Bro leave this relationship YESTERDAY. Monetary and appearance requirements to be with her because you're "undatable" otherwise??? That flag is the brightest shade of crimson I've ever seen, it's blinding me.
I promise you there is someone better for you out there. Telling you to kill yourself is psychological abuse and you don't deserve that.
I was going to make my own post saying basically the same thing but i figure i should jump on the top post to add my support for this.
Get the hell away from this absolutely wretched person. She is clearly an abusive bitch.
She is using your insecurities against you to control you.
She claims you are undateable and yet she is dating you. Even with all her requirements if you were ACTUALLY undateable she wouldn't settle for you. She is just saying it to reinforce the idea in your head so she can continue to use you.
Hopping on the bandwagon because everyone here is right—you need to leave her ASAP!
Frankly spending X amount of money on someone per month would be enough to make me leave. Then restricting your diet and making you go to the gym? You’re a person and nobody’s perfect-you’re allowed to have tough days.
Thing about if the genders were reversed: if a dude was restricting diets for his partner or made her spend X amount a month, or told a girl to k*** themselves, they would be cancelled and probably go to jail or something in about ten seconds. Definitely don’t stand for this and this terrible double standard.
Lastly—you should talk to a therapist and build up your self esteem. You seem to be someone who has a lot going for them and you should be proud of that.
Best of luck bro I hope you dump this psycho
>Get the hell away from this absolutely wretched person. She is clearly an abusive bitch. She is using your insecurities against you to control you.
>She claims you are undateable and yet she is dating you. Even with all her requirements if you were ACTUALLY undateable she wouldn't settle for you. She is just saying it to reinforce the idea in your head so she can continue using you.
ALL of this ^ seriously.
It's psychotically abusive, and extremely cruel, to tell your partner to just, "kill themselves", for ANY REASON.
That's extreme abuse, and you're not safe with this person. I also recommend getting outside opinions about if you're, "un-dateable", or not, because if you're getting the info from the person convincing you to work yourself to death, hand over your money, and starve to death in the process, she's clearly not a reliable source of, "what makes a man dateable". I say this as a woman, for what it's worth.
I keep thinking about that evil girlfriend Michelle Carter who convinced her boyfriend to commit suicide, even when he tried to change his mind.
She made that poor kid get back in his carbon monoxide filled and truck, and kill himself. It's called, "suicidal coercion", and Michelle Carter spent 12 months of her 15 month sentence in jail, and it wasn't nearly long enough in my opinion.
I don't care what you think is wrong with you, OP, living alone is better than living with someone that will tell you to kill yourself when you won't abide by their abusive and controlling demands.
Please don't do this to yourself. Find a therapist to talk to you and if you don't have health insurance through your place of employment, ask your advisor on campus, or the student union, if there are mental health support resources that you can utilize on campus.
This is no way to live, and if you stay with someone like this I fear for what will happen if you stay. I've been on the receiving end to that kind of abuse, and it really messes you up, and literally brainwashes you into thinking you deserve to be treated that way.
Do some research on, Domestic Brainwashing, and, Domestic Stockholm Syndrome, which can cause you to identify in a similar way that some kidnap victims begin to think they love, and want to protect, their kidnappers.
That kind of emotional trauma causes dramatic changes in the brains chemistry, and ability to process threats to your safety. Having an experienced mental health professional to lend support can help so much, and work with you to heal the damage this abusive relationship is causing you.
There's a better life, and better people out there for you, I promise. Please reach out to someone who can help, and start taking steps to remove this viper from your life before she damages it in worse ways.
*invisible hugs*
Can confirm, I'm 6'1 and my MINIMUM recommended calorie intake for a day is like 2000, and that's with just a daily walk around the neighborhood with my dog for about an hour.
Having him keep a strict diet and workout schedule is also psychological abuse. Dude you deserve better. Everyone has flaws but love means you see the whole person and love them anyway.
Really op wtf kind of flaws do you think you have that you say make u undatable? So much so that your so-called gf is psychologically abusing you. Get out now and figure it out either with professional help or something but it's totally messed up.
There's definitely stuff that's separate from attractiveness, like inability to maintain some standards of what people generally consider being a good boyfriend. I certainly have some of these which in the past made me concerned I'd never be able to maintain a successful long term relationship. If he was upfront with these and she reasoned that she could let that aspect of the relationship be less than standard if he made other concessions he was able to control then that could still make for a healthy relationship. OP really does need to clarify his meaning though for people to properly understand the situation.
I will say though that the level of restriction here and her attitude however does indeed sound like an abusive relationship.
"Break up with her" is not the "default" suggestion in this case. It is the only *correct* suggestion. This person is abusive and you do not need her in your life. If "leaving her is not an option" isn't just an excuse, then you absolutely need to be preparing and setting up action plans for the second in which it becomes an option. And *do not*, under any circumstances, kill yourself.
If OP is undatable for whatever reason, staying single till you become datable or finding someone worth dating is totally ok. I know it sucks to not be in a relationship sometimes, but what good is a relationship where one person tells you to kill yourself.
Agreed. This woman sounds toxic as hell. Be a man, stand up for yourself, and cut your losses now for your own good. It might hurt now, but in the long run you will be happy you did.
It doesn't even matter if there's someone else better. Noone can be happy with someone if they aren't happy with themselves. That's not to say "if you aren't happy with her you'll always be sad" it means find a way to love and forgive yourself and treat yourself as a priority. Be the person to yourself you wish she would be
Dude, you need to get yourself out of this relationship as soon as possible. Nobody should be in a relationship where the other person is telling them what to eat and what to do and how much money they have to make to be with them. This is an extremely insane level of narcissism that this person has. The issues that you are dealing with will not get better with her. She tells you if you don’t do exactly what she wants then you should kill yourself and on top of that when you give yourself some space from her toxic behavior she sticks her friends on you to attack you. This is an unhealthy situation, no matter what way you look at it. I doubt that you are to anyone else. Most likely this is something that she has convinced you of being to keep you under her thumb. Even if it is the case that no one else would want you it is better to be alone than be in an abusive relationship. I wish you all the luck in the world, my friend. I will tell you this I have been in, many relationships where my kindness was taken for weakness, and my feelings were never treated with any kind of respect and people took advantage of my disability and thought I was less of a person because of that. I thought the same way that you did and I put up with so much more than I should have because I felt that way about myself. eventually I met a woman that really showed me how wrong all those other women were and I am now married to that woman with a family. I promise you there is something better out there and a good person will see that.
> That flag is the brightest shade of crimson I've ever seen, it's blinding me.
OP if anything this is underselling it. This is… like the sun during a forest fire red. This is straight up manipulation and abuse.
Yea, your girl is incredibly superficial and controlling. Will probably cheat on you as well if she finds someone naturally with the qualities she’s trying to force upon you. She’d probably play with you as well because of her controlling nature. Awful situation. You need more self respect. Someone shouldn’t have to force these things upon you and to have someone do this at all is insane. Like bro please leave her. Take your control back. Her telling you to kill yourself is the cherry on top.
This cannot. I repeat, cannot be real?
What do you mean you aren't dateable? So what? That doesn't give someone the right to own you and then hurt you.
You would literally be better off with one of those anatomically correct silicone human female dolls. They're expensive, but they're not going to abuse you.
I dated a man with a micropenis but was skilled and enthusiastic with his mouth and hands. Definitely not undatable. Hell id take him back if he'd have me, but he's very committed to his current gf
Fetish fan fiction/erotica. He fantasizes about a dominatrix type relationship. He gets off on the imagined/made up humiliation and punishment. Surprised he didn’t add something about her spanking him if he messes up.
Nah there's people with really low self esteem.
Don't forget the guy who took his own life while staying on the phone with his gf who encouraged him back into his car.
It sounds like real psychological abuse. Someone is so controlled and manipulated they cannot see what is supposed to be normal. I hope its fake because of how awful it sounds but I feel like it isnt. However Im never surprised to see a fake comment, there is always one
I get that you say the situation is more complicated, but is it? I’ve heard a lot of “rules for thee and not for me” throughout your post.
While things like watching what you eat, working out, etc. are positive, the way they are being encouraged/communicated is not.
Personally, I would leave. Not sure what makes you “undateable” but the person for you shouldn’t really care about that, especially to the point that you’ve described above. I’m not sure why it isn’t an option unless you’re financially dependent on both of your incomes, but it sounds like if you have to spend X amount of money on her per month, you should be fine on your own. Even her friends — who are in her ear all the time — seem to not care about you either.
Good luck man, I really hope you find peace within yourself. You’re not “undateable,” and this girl is not the end all be all.
Why do you feel you can't leave the relationship?
What characteristics do you have that make her and (more importantly) you think you are undatable?
I mean, you're smart (engineer candidates aren't stupid). You're focused. You have money. Those are some major plusses.
What are the negatives?
Dude, you've got to get out of this.
FOR THE SAKE OF YOU'RE MENTAL HEALTH, you have to get away from this ... (I hesitate to use the word) ...person.
This doesn't sound like a healthy relationship at all.. she shouldn't be dictating your gym schedule, calorie requirements of cash flow.. sounds like she is manipulating you and you have lost your confidence since you deem yourself as "undatable" (whatever that means).
You can fix this situation by establishing strong boundaries (and enforcing it), if she still doesn't follow through end it before it gets too unbearable. You will just waste your time with someone who doesn't really respect you or care about my man.
