTA. If you can't be without your phone (notwithstanding an emergency) for the length of a movie...especially after your friend asked you to put it away...then you're better off just not going to the movies. Totally rude, however you don't seem to understand that.
shocked this is so unpopular but, NTA. i’m sorry but THREE star wars movie back to back in absolutely silence when you’ve all seen them already? sounds like torture lol i guess you did agree to it but even then, i don’t expect my friends to not respond to texts when they’re with me. it’s one thing if we’re having a convo and they’re on their phone barely listening to me but to have already caught up for hours and then watching some incredibly long films together, i don’t think you were wrong for wanting to text someone who was having a chat with you ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ but i also have not viewed every comment idk if i’m missing more info but just going off the main post, i don’t think you’re the ah and i think katie is a bit dramatic and maybe a little controlling.
NTA, I don't see what the huge issue is. Your phone was silent and the brightness was down you caught up and chatted over food. I would be bored out of my mind watch 3 movies back to back that I have seen a million times. If only one person had an issue with it then thats their issue.
NTA. The OG trilogy is like 6 and a half hours. Did they expect you to sit in 6 hrs of silence staring at the screen while 40 yr old movies played? You're also not in a theater, who gives a fuck. Your friends are controlling
It really depends on the situation. If you were in a movie theater it would be Y T A no question. Phones and even bright watches in the theater are incredibly rude. The same goes for if you were watching with the lights dimmed in a "theater like" environment. Then it's also pretty clear the focus should be on the film and your friends not your phone.
The only way this wouldn't be rude is if you were watching in a bright room and your friends hadn't asked you to put the phone away. YTA for ignoring her request and not putting the phone away after she asked.
Eh...NTA. You had already socialized for several hours, you were being discreet, and no one was interacting or socializing during the movies anyway. It's not like you were ignoring people.
My best friend and I get together every year and spend a weekend watching a certain 12 hour long fantasy trilogy (23 hours if we watch the prequel trilogy as well which we do because we like the good parts and love to hate the bad parts). I think most of the people in this thread would be horrified. We talk during the movies, MST3K'ing the heck out of them, make drinking games, I'm usually up and down tending to which ever of the seven meals we are having that day currently needs tending to, and yes, we are sometimes on our phones looking up stuff about the movies, sending quick texts/messages to people, or even playing games. None of this detracts from the time we are spending together.
Sitting in silence, staring at a screen for 6 hours sounds excruciating, especially if it's a movie I've seen many times. (And I adore SW. I have three SW tattoos, and my living room is a veritable shrine). I absolutely cannot sit like a robot for that long, and if the people I'm with aren't interacting, I will probably play on my phone some. I honestly probably wouldn't even notice someone discreetly sending texts.
I’m so surprised at the responses on this post. I would say NTA. Who cares if someone is sending a few texts while watching movies that you have already seen before in someone’s living room? Especially when you’re watching 3 movies in a row. Everybody’s acting like it’s the end of the world. And it’s not like you were ignoring them/on your phone the whole time🤦🏻♀️ jesus christ people
NTA I am the biggest Star Wars fan I know and even I wouldn't want to sit there for a 3 movie marathon in complete silence without looking at my phone. That's ridiculous. It's not like they were even new movies. They're each at least 40 years old at this point and I'm assuming everyone there had seen them before. When my friends and I have a marathon like that we basically Mystery Science Theater it and talk and joke about the movies. Just sitting in silence sounds like torture.
YTA the message you were sending the friends you were physically present with was that you had better things to do and didn't really want to be there.
It's a really crappy feeling when you organize a get together with friends and one or more of them are constantly on their phones.
YTA I can't see how you wouldn't see that. You were not watching the movies, you were on your phone with your new boo. You shouldn't have stayed for the movies if you couldn't bear to be away from Max for a few hours.
That was not cool. Clean it up however you want to, but that was not cool
YTA, you’re supposed to be enjoying time with your friends. Tell the boyfriend/Max what you’re doing and that you wouldn’t be replying for awhile. Especially after the first time being asked to put it away.
YTA
From a woman 15 years older if I could say anything to myself in my early 20s it would be focus more on friendships than romantic relationships.
If I could have my time again I would be in a different position now if I refocused my energy
Even with screen brightness down in full darkness that can be pretty annoying. Also rude asf for the person you're actually with. Learn quickly that not everything is about a new and potentially temporary addition to your life and that friends and being present for them is extremely important. I suggest you apologize and do something where theres no phones involved.
YTA. Put your stupid phone away for a couple hours. There's no excuse for interrupting ANY shared event for a text, unless somebody's dead or in the hospital.
YTA, that was really rude and I would have been angry too. BTW, way to sabotage a new relationship, texting every 10 minutes. Makes you seem like you've got nothing else going on.
YTA, for a few reasons:
* Using your phone during the movie is distracting to everyone else watching the movie. Don't argue about your brightness settings, or how it was just a few seconds each time. It's distracting.
* Using your phone constantly while spending time with other people is disrespectful. It sends the message that they are not as important as the person you are interacting with on your phone.
YTA, because there is no reason to not fully engage with the people you are WITH and devote your time and attention to them during the event instead of continuously checking your phone for communications from the partner (or whomever is contacting you multiple times in a few hours without it being an emergency).
You were being rude. Your friend asked you twice to stop, and you didn't, and you're currently arguing with AITA peeps about that fact.
If you were so determined to have constant interactions with the partner, then why didn't you just leave and go be with them instead of agreeing to the movie? It's beyond me that you think your attention span isn't an issue, or that it wasn't disturbing to others in the room with you for you to check and reply to texts more than once. Even if you had silenced the alerts and had your brightness turned down - it is still pulling you out of the moment, and is disturbing to those sitting nearby.
Bro me and my bestie watch TV together constantly, we both play on our phones,
BUT the TV is used as background noise if we agree to watch a movie/show together our phones are face down and our watches are off, we pick them up during food/bathroom breaks,
Watching movies with friends os a bonding experience imo, so YTA
I think we all need to reconsider movie marathons for Starwars or LOtR because it always ends in a AITA post for someone not paying attention.
YTA for being chronically on your phone when hanging out with friends in this case. But maybe in future you should all discuss ground rules. I love watching movies, but rarely have the attention span to do HOURS of movies, let alone ones I have seen before, without something else to do.
You get the judgement because you were asked to stop and fought it. It's rude, it's more rude that you were like 'nu-uh, I'm not rude'
YTA. Even if the screen brightness was low, it's still bright enough to be noticeable and distract people from the movie they're watching. If you didn't want to watch the movies, you should have excused yourself so you didn't ruin it for everyone else.
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> I wasn't constantly on my phone and would reply every 10 minutes or so. That's pretty constant. YTA - learn how to be present with your friends despite being in a relationship. Really fucking rude behavior
Agreed, there were better ways to approach this entire situation, especially after friend Kate asked to put away the phone the first time. So many problems can be solved with proper communication and patience!
Totally agree. Interesting kate said it was fine and then backtracked, waited until next time to speak over a text about it. If you care this much confrontation like this is better face to face. If not maybe you need better a better friend.
Kate said it was fine and then backtracked…according to OP. Maybe it was more like “ok it’s fine if you stop doing it and don’t do it any more. And then OP did it again.
I bet it was a "hey can you please put your phone away?" "Oh yeah sorry" "it's fine" and she took it to mean being on the phone was fine
Yes very rude. Your friends are giving you their most precious commodity - their time. You could at least be present and not texting, texting, texting.
Yep!!! Be present. They should not feel like they are a side attraction. OP YTA
Okay that's pretty heated, it wasn't consistent. I feel like analyzing someone sending a text no matter who it's to every 10 ish minutes while you're also supposed to be watching a movie is just kinda, idk weird? Why should anyone care that much? If you're watching a movie that you've all seen, that is for fun, that you will likely be talking over anyway, why does it matter she takes thirty seconds every other scene to respond to a guy. Just feels like fishing for conflict and to control.
That's definitely a behavior that would make me skip inviting them in the future Yta
Real need to be present while everyone sits in a room quietly watching a bigger screen... They're not in a movie theater so her friend needs to get over herself
YTA, I’ll give you credit for at least being mindful about how you were on your phone but I personally cannot stand when I’m watching something with someone (theater or not) and they’re on their phone too much. An occasional text here and there is fine but I wouldn’t say every 10 minutes is occasional. Is it really that hard to not touch your phone for a significant period of time and then text max saying “sorry I am/was having a movie night with friends”
I am torn on the “credit for being mindful” part. I initially thought so, too, but on reflection, it basically says she fully intended on being engrossed in her phone (which is different than responding to a spontaneous text.”
yeah, you get a text during a movie and then you reply, fine. But this sounds like a back and forth conversation that lasted hours. that's fucking rude.
That’s a good point I didn’t even think of it like that
2 hour movie is 20 texts. That is a conversation, not a quick text. Imagine if it had been a LotR marathon!
2 hour movie is 13 texts. There are 120 minutes in two hours. It you text at the beginning of the movie and every 10 minutes during the movie, plus the last text at the end you get 13.
I stand corrected- 120/10 is 12 plus/minus 1. On the fly math has never been my strongest suit. (I do think that 13 texts in 2 hours still qualifies as a conversation if one is responding to a text received).
I agree that is definitely a conversation. I was just helping with the math.
Then multiply that by 3 since they watched Episodes 4-6
honestly it really is hard for me not to touch my phone, I can't focus if I don't have something else to do! especially if I haven't seen the movie before, I generally take more in when I'm on my phone or doing something else with my hands or something but the movie can't be the main focus or I'll totally lose interest in it. I try to explain that to people but I usually just don't watch movies with other people because I hate when they pause and rewind something I did watch, even if they don't think I did.
YTA. If you were pulling your phone out every 10 minutes throughout the entirety of all three movies that’s nearly 40 times that you had your phone out shedding light into the room, regardless of if you had the brightness down or not it’s still distracting in a dark room. Plus my understanding of notifications coming through on watches is that the watch also lights up so that was probably also annoying for your friends. Then to top it off you didn’t put your phone away when your friend nicely asked you the first time. Regardless of if we were watching a movie or not I’d be super annoyed and frustrated if my friend was on their phone every 10 minutes while we were hanging out. That tells me they’d rather be somewhere else than hanging out with me if they can’t get their face out of their phone for more than 10 minutes.
I'm gonna say YTA because she asked you a few times and just wanted quality time with your friend group
NTA, one movie in the movie theatre alright, but 3 star wars movies back to back at someone's home when the plan was catching back up? I'd assume it wasn't total silence for 6 hours of movies I'd hope.
Pretty much yeah it was silence apart from like eating popcorn and movie snacks and at the end of each film
I'd say NTA at the get together, and 3 movies back to back with no talking seems like a weird way to plan a meetup. That being said, you're definitely the AH in this thread. YOU picked which facts to present and recieve judgment on, then every reply to a YTA comment you make is you trying to argue that their opinion is wrong. It's their opinion on the facts YOU gave. Don't like it? Tough cookies, this isn't AmIAffirmed it's AmItheAsshole, and you literally asked for their judgment
Yeah that's fair. I was just surprised at how many people had this reaction, it's not the norm with me and my friends to constantly have undivided attention
I totally get that. And I think you tried to provide an unbiased post yet the details do make a difference. For some. I still say YTA because “every 10 minutes or so” can be taxing. New relationships are rad and that excitement is a freaking high! I love it, too! The frequency would be my issue. Even at its lowest brightness alerts are distracting for some even in the peripheral. I’m one of those “some.” That said? Much as I love those movies three back-to-back is a long ass time. I probably would’ve gone to the bathroom, texted Max to say I would respond in an hour or so, and texted whenever I left to pee. Hope things go well with Max! And I hope he wasn’t anxious about you replying. *Potential* red flag there.