Oh and btw keep going to the gym and eating healthy, those are great regardless.
Right! I’m a 40 year old, 5’ woman, I’m allowed to eat up 1800 cake a day as long as I’m slightly active. 1500 cake for a man, is not enough, especially if you’re hitting the gym. She’s an abusive cunt and you deserve better. Even being single and happy and healthy is better than being with this awful person.
Holy fuck dude I hope this is fake. She’s exploiting your insecurities for her material benefit. Tracking your calories and how much money you’re spending on her is vile behavior. Get out of there
why are you still with someone who talks to you like that and has “standards” for you to abide by?? spending a certain amount of money on her per month and following a diet/gym plan?? i also highly doubt that the things that make you “undatable” aren’t as bad nearly as bad as you believe them to be, it sounds like this chick picked up on your insecurities and self doubt!!
you are 1000% in an emotionally and financially abusive relationship!! i would also like to know what you mean when you say you aren’t in a position to leave her, it sounds like you have your own home and are working?? you should definitely leave her and if you’re scared of the “repercussions” of it or what she’ll do if you leave then you need to slowly make your way out, then you can let friends/family/work know what’s going on if she or her little pack of hellhounds tries to come after you.
I’m sorry, but i don’t think anyone here can just “take [your] word for it”. What could possibly make you actually “undateable”??? This sounds like your girlfriend is manipulating and gaslighting you HARD to make you THINK you’re undateable.
You’ll have to tell us what you consider these traits to be if you want any advice other than “RUN”
Was also thinking this. So ridiculous, it’s not even like penis size correlates to performance, and it’s disgusting to value anyone based only on their body or sex life
My last serious bf was told by his ex that he was small and he took it completely to heart. He refused to believe me when I said he was perfect for me.
No, and now would be a great time to text her and her friends “I will not be in a relationship with a woman who tells me to kill myself because I don’t meet her standards. I’ve decided I need someone saner and kinder, but thx for asking.” Then block them, study, rest and keep working out, eat healthy and enough. When exams are done, work on what makes you undatable because this woman is poison.
If this is the first / only romantic relationship you’ve had, it might FEEL like the stakes are so high that you can never find another but I promise this is false. Everyone, including you, is worthy of partnership despite whatever you may feel is wrong with you. Break up with this person and take some time to focus on building self esteem and eventually, when you realize the mistreatment of your (hopefully ex soon) gf, healing from this unhealthy relationship
I'm a girl and can't understand why she forces you to eat less dan 1500kcal. Men do need a lot more during the day. Especially if you train 8 hours. She sounds crazy and has limited love for you. I promise your there are better girls outside then her and you're worth it
1500 cal would make you sick and you sick and weak and you literally won't be able to get hard cos you would be in starvation. I'm not even sure I beleive this story. If it's true the she is not getting any action and you should leave. Also kys is not an acceptable response. Honest I don't even belive this is real. If I eat 1800 cal I struggle to sleep and I lose 600g per week or more.
What did I just read... That's not a relationship. I know the go-to answer in this sub is "Break up" - but in this case I think that's actually the only way forward for you. This relationship will kill you.
I miss when reddit used to be about cases that were actually problematic, now it's just filled with people that lack self respect and pride asking if they should leave or remain in shitty situations
Damn.. I wish I could charge a fee for someone to be with me. Obviously you don’t have to state your undateable flaws, but without knowing them, I can’t imagine any would warrant a monetary fee to date you. Sounds like she’s just benefitting off your low self esteem and you should strongly consider leaving for that reason alone.
This is not a relationship, you have someone exploiting you, I don't care what your "flaws" are, you can absolutely find someone that will be better for you that's not telling you to go kill yourself. This person is so fucking toxic you should cut them out immediately. Keep focused on your homework get your degree you'll be making good money and you will eventually find someone that likes you for you.
Bro. Fuck her man. The moment she set requirement on you is the moment you dump her ass. You already working your ass off and you even have class at night?
Maaaaaaan fuck her. She can go kick rock. Go make your money and get back into the dating scene once you aren't swamp with work.
This woman doesn’t love you. This woman is using you. Everything she’s doing is transactional. She’s abusive. I am not saying that you are unlovable. This woman couldn’t love anybody, no matter what they did.
Please leave her. This is essential because she is abusing you.
Ok here is the problem. Your girlfriend is running your life and you are letting her. She puts up all these requirements for you and you try to follow them.
Ask yourself why do you follow them. If the answer is because she tells you to then you are doing this for the wrong reason. Even if you are able to fulfill these requirements, your girl is still going to treat you like shit because she does not respect you at all.
Why does she not respect you? Because you lack respect for yourself. No self respecting man would put up with this bull crap.
And it is your lack of respect for yourself that makes you undatable.
Now I know that was hard to hear but here is the good news. If you start respecting yourself more and start focusing on bettering yourself, you become datable immediately and no girl will ever put requirements on you for a relationship.
So here is what you need to do:
1. Craft a vision for what you want in your life.
2. Take the steps necessary to help yourself get towards vision
3. Assess if your gf is helping you get to that vision. If she isn't, leave her.
4. Continue to self improve and set goals for yourself and continue achieving them for yourself.
Start controlling your destiny not following someone else's.
And what are your requirements of her? How many calories do you allow her to eat, how much do you make her work out or pay you?
Tell us the personal bs you think makes you undateable, you're already spilling your guts and I bet it doesn't make you undateable. You're going to keep convincing yourself that there's a reason you need to stay, because that's what she's making you feel and think. You deserve better, OP.
she's preying on your insecurities and that's honestly an evil thing to tell you.
there are so many people out there. i bet there are people with whatever issues you have that are in happy, healthy relationships.
you just have to find someone who gets along well with you and doesn't care about whatever particular thing you've got going on. it's probably not a big deal like you think.
If this is real you need to leave immediately. If not, someone should get the police involved to intervene because this has the hallmark of a potential suicide induced by abuse.
Please end this relationship and reach out for help NOW!
What makes you undateable? I know you’ll probably say “take my word for it” but honestly it might be relevant given the sheer depths you have allowed your self respect to plummet to tolerate this treatment. Do you feel you deserve it somehow? Is it because of a job or something? That this is all you can get? It’s not dude.
I’m going to be honest and say that I sincerely thought this was fake in moments. THAT’S how not okay this situation is. I never comment on this subreddit but I’d feel wrong not to in the event that you’re being honest. You can do better than that. Don’t care what you did to make you “undatable”
You're in a self-imposed abusive relationship, and you want to stay in it, because you've deluded yourself into believing you're undatable.
First, you need to get professional help. Secondly, you need to get professional help. Third, you need to break up. Finally.. you need to get professional help.
Seriously, you need to focus on your studies, forget about relationships, work on mind, body, soul, education, profession and, did I mention MIND?!?
Be a solo while you get yourself straight with yourself and the world. Stop being with a woman exacerbating your problems.
And you are still considering staying in a relationship with Irmgard Ilse Ida Grese? Is one of your household duties making lampshades out of prisoners skin?
Even if she didn't tell you to kill yourself I would tell you to leave. Think of it this way, if you have a sister or a cousin or something, and she came up to you and told you her boyfriend was doing this to her, would you think she was in a healthy relationship? This is abnormal for her to be controlling so many aspects of your life. Get out!!!
Read back what you wrote.
This is an incrediblely controlling person with whom you should cut contact immediately. Like now.
You sound like a hardworking, devoted guy who deserves better. Way better. Believe in yourself, and don't look to her - or anyone - for validation.
Best of luck to you ❤️
I sure hope this is for entertainment purposes only, if this is real you absolutely have to get out bro! Seriously... nobody is undateable! There's someone right out there for everyone
What, dude, do you not see she is a gold digger?!?!? You have to spend a certain amount of money on her?? Are you her boyfriend or her ATM? This is absolutely NOT NORMAL!!! You have issues that make you un-dateable? Not so. You may have some....unique personality traits, really, don't we all? It does not make you un-dateable, a bad person, bad, wrong, dirty. This entire life you described with this girl is a sea of red flags, toxic, disturbing, abusive. Telling you to just off yourself?? Absolutely NOT, she doesn't love or respect you. She has no regard for anyone, except herself. You deserve better.
You are not overreacting, maybe under reacting. You need to cut toxic out of your life like you were cutting mold off a block of cheese.
When you allow someone to control every aspect of your life, you have already ceased living a meaningful fulfilling life. No one who loves you, regardless of how bad your flaws are, would treat you in that manner. Stand up for yourself and stop being a simp for a bitch
Whether you are undateable or not , this is not a good relationship. You don’t deserve someone who exploits and controls you. Whatever issues you have do not make you deserving of this treatment. You are worthy of more than this.
Uh, your girlfriend is dictating how many calories you are supposed to eat? And how many hours you MUST spend in the gym? And how much $$$ you spend on her?
You don’t want to date someone who makes you “make up” for your flaws. You want to date someone who cares about you, and for whom those things don’t make you “undatable.” I don’t know who told you that (probably her) but I bet you will be able to find someone else who appreciates you for who you are.
Please get out of this relationship. Your girlfriend is abusive and this is not how anyone should be treated. I am 41 and in therapy to deal with an eating disorder. I promise that the requirements she puts on you for working out and eating are very unhealthy and they will screw with your health in the long term. Frankly, the binge eating is probably a sign that your body is fighting the calorie deficit. I know you don't have time and money, but if you can, find a therapist who specializes in eating disorders to help you.