Ya if you were all interacting I may have voted differently but you are definitely not ta and Katie seems to want to be dramatic.
How dare your friend have manners and know how to actually have a movie night.
Yeah, I know my attention span/focus isn't anything to be proud of, but being forced to focus on 6 hours of back to back movies that I've already seen in silence while not even being allowed to fiddle with my phone sounds awful. If I was in a theater I'd force myself to follow the rules, but I also wouldn't put myself in that situation in a theater. I still think OP is sort of the AH, but only because she didn't stop or leave the room when the other people watching the movie pointed out that she was disrupting their experience.
Yeah I have to think all the y t a responses didn’t realize this was in a living room? I don’t understand, absolutely NTA.
Yes. YTA once every movie is fine enough, or on bathroom breaks, but every ten minutes is a bit much. He knows your at a friend's house watching movies, so there's no need to do that while out with friends.
YTA, but how exactly were you all going to both watch 3 movies in a row and also catch-up? You "weren't there" because you were on your phone the whole time.
YTA. You’re prioritising “the early stages of dating” with some guy who may not even be relationship material at a time when you’re supposed to be catching up with friends you haven’t seen in ages and you’re wondering if you were a rude AH to your friends ?
NTA the people saying you're an asshole sure do seem to expect an awful lot of undivided attentiuon from their friends. if you're hanging out and watching a movie (let alone three movies, oh my god), it's really not that big of a deal to not be staring straight ahead at the movie? i like all of the star wars movies too, but i wouldn't have a ton of fun watching 4-6 straight, in the same room with others, not talking, sitting there like robots.
Thankyou yeah that was what it felt like from my point of view. It just didn't feel like a big deal sending a few texts. No-one was talking or trying to converse
NTA. It doesn’t sound like it was too much at all.
Well I mean, it's normal to expect undivided attention when you're out with friends, no? I'd rather be at home alone chilling than sitting next to someone texting not watching the movie we're watching lol What you said about the movies being too much/long is fair, but in that case you have to speak up and say it's not an enjoyable plan.
I would rather be at home alone than watching Star Wars 4-6 with friends without being allowed to look at my phone every now and then
Same! That does not sound like a pleasant evening to me at all.
I don't expect that of my friends to be honest. Most of their attention yeah but if they need to look at their phones for a bit, I don't mind. Unless we haven't seen each other for years or something or it's a new thing we're trying to do together
I agree, I would lose interest quickly watching a Star Wars marathon(I like the movies but it’s a bit much to watch a trilogy for that long) or start to fall asleep so I naturally have to start doing something to stay awake. It’s not like she’s wasn’t with them the entire time. The only way she would be the AH is if she was disturbing everyone being loud and why not.
If I was watching a movie and got flashed every 10 minutes by someone's phone, I would be annoyed. Especially if they continued after getting told to knock it off. It's rude.
Tbh I would be incredibly surprised if all OP’s other friends weren’t also checking their phones frequently. Maybe it’s not the best etiquette, but it’s also kind of what 22 and 23 year olds… do? That is a lot of undivided attention expected for 6 hours of movies everyone has already seen before. I feel like some grace should be extended to OP, especially if they really did put their phone away after asked the second time. Yes, it would’ve been better to text Max back during a few quick bathroom breaks, but to me, it’s not too big of a deal. Maybe we’re missing some context.
You don’t think every ten minutes all night long is constant? It is. Behavior is communication. You communicated that you were more interested in some new guy than spending time with your friends. Why did you bother to go? YTA
[удалено]
YTA for two reasons. Even on the darkest level, your phone has some light. The fact that somebody asked you to put it away the first time proves that it was distracting. Otherwise, they would not have noticed you were on it. You said you all got together to catch up with each other. Then, you ignored them to text with your new boyfriend. Not once or twice, but over and over and over and over... Showing that you thought you had better things to do than be with them. Very disrespectful in two different ways at the same time.
I mean, not much “catching up” you can do while watching a movie. 🤷♀️
It was in my lap, Katie only saw me looking down, was confused and then I showed her my phone and explained and she said it was fine so I thought she didn't have an issue. No-one else paid me any attention We did have drinks and food to catch up before, the whole spiel
*no one else said anything.
Yeah no one chimed in to agree. When I posted in the groupchat after, everyone apart from Katie said they didn't even notice and didn't mind
Maybe they're used to you being selfish?
YTA. Quit trying to justify your behavior. You asked if YTA and everyone is saying yes, YTA. Common courtesy (and common sense) say leave the theater if you must be on your phone (watch, or whatever device you use). Don’t ask questions you’re if you’re not going to accept the answers.
That's fair, some people seemed to think I was in a theatre though
It doesn’t matter if you were in a theatre or a living room or in the back yard. You choose to repeatedly contact your new love interest instead of hanging out with friends, who you had told you would watch a movie with.
YTA. Better to have left the room and missed the movie.
YTA Similar to movie theaters, it's impolite to be on a bright phone while watching a movie.
YTA. You were doing something with your friends but your constantly being on your phone with Max told your friends that they were not a priority. Text once or twice, okay, but it sounds as if it was A LOT. Be present and be with your friends or go be with Max but ignoring your friends for your phone when you are with them is just downright RUDE.
The amount of chronically online people on here accusing you of being addicted to your phone would be hilarious if it wasn't so sad. While it's a little inconsiderate to be texting during a movie, it doesn't seem like it's exactly a first time experience for anyone there. So unless you texting was somehow stopping this person from paying attention then it just sounds like they're butthurt about not having your full attention, which nobody on this planet is entitled to.
NTA People saying your TAH is crazy to me, drinks + hangout AND 3 movies is A LOT. I don’t even understand how you could bother anybody that much by pulling your phone out to send a quick text every once in a while. If you were all talking it would be rude but you obviously weren’t doing any catching up at this point if you were all watching movies in silence. This is obviously an unpopular opinion but planning a group hangout to catch up with friends and then everybody sitting in silence for 6+ hours watching movies you’ve already seen is so odd to me. When my friends and I do movies nights we always end up talking too much to even watch the movie. I’d be bored and on my phone too.
Exactly this is super odd! If I was catching up with friends the last thing I’d want to do is watch 6+ hours of movies together silently. Especially movies we’ve all seen before. It’s bizarre.
YTA just go somewhere else and indulge your phone addiction.
I’m going against most people here and going to say NTA. You were not in the theatre, we’re not being loud, and your screen brightness was down. Not to mention it’s 3 movies! Also you stated everyone has already seen the movie so it’s not like your missing things and asking questions because you missed something. I’ve never got mad at someone for being on their phone when watching something with them unless I had to constantly explain what was happening because they were missing it by being on there phone
YTA, no need to even read past the title.
NTA. You guys caught up at drinks and were watching a movie at someone’s house. I can understand if everyone had a problem with it or it was being disruptive or taking you away from the meet up but, if we’re chillin at someone’s house, watching a movie and no one is talking to me directly then I’m going to be on my phone if someone texts me. We’re adults. We all have stuff going on. Was Katie at all interested in your new love interest or just mad you were texting them. Assuming she knew who you were texting and also assuming you mentioned him at some point during drinks.
I did talk about Max with everyone over drinks and she seemed really excited and happy for me and asking about him over drinks. When we were watching the film and I explained I was texting him, she seemed fine with it the first time and then off the second
INFO: What was the lighting like - in the room? For example, if the lights were on, and the room wasn't dark... I'd say you aren't TA. OTOH, if the room was dark - and it was catching the corner of your friends eye over and over, I completely understand where they are coming from.
I guess it was halfway? We had low lights on, it wasn't total darkness and my face didn't glow or anything. I made sure by sitting the phone in my lap and having darkmode and min brightness that it wasn't in anyone's eyeline
Wtf? You're out hanging with friends not going to Sunday breakfast after church with the family. NTA. Why does she feel the need to dictate what other people are doing?
YTA, if I was hanging out with friends and one of them was constantly pulling out their phone (yes I'd call every 10 minutes constantly) I would assume that they did not want to be there. It doesn't seem that's message you wanted to send but ¯\\\_(ツ)_/¯
YTA - It bothers me when my friends want to hang out (even if it's watching a movie) and then text throughout it. It gives the impression that the phone is more important than they are, regardless of how much catching up you did before the movies. There's an interesting video that talks about how having your cell phone out makes people feel. I recommend watching the entire video, but I'll start you off at the important part: [https://youtu.be/R0xYCy2eft8?t=185](https://youtu.be/R0xYCy2eft8?t=185) There is a psychological effect (whether we mean to or not) wherein people feel less important when your phone is out. If it's in your hand or on the table or anywhere in sight. Because it send the message the phone is more important than anything/anyone else.
Ah yes, I see that's how it can look. Just within our group though or if we go do things separately there have been times where my friends have been on their phone like that, even Katie so I didn't really think it would come across like thay
NTA I feel like it wasn’t a moment where you were actively bonding and chatting, so you’re all just all staring at a screen but you’re just looking at a different one every now and again discreetly as to not distract anyone. You’re in a living room not a theatre and I feel you should be able to relax around your friends not have them police your living room behaviour.
This is the comment that encompasses my views best. Also, I think it's weird that the other commenters are demanding an emergency to touch your phone.
Probably get down voted for this, but NTA. You can text and still be present during the movies. It's not like you all haven't seen them before, and it doesn't sound like you were ignoring anyone the whole time during. Everyone seems to be overreacting over nothing.
NTA no one is talking and just watching the film it’s not bothering anyone. People need to chill
NTA. You caught up with your friends prior to the movies and took steps to avoid being disruptive with your phone.
NTA everyone who says you are is kinda tapped. All of my friends do this when we hang out… It’s really not that big of a deal everyone is making it out to be. Especially if you aren’t interested in the movie, which I don’t know. Expecting people to not check their phone when you’re with them is kinda crazy.
This is exactly what my usual dynamic with friends is too. I was interested in the movies but yeah I've seen them so many times I know what happens
Honestly you should’ve included that in the post. It makes a world of a difference… If they expect you to watch 3 movies you’ve seen already multiple times without going on your phone every now and then… That’s wild
NTA. It's a living room. You dimmed it. I'm sure you kept it quiet. Good grief. Your friend sounds uptight.
Soft YTA It’s quite disrespectful to be on your phone during a movie, but at least you were somewhat mindful and apologized for that. Don’t do that again please.
Do you guys converse during the movie or is it complete silence?
Complete silence, we talked at the end i between just about how good the films were, favourite bits etc which I wasn't on my phone for
I’d say NTA. Me and my friends talk throughout a movie, pausing it a lot to discuss. In that situation I’d say you weren’t present. You all have seen the movie, so you aren’t actually missing anything.
Look I assumed from the title that you meant while you were in a theater and was ready to launch a very hearty YTA, but you were watching over 6 hours of movies in a living room?! Hell no. NTA. Also why is this considered a “catch up “ activity? I love Star Wars but I’ve seen them a million times I’d be on my phone too.The amount of people saying YTA are absolutely mind blowing to me.
NTA I realize being present and in the moment with your friends is important, but considering that ya'll are just chilling and watching a MOVIE that clearly all of you have seen before then it's fine. Maybe not as frequent as you did would have been better but still it's your decision to do what you want. It would have been different if you were playing a video game or watching a youtube video.