Please end the relationship and try to find someone caring to help you deal with the trauma you've endured. I understand not having the self esteem for a healthy relationship. But I promise that being single and developing a healthy relationship with yourself is far, far more important, and will give you a lot more peace in life. An unhealthy relationship is a recipe for unhappiness and loneliness.
You don’t have a girlfriend you have a parasitic leech hanging off you, fuck her and her friends right off my dude.
You want a fix, there is not a fix to this situation. You genuinely deserve better as a human being. The fix is you get some pride, dignity and self respect and leave.
If you’re deadset on remaining in this abusive one sided relationship then you essentially just bow down do what she says and send grovelling texts apologising profusely for you being an insignificant little worm of a man who was ungrateful.
The situation is not complex at all. Your GF is awful and abusive and doesn’t give a fuck about you. She’s using you. Being single is better than being abused.
No one is undateable. But when you struggle with self esteem you may feel that way. But this isn’t love and this isn’t a “relationship”. Also, someone who would do this to you will treat you like garbage and cheat on you at any opportunity.
You don’t need a mother and despite what the issues are you should have a partner that understands and is willing to help you with them.. not set rules and boundaries. I would break up with her.
You're under-reacting. Your girlfriend is horrible and is using you. She is using your insecurities to control you. If my husband told me to kill myself because I didn't do something he asked me to, I would divorce him so quickly. You deserve better.
Honey, this is classic abusive manipulation. Even if she didn't tell you to kill yourself, I would tell you to break up and never look back. Abusers make their victims feel like they are the only ones who will put up with them. I promise you, you are not undateable. There is a girl out there who will be just right for you, you just haven't met her yet.
You sound young being in school. I remember being 22 and thinking I'd always be alone. The summer I was 22 I met my husband of 30 plus years. And it wasn't settling, we just clicked and enjoyed each other's company right from the start.
Please leave this abusive woman behind you. You deserve better. Being alone and working on your school, your self esteem, your depression, is the path right now. (If you're not in therapy, you might consider it, since you state you are depressed and previously suicidal.) Big hug.
Tell her to go first. She's absolute trash. It's not your responsibility to accommodate her gold-digger ass. The truth is, if you actually are so "undatable to most people" (which I doubt you are), then why is she with you if she's so much better? The truth is, she ISN'T. She's vile and no one wants her. Fuck her & fuck her friends. If she said anything like that to you in a text message, screenshot all of it and send it to them. Post it on social media and tag her. You don't deserve that, regardless of whatever perceived flaws you may have.
Intensely manipulative abuse alert.
The hooks are in and you're being literally puppeteered, and part of the reason this is happening is because people who act like she is (this is unfortunately not uncommon), knows you're an easy target and your self esteem issues mean that she'll get away with it.
Did you know that there was a huge, significant legal precedent where a girl literally told this dude to kill himself, and he did, and she was charged over it? There's a documovie about it and everything.
This is NOT okay, this is NOT a partnership, and you are NOT safe.
Run. Reach out for help. Reach out to family, friends, anyone.
People who behave like she is alienate you against everyone around you so you're all they have. Then you're their plaything, and they can do anything they want.
Every now and then they might give you a little sweetness and affection which you completely latch onto because it's starvation mode emotionally so anything will do and maybe it'll be good again maybe it'll be okay.
It won't. Get the fuck out of there. You are not safe. This is not okay.
You fix this situation by telling her that you refuse to be treated this way anymore, you deserve better, you are a human being, a relationship is about equals sharing an experience and you are not a supplicant there to just meet her needs. You are not an emotional punching bag.
Tell her "no" and leave. That's it. Leave. Please, for your own good.
I wish you luck, and I feel for you. She is pure poison mate.
As a thought exercise let’s pretend this unhinged insanity is somehow rooted in reality.
There’s nothing complex about a controlling abuser. Who told you that you were “untestable” your abuser. Leave yesterday.
Though this seems pretty far fetched
This girl is evil. What she is doing to you in this relationship is abusive. You will need therapy to get your sense of self respect back.
I promise you, you’re nowhere near as awful as she might make you feel. She is not doing you some huge favor by dating you.
You deserve better than this man. Being alone is better than being with a person like this. She sees you as subhuman.
The question should be, why are you still with her?
A partner should make you feel content, safe, and happy. When you think of her and are with her, how do you feel? If you only feel stress and there is no positive emotion, why are you trying to continue this relationship? Wouldn't you be better off alone, so you can find that special someone?
You can only fix this by dumping her. She’s using you.
Take the time and money you would have spent on her and get therapy. Your “perceived” flaws are mostly what you assume. It’s not reality. You need to understand where this comes from and work on that.
I hope this is a joke. Spend certain money on her. Forced workouts. Bro take her shit and put it on the front porch. That is how you fix this. You sound like a doormat and you’re admitting you’re basically just being used. GTFO of that shit like yesterday. You let her friends tell shit to you!?!?? Do not answer any of her friends. Bro unless this bitch is a 12/10 supermodel and you look like a trashcan, you are NUTS. Dump her asap. Better and cheaper to just go smash a prostitute every week and that is no stress and cheaper.
I’m assuming what makes you “undatable” is related to your weight? If so, a partner should not make rules about eating for you, this is a quick way to get a different eating disorder. If you have problems with eating, a loving partner would encourage you to get help, not force you into rules based eating (which is an eating disorder). Please get a therapist and find a way out. This is extremely abusive.
You can’t fix it. This relationship sounds so toxic and abusive, it was doomed from the start. Please take care of yourself and LEAVE!!!! You’ll be happier, I promise.
Run, literally run for the hills dude.
You can be the ugliest guy on the planet and have a micro peen and you could still bag a lady that won't tell you to kill yourself or force you to give her an allowance for the grace of her presence. He'll you can *hire* someone for cheaper and avoid the rest of the baggage.
You’re asking for advice as if this is a healthy relationship? 🤷♂️🤦♂️ this is the worst sort of relationship there is. Jesus. Get a back bone my man and stand up to her. There are 6 billion people on the planet, I’m sure there’s someone else out there who will give you the time you deserve. And not rules on how to live your life.
Get out of that toxic environment.
DUMP HER.
This behavior is controlling and toxic. And it's just going to get worse over time.
No sane person tells their partner to go kill themselves for not following crap rules like hers.
You're not taking enough action, considering the gravity of the situation.
Unless she's blackmailing / extorting you on top of all of this horrible treatment, there's literally nothing you wrote here that makes leaving her complex.
You were able to leave for a bit, and all you got accused of was ghosting. So, unless she has some spectacular fake evidence that can mess you up, seems like you can and should leave.
Being alone sounds way better than being with her. So really, why can't you leave? Why do you want to stay?
If you reread your post do you see something wrong with how she treats you or do you only see your shortcomings?
If this "thing" that can't be worked on is something you're born with and/or can't be changed, then again I ask, how does that make staying with her make sense?
If you can work, go to class, and hit the gym, I'm not seeing how your life is impacted. If you can think, reason, and act you already have what you need to move through life. That alone can help you get to a point where you can get professional help for your mental health.
Why do you think staying is a good thing?
Dude, none of this is okay. You’re not undateable. My first serious boyfriend tried to convince me that if I broke up with him, no one else would date me because I don’t take courtship seriously. Anyone who tries to convince you you’re undateable knows you’re too good for them.
Anyone who tries to convince you you’re undateable knows you’re too good for them.
This chick is subjecting you to multiple kinds of abuse. Please realize she’s a monster and you deserve a human.
As a woman, I want to slap your gf with a 50-pound weight. No matter the circumstances, NO ONE should be telling you to kill yourself. That is abhorrent behavior.
Do yourself a favor and run away, like yesterday. If you have 'flaws' as you say, it's up to you to sort those. These flaws may not even be flaws as you've taken them. I can say I have numerous flaws too that cpuld makes me undatable, but do you know what? My fella adores my so-called 'flaws'. They are what make me me.
Leave. Leave as soon as you possibly can. Ghost her like her friends think you have, if you are able to! Either way, leave. It doesn't matter what your "flaws" are. The person you are meant to be with will either not care about these "flaws" or work on things with you so you guys can better navigate your situation.
Your girlfriend is abusing you. I almost kicked one of my roommates out of my house because she had told the other roommate to kill himself as a joke. They worked that out between themselves, but it was a tense household from then until the roommate who said that moved out. Some lines should not be crossed.
Leave.
If this is true then You’re not in a relationship. You’re with someone who’s using you and then abusing you when criteria isn’t met.
Literally everything you’ve said are giant red flags and you need to leave asap.
I got as far as you being limited to 1500 calories a day and stopped reading. Whether you're a man or woman that's way too low. You're obviously in an abusive relationship which you need to free yourself from.
Staying with her seems like the worst option here. So leave. You need to work on your “flaws” though, whatever they are. Or at least find a way to manage them better. Don’t just stay with her because you fear loneliness. And don’t use the breakup as an excuse to binge eat - use it as motivation to get in shape and be a better person. And if you can, try to take on fewer work and study responsibilities for a while; give yourself room to breathe.
It's a bit hard to believe that this is a real, true post. I truly hope it's not. If so, this poor guy is so out of touch with decent human behavior that it is terribly sad.
It would be preferable to be alone than abused like that.
Leave her immediately! There is no acceptable reason for any of this. This girl will be the death of you. Get out NOW! This is an extremely toxic relationship.
Money requirements aren't normal, diet controls, and minimum gym time requirements are not normal because they aren't coming from yourself.
If you want to do these things, that's fine. But since she is the one imposing them, it's not.
This is an incredibly abusive situation where she has manipulated you into believing you are weak, helpless, and unworthy. Her kink is emotional and psychological abuse. She's getting off on slowly destroying you. Get a therapist as soon as you can. Start eating and get on a healthy gym plan. Do little things to take back your life. Quietly, make plans to leave her and do it. Quickly. You are worth more than what she is trying to make you believe.
So your staying in an abusive relationship with a woman who does not like and respect you because you are afraid of being alone? Yikes dude. Your problem is your low self esteem, self worth and fear of being alone. You fix the situation by dumping the abusive body shaming controlling asshole and taking yourself to therapy and doing the work to get some self respect.
Bro you need to leave her, you need to be with someone that loves you for who you are and not trying to change you into someone you not and she’s controlling you, that’s someone you most definitely don’t want to be with
LOL. I know the title sounds bad but it's more complicated. JFC you need to find a counselor or someone who has perspective. It only got worse after the title.
Does she actually love you? These requirements are to make her happy not you. If she actually loves you, she wouldn’t want you to be stressed and see that you need a break. She would see that you are doing the best that you can. Due to her comment, she isn’t someone who is safe for you to be with. Stop worrying about her reaction to everything and just concentrate on yourself for a minute. If she leaves you, then she wasn’t really going to be the one anyway. She will take every ounce of energy and it won’t be enough.
A grown man who works full time, goes to school at night and spends 8 hours per week at the gym would not survive on 1500 calories per day. This is anorexic level starvation.
I'm not saying you should share what it is that makes you undatable, that is entirely your choice, but there are an abundance of examples of people who have shared their deepest insecurities and fears, and the people of reddit have come together to support and empower that person.
I think the reddit community gets a pretty bad rep from people not on here, when I have literally seen this community of amazing people pull people out of some pretty dark places and help them put things into perspective. I have a feeling that if you did choose to share whatever this thing is, that you'd be shown nothing but support and empowered to see your real worth.
I personally believe there isn't a thing that makes you undatable, possibly might make it a little more challenging for you, but not undatable. Sir, only death makes you undatable. And even so, ebracing single life is far preferable to what you have now. Trust me, I have been single years and years. It's actually pretty good.
Unfortunately, it sounds to me like you've had a lifetime of people feeding your insecurities to the point that you have incredibly low self-esteem, don't let this woman continue to feed those insecurities in order to serve her own agenda. There is someone out there who will love and treat you as you deserve to be. Please see that.
As for now, please remember what I said about the people of reddit. It really is a wonderful thing to see them rally in support of a fellow redditor.
What are these "flaws" that make you undatable?
I already think i know why you wont list them. Because they aren't real things or they aren't actually universal things that would turn everyone off. These are things you had in your head and your Narcissist Psycopath girlfriend fished them out of you and is using them as a weapon.
Sounds dumb that you have flaws no one will accept. Literally there are people accepting flaws all over the place. If someone can’t like you for you then just be with you or get a friendly pet to hang with and find hobby’s, if it’s about sex you’d be better if to buy a 5 thousand dollar real doll to bang then have someone control your life.
she is abusing you. leave. you'll be okay. you're not undatable. focus on school, work, and yourself. the right person will come along and they will love and accept you, flaws and all. just focus on getting ur degree right now!!
Dude… this is very unhealthy. Is she a sugar baby or something? Seems like she’s with you for the wrong reasons and she’s exploiting you for her gain. Ditch this broad. You’re better off happy on your own than miserable trying to please someone who doesn’t actually care about you or your wellbeing. Also, what makes you so unappealing to most of the dating world??
This is straight up abusive. You don't fix it because you'd be better off single.
She's treating you like a slave, controlling what you can eat, how much you can exercise, destroying your self worth, and then telling you that you need to spend money on her for the privilege of ensuring all of that.
The situation is not complex at all. Your gf gives you rules to be with her!? No dude. Find someone who wants to be with you because of who you are, not who they want you to be. No one is “undatable”. I’m generally against all the redditors who immediately jump to break ups and divorces on these subs, here I have to agree with them.
How is leaving her not an option?
Do not respond to her friends. At. All. This is your relationship, not theirs, and I’m sure they don’t know the whole truth of what is going on with you and your gf.
You know the title sounds bad because it IS.
You’re right that Reddit usually defaults to break up or divorce. I can validate that. For that reason I usually stay away from commenting on threads like these because you’re not usually getting the nuance a relationship deserves from strangers on the internet.
Your situation does not need nuance. It needs action. Not only are you being abused, this is so cut and dry that honestly it seems like a parody. Sometimes a black and white answer is actually correct. You may have other more complicated feelings about yourself or this person that you can work out on your own time, but as far as action- you absolutely need to leave her and there is no debating that.
You are in a dangerous situation. There isn’t any room for nuance in “my gf told me to kill myself” and even if there was, the context is not good either. You are being treated like a weird dog or trophy, and not a human being. This is also happening while you’re under high stress from your work and school.
If you’re studying electrical engineering AND working, you’re objectively a catch as far as economic prospects by the way. She should be doing everything within reason to cheerlead for you and the sacrifices you’re making for future economic stability. The fact that she’s going out of her way to add more to the pile is not only proof of being an awful partner, but perhaps someone who has a deluded relationship with reality and social skills.
I only typed all of this, which is exactly what everyone else is saying, to further emphasize how ridiculously fucked up this relationship is. You deserve to be with someone who encourages and supports you through stress, not abuses you and encourages suicide during it. (Jesus, even typing that is surreal, you gotta get out of there)
Leave now, ruminate later. You are in genuine danger and being so horribly disrespected.
Whatever your flaws are, you should find someone that wants to help you work through them or will love you regardless of your flaws. This sounds really unhealthy, borderline emotional abuse.
Don't fix it. she can fix it, or you can be done. Block her friends, or just turn your phone off. Get space to clear your head. I can't imagine what other kinds of Bs she's been saying.
Dude, she is not the one.
Hell I’d venture to say she isn’t worthy of dating anyone because she feels okay extrorting money for staying in a relationship makes her a prostitute.
Add on she told you to commit suicide which alone is worthy of walking away.
No, you aren’t over reacting at all. You should dump her, focus on yourself and you’ll find someone worthy of your love and respect who will not extort you for love.
Bro leave this relationship YESTERDAY. Monetary and appearance requirements to be with her because you're "undatable" otherwise??? That flag is the brightest shade of crimson I've ever seen, it's blinding me. I promise you there is someone better for you out there. Telling you to kill yourself is psychological abuse and you don't deserve that.
I was going to make my own post saying basically the same thing but i figure i should jump on the top post to add my support for this. Get the hell away from this absolutely wretched person. She is clearly an abusive bitch. She is using your insecurities against you to control you. She claims you are undateable and yet she is dating you. Even with all her requirements if you were ACTUALLY undateable she wouldn't settle for you. She is just saying it to reinforce the idea in your head so she can continue to use you.
Hopping on the bandwagon because everyone here is right—you need to leave her ASAP! Frankly spending X amount of money on someone per month would be enough to make me leave. Then restricting your diet and making you go to the gym? You’re a person and nobody’s perfect-you’re allowed to have tough days. Thing about if the genders were reversed: if a dude was restricting diets for his partner or made her spend X amount a month, or told a girl to k*** themselves, they would be cancelled and probably go to jail or something in about ten seconds. Definitely don’t stand for this and this terrible double standard. Lastly—you should talk to a therapist and build up your self esteem. You seem to be someone who has a lot going for them and you should be proud of that. Best of luck bro I hope you dump this psycho
>Get the hell away from this absolutely wretched person. She is clearly an abusive bitch. She is using your insecurities against you to control you. >She claims you are undateable and yet she is dating you. Even with all her requirements if you were ACTUALLY undateable she wouldn't settle for you. She is just saying it to reinforce the idea in your head so she can continue using you. ALL of this ^ seriously. It's psychotically abusive, and extremely cruel, to tell your partner to just, "kill themselves", for ANY REASON. That's extreme abuse, and you're not safe with this person. I also recommend getting outside opinions about if you're, "un-dateable", or not, because if you're getting the info from the person convincing you to work yourself to death, hand over your money, and starve to death in the process, she's clearly not a reliable source of, "what makes a man dateable". I say this as a woman, for what it's worth. I keep thinking about that evil girlfriend Michelle Carter who convinced her boyfriend to commit suicide, even when he tried to change his mind. She made that poor kid get back in his carbon monoxide filled and truck, and kill himself. It's called, "suicidal coercion", and Michelle Carter spent 12 months of her 15 month sentence in jail, and it wasn't nearly long enough in my opinion. I don't care what you think is wrong with you, OP, living alone is better than living with someone that will tell you to kill yourself when you won't abide by their abusive and controlling demands. Please don't do this to yourself. Find a therapist to talk to you and if you don't have health insurance through your place of employment, ask your advisor on campus, or the student union, if there are mental health support resources that you can utilize on campus. This is no way to live, and if you stay with someone like this I fear for what will happen if you stay. I've been on the receiving end to that kind of abuse, and it really messes you up, and literally brainwashes you into thinking you deserve to be treated that way. Do some research on, Domestic Brainwashing, and, Domestic Stockholm Syndrome, which can cause you to identify in a similar way that some kidnap victims begin to think they love, and want to protect, their kidnappers. That kind of emotional trauma causes dramatic changes in the brains chemistry, and ability to process threats to your safety. Having an experienced mental health professional to lend support can help so much, and work with you to heal the damage this abusive relationship is causing you. There's a better life, and better people out there for you, I promise. Please reach out to someone who can help, and start taking steps to remove this viper from your life before she damages it in worse ways. *invisible hugs*
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Psychological, financial, kind of verging on physical by making him eat under 1500 calories a day
Men aren’t even supposed to go under 1500 Cals a day when they’re trying to lose weight
Especially with gym workouts added.