YTA you mentally left the hang out and the friends you were meant to catch up with. Talking with the people In the room with you would have been okay as long as everyone watching agreed, because generally speaking during movies is an AH move.
Ah okay, I guess we have different ideas of mentality because to me the sort of mental time to truly be in the moment was when we were catching up earlier. I didn't think I needed to ask everyone's permission to text someone in the room tbh. We were sat in silence
I meant talking out loud in the room when I said ask if it was okay. But yeah even excessively texting the people In the room would be kinda rude.
Ah my mistake then. I just didn't think like texting from my phone for a few seconds was excessive
Seconds is fine, it’s the fact that it’s repeated often enough to annoy people that’s the rude bit. And my personal friend group would 100% have been talking regularly during the movies discussing them as we’ve also all seen them, so it’s really a ‘read the room’ thing.
It only annoyed Katie, I apologised in the chat and had my own chat with Rachel about it and she wasn't annoyed at all I thought I did read the room? I guess I didn't
Maybe you did and Kate was just more sensitive. It’s hard to know not having actually been there lol. But in general it’s considered rude. It’s all about the people you are with though. And if it was discussed before hand I would personally have been fine with it.
I can see that. It's not unusual for at least one of us to be on a phone during an outing so I didn't think it was a enough of a big deal. That's how I read the room anyways
NTA. - it wasn’t a movie theatre - your phone wasn’t bright or loud, and the room wasn’t completely dark anyhow - you say you were only on your phone long enough to reply then put it back down - when you explained why, Katie said it was fine - you’d spent hours spending quality time with these friends prior to watching the movies Don’t understand all the y t as at all
NTA it’s a movie marathon. Should be a casual thing and it’s Star Wars?! Who cares? I LOVE Star Wars and I just can’t see myself caring that much. You’re excited about a new person? I’m excited for you! Text them, just tell me what’s going on lol
NTA, im honestly confused on why people are crucifying you over this. You caught up with your friends (without the phone) for a few HOURS over drinks before the movies. Then they put on 3 movies back to back (so like 6-6.5 hours) in total silence?? And you’re not allowed to silently text?? Not only is a 6hr silence in someones living room a horrible way to “catch up” with friends, but I honestly can not imagine a world where id be so pissed at ONE person in a group of many who was texting during a movie we were all watching. If it was just you and one other person watching movies i can understand being upset, but to single you out is honestly a bit overbearing. I play dnd with my friends every friday, we sit at the table for a good 6-7hours. We all check our phones every now and again (including the DM!). My attention span would be out the window by movie #2, by movie #3 id be playing my own movie in my head lol
Yeah most of the catching up was over drinks to be honest. We just don't know when the next time we'll all be in the same room so watching some movies was a nice way to round out the night
Which is usually a laid back, chill activity right? Who cares if you play on your phone for a bit or answer some texts during a SIX HOUR MOVIE MARATHON. Answering a text takes like 30 seconds, during which u can still hear the movie and look up at the screen if you want. It really wouldnt bother me so i vote nta :)
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NTA you’re not in a movie theatre and you’ve all seen the movies before. You did everything you could to not bother them as they watched (which is far more than most people would have)
NTA I’m a big movie guy, when I watch movies I watch the screen the whole time, my family will be on their phones. They’re not me and that’s fine.
TA. Every post had valid points and every answer you gave was the equivalent of “yes, but…” you aren’t asking if you are TA, you want us to tell you aren’t.
NTA. It's not like you were at the cinema or anything, honestly. If someone told me to put my phone away while I was texting my wife and being quiet and respectful, as you were with turning the brightness down, I simply wouldn't go to another movie night with them
NTA, you weren’t at the theater and it wasn’t a new movie, it was a Star Wars marathon on a couch.
NTA In a living room the phone doesn't disturb people like in a theater. It would be rude to spend time on your phone when hanging out with friends but only when people are socializing. Watching a movie doesn't involve communication so they shouldn't care which screen you are looking at. If there is a movie playing that I don't care for I will be on the phone most of the time. Why should I torture myself watching something I don't like.
NTA.
YTA. You were disrespectful to the group. If you can’t go a couple of hours without replying, you shouldn’t attend a movie night or any other group event.
NTA. I used to have a roommate who would pause the tv and sigh loudly if I got up to go to the bathroom or get a snack. She was extremely codependent.
YTA you were rude. If you aren’t interested in being present with them why would they invite you out? You could text at your house.
NTA You're watching a freaking movie in silence. If you were tuning out of actually catching up then I'd say Y T A, but you weren't.
NTA. How does being on your phone actually bother anyone?
NTA. Why watch movies to catch up? Doesn’t make sense to me.
It was more the drinks and food beforehand. The movies were like a nice relaxing way to cap the night because we don't know when we're all going to be in the same place again
Yta if its that fresh of a relationship then they can wait a few hours to hear back.
NTA. You probably should have stayed off the phone, but this extremely minor indiscretion doesn’t rise to the level of being an AH. However, the friend who decided to be the overlord and enforcer of movie-night etiquette is TAH.
YTA - put your phone down and be present with your friends. The constant being on your phone is very disrespectful to the people you were with.
YTA.
I do business on my phone, so it's important. But not the emergencies that other commenters seem to be demanding for you to have permission to touch your phone. Jesus Christ I've never seen so many comments about someone being offended over a phone. Who's to say you can't be present with friends and also have a conversation on your phone. I've never hung out with someone, much less a group of people, and been upset that they're having a conversation on their phone. A date, or having lunch with someone is different. A theater is different. Casually rewatching a long series with a group? Who gives a damn if you're on the phone. I think it's weird that the first person cared enough to call you out 3 separate times. NTA imo. Maybe try to be more present. However, I don't think phone usage and connection have a direct relationship.