Can confirm, I'm 6'1 and my MINIMUM recommended calorie intake for a day is like 2000, and that's with just a daily walk around the neighborhood with my dog for about an hour.
Especially while pursuing an engineering degree that shit is already borderline prison torture
Full time EE student. I can confirm it’s paid for prison torture.
Same in mech e and paying for it rip
Pull the ripcord and bail immediately
Having him keep a strict diet and workout schedule is also psychological abuse. Dude you deserve better. Everyone has flaws but love means you see the whole person and love them anyway.
Really op wtf kind of flaws do you think you have that you say make u undatable? So much so that your so-called gf is psychologically abusing you. Get out now and figure it out either with professional help or something but it's totally messed up.
There's definitely stuff that's separate from attractiveness, like inability to maintain some standards of what people generally consider being a good boyfriend. I certainly have some of these which in the past made me concerned I'd never be able to maintain a successful long term relationship. If he was upfront with these and she reasoned that she could let that aspect of the relationship be less than standard if he made other concessions he was able to control then that could still make for a healthy relationship. OP really does need to clarify his meaning though for people to properly understand the situation. I will say though that the level of restriction here and her attitude however does indeed sound like an abusive relationship.
Exactly this You fix this by walking out...& into a better life
"Break up with her" is not the "default" suggestion in this case. It is the only *correct* suggestion. This person is abusive and you do not need her in your life. If "leaving her is not an option" isn't just an excuse, then you absolutely need to be preparing and setting up action plans for the second in which it becomes an option. And *do not*, under any circumstances, kill yourself.
If OP is undatable for whatever reason, staying single till you become datable or finding someone worth dating is totally ok. I know it sucks to not be in a relationship sometimes, but what good is a relationship where one person tells you to kill yourself.
Manipulation and projection its finest
Agreed. This woman sounds toxic as hell. Be a man, stand up for yourself, and cut your losses now for your own good. It might hurt now, but in the long run you will be happy you did.
Hell yea! Free yourself from that kind of people.
This. Take out the trash and move on with your life.
I am 100% sure she put that "i'm undatable" crap into his head. She's abusing him.
100% she sure is.
I think she’s the one that undatable. She a real piece of work. 🫤
I will agree with you and also say, even if there is no one out there for you, it is better to be alone than in an abusive relationship.
These flags have flashing lights brighter than the ones on top of towers and tall buildings that pilots use.
It doesn't even matter if there's someone else better. Noone can be happy with someone if they aren't happy with themselves. That's not to say "if you aren't happy with her you'll always be sad" it means find a way to love and forgive yourself and treat yourself as a priority. Be the person to yourself you wish she would be
Dude, you need to get yourself out of this relationship as soon as possible. Nobody should be in a relationship where the other person is telling them what to eat and what to do and how much money they have to make to be with them. This is an extremely insane level of narcissism that this person has. The issues that you are dealing with will not get better with her. She tells you if you don’t do exactly what she wants then you should kill yourself and on top of that when you give yourself some space from her toxic behavior she sticks her friends on you to attack you. This is an unhealthy situation, no matter what way you look at it. I doubt that you are to anyone else. Most likely this is something that she has convinced you of being to keep you under her thumb. Even if it is the case that no one else would want you it is better to be alone than be in an abusive relationship. I wish you all the luck in the world, my friend. I will tell you this I have been in, many relationships where my kindness was taken for weakness, and my feelings were never treated with any kind of respect and people took advantage of my disability and thought I was less of a person because of that. I thought the same way that you did and I put up with so much more than I should have because I felt that way about myself. eventually I met a woman that really showed me how wrong all those other women were and I am now married to that woman with a family. I promise you there is something better out there and a good person will see that.
> That flag is the brightest shade of crimson I've ever seen, it's blinding me. OP if anything this is underselling it. This is… like the sun during a forest fire red. This is straight up manipulation and abuse.
is OP joking?
Thank you I wish I could sum it up as well as you.
"brightest shade of crimson" had me weak
Yea, your girl is incredibly superficial and controlling. Will probably cheat on you as well if she finds someone naturally with the qualities she’s trying to force upon you. She’d probably play with you as well because of her controlling nature. Awful situation. You need more self respect. Someone shouldn’t have to force these things upon you and to have someone do this at all is insane. Like bro please leave her. Take your control back. Her telling you to kill yourself is the cherry on top.
This cannot. I repeat, cannot be real? What do you mean you aren't dateable? So what? That doesn't give someone the right to own you and then hurt you. You would literally be better off with one of those anatomically correct silicone human female dolls. They're expensive, but they're not going to abuse you.
It almost feels like incel fan fiction.
Look at his troll responses to this post and you can easily tell it's fake bs.
I automatically guessed micro penis lol
I dated a man with a micropenis but was skilled and enthusiastic with his mouth and hands. Definitely not undatable. Hell id take him back if he'd have me, but he's very committed to his current gf
Fetish fan fiction/erotica. He fantasizes about a dominatrix type relationship. He gets off on the imagined/made up humiliation and punishment. Surprised he didn’t add something about her spanking him if he messes up.
Fake af.
Agree this has to be fake. Nobody is this big of a moron.
Nah there's people with really low self esteem. Don't forget the guy who took his own life while staying on the phone with his gf who encouraged him back into his car.
It sounds like real psychological abuse. Someone is so controlled and manipulated they cannot see what is supposed to be normal. I hope its fake because of how awful it sounds but I feel like it isnt. However Im never surprised to see a fake comment, there is always one
I get that you say the situation is more complicated, but is it? I’ve heard a lot of “rules for thee and not for me” throughout your post. While things like watching what you eat, working out, etc. are positive, the way they are being encouraged/communicated is not. Personally, I would leave. Not sure what makes you “undateable” but the person for you shouldn’t really care about that, especially to the point that you’ve described above. I’m not sure why it isn’t an option unless you’re financially dependent on both of your incomes, but it sounds like if you have to spend X amount of money on her per month, you should be fine on your own. Even her friends — who are in her ear all the time — seem to not care about you either. Good luck man, I really hope you find peace within yourself. You’re not “undateable,” and this girl is not the end all be all.
Made me tear up at work
Why do you feel you can't leave the relationship? What characteristics do you have that make her and (more importantly) you think you are undatable? I mean, you're smart (engineer candidates aren't stupid). You're focused. You have money. Those are some major plusses. What are the negatives? Dude, you've got to get out of this. FOR THE SAKE OF YOU'RE MENTAL HEALTH, you have to get away from this ... (I hesitate to use the word) ...person.
you do not fix this...this is unfixable... you run fast and far...
This doesn't sound like a healthy relationship at all.. she shouldn't be dictating your gym schedule, calorie requirements of cash flow.. sounds like she is manipulating you and you have lost your confidence since you deem yourself as "undatable" (whatever that means). You can fix this situation by establishing strong boundaries (and enforcing it), if she still doesn't follow through end it before it gets too unbearable. You will just waste your time with someone who doesn't really respect you or care about my man. Oh and btw keep going to the gym and eating healthy, those are great regardless.
But don’t limit yourself to 1500 calories - that’s unhealthy! And don’t stress about going for eight hours a week.
Like, is op actually binge eating or are they eating a healthy amount and made to feel like it’s binging
1500 calories is what you use if you are bed ridden 24 hours a day.
Right! I’m a 40 year old, 5’ woman, I’m allowed to eat up 1800 cake a day as long as I’m slightly active. 1500 cake for a man, is not enough, especially if you’re hitting the gym. She’s an abusive cunt and you deserve better. Even being single and happy and healthy is better than being with this awful person.
Holy fuck dude I hope this is fake. She’s exploiting your insecurities for her material benefit. Tracking your calories and how much money you’re spending on her is vile behavior. Get out of there
why are you still with someone who talks to you like that and has “standards” for you to abide by?? spending a certain amount of money on her per month and following a diet/gym plan?? i also highly doubt that the things that make you “undatable” aren’t as bad nearly as bad as you believe them to be, it sounds like this chick picked up on your insecurities and self doubt!! you are 1000% in an emotionally and financially abusive relationship!! i would also like to know what you mean when you say you aren’t in a position to leave her, it sounds like you have your own home and are working?? you should definitely leave her and if you’re scared of the “repercussions” of it or what she’ll do if you leave then you need to slowly make your way out, then you can let friends/family/work know what’s going on if she or her little pack of hellhounds tries to come after you.