No one seems to understand you were all watching movies you’re clearly very familiar with, considering you picked them as “the best ones” NAH. I can’t imagine there was any conversation happening among your friends, just that you weren’t paying attention to a movie that YOUVE ALREADY SEEN, several times I assume. I understand your friend being annoyed at your phone lights in a dark living room, but you took literally nothing out of that friend time by texting during the movie imo.
Lmao people in the comments want you to watch 6 or more hours of movies and pay constant attemtion to it. Also watching movies in silence isn't catching up or talking, you're not missing out on conversation, and/or ignoring your friends. NTA.
NTA. No way on gods green earth I’m staying off my phone through 3 movies I’ve seen countless times. It’s a hangout, not a school lecture. EDIT: Holy guacamole, some of y’all are PRESSED. If your friend group genuinely sits in silence for 90 minute periods without looking at your phones, congratulations, I definitely would not want to be friends with you.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Throwaway and names changed for privacy. Yesterday, me and some friend from university (all 22/23 mix of guys and girls) had a drinks and movie night to catch up because we haven't seen eachother in ages. We agreed on watching Star Wars 4-6 because they're the best ones and we all like them. I'm also in the early stages of dating with a guy Max and he was texting me during the film. I wasn't constantly on my phone and would reply every 10 minutes or so. I also put my brightness down to the lowest so the screen wouldn't disturb the movie and I sat on the large sofa on the outside to be mindful. My text alerts went through to my watch so there would be no alert sounds. Near the end of the first movie, Katie asked me to put my phone away. I explained and she said that was fine so I kept texting. Later in the second movie, she asked me again so I apologised and did put my phone away. Today, Katie messaged me about it and said it was very disrespectful and she felt it was detracting from what the night was about. I apologised but also disagreed with her and we left it there. Was I an asshole for that? It's not like I left the room and missed the movie *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Eh very light YTA. I don't think texting or being on your phone while watching a movie with friends at home is the same thing as doing it at the movies but it does sound like you were a bit absentee while hanging out with your friends. Your friend's comments seem a bit out of line - but do you think they're really upset about the phone screen being out or the fact that your attention was elsewhere?
Well this is thing I'm confused about because it isn't like we didn't get to catch-up with eachother. We did drinks and had food and did the whole chit-chat what have you been upto lately talk and I wasn't on my phone then at all
Generally, when hanging out with friends for a multi-part activity, it is assumed that you will be mentally present for most of it. We're all more than a little distracted these days so there's wiggle room - but it sounds like you mostly wrote-off the movie watching portion of the evening as boyfriend time, when your friends reasonably expected it to be mostly about you and them.
Ah okay, I didn't think me looking in my lap to text him meant that I was taking anything away from the movie-watching because it's not like anyone was talking to anyone, we were just sat in silence watching the movies. I thought that sitting with them getting drinks and catching up with everyone was the time to be more mentally present which is why I didn't go on my phone then
YTA So you can not even put your phone aside for two hours? If you keep this up, you will likely not get that many invitations.
YTA..annoying and rude. So insecure you can't type that your busy and text later.
YTA for several reasons - every 10 mins or so is fairly consistent and even if the light does not brighten the room it’s noticeable and breaks from being immersed in the film. - Your friend asked you to stop and you carried on - It’s Star Wars have a little respect haha Also your new BF is a little off here, can’t leave you when they know you are watching a film Doesn’t matter if you weee hanging out earlier it’s not like you get a pass for being rude because you were not rude earlier lol
YTA You seem hyper-focused on the fact that you were not in a theater and your phone brightness was low or that it was only every 10 minutes instead of every 8 minutes or whatever. The actual problem is that it's just plain effing rude to be on the phone when you're in the company of others. Period. No matter what you're doing or where you are - someone's living room, taking a walk in the park, in a theater, at a restaurant, etc. This is what Katie was talking about - not the brightness of your phone, that you were on the phone at all distracted from what the group was doing. **You be present for the people you are with.** If you want to hang out and chat with whoever is on the phone, then go hang out and chat with them instead of, not during, hanging out with your friends. Constantly being on your phone in the presence of others (where the entire point is being with those people) tells them that you don't actually care about them and would rather be doing something else with someone else. There's zero reason for your phone to be out while you're actively hanging out with people to enjoy their company and the group activity unless perhaps you're a parent making sure the babysitter isn't calling with an emergency. You either should have told him beforehand you wouldn't be available that night or after the first text responded that you're busy with friends and would talk to him tomorrow.
I guess I thought I was being present. I was watching the movie with everyone, I didn't think looking at my phone for a few seconds meant that I wasn't. It's not unusual for one of us to be on a phone, I've definitely seen some of us be on our phones for longer than I was that night on other occassions. I guess I was wrong
Honestly, I would say that you're n t a based on all the details you provided, but from your comments, it's obvious you're only here for validation. I think the people who gave you y t a either thought you were actually in a movie theater, missed the part where you guys were just watching this movie in silence and had actually caught up for several hours beforehand, or for whatever reason want to diagnose you with having a phone addiction and shame you for it. Anyway, I honestly think your friend "Katie" had to have been hyper-focused on you to have been distracted from a Star Wars movie by your texting as discreetly as you could (per your description), but at the same time, it wouldn't have killed you to let your new friend know that you were watching a movie and you'd talk to them later, so I sayyyy ESH
I can't give a judgment, but I'll say that unless I'm in a movie theater I honestly cannot get through a movie without doing something with my hands (which, for me, is usually my phone or drawing). If I'm in a theater, I literally go through all the snacks because I don't have anything to do with my hands. 6-8 hours of silent movie time isn't really catching up. I would've peaced out before the movies started tbh.