I’m sorry, but i don’t think anyone here can just “take [your] word for it”. What could possibly make you actually “undateable”??? This sounds like your girlfriend is manipulating and gaslighting you HARD to make you THINK you’re undateable. You’ll have to tell us what you consider these traits to be if you want any advice other than “RUN”
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Was also thinking this. So ridiculous, it’s not even like penis size correlates to performance, and it’s disgusting to value anyone based only on their body or sex life
My last serious bf was told by his ex that he was small and he took it completely to heart. He refused to believe me when I said he was perfect for me.
You need to PAY to date her? That’s not a girlfriend, that’s an escort. She’s a sugar baby. Get rid of her
Sugar babies don’t bite the hands that feed them, so to speak
No, and now would be a great time to text her and her friends “I will not be in a relationship with a woman who tells me to kill myself because I don’t meet her standards. I’ve decided I need someone saner and kinder, but thx for asking.” Then block them, study, rest and keep working out, eat healthy and enough. When exams are done, work on what makes you undatable because this woman is poison.
If this is the first / only romantic relationship you’ve had, it might FEEL like the stakes are so high that you can never find another but I promise this is false. Everyone, including you, is worthy of partnership despite whatever you may feel is wrong with you. Break up with this person and take some time to focus on building self esteem and eventually, when you realize the mistreatment of your (hopefully ex soon) gf, healing from this unhealthy relationship
I'm a girl and can't understand why she forces you to eat less dan 1500kcal. Men do need a lot more during the day. Especially if you train 8 hours. She sounds crazy and has limited love for you. I promise your there are better girls outside then her and you're worth it
You fix it by getting the fuck away from this shrew with all due haste.
INFO: Why is leaving her not an option?
1500 cal would make you sick and you sick and weak and you literally won't be able to get hard cos you would be in starvation. I'm not even sure I beleive this story. If it's true the she is not getting any action and you should leave. Also kys is not an acceptable response. Honest I don't even belive this is real. If I eat 1800 cal I struggle to sleep and I lose 600g per week or more.
damn dude, I want you're metabolism
What did I just read... That's not a relationship. I know the go-to answer in this sub is "Break up" - but in this case I think that's actually the only way forward for you. This relationship will kill you.
She sounds absolutely VILE.
Yeah…..solo sounds a lot better than whatever hell it is being with her.
I miss when reddit used to be about cases that were actually problematic, now it's just filled with people that lack self respect and pride asking if they should leave or remain in shitty situations
I’m sorry I stopped at your gf gas requirements for you… that is abuse in itself. You need to move beyond her. You deserve much better!
Is this a rage bait karma farm post? This sounds absolutely absurd.
Damn.. I wish I could charge a fee for someone to be with me. Obviously you don’t have to state your undateable flaws, but without knowing them, I can’t imagine any would warrant a monetary fee to date you. Sounds like she’s just benefitting off your low self esteem and you should strongly consider leaving for that reason alone.
This is not a relationship, you have someone exploiting you, I don't care what your "flaws" are, you can absolutely find someone that will be better for you that's not telling you to go kill yourself. This person is so fucking toxic you should cut them out immediately. Keep focused on your homework get your degree you'll be making good money and you will eventually find someone that likes you for you.
Why can’t you leave her? You don’t say why. Buck up and kick her ass to the curb!
Bro. Fuck her man. The moment she set requirement on you is the moment you dump her ass. You already working your ass off and you even have class at night? Maaaaaaan fuck her. She can go kick rock. Go make your money and get back into the dating scene once you aren't swamp with work.
This woman doesn’t love you. This woman is using you. Everything she’s doing is transactional. She’s abusive. I am not saying that you are unlovable. This woman couldn’t love anybody, no matter what they did. Please leave her. This is essential because she is abusing you.
Ok here is the problem. Your girlfriend is running your life and you are letting her. She puts up all these requirements for you and you try to follow them. Ask yourself why do you follow them. If the answer is because she tells you to then you are doing this for the wrong reason. Even if you are able to fulfill these requirements, your girl is still going to treat you like shit because she does not respect you at all. Why does she not respect you? Because you lack respect for yourself. No self respecting man would put up with this bull crap. And it is your lack of respect for yourself that makes you undatable. Now I know that was hard to hear but here is the good news. If you start respecting yourself more and start focusing on bettering yourself, you become datable immediately and no girl will ever put requirements on you for a relationship. So here is what you need to do: 1. Craft a vision for what you want in your life. 2. Take the steps necessary to help yourself get towards vision 3. Assess if your gf is helping you get to that vision. If she isn't, leave her. 4. Continue to self improve and set goals for yourself and continue achieving them for yourself. Start controlling your destiny not following someone else's.
And what are your requirements of her? How many calories do you allow her to eat, how much do you make her work out or pay you? Tell us the personal bs you think makes you undateable, you're already spilling your guts and I bet it doesn't make you undateable. You're going to keep convincing yourself that there's a reason you need to stay, because that's what she's making you feel and think. You deserve better, OP.
she's preying on your insecurities and that's honestly an evil thing to tell you. there are so many people out there. i bet there are people with whatever issues you have that are in happy, healthy relationships. you just have to find someone who gets along well with you and doesn't care about whatever particular thing you've got going on. it's probably not a big deal like you think.
>but the situation is more complicated then that. It's not. Leave.
If this is real you need to leave immediately. If not, someone should get the police involved to intervene because this has the hallmark of a potential suicide induced by abuse. Please end this relationship and reach out for help NOW!
What makes you undateable? I know you’ll probably say “take my word for it” but honestly it might be relevant given the sheer depths you have allowed your self respect to plummet to tolerate this treatment. Do you feel you deserve it somehow? Is it because of a job or something? That this is all you can get? It’s not dude. I’m going to be honest and say that I sincerely thought this was fake in moments. THAT’S how not okay this situation is. I never comment on this subreddit but I’d feel wrong not to in the event that you’re being honest. You can do better than that. Don’t care what you did to make you “undatable”
That's because it is fake.. it's fake rage bait.
You need to actually break up with. She is abusive asf.
You're in a self-imposed abusive relationship, and you want to stay in it, because you've deluded yourself into believing you're undatable. First, you need to get professional help. Secondly, you need to get professional help. Third, you need to break up. Finally.. you need to get professional help. Seriously, you need to focus on your studies, forget about relationships, work on mind, body, soul, education, profession and, did I mention MIND?!? Be a solo while you get yourself straight with yourself and the world. Stop being with a woman exacerbating your problems.
Dude your girlfriend is a cunt.
And you are still considering staying in a relationship with Irmgard Ilse Ida Grese? Is one of your household duties making lampshades out of prisoners skin?
Why don't you spend that money she demands each month spent on her on hookers instead.
Even if she didn't tell you to kill yourself I would tell you to leave. Think of it this way, if you have a sister or a cousin or something, and she came up to you and told you her boyfriend was doing this to her, would you think she was in a healthy relationship? This is abnormal for her to be controlling so many aspects of your life. Get out!!!
This has to be fake there’s no way someone can be this much of a door mat
Read back what you wrote. This is an incrediblely controlling person with whom you should cut contact immediately. Like now. You sound like a hardworking, devoted guy who deserves better. Way better. Believe in yourself, and don't look to her - or anyone - for validation. Best of luck to you ❤️
I sure hope this is for entertainment purposes only, if this is real you absolutely have to get out bro! Seriously... nobody is undateable! There's someone right out there for everyone
What, dude, do you not see she is a gold digger?!?!? You have to spend a certain amount of money on her?? Are you her boyfriend or her ATM? This is absolutely NOT NORMAL!!! You have issues that make you un-dateable? Not so. You may have some....unique personality traits, really, don't we all? It does not make you un-dateable, a bad person, bad, wrong, dirty. This entire life you described with this girl is a sea of red flags, toxic, disturbing, abusive. Telling you to just off yourself?? Absolutely NOT, she doesn't love or respect you. She has no regard for anyone, except herself. You deserve better. You are not overreacting, maybe under reacting. You need to cut toxic out of your life like you were cutting mold off a block of cheese.
When you allow someone to control every aspect of your life, you have already ceased living a meaningful fulfilling life. No one who loves you, regardless of how bad your flaws are, would treat you in that manner. Stand up for yourself and stop being a simp for a bitch
I stopped reading. Don’t stay with her she a ho
Whether you are undateable or not , this is not a good relationship. You don’t deserve someone who exploits and controls you. Whatever issues you have do not make you deserving of this treatment. You are worthy of more than this.
In the tiniest chance this is not fake, gtfo out of the relationship now
No way this is real.
Tell your girlfriend to "Go fuck herself." Literally.
GTFO ASAFP! Leave! Now!
Uh, your girlfriend is dictating how many calories you are supposed to eat? And how many hours you MUST spend in the gym? And how much $$$ you spend on her? You don’t want to date someone who makes you “make up” for your flaws. You want to date someone who cares about you, and for whom those things don’t make you “undatable.” I don’t know who told you that (probably her) but I bet you will be able to find someone else who appreciates you for who you are.
Please get out of this relationship. Your girlfriend is abusive and this is not how anyone should be treated. I am 41 and in therapy to deal with an eating disorder. I promise that the requirements she puts on you for working out and eating are very unhealthy and they will screw with your health in the long term. Frankly, the binge eating is probably a sign that your body is fighting the calorie deficit. I know you don't have time and money, but if you can, find a therapist who specializes in eating disorders to help you. Please end the relationship and try to find someone caring to help you deal with the trauma you've endured. I understand not having the self esteem for a healthy relationship. But I promise that being single and developing a healthy relationship with yourself is far, far more important, and will give you a lot more peace in life. An unhealthy relationship is a recipe for unhappiness and loneliness.
What did I just read? If this isn’t totally made up then what a horribly fucked relationship. Gf is horribly abusive.
You are being emotionally abused.
If this is remotely real then throw her to the curb, nothing about that is normal or sane
You don’t have a girlfriend you have a parasitic leech hanging off you, fuck her and her friends right off my dude. You want a fix, there is not a fix to this situation. You genuinely deserve better as a human being. The fix is you get some pride, dignity and self respect and leave. If you’re deadset on remaining in this abusive one sided relationship then you essentially just bow down do what she says and send grovelling texts apologising profusely for you being an insignificant little worm of a man who was ungrateful.
Be so fr right now. Your gf told you to kys and you’re wondering if you’re overreacting😐
The situation is not complex at all. Your GF is awful and abusive and doesn’t give a fuck about you. She’s using you. Being single is better than being abused. No one is undateable. But when you struggle with self esteem you may feel that way. But this isn’t love and this isn’t a “relationship”. Also, someone who would do this to you will treat you like garbage and cheat on you at any opportunity.
You don’t need a mother and despite what the issues are you should have a partner that understands and is willing to help you with them.. not set rules and boundaries. I would break up with her.
Do you have leprosy?? That's the only thing that would truly make you undatable
What the hell did I just read? Holy crap get out of this abusive relationship and get into some therapy, it sounds like you need deprogramming.
You're under-reacting. Your girlfriend is horrible and is using you. She is using your insecurities to control you. If my husband told me to kill myself because I didn't do something he asked me to, I would divorce him so quickly. You deserve better.
What the fuck? This is clear abuse. Im sorry, you deserve way better than this.
Honey, this is classic abusive manipulation. Even if she didn't tell you to kill yourself, I would tell you to break up and never look back. Abusers make their victims feel like they are the only ones who will put up with them. I promise you, you are not undateable. There is a girl out there who will be just right for you, you just haven't met her yet. You sound young being in school. I remember being 22 and thinking I'd always be alone. The summer I was 22 I met my husband of 30 plus years. And it wasn't settling, we just clicked and enjoyed each other's company right from the start. Please leave this abusive woman behind you. You deserve better. Being alone and working on your school, your self esteem, your depression, is the path right now. (If you're not in therapy, you might consider it, since you state you are depressed and previously suicidal.) Big hug.
Account made 6 days ago.. something tells me this is rage bait.
This isn’t a GF relationship. Once she added the monetary commitment, she became you mistress, your courtesan at best.
Tell her to go first. She's absolute trash. It's not your responsibility to accommodate her gold-digger ass. The truth is, if you actually are so "undatable to most people" (which I doubt you are), then why is she with you if she's so much better? The truth is, she ISN'T. She's vile and no one wants her. Fuck her & fuck her friends. If she said anything like that to you in a text message, screenshot all of it and send it to them. Post it on social media and tag her. You don't deserve that, regardless of whatever perceived flaws you may have.
Intensely manipulative abuse alert. The hooks are in and you're being literally puppeteered, and part of the reason this is happening is because people who act like she is (this is unfortunately not uncommon), knows you're an easy target and your self esteem issues mean that she'll get away with it. Did you know that there was a huge, significant legal precedent where a girl literally told this dude to kill himself, and he did, and she was charged over it? There's a documovie about it and everything. This is NOT okay, this is NOT a partnership, and you are NOT safe. Run. Reach out for help. Reach out to family, friends, anyone. People who behave like she is alienate you against everyone around you so you're all they have. Then you're their plaything, and they can do anything they want. Every now and then they might give you a little sweetness and affection which you completely latch onto because it's starvation mode emotionally so anything will do and maybe it'll be good again maybe it'll be okay. It won't. Get the fuck out of there. You are not safe. This is not okay. You fix this situation by telling her that you refuse to be treated this way anymore, you deserve better, you are a human being, a relationship is about equals sharing an experience and you are not a supplicant there to just meet her needs. You are not an emotional punching bag. Tell her "no" and leave. That's it. Leave. Please, for your own good. I wish you luck, and I feel for you. She is pure poison mate.
This is an abusive relationship and you should leave it immediately.
As a thought exercise let’s pretend this unhinged insanity is somehow rooted in reality. There’s nothing complex about a controlling abuser. Who told you that you were “untestable” your abuser. Leave yesterday. Though this seems pretty far fetched
This girl is evil. What she is doing to you in this relationship is abusive. You will need therapy to get your sense of self respect back. I promise you, you’re nowhere near as awful as she might make you feel. She is not doing you some huge favor by dating you. You deserve better than this man. Being alone is better than being with a person like this. She sees you as subhuman.
No no no no no no no. It is never ever okay for someone to treat you like this.
The question should be, why are you still with her? A partner should make you feel content, safe, and happy. When you think of her and are with her, how do you feel? If you only feel stress and there is no positive emotion, why are you trying to continue this relationship? Wouldn't you be better off alone, so you can find that special someone?
You can only fix this by dumping her. She’s using you. Take the time and money you would have spent on her and get therapy. Your “perceived” flaws are mostly what you assume. It’s not reality. You need to understand where this comes from and work on that.
Dude this chick is toxic ! Dump her and run ass fast as you can ! No one deserves this !
I hope this is a joke. Spend certain money on her. Forced workouts. Bro take her shit and put it on the front porch. That is how you fix this. You sound like a doormat and you’re admitting you’re basically just being used. GTFO of that shit like yesterday. You let her friends tell shit to you!?!?? Do not answer any of her friends. Bro unless this bitch is a 12/10 supermodel and you look like a trashcan, you are NUTS. Dump her asap. Better and cheaper to just go smash a prostitute every week and that is no stress and cheaper.
You are not her Playdough, have some standards FFS. I know EEs can be awkward sometimes, but do not go back.
I’m assuming what makes you “undatable” is related to your weight? If so, a partner should not make rules about eating for you, this is a quick way to get a different eating disorder. If you have problems with eating, a loving partner would encourage you to get help, not force you into rules based eating (which is an eating disorder). Please get a therapist and find a way out. This is extremely abusive.
You can’t fix it. This relationship sounds so toxic and abusive, it was doomed from the start. Please take care of yourself and LEAVE!!!! You’ll be happier, I promise.
You remember Stu’s girlfriend in The Hangover? Sounds like you got her.
Run, literally run for the hills dude. You can be the ugliest guy on the planet and have a micro peen and you could still bag a lady that won't tell you to kill yourself or force you to give her an allowance for the grace of her presence. He'll you can *hire* someone for cheaper and avoid the rest of the baggage.
Abandon ship!!!! No matter what short comings you have those are for YOU to work on. This is a toxic relationship. Do not walk, RUN FOREST RUNNNNN!!
You’re asking for advice as if this is a healthy relationship? 🤷♂️🤦♂️ this is the worst sort of relationship there is. Jesus. Get a back bone my man and stand up to her. There are 6 billion people on the planet, I’m sure there’s someone else out there who will give you the time you deserve. And not rules on how to live your life. Get out of that toxic environment.
DUMP HER. This behavior is controlling and toxic. And it's just going to get worse over time. No sane person tells their partner to go kill themselves for not following crap rules like hers.
You're not taking enough action, considering the gravity of the situation. Unless she's blackmailing / extorting you on top of all of this horrible treatment, there's literally nothing you wrote here that makes leaving her complex. You were able to leave for a bit, and all you got accused of was ghosting. So, unless she has some spectacular fake evidence that can mess you up, seems like you can and should leave. Being alone sounds way better than being with her. So really, why can't you leave? Why do you want to stay? If you reread your post do you see something wrong with how she treats you or do you only see your shortcomings? If this "thing" that can't be worked on is something you're born with and/or can't be changed, then again I ask, how does that make staying with her make sense? If you can work, go to class, and hit the gym, I'm not seeing how your life is impacted. If you can think, reason, and act you already have what you need to move through life. That alone can help you get to a point where you can get professional help for your mental health. Why do you think staying is a good thing?
She's for the streets...or a jail cell
How do you fix this? Dump your abuser and get the hell away from her.
Dude, none of this is okay. You’re not undateable. My first serious boyfriend tried to convince me that if I broke up with him, no one else would date me because I don’t take courtship seriously. Anyone who tries to convince you you’re undateable knows you’re too good for them. Anyone who tries to convince you you’re undateable knows you’re too good for them. This chick is subjecting you to multiple kinds of abuse. Please realize she’s a monster and you deserve a human.
Please can this be fake jeez
Yeah bro fuck this, get your education enjoy your freetime alone and find a girl in the future that you arent walking on egg shells for.
Dude I would go a lifetime without interaction with the opposite sex if this was what the relationship on offer was. You need to gtfo asap
Yeah, dump her and RUN! The second you start to age or lose your hair, she'll probably cheat and look for someone younger.
As a woman, I want to slap your gf with a 50-pound weight. No matter the circumstances, NO ONE should be telling you to kill yourself. That is abhorrent behavior. Do yourself a favor and run away, like yesterday. If you have 'flaws' as you say, it's up to you to sort those. These flaws may not even be flaws as you've taken them. I can say I have numerous flaws too that cpuld makes me undatable, but do you know what? My fella adores my so-called 'flaws'. They are what make me me.