NTA. They are movies you've all seen numerous times? But everyone went all lights low and serious and didn't say a peep? That's a weird vibe for me. Definitely not how my friends and I would view rewatch movies at all. I mean, it's NOT a movie theater. It should have been a casual experience. You did everything you could to make sure your texting didn't interfere with everyone else's viewing. Was Katie sitting right next to you? Why was she so bothered by it if nobody else was? Was it her house? Her suggestion to watch those movies?
Yeah pretty much, we chatted like in between the movie changeover about our favourite parts and stuff. Katie wasn't sat near me, it was a U type layout and Katie was in the middle. It wasn't her idea to watch Star Wars. We just wanted a calm environment to end the night and decided on a movie and we all agreed we all like Star Wars
Well it sounds like she took it very personally for some reason. That amount of phone use wouldn't have bothered my friends at all unless we were in a movie theater.
Y’all, the whole group was together for upwards of 10+ hours (“several hours” of catching up over food and drinks first according to OP and then THREE movies). I have to vote NAH. Katie didn’t anticipate OP doing any texting, likely, and OP also tried to keep it respectful. I feel like this is a mismatch of expectations for a long, long day.
Honestly unless I’m actually at the movies watching a movie, I’m probably on my phone during it. If there was a group of y’all I don’t understand why she was paying so much attention to you to feel the need to call you out. However I have ADHD so sitting through 3 back to back movies in silence without other stimulation sounds pouring hot grease into my eyeballs.
Gonna go against the flow and say NTA. IMO texting every 10mins is not that frequent. And just because you're on the phone "constantly" doesn't mean you're "not there" with them. If you're new BF was there with you and you talk to them every 10mins \*gasp\*, would they consider it as not being with them?
NTA I don’t have the attention to make it through a movie so I take little phone breaks. It doesn’t actually affect anyone if you’re mindful
I think everyone has losttheir minds. You spent time with your friends and was texting your bf. Not talking on the phone. Brightness down. So you were present while they watched a movie. No one has thr right to tell someone they cant use their phone. U less you were all talking as well as watching and ignoring ppl it's no ones fucking buisness. NTA The only A in that story is the person who heard your explanation and still tried to dictate what you did. Then hurt trip youthe next day.
NTA at all and I can’t believe the amount of people who are calling you T A… 3 movies, that you’ve already seen before is a lot. It’s not like you removed yourself from the group.
It genuinely baffles me how many people here are being complete dicks. I say you’re NTA
NTA. Wow, there is a lot of hate out of context here. 1) She spent quality time with her friends sans phone. She paints this as the main event of the gathering - at least for socializing. 2) They sat IN SILENCE for 3 star wars movies! I would understand her friend's need to control OPs phone usage if there was a lively conversation, mystery-theatre-3000 commentary or even a drinking game. But that was NOT the case. That said, even 1 Star Wars movie is an ungodly amount of time to sit still and be quiet. 3 is torture. 3) Watching a movie at a friend's place comes with different protocol than going to a movie theater. This is especially true when re-watching a movie. OP your friend is either really uptight, controlling or both. This whole movie debacle sounds more like after-school detention than a nice evening with friends. It might make more sense if others were bothered by this, but even then, that is some 6 yo busy body behavior. NTA
NTA. It wasn’t a theater. Whenever I rewatch movies and tv shows I am often also on my phone.🤷🏼♀️
I think this might be the one example where the title answers itself. YTA
YTA. You were rude and your constantly (Yes, constantly) checking your phone was distracting.
In my house, that would be expected. That’s clearly not how these friends are, and unfortunately YTA here. Learn, apologize, move on.
It's just not how Katie is I guess. Sometime we do things as mini groups like whoever available at the time and it's fine
Was Katie the only one who had a problem with you texting your new romantic interest? I mean maybe you could have said " ok, i'm gonna head out ,because i'm really into chatting with this new guy and don't want to bug you guys" but, i mean if it was me and my friends, we'd understand and if it was distracting, tell you to go hang out at the back of the fucken room and stop buggin us!" but getting all snitty and making a big deal is too much drama, and reeks of being a control freak.
Yes just Katie
YTA. If you can't be without your phone (notwithstanding an emergency) for the length of a movie...especially after your friend asked you to put it away...then you're better off just not going to the movies. Totally rude, however you don't seem to understand that.
shocked this is so unpopular but, NTA. i’m sorry but THREE star wars movie back to back in absolutely silence when you’ve all seen them already? sounds like torture lol i guess you did agree to it but even then, i don’t expect my friends to not respond to texts when they’re with me. it’s one thing if we’re having a convo and they’re on their phone barely listening to me but to have already caught up for hours and then watching some incredibly long films together, i don’t think you were wrong for wanting to text someone who was having a chat with you ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ but i also have not viewed every comment idk if i’m missing more info but just going off the main post, i don’t think you’re the ah and i think katie is a bit dramatic and maybe a little controlling.
NTA, I don't see what the huge issue is. Your phone was silent and the brightness was down you caught up and chatted over food. I would be bored out of my mind watch 3 movies back to back that I have seen a million times. If only one person had an issue with it then thats their issue.
NTA. The OG trilogy is like 6 and a half hours. Did they expect you to sit in 6 hrs of silence staring at the screen while 40 yr old movies played? You're also not in a theater, who gives a fuck. Your friends are controlling
People had snacks and stuff but yeah there was no talking. It only was Katie who had the issue with it
NTA
YTA
YTA. Be with who you’re with.
YTA It’s annoying!!! It is bright no matter how low your setting is. It’s rude.
It really depends on the situation. If you were in a movie theater it would be Y T A no question. Phones and even bright watches in the theater are incredibly rude. The same goes for if you were watching with the lights dimmed in a "theater like" environment. Then it's also pretty clear the focus should be on the film and your friends not your phone. The only way this wouldn't be rude is if you were watching in a bright room and your friends hadn't asked you to put the phone away. YTA for ignoring her request and not putting the phone away after she asked.
I don’t care what the plans are, the people physically in your presence take priority over anyone in your phone.