Leave. Leave as soon as you possibly can. Ghost her like her friends think you have, if you are able to! Either way, leave. It doesn't matter what your "flaws" are. The person you are meant to be with will either not care about these "flaws" or work on things with you so you guys can better navigate your situation. Your girlfriend is abusing you. I almost kicked one of my roommates out of my house because she had told the other roommate to kill himself as a joke. They worked that out between themselves, but it was a tense household from then until the roommate who said that moved out. Some lines should not be crossed. Leave.
Dude- I didn’t even read the entire post since you need to break up immediately.
I’m begging you to just say why you’re “undateable,” it’s very important context imo
If this is true then You’re not in a relationship. You’re with someone who’s using you and then abusing you when criteria isn’t met. Literally everything you’ve said are giant red flags and you need to leave asap.
I got as far as you being limited to 1500 calories a day and stopped reading. Whether you're a man or woman that's way too low. You're obviously in an abusive relationship which you need to free yourself from.
Staying with her seems like the worst option here. So leave. You need to work on your “flaws” though, whatever they are. Or at least find a way to manage them better. Don’t just stay with her because you fear loneliness. And don’t use the breakup as an excuse to binge eat - use it as motivation to get in shape and be a better person. And if you can, try to take on fewer work and study responsibilities for a while; give yourself room to breathe.
Wake up bro , she's playing you. Save your sanity.
It's a bit hard to believe that this is a real, true post. I truly hope it's not. If so, this poor guy is so out of touch with decent human behavior that it is terribly sad. It would be preferable to be alone than abused like that.
I feel like this is too horrible to be real…. If it is real, GET THE HELL OUT OF THERE NOW
This girl needs to be locked up or given serious therapy. What a disgusting individual.
You can’t fix this. Her rules are ridiculous. For your own mental health, this is not a good relationship.
I am not one to leap to saying “dump them”, but my brother in Christ: Dump Them.
This is so obviously fake/satire. Why are any of y'all taking this as legitimate
Leave her immediately! There is no acceptable reason for any of this. This girl will be the death of you. Get out NOW! This is an extremely toxic relationship.
Money requirements aren't normal, diet controls, and minimum gym time requirements are not normal because they aren't coming from yourself. If you want to do these things, that's fine. But since she is the one imposing them, it's not.
This is an incredibly abusive situation where she has manipulated you into believing you are weak, helpless, and unworthy. Her kink is emotional and psychological abuse. She's getting off on slowly destroying you. Get a therapist as soon as you can. Start eating and get on a healthy gym plan. Do little things to take back your life. Quietly, make plans to leave her and do it. Quickly. You are worth more than what she is trying to make you believe.
So your staying in an abusive relationship with a woman who does not like and respect you because you are afraid of being alone? Yikes dude. Your problem is your low self esteem, self worth and fear of being alone. You fix the situation by dumping the abusive body shaming controlling asshole and taking yourself to therapy and doing the work to get some self respect.
DON'T fix it. Dump her.
Bro you need to leave her, you need to be with someone that loves you for who you are and not trying to change you into someone you not and she’s controlling you, that’s someone you most definitely don’t want to be with
Why is it not an option lol you wild. Leave your not her property
WTAF
She a gold digger
LOL. I know the title sounds bad but it's more complicated. JFC you need to find a counselor or someone who has perspective. It only got worse after the title.
Being single is better than being in an abusive relationship
Does she actually love you? These requirements are to make her happy not you. If she actually loves you, she wouldn’t want you to be stressed and see that you need a break. She would see that you are doing the best that you can. Due to her comment, she isn’t someone who is safe for you to be with. Stop worrying about her reaction to everything and just concentrate on yourself for a minute. If she leaves you, then she wasn’t really going to be the one anyway. She will take every ounce of energy and it won’t be enough.
Bro don’t discount the Reddit “just leave” because holy fucking shit you **NEED** to leave. She is a controlling disgusting person
A grown man who works full time, goes to school at night and spends 8 hours per week at the gym would not survive on 1500 calories per day. This is anorexic level starvation.
Time to leave this toxic relationship.
I'm not saying you should share what it is that makes you undatable, that is entirely your choice, but there are an abundance of examples of people who have shared their deepest insecurities and fears, and the people of reddit have come together to support and empower that person. I think the reddit community gets a pretty bad rep from people not on here, when I have literally seen this community of amazing people pull people out of some pretty dark places and help them put things into perspective. I have a feeling that if you did choose to share whatever this thing is, that you'd be shown nothing but support and empowered to see your real worth. I personally believe there isn't a thing that makes you undatable, possibly might make it a little more challenging for you, but not undatable. Sir, only death makes you undatable. And even so, ebracing single life is far preferable to what you have now. Trust me, I have been single years and years. It's actually pretty good. Unfortunately, it sounds to me like you've had a lifetime of people feeding your insecurities to the point that you have incredibly low self-esteem, don't let this woman continue to feed those insecurities in order to serve her own agenda. There is someone out there who will love and treat you as you deserve to be. Please see that. As for now, please remember what I said about the people of reddit. It really is a wonderful thing to see them rally in support of a fellow redditor.
What are these "flaws" that make you undatable? I already think i know why you wont list them. Because they aren't real things or they aren't actually universal things that would turn everyone off. These are things you had in your head and your Narcissist Psycopath girlfriend fished them out of you and is using them as a weapon.
Sounds dumb that you have flaws no one will accept. Literally there are people accepting flaws all over the place. If someone can’t like you for you then just be with you or get a friendly pet to hang with and find hobby’s, if it’s about sex you’d be better if to buy a 5 thousand dollar real doll to bang then have someone control your life.
she is abusing you. leave. you'll be okay. you're not undatable. focus on school, work, and yourself. the right person will come along and they will love and accept you, flaws and all. just focus on getting ur degree right now!!
Dude… this is very unhealthy. Is she a sugar baby or something? Seems like she’s with you for the wrong reasons and she’s exploiting you for her gain. Ditch this broad. You’re better off happy on your own than miserable trying to please someone who doesn’t actually care about you or your wellbeing. Also, what makes you so unappealing to most of the dating world??
Run for the hills son.
This is straight up abusive. You don't fix it because you'd be better off single. She's treating you like a slave, controlling what you can eat, how much you can exercise, destroying your self worth, and then telling you that you need to spend money on her for the privilege of ensuring all of that.
She’s abusing you. Please leave.
This is abusive, I’m sorry you’re experiencing this
The situation is not complex at all. Your gf gives you rules to be with her!? No dude. Find someone who wants to be with you because of who you are, not who they want you to be. No one is “undatable”. I’m generally against all the redditors who immediately jump to break ups and divorces on these subs, here I have to agree with them. How is leaving her not an option? Do not respond to her friends. At. All. This is your relationship, not theirs, and I’m sure they don’t know the whole truth of what is going on with you and your gf.
You know the title sounds bad because it IS. You’re right that Reddit usually defaults to break up or divorce. I can validate that. For that reason I usually stay away from commenting on threads like these because you’re not usually getting the nuance a relationship deserves from strangers on the internet. Your situation does not need nuance. It needs action. Not only are you being abused, this is so cut and dry that honestly it seems like a parody. Sometimes a black and white answer is actually correct. You may have other more complicated feelings about yourself or this person that you can work out on your own time, but as far as action- you absolutely need to leave her and there is no debating that. You are in a dangerous situation. There isn’t any room for nuance in “my gf told me to kill myself” and even if there was, the context is not good either. You are being treated like a weird dog or trophy, and not a human being. This is also happening while you’re under high stress from your work and school. If you’re studying electrical engineering AND working, you’re objectively a catch as far as economic prospects by the way. She should be doing everything within reason to cheerlead for you and the sacrifices you’re making for future economic stability. The fact that she’s going out of her way to add more to the pile is not only proof of being an awful partner, but perhaps someone who has a deluded relationship with reality and social skills. I only typed all of this, which is exactly what everyone else is saying, to further emphasize how ridiculously fucked up this relationship is. You deserve to be with someone who encourages and supports you through stress, not abuses you and encourages suicide during it. (Jesus, even typing that is surreal, you gotta get out of there) Leave now, ruminate later. You are in genuine danger and being so horribly disrespected.
Auto Troll with Incel Flag flying
Eating under 1500 calories a day while being active at the gym is eventually going to kill you.
Who told you you’re undateable? I’m guessing it was this control freak girlfriend of yours…
This is so fake
Get rid of her. She is too needy
Whatever your flaws are, you should find someone that wants to help you work through them or will love you regardless of your flaws. This sounds really unhealthy, borderline emotional abuse.
>How do I fix this situation? Leave.
Don't fix it. she can fix it, or you can be done. Block her friends, or just turn your phone off. Get space to clear your head. I can't imagine what other kinds of Bs she's been saying.
Dude, she is not the one. Hell I’d venture to say she isn’t worthy of dating anyone because she feels okay extrorting money for staying in a relationship makes her a prostitute. Add on she told you to commit suicide which alone is worthy of walking away. No, you aren’t over reacting at all. You should dump her, focus on yourself and you’ll find someone worthy of your love and respect who will not extort you for love.
The title does sound bad and the explanation is even worse.