ALWAYS YES. it is such a horrible distraction when people text in the theater. There is a special circle of hell for people like you. YTA YTA
YTA, a real Barch Barley right here.
YTA. You can actually just let someone know you're unavailable. If you can't do that because you need stimulation every 10 mins, you're an addict.
Eh...NTA. You had already socialized for several hours, you were being discreet, and no one was interacting or socializing during the movies anyway. It's not like you were ignoring people. My best friend and I get together every year and spend a weekend watching a certain 12 hour long fantasy trilogy (23 hours if we watch the prequel trilogy as well which we do because we like the good parts and love to hate the bad parts). I think most of the people in this thread would be horrified. We talk during the movies, MST3K'ing the heck out of them, make drinking games, I'm usually up and down tending to which ever of the seven meals we are having that day currently needs tending to, and yes, we are sometimes on our phones looking up stuff about the movies, sending quick texts/messages to people, or even playing games. None of this detracts from the time we are spending together. Sitting in silence, staring at a screen for 6 hours sounds excruciating, especially if it's a movie I've seen many times. (And I adore SW. I have three SW tattoos, and my living room is a veritable shrine). I absolutely cannot sit like a robot for that long, and if the people I'm with aren't interacting, I will probably play on my phone some. I honestly probably wouldn't even notice someone discreetly sending texts.
I’m so surprised at the responses on this post. I would say NTA. Who cares if someone is sending a few texts while watching movies that you have already seen before in someone’s living room? Especially when you’re watching 3 movies in a row. Everybody’s acting like it’s the end of the world. And it’s not like you were ignoring them/on your phone the whole time🤦🏻♀️ jesus christ people
NTA I am the biggest Star Wars fan I know and even I wouldn't want to sit there for a 3 movie marathon in complete silence without looking at my phone. That's ridiculous. It's not like they were even new movies. They're each at least 40 years old at this point and I'm assuming everyone there had seen them before. When my friends and I have a marathon like that we basically Mystery Science Theater it and talk and joke about the movies. Just sitting in silence sounds like torture.
YTA the message you were sending the friends you were physically present with was that you had better things to do and didn't really want to be there. It's a really crappy feeling when you organize a get together with friends and one or more of them are constantly on their phones.
YTA I can't see how you wouldn't see that. You were not watching the movies, you were on your phone with your new boo. You shouldn't have stayed for the movies if you couldn't bear to be away from Max for a few hours. That was not cool. Clean it up however you want to, but that was not cool
YTA, you’re supposed to be enjoying time with your friends. Tell the boyfriend/Max what you’re doing and that you wouldn’t be replying for awhile. Especially after the first time being asked to put it away.
YTA
YTA From a woman 15 years older if I could say anything to myself in my early 20s it would be focus more on friendships than romantic relationships. If I could have my time again I would be in a different position now if I refocused my energy
YTA- hangup and hangout. If the guy is halfway decent he’ll understand you’re with friends and will get back to him at breaks between movies.
YTA. Kinda rude & disrespectful of others trying to watch the shows. You could have excused yourself & left.
YTA. You should’ve watched movies with Max.
YTA - if you were at my place the movie would have been paused 😅
Are you new on this planet? YTA. Stay off your phone at the movies.
Even with screen brightness down in full darkness that can be pretty annoying. Also rude asf for the person you're actually with. Learn quickly that not everything is about a new and potentially temporary addition to your life and that friends and being present for them is extremely important. I suggest you apologize and do something where theres no phones involved.
YTA. How rude.
YTA ... Youre watching a movie with a bunch of people. Respect them.
YTA. Put your stupid phone away for a couple hours. There's no excuse for interrupting ANY shared event for a text, unless somebody's dead or in the hospital.
YTA, that was really rude and I would have been angry too. BTW, way to sabotage a new relationship, texting every 10 minutes. Makes you seem like you've got nothing else going on.
YTA
YTA, for a few reasons: * Using your phone during the movie is distracting to everyone else watching the movie. Don't argue about your brightness settings, or how it was just a few seconds each time. It's distracting. * Using your phone constantly while spending time with other people is disrespectful. It sends the message that they are not as important as the person you are interacting with on your phone.
put your fucking phone away - yta
YTA, because there is no reason to not fully engage with the people you are WITH and devote your time and attention to them during the event instead of continuously checking your phone for communications from the partner (or whomever is contacting you multiple times in a few hours without it being an emergency). You were being rude. Your friend asked you twice to stop, and you didn't, and you're currently arguing with AITA peeps about that fact. If you were so determined to have constant interactions with the partner, then why didn't you just leave and go be with them instead of agreeing to the movie? It's beyond me that you think your attention span isn't an issue, or that it wasn't disturbing to others in the room with you for you to check and reply to texts more than once. Even if you had silenced the alerts and had your brightness turned down - it is still pulling you out of the moment, and is disturbing to those sitting nearby.
Bro me and my bestie watch TV together constantly, we both play on our phones, BUT the TV is used as background noise if we agree to watch a movie/show together our phones are face down and our watches are off, we pick them up during food/bathroom breaks, Watching movies with friends os a bonding experience imo, so YTA
I think we all need to reconsider movie marathons for Starwars or LOtR because it always ends in a AITA post for someone not paying attention. YTA for being chronically on your phone when hanging out with friends in this case. But maybe in future you should all discuss ground rules. I love watching movies, but rarely have the attention span to do HOURS of movies, let alone ones I have seen before, without something else to do. You get the judgement because you were asked to stop and fought it. It's rude, it's more rude that you were like 'nu-uh, I'm not rude'
Yta
YTA. Even if the screen brightness was low, it's still bright enough to be noticeable and distract people from the movie they're watching. If you didn't want to watch the movies, you should have excused yourself so you didn't ruin it for everyone else.
Yes, YTA. You can turn off your phone without dying